Ep 623 - The Good Guy Weed (feat. Lemaire Lee)

wow wow wes yeah i had to for some reason i woke up at 7 a.m so i'm ruined it's a way to do it i don't know how yeah i understand why a lot of times we're doing the podcast i look over and you're like yeah yeah dude i get it normally i woke up an hour ago just you're just coming to said the money mindset this morning dude i did have the money mindset i'm talking about you had to get up and grind we fired up i got up and grind we're fucking podcasting dude what if i said my social security number we were i would have the money mindset you did woke up played ncaa football for three hours so i'm talking about that out of my system now i can attack the day without distraction for sure then i watched world cup soccer nice so extremely productive not bad i mean watch world cup soccer after this and then i'm gonna at the end of this watch world cup soccer yes it's i mean dude it's the best coming home it's the best game it's got to come home to america it's got to come home to america dude if we win it'll be so funny just because it is we don't really care about soccer like that impossible i know but it's so funny we're gonna need some major upsets we need who do we gotta be i i saw today that technically the road for us to win would be like we're gonna hopefully play belgium the next round okay we get past bosnia we got belgium spain france argentina just is not gonna happen yeah that's tough it's gonna be fun like countries uh i don't know what was it spain no but kind of they were boys argentina belgium he got argentina he lived in after and france he got so yeah oh so it's just us versus the access the access is already out the access all got eliminated i didn't realize how much italy didn't make it japan and germany they're all out really yeah oh good thanks although i i heard a lot of people from south america don't like argentina i didn't realize argentina is pretty hated in south america yeah they're quiet yeah when i heard they're proud of it too that's what i heard i heard the argentinians are proud of it really yeah i have it on good authority that they're uh pretty mean to everybody else just south of the equator you can yeah oh yeah in argentina you can because you got that fucking flair i think south africa gets active gets pretty oh yeah although any white south of the equator australia used to now australia's if true they're lived out yeah but no the um i think you know i think i think in argentina you can just fucking you're by londo like that you can be like fuck that bull but there was a lady there was a black south african r&b lady and they were like oh so how do you as a black you know as a black she's like i'm fucking south african she got to shut it down like don't hit me with that america bullshit she's like i'm just african get out my fucking face like that yeah it's kind of yeah so it's like trick is stupid c yeah is he a white ufc fighter that's just like i'm the only african here yeah and all the like nigerian fighters that live in america get mad is he yeah he hasn't had a fight in like a year it's been a while yeah what do you think about the conor mcgregor fight what do you think's happening i'm excited are you shocked of his physique i'm i'm always shocked no matter what he's doing i go holy fuck he's going nuts dude what weight what weight class is he fighting at as usual uh yeah probably around 170 that's as usual a little heavy for when he was great yeah okay yeah yeah max holloway versus connor it's gonna be a nice fight it'll be an awesome fight i would love to go but yeah i cannot really lock in for the link dude i can't be true out in vegas yeah did you see uh i'll be there you can turn on the tv oh shit i'm gonna do that i was in blizzard i was just standing in the pool i was like this is what i'm gonna do until the 17th and then on the 16th i'm gonna go oh fuck slowly get out of the pool go get your briefcase oh shit oh fuck oh no it's so scary so scary what's crazy too is if you think about it this show i've never thought about it till now is bigger than local news shows what our show yeah way bigger than local news shows this podcast yeah it's we've been bigger since fucking like 2017 i never thought about that though that's crazy local news or even like let's say regional news is that a thing it's just crazy all that if you go to the local news station there's so much hubbub in production yeah it's just crazy i just like thought about now like damn that's crazy weird this is basically local news kind of like this is local news it's nuts we break down the local news yeah we did patreon we covered it unless that was the real one we'll see how bad this goes from there we'll see how bad this goes from there we'll see how bad this goes from there we'll see how bad this goes from there oh dude let me do a fun fact this is this actually is this fact fucked me up so do you guys like oysters yeah do you know when you eat an oyster it's alive yeah it's still alive what and when you're when you're trying to open the oyster the reason it's hard because the oyster is going like no and it's holding the shell together so when you open it it's like you can do it in a way where you kind of like cause it like you know i guess slightly less pain yeah but if you do it kind of like uh artfully you can still feel the oyster i guess it has like a pulse yeah you can actually feel it on your tongue but they're they're living when you open its shell that's like kind of like the ko they're like oh yeah then you fucking i don't think they're thinking too much yeah but still they're still alive it's crazy yeah i mean they are actively fighting you like no no no stop it's not you yeah ow and you slurp them down i just that blew my fucking mind i had no idea they're still alive i wonder how often they're how often they're alive i think i think they are alive i think that if you're serving dead oysters they go bad really quick and they can actually live out of water for like a pretty long time so they're i think the majority of oysters you eat are alive just cool to think about that's why you get so charged when you eat them yeah you get sexually charged yeah you ate a fucking living creature it's hot how do you think they come how do oysters like procreate how do they procreate yeah from getting ripped open and eaten they probably fucking come it's a great question yeah can we get some fucking uh let's find out what's going on with oysters and other seemingly stationary creatures although oysters are probably moving around a little yeah you probably see that one they've been eating yeah they just jizz out jizz into the fucking jizz of mist and i actually did that in the shower today i broadcast i broadcast spawn in the shower today very oyster like it must have been the oysters i ate last week took over my mind and body we gotta fucking spray this shit so they just they just fucking send it out there like i'm this is really quick read but it seems like it's just eggs get shot out and sperm get shot out and it just mixes yo that's such a good way to do it yes it's free swimming larvae is what it's saying video of this hmm i bet we do and the girl oysters being like that's not bad that'd be a good dating like a subsection of tinder where you could just fucking shake the dice two random people you sent out your seed they'd be like oh we mixed it you guys have a little nino you know it's time to settle down and you know you settle down yeah we're not gonna settle down why if you become an episcopal priest i live a foot away i'm never gonna see her i'm on the other side of this rock i'll never see that bitch again i was just nothing hoping to find something says the when they're doing it too like the water gets milky it's just like a milky mist of like eggs and sperm it's just like a hundred million of them a year has anyone ever eaten that probably because the oysters taste good i'm venturing to guess that their fucking splooge is probably nice delicious and oyster milk oyster milk would be nice huh when we eat steak well you said since oysters taste good you think their milk would taste good but we eat cows all the time and i don't think they're well what are you talking about that's you named like the best example of milk he's talking about nut he's talking about nut i think you've never had cow jizz though fair yeah sorry for bringing it up That's okay. I wouldn't be. I wouldn't. Bro, if you for real. You goddamn dopers. The second podcast we do is always the dopers. These guys gotta cut out the pot big time. The pot's taking over your life. If you were to chug a bowl of cum, it might not be the best taste, but you would be turbocharged, dude. You'd get stronger. And 100% get stronger. Wasn't that Red Bull? Wasn't that like what was in Red Bull originally? No, dude. Isn't it like taurine? I think it's just taurine is. Isn't it like extracted from. No, I think just the name is from Taurus. Yeah, it's not bullcum. I mean, look that. If taurine is bullcum. I call it bullcum. There's no way. I think it's just the name. This episode is brought to you by Viore. Guys, we've been wearing Viore lately. It's a game changer. The core shorts work for pretty much anything. Gym, errands, hanging around the house, whatever. And the Stratotec tee? Insanely soft. You're gonna want to wear it 24-7. 