Ep 640 - Metasexuality (feat. Dylan Sullivan & SWIM)

-Wow. -Wow, wow, Wes. -Oh, my God. Sorry that while you guys don't notice what the broadcast was delayed, Lamar, this place is what, like, 600 to 500 square feet, Lamar, shit in the bathroom, and it's stuck up the entire 500 square feet of my office apartment. -On a whole 'nother level of stink. -Dude, a fruity. You got a fruity booty, bro. -Yeah. [ Laughter ] -It's got that, like, fruit smell, bro. -It's like a fruit smell, bro. -You got a fruity booty, but duty. It's stuck in the whole thing. -Oh, my God. It's just a bathroom. I go into my office stinks, and I'm like, "Oh, now the fucking-- -Yeah, I think it was-- -My lobby studio stinks. -I think it was stanky. -Yeah, you know, I got to-- -Yeah, that's kind of sauce, bro. -Yeah. -Did we stank in that frutally? I mean, it's one thing. If it's a savory stank, that's alpha. That's a fruity stank. -It just ate bananas and strawberries. -Is that what you been doing? -Banana strawberries and watermelon. -I thought it was lube. [ Laughter ] -That makes sense. I've been out of straw, bro. -It was sent to lube. -I don't want to say anything. It was flavored lube. Damn, sour apple. -I don't want to put that all in, though. -Sauce that I think there's any wrong with that, bro. -Sure, sure, sure. -It's super angering because you know, like, 8% of it smells good. -Yeah. Yeah, you are chasing those notes, and it gets pissed. -It gets pissed your first defense mechanism, you know, like -- -Damn, I kind of -- -Oh, fuck. That shit. -Oh, that's human waste. -It's the ghost of human waste, haunting my whole fucking -- -You know, it's a sacred space for me. It's where I get all my work done. -It's bad. -But I'm glad. That's the one thing. Fair warning. It's like, you can't be mad. Someone gets fair warning. It's like, all right. -So. -Now, it smells like -- what did the polo santo? -Yeah, it's a little -- that's my little -- my smudge, guy. I put the palo santo in the smudge in the candle, and then the candle burns it up. -And kind of got rid of the energy. -Yeah, that kind of clearly cleared the energy in the room. -Yeah, rid of the -- -And what's strong, too? -Yeah. Dude, I, yesterday -- Yes, I was actually chastised a little bit. I was -- I had posted just a thing. I thought it was cool. I was curious, like, you know, hard science. What percentage of women could actually best me in physical combat in the world? -What was it? -You're like 0.001 to think. -That's sick. -Wow. It's pretty good. And again, I take no pleasure in this information, but it is kind of cool to know four billion people in the world off the rip that I can -- don't have to worry about in terms of physical combat. -Right. -That's four billion. Then you have children. It's all them. -That's sick. -I've been to, like, 15. I only have to think about -- -What is one of the strongest people in the world? -I literally -- I'm trying to say -- -Yeah. -Out of eight billion people, I can beat up six -- And then you throw in the elderly. I can beat up probably six and a half billion people. Nope. I'm a 40-year-old man. I'm at the height of my powers. So I can beat up a -- Dude, six billion people in this world. I could just completely fucking decimate it. -What's this? That's only like 24-year-old dudes who could beat up. -100? -Yeah, I was 100. -On 24-year-old dudes, 100. -Even the ones with muscles, I say them. I'm like, "Try something." -Yeah, "Try it." -You have no idea what I have in them. -Also, they're not as ready to die. That's where they -- -That's what I'm saying. There's no idea. -Yeah, so you can't even beat me. -Even if you beat me to a bloody pulp, I'm going to look -- I'm going to rip one of your testicles off. I'm going to scar you like a demon from the underworld. -It's like, "I'm going to go back with all my aggression, all my anger that your 24-year-old gets to do 20 years on top of me, so I would easily kill." -A little bit of gay rage. -Oh, man, fuck you. -Yeah, I would just fight dirtier and dirtier as I'm going. -They don't have it in you to kill. -They don't. -They haven't had that thing yet. -They're still like -- -Yeah. -They don't really know pain. -No, they don't. -Not real pain. -No. The road is still far, far out ahead of them. At a certain point, you glimpse the abyss, you go, "Yeah, I can see my end." And it fills you with the bitterest of rage. And you just wish a 24-year-old would step to you. -You wish they would try so. -Oh, did I fucking can't wait? I still can't wait for my daughter's getting boyfriends. -I do. I'm so ready to die in a college apartment. Just fucking fighting an agent. -What's your move when they bring one home? -Like, cool dude or like -- -I might cool dude, I'm really let his guard down, and then probably ultimately betray him, yeah, for sure. -I always took his one of those dudes at like your 14-year-old daughter comes in with like a 17-year-old. And she's like, "Dad, we're gonna watch movies in the basement." And you're like, "Oh, okay. I'll be up here." -What? -I remember those days. -I do. -I remember going home for like -- -After prompts and like being like, "Hey, and somebody's like eating on the couch." And you're like, "And like, your day would be big. Oh, me and Tom are gonna watch a movie in the basement." And he's like, "Oh, okay." -Even looking back, I'm like, "Bro, fight me." -Really? -It's like, dude, stop me. -How about to ejaculate in your finished basement? If you spend a hundred grand on it, and I'm gonna come in it. -Like, looking back, I'm like -- -Oh, yeah. -If that was -- I don't know, I haven't been to the situation, but looking back, like, if my daughter walked in with some dude in like a shitty tie and like a corsage on it, and she's like, "Oh, after the end." -We're gonna go watch Zootopia, too, and that's how they're like, "No, you're not. You're gonna sit right next to me." -Yeah. -And we're gonna watch a movie, I pick. -Yeah, we're all hanging out together. -Or you can split. -Oh, like, it's not all we do. -Also, we have to know. No one's more demented about cracking one off than it do to coming back from a formal dance. -You've been grinded into it. -I did, I remember. One of my problems, I was sick, and I didn't get the crack one off. I cried. I feel fried. I look fried and whimpered in front of my day. -I never understood that. Like, how those dudes are just like, yeah, go down my basement of my house. -I work so hard for it with my daughter. -Well, they're outside of the 6.5 billion. 6.5 billion, what? Men that Matt can beat up. -We said they're part of the unfortunate herd. -Oh, right. They're dead. -Yeah, they're, yeah. -Correct. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -They're purely some appealing subs. -That's-- -I don't even get into that. -Get into it, dude. -That's a deep level of sub. -Oh, yeah, we just saw about 10-year daughters, we friend. Like, some 17-year-old guy's licensed. You're like, "Oh, I don't want to start shit with this guy." You just go belly up on a teenager. -Go ahead, buddy. -I just never understood him. I said, "How did you not kick me out of your fucking house?" -I would just be like, "They're just happier, guys." -But yeah, just how about you know-- -Finish dude, finish basements are, you're pretty much setting up a fucking life. -It's like you have a loud ass door, a staircase, and then like a wrap-around couch in the basement that you're allowed to put the lights on because the movie's on. -I mean, it's just enough time to get your dick back in your pants. -I was like, literally, the point of them. -Yeah, I was like, "How about you go home now?" -Yeah. -The dance is over. -Yeah, what are you trying for you to go home? -It's too late for a movie. -Good morning, sir. Let's just all talk. -Yeah, let's hang out. -Right. -Yeah, true. -I go back and forth, but I'm also like-- I think it's weird when parents will have their 22-year-old daughter come to the beach house and not let her sleep in a room with her boyfriend. -That, I'd kind of be like, "Yeah, you guys just go get your room." -Yeah. -Like, if they're in college and shit, I understand that a little more. -Yeah, well, if he started cracking, I'd have with the doorbell. -If he's cracking, you know, you got to get out. -Yeah, the fuck out of my house. -Yeah, I mean, also too. He's going to sneak down anyway. -I've done this so much spicy. -I've done the split thing before. And it's like, you get a little Romeo and Juliet action. You have to like, sleep through the corridors. -And there's none hotter. -I would probably just be like, "Yo, bro, you can sleep in there, but don't be cracking on my beach." Outer respect. -Was if a dad said that to me, I would be like-- -I would be like-- -I wouldn't be able to-- I wouldn't feel that spicy. -Yeah. -But I was like, "I talked to your dad like, "Man to man." And we like smoked a cigar and he asked me not to crack down here. -I still like-- -I'm not going to do it, man. -My dad, your dad petitioned for Mutual Mask. -That's it. -Did you ever have a dad get tough with you? -Not really, to be honest. One time I came in, and it was this is purely my bad. I had got my hands