Ep 610 - The Bewick's Wren (feat. James Mccann)

wild wild west i was told i was told the birds hatched while i was gone and i i don't see any sign of it where yeah you'd see the eggshells at least you would think but the papa comes in every so often feeds them and it flies out yeah or the mom yeah they have stayed together which i'm very happy that's awesome it's not just the mom there's there's mom and dad really yeah it's two-parent household yes how i guess the one the dad bird's bigger i guess stronger like uses reason or whatever how do you tell how do you tell yeah he and i smoke it he meets me back outside and he goes yeah pour me a beer brother my fucking just a thimble my rends being a real bitch but yeah that's very exciting stuff and i got the bird bird house with a camera on it that will never be installed you'll see that sitting on that island no the remainder of my time in this house where do you where do you got to mount that is that going to be on the phone i don't know i'm up there's that tree over there i get it out there hey don't you don't gotta tell me twice to clam that tree i'll clamber up that thing i would i would love i'd love clamber in a tree i know fucking tree broke what the hell was that about smash my car so we thought that was an ai picture lamar said fucking sucked yeah that's bullshit how the hell did it fall especially the way lamar you know what it is it's all that construction on the road and it's a dead tree and finally it just fucking yeah whoa okay yeah i mean they were shaking this fucking house yeah crack there's a crack running through the floor in that bathroom do you know about this it's no the floor is splitting sidewalks sidewalks cracked out there those vibrations yeah fuck shit up really badly insane with that no that's like a whole part of civil engineering where you have to like the amount of vibration coming can like break windows and shit it's pretty nice well it split a gigantic tree that then destroyed my car and it's well it's a weird thing to like hold people accountable for it but you know your vibration because it's hard to prove yeah but yeah so they were doing stuff tree fell did it just like crack in half or did it yeah like split and lamar you were very it was nice it was a good video you sent because it was kind of a reveal you started with the tree and i was like oh tree broke that's fucking crazy thing is sorry about your car i was like oh fuck how are the birds i was actually concerned about the birds were you worried about lamar's friends kind of like using the fallen tree to like climb in up on the roof and into the house i mean i he had a friend here the whole time what dorian was here oh deeds i forgot a week i was going to spend some time together but i'll tell you what when you get off the road and you just want to fucking be alone in your house you got lamar and dorian walking around hey thanks for letting me come and stay as well you're all right you're not as big of a as dorian and lamar together he kept offering to make ribs for everybody and it never happened he never gave me any ribs i think he did make ribs because lamar came home looking for him and then was kind of accusatory acting like i ate the ribs who ate the ribs you didn't eat them you didn't eat them dorian ate them dorian ate made rib he did he was true to his word he made ribs he just ate him himself that's what i said i was like damn that's crazy if dorian just took your food and he was like well he made him he was like oh important part but he ate love inviting guys over and grilling that's good stuff just you and a guy that's good stuff dude that's good clean fun i know it is if you do it like with i don't know you keep bringing different guys into my house and grilling with them and then leaving you gotta be a monogamous griller you can't get grilled technique also it's always just one guy at a time it's never you can't get grilled technique you can't get grilled technique you can't get grilled technique it's never a few fellas it's always just here sneaking through the garage a little grill and chill i got some some ribs and then we can watch cartoons let's get fucking barbecue sauce all over the couch scare my birds you scare those fucking wrens i'm gonna fuck you up dude don't talk to them yeah what is the smoking radius oh god damn it just went back damn this i'm about to call it out of the corner of my eye i'm like i have like cat visions dude think about playing xbox and go fuck yeah oh shit the wrens are back they're back they're actually that thing's bustling right now yeah so the birds flew but i don't know how birds work is that like they'd still chill and headquarter up in there for a while obviously yeah they're pretty active all day yeah they're fucking rocking i went i bought them some bird food off of amazon i googled i googled what wrens eat i just put a little cup next to the nest i don't know if they're taking it i think either they're probably knocked it over a bunch of them ate it yeah they're probably marching that i want them to be hardy i want them yeah you gotta they gotta have their skills i'm worried that the cardboard's not stable enough long term you gotta put you gotta you gotta mattress that thing's stable i can't believe you also had bud light and there's bud lights in there yeah you got the bud lights structure columns there's columns in there that adds to the value it's aged that'd be funny if you eventually betray them by like removing their supports yeah eventually i'll go hold on you're like the evil developer looking at the town i could put those to good use yeah they do have natural resources that i might have to give them a democracy tommy almost destroyed the structure i know it was great i know reached in two of them flew out you got bats you got fucking bats in you i'm surprised you didn't get hurt he's been injured a lot he's been on toddler time lately every time i see him he's got a new brisky tumble he's got a new boo-boo every time i see him he's gotta hide him from his lady i tell you when he said what's up to nate he rolled his ankle out front do you remember that yeah this is the night after he was over here and ripped his shins on the fucking pool and they were like really fucked up and his his fiancee gets mad at him for it obviously because it's brisky doubles so that he comes here i'm like why the fuck are you limping and he was like it's because my shins i was like no it's not it's not because he was like i just rolled my ankle out front it was a bad one too he touched earth like he went down oh he did a mama me he lived right over to the car right away here he lost his mario mushroom now he's small he's gotta watch out because he's he's getting to the age where that's a fool that puts you sits you down and you're like oh my god i'm gonna die down for a long time no he's not frail jesus dude you said tommy i watched a video of tommy from two years ago he's aged 15 20 years yeah you'll see all right it happens to all of us yeah it's happened to me i've got gray yeah take a look no that's why my hair is like if i cut my hair now everyone can see them yeah once you hit 40 that's it's just you are declining it's gonna get way worse for me oh dude it's this episode is brought to you by viore guys we've been wearing viore lately it's a game changer the core shorts work for pretty much anything gym errands hanging around the house whatever man and the strato tech t insanely soft you're gonna want to wear it 24 7 everything is comfortable but looks good at the same time it just works it just works get 20 off your first purchase at viore.com mssp and discover the versatility of viore clothing exclusions apply visit the website for full terms and conditions pretty crap played basketball again the other day i still hurt i had to do stand-up last night i was on stage like like my whole back was in pain i was like yeah anyway oh shit guys no i don't believe i think you're probably working the back out i remember seeing the back last summer before i left dude i'm still your back was in a spooky place you admire we were at the pool i do i saw him he admires man's physique and that's physique if your physique is as natural as you say it is it's the most impressive transformation i've ever had i appreciate it i was i was in the mirror i was in the mirror literally two days ago and britney's like what are you doing i was like james said i had a big back last summer i'm making sure it's still big i'm still riding high off that compliment that's a nice compliment dude it's huge i i'd never seen my back i had no idea it's you you do have a nice back fuck man thank you guys i'm gonna be riding high i'm gonna be riding crazy off this dude i mean guys with strong backs secret jack chris o'connor's shoulders it's like i mean i've been working hard he's walking around and then all of a sudden you got good god what's going on there yeah i'm i'm excited for you know i'm excited for you know i'm excited for you still working hard i'm trying to cut a little bit so i'm excited for a reveal pretty soon oh yeah once the once the pool warms up and also when the rents leave then we can have a pool party i want to be like a four-year-old with cool shoes i'm gonna take my shirt off and be like is anybody gonna say anything yeah b-ball was nice dude i was i'm gonna be the opposite dude pop the top and sprint right float with just my head above the water for the entire time get that gator float slide right yeah i've been i uh it's come to my attention i'm a little aggressive for the the basketball course i talk shit the entire time yeah you are a cocksucker out there anytime someone's shooting i'm like oh shit oh god watch out hold on anytime i touch the ball i'm like give me that fuck give me that ball just honks out there with nah we not we had a lot of honks yeah pretty good pretty good uh you know my brother the racial distribution is like almost like engineered yeah there's a little the first time i went over to your house for a party i was a little like something weird's going on it was just interracial couples yeah it does look it's a mule it's It's a bit of a college brochure. Yeah, it is. Dude, I felt bad. An Indian guy on my team for the last game, and then he was guarding. An Indian guy was guarding him. Oh, nice. I got the ball and just passed it to the wrong guy, and I was like, oh, shit. The dude on my team looked at me and started laughing like, nah, I get it, bro. That's fair. It was two curly-haired Indians. Same fucking haircut. I was like, nah, dude, I'm sorry. I mean, I've never seen an Indian guy on a basketball court, ever. They were hooping. They were nice. Were they hooping? Yeah, one guy had a shot. Yeah, it's true. When you see them, it's usually not. It's like prison. They play with the Chinese guys. You put them over there. They're the others on the basketball court. It's the Div 3 in the prison, yeah. It's like, you guys go do your thing over there. Play Hop Frog or whatever you guys are up to. I don't know. Is there an Indian athlete outside of cricket? Is there anyone who's passed over to, like sometimes there'll be an Asian footy player in Australia. Yeah. The great Kali. Asians first, I feel like. There's like an Asian football player, right? Kickers or something. Definitely baseball. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. But I've never seen an Indian guy. Japanese in baseball are doing great. Tell you what, the, what is it, Hawaiian guys or whatever? They were doing well in the draft last night. Football was great, yeah. Yeah, and that's a, I feel like a Hawaiian guy is like, you get a lot of racial, it's like very safe racial excitement. You know what I mean? So you're like, ooh, what is that? You guys, you're like campfires or something? You have cool tattoos? It's like, you know. I watched some of the draft last night, and I don't know if the economy has gotten worse, but the outfits they're wearing have become less ostentatious. When they're getting picked. Last year I met, there was a lot of silk. Yeah. Double-breasted people wearing Edwardian ruffs and all sorts of crazy things. And this year, normal, normal suits. The Samoans had big suits. Yeah. But everyone just had a normal. Is that a fair observation? I didn't see it. I think, yeah, maybe it was a subdued draft. Last year, everyone looked like they were in the capital at the Hunger Games. Yeah. They'll bring that back, don't worry. They'll be dressed like fucking idiots. Is it because there's a war and people are going, not appropriate? No, I don't think so. Wear lime satin breeches. They'll break it out. And it's true. So everyone was kind of modestly or classically dressed. It was insane last year. Yeah, that is pretty wild, man. It was probably the first time you really saw it. And now I've just become used to it. Yeah, we're all totally used to it. Like a pre-game NBA walk is the craziest thing I've ever seen. Every outfit's the worst outfit I've ever seen. The cool thing would be to go back to the late 90s, huge jacket, ill-fitting pants of the late 90s. I think that's the look that's what I would like to wear. Yeah, JNCOs have somehow infiltrated the black community. I've seen a lot of dudes wearing super wide-leg pants. That's nice. Yeah. So that is, I don't know. I feel like that doesn't, I don't like it for them, to be honest. JNCOs? Yeah. It's not for them. I just think it doesn't look right. I don't know. Unless you're like kick-flipping or something on the way up there. It's just kind of weird. I see how you, yeah, they're stealing your culture. Yeah, true. I mean, you know. So now you understand, Matt, that that could be a little frustrating. They bring in the frosted tips. What else are they going to take away from us? They kind of have, yeah. Oh, here we go. This episode is brought to you by No Bull. Matt, please speak for 15 to 20 seconds about the worst pair of pants you've ever had. And go. Worst pair of pants I've ever had. I know what they are. So I had these, another brand of high-end activewear, but they almost, they were so sleek, they felt almost like pantyhose. And I would get a, and this is, I'm just talking pants right now, No Bull. I would have, like, a doorbell bulge. It looked like you could literally press the button and enter my house. It was, they were so, first of all, they were, like, so tight on me, and I felt like a girl. You're saying your dick and knots were sticking out. Yeah, like I was dressed. But it was soft enough that it would probably give you a slight chub all day. That's the thing, but then it goes away. I was just so conflicted because I was like, am I borderline, am I like that one politician's husband, if you know what I'm talking about? Oh, yeah. I felt like him a little bit. Chocolate blue. Worst experience with pants ever, and then I was hard on the flight the whole time. Matt, you're going to love this. 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I mean, I am a madman, dude. All I do is sit here and drink whiskey in this chair. Pod listeners, No Bull is offering 35% off your first. And holy shit, 35% off your entire first order. Visit NoBullProject.com and use code SECRETPOD for 35% off your entire first order. That's NoBullProject.com and use code SECRETPOD. Respectfully, the jeans had a good run. Dude, me and No Bull. Me and Nate were fired up on the Sixers the other day. That was a fun game, dude. Dude, it was awesome. They all went up. They were on stage, and I saw, it was like the fourth quarter. All I saw was the fourth quarter, and I saw, like, the, I saw the Sixers only up by, like, three. The Celtics made a little run. And then they went on that run, and then the Sixers. Maxie came out. Maxie with the layup. That layup. Screaming to the crowd, and won. Dude, it might have been my favorite thing I've seen all year. It was so sick. Dude, before that, just draining those two threes, and, like, just, like, crazy shots. Edge come hit a three and hit that wink. Oh, my. Dude, live, I rewinded it. I rewinded it. You did the same thing. I hit, fucking, ten seconds back, and I go, dude, check this out. Look at this fucking wink, dude. How fucking cool was that? Nate was on stage while, because it was like, oh, shit, it was getting close. He went up, and I'm watching just Maxie ball out, and I was just looking up there, like, where is he, dude? He needs to see this, man. This is, we were both, we were fired up, man. That was awesome. That was great. Didn't expect that one. I was just getting into Philly while that was happening. And it was funny, because when you get in, it was, the whole city was orange. Yeah. For the Flyers. And the Flyers were playing the next night. That night, the Sixers were currently playing. I was like, it's funny that the city has already, like, just given up. Yeah. Everybody did, except for them. Then that game, that was great. Yeah, it was awesome. Now I hear Embiid's, uh. I don't, I don't know. Part of it, I think they're trying to fuck with Boston and be like, he might come, so prepare, like, so they prepare for that. Because he, his appendix, he just had, no one's come back two weeks after having an appendix removed, I think, ever. How many fucking guys have gotten that during a season? Uh. It happens more, it happened a few times during the season, but the playoffs is where people were like, maybe because it's the playoffs, go rush them back. They also do have some crazy stuff now, medically. Like, I feel like ACLs now, they just, they pop you, like, right back in. Wait, appendicitis? Yeah, appendicitis. I mean, compared to how it used to be. Compared to what, yeah, I feel like it used to be like an ender. Yeah. Appendicitis is like, yeah, you're, you gotta be down for, like, at least three weeks, dude, I would imagine. What? Is that like a sports, is that like a sports recovery, or is that just like a regular person? I think that's just like, you can walk around. Yeah. Rough and tumble play. Especially, he's gonna play rough and tumble. Yeah, true. Come on. Now, dude. He's falling on the ground every fucking ten seconds. If we can win one more, make it a definite, like, game six, like, six game scenario, I think he'll pop back up. What do you think about tonight? I think Celtics by 50. What? Usually, usually you win a game like that. Yeah, I was wondering. It's usually a. I liked at the very end when they just put in all their white guys, and they were just breaking threes the whole time. When your whites are missing threes, it's like, yeah, you're done. That's bad. That's bad stuff. Yeah, they threw in the fucking scrub squad at the very, you can tell they're like, all right, fuck this game. We'll get it next one. I think we can get one more at home. I don't know about this very next one, but we can get one more at home. Yeah. It's gonna be exciting. Yeah. I think, I do think Boston's gonna come back strong. So when you're, when you're missing like that, you're just like, all right, I got the worst over. Now I'm just gonna start fighting. Yeah, they never, they never shoot like that. That's, that's the problem. That was probably their worst game all season shooting, but that might be defense. Might be the matchup. Lamar's evil ass. Cause he's a hater. He is a hater. He's a hater. He pretends he's not a hater. He's an actual hater. Yeah. That's why I don't want to watch the game. Which is crazy for a guy who doesn't really give a fuck about sports. He just wants to see his friends say. Like he's just a video game. He's a, he's an anime wrestling video game guy. And then he'll be like, fuck the Sixers. It's just an evil. We were all happy for you to see Cody Roots. What do you mean? It's owned by a management group, right? It's not owned by one guy. It's owned by a group of people who are. That's why you don't like them. Cause their only goal is to make money, not to be good or win. What the fuck do you think they're all doing? What do you think the wrestling is? Huh? What do you think wrestling is? No, I'm saying that's not in the spirit of sports still. Like when it's like, when it's like Larry Ballmer owning the Clippers, the Clippers are going to try. But when it's like a group of dudes who. Own like five teams. I've never heard this before. This is exciting to me. You want, you think if there's any, if there's more than one owner. No, it's a managing group. It's like venture capitalists like own the team. Yeah. Yes. It's still the team. It's still the coach. It's still the players. They're just trying to make money. They're not trying to like win. They're just trying to make sure they milk money out of people. I don't know what the Dallas Cowboys have been doing, but I think they're just trying to make money. Yeah, but then the goal is to win. Cause that makes the most money. Yeah. That's not true. Yeah, it is. It's probably better to win than to not win. It's definitely true. Gets people in the seats if you're good. Yeah. And you can still be a single owner, but. They probably have investors, too. What do you mean you don't think that's true? I don't think you have to win. You sell more merch if you win the Super Bowl. What about the Cleveland Browns? They sell out every year, but they never win. What about the Green Bay Packers? They've got a team ownership. They win. The city owns the team. They win. But they don't have a single owner. That's everybody buys in. Everybody. It's a community. The Flyers. Yeah. They've sucked for a decade. Yeah. Now they're back. Now