Ep 601 - Gen Z White Boy (feat. Devan Costa & Conner McNutt)

- Wild Wild West. - All right, let's start it now. - All right. - Start it now, all right, cool. - Hey, we're here. - Hello. - What the hell is going on? Connor McKnight, Devin Costa, we just had some secret talk that we, you know. - Some secret talk. - Top secret talk. - Well, it's gonna look bad now, 'cause then the thing we're talking about, okay, we didn't have that kind of secret talk, 'cause we're about to talk about the BAFTAs. - Right, yeah. - It wasn't, look, I can assure you it was not that, that was not that secret talk, but. - No. - The, you know what's awkward? - The guy with Tourette's, yes. - I mean, I came in weird, 'cause we technically did have personal talk. - We were talking. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - We also started three times in a row, right now, which makes things awkward, but yeah. - 100%. - The BAFTAs thing was weird. - Everything's on the up and up. You're gonna be assured of that. Which camera, you're gonna be assured of that. Guys, thanks for coming. - Dude, thanks for having us. - Of course, we know we're a pretty big get, so. - Yeah, hey. - Anything to help. - You guys, you're lucky we're here. - I'll take it. - I am genuinely lucky you're here. - Thank you. - Yeah, thanks. - I'm fucking pumped you guys are here. - Okay, so, with all the formalities out of the way, we're talking BAFTAs. - BAFTAs. - We're talking BAFTAs. - It was a crazy situation, 'cause I thought Sinners was overrated, but I think that guy went too far. And then I had to check out the Tourette's guy's movie. Have you seen it, 12 Years a Slave? - No. - You haven't seen it? - That's the Tourette's movie. It's a crazy fucking movie. - It's called I Swear. - Yeah. - What is it? - I Swear. - I Swear. - Was he the director, writer? - No, no, he's just, it's based on him, kind of actor, really good actor, plays him in it, and it's very good. I watched it right after the N-word dropped. - Oh, he was the guy, that's a crazy marketing campaign. - It was, that's, I felt like it was intentional. Yeah, 'cause I immediately watched the movie. - Also, they apparently missed the Oscar cut-offs by a week or two, so this movie's gonna be in circulation for the next year. - Yeah. - Like, it'll probably get nominated next year for the Oscars, so we'll hear about the Tourette's guy for the next year. - Unless he gets killed by a black woman. - Why was he at the BAFTAs? - Tourette's guy-- - He's a British guy. He's actually kind of famous in England. - Okay. - John Davidson. - He's a white boy. - He's a white boy, yeah. - He's a crazy white boy. - He's a very crazy white boy. Why was his movie-- - He's never said it to Idris Elba, which is interesting. - Why, I don't know, dude, like, Idris, Michael B. Jordan is jacked. - Yeah. - You shouldn't say it to anybody, whether they're weak or strong, but-- - He said it to Delroy Lindo, too, who, like, is, like, an older black dude and probably really heard it directed at him at times. - Okay, so, and this has been kind of the, well, first of all, I'm curious, why, was his movie being nominated, or he was just an actor? - Yes, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, the actor that played him won. - The guy who plays him won. - But was he played by a black man? - No, no, no. - Why? - What are you talking about? - Is BAFTAs for black? - No, it's British. - No, no, no. - No, no, it wasn't the fucking NAACP awards. - You think there's a-- - I don't know. - There's a segregated award show for black people? - There's the BET Awards. - Right, no, BAFTA's not that. - No, no. - I thought it was, like, the BET, British BET. - No, no, no. - You thought it was, like, Badass Film Awards. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I thought it was Black Actors Film. - That's very funny. - That's the whole time, I was like, "Dude, he did it at the BET." - No, it's British. - I thought he did it at the British BET Awards. - No, he did it at the British. - So, this is just, like, the British actors. - Yes, yes. - It's a guy who's, like, actually-- - It's their Oscars. - It's their Oscars, so, like, he's, like, I mean, he called, like, the queen a cunt to her face. - Yeah. - Did he really? - Yeah. - One of his best friends died, and when the cops came, he goes, like, "I killed him, I killed him." - Yeah. - You say the thing that's never-- - Yeah, well, the guy can't help it, you know? - Okay, and thanks for clearing up the fact that this wasn't the British BET. I, the whole time, was going, "Whoa, that's great." - The British BET Awards, yeah. - I love that you thought that. That's great. - I thought that the entire time. - That's beautiful, actually. - That's really fair. - That's mine, dude. - That's great. - You're, like, how cool is London? They have a black awards show. Good for them, dude. - I just thought it was. - That's so funny. - Yeah. - That's embarrassing. So, okay, here, and this is the question now, where it's, like, 'cause I've read a lot of the comments on it, and you do have a lot of, like, black ladies, and even black guys, being, like, that shit was in him. - He knows what he said. - He knows what he did. - Yeah, of course. - Well, there was two things. - It is in him. - They should have edited it, 'cause apparently, they did edit out Epstein stuff, but they didn't edit out the N-word. - They also edited out Free Palestine. - Yes. - Sorry, that's what it was, Palestine. - And he was calling the host of the show, like, a homo the entire time, and they edited that out, too. - What? - Not, he didn't say homo, he's, you know, fat. - Yeah, obviously, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, he's got the disease. - I also have to-- - You gotta do it. - I also have Tourette's when I see Alan Palmer. - It makes you feel better. - Also, if his Tourette's made him go, "Homo," that would have been, like, genuine. - People are like, "You know what you're saying." - That's in you. - Yeah, it's funny