on-- my plug had gotten some orange crush. -Yeah. -Really nice notes. And I had gotten blaze on Orange Crush. It had a Slesia and a basketball game. And my day came back super fucking blazed. And her dad instant was like, "You're high." And I was like, "Ugh." He's like, "What the fuck are you guys?" And he just spas and I was just like, "Beast." -Damn. -I dipped out. So he was rising up and I was just like, "I'm hitting the Ford Explorer. I'm out of here." -And you just split and left her stone with her dad? -That's her house. I finished my job. -Yeah, I dropped it off. -Like me for the middle of the street. I left her-- I took a little bit of the brought. I was like, "Sir, I really apologize." -Was he tough? -He was just pissed. He was just like bruh-- -Was he 420 friendly or like completely against? -Dude, I thought he was kind of 420 friendly. -Yeah. -So I-- That was my bad. -You should've shown him the nug. -She probably knows Orange Crush. -Yeah. -I thought it was some nug. -You probably thought it was some weak-ass BC bullshit. -Yeah. -I do crack a nug. -True. -Yeah, not bad. -I mean, dude, it was unheard. It was like for real the first time I had like, it really smelled like Lamar's booty. It was-- -Oh. -It was fruity, yeah. It was a fruity. -It was got terpenes in there. -Yeah. It was Orange Crush. It had orange hairs and I was just-- I was geeked on an Orange Crush blunt and a hot box of 40-splorer. And I didn't realize how high we were until I saw her dad and I was like, oh, her dad's in slow motion. -Okay. -He was just like, bruh. And I was like, yeah, fuck. We fucked up, babe. -I only had one dad. I remember I took a girl to a dance and I had like, we like went outside and I had this old car. I borrowed off dad. And he was like, "Yo, pop the hood. Let me see what's under it." And when we popped the hood on the other side, he was like, I will literally fuck and kill you. -Well, I was just like, okay, I closed the hood and I was like, let's go to the dance. But I was like-- -Did that work on you? -100%. -Yeah. -Because he was like, hey, man, what's in this car? Pop the hood, buddy. He's like, what's got under the engine? I was like, I don't know. I didn't know. -Yeah. -So he had me on that, too. -Yeah, so-- -I was like, oh, so that's 650. -Yeah. -Worst powers? -It's like, yeah, pop the hood, kid. Pop that was just like, bro, I don't know what your deal is, I don't know if you guys are just And he closed the hood and was like, that thing's nice. Tom come on back in like the wife and daughter were right there, and I was just like You gotta get a dinner now. Hey, we had to like go to a dance I was just like, yeah, you're cool. Like quick grinding on me, babe. Yeah, I'm not trying catching heat off your down We go. No, that's that would have been but then I stopped kind of hanging out with her too See that's kind of lost because we could have been a thing. Yeah, true. It's a it's a yeah He kind of fucked up. I was also like so bitched about it that like if I had been a true bad dude I probably would have stepped on the gas Like got her pregnant It's a delicate bounce. I never really I never really bumped heads. I never really bumped heads with dads very much I would never know again. I would get like roasted. They'd be like, oh, okay, but you know, that's it But now sometimes too. I Really Good amount of time was in like pure mom houses, and I remember loving mom house energy Well, you would fuck with chicks with just moms a couple times and it's guys. I remember just being like this is nice Big strong terrifying guys out of the equation. This is decent. Yeah, that guy sucks Nothing bad. I was a big man in the house head So you would slide in and become like yeah the new daddy. I kind of was daddy. I would come in. It's kind of sick I was a big band of the house said I'd be very much like oh, yeah, it's like multi-level kink. I mean, I didn't even know It's like you're dating the woman that you're also like kink in the whole web I didn't know what I was even doing. It was just it was instinctual. Damn. Yeah, I just you know, just lust for domination That what you do. Yeah, about you. No, man. You can't sleep dude. That's crazy. Dylan didn't sleep all night Don't solve him. I'm one of the motherfuckers. Have we started the body? Yeah, we've been talking Me and I have to catch up on like a school road. No, I Feel like I learned a lot about you guys is dynamic in the past seven minutes. I was like, whoa That's wild. Yeah, dude. I was at the mothership last night. I was gonna ask you to I need you Did you tone it down out there? The laughter was coming through the wall? And I was like Try some new shit. I didn't know if you wanted it. You know, I'm kidding around. You killed last night he killed it, bro They were super fun great audience man. They're sure. No. They're humble. You kill it, uh, kill it always late. He's late. I got to get I've never been there It's fucking awesome dude. I have a real principal fat man on Prince. I Security's too tight point. It's two tight. Security's too tight. It's true. And me and Rogan are still kind of at us. You guys are beefy You're mad. You didn't get the shot with that. So mad he didn't get the shot. I'm on Neil Young's side This episode is brought to you by price picks football is heating up and price picks has your picks covered with injury reboot if a player in your lineup gets injured in the first half and doesn't return Your lineup can still cash. So what's you all in this season? What team are you riding with this season? Obviously the Philadelphia Eagles What stat are you looking for from for the or at for them? I would say touchdown scored Download the app today and use code drenched to get a hundred and fifty dollars instantly in lineups if you win your first five dollar lineup That's code drenched to get a hundred and fifty dollars instantly in lineups if you win your first five dollar lineup price picks run your game Dude, there was a lesbian bar Pretty recently I like I think months ago that was still in barring the Kate no not here But it was I feel it was but it was requiring the KNN 95 or whatever It's like Boston somewhere it was it was in Boston. Yeah, and they there's it like a theme thing It was like a theme bar Well, let's be in it They were doing it like this rules. No, it was just like they never no one could ever stop it because like the late It was these three ladies who were pretty young they're like twenty five twenty six They somehow got the money to start a bar and boss and they just never dropped the mass mandate No, they never and they couldn't though what the two partners. They all started the three of them started They put like pretty much all their money into it or at least the one lady did her two partners dipped and we're like Yeah, we don't want to do this anymore. So this young like twenty five or six-year-old lady you stuck running and funding a lesbian bar That's very struggling very hard. Was she a lesbian? That's unclear that be wild invest in a lesbian bar and the lesbian's drop out and then you have to run a lesbian I could do it. I fuck with lesbians heavily on like a friendly dynamic level You do actually I actually learned the other night picking up a lamp on Facebook marketplace that the Austin lesbian scene is be what I don't Really a lamp, right? Yeah, and we just got as we do like down here everyone chats I've been on nothing but Facebook marketplace missions all weeks. I just moved here sure so I'm like, hey, you know nice lamp She's like our bro, you know, she kept saying period. She's like period You know kids like it's like emphasizing the point. Yeah, and then what was she period in you on? Oh Oh, that's a nice lamp period. What? That's crazy. All right. I was like it'll fit in this little car And she's like oh, I can't remember she said it three times just so you know if you fuck my daughter. I'll kill you So she was like we got to talking I was like I just moved here from Philly and she's like oh fuck you I'm about to move to New York. I'm like, why the fuck are you moving to New York? She's like cuz I'm a lesbian Also, you could be a lesbian in Austin. She's a gay but the scenes fucking beat. Yo, she's like gay men scene is popping lesbian scenes dead No, it's just like you know, that's good to know. It's good to know Just in case I have light anything homies down. I'm like real expectations Squad is squad is all mask bosses. Yeah, she's just beat There's just no action. I never thought about that. I'd never like once look I never in my research are moving down here. I never checked out the lesbian scenes nice to know the gay scenes popping She said the gay scenes pop in really yeah, it's crazy Yeah, they don't really have almost the point where it's like too much for the lesbians cuz it's like Yeah, the lesbian has probably been jealous of the gays. That's an inner dynamic. That's no one to talk about From what I've heard From speaking to some members of the community Lesbians got a pass earlier than gay men. I just is I don't know. I wasn't there sure But like they weren't as Cuz like you were accepted as a lesbian by the male community cuz