Ep 612 - Night Gator (feat. Charles Blyzniuk)

Wow, wow, Wes I'm loving a man. I've come around. Yeah, I was against incense. I thought it was for you. Oh, yeah, I thought it was for slots and minorities. You said incense. You said incense. I was against incense. Hey, still on the record. Now I'm for it. You're on the right side. Yeah, in a video. I thought incense was for slots and minorities. That's so funny. Now I know I can enjoy it as well. There you go. I literally brought in. I'll give them to you. I brought the incense six. Let's come big on it. My wife hates it. I gotta use it in my office. Oh, wife. Oh, you'll like it. Oh, hold on. The theory hates incense. She's type A though. Incense if you're type A, incense is not for you. It's not for me. She's type A. It's for dopeers. It's for type B slots and minorities. That's true. Yeah, people who have to wait until the thing burns entirely. I've never done it to a white guy's house. Well, that's incense unless we. Yeah, say it's a dope. It's a dope or thing. Dope or thing for sure. Dope or thing. Muslims oil. They go direct to the body. The oil. Yeah, I might get into muslim oils honestly. That's a nice quiet level up your fly. You sure sell them at the mothership. Poppy. Poppy. That might be my merge table muslim oils. I'll come out after a show and be like my friend. I'm going to be syrup. Oh, my friend. Maybe. That'd be nice. I'd be nice to get like a for the merge table having a slice of like an Indian city where it's just clamored. You can walk out. Yeah. It's just like you come out to like a New Delhi street where it's just clamoring. You sharpen people. People are grabbing you by the wrist. Like come with me. Come here. My friend, please. Like towards the pyramids all kinds of crazy shit. That video pissed me off so much. Yeah, keep laughing. I'm just guys in a whole grinding plastic up for fucking 12 hours for the rest of the lives. They're like, is it boring? They guys like, no. Yeah. I love it. Yeah, you're literally sitting on your heels for 12 hours grinding plastic. It was crazy. I want to know who's the fat cat that buys a bowl that plastic that cat was the guy with the computer. Oh, yeah. He makes way to manage a buddy even transcends the world. If you're the manager, no matter where you are, you are getting a button down khakis. I'm close to out here fat ass. Yeah, man. It's crazy. The pleated khakis are for the managerial class, man. He did it. Every manager I've ever worked on it. Fat ass, bro. Juicy ass. Yes, it's hot. No matter woman or man. You can be a man. If you're a man, you start eventually. You start like, transiting into a woman's figure. It's crazy. It's a full feminine. It's crazy, dude. Because I think it's it is a very feminine job. Manager, man. Did you do that? Well, I don't want to have to do this. I don't want to have to talk to you again, but I wealthed on you. If you don't get that done, you're a fucking bitch. It's reporting to a guy. It's just a little bitch. I'd rather be minion than manager. I either want to be minion or boss. I don't want to be manager. Manager sucks. Minion rules. If you're the lowest guy at the job, yeah, I do like. It's all I've ever done. You know what rules? Yeah, that's because you're working for the boss. Yeah, true. And you're like the managers of fucking bitch. Yeah, he's got a nice boy. But he sucks. But he does have a nice ass. The boss loves his minions. I've seen that on display so many times. Yeah. I swear to God, the boss, the minions are like the closest managers, dude. And anytime someone becomes manager, every minion is like, fuck that guy. It's a minion, dude. Fuck that guy. That's when they transform. Yeah, true. It's not going nobody likes me. Everyone's against me. I'm going to tell on you. You guys have been meaning me since I started this. I did like when I worked for an electrician as my friend's uncle. And I was, I was a, I got a lot of hate because I was a prized minion. I got to drive him around every day. It was awesome. I was like his chauffeur basically. And every now and again, he'd be like, yeah, you want to go pop up on him, see what they're doing? And he would do like walk-ups on jobs. Dude, you would catch the minions and be like, laying down and fucking around. He'd be like, what the fuck are you guys doing? We're just chilling for a second. Dude, it's the best. You could do it outside. They are totally unbothered. The minions working on the street right now. They lay, they lay under the tree. There's 10 guys taking a nap in my front yard. But if you ran up it, I'm like, what are you doing? They will go, whoa. I don't think these are strong. They're strong lads for sure. But you can get your nads in a lad on a nap outside and a white guy who just walk up on them. Hey, they're going to go, they're going to assume it's time to, it's time to boogie. I would have to put on pleated khaki. I walk out like this. There's a blue t-shirt. There's a fucking minion talking to me. There's a white minion, the lowest form of minion. Yeah, khaki's belt clip phone. Yeah. You got to roll by the ice and out of the fucking pants. You have not bought new pants, but you gained 40 pounds just in your ass and hips. You're a manager. It's crazy, it's wild. Yeah, we think you get a BBL just to move up. You got BBL, your boss would start noticing me. This guy's got the makings of a true manager. Yeah, I'm going to go to a plastic surgeon and be like, I just want to look like a dairy queen manager. Let me see. I need to appreciate you. Well, dude, I was me and Blizzard having to laugh about, oh no, I shouldn't even tell me. This episode is brought to you by prize picks. The regular season's done and the NBA playoffs are here. Time to get in on the action with the prize picks, a preferred partner of the NBA and a space B, space A. Download the prize picks app today and use code Drench to get $50 in line-ups after you play your first $5 lineup. And during the playoffs, during the playoffs, make a $5 lineup with a live NBA pick for a shot at the duet live sweepstakes trip to the NBA finals. That's one. More info can be found on the prize picks promo's board prize picks, a preferred partner of the NBA. He likes. I'll give it. Yeah. Supervision kink is nice. I actually don't. Yeah. When I was and parents, yes, then you get to go, bro, it's just you and me in the room tonight. The parents are gone. When I was, yeah, see everyone just, he's a very private man. I shouldn't have said. When I as soon as I said, I'm like, oh shit, I forgot. When I was texting you about it, excuse making me laugh, I was like, I was making me laugh, but I'm actually excited by it. I kind of like it. I'm also okay. It gives nice. It's exciting if you stay with, you know, relatives. Yeah, you stay with like relative family or your family. Yeah. Quiet sex. Oh my god. This is great. Normally, she'd be screaming from what I said. But now we have to be quiet so there's no pressure on me for this shed silence. No, I scream. Mom. Dad, wake up, fuck. Dad, I'm coming. Dead. Punch and punch. Mom, you have a glass of water. I'm really thirsty. Mom, I'm going to close you for 14 minutes. Really thirsty. That's a good one. 14 is a good one. 14 is solid, bro. I'm on, I'm back on my no born, not even fat. It's not even I'm not even trying to. I'm just being like, I'm just not interested in the poor and not interested in vaping and I'm coming up on that ovulation cycle. So I'm like, yo, it's about to be on. You're just game. We're we're game plan. She's like, she actually said this to me this morning. She's like, I know you like a head job before that way you last longer. And I'm like, bro, I'm down for whatever. Oh, wow. Otherwise, you wait, wait, wait. And then it's like, it's the juiciest ever taught. It's a good yeah. So I'm by the way, I'm big fan of a quick talk. I don't give a fuck about you at all. That was fucking wonderful. Now I'm tired. I got to stay. I want to stay a bit for a minute, bro. Yeah. I give me a couple of men's. I don't need a couple of men's as nice, but this starts to get a little too long. You go fuck, I'm sorry. I get tired. I'm getting too tired to even fucking do it now. I've been playing. When you're when you're planking, I've been planking regularly. I'm excited to show off. There's no other. There's no other way. There's no, no, no, no. That's crazy. Do you ever see the guy on TikTok? He goes like this and goes, and then like does different arm movements. No, there's a guy you're going to talk about. There's a survival charm straight up in the there's a viral trend of like divorce, fifth year old guys want to show women how sick they are in terms of like fucking. Yeah. So they do a thing where they go like this, dip the pelvis, pop, lift one arm, lift one arm, it's just them like up and down. They'll do it like a 7 11 aisle. It's so funny. Oh, I've actually, okay, I have seen that. I thought you were talking about the guys who put the camera here. It's like you're fucking them. You see that one? It's great. You lay a camera down. Oh, no, again, 50 year old, 40 year old divorce guys. I saw a woman of the guy. I started playing on it. So funny, but I nearly send it to Gabe Davis and Billy. Gabe and Billy are getting those. And then you look at the comments and it's literally like 40 year old women like across the country. I love this. I get so sad when I see women send me to college. Just guys just fuck you. Do you see the one? I say with the guys his tongue's gone crazy. It's like. - Was that. - Did you just said that recently? - Yeah, I did. - I got to check that out. - I haven't seen the gram. He's just showing them. He's showing them what they can do. - He's got a crazy tongue game. - Yeah. - He paused. - He paused. (laughing) - Let me see. Let me see. Yo! What? No. (laughing) Why'd you have a towel