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Availability, speed, and coverage varies. See mintmobile.com. I'd actually be curious. I'd be curious if Taurine derives from bull. But then it would derive from all cum, right? There's no way bulls have superior cum, unless that's why people used to worship them back in the day. I don't know. What the fuck even is Taurine, dude? I saw a video of Bert Kreischer getting hit by a bull. It was not. It looked like it hurt so bad. When the fuck did Bert get hit by a bull? In like 2002. He got hit by a bull? Yeah. Dude, I saw the new jackass. How was it? Knoxville gets one more bull in. Yeah. It is fucking terrible. Was there anything in there that was like super horrible? Yeah, there was one I couldn't watch. I heard there was one that made people bleed. There's one that's like the grossest thing I've ever seen. Really? Yes. Yikes. It was, they all drink like a colonoscopy laxative. Oh. And then wear saran wrap pants and play Twister. And then everyone starts shitting and throwing up. Dude. It was, that was the worst one. I love jackass. Dude, at the end of jackass. What a finale. I know. I get emotional every single time. I love it so much. Dude, jackass three makes me cry every time. Every time, dude. Every time at the end of that. They got the tribute to Ryan Dunn and then playing the Weezer song. God, no. What about him? Chris Pontius is always drinking cum. I was just watching the old episodes. He did drink some cum. That's why it popped into my head. Did he really? He drank horse cum the one time. They put the fake coochie on the horse and then it like fucks it and it fills up like a baby bottle of milk. Yeah. That's so disgusting. Did he throw up? I don't think he threw up, but everybody else. Yeah, everyone else. He's a cum queen. He is a bit of a cum queen. He can handle it. He might be my favorite. The more I watch the old movies. He's a semen demon. He's so funny. He's a semen demon. It's also, so it's like an old circus. It's like you have acrobats. It's like, what do you do? It's like, I'll just drink all the cum. Our guy, yeah. Steve-O's an ass man. Yep. Yep. But Danger Aaron goes wild. Yeah. He's been going wild. He's been going hard the last couple. Really? What's that? Dave England. Yeah, those two are holding it down. And they're trying to get their checks. They are. But Knoxville, he had one, and he's emotional the whole movie. Yeah. Which is, it's really sad. I mean, it's nice. That's the final one, right? Yeah, allegedly. It's got to be. The third one's supposed to be the final one. Yeah. It was like forever. He always says it's the last one. Yeah. This one was it. Was there any wham bam thank you ma'am? Was bam in there at all? Yeah. I mean, they show like, it's a lot of like old movies. Old clips. Gotcha, gotcha. Yeah. I'm a big fan of bam right now. Yeah, of course. Bam rules. I like what he's up to. He's back skateboarding. I know. That's nice. I like it. I don't know why. Seeing him skateboarding makes me happy. Yeah, of course. That's awesome. Yeah. He's a man. It's his victory over his demons, dude. Yeah. It's the best. When I see him on the board, I get for real like, yes. Yes, man. Yes. Just the fucking 13-year-old in me is like, dude, bam's back. Yes. Bam was like the coolest guy I could ever think of for the longest time. I was like, dude, this guy is the best. I used to get so hyped when they'd show Westchester. Yeah. I'd be watching Jackets. I'd be like, that's Westchester. I've been there. Yeah, like my boy actually knows that house. He drove by once. I've been there. I remember that. I was there at Boards and Blades. Bam came on time. And we were, it was like. So, Boards and Blades fucking rock. Dude, Apollo must have. It was insane. It was like a god among us. We're like, dude. Dude, I heard he has like four fucking sponsors. And we're like, oh. You'd see. You'd see the purple Lambo. In town when I was going to Westchester. This is pre-Lambo days. You'd be like, holy shit, there he is. Oh, that's crazy. You'd drive through. You'd drive past that Wawa by tires. No. No, this is. This was what he just was sponsored. And he was like a very nasty skateboarder. Yeah. And then the thing came out afterwards. But everyone's like, dude, Bam is like the best skater in this area. I used to work at a Burger King in Westchester. And they would come by all the time. It's pretty cool. Really? Yeah. Oh, there was the one guy who didn't like mustard. And I was all for mustard. I can't remember his name. Who didn't like mustard? And you all sort of mustard? I was all for the mustard. He'd be like, ha-ha. And you got a kick out of it. He liked it. He liked it. You were doing a little CKY prank on them. What time period? When were you serving the king? Oh, dude, from like 08 to 2012. Oh, wait. You went to the Burger King in Westchester? Not in Westtown. Like down the highway. Around the grocery street. Yeah. Near the giant. You were serving the Burger King. You were a burger serf. Yeah. And you, the jackass guys would roll in. You'd be like. They'd just come. You know, like, ew. Wee Man. I saw Wee Man drive. Wee Man would come in the drive-thru. You saw Wee Man? Yeah, he would come in the drive-thru. And he had, like, pedals. He'd have, like, stilts. He's fucking Forrest Gump, dude. The very Forrest Gump. I met the lead singer of Lamb of God last week on, like, Wednesday. Just like. At a bar in Virginia. He was just hanging out. And I was like, oh, shit. What's up, dude? Yeah, that's pretty cool. Fucking sick. I'll be honest. The metal guys, I've never gotten into metal. Really? No. And I always hear they're, like, super nice and everything. I just wouldn't. I wouldn't even know. I feel like they're, like, either really fun hangs or really tough hangs. Yeah. Like the metal guys. It's also got to suck if you're, like, metal band starts doing well and you're just not, like, super angry anymore. You're not evil. They're like, all right, dude, get up there. And you're like. And you're like, dude, I just want to dance right now. So, well, things are going good for me the first time. I have a hot goth babe. Yeah. I was thinking that about R&B singers. It has to be, like, kind of sad to, like, sing about pussy still in your 50s. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like 50-year-old dudes. True. I think they all sing about pussy. Like, at all times. Yeah. I think there's a slight dip for a minute, and then you get old enough, and you're just like, no. You're back. You're back to just the horniest. Yeah, exactly. Once the babes. Yeah. When you're 50 and you see a fucking hot 22-year-old, it must be chaos, dude. One divorce. Because you go through a phase where you're like, I'm too old. Yeah. And then you go through a phase where you'd be like. I'm going to die. If I can fuck this girl, everyone's going to support this. No one's going to think it's weird. Yeah. You go from being like, I'm like the oldest guy in this bar. I'm feeling like a creep. And then you're like, what college are you going to, babe? Yeah. Look at your friends. You guys are beautiful. Oh, God. What I'd give for a night with you. I think your fear of death and your horniness just merge, and they just combine into like the most powerful force. It also goes from you reach a certain, like our age. Now we're tricking a young girl. Yeah. But then when you get old, she's kind of tricking you a little. That's true. Society looks at it that way. Yeah. I can see that. That's fair. You're a victim. You're an unfortunate victim. You're an unfortunate. Yeah. They're like, he's. Yeah. He's a real. He's a rich old man. This young fucking money-grubbing bitch. Yeah. Actually, shout out to him. Yeah. Fuck it. True. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. That's why everyone's going to Bill Belichick. And I was up there saying, what are we talking about? I mean, I'll be honest. The Bill Belichick thing is fucking. It's. He should just smash. My thing is like, just smash on the low. The fucking. He's doing Instagram. He's laying. He's. It's too horny. You have to. If you want to do that. We'll smash on the low. He doesn't care. I clearly. He's sick. Also, think about all the time he sacrificed. He won so many Super Bowls. Yeah. That's true. Who's going to talk shit? It's not. Hey, man. I think it's weird. You're banging a young 20-year-old fucking five-year-old hot chick. Yeah. Why are you going to a cheerleading competition? It's like, bro, shut the fuck up. Yeah, but, but I think it would just be after a while that will fade. It'll be. I'm having sex with a hot young chick. Awesome. The minute you're putting up with hot young chick bullshit at 70, it's just like, bro, kill me. I bet he. I bet he can't. I think he doesn't. Process it. No way. So old. Anyone can understand. Actually. Yeah. Just like, ah, shut up. Like, I give a fuck. Shut up. I mean. He's not a bitch, dude. He's not one of us. He's not going to be like, yeah, whatever you say. I'm sorry. You're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, you'd be like, yeah. Yeah. Why don't you fucking get out of my house? You