like if you were like Outworked on your bike and like your lesbian aversion. It was like nice bike you were down Yeah, and if you kiss in public everyone would cheer I think a dude's had a much longer road true true they'd a much muddier trail to track true It was kind of like they had some resentment towards lesbians where that makes sense. It was misdirected Yeah, you think it was misdirected? I mean, it wasn't the gay dude stopped and they're from being lesbians Wait, what they got man or who got man getting or getting almost actually confused The lesbians were catching flag from the gay men cuz they had had it easy also almost like a lesbian privilege thing Yeah, okay, that's fair. So all I do appreciate gay men's ruthlessness towards women Yeah, that's something I kind of actually enjoy Like there's no there's the chivalries is there's no chivalry It's purely like here's what I we did a show one time in a gay bar in Philly and these there's girl comedians and these gay guys were ruthlessly Ruthlessly fucking just hound in the mech you're boring You're boring sweetie, and I was like I was in the back like you I think that personally just is the side effect of not wanting to have sex with them You'd be like fuck off You're like shut up true to the break from their spell would be it's almost like I like if I like yesterday Another Facebook marketplace mission. I was met with like two stunning Cuban women Mm-hmm, and I was just like mind blown. So also lesbians not lesbians very happy wow But um, I don't know where I was going with that I just saw It was kind of like there's my whole family in the truck because we had to go pick it up with the pickup and like they came out And Dan was just like looked at man's like to like fit influence or Cuban women speaking Spanish Oh, get out. She's like are you just gonna go up there and get the table other apartment also. Yes. Yeah That's what we'll do then on the way I fully decide it. I'm like I've been married 10 years, but this What's gonna happen to happen right now And we got in the apartment. I was like wait, this is a one track. Yeah, yeah porn mind. Yeah, none of this is happened at all the time They double load jobs double load jobs don't happen. I made the decision on the way up where I was like it is what it is Sorry family And they just kind of like stared at me like do you want the table? Yeah, they coaxed you with that Facebook market place post Yeah, there's like do you want it like get the fuck out of here. Yeah, I was like trying to lift it by myself without their help Yeah, obviously, obviously our lesbians would eat you for breakfast Did you Did you carry down all by yourself? I ended up having to take it apart. Yeah, sure bitch move No, that's actually kind of you showed tech in the crowd Like a little Christmas self But you maximize it. I dropped it. Yeah, I was like I'm married babe. Sorry Damn, that's just how long were you in the apartment for like 20 minutes? I don't like disassemble the whole thing lucky So it was sick. Yeah, I can't smell good too in there. The table still smells good. Oh, I told damn it This still smells like beautiful Cuban women Dude, that's awesome Facebook marketplace fucking rules. Yeah, I don't know why anyone I think stores should just close at this point Yeah, get the sickest shit on it. You really do man your other option is like Wayfair So it's like, dude, let's just start trading all the shit we have for like a decade and then we'll start making it. With like expensive furniture, you can take a picture of it and you'll get the exact replica offline for a fraction of the price. Oh, yeah. And it's like, can you really tell I doubt it? Expensive furniture on Facebook Marketplace worth like a tenth of what they paid for. Yeah, dude. It'll be like paid 12 grand for this two years ago, a hundred bucks. You're like, how about 50 yards? I have here. Take it. Actually, if you can take it, that'd be great. I got a microwave last week for 40 bucks. Some old guy named Ed, he came out in a walker and he had like, prop the microwave in the walker. Hey, not even out of the box. I had to go to the hood. He was like, this old guy and just a terrible fucking apartment complex. Where's the hood in Austin? It's just small pockets. Yeah. Ah, so there's no like, it's like East was like that's that's that's technically East Austin technically hood. This area was technically the hood back in the day. Hood here just doesn't slap. It doesn't slap. The hood does not slap. It does. It just doesn't through. I don't want to. I don't try to disrespect. I'm not trying to. I mean, it might be some bad ombre's in. Yeah. Austin. I don't see it. The hood doesn't slap dude. It doesn't man. I'm afraid I'd get confused and be like, hey, man. Like, yeah, are you robbing me, bro? What are you robbing me? Like, what are we doing here? I don't see it. I mean, maybe I'm under. I mean, estimating. No, I hate each town. If you want to really hit the cut, hit each time. That's what my wonder would your driver say, go to San Anton or each town. If you really want to get back in the hood. Yeah. Fort Worth. Fort Worth hood. Come on, bro. I know. I never fucked you. Fort Worth dude. Yeah. Fort Worth. Yeah. That's what yeah. A lot of the gang bangers came from LA and put Fort Worth down. Really? Yeah. What about San Anton? San Anton. Hell yeah, bro. Mexicans run the yard here in Austin. Yeah. I mean, again, the hood's not really popping like that. Yeah. I get it. I might get it popping. I don't like it. I don't want to notice respect anyone. Yeah, you don't want. You got to get some blue reveal. That's where it is. Where? Yeah. North. You have North. Nasty North, too. Oh, damn. Shit. It's pop. You went to some other place yesterday. It was like houses overlooking a lake. It was insane. Oh, yeah. Like Terry town or like. That's where all the politicians and shit live. Is it? Matthew Connay lives there allegedly. Why are you saying we got it? I got nothing else. We're kind of. I'm just girls can't to try and get traction. Sure. Struggle streaming. I hate Matthew Connay. I got nothing. Get some. I mean, he, I, if I was him, I'd feel a little weird. You come in here. Why is that? You kind of, I mean, I am trying to. You are kind of his vibe. You know what I'm saying? Like the vibe he's portraying. You're kind of the real. No disrespect to me. Connay, but you. I don't. I haven't met him. I saw a little of his spoken word. He's kind of trying to be you. It's kind of weird. Didn't really resonate. But that's him. You know, it's what it is also. That's also. So pussy overdose. That's true. You can't fault a man for pussy overdose. What's his like? What's his backlog? He's got his wife. He's got. He's probably like a. Backlog is probably like an orgyastic. Yes, but he doesn't have like a string of like beautiful celebrity. Like X's. He definitely does. Probably. He probably didn't even make it to X category. He was probably just dropping. Oh, damn. He was probably piping and just like. Oh, man. Oh, shucks, baby. I gotta get on the sit. Is he a pure Texan? Yeah. I'm trying to go pure. He's from like the border. He's from like South, South, Texas. For as far as I. Yeah. Have you ever met him? No, I never met the bro. I'm like go knock up on him. Knock up his. I just met him like a month ago. Did you really? Yeah. Can you speak on it? I was chill. Yeah. He was chill. He was intense. You know, he was very Matthew McCoy. Yeah. There was this time he was. We were in a scene together in a car. And we all walk. Help break back. Yeah. I know you're acting with him. This is my first thing. And so I was in a car with him in Woody Harrelson and like three other guys. And he's like, all right, come on guys. Let's go. And then he did like a little meeting. And I just like wasn't fast enough to get around and he shook everyone else's hand. But by the time I got to the group, he was already. No, he didn't diss me on purpose. I was just slow. I might start. Yeah. So you came around like, yeah, for the shake. Yeah, yeah. He probably saw a green light. It's one right there. I didn't want to interrupt. Yeah. You know, he had already started the speech. Oh, wait, shake, shake. He was acting with you and gave you guys like a pre-speech. Yeah. He like we all had our like scripts. And he's like he's going over it with Woody in this big circle. And I have Woody too. NBD. Yeah. It was very cool. He was nice guy. And what were you doing in the movie? Show. Yeah, I was talking about if you can't if it's out. What was your role? What role? I was a Uber driver. Oh, damn. Yeah, I auditioned for that show. I didn't get it. I don't have beef with the count. I swear, I don't know. We're here. We're to the shows out. Yeah, it's your first acting credit. Yeah. Damn, bro. It's fucking rock and roll. He's a humble bro. Yeah. It was fun, dude. I didn't get to shake his hand, but maybe one day one day. Yeah, but you got to act alongside. Yeah. Yeah. Also, that's a deep method as the Uber driver not to touch or immediately hand sanitize. Right. Yeah. You know, I fuck with is the Cuban Uber drivers down here. Yeah. They're super hard. Chill right