Ep 625 - The Big Show (feat. Billy & Spud)

- Wow, wow, Wes. - Yeah, I'd be like shaking if I was one of you guys. - Yeah. - Like visibly, I'd be like, "Don't show up, if I think-- - I like wake up and shake. - Don't show up. - I honestly, I was text a man and say, "I sent him the picture and I was like, "we should not do this." (laughing) That's how we should leave the country. I'd like to leave the country. - Yeah, I would go to-- - Play to Sarah. - Or some new temporary insanity. - I could leave. I don't understand how to do this. - I could take some of those guineas and fucking, "Spud was wrong with you, bro." (laughing) - You're all struggling. - Dude, Conor McGregor, dude. Go out there, build it up and walk out and be like, "I don't talk my way, shit." - Just bring someone else out. When's this gonna come out? - Whenever. - I think I'll be after you. - After you. - Tomorrow. - Tomorrow? - Yeah. - We can wait, too. I don't get-- - Do a free show. - Yeah, well then, we won't talk about all the special guests, but Matthew will be on it. - Sure. - And, it's terrifying. Oh, yeah, we've already-- - Yeah, we've already told a part of it, too. - So this-- - Are we fired up? - Yeah. - It's the scariest thing possible. This was a huge mistake. (laughing) Still, I got talked into this a year and a half ago and never really considered that one day it was gonna actually happen. - Yeah. - And it's tomorrow and I'm completely ill-prepared. (laughing) I can't even think about doing stand-up, I'm thinking about the show itself. - How much stand-up do you actually have to do? - I'm gonna do-- - I don't have to do anything. - I was-- - What's the point? - The show, I should probably do like a fucking half hour, and then I'm gonna bring someone else. Or just curate on stage with me. - Just walk around and be like, (laughing) "I'm gonna have a fine act!" - Sorry, circus. - I'm actually running for mayor! (laughing) - Oh, I've got you all gathered here. (laughing) There's something I'd like to discuss. - Is that four giant spots or games? (laughing) - You gotta do that as Luke Belmart talks. And I've taken you over everything. - That's it. - Everything, all of your jobs. - Welcome by for us, Bill. Welcome, Spud. - You're making more popular. - Yeah. (laughing) - Two magic games. - I spawned the fucking, I'm gonna panic. - I was throwing up. - I'm gonna get on stage and be like, the only thing I've got so far is I'm gonna say, "A boom boom boom, everybody say wave." - That's gonna be nice. - Yeah, that'll be action. - We start a wave, that'd be sad. - We got that, go. - We got a wave in the boom boom boom. - You should bring a beach ball out. - Shedding a beach ball's going to be fucking nice. - Almost like recreating woodstock. - Dude, this crowd's gonna be tailgating all day. - It's gonna be her house. - It's gonna be the worst crowd. - It's gonna look like Normandy. - It's gonna be crazy. - My whole plan is just, I'm gonna have a separate video. I'm gonna have my own video crew and I'm gonna start a crush heckler's haul today. Yo, shut the fuck up, dude, I'm gonna fucking chill. Dude, shut the fuck up. I'm gonna fucking eat you. I'm gonna fucking chill. - Are you in the round? - Yeah. - Oh my God. - Spud. - It's better. - I saw, I saw, I was checking out like different seats in the link, what it looks like. Wrestlemania was in the round. Whoa, that's like the Wrestlemania, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You could wrestle too. - I'm wrestle. - She'd do it all. - Look at the folding chairs. - Yeah. - It's terrible. - Yeah. - Also the people that are in the middle of these folding chairs. - At the pit. - You're never gonna be able to piss. - No. - No. - Pass out. - I think those seats were fucking expensive. - Cokes is there. - Really? - Cokes is for our own shit. - Yeah, that's right. - That's right. - The pass out. - Is that a porta-potty set up? - I think they do have a little porta-potty, isn't it? - Yeah. - Yeah. - That's gonna be a piss on the ground set up. - There was a coser here in Philadelphia. - There was a coser here in Philly, in some country kind of dude. And some chick just shit. She didn't want to leave her seat. But it was a bit, it was like a biohazard. - Mando. - She tried to let it out of her pants. - Yeah, out of her cut off she didn't show her seat people on like CCTV shake out a lot. - Yeah. - That's crazy. - I'll hide that one. - So be like, oh, down my leg. - Dude, not even shaking out a lot. Like Asian guys are red and straight. Just pulls his pants out. Just, phew. - Yeah. - I'm gonna pull it in. - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm gonna pull his pants back. - Yeah, that'd be so certain. There's no wiping at all. - There was a dude that used to hit that at the park when I was walking my dog. And he had this hoodie and one day he left the hoodie. And I picked it up and I still have the hood. It's a good ass hoodie. - But he would shit outside. - Dude, he hit like fucking, like-- - Her people, her people. - Bullets shits in the hedges. (laughing) - And I was trying to keep Zeus from eating it. - Dude, dogs love human poop. They love to eat it. - Yeah, I could see that. - I could see the problems. - Especially problems you have as a hoodie. - Yeah, it says blazer, soccer, drill, thick. You ever get like a real thick hoodie. - It is a very, I saw the hoodie. I was like, that's a heavy cotton blend. I like that. - They don't make this shit anymore. - But the guy's launching into the fucking hedges. (laughing) - He left his sweatshirt and snagged it. - He would eat so much. You go to the hedges and like, he was in there for too long. He's like, what are you doing? Come out, the smell of human shit on the dog's breath, bro. - Ah. - And then Spade had the single cab trucks. - Oh man. - There's no air going anywhere. - Also, to be fair, he would have all people respect finders keepers. - Yeah. - Obviously. - I'm almost positive if he found this in a shirt. - Exactly, but not in a shirt. - He lives exclusively. - He was a red-haired, he was a red-haired homeless man. - Yeah. - Yo. - That's a rare one. - It's like a time traveler. (laughing) - A rare one. - Truly rejected. (laughing) - Yeah, that's just a nerve-wracking endeavor. You got yourself there. - Spade's driving. - I mean, but you both, you guys are fine. - What are you talking about? - This is like we're on acid again, we're on acid. Man, I can't believe how high you are. (laughing) - This is your first time. - This is the first time we've all been together since then. - As a unit. - Ah, maybe. - Possibly. - So I'm gonna take me back. - Chicago, so I'm gonna take you back. - Heck, I'm a city, awesome city. - Every time people take me back. - Yeah, it's a beautiful city. - You gotta do it. You're drenched in sweat, shut the fuck up. - I'm trying to join the conversation. (laughing) - Every time I even think about Oasis, people like that. I saw him in the concert. I'm like, dude, their concerts are the best. (laughing) - I saw there was amazing. - You've seen you let loose like that. Brought me so much joy. - I was gone. - Holding the bottle of tequila. Shirt over your head. - That was great. - Bro, I had no idea. (laughing) - Let's talk 90s. - That's a killer. - That's a killer. - That's so expensive. (laughing) - I got like so attached. I was like, I have to give this bottle out. I was like giving it to people and they were short. They thought it was laced with acid. They were like, whoa, 'cause I'd be like, drink it to eat just me. They were like, what's in? I'm like, it's just a killer. Watch and I'll just chug a bunch out of it. - We could have been fine with that half a tap. - Yeah. - Agreed. - That was good. - That was not a big hit. - I mean, the tail was all the time. - Yeah, I looked over and out, but it's like a deluxe. - Acid, especially as you go. - This is rules. - I literally, I just got done banishing all of the negative thoughts from my head. I was like, I don't need these anymore. - You've never been able to do that. - Dude, I was like sitting there and I was like, I don't need these right now. And I'd had to let go. That's why I was dancing. - I looked over and I was on his Gmail inbox. I was like, what the fuck is wrong with that? - I was writing myself emails. - Yeah, it's stuck with that. - And I was like, dude, dude, I'll take it, I'll take it. - You know. - You know yourself while you're on acid and oasis. - That's so fucking crazy. - I forget that get dude. - I got in the multiverse. - Fucking coffee, I told you. (laughing) - The cat was a cat. - It was the bottle of the soup. - It was a cat pee. - It was a cat pee. - I was a restaurant depot, I was a restaurant. - Acid deletes alcohol. - It does. - And so powerful. - It's crazy. I was, that's Gila couldn't touch me. - It was one of the best nights of my life. - It just kept, it was. - Just kept kicking in now. - I was like, take it back. - But we do have beach trip. - I know. - Beach trip, okay? - Beach trip will be decent. - I'm excited. - That's my final hurrah. And then I'll be in a different house. - That's my final vacation. - Really? - Yeah. - Then you're gonna get your new house? - Yes. - Literally right afterwards. - I doubt it. - You getting off Girlfriend Island? - Sure. - This is the first time. - It's going to Girlfriendistan. - Yeah. - It's going to be a wife of Stan. - I don't know what to point but do. - A wife of Stan. - Wife real. - I just read a really nice book. I'm obsessed with the French right now. I've been reading a lot of French authors. His guy wrote a book about if Muslims actually took over France, it was like a novel. - "Campus Saints". - "Campus Saints". - No, it's called "Semission" by Michael Holmuch. Dude, it's, I don't know why, but he keeps referencing Nietzsche but any time he references Nietzsche, he goes, "The old queer Nietzsche." - He's called Nietzsche. - He was like, "I've been a judge, you know?" - Just so funny, just be out for no reason. Just be like, and then that old, maybe that old fag was right about Christian. (laughing) - Reminds me of a, with you said, "Butte of Judges", do you ever see that Trump trying not to call him gay? - Yeah. - He's like, "It may repeat who rides a bike with a guy." (laughing) Which is, I don't, that's what he likes. That's why I need to ride a bike with other guys. - I wanna get a soundboard for Trump. When it's all over. - When it's all said and done. - It's all said and done. It's gonna be the best soundboard ever. - Yeah, his pullstring doll will be pretty nice. - A double size of it, you stupid person. (laughing) - That's what you stupid person is. - Quiet, Piggy. - Quiet, Piggy. - It's like top of life. - I mean, if he gets a statue, yeah, what would it, what would his like, four score in several years? - I don't know how to say that. - I don't know how to bring up people's weight. I can lose a few. (laughing) - Four score in several years. - Stand back and stand by. - Or you'd be in jail. - No, stand down, stand back. - You'd be in jail. Quiet, Piggy might be. Quiet, Piggy wasn't his epic. He's completely lost his fastball. The fucking real shit was the keep saying like, "The Piggy was 105." - Down the fucking pipe. - Quiet, Piggy was the number one. - That's the double the size of it is up there too. - That's the lowest number that you stupid person. - I can't remember. - Stupid person. - 2016, he was fucking on five scores. - Yeah, he's on five. - Because he got the size of it now, yeah. - He's throwing a wild pitch. - He's like, "God, Democrats is a wild pitch." - "Dumacrats are wild pitch." (laughing) - Yeah, I saw you on the altar or on the library, yeah. - It was awesome. - That was a bummer. - HR day. - I wanted to ride. - I wanted to wear bombs, dude. - Who won? - I'm the other dude. - I offered this kid for a month. - Dang. - I couldn't imagine anything better. - From Monday. - Maybe you saw you getting extreme firework show, but he'll run down. Yeah, I was watching. I was like, I want to take my kid to this one day. Yeah, so you're like a 10 year old at a fucking home-rounder What's is it a picture machine? No, it's a guy. It's like you got your guy. You pick your own guy Choose one. He's gonna send it to you. Okay. And sometimes they fucking And the guy's fucking dude. It was fucking killing me. Yeah. I didn't even think about it Whatever man, I'd be like I was like your spot. He's like the guy at the Dunk contest throwing the oops. Yeah, dude It just makes you it makes you realize how easy he'll runs this way. You ever seen a dinner? Yeah, he got on his toes He oh yeah, and he got jumped over and you see daddy's He's gonna be out. Yeah, yeah, people are gonna have to answer Spotted remind me of when you and me were at the world series Yeah, that rule and there's putting the the jot the flag the size of the outfield with a flyover and just being like We're the greatest it was the exact same like that was the most American It's like we're drinking beer watching guys hit homeruns over and over again while they're blasting music And we're like booing the kids a kid drops a ball because there's little kids in the outfield the whole stadium You don't see this it was wonderful. I spayed at the Grove. I thought he was gonna have a fucking heart That's him at the Grove going you would have thought He was on six grams of mushrooms. He literally got overtaken by the spirit of fucking dirt It's the vibration I think it's if I had a nail a doubt of one thing. It's the sound in the vibration That's not world. So that's not the world. It's a lot of these imagined every summer night. I mean, you're Sit on the I would open my window as a kid and listen to you can hear the grove Fill fill call me now. I'll be like what's going on? I'll be like nothing do you gotta make a beard? You gotta take some of your money take some of your money and make a movie about that the grove be so sick Grove will be nice the grove isn't a comedy That's what I actually I did want to do that Well, I talked about that people tell me not to I'll do the grove. I wanted to do like a little boy being like hearing it Yeah, somehow making that a movie. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like Ricky Bobby, but we can do it Bobby Ricky. Yeah It has nothing to do with that. I swear to God. We're not copying it. But yes, the characters name is Or do just be like dude. Let's fucking do a sequel part to not do part two when he he say Ricky Bobby Maybe says the wrong thing and he goes to the dirt track Comes my favorite mascot driver That's nothing to do in the car there right? That's not even like some of the drivers are some of the drivers that they'll graduate from that to an askar I would imagine a little yeah for sure But they also like come back down and do that. I painted for a dude that like Bill Karsher's kid He was a mechanic and he built like little indie car to eat dude. It's mega bucks. Oh, yeah So like go take your kid on those indie tours. Yeah, man. I knew I knew someone who used to do like dirt track racing He was in high school and that was like it was like his thing. He was in like the ones with the fans. Yeah, you know I'm talking about yeah, yeah Wait, what do you mean like the ones that yeah, oh on the yeah, yeah, yeah, but the I remember that's he'd go to the dirt track And it was like his thing. Yeah, a rich daddy. His daddy would buy his get the trailer with the cars and he would just go race people to get Upgrade from hockey. Yeah, dirt bike kids used to get a lot of pussy back in the day I remember kids are like go dirt bike racing on the weekends. Yeah, always something with a cool fox long sleeve Yeah, frosted frosted tips where that black dude's adopted that they also wear like motorcrawls, shit And NASCAR they love yeah, they love our drip dude true. They love the M&M. Yeah, although I'm more into the the high High black fashion like any work art playbook party And be a young boy, you just were like black leather you were like black leather and just kind of like sit and look like a vampire now It's kind of they vampire hard playboy car. I saw a video game. Yeah, it is. It's like but it's like leather You had some leather on you're a little bit swag. It's like Rick. Oh, who's the guy Rick Owens? I sent you your last video Rick Owens. Yeah, dude. It's the fucking cool shit There's even get scared by the flash. No, it's all air. It's he gets flash She's like 90 million years old and some fucking photographer like remember when they hit you at helium. Yeah, dude That shit like it's almost like a flashback hot and he like almost fell over on granite steps and like regained his fucking balance and kept walking They got me on Monday when I was checking into the hotel insane photo. It's the worst when just the other way they go Hey Shane and you literally you're like Blink break it down. Just take it. I have a book bag. I'm hunched over. Is that like a couple hundred bucks for somebody like why are they doing it? You should start being like You just got to start getting out of cars with your balls hanging out on Just somehow show your bottle every time If you got your taint in a picture with like this. I'm trying to shield your face I don't have body cam footage with the guys like take a picture of my dick, please Raise my balls up. Don't be scared Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. I lose a lot of my hours to body cam dude ever since you said midway Do you know what the Lord gave me was like crushing that I lost Yeah, it was like a month on flights just watching yeah, they're one of me and blues have been dying watching this guy I might have talked about last time. There's a guy. He's a white supremacist cop pulls him over. He's like here my ID's my ID's in my bag He just takes a gun out He shoots the cop kills the cop then every cop all right not funny then every single cop chases him He's driving down the highway with nine hundred nine hundred cop cars and they get the they're like we need the bearcat They always break out the bear They start hitting his car with a tank. Yeah, then they he finally stops every single cop gets out and shoots Everyone was like taking turns like imagine if you really want to kill someone So you're a cop and it's finally there. You're speedy. They're probably salving They show the guys in the cars like one of our loaded guns. I think that's fair Then they show the forensics from inside the car. It's hilarious. Ed. There's nine hundred lines He must have been in the car like Like crazy, you know, it was been crazy. I got a rewatch parents here. That was great No, that's that's fair. If you you that you should have like If you shoot a cop, they should be able to shoot like find you and shoot. Yeah, they made a Netflix Yeah, they'll get you they made a Netflix documentary just based on body footage Her body's great The next story and it's just this lady was like crazy. She lived in this neighborhood Yes, every time a kid came on a launch called the cops So the cops came over so much there was enough body cam footage for a documentary And they edited into like a story about that was so never they were So, but there's net there was never a natural camera. It's all damn. It's the one dude though who like it was it's in Florida Yeah, his OG baby like baby daddy of the girl who got shot that guy was kind of like Hey, who's the best down the world. I love you guys I'm the best daddy you got man. You know, I love you the most mom's dead now Just getting wrecked by some fat bitch Definitely with that lady. Oh, yeah, they were they were torturing. It was so fun. It must have been so fun Yeah, especially when you know it's not fun What every kid fucks with you if you're white in a black neighborhood every kid takes turns fucking with you It's just is what it is. It's gonna shoot a mom in his movie. So I got a medic glasses. I'm ready. I'll go Oh, you got the matters my safety your safety Step one is you start filming that you start plotting Step one is definitely start filling. I mean I want there's this thing. I was like all these creep glasses and I was like I need those Yeah, you have the matters. I got matters. I'm broke. People would pay. I feel like people paying good money for that What if I'm outside my house just got my medicine dude spitting its paid. No, no No, no, I'm saying just getting like shitting in my driveway. I don't know. I feel you can show it You can tell I feel like the anti-racism crowd if you're like a 55-year-old like white New York Times ladies You would probably pay money to get like haze to buy young black I deserve this now push comes a shove. They immediately go into white supremacy. Oh I mean Malcolm X. He's the top How dare you you don't even know what you're doing. I'm on your side. Tell me I love that doing BLM dude. They're like chant and they just a brick going through a door and wind out from three Or on your side. We're on your side man. What the fuck I am beer pong. They're playing beer pong and then the protesters walk by and they're like yeah What the fuck Oh my god, they just screamed Might have been capping himself. That was a bull egg. You ever threw that That was a long spiral break So wouldn't you have any good footage of the of the kids? What do you talk about? Hey, stop it. Not yet. I just have one for protection. You're ready. Yeah. There you go And the neighborhood is getting nicer but for years there. I mean, Bill can attest to this Yeah, do my wild west wild. I was I was walking That was the main thing like all these like people with all these little people will be like I'll say it on his BLM shit. It's like dude. Are you seeing what I'm seeing? He true. This is not where I like tap it tap into the Tap into the view I was walking a Zeus one time You put them all you find out today. It's just rage mating the whole time Like I know that this is not I know this isn't the rest of the world But it we're in Westfield off here. I'm a Lancaster app. There's like a free food thing, right? There's a white liberal chick trying to cross the street all like Hobbley moving slow with a K95 mask on clothes. They're called Krypsters Obviously, they're smoking the air, right? This is a place to go get free food. She's going into an out. - There's tons of free foods. - So she's going, like she's getting free food, going into an out. - She's larping. - On some larps. - She's larping, yeah. - You know what I mean? I'm like, I listen to these people. - Yeah, yeah, she's in her community, larping. (laughing) - Crips, I swear to God, I watched her. - Dude, we walk on a slow kind of like, some weird, put on some weird ass fucking lip. - I literally saw a creature out of fucking bus stop and she got up off her wheelchair and sat back down like holy shit. - You're actually stealing that. - They're pumped on the fucking masks right now. I was wondering if they're still excited to break the thing. - They're like, please get your K-95 there, quality's low and we should just always be wearing this. - Also, dude. - It's our dude. - Do you remember being young, man? - Yo, I'm like star wearing it. Flot cameras, fucking lights are wearing. - Yeah, Crippin' on the, what'd you see? They have a-- - I'll go full you in a bomber. - They have even one more decore. (laughing) - Did you take you going right into your house? - They have classes you can buy now that apparently like throw your face off on AI show. - Oh yeah, the Chinese is it. - But like you literally would have to be walking out like no phone, no car. You'd have to be naked. - I know. - Yeah, the phone is like dead to rights. - Yeah, the phone's got you. Audio, video, GPS. - I mean, yeah. I don't care. - Yeah. - Obviously you don't want NAS surveillance like that, but I don't know how they're giving tickets out though. - People are getting like tickets are being on their phone and shitting their car from trackets. - Well, there's a cop. I don't know. I can't remember where the cop was. I wanna say a taxi or a Pasadena, maybe. I don't know. Some cops started stalking a female cop that he knew. Using the flock camera. - Yeah, I mean, with great power comes great responsibility. I've just watched all three Spider-Man's. - I think I was, he was a cop. - It was a cop. - Pretty good. He was using. - He was using the flock camera system so you can like tap it and then shit if you're like a cop, you can like be like, oh, let's see what's going on but he was doing it to take a look at it. Take a peek on a coworker. - They've been doing that with like, well, at least the civilians do their phone numbers. So you file a report like, I'm gonna need your phone number. - Yeah, right. - Okay, they're like fucking five years deep like, you all right? - Never seen this shit on you. - It's a shield. - There was a guy, Michigan football who was sneaking into the athletic department that had all the female athletes, emails and passwords. - Dang. - Didn't he get on their webcams? - Yeah. - How they still turn around? - Like, they're all big and bad that. - Oh, Ohio State has that wrestling dude that was like the worst. That was the worst shit ever. He was like literally pulling on people's dick shit. - Penn State might have mission. - I don't know what that means. - I'm being dangerous. - San Dusky fucking, he's done. - I'm the same. - We might have still a little big for their bridges, and if they're having to do literally goon on girls' webcams. - I agree. - You should be shut down for a year. - Then their head coach break into the ladies house. I mean, I'm fucking going to myself. - Bitch. - There's a lot of magic on me right now. I forgot that, that happened. - That poor guy. - He also, he would have been fine. If somebody else would hire him right away, what do you do? - I worked up with a fucking chick that works for the team. - But oh, he got in trouble for going to a house and saying he's gonna fucking kill himself. - Then when he broke into a house after word got out. - I'm like, I don't know how to stop. - Yeah, he was like crying. - Exactly. - Funny though. - He's like, what are you doing to her? - He probably thought like, this is my work. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like. - No, you're like, you're like, drunk. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You break into someone's house or you're probably either blacked out or on psych meds. Like, no, normal human. - Could be in love. Love makes you do crazy things. - Yeah. - I hear you. - Powerful drug. - It's the one with the most powerful. - That's why I say, fall in love. - EJ wants me to watch obsession. He says it's real. - Obsession? - Yeah. - It's girlfriend simulator. - Yeah. - The first out of the movie is just not a scary movie. - He's like, this is what they're like for real. - Yes. - You have to see this, like, I don't. - That's so funny. - The guy, the main character and it's gonna piss you off. - Really? - Yeah, he's a little beta, a little soft boy. - I just watched Tom Holland's Spider-Man, dude. - Yeah, he's a beast, but he doesn't look like it at first and once he gets a-- - Well, you're judging on size, 'cause that's what you know. - All right. - You don't like Tommy McGuire. I'm literally friends with Sharpie. - I like Tom Holland the most. - Yeah, Tom Holland's the best one. I never liked the Andrew Garfield either. - I also like-- - The powers he has on his suit. - And Tommy McGuire's suit. Tommy McGuire's the only one who actually shoots webs. - It's so funny how he used to braid my balls about Marvel nerd stuff. You get one trick that's into it and now listen to it. - That's how it does exactly how it works. - This is crazy. - This one. - You're literally, you're literally-- - You watch The Eternal. - Guilty is charged with the stories. I watched Half the Eternal's and I was like, fuck this. 