think? Maybe that's the news hating on him. They make it seem like he's getting strung along. Yeah. Bill Belichick would never be an obsession. Everyone hates to see a guy win like that. I will say, here's what I'll say. Here's what I'll say. This is the one thing that I feel like is strange, where it's like, at, how old is he now? Probably close to 80. Yeah. My thing is like, I feel like you got to find something else. If you're still a sex guy at 80, it's like, it's, it's weird. Bro, he's the head coach of the. True. But, yeah, he's only 74. He's still horny. He's the head coach of the North Carolina Tar Heels, bro. He's coaching college football. First off, they're all doing that. Yes, that's true. They all are. He's just the only one going on the gram. Other than, what's his name, at LSU. Lane Kiffin is a fucking freak, boy. I've heard. Shirtless fucking post-hot yogas. It's crazy. I do think as a 70-year-old guy, it's the same thing. That's why you shouldn't fuck kids, because it's weird. There's a serious asymmetry in age. If you're 70 and she's 20, you're doing the thing that everyone's like, you're not allowed to do that. But they're going, come on, man. What are you doing? I just think it is weird. You want him to bang a fucking 60-year-old? Huh? You want him to bang a 60-year-old? No, he's just got to completely stop. He's got to just give it up. Is he divorced? What are you talking about? I'm telling you. Tell him to give up having sex? Yeah, at 70? You've got to have divorced or dead wife. That's how you get a young girl at 70. Divorced or dead wife. I think those are the only types. My thing is just get a hooker. Get a hooker. If you want to go pure sex, get a hooker. His bro got in trouble for that. True, his brother did get crushed. He goes, all right, we're going to go right to the source. We're going to buy the cow. Somehow you're wrong. This is the Patriot way, bro. I don't like it. I don't think it's good. The only path to true happiness is virtue. If you're 70 years old, it's a beast, bro. He's a beast. That's not the good life, dude. That's not the good life? No. Super Bowl, couple Super Bowls, head coach of a college team. That stuff's awesome. But you have to go the way of virtue. I bet you he's banging her friends, too. No, he's not, dude. I bet, dude. He might be barely banging her. Nah, dude. He got the blue chew on deck. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. He should be setting an example for young men to go, hey, guy, he should be on the Misty Mountain. That's just, I don't know. It's sad. There's something about that. It's just my honest reaction. I'm not saying he can do whatever he wants. I forgot the other Patriots. You just got to think about like- Vrabel, Patriot. Who's Vrabel? Vrabel, he's got some scandal. Does he really? Dude, you just got to like, it's like he's been working so hard his whole life. Yeah. He's got a wife. He wasn't focused on any of that. And then he's retired. And now he's like, what the hell am I doing? Let me live. I'm rich. Let me hang out. Let me be the best. What? It's consumerism. It's consumerism. Is that a mermaid Instagram? Yeah. Well, that's hilarious. But this is just another Instagram. But seeing a 74-year-old dude like posted up at like a party photo station. Give it his lady funny years. I'm anti. I'm anti. I'm anti. I'm anti. I'm anti. I'm anti. I'm anti. I'm anti. There's something that strikes me. There's something that strikes me as slightly sad about it. Young babes are obviously awesome. They are obviously awesome. You can definitely look at it that way. I do. No, it's just my natural reaction. I go, I don't like it. We do have to hurt the value of young babes. They're too confident. They're too powerful right now. You think so? Yeah. Nah, that's a, they're like gold, dude. They don't go down. We need to get the babes in trade school. I'm sorry to sour the vibe. I'm just being honest. I don't think you're souring the vibe. I see that and I go, bell check. It's weird. And here's, there's, there's the gauge. It's probably because I have kids, but I'm like, if my 20 year old daughter was dating a 70 year old, I'd try to stop. I do everything in my power to be like, no, don't do that. That guy, you're his sex doll. But Matt, what if he had six Superbowl rings? It's bad. It's going to end up bad. He's going to die. It's true. I hopefully, and I would be going, I hope this guy dies as soon as possible. I'm going to hopefully do heroin and shit. I hope he doesn't die. I hope he does heroin. I hope North Carolina goes eight and four. He does heroin and bangs a fucking 25 year old. It's philosophical rift. There's no way it's bad. It's genuinely bad. I would go, this is a bad thing. This guy's doing, I would pray on his downfall the entire time. I go, I hope this guy dies. Now, if he was dating my 20 year old kid, I go, I want this guy to die. Cause he's being praised. It's a, he's being, it's weird, but whatever. Sorry. I'm just, I'm just, I've been up too early. I'm thinking of my sweet kids. That's fair. But yeah, a hard line on this one. I like it. What if it was like a hard line? I just think, I just think it's, I was like, it's weird. What if it was like, it's certainly weird. Yeah. No, I don't think anyone thinks it's normal. That's why it's funny. It's not. Yeah. I have the least funny take. I'm sorry. Actually, it's not nice. What if it was like a legendary lesbian old lady coach? Would you have a problem? Then with your daughter, a hundred percent, anybody doing something weird with a daughter is definitely a no. Yeah. I don't know. I, I like the idea of a geezer going on like a vision quest where it's like completely detaching and just going off like Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan. And just, there's something about it. Like on an 80 year olds, like gripping sensory pleasures. It's like, fuck, let him go. Yeah. I'm going to fucking die. Let go of her titty. Dude, you're going to die. Really? But they're always like fucking at old folks, at old folks homes. Yeah. Also disgusting to think about without a doubt. Disgusting. But come on, man. You don't want them to still have life. You can have life. Well, this is again, who are you to tell people not to have sex? I'm not saying don't have sex. Trust me. As one who's been ruled by sexual impulses, it's never led me to a good place. Is it because you're afraid you were hoping someday to conquer the sexual impulse? And to see a man fall to it, it brings you a little. Perhaps it might, it might just, it might just remind me of my greatest weaknesses and fucking struggles in life. It's like, to me, it's like, you know, seeing an old man smoke a cigarette or at the bar, you go. Peace. Right, bro. True. Yeah. Find what you love and let it kill you. It's true. What are you going to fucking get morals at the end? Now that I'm 75, it's time for me to stop enjoying the things I used to like and read a good book and fall asleep and die. Now, maybe that's why Ric Flair rules, dude. Yeah. Ric Flair fucking rules. I got hammered with flair and he was pointing at chicks at the bar. Yeah. Don't get me wrong. It was like, but like, fuck you. He's doing his thing. It's just, you know, I'm getting old. I'm getting a fucking woo at the bar. That's awesome. They're doing a fucking Migos music video. Fucking right. Yeah. Dude, the dirt sheets were saying Ric Flair would get drunk and challenge people. You know, planks at the bar. Like old man, Ric Flair would challenge people to planks. He'd do a five minute plank. Like, you owe me some beer. Five minute planks. Nuts. Yeah. Whatever. I've soured the cast. I'm sorry, dude. I've absolutely soured the cast. Nothing you're saying is incorrect. I just. I like though, who's, uh, somebody was just telling me this old UFC fighter has a bar. There's, I like when like an old wrestler, old UFC, is it Liddell? No. It's Tito Ortiz. Tito Ortiz. Yeah. He's running Florida right now. Yeah. He's got a, he's got a bar and he just posts up. Yeah. Just bartends, rips shots, tells everybody he, I'll beat the fuck out of you. Fuck yeah. I knocked out Chuck Liddell once. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you gotta do something. I don't know. I just, I, I don't know. Sure. You could be around for your grandkids or whatever, but fuck them kids, dude. I'm going to open a bar in Florida and fucking die. That's how Hulk Hogan died. Yeah. Hulkamania? Yeah. Didn't he open a bar down there? Yeah. Hulkamania fucking rocks. I'm telling you, I'm ver, I'm too virtue-pilled right now. I'm too, not, not, and again, we're not talking about, apparently in medieval time, there was the virtues where you just do cool stuff and you'd be a noble fucking, a noble person like this. You'd be bummed out when you find out what they were up to back then. They, well, they had, they had blind spots, obviously. They had blind spots. Yeah. They did have blind spots, so I don't know, but it is, it's a sick idea. It's like, what else? Yeah. I don't know what else you do. I'm also a big, I don't feel like stuff. Like when good things happen, I'm like, okay. So, you know, if I was 80 having sex with a 24 year old, it would just be going to be sick the first couple of times, obviously. But then I would just go, well, what else am I going to do now? It wouldn't be sick the whole time, Matt. Huh? It wouldn't be sick the whole time. No. No, for sure not. For sure not. Cause eventually. It never is. Yeah. But eventually it's just like. You cheat on Beyonce, you know, eventually you go, I could do something else, but he's got the season to look forward to. He does have the season. He's got to lock in for the Tar Heels. I mean, dude, imagine. Okay. Imagine. A bit of a distraction. So, you know, she probably hit him with the, like, so I was thinking maybe this weekend we go to my parents' house, imagine Belichick coming, you're like, what the fuck? We got Clemson this week. We gotta. You're trying to grill hot dogs with Belichick. Honey, we gotta focus on Clemson. Yeah. She's occasionally on the sideline. That's fair. That's fair. That's a great program. She's probably good. Don't just say that's why they gave her the job, dude. She's probably really good at what she does. What does she do? Matt hit the fucking virtue weed. He hit the fucking good guy weed. Sorry. Sorry. You're a little toke of that good guy. You're a little toke of that good guy weed. again not just like the rule following kind of medieval virtue i'm talking about truly fucking yeah yeah i love that shit virtue yeah yeah i mean it is it's the you know again it's the uh what you call it that was socrates's big thing he's like dude if you had an itchy butt for your whole life and you scratch the itch but the itch remained is that truly pleasure sheesh yeah dude and i said fuck socrates i have an itchy butt all the time and no it's not pleasure scratching it's such a pleasure scratch is a pleasure but the itch remains forever so is that truly pleasure so then what yeah what so the itch is going to remain no matter what you got to clean your butt oh yeah of course but in that in that analysis is that the highest good that's the question is that the highest good he's like if the itch remains is it truly the highest good uh no it can't be the highest good but it definitely if the itch is going to remain no matter what and when you scratch it it feels good true but you get a little respite from the little respite from the itch true i mean again that that was the other one dude if there's too much but i don't think there's too much tension on the bow the bow i don't think a hot 25 year old girlfriend is an itchy butt i'd say they might they could be itchy but they're the best version of an itchy butt for sure compared to a ugly seven-year-old wife yeah they can be a real itchy butt who knows every no scratch they can be an itchy butt with zero scratch they could be an itchy butt for sure and she knows everything about you you know an old seven-year-old wife who knows everything about you she can hurt you i think you would go you would go post-sex by 70 you're you're not you're gonna be i think you would move beyond it for the most part or you just get like i said you know maintenance hand jobs work on your garden i'm subscribing my life let's get real into gardening dude i don't know what the fuck you guys are talking about jerks you guys fucking jerks you gotta you gotta get ncaa you gotta run a program run the tar heels lock in live a day in the you know walk a mile in his shoes we should freaky friday you and bill no we should freaky friday we should freaky friday but just not i can't do anything other than what i do i know what i do i'm not i can't no we should freaky friday but not switch bodies you just show up at my house hey babe i wonder how many days it would take for them to accept it i think after a decade they'd be like yeah you could that's matt you could trick you could for real if we both commit it dude a girl would believe it in like three days you're like no for real it's me babe i can just tell you our anniversary and she'd be like oh my god it's you yeah she's like yeah if she asked like where'd you put the vacuum i'd be like i don't fucking know she'd be like it is you how the fuck should i know yeah you could trick women into a freaky friday easy we did freaky friday we freaky friday what happened i'm like it was a lightning storm we touched the same rock and we freaky friday we just had a big argument so you think it's so easy matt we jumped in the pool at the same time yeah me and lemus could free you friday we wouldn't know i would just go god damn i got fucking wasted i woke up in the pool house anyway take like three jack off and play video games hey do you want to order pizza rolls yeah pizza rolls are treacherous that's so funny here we go this episode is sponsored by better help even today there's still significant there's still significant stigma around seeking support for mental health better helps 2026 state of the stigma report surveyed you ready for this 2 000 americans and revealed that 85 percent of americans believe that getting support is wise yet 74 percent say society discourages people from doing so hmm hmm wow that's i didn't know that i didn't know about that study that's just trying to take that all in right now i've experienced it myself guys let me let me talk about some time when i experienced stigma around mental health and or getting support yeah explore where that happened um i mean this is actually deeply personal i don't like to talk about it but i uh i begged my parents when i was younger i had severe mental health issues and i begged them to send me to a camp for the summer that would make me like girls again and uh there they refused they said no you're not you don't need that therapy you don't need any of that crap son yeah work hard you'll forget about it i said mom i really need help i need to go to the camp with the priest they're gonna help me like girls again i said get out of here boy get out there and sow the fields and i said yes i'm yeah and uh yeah they stay they stigmatize me pretty bad but that's okay you can't you got out of it i did nothing should i went to the camp i did what i had to do nothing should stop you from getting help when you need it that's also why as the world's largest online therapy platform better help makes finding a therapist a breeze just answer a few questions to get matched and it's if it's not a good fit you can easily switch to someone else no problem no judgment that's that's nice don't let stigma stand in the way of support start therapy with better help they help with the better sign up and get 10 off better help.com slash mssp that's better h-e-l-p.com slash mssp guys august 7th san jose california also august 8th san jose spokane washington august 13th and 14th i'll be doing stand up there as well and then in the fall it all kicks off portland maine boston royal oaks michigan milwaukee charlotte jacksonville atlanta chattanooga go to mattmccuster.com a bunch of more cities if you want to get tickets i'll be doing stand up up until december 19th and then we'll figure it out from there wow you're going wild yeah uh july 17th uh at lincoln financial field they just put out some uh new tickets there they reconfigured the stage so some more tickets are available uh and then in charleston august 8th charleston check it out yeah i don't know i sour the cast i apologize fucking weed in your head about there's nothing wrong i know i know i'm totally chill what are you doing i don't i don't again i don't wish him any i have no ill will towards him i just go i don't know it's odd yeah but it's odd to it my problem is again if he if he's seven years old and he's smashing on the low and he's going like i just can't get the dog out of me fair when he's like taking instagram pictures with her it's like bro you're pigging out you have to chill that's part of the kink it's part of his kink to walk around it could be he's like got a billy madison thing it could be the way i look at it and i'm giving him the benefit of the doubt is just like yeah what what's instagram sure yeah she likes this shit i don't give a fuck he doesn't have instagram he's not looking at anything he's probably genuinely like yeah i don't fucking yeah yeah we're worried about uh we got maryland next week i don't care if you take pictures i don't care if you sit next to him don't take pictures with him yeah and again i guess you know the sacrifice is a sacrificial babe yeah it's sacrifice of the patriots there's been many to be fair and this is this is a fair thing sacrifice of the i will say this i will say this it does take two to tango so you know that was my original point yeah it does at a certain age it's like yeah for sure this is a decision oh for sure she made it 25 or 26 it's a making yeah 25 i thought she was like 21 26 that's not that bad actually she's got a slight idea of what's going on i think yeah i think her brain just finally formed yeah i wonder how true that is because i've been saying i think rogan said it on a podcast and we've all as a country just no no no i think that's they've said that for a long time because but i mean how much your brain do you only use 10 of your brain so and they also say that and i don't even know what the fuck that means i don't know either yeah it's all i think you use the whole thing everything's horseshit i think if i cut a piece out of your brain that's