it's, like, packed when they play. Yeah. And they're actually, like, even the players are like, holy fuck, I didn't even know it could be like this. And it's, like, they're selling out every, like, you understand? Yeah. But are they owned by a management group or are they owned by, like, a guy? I'm not sure there's, I'm trying to point out that winning helps financially. Yeah, I agree. Winning helps financially. Yeah. But it's owned by a management group. Yeah, for the most part. There's usually, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Well, that's a good theory, though. I like the idea of it being, like, you know, I want a guy. This. You know? This. There's an Australia. Just put up, like. I don't know if I've spoken about this. It's an interesting reason for you to just not, like, to talk shit on Nate's team. Yeah, you don't even have a single owner. That's crazy. Do you know the F45 gyms? Huh? Have I ever told you about the F45 gym man? No. There was an Australian man who invented that kind of gym. And then he came out and he started buying teams. He came to America and he started buying teams, but he, like, didn't have huge money. So he bought, like, a rugby league team. I think, like, a very low-level baseball team. But he named them after a cocktail that he was inventing. I think I'm getting this right. I'm going to. Like, his name was Adam Gilchrist. And he called them, like, the Gilgronies. Because he was going to come out with his own personal cocktail. Called, like, the Gilgroni. Like, a Negroni. But for his name. Yeah. But then he went bankrupt. And the cocktail never came out. But the team had two years of playing in Austin. The Gilgroni. And they changed the name. And, like, people were very upset who were fans of the team. And everything about it. I'm not saying that he was necessarily a huge cocaine addict. But everything about it screams. He bought two teams. He named them both after cocktails that never came out. He was found to be illegally paying the players or something. And then they, like, they just weren't allowed to play in the playoffs. And now they've folded. And now there's no team in Austin. And that's a single owner. I'm there. See, that's what happened. That was a tire. Am I getting this right? You need to check some balances of an organization. You know who else had a single owner? Germany. True. You want a strong man. I think you're just missing Vince McMahon. Honestly, I think that's what it is. You miss Vince. I think he's projecting his Vince loss onto the Sixers. How'd you feel about Mania? Oh, yeah. Let me say something, brother. I'm kind of glad I didn't go. Really? What about Cody Rhodes? Cody won. That was nice. Yeah. It was cool. But Celeb Mania, dude. There was a lot of celebs. Celeb Mania. Also, Cody Rhodes kind of like weekend dadded you. He's like, come on, buddy. We'll go to WrestleMania. He did. Peace. He did. Cody Rhodes never reached back in. Big promises to LeMair. LeMair had his bags packed. He'd be like, daddy's coming to get me soon. He never came. That's how the tree went down. I got you, buddy. I didn't even want to go to WrestleMania. It wasn't even a good one. He didn't say anything. And then the day before, he was like, Shane, can you ask Cody Rhodes if I can go to WrestleMania? I was like, no, dude. He has to fly me to WrestleMania. I know. Had to get to Vegas for like $150 on planes. Yeah, it's cheap as hell, dude. Well, yeah. No, Vegas is notoriously cheaper, right? Because they earn incentivize. It was like, direct flights were like $800. Oh, for Mania. For some workarounds. Yeah. I always thought Vegas was the cheapest flight. Are you talking about a connecting flight? Huh? Makes sense. You talking about a connecting flight? Yeah. I was going to take a flight to Burbank and get off in Vegas because it stops in Vegas. Dude, that you should have done your personal road to WrestleMania where you just got meta glasses and just like film the whole journey of like, I'm going to get in here one way or the other. I'll stick it. What do you mean? Get off. I thought a bus was in the plane. What do you mean get off at a different stop? No, I got it. That's smart. You mean a connecting flight? No, but you get the connecting flight to another location. And you get off there. Get off in the middle. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa. You don't get back on at the connecting flight. Okay. That's very sneaky. So you just get off and you're out. Yeah. I'm like, I'm in Vegas. This is where I want to go. Smart. Yeah. I didn't even know that was possible. They tried to hold me and Nate had to do that. We flew one. We got rerouted and ended up in Cleveland and there we had to go to Cincinnati or one of the other. And then we like landed in the place where we could just drive and be there. And the lady was like, you guys can't get off the plane. I was like, I'm getting off the plane. I have a car in it. She's like, it's not safe. And I was like, I don't feel safe right now on this plane. I got to go. I was telling Nate, I was like, bro, I'm about to fake a heart attack. You're going to have to do it. You're going to have to do it too. So I was going to be like, oh, Nate would be like, oh, me too. We got to go. Yeah. The pilot was chill. He was like, yeah, they can get off, man. Just let them off. I didn't tell you about this. Some guy tried to like flight big dick me. He's like, dude, I fly like 300 times a year. This is not a big deal. I was like, I'm not saying it's a big deal. I got to, I just have to leave this plane. Like the fuck out of my face, dude. Trust me, brother. This is nothing. All right, man. Fuck out of here. God. I was like, I just have to go. Cause if I went back to Chicago and then got stuck there, I would have like missed the show. Yeah. Like, this is not a big deal. Okay. It's cool, man. Yeah. Who are you? Shut up. Stay out of it. Get out of here. You fucking idiot. But yeah, it was nice. But yeah, I was, uh, I was worried. Cause I also thought too, I was like, yeah, who cares if I just like disobey the stewardess all to get, I'll get, I won't be able to fly United. I don't even like you so much. I don't like myself. I could see myself doing that. What? That awful behavior of sitting next to somebody and being like, I take a lot of flights. This is nothing. I could catch myself in a moment of being a giant douche. Why do you think you would do that? Someone next to me. I don't think I would. Yeah. Well, I'm saying I'm capable of that. That would be something I would regret. Yeah. Yeah. But I could be like, I fly all the time. Just a stranger. I say it. I'll catch myself saying it at like the airport where I'll just be. Yeah. Same thing. Like, yeah, I actually, I fly a good amount. But I would never interjecting in a person trying to gain freedom from the airline to be like, dude, you just got to stay here. It's like, well, dude, I'm not going to a fucking corporate banquet where I can just not show up. I would think to myself, this guy must be freaking out. If at the connecting flight, he's just like, you know what? I'll get out here and I'll drive. Yeah. Like, dude. Yeah. You're fine. Fly a lot. That's how all the airports are built is to turn us against one another. So we don't unify and rise up. I've thought about this a lot as to why that, why are airports the uniquely, there's not like a nice traditionally designed airport. They're all cold. They're all cold angles and glass and judgment split you up, make you feel atomized so that when there's a delay or whatever, you don't, you know, you know, unify, you don't band together. They want you turning. Sorry. While you're talking, the fucking rent flew right back into the airport design. I heard, I heard a theory that they're actually, my house looks like new LaGuardia. I heard a theory. They're thin zones where it's like people are dislocated from like time. You don't know, like you're different, like like a casino and an airport. Well, they were. You're talking more like it's almost like a dream space where you're kind of like, no one knows, like you're in a different place. You don't know what, if you're going to get to go or not, that the time zones are all scattered. Kind of fuck people. That's why people freak out. What's that music that I can't figure out what that music is that plays when they play a liminal space on a reel. It's been stuck in my head for days. You know what I'm talking about? It's like Donkey Kong music. Yeah. It's like underwater Donkey Kong music. It makes me, every time it pops up on the reel, I, I don't even know. I don't even look at the, the meme. I just feel. This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money. Rocket Money. Matt, what were you finally able to save for thanks to Rocket Money, the automatic savings vacation ball. Can I, can I tell you something actually? I had a surprise charge story. Really? Crazy surprise charge. Oh, those, those lying cam girls? No, actually it's funny enough. They had nothing to do with that. I was going through my, which one do you call it? I have a joint credit card with my wife and we're going over the monthly charges and it was like a shock. They almost, someone had, I think, frauded us and I had a charge for the Bangkok massage down by the airport. Son's a bitch. That's fucking bullshit. $160. That's, I mean, and also that's a tough one for you to have to. I know. That was not me. I said, babe, what the hell? I'm so taken off. So surprised by this. This is fraud. Someone's, this is fraudulent, suspicious activity. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Guys, let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com slash MSSP. That's Rocket Money. RocketMoney.com slash MSSP. This episode is brought to you by AG1. September rolls around and suddenly everyone's got places to be. 