'Cause it could've been sick. - Wait, what's The Eternal's? - Bill's holding together a sacred timeline right now with Marvel. - Yeah, I don't really like the multiverse, but I am in the sacred time. (laughing) I'm going through from 1940, starting at Captain American. Currently I'm on, I just finished Spider-Man. - His chick has one of the actual Marvel movies. - I did this. - I literally did this. - It's legend shit. - What else eight years left? - Love it. I don't know. - No, you did it with soups. - You did it with like CW soups, right? - I did all. I did the, I did a-- - I don't know. - Fuck what is it? I did the Vampire Diaries. - Yeah, you did. - It's crazy. - I did Marvel too. - Oh, you did Marvel too. - Yeah, I did all that shit. - The Muguscus is susceptible to girl. - 100% girl team. - Oh, there's six of them. - It's called a Marvel movie. - Is it Marvel? - No, Marvel. - Kid of it. - Marvel. - It's true. - It's true. The Spiderman is the most girl out of all the Spider-Man. - If I hear you talk about Wonder Woman, we're gonna have-- - I fucking hate that shit. - I didn't watch. I literally skipped fucking-- - I'm a Dr. Strange is my, I'm a Dr. Strange guy. - Right, but it also likes Dr. Strange. - I love Dr. Strange might be the best, honestly. - Me and Spade watch fuck, we went to Sandy, and I could do it. We went and saw fucking Guardians of the Galaxy 3. - Oh, Guardian. - That's different. - Guardians is number one. - That's just one seat of cards and no one. - We were literally just waiting for our fight, went to the fucking place. I think it was in Coronado, and almost cried together watching it today. - Guardians is a little too close now. - Guardians, Guardians of the Galaxy 3. - Trying to think, what was the show? I didn't watch Vampire Diaries. I watched The Spin-Off of Vampire. It was called the-- - Yeah, that's insane. - I didn't watch that since I was like 17. Give me that. Give me that. - Those shows, are you one of those? - Are you one of those? - My check was. - Maybe it's somebody else on the thing. Were you watching like Archer and like the Batman, the Gotham? - I watched Gotham, I watched Gotham, also a terrible show. - These are crazy shows to watch. - Yeah, very bad show. - This is the, I'm not trying to niche-bogg. - Niche-bogg? - Not niche-bogg. It's girl shows. When you're first with a babe, you're just like, okay, what are we gonna do? And she's like, we're gonna watch like the worst show ever. - I mean, she hit me with Studio Ghibli, which was honestly pretty good. - Ghibli's kind of-- - Studio in the heron, unreal. And then I hit Harry Potter for the first time ever. So, I mean-- - Harry Potter said-- - That's why I'm not married. - Yeah. - But the girls I'm with again hit with, Rude Von Esroy, All Gold, scored by Manchester United. Again, it was, Jeremiah Love highlights. - I mean, this is niche-bogg. - Yeah, that's what they're getting hit with. - Yeah, it's like an eye-packet. - Yeah, I go, you watch this shit, check this out. I'm not used to having the Eagles wear before this game. - I'm too, I'm too little bro. I don't even, I see a remote. I'm just like, look at it. It's way for someone to think. - It can't be man. - Yeah, I'm like, I'm a scumbag. - I don't put it on, I should, I think. - Whatever you want, put it on. - I'm not sure. - I think the show I was watching was called The Immortals. - I think the movie. The movie is The Immortals and The Dude from Silicon Valley. The Indian guy is in it. And he has like finger guns. And I was like, dude, this is too much. - Yeah, that's literally a moral. - No, you're talking about itternals. - Returnals, yeah, sorry. Immortals might have been-- - Immortals is the, with that Henry Cowell. - You're like any superhero shit? - I like the. - Garden to the galaxy. - Garden is good. - Yeah. - That doesn't even count. - I never saw any of the X-Men. - The original, sorry. - Call the originals. - I think there was an X-Men that I liked. - That's what I'm saying, it's good. - Less than, it's pretty good. - And then I got a little me time and I was like, hey, why don't we watch No Country Doll Men and she was into it and the ending happened and she was best. So what the fuck was that? So that's the end of the movie, it's sick. - No. - It's got, they need clean resolutions, dude. - Yeah, yeah. - They need two people to go, wait, wait. You can't get on that plane. - Anything outside of there, they go, look at the fuck. - Yeah. - Doesn't make sense. - And then that other movie-- - She's not talking to himself. The time movie explaining exactly what she was doing. I don't know what he's doing. - How you get here? - It's weird because they don't care about it when it's 20 time. There's a movie that's all 20 time, they don't need explanations. - They don't have his name or anything. - I might fire up 50 Shades, I might fire that back up. - Go on, go on to it or just-- - No, Rhett has watched it. Rhett has watched it. - I've never seen it before. - Never seen it before. - 50 Shades is crazy. - You watched it? - I saw, I wouldn't saw it in the theaters, yeah. - I'm trying to see Odyssey in the movie. - I was on a date, I was on a date. That's a crazy date. - How it rocks? - How it rocks? - Which date? - Early years ago. - It was a second early date. - Years ago. It was like a first or second date. - No, no, no, no. It was a first date. - That's like seventh grade movie. - I mean, you can look up when that came out. - You can look up, you can look up the air, but it was way, way back. - I'm out of his villain arc. - Different people, different people. - I'm taking it off. - Tint of date to fucking 50 Shades before that. - No. - Before that. - Before that. - Holy balls, bro. - Wait, it was another lifetime. - Hold on, I like that. - Okay, no warning. - That's like Gerber putting on the red light, that is Gerber taking it to the channel. - It's hitting me right now. You're a test job wrong in this year. - Did you finish? - It was different, lifetime, did you? - I hear it was a man, I don't remember that. - That's 2015, Tim. (laughing) - Samo Matt. - 2015, what works? - No, I think it was older. That might have been the new one. Tell me about the original. - 50 more Shades or whatever. - That was 15 or I'm talking about 50. - Samo, I don't know, you were good like that. - I was good, I was soft. - I was gonna say hey, let's wait. - I was bricked up. - I was completely bricked up. - I would have been, yeah, I mean. - You know what I'm saying? - I was eternally bricked, dude. - Chicks are always reading the fuck in those sexy books. - The sexy books? - They love the sexy books. - No, it's not. The best is when they all read in the sexy book, you just sit there and start reading out loud with their reading, they get so mad. - They get to like stop, you're ruining it. - It's very hot. - They're in book clubs. - Yeah. - They all read the sexy book together. - Warny, boys. That's like jerking off together and seven great dude literally they're good. They might just be late on that They hit their sexual peak late. They do I think they're late on everything. Well, they do with it. I don't know, but Yeah, I've heard that I've heard that a long time ago the women peak sexually around like what is it 35 or four? Yeah, yeah, they just don't usually do with their husbands. Yeah, they do they they like to be built a life that they can just build up deep sexual frustration with it, and then they betray it all It is hot. It's undeniably hot. It's undeniably hot You need the gold cut the mental I don't even know, but it does shit to your brain. Have you tried it? No, no Like Trying to give out all the dudes T in the army. Is he really? I think that's what you get you like testosterone and you get like the apoc You get read like the book of revelations, and then you go and you do it needs to be done obviously to create a match Yeah, they did they did it. It was just all Yeah, is he getting that a proof? Yeah, you like get tested 30 years old just like get tested Everyone's gonna be juiced off dude smart pretty much making Spartans again. Pretty much. I wouldn't mind that Is what it is we got it. We got do. We got chunks all good jack guys. We need more Odysseus dude. I just want this shit I want to isolate the mental aspect of the new boner pills. Give me just that how powerful would you be with them? Just the mental Adderall bro I don't get very horny on it. I don't get I might dick literally goes away Experience that one time The Molly, I was at one time. I was like No, Molly's monster shriveler, but you don't mind Yeah, Adderall though you hit the urinal when you go dude Don't please no one see this That's what I tell him bill like all these Do's are getting sioped on like getting their tea tested and it's like if I was like yo, let me measure dick right now Yeah, that's what they're just taking like one little reading the shit changes during the day It does, you know any I don't you want to measure your dick like so much to be measuring it constantly for like a week Yeah, there it is a tea reader that's that there's a I think it's bullshit Yeah, I'm sick in my new house. That was left over as soon as I saw it. I was like, no, let's see what we're at hot day I never want to see this thing. I haven't seen what seven inches looks like Close Start measuring from behind your balls The chef goes past any dude with a tape measure does the same exact thing every scoop you just go Fuck that's what if you're probably about if you're with it or not maybe it is that And then you know that's what fucking nine looks like Jesus Christ you put it away Pulling out tape measure looking at 13 inches is literally classical Yeah, it's pretty nice The best real the guys are like yo cut that two inches and the guys like There was an iron worker constantly with tell us we were like fucking 19 years old He was like I got a cock like a hockey puck I was like bro, why don't you tell me that's what's that even me like fucking fat Gordo. Yeah, like a walk I shared I shared an office with a guy who would just constantly tell me about his huge penis. I would too Honestly, but he would be like I spit women's mouth. He's like that's what you do. That's what they want you just go Fucking horse. He would claim he goes what they want you to do. I never understood this. I would sit there No, too steeply troubled. Yeah, so I will not do that. I'll never I said I would never he told me to do it I'll go you you don't like that. I don't like that. Guess I'll do it You. I just take you to 10 I turn around to shit on him right away. You fucking whore I lay on my back lift my legs and shit the bed Didn't he did that right? I think you did every scat man Yeah, I think so. I think there was like a thing where he like he's shit on someone's chest or got his chest. No, that's your thing And Ray Jay Ray Jay got he claimed he claimed four pounds of shit on him. Oh, He's got shit on four pounds. He said he said he claimed a lady dumped the four pound. He said this on stream He's in the agency. He was he was on Oh, I got hilarious Ray Jay might be one of the funniest guys because a lot of those got those entertainers come back and they are like Batman Like six nine is I watch you know, I thought it was bad for time like my head so fucked up I was a damn or six nine then I saw Dame Dash talking shit on J. Z. I was like he's been up that he's been up to that for a long time That's crazy. He's done a lot of 2b movies Game Dash was gonna make a huge comeback with Famous for in the beginning that Rockefeller Yeah, he was like spraying bottles in the background of the music video. He was he was the man Well, he was kind of did he he was like Yeah, he was like he was like a it was saying, but he was like a hype man for a label that he created So he kind of tore a page out of Diddy's handbook and he was he was good at it Okay, and then it was just like Jay Z became quite really yeah, yeah, and then he was just kind of like check out my movie I just like talk shit. That's not he's kind of Kanye, too. He's son Jay. Yeah. Oh He's on diplomats. Yeah, they were all under Rockefeller. Oh, wow. So I mean he fucking stayed He's fine. He was cool. I love his is in the hey. I Would assume so I fucked up he was and then I think he got yeah, although his interviews I will say he's one of the best podcast guests of all time He wears a suit and just calls whoever's interviewing him gay It's kind of I mean the reals I get when I'm trying to make the intro that I fucking look at the reals I'm like bro. He's nice. He's he's honestly pretty great. So many great sounds goes on the breakfast club called Charlemagne than the other guy gay because he's like you guys have a boss That's gay And just it's so fun. It's any I don't want to I think he might be kind of hammered the whole time I'm pretty sure he's hammered everywhere. I love these guys are hammered Hammered suit just going you guys are on a thing about business. You're gay Paul's and everything's a heavy pauser. He's paint dash is the man. I really genuinely think he is That's what I got that's why I'm remembering it because he got hit he hit like a weird pause today and it maybe last He's so funny that that's how they split like Jay-Z went and became mm-hmm like I'm a billionaire Yeah, I'm businessman and then the other guy got hammered in a suit and was like fucking gay He's crazy and the boys broke up He started open up for Hillary Clinton. That's weird. Yeah, he was doing it in Philly. I remember that. I know I remember that thing him and