Ep 637 - Throat Wrecker (feat. Jeremiah Watkins)

Wow, wow, Wes, we're not recording, right, and he's and they said, no, and it freaking went out. What you said, it was about a comic's bad breath. Nice. We're recording who I can't I can't start it up again. I'll be apologized to the comic because I went out. It was it was bad. Did you confront them? They're dastardly kind of sneaky behavior. No, no, he called me goes, uh, I was in a mistake. He goes, I gave the note to the editor. It didn't get implemented and he got because we got a group text. The comic group texted me and the other comic. I was like, dude, oh, it's yeah. So the next yeah, well, yeah. So I called him and I was like, the next time I saw him, I brought him gum and stuff as a joke. I was like, I got to double down at this point. Yeah. Yeah. And that you would, I don't want someone to tell me if my breath is kicking. I don't know. Well, that's what he was like, I'm to tell me, but privately, it's not broadcast. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's why I said, oh, we're not recording. Because it could be a stomach issue, too. Right. So it could be a stomach issue. It could be a stomach issue. I never thought of it. Yeah, some bad breath comes from the stomach, believe it or not, I believe it a hundred percent. How it'sosis. Yeah. Yeah. But he also scraped your tongue in the morning. That helps. Apparently as well. Yeah. You see here, my dad just gagging in the mornings. You just find all this shit out. Yeah. I'm not a morning brushed teeth guy. What? Oh, I'm about to eat breakfast. I'm about to eat breakfast. Why would I brush my teeth and then eat breakfast? Oh, no, I grew with you on that. But then brush your teeth after a breakfast. If I remember, that's the important thing is to clean them before you go to bed. It's in the morning. Yeah, it's twice a day minimum. Dude, people don't even brush your teeth. They'll pretty recently, obviously. Yeah. Brush your teeth. Yeah, they'll wash their teeth. I don't think so. If you look at the, I think people were fine. No, they notably had fake teeth. Really? Fake? George Washington. Oh, he had wooden teeth. Yeah. A lot of guys. Oh, he had sugar. So it's fault. You're right though that our diet's gotten more sugar. Yeah, but you know what? Those guys got like one sweet per year, really. Yeah. So yeah, maybe I should. I mean, I'm doing all right. I have, I've had one cavity in my whole life, I think. That's not doing it for hygiene as much as breath. Breath. Gumb. That's what I'm saying. Crush the gum. Hit the door. I feel like gum cleans your teeth better than brushing them if I'm being honest. You get way into your fresh. It's hot. Some way. Yeah, wait. Why does she? She gets on my ass to brush my teeth in the morning. That's good. She'll be like, because she has to. I do. It's just woke up. I just woke up. We'll say if I'm out drinking, oh, come home, you got to almost no shout on brush my teeth. Yeah. I'm fucking hitting the sack. That's your, that's your right. Yeah. If you're drinking, you don't need it. Awesome. Makes it so much worse when you wake up. Yeah. So much worse. If you don't brush your teeth and you're hung over, waking up in the morning, like, yeah, your mass all dry. Yeah. I don't like how hot I get to when I wake up, I'm over, I wake up with like a mild fever every time. Wait. This sucks. Yes. I'm not so fucking fun. Yeah. It's fun. You get to fight your friends, yell at them. True. True. Yeah. You have to slip the mask. You don't do that sober. True. It would be really weird. Be completely sober. I fucking disagree. You dumbass. Yeah. Yeah. What's your stance on alcohol and the consumption of it? I'm fine with people doing it. I like, yeah, it's not for you. It's not for me. I like, I've had like, there's people who drink my family's stuff that I'm like, all right, I'm good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What happens? What kind of drunk would you classify, classify yourself as have you gotten like really drunk before? I haven't. No. Never? No, I haven't. You strike me as you'd be a train wreck if you got hammered. Oh, no, I absolutely would. No. No, it's something if you got fucked up, I got some poison back there. I've seen you fight, too, slapping people. I know. You'd be a real problem. I know. Well, especially, no, especially if you haven't really, so you've never been like hammered off. No. Never casually. So you've never taken a sip. You're like, Trump. Exactly. Never. You've never even taken a sip of this stuff. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. Yeah. Good for you. That happens though. So you had people in your family or something? Yeah. It's some people in my family who just don't let a couple of bad apples ruin the bunch. True. What if it's more than a couple? It's a whole crater on it. Maybe you're the good one. True. Maybe you can get it in your head. You do have the numbers in your favor. Yeah. True. I mean, I guess you could look at it that way. Yeah. Got to look at the bright side. I have enough metrics where I've learned that I could be a solid drinker. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was playing a guy and he was trying to hustle me. I said, what's your name? He goes Gator. I don't want to play him. No. And he literally beat me like six games in a row. What's your pool rating? Isn't there like a system? No. I've never heard of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But last time as an awesome, no lie. He goes Gator. No. No. I never like competed or anything like that. I would say I'm good for a comic, but like anybody who's like, that's like their thing, they're going to beat me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I suck it pool. I get so nervous. I get one good shot. It's over for me. It's very exciting. It's like I'm never doing it again. I was like, I actually just got to not think about this. I think we're having to break. Bro, suck. It's good. I haven't played this. I've never played this. I always, you got to break. Yeah. I always got to. You break. I mean, you got to suck it pool. You got to suck it pool. I was playing with Lamar. What was it last weekend? We were watching the UT. I was so bad. Lamar booted me off the tee. It went on. I bet sucks, but thinks he's really good. He's bad too, but better than I was. Lamar, are you good at pool? Yeah. He sucks. He sucks. He's played it twice. I'm decent. I played enough. I'm decent. I'm at the pub. Beer. I've seen you at the pub. You think accomplished. I see them at the pool hall. They call them eight ball down there. They do. It comes eight ball. It comes eight ball. It would be so weird you walk into the tee. He's like, I'm just going to take you around and everybody's like, Lamar, hey, there he is. Yeah, I suck. I got like into it a little bit in college for like a short period of time and then just lost on my skill. You college pool shark. A little bit. We had one in the dorm. Oh, yeah. I got like decent. I can break now, but it's like, it sucks. Sometimes I get like, I'll hit it real hard, but then only like the four corner balls or three corner balls just move and the rest of it stays still. It doesn't count. I got to play it. No, you got to play that. Oh, literally. Really? Yeah. How much space do you need between balls? On a break, you have to a couple balls have to come back to your end. Is that what it is? Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. What's the rule on breaking? No. Play it where it lies. He playing. Like it's just a bad break false information. Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, there's always, what's weird about pool is like there's like two kinds of like official rules that you can play by. Yeah. I don't feel BCA or APA. What are we going by here? But then there's house rules. Then anything goes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when people start being like, ah, didn't touch a rail, blah, blah, blah, blah, all this stuff. Three hits or else. Yeah. Yeah. That's all crud. I think it's a gentleman's game and I think it should be respected as such. I don't like seeing tuffs and ruffians playing pool. I agree. I call it billiards, first of all. There's billiards. I call it billiards. It's the widest spectrum of class of any sport, I think. Yeah. You'll see the trashy as people who are incredible at it. And then you'll see wealthy people who those are the people who own the tables and all that. Yeah. I used to play it with my father after falconing. Yes. It's a gentleman's game. Middle class. Terrible at pool. If you're middle class, you're trash. It's a good assessment. Yeah. At least fair. Yeah. You gotta be poor or super rich. Yeah. Nothing in between. Yes. Nothing in between. So you're, you're good though. I'm pretty good. I'm pretty good. Could you like, could you like bounce the ball off the wall and get it into a hole? Yeah. Well, yeah. Off the wall. Yeah. I'm saying like, like, I gotta be something else. Yeah. I gotta be aimed at the pocket. You can look at it and go, I'm going to shoot it this way, but it's going to get win over here. That's good. Yeah. Is that on accident? Be like, call it. Got it. That's the only thing. Yeah. Yeah. That was the pocket I was going for. For real, that was my strategy for a long time. I'm just going to hit the ball. And like, as hard as I can and hope she goes there. That's all you can do. Yeah. You ever see the classic Fresh Prince episode where Uncle Phil said, oh, yeah, breakout Lucille. No. Jeffrey. Oh, it's. Yeah. It's incredible. We'll get in trouble. He gets in deep with the pool shark. Then he gets to go. Big fill comes down. Sharks. Sharks. Sharks. Yeah. It brings up this case. And then Uncle Phil just starts running the table. It's awesome. Yeah. It's pretty great. That's what they call. They call him. Phil from down the way. Yeah. I think in the episode, Will Smith was questioning, I believe Uncle Phil's blackness maybe a little bit. I kind of remember that in the episode, he was giving him some a hard time. Yep. But he's filled from down the way. Oh, yeah. This episode is brought to you by prize picks. Two great things are happening this month. Football is back. And prize picks is celebrating nationwide with new promos every day during stacked September. Plus, their social feature. You can find popular picks and copy them in just one click. Prize picks app is better than ever. It's a pull of this football season. Matt. The season underway. is your pick for the big out biggest breakout player this season is going to break out. I think she do is going to break out. I like that. I'm rooting for him to break out. I think that's a fair pick. Thank you. I think he's going to break out, man. I like that. I like that, daddy. Thank you. Download the app today and use code drenched to get $150 instantly in lineups. If you win your first $5 lineup, that's code drenched to get $150 instantly in lineups. If you win your first $5 lineup, prize picks run your game. Uncle Phil to Will. Will from down away to the boys. Who do you think you're waiting to fight? Carl Winslow or Uncle Phil? Uncle Phil for sure. I heard Winslow fights dirty though. Really? Yeah. He posted his gun. Yeah. Winslow's pulling out that thing. Uncle Phil for sure, but Winslow could. No, he was in the Ditty trials. Someone was claiming that Ditty clapped or clapped Carl Winslow. Did or did he not do that? That can't have been court. People were claiming that. There was people claiming they witnessed him getting clapped by Ditty. It's satanic. I know. Just taking someone's childhood like that. Dude, I know. I mean, it was a surrogate father figure to Erkel. But yeah, dude, apparently that was what the Ditty trial was. I wish you wouldn't have told me that. That's going to be seared. It's all legend. It's all legend. It's all allegations. It's all allegations, but why did you come up in the court transcripts? You bet, chill. It's on the record. Ditty man is coming out. I know. You better. I'm not going to be around when he's going to the party. We're going to the party. We're not going to. We're trying to get into the first first Ditty party back up. He's got to have a get out bash. Obviously. I'm a throwing one. I'm going to get it ready. Say, Ditty's coming up with my finest man lined up. Frogman is going to be lute. Oh, man. He's going to be secreting juices. Nate, real, you would be completely covered. Yeah. You'd be like a reflective surface. You'd be a really light gleaming off you. You seem like his type for real. Yeah. From what I've heard from the election. I feel like it's more of a challenge. I'm too. I think I'm actually too small for Ditty. Come on, man. Ditty likes a conclist. That's obvious. Well, you're saying you'd be too easy. You're saying you're no car wins love. I'm no car wins love. I got I disagree. I think you are. I am car wins love. We get you that as a shirt. I'm way more Uncle Phil. I'm more Uncle Phil that's the mayor's more Uncle Phil dude. I'm going to agree with that. I looked over and saw him a little bit. He has a solid pepper even in the in the beard now. Yep. Yeah. He's a judge. He's delighted. He's delighted. He's always judging people on Twitter. Yeah. Now you guys are both wins love and that's fine. There's nothing wrong with being wins love. This should sick. Sean's Erkle. Sean's got the Erkle. I was called Drinks. Turned in this to five. Sounds like we're trying to run through a filter. What was your favorite TGA F show? Maybe boy meets world was one of them. Racist go ahead. Oh the white cast one out of all the shows that we're talking about. Boy meets world rocked obviously. Boy meets world was really good. I don't know. Yeah. Family matters. Fresh Prince. What was a couple other ones that were in step by step. Oh was fresh prince was fresh prince TGA F? No. I don't think it was. Yeah. I think oh got you. Family are full house. That was a good one. That was rocked. Yeah. Erkle. Step by step with the code man. Who was it? Who's the guy? The fucking. I think I remember step by step. I know the song. I know. I just over the code man and that fucking who's the guy from Baywatch was the dad. Yeah. Oh the guy from Baywatch. Suzanne Summers. Suzanne Sum. Yeah. She had the the thigh workout thing. Yep. Yeah. And the guy. Fuck what was his name? The guy who was like the head. No, not him. I don't know. The guy who was on Baywatch girl here fellow. Yeah. Hasselhoff. It's not hassle. No, but it's another white dude who looks like. I thought it was hassle off my whole life. It's not. No. I see it. So perfect stranger. Hang on Mr. Cooper was. Yeah. Awesome. Cooper's nice dude. He'll pop in at the comedy server once more. So our curry. Yeah. Yeah. Step by step. Oh, Salina. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I might have been screaming. Teenage witch was awesome. I love that cat. Cat. Awesome. Salim talking. That's funny. I feel like the teenage witch was like slightly after that. I remember a code man oracle. That was pretty much the pinnacle. I think step by step was the last show on TGIF when I was when I was a boy. Sabrina was right after step by step. I don't know. I just had Caroline Ray on my podcast and it was like I've known her for many years, but she's so funny. Yeah. Nice. Well, she on Sabrina. Yeah. Yeah. She was one of the ants. Yes. Imagine setting your makeup then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new groupie setting mist from Mavily New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all day comfy grip. No tightness. No stickiness. No residue. Just plump, dewy hydrated skin that still feels like your skin. Try new groupie setting mist from Mavily New York. Maybe it's Mavily. Yeah. I probably wasn't allowed to watch witchcraft. That's why you said it. I never watched the old. Witches were hot. There was charmed. It was Sabrina. I love it. They just tried to do a movie. No, what was the movie with the hot Sarah Jessica Parker? It was one of the witches. The Covenant. It's a very famous movie. The craft. Hocus Pocus. Also, the Saunders and Sisters. Yeah. Yeah. Babes. You have to stick type one. True. Type. Give me the Pog. The Pog could get it. The Pog which ticked. Pog. Pog. We need an eye of that ice witch girl. Those are my types. Yes. The era of heart shaped honeys for sure. What do you like? Yesterday. Yes. Yes. I recall quite finally. Tell you what I'm doing with a trimming my mustache a little too short. Really? A little short. You think so? Yeah. What do you mean? What do you mean? Usually a little more on the side. Are you saying you're slowly and you're slowly and you towards greatness? It's getting closer and closer. You should claim alopecia. Like, bro, it's fucking falling out right there. Just right here in the alopecia. I was watching an interview