now. Three for three. All Cubans. One new gaming is number today. What? Because he was like, I'm actually your neighbor. Just call me next time you need a ride. Oh, I was like, bro, I definitely will. That's kind of the mood. It was sick. He was like, this is my car. I'll drive you wherever you want to go. He's like, I'm your neighbor. I'll have two minutes up the street for you. That's fucking sick. Fuck you, dude. You are thick with poppy right now. I have rolled sick. I'm trying to switch my inner monologue to what is like my whole neighborhood speak Spanish. Right. When I walk at night, I try to think in Spanish the whole time. But my problem is like, once I get into that mindset, I go like. Like strict misogynistic abuelo immediately. I'm not me like quickly but smacks like no shirt. Yeah. I got to start wrenching on my car. You do. You got to go to the hook and pop that hood. I also get caught like fake Spanish thing. So I'll be like, oh, not almost us. Like we get in the Uber. Then he starts ripping and I'm just like, yeah, let me bail. Look at me. I got a fuck. You don't speak. Yeah. I thought I was down for a second. I know. I do the same thing. I'll hit like a nice greeting. And then they'll be like, I'm like, yeah, slow down. Oh, yeah, not too much. Then he showed me a pick of his wife. I didn't know what to say. I don't want to like a fandom. I was just like, oh, that's a good picture. What was he like, like 10 out of 10? Really? I didn't want to be like, bro, that's insane. Like, yeah, she's hot as fuck. 10 out of 10. He's like, she's 24. I'm 34. I was just like, it's stop being. Stop being. Yeah, you didn't think that yeah, you didn't want to be like, bro, I don't want to be like, bro, boy, we need to keep going. Yeah, I just was like, oh, yeah, stop. Yeah, I'm playing photo. I've had someone hit you with like daughter picks where you're like, bro, why why are you doing this? So it's my one daughter. And I was like, bro, she's in a bathing suit, dude, like how old like 21? Yeah, like college Asian. I was like, yeah, that's not appropriate. Oh, bro, I'm already married sister wife though. I keep telling Brittany I'm getting a sister wife. Old older than I'm gonna go old old sister wife. Yeah, she must be getting a sect. She doesn't even get a sect. I'm like, never I'm not going to do it. She's really been gilding me in the getting of a sect of me. And I'm like, let's just I'll just go fucking a, you know, sell it. Just to out go sell that's what I was saying. I was like, I'll just wear a strap. You know, I have no problem. I have no problem. Just putting on like, you know, it feels like you have three kids. I know the whole point. I have a strap. You just get a room, dude. What do you mean? Like a 50 shades room. Oh, like a dungeon. Like neon lights with your name on it. Just make the content room. He's real out. Oh, sonar. I'll go sell a bit. And if you ever need, I'll just strap up or hold down like body otis. Like how? Where body otis had like, you're watching the old smart communist. Yeah, there's just dudes. I'll be your body. I'll be your body slaves. Yeah, they just call me out. So it's not fucked up. What do you say? Just pay them. Oh, no, I'm not going to go. You're talking about Diddy out. No, I'm not going to go more respectable manner. It's my fucking wife, dude. It is your way. But it's I would have more respect to that than if you went, if I'm more strapped, if you got a sectorized, I'm not going to be sectorized. It's the scariest thing I can think of. Dude, I know somebody, one of my friends, they he was like, yo, I still, I don't think the anesthesia is you're awake the whole time. And they they supposed to numb me. I know they didn't fully numb the area. And he was like, yo, dude, I can still and they're like, no, and he goes, dude, I just saw lights. I've heard dude tell me you can like smell it and shit. Oh, dude. I just couldn't do. I would go to the cell, but before I would do that's what I'm saying. I'm like, bro, let's just like we we had a fucking solid run, strict P play for the rest of us. Solid run. We'll just go, I'll go on nocturnals. I'll just go full nocturnals. You just let me know about what that will hit a nice little. What happens wall display of like various straps. If some dude was like, yo, me and my wife don't know where kids are we. I've gone strict P play. I'd be like, that's cool. It was like I got a second. I'm like, bro, why'd you do that? Everyone's getting a man. I, I'm just scared. First of all, I just don't want to do it. I don't want to get just a terrifying. Yeah, man. And also they say like is no, there's no complications. How? How can you sever literally the life force inside your body? I don't know one of those things. I don't like to speak on it because a lot of dudes have done it true. I don't want to true. Terrifies me. No, that's fair. It's phase two circumcision. Yeah, if women had their way, they would just cut your whole dick off. Even like with circumcision it's like supposedly like after your circumcise you have no idea. Like what you're missing out on. I know that's the fucking thing. Are you sir? Yes. Okay. Think about it. Yeah. I haven't thought about my cock in a while. I spend all day thinking about my life. Sometimes I can't I just grieve it. I'm like you did this. Yeah. Yeah. Because someone that I have a friend that's. You guys grow up Catholic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Same here. Yeah. So I had a friend that is uncircumcised and he said that when circumcised dudes bust a nut they're just feeling for a split second what it's like to be uncircumcised. And then on circumcised dudes start at that ceiling and go. Man. Yeah. I mean there was apparently. I don't know how he knows that. There was early early guys in the church that were like way against judyizing Gentiles. They're like bro you don't need a judy eyes which is like to circumcise. There's people who are trying to stop it like way back in like 180. Supposedly the Kellogg's dude was a big proponent of it. The guy that invented like Kellogg's cornflakes. Yeah he was not about fat. He's not into jerking off at all. At all. He was vehemently opposed to masculine. Yeah. That's the whole idea of cornflakes was like you got to get like a very just low-key easy breakfast. Apparently it's like supposed to help you not try to get horny. Yeah. If you ain't like a bland mushback. Yeah. I was really going to be in a bowl of cornflakes. I was just like fuck. Yeah. True. Fuck this. It was like you must have actually. No. Fucking cornflakes. Yeah. Yeah. It's the shittiest cereal in the world. Cornflakes. Fucking blow. This episode is brought to you by Espelone tequila 100% agave 0% ego. That's a pretty good attitude for tequila to have. This stuff's balanced, delicious, and it's perfect for nights out nights in and whoever likes drinking tequila. Just get some ice lime, Espelone, and you're ready. When your margarita deserves better, there's Espelone tequila. Espelone tequila 40% alcohol per volume 80 proof, copyright 2026. Kampari, America, New York, New York, drink responsibly. Guys, please, please come. I will this this very weekend. I'll be in Charlotte, North Carolina. This is a huge show. Jacksonville, Florida. Jacksonville is on the verge of selling out now. Bragging's just what's happened in Charlotte. Very much not selling out. Come on down. Don't be shy. Atlanta, Georgia, Chattanooga, Tennessee, Fort Lauderdale, Tampa, Orlando. Guys, please I've been saying if forever, New York, New Jersey, it's a 3000 cedar. I bought them more Maryland, Columbus, Ohio, Cincinnati, Ohio, San Diego, California, Sacramento, California. Please come to the shows, Mamba Custer.com, tickets. Please, the floor is yours. You can keep up with me on Instagram. Instagram is @dylanrassol, the YLN, R-A-Y, S-U-D-L. Thanks. Nice. What's your go to serial? Man, Cinnamon Toast Crush. I like to do. To this day. Yeah. Well, as I've grown up, it's been more like honey bunches of oats with almonds. Nice. Get healthy choice. Yeah. Yeah. Slightly though. Slightly. Yeah. It's actually terrible. Still pretty sugar-y. Honey bunch is still pretty sugar-y. I'm all about that fiber right now. Are you doing like fiber one or something? Not even I'm trying to get it through like fruit and stuff. I'll still take the powder every now and again. But yeah, if I'm not ripping like a 10 inch or every day, you ever do a Celium husk? You ever do like a Celium husk? Yeah, I fucked a Celium husk. Yeah, that'll do it. I actually always call it Silom. Thank you for thank you. I didn't say that. Yeah, I've done that. Don't Celium husk all that stuff. But yeah, I need it, man. That's my big thing. Just protein fiber. Protein fiber. Well, what's your serial now? Like if you I don't really eat cereal. I don't like if you could, you know, I'll finish my kids. That's it. Whatever they have, I'll rip it. I'll rip the rest of their cereal. Right or what? Every cereal is so fucking do it. It's so good. If I have it in my house, I'll eat it at any hour. Yeah, I'll eat the whole fucking three bowls. Yeah, it's too delicious for you guys like Reese's