Ep 617 - Irish Good Morning

wow wow wes dude i just it blew my fucking mind i had to talk to somebody about it no i'd like to hear about it chucky cheese is no longer it's not a i think bargazzi actually has a joke about it i think he or maybe he joked about how scary it was but like you know we all know the classic chucky cheese i was like talking to my kids like yo guys it might be a little scary in here they have like fucked up looking mice dancing and shit on stage you're gonna with chucky cheese now no animatronics screen the 2d brother i know but if you look if i like uh youtube the old chucky cheese like maybe i was just like making it up it's more fucked up than you could imagine old chucky cheese yes it's so scary i like was youtube and people at the party like this is what it used to look like when did they change it you think i think maybe in maybe in the uh what's o'connor call it the aughts yeah the early aughts maybe the early aughts yeah i would i bet they changed it when uh five nights and freddy's or what's that called yeah five nights at freddy's it's like a little kid video game where the animatronic things come to life at night and kill you attack you i bet when that because that was a hit yeah i bet bringing the kids to see the actual animatronics it was probably chaos in the chucky cheese it'd be terrible 2012 when did five nights come out oh that was later that would be crazy theory going yeah this is a good theory i have another my brother gave me a really good theory recently what is it sean's gonna like it it's about how smoke breaks so people don't go out anymore and like stand with each other and smoke cigarettes and he thinks it's having like a it's fucking us up like we don't know how to like chill it's like that was a whole rhythm baked into the day where like everybody all right let's step outside all the bros have to like hang out together for a while puff sigs talk about whatever because really like you and a bunch of people would sit there all catch the nicotine buzz at the same time and it's like a really nice good combo yeah it's a nice combo it's it's like a part of our life that now we miss yeah now everyone also works from home too don't even get to go around the water cooler yeah which the water cooler is a myth by the way i've never i've been in an office twice i never once got to chat around the water cooler no kitchen microwave is where you chill microwave and coffee that's where you chill yes water cooler myth that's where you come in and see your weird manager eating out of a tupperware jesus christ this microwaving soggy broccoli think about him making that at home lonely fucking cocksucker i hate him yeah yeah yeah you start to see a little bit you're like ah fuck this guy's sad too yeah he's still a fucking asshole everyone's this is kind of embarrassing ah fuck it i'll say it it's kind of tooting my own horn whatever this morning i woke up being a i was just laying in bed trying to trying to be depressed like i was like i was laying in bed like damn dude my parents were in like their 20s when they had my family and like i'm fucking old like my kids aren't even and like i'm 38 and instead of having kids i just i did pretty good i caught myself i was trying to be like i didn't do shit with my life and it took me a second to be like actually shit's pretty sick dude nice that's so funny your irish genes in the morning were like it's just so much trouble in me so much trouble terrible trouble oh i should have had kids i'm gonna die alone i fucking instead i pissed away my law you know i actually had a good life yeah fuck yeah it is funny like then i got out of bed i was like nice it's a good start it is nice trying to run the old program and it's being like such a i fucked up let's do a piece of shit you look around you're like what am i gonna do today that's fucking awesome look at a house look at this dumb fucking house it was damn it bullshit house this is the coolest house i've ever seen fuck fucking natural redwood fucking floor is actually kind of sick now i did me and lamar just went and looked at the house how was it lamar asked to come with me he wanted to check out the new digs now he was he he was checking out the house more than me i bet but yeah it's home inspector i hadn't i'm like i walk in and the lady's trying to tell me how everything works so i'm just like talk to him i'm never gonna do you get gay couple phobia every now and again yes the neighbor dude the neighbor is the man what the neighbor's the man fuck that came outside shirtless yes played but he used to play ball at texas what yeah he's an older lineman came out with this big dog a dog was with him that was great god that's and he was just like uh at the end he's like so who's uh thinking about moving in here i was like yeah he's me he's like where are the women it's just it's just you and that black guy worst nightmare he had a he had like yeah blue lives matter shit on his truck he's just an interracial gay couple being like this is a fabulous neighborhood he could be a problem he was that was the discussion in the car that's the type of guy that yeah could eventually mean it i might have to have a shootout with him and his dog eventually we could be boys i think we'll be boys but you're thinking boys are enemies i think that guy's down to fucking play with him and his dog and he's like yeah i'm not gonna play with you about the blicky what i think he'll pull it out in one second whoa anything probably noise yeah lamar you'd have to stead tread lightly around there he was shirtless longhorns trunks longhorns visor he's a legend he could be a real issue that's i mean that's crazy also what do you think he was tackle or guard because you guys could form the o-line who are the other neighbors true let me see let me see his d-tackle though yeah he doesn't have the o-line build damn doesn't have the length but you do have a good nose guard nate's grown into an offensive guard nate went from db to o-line nice fight fight at a higher weight class right now damn that's crazy yeah he's he seems like the man yeah the i don't want to be smirched yeah whatever the lady the real estate lady was like i think he drinks and i was like me too i was like i think this guy's gonna be my fucking boy he's older he's an older gentleman he blocked for uh earl campbell what at texas which is awesome yeah what's the fence giveaway is this is hardly a fence yeah and the whole house is my house is that i would buy it'd be like just glass that guy's gonna watch me and lamar naked just at different levels two different fat naked guys maybe you guys would catch i'm sure he's prancing around as well i think yeah damn i think we might have the most vicious three-way of all time i would end the world yeah if me and that old guy had sex it's like the hadron collider it would create the god particle i mean that's of all the triple heart attack it could be a simultaneous it could be a triple heart attack be like when they find those like rat there's like rat nests where those call when they all get stuck a rat yeah find us all stuck together and dead all right god damn this episode is brought to you by prize picks the regular season's done and the nba playoffs are here time to get in on the action with prize picks a preferred partner of the nba nba and space b space a download the price picks app today and use code drench to get fifty dollars in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup and during the playoff during the playoffs make a five dollar lineup with a live nba pick for a shot at the do it live sweepstakes trip to the nba finals that's a rough one more info can be found on the prize picks promos board price picks a preferred partner of the nba what what are the odds though just an absolute beast perfect neighbor oh lie neighbor yeah humble too humble man that's why i always say oh lie neighbor oh lie neighbor yeah humble too humble man so i always liked about the o-line i was so humble