or I was watching a documentary last night. One of the guys had blonde on the side and black in the middle. What? Like it was like the tower's hair grew. The Siberian Huskies are mustaches. For real. And it was like, bro, just you can't have a mustache. He had a blonde. His blonde, you can barely see it on the sides and then a hiller. He had a little soft top. I mean, it was sound shit, the sides off. It was enough that, bro, you should just not have mustache. Yeah. Although, bro, if you got a fucking blonde patch in your stash, you'd want to show that off, even if it was like, Tony was, he had a hiller. If I were him, I'd be like, get your mind out of the eagles nested. It's not thinking about it. There's nowhere else to go. I mean, it's the one about the girl, last name is smart. I forget Lindsey smart. The girl got kidnapped. Amy smart. And her last name is what? Smart. It's weird. Good. She got kidnapped. My name is Amy smart. I kidnap. She got kidnapped. By who? It was a tough one right out of her room. What? I cut through the window, came in the middle of the night. The daughter, the other daughter was sleeping next to her and he was like, you fucking scream, I'll fucking kill you. How old? 14. She's the least tough, tough story. Yeah. But in that, in the middle of a hiller mustache guy is talking about it. What the fuck? It's just suspect. Yeah. And then the best though is her uncle, one of her uncles, they're all Mormons. It was in Salt Lake and then one of the uncles just gave an unhinged, fucking interview. He's like, this is a blessing. This, you know, whoever did it, he's probably an amazing guy. He's just having a tough time. And we're, everyone was like, well, that guy did it. Really that guy. He didn't do it. Who did who done it? Some freak who thought he was a god, a messenger from God. He was like, I need a bride to him and his wife captured this girl, took her out to a tent in the mountains for like a year. Geez. Disgusting. Yeah, bad stuff. Yeah. Anyway, got a hiller mustache in that doc. And the uncle gave the funniest interview I've ever seen. He tried to find the braids bright side. He was, he said he hasn't slept in five days. It was five days after it happened. Oh, Jesus. He was like, I was losing my mind. I'd sat down and did an interview and he was like, the guy who ever did it, it's probably cool. And, uh, dude, it's you. Yeah. Obviously you know when the rest of his family was like shut the fuck up dude, and then he's doing any of your stories like Yeah, I'm not always get along with family. I don't really like my brother's that much Like they shut the fuck up. Yeah, it's great. I haven't watched a good guy. Yeah, that's good I got the fucking guy jail I guess the guys in jail forever. Yeah Babe released what yeah, the guy's wife who was a hundred percent in on it They love giving women fucking zero. She's out She's out chilling right now It's probably having a tough time She's probably a great guy Whoever did it Yeah, they're just a little screwed up You see any good docs lately Trying to think not off the top. I saw that there's a little bit of goes. It was like a the John candy doc Yeah, I was good. That was good. It's pretty wonderful. Yeah, yeah, you catch that John candy. It's nice I haven't seen that I told you the only thing I saw I wasn't even a doc. It was just a YouTube discussion on a cuckold tree. That was the last long form thing I saw We'll be fine. Oh, yeah, the guy who's talking about the rats. Yeah, yeah, they're basically saying in the okay I put out a front-facing video Okay, it's not technically a documentary, but yeah, it was just a long it was a long conversation You're right long form. Yeah, long form. It's good. I like long form conversations. Yeah, yeah It was they're sorry. It's out there. They're scientists out there that like specializing like animal cuckoldry and They they put like rats their pair-bonded animals in tanks and they'll take the rat wife and put it in the tank of a boy rat and make him watch the other and the male rat has to watch his Rat wife get just plowed by this horny stranger rat and they drop the woman back in the tank and the male rat is just like ravenous over her So same with birds same thing the bird even suspects cheating. It's all when they get back Yeah, so pretty weird. He sent me a link. Yeah Yes, I don't feel bad So it's fine. Yeah, all right happens to rats. Okay, they haven't anybody. Yeah It is I'll say this though. I feel like the ultimate victory if you do get cockled it is just to go full moral high ground I'm like this is my child You can't if you it's a moment you're like what the fuck you've lost you got to be like yeah, fine Weird you did that, but this is my child and we're in a family. Then you just slowly psychologically torture the woman for the rest of her life That's what I would yeah, you would stay in it. You'd stay Dude the more you'd have the upper more hand you just go like you fucked up. You did that so you could take him to soccer practice Take this bastard the soccer practice This son of a whore to the soccer practice, please. Well, would you treat the kid really well so right then as soon as he's out of the room I treated better than my other kids Oh I put him on a pedestal I put him on a way up on a bed. Yeah, you could torture your kids with it exactly Because I'd be like why did you tell me mommy fucking left? You should have known you could have complete domination over your entire family And then I would just hand that kid all of my business But then the last the final thing before I died it would be like a complete empty thing all my money be somewhere else I would leave him a room then I would die So that's my plan for the rats to Well, I don't know you gotta have a gameplay. I want to see this spin-off of succession immediately Yeah, I feel like everyone should have a cuckled your game plan because it can happen Hey, dude, it'd be so easy a woman can cuckled you so easily. I want you to go into schools across the country And it's like rats engage instead of like birth quake like test and like like school shooter like drills Put a rat in another tank like see see It's literally any of my nature. So what happened to not me? Has not happened to me. I was saying it is funny because the in the conversation the guy who's like hosting it is You can tell he's really grappling with like how it affects human beings and the fact that it's like Probable to guess that this turns humans on the whole time. He's like it's like a foreign accent He's like I would if someone did that to my girlfriend It would not turn me on at all I don't have one but I get furious thinking about what would happen if that did happen and it's like bro relax Yeah, it's fun clearly turns you on But yeah, so it pulls out of the video. He's rock heart Yeah, I'd be sad more than anything. I'll be turning on it. I'd be heartbroken Real I'd be the hard part I mean the theory of all this is like all beard out holding it over. I was a guy So guys do report that they're so angry in the moment of betrayal But they aren't they're like I'm undeniably turned on by this which adds I think like a really tragic dimension So yeah, that's how you find out that that's your thing. Yeah, the hard way. Yeah, yeah You got to go to couples counseling and be like, yeah, it's just fucking hard as hell. I'm really mad at her But it's undeniably turned on it pisses me off so Yeah You're crazy. I'm crazy. I'm crazy. I'm crazy. I'm just look guys. I'm just trying to think of topics You guys ask me when I watch that's the last thing long for me. We didn't ask Did I just bet? We didn't ask I was trying to talk about Hitler my session to kidnap and you're like I saw a cuckold thing. Let's go back. Let's go back to my session No, we asked we asked you or mine. Yeah, and I felt like I should I should share as well so What's new in shaking? Hello Yeah, I've done a couple times with him now. I do an AI Harlan Williams I do some like AI impression to like air mark Norman and and Harlan and some different people and Harlan's a very fun one to do the mark Wasn't you do mark a Comedy it's pretty good perfect. That's it. That's sitting here with a couple almost Hell yeah, but that's that's AI. What what exactly do you mean? Yeah, so it's AI So it doesn't look perfect, you know, like it's my question So like you gonna like like you can ask it questions like it'll it'll