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For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Next Gen, or Ag1 Pro at drinkag1.com slash drinkag1. slash secret pod that's drinkag1.com slash secret pod feel sad i've been watching people get kicked off the midwest safety's taking over my algorithm how good is my algorithm what's midway best dude just long body cam videos it's great dude great narration the guy breaks down the story yep the officer recap i like the officer he's a philly he was a philly officer by the way was he philly yeah he recaps like this is what happens that is very common um i'm i'm so ready to now for civilian disturbances i was in uh i was in phoenix recently and i saw this homeless lady you know she like went and met up with her like homeless boyfriend and they're sitting outside a pizza place eating and at one point the guy was like that's fucking bullshit and i was like i might have to intervene right now and i looked over and the lady just went why are you looking at i was like whoa what the hell you should have said i've been watching a lot of midwest safety just so you know i will call the cops right now and pull the trigger so if you move quickly at all 15 shots into your fucking car there was one it was sad but there was a guy who was pretending to work on a house and he was just i think he was probably just like stealing the pipes or whatever so the cops like he's like no he's like i'm working here guy and he kept it was he was like lying but he was pretty he was like it seemed like he was smooth with it in his head but he was also like he would say the same thing over and over you go places the shit hole you guys got to see he kept trying to do like contractor talk and they're like so what are you what are you doing in here and he's like plumbing job don't pump job drywall company and they'd be like okay and you know and eventually he's like the lady said you didn't get hired he was just like i got a gun he ran inside he just ran inside and he did suicide by cop it was sad oh yeah shot him in the head it's really oh it's pretty it's like cops but like on hbo cops basically kill him and then the cops come they're like i shot him there's that you get to see him talk shop and they're sitting there and they're like because he did like brandish what looked like a weapon at them and um the one cop you know i knew that guy guy he was a boxer man you would have fucked you up dude if you guys had a fault that guy knocked people to fuck sucked at jujitsu terrible fight was fucking badass over his body there was a guy he's like badass boxer though man this guy was great and then they're like all right we got to get him out here he's dead there's so many good ones there's one there's one i mean it's obviously really sad because it's a guy with like ptsd clearly like a meth roid rage type thing but he's in on the bottom floor of this like apartment complex so his windows go out into like the courtyard but they're like while they're approaching they're like we we got a disturbance and he just they look into the room and you see him in the corner like naked just like stand up and he's gigantic he's like ah and he comes through the window and to fight all the cops and he's so big they're like please stop stop stop dude he's like which one of you want to fucking die tonight he like chases them all did they kill this man uh fuck but is this is that all these that's not all not all trying to get suicided no not all some are hilarious oh good yeah yeah there's some of them are really fun there's this drunk there's like a tall white dude he got he like his great he had like fighting with his girlfriend so he was at like a work like a convention kind of thing where he's supposed to like stand at a table and hand out information he ditched it got hammered in like like a strip mall uh restaurant legend he comes outside they like kick him out he's just outside with the cops and they're like talking to him and out of nowhere he would just go i got that good cushion alcohol was this me that sounds like my weekend it was i got some down bitches i could call it was so funny i don't know what i was like they're like calling uber he's like all right well he was like play spotify and be like play young thug it was seriously funny as the bro what happened there he just would hit on the lady cop the whole time the guys were talking to me like yo tell them to stop talking to me i only want to talk to you and he's like yo you're so i love you so much dude he was like he fell down he fell down he got up he goes yo thanks for doing that kind of like that do it again they're like dude stop get out of here his boss comes and picks him up he's like you fucking asshole get in the car that was uh they did every once in a while they have a fun one like that yeah it was shad yeah remember that guy yeah that was midwest safety yeah that was a midwest safety classic named shad there's also there was one guy who barricaded himself in his house those are always good that one ended bad he got i think he got shot yeah yeah he put up a fucking fight and the cops are always so excited to break out they're like why do we have this military tank this fucking giant bearcat swat vehicle just to put a fucking battering ram on the front of it break down some guy's shitty front door he's in there throwing fucking kitchen knives out they gassed him out for like four hours they're like the sun's going down we have to go in i don't know how he's still in there oh he's just creating barricades in the house dude it's eventually yeah killed him they'll get him but he was throwing a lot of stuff for a while which was throwing knives is wild they try to throw a fucking gas canister and they'd see him throw it right back out there god damn how these guys fielding these things i like when the dudes slip the handcuffs women slip the handcuffs a lot yeah there was a lady who slipped the handcuffs and stole a cop car jumped in the front and just fucking beelined it and just drove 80 miles an hour and then she like pulled off into the woods and luckily slowed down and just whacked an old stone wall you see the inside cam she's like yeah i mean it is really horrific it's midwest it's my whole algorithm now it's just dash and then there's the other ones that like to get pretty wicked man yeah you're like no i'm staying midwest you gotta check that bottom where it says midwest safety yeah i always do there's some of them where i'm just like yeah because at least they blur out the carnage yeah it's true in midwest safety i saw one where a guy it wasn't midwest mass shootings no i steer clear i try to keep those ones really fucking bad those ones are sad i steer clear i saw one that was pretty fucked up on it it was like a different thing but it was a guy who had worked in a i guess like a some sort of care unit for like the developmentally disabled and there was a lady who i forget what she had but she was like basically a vegetable she couldn't move couldn't talk into anything and he impregnated her so they're just like doing a routine thing and they're like dude she's pregnant and they're like what the fuck so they had to do like an investigative thing to figure out like who was with her it's a miracle dude the guy was just this young kid who was a boxer so then they like interviewed him he's like no i never got to spend alone time blah blah and everyone else they interviewed was like check with this guy he's fucking weird definitely fucked dude he did and well so they did a paternity test but they were like they showed footage of him and he would be around or i think they talked about it he would walk around the wildest all the influence dude he would yeah he would stand over them and just be like you're just shadow box the whole time and then yeah they like when they reveal the paternity test they like told him like well you're actually you are the father and they just had the camera on him still and he goes fuck oh dude fuck jesus please help me please i'll do anything he's like i'll be poor my rest of my life i don't care like dude you're gonna jail for like you're gonna be poor yeah you're gonna be poor the rest of your life you fucked a vegetable lady yeah yeah yeah it's really sad sorry what is this channel dude it's midwest safety that's not midwest no that was you that's like you'll if you start with midwest that doesn't sound like a dream well dude here's the weird part of midwest safety because they arrest women there's a lot of female arrests and there's an undeniably erotic component to the whole thing where it's like a lady in yoga and it'll be sad it'll be like she's drunk behind the wheel her one-year-old is like trapped underneath the car seat and they like pull the kid out and she's just like give me my fucking baby right now they have to like wrestle her to the ground it's just like it's hot you're saying there's an erotic i think there's an undeniable that one wasn't very erotic but there'll be ones where they like wrestle a lady down into like a hotel bed while her boyfriend's getting like beat up and i'm like this is kind of kink this is yeah just kind of kink we yeah it's not mine but i'm like it's you can see where it comes from yeah there's a big strong guy coming and beating your ass beating your girlfriend's ass they leave but your boyfriend the whole time is like he's raping me dude there's one guy he wouldn't stop he's raping me it's quality it was great it's so funny quality stuff sorry this is my last one with the the one your joy for me i'm so happy you found me oh it's all i watch on the plane now it's the best dude he goes download him for the flight let's see what happened then this is just the best scenario ever because there's two people on a work trip it's the wife's work trip the husband's just there gets hammered at the bar it was like i guess he was like a quarter native american which comes into play later and he uh so the woman just gets woken up to officers just being like wake up and she's like she's also drunk sick what and the husband's like some guy started with me babe i stood up for myself don't worry about it he was just fighting people this is over like saying like this is my land you stole it from me they're like shut up and he's like yeah so then oh damn he tried to reclaim his life he tried to reclaim like a holiday so then a bunch of hockey dads dude they're like yeah exactly guys on a travel team getting wasted shut up and then he so he's like i'll stand up for myself never stop standing up for myself and he kept trying to step to the cops they tased him dude i think so i've seen a lot of those those are my favorites just modern day native americans like you're on stolen land never forget that and then they do a fucking ceremonial dance every comment's like fuck you pussy scoreboard you lost you're at home court advantage a lost bitch fuck you so mean scoreboard i i don't know if what i'm about to say is true but it's what i just found out about oklahoma what cities there are rules about sex offenders that they can't live in the city of oklahoma they can't live in the city of oklahoma they can't live in the city of oklahoma like a certain distance from a school or other type things so what they they do in the cities is they organize they space them schools and the other places that sex offenders can't go near so the sex offenders can't stay anywhere they do a full city plan to like block it you know what i'm saying like let's create a force field around it but then the pedophiles have to live in a little satellite town reservation it's like a town full of sex offenders yeah and that's