Miss Knowles Don't have the be have come after you do. Yeah, I'll be commenting bumblebees I think that's I think now they're they're more just a brand now Because I think we'll be on say the country album. Yeah, it's best country album of all time. I'll be honest that one song is a hit Which one? Yeah, yeah, the one else written by fucking the best songwriters in Nashville. Yeah, it's probably a crime dude I was a black woman. Credit for it. I was a Beyonce hater for it. Oh boy. No, I would be honest I would try to do a thing for me Dude I would go I would listen I would go like this I was a Beyonce hater forever because I'd always I'm not Beyonce hate. No, I'm telling you listen Listen, I would always all the time in my relationships. The girl They would go well, they would go Beyonce's about she's alright, and I was I was just geared to hate so I'm like Let me just give an honest listen to the album that song came on. I'm like god damn this is toe tap it It was a toe tap and hit look up a real toe toe. It was a toe tap and hit come on. I'm a shaboozy guy bro. Shaboozy is nice She's the most positive dude I've ever seen on video. She's nice. The queen bee just every just it bill just say she's late Just say she fucking eight. Alright, just say she fucking eight. Oh, she fucking eight. She's like eight and serving all that Just say she ain't she served con on that Yeah, she definitely yes on rule. Okay, so Billy's gay I think is the is the pop country rush over no, it's just me. I mean, Billy's coined the term Judeo Christian today. Oh country So you know how it's like oh the CIA like we're like gong. Oh, fish and I'm drinking It's called Judeo country made it up. That's it like that. It's a great term. No, I don't like No, like I wake up country. Yeah Let it I'm at a lake Tech you lose cows. I Just did you see how there's no rap in like the top 40 right now? Yeah, I have soar on has went on Drizzly will come back. You know - He did it. - Yeah, if he goes country, that'd be nasty. - He'll go country. - He was rumors. (laughing) - No, I think it's a meme. - He'll go country, but he did. - He'll go country, he would dominate. - Yeah, right now that, it's all country and like shit like that and like, - Today or country is a new rat metal. - No, it's a new rat. - Yeah. - It's rat, but it's country. - Yeah. - True. - Okay, fair enough. I dude, I'm telling you, people are sleeping on the TPUSA halftime show. Mm-hmm. That was fun. - That was my own thing, bro. - Where are they, are you sleeping on it? That one was-- (laughing) - I watched it, it was so funny. - The bad baby one in English was hilarious. - Yeah, it was really-- - It was translated, yeah. - It was what you were talking about with him, where it's like-- - Oh, he's liars. - I wanna show my aunt, my new girl friend. - Oh, it's crazy. - My new girlfriend. - My younger brother. - She's so hot. - My aunt's so horny for my sex. His lyrics are fucking, they're crazy. I saw that years ago, I remember I heard of him and I actually would like listen to Bad Bunny and I was like, that was this guy talking about it, looked it up and I was like, "Yo, bro." - I think we got some bad of you this time. - Yo, bro. (laughing) - I talked about it on the local New York news program. (laughing) I'm never doing that ever. - It was my favorite. - What do you-- - No, one, the one, no, the local, wasn't that-- - Philly, Philly was one was one of the craziest news. - What did you know? - When I did this special-- - We were voting especially. - They were just like-- - That local news. - That local news-- - That local news. - It was crazy-- - No, you did that dude. His little fucking-- - Yeah, yeah. - That's fucking nuts dude. - I don't know, they were like just do all these. I was like, yeah, whatever, whatever it needs to be. I'm a team player. - Yeah. - To a fault. - Your DTP. - Nah, I mean that guy. - Down the plane, I said, yeah, whatever you think - He was-- - He would not DTP on each other. - Well, that guy's fucking coming at me. He's fucking-- - Well, here's the thing, my brother had beef with him. So I was ready for him to start. So I was on guard the whole time, ready to go. Yeah, dude, you're a fucking asshole to my brother. So then like I was there, ready for him to start, but he was so nice. - It's-- - And also, dude, I got that. I'm out of fashion and done this. - Of course. - And I came out like, hey. But also, too, I couldn't stop. I was-- - This is gonna get more eyes on your show. - The special pose. - Yeah, whenever I do a new thing, I can't help it. I have this look in my eyes. That's just like a very intense kind of look 'cause I'm just being like, what the fuck's going on right now. And it's, I didn't realize how-- - It's called hauntress. - It's called hauntress. - I've haunt her right now. - Yeah, I mean, you guys are like public people. So like, you have to like learn how to look right. - You get like glassy. - I haven't done that yet. - You guys are glassy on that interview, you're like, what? You guys are like, so you have a new special coming out. That's pretty cool, man. You made it to Netflix. You're like, yeah. - You're visibly thinking. - It's awesome. - It's awesome. - It's pretty cool. - It's awesome to see me. - The four families had their two-- - They do trash. - Yes. - It's a trash business. - It's a little weird. I'm like, it's not that weird thing. When you hear someone, almost people, that's a lot of like, it's not at all. It's totally fine to laugh at homeless people. Shitting. It's like, okay, I guess it is. Yeah, that was weird. The pot, I also, it really, yeah, I don't think it does. - Radio guys, you used to get me with that. I'm going to do a radio thing and you sit there and you're like, six, I am. - This is nuts. You got, you got, you got, think you guys are trash for me. What are you talking to me? Like, there's a sense of humor. It's like, local news radio humor where it's like, there's like, weird sexual innuendo. It's like, the funniest thing they can do is sexual innuendo. But they're also, they'd be literally the entire time. - Yeah. - How do you do a real clean? - It's a room of like six people that see each other every morning. - I think I'm pretty funny. I think I can do what you do, honestly. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Dude, I'm going to ask him a brother with one of those guys and they do do comedy. They did do comedy and they ended up there. - Oh yeah, that's, that for sure. That's also a regret. - Dude, you asked him a brother's with. - I mean, you can't do that on camera. (laughing) - You're not on camera. - It's okay. - I mean, I used to, yeah. - Sure, I don't even know what to do. - It's Baltimore. - It's a guy in Baltimore. - Oh, okay. - That seems like Mickey, isn't it? - No. (laughing) - That was my favorite guy. - That's caught your Eskimo bros with him. - Yeah, that's cool. - I respect any of my Eskimo bros. I would never fight with an Eskimo bros. - No, I mean, my swords are down now. My sword's down now, dude. - True. - War is over. - War is over. - Trojan War is over. (laughing) - Come out of the sea right now, wait for the wind. (laughing) - It is great. Dude, I, at 40, your bone or falls off a cliff. It's like clockwork. It's, it's kind of sick. - What do you even see? (laughing) - I love that. He's bound down. He has a gun point. I think he's stifting at you. Fuck you, man. (laughing) - It's like a chilling flip. (laughing) - No one's ever gonna top that shot. - Yeah, the chill. - No, it's a chilling flip. - It's the greatest show that's ever been made. - When he's hyped after, they do the news and he goes out and punches the fuck out of him. (laughing) - Start, and honestly, season one, pilot to the final of four. - It's amazing. - Unbelievable ending. Yeah, it won't be touched ever again. It's just, it's Mount Olympus. - Best show ever. - It's Mount Olympus. That's kind of like my dick right now. (laughing) - It did it all, dude. - It did, it did. - It started, dude. - It's what he's bound down, dude. It started, it's the best. Season four, he's bound down. - It does ain't, now. It's like the home of under me. You're like, yeah, fall. (laughing) - No, now it's more, I'm just sort of like, you know, like some planets, like a year for one planet is like nine earth years, that's kind of, like digs on a different rotation. - Yeah. - He's like, I was gonna come back around. - He's like, you're hitting that thing where you're like, actually, you think it's a solace, it's like, we're going to the universe. - He is. (laughing) - He used to be fleet foot in Mercury. It would just be like two revelators, two, now it's just old. - Sad. - Yeah. - It's not even a fucking planet anymore. It's a dead start. It's just nice and shit. - It was never even a circle. - It's shit, it's out there. It's moons are just now a fine dust that form rings of crashing into each other. - Then you eventually start getting ding-dong bitched. - And then you fucking run as fast as you can. - You're an old man. You start getting ding-dong, they're taking down the way. - I'm fucking with you. - It's one of them. - I'm trying to take out the pistol. - So you start chasing little kids, you gotta think about it. - I got you out of the city. I have like 10 years from, I can't remember what day it is that I have a gun. - No, you just walk, your dick is so soft that your head's lit. You're like, it's never been this, then you fall down, you walk in the news, it's right there. And you go, you need to start watching the news and you go, finally. - Is it like being on Triber, do you get hang time or you just have ball hang time? - Well, here's the thing, I've reclaimed. It's, you do cardio and your dick does start, but it gets-- - No one's had more dick. - Can I tell you something? Can I tell you something? - That's six years again, right? - No, no, no, it's not. - It's not. - It's perfect, it's fine. - No, it's just, it's all. - Listen. - This will give you an insight into my life. - The other day, the other day, it actually, it got like regular hard, like how hard it gets when it's like fully working and my wife laughed. - You're like, what the fuck is going on? - Kill it. - Yeah, come on. - Come on. - Come on, it's hard. (laughing) - I live in that, like whoa, here it is. - You get a woe tiger. (laughing) - This is what I meant. Every time we've had sex, this is what I was going for. - It's the pure expression. - But now it's, yeah, it's, you know. It's so cyclical, dude, 'cause here's the thing, too. I can't even fap, 'cause of the chance, I'll fap myself out. A simple fap, I'm fapped out for two days. So it's like, I'm on edge. - Dang. - So every now and again, you time the fap, I like, again. - What happens? - What happens if you edged every day? - All right, I can tell you about this later. (laughing) - I don't think anyone can actually edged it. - I mean, there's no way I'm not doing it. - If you were a high level, like guy like Sting, you could edge everything. (laughing) - The guy's writing music from the 14th century. - You think practice tantra. - That's legend. - Fucking crazy. - Kevin Gates claims that he doesn't, - Kevin Gates is an incredible liar. (laughing) - He's awesome. - Do you think he's Kevin? - Yes. - But he's Kevin. - Kevin Gates is alive and alive. - Who's the guy that's dead? - Which one? - He's thinking that every rapper is dead. - No, no, no. - No, no, no. There's like a manosphere dude that I think he died. - Oh, you're talking about the black manosphere guy. - Yes. - What's his name? - Oh boy. - He had a cocaine in his system. - Yes. - Yeah, the guy who would call with and fed him. - Yeah, see you in that car. - Who was that guy? - Kevin's on there, right? - Kevin Samuel, I forget his name. - Yeah, you might be actually right about that. - Yeah. - He's just doing goals. - Yeah, like how do you? - Yes. Shut up. - Hold bitch. - When are you bringing it to him? - To kids, no job. - Time for a quick break from the show for a special segment called More or Less Soccer Edition. - Ooh-hoo. - The entire summer of soccer is on prize picks. Don't miss your last chance to get in on the action. They're offering everything from final winners to most goals scored. So this is what we are thinking for picks this week. - Hmm. - Begin with your picks for most goals scored this year's tournament. Please reference, okay. Yeah, I'm thinking Lionel Messy, Argentina, eight goals. - Yeah. - Kylin, Mbappe, or France. - Yep. - They're done. - Who do you have? - Who do you have next? - Hmm. - There's the other guy, right there. - There's O's main, Bamblé, from France, four goals. (laughing) - That was my Bamblé. - You know, the key to pronouncing French names is you have to think about what's the most and sufferable way to say this. You know, boom, boom, boom. Like that's how you probably say it. - Of course. - Dimble. - Oh, who do you think you have more or less? - Ooh, I'm thinking Dimble is gonna have less. - Yes. - And Mbappe, it will have more. - Exactly. So that's our take. Now it's time to lock in yours. Download the app today and use code Drench to get $50 instantly in lineups. (laughing) If you win your first $5 lineup. That's code Drench to get $50 instantly in lineups. If you win your first $5 lineup, price picks. America's number one sports pick app. - Did you see the footage of TIGA from 106 in park? - TIGA. - It's not TIGA, that's a wrapper, it's TIGA. - It was TIGA. - What do you mean TIGA? - I have no idea about that. - From the basement. It was before your time. - It was before your time. - Remember the basement? - I got up in the lesson. - Yeah. - Yeah, please. But no, he was like, he was on BET forever. There was footage out where he's wrestling his phone out of this girl. You didn't see this? - No, it was. - So I think his girlfriend or wife, dude, >> Thank you. has his phone. No, he's wrestling. So he basically had to wrestle his wife or girlfriend in front of the kid, the kid was like, Mr. Tigger, stop it. Mr. Tigger let go because he was like wrestling the mom to just give him my phone, just give him my phone. So there's a lot of guys reacting to be like, that is that man's personal property and he deserves his personal property. Yeah, that's never a good look when you're wrestling the phone from the woman and then go, there's nothing in there. Yeah, obviously, you see the video of the champion gets the whole the 8K 47, everyone just kind of backs away. That's all I can do. So whatever you want to do, just like that's the plan of the eight. No, no, there's a real video. Well, is it from playing the Apes? I got tricked by AI. I got tricked from a movie. That's old school. You know what I'm talking about? That's for real from playing the Apes. Either that or playing the Apes copied it. Yeah, because there's a scene where monkey comes down and acts like he's like, oh, I don't know what I'm doing. He picks up the gun. Oying up a lesson. Maybe I'll hang up a lesson. You could be right. Maybe a monkey did pick up an 8K. Yeah, and it was on e-bond world. It was one of the first things recorded. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. This is like old stuff. Maybe it was AI. Probably for the internet. Ah, sorry. I'm shaking. At an NDE. The only thing I'm thinking about is I help fuck down tomorrow. Yeah, I don't think about that, bro. There's no way I'm not. Oh, here's where you got to be the greatest. Just don't think about it. There you go. It's crazy. Don't need to comment. Also, though, don't even think about it. Hey, for you. Yeah, thanks. So funny. Whatever I tell people about it, I'll get for him. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it is like the real world of it. It's awesome. Like, oh, man, who's at the link? Cool. Good for them. Yeah. Everyone's just doing their own thing. Drill. They go, wow, wow. Shit. That's cool. That's cool. That's all I think. It's only a freak show big deal for the guy that has to go on. That's what most people don't. It doesn't register how insanely massive it is. They go, wow. It's crazy to do it all the time. Like, it's not that you guys go places and then give someone like a night of entertainment and then just roll. Yeah. And that's like their big night. Yeah, that's like their date. That's why when you bomb, you're like, I feel terrible. Yeah, right. And then someone DMs me and goes, I spent 400 fucking college. You suck. Thanks. I heard that. Well, I mean, you heard that. I know you heard that fucking joke. I heard that fucking joke. It's all I got. We're in this together brother. Working on crazy. I used to hear that when we saw fucking the luminaries, I felt like I was for real and Rivendell. That was the most beautiful show I've ever seen. And you started realizing that these guys like build shows and put together shows. It's a whole lot. Yeah. I literally felt like I built a show here. Yeah. We got a show. God. The greatest fireworks. Extracting your pay for pirates. Absolutely. I used to cost an armor leg and fight. You remember that? It costs a real armor leg. Rear of the pyros. The pyros. I'm not making a lot of money on this. I mean, that's a lot of money, obviously, but as much as you fucking pay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm spending a lot on this fucking. Yeah. I'm losing my share. I'm losing my share a little. Yeah, spend money. Make money. You're exactly right. Did you do that in fight night? Yeah. Go out or would you go hardcore and just do nothing. Walk out Tyson style. There was a couple of those, but sometimes you smoke tonight's fucking rules or lasers. Yeah. Hey maker. The boxer video game is Jordan. All the Jordan gear. I was wearing all the fucking. Stabbed a depleted. Yeah. What's the status on the boxing video game? I feel like they've slated fell off. Yeah. They don't have many. They were so good. Fight night. Fight night was great. Yeah. It was awesome. Better than any UFC game. Fuck all that shit. Fight night. What was that Xbox one? I forget, but it was sick. Yeah. I was like, oh, you have seen games so far. The original fight night was unreal. The training was unreal. All that shit was awesome. Many games in Madden. I will say it was also great. That was awesome. 40 yard dash. I could fucking run a 4-3 with my two fucks crazy. I never got good. They're on legs if you think about it. Literally. I know. That's why I would just go like this. That's it. That's it. I was running like my actual thing. I think about it. Yeah. My video game guy was as slow as I am. Are you serious? We're just mashed eight with your five eight 40. That's fucking tough. It was tough. I couldn't do it. Many games. Fuck. That was good. Doing nice. Running back. Many games was awesome. I did want to ask you back in Cultural Bull. It's an answer to. They really? Yeah. Is it really? Let's go. Let's listen to By For Us Bill. I think it's honestly one of the greatest, greatest episodes. Oh, the one we did last week. Yeah. I will say though, you kind of claim to be the pioneer of lifting in the house. It was me. I mean, that's what he said at the beginning. I said in the beginning. I said, you I don't know what I'm usually too dark about a building picture. Yeah. I don't know what he started the podcast. I know. It's all right. Yeah. I don't know. They're my afters. You. I have the picture. I never had a lifting bro. You didn't. You know what I mean? You did. You took pictures. You know, in college, dude. You had lifting bros by the time you're in college. I just had swolmates. I had swolmates. Let's go. At the gym. We weren't taking we weren't popping top taking pictures. I don't know how to start to finish. Yeah. I wasn't doing all that. That's fair enough. No, I mean, that was the thing that you didn't go in on chicken with BJs is anybody going on the on the chicken breasts. No, never. I would eat wild one. I feel bad. Classic cookies. Chicken classic cookies. I was dirty bulking all the time. You're dirty bulking. Yeah, he cleaned for like three days and just go fuck it. Dirty bulged. I'm looking good. I'm looking good. I'm losing weight. I might as well eat a full fucking pizza every day. I guess everybody answered. I'll never do it. Double dinners. Yeah. No, the thing that was actually scary was my fucking magnesium shit. That was fucking terrifying. But was it? I fucking almost died, bro. From what? Magnesium. I didn't fucking realize it. That good. Okay. There man. How much do you wear a lot of too much magnesium? I think I was dosing it too much. And then I reload maxing a lot of it. And it was in my multivitamin. And then I started taking a magnesium supplement at night. And I was drinking a drink that I had magnesium. I did not. Was this recently? Literally a near death experience two weeks ago. I'm sorry. You're healing so much valor with NDA right there. Bro, I was there. One second. Completely off topic. But when you sat down, you plops down. And it reminded me of in tires every single script. Whenever my character sits down, it's like, and then Shane plops on the couch. And after like the 90s time, I was like, how come I'm the only one plopping every minute. I pulled him like a half a g deal getting back. Shane plops onto the couch and says, are you gay? Shane spills into the couch. Yeah. I was like, who the fuck's writing this? What the hell? I mean, is everybody on the set? Dainty? No. But then I think after I brought it up, now everyone plops on the couch. That's so fucking fine. Inclusivity. Inclusivity is important. Plopping is such a great thing. And then Shane comes in the room and plops onto the fucking floor. Turn fat fucking dirty. All right. Need more. All right. So what are you doing now? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was double-diss myself because it was in my multivitamin and my nightly, my knees and supplement. I just thought you needed to sleep. Mike, listen to it or were you talking? It's a side treat. It's everything. It's a whole family, dude. The family's. There's like, this is just two of them. There's like two. There's like four more of these, dude. That are the big dog and each other about fucking supplement. I'm not big dog. We've got big dog. What on every single camera? I don't know. I don't know if you know about the structural integrity of skyscrapers. I was in Toronto. I got told me about the other. I was just curious. I wanted to spot my known. Yeah. That was an example. I was just trying to think something. That was not a real big dog. This is big dog. You have a big dog and I'll make me eat something. And you know you are. This is what you fucking do. My ego's at the door. It just comes off. I'm just saying no other form of magnesium crosses the blood brain barrier. You need to buy any at least buy glycinate or something else. I mean, Tom, Tom, Tom called me. I'm pretty sure that was the highest dose of peyote ever in Garne Valley. I'm like, yeah, obviously it was. How was it? I fucking go to sleep. Imagine if you like poured more money in. Imagine if you had more. Imagine if you were all like multi multi-millionaire. They would be terrifying. They would be the craziest group of people. Because you're, you're, you're max out at every, at every chance. Every checkpoint is a max out. So it's like imagine if you just poured more water on the groundlands, dude, like there'd be a city something. Tom, Tom maxed out. There'd be a city somewhere. That's right. I guess max out. Yeah. I didn't, I wasn't doing this purpose. I'm not telling all of this. People don't understand the regular people that are listening. They probably don't understand. She ain't understand. He's the only dude that understands what I have. I love it. It is funny. It's hilarious, but nobody can get outside of it. But then I don't think you guys are joking a lot. I'm that serious. There's always, there's always a hint of seriousness. I must die, dude. You would be eulogizing me right now. I accidentally took what was the symptoms? I'm not going to your fucking funeral. I have to go to McGubby's joke house that weekend. Literally take it back. I take it back. I'll be there. I'll be like a black lady. I'll literally be screaming. I'll be screaming on that call. They're going to pull me off. Just saying super relatable topic for a podcast. We've all been there. I was in my bed. And I started having fucking heart arrhythmias. And my heart was beating like three times in a row. I don't have the fucking magnet. I don't. The fucking problem was like it was happening so much. I didn't want to say. - Anything to my fucking wife's in there as well. - You need a bender. - I was just, you never had a bender. - I was chill, but brother, the thing was, I couldn't pin it on the magnesium because I had a monster plate of lasagna. So I was like not knowing what was going on, but I was literally fucking paralyzed with fear. So I couldn't check my phone, and at that point, I was like, if I died today, it is what it is. I can't look this shit up and freak out more. So I sat there for two hours, just having arrhythmias and churned some breath. I thought it was fucking magnesium, but I did have a fucking monster-single lasagna, few mozzarella balls there, and I thought that. - Obviously, I was hit. I was getting hit with fucking heart murmurs and shit. - Like a fucking dog. - Thankfully they've chilled out. I was, I've been fed for like a decade with like, yeah, whatever the fuck that was. - We're just miserable. - You don't just miss every real breath, and you're like, oh fuck, my heart stopped. - I ran up and didn't know what. - I was carrying this pot and I ran up the hill, like trying to show off her bed, just fucking around, the guy to the top of the hill. It felt like Shane was sitting on my chest. - What the fuck? - I was-- - I was standing up. If you like, if all of you guys were like, pushing on my chest, like, nowhere. - Really? - But I'm standing up, and I'm just like, oh, dude. - Yeah, why is it hot as fucking here? - Sorry. - AC, probably? - Yeah. - You opened the door, what everyone was doing. - But yeah, I thought I was having like a heart attack. I was like, oh, this is what we're talking about. - Yeah, I've had a couple of scares. Wait, so you can't blame it on the magnesium there? - No, the jury's still out, but I'm pretty sure it's magnesium. - Like Garfield was on it. - Shit, it was good as fuck. - Speaking of grub, and I watched Gerby's, Gerby's at the home run, Derby was psychotic, dude. First of all, he's got a-- - Taylor Jersey. - He has a Taylor-based baseball jersey. So it looks like a small t-shirt. The sleeves come up to like here. It's like a grease phrase. - There's like a level-- - I don't know. - He brought-- - I don't know what you call it. What is it? - He brought binoculars in a pouch attached to his khaki shorts. He took it out of binoculars. - No problem. Just sit next to us, just-- - What are you looking at? - Exactly, as if it's a home run, Derby. - That's what you fucking look at before. - We're not in the floor. - And then he was like, oh, this is my, I'm gonna order a slice of pizza. He ordered a full pizza. - Wasn't personal pie? - A full pizza. Sat by himself and ate an entire pizza. He usually doesn't, this was-- - His favorite pie? - Yeah. - It was impressive to watch. - What pie your pie was? - Oh, no, I forget. - It's not me curious now. - I already had it here in the beach. - So mac and mac goes? - So you guys are in a box. - It's got, I mean-- - That was gone, all right. - If it's mac and mac goes, I almost understand. Where's a swirly cheese? Was it swirly