on the o-line you have to be humble dude protecting the quarterback i'd be like with my fucking life i'll die for it yeah dude this is no one ever celebrates you guys i'm like dude if you keep talking like this i'm gonna come i was only like 10 i was only 10 but i was already like this feels so good it feels good be like dude nobody even noticed you're the silent hero i was like yeah i guess you're kind of right coach you have always been kind of the quieter hero although dude makes sense though you have like a 37 year old dad you're like nobody appreciates you guys you're like that must be the most fulfilling thing you're working your ass off no one even noticed this yeah fuck it's nice football coaching really must be so fucking sweet i only got to do it one year but it was awesome you did yeah got to call plays it was really fun well you're coordinating i was up in the booth dude what were you what was your style it was it was early we were on the read option we were it was we were a little ahead of our time yeah yeah high school or is that uh no eighth grade read option eighth grade yeah we had some talented ball players we had some guys out there yeah shout out dill pickle shout out danny jay shout out darb what up i'm still going up the coog shout out jay what up boys i'm still sweating i ran the option when i played beach football like five months ago and i it was beautiful faked it they bought it i ran it i fumbled i'm still thinking about that fumble could have changed the whole game where'd you fumble we were we were in the red zone i was like yeah i got us into the red zone fumbled and i was just like i was after i'll shove somebody into a girl which also regret reminds me of that video game fumble oh damn now it's real yeah oh it's a tough one oh i got good bird news what do you got uh i have seen some rents kicking around they're out and they're out behind they're having fun but uh a hawk two hawks have moved in not into the bud light box but just right here they're hawking there's two hawks it's very exciting yo some red-shouldered hawks yeah i was just about to ask for the id yeah red-shouldered hawks fuck dude i don't know if they come to texas but yeah red shoulder how'd you id you went off uh yeah but it was pinged in like pennsylvania gotcha yeah sent a picture to a friend and they aided it your phone your phone can do it i could yeah i could have done it but they did it for me just sent them a picture of the hawk i said check this shit out it's more satisfying honestly that's again that's most of my day i was just standing in the pool just looking at a hawk i gotta send this to my boys dude get me id on the hawks nice especially you know that owl you had was bro burrowing owls endangered species i had the privilege of being i was walking around they were everywhere and dude they i i was i mean this was a huge moment for me uh someone in the daytime dude the burrowing owls are all daytime that's good stuff i know i think that's good luck i mean dude i i must be well i could use it right now i'm down right now but i could use it i'm down in the dumps why i'm down oh it's all right just run the program just run the irish morning program i'm so down on my luck things are so terrible no i'm chilling but the owls were no i'm perfectly fine but the owls the owls were really nice man they were really they were pumping me up it's funny that every episode the wheels are just flying emotionally for the last 10 years we've both just been like no i'm actually doing good things are good right now it's been fucking nuts totally fine fully in control everything's cool everything's completely fine my life's not a giant house of cards that could collapse but yeah the do the owls i got to because i was there britney goes that's when birds come into play big time dude you see some birds you go birds gonna be all right dude there it was birds during the day nighttime my dad has a uh a fish light so out near the dock he's on like the bay in florida out near the dock is green light illuminates and you just throw chicken into the water i'm taught no i show these guys maybe 25 catfish swarm and they pop you they like will come up to their like whiskers breach and they gobble it up and fly down that's awesome it's dude i was living by burrow owls and then obviously lizards are carrying me through the day and then it was the catfish at nighttime and it was just so it was so nice i also id'd i remembered the the owls by the way britney tried to say i think he turned their head 360 degrees i was like i think it's 270 looked it up it's too fucking 70 bro holy shit 270 i mean that felt good clocking your bitch with a 270 i mean oh you can tell me about else yeah it was this yeah and then i was like well they could do they take degrees the head the degrees is incredible o'connor saw the hawk when he came over yesterday he was like look at its head it's moving at about 280 like i'm not kidding like the first thing he said was the degrees of the head turn that's the best thing about becoming an old man you get to just start just being like that's a silver birch over there it's pretty nice my my dad is crazy i'm i'm getting pretty nasty at the trees trees and native flowers i'm pretty i'm getting pretty good at i'm it's killing me i want to put some fucking shit out so bad it's blank what you have a whole blank oh yeah that yeah that's every every week i'm like i'm gonna go depot and just load up yeah just plant like nine different things when i moved here that they did have landscaping out front must not happen must not be sprinkled this should just become old man home depot talk they probably don't got it sprinkled out there if i had to guess there is a sprinkler is there a sprinkler system yeah it's nice i'm gonna have to dig that up and see where the lines are yeah we're gonna have to check the lines out endless summer escapes start here travel the worlds of netflix irl inspired by fan favorites like stranger things and squid game brave the upside down face off with the front man play leveled up arcade games shop exclusive merch and enjoy themed food and drinks beat the heat play eat and shop on repeat at netflix house at galleria dallas bring your crew and save get your tickets today at netflix.com slash house well yeah dude florida was sick though man i was just paddle boarding on the bay it's like my it was the best that's awesome paddle although i got on the paddleboard i left it outside the sun like a dickhead so i wanted to use it it was hot so when i went i like went too far and i was like i'll be fine i was like splashing water to cool down but it was hot on my feet the entire time kind of burnt my feet on it but it was nice i got lost too i got lost a little i got lost enough to where i like had to really try to find the house while paddleboarding yeah i went out it's a canal so it's all like you go and twist and turns and i was like i'm gonna go all the way out to the bay and then i was like that's kind of far and then i just like turned around and i was came down i was like dude i for real i'm lost yeah i saw one tiki hut and i was like that's my landmark when i came back there was nine tiki everyone has a tiki so that was cool i got i got to feel the feeling of land ho are you guys whispering oh he got his spot switched you got a free death you think that you think the spurs have a chance yeah i think tonight they have a real chance that would be a good idea i think tonight they have a real chance i think tonight they have a real chance actually i want the i'm pulling for a man trying to get the trying to get some tickets to the spurs game tonight the arena is probably the loudest i've ever heard like a basketball game when i went to see sixers versus spurs they were those those the lads go crazy yeah yeah the lads are going wild i've run into the lads a lot lately have you really yeah and put in out in public and they've all been very like yo the lads are with you the lads fuck dude the lads