Ep 614 - iNasty

Wow, wow, Wes. It's time to go time to face. You got to face up to the nasty things you said. Yeah, man, he was finding out. We're finding out his brothers. He lived it by the I nasty die by the I nasty. It's true. It's the worst. It's the worst. We were truly peak I nasty between 2016 and 2019. The nasty brothers. And now as a old man, you got to really come. I think I think it's radon poisoning. We're in the basement. True. You're in the basement. You're breathing in radon. You start going like, man, that guy's not that funny. I'm funnier. Yeah, we were on TV. We were. I would be mad at people's like late night sets. I would see like a woman do a fucking Conan set and I'd be like, fucking bitch. Why do I care? Just what happens, dude. It is what happens. My thing is I'll never forget like I remember which is like working, being a young man and being like, I need to get a job and establish myself in the world. And I would like work in Ellie fitness for like 30 minutes and like go out to my car and cry. It's so grim. It's so hard. It's a nasty. So if you have the outlet, dude, yeah, I always go I nasty on YouTube. I would just see a video of like a guy like recording a swim meat. And I'd be like, pedophile. Weirdo. This is my family channel. 10 likes. Yes. Yeah. Let's go. Yeah. Be careful at all that I nasty warriors out there. No, man. Eventually you're going to have to face who you were nasty to. And then you go, man, I was being such a bitch. Dude, I'm so sorry. The worst is we don't even remember. Yeah. I'll see stuff. And I'll be like, huh? No, but I never said I'm like, oh, fuck. I don't remember. I don't remember that. Yeah, when I got fired for being I nasty, I was like, no, I would never say that. It happens. Anyway, here's the most important piece of information that the people are dying to find out. The the rents. The rents did hatch. And I was lucky enough to be outside. It was a beautiful day. I was on my laptop. I was going over the roast jokes, which is a funny thing to sit outside. So funny to sit. Take a laptop out, get a coffee, sit outside. It's like beautiful out. And then just be like Cheryl Underwood's husband is dead. There's new life emerging around you. But then I watched the baby come out of the Bud Light Box. He jumped out of the top. And I, well, while I'm out there, I keep good track of the mom and dad. You do. I knew both of them were gone. So I see some some wrestling going on in the Bud Light Box. And I go, I hit him a cuss. And then I watched the guy come out. He was bigger than I thought it'd be. Really? Yeah, they're pretty fucking thick. And but he was he was fluffy. Oh, he had like fluffy feathers. I watched him jump. He started like hopping around. As soon as he came out, the mom and dad came right back and started like hopping around him while he was trying to like, what? It was I was so happy. Oh my god. Then I go to the airport to pick up McEver. I come back. And he was dead in the pool. No, no. And McEver and Blizzard here. So I had to pretend I wasn't going to cry. I got it. I was like, Oh, no. I was so fucking sad, dude. I got the pool net. This is in front of them. This thing's so dead. I got the pool net scooped it out and then pressed on its chest. I tried to resuscitate my boy. He was very dead. How many how many believe they have like three two or three made it. But one of the fellas hit the pool. My my neighbor had a nest of barns. So the marriage is I the body. I was I couldn't look at it. I had to go inside for a second and pretend I wasn't incredibly upset because that is weird. And then I come back and the marriage just threw in the trash can in the kitchen. He just put a dead bird in the house and then he went back to gaming. I was like, we should have buried the man. There's a little mayor grew up on like a buy you or something. How the fuck would he throw a dead bird inside of the trash? Who knows? I mean, at least over the fence, man. That's the tragedy of the the rent. Oh, dude. That's it's my neighbor in a similar journey, dude. Well, hey, they moved on. You're an empty nest. You're an empty bud lighter right now. I still still think about them. Now I'm just stuck with these nasty fucking cardinals. That's all I have there. You have some cool cardinals. I've seen good. You got some major escape birth. They just hatched. I don't know how to use the words. Yeah, they gave birth. They and then hatched. Yeah. They they're they have their hatchlings. My neighbor had a similar similar thing where he had barn swallows. If you have a nest of barn swallows, it's actually illegal in Austin to like remove the nest. I guess they're like endangered. So he had these like barn swallows nesting. No one's going to find out. I mean, that's true. Smash that fucking nest. That's true. It's like killing a praying man. This is illegal. I guess if you like if you told your neighbor, if I if I he was like, I got barn swallows, I saw I'm swatting it. I could be like, yes, which I would. Yeah, this is against law. I would have called it. I would have called the cops. I'm like, sorry, dude. I like his neighbor, but I would absolutely punish you under the law. But no, he was like laughing because he was like, dude, they're like right there, like and they like that they're protective. So they'll swoop on you if you're close to him. So they were like kind of like, yeah, we're kind of giving our whole porch to these birds and he's like, it's nice. He got like real attached to him. They're shooting all over his porch. And then the one day he just saw one dead bird and he goes, I got three more. Every bird died. And he used to the same thing. He was like, I went with like a on a journey with his bird family, all their babies died. And then he's like, I don't even want to take the nest away. I'm like, what if they want to come back and more eggs? The nest, I'm leaving that nest. I might just keep living in this house for one more year. Just to keep an eye on it. Just to go, please come back, Rose. Tell you what, if you want some buddies right now, my garden's popping with lizards. My eight spin. That's nice. They're nice. They're low maintenance. Did you get one of those rock things? No, I didn't even get a, well, my whole garden beds made out of limestone rock. So they kind of chill on that. But there, I think they're eating my strawberries. It could be wrong, but I don't even mind, dude. I can't make sure you're right when you accuse someone of this. I hear you, but I've seen guys go down the wrong path. My buddy executed a possum. Steve McSteele named him. He fucking stabbed the possum. You can't possibly. I had a possum in my yard. I liked him. Possums are good. He stabbed. He drowned it. And then it wouldn't drown. So he stuck a fucking spike through its chest. Aim, right? It's fucking crazy. He showed me. I was like, bro, I don't like you. That's not right. Yeah, possums also eat snakes and shit. They're good to have. They're good. I actually did it. He was telling me about it. And I was like, bro, I'm pretty sure they're good for garden. They are. There's no way he was grabbing your tomatoes. And yeah, I looked it up today. They will. I don't know if it's them for say that we have those fake owls. And I don't see a lot of birds in my garden. So I don't think it's the birds monitoring them, but I swear, I think these, but it's, I don't even care. Did I call them having sex the other day? I have lizards having sex on video. It's pretty tight. That is tight. My dog tried to eat them while they're having sex, which would be, oh, the ultimate three. Getting devoured mid sex. Pure or boring life. It's pretty nice. It's almost as good as honestly the rent did have a good life. Yeah. Dance with his parents. Splish, splash, splash a little. Yep. Hit the pool. It's a good life. Hey, man, some birds lie. He swam. Off limits. Don't joke about that. I mean, dude, I