where they go and stay because they can't also stay in one building two at maximum so there are like these little satellite pedophile communities just on the outside if i was kidding there can't be more than two pedophiles i know apparently we got one more guest and we're fucked apparently they max out at two pedophiles in the building that's why you can only have one guy at a time that's why he's like i'm having a big barbecue party but just one of my pedophile buddies you and dorian they're having a courtship they both have their parole officers next to them well it's also every city i feel like the city's in oklahoma are all surrounded by reservations like the indian reservations too so it's like you got the res you got the city and then it's pedophile those pedophile satellite town trailer park what's that just middle earth for the pedophiles oh dude pedophile park is pervert park in florida that that is a sad doc if you ever want to get really sad watch pervert park pedophile trailer park pedophile trail park florida drives by and throws bottles at it and then they then you talk they interview the pedophiles who have all obviously had the worst yeah except for one guy yeah there was one original vampire one original vampire yeah the rest of them tell you their life story because you're like fuck these better you see bottles flying over at him you're like good and then you like to hear their story you're like oh that's fucking really bad then there was one guy who was like i just got fucking horny man i drove drove to mexico and tried to take a kid and uh yeah they beat my ass and i drove away but i got arrested on the border what the fuck you should fry that guy he's like i was just jammed up man i just figured i could take a kid from mexico it was horned up yeah yeah it's real but the the the documentary is just a lady who's a pedophile and it's just like yeah i was like i was fucking my dad she would like fuck her dad on and off as an adult it was it's pervert thing going they just she was on again off again yeah well i think she'd been obviously vampire bitten early in life and then she was just like yeah it's a new expression you like break up with her boyfriend it's like vampires yeah pretty much dude pretty much all of them for the most part have been the last of those kids yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we gotta break the cycle yeah just don't last kids yeah well chemical castration yeah that's straight there i think that's fair chemical cast all right where are you guys getting all these fucking oklahoma facts what the fuck's going on here we've actually been studying oklahoma very closely while she's gone we're gonna master oklahoma pedophile law damn so that's leagues why the panhandle's so small in oklahoma it's for a little penis what is chemical is it just sever your desire does it like fuck your gens up like what is it it makes me unhappy to think about i only thought about it because i've watched i watched the begonia movie and at the start they chemically castrate each other and from that point on i was against the movie really do you know what do you know the movie i'm talking about yeah i watched it on the flight he was very good as maybe a pedophile cop it's sort of hinted at that he might be a pedophile but then they oh you know i think they make it pretty clear he like molested the main guy he says i'm sorry i did that to you i never did that to you never did it to another kid yeah okay and it's uh you know he's very good you know it upset me the whole film upset me yeah pedophile stuff so at least they're not glorifying it you know chemical castration is i think that's a fair route for the pedophile you know but then it's like what the hell you do with them what do you what he's like that'd be a good coming of age tale pedophile chemically castrated has to find himself get on the straight and narrow call up his friends barbecue one-on-one yeah because what do you do after that you're a pedophile you've been shamed yeah now you're like altered physiologically where you can't do that you'll never do that thing ever i would imagine then it's like what do you do you got to just boss up in a fast food chain somewhere the glow up would be crazy the comeback no bill price you go to college study hard yeah learn how science works i mean you invent ai you're completely undistracted you can finally just rake in your mom's leaves very efficiently become a cooling champion yeah i mean that's got to be crazy because that's where they go they go usually they live with their mom after you get a pedophile get busted back to mom yeah then your mom dies now you're a lone pedophile it's got to be a minute the future just you or the computer like let me just look yeah let me just get a glimpse for old times sake cops come immediately yeah that'd be bad good stuff yeah chemical gas fair i've i've chemically cast a couple times yo with the with the bls too many bls you go god damn it nothing's working you're running oklahoma drills on yourself that's the oklahoma drill that's tricky though because if you don't chemically castrate yourself enough now you're a super predator now you become the ultimate dang man but yeah that's uh that's good stuff i didn't know they have they set it up to where this is what i got i don't know what the other buildings are that they couldn't do this my friend who made my shirts who came down from oklahoma he went out for breakfast not a piece of information that he knows well his his uh his wife works in uh it was a word they used that wasn't halfway house that was a halfway house the recovery set or uh recovery house mid yeah but um that's where i heard about it and she'd heard about it i don't know again i don't know how true it is pedophile recovery house it feels crazy well they do it's not true it's not you lump those they lump pedophile recovery house is nuts dude you're all the circles being like pretty normal day pretty chill normal yeah it's all the boss the other day that's a new reality show they're doing they get 10 of them in there and if they do fuck a child they have to be removed from the house and the last one wins they win they win a trip to thailand last one wins free holiday to thailand no questions asked all right this is my idea for a show it's not a bad show you hold off on the big reveal on the prize because i could turn viewers off you're invested you're like i'm really rooting for this guy you're right here i got other ideas for sure russell brand just got in trouble yeah i think he kind of did that to himself on that one oh yeah i mean obviously normally he's like fucking government's coming up with bulls try to fuck me on this and he goes i fucked a 16 year old what the fuck a while back rap snitches there was allegations against him a while back that he had fully been like this is a deep state obviously and then i think i think the probably just grew too hard he's like oh yeah there was that one time he was it was within his legal right he was it's that's that's the whole thing the british were different about it you know until quite recently and yeah you could back then you could just have sex with 16 year olds in england you still can i think still can yeah shouldn't should not at all frowned upon very frowned upon so not mine it's not mine did it yearn it looks like it's yours looks like you need to produce yourself dude russell branded yourself we gotta we gotta pause anyway yeah i'll be right back this episode is brought to you by prize picks a preferred partner of the nba the regular season is wrapped and the nba playoffs are finally here and there's no better way to cash in on the high flying hoops action than prize picks america's number one sports pick up every bucket every dime and every win means more when you're playing on prize picks so don't pass up your next shot with prize picks and get 50 instantly in lineups when you play your first five dollars matt we got a riff again i would love for you to riff on uh i don't know what what is the official team sixers gotta be sixers obviously yes the sixers i'm going more maxi more points yeah i like that yeah what the heck guys an animal that's great guys prize picks is simple to play just pick more or less on two to six player stat projections if you get your picks right you could cash in pick from all your favorite sports anything from basketball baseball hockey ufc soccer college basketball tennis golf esports and more and the good news is if you want to get in on the action prize picks is now available in all 50 states including california texas florida and georgia to join millions of users and sign up for america's number one sports pick app definitely download the download the app all right download the prize picks app today and use code drench to get fifty dollars in lineup after you play your first five dollar lineup whoa that's code drench to get fifty dollars in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup prize picks all right here we go guys uh does anyone want to go first by the way i don't want to take out go ahead lamar get in there all right well uh hey everybody i'm gonna be in florida uh may 5th may 6th may 7th may 8th may 9th and i'll be back home but also on may 5th there's optimum knocks at the creek in the cave so please check that out lamar lead that fun and everywhere else all right thank you boys uh may 16th is all i got right now toronto will be nice but i believe it's full may 16th then you're in toronto on may 15th may 15th yeah what's up it's a good time to be in the is it really what in may may 15th why i'm in the may 15th new drake release what are you gonna be there he's gonna be yo nuts damn that's gonna be awesome well hell yeah dude we all look forward to that and guys the next day there are some tickets left for the uh riviera theater in chicago illinois and yeah that's may we we got time but i'll be honest that that one i wouldn't lie to you that one's going to sell out so come celebrate the end of this part of the tour in chicago may 16th that's it may 4th i'm at the hollywood bowl in los angeles may 7th there's still tickets available for the may 7th thursday show at the td garden in boston and then that's it obviously july 17th come watch me have a heart attack in front of the entire city of philadelphia fuck it albuquerque phoenix san diego los angeles seattle portland chicago new york boston pittsburgh orlando naples and tampa and san francisco i'm coming to you this month it's gonna be a big month yeah jdf mccann.com organ hour out now james donald ford's mccann catamaran plan oh yeah big times yeah get in there sean hello everybody i'll be okay get in front of the fucking camera and don't do this cute bullshit just fucking