yeah the lads might be our strongest demo i i think they're for real very up there they fuck with the secret they do did you really you saw a lad in the movie theater what happened or did you just i was playing the claw machine waiting for my movie and he went gardini and i went what's up man and he went oh fuck that's actually you and i was like how are you i went and saw it's good to see the foos yeah he was a nice guy the lads and the foos yeah that's nice i i the lads are staunted they do tell you they always tell you swear allegiance to go yo we fuck with your podcast it's very nice dude you have no idea how much that pleases me so it's it's a it's a it's a um it's a finicky demo man not every everyone thinks they can capture the heart of the lad the hearts of the lads but it's they're complex creatures they are everyone thinks i'm gonna get the lads every politician is like a latino vote it's like bro talk to me yeah we'll talk about it yeah we'll tell you how it's done yeah we'll tell you how you gotta kill tony at the lads too yeah lads like wild shit yeah they're the fucking aztecs and mayans dude true they're warriors exactly also i'm fluffing the lads they're love hearing that shit no the lat they are a very like uh i mean the memes are the best when like the the red pill blue pill for the lad has become like a like an extreme mega trump conservative or just like a black guy red pill blue pill they basically it's like you become like david duke or yeah i'll be excited if we go to san antonio tonight yeah yeah that'll be exciting stuff that'd be nice you gotta watch though i'm gonna be excited to see jared mccain i'm gonna go that's my man you also got to be careful you don't get grabbed and hugged on like that mexican president you see when the lady got hugged you see when the lady got hugged on the lads are gonna grope me if you get a bracha if nate's with me nate's getting touch you gotta jump in front of it dude if a lad comes to grope him like the mexican president i'll take the group guys i'll take the group what would you throw at him throw that ass at him i can only go so far i can't i can't say the allegations are bad dude yeah that's slim good that's slim good he sunk you dude yeah slim good he got you i didn't know bernie was a massive fan of cheryl hines or sure under what my bad i'm thinking of fuck my fuck me but yeah you got bobby kennedy on the mind got bobby kennedy after he grabbed those snakes and you see that video again he grabbed grabbing snakes yeah it's pretty wild yeah yeah it's he did another one because he did one a while back hey that's how you that's how you get the lad vote grab a copperhead from behind last one yo this fool crazy you got your fool crazy meter has to stay high yeah i gotta keep my fool crazy meter high at all times can't let that shit dip then you're lame it's fool crazy and lame man you gotta stay who do you think the craziest fool is in our group i think tommy might be the or a o'connor o'connor might be the craziest that's a he's loco I mean, him claiming 280 on a hawk, some crazy food shit. Hawks don't have, first of all, hawks don't out-turn owls. That's crazy. I wish I was. It did have pretty impressive movement. Did it really? Yeah. We got to look that up. Yeah, let's see. Head movement on a red-shouldered hawk. We're going to need that. 270 on now. And I also was like. Got the team on it, all three. Oh, shit. All three struggling. Two of them already went to Instagram. Oh, shit. 180. I like that. 180's not bad. I was going to say, it's no 270. There's no way. Huh? Wow. What kind of hawk? Just a red-shouldered. So they can get, what? So they get 180, but how, if they don't move, you said they can get the 270? Yeah, like if they're standing still. You got some good movement. You got some good. You might be a little owl, dude. You got like 120, dude. That was crazy. That was nice movement. Oh, dude. I'll do that again. I did. The first thing I did when I was claiming 270 was to go outside and go and just see how much I had. Ours is pitiful. LeMaire, you might be possessed. That head movement. You're like the exorcist. I hit it. I hit an inappropriate. We went to the zoo in Naples. Like, I was outside of Naples. We took my family to the zoo, and there was a tiger cage, and no one could see the tiger. My kids were like, I can't see it. Where is it? I'm like, you know a trick for seeing tigers? And they're like, where is it? And they're like, what is it? And I'll turn for the camera. I went. Oh. Jesus Christ. We are old men. It's just an old dad racist at the zoo. Nobody left. Just my wife, Hoff, that walked away. Yeah. I was like, that was good. That was good. That's a good one. That was a good one. I haven't seen that one in fucking 40 years. That's a good one. I mean, no, you never get the opportunity to bust that out. Yeah, I never get to do it. My kids were like, how do you do it? I hit them with it. They're like, what? I was like, just keep going, guys. They're doing that. They're breaking that out. They're going to break that out in school. Obviously, another kid's going to talk about tigers in school. At their age, tigers is like top five conversation pieces. Yeah, it was a fun one. Hopefully, I turn far enough out of the camera. I think. I think we can. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. We can just blur. We can black box. We've already did. The white boy's already went dumb, dude. Pandora's box is already open. The pendulum. The pendulum. I mean. The pendulum needs to chill. The pendulum. Pendulum might be 270. Pendulum's going nuts, dude. It was funny because I didn't realize. I've been off the internet, so I didn't realize how massive the roast was. Until this morning, I saw a super cut of every single person. I'm like, oh, this one like around the world. This one. Everyone was talking about the goddamn. Dr. Umar called me a fucking Neanderthal. What? Dr. Umar called me a Neanderthal. Tell him you want to see the Fred list. Frederick Douglass, Marcus Garvey Academy open, and then you'll talk. Ask him about the school. Yo, you're going to get that. I tried to get him on. He charges like fucking 10,000 bucks to come on. We should pay. It would be funny. Yeah. He's really funny. I actually, to be honest, I like Dr. Umar. Yeah, so do I. I'm not just saying that. I enjoy watching him. It's very fun. I think he's hilarious. Yeah. When he does the things where people can call in and send things in. Yes. When he reads his live chat and he blocks people. It's the best. It's awesome. He has to know it's funny because he reads what they say. He knows. He's got to know. I want to see the school open. I mean, I think it's funny getting called a Neanderthal. It's hilarious. I was all right with it. Yeah. Fucking kind of smart. I don't know if he's trying to be funny. If he's actually upset, I apologize to Dr. Umar. I think he's smart. He's a smart guy. I think he knows what. He knows what. He knows what he plays. Probably edit this out, but I was thinking about purchasing his school and naming it the Robert E. Lee School for Whites Only. I'm going to name it Neanderthal Robert E. Lee Ronald Reagan Richard Nixon Academy. What about school for the Aztec School for the Lads? Aztec School for the Lads would go crazy. That would be tight. I think making it, hold on, the Robert E. Lee Ronald Reagan Richard Nixon School for Higher Learning and then actually dumping a ton of money in it and making it really successful and actually helping the community just is a bit, dude. That would be a good bit. It's a good bit. I just want to see it open, man. I'm not trying to break the guy's balls. I've been hearing about the school for a while. I'm like, oh, that's very nice. Yeah, what happened with the school? It's just, it's never open. It's been fucking 10 years. It's got to open the school. I mean, especially before he starts coming at, you know. Neanderthals? He shouldn't be watching the roast. Get the school going, bro. True. What the