puffs. They're incredible, but I won't keep it in my house. Yeah, I can't eat the whole fucking thing. Yeah, or I'd put my kids on to it and then they would be like, Oh, this is what breakfast is. Right. You know, hope and easy. It's hard to get them all. Yeah, I'll give my kids with it with the honey nut Cheerios every now and again. And they just start demanding it every day. I'll tell you something. My parents never said no to my cereal choices. And now look dude, that is a fork in young life. I friends with the super like green light to whatever cereal they wanted. Yeah, surprise you're not, you know, whacked out on drugs. I probably am. Yeah, you haven't slept all night. I haven't said I haven't slept. You guys don't know me at all. Party and play. You took a party and play right into the box. That's right. That's right. Now that's sugary cereal man. That early on just like Count Chocula, Reese's puffs, Flintstone, Fruity Pebbles, that was like as far as I can tell the biggest predictor to like opioid crisis. Yeah. Yeah. What's the PMP scene in Austin? The peep. Oh man. I don't know. But I'm sure I'll find out sometime. Stay up another couple nights. We'll just naturally end up on it. Yeah. I'll find my way. Sure. There's a bridge. I'm good to know. I thought I was worried the gay scene was lacking down here. It's pop and dude. That's good. It's nice to be. We got what I heard according to one lesbian that's all the lamp. I don't know if she was skewed. Like I don't know if she was like grass is always greener type shit. I don't know. Be horrible. It was really fun. Like we've talked for like 20 seconds and like that. It went right to like talking about there. It's been the gay and the lesbian. She has been tapped. I told her hit West talking shit. I was like, bro, skip New York, go right to West Philly. Yeah. The lesbian. It's on a truly popping in West Philly. Is it? Yeah. Oh yeah, dude. It's strong. I imagine it's more like rough and tumble. I don't know Philly whole spectrum. Yeah. Really. It's a beautiful scene. It's beautiful scene. I was deeply in bed. I was. Yeah. I was. I was. Yeah. I was fucking heavy with it. Yeah. Heavy. The lesbian community. I think the lesbian scene might just be beat everywhere. It's popping there. Bro, that we're going back to the thing in Boston. That lady struggling financially or not making any money because nobody wants to act just like a virtue. Say, well, no one really wants to sit in a bar. It's impossible to wear a mask in a bar in the first way. You had to lift it. Take your drink, put it back down. She was like, all right, tonight we're lifting the thing. We got to get some people in here. And her Facebook page is be there. We're calling it a, like a disabled genocide. So they're like you're genociding the immunocompromised. You can't throw that word around like that. No, that's a tough one. Yeah. It's pretty tough. But they were like, they were spasming on her because apparently the party kicked off. It actually popped off. Lesbian scene in Boston actually might be kind of lit. It might be back. The party popped off, but the people were pissed. It might be beat just because like Gays and Lesbians might have beat adult scenes because like all adult scenes crumble. True. So it's like if you're in like an adult punk scene, it's fucking terrifying. Yeah, true. You know, you're like 40 and you're like wearing your old T using your like gay. We're still punk. Never sold out. Never sold out. My Vanguard's kicked into like, I never had a punk. I never had a punk. I might just be beat by default. What's your views on the punk scene or punk ethos in general? Man, I think it's I think it's dying, but I hope they're I feel like every generation has its own little punk scene, but they may not call it punk. What is punk, though? Are you a Colorado punker? I was kind of like an email weird kid went to like zoomies and fucking weird. I would wear like, you know, like you were like a good Charlotte. Yeah, exactly. I was so in a good charge. Remember that guy that used to have like, have the thing. I tried to do that myself, but my, oh, you were like a guy liner head for a bit. Well, that's the thing, dude, is my mom wouldn't give me her eyeliner. So I had to do it with a Sharpie by myself. And I didn't have a mirror. So I just guessed it. And they were just like, there's like ski slopes coming out of my eyes. Yeah. But then I also play sports. So I'd have like, you know, like a hot topic or good Charlotte shirt and then like gym shorts. Weird, weird kid. Well, like the Colorado. That's the Burbia. That's classic suburbia. Were you suburbia or you're more rural Colorado. Suburbia. Okay. That's kind of quintessential suburbia. Good Charlotte T gym shorts. Yeah. Still playing sports. Yeah. But sports. I played football, lacrosse, wrestling. Kind of did it all. You're an athlete. Damn. I am surprisingly agile. No one would know. But you're surprising. The mayor is always harper on his own agility speed. Yeah. Have you ever hooped with the mayor or done any sports? No, we haven't played sports together. But when did you get into comedy? Oh, fucking, I moved to Chicago right after Colorado. And I saw some shows there and I was like, I'll do it. So I did it like a mic every six, eight months sort of thing. And then I was doing some internships in LA. And then I met Paulie Shore. And he hired me on his assistant. And I wasn't, I just needed a job. I didn't know is him or anything. Probably mind blown. I just casually dropped to know the wheeze. Yeah. I'm sorry. Jesus Christ. Sorry, Matthew. Matt didn't tell me. Matt was like, Oh, I got this guy's going to call us and tell me you're like a reputable. I want to treat him. We didn't really vibe. Friend of the wheeze. No, yeah. How's the wheeze in real life? Man, I do have a jet beef with the wheeze, but we'll get to that. Really. No shit. Just being like, Oh, oh, yeah. I forgot. Bro, I went to what's the famous comedy club in New York, the seller, the other one. Caroline's made Caroline clothes. Caroline. So I went from Philadelphia with my girlfriend at the time to Caroline's to see the wheeze. Wow. Right. We saw his comedy. It was incredible. This was 2000 or 2001. It's peak is it. Point six. You know, this was like after I don't, I don't, I don't want to speak on his peak. I think he's still peeking. Biodote true. No, I don't. I fucking Paulie Shore's dead was a fantastic Also, biodom ruled. I f*cking law f*cking rule. - True, true. - Jury duty was all right. In the army now was kind of mid. - Yeah. - It was more of like a, it came out at the time. - It was cash grab. - It was cash grab. - Cash grab. But so I went all the way up to Sim. And then afterwards we were like walking to like somewhere afterwards and I saw him on the street and I was like, oh shit, Paul, I just started to stand up and he was like, you know, came in and kept walking. - In front of Bay. - In front of my Bay. - She was kind of shit. - He's got all her shoulders fucking distraught. - Well, he's in town a lot now, so you're gonna get a real trouble with him, bro. - Yeah. - I'll bet Paul with something. - Hey, I'll bring my wife. I'll say say hi to my wife, please. - I actually are being all cool with me. Like, oh, it's Paulie. Let me say what's up to him. And she was like, don't bother him. And I like went and bother him. Then he was like, fuck off. - Man. - And she was kind of like it was kind of cringy for everyone except me. I was just like disappointed in myself. Like, now you got to show up and he's gonna be like, hey, and then you go, you won't say, you know what I'm saying? No, you know, he's probably still destiny. - Man, I gotta get my confidence up, right? I got to hang out with you more. - True. - I'll make the intro happen and then we'll stab it. - Are you still boys with him? I see him, yeah. - Oh yeah, you're like a lot. You're pretty much your daughter. - I don't wanna have greasy with him. I wanna like catch back up where we left off. - No, man. - I'll be like, do carolines. November of 2000, you fucking gosh. - Yeah, I think it's an eye for an eye, kind of. - I was also probably hammered. - Yeah. - So like, looking back, maybe this is moral. - Yeah, I wonder what the real thing was. - Hey, I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughing) - That was the real thing. - That was the real thing. - That's the real thing. - Yeah, that was the real thing. - He got like Jim Morrison kind of at, he's got Lizard King Energy. - He kind of does. - Still to this day. - Yeah, he's still that we sell. He's pretty good. - Like Jim Morrison or like Val Kilmer as Jim Morrison. (laughing) He's just, he's a slippery guy, you can tell. He's very, I like to see the way he fucking works. - Damn. - Oh man. - How I got the job, I went in and when you go in, he stacks it so someone is interviewing for the job in front of you. And then he comes up to me and he sees me and he's like, "Hey, you want some carrots?" And he puts a handful of wet carrots on the table. No, like, plate. - And he sees it and he eats them or not? - I did eat them. - Yeah. - Baby carrots are like full baby carrots. - Baby carrots. - Baby carrots, but it's just a fist full of baby carrots. - No dip. - No dip. - Just raw baby carrots. So all this to say man, if you're gonna try to get retribution, you're gonna have to think out of the box. - It's 5D Chessing. - Yeah, man. - Oh, you see the carrots come out, you're fucked. Did he explain how the selection process worked or he was just like, you got it? - Yeah, well, he was like, yeah, you know, we're gonna see, it's always like, oh, we'll see what happens. - Wait, what are you applying to be? - I just need, I ran out of money, so I was just, I just applied for a random assistant job and didn't say who he was or anything. - Oh, fuck. - And turned out to be the weas. - Yeah, and turned out to be the weas. - What was his other aspiring, the interview we saying when he sees the weas drop the carrots before you? 