a major issue fuck i was using that part yeah i was using my right leg thinks it's my left leg and i walk weird now thanks a lot now that you're saying that is fucking bullshit it's all you gotta use your whole brain you go yo your body's fucking 85 percent of water it's like no it's not there's no fucking water in there i'm certain yeah that's all fucking horseshit not 85 maybe whatever they say it is no you're right they say like it's 85 yeah it's got to be 10 i have way more blood in me than water i'm pretty sure i'm 100 blood fucking blood and shit mostly turds piss and blood shit piss jizz and blood yeah there's no water there's only a little bit of water in my penis when i pee it out that's it it's in my water's in me for like an hour at a time yeah and i pee it out that does that's my number one bug out watch what's going on there what's going on there nate i real quick but it's i'm looking it up it says we actually use 100 of our brain it yeah they've always lied about that's just an urban legend they're probably listening to this conversation it's all urban legends every single thing i was listening to some shit yesterday they're like knock on wood comes from an ancient thing where pagans ritual did you see the thing about birthdays shut up did you see the i watched the same thing about birthdays you're doing like some weird pagan witchcraft yeah oh the people that couldn't write yeah fucking a thousand years ago that's where we're taking all our shit from no it's not you're actually made i watched the thing it said you're making yourself older every time you do your birthday because you're like doing some weird spell and it's it was like somebody talks to me about spells or ancient anything i say you need to shut up my theory on the birthday they turn the lights off time i always thought the birthday was you turn the lights off to simulate the darkness of the vaginal canal and the candle lights or it's like the world and you're coming out to it and i think people just make a wish the lights oh they turn the lights out for the candles yeah not everything's got some deep ancient meaning i don't know i i feel like i think vaginal uh re-simulating it's your birth again you're it's dark and you're going sitting in front of everyone fucking baby and everyone surprised you someone slaps you that's an interesting one where'd you hear that made it up oh nice yeah made that up because i was really thinking about it one day i'm like it's got to be something i don't think they were can we look up where they why you light candles and do all that shit it's gonna say pagans yeah apparently pagans invented everything yeah easter bunny apparently easter bunnies if that's an easy one i think that was just a spring that was like freya the goddess and then you know we're just like yeah keep some of that shit in here because we did have to appease the pagans there were so many fucking pagans yeah so we did have to appease them but i don't i don't like the whole magic ritual like every time you do this you're actually doing an ancient magic ritual demons are entering your mind like yeah like knock on wood was the one i watched like you're actually summoning an evil force but turns out knock on wood was like a little or like touch wood is uh it's from like playing tag really and yeah a tree would be base and if you touched wood you were safe oh really yeah i don't know i don't like this 17 or 1800s i've gotten out of the habit of knocking on wood by the way it's good i've stopped i'm like i'm not doing this is dumb i would feel seriously like that i'd really better knock on wood than something bad oh really yeah i was like very superstitious dude i'd be like if i don't knock on wood something bad could happen so something bad's gonna happen true i'm real bad true think of just about the worst thing no i don't i don't i don't practice and some really good shit's gonna happen yep and then god willing 75 you're the head coach of the north carolina tar heels you've won five superbowls you're banging a 25 year old and she's going let's take an instagram picture and you go fucking i don't even know what that is this is this okay i think i've identified it he can but anyone almost anyone can bang a 25 year old he just doesn't want to pay for you know i'm saying speak for yourself moron no i'm saying you could hire a prostitute you could hire a prostitute oh you could hire uh he wants to do it by the books yeah those are forbidden that's that's a that's not virtuous that's a crime i don't like that dark spells man yeah that's evil if my thing is if it's just about the sex get a problem maybe it's not what if he loves her maybe he likes having somebody fucking young in his life again instead of a 70 year old wife that's like what true what are you doing i don't want to go do stuff yeah what do they do it's got to be just him and her if he hangs out with her friends that's going to be so fucking weird come on what are you talking about what are we talking about he's so old if i found out my dad divorced my mom and was on a boat with 10 25 year olds i'd be like fuck it what are we talking about now if he did it when i was a kid i'd be like that's fucking insane yeah he's retired for sure i get it i it's just imagine though i'm trying to put myself in that position i'm um i'm 70 whatever and i'm with like her and three of her friends are eating pad thai and they're talking and i have to like pretend to care or even be randomly interested that's when it's going just get a hooker at that point i don't know all the extracurriculars is crazy bill belichick i don't know if he has to be interested and i don't think he cares to be interested genuinely he's like have you ever seen him talk no he's like doesn't talk really he's like yeah okay yeah next question yeah we're not worried about that right now we're already focused on the jets like there's him eating pad thai with four 25 year olds he's probably just he's thinking of the games pad thai is pretty good it's a little spicy it's a little spicy i really like him this lady sucks my penis it's very nice i really gotta get out of here we gotta start grinding the tape we got week one we got east carolina and last year we uh defense was terrible also i didn't know she was 26 is slightly different because then if she was 30 it's like they've been dating for like two years right yeah at least it's been like two years and i'm like i'm gonna be like i'm gonna be like at least yeah all right so he rode he rode the weird bike he only rode the weird bike for a couple years on the weird fucking unicycle for sure here come that boy 26 is different i thought she was like way way young i think 26 they met when she was real i think she was a cheerleader for the patriots i could be there was definitely yeah maybe yeah there's definitely the ring camera footage of him leaving a house which is you're gonna love it dude it's gonna change your mind what happened him walking out of a 20 something year old girl's house on a ring camera with his shirt off it's fucking it's hilarious dude just walking out to like a stone driveway like like just hands in his pockets whistling yeah i mean look again 26 26 is different it's a man a fucking man true i mean i could be being too puritanical bill belichick walk his chain yeah that's my that's the thing i don't want to put him down i'm not like anti him or being like i don't think that's very nice i'm just going like is that the best possible move that's all i'm asking myself is that truly a thing to idealize i do not think it's the best possible move and i don't think too many people idolize it yeah i don't think so i think you're right i think he's getting made fun of a lot for it yeah but again it's not like he's like he's like he's like not like i don't uh i have no animosity towards the man that's the thing i just go i wonder i wonder if that's as sweet is it as sweet i think a lot of people go sweet i go yeah there's always the reality of the thing and it's never sounds sweet like i'd like to watch them have sex and masturbate to it i'd like to observe he could yeah he could be yeah this episode is brought to you by rocket money um matt what were you finally able to save for thanks to can i can i tell you something actually i had a surprise charge story really crazy surprise charge those those lying cam girls no actually it's funny enough they had nothing to do with that i was going through my which one caught me i have a joint credit card with my wife and we're going over the monthly charges and it was like a shock they almost someone had i think frauded us and i had a charge for the bangkok massage down by the airport son's a bitch it was fucking bullshit 160 that's i mean and also that's a tough one for you to have to i know that was not me i said babe what the hell i'm so taken off so surprised by this this is fraud someone this is fraudulent suspicious activity rocket money involved rocket money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings guys let rocket money help you reach your financial goals faster join at rocket money.com slash mssp that's rocket money.com this episode is brought to you by quince when august comes around it's time to think about refreshing your