on his head? - He's sweating under there. - No! (laughing) - Go T for the go T for no. (laughing) - Oh no! - Oh my god. - I didn't know that was a thing. - I'm in LA 47 years old, eight inches. - Oh, okay. - Eight inches, thick. - I like how that guy's coming back. - Yeah, I like how people are impersonating him and gas stations. - Yeah, yeah, that's nice. - My daughter just died last year. She killed herself. - She's eight years old, she's faster than me. (laughing) - That's fun. - It's gonna fun, I had a, I don't know why this tickled me the other day. And I've done this on accident before, but I was thinking about that. I don't know if you've ever done the nightgator to a woman when you take a dump before bedtime if you forget the flush it. And all night she's getting up and she takes her little peas and she doesn't know the gator's lurking. (laughing) Until the morning time that she confronts the gator and goes, "Oh my god, oh shit, my bad." I was reading a good book, I forgot the flush. - I left the nightgator, how are you forgetting the flush? - If you're there long enough, you might forget something. - Dude, I'm really, I'm always there long as hell, dude. - I've never forget the flush. - I forgot, dude, I forgot, if I'm deep in my phone or in a book, I'll just get up and if something happens, I'm like, "Oh, let me go, my kid might wake up. I'll run here." - I'm terrified of the nightgator. - Bro, I'll leave. (laughing) - If a girl is with me, I'm like, holy shit, did I forget the flush. - Yeah, for some reason I'm like, I think there's a turd in the hotel. (laughing) - They don't even know it's under them all night. - It's on it. - Yeah. - They're peeing on the gator all night. - You can just head out underneath the toilet paper and just wait. - I was just, I almost left the gator on her the other night, and I was like, "Oh shit." - You didn't go back in? - I didn't go back in. - I didn't put the gator down. - Yeah. - No, no, that's not your alarm. It's actually not the morning yet. - Nothing's sour, it's a woman's mood, firstly in the morning, they're running the gator first. Just in the morning, the twilight. (laughing) - My lady, a lady, a lady, a little road rash morning. (laughing) - Nothing pisses me off more than seeing a lady's fucking road rash. She goes, "There's something I can giant shit." Clean that, I wanna see that. (laughing) - The road rash? - Damn. - Yeah. - Oh, dude, you two are here. - Tiger mocks. (laughing) - I had a fucked up, I had gas last night, and I was just setting them off. I literally woke up at one point. I did like a complete, like a fart that if you videoed it, it would have maybe got a million views on it. It was so loud, so long, it's so powerful. I did it in my sleep, then woke up to my wife like, "Ah, that was a bomb, fuck!" And I had felt the velocity, and I was like, "Yo, I'm sorry about that, that's really bad." It was real like, "BOOM!" (laughing) It was a fog horn. (laughing) - Wait, I don't-- - I wish you were ordering, would track that. - I know. - Yeah, why not? - Yeah. - Far too good. - You're awesome. You can probably have to put it, you can probably be a fart or a ring for the be-hole. How many farts a day? How hot are they? - You can feel me tense. - Or a bug. - It could be like your blood pressure spiked hard as shit for one second. Just me going, "Did you fart?" You just get an app, it's like, you get a message, like let it out, brother. I'm tracking her or a ring, she's in a deep sleep. You're safe to fart. - Yeah, oh, that's nice. You can link them up. - Yeah, I have a thing, a whole new man, man. It's gotta be bad for you. - Probably. - It's gotta be. There's no way, what the fuck happens to it? - Well, it's just, I mean, immediately. It's just discomfort. - It's discomfort, but it's like where does it go? You fart, there's not a lot of science on farts at all. I feel, I wanted like the encyclopedia on farts. I searched for it. All I found was that book I showed you guys about a guy wrote about almost how he almost shit himself a bunch of times. That's it. The book, he actually thanked us. That book did really well. - Toss nice. - Yeah. - You might, I mean, you just step into the, step into that hole. - It was starting. - I guess I gotta find someone I can start studying. I bug professors every now and again to do stuff. - Just go outside and get one of these guys who's working on this. - It's true. Get a fart shaman. - They would, they would let you know. - Take me into the tent with them. They'd be all so funny. - I'll be riding in your steam roller with you all day. (laughing) - Be great, just to be like fart. How do you find that, go fart? - What? - Oh, we ever see it. - Yeah. - We ever see it. - Yeah, now we're speaking the same language. - Fart. (laughing) - Fart? - I wanna gas up so hard that I hit like an eye when I ask a ceremony, just fart. (laughing) Not even drink. - Don't even drink. - Don't drink. - He's like, "Yeah, everything." (laughing) - We would have like life altering. - Yeah. - Yeah. (laughing) - Bird just came back. Amazing. - The reds. - Oh cool, dude. - Yeah, there's people in there like, "Oh my gosh." (laughing) - And then you're, yeah, the white, you wear like the all white, but it's a tall tee, extra tall tee. - Oh. - Yeah, that's a, I've said it before. Those eyewaster ceremonies kind of freak me out, man. A lot of people who do that, they go and do it like 50 more times and you're like- - Yeah, they go and get addicted to it. - What's good? - Right. - Do you see? - I know. - It's a lot. - Feel like, aren't you just supposed to do it like, a couple of times, if you'd actually get into it, aren't you supposed to do it? - I would think if you did something that crazy, you wouldn't do it 50 more times. - Totally. - Yeah, I think I'm gonna do it. - No, I don't know. I'll say that stuff for like, when I'm dying, that's gonna be fired out, you know. - Although that might blow dick. - I mean, you're dying with the fuck. - Yeah, no, then you're gonna really realize it's probably gonna be really scary. - Yeah, true. - You could either accept it or it's gonna be fucking horrific. - Yeah, I don't know. - I don't know, I mean, but then it's like, I'm kinda terrified, like just dying in sweatpants, watching TV is like fucking scary too. - That's coming. (laughing) - That's coming. - Comes for us all. - Yeah, do the wask, dude. So at least you'll be like, oh, whoa. - Oh, shit, I'm gonna die in sweatpants. (laughing) And then while you're dying in sweatpants, you'll be like, I remember when I went to South America, just to know that I was gonna die. - That was the point of that fucking trip. (laughing) - Yeah, remember I had to go with my dad, my dad's friend was dying and he like, send us all of the, go hang with him. We just literally just swept, he actually would do tidy whiteies. He was just wasting, dude, away. - Oh. - He had like some sort of cancer and he would just watch Westerns with him. He would sit there and be like, a whole time. - It was the dude fucking rule. - I mean, yeah, it's something. - Yeah, he went out like a man, dude. Just Westerns in his tidy whiteies. - The whole last day. - Yeah. - Me and my brother make him weed coconut oil and it's like bringing to him. - That's nice. - I'd have a guy. - He'll make some of that shit oil he made, bringing Frank. - He would just munch, he would just fucking munch, weed coconut oil, watch Clint Eastwood do his thing. Final days. - I like that. - That's a man. - That's a good way to go. - Doesn't your brother to put pants on? - Yeah, just sit down. Hell no, dude. - It was awesome. - Damn. - It was scary. The first I went to his house when he like, peeked through the blinds. I was like, ooh. - Oh, yeah. - Ooh. - Looks like, what's it called? The guy from the first season true detective. (laughing) - Gas mask. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - That was chill, though. - I'm still thinking about-- - Wow, wow. - We can end it now. I just say, I would just personally, getting kidnapped as an adult is really funny to me. - Yeah, yeah. I had another loose relative that was involved in a pizza guy, strong arm robbery plot, who got eventually caught. He was the Batman. He would wheel the bat. - You hit it. - The pizza. - The dynamo's roll. - He's called the dynamo. - The dynamo's a roll up. And one of these dude, I know it's, have the Louisville ready to give me all your money on you. And the Zah, of course. (laughing) And they had a nice little thing going and they got busted eventually. - They kept bonking the drivers. - You bonking it. - They were threatening the bonks. - I don't think they ever bonked. But they're gonna jab a dab of dude, the driver. (laughing) Hit him with it. - It's such a sick hustle. - You were yeah. - Holders off. - Just, weren't you held a club point? - I was on a club point. - Hey man, I was a prehistory. That's a primal fear. - Dude, it was crazy. I'll be honest, the club point, I was just kind of like guys. I'll leave. You don't have to do that. - Oh, so that's a shitty squad. If they're robbing people with the club. - Who's your dude? - You guys are definitely gonna do it. You guys will do it. (laughing) - The club guy, go on. It's like, there's like six of you. I mean, you guys can just beat my ass. It'd be worse if all six of you beat my ass. There's just six guys and one guy with the club, like, well, fucking bash your brain in on me, man. (laughing) Out my house is literally like two blocks away. I was like, can I just walk home, guys? I'm done. Took a tea bowl. - Today's not my day. - Yeah. - Yeah. - That sucked though, just sitting in West Philly for like an hour by myself in a really bad neighborhood being like, should be coming back with these percussants. I really was like a street fighter level though. You're like, what are