hell are you doing? Get the fucking school going. That is, it is, I don't know. It's a funny thing. It's a funny thing to just have the school going and being like, dang, they wiped out my accounts again. You know that happened, right? No, what? Wiped out his fucking accounts. He got hacked. Oh, shit. Fucking hell, the money ready to get the school going. They wiped out his damn accounts. Somebody hacked him and stole all his money. It wasn't him. He didn't spend it. Somebody else did. Son of a bitch. That keeps happening? Fuck. Dude, I was like, no. I immediately donated. I don't want. He put the cash app up. I immediately. I don't want to manually smoke with him anymore. I, for real, genuinely enjoy him. I think he's fun. His shit, his just like vigilance on the snow bunnies is my favorite. It's my favorite. Someone needs to stay fucking focused, man. Oh, yeah. He would. Sorry, Nate. But somebody. Also, right back at you. True. You know, you guys are both. Dr. Umar should be. Dr. Umar should like me, dude. He should hate you guys. What the fuck? True. True. I wasn't even thinking of my own sins. Damn. Damn. I should get him on at the link. Let him just give a talk. Please. Please. No comedy. Just give a nice five minute speech on kill whitey and get off stage. I mean, the boo would be. He would love that. Bill. Eighty thousand Hawkeys build him. He might ascend. He might start floating. Might evolve. He would evolve. For sure. He would poke him on out. You might just split in half. There could be two Dr. Umar. He could start multiplying. Eighty thousand white booze. That's how Al Sharpton lost all that weight. Although I would just come back 10 times harder. yeah just it's so funny just knowing you'd be pure bean pies right off the bat yeah that people don't talk about the black muslim enough i miss them they're i haven't seen a black muslim in texas there are so many in philly and they are some of the they're they're they're rad yeah they're rad black muslims are fucking rad i used to work with this black muslim guy he was i worked with many black muslims not bragging but the one guy i worked with was for real one of my fucking favorites he put me onto this television show might have been the worst show you ever see the 100 no oh i i dude he hyped me on this show i ended up watching two seasons and was just i remember you watching it it's he was like brother show he was talking like this shit is gonna this is it i watch it this dude the premise is sick then you watch and you're like this is the gayest show i've ever seen it's one of those i've actually it's seven it went seven seasons and i i do at some point want to watch the finale of the seventh season just to see where they went with it it'd be kind of fun this episode is brought to you by blue chew the number one brand for better sex blue chew just dropped something crazy blue chew gold it's crazy for years blue chew has made it easy for over five million men to get hard but now they make it easy to get horny too oh blue chew gold gets you your brain and body on the same page hating yourself rather than help rather than just helping blood flow gold combines four ingredients into one powerful tablet two of these two of those ingredients maximize blood flow the other two boost arousal and intimacy in the brain don't settle for a half solution if you want a complete experience in the bedroom go to blue chew.com they are number one for a reason and we've got a special deal for our listeners right now when you buy two months of blue chew gold you get the third free with promo code drenched you'll also receive an additional 10 off plus free overnight shipping on your first order visit blue chew.com for more details and important safety information we just want you guys to be rock hard and this ad and products are advertised as intended for a united states audience i don't know if you have to put that part but whatever july 17th at the link please please come to that i think we just released a bunch of new tickets so it's almost sold out so hurry up guys six five that is june five june six i'll be at the summit city comedy club fort wayne indiana but then i'll be in spokane comedy club uh 8 13 20 26 8 14 20 26 spokane comedy club and there's a bunch more dates coming they should be on my website they're not for some reason i'm gonna dig into that and update you guys go to matt mccuster.com anything good have you watched anything good uh yeah i watched uh train dreams oh the dennis johnson book yeah i guess yeah yeah with the guy yeah in the beginning they didn't have them throw the chinese guy off the cliff did they yeah they did they did yeah okay because i know they did that in the beginning of the book but did he help he slightly helps grab his legs and he's kind of saying like what do you do like why are you guys doing this but he still kind of like grabs his legs gotcha but then gets kicked off and then they throw him okay and did the chinese guy die in the movie yeah because he does in the book he doesn't he like i haven't finished it yet clambers oh my bad what did they throw him they throw him off a bridge yeah i think he like in the book just like catches the thing and just kind of like clambers away they don't show you they definitely don't show him surviving okay yeah it was funny in the book because he just is just walking home and he's like what are they throwing a chinese guy off a cliff and they're like yeah i'll help and he just doesn't even then he does it he's like i was kind of fucked up i should have done it yeah yeah i don't know why i was so eager to help that guy it's pretty sick how far how far into it are you uh two-thirds okay yeah yeah it gets kind of freaky there yeah because so far it's pretty sad it's just a sad shit i didn't think it was gonna be that sad no i had it recommended i'm like oh cool you know like i like the time period and then like right away i was like oh fuck yeah it's pretty devastating finder yeah not in the woods nothing good happens in the woods yeah no that was that was pretty good surprising i re-watched recently and i was i actually wasn't a fan it was wolf of wall street i thought i loved that movie and i re-watched it and i'm like the whole fucking first 45 minutes is like then i got pussy then i got pussy again they tell you how much drugs we did oh yeah and i was like dude i was watching i'm like i still love this movie i watch it as an as an elder man i was like this fucking guys are punks yeah they're punks yeah it was also like it was just it was just i you know i was watching it with a with britney so i'm kind of like all right he's blowing cocaine up her butt with a straw i'm sure she's not like what is this yeah just let it go it's a good movie and then it was just 40 straight minutes to be like and then she sucked my fucking dick and i was like jesus yeah it's a comedy yeah so you watch it as this guy's a fucking moron yeah true and it's i'll tell you what then we watched legend of beggar vance jesus it was it's been years it was awesome yeah i was just like this is much better and i was like dude i'm not gonna lie this is much better not even gonna wait this is i mean i thought the wolf of wall street was like one of the best if you had asked me before that i'm like yeah it's one of my favorite movies yeah re-watch it i was like i think it was the setting you were in yeah i think that'll affect it for sure with the babe just going this movie's kind of fucking me yeah it's kind of this movie's gonna affect my night because now my wife's gonna be like is that what you want to do no of course not i would hate that just getting a ton of pussy and doing coke with my friends and being extremely rich so it's no i like this when he was talking about like fucking his cousin and like what they would do with a retarded kid he's like i throw it out in the woods i was just like in the bed being like it's better this is weird do crack all right could have been set in setting you're right could