wardrobe luckily you don't have to think about it too hard with quince they're all about fewer better pieces that last with premium staples you can wear day after day i'll be honest i got the quince clothing and you know you get stuff sent to you you go whatever this bathing suit's nice yeah you've been raving about it i have been talking about it's actually rare comfortable net i really like it this morning matt asked me he said did you get that shipment yeah and i said i haven't been home but he said you're gonna like it i do i i said that i really agree it's you know not not faking the funk yeah we're not faking it upgrade your every day download the quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com secret get free shipping on your order and a free shipping on your order and a free shipping on your order 365 day return that's not bad now available in canada and the uk too that's good news it's really good use that that's really good news that's u u i n c e dot com slash secret there no 26 is that's that skews things that's she's almost 30 and once the once you're that's it she was young when they met their their meat story is is kind of funny what is it they met in 2021 when she was still enrolled in bridgewater state university in massachusetts She was reading a philosophy textbook on a plane and her and Bill Belichick chatted about her deductive logic textbook and he signed it and then that's how they met. So she was reading a textbook doing homework on a plane and he chatted her up about her textbook. On a plane? And he signed it for her, yeah, on a plane. This story gets hotter and hotter. Yeah. On a plane, sitting next to a fucking young hot chick and being like, there's no way I can get some pussy out of this. Bill, you still got it. It is nice. He was like, I like your deductive logic. That's nice, deductive logic. Yeah, they struck up a conversation about philosophy and then inside the message he said, thanks for giving me a course in logic with an exclamation point when he signed the book. Dang. They kept in touch and started dating in 2023. So she was probably around 24 or 25 at the time. Okay. She took that book. Turned to Adam and was like, look who signed this. He was like, keep going. You're on the five-yard line, babe. Do you think they'll get married? I hope so. That would be actually weird. I hope so. I would support that. Although, now that I say it, Socrates, to be fair, Socrates actually had a baby. Yeah, didn't he fuck little boys? He had a baby with a young babe before he died. He actually, so he can't really talk. He's not really want to talk. However, he's just. But then again, it's the itchy butt pedophile guy. Itchy butt pedophile. Was Socrates a pedo, though? Hit him with rocks, dude. Throw rocks at that guy. Was he definitely a pedo? No. I don't know. I'll look, but. Wasn't Socrates like, wasn't he like exiled, though? He got killed. Yeah, he got, yeah. Made him drink the hemlock. Yeah. Now I want to know if he was a pedo or not, because they apparently. Didn't they make him drink hemlock because he was like, the earth isn't the center of the universe? No. That wasn't him? OK. No, that was. Aristotle? Nope. Damn it. There's no historical evidence that Socrates engaged in pedophilic things. But since he was alive in ancient Athens, people just kind of assumed. Assume he did. Heterosy was institutionalized in their like mentorship. Yeah, that was a big thing. Well, that was your vessel. Yeah. So you had to transmit all your knowledge to a young boy. And then for some reason. They knew what they were doing. Completely made up. Yeah, that's my vessel. I'm passing my knowledge. The final act, he has to swallow. He has to jackass swallow me. Yeah. Yeah. My name is Plotomy III. I'm actually from. I'm going to drink a gallon of old guy cum. No, you could. You are broadening my horizons on this right now, because I am going like, you know, she's 26, 25. It's just too much. Too much public kink. That's all for me. Heavy public public kink is crazy. It's heavy public kink. But that's again, that's where I go and live in his life. I don't think he gives a fuck. No, I don't think so. So that's something to aspire to. True. That's fair. I agree. I don't think he cares. I think he just goes. I'm sure he hears about it nonstop at fucking football games coaching. If I was if he was playing my team, I'd be I'd be staunchly against it. I'd be screaming at the entire game. Yeah, I guess that all, you know, you have to handle all that in your household, I guess. Just be like, hey, you see a six time Super Bowl champion, go try to do your best. Promise me to do your best. I have to set up a sensational romance with all you can do. Yeah, it's crazy stuff. It is. It's a good episode. We covered. Yeah, Bill Belcher. We did extensively. We got to the bottom of it. The mayor. What have you got? I went to Charlottesville last week, and it's like a full girl town now. They like changed it. They call it Seville. You remember Charlottesville? That was the tiki torch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was crazy. So what was it like? You just saw a lot of women there? No. It was just like all bookstores. It wasn't anything I thought it would be. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's like a kind of a more liberal college town. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know. I mean, because you know the march. The march is about being replaced. You thought it was going to be southern gentlemen. Yeah. I thought it would be a little bit more aggro, but it was pretty chill. I didn't like it though. They didn't have like one GameStop. It was all girl stores. Pissed me off. Places gone to shit. Books and candles. Yeah. All the boys got replaced, dude. They did get replaced. And they got rid of the GameStops. There's no GameStops. So they did replace us. Yeah. Fuck. They did what they want, dude. No, that's a fair. If you fucking- They changed their name. If you do a, you know- Yeah. If there's a Unite the Right. Yeah. If you do a Unite the Right rally, they got to get rid of the GameStops. Yeah. It's a penalty. It's like a five-year ban on games. They said Tiki torches are still banned there. It's been like 10 years. Really? Tiki torches are still banned. Yeah. Really? Yeah. That's a good pillow for you. You look like the model. Yeah. I know. I know. I know. I know. You look like a mushroom in a Mario Kart that picks up your car. Is there really a way? Can you even ban that legally? I feel like you couldn't ban the sale of Tiki torches. I don't know. Yeah. Who told you that? One of the people. One of the citizens. They probably don't. Maybe. I don't know. I wonder if they just are slow to sell them. Yeah. They go, "What are you doing?" Yeah. Hey. "I promise it's a barbecue." "I promise you're not defending a Confederate statue." I was saying, they grabbed the Tiki torches and transformed. Yeah. I was laughing about that. When I was in Minneapolis, I was like, when they had the whole Somali pirate thing, they're like, "How could they let this go?" I was just coming off the back of George Floyd. I could see white people being like, "Yeah, I'm going to chill for a minute." Right after that, I'd be like, "Yeah, I don't know what the fuck these guys are. I think these black guys are up to something." "What?" "I don't know. Just keep driving. Look ahead." Did they all actually get in? Wasn't there--? Wasn't that true? Oh, yeah. They busted it. Before the Nick Shirley thing, that had already done an extensive sting. Yeah. Yeah. That was completely true. Yeah. He just came a year later and was like, "Pretty sure they're up to something." It was like, "Yeah, dude. They did it already. They already did this thing." Maybe they were continuing. I don't know. It was a good scheme. It's a great scheme. Fake daycare is so fucking funny. Great scheme. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was just so funny being bored inside of your fake daycare and just being like, "I really hope nobody walks in here." Yeah. Here comes Nick Shirley. Some guy screaming at you. The guy with the legal pad. It was so funny. Yeah. But, yeah. That was my. I got a lot of shit for that, but it was really just like they already. Because I looked into it. I was like, "Man, this is. " I watched it being like, "This is crazy." Yeah. Then I looked it up and I was like, "Oh, they already got these guys." Because they brought down a heroin ring and they went to Philadelphia like, "Philadelphia has a heroin problem. I'm going to expose it." Just banged on some guy's head. Yeah. Just banged on his door and you're like, "Yeah. He's definitely got heroin in that door." Back to you. Yeah. No. That was like millions of dollars. I saw some heroin fellas in Austin. What? I was kind of surprised. Really? I saw some boys hitting the full on fucking. Ooh. Really? Hitting the limbo. I haven't seen them yet. Yeah. I saw two or three. Nice. They're making their way. Making their way down south. Coming down where it's hot. Yeah. The black tar. I wonder how good that feels. Heroin? No. Not heroin. But, you know. Lizard and gas. Yeah. Just hanging out. Laying on a rock. Getting sun while you're. I think it's awesome. heroin up. It probably feels good as hell. Yeah. I think the nod's like the best part. Just fucking completely out and waking up probably sucks. I'm going to look into the science of how the fuck they stay upright. It's pretty impressive. Yeah. Actually. Especially if you're that inebriated. You'll just kind of. Yeah. Staying on your feet like that. I literally couldn't do that. No. You'd do that sooner. I would need heroin. Yeah. I would need heroin to pull that off. Yeah. Although your hamstrings probably, for real, probably get a decent stretch. deadlifts are probably crazy but these guys are always strong well yeah you gotta be battling the elements and battling the other guys battling the elements when have you tested their strength are you talking about just how like ripped they are just seeing them dude like you ever see like a crackhead carrier fridge like yeah true they are ripped yeah how do the hell how do they stay up nah that's don't fall for that if they fall they're gonna give it away that they're on heroin not that they're shirtless and bent at a fucking crazy angle it's hitting the meanest lean so the brain the final part of the brain is like don't fall don't fucking embarrass yourself don't be a fucking dumbass it's hard to find exactly why but yeah i think they don't know there's so much shit they have no idea and scientists just can't be like yeah we have no clue they're always just like well leading theory suggests and you look into it it's like yeah it's not proven at all maybe maybe heroin rules maybe that's the fucking answer maybe it makes you better at balancing if you do like the right amount definitely does it's incredible bent straight down for real couldn't do for a long time and usually at like a corner where there's like a little slant in the sidewalk. Yeah, true. they find that divot that's what those divots are for we're all gonna go finally what is it saying yeah their central nervous system is just like they're pretty much they're just in sleep mode yeah computer yeah there's still updates yeah they're still running but like yeah they're just chilling it's running hot though it's like your station back there that's fucking horse shit that's a good station dude your station's out of control it's nice it's pretty good i don't do anything with it it just looks talking about it looks back there constantly i'm just yeah i don't even i'm not doing anything back there i just keep looking at the screens i'm like where make something up this station is oh space station yeah I saw a new sopranos piece of art you brought into my house fucking insane he's hanging shit on that is like a bird's nest in there that's great i got the wrens in the mirror that's four panties i keep forgetting to take it to the studio that's uh i saw the led lights are they going back there that's where that's from timu i uh where did no i didn't say where it's from so where are you putting it i just got i don't have anywhere to put it and i gotta where are you thinking for it i don't know sex club sex dungeon lighting i don't i don't i just got the led strips because they're cheap and it was within my timu credit allowance so i just got them i'm not worried about where you got it yeah i don't know where i'm going to put it if you put fucking led lights in that shitty sopranos drawing back there i'm i'm gonna be a little annoyed the the drawing is i know you're not going to take it when we move the painting we move out when i move out you're not coming to the next place you probably are going to the next place we're moving on up the paintings for the paintings for uh panties it's for panties that's uh that's our art investment you should let the marriages do the whole house you can get like a top interior there would be a decorator from milan and be like this is this is genius yeah it's like the uh who's the fucking guy rick rick owens i think who's the guy who does all black vampire clothes yeah you know what i'm talking about i've been sending you this thing on instagram you wear you wear like the he does like the track like the korean olympic team where they have like the fan suits so you just look like a big ball and like walk around it's pretty sick that's awesome yeah they're like watching this being like this is the coolest i've ever seen it's literally just like goth he's just dressing people in goth and making them look like up it's just he's like i'm expressing anger rage and this is the best place to do it it's just people in fashion week me this guy's the best at this rick owens so the mayor might be super high dude led strip on the sopranos fucking picture dude i was i was just thinking about i'm going to put it under the picture so it lights it up yeah underlining i think that might work have you seen the sprint no that's crazy i had a feeling so what what is what is the impulse to decorate it's for it's for the podcast it's for panties you're not doing the podcast in there though are you doing the podcast no no no i just haven't taken it to but what about the led like that was for back then i know it was no that was for a stream you're streaming no i'm not streaming i don't want to stream you got it shane's your only fans manager you don't want to stream you have to tell them you're streaming we're going to oil you up and stream you got to cut them in if you're streaming yeah i would but i'm not streaming doing irl streams no i would never that sounds like a streaming setup why would you not i don't you have a microphone back there you have everything i just like talking to people when i play games like yeah you're just the one record button away from streaming i like it i like where we're at yeah yeah now the led strips were just from timu i had to spend the credit christ i'm gonna i'm gonna do it i had to spend the credit um yeah i don't know how to explain it where did you plan on putting them i didn't have a plan you just wanted them yeah yeah okay i guess i got like a mini mp3 player too and like a mushroom speaker i don't know where the mp3 player is sitting there i think where'd you get that from that's all timo i got it i got to do a review you got an mp3 player i'm getting free stuff off timo i got to do reviews there we go try hustle there we got it we nailed it you got to ask him 500 questions it's crazy so the dark truth is you're doing unboxings for team that is right now i get it i would keep that close to the chest i'm about to become an unboxer i am making a boxing video you are making unboxing videos yeah i got one in my phone damn your openings can i please see it please see it yeah it looks like a great studio it's a good studio dude it's nice what's the mp3 player no i haven't done that yet this studio it's uh it's where they do podcast awesome studio i believe it's called and you're doing unboxings in there yeah it's one of my bro's guy what unboxing why are you against streaming i don't know it just feels like it would ruin games for me i like playing games because it's fun i don't want to make it work what this video no because uh maybe i'd like to take a look at it it's not edited yet that'll be even better so timu will see you in the next video i'll see you next time so timu will send you timu will send you stuff if you open it on the they're bad at me because i haven't sent it yet but this is not a video this is just welcome back everybody and they got more stuff i guess we can just there's more stuff yeah it's a tin from the super mario galaxy man it's a tin from the super mario galaxy it's pretty fun it's full of cool stuff yeah i like the tin personally i can try to come from randall frank p no no you're in this is that a squishy good hiding no no squishies it's just uh i like the bowser jr artwork on the outside bowser jr one of the most under oh that's badass bowser jr on this side look at that are you in chinese candy my whole problem i was just regular okay my whole problem was today that could be a hit having a secret unboxing show i didn't expect that at all do you just practice like opening back there yeah it's what i watch on youtube but i was like i can do this and so yeah i just thought about trying it so they're sending you free if you open it up yeah that's the goal what promises do they not send you free not yet did you buy the mario galaxy the guys who were producing they brought the mario galaxy they put the box together and there was also like a japanese food box yeah ate some weird japanese food there's another thing too i can't remember what it was huh don't know from asashi don't ask questions he's gonna be extremely vague you're gonna ask five more questions it's gonna be there's this crab treat it was like actually like river crabs they put them in a white plastic boat and you can like eat them they're good pretty good how where do you but they ship it from china no it's from this isn't from timo it's from a store oh okay it's a japanese store you're opening up all kinds of i'm opening up everything it's not just unboxing grub hope yeah you should you should for real fart maxo and do an unboxing show where you fart non-stop that would get some subscribers amazing there's guys that would be into that i don't like farting i'm not a fan of farting really yeah that's crazy what do you do