the double dragons? Just walk out like a shitty town. A guy with a six bad guys was sleeveless. - I need one of my friends to send back to back to me and do a spin kick so we could knock them down. But yeah, that was a, that sucked. The one time, I remember I took way too much mushrooms in college and I like walked into like a really fucked up area of West Philly to get out of my house. And just seeing like the dilapidated houses. And it was, I was like, ah, it was, it was a lot. It's really scary. It was really menacing and scary looking. - You saw a West Philly bull. - Still in West Philly. It still looks. - Yeah. (laughing) - We have a very North to West Philly. It's hilarious. (laughing) - Maybe on this neighborhood a little dangerous. I'm gonna say, where else is nice? - No, a major West Philly though. - It was like, yeah, there he is. I mean, they find me some of the last time you were victimized. Was it just the bike theft? It's the bike theft. How do the bike? I was at it. He came up on one bike. He came up on the city bike. Oh, it was a city bike. Yeah, or like whatever the Philly. Yeah, yeah, came up on the city bike And like Got you on it. It was like you know, you know, it's such it was a pirate was actually a pirate with black beard. Yeah It's really black bears Yeah, and then He pulled up on you snagged up on me took the bike. He's even like grab it real quick. Yo, give it to me. No, he was like he first started Trying to ask me like how much he was like how much did you pay for the bike? And I was like, I gotta go Yeah, I was like, I'm not gonna He's just doing like Kelly blue book for bikes. Yeah, he's curious. He's curious. Yeah, it's free For you this is zero. She hopped off there. He was how much For you my friend That ticket the bike is for you. I love city bike That was a nice thing after after he took my bike. Yeah, the city bike. He pointed to the city bike and he was like you can have that one Was that good? Well, I can't have that one. I did ride that home. That's nice That was kind of chill of them. The big go. It was it was it was like thoughtful enough to be like You got wheels still yeah, yeah, yeah, don't get down yourself. You still have wheels for a little bit Right, there was a guy like I didn't get nothing happened But there was a guy last night that was like really power walking in my direction. What where were you true? I was walking on Congress avenue For like a while Here it's just gonna be North Philly West Philly Austin. You're gonna be getting chased by pirates The pirates down here. I'm gonna chase you This guy was like one of the he was like the remember those two guys from parts of the Caribbean who were like trying to trick He was like he was so dirty and sure He was coming for you. He was coming for you. He was coming for everybody He was just like on a mission and I just happened to have like headphones in and just You know surprised took off popped up on me. Oh no but He had other stuff to do. Yeah He like he got by me quick. I was like a temporary stop. Yeah, I am. I've been watching too I watch this one guy's videos where it's just they all start with him be like Hit someone like 10 times. He did one where he took a key and like hit a metal plate Someone kind of popped up on me the other day. I'm like key. I was like dude. Is this my chance? Would you would you him with the John Wick combo? Just I was going to but he didn't fucking he just kept moving Awesome to hit a homeless guy with a fucking dead bunch combo I want to get that guy I'm gonna wear the helmet let that guy demonstrate on me. You might have also on the bum first. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be nice That guy almost got into like a pretzel Sleep in front of the look into my guy you can pretzel that man Were you watching that with us? No, the guy who's asleep. It was like He was literally like a pile of rocks in front of a look They came and woke him up and he was like Oh, no You know the look into them Yeah, it was like right downtown. Yeah, yeah, but isn't it right next to the country? I was just talking to someone who stayed in that the other day though like dude my hotel sucks I'm in a lot queen to kinta and I'm like, oh, yeah, dude. That thing's like hell. Yeah, things are worse It's good for the alphabet game on the road though. It's big for that. You're just the only cue on the road Oh Yeah, Drew, Drew, Drew, Drew the X is just where it's at. It's the most impossible. It's tough. You got it. Yeah I feel like a lot of vape shops have helped with the X there's a lot of like express Yeah, true porn strip clubs. Yeah, yeah, yeah X for smokers world and then like Arabic letters. Yeah Yeah, you charge translating them. I'm pretty sure it's a muzzle next right there. It's true Yeah, man, that's I started my day. I started my day today actually Just game planning like if I was at the park and like they some like weird old guy was like hitting like fucking with the kids How hard would I go on? It's like dude you would fucking up so bad. I do that all the time. Yeah, rice's game plan like dude I would fucking hit load if you got your ass beat by the pedophile Thought about it before but I'd say you can't you can't you just have to go you have to go honorably obviously you have to go into battle But if you get vanquished by a pedophile in the park and then he gets the kids. I'm going well I if I started losing I would fight I would go for privates. I would fight dirty. You'd love it I would try to written to do it to his world. I find monkey clawed him And now I way he'd look down you get me. Yeah, now you're my world You just touch man's penis at the park you're one of us Then you join forces you go yeah, it's like a double cross I actually brought a camera. I have to go to my wife that you have to sundown destroy me Do you think there's Peds who are watching these like pedophile hunter videos who are like training to be like I can't get foiled Yeah, and they're like just getting buff true. That's nice They're probably running drills in the supermarket is down the banana Farglue up to the bananas They have like a tree cone drill. Yeah, I'm doing the NFL comment It's got 22nd shuttle this guy's gonna be a great pedophile It's gonna fly out of that Walgreens They probably rewatch the beginning of Aladdin when like they steal the apple. Yes. Just how they like get through there Yes, yeah, like build like a two-scale serial aisle Yeah, in his house. Yeah, they got to start training. Yeah, they should start training like maybe seals like just a complete replicate Walgreens in a warehouse That would be that would be a good prank where You have one of those pedophile hunters you like collab with them But the pedophiles not even a pedophile. He's like you know, there's like small jujitsu guys who are like nasty as fuck Like so he doesn't look at imposing but they go to get him the guy just pedophile fake pedophile just folds up the dude Yeah, you get to bet what the fuck dude the pedophiles being about be your ass. What about being your fucking ass? But then his boy his boy would come with the pumpkin from behind The pumpkin if I was a pedophile give up the game dude. Yeah, the pumpkin is the scariest way to go Get pumped by a pumpkin Yeah, that's terrifying And there's anything they can do around you caught in known as a pedophile that known as getting kicked by a pumpkin Pumpkined on the internet. Ah Yeah, you cannot yeah October to to December you cannot Yeah, because it's it's gourd season and you can't get it Get him a gavi's pumpkin prank soon to be terrible. Yeah Throne in the air The alley pumpkin Oh, it is truly. Yeah, they like it's like an assist. They like pick and roll He guy like moves in I saw the one where the pedophile got thrown into the air the two people put yeah That's Yeah, man. That is rough stuff I mean, there's got I mean, I don't know man. It's like those guys are training, but we're talking about it So I think it's funny what they're up to Just if you if they got the wrong guy once and they threw him in the air and punched him and called him a pedophile And then hit him with the pumpkin and it was just a guy that was like getting damn bonds for his daughter Yeah, he's just a major some math teacher. They're like the most at risk for getting a you know, yeah Look like pedophiles. Yeah, but most math teachers do happen to look like pedophiles. It's true You gotta be careful if you're a math they very mathematician watch out. Yeah, true. That's like I might be 1975 It's like they uh that teacher who shows off like his outfits on Instagram. I don't I don't know. Oh, yeah guys You might be I don't like it either. I don't like it either when hot girls do it and hot girls do it There's hot girl teachers that are like check out my outfit for today. What you go. You're gonna fuck one of these kids Yeah, they're gonna stay in a low grade. Yeah, for real you get in the high school. Yeah, get you My god, man Captain of the football team Matt Man, I'm pumped on this bird feeder though. It's struggling to set it up right now. I was trying to connect it. Yeah I'm I'm fucking I couldn't be more stoked. I spent the morning. I got a cum quad tree Uh You can get I got cum quats Climes in an avocado tree. It's nice. I got peach and Levin coming home. I got a tree sick. But yeah, I can't wait. Yeah, I can't wait. Avocado tree I won't probably yield anything. Maybe this winter. I'll get a couple get a couple. They're a Mexican avocado So they're hardy to the cold. There's a cold snap of fuck your avocado tree up with these things they can take they can take a little cold Cool sub 23. Yeah, if I got them in pots I'm gonna move them in no problem, but Um, dude. I spent the whole morning getting these things and like I thought it was like 9 a.m But he's like dude. It's 11 you gotta leave us Yeah, I didn't even shower. I'm covered in fucking dirt. I saw that. Yeah, sorry about that. That makes sense. Sorry about that. Yeah, I'm pretty dirty right now. I don't care at all, but I have time to share. I just saw it on the ankles. I was like, remember what he's been doing? You're in the field. He's in the field. He's in the field. He's in the field. He doesn't feel that it's awesome. Remember the bad bunny Super Bowl halftime show? Yeah, that was the guy I was getting. That was the guy I was getting. That's great. I saw that. I was like, you know, it's me basically. It was me. It's just for me. He did this for me. He's so sick. He did that video for me. True. Finally, some representation. Super Bowl halftime show. Yeah, that would be nice. My last representation was the old rappers. That was awesome. That was a good representation. That was good. That was awesome. 