know roasting is therapeutic, bro. Look, as a roast master myself, we only roast the rents. We love it. That is, it is a sick life for a bird, though. You got to go, you know, jump around with his mom and dad. Yep. And then lemarily throw him in a fucking trash can. Underneath like come tissues. Oh, God. There is like a Pharaoh surrounded by a cow. How could you just say that? I know what to do. I just thought I'd put it in the bag and put it in the trash. Oh, you bagged it. That's nice. I don't want to leave it in the trash roll, you know. Trash roll. It's good. Because they stink. That would have stung so bad. Although he timed it right. I guess you could toss it. I should have been. I would have gone right there. He wouldn't have smelled it. Yeah, he was fresh. He was fresh. Yeah. These are the sizes of tiny mouths. That bird would have got the stinking. Poor guy. All right, Peter, the bird. But I'll do two. Well, Mary was there for me, pretending not to be really upset. How'd you feel like about that? I was kind of sad. Everyone was pretty bummed out. Yeah, man. See a floating baby bird in a pool, this was kind of bummed, especially because I like as soon as I got back from the airport, I was like, John, check this out. Oh, my guys hatched. They're out. They're jumping around. The parents, the parents were like, no, don't jump in with my clothes on. I'm not even like a jumping like one of those where you run. Wait. This episode is brought to you by prize picks. The regular season's done and the NBA playoffs are here. Time to get in on the action with the prize picks, a preferred partner of the NBA NBA and a space B space A. Download the prize picks app today and use code drenched to get 15. $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup and during the playoff, during the playoffs, make a $5 lineup with a live NBA pick for a shot at the duet live sweepstakes trip to the NBA final. That's a lot more info can be found on the prize picks promos board price picks, a preferred partner of the NBA. Yeah, that's, that's that's really sad. I'm, I didn't know that happened. Yeah, I'm sorry to the, I know a lot of the listeners. We're excited to find out. Yeah. But anyway, back to the roast. True. I don't like the way people talk about roasts when they're like roasting is just like, this is just what we do what we do. Um, it's, yeah, it was, yeah, that's, that was the, uh, that's part of the culture, bro, snapping. I did have to snap, dude, snap both my guns loaded full clips ready to don't go on and Cheryl under was the husband for some reason, so I did call her, I saw there was an article about it because I felt like I was like, this is a serious thing to make fun of somebody for sure. And I don't know where, yeah, well enough to be like, make, so I called her to, and you, you saw her on the road. She's wild. She was, she was a delight to talk to her on the phone. Yeah, bet. And, uh, then, uh, how did you even breach the subject? Like, hey, how you doing? Man, it's pretty nice out. Hey, quick thing, uh, oh, no, she immediately. He read it. I was like, Hey, Cheryl, I got to ask you about this joke. Is that you can make fun of my husband for jumping off a building? I was like, that's it. That's it. And look, I have no problem not doing it. It's probably going to make me look bad. So I'm definitely okay with not doing it. Yeah. So then the next day I go into a meeting and I'm like, I don't think I should do that joke. Um, left the meeting with four more jokes about it. I was like, it's my entire set now. Uh, it wasn't the meeting was the meeting like exacting shit. There were two Netflix people in there, but I think they were just writing what we were talking about. Okay. So more, but, uh, yeah, that, uh, and the, uh, bonsai tree joke could have done without it. Yeah. Turns out, he never know though, turns out, could have done without it. Yeah. Sometimes you, you know, I mean, I'm running it in front of the wrong crowds. Yeah. I was just doing it in Austin and then Boston and they were like, fuck yeah. No, I didn't. Nashville, Charlotte, Austin and Boston, all four cities were like, you got to do it. It's unanimous. I did do it. I ran it at, it should pells. Yeah. It was, it was me, it was, it was a cool room. Yeah. It was exactly who would be upset by it and they liked it. That's the other thing too. It's like I, I think people still laughed and thought if you, if you were to try to take like a general, if you sit outside of a gas station today and call it the afternoon rush, like, what do you think about that? They'd be like, probably, you don't give a fuck, bro. I was hilarious, dude. Yeah. I already, I feel that I was taught, I was on a construction site yesterday. They're like, bro, they don't give a fuck. Wow. It's great, man. The white boys are fired up. Yeah. I will say this. I just think, I think the tallies in on that specific roast, I think the white boys went dumb. It's true. White boys went dumb. The white boys went dumb. The white boys, the white boys might have went too dumb, dude. Everyone's upset that the white boys went dumb. The white boys might be the king of snapping now. Yeah. Look, I'm just going off what I saw. You think the white boys are the king of snapping? I think so. I think so. I think the white boys are the king of snapping. I just know that's good. A fucking headline. Matt McCusker says the white boys are the kings of snapping. Let me tell you something, Matt McCusker, you'll never be the king of snapping. I'm not the king of snapping. I mean, but yeah, I can snap. You can snap. I can snap. But I don't know. If someone snaps me, I'll get real sad. I don't like, I was watching that, but like, dude, I would fucking spaz. I, that's what you think and then it is, I mean, I didn't really get anything too bad. Yeah, true. But it's funny. Yeah. I mean, someone makes funny like that. It is funny. But I, everyone's loud. It was genuinely funny getting made fun of. That's true. I thought that I was really afraid. I was going to be like, but here's the problem, though. You did well. If I did poorly and then someone made fun of like my kids, I'd be like, you know, seriously, dude, some things. I know. I know. Seriously, dude. Doc, you know. You know what else? I didn't even try to fight, what's the NBA guy? Yeah. I'm like, seriously, Mr. Green? That's enough. All right. There's limits. But if I did it good, I'd be like, I didn't even consider how bad it was to go first. Yeah. Until I, and then I remembered, like, I saw, like at the roast of a, at Vos's roast, everyone just made fun of Florentine for his ex killing herself. Yeah. Before he went, and then when he went, everyone was like, the whole crowd was like, come on, Jim. Yeah. So like, that was his wife. Yes. God damn. Yeah, he got it. Pretty good. He's also nicest, dude, ever. And he had a boy man. But then he got on and just murdered. That's cool. But what I'm saying is, like, going first, you look like you're just a psycho. Yeah. Everyone's like, why is he fucking like, who's this guy saying mean? Things for no reason. Yeah. Well, at least you have the first dibs on stuff in case there's like things bleed together. But I get it, dude, opening a crowd and being obviously you're like, you're not even thinking like, okay, I got to like, I got to lead these guys into the waters who just come and out and it's like, damn. Yeah, I should have, I should have been a little more articulate up front of being like, this is roast. I mean, we're going to say some terrible things. They also know. Everyone knows what happened. Of course, but they sure didn't. The live, the live audience front section didn't agree with anything I was saying. Well, that's also, that's, you know, that's the elites, dude. They're like, they can get charged, well, they can get charged with like, face crime. So they're probably just, they're probably just