it'll come we can't use soul water in data centers. There you go Yeah, because all the kid fucking it's exactly right. It's actually probably the correct answer It's almost scary how advanced that AI that AI just nailed really is Really doing that. That's great Thank you Now you have to do it the whole time Do you ever when you go to do an impression do you ever feel like you don't have like the impression sauce of that moment? Of course all the time. Yeah, it's a worst. Yeah when someone says do that impression. Oh, yeah, fuck. I can't no no some some come right away because they're naturally in your register Uh, that you get right away like I don't know how long it took you to get like your trump down But like sometimes it just like some of them you're easy. It's easier to fall into it than others Yeah, yeah, but I'm doing like Irish or Australian or British or anything. I can only do one at a time Like whichever one I can do like that year Can't switch I know what happens and then your Irish for that calendar year. Yeah, I can do it Irish accent Then it's like I can do it in Australia and then I can't all the SNL sketchers are like so what accent we're not using Yeah, it's Irish this it's hard to switch back and forth Especially like Irish and Australian because you're like wait, how do I say that again? Oh I mean, yeah, well, like what would be a sentence that you would try to to do like to go Australian I'm gonna hit beauty beauty. Oh, she's being yeah, there are words that get get into it. Yeah Dude, how about you how do you feel about the Australian lady who shitter pants at the high rocks competition? Oh the you see that what she doing. She was doing a high rocks. It's like a fitness company. Yeah, yeah, I saw that massive dump. Yeah, dude I mean, it's a diamond. Yeah, yeah, and then you kept going She was in China too by the way. I mean, oh, they probably had no problem It's zero issue. Yeah, well, I think it was my theory who was a Their shame culture so like strong there. I think it's just unthinkable to like stop a race in front of people and be like you shit yourself get out I think they don't they dump outside Not a bit of an issue. It could be. Yeah, I think in dumps outside. Yeah, I thought it'd be the opposite in China I allegedly I thought it was any of you guys taking dumps outside allegedly. I think that I heard any of you guys on the beach I've heard that I don't know if they got their cats. Yeah I heard they see sand Although taking a dump on the on the beach would be nice What would you if you took a dump on the beach would you like kick your feet? I have to you have to I take a whole lay on your butt litter back lay flat Because you're the whole lay flat I would have my kids bury my legs. Yeah, I'm shit in the sand stand straight up Should fake sandals. Yeah, I'd build a castle over it Yeah, that's a nice thing that way when a kid comes by to kick you can say oh yeah, oh you go bags on you dickhead I shit at the beach. Yeah, let me bury your legs actually in this hole you bury him with the turd Let's find out who's dumping outside Yeah, who is dumping outside? I think San Francisco is running into a Chinese dump out outdoor problem Could be wrong. I feel there's a lot of suspects in San Francisco's homeless dumps as well. Yeah without a doubt Because they got security footage. Oh really. Hey, they're coming that whole area. Yeah This guy's wearing khakis my guess. I didn't find it but my guess with me to Chinese because I know that in China and like Hong Kong they're having problems with like mainland China people coming to the cities Dumping out and dumping all over the place. That's what it tells all this time That would be enough to keep me independent if I was Taiwan I go they can we can't lose this island there. They just Isn't that China as a whole though. It's the coastal elites and it's like Chinese hillbillies in the middle Yeah, it's like the outback They have signs up like I've heard it about Japan - they like got to tell them not to eat the pigeons and not pooping The street and stuff like the Asian hillbillies will come to the big cities and grab the pigeons and poop Well, grab the Pidgeotos. Yeah, they capture them It's good to the bottom of the street dump true. Let's do that. Let's make sure we're dealing in truth Yeah, we need to fact check this podcast Google Gemini is saying according to UNICEF in the World Health Organization Fally body to go through that India, South Asia and Sub-Saharan Africa are the most likely to most likely dump outside. I know. Yeah, that documentary There's a couple documentaries about Africa where they go. We can't use the beach What it's covered in dumps dude China could be fudging the numbers though true. I That's true. They probably fought in the UNICEF street crap numbers when I took a road trip From Kansas to California before I had moved out there. I went with a group of buddies and we didn't look at the signage at one of the beaches very well and We were we thought that it was like heavy salt water in the ocean like when we were out there We were like gagging a lot and stuff and we're like And then we get out of the water and their signage has said that it was like toxic water There's like spill off like from Coronado like like I heard about that. There's like a poop beach that we were like you read You read a pooped beach It's always the guys It's never the women at the poop beach. Yeah I should have known right away. There's no women. Yeah, I've heard that about Coronado. It was dude It was brutal. I was talking to some Navy SEALs and they got to do their training there and that the shit They're saying that there's like a shit pipe from Mexico. Yep. That runs right up in a Coronado So you're in there doing training and you're like Let's just look at dirt from yourself and you're telling the board it was we got build a wall there bro See wall that that's what everybody can agree with yeah, we agree on that one I just saw that right before y'all got to it and their catchphrase that they're yelling. There's an activist group They yell stop the poop like that's their whole thing is stop. I mean, Janiega was beautiful Did not be able to get in the water because we need a catchphrase. We need something direct See what is it gonna be stop the poop? I mean I'd much rather deal with the jelly Fish and like a yeah a cornpock turd Mexican jellyfish Actually jellyfish you have to crap on it instead of be on it like you get the sting off your body That would be upsetting. So sure city ego just be set upon all sides. Yeah going there You're like this is like the perfect city. Yep, and crackhead bomb chase you poop water. Yeah Otherwise perfect city dude it's I couldn't agree more every time I go there It's it's too like I'm I always stay in the gas lamp, which is like their party area You get out of like doing a show and you're like this is fun This is like hell just like drunk women and dresses like up to their tits Just like falling over you like how this is like sad. I saw a lady that a Brianna wheelchair for her She was so drunk and she's just like in a wheelchair and like a short like you know club Super short dress and it was just wide open. She was just like sitting there. I was like Jesus Christ God damn shame. Yeah, try to help her but Alfred a wheeler I'll take it from here Phil. Yeah, I'll wheeler to the hospital. I'll take your home Yeah, no, it's it's sad every time it's saying the ego I've heard it's like the perfect place and I'm always like I don't know man. Well that downtown area is a nightmare But yeah, you have to go to the beaches and and just like get out of like that main party area That's good. Yeah, that's what I've heard but then dude like I've walked to like Balboa's that one park Yeah, that's a nice park. I walked up to Balboa. I saw two bleeding homeless guys Bleeding what bleeding both of them had like bleeding wounds. They came towards me. I was like you know my god. Yeah Bleeding homeless is crazy bleeding homeless is telling me that I can have it It was and it was like you know one or two fine. It was like there's like a dozen homeless guys the top Yeah, it was a yeah, what is a group of bombs called? I just what I said there's got to be another one. There's got to be a term for a group of bombs a murder murder of bombs Rascal well they gather they used to call it a convention when they'd all gather up back in