it's been set in setting but i i genuinely was like you know what this is this is kind of old man what the fuck beggar vance is just next level beggar vance is moses moses dude for real it was amazing i thought the movie was about will smith crushing it at golf no the whole time i thought will smith just crushed it in golf and not the case no but is he just a caddy a caddy secret caddy super spiritual caddy yeah it's all about the field it was kind of sick though beggar vance two thumbs up both wall street dude no didn't like it it was it was just i was like no you're right this is i'm gonna have to give it a rewatch it's too much yeah too much and i know what you're thinking me and my boys are crazy that was that was big during uh what is it called uh not fight club fucking entourage yeah entourage was big in and what was the uh snatch that was that big like this is the craziest thing you'll ever see yeah and it'd be like scorsese does a lot though yeah he always does it yeah i mean he's a master obviously i'm not gonna yeah you know i just it was good fellas holds up though good fellas is great it's great every time yeah confused because i when i lived with tommy he would watch it every night that actually makes a lot of sense he'd be drunk watching good fellas like yeah this guy watches everything now i understand yeah you're drunk it's one of the best movies it's so good just toss it on yeah yeah no it was i i'm i'm getting old i was watching i'm like this is fucking crass this is very crass disturbing it's crude it was crude it's crude it was very crude there's no two ways about it matt yeah then he had yeah you know what you're totally right it was just him jerk of wall street just him leaving his wife and fucking fucking this chick and i'm like that's not good stuff right this is come on this is crap all right turn this crap off i don't even daydream about stuff like that that's crazy put on bagger vance yeah i might start watching bagger vance watch the notebook that's good so your husband dies yeah that's what yeah let's watch let's run chuckalot back but yeah i was i was i was movied out dude i was just crushing movies every night million dollar baby that was a sad one i don't think i've ever seen that mdb is sad bro yeah and it's funny because i knew you are you familiar like kind of with the plot line yeah so i kind of knew what was coming britney had no clue so she's like you know like oh she's gonna take over and be the champ and i was just like kind of we'll see well that's what me watching fucking train dreams i was like man this guy's life is awesome i was like let's go to bed like what the fuck was that it's sad as hell that could have been why i woke up with the with the irish good morning uh that'll do it yeah i i the irish good morning is just like look at you you piece of shit your life's in shambles told you my mom hit me up the other day with just the worst news about people i don't even know and i was like thank you thanks that's yeah every day horrible that's absolutely horrible i guess this is a little grim i'm like yeah this is i don't need this right now yeah i'll be on a walk i don't know i don't know i'm gonna walk my mom will call and just be like their kid's not doing good oh my god who who are these people it's uh a girl i used to work with like in the fucking 90s do they live around us it's like they're in kentucky now so you just call them to tell me about a terrible tragedy kentucky right now i'll be like all right mom i'm gonna go oh okay um all right have we talked for too long oh my god i mean they gotta offload that because that does get crazy getting older and older to when like more i think i know like i don't know how many people you know your age range that died it's been like not a ton not too many but yeah it's uh they get to the age where it's like people start dropping and all you can do is party at the beach party hard just stay tuned to the fox news parrot the shit yeah we have to bomb iran i mean bro i think we bombed him again yesterday yeah you're wrong i think so gotta be done oh here we go another one there's a trump fart video there's another fart video has dropped send me the link send me the link these farts are crazy there was a lot of farts on both sides of the aisle for a while the fart vids are huge so i just farted myself you you i mean doesn't he like crush mickey d's and shit i saw he just got out of the hospital or something he did a checkup or whatever it was all amazing yeah i'm sure everything was great everything was fucking amazing he's sharp as hell best farts he's also 80 and crushing mcdonald's the farts must be fucking chaos dude yeah yeah there's got when you're 80 there's got to be parts of you that are kind of dead already everything you're like a pirates of the caribbean guy is it is it real we gotta get i gotta get hey dude i have it right here damn it's like an old like it's an old uh yeah nixon mic i'd like to see it that'd be crazy if that was if that was his like secret nixon recordings or just like just non-stop farts oh my god dude let me see i mean stepping behind the column is respectable and true so what here's your thing dude the people in front not dying laughing it can't be real uh they're trained they're trained they're trained dude they're machines you can't be trained for that just ripping that fart no one on earth can survive that yeah yeah the fart the political like fart smears are crazy because it's like you have no way of proving if it's true or not yeah those yeah and that was recorded from a fucking disc yeah there's no you have to there's no way if that's real that's awesome yeah yeah he's outside it looked like yeah but he was behind the column and i'm saying the acoustics of the old you want to believe dude yeah that's that's the limit you want to smell that far dude that's a living sniff that far he pooped his pants ew smells like a 39 count felon yeah there was a there was a major aoc was getting levied to farts aoc apparently had farts trump had farts biden apparently shit himself there was a lot of shit in itself and farts going around like covid in their covid era yeah the shoe's on the other foot now and the republicans don't like it much see it's kind of mean when you fake audio if it's real then that's incredible we need to get verified i mean how do you you'd have to call the journalist and they'd have to be like yeah i was there he fucking farted it was crazy it's crazy it could be a whistleblower one of the one of the secret service could be like dude that was real he fucking uncorked one as soon as he got out of the car what's the point of being the president if you have to hold in your farts you know i'm saying you're you're the boss and you got to just hold in your no you move behind a pillar gentlemanly you probably learned that in fucking etiquette school you find find a giant stucco pillar you just rip yeah i i was back on the cheese for the vacation i was that was nothing you were hitting cheese bro i was i was crushing cheese all vacay beach farts are crazy dude it was yeah fully sun powered yeah chi and then we watch in bagger vance and just i was real i just was my dad that was in my dad's house just doing exactly what he does is watching movies with a lady and farting and then feeding catfish it's pretty much all i did all it was kind of nice fucking where it's at yeah it was i mean i can you can tell i'm sun maxing right now too i'm completely i was telling them i'm getting melanated or dying trying this summer that's all you can do i i just it's all i get you're gonna die trying i know that's what happens to all of our ancestors dude i got a nice i mean i have like a solid that's a crazy tan dude bro i just been getting i just been raw dog in the sun just letting it just crush me i'm kind of i dude i sleep good i feel better my nose no i'll get sun cancer in 20 years but that's nothing bro you get that the mj lasers cut it right out yeah my dad got my dad has skin