like, deadpan, just kind of like, that's actually very funny because they can't be up there. If you're like the CEO of like Nesquick, you can't be like, you have to just be like, you know, like everything else in your use of, you know, nothing. I don't like anything. There's, there's a five million shareholders depending on you to just be like, you're a fuck, yeah. That does suck though. If I was up there, there's just a bunch of like very elegantly dressed people being like, fine, I quit. I've done also Kevin is, he's like a pro at this shit. So he was like, he's helping you. Yeah, he wants the show to go well. So if you say something terrible, he's going to be like, you're crazy. He's not, he's not going to be like, what the fuck? I thought he was great with that though. There's a whole time you watch him. I mean, yeah, I also love when he did, when he would stand up and just kind of prance around. I'm like, there's literally nothing better. Yeah, it's nice. If you have a black dude stands up out of his chair and laughs, they're just like, it's better than the spit take. It's been like, yes. And then Cheryl, Cheryl was so fucking funny. Yeah. That was she did a completely different thing in the rehearsal. We did rehearsal, that's like a couple hours before the show. And she just made up what she was going to talk about then too. She made up the whole thing. It was great. That's insane. Yeah. He might be queen of snap in that. She's the, she's the queen of say, I really think so. Going, just going ad lib on that on TV is really kind of insane. But I will say what I'm sitting up there and they're like, if you say the N word, we'll all beat your ass. I was like, I'm not going to say it. What the hell is this joke? I wasn't going to say it. That might have been a preloaded. No, because it was off of me saying wigger Dracula. Oh, got you, got you. But then I watched, you know, earthquake stand up like, yeah, earthquake. Don't be my ass. earthquake, earthquake rule. Do you even in the front there was certain people that I could count on? Yeah. earthquake, Jay Farrow. That's my guys. Yeah, that is pretty nice actually. It was nice to see who was like, go for it, dude. All you need are a couple of guys. If you have a couple of guys, especially Quake. If you got Quake on your side, it was the same with the Espees. I needed John Jones and Drusky and Lamar Jackson. Lamar Jackson got me through a couple of, look down it's all Lamar Jackson laugh. And I was like, yeah, that's so sick. Was it even close to as tight as the Espees? No, it was, it was a lot better than that. Yeah, that, they were tight. But I wasn't being making racist jokes really at the Espees. Yeah. That's where you feel bad. Yeah. Mega racist joke and you look out and you see an older black lady going, you go, I'm so sorry, I don't believe in what I'm saying. I swear I'm joking. I know I look like I'm serious. I'm keeping it straight. But overall, oh, I know, Lizzo, what a fucking treat. You were saying that she was awesome. I know. I know. Absolute angel. Don't need a lot of me in hindsight. I guess you never really did anything that I shouldn't like. It's just, it's the media, dude. It's like the media, the media's I nasty comment tours are I nasty. Podcasts can be I nasty at the weaker moments. Sure, it's weird and I nasty ecosystem. It's complete, dude, every, I like read the news now. And it's like every, everything I read is like, America's over. We're fucked. No. never get a job ever again, fuck. And it's just like, dude, why why are you guys doing this to everybody? Don't do that. That's not nice. And this guy's a fucking idiot. All right, that's cool. I'm in the debates fear right now. My algorithm is just debates. Dude, they're, they're the funniest fucking things. Well, no, that's just a logical fallacy. And then I'll be like, yeah, you're fucking retard. I'm like, what did you call me? Oh, I'm just saying it's fucking crazy. It's unbelievable. Yeah, I saw one. I was just taking a shit. And I saw a nice one. Did you really? It was a fucking forget his name. Who's the guy that did vice and then the proud boys? Oh, you have him. Yes. Yeah, he was doing something on Pierce Morgan. And some lady was like, they were like, what citizenship are you? He was like, Canada, United States and England. Okay. And they're like, she was like, you can't have three. You can only be dual citizenship. And he was like, yeah, I can't you fucking stupid bitch. And they're like, what did you say? He was like, I called her a stupid fucking bitch. It's just made debates. Yeah, whatever you fucking idiot. It's nothing but I watch him. Everyone you eventually do it. And it's funny too. When someone gets you in a debate, you go, okay, look, I see what you're saying. But then you just jump to another. It's so fucking funny. You just have to agree to disagree on it. Let's table that for now. You're being kind of pedantic. What I'm really talking about, it's dude, it's really nonsense. I was reading a book. It was too dense. I had to read a book about the book to try to understand it. But they were basically saying that like in modern, like in modern times, morality has been so kind of like jettison from what it originally kind of was formed around, which was like divine law basically from like religion. So now when people have moral arguments, it's just they're not really rooted in anything other than people's personal preferences. And that all people do is just like yell at each other because they're like, I like this. And they're like, well, you're a fucking retard. I like this. And that's all the debate is anymore. According to Alistair McIntyre. I agree with Alistair McIntyre. Alistair McIntyre is the man. I hope so. I don't know. Dude, I catch it. I'm done saying people are cool too. He's cool. I'm not saying I'm not saying people are good or bad anymore. Well, you know, it's funny. So he was like a philosopher in the 80s who came out with this book about kind of, you know, morality and, you know, whatever. And so I was like trying to learn more about it. It's really hard. All those books are so fucking hard to read. So they expect that you just like know all of Greek mythology. They'll be like, it obviously persiphony. And you're like, fuck, who the fuck is that? You don't read about that. But there was a lady, a professor, I believe, was covering the book. And then in the introduction, she was like, yeah, and he says a lot about like community and practice. He's had four different wives, which that's kind of weird. I'm like, why are you being nasty? You're supposed to be a fucking academic. Now you're being an I nasty to Alistair McIntyre. He's dead. The guy's fucking died like two years ago. Just toss in there. You're being like four fucking wives with the hell he's somebody he taught was he know about community. You guys fucking asshole. And you're like, what the fuck? You a PhD? No one's immune, dude. No one is immune. It's just it's, it is, it's the path for people now. It is the absolute path. And it's, you know, just it's what the people want right now. You don't want to get nasty. You know, I would love to get a device hooked to my phone. I mean, I guess you could just monitor your Apple watch because I'm pretty sure my vitals go up by like 10 heart beats a minute. I was on the other day just just on the internet. Yeah. Dude, and I just got like, then I sat down. I was like, I didn't feel like this before I went to my phone. It's bad. It's the devil. It is a devil. I've been doing all right staying off at this week. Yeah. I'm doing my best. I think you stay off it and someone goes, you know, I sent you a bunch of shit you didn't see it. And you're like, I was off. They're like, that's okay. I can't handle that. Yeah, true. It's more someone gives you bad news. Yeah. You see what they're saying about you. No, I'm trying to avoid it. Yeah, don't that's