like the old convention of bombs. Yeah, that's it was the old glory days. They would call it a convention tent Tent of bombs would be nice. Yeah, you'd have to leave you had a farm You definitely wake up in the morning like shake them out of your haybells call the police the Constable will come lock them up for They can't I can't there's no there's no true term, but the only slag turn that comes up is a hobo jungle Hobo jungle, everything else is encampment temp city. Yeah, sounds kind of hobo sexual to me Yeah, the old glory days of hobos are over. They they were cool for a while. Oh like yeah, hopping on the back of trains and different things like that The hanker chiefs the the the the the bindles like with the sticks and the different things like that can't beans bindle Do you remember the dinner? Did you see Dennis the men as well? I said Slice an apple and eat the slice. I think of the bum from Dennis a man. Yes. It's such. Oh yeah, it's seared Bump and Dennis messes. Yeah, that's an underrated character Christopher Lloyd in that. It's so good. I still think about him belly What was the problem the bum came to like terrorize the city? Well, I don't even remember the plot Yeah, there's one bum. That's the way that used to be like holy fuck. There's a homeless guy There's a lot now. It's like now there's two bombs we're leading eight Unblocking portions of Macus girl in a park. Yeah, that's my Friday Think about it a lot. You know, no one knows what to do with those guys You build them houses and they OD inside. So it's like all right, get let's get back outside That happens is a big thing. Yeah, of course. So you got to give them back outside Maybe a greenhouse Yeah, they start growing out of the ground Terrarium. Yeah, true. You get you know temperature controlled obviously, but Here we go. Oh, yeah, this episode is brought to you by blue chew the number one brand for better sex Blue chew just dropped something crazy blue chew gold. 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You know what's nice about that three months Is it's football season? Oh my goodness. What a better way to reward your partner with You know, hey, I'm gonna be watching TV. I'm gonna be watching football day She or he gets a little grumpy with you for sure and you go watch this I'm gonna knock that attitude right out of you bro. I'm gonna be too gold. Whoo Think about that the reader with the real deal or him Hit it with a hammer or him or him for sure Here we go guys. Oh, please this weekend. Please come please pretty please real look Michigan That one's looking good good on you Michigan Milwaukee, Wisconsin at the Riverside theater. I got a show It's it's this Saturday guys. I don't know how tickets are you deal? Yeah for real guy Milwaukee come on I've been telling the country you guys have the best steakhouse in America and you show me nothing but hatred Charlotte, North Carolina then I'll be in Jacksonville, Florida Atlanta, Chattanooga Fort Lauderdale Fort Lauderdale Tampa, Orlando, Newark, New Jersey guys don't embarrass me there. It's a 3,000-seater. I'm not humiliated Really fucking bugging out about that Baltimore, Maryland, Columbus, Ohio, Cincinnati, San Diego, Sacramento. Oh, yeah, let's get in here standing in front of the camera Stand standing in front of it. Yeah, sure in front of it That's the side of it getting front Hey, everyone, it's me Lamar. Uh, and yeah, please come see me on October 8th in Indianapolis for Litzfest and October 10th The Marion and Illinois for another festival. Yummies and then And it's okay at the Creek and Cave often act as the first day Tuesday and also you know at the end of the month I'll be in Jacksonville at River City, Calvary. Come check that out too. And Orlando. I couldn't hear you Yeah You did too fast. It's all right. No, that's good But yeah, no one knows what to do. You live in California way, right? Yeah We're about to roughly you don't have to give your uh like mid city. Got you. Yeah. Yeah. It's like between like, it's like a little bit west of like korea town and like just south of a Hollywood. Nice. Yeah. So it's like 15. Oh, the bones. In that area, they're, they're pretty chill. They're not like, it's not like super active. They kind of keep to themselves. It's more the Hollywood bones that like, those are the people who like try to make it. They were trying to make it or they were there for a specific reason. And now they've just like gone off their rocker. But like, if you're out of the Hollywood area, then it's a little bit more normal chill bones. Yeah. More chill. Like, you know, just trying to get by kind of a thing. Yeah. Not like, like, can I do five minutes on your show? Yeah. I like a good humble bum. Right. I also like when they tell jokes or have like some sort of craft. I always respect that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Come on. They have a funny like cardboard. Funny cardboard is like, I'll, yeah, I've funny cardboard is good. Yeah. Paying yourself silver or stand on a box pretend to be a robot. Perfect. Great bum. Yeah. A good reveal sign. Like, give me a dollar and then it folds down and I want to have sex with your wife. And you're like, huh, okay. Here you go. Yeah. I saw a guy in San Francisco one time. He had a giant mouth out of like, he had like a cardboard box. He sat in. He would go, give me money. And he would just yell horrible. He had to feed them dollars back. I was like, I would sat there all day and just shoved money into this. There's a tiger woods golf bum next to the seller. Really? Comedy seller. You guys ever see him? He's great. He's the one cardboard boxes. He dresses like a golfer and you hit the golf ball across the street. Bro. Guys awesome. Yeah. Actually, might be his neck. Yeah. Tiger hood. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. The good hustle. I like a good house by now. He's been that hustle. True. Good hustle. Paid up. You think he's committed to the part and has like gotten multiple DUIs and stuff too? I tell you, yeah. You think he goes full tiger? Probably. He flips his car occasionally. Calls the president. I'm sure he's got him pulled over and be like, I'm calling the president. I'm not. I want the tiger come back so bad. He's done it before. We all do. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone's rooting for that guy. I hope he knows it. Everyone wants to see tiger dominating. Yeah. Everyone's talking. How's Roma doing after the DUI? Recent DUI? Yeah, he got DUI before the season. I think they fired him. Did he fall off his motorcycle dude or something? I'm thinking Roma Rathlas. Something a Rathlas man. Roma got the DUI. Roma call it Dewey. Yeah. Really? Smiling. Great DUI shot. Yeah. What was BAC? I love it. The little time. Sorry. Don't wait on me. I'm trying. I'm sorry. I was trying to look at some of the best producers. He asked me a question. They just answered themselves. I don't look anything up. No, Roma. So far, he's just been hit with some fines. Yeah, he's not working. They kicked him off a team because he got a DUI. He's an announcer. What? Oh, yeah. I was going to say, he's been, he's an old dog. He's a great announcer. What if this is what you kind of want your announcers getting a little d you want the announcers a little sauce to add to the game? Yeah, 0.15. Almost double the legal limit. What if this should be driving? But come on man. 0.15. If he was Dallas, that would have never happened. Yeah. Where did you pull it over? Wisconsin. Yeah. Wisconsin. You'd think that would never happen. Yeah. Wisconsin. They'd be like 0.15. You're fucking sober, brother. Goddamn. Yeah. Yeah. That's unfortunate. So is he just suspended? He better get back on the desk. Who get back? He might have. Yeah. Can't drive for six months. No problem. He's going to have to blow. Always going to get the thing breathalyzer in the whip for one DUI. Is that his first? Wait, what happened? He admitted to overreliance on alcohol. He pleaded not guilty or no contest, but he admitted to being overreliant. So he can get the treatment planned basically. Yeah. Oh, getting the blow thing in your car. That thing stinks. You got to keep blowing in it too because you really get stopped. I used to work with a guy who'd always be late. It was because he would get his wife to blow in it for him. And then he would try driving it. It would just stop and he'd get oh, I'm actually stuck