cancer a couple years ago they just fucking cut that shit right out of skin cancer every 10 minutes yeah who cares it's non-stop it's nothing he's sun maxed his whole life it's fucking wild i know he's one for freckle at this point he literally became a black guy he's dr umar he all his freckles joint forces he's gotta open the john elway fred and doug flutie academy john elway academy yeah i should just yeah the larry bird the larry bird academy for higher learning i feel really bad if he opens it tomorrow like fuck although i feel good no that'd be great that'd be great if our of our voices we found power in our voices and i'm open up you know i said my kids there he would not be happy dude i wonder how he feels about that poorly he would hate it he would hate that yeah he'd be fucking furious what are you talking about he would not like it although i wonder i wonder i wonder if you you know if you commit to the bit i wonder if there's a part of his heart that goes like i love all children he has to be like shut up dude you're gonna ruin our whole fucking career yeah everything we built you hate them yeah although i mean i don't he probably doesn't hate them he probably bad stern doesn't get down like that anymore we could have umar verse what's that guy's name carver daniel carver the klansman that he used to bring on stern carver versus dr umar would be a battle that would be a battle you could probably still set that up and honestly it's like you know it's a fate it's a you let them fucking debate we could do that from now that could be a little segment you and i do on the show dude just do racist battle bots every week you bring a different type of racist guy a racist fool would be sick they're out there too oh yeah they are out there yeah getting a nice little sending like a racist foo against like a like a u of t gender studies major it would be so nice so it'd be we'd have to throw in the red flag it'd be three seconds like bitch you'd be like all right come on hold on get them out of here hold on my food my food's going wild racist battle bots would be sick dude be awesome you and me could just not be on camera yeah be amazing have two people sit right here just let them fucking be racist to each other we get mystery science theater you just see our heads right in the camera and i'd like to hear you elaborate on that actually he was keep going floor what do you mean by that now's the period of the question response we'll step in if we need to moderate you haven't haven't just it'd be nice you know it'd be nice to just having just like they almost you know the dudes are calling a sports radio just letting guys go dude be like yo what do you think about people call in yeah or just come in having them come in and be like yo the floor is yours you're a steel worker from montana battling whoever you know this guy some weird guy who believes in aliens fucking go rip it would be like the scrapyard but for a debate yeah we're just i mean i'm i'm all scrapyard right now of course i'm all the street beefs shout out street beefs street beefs is street beefs scrapyard the same thing or is it similar i think so okay well they've been getting i've been seeing a lot of um look it up yeah we need we need uh we need some intel on that please we i've been seeing a lot of uh like 55 year olds versus 21 year olds yeah it's a good matchup god it's a really good matchup old boy what's his name what's the guy something like that what's the guy fighting for his fallen friend barn dog barn dog's nice barn dog's real nice gas station white shout out gas station white yeah barn dog the speeches are the best yeah so i'm my friend killing himself i'm fighting for him it's pretty and you really root for him yeah you sent me that guy yeah how'd you like the guy who this is just a test that was trouble yeah dog said is uh he found his friend hanging and he had to cut him down yeah that's tough yeah yeah thanks thanks lamar let's get that involved toss that in the mix although you can see it is fighting though man he's he like i mean being a 55 year old scrapyard is like the pacific northwest street beefs uh contingent okay they're all under the street beefs umbrella yeah but it's not satan's backyard it's a different you ever fantasized about throwing your hat in the ring in a scrapyard yeah i'd be real so scary yeah i think about it i think about it i'd have to be very selective about the fight but it's i every time i watch it there's a part of me being like bro i want to get in the fucking plywood dude you gotta fight death sentence who's death sentence yeah matt matt verse death sentence who's death sentence uh he's a spindly fellow is he a knockout artist he's a jitsu guy which is i feel like he kind of loses a lot he almost he's an anime black guy who kind of oh i saw him i saw him yeah yeah he trains under the tutelage of demetrius mighty mouse johnson does he really yeah but there's there's another one there's an anime white that fights winged c what's his name winged c wing c he's nice he's from like 717s all in the fucking scrap here street beefs excuse me yeah i saw that guy the anime black guy who was like brought in which again who's the guy in the suit that actually like a weirdo that like acts like he's teaching i don't know his name but i know exactly what you're talking about he acts like he's like in a john wick movie or something he's pretty good yeah yeah it's i mean it's and every now and again there'll be guys i think they do a good job putting skill against skill but they don't they don't really a couple times they've whiffed a couple times once while they feed a guy the lions poppins is the suit guy yeah he was a black guy i just watched he was wearing a suit and it was a good battle and then in the third round his shirt was off and i was like all right it's time to yeah it's time to lock in yeah now you're in trouble dude scrap yards i don't know man i i it might be my preferred uh arena of watching way to die dying in the scrap yard would be so i'll bury me dude right in the center ring it'd be nice even if i got like really hurt just bury me right in the center ring sprained wrist that's it i'm done dude bury me at the scrap yard oh i didn't tell you my uh speaking of bury me dude my my brother had he was in the shower he's telling me about there was killing me he had the he's in the shower and he's just like soaping himself up and he felt a little lump on the testes and he goes fuck dude he's just like that's it i'm dead like i'm not doing anything i'm not gonna talk about it i'm gonna ride this out it's over bro i got the big c i'm out and then as he's investigating he's like what the fuck and he found out it was a tick oh my god that had burrowed oh my god i know dude so he had it burrowed in to his nuts and once he found this out he was like he went to his wife and was like yo you gotta get this thing out of me oh my god so dude he goes he was like huge first of all big mistake both both me and my dad were like you gotta go to the emergency you can't have your wife dude that because they don't do they're gonna just pick you right in dudes well it's just also there's women don't have a uh you know they don't realize how truly sensitive and like terrifying that is get hit in the nuts or like a tick in there of all things so i mean if it was soaking if it was like sucking come out of that'd be sick but like just all day like who's on your epididymis that's different something's wrong but but it was it was just there so then he was like you know obviously she's pulling it out no respect for the sack just yanking at that thing and he goes dude like he's like i was demoted just multiple leagues in her because like he's like it ended with like i was such a baby about it i had like a towel over my top half of my body i was like oh of course i know the whole time he was telling me i'm like you're so right and he goes no but dude like the whole time he was telling me i'm like oh he's like i i was i