sauce? - Yeah. - That's mac and mac goes, brother. That's a good pie. - Yeah. - It is. - It's mac and mac goes. Kind of with him on that. Mac and mac goes to-- - It was awesome. - It was awesome. - You're getting into my world right now. This is all I do on YouTube. It's food reviews. Thank you Cina reviews and board walk walks. - That's great. - So they were trying to say you could crush a cruise. - I could crush a cruise now. When I was younger, I couldn't do it, but now that I realize the beauty of, I'm in a hotel in the sea. - But it's so small, there's no windows in the world. - Oh, it's suck-ass. - It would suck. - I did it right into World Caribbean when I was 14. It was, it's kind of lit, honestly. - I think if I was 14. - All soft surface. - 14, I could probably handle it. - Yeah. - Now I would be furious. - It's the Monroe Institute on the fucking wall. - It is. - The food's trash, bro. What are you talking about? - There's an English, there's an English cruise for, uh. - You haven't seen the videos I've seen. - New right now. - You haven't, the four seasons has a yacht. - Fucking cruise right now. Like you don't know there's high end issues. - It sells out right away. - It's like megabove. - Celebrity X cruise. - This is not celebrity X. Stop. - No. - There's swingers cruises. - Stop. - That's what we were talking about. - Guys, not big doggy. When I went on a cruise and I was 14, I got the dinner with the captain. - That's all. - Probably I don't know why. - I probably got 16 dudes with Captain Alphan. It was with my friend's family. - It's called grooming. - I remember they were like, "We're gonna eat dinner at the captain's table tonight." And I was like, "Okay." - Yeah, holy shit. - Whenever I was like snuffing. - You probably had drunk. - Yeah, we were drinking wine. We drank wine. It's cool. You're like walking on the sun. And you go, "Whoa, your legs are sea legs." - Yeah. But I heard they're terrible for the coral reefs. - I mean, it's whatever. All I do is watch YouTube videos about it and what it did was it graduated into a swinger. - Yes. - And I didn't do that myself. - Wow. You built it. - I didn't. - Brick by Brick. - They don't build themselves, but it is. Somehow you wound up in super deals and fucking swingers' alcove. - Well, the cruise is all there. - The cruise is swinging. - The cruise is a big thing. - You brought that upon you. - It was funny though. We had a good time with it. - Yeah, you were warming up to something. You were maybe trying to get holess to be swingers, dude. - What's that? - Bless you swingers. - Get in the wall. - Get the pill for your mind and body. - Yes. - And bless them at sea. - It's a blue shoe gold. (laughing) - She's gonna be rockin' it. - I would like to take that with like full medical supervision. So I take my wife to the hospital. Have them hook me, have them like John Hopkins. - Put the things and stickers on my head. (laughing) - FNR eyes. - Stickers on my head. - And just have them watch. - It's strong and cool. - We're taking a blessed right now. - I'm gonna watch me fucking just let me just let me meet you at your point. (laughing) - Holy fuck. - You're asking. (laughing) - Just to stroke. - Just break her off with mid-disk. - Yeah. (laughing) - I'm king of that, bro. (laughing) - I mean, mid-disk. - I thought the premature stuff was, I thought the pre- I didn't realize the premature stuff was like this. You know what I mean when you're young and then when you're old. - Yeah, you hitin' pre-jacks. - No way. - It's not a two-pound jump, bro. - Oh, they lost. - That's all fuckin' great. Pre-jacks, not bad. Pre-jacks have been accomplished. - You ever get to know jack? - On soft. - No jack. - No jacks, terrible. - They get mad for worse. - I don't know what that is. - It's alcohol and dudes, no jacks. - Oh, like no comment. - Hit. - No. - Alcohol and dudes, no jacks, fair. - Yeah. - Spades on top of the mountains. - He skipped a snap. - It's pre. - Oh yeah. - On top of the mountain. - Yeah, you look down at us. - Yeah. - Yeah. - We're not here for that. - Yeah, I'm a huge dick. I come all the time. (laughing) - Fuck that dude. I don't wanna hear you ever. - You have your full penis, bro. - There's some guy. - And I'm sorry. - We're mutilated. - We're pumped. - I gotta do cardio, just get it up. (laughing) I gotta swim in a mile a day. Just get my motor. I'm basically pumping it. I might as well have a pump in my balls. - They have that. - They have that for the girls, yeah. - I know. - The trends. - They have the pump rolling. - Guys, porn stars do it too, apparently. - Oh, really? - Yeah. Dude, any porn star you see, apparently, that's not, it's never a natural motor. Not a single one. - Dude, dude, just have to make themselves feel better. - These are guys, it sounds like a really professional sex act. - Bill, I watch, I watch software. - It sounds like crazy. - I don't talk about it. - Mark Leeda has to fucking calm down with that shit. - Which one exactly? - Software horny belly. - All this shit is like, fucking glory whole girl. Porn actress, like dude, just literally, you have the world. - You could interview anyone. - Did you ever see, did you ever see when he, I don't know if this is, I'm not niche market right now. But one time, one time he, uh. - I mean, that's literally what you're saying. (laughing) - But this prostitute up. - He was one of the King of the Nation. (laughing) - Your crown. - I hit him with my one niche mark on the way here, which was flags. - Oh yeah. (laughing) - I'll testically straight down the line. - Yeah, he's normal. - You got a male. - No, you know what hurt? I was bragging about my trivia. To somebody I was sitting there showing them, and I was like, dude, I get this, I get this. Walk outside. There's a kid, you know, the people that do, like, sign up for shit, the people that just stand. - Yeah, invest. - Yeah, and this kid just comes up to me and goes, can you name a state that ends with a letter K? And I was like, there's not, there's not. - That quick? - That one, that one gets people. - Can you? - New York. - Yeah, he was like, you've been there. And I was in New York and I was like, what? (laughing) What the fuck are you talking about? - Oh, shit. - That he was like, it's New York and I was like, I have to leave. (laughing) - I was also thrown off. I thought I was gonna interview. - Yeah. - I thought there was a camera. - I was just making up words in my head, like. - I always just, when I first, when I first confronted this, I was like Arkansas ends with an S, so, no, there's not one. And then eventually I, yeah, I spas on that one too. - I did dream. - I just said that came up somehow somewhere and I was like, oh, oh. - Man, I had a dream that in the Great Lakes, if you were like, I don't know what I watched that like had this happen to me, but if you were like in the Great Lakes around Lake Eerie and Lake Michigan then shit, if you looked above it, there was Norway. And I had a dream that that was real and I had, I had it wrong my whole life. And I lived like a whole day thinking like, damn, I figured that out. - That's insane. - And then it's all map again and I was like, gosh, you know what I'm saying. - Yeah, no one could understand it. - Like you was like in the sky, no. - I thought, like, I like, where Canada was in Norway. - Okay, I thought it was. - And I don't know, it's probably World Cup clips I saw. They're like, got this guy on my head. But like, for a whole day, I was like, damn, that's crazy. - Speaking of Norway, right? - Norway is right. - But we go to Norway whenever we want. - What are we doing? - We want. - What are we doing, dude? - I'll do it. - It's not a far away. - He'd read a book one time. That was to put like a full, what is a fiction? Like completely not real. - What is a fiction? - Not fiction. I wouldn't get that confused. - Yeah. - But as I had read it, I thought it was fucking real the whole time and then finished it, look at it, it was fake. - That was like 100 pages. - Yeah. - For 100 pages. - He was actually getting scared. (laughing) - Do you remember what it was? It's called Jenny Flat. It's by Tracy Twyman. - What happened to it? (laughing) - She was doing like, she was like invited to these like weird like Prime Minister, like level British, Masonic, rituals. And then I was like, this is fucking nuts. (laughing) - Oh, but dude, the horny white underbelly. He, or whatever, where you're calling it. He didn't want to. - He didn't want to. kind of pretty. Dude, he interviewed a prostitute who was pretty obviously and and he, you know, asked all the questions and then he eventually like got her an apartment and helping her to get her act together. Yeah. And she had been lying the whole time because he was like he had a much like the Whittakers. Dude, he had her on and he was like, Hey, welcome back. And he's like, turns out you were lying about it. I mean, dude, he had a key to her apartment. So he was like, I just thought it was weird. Like you said, you're out of town. The lights were on. So I just stopped by. How do you use a bathroom anyway? And there was a fucking guy in there and she ended up getting like a weird young girl from this. Bro, she was, she was having sex with her half brother this entire time. Many such cases. And he was, he was just laughing text him like, bitch ass, pussy ass, fucking trick your ass. I got all that money bitch. It's kind of nice. I think he started having both of them on. Yeah, the Whittakers got like money and stuff and then he got pissed at him because I start misusing funds. It's like, dude, have you looked at Demi and wrecked? No money. It kills me that I think like to some people on the Whittaker. And you know that. There's elite people. There's elite elite people that would look at us as Whittakers, dude. No. For real. They would you just go, bro, you're talking about like Paladians. I'm telling you, you have to be like a fucking alien race. Like Whittakers are fucked up, bro. Bro, I'm telling you. Timmy and Ray are jammed. King Charles thinks you're a Whittaker. King Charles has fatties. There was these pictures. Yeah. He mobs. He's got it. He's got it. Venice in hands. No, he crushes my hands. Really? Like actual, like looks like a hamburger helper. Which one's for installs? Charlie boy. He's the king. Okay, he's the king. Got you. Not Edward. I'm thinking of Edward. Now, who's the guy? Andrew? I'm thinking of Andrew. Prince Andrew. naughty boy. He's a party. He's got completely cut off. Yeah. He was having sex with mine or something. Yeah. They were like, yeah, we got it. You can't really fuck around. He's out. He's out. He's out of the picture. Try to hit it. I don't sweat fucking excuses. He was. He was on sweatshots. Yeah. He was on. He was on. I was at pizza palace all time. Yeah. Also to him, you got to think like, I don't know. That probably is. He's got to get in trouble. If you're a fucking royal, like that blows, dude, I get in trouble your whole life. I was, I kept laughing when he was in jail for like 10 minutes. So he the first guy to get Prince Busy. He's going to be nuts. Oh, yeah. Someone. He got right out. But dude, imagine no one's done. He's the first prince in jail since like, I don't know, honestly, for him, though, hookers were like porn for him. Yeah. You would probably just be like, yeah, what a board of this kind of those who get to a level where it's like not even hookers. Yeah. Yeah. They don't even like hookers. They want ones that don't want it. Yeah. They take it. Yeah. If you talked up, you see, you take it. It's dark stuff. Yeah. That's a royalty, bro. That's what they're up to. Yeah. Nonsense. Yeah. So anyway, what else is going on? Yeah. Shows when we crazy tomorrow. I can't think about a single other thing. Yeah, you just got back from non, bro. You've no idea, though, I fucked up. I mean, how many beers will I have before this? This feels like a four or five on. I think four or five to go out there. You're almost like, four is perfect. That would be yeah. This is how legends are made. Four is a foot in each world. Yeah. You have a full each world. Yeah. Yeah. Ten years. Yeah. This is going to be four or five. It feels like a four or five. Everyone will be pumped up. They'll probably just be running on adrenaline. Simple. Just go out there and don't think about it. It's a walk. Stay away from a Sunday night. You got to eat clean before the show. Eat clean, watch your magnesium. Like, listen, I'm fine. Watch the site rate. It's more physical symptoms. It's like when he lost your vision. It's a bad trip. Yeah. But if you come out and just shake up the mud and just go, the place is going to go nuts. That would be sick. That would be a sick move. Do do that. That'd be nice. I told you. I just got one move. Just gonna say, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. This is why I can't. That's what you need. The one who's kid rocks boy, JT or the magic, the midget. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good name. It was JT. We haven't. It wasn't JT. What was the midget's name? That's going to fuck your ass. He'll spade in football. Give the shape up where we go. I got to be on whatever big J's on. He's yeah, whatever he's on it. He's doesn't care. Oh, what's that? Robert Danny Jr. takes them like beta. Maybe he's on beta blockers. I don't know how you would do that. I'm not going to fucking risk that. I've never done it. Well, apparently, so I'm going to try it there. Yeah. That's the thing. I'm going to try and true a couple of bloodlinks. Yeah. That's a real beta blocker. It should work. Well, the beta blockers, they're saying they're the most widely prescribed thing in the world. Look, they're totally, I've had people pitch me on them and I'm like, nah, man, I don't want to do that. I'll be like, you literally can't freak out on them. I'm like, I will find a way to trust you. So that's I need to be able to freak out. I think to be able to be on stage fighting that. Right. I think so too. If I'm up there, like, I don't give a fuck. I'm going to say that worst. It's like your heart can't reach over a certain heart level of heartbeat. So if you're on them, it's like you psych meds. Today, you kind of are like light psych meds. You just can't, your heart doesn't want to go that way. You did on beta blockers. You should probably hijack the big screen, put on YouTube's. That would be a sick fucking job. Check this out. He's my favorite. 