it. Wow, wow. I got it. I'm like, bro, you're drunk. See you at 10 o'clock. I had somebody recently at a week in the shows that I did that was taking me to morning press to do radio to promote the shows. And we're having a conversation just like this. And then all of a sudden I hear this really weird noise and he goes, excuse me. And then tries to resume the conversation with me with a state of Missouri. Where was it? Let's take you to give me a state. I tried to remember what I said some good, there's some good club owners and guys that'll drive you. Dude, and he tried to resume it like it was like nothing. He's like, so you were saying I just started dying laughing. Bro, really? That's kind of hilarious that you tried to just roll with that. Like he was so loud and like he was like turning red. He was blowing. Like while he's still driving and like looking at me and like, dude, he's got to be like brother's car fucking piece of shit. Dude, I had a one of my guy news older brother caught one and his car was his mom's van. They had to install it in his mom's van. So now she can't drink and drive, which is bullshit. She's not love. Yeah, that's what it not says. And then you have it on there for a while. So I know the first one's like a slap on the wrist. Second one's I think weekends. Third is definitely jail time. Oh, weekends. We can see you get to see your car every other weekend. Dude, we used to, me and Bliss love the, there was a kid. We knew the dead comedy who had weekend jail. Yep. I had to get dropped off. What? Yeah, we're just, we're just laughing about the, the guy's inside being like, Oh, he's coming. Yeah, like a guy like, Oh, what's up? Boy, it's a weekend trying to run the fade right now. It's just a guy waiting inside to get a fuck. It's Friday. I gotta go fight this. Delaware, Delaware County has the DUI Hut. It's like, it's the weekend. There's all the DUI guys, go, you know, it's probably awesome. It's probably great. Fire up the sweets. The peanut butter crackers. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I hoot, dude. If you are like three plus in certain places, you could potentially get a lifetime requirement of having to hang on your car. Yeah, I think it all depends on the BAC. Yeah, true, true. On the extent of it. Yeah, they're not playing about that lifetime blow cars so funny. I understand. I understand the strictness. That's so fucking lame. Three is crazy. Drinking and driving is lame is fucked. Yeah. My dad had a one on his car for a while and he had to blow into it. And he would hum the national anthem into it while he did it because he didn't want to come off as a gay belonging to it. See, you could be a legend in the part of the fucking beast. You come from a long line of legends. You could be a legend in the pub. He's like, oh, they should give him the flashlight attachment. True. This is fucking blow through a push. Yeah. Blow through a push is actually. Blow through the bottle. I whistle through the bottle. Now you're on some day. You just spread the cheese. I put a bottle and I put my truck balls hanging off. I am blowing it in no trans breath. Yeah, it does suck. It's getting an order guy and having to fucking mouth the piece is tough. Yeah, especially you ever see that old, there's that famous like news interview. They're interviewing locals because they just pass the DIY laws and guys are in the trucks like, what the fuck? Not allowed to drink and drive. I'm not allowed to have a six pack on the way home from work in my truck. What the fuck? You're like drinking in their cars while they're getting interviewed. Like, this is some bullshit. Dude, fuck this country. It was a thing, man. You could have, yeah, you could have a six pack of Miller light and just that was like your launch. There's disease or rock like that back when this used to be a proper country, free country. Yeah, remember there was a plumber. I never worked with him, but he always had a little one of those little like old school like handle coolers and which is six beers. It's the only way to get work done. Sure. Literally. Yeah, the honkies that now we're all, nobody's actually working. So we're like drinking driving's bad. Now the lads. Now we're putting that on the lads. Yep. That's the only way to get through a day of plumbing. You go, I have a six pack. Yep. It's lunchtime. I'll feed the lads up every now and again. Got them. They're working in the house. Yo, boy, they've got some Friday. Yo, hit him. Hit him with the lads. The lads do not. The lads do not turn out a cold one at the job. You offer the lads a cold one after their shift. They're taking it. Gave me like trillies one time. They're like, yeah, whatever. Give me that. Dude, the lads, I every time I had to stop them like, dude, is there anyone better? Lads fucking rule so hard. They're up there. They are. They fucking rule. I'm trying to think. Pollocks. Pollocks are nice. I like some Eastern Europeans. They're very funny. Yeah. Pony. You know that's sir and Polish. Pony. No. Say Pony. That's like the respect term. Pony. Here's the apology guy. Pony, please. Really? Pony. Yeah, it's like Polish high society. I can spot a Polish guy. Blockhead. Yeah. Big blockhead. Let go ahead. Big fat dick. Big thick. - Yeah. - Excuse me, sir. - Could I see your dick real quick? (laughing) - Yeah, it's a big blockhead, usually. So, Pani, you're hitting with Pani, Pani, please. - I'm gonna save that. I'm gonna hit blues with that. - Hit him with Pani. - I'm gonna save some Pani. - It's their version of Poppy kinda. Pani. - For real. - I believe you. - Respect me, believe you. - I just learned this last night. I was so excited. - You learned it last night. - Yeah. - How? - I'm reading the Russian classics. - Oh nice. You encounter a couple of polls and they keep me like, Pani, and they're like trying to be boys with Polish people and they have like two drinks. And they're like, "To Russia, the greatest empire." The polls won't drink. And they're like, "You fucking bastards. We drank the poll and Pani, please drink the mother Russia." They say, "We'll drink to Russia pre 1700s when it was still great." And they go, "Pani, you disrespect this." - Pani. - Before they freed the serfs. That was crazy. You just have a property. You just have fucking 500 serfs on your property. They were kind of slaves. - Serf them? - Yeah. - Yeah. - They were essentially slaves. - Yes. - So. - Yeah. - They got that going. Yeah, as well as some lady today, give a speech about how capitalism ruined everything. Because it's like up until capitalism we had all this. It's like, there's a lot of stuff for capitalism. - Yeah. - And it sucked ass. - This is pretty bad. - Dumb bitch. - So that got me fired up this morning. - Yeah. - Yeah. This is like what do you, well, they go back to like, almost like mythological. - Mythological 100 gatherings. - Yeah, yeah. - Like where the women did all the content. - Yeah. - You're like, okay. - Go back there and see what happens. - It's like fucking head off. - It was also like a then every civilization somehow stopped that. You know what I mean? It's around the world. I've been watching a lot of Kevin Sammels recently so I can't. I just watched him, Kevin Sam this morning. - Really? - What's he going on about? - I was watching him. I was listening to him battle with a psychology degree. It was the funniest thing in the world. - You know who Kevin Sammels is? - No. - Dude, he remember the black guy who were a suit and tie and he would just like, he would do zooms where women could call any, like many fat as hell. - Yeah, they would play, it's women complaining about man and then he would just be like, look at you, you're fucking ugly bitch. Fuck you, fat bitch. You should be lucky somebody's trying to fuck you. - Next caller. (laughing) It was great. The guy had a good thing going. - It was good, but he died from a cocaine overdose. - Wagen. - Yeah. - He was in the pub. - Yeah, dude, you fire up some old school Kevin Sammels, whatever he was good at, whatever he was doing. He was, he would wear a suit and tie and he sat in the studio, it was like a dim red light and he was let ladies call in and try to like argue with him and be like, this is the shit I'm talking about, man. It disrespectful ignorant ass. Chuck the hell off, bitch. - Excellent. - He would crush them in debate. He would always crush them. - Okay, add the link to the list. - Check