do it hello everybody how's that now dude i'll be in springfield missouri uh tulsa oklahoma and oklahoma city in cincinnati ohio in the month of may please come oh my god sean gardini.com why are you so mad at me i'm not i'm joking dude oh oh i got a i got a funny one nice sean's demise they fought a guy attacked you we were doing we did the celebrity we did the celebrity theater in phoenix and uh sean's wrapping up you know we're in the round it was it was truly just all of our skills i was real it's fucking sick yeah it's harder than i thought i was all cocky i was like done the round for fucking 20 000 with shane just unleashed me dude i went up there i was like because sean was just up there they stood pretty still the entire time and i'm like man he's not moving what the fuck and as he started like moving around towards the middle and uh he's doing his closer and as he's like almost done some guy just goes it was from behind me too from behind the page the other day that was like jfk he just blew my brain yeah and he was up high in the grass you know it was up high yeah it sucks even more dude he got him sean got sean got revenge for sure but it was uh it was then i walked out there i'm like why he was like so tight i'd walk up as soon as i stood up there i was like oh jesus christ this is kind of difficult and it was uh it was fun but it was a lot harder yeah the first time i ever did that i was with opening with burt and i literally just rotated in a circle to my left and i looked down the cord was around my feet dude that's the thing that gave you a corded mic so the whole time i was like trying to it was fun but i was like god damn that was i kept slipping into like i felt like i was like at one point i can't believe to myself i'd be like just felt like christopher titus kind of or it had to be very like and another thing like if you like doubt yourself at all and you feel like you i would just fall apart so i had to just be like i was like i was like yeah i had to be the ultimate performer i kept laughing myself i was like dude you're the ultimate showman right now because you couldn't you can't like yes i don't know man i'm struggling with that just in general like you got to actually start taking yourself seriously enough to be a performer like these dudes helping me with the roast writing the roast like mullen is like you gotta like you're capable of this like do this the right way you don't have to do the whole like disconnected awkward like you don't have to do the whole like you don't have to do the whole like yeah yeah like you can do this and i'm like all right yeah i got it no chance i'm gonna go up there and be like dude i didn't write these jokes it's fucking weird this one's funny though this is uh blah blah blah no you did i thought you did good at the espies i thought that was very it was a very clean yeah but i was still like why you shouldn't have to give up this i mean it's like going to dean martin and going what if you didn't have so many drinks before you went out there tonight yeah exactly you know yeah i i don't think you need to switch it up dean you don't need to be dry i know what you mean though because when you're on there is a thing though you're on camera and they're like yeah i don't think you need to switch it up i don't think you need to switch it up it was i felt a similar pressure where it's just kind of just for some reason being around and really i couldn't be like fuck man i don't know i had to turn around and be like here's another thing i'm thinking about that i i totally believe in that's a great the whole time i had i'm like this sucks you're retarded and i'm like no be quiet we're in the round yeah tightest mode right now it's time i don't know why i just sits on a chair and goes 60 of you won't be looking at me i would have a fucking panic attack dude i still believe in the lazy susan i think that would be a show i think you should stand still and the stage should slowly does it or does does revolve but it didn't it wasn't on for mine it doesn't for bands yeah that'd be so sick dude that's the one thing too when i was in there i was like i just want to play music so bad i wish i could just play music in this place it'd be awesome yeah music would be so much better i had to go on stage at zach bryans and sing a song that's awesome saying lawyers guns and money how awesome did that feel it was fucking sick yeah that shit rules it was awesome best for the whole time when you're like doing that you're you're just the whole time like this is awesome just hitting people with like dumb ideas about like vaginas are weird you guys cool over there all right everyone on board let's go i'm a professional especially in the round when you turn around you realize everyone's kind of checked out a little yep like when you turn back around that's when people get it's funny because they're being polite i guess because they don't get up to go to the bathroom when you're facing them yeah so like i'll turn around people be like it's like a teacher there was one kid sit off your phone there was one kid who every time i would turn his direction he would be like he was completely spread out and his heart i was just like every time i look at him like fucking punk god damn it then he laughed really hard at one thing i was like oh god i got him he's cool he's cool all right that guy's great round is nice though when people are yelling yeah there was somebody yells i go all right fuck that corner i'm never going back punished yep now you're on time out that was the other thing too they were it was the rowdiest crowd i'd had in a long so the this is not the place for this guys behave yourselves please but it was it was very fun i had a good time but i really i was like dude that was it was difficult it was so hard it was like genuinely difficult i was you know so i my xp points i got four xp points i got done i was like all right i got i leveled up for sure nice and then i went to two it always happens to me i'm like i'm going to tucson right after this or i'm about to crush it literally had a panic attack on stage i had to just completely just kind of sub quell within myself like yeah dude i don't know man i told you guys i'm married i'm like fuck dude it's it happens like every 10th time i'll have a point where i'm like seven minutes in i go like would it be weird if i took a break for five minutes it came back and i'm like yes extremely knock this off right now and then it just goes away and it's always a huge relief i'm like all right cool just completely absorbed and whatever that is a break would be nuts but while you're up there it feels so good no dude fellas i'll be right back everybody in 10 minutes grab a drink i'm gonna go take deep breaths i'm gonna do box breathing outside i'll be right back and i definitely am not coming back you're never gonna get me back on stage i'm getting in a car right i might work it as a bit and just be like i was fucking around my old panic attack bit i'm back i just did the round last night you guys just saw me i was like titus out there it's crazy yeah it could be a fun way to end the show like we're gonna take a quick intermission i'll be right back and just sprint sprint out of this you're building in you said good night early when you want to go yeah because it's not a lot of fun you're building in you said good night early when enough show has happened that's where you get your standing ovation that's where you get your little break and then you get your encore you get your encore fine yeah but i'm like nine minutes in no that means that you're really gonna get that on you're gonna build eight or nine encores into the show you just keep getting to go off have a think about it and come back that's nice but guys that's it for me thank you all right i'll come back you know it would not work in comedy no well you've got to train the audience people got to learn they would never give them the round of applause the show would never be an encore so everyone would just start they would write if i did 10 minutes you gotta get the word out you gotta get the word out that it's gonna be encore time all right people have to know it's like the opera you know there's gonna be a symphony you got you gotta teach the audience to encore true true it's not fair that we don't get the encore no i'm when i'm done i'm so like yes so happy never notified after 15 minutes going back out with another that's my plan that'd be nice you could do it a little you could do a little encore but man it's been i i don't know what that does to when i just when i'm like having and it's just the physical symptoms i'll be like oh what the fuck's that and i go oh great i know what that is and i go anyway guys and i'm going gonna fucking pass out this isn't good this isn't good and i just go no and then my body just slowly comes back and i'm like that is some kind of wearing the ring that was telling how you would like what's it called the physical ring the aura the aura ring but then i said how what's it like when you're on stage you said i take it off i don't want to know well you know what i'm showing your heart right through the nose you're like it was weird i wore it one time i did it for a whole hour i was curious like what i wonder what my body's up to you know it's funny it started out like the highest stress possible and by the end i'm at like completely restored and peaceful it's really because i'm like so probably relieved you're in the pocket once i get the first 15 minutes i'm good yeah but if i start like if something happens in that first 15 minutes where i'll go like dude i think you skipped a giant chunk of material and i go what is it i don't know i don't remember it but i know i did you're gonna finish with like you're gonna be done with like 27 minutes left and you're gonna be fucked and i'm like no i'm not stop come on can i take a break i wish i wish i had that heart monitor for that char or the uh chicago friday night with the audio yeah you've seen spikes cortisol spikes through the brutal roof dude anytime there was reverb i was just like what the how could this be happening yeah that was you did this that's fucking brutal because then you're like well maybe it doesn't sound so bad in the crowd that was the other thing up on stage all you could hear is there's a man on the other side of your head and you're just like please make that stop please that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard anyone say and it's me yeah and it's coming around round from 360 degrees stop yeah that happens but yeah that's i was i was happy to champ that every time i walk in cocky i go like it was so funny walking up and being like these guys have no idea i'm a veteran of