45 minute Midwest safety video. We're going to watch it. I mean, that would be kind of sick, honestly. I agree. That would be pretty nice. What time do they kick everybody out? There's got to be like time. I don't know. We'll be right though. Yeah. With time. It's not that long with show. You ever see the house, the holy cover for Lads Apple? Yeah. Don't buy that. Everyone's leaving. Just calling it. It's naked but screwing up to pass out. Right. It's going to be crazy. Pass out rates can be out of one out of 100 pass out rate. It's going to be so many people. You got a screw. You got a, you know, there's no death. You got a video on a fucking SharePoint on the on the crowd. Cameras probably. Bro, that turns into wingbowl. You ever been a wingbowl? You have. No, but like you watch the hot dog contest. Never. I mean, I was just talking to Tom about wings to go. They're a wing. They had like this sauce levels. It was, it was homicide, suicide homicide, genocide, genocide. They used to be wings to go. That's how we used to be able to talk, man. It's in that way. I know. He's been able to walk back out. I'll have a, let me throw some genocide. It doesn't genocide. It doesn't genocide. And it's suicide just for me. And then it's around in my bunker. Homicides and some suicides. I put a cyanide cap in my dog's mouth. I say goodbye, Blondie. Yes, they have the basketball coach. We've had guys run some suicides. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're now allowed to say that. And they don't you know. Yes, there's gas. We ran gasses. There were like, I need run of blitz. It's true for real. It's crazy. How many, we're, and if I think about it, yeah, all the sports, all roads, all roads, almost like we merge with them. Yeah. I've seen some, I've seen some lives hitting sports are fascists. Okay. That's like one of the things. But now soccer. It's like, no, that's fascist. Oh, really? We're worrying about anything like like you don't want to win. Winning is like sports should be about fun. That's the hardest cope ever. It's crazy. I mean, the minute you get out there, sports are about fun. And then you get caught from the team and all the dudes are on the team. They think sports is about winning. Yeah. That's fucking jerks. They're fascists. That's fucking dumb girls. He's fucking all the guys on the team. Assholes. Fascist bitches. Fascist bitches. Fascist enablers. They know they're fucking oppressed by the same. They don't even play jackpot anymore. Well, jackpot. Like you would everyone at recess, one guy would throw the ball to the dude's. You'd be like, we played it in a beach trip. Yeah. Now it's just called moss. So the minute you moss someone, then you get the ball. Wait, why can't you just call a jackpot? They just call it moss. I don't know. I'm just saying time to change. Time to change. I mean, because I've been seeing kids. Yeah. It's made like where it was the best. Yeah, that was crazy. It's made like where, but yeah, I see kids play jackpot in the pool in my house. Really? Yeah. Jackpot in the pool is so fun. It's pretty awesome. Can't wait. We're going to do that soon. But I can't wait. I lost my wedding ring playing jackpot last time. I'm going to beach. Just flew off my hand. That was crazy. What did you were all with afterwards? We mean rubber. Didn't have one. I said, have one for a while. That's fucking so. Yeah. I don't give them fucks. Sometimes I don't wear it all day and I just go, I don't give a fuck. Whatever happens. Whatever fucking happens happens. Sick, larp. You can't wear it. I do feel weird without it on. I do feel kind of like free. I feel like I kind of do like Toby. No, I don't. I am. Or I'll like forget it. I'll go leave for the weekend to do stand-up and I'll be on stage and I'll try to preface it. I'd be like, I'm not trying to get pussy. I just forgot my ring and people are like, okay, dude, how about you calm down? Thought it was funny, Joe. It's clearly funny. Gee, sorry, start home. Thought you guys had a fucking sense of humor here and fuck me out now. That's the worst. The thing you're like, this will be funny. This is a personal thing about me right now. Yep. The crowd's just you staring at you. Hey, everyone, I'm just a diarrhea before I came out here. The same thing we want to hear. Yeah, do drop. I had retired. I had retired right now. I had to retire. The eating babies joke. I had retired. People just don't let the crap. Yeah, I thought it was a poignant observation. Hit me with it. Fuck yes. No, where the leg? Give me a little taste. It absolutely ruins the vibe. So here's an audience. Okay, so I'm going out there. I go, hey, you know, blah, blah, I was fucking spurted, I don't fucking give a fuck whatever, crushes every time. And then, and then I say, you know, I say, look, the world is kind of designed in like a scary fucked up way. And I say, hey, if you ever eat and feel, and they go where crowd goes, yeah, I mean, you know what it is. You go, yeah, it's baby cow. It's kind of fucked up. And I go, you know, lamb, you go, oh, yeah, baby sheep. And I go, so you know what? If you were to do a human being, who would be the most delicious option? And I start and they go, oh, no, I go, yeah, babies would be according to nature, the way it's designed. Babies are the most delicious. I was like, if you think about it, it would be, you know, it's kind of fucked up to think about it. It's kind of like they see their arm pop out of the lobster pot, and you fucking little pig, little heart. Cratch it down. No. So they don't like that. So I've retired it. Yeah. I mean, I watched the video today, not to debunk your joke, but like, I watched a video today in Uganda, there's a town of cannibalists that believe in wizards and cannibals, and they say that all humans, no matter what age tastes the same. Really? So debugged. Maybe I can bring that to the stage. You can bring that to the stage. Say, guys, I'm just kidding. All humans taste equally delicious. Yeah. Because these guys in Uganda, they know really just saying a baby doesn't taste any better. I can't be true. They grow up learning. I saw. I've seen a lot of people in case you're like a baby's a five wagyu. Talk to these guys in Uganda. Do they listen to the town? It's called Raquel. Raquel. Taco Bell's end of life cows allegedly. Oh, yeah. I heard about that. They're great. Well, I suppose there's a diary outbreak from, and they're trying to talk about. No, no, no. They're trying to say that they're, uh, they're salad or whatever, like they're lettuce and shit is because there's Mexicans who are cheating on the crops. And then I looked into it, there was like videos from Mexicans first came over here and they're like, please shit anywhere about the crops, but they keep shitting on the crops when they're out there. They're out there. They're outside. They're outside. They're not going to walk back. Obviously this outbreak is literally from Mexicans dumping on fucking crops. Have you ever driven through Yuma? No. Obviously. Never took the three times. Me and Spey were on the three times. What do you see? He's always shitting on the crops. The lettuce farms, dude. And it's all Mexicans. The whole thing. The shit on the lettuce out there? I don't see a lot of poor lettuce. No, if you're out there, there's no way you're walking three miles back to a fucking shed. We were in fucking date county. Think about the heat and then the itching and the burning. Yeah. It's probably liquid. Yeah. Well, when they first come here, dude, I even wipe right and have to work the rest of the day. Dude, our diet wrecks fucking Mexicans when they first come here, the food crushes them. Yeah. I audibly witnessed a guy who had just been here for two weeks dump in when he worked in Tom's taco truck. And I took him into this like place in Drexel's campus. And I was like, yo, I was like, where's the bathroom? I peed him. He's right there. He's like, no, no, no, no. Hit the toilet. It was like, it was. And I was like, yeah. I sat on the outside of someone, God damn, what the fuck is that? Every summer we get the lads painting, they come over here and you go, damn, that's what we're supposed to look like. They're all like Galic football players and shit. All warm ups. Adidas after like a summer, dude. Oh, the average summer. A summer of wow, wow, bro. Done. They're fine. They look like the rest of it. They become white trash. Yeah. Just become what? A couple of Higgies next thing you know. It's too addictive. Just go to the stream. Yeah. Sure rocks. Yeah. Mac and cheese. Mac and cheese for me. Yeah. Dude, we went back in the day. We would go to Florida for Easter and we're in Dade County. My dad got a haircut from like Dominicans in the hood. It was fucking crazy. Random airtime. And then we're going. Dude, we're going. I got hit with that. Bro, we're going by. I like literally almost a plantation. No need to do that. My first special, I panicked the day before I got ripped with a fucking nasty Dominican. It's easier like to do the bangs, but we'll in the bag. It's a girl. Dude, my dad went. My dad went and was like, fuck yeah, that's a good haircut. Bill, let's go. I'm getting you a haircut. Brought me a got one on our way back when you did that. Yeah. I did. Yeah, pretty much. And we all get the same haircut as your dad, by the way. All of us get the exact same haircut. On the way home, we're going by like literally like an orange farm. And my dad is, oh, it's like my pull out or a smash box right there. It's 98 degrees and he took a shit in the fucking porta potty that was like, dude, it was probably breached. Like I've been in fucking scrap yards before up in, uh, absco up in fucking North Philly where there was a just a fucking abandoned porta potty next to the scale. And I was like, I got a fucking pest, dude. And it was literally perfectly diamond up top and just dry, it even smells out of water over there. It didn't even smell. It was so old. It was just like, it was like a river bank on Mars. Yeah. I walked in there and I was like, God, damn, that's crazy and I just fucking rolled. Man, do you pay? Wait, do you react to it? Do you pay on it? I didn't fucking react to that, dude. You got to be on it. Where'd you be? I went under a 95. You didn't fucking pay in there? Bro, that's fat. You got to be on the breached, dude. I did. You got to be on it. I would have got, like, fucking some disease, bro. Mommy's cursed. Literally didn't smell. I swear to God, there's just a Mexican in there like this. Did you ever see the Mexican aliens? I mean, they're like paper mache fucking three foot aliens. That was great. That was awesome. That came and went. I know. I know. Like the Indian moon landing. Also hilarious. What was the Indian moon landing? Indian moon landing. Indian moon landing. It's seen from the Star Wars. Indian moon graphics. They're on the control panel. Like, there is no Bob's up here. Bring it back. There's your Bob's. It's like 16 bit. It's really so. Yeah, it's Star Fox. Yeah. It's Star Fox, dude. It's crazy. Yeah. It really does look like an old video game. It's crazy. They try to pull that just like dude. Just don't go to space. You guys have fucking everything else. You don't have the gear. Space. Wait. So did they actually go? Do you think it's cap? No. Dude. There's no way. Dude. So they capped about the moon. Yeah. Oh, it's really beautiful. Oh, they're not lying. It's a very beautiful moon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They are fucking Houston. That call center must be nuts. Come on. Come on. That's good. Have you tried pressing this? Give me this. I'll respond. I'll respond. I'll respond. I'll respond. Give me this. Give me this. I'll respond. I'll respond. I'll respond. Yeah. We have a problem. Yeah. Ollie would have followed 13 days. They call it Michigan troll every time it goes. What? And they come up. Hello. Hello, sir. Fuck. Fuck. We'll take you something. Fuck. We're coming through the atmosphere of crashing. Calm down, buddy. Don't come into calm down, buddy. Come down, buddy. Fuck. Dude, I got here with the young girl. Fuck you, buddy. Fuck you. Yeah. That was very valuable. How fuck you? Yeah. The Algo of dudes bothering 7-11 guys. We've been here with the kids. It's rage. I want to check it out. They rage-bait the Indian bros. Oh, God. Indian bros always go in the back. Get the big stick. Come out. I'm going to do this. You said that I have seen those guys. They take all the guys. Yeah. They should go in and go. You're seeing a guy walks in and one of those goes. Yeah. Don't do this. Don't do this. Don't do this. I'll call 119. Don't do this. I'm here to work for my first day. Don't do this. Don't do this. Get away. Get away. Get away. Get away. They come in. They order an energy drink. They crack it open. They drink it. They go. I don't want this. A little rain, man. It's a quick rain. It's been fun. It's so bad. It is me. No, they deserve every ounce of it, dude. What? They ruined my fucking phone. No, no, no, no, no. I don't think that guy is that working. That's a guy. He's on the front fucking line. Heart people