dude. When people hit you up, you're like, yeah, you see they're calling you gay on Reddit. I'm like, I don't, don't call me. Don't call me, don't call me that. I cousins do that to me. Like the other guy on you gay and say you suck a basketball on Reddit. I'm like, I don't even what the fuck you talking about. I don't suck it. It's pretty good. I'm getting better. What the fuck? Yeah, man. I've been, I've been hooping lately. That's been my, that's been my absolute dreams. I do have hoop dreams now. Absolute hoop dreams. I'd spend I've learned I have to, I do have to tone it down on the court. I'm telling you, I need, I, I, I came up playing different bro. True. I might have to go, I might have to go to the hood to play ball. The gentlemen, they don't like it. You talk a little tiny bit of shit. I feel like you can test a foul call. I thought that was totally acceptable. Big foul with the fuck. People bit what? Every single person does that. Everybody never played a single game where someone's like, oh, you're going to call that? Yeah, I know. Yeah, you slept. You hit me in the face. I'll, if I actually get you, I'll call it on myself. But sometimes there's calls where I'm like loose ball calls and fucking pick up. Come on, bro. That's crazy. Dude. Oh, yeah. And we, I've, I've, I've squashed, I squashed on my court because nothing worse than it before court beef. I squashed them immediately. Because I can't be a little bastard too. It's be like, oh, you're not going to call that one, huh? They're like, what the fuck is your problem, man? I'm trying to play. I'm like, yeah, my bad, my bad. Yeah, you've reached an age where you can't do that. I can't help it, bro. I know, but fiery old head. If I played, I'd be doing the exact same thing. That's how you play. Yeah, that you just fuck around. Dude, I hate you. You build the rivalry. Yeah, you go. I actually dislike the other team. My guys are my brothers. I'll die for them. I don't know any of their names. Yeah. Yeah, man. Yeah. The ball. He throw it to the wrong team. You ever see, have you guys ever seen Jordan's game winner against UNC? No, when he was at UNC, he won the national championship. It's like an iconic. Oh, yeah, yeah. Maybe it was, it was like a defining moment. He hits a corner jumper to win the national title. Mm-hmm. There was 20 seconds left. The other team gets the ball and comes down the court with 20 seconds. The guy at the top of the key just throws the ball to North Carolina. He throws it to the wrong guy. No, it just everyone just sucked. It's like a street ball fucking pass, like a little kid pad. The guy gets the ball. No one's really pressuring him. He just hand it and throws it to another guy. Oh, that's the game. There's 20 seconds. I thought MJ hit a buzzer, Peter. That's crazy. I didn't know that either. Yeah. What? Give it a look. It's a comic. He probably had it. He probably had it comically bad pass. Yeah, that's insane. I didn't know that. Yeah. I guess they don't, I guess that makes it not as exciting when they show that at the end. The guy hits the spaz with the title on the line. That's one thing I think is unnecessary and pick up basketball. You can find the players who like they get the ball spaz. I'm like, you know what I'm the fucking don't literally talk. You know what the fucking throw it here. That is I'll just be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So yeah, and I watch a guy like, you threw the ball and I was like, I already played. Yeah, you did get it. Or when someone shoots and you go, you know, your head at them, like, oh, they fuck something. You can't be doing this shit. I was sitting with fucking, I was sitting on a driveway, McCusker cousin. Clap in the clapping while they're shooting in the fall. Playing fucking deep into the hand in the face. You're fucking dickhead. That's crazy. I'm toeing it down. I'm learning that I'm learning how to play because I really just want to run around. That's my thing. I'm like, if I get to run around, you know, if I lose, I'm like, whatever, good game. But I thought the thing is, you talk shit and then you get to like, you get the back and forth and you call an ISO and you get to go one on one against it. It's fun. But now bro, call an ISO is also crazy. You know, call it when you get it. Your set of picks to get a match up and go, oh, here we go. I got this dumb pussy who wanted to just work out today. It was like, I'll try basketball. I go by myself now as I'm trying to get used to the rims. So I'll run back and forth full court and just practice my fast breaks, my pull-ups. It's so nice. I'm trying to get, I'm trying to get, I'm trying to get, it's double rim. It's hard as hell. Of course. I'm trying to get, if I can get my, I'm trying to get like my like seven to eight footer down my fade away step back. I run drills by myself. I know. I feel so bad for the guys in your neighborhood that have to deal with this fucking guy. Every time you show up, they must be like, so you get out of your car with your fucking wraparound, Oakley's on. I'm getting that sense, honestly. This guy would be like, oh, fuck, he's here again. And then I'll score like four points, 15,000, 10 rebounds. You know what, Dremont, dude. I was, when they were booing him, I'm like, you don't deserve that, dude. No, Dremont's the, Dremont's the fucking man. Yeah, dude, he plays hard. And he was, he was nervous. Yeah, I mean, imagine that. Yeah. Imagine just out of nowhere. And me and Pete, we're talking, I was, I like walked over to them right before we started. I was like, so fucking nervous. So shit. Dremont's like, oh, thank God you said that dude. I'm so fucking nervous. And Pete was like, dude, I'm gonna fucking die. That must be such a relief when you get done your set. And all you do is just kind of sit there and be like, all right. Oh, you like this at the beginning, at the very beginning, the way they introduced me is black thought from the roots is like, you guys ready for the roast? Now the roundest thing on tires, Shane Gill, and I didn't know that I was walking out like, fuck, the fuck black thought. No, that wasn't him. I know, yeah, there was someone who was beefing with you. It was, it was that black thought. No, I thought your enemy finally spiked you. No, no, no. Me and, I know that. Who are you talking about? We're good. That's guys. That's nice. And black thought used to do shows at punchline Philly. Did you really? Yeah. I've known him for forever. That's awesome. When I was in Philly, I would do shows. Yeah. That's awesome. Hey, got you. Hey, Rose. That was excited to see him. That's nice. He got a little road. That's the, that's the move. You get one roast, introduce out. Yeah. It's kind of nice. Yeah, it's just walking on stage. It's someone's like, this fucking fat piece of shit. I wasn't All right. Hey, everybody, welcome to the Los Angeles. Cool, the sky live just called me fat in front of millions of people. How's everyone doing? Oh, Tom Brady just called me a fat piece of shit. All right. What else is on the docket? Oh, the rock came out and called me a bitch. Okay. Cool. I will say, dude. Huh? Who's to kill? Who's to kill? It was better. The rocks are Kevin Hartz. Yeah. No, that's a good question. Let me. I don't know. I don't know which one I had. Where was which? Yeah. I don't. I've never had Kevin Hartz. I've had Tiramana. I've had the rocks. I'm a big tequila guy, but I don't know. You know, who's this nice? I'll be honest. McBrides. Oh, really? I was shocked. I mean, it's like, you know, he's never think. When people were like, oh, it was a guy as a tequila. I tried. I said, God, hey, I can't really taste the difference. I can tell. I can tell. Unless it's like bad. Bad. You can go. This is the worst. Yeah. Your strength. I've ever had in my life. What? Just bad tequila. Yeah, it's horrible. Yeah. When I hit you with the additives, you