the round and i just walked up i was like oh shit what the fuck dude fuck man and i would start a joke here and end it over here and i'm like fuck you guys probably weren't paying attention to the first part shit that uh that happens just takes you back to the first it's the equivalent of man these lights are bright up here this microphone's pretty loud that's like the first time i had sex it's very unnatural and it gets me every time but these bros were at the show in nashville and they're like how do you like do you get nervous do you how do you go out there and i was like i literally i can't think about it if i take once it before the show if i'm in the green room at all and i'm like you know i'm like i'm not gonna do it fuck there's 20 000 people and i'm just gonna have to stand there and the entire night depends on if i do good or i just wasted all these people's time and money it's the most people ever that anybody's done this and i'm just gonna stand there by myself i mean you've literally affected traffic patterns in the city yeah like the city has been altered the whole there's so much economy of the city like the local bars philly's gonna be yeah that's gonna be wild when i open for you i don't it's because i whenever if i'm doing something for someone else typically it's just like there's not even room for like anything yeah because i'm like this is great i can't fuck this up but it's for myself i'm like oh no dude this sucks but yeah it's uh that's gonna be fun thankfully the roast is there to break up the panic attacks true so i'll be focused on freaking out about that you'll be panicking about that months yeah that's that's a nice reprieve but now look the link's gonna be sick that will be tight the link is gonna be every single person in philly it'll be i go to if like i was in philly last year every single person's like i'll see you in july dude it's gonna be i'm like this is the football stadium gig that you're doing yeah yeah what is the capacity it'll be like 100 no it'll be close to 80 it'll be the all-time record at the stadium because it's the round as well yeah obviously yeah for any event hopefully hopefully you'll have a great time yeah it's gonna crush it's like it's gonna suck sounds like a good way to ruin everything every day in the lead up to that gig yeah yeah every day until july 17th i'll be i'll be staring at those wrens true now that's nice those guys dear god make me a bird and take me far far away please i wish i could be one of those fucking wrens you know what i was thinking about today i saw i saw a i guess it's a crow one of those birds at the airport that just fucking scream at you oh those are like austin crackles dude i love dickheads they are funny i fucking love dude i was driving i had to go to like pta meetings this morning so we're like driving on the highway it's all a crackle just chilling on like we're like this homeless guy usually chills and i saw he like he became a crackle i think he did he floated down this thing like floated down so lightly and landed on this little like metal thing on the highway or like where you get on the off ramp and it was just like picking crumbs out of cigarette butts and i was like how crazy to be a bird just be flying like this celestial being and then you have to just land a fucking wicked earth and you're just like picking crumbs out of shit then you fly again beautifully i saw as soon as i landed in austin i saw two of them bathing in a puddle on the road it was disgusting just dirt water dude moments ago they're soaring majestically and then there's nothing majestic about those those things are those things blow dude they are some of the shittiest birds i love them so much they're funny they are but they just scream they have no fear of people we they're just like mean pigeons yeah we got a new bird in australia called that it's the noisy indian minor and they're an invasive species from india and then he's loud i know i know they're these loud indian birds that everyone goes you got to kill them but we don't have guns and we don't have bb guns so you got to find creative ways you just can't have bb guns no you can't have a bb gun but this is the all the bird people used to work for a bird charity everything's like we love birds we got to protect birds and then they'd be like the indian bird fucking kill that bird if you find that dude you guys don't even know you guys aren't even allowed to know there's no freedom what does the government say you're gonna shoot your eye out the government says it's gonna get lodged i want a red rod a bb gun no it's one of the many problems we're encountering so you what's the indian bird no way you guys are not allowed to have bb guns what about the outback dude what if you live in the fucking outback i've never seen a bb gun in australia what okay wait you've never seen i don't believe we're allowed to have them you must not be because if you were allowed i feel like yeah yeah that's actually probably a good rule australians should not all that white trash dna and no bb's that's not allowed to have them yeah that's actually probably a good rule that's crazy dude dude there's nothing better than your older cousin being like dude yeah dude check this shit out i'm so scared like i don't even want to hold that i'm too scared i remember someone i remember like pump action are they allowed to have them have to be allowed to have toy guns they're not this uh it says they're just highly regulated and treated classified as fire i got my bb permit license for a bb gun that's what it seems like yeah you need a proper license and what or else it's a criminal offense how are the bin chickens doing i like those guys we like those so big yeah it's taking pictures of them we look like fucking morons there was a vietnamese guy who yeah i knew i knew we were good yeah do you know this story no oh it was this was a story on the news a while ago in in sydney where a guy was like killing him and eating him and he got in trouble and he was like a vietnamese guy and he was going you're allowed to do it back home and then later on the news story they're like you had to do it back home in the state north of in queensland you're allowed to do it everyone thought he meant vietnam he's not vietnamese man just killing street birds but he meant queensland anyway it was fun in queensland apparently you can eat them yeah that's nice they're big what do these indian birds do indian they just squawk and they they're invasive they push the other birds out and they work in groups there's about 15 of them bullying our sweet native local birds no damn it's really funny you know it's just a big gang of the indian yeah you know on a bus or something dang that's crazy yeah it's not right i was just listening to it make bird sounds for like two minutes it just sounds like a regular bird like the the indian yeah yeah it just sounds like a regular bird i think this is uh well how versed are you you're pro you're pro i love bird noises dude that's uh they get rid of that big we got big beautiful strange birds that you're driving out wild cockatoos we're kookaburra kookaburra birds of paradise rifle birds we got the cassowary they're very scary they kill british people every now and again those are scary yeah what is so what does the kookaburra do again i know it does sits in the old gum tree king of the bushes just laugh just laugh kookaburra laugh kookaburra that's our song you'll be great you'll be birded out you we i mean we got to clamber up man we got at least expense inspect the site i would love nothing more than for us to install it and i'm and i'll share the app with you you can also have the bird watching app and we can stare at them together because we'll both get the notifications and i'll go out there at night sometimes that's what the patreon is give you a notification patreon is a live bird feed now i would love the bird feed yeah it's a feed yeah bird i like that anyway that's good you don't have to pay me maybe we can tweet maybe we can tweet the bird feed too now see you guys see how much better this is than our uh pedophile 30 minutes talking birds that's fun i forgot all about it and we managed to make the bird thing racist which i like and of course the mayor defended the fucking invasive species you're an invasive species what do you have anything to say dude it just seems like a nice regular bird that's all i'm saying get them out lock them up kill having to be like having to kill like a bird for your government would be kind of chill oh god damn it i'm the dumbest guy ever what uh my car that got destroyed they're like do you have anything in here i was like no it's got my social security birth certificate every single thing i don't worry about it because i had to get my driver's license uh damn someone could just steal your identity you're gonna walk go up to the fucking link some guys and be like hey guys anyway he's just crushing you're like get him off damn this guy's good just murdering turned out all you do need is a trump impression you are in a weird position of getting to pick the car now it's a huge identity moment i know and i don't know what car to pick i think you get one of those houston low ones with the big spikes coming at either side of the wheels i can't really surprise i can't do that why not it's crazy it's time yeah it's time it's too much attention that'd be you gotta go sleek very sleek you know what i mean i liked my car that was that was a nice car for you yeah i'm i'm in the my my crv is still rocking so i gotta like i'm gonna ride it out but i got every car i pick everyone's like that's the gayest thing ever jeep gladiator thought jeep gladiator could be a cool girl dad car i thought i could get a cool car and somebody's like that's for real so good it's like all right well then you tell me what the like get a get a raptor it's like i'm not driving a raptor yeah i don't you're not a pickup truck guy suv i've seen you drive a suburban cvs are nice you're nice in the suv i've been driving trucks everywhere when i drive for any show i rent trucks to go from city to city that's exciting it's been kind of fun it's been driving every new pickup truck to see which one i like but the people i'm back in a people i'm back in a minivan back in 2000 japanese toyota beautiful fabric it's got a v6 engine and i've looked at the retro it's nice well everyone's saying don't buy a new car everyone everyone who's like a hardcore car guy is like don't buy anything new right now get like in something old or you know it's been made like 10 years ago and just i don't know why i don't know i don't i wish i knew about cars my brother almost convinced me to do a cyber truck it's so easy to i was like yeah i'll just