hurt people. No, they got me. They made me change my fucking phone. I was getting 130 calls. You were fucking it. You were fucking it. We had to. They're scared. You were saying, can I talk to a light man? Two. I guess I'm mad every time. I fucking did this. Dude, they are fucking scamming out all the time. I told you that. I was like, why are you so mean to them? I'm like, bro, they're literally scamming all the people. True. I have to, but they won the battle. I've done. Bro, they put their flag in my phone number. It's fire back up. I love fucking with those guys. I used to call and they would say, what's your name? I'd be like, that's a weird name. It's H-U-G-H. And last name is J-A-N-U-S. Hugh Janus. Fuck you. You bloody motherfucker. I'm sorry. Hugh Janus would work every time. I love that. Fire up the old phone. Yeah, 69 ball sack Avenue. That was good. There we go zip code. I'm ready to sign. And so real quick for you. I'm gonna fuck your mom. Fuck you. Fuck my mom. Fuck you. They would get me for Matt having to link with shit. And it was an old spade on the phone with me. And she's like, where's your brother? I was like, I don't know. I don't know where the fuck is that. I think he's dead. She's like, you ain't nothing but a litter. Jeter bug. It was like some southern dude. We used to go to, we used to talk to them. And then once they realized it was the both of us, they knew like something was out. And then it was just fucking. They have cops. We call the cops. I don't give a fuck. I'm gonna fire. I got a fire back. I was just thinking about firing those guys back up. You can look up the numbers. I think they have fun with that. They do. Some of it. Yeah, they do. I like to get. If I get into practice. Most of their day is just hang up. Yeah. Yeah. I got an inside track saying a lot of them are in recovery. Oh. So they're just in warehouses in Florida trying to like call heroin. Who the fuck is that job? Well, yeah, you call them. Yo, yo bro, thinking about using it get they get fucked up I was told by someone in recovery to hit them with it They don't get on the vessel. Where are you going farting house? You fucking clean man? How many days you get? I'm not saying I put this off I'm not saying I use it. I'm saying if you get if you get attacked you can let it go my bad. I mean a wallberg out when you guys You look like you're in zero G over there Sorry, that's all why is it happening? I've no idea the issue will work that out Bro, it took me a second around all this saying dude. Yeah, sometimes it's not the wand. It's a wizard No one takes the wizard Keep trying to come over to me Fucking you guys really are fucking hilarious I might just gonna be okay, bro dude. Do you ever think about going backwards at all stage. It's all dude. Yeah guys are absolutely fine You're literally You're undeniably masked bro, I'm chopped on your mask bro. Let's sick forget your worries We'll get a fucking doubles the ceiling pizza from Frank goes for gone. It's sausage Good good You know cuz yeah, what a big doubt imagine the chill afterwards. That's gonna be nice Gonna be the chill Bram, also It's gonna be the chill it's gonna be nasty as fuck. I got a I mean give yourself a high five. It's It's gonna be my fucking mom's not even going serious It's funny cuz she definitely feels bad and she's sending me text. She's like I didn't realize that It was a year away. I told her this. No, she knew this was coming She's like I have to go to Europe me and your aunt you're we've planned it. We've planned this for so long She literally go to change it a week just a week later. Yeah, I'll pay for it. Yeah, she's sending me text It's like just know that my soul is with you No, she's ended that age of like she'll send me I'm sure you guys do it. The moms and dads got hold of Instagram Reels Oh, it's crazy and I'm getting hit with like my son is the most important thing to me and I'd love to see him grow into the man He's become Respond with home. I said let me get some change No, I just my mom didn't accept my fucking DMs for like a year. I was about you have to accept it. It's like I was sorry Fills on the Reels I caught him last night. He was Jones gone. Fills getting fucking hammered. Oh, he's like keep me clean No, he's still getting hammered, but this no, I'm talking about all the Reels. Oh the Reels. I think he's still normal Okay, but he was in the night hustle. He was in the dark. I mean you two got me caught him in the dark He was sitting in the dark looking at Reels and he's crying. Doom's growing in the recliner And I was like bro, what are you doing? He's like often just looking at the What's the thing? They fun thing. I was like Instagram. He's like, yeah It's like dude. This is gonna be the last decade of all the real wheel. Oh yeah, I knew we did that. Well, there's no sports last night Yeah, normally he's on the sports. Yeah, yeah, but sports is on Reels. He's you're That's what he was watching. I was like what do you watch? Reels is like bro. He was watching Luke Kekeley highlights I was watching too. My let my last if I go on the internet dude. It's like Caitlin Clark fighting. Yeah, LeBron MJ fucking arguments bro Messi fucking honors out, but now it's like messy stuff Like you need to I'll send you to Luke Kekeley highlight video that Phil was watching. It's you're gonna go Damn, that's actually sick. Yeah, it's for your body. He was just watching a heavy lineback it. Yeah, there's a white man playing Yeah, just a guy he was calling plays before the offense. Right. I mean that's Phil's shit He's drunk in a recliner He's like Palpatine on the day. He was he was he would he didn't know we were coming. Yeah, he got outside. He was like, oh Yeah, why are you Look like my Maverick wrote up on Iceman in a new top gun who's just sitting in the chair like he's got Got the glow of the TV on the porch. Just Yo, Phil, it's going. It's off. She's Dude, you're fucking waste Come on drinks, but now he's been calling He calls my assistant constantly for tickets. Oh, yeah, like dude. He's got like 40 tickets to this fucking thing And it's people it's just anybody Shade the bartender T-bone down at the Elk Slodge her. She was in a tough car accident Tough car. It's great. She's saying that son wants to come to the uh, I mean Happening to everybody. It's yeah, yeah, that's dude. The list was never met you. Yeah, so I'm gonna get you box sweets, dude Now that you ask me I'm gonna get you I hear him talking to my assistant asking for tickets. I don't like put that on speaker You not getting fucking tickets, Phil and he's like god damn it grace Don't fucking let him hear this So I'm gonna need those tickets He's getting the tickets. I say no to him every time He's a power broker. There's yeah, Phil has a section at the link dude Yes And it's just random fucking people that probably don't give a fuck about me right? It's about again My son's down there if you want to go check him out. Oh my god, and then I got all you're proud of me. He's like not proud of you shame Yeah, you're wearing a tires hat It's nice hat people like it That is a fucking scumbag. I'll be excited. My mom's out there. Yeah, he's gonna be Let's hear it off with those things you get the Kelly Yeah, do you have to be there in the morning and stuff? I probably will I'll get there pretty early right I'm gonna sit in the Fucking the Eagles locker. We're gonna be able to walk around the length like you have a heart attack Like he owns it He can walk you do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah He's gonna walk he's gonna be giving tours dude, but you never hear this sure they won He'll be yeah, and then he'll be like Shane invite him into the green room. They want to make you I'm not you bring in 10 people from the fucking elks club And like every show I go I go those are my dad's friends. There's six fucking old drunk dudes in the corner Who was the kid that threw up that one time? That was my cousins Nephew, it was like a distant relative showed up and was blacked out Dude ran to the bathroom so they threw up everywhere throughout the building. Yeah, and then she came back in I've done this in my life. I had a pile of my goobies in Baltimore. Yeah, I was legendary. Take me back So far I met their maker that not loud through those. Yeah, I was so drunk It was big. Who does that barely forgot I fuck I didn't remember taking me except in the car ride home I was like I'm thinking weird. Yeah Oh, yeah, we were fucking banging on your door I wasn't like dude. He ever the whole squad fucking disintegrated. You were a ground man. I'm pretty sure I was a ground man, but I was heavily sunburped sure I threw up through the goobies fucking I threw up in the goobies fucking bathroom and then we went back and I just remember spade and you were all fucked up You looked at me like holy shit dude. You sunburned. I was like, yeah, this hurts. Yeah, that was a place That was me that night. I was spot. I was me right behind you I was just sitting there. Was that news? Hell no Why would we pop and chip? It was more of a world day weekend. We were pop and bottle pop and bottles Yeah, it was awesome. We did it boy. It's my goobies. That was that was life cast. Oh, that's it Those things are they just destroy you. They were the live cast or some of the worst shows You show up and you have no plan. There's a fucking live audience. You're like I'm hitting the eject button and getting shit faced on stay and you just completely devolve on stage. It's how legends are made It was pretty it is pretty sick. Awesome. Yeah, that was gone that fight with the guy about Penn State at Helium Epic guy had to get like carried out. He's trying to rush the stage to fight Yeah, you were fucking saying Wasn't that guy like hurt or something like like mentally? He had like a brain. I was fired up Trying to rush the stage. He was so angry. I forgot about that. You could always do that Should I tell you that randomly go through people? Ever of them up on the fucking screen? He did. We didn't I'm just saying like all next time you do a live That would be fun if you do a live fucking Yeah, that'd be fun now We have showmanship truly under our belts after tomorrow. We can have we can lead a circus Happy see if you got rise involved we're gonna become safe friend. There's a bar gotzy did bar gotzy's doing the fucking Amusement he's making an amusement park it exactly. I'm gonna I was strongly considering getting wired up and launching out of the stadium at the end There, and I was like really fast. I think you deserve a back top Just pass out. I think you would deserve at least if nothing else one exotic animal in your house come on I'm been scheming on a backyard tortoise. That'd be awesome. That'd be sick having a tortoise in your backyard. Yeah Should we break things now I got a date you got to dig your fence down. I really looked into it You got to dig like photos as I dig out, but it will trash your fucking garden They're known as they're known as bold though. They're bulldozed. There's no bulldoze your entire That's all he'll be awesome, dude. Yeah, fucking you need to get a mug munchle or what are they? Michael Jackson's monkey bubbles. I can't Watch that video that's the only thing I think about but you can start tortoise and get a little guy And then they'll take a while for it to get big so he's got a little humble tortoise This is in Paris. Live like fucking long a shit forever. You have to put in your will your tortoise would be in your will for sure They live long as hell. No, I saw a thing. I was watching um the Saudis are building rollercoasters right now really at You got to see this shit. We don't be lively fucking rollercoaster park damn It's like to capital all the time How's it looking? It's fucking sick. You know, I want you you brought up rollercoasters I was like yeah, what is the latest on rollercoaster technology? It's in sound. It's that's what I'm saying They're they're pretty great. Are they really? Yeah, I haven't even thought about going on one ever since a little boy Fucking got hurt on that slingshot one bro. Yeah, that's the worst video. I've seen in a while which one where the fucking thing Shoots up in the air and it's coming back down the the fucking fat kid gets to the ground before it hits the cement And they all come down, but his shit didn't clip in. Yeah, so he got ejected out of the fucking thing I'm the stranger bush gardens location six five Fucking Saudis do they don't give a fuck have no way five hundred thirty five feet. That's terrifying Come on total elevation change six hundred forty feet one hundred ninety five meters for you fucking dorks and your it takes a while dude But 155 miles an hour. It's worth it. This is terrible. It's gonna be you. Yeah, hold on me see me tomorrow That's gonna be me trying to sleep tonight We see the drop. This is a drop. That's the drop first drop. Oh Dude, we got we're taking the loop Yeah, okay, you're doing that's that you need to look up Williams Grove Roll coaster. You have a roller coaster There was The kids would never click like nothing bring it back nothing work. Yeah, it's fucked. It was fun. Damn it was small as fuck So it wasn't what didn't we thought yeah, we thought yeah, we thought I do actually yeah Let's rip it I have to go walk to the yeah, yeah, walk the field I don't even this will be a mistake looking. No, it's gonna be great hands me on your back walk through go um That let's get a crane in here. We got to move that four feet to the left. You got to do one thing Do sound check. It's gonna echo. I'm gonna go that's fine Doesn't matter. That's you're going right now Yes, kill it. Yeah, let me see that Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane secret podcast on Spotify do it (upbeat music)