'Cause I, if I'm interviewing, I'm gonna turn around and be like, bro, I thought we were doing. - It was a typing test. So he was all trying to, - He's getting his gloves. - He was getting his gloves checked. - He's got his gloves checked. - He's got his gloves checked in a minute. - Yeah, my gloves trashed now. - Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, crazy time. - Did he drop the carrots? Did he eat the carrots? And actually, you know, your heart, like, what was the, - Yeah, I did a little typing test. He said, hey man, you're too slow. - Slow, man. - He was begging you. - And then I was like, I can get faster. You know, like, I was, I was like, - So how did he announce that, was it just you and him, or was it like you were going through a band of like his other associates? - No, it was like me and he had this office at the top of the comedy store. And it was just him, some guy, and then he would always have like an assistant. But you never knew who it was. It was like a network of assistants. - And this would have been 2000 and 16. - 16 years. - He's 16 years after the fatal incident. - Yeah, exactly, that fucking nuts. - Serendipitous. - True, he's, and he got the job. And then I got the job. Would you leave on good terms? - Yeah. - Yeah, I mean, we're still pretty chill, but there's this times where he'd be like, hey, like drive me to Santa Monica. And I had this car that's Honda Civic. And I could see through a car. - I could see through a car. - Oh. - I had to go pick him up in my car. And there was like, I could see the street. - Yeah. - Oh, no. - We'd catch a fubes. - Yeah. - I used to keep the windows down because you'd get buzzed. - Man. - Yeah. - You get a buzz on that from LA to Santa Monica? - Just a fucking craze. - So would you just like chill with them around the clock? Or like, it was like nine to five? - Yeah, it was, it was like, we would hang out and sometimes I do stuff, sometimes I wouldn't. I went to some dinner with like some, the CEO of like Playboy and I was just like, I didn't know anything going on. So I was like, wow, this is crazy. But then he'd be like, all right, well, look, go get me like in napkins. You know, that's what he would still kind of like boss you. - Yeah, yeah, but he taught me a lot. Like he would, I would go on a secretary. - He wouldn't let me in. - Is this a secretary? - No, I have to see you. - It's good movie. - Is that the one with, oh, that one. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then by the edge, he's like wearing like, girdles and like shackles and stuff. Polly Shore, that game with cat and mouse. - Yeah, man. It was real cool though. - I'm like, here is a very subtle operator. - That's cool. - That's nice. - Wait, so what was his like, what was his business in 2016? He was just still, he was like, so right in stuff. - No dumb DVDs and shit. - Man, you gotta settle this beef, man. - I can't be a mild man. - I'm sure that was kind of a PhD, that was a PhD. - Although, dude, I will say completely unironically, I bio-dome was like a pivotal moment of my life. - Something all had me, dude. - Sunlight, yeah. - Great to be like. - I don't know if I saw that one. - It's when like, Kelly Carp, the girl from Say By The Bell is in it. Tiffany Amber Theiston is in it. And he go, some girl brings him home from college to like a rural farm. And it's like her college friend. And then he had definitely didn't catch that one. - He has like milk cows and stuff. - Nice. - Sick movie. - Wow. - I remember just wanting inside the bio-dome so bad. - Bio-dome was, who was the Baldwin in Bio-dome? Steven Baldwin? - Yeah, it wasn't. - He was good at it. He was also in sliver. - Didn't see that. - That was like a late night, like seventh grade prison titty movie. - Really? - It was about dude that had an apartment complex that he cam the whole thing out. So like, I think. - Maybe he's like seventh grade movie. - When you were like babysitting, you might have been jealous, but back in the day, we used to like babysit and like you knew it had titties in it, so you would watch. - Yeah, for sure. - So it was like one of those movies, like a flash of tits. He would spend like four hours being like, it's good. - Yeah, I don't know if kids do that anymore. - They don't. - They don't watch a movie to catch tits. - I think they just go right to the source of these things. - True. - How old are you? - I'm 32. - Okay, so you didn't really have, what was the porn stitch? Was it all internet for you? - Yeah, it was all internet. - Got you. - Yeah, yeah. - So you were born in '92. - How old is it? - 94. - Yeah. - 94, okay, yeah. - You're a little rough around. - I forgot, I'm 44, I thought I was 42 for a second. - I still can't get up in that man. - Did any of you guys do analog porn? - Lemme, you must have touched some analog porn. - Yeah, just for a minute. - You mean like magazines? - Magazines, DVDs. - VHS. - Kitchen thanks, fucking Sears Mag. - Spank. - Okay, you were in the trenches with us. - Yeah. - It was Sears Mags, Victoria's Secret. Oh my god. - That King or Smooth. I felt like you would be a King or Smooth guy. - What's King or Smooth? - It's just black, like maximum FHM, this tip. - That wasn't in my parents' house. - I might not have made it in my parents' house. - Yeah, I've said it before. My parents blocked all the music channels, but BET remained 'cause they didn't know it existed. So we only had BET growing up. That was our only music channel in our house. So yeah, they did not have black or Smooth or whatever. - Yeah, my dad was bringing up a copy of Smooth. - No, I just got what came to the mail. That was a child. So I was completely, I couldn't take out a subscription by myself. So I was completely relying on like the Cole's catalog, Sears, and again, Victoria's Secret was, that was like pornography. - Victoria's Secret was like, dude, this is their sending porn in the mail. - I used to tear up Delias. - What's Delias? - Not to self-incriminate, but like it was like 13 year old girls in bikinis. - But you were 12. - Yeah. - Obviously. (laughs) - It's a very important distinction. - Yeah, I remember when I was in CSAM. I was 12. - Cole's had the juniors like bathing suits and all that shit as a child. I would check, they didn't have kids in underwear, but they would have kids in bathing. - No, Delias was like halter tops. And like, it was just like you, just basically women's clothing for girls. - Yeah, back when you were in. - But I 12, I was just like, well, that was nice. I remember, I remember dipping into the juniors swimsuits and being like, "No, finally something for me." (laughs) They were thinking that people at Cole's are really thinking about me. Like, "Well, in case there's a, you know, 12 year old out there, it's gonna be exciting." - Did your folks ever take you guys to Vegas? You pick up those cards off the ground? - No. - My parents would never take us to Cincinnati. - Why did your parents take you to Vegas? - Yeah, they, they're, you know, they wanted to do Vegas. So they had those cards. - You were the only child? - No, I had a brother. - Okay. - I had it still there. - Yeah. - He's still alive. Thank God. - Yeah. - No, we never got to, I blew my mind. I went to Vegas the first time when I was, I think literally 21. And I sold those hooker baseball cards and I thought that was pretty cool. - Yeah. - Hold his hand him out. - And the price is advertised, by the way. - Not true. - Not true. - Yeah. - They'll say, "Yo, 200 bucks." And you go, "That's a deal." They show up and they go, "That's 200 bucks just for me to go." get here, that's what I've heard from Vegas. It's 200 bucks just for them to get there. I didn't have any money at the time. They told me it's 200 bucks just to get there and then they hit you with the real price. Yeah, start and the menu starts. So you just gotta say hi and then she leaves. Literally what happened. Wow. Yeah, literally whatever. I mean, so I've heard it's your parents would take you to Vegas and just trail you through the streets of Vegas. Yeah, sometimes. And then they'd find like movies for us to turn the day where they just gambling where they just yeah, yeah, they they were like gamble and like go out. Sometimes we'd go to like a show or something. I guess that you lived in Colorado. So I'm