was beyond crying i was like and then finally got it out this is i mean now i want to check my sack i think this is the second time we've caused the listener to true physically react including turning his neck as hard as he could i think i think almost everybody listening wanted to go i wonder how far dude i he was telling me the story the whole time he's going no and right now everyone's going i should definitely check my nuts you got to check your nuts apparently there was you know the ticks are big apparently everyone actually yeah they're going wild right now everyone thinks it's bill gates ticks i think they are bill gates he had a bill gates son of a bitch he had the bill gate tick right in the sack and uh dude and yeah he has to go to the hospital that's both me and my dad were like bro that's funny enough he has lyme disease now he already conquered lyme disease he fasted for two weeks straight he did a 14-day fast conquer life he didn't eat for 14 days he claimed it helped him he claimed it helped him he probably destroyed himself people don't recover from that limes no like prisoners of war that are like no you can rock dude you can do two weeks yeah he dry fasted for four days until his vision blurred he's like i for real thought i was gonna die i think that fucks you up he didn't drink water for four fasting community obviously i'm not the one to speak on it 14 is crazy i've done five and i felt like all right this is getting but apparently what happens is after like you know one day he's like oh fuck two days like damn i feel fucking amazing so he said it would just be up and down you'd be like awesome i think by the end of it he was genuinely fucked up you start shitting like all kinds of crazy shit out too because you're i don't know what's going when you don't eat your body's like all right just get rid of all this stuff he claims he looked into it that helps with lyme disease could be wrong look that up guys let's see let's get some information on 14-day fast yeah i think he's because what even is i don't even know what the fuck it is i think it's a i think it was a bio weapon lyme disease yeah could be i think it was i think it came from a military island off the yeah off the coast of connecticut lyme's connecticut and all the ticks maybe got out like escaped what the freak started biting all the yankees up there oh fuck all the okan men we're getting like sweet okan men we're getting big on oh great fuck now i'm tired in the afternoon like i'm fucking bells palsy let's get the science it says uh well right off the bat google ai gemini says no it is not scientifically proven to cure ai hates fasting but it may help reduce overall inflammation and promote cellular repair so so yes it doesn't eradicate the bacteria but it can help in certain things and you should also take antibiotics because you could get fucked up from lyme disease yeah like you can uh your joints hearts nervous joints heart nervous system they could all get fucked up if you don't treat a sack straight to the motherboard dude that was that was the randy quaid oh yeah it was but he got it pulled off and he uh yeah he was how long ago did this happen there's only a couple weeks ago okay yeah he said a couple weeks so he's doing all right yeah so he's all right he was he was benched from the uh from the bedroom for a while he's like bro i don't think i'll ever smash again he saw he saw him at his worst yeah lady just like your hairy ass wiggling like which is what i would anyone would do if you were getting your sack i would definitely react to that i would never show i would do that myself you gotta do that yourself oh the pull the tick out yourself you would have to i don't know if i could dude i had the fucking bug bite on my foot i couldn't get that thing i tried to dig it out but i went right to bay like pull this out please you you can but not on your sack but yeah after you take them out that's at least not on your skin you just got to suck it up and sit in the er for fucking five hours and let it let a fucking lady or whoever actually can we pause for a second i do have to pee let's do it endless summer escapes start here travel the worlds of netflix irl inspired by fan favorites like stranger things and squid game brave the upside down face off with the front man play leveled up arcade games shop exclusive merch and enjoy themed food and drinks beat the heat play eat and shop on repeat at netflix house at galleria dallas bring your crew and save get your tickets today at netflix.com slash house yeah yeah you might want to download that exxon mobile rewards plus app yeah are you the exxon tiger i am yeah you know new users can earn ten dollars in points five bucks after your first purchase and five after your second that's a lot of money but it's not that's a lot that's a whole lot it is well hey you get on that download buddy i will loading download the exxon mobile rewards plus app and join today exxon trust the tiger for details visit exxon offer.com okay i just want to see the mayor bag on the pavement but yeah that was that was a harrowing tale i uh watched a little documentary on malzahar dung what's he up to he's dead but he killed a lot of people on the way out a lot it's important to study communism yeah because all you know the youngsters these days they think it's far out and fly yeah it's really weird it's not usually results in about 50 million people dying doesn't work typically yeah it's no it's pretty i mean that's you know again i've been making the youtube debate spear watching that and that's a big one like how are you uncomfortable calling yourself a communist if that many people died and it's like well it's because it sounds nice you know it's like no we share and it's like it starts with the seizure of private property exactly that's fucking crazy yeah it is funny it's like built on it's like it's not really sharing it's built on the government taking everyone's property yeah what the fuck the government's terrible yeah i don't trust them with anything it'd be horrible why do people want to give them more power what the hell because this is the mayor you love the government you love the government we need to pay more taxes i want to pay more taxes we need more money i don't need to pay more taxes yeah you don't i fucking do you but i mean it would be funny to be like with like nazism be like well they didn't really do that right they kind of messed it up we should run it again that's the big that's the big communism thing they go like well yeah that wasn't they didn't do it right it is actually that they're two what is it communism is what two for two i mean they have a couple other ones yeah but they have two big bad the soviet union and china are the two big bad boys yeah yeah not good yeah it was i mean it was like how many how many did mal get like 20 mil way more yeah in like a three-year period they think it might be i mean the the estimates are no one knows anytime something happens in china they're like and then 450 000 billion people died in the fucking yellow revolution yeah yeah but no i think it was like the great leap forward and it was like estimated at 45 mil of fucking starvation yeah god damn yeah and that's that's how it works you come into power as the communist leader then you go all right here's the plan if people like i don't know about that you just murder them yes because you're like yeah okay that's kind of this guy's he's anti-revolutionary yeah he's against the party you got to arrest him and he they did a like the way it started was they they got all the kids they got like the college students and then they were like encouraging them to be violent towards like older people in the old system what so they'd like beat up their professors and shit which i've been tough to tough to not fall victim to that i go wait a second there's a new president saying i should go fucking punch my teacher in the stomach punch this dork in the fucking head and then i get all this