out the Kevin Sammels. - Rap, rap fucking and Kevin Sammels. - Okay. - And then the Russian classics. - Right, right, right. - Now you're entering the world. - True. - Thank you. - I was a bit ashamed. It was like 730 and I was like scroll for YouTube, like listen to it on the way home and I'm like, it's two early for Kevin Sammels. - It's never two early. - First psychology degree? Well, it's fired at a third-year-old lady, the psychology degree. - I can grow and ass act like a petulant child. (laughing) - It's awesome. - Yeah, it was great. - What, how did those psychology degree lady do? - She was trying to pin him on, you're always, you have it out for black women. He goes, the seminar he was giving was, why are women angry? He goes, I didn't even mention black women. He goes, give your pictures of black women. He goes, "Lady, do your research. I'm a black man, so when I buy thumbnails, I'm gonna just represent myself by my own race." Every other YouTuber does it. And she was like, "Well." And he was like, "Well, what?" And he started destroying her. It was pretty funny. Yeah, it was whatever. I actually kind of let me down a little bit. I thought there was gonna be a little more back and forth. And he was just like, "Shut the fuck up. You're not gonna talk over me." (laughing) So yeah, much that has pretty good. Well, it was pretty tame, Samuel's honestly, but I can't always be top of his game like that. - True. - I mean, he was good. His research was solid. That is true. He goes, "I'm a black guy. I'm gonna use black people in my arguments that I license for the show." - Do you think you could do that? Do you think you could debate, like, like, furiously with somebody? Or do you think you'd fold under pressure? - I can debate pretty seriously. - Yeah? - Yeah. - Yes. They've all witnessed. - True. - He's a bit of a master at it. "Who would your 1v20 be?" Like, you're at the table. - Oh, you're right, I never even thought about it. What would deers be? - I don't have one. - Oh, okay. I could fight 28 eyes. - Are you a 20? I could do women. I could do 20 black women. - Yeah. - I think I could. - Do you experience? - Yeah, I think I could. (laughing) I really think I could. I would need, like, a corner guy though. I would need, like, a corner guy. - On camera, that would be tough. - On camera. (laughing) - Yeah, on camera. - We're allowed to say whatever we want. (laughing) - I would need people to squirt and water on my mouth. - On camera. - No chance. - Yeah. - On camera, I would need to be able to get some sorry. - Yeah, you need an earpiece and you need a van outside of the location. Like, okay, Matt, stay calm. (laughing) They've got you right where they want you. - That would be tough. - I'd have to wear my suit. I'd have to tap into my Kevin Samuels for sure. I would just do research whenever they said, I would just fill up the appropriate Kevin Samuels clip and play it and sit there and go, - You know, I'd just say what Kevin Samuels said. - I would play his clips. I would say, all right, for my ear, I heard what you're saying. Bang, I'm the guy, like, - I was gonna say it. - It's you going on a bit of a Stephen Hawking. (laughing) Press button, Samuels clip. - I would play it in the Hawking's voice, too. - Yeah. - You bitches be tripping constantly and you expect. (laughing) - Ain't no grown ass man want to deal with that bullshit. (laughing) - Which, you're 240 pounds. (laughing) Shut the fuck up. - I don't know. - Like how you're Stephen Hawking is sling-bling. (laughing) - And then, and then, and then, and then they got it back down randomly. - Can you do a Hawking's? - Can I do? - Not one of my strongest, so I shouldn't be making it. - Yeah. - No, I heard a guy. - And then he's doing something incredible. - Yeah, I saw a guy doing a Reese on Instagram. It was unbelievable. Who showed that? - Fucking show me that. And then, I saw the guy on Instagram. - You look like a British guy. - Yeah, he's very good. - The crowd was crazy. - Yeah. I guess they say the trick on that one, I haven't tried it, but it's like an inhale voice. - Yeah. - Is that good? - Yeah. - True. Don't, yeah, don't, don't mess up the brain. - Don't risk it. - I have bad Hawking's. - I know. - No, my Hawking, I mean, yeah. If I go too hard on the throat, then it just turns a little. (laughing) (laughing) - Yo, yo. - Hey, yo. - Have you been going hard on your throat? - In LA. (laughing) - Have you ever gone too hard on your throat and not been able to do your impressions? - Yes, right? - Yeah. (laughing) - I have. - All right, Shane? - Yes. - Because then it just devolves into anything that Rex your throat turns into. (laughing) - What's the last time your throat got wrecked? (laughing) - For real. - Honestly? - Yeah. - I was doing an RFK junior impression for too long. - Yeah. - And then it just, you know. - Dude, I just got into Hawking's throat and it just tears a little part. Because it starts to sound like you just have a pubic hair stuck in the back of your throat. You're just trying to get out of all the problems. It's a real issue. (laughing) - That's impressive. - I had to, yeah, every once in a while, I throat will get fucking wrecked when I'm on the road. (laughing) - And towards the end of my show, I'm like, oh, fuck, I gotta do a Trump impression. Scrap, this entire lead is like, dude, I paid for the Trump impression. - We don't care if you're through a Trump impression. - We don't talk about anything, you don't talk about through it. Saturday, the last, I did three of the garden and the first two were just the best shows. Saturday, I got sick and I lost my voice. - Yeah. - I was on stage like, fuck the whole show. - Oh. - Then mid, I'd start a bit and be like, there's an impression in this. - Fuck, there's an impression, there's a fucking impression in every joke. - How bad was your voice? You're just pounding. - It was fine, apparently, but I could hear it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I got off stage and was furious the road in the evening. - Yeah. - I get very upset, yeah. - Salty. - Yeah. - Sometimes my throat just gets destroyed, you know? - Yeah. - On the road, you're throat can get fucking abs. - I do, I've heard my throat for like a month. - Yeah. - My throat took a pounding. - Yeah. - Oh, sip and tea, try to cool it down. - Sip and tea or tea. - Tea? - After. - I did a diet and it was all on a tea. - Did you sip tea and wreck your throat? - When did you wreck it? - I never sip tea. - You wrecked your throat for a month. - Only chug tea. - Oh, you chugged your throat. - Chugged your throat. - I thought you were chugged. - I think you said sip tea, so yeah. - I would go out, I would pop cough drops, middle, you know, mid-joke, pop cough drop in. Kinda makes me feel like a pro, though. - I kind of like when my voice is all fucked up. It's like, yeah, man, it's just part of the fuck. - It's grabbing my head. - On the road, you can hear it. - I had one performer where I was losing it as the weekend was going on. - Yeah. - And then by the last show, literally by when I woke up the next morning, completely gone. - Whoa. - So like kept getting like, damn. (imitates voice) - Damn. - Yeah. - How'd you get your voice back? Get the fucking Prince Eric and Mary. (laughs) (imitates voice) - I had, when I was opening for soda, I got like a horrible fucking illness. - Oh, like I was, dude, I was like dripping sweat. Terrible sore throat, like it was, I remember plowing through that. - Yeah. - Yeah, no name for Ginny Tech played that night. It was exciting. - You can circle the date, dude. No name at V Tech. I was down Tucson with the name for the Sode, man. The last show I did before, the lockdowns and everything during the pandemic, I was on a show with, uh, I was actively getting sick and I was like, my nose was running on that show and people in the room were like, like, kind of like, should we even be out, you know? It was one of those things during COVID, yeah, cough or anything on stage shows room. And, uh, I had, uh, I was headlining this, this like one night or down and like hunting a beach. And William Montgomery, I had him on the show with me and he opens with, he goes, I have COVID right now. I have a cough. I'm sick. And literally, the room's like, cool, man. It was so fun. All the comics are just dying in the back watching. Yeah, never discussing anything going on with you. Yeah. Never