like, it sounds so straight there. Yeah, we don't take that. It's just a straight shot. Yeah, basically they're trying to do something in a Lanx city like that trying to make it more family friendly, but it's such a lost cause. Every been a Lanx city. No, Lanx city is fucked. We took all the seediness of Vegas and just like made it all very apparent everywhere. Yeah, it's Lanx. They sell. Yeah, Lanx city's kind of weird. They sell spoons, single spoons in the convenience stores. Oh shit. Yeah, I remember seeing that. It took me a minute. I was like metal spoon. Someone told me in Atlantic City that like the cops let it be known down there. Like if you fuck with people coming to the casinos, like we will put you in jail forever. Really? Don't fuck it up. Don't fuck with these people. And it's like understood. Like you could do whatever the fuck you want down there, but don't fuck with the casino people because that's like the bread and butter. Yeah, that makes sense. I walked through the cut one time in Atlantic City. I think I detoured into a side mission and I'm walking through the cut, kind of walk a shame situation. And the dudes who just laugh, they're all just laughing at me and be like, Oh, but yeah, no one, no one to cost a mere bother me. They all just kind of someone told me a Lanx city crashed hard too because like online gambling, all like the, the people that would just naturally get pulled there to go gamble, just do it on their phone. So it's kind of crumbling. Yeah, all the club scenes, the only thing that keeps everyone's around someone like this place, fucking rules. Lanx city. Yeah, certain people costs. I don't want to speak his name. House loves it. I don't want to summon his wrath. He loves it. He loves it. Well, also I will say ocean casino in Atlantic City is nice. It's like it's genuinely. Dude, I host told me the same thing. I took Dan in there for our anniversary because rooms were like 30 bucks because of the offseason. She was the only non prostitute there. Not to throw shade on sex workers, not at all. It's not the best anniversary setting. I mean, though it kind of is you take him around. You see the pros and you're like, yeah, I'm married mother, not so bad after all. Not so bad. We were to eat. Yeah, we were like sitting with legs. That's a little bit of prostitutes. It's this or the dishes. Dishes are not so bad. Yeah, it's not so bad. Yeah, that's it. It chicks also. We were, I wasn't Chicago with Brittany and we were, we were staying at a nice hotel and there was two hookers at the bar. And they had like, there was a guy there who had been with his wife, but his wife went to do something. So he's at the bar and these two hookers just like to send upon him. Which his wife like went to the bathroom and then she like went somewhere for like a while. Maybe back to the room. Oh, maybe she was taking care of this. I don't know. She went back to the room. He came. The hookers didn't see the wife leave. They saw like an older business man. So they like pop down next to it. And then Brittany was like, looking on my brother hookers. Yeah, she was like, Oh, she like could it. She was like so fascinated. Chicks for civilian chicks versus square square chicks like our chicks were dealing with squares. Yeah. Well, it's kind of it's kind of conflict of interest circles and squares, bro. Yeah. It's like our babes are squares. I'm dealing with square babe. But yeah, man. It's fun letting them see hookers. It's like exciting for women to see him. I think they have like some of them think that it's like a cool like pretty woman type fantasy. Yeah. It's, I've said it before hookers are like their construction workers. You know, when you see a construction worker. Yeah. And you're like, I can like fix a sink. I feel like such a fucking bitch. That I don't know. Like they're that for women. Yeah. I guess so. They're kind of grizzled. Yeah. They're like hard fucking their necks. Don't hurt when they give blow jobs for the reason it's necks are fine. Even though they give a thousand blow jobs a day. Not like one a month. It's probably a threat. It's like a contractor comes to your house and he's like, yeah, we'll just rip this wall out and do that. And your life's looking like do you know any of that? Exactly. I'm just like, I'm just taking a face value with this man. Tell us. Oh, thank you, Mr. Thank you, sir. Oh, yeah. Cool. Cool. Cool. You guys have anything to drink? They're wild chicks. Yeah. The wild chicks. I mean, I don't want to speak on the life at all. I have no, you know, I have nothing against them. I have zero. I've zero against them. I have a new thing with my sexuality where I identify now as a metasexual. Really? I read the cinema. Are you familiar with the concept of metasexual not at all? So like basically in a nutshell, it holds that sex can only happen between a man and a woman, biological man, biological woman. Sex can only happen when they come together and decide to have intercourse to make a child. Right. That is sex. Whoa. Anything other than that is not sex. Yeah. It is metasex. So once you step outside of that specific act, we're all in the same boat. Yeah. We're all doing a deviant sexual act if we're not actively trying to conceive. So only two groups, the people that are having sex solely to procreate and everything else. Everything else is we're all together. Everything else. There's no homosexuals. There's no lesbians. We're just all metasexuals. That makes sense. Unless we're conceiving. We're do that specific conceiving act. I like that. So you're saying you're just part of the non-conception. You're just part of like the pleasure dome. Sure. So there's no shame in any of it. Maybe they're saving that lesbian bar after all. True. You get the bros in there now that I know I can enter as a metasexual. So you basically you're leveling the kink playing field. Right. Where it's like unless we're procreating, we're breaking the code of sex. We're all doing this together. That's fair. Dangerous game. Dangerous game. I think that's dangerous. I think it's fine. It could be nice. Where it's like you're just like, oh, that's cool. Yeah, that's cool. You know. Yeah. You're all just celebrating God's creation in various ways. Well, that'd be the ideal world. Right. If everything wasn't so categorized. That's what I'm saying. The categories are the problem. Right. Yeah. There's just pure conception and deviancy. It's deviancy in the mathematical sense that you're deviating from exactly. It's not deviancy in like it's deviance. It's deviant. It's literally deviance. That's fair. I mean, yeah, if you're like a young college kid, he's like, I'm trying to get like my dick sucked or whatever, you're, it's the same thing as like a closet of gay dad jerking off to gay porn in the 100%. You're all doing the same thing. Whatever. Yeah. That's good enough. Yeah. You're the metaverse. You're being slightly deviant. So you lose all resistance to I'm not saying you do anything. For sure. You still follow your heart and do what's right to you. Exactly. Well, like the rest of it all is just one lump of metasexuality that we all celebrate. Wow. It's kind of like a blown pride week wide open and we're all out there. Like true. Isn't it sweet when we have sex when we come and we're not trying to have a kid? You should get a metasexual flow in the pride parade. But so it shatters the categories of sexuality. That's kind of nice. So we're all kind of doing the same thing. That's fair. I think that's a pretty cool idea. See, that's a good concept. I didn't come up with it. It was the thing I read. We're bringing it out. I'm bringing it back to like the public sphere. I mean, there's the writer. Then there's the production. True. True. What's the one without the other? Wow. Hey, man, I got four hours of sleep last night. I'm fucking cooking right now. Man, you are arrested. I'm so tired. I was still in Dylan before we started. I'm just like a pair of like dead eyes and just like a chemically powered body right now. Solid nine hour sleeps down here. Dude, I was on a nice streak and then I stepped out on the wicked nightlife last night and started. I haven't tasted anything after sundown down here. I had a nice like two weeks of that like in bed by 9.30 reading one of the Russian masters passing out. It's kind of chill. It's the best, dude. I fucking am pissed when I look when I'm like, fuck, I gotta go to stand up and I gotta be out late at night. I'm like, I hate this. Once I'm on stage, obviously, you know, you're having a good time. I'm just part of it. I'm just part of the night. And then I just, you know, I just feel the way I wake up in that next morning. I feel so wicked. You can't at least sleep a little there, right? Not really. I kind of year to wake up. I wake up. And if I do, I don't feel arrested. If you go to bed late and still get like seven hours, you feel like shit when you wake up. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's why I stayed up. It's like, that was the move. You can't. What are you playing today? If you go, I'm going to make it tell the next cycle. You're going to know through. Yeah. There's no way you're just on coffee. What stems you on right now? Literally coffee and nicotine coffee and I think that's fucking sick. Yeah. Yeah. I can't go. I can't go carb heavy today. Yeah. Although you want to. I want when you're when you're low on sleep, your body craved carbohydrates. Right. That's a scientific fact. Exactly. I'm just going to have to eat like whenever I want carbohydrate, quick like eight eggs, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Then a piece of toast. Why don't you take a nap? Take a nap. You can save yourself all your eggs and take a day. Man, what do you got after this? I'm going to go this couch. I was thinking about making it here. Don't sit with your head down. Temptress. What's that one lady's name? The Odyssey, the Cyclone, whatever. Sorry. No, I'm saying not even in a medisexual term. That's brotherly. It's like, far as dumping. What's his name? That's a gope. That's pure gope. I won't deviate. I just won't. That's wholesome. That's so obvious. Yeah, and I know. That's why I like the Russian masters. talk quietly. True. It's like, you see your boy, you give him a big kiss, you hold his hand for a little bit and you talk. I'm so excited to see him. Like one of the one book I just read, the guy is being tried for murder and they're like, yeah, we need all your clothes for evidence. He has blood on him. And he's like, bro, I'm not giving you my fucking. It's like he's, you know, he's like an aristocrat and he's like, the fact that he has to wear someone else's clothes is like a life ending shame. He's like, bro, I would feel like that wear another man's clothes. You're like sleep in like someone's bed, dude, and you're kind of like sucks. Like lifting Carl's bed. Your roommate's bed the one time he was going. Oh, it's like bro, this is not it. We go, you can like, sleep up there. Even like, like, hotels, I have no problems. It's like anonymous. Yeah. Well, like if I'm like at someone's house and I go, so I haven't done this in years, but like, oh, someone says, I hear you guys can just like, sleep in his bed. I'm always like, yeah. Well, girl's bed. I have no problems. Obviously. I love sleeping in like, if it's like a, like, I just trying to spend a day like she was giving Mac our time about like not keeping his bed street. I was just like, Dana, like, he's not going to keep his bed street. Yeah. And if he does, he'll never get laid. I was like, what girl wants to like have a boyfriend who's like bitching about the fitted. I was like, you got to set it up. So like when he discovers girl beds, he starts to auto correct and that'll come in like his 20s. That's true. But like, you can't raise them to be like, like bitching about like the duvet cover, like he's never going to even know what that is. Yeah. Like bro, let him sleep like a while, man. Yeah. Sometime around like 23 24. But like, you know, start realizing like, oh, like girl beds are the way. Yep. And then still like, if I'm left my own devices, it's like bare mattress. Yeah. Like folded up sheet for my pillow. I cannot keep a bed. I didn't know people wash their sheets until I was like, I thought that was like spring cleaning shit. Didn't know. I didn't know you'd wash. I didn't know it was like a thing you did. I thought that was just your bed. I was like, you're couch. Yeah. Exactly. I was like, it's a piece of furniture. Didn't know you wash sheets. I had no idea. But I had no idea. I just never fucking thought about it. No, why would you? It's just like, oh, fuck it. When you get to my bed, sweaty, like, I'd be like running full speed. Oh, yeah. Yeah, sometimes I'll sleep with like my fucking mouth is open. And then you just wake up and your pillow is just like, yeah, I'll flip it open 30 times. But I was like, dude, you have to let him keep like a wild nest in some degree. Yeah. Or he's going to turn into like, like a serious dude. Yeah, I'm like, I can't. I won't be able to help him. Yeah, he doesn't need to be bouncing a quarter off the sheets right now. Like, yeah, I completely agree with that. And you got to let that's out. And that's a babe doing her thing. That's what I was saying. Like, what would you do if you had a boyfriend that was like bitching about the bedding? Like, don't you think you'd kind of like, what'd you say? She's like, you're right. But like, I can't have him be an animal. Like, you have to like nudge him. Yeah. So that someday when some girl shows him like a nice bed, he like remembers his mother's voice. Well, you can't just raise them to be like a clean, nice bed. I'm like, it's just not happy. Genetically, it's impossible. Yeah, for sure. I was like, it's just not like, no, I won't be able to guide him any longer. Yeah, true. That kind of terrifies me to think of him turning into like a serious dude. And like dating, I'm like, dude, you're on your own. Yeah. I've never done it. I don't know. Like, I do, I think about it all the time. I get freaked out by serious dudes. I always think like, like, you like take a girl to dinner somewhere. And then you start talking like the school district, and like the rental properties are like, I might buy someplace here and like turn it into an Airbnb. Dude, I, I, I been in a, I got my haircut not recently. I just got my haircut yesterday. But I've, I've got my haircut before years ago. And I would watch serious dudes being like, I'm actually on the board. It's like, dude, shut the fuck up. Nobody cares. That's how they spit game. When they like go on dates, I'm assuming they're like, you know, like I'm thinking about getting some rental properties. Yeah, toll school is all about. It's pure status games. And that's a, that's a, that's a death sentence. What? I mean, it might work for some dudes, but like, I'm not going to be able to guide my son if he enters that realm of ability. It's a different language completely. Yeah. In body and spirit. I mean, you're almost a robot at that point where you're just, you're like, you need enough tokens to play the game. You're like, I've fed the proper tokens. And if you'd like to take my hand and marriage, right? It's fucked up. How do you talk to that guy? You just have to be on that wavelength. Really? Yeah. But I, I, I, I kind of, I was listening to the guy do it. And I was like, bro, I just got out because that's like most like zero to six kid parties. Yeah. You just like pull up and couples are like, oh, man, we did, uh, you know, we did a Katie last year. This year we're thinking about doing like, you know, every glades and you're like, I never thought about that. You guys have to like adapt to other adults because of your children. You do up to a point and then it's either like sinkers either. That's why yeah. Yeah. It's like, yeah, I'm a classic romance. I'm a classical romantic. Honestly, I've always happened. So it's a classic romantic. Just jesting, Mary, man, eating food. You're a gesture, Max. I'm a gesture man. I'm a gesture man. J.M. Well, I'm, I'm, most people down where I'm stuck. When I found out gesture, Maxing was the thing. I was like, got me. Fuck yeah. It sucks when they little kids on the internet completely pin you down. Is that a real thing? Just Maxing is like dudes that like try to be funny to attract women. Which is apparent. I mean, what else? Yeah. But it's also like you're a gesture. Well, you become gesture goon too. That's if you gesture Max so hard that you like start being a goofy boy all the times. It's like the dudes who showed the parties with like funny outfits and they're like, Oh my god. Yeah. If you've taken it past the romantic thing of like, I'm going to charm this woman through humor to like my identity. You're just a good goofy man. Oh, man. Start gesture gooning. Oh, fuck. It's a dangerous bounce. It is. That's, I never thought about that. You find yourself slipping into it. It's like you got to come back from it. Yeah. A gesture goon is tough. Yeah, everyone knows. Everyone's, I've seen a lot of people fall into the gesture. That's it. The guy the like wears like Hawaiian shirt to the office and like a visor. Oh, true. It's like the antithesis of that serious guy. They're talking about. Yeah. It's like the other way. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a whole other way. I would say it's a serious guy trying to be funny. A lot of you, if you're a serious guy trying to find you might use my slip into gesture goon territory. Yeah. That's it. That's a clear pathway. Fuck. This is a funny hat. Therefore if I wear it, I'll be funny. Right. It all checks out. The logic's clear. This is trending. Yeah. But hey, man, that's that's some people's that's some people's deal. You know, they look at me and say, that guy's a fucking mess. And I say, I am, but I'm a beautiful mess. That's true. That's wow. But yeah, man, dude, Dylan, we hit the hour, man. We've literally filled our quote. I'm going to slip into the motherfucking Patreon. So I take a piss. Yeah, I was pissed and maybe we'll rip it up. See what you're doing. You got the energy. Rip it up. Keep it right time going. Thank you, guys. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane secret podcast on Spotify. Do it.