50 was a little, a little big hanging upside down to go. Yeah, fuck it dude. The guy at the top is like. That he says been a little, a little quiet. He had a, he was like. Right. I mean, he's obviously still doing the same, but he was like, he was the dude for, he was good like two month run where he was. He did the right thing though. He went away for a little while. Yeah, yeah, he chilled. That's the, yeah, what is he cooking up? Who's next? Didn't he say Lebron? No. Didn't he post something about Lebron when he was like, I have a documentary about him. Do you think he becomes black? Hello. Don't be crazy. He just starts crunchy at people. And man, nobody's safe. If he gets Lebron, that's wild. Yeah, that would be. That's just what I think. He's looking it up right now because Nate loves Lebron. Lebron might be the Zest Lord. He might be the Zest Lord. I used to hate Lebron, but now he's, he's too undeniable. Nate's bad happens. Yeah. He's like, you stay Tom Brady and then he gets to a point where you're like, well, this is awesome. He's kind of the best at it for a few years. And if you hate greatness, you just hate it. Imagine setting your makeup. Then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new grippy setting mist from Maybelline, New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours, with flexible all-day comfy grip. No tightness, no stickiness, no residue. Just clump to a hydrated skin that still feels like your skin. Try new grippy setting mist from Maybelline, New York. Maybe it's Maybelline! Matt, please read the highlighted lines for Badam. And now it's time for this week in dog history presented by Aura Frame. So they got a little thing here. This is nice. You know, some memories are just waiting to make you laugh. Years later? Oh, yeah. That's exactly what Aura Frames do. Take the moments that matter and turn them into something. You can actually see every day. Oh, yeah. And you know what's overflowing with hilarious moments waiting to be revisited? That's bad guys. So let's take a walk down Mary Lane, shall we? What's the strangest recording setup we've ever had? Matt, remember that? What's the strangest recording setup you've ever had? One head like a buzz in it, that's okay. Wild moment that becomes a story, you always tell. What's a wild moment? Never my wife came to Laserdale and she was mad at me. Yeah, I love telling that story. Always tell that story. What's happening in the photo? That is, the photo is just two good friends at a golf event. Yeah, we were out and we took a picture together. I was a little boy. I took a picture of my two heroes. No, yeah. Was there something totally off the rails happening behind the scenes? Oh, yeah. Of that photo? You wouldn't believe it was going on behind the scenes of that photo. It's not even public. Guys, moments like these funny, chaotic or just plain weird are exactly what our frames are built for. This is exactly what they're built for. Unlimited photo and video storage, preloaded messages, effortless sharing. It's how your memories become something everyone can enjoy. Save them, save them the gifts mom love by heading to aura frames.com. And for a limited time, get $25 off the best selling cover matte frame with code MSSP. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Thank you, Laura. Dude, I went down to Pat Tillman. 50th friend LeBron. That rocks. Well, it was all, you know, he got an offer to leave the Cardinals before he signed up to be in the military. And they're going to pay him like a bunch of money. Whoever had won the Super Bowl, I guess like after the first year he played, was like, yeah, we're going to give you a ton of money. Come to our team like championship team might do it again. What does Tillman do? Not broke Cardinals pick me. I was low. I was low round the draft. They took a chance on me. I'm staying with the Cardinals. Went to war. It was such a beast. They offered to get him out of the military. He did one year tour and they're like, yo, man, we like set it up with the government. You're free to come home now. He goes, bro, it's a slap in my fucking face. He'd even offered me that such an animal. Dude is the fucking man. Didn't they do it friendly fire? Yeah, friendly fired. And there was a fuck, what was it? An Afghani soldier that apparently like loved him, that like ran up the hill with him. Because his little brother was serving with him too. So his little brother was under fire. So he like ran up the hill. And then Afghani soldier ran up as well. He got killed. No one talked about that guy. But yeah, he ran up there too. He got hit a bunch of times. And apparently they invented a story about a woman soldier getting raped. That's the statue. Is that the statue? Well, that's the picture that they used for the statue. The statue's fucking tight, you ever see it? No. Did they put it in the-- The Arizona? Yeah, that's really cool. Yeah, the Pat Tillman, he's a, he's a fun. The Pat Tillman Fund started because people just started sending all this money to the Arizona Carnals being like, this is for Pat Tillman. They got like a million bucks and they called his family. Yeah, we have a million dollars for you guys. What the fuck should we do with this? Yeah. He's like, we'll just set up the fund. They send like soldiers in school or like the masters degrees and stuff. It's cool. Yeah, Pat Tillman, true American hero. Yeah. I interviewed John Crackauer recently. That's right. And I got a name. You wrote a book on Tillman. It did, really? Yeah, we got to talk Tillman. Speaking of another-- Hello. Yo. Yeah, dude. Yo, it's Tillman. Fucking sick legend. Man, it's an absolute ledgy. Yeah, dude, I interviewed John Crackauer like two days ago. He has, so he climbed Mount Everest. And like, there was a disaster all these guys died. He survived, wrote a book. And it's like a huge book. And dude, he has a guy on his ass. There's a YouTuber, anti-John Crackauer YouTuber, which is like, dude, climb Everest. What's your beef? This guy's like, there's all these different faces of Everest. This other guy climbed a different face of Everest. And he's just going through all of Crackauer's book being like, cap, cap, none of this happened. And dude is blowing up. Crackauer had a fire back about it. Dude, I was telling him like, dude, I know this guy's like, really a pain in your ass, but it was nothing that delighted me more than to see you have a fucking nasty dude. I just never would expect to see that. You have a guy being like Bullshit, the Sherpas don't drop the rope lines on that pass to the mountain. Dude, get out of here. I know. I guess it's just like every creative or any pursuit has a guy now who goes on YouTube and is annoying. 'Cause his book did so well that another climber wrote a book after that and has had it kind of be like, yo, fuck it. He's fucking Bullshit. It's so funny. What was his book called? He did, into the wild. That was the guy who just like walked off and died in the wild. In the thin air. That was the other one. I got both of those. Do you really? Yeah. Dude, he rules. He did the Pat Tillman book where men get glory. And then he did, he did a book about, yeah, it's pretty tight. He did a book about Mormons, like polygamist militant Mormons. So, yeah, dude's a man. He's retired now. He's no more. He just lives in Boulder. Stays it out of to him. So I'm so jealous of people out of to you. Dude, it really, I'll work out. Whenever I'm like, if I go to like Denver anywhere, like that's like 5,000 feet, I do like one workout and I come back and I'm like, you know, I'm definitely altered. This is crazy. Oh, yeah. Cool. It's funny. You do that. I have like five beers. And I go, whoa. Shit. I'm wasted. It's nuts. How would it be nasty when I go home and get dry skin and a bloody nose? It's sucks. I'm dying. My body's dying here. Dude, I'm like a snake. I, my skin is cracked. I go up there. It's crazy. But yeah, I didn't know when you climb Everest. So you go to base camp for two weeks. You acclimate. I thought you just like roll up and climb the fucking mountain. No, you climb a little bit, come back down, climb a little more, or come back. So you're like constantly getting acclimated to high and higher parts. The first face of Everest that you climb from where he did, it's just a giant sheet of ice that slowly can shift and start moving. And every now and again, it'll just stand up and just squat. I can just like the size of a house just squash you. He was a 600 person to climb. I'm just giving away the whole thing when he was a 600 person to climb Everest or like 637. It was so scary. He was like so fucked up. He wrote that book hoping to scare people away from trying to do it. 30 years later, I guess so many people have climbed Mount Everest. How many? Dude, like 25,000 people. Yeah. His book did the opposite. Everyone was like, dude, he says he goes to signings. People look at him. You climb Everest. I could fucking do