stuff you those kids are definitely getting straight a's though right before the revolution teacher being like everybody did great again yeah that that uh well it's one of those things that like it is funny it sounds so nice and theory like yeah we're all share it'll be nice and it's like but in the meantime we're gonna fucking run it is what people's ass and then no they want it i don't feel like anyone ever does that well under the people at the top do yeah every single time they do really good that's gotta be sweet yeah the pigs move into the man's house and start standing and wearing clothes all the other animals go what the fuck being the party boss well i've also heard a thing that like communism doesn't even work unless it's global so they're like that was like the real dream it's just yeah they're like well it's gotta be global yeah just a very funny philosophy like yeah if everybody does it it'll work it's like yeah it's kind of tricky yeah it's crud i think it's crud also it's not even sharing at that point you know what i mean it's like we should share it and you put someone at gunpoint like give them that it's like what you do with the kids you're like share your toys you're like fuck here they're having a billion people doing that it's not you know it's not really gonna work no they took all their grub dude grub is dude you weren't even allowed to have restaurants they had to have government sanctioned fucking like canteens where everyone had to eat gruel together sucks blows dick that sucks so bad yes and then they miscalculated how much grain they had so they're taking all the peasants grub what yeah then 45 million people starved dang it's crazy it's massive mistake here's the thing after it happened do people come out and be like my bad or was it just like pretty much mal said my bad did he kind of they like they were like all right you're not the leader for a few more years and then he came back what yeah did he have the sauce or what he did he did have the sauce fuck that's the thing about all these leaders they do have the sauce that's true so so how many people died the first time and then he got to come back again that's kind of not swear it was 45 million roughly i mean they have no idea but i heard a guy saying 80 the other day yeah max 80 there's a lot of people who died the first time and then he got to come back again they're they say but the great leap forward they estimate 45 but then over the whole time they say around 80 80 mil dude and that's starvation murder or like just everything camps our camps you got to build tractors dude we got to get some fucking nice tractors you're a slave now and you're building tractors because you said you didn't like mal that sucks yeah did that kind of in you know it sucks 90 million people died did that step china forward as a power fucking huge fuck oh it works yeah they're on track to be number one right now oh god yeah it works oh man that's terrible i hope these fucking computers work yeah you're not afraid to if you're not afraid to kill most of your population you'll be you can do some stuff one yeah fuck and nobody's bent out of shape about it over there are they kind of like if you're bent out of shape about it you and your family get killed so everyone's pretty chill with it today i'm sure today they're fine yeah yeah they're like i think they moved on yeah i'm sure some people hold on to some i'd be upset yeah what year what year are we talking like the 50s that's pretty great leap forward was probably end of the 50s right pretty that's pretty recent yeah and so china was like pretty poor yeah and then this guy's like i got they got rocked in world war ii yeah yeah and he was basically like what if we turn people into legos yes and they were just like jesus christ yeah that's so bad yeah and then the other government went to taiwan that was who we recognized right like those are the real leaders of china and then in the 70s i think we were like yeah you guys suck what it's china i thought china was asso china is asso but taiwan we don't have one was so the original the chinese government escaped during the yeah yeah and they really relocated to taiwan don't we fuck with taiwan though yeah we still fuck with taiwan but then we we finally recognized communist china is the real china got you we're like yeah you guys let's stop pretending i mean it's kind of embarrassing they got a nuke and then they dang mal did get it done he fucking did i mean it sucks that you know i mean all those all the thing too is once you get to not killing 90 million people it's almost just absurd now you sound like joe stalin dude really one death is a tragedy a million is a statistic dude it is dude and a million it's just like all right like that i was close with that quote i think you're i think you're 100 right because if you were telling me like he one day and there was this kid and he stepped on the kid's head and killed him a monster yeah 90 you're like guy was motivated fuck did he kill yeah that's horrible man it's also funny getting kicked out and being like yeah my bad my bad like yeah like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know all right we're gonna you're gonna be vice chairman for yeah five or six years and then you come back he's player two and he had a nasty wife dude did he yeah he married a actress who was like a fucking loudmouth dude she was a problem and then uh did he kill her and then when he died they sentenced her to death oh that's right i knew she got some sort of death uh which i think they just they changed it to life in prison and then she killed herself what in jail yeah honoring just on honoring the boy really he's like mouse the man dude i'm gonna kill myself it's kind of sick but i think she died in like the 90s yeah i didn't hear it it was the this recent that we were alive at the same time as his fucking wife damn yeah 91 how did how did mal die damn dude she was she was alive for no names last title that's how long it's been dude you got to watch it from the jail i was a dong's wife was like number one oh rue hopes and when did he die how did mal die he had him in murder right he died i forget was it cancer how did he die dang yeah and he had a major heart attack in 1976 he looked exactly like my grandpa did he really my mom's side my mom's side of the family is very asian features i might be a descendant of the great mouths i don't dude you haven't i've been meaning to look into that guy might be a descendant could be i'm working on the fucking do right now dude i might get the mal dude going he's got the robot nick i'm gonna have to do the mouths they do but yeah it turns out he was a jerk i watched enough of it no we always hear he's a jerk but then it's like and you always hear he put up numbers but like he put up the most number one crazy number one all the time and nobody really uh you know here he's a bad guy obviously but hello that's true that's true we're gonna edit that out all right we did it good episodes watch new episodes of matt and shane secret podcast on spotify do it endless summer escapes start here travel the worlds of netflix irl inspired by fan favorites like stranger things and squid game brave the upside down face off with the front man play leveled up arcade games shop exclusive merch and enjoy themed food and drinks beat the heat play eat and shop on repeat at netflix house at galleria dallas bring your crew and save get your tickets today at netflix.com slash house this episode is brought to you by chat gpt hey it's bill simmons from the bill simmons podcast have you guys heard about chat gpt work it's the new way to use chat gpt for bigger multi-step projects and we'll see you in the next episode of chat gpt when you need more than just answers give chat gpt work access to your apps and files and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets slides and structured reports get started at chat gpt.com by selecting work mode available on plus and pro plans