really works. The same thing you got. I just took a diarrhea diarrhea before this. You can never imagine you just took a ship before you came on. Yeah. I don't like that. I don't like it. Yeah. I tried talking about the bidet and the mother ship recently. Now, even that was like, dude, come on, man. Yeah. You just took a shit. That's something about it. It destroys the illusion of the confident. Well, also, yeah, I guess, well, it humanizes you. I think too much. Yeah. Cause they want a little bit of that mystique of separation. It's also crazy to come in there. Guys, look at shit. You know, well, this will be funny. Hey, guys, just clocking in. I got nothing. What did I do today? Oh, I shit. I just go shit. I do like the bidet, though. The bidet is. It's fine. It's all. Yeah. It's nice. Oh, yeah. It's too good, though. Really? Which one? The bidet, you know, it just like that, but you hit turn it on. It doesn't go on right away. So you wait and suspense. And then we're talking about the mother ship one. Yeah. How often you dump it at the mother? Every single time I'm there. You're such an asshole. What? I hit the shit. Every time I do stand up, I have to do shit. I'm popping in like a little sad. I won't, but if I have to do a whole hour, I have to shit before I go on. Yeah. I get that. It's just that's I'm primed. If I can not shit, but it's like I need a shit. I hit it quick. I hit it hard and fast. But day helps. Yeah. That costs the wiping time. Well, the shitting is mostly wiping. Do you ever preemptively do it before? No, I never done that. Just a juice. Do you know my juice tracks? You're on one today. I mean, it's upstacking, dude. Crazy dude. Every time I started upstacking, it's just like it's it all feeds everything off statements from this episode alone. Gums better than brushing teeth. Sometimes bad breath comes from the stomach. I blast my shit out. Shit, it's mostly wiping. I mean, if you're blasting healthy dumps, yeah. You're not spending a lot of time on the toilet, especially at the mother ship. You got to get in and get out. Yeah, yeah. Because there's always there's just a hot waitress sitting that directly outside the toilet. Yep, exactly right. Or you could have a fucking you could have I wouldn't I'm still waiting for just an angry rogue and all the other end. Like I got to go on in two minutes. Someone's in your shitting. So I never want to get I get annoyed of someone's shitting. Yeah, it's like I've got to piss. I got to go on soon. Exactly. Who the fuck would bring a dump here? Dude, I do. You on earth would bring a dump here. I understand the emergency dumps. Yeah. I do it every time. Almost every time. But I try to be the emergency dump before show is left. I don't do that anymore. That's what I have. The new thing is I've been doing it for a while now is before show. I mean, instead of being like nervous, my nervousness has turned into just being extremely tired. Yeah, so you know reason. Yeah. Yeah. That is weird. It's also a quick burst right before you go on there. Hopefully. Yeah. Yeah. I'm really fine. I'm relying on that entirely and then go off. Shit, I don't I don't feel anything. Yeah. I'm walking through an arena blasting fucking money for nothing. I'm like, what am I doing? All right. I'm almost up there. Hey, hey, everybody. Yeah, I feel like I need the first. I like really it takes me five minutes to really, like, settle down and like the inner monologue for being like, what are you doing? Yeah. The hell's going on here? It takes like five minutes for that to go away that I'm in the pocket. Me's you're always juiced. Give that guy a fucking spot. He's juiced. I'll be juiced. Yeah, he can get juiced. Yeah, you get juiced. You're pumped. Yeah. You respect in the art form. You respect the art form. You respect the audience to pay their hard work and money to be there. Yeah, you're juiced. It's also easier when it's not my show, you know, that definitely helps. It's true. It's so easy. True. Sweetest spot, Everest featuring. Oh, yeah, bust. Oh, dude. So 20 20s might be the best. It's ideal. Yeah, yeah, so fun. I'm good for 20 for sure. Lamar and my cousin just did a stand up on the spot at creaking the cave. I don't know coming out here in a couple of weeks. Yeah, love that. Yeah, love that. Yeah, that's fun. So fun. Yeah, how to blast. Sorry for that. It's a you did like one of the the first early one, Shane. I did one here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he you didn't want it. It used to be called a dip the parish, but now it's called it's a sunset strip club. That's that's where that one was filmed at. Only qualms I have is people clip it and then think that that's my yeah, stand up. Like I saw him running his mouth about something. We should. I was just talking. We're right, right. We try. Yeah, we try to watermark it and and and but yeah, people get clips. Yeah. It was a show of dumb too. It was like you can watermark it all. You could literally write this is a show where people go. They're like, that's his shit. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But yeah, I get a I've gotten that before. I'm like, man, this guy's really addicted to the guy in the audience. I'm like, hold on a second. Yeah, hold on. It's it's interacting like it's voluntary. It's all fucking. It's all just motion and juice on the web. So who cares? It's all about motion and juice on the web. Motion and juice. Are you about motion and juice on the web? More about motion and juice might throw. Might have to title it throat wrecked. This is not the way. I'm not going to wear it since I'm getting your throat. Absolutely. A lot older. Yeah. Hey, what's up? Just you know. And you just got throat wrecked. Nate, you ever get your throat wrecked? I'll be honest. My throat was wrecked last week. I'm just recovered. Jesus. I thought you're gonna say no at least. No. All right. Who wrecked it? Just that was just the happen. I was yelling. I was yelling with Louise. What are you guys yelling about? Oh, we yelling about UT. Then we got drunk and just kept yelling. You were defending UT's honor. I was I might be a UT guy. It's something about you needed a team. Yeah. Yeah. I've been looking for it. It feels real. And you refuse the Irish. I don't refuse the Irish. I do for you guys. You refuse. I would love to hate the Irish, but it's not if it's not real. It's not real. We'll feel good to be like, hi, I fuck your team, but I don't feel that way. He was a bandwagon, Alabama fan. And then now that Alabama's mediocre, he's like, no, I still, I still, I still root for when I watch them too. I just I live. This is the first like college town I've lived in. And you know, I'm experienced in the city. Love the team. I've never. You love the boys. I love the boys. Your horn's up. Your horn's up. Your horn's up. I'm not going to commit the horns up. Yeah, but I was up the button. Starting to start. Yeah. Your horns up the butt. I get why you like the look. Yeah. You say doing the butt. Doing this. We were running jokes. It made his game. We've been doing it before. Anytime there's nothing to talk about, we go, no, you ever fucking sucker guy. You fucking guy or something. Because that's what we do here. That's pretty cool, man. Oh, man. It's a good time. Yeah. Well, we've done it again. Yeah, we did it. Nobody thought we could bro. Thank you, Jeremiah. Thanks for stopping by. Yeah, you, uh, special. Oh, yeah. I love for you guys to check out. Uh, it's called Crazy Pizza. Jeremiah walking this crazy pizza. It's on my YouTube. I directed it. I edited it. Uh, love how it came out. And yeah, uh, leave me a comment if, uh, say he came from a man Shane secret podcast. Oh, if you want that. They're nasty. You know, type in throat wrecked. You know, type in, you know, type in some like about, you know, like the, the hurts, the frequencies. So, you know, hell yeah. Thank you. Thanks for having me on it. And did I love having you guys on stand one spot. You both have open invites whenever. Oh, always a pleasure riff with y'all. Fuck yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Thanks brother. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane secret podcast on Spotify. Do it. Imagine setting your makeup. Then forgetting it's even theirs. Jelly mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all day comfy grip. No tightness. No stickiness. No residue. Maybe it's Maybelline.