that. I've seen. Damn. I just watched the documentary on it. And there's just a line of people climbing like hundreds of people. Yeah. But if one of those collatial kind of deposit things falls, now that it's so crowded, it's just going to squash. Yeah, he said, now the Sherpers are like, dude, this is the best thing that ever happened. Oh, yeah. They probably give me lines of games just going up there. Make a ton of money. Yeah. Selfie wall at the Mount Everest. There it is. I watched Chinese guy fall off recently. Yeah. It really slid right off talking to selfie. Yeah. But people still die. Yeah. Like a lot of people still die climbing Everest. Yeah. Just slowly slid off and just watches them slide away. Dude, you don't. Fuck. You're toast. Yeah. If you don't get those, you need those oxygen tanks. And you get super high. And if like if you're out of tanks, you just stuff. You talk about, what's that? What do they get? It's like, uh, it's like the altitude and hypothermia where you get like hallucinations. No, I didn't know about that. Yeah. Yeah. They see things before they die. Yeah. It's like you're dying. I forget what it's all about. Oh, is it? - Maybe. - Dang, that's crazy. That's pretty tight. - Yeah. - I also learned, I've been reading about Gold Rush Colorado. You know, there was a big cannibal. Or, yeah, that's how you say cannibal. I was like, there was like a prolific cannibal that like honed the hills in Colorado for a while. He was munching, dude. Munching sandalwood for a while. - It was very scary. - Crazy idea. - So many deer in wildlife there. - No, he just, he got a taste. - He wanted the people. He wanted those gold miners, dude. He was munching them. Like a wild, he was in the hills outside of Playspeak. And everyone was like, bro, I'm pretty sure my wife got munched. - I mean, this is crazy. I've never heard of this man. - Yeah, look, look up a- - Pretty deep munch. - Look up Colorado cannibal. I think it was like the 17 hunters. - Was he like the Leadville Silver Boomer, I believe. (laughing) - Sounds like a name from that era, too. (laughing) - Things name was like William something, but yeah, he was munching. - Alpha, okay. - Alfred Grant. Did he just- - I'm a packer, that's who it was. - Alfred, packer. Did he just like turn into a cannibal someday? - I know what he was like. - I just, I just like, I never fully got into his thing yet. But he, he was munching. - That is like a funny- - How many people say he got? Maybe it's unknown. Yeah, he was munching. Sound like Colorado's crazy. - It looks like he might have had the munch. - He had the munch? - Looks like a little- - Oh. - I could be getting some Colorado folklore. - He got five. - Oh my God. - He came back. (laughing) - Oh, so he had the munch. 'Cause he was on the loose. I feel like they had to catch him at some point. And munched. (laughing) - Oh, so he was up there hiding, and there was a snowstorm, and he caught some guys that were stuck in it. - And he munched. - He said, "Boys, I'm hungry." - Oh my God. Yes. - Oh boy, you know what time it is? Time for the help with the butter. (laughing) - This episode's about to you about better health. - Oh, your butter, the help with the butter. (laughing) - One thing that's been keeping me up at night. - It's been keeping you up at night, Matt. - What's been keeping me up at night? Nothing, honestly. I sleep like a fucking brick, but I do. I pass out in like a second. - Why are you worried about it? - Well, you know what's keeping me up at night? My lack of deep sleep. I don't get a lot of deep sleep. But, you know, I don't know, I don't know. Other than that, my kids keep me up, or when I have to pee, I lay down in bed sometimes and I think of really funny, cool jokes and then I don't write them down and I wake up and go, "Ah!" Then that keeps me up the next night. But guys, newsflash, nobody has all the answers, okay? And since I don't know if you knew this, it's mental health awareness month. - Oh, nice. - It's the perfect time to remind you that you don't have to tackle your problems alone. - No. - Match with the therapist from better health and get the help you need to navigate stress, anxiety, burnout, and more. They have an industry-leading match fulfillment rate. You just need to answer a few questions. Then they'll tell her a list of professional therapists you can connect with. - I really like that. Matt, you don't have to be on this journey alone, okay? You need to find support and have someone with you in therapy. Matt, I want you in therapy. Now, sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/mssp. That's better-h-e-l-p.com/mssp. That's better help with the better. - Five, 16, guys, Riviera Theater, Chicago, Illinois. I will be there, May 16th. I will be there, get there. That'll be really nice. I don't know if there's a lot of tickets left, guys. Just be serious. And I have a bunch of new dates coming out pretty soon that I'll announce, so pretty stoked. I know it'll be in Miami. - Oh, that's Miami-10s. - Oh, the 10s. - The Miami-10s will be there, so. - There are fucking Dases. May 4th, I'll be at the Hollywood Bowl in LA. Please come to that. I've got very good special guests on that. May 7th, 8th and 9th, I'm at TD Garden in Boston. Unless Dame Celtics, we'll see. - The hack of all sixers. - Come on, sixers. Do this so I can have my shoes. And then, yeah, July 17th at the link, please. Please come. - That one's gonna be crazy, so. - That's awesome. Even if you think I suck, you should go to that. - Yeah, those Colorado towns, dude, they were crazy. 'Cause like, there would be a town of like a hundred people and then they'd be like, yeah, there's gold in the hills and then instantly the town would turn into a hundred thousand people. - Yeah. - And no one really got a lot of gold from the gold rush. And it would just turn into like the worst place ever. Everyone was just disappointed and pissed. And crowded on each other. - And probably, well. - Add altitude too. So they're all getting hammered quicker, being like, what the fuck? - Yeah. - Oh, shit, what the shit? - It's good, it's here. - It's all this whiskey. - Just not looking for gold and just want to attack people and eat them. - Yeah. - True. - Oh my God, all of this. - They were also mean to the engines in Colorado. They did some bad stuff. - Yeah. - I mean, the dumbest guys on earth showed up. - Yeah. - Sand Creek, I think Sand Creek was like, it was just women and children. This guy's famous thing was, 'cause they were like, there's like, there's not even braves who checked it out. It's all women and children. And the one dude goes, knits make a lice. We got to take them out and this one just murdered the children. - Oh my God. - They ran for office. - Brutal stuff. - Brutal stuff. I'm really tapping everything I've read about in the last three. - I like that. - But yeah, silver boom, gold boom, Colorado stuff. You know, I've never really thought about it. That was, I was reading about that pretty sick. - Isn't that like the same era as like the Deadwood TV show? Like people just like moving out less. - It could be, it was like the 1840s and-- - Yeah, I think it was pre-civil. - Yeah. - Re-civil, whether the 49ers. - Yeah. - There we go, hey now. - It's a good way to remember it. - I like that. - I like that. - 49ers. - There we go. - Yeah, that's the 49ers. - What would you guys do in that era? Like if you were alive, like for a profession? - Godfiring farmer. - What's that farmer? - Godfiring farmer. - Yeah. - Godfiring farmer. Call him. (laughing) - No, I don't know. God knows. - That shit would suck. - It looks terrible. - I mean, a fucking factory. - Yeah, I would be the least ghost in a shitty factory. - Sharpen the fucking. - Yeah. - We're talking about a pick packed up and moved out there for that guy. - Out West. - Yeah, general store. - I can see you having a nice general store. - No, you're talking like I'm great. - Propriator. - No, you're saying I'm the Ulysses, and I understand. I would work the front desk, and then the war would break out, and I'd go, God calls me to lead this army. (laughing) All these other guys are being post-heased, dude. I was getting wasted working at a fucking general store. It's time to get wasted on the battlefield. (laughing) The allegation that he was wasted at child, that was great. So, he woke up late to the battle, 'cause he was drunk as fuck. - That's funny. - Oh shit, the wars do today. (laughing) - Oh shit, they're here. (laughing) They're like, "Sir, we should retreat." I'm fucked at. - I'm fucked at. - I'm fucking kill these post-hees. (laughing) Everyone died. - This is angry and it's a hot face. Fuck that. - It's the scariest guy. - Dude, the tornado documentary you showed me. - It's a tough one. - Dude, that guy waking up with a hank of vicious hangover and being like, "I think there's a tornado "which you should go check it out." - Hangover. - I missed that one. - Again, it was an F-5. (laughing) - Fuck. (laughing) - You hear the audio the whole time. I was like, "Ah, fuck." Also, everyone in that town gets interviewed. It was like, "I was ready to go." - Yeah, I was ready to go. - Yeah. - I thought you were good. It's very, they just interview everyone to just kind of a weird Christian. - Yeah, oh yeah. - So they all come off as very homosexual. - Well, the one guy is. - And the one guy, yeah, at least one. - Yeah, the one guy, the one guy being like, "At one point, I was ready. "I let go 'cause I thought it was the rapture." And then like, since he didn't get sucked up in the hurricane, he goes, "Ah, it's 'cause I'm gay, isn't it?" (laughing) And he went home, but luckily his parents are still alive 'cause his parents got sucked up. He would've been like, "Oh, yeah, okay." That was a rapture. I got left behind in the waistline. (laughing) It's so funny. - It's funny. - He had a fat gay guy being like, "Take me." - I know. It's like, "Damn, I was, I was. " - You leave the ground like that much and then you drop back there and you're like, "Damn, damn it." Shit. 'Cause he was young, so he probably barely did that much gay stuff. - Now, but he knew. - Yeah. - He did a lot of gay stuff. - He was making YouTube videos with the other girls in school. - That's gayer than the sex with the guys. - So the YouTube guy was different. That was a different bro. He died. - No, he died. - He died the Chubby YouTuber. - No, not the YouTube guy. - Yeah, he made YouTube, too? - Not the cool YouTube guy. - Cool YouTube guy. - I didn't know he did that. - The day man was making YouTube videos with the girls. - Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, I didn't know that. I did like the jock. He was just like, "Yeah, this one girl came up to me and I said, I didn't know who she was, she knew me, but I didn't." - That's like dude, stop man. Stop chatting around, dude. You can't do it. - He's chatting in the role. You can't chat in the role. - He was chatting in the role. He was at a rescue of people. He was like a babe from the school. He was like, "Yo, it's you." And he was like, "Yeah, I don't even know. We're a dude." - Sure. - Oh, that used to be your house, damn. That's crazy. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. (laughing) - That's like fucked up. (laughing) - Shit. (laughing) - Yeah, the documentary is terrifying. - It's really scary. And then there's like the fungus thing that happens afterwards. - It's scary. - Oh yeah. - I forgot about the fungus. - That freaked me out. - Yeah. - And that like kicked out of the ground. - It kicked out, yeah. - Yeesh. - And then it's like you get, you get sucked up. And then you're like, "Thank God, I survived." And then the bacteria almost kills you. - Yeah. That's really fucked up. - Double whammy. - Yeah. It's like freaking-- - It's a tear joker though, bro. - I knew it, I knew it got me. - Thankfully, thankfully I wasn't invested in it this time. The first time I watched it, I was sobbing at the end of it. And then Obama comes along and you're like, "Damn, Obama." - Yeah, that was a cool speech, fuck. It was such a good speech, bro. - Actually, I think I said this last time, I talked about this. - Really? - But just comparing it to, if Trump was president then. - Oh man. and just, you had a big storm. Wow. You guys are great, though. (laughing) All right, get him out of here. And we're doing a lot right now for the economy. He'd just be like, yo, I'm killing it right now. Someone say the economy's in F5 right now. (laughing) Yeah, he's had some good ones lately, though. That has easy fire back up. He's got very funny. Yeah. That's easy. He had one recently, I'm trying to remember it. Did you see the shooter? A Disney shooter. Bro. He made it. Again, he's rings the security, man. That first ring is so bad. Got through. Shout the secret service guy. Did he shoot a guy? Yeah, he shot a secret service guy. The guy had an armored vest on or whatever. He called it as manifesto. Did he? Yeah, he said I'm gonna use, like, buckshotter. Or like, and he was like, that way if they're wearing armor, I don't have to kill anyone. But he's like, I'm trying not to kill anyone. I'm just trying to kill Trump. Oh, okay. So he did it with the sun gun all the way up to Trump. He was trying, yeah. He was trying to get the James Bond golden pistol. And he was going to be going. He was going to be going. He was going to be seven. Yeah, he was going to be seven. Everybody else one shot. Pepe seven. Golden gun. How do you just like break in? He just Naruto right through. He literally sprinted through arms back. Nerd run. Nerd run right through. Yeah. Yeah, that's how I'm telling now. It's like, that might be like a high ranking FBI official. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. Yeah, that's exactly how they would all run. This entire administration wouldn't Naruto. What do you think about cash getting in trouble for drinking? Cash is under investigation for how hard he's hitting the brusquies. He's claiming he's not hitting the brusquies. The one thing I support along, let the boy hit the brusquies. All Indian dudes want to do is have brusquies with the bros. He's so happy. He wasn't that hockey locker. He really was. Yeah. I was literally the intruder. He's stressed. He's stressed. He's stressed. Honestly, I really, I didn't like all the, like, imagine how bad that sucks when he rolls up to that. It's like, you think they give a fuck? They just want to stand like up or the Olympics. Yeah. They're fucking stoked. And then you're like, holy fuck, there's cash material. It's ripping off fucking shot-gunning a beer. It's awesome. Yeah. I remember not liking that footage of a coverage of like, it's like, dude, he's doing one thing. Cool. He doesn't have everything. Not everything has to be bad all the time. Yeah, that's, that's, that's, they struggle with that. Yeah, it's like, dude, this is sick. This guy. He's sick. That Trump wants to build. What's the arch? He's just trying to build a sick ass arch. Dude, where's, where? Give us a fucking arch. Where is it? In Washington. It's going to be sick. Going arch will be tight. It's not gold. I don't think. McDonald's, 24/7. Actually, like that. It's just a big M. I'm trying to do a sick ass arch. Sick ass arch DC. It came up, obviously. That's awesome. Let's go, let's go. Well, he has a win first. It would be tight. We stopped building sick shit. Yeah, that's true. And they don't like it because it's trump dog. But is that just like a 3D rendering? Yeah. That actually looks cool. It's like, um, Washington Square Park. Yes. I was, I was thinking the same Lewis thing. Oh. That's nicer. It's like, uh, we should be like arch. If you win, if he wins, I ran, you get the arch. If he doesn't win, he gets the loser arch and they're going to put him up there just going like, yeah, it's going to be it. If he puts himself on the arch, I'm out of the arch is just America's sick. Yeah. I like it. That'd be tight. Well, he's going to have his names and be somewhere on there. Definitely. Yeah. There's no way. There's no way his name's not on. Yeah. He's going to put that, you know, there's somewhere. Yeah. But hopefully he puts everyone. One of his. Now there's like on the wall. You know, like Abraham Lincoln has like Gettysburg address. It'll be one of Trump's speeches. It'll be like, she's a fat bitch. Fat bitch shut up. It'd be nice to have the led belt buckles where it was like, and it's like, just across the top. It's like all his top insults. Yeah. I mean, you know, I haven't heard much about it right now. Quite big. You're like, quite big. Just him is like a cherubic kind of Greek thing and like a pig lady and him being like, yeah, you got a funny. The arch is sick. The arch does look sick as fuck. Yeah, it does look nice. And I agree with you. We should start building cool new statues. Yeah. We do need cool stuff. Yeah. It's tough. And it's tough to agree now. Back in the day, it was like consensus. Like, yeah, throw up a fuck. Yeah. Throw up a cool shirt. Yeah. Now it's like, well, hold on. We should do one of the ladies that clean the mall and you're like, yeah, okay. If I'm cool. He's a clean mall statue, awesome, all right, we're all stoked, obviously. There they are. Yeah. It's statue of Sherman and Central Park. I always go pay homage to it. That's awesome. We need this. Yeah. We used to have cool shit. Yeah. It's so sick. That's tight. That is great. Some cities still have it. I wish I knew more about like the, you know, symbology of like horses hooves and two hooves are up. But it's reared up. Like what that means. I like that stuff. They tell you that at Gettysburg. There's a couple statues that don't follow it. What? Yeah. Knock them down. I want to topple them. Yes. I'll be out there with the ropes. And you topple them. I'll bring sandals. But yeah, it's, I mean, yeah, again, who knows, I keep, I keep, I'm getting, I'm being every news thing I see. I get the new reality. Like we're entering the new reality. We've lost. There's now horse on a warfare and it's sort of the kinetic face like, dude, shut up. I got asked to invest in AI defense. Oh, yeah. No, no, no, yeah, I would have done it and then they blew up that school of children. And I was like, I can't ever, yeah, you know, bad. I'd feel if I was sitting here in my tighties watching Westerns. And then it said breaking. We blew up another school. I got. I wonder if the AI interface is like box off that. When it blows up a school, the screen is like, oops, my bad. You're totally right. That was a girl school. That's recalibrate. Do you want me to blow up something else? Yeah, it's like Wineth Paltrow's voice. Yeah. It's like. You're exactly right on that. Yeah. That was my bad. Wow. I never considered like that. Thought I was going to do is in there and then and then what it zooms in its flavor flavor. It's like. Damn. Yeah. Well, Gilbert had a good bid online about human shields. He's like, they're using the kids as human shields. He's like, yeah, fucking wait. Yeah. If I want to beat up my neighbor, he's holding his baby. It's like, you know, you're going to wait till he's on the grass so I can like flip him down the baby bounces. I'm just going to blast through the baby's head to hit my neighbor. First back. He came back, dude. Nice. Hard come back. He's back. He's 100% full strength. Great. He came for that ride a bag now. It's going to be huge. Do wartime. You're going to react. No, I didn't get offered. But I'm saying wartime. Oh, it's got to be. It's got to be three X right now. I don't know what the fuck it's called. Oh, that's true. Like for the next year. Next year, we're going to keep going. Next year's Riyadh. Mid war, bro. Oh boy. That is all. Yeah. There's like a hazard pay. But hacksaw if I go. They're going to need to break out the big saw. This guy is fucking huge. I'm not going. Yeah. I'm curious who does. Some people will go. People already went. We'll go back because they already was stood the storm. Yeah. But yeah. Mid war is crazy. That is a wild one. Mid war will be nuts. That's like that. Then you get to feel like 50 cent performing in Iraq during, you know, I mean, yeah, well, that's what I mean. It's like they'll. People who go will be like, yeah, it was pretty crazy over there. So you're not, you're not 50. I'm going to do it. I would do a thing where I would go like, I'm going to perform for the troops, but then go to the US government. And like, yeah, you got a match. Riyadh is paid back. I'm going to do that. That's. You guys have a $7 trillion budget. You guys can pay me $2 million. Stop complaining. All right. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. That's actually a good idea. Yeah. I might do it. Yeah. That would do it. You know, there was a, I know somebody who does like technology sales and they said when they deal with them, like the military, yeah, there's some weird thing where like they'll order the wrong thing. But if it's on a military base, they have to destroy it, no matter what. So like millions of dollars of like computer equipment. And since instead of just returning it, so it can be reused, they're like, we have to destroy this now. Reorder. It's pretty crazy. It's like nothing. They'll be like, dude, whatever. He's what it is. This is protocol. Yeah, it can. It can't get in the wrong hands. They take it out back in his office, space it. They pay the Indian guys. Yeah. They go, we're not. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, that the Madagascar thing, you're just living next to a river of shit, literally a river of sewage. Yeah. And every day he's rising. You're like, yeah, it's going to be my fucking- Please fix it. I know. That bothered me so much. Yeah. That's it. Don't do anything else. No soccer today, fellas. Sandbag day. We're gathering sandbags to put along the shit river and we're doing that every day until somebody fucking starts digging a trench somewhere. Yeah. That would also like bother because it's like like 10 feet, there's a fence and then there's really nice houses. Yeah. I saw that. They're going to start. Yeah. They're going through that fence. Yeah. After my third summer of a shit flood, and no one's helping with plumbing, it's time to go over the wall. Yeah. Like a Chinese diplomat and his wife, it's like I'm going to go eat them. Yeah. I'm like, I'm pissed off. Yeah. It's time to fight. Yeah. Yeah. There'll be time to infiltrate this. Do you think? At least get in the pool. True. - Just washing off the shit. At least go pool hopping at night. Good shot. - Yeah. Can I just, can I just wash the shit off my family please? That's all I'm trying, my family's covered in shit right now. And you have a pool and I like to just wash the shit off me. The chlorine will actually kill the shit. Then you just need to chlorinate that river. There you go. - Oh nice. - And chlorine, Bobbos. - That would help. - And then the skimmer. - A little bit. - Skimmer, yeah, skimmer, skimmer turrets, anything chunky. That's a lot of gators though. - It's like that. - That's a gator pool dude. - And once monsoon season comes, the gators get a loose. - Super dome gators. - Yeah, that was, India was pretty nuts. Looking Madagascar was not as bad. India took the cake. That was just dudes and like little like tiny courtyards, just riding up plastic. - There's just not a free inch of. - No. - It's everything is used. - Yeah. - Noble, but too crowded for me. - No, the two go, hot curry, plastic bags. - Oh, I forgot about that. - That fucked me up dude. There's just 40 bags on the floor. Just, it's just like there goes kitchens over there. - Yeah, true. - There's 40 fucking bags of steaming hot curry. - So they're back like a plastic thing, yeah. - It's like a plastic bag and then it's like soup. It's like the hottest soup you've ever seen in your life. - And they just pour it in and. - And that was a good job. - Yeah, yeah. - All these jobs we saw the guys in India style. - Yeah, true. - I am jealous when I see them, how they can just chill on a floor like that. I'm like, damn, my hip flexors are way too tight. My hip flexors are purely western from sitting in chairs. - Yeah. - I like that. - Yeah, it's nice to know to be like, I'm not meant for, I'm supposed to be sitting in a chair, man. - Yeah, I'm supposed to be sitting in a chair. - So what we call this? - Civilize. - Yeah. - It's an officer's pose. - Matt. - Sorry. - Matt. Sorry. - I'll do it. - I'm the only one I know that wants to go to India. I want to go. - Yeah, while we were watching Matt, I was like, I want to go to India. - I want to go to India so bad. - I think you'd like it spiritually. - Yeah, I think it'd be sick. It's supposed to be healing. - I think that's spiritually how to even get the fuck out to win those 150 degrees. - Yeah, I've heard, I have heard people have gone there and it's like, I knew a woman who went there and she said it was like, I was scared. - Yeah. - Her friends got off and the dude will just like, grab you and they'd come here. - Yeah, yeah. - Like off me. - You know like bully you to stay in a certain hotel and they're like, where are you going? They don't want you to, it's fucked up. There was one time, there was, I think I've talked about this before but the person I knew was there with her friend and she said they were like looking at a thing and the tour guide was like, we have to go right now. There's just a pack of dudes in business cash. Like semi-unbuttoned shows like, you know, we have to leave these guys. They're gonna rape you. We have to leave. (laughs) So I got, but I don't think, I think the bros would get me. - You need to club, they might be clubbed up too though. - They definitely have clubs. - Let me tell you something. - Yeah. - How can you club, how could you club? - Damn. - Yeah, I remember like, damn, that sucks. - Middle management meeting coming this way. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's all the guys from the office. - I mean, if you get done grinding plastic for 12 hours. - That's true and then you-- - Some white bitches here on a fucking spiritual journey. - You're gonna pay for this. (laughs) - You're gonna pay for your choices. (laughs) - It's like a fucking catcher for 12 hours. (laughs) - Separating plastics into a fucking wood chipper. - Yeah. - I've taken apart like six engines. - They are counted on fucking TikTok and-- - Yeah. - Indian bros are coming up with a good shit. - Yeah, yeah. I like that guy. - They are very funny. - Yeah, we should acknowledge Third World Privilege. Your video is kind of slap. - Yeah. - If you're Third World, you get a smartphone. Everyone's like, let me see. I need to see what the hell is going on right now. - True. - Pretty tight. It is crazy those villages that go from like no electricity to smartphones. - I know. - And just like, yo, here's, that would be, dude, looking through a screen at like, an upper middle class suburban New Jersey. And the Third World, you must just be like, dude, what the fuck? - Yeah. - Yeah. - What the fuck is that? - It's like, it's gonna be crazy. - It's probably feels like a hallucination. - Yeah, it really does. - That's like, wait, where's your shitriver? - Yeah. - Yeah, you don't have a shitriver? - Yeah. - Our shitriver runs underground. - It's like you get an ad with like a woman in it. And then it's just immediately. It's like, come here. - Yeah, I need you here, where are you? - Yeah, now, come here. - Yeah, it's hard to fight that reserve as a Westerner. - I know. - Yeah, you understand the technology. - Yes. - If I just got Instagram and was looking at girls' pictures, I'd be like, come. - Yeah. - Take your shirt off. - Yeah. - It's like a bird in a mirror. I'd be like, no, I didn't screw that. Let's be in. - There's like a couple of guys that I used to do open mics with that are like, they're just American guys, but they're like, they've just lost it. And they're just on Twitter. It's just women being like, you know, here's a workout thing and just good morning, hi. There's one where it's like, I took a picture of it. There's a lady. (laughs) It's like, you're trying to fuck this thick shit with a little dick and then he was like, good morning. Hi, it's me. - I just fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. (laughs) He just used to, I don't know, yeah, good morning. - My algorithms, yeah, I'm getting the hot babes again. - Yeah. - And I'm getting so good. I mean, it's like geoguester. I'm good. I can see the background of a hot chick's picture. I'd be like, she's in the Gold Coast Australia. - What? - That's why my British. (laughs) - Oh, Nashville. - I mean, they're only in five spots. - Yeah. - It's in Miami, Nashville, LA, Australia. And what was the other one I just said? - England's in Tossin' something. - Yeah, England, yeah, they can toss some babes out. Very classical babes. London's like a fashion capital, too. - Yeah. - Yeah, New York babes out, that's where they all come from. - Yeah, but they're more like, they're more stylish. - Yeah, true. - I'm talking about the. - I can hit with the super stylish babes. - My name is James Tens, Nashville Tens, bro. - Australia Tens. - Australia Tens are wild. I had a super stylish babe get into my elevator today. I just, I do feel like the phrasey, pointy, super shoes, weird, tight, but loose, dress pants smelled like absolute heaven. - Yeah. - She came in, I just looked at the floor. I literally looked at the floor, I just went. - I know. - It's real. - It was real. - I just wanted to use the coin to you. - I'll just skip my floor. - We dirty when she got in the elevator. - Huh? - When that happens. - Yeah, it's fucking looked like this. I was covered in dirt and I just let you walk there. (laughing) - Literally, literally, we're a peasant. - Yeah, look at that. - In the fields. - Didn't even usually, usually I'm like pretty, you know, you guys see me work on the elevator. I'm usually just, I can't help. I'll raise up. I'm risen nonstop. - You're happy to chat in the elevator. - I'm happy to chat in the elevator. - Yeah. - When it's just me and a person, I was just dirty in the elevator and I just went, not even gonna try to raise you up at all. - Yeah. - And it's not like, I just, you know, chat. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. - Of course, of course. - I'm just, you know, like, you gotta say, I'm not a jackass. - No, I'm not, I'm not a jackass. I'm like, yeah, I'm a hell of you. That's good. No, I like that. - Oh, they're being jackass. - I'm not being a jackass on the elevator. I'm just saying. - These guys saw, these guys saw the lady who's risen me up a little bit in the elevator. - Whoa. - Were you there? I don't know if you guys were there. The mayor was there. Yeah. - I've come, I've elevator buddies, I've come with elevator buddies, I've seen a lot of time. - What's walking elevators you guys on? - Yeah. - It's in my office apartment. - Oh. - So when we do the podcast there, I'll bring the team, I bring the team there. My elevator buddies, see my team. - Yes. - So chat me up. - That's true. - Yeah. - Oh, God. Yeah. - It's probably, yeah. Lord knows what you're doing. - I know. - We just scream and shout. - I think you're an LF man. - Maybe. Good. I've thought about it before. They might like and subscribe. - Yeah. Next time we had the cams in my elevator with my elevator buddies, call me Anaconda. - Yeah. - So. - Yo Anaconda, where are we going to get you a chill, chill, chill with my elevator. - You're not right now. - Don't forget. - Mr. Anaconda. - Yeah. - And I come to a squares. - Yeah. - I actually can raise with the best of them in the elevator, but I was so dirty and this lady just came on. She was like mean too. She came on and mean face. I was with them. - Yeah. - She looked at a lot of those fashion babes and mean. - She was a mean babe, dude. Very pointy sharp features. I went nope. - Nope, nope, nope. Nope, nope, nope. - My blood is way out. Not my squad. - Yeah. - Septin Pierce babes. Not my squad either. We rarely get along. - I agree. - Rarely, dude. I only really run into them at the wilder bartending. - Yeah. - And they're the meanest. - Yeah, dude. They're fucking meanest hell. Meanest hell. You'd already know. Take that shit out your fucking side. Pick a fucking side dude. What the what the fuck is this? Yeah, take it out. Yeah, take it out right now pissing me off. Yeah, no, you can play it on TikTok or whatever. That's all you put you get that and you're like shut up. A lot of bartenders film their shifts now. You know that? They film them. They time lapse them. It's a big thing to him. Day in the life and it's just like it's me the whole time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do they? That's crazy. Yeah, you were telling me I'm fucking live stream at a bar. That's not fair. Yeah, it's supposed to be a safe even for saying stuff. Yeah, for real. You're supposed to say the worst things there. I would like to speak of the guy saying when they're wrongfully caught saying the wrong things. This is Donald Sterling things been making me laugh. What happened? It's just an old And the thing he said during his deposition, well, whatever, I'll try to find, but he's like, when a beautiful woman hits on me and sucks on me, and it lets me know she cares about me and the limo driver, and I get in a limo and she gets naked and starts sucking my toes and sucking on me, and I say thank you for making me feel good. And the next line in the deposition is like, the question was, is that your handwriting? It's pretty classic, dude. That's awesome. He was going, dude, I like to get sucked in limo. He sucked it on me. I get sucked on the limo on the way to Mr. Kun's house. It's what he said. Yeah, Mr. Kun's house. He's going to. What was he in the deposition for? Probably getting caught saying the N word. I don't even think he said the N word. He just said, you didn't even say the N word, dude. He didn't want to leave pictures with him. Post and pictures. Yeah, that's what it was. He said, don't post pictures with him. As fellas. I never said that. I never said that was wrong with him. Say he's innocent. I've been. I said that when I was a kid, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, he's taking pictures with other bitch. What other dudes like that. So I said, no, go. Yeah. And they're basketball players. And it's court side that without him. Yeah. He's like, look, you can take him to the games. I don't care if you hang out with him. Stop fucking post some pictures. I think he even said, I don't care if you fuck him. I think he was like, I don't even care if you have sex with him. Just stop. He was getting his balls broken, dude. Yeah, your wife saying, I'll miss her in a condo again. Every day posting a picture with miss her in a condo. You're like a 70 year old white guy. It does kind of suck. If your wife's cause, he's taking pictures with giant black guys. He's getting ribbed. That's the thing. He's like, I'm getting ribbed. Yeah. Stop. It's like, yeah. Everywhere I turn, people are like, I get out of the limo, Mr. Coons house, it's like your wife is. Yeah. Yeah. He was just getting his feet and donk sucked in the limo. True. So bothered him too, everyone was like, you're a fucking cuck and he's like, bro, I'm getting so much posted. He needs so much, but what are you talking about? I'm cucking hurt. So stop fucking talking to me like that. It's also funny because you know he like really, he was like, all right, I got a bro, it's a sensitive subject. How do I broach it? So he's probably practicing in the limo. He's getting like his feet sucked. He's like, I don't have anything against black guys. Just chill with the picks, all right? Yeah. It's a weird look for me. How do you think? Put yourself in my shoes. Yeah. Did he, did he ever go to the games or did he just like, I'm not sure. He just owned the team. Probably chilled outside. Yeah. Sucked in the limo. The limo on the weight of a smile. Yeah. The clippers aren't very good. I've been saying it. They're going to bring limo's back. Nobody rides in limos anymore. I know. It is like nobody does. Nobody does. I was just talking with somebody. Yeah. They look like silly now. It's a crazy dude. They're funny. You have a 30-foot car. They're so funny. Limos? Limos. Yes. But you could get them. It'd be sick to bring them back. I know. Just chill in the limo, phone in the limo. Yeah, man. Just a limo. Just a limo drive. The limo drive. You can try to barrel a little park. He's pulling a stretch up in the whole booths. Oh, he said worse things than he thought. Oh no. Let's go over it. Because I thought the gist of it was like, come on, chill. That's what I thought of this, too. It starts with, don't bring black people and don't come to my games. He told her it was one of them. Because he recorded it all. She did sneak it. She sneaky recorded them in his house, which is, that's not fair. But it also says it bothers me that you want to promote broadcasts that you're associate with black people, which that was, that was, that was kind of rough. I didn't know you. Never mind. Yeah. Hold on. Let's go ahead and take that one back. Yeah. I support them and get them food and clothes and cars and houses. Who? I guess he's talking about own and. Was he goofing? Cause sometimes, sometimes white folks, we say goofing things. If I remember right, his tone in this wasn't never a goof, it was kind of a pleading tone. Like, come on, babe. If I remember hearing the audio, so he probably was like, if he'd probably be genuine like, but how old was it? How old was he? Yeah. He's like 80. 70. Mm. It's so funny. It's so funny to own the team. You know what I mean? You own it. It's like, yeah. It's just a bad job to have for what you're saying. Yeah. He's still alive. Yes. He's 92. He's still alive. Yeah. He was basically telling you his wife, like, you don't get high off your own supply. Yeah. Also, you own the team. It's like, bro, don't be fucking. He was caught. He was caught. He was caught. Don't be, you know. You have them weak in the knees. That's true. Damn. And he had a, I think, I mean, she's something. Oh. Yeah. She's a Vista Viano. Yeah. She's, um, actually don't know, but she's not a, she's not a white lady. It's like an accident. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The supermodel. Yeah. I mean, if you get the supermodel, you gotta let your supermodel just do supermodel stuff dude. You can't be like. Yeah. I feel like at that point, it's like, that's what those guys do. You sure it's got into it. That's what I'm saying. I think he probably was into it, but just was like, you know, fucking take that. Yeah. I didn't want it to be public. Yeah. He probably wasn't. Yeah. You probably right. He's fucking 80. Right. True. All right. We could be the only way. So I gotta go to the page. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We got a nice one. Yeah. We got to suck room. Let's go room. I got to, I got a lot of stuff. I got to pee. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify. Do it. Imagine setting your makeup, then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new grippy setting mist from Mabelie, New York. Just plump, dewy, hydrated skin that still feels like your skin. Try new grippy setting mist from Mabelie, New York. ♪ It's Maybelline ♪