do that is there a zero percent interest right now i'd like that that's nice yeah yeah the land cruiser yeah that's nice 1997 that's cool i mean you probably you're connected that's nice you could get the waymo things on you could buy whatever car you want you guys should just get away by your own waymo then you can drink and drive anytime you james you're on to something about that you're one of the only people in the world who might be able to get on the phone to the waymo corporation say i should have the world's first private waymo that would be i dude i honestly love everywhere i go everyone's no with the car also no highway travel so i'm drinking and driving the whole time just fucking losing my mind every trip yeah i was going to do a waymo to meet my kid somewhere and it was like it was like a 20 minute drive and i'm like i'll get into waymo it's like an hour and 20 minutes i was like all right let me just maybe you custom fit your own waymo you get a bed put in there you just get to lie down i would like to lay down more yeah this is my idea this is what i think waymo should be doing like have not stood up for a day dude instead of flying you fly for an hour and a half you get to the new city this is my idea beautiful bed in a waymo you just go to sleep drives you to the city and wake up eight hours later in between between the plane and waymo you could have a segue where you just kind of you get tied to it and you just lean against it sleep on that fucking just takes you i think i'm just inventing paraplegia that's what i'm going for you big guy sleeping on a horse just tied to the saddle that'd be a fun thing that we should start getting the heroin people on segways hit them that they hit that fucking lean forward that thing's going 90 miles an hour crazy their noses are like right over the ground that'd be nice though to be like all right put them on segways and just point them north and be like yeah yeah that's the thing yeah austin's just those fucking shitty birds and homeless people those two i've always seen them together that's a very very symbiotic relationship they do they do they do they that bird was just eating like homeless crumbs basically i was watching it just pick at just like weird shit like they're elephants the what like they're elephants like the birds are on them yeah cleaning their teeth yeah yeah that's why they're screaming at the airport they're just picking little particles out of their teeth like it's so weird it's weird to see it again we have we don't have crack in australia we just have methamphetamine it's a slightly different yeah homeless person yeah for yeah it's way more crack people are a little more they're in a fantasy land slightly more there's the mood is improved and uh i don't know there's a spirit of joy about it but the meth people it's just couldn't disagree more no meth people are spookier i find yeah they're more like politically tapped more ready to have violence more ready to question your ideas yeah i'm not saying i'm saying the the people the people in austin are fucking evil i've never walked by a fucking homeless guy i mean he's having a good time they're literally having i see a sense of there's a theater about like that woman who wears caution tape instead of clothing you know she's having an experience she's doing yeah i don't know if i've seen her they're funnier you'll see it people are funnier remember the street joke guy in philly yes that was that's me i don't see them here yeah i don't see the crack you know what yeah homeless people here i see the angry that's more of a philly thing you're right a lot of angry homeless meth is pretty big here too now though meth made meth kind of like piggybacked heroin cities pretty hard where we kind of like come in and a lot of the heroin guys got into meth as well jet's a bad one meth is the worst phoenix is meth city dude yeah phoenix is phoenix was bad me and nate's all fucking me and sean saw needles on the ground walking around i was like i don't know i don't make everything about oklahoma but last time i was here i was like i don't know i don't know i don't in oklahoma they'd cut the uh when you go to fill up your like someone had a flat tire and you go to do that and they cut the the tip off at the gas station that you used but it's called the needle yeah and they said they cut the needles off for drugs and i thought they were using they were like fucking jamming that into their arms but they use it like a pipe it's a perfect part so that they just don't have them uh that you can't fill your tire up in oklahoma should piss me off it's not right yeah that would piss me off but yeah meth i would agree meth is i think one of the if you pick the drug everyone's on here meth is heroin's pretty chill i pick heroin for sure yeah sleepy lay down heroin's meth would be the worst you think yeah i think so because they get like real you know it's a very like i gotta do this thing now yes kind of drug is the head moves differently we got a lot we're still in australia only got really heroin's gone away and meth is but it's the head moves like this and people get skinny and yeah sweating and uh i'd be i'm back on public transport and i'm seeing it it's um our buses are not as spooky as yours but they still that's why it's weird when you get one no i'm done no comment can you're doing the way you're doing the smile can you can you do a takeout now is australia still anti-take or like taking away food from the restaurant kind of thing uh yeah food poisoning we sometimes we're disagreeable about it yeah i remember we're trying to take the food we're trying to take our food you're like you guys can't have that i was like what i've convinced neither of you to come back for a show yeah i'm not it's the flight i it's just brutal bro i don't know how you're doing beautiful hours huh 14 lovely hours i had a great time i watched succession for the first time that's nice it's pretty good yeah i've never watched i watched the i watched season four i've never watched any other season oh no that's like the worst way to watch it it's so good i could tell it was beautiful i got the picture yeah we're gonna do it it's time for us to take the company no they all suck they're all weak so the episode where he goes you're not serious people i like when uh i don't know what season it is when the old man goes to the like liberal news station he goes thank you for welcoming welcoming us romans into your greek in amongst your greek city it was just a funny weird rich guy thing to say remember i have no idea what he's talking about i'm like damn that sounds so cool yeah it's awesome now now that i've studied rome i know what he's talking about speaking of dude i um you think it's time for the patreon we get we i have to oh we're gonna do it this week we already did we did the page this week next week we're gonna have a dude i have 19 pages of notes typed about the fall of rome just like the beginning of julius caesar crossing the rubicon why he did it what's the foundational myths of rome which shaped the roman citizens identity i wish i could be here for that that's my dude yeah you were fucking you minored i didn't know you had a minor in my degree but also at some point i want to put pressure i'm happy to do it publicly that the civil war podcast is all right i'll do it just you do it do you want to do it now do you want to do it give me a minute i am i'm thinking about little sherman and grant podcast i'm thinking about little sherman and grant podcast i'm thinking about little sherman and episode okay discuss sherman and grant see what they were you don't want to start with the call you could rattle off the top of your head causes of the war of northern aggression oh brother oh brother you've got an hour in you for that maybe it was blacks there was a dog industrialization the forest of industrialization i'm all right with that yeah we can i'll do that it's nice be nice just to start researching stuff yeah it's time sherman sherman and grant are the bros it's time for you guys nate it's time for you to learn about sherman and grant north or south these are northern guys okay ulysses s grant okay i'm all william tecumseh sherman i'm in anyway that should be it huh yeah i think we did it great job yeah we tease we tease some futurism a bit of a cta you know a little cta mix in there nice that's what it's all about good to see you jimes thank you for having me thank you man stoked that i had to go away almost immediately yeah but dude we'll reunite in canada moment how cool is that we'll be together in canada what are you guys same place toronto we'll be in toronto the agent has for some reason put us both in canada on the same night kind of a wild but it means we'll get to hang out true but everything's good and ethan yeah we're both we're both all our shows are both at capacity so it's fine we're good to go good to go that's uh still is kind of weird yeah it's very strange i i'll see it every now and again i'll get linked with soda somewhere where i'm kind of like why i read the same place i don't like that who are you bringing to toronto cj he's from i was gonna bring cj sorry aj sorry my bad i'm getting my my boys mixed up aj i'll bring aj okay go in alphabetical order at hg hungry jacks i'll be i'll be supplying the they're a big sponsor of the adelaide crows season's turning around it's gonna be all right cry boys i heard big taxes he had six five he had five goals nice and it was fantastic i can really we if we make it to the final you called him wow wow wes whoa whoa now cut that cut that and then james mccann said cut that i said i said how are the crows i don't need that on me oh cut didn't we have a nice wholesome that was a good place to end the pod i do believe probably over time goodbye crow boys yeah you'd never want to do that trust me all right bye watch new episodes of matt and shane secret podcast on spotify do it every game day you show up for your team now it's your time ask your prescriber about we go v some maglutide injection 2.4 milligrams a glp-1 call 1-833-4-we go v or visit we go v.com to view the medication guide and to learn more about we go v why wait the right window treatments change everything your sleep your privacy the way every room looks and feels at blinds.com we've spent 30 years making it surprisingly simple to get exactly what your home needs we've covered over 25 million windows and have 50 000 five-star reviews to prove we deliver whether you diy it or want a pro to handle everything from measure to install we have you covered real design professionals free samples zero pressure right now get up to 45 off with minimum purchase plus get a free 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