with all your farts i wait till i sleep i don't fart until i go to bed you just fart yo no way you let them just come out of that you hold all your farts in all day i mean if i have to fart i will fart but like i don't i don't really fart until i go to bed why i just don't like farting what about you what about your lady like sleepover will you just save your farts that must be nuts the snoring and farting out of this guy his force must be they must be like a three minute long fart as soon as he goes to sleep they've turned into a different gas all together it's like mario candy and sushi yeah you're making farts for sure yeah yeah i'm making farts i'm just not like i'm not pushing them i'm not pushing them out don't push farts yeah i don't push for you don't push for nothing you let those farts dude you must be full of farts you are chock full of farts right now definitely i could not fart right now yes you could i can't do that i can't be fucking up oh my god what you must be like we're 75 water you're definitely 75 he's a gas giant he's filled with farts dude have you if you fart you're gonna be yeah you're about 80 pounds less than you are naturally why won't you fart what the hell did you get like reprimanded severely for farting or like what's the what's the uh maybe what's stopping you i don't know i've never like that's your michael jackson secret i love farting boy knock them farts off farting rocks farting is sweet one of the best yeah yeah it makes me feel gross i think when you fart yeah what yeah so you don't ever cup and bring it up to see what you're doing i have the opposite i'm like completely i need to know what's up with my farts i do love a sneak fart i'll take it i like a sneak fart when it slips out wait dude you farted a laser tag it was so bad you cleared out the fucking entire time dude what the fuck are you talking about there's zero chance you hold in farts all day there's zero i'd bet my fucking life on it we got does t-move sell a fucking fart machine to gauge farts there's got to be some type of chinese underwear it's a thermo light now i mean i don't know i don't know what it is so you wait till you're falling asleep and as you're like snoring you just fully relax i think yeah it's all farts it's two city in my sleep how do you know this if you're asleep you've been told oh i've been told have you gone have you gone in that fucking room yeah it's fucking blunts and farts it's fucking crazy what makes you fart the most what kind of food milk and peanut butter dude yeah peanut butter fucks me up please do a fart max unboxing dude yeah that would be it would be so good really disturbed by them ah fuck sorry guys i'm so embarrassed i'm supposed to save that for next week i'm so embarrassed i'm supposed to save that for next week i'm supposed to save that for next week night time yeah being so embarrassed the whole time did you order that dumb fucking dog candle off team no that was from a market there's a guy at a market i gotta be honest i like that dog candle it's nice i lit it but you weren't around so i blew it out i wanted you to be here for it then i was thinking about like how demented of a candle it is once it gets lit after a while it's just a melted brain dog you know yeah the clamdell is nice yeah the clamdell clamdell is decent pretty excited about that yeah i don't want to i don't want an oyster but yeah i want to keep it fun oyster didn't have a good candle name exactly like clamdell don't be sorry clamdell the pot the pot has affected the squad everyone's everyone's like i'm sorry dude it's totally fucking stupid it's totally normal the whole time you had to fucking freak out about bill belichick you got high and freaked out about bill belichick's relationship i'm telling you something happened to me where i don't notice that i'm high anymore and i just i'm like man everything feels weird right now i told you i tried to go to sleep the other night and i was like why can't i sleep and i i was like laying there oh this is the worst actually i thought i was like finally losing it i was laying there and i was like all right so the universe is definitely infinite then there's like the material world which that might go on forever too somehow and i don't know how to explain it but i was just like thinking about just going through stuff and touching it forever and i was like that's so much fucking stuff and i freaked out i couldn't stop i couldn't stop thinking about all the stuff and i was like there's so much stuff there's endless stuff sometimes i sometimes that bothers me sober yeah it got me there's so much stuff i was in bed and i had to just fucking flip over whatever i'm there's guys like fucking lemare there's some chinese guys in a factory like who the fuck is gonna buy this mario galaxy candy box yeah i bugged out bugged out on the amount of stuff i was like dude what if stuff is also infinite i was like oh fuck it's so much dude but in space there's nothing dude and that's infinite too that's better somehow when there's nothing yeah yeah i can deal with that just tons of stuff i think there's got to be an end of this stuff it's a lot of fucking stuff going on i think it's all stuff really i think everything yeah it's all kind of stuff true yeah the infinity thing freaks me out i can't i just try not to think about that too much yeah i wouldn't waste your time it just i don't know it just comes to my head i go okay well if it's infinite is that they always go like well it's the multiverse it's like well yeah that's it i don't know i don't know i don't know that's just still one thing i agree yeah there's actually multiple universes and say no that's just it's all part of the universe yeah exactly like just one universe okay you're just saying there's a bunch of them and then they go there's infinite universes it's like okay dude well so right on how about i punch you talking to me about the universe yeah i'm getting so i want i want to do a congressional fucking audit on like astrophysicists and quantum physics to be like what are you really doing here yeah because i think they're fucking bullcrap it a lot because they always go ah well the math checks out perfectly but like no one can check the math you know yeah that'll be another 40 bazillion dollars please they figured out things can be in two different places at once simultaneously but the mathematical model maps on perfectly to what the fuck are you guys talking about yeah they're cruising for a bruising they're walking around their undies looking for a bruising true to me about that horse shit yeah crap so you you got some farts loaded you ready for tonight uh what's today you don't hit the fucking morning blowout it's like i i mean i i'm blizz you must be hearing really i kind of am hoping you do because they are funny the morning blowout is chaos at night the way i'm inhaling air yeah farts are just it's chaos in the morning but when i do my morning blow up my dog like that's how he knows i'm up like i'll start farting and then i'll hear him at the doorway i'll hear his little collarbell the morning blowout that's so funny yeah i get it i have at least one far every morning you wake up and you're it for me it's laying down as soon as i lay into bed yeah farts every single fucking time i'll be like no i don't have to fart lay in bed it's just like right out of yeah unfortunately i literally fart almost every time i look forward to it i cherish it i look forward to it personally but you know other people hate it not a fan especially when they stink too yeah that's trouble and it's like look i get it i get it 10 times funny i know it's exactly the problem think about being bill belichick 70 74 year old stinky morning blowout and you got a hot 25 year old next to you you're going yeah how do you like that stinks like shit doesn't it anyway we're focused on north carolina state this week yeah i can see him hitting just a little like oops he's a hard fight disgusting for this pardon me pardon me i beg your pardon what was that shit we ate with sparklers coming out of it last night that's made me fart fucking crap you're feeding me it's made me fart i'm done getting thai food in chapel hill there's no good thai food in north carolina is that stuff called tofu yeah well we've done it again we did it goodbye watch new episodes of matt and shane secret podcast on spotify do it this episode is brought to you by chat gpt hey it's bill simmons from the bill simmons podcast have you guys heard about chat gpt work it's the new way to use chat gpt for bigger multi-step projects and when you need more than just answers give chat gpt work access to your apps and files and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets slides and structured reports get started at chat gpt.com by selecting work mode available on plus and pro plans endless summer escapes start here travel the worlds of netflix irl inspired by fan favorites like stranger things and squid game brave the upside down face off with the front man play leveled up arcade games shop exclusive merch and enjoy themed food and drinks beat the heat play eat and shop on repeat at netflix house at galleria dallas bring your crew and save get your tickets today at netflix.com slash house