go, there's a certain flavor. You go. That's a weird one. But it's, you know, there's a lot of them. It's all good at the end of the day. Put lemon in it and shit. I'm whatever. It's pretty good. But I was shocked. Did you ever see his website? He does like skits on his tequila website where he's like, people are getting their legs chopped off. Well, they're feeling the agave. Who? Uh, McBride. Yeah, I saw the one with him in a steve. Yeah, he got his leg. It's great. I just got it. The mail is like Christmas time. What the fuck is this? That was good. What's called? I think I have it. Got to go or something. Yeah. That's right. I think it's got to. Yeah. I'm big on this celebrity. I'll try all of them. I don't know why. I just like that. I like to try them out. Then I don't really drink. So I just need to get a celebrity moonshine. It's a levity moonshine. It's 350 proof. Just kill everyone. Just have it complete. Get it made like, like, like, like chemically made in China. You get like the fentanyl of alcohol. Just get fentanyl. Dude's are drinking it. They're getting absent. I keep looking for my friends. Last time I was sitting here, they were there. He was still alive, dude. That bird's hopping around spirit right now. Just jump around the house. Poor little guy. I don't think the other guys are going to make it. I saw them. They're just in the backyard now. They're popping around. Yeah. He's just jumping into the neighbor's fucking window. You got turf, too, don't you? In my idea. But they're probably hitting the other side of the fence. Oh, it's good. How do they get over there? Are they flying? Yeah, they can fly. They flew right away. Oh, they're good. Yeah. If they, if they flew, I think they're, I mean, they're both probably going to die. I think they're surviving for birds. But it's fun. I was thinking about them pecking the turf for worms and just slowly dying of hunger. Man. Just like, what is this? I have feed out there. I put a bunch of bird feeds. Oh, yeah, I forgot. I threw in the yard. I threw it. I got bird feed. I don't know. My pool is covered in birch shit. I forgot. You know what I'm saying? Also, Cardinals are dickheads. Are they mean? They control the fucking birdhouse. Have you been getting the footage over there? Yeah, it's just a fucking squirrel that eats everything in the tube and a family of Cardinals. It's all I got. Then occasionally me or Lamar walking out towards it, looking at it. Just standing there. Lamar grab in like a 10-year-old sunflower seed. Yeah, Lamar will get in there. I'll catch Lamar for in the morning night vision thing. A squirrel comes up. July 17th, I'll be at the link in Philadelphia. We just released some new tickets. So please, please, purchase them. Please comment. It's going to be a hoot. There's going to be a lot of people there. I will be in Chicago this very Saturday. I'll be in Toronto as well. And then Chicago this Saturday, May 16th, 7 p.m. at the Riviera Theater in Chicago, Illinois. There's a few tickets left. You know what's left? Single seats. A bunch of single seats dotting in, so. That's fun. Going to show by yourself is a nice treat. Yeah. Come by yourself and you know, you can sit next to someone's girlfriend. Probably touch the thigh with your leg. You can do it the whole show. I'm like, hey, I'm fucking crammed in here. So that's a jerk. But yeah, so I'll come to that. That'll be very fun. Yes. Hey guys, it's me Sean. I'll be in Cincinnati. Next week, please come if you can. Chongardini.com and optimum noctis next week as well. So please come. What's the date on optimum noctis? May 19th, please come to optimum noctis on May 19th. Tickets are available at Chongardini.com and then I'll be in Charleston in Raleigh too. Thank you. Yeah. I think you guys. But yeah, I'm not into that socks that your baby birds died. But just one. Just one. If the other two flew, that's that's good news. They made it over that fence. That fence is like that's the ultimate test for a baby bird. That's a big ass fucking fence. So what do you see them learn how to fly? Or do they start from the ground and like he was hopping, but he was flying pretty quick. That's tight. Yeah. That's tight. It was just great to see mom and dad jumping around. Mom and dad trying to block like no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. Jill. They're hopping around. They looked happy. Yeah, they're hopping there. Yeah. Oh, they don't know. They know he was going on. Oh, fuck. Mom's probably pregnant again right now. I hope. Get back in here. That would be so tight. Yeah, I wonder how I wonder how how often do friends like turn them out? Is it like per season because I know rabbits. I think it's season. It's a season. Yeah. Because rabbits will kick out like four letters. They thought they were all come in. They're nice. I think coyotes are year round two. Really? I think they're like non-stop. That'd be nice. What is it? Two broods per season. Oh, we got another brood. You have another brood. Yeah, it goes till August. Oh, typically the bro if they get back into fucking pump. She's out. She's probably out there shaking ass right now. Don't talk about her like that. They're a couple. They're together. She's probably shaking her tail feathers. No, they're together. That's good. If they're together forever, that's nice. Yeah. We got the pair bonding data on rents. Please. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see if they stay together. I was watching a thing yesterday saying that human pair bonding is all fucked up because we can't smell each other. He's like, you're supposed to like smell a lady's bio and see like if you're nervous, if you're immune systems are like compatible. You don't want to smell like immune systems? No, I don't care about that. I don't like whoever, whatever weird freak came up with that. It was like our pair bonding's fucked up. It's like I'm tired of everyone being like, you know, we're not designed to actually be doing this. This is shut up. Shut the fuck up. I feel like I'm designed to be playing Xbox. I'm obviously designed for it. They have very strong pair bonding. Oh, they're together forever. God, love wins. The end of the day. Love wins again. Miss the I nasty. Love wins. Miss all the I nasty people. I mean, I'm gonna get DMs, you know, I'm glad that. Oh, no. Fuck that round. Fat bull shit, dude. What? Oh no. What is it guys? Nate found out some bad news. Most birds do not reuse the same nest for future seasons. It's all right. There's another box right next to it. Yeah. True. And also, I'm sure that's a good one, dude. I'm pretty sure you're talking about shitting us. They're coming back. Yeah. I like to believe they're coming back. That's the penthouse. Although, you know, I'm sure you can also recreate. What the fuck you guys doing to me? What the fuck you guys doing over there? Wouldn't be hard to recreate that. I told my mom about the Cardinals. Did she say? Well, she thinks Cardinals represent my dead grandmother. Oh, so she's like, oh, that's, that's my mom. I was like, yeah, that's my mom. If there's some reason it made me upset, I was like, mom, that's so fucking dumb. But I'd love to make fun of her. I saw Cardinal and I was like, mama. It's in there. If I heard one person saying that, I'd like, yeah, I know exactly what you're saying. Yeah, it's definitely mama. That's really sweet. And it's funny. And then you see you're just bullying birds. Yeah, I see that. That means my mom's watching. I hope not. Yeah, true. My mom's not peeking through the glass in here. Just tapping me naked for a day. Didn't go outside yesterday. I have neighbors behind me now, like right up against the back. And I'm now I'm trying to be more mindful of shutting my my shutters. I'll get naked during the night. I'm naked. And I just forget I'm like, it's on naked. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, I just forget because we had nothing back there. Now there's just, and it's just like wound right up against some poor kid. I hope not going up with a freakable neighbor. We just forget. You know, once, once everyone's asleep, I'm fucking I'm hitting. I'm in the birthday suit. I'm shaking tennis for my wife. I'm like, I'm like a male rent is fucking hopping around. That's what you think of it. I'm due brother. I'm due. I've been man. I've been suffering. Really? Suffering. Yeah. I've been suffering so hard. How bad? Bad, bro. I'm waiting. I'm due. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep the other night. I get to the point where I can't fucking sleep out of horning this. It's just it's I'm if I go a week, if I'm on a week retention, the seventh, eighth day, I'm going to lay in bed and just like, my cells are just kind of like, I can't sleep. It will take me significantly longer to fall asleep and I'm going like this You're just how cold. Yep, no idea. I'm over here suffering, dude And you're just sleepin' fitfully. You got to take matters in your own hands at that point Yeah, but then but then it will I will at a certain point, but then you go This is what I get. I just have to masturbate for the rest of my life because I'm off the knob too I'm not making a big thing about it. I just like I'm all I'm like I don't want it I don't want it in my life, and then I go hey, I'm trying not to why do you even need to watch that? I go Negative tips. It's cool. It's awesome Just negative tips and I've saw them when I was like nine and it's just you not it's just I'm always gonna watch that if you don't touch my feet or so It's a tough combo. She said why do you even watch that? I've got a feel of that a bunch of times I would even have to watch that I go what do you mean? Why I mean, I don't have to but like You know why isn't engine speeds up the process? Yeah, why does an engine need grease? You know what I mean? Like come on We're gonna lose the wheels a little exactly. I mean, bro, they're gonna only be so much jack off for three hours or do you want it to be five fucking minutes? You tell me You gotta do you gotta relieve the tension in the bow otherwise it breaks of course You got a long bow You got a British long bow. I got the cross bow, dude. I got a stubby-hunt I got a stubby Irish hunting bow I'm losing weight. I'm excited to get like point 0.01 inches length back. Yeah, nice. I'm trying to get down to like 180 Did four miles a day? That's sick in the Texas on it blows. I went for a walk yesterday. I it was fucking miserable. Yeah I should have put on sunscreen. I forgot what time did you go? One or two that dude that's fucking terrible absolute heat of the day Yeah, if you get if you catch like a 8 a.m. The sun's just kind of just getting settled. It's so nice I'm not catching that Now with this schedule. Yeah, true. I'm dying brother. Yeah, you must be tired. I'm tired. Let's be tired. Dude I had to we did a show in LA on Wednesday night After the show we had to fly to Boston to do the Boston show I left L.A. at like 11 a.m. or 11 p.m. Ah Cross-country flight lose three hours. I got in it like 7 30 a.m. Went to I slept from like 8 to 2. Oh, dude. Then I had to wake up and go do the fucking Boston Garden But in thrice as well, right? And then Friday Saturday, but that was that was awesome Boston's Yeah, literally the best but that does sucks and then after the show Saturday Get on playing a fly back to do the roast that day and the roast on the west coast that we had to start I just I had to get there like 9 a.m. Yeah, yeah, so did you you did a night flight back basically? Yeah You must be tired. I'm a little tired from that. Yeah, I mean that's like that's literally nothing yesterday. I'm fine That is the stuff of James one day. Yeah, coast to coast is tough coast coast is really close to coast and Coast coast coast really California to Boston and a show that day that sucked. Yeah, yeah, that's yeah That's fucking it is funny going from like L.A. and then just hitting like the palest I was so happy to be home So happy to be back on the east coast the Northeast just with the ugly pale guys. Those my brothers. Yeah Boston does rule. Boston's maybe the best city. Yeah, it is up there. It's really nice any time you put out a bunch of shows Boston always is like sells out. Yeah, so fast So weird. It's like they're literally just are the bros. That was my last arena really yeah for what for that That's the only thing I have left is the link dude. It's time to focus on the link. Oh, man told you happen to me I got a kiss. Yeah, I get fucking high. I got a high off a god about it. I thought about it. I have full body panic attack I was like that's so many fucking people and I just feel full body just like Fuck. Yes, it doesn't even make sense. You're entering my room. Nothing makes you're entering the one I've been doing for three straight years Every day every day you wake up and go holy shit. Fuck. It doesn't make sense And they go you know what? Fine. I'll check the internet. Fuck him. All right. Fuck all my thoughts. We're right. I am a terrible person It is funny that that's like it really is. It's like the part of yourself It's like looking out and judging the world just gets like scrape through all of the same part of other people's just like So all that's left either you become calcified and nasty or you just let all the nasties go and you're not even Can't be nasty anymore. Can't be worried about the nasties. Can't be worried That's why it also makes sense to like when you're when I was younger and I'd watch like famous actors talk about anything I'm like this guy's a freak But then it's like oh this guy since he's been 12 has been like just braided by newspapers And that's why they get in there and they're like it's all about the work and about your energy Yeah, that's what happens after that. Yeah, it says it's about that would be the end of our careers Yeah, if we became a weird for leather bracelets Yeah, the bracelets. I'll get some other base You need to get them and be like it's all about the good internal to the activity. It's aerosol So that's about the fate of the vibe, so obviously You're like this guy's a fucking fruit and you're like dude. I've Just I would break one day now in the middle of an interview. You'd be like yeah, that guy is a fucking fruit I fucking hate that fucking guy Oh fuck I'm back. No, no, I got to meet him now Fuck you know what I am allowed to say whatever I want Hey if I think it's funny how fucking say it The middle of like a kids cartoon show I'm doing I'm voicing a dog on earth You know what fuck it True. Yeah, we shall see. I mean it'll it was the buzz. It was the talk of the town But some people have to face their eye nasties You do you do you do it. It's coming where you tell me somebody had to face their eye nasties Yeah, people everyone's facing them People are dying by the i nasties It will rocket you it'll get you a fuel you can be as nasty as you want Did it'll rocket you but that also too you're gathering the nasties And they're going to as soon as anything even decent happens for you Which is best case scenario the nasties will turn yeah, they'll go Yep, I know, please Please yeah, nothing like with death sponsorship. It's all working out. Please Yeah, when the thing you dreamed of happening happens And all you can think about is oh fucking The shit I put out in the world seven years ago. No Don't even remember it I just pray no one Yeah, yep. Yep. It happens, but hey man again. All we can do is work hard and get leather bracelets that plants blocking my balls still right All right, perfect. Keep an eye on that true. We should get one prod just eye on the balls the entire time. Yeah, that'd be nice Thanks. You got your eye on it. I keep my eyes just you know. I occasionally I glance at yours as well I'm glad you found a bigger pair of shorts for once. Oh my god. Normally he's wearing a fucking So you don't it's disgusting. He's he's got the rottweiler turd. Just fuck your name He's folded over it really is It's like a dimension era Little tail of it Head dog. The dog just got in in some paper towels. Did you do that? Just looks like guardianies don't just tail just completely folded You should see Nate's fucking soft ass dog. I seen it Came over. We had a couple. Yeah, you saw when you hear when he was I when he got I got tough I saw him get tough at the end of that. Oh, that was nice though The Pit Breeze get a look they can get like a little sundown or is that like nighttime? They're in like a weird place They get like kind of like whacked out. I've seen that before Butterdog was being very funny. He wasn't good. Nothing. He's the softest. It's it's I'm ashamed of how he's sweet It's funny. I could tell how ashamed Nate was so I kept being like man Oh, yeah, zesty dog Dog was being perfect. It was a great dog. You should have to be gay with Jackson He would 100% be gay. Oh, dude Jackson will get Jackson is blind, but he'll still be gay if you can like find a dog's dick Is it blind? Located another dog's dick. It is be like He was real molester dog. My dog was just later and take it. That's what Jackson used to do Them don't put twinkle on him don't put twinkle my dog. He's at least a bear. He's definitely not bear. He's a cub. It's pretty small Jackson's all yeah, yeah, he saw his appetites Can't teach you new tricks All right, sorry, cuz better than know it's better an alternative. He could be the worst fucking dog. He's just a dog Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, but I wish he would do a little something. He don't even bark. He doesn't bark. He doesn't bark. Yeah, they don't he's what kind of it What is he I think he's just full pit? He looks like a little staffy a bit. He might I just got him from the shelter Yeah, they just had pit. Well, they don't they don't bark. I've been staffy the same thing. They they'll go like All he does is wine. He hits a hmm. Yeah, you guys Is that weird bark The mailman comes you as fuck me His eyes cross Oh, dude, we even talk about the, who was the guy, the Indian dude who claimed the white boss lady dominated him sexually? Yeah. That just came and went, man. That's dude. I got to give it to that guy. He talked about it on Rogan. Did you? And it was like the day it came out and they read the quote and I was like, this reads like an Indian guy. I don't think she said that. That is a horny Indian guy. What do you call him? bazookas. Canons. Canons is sick. But what did he call his own wife, a fish head Asian wife? That's the, that's the hardest part about getting caught in this. I know. Wait, why'd you call me a fish head with tiny cannons? Why did you make that up? Like the boss was like, yeah, I know, but he's the one who wrote it. He wrote it. So he wrote like, yeah, what does your fish head Asian wife think about this or that he wrote it? It was all for sure. I believe it was fake. Or does that lady have everyone in the office so racistly dumbed that they're like, yes, yes, mischievous. We will defeat the rumor. I got like semi when I was mad about a thick racist don't know that lady was hot. Did you see a tall picture? Dude, I think that was that a cause that picture. Oh, no. That picture was real. She. I mean, she could have fully bimbafied me. You know that guy who got caught with the balloons? If I worked with that lady, I'd have the balloons and spandex on him like, I'm your little fucking bimbo. Wait, where did you work? JP Morgan? Yeah. Also, what a fucking weird leg up for that lady professionally to just dodge that bullet. And now it's like you're in a little interview with some old guy and he's like, yeah, a fucking guy I was saying. You're saying, you know, what were you saying to that guy? He's just fucking. I don't see the fucking picture over it. I don't know. Standing on the desk, racially dominating some poor Indian man. Oh, there it is. Why would they take this picture? Let me see. Let me see. It's so hot. Yo, that's like LinkedIn edge. They definitely will do that at LinkedIn. Is that real? I think so. That's a girl. But dude, girl bosses get wild like a corporate girl boss. That's like, that's their Instagram. That's what you forget to break through the glass ceiling somehow, dude. Get on the glass. Get out of that thing. Dude, I mean, dude, he was claiming force blow jobs. He was claiming that it's like, bro, stop it. That's so horny to leave a job. I'm going to sue this place and be like, yeah, also I'm the fucking man. The reason I got fired is because I kept getting my gix off by the hot lady at work. You feel bad for him or her? Also, why would he do that though? Why would he make that up? You try to get the bag. Yeah. You want it to get 10 mil from him again, kind of similar to Big J's joke. It's like, that's not that much if you're asking JPMorgan for 10. I know, but it's like you want to hit that minimum threshold of like, what will they just settle? We don't even want this. Not worth it. He should have went for like a guy and like the guy was sucking my dick and holding me. Cause that's the name is Hodge Deenie. You're the Hodge Deenie. Hodge Deenie. Hodge Deenie. Dude, that, uh, yeah, that was like, because it was so unbelievable to be able to hold on. And also it was like, you just can't catch any sympathy because my boss would blow me and say really cool stuff to me. It's like, dude, nobody's going to believe it. I'm like, okay, dude. So you got, you got five, I, okay, one, you were nervous and got a force blow job. It was like, there's a, there's no such thing as I forced, yeah, you can take a step back. You can easily take it, but she was like, I'll fucking fall. In my case, you can take a slight lean back, dude, also the most unbelievable thing for your boss to be like, if you don't let me blow you, I'll fire you. It's like that is never happened ever just your chick boss being like, okay, got to toss that chick boss in there. That's what I'm saying. I'm sure there's a couple fellow bosses that were like, I'm going to suck it. Yeah, for sure. 100%. Yeah. That's how the innocent boss at Nickelodeon. That's how you see you have Nickelodeon you go, I've got to blow these kids here, fire. Yeah, tell me there's like girl boss, just like week three of her menstrual cycle being like, I'm going to fucking blow this guy. He doesn't let me fucking ruin it. I will not endorse his skills on LinkedIn if he doesn't fucking jam his fucking tong in my mind. But I saw it and I was like, what the fuck is this? And like instantly it was like, yeah, like I made that up, especially fish head as a slur for an Asian. Yeah. That sounds like a very, it's a colloquialism from India, I believe. Is it really? Must be. I would have heard it. That sounds like a foreign insult. He says it hasn't crossed the pot. That insult hasn't been here, although it is an invasive species because I'm taking that one. I've actually, I have heard it before. Oh, really? Yeah, I was like, that's like an old old one, old school guy. Yeah. So that's an old, old, old one. That's where I was like, what the hell? Canons. Where is she from? And it'd be funny too if he was like, if he played the audio and it's just his accent, like, you don't have canons like my wife. The canons are small and shameful. Dude, speaking of small canons, I was listening to Shakira recently because the zoo, zoo reminded me of what you were about to say reminded me of, yeah, really? She said, am I not small and humble? Dude, what the fuck, you know that, too? That's like the best song. It's a mate. Yeah. I didn't know that she said, she said they're not like mountains, they're small and humble ones. She was humble mountains. She was humble. I was like, damn, I never even thought about that. She is humble breasts, but. Yeah, but her hips are not even fucking wide. I never heard to be like, yeah, you know how those big fat mountainous titties mine are small and just humble. Yeah. That's the fuck, that's, because that was a probably originally written in Spanish and then they like, you know, just cross it over to English and you're like, is that a fucking thing? Humble. And just chick with their fucking humble to it. Narcissistic big fat, narcissistic titties, you're like, bitch, how come we can't do that? That's cool. Dude, the fact that I didn't go there. I can't go there. Look at the mud that gets small and humble. Not standing like a mountain. Yeah, that's a, because I was like, Zootopia, the Zootopia soundtracks, it's all Shakira. She kind of, she does kind of kill it on those soundtracks. She doesn't get enough credit. But I was introducing my, I'm like, yeah, she has a lot of other songs and like I was listening to it. I heard the boobs, the humble mountain tits and I was like, what the fuck? And I now doing that song, I just go, yeah, you got to cover up your, the line about humble, humble. Yeah. You only your kids taking that to school. No. You remember every little kid and you're just like, yeah, alright, don't, don't, don't do that. I just rewatched little kids singing to Lil Nas X, it's like my favorite. It's the best. It's one of the best videos ever. He does a school assembly. Oh, yeah. He sings Old Town Road, just watching the kids hit every lyric. And then there's a part about like, boobies. They hit that one hard. Oh, it's so funny. That's so funny. The little, would you say Lil Nas X started the like rap, R&B country crossover? I don't know. Maybe. I feel like he really, I feel like he kicked it off. The little George Lime. Yeah. They had Nelly. They did a song with Nelly. When was that? A long time ago. Oh, I remember that actually. But yeah, so that was, okay, so that was back in the day. Then I feel it, yeah, Billy Ray Cyrus. Yeah. But he did Old Town Road too. He did. Billy Ray is all over it. Yeah. That's pretty rock. That was an early innovator. He was. He, he had that song with Cheryl Crow that actually certified. Yeah. Picture. Yeah. It's awesome. That's one song you catch on the radio. It's like that. Goo Goo Dolls or whatever. You're like. Goo Goo Dolls does rule. Did you see the spirit airlines speaking of the Goo Goo Dolls song? When they do like, remember, the whole thing's like, what was I like in the 90s? And it dude, it's just, you see the thing of a guy taking the luggage and throwing it off of. There's like the conveyor belt. And he just fucking throws it. He's like 20 feet up. He just goes, it's just people fighting, people throwing luggage. It's, it's pretty funny. The Goo Goo Dolls song gives me anxiety because I did one of the lamest things I've ever done. What? It was. I remember when that song came out, if it came on the radio, I would take out my yearbook and look at the girl I looked. I was in third grade. That's not bad. That's not bad. That's not bad. That's not bad. That's not bad. That's not bad. That's not bad. I was in third grade, laying on the floor, laying on the floor. Dude. That's. I didn't even like her that much. Still. I just need to be my room pretending to be in love. Because I don't think that they don't understand. I'd literally lay on the floor like, "She's so beautiful." My dad would nod, "What the fuck are you doing in there?" "Nothing. I'm getting rid of the ball." "I'm not looking dead." Oh, man. Should have admitted that. What'd you do to that? That song needs to fuck me up. If I be driving, I'd instantly just be like, "Oh, my God. I have so much love." I'm so, I'm so in love with you. I don't have the word. I'm so in love with you. I don't want the world even to see me. No. Pursues are powerless, dude. The guvardals. I don't know what kind of evil magic they did. Even the obviously the fucking strongest guys like us, the most masked. the most mass dudes became certified a lover boy so fucking misunderstood. No one understands my love for you. And that's you in school. And I'd be like, Hey, how are you? You ever think about kissing? I wouldn't. Oh, man, that was the best in grade school and like, because also like girls would just like set up things too. They'd be like, you know, you're her your boyfriend, right? And you'd be like, what? You'd have like hold hands for five minutes and recess and be like, the holy shit, you're like third grade. Like, I have a fucking girlfriend right now. It's just crazy. And then two days later, yeah, two days later, they're like, she's done. You guys have to break up. You go, we go. Oh, go fuck what's that? Why'd she do that? Yeah, it literally happened to me. I remember they like tied our jackets together in the recess. You know, I mean, she's like stood there like this and then like two days later, like, she's breaking up with you. And I was like, okay. And I said something really mean about her. I don't care. She's flat. Yeah. She's fucking flat. I think I'd give a fuck. I mean, that is crazy that like you're in school as a kid. And then the year like tits just come online and you just got you like you're expected to still do school. It's insane. Yeah. I mean, it's fucking nuts. I remember when tits came online, I was just kind of like, yeah, the fuck yeah, tits were crazy. What the fuck dude? Yeah, it's crazy. It was nuts. It's a lot. It's it is a lot of doubt for a young guy. Then everyone just calls the girl who got tits a whore. Everyone is like, yeah, she's just slot dude. She's huge. That's fucking slut. Everyone. Even the teachers up and you know, whatever, whore. Can't believe this girl got boobs first. She must have sex with everyone. As soon as school let out the summer, we all got mega laid. That's the best move. Again, that's the one thing I've never never pussy lied. And it's like I've never read it. I didn't know you can just do that. Yeah, her and we fucked. I just keep moving. Yeah. I had a boy who hit the funniest pussy lie every study. We asked her. She was like, no, like, why'd you say titty fuck dude? He could have said ain't. Yeah, we titty fucked. They need to be pussy liars need to be studied. Pussy lying is hilarious. It's it's not even something you need to study. You know exactly where it comes. You don't think I want to pussy lie, dude? We all want to. We all want your boys to be like, damn, you're cool. But everybody wants to pussy that I just can't. Just to be like, I'll be like, I'm doing it. I'm about to push you there right now. Okay, here we go. Yeah, pussy. I, uh, titty fucked her. No, we've all liked for the years. Yeah, bro, I fucking titty fucked her at the party. When? Yeah, this is fucking the other weekend. At the party when we're all there. I went outside at a titty fuck through behind the house. He fucked her next to an HVAC unit on the side of the house. She's never seen someone as big as me. It's so funny. She's in the room at the lunch table. You go, hold on. Is that true? No. Yeah. Crazy. It's also funny just to be a seventh grade girl and just be like, what the fuck? Yeah, it's kind of a titty fuck me. I'd be so mad. I'd be so mad. Someone claimed, I'll just live in my, just live in my day and just chill and live in my life. And someone's just like, yeah, I hope that guy titty fucked you behind the fucking behind the recycling bin at the Rudlowski's house. Oh, yeah. All right, we did it. Let's, uh, switch over to the Patreon. My god bless. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify. Do it. Imagine setting your makeup then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new groupie setting mist from Mabelie, New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all-day comfy grip. No tightness, no stickiness, no residue, just plump, dewy hydrated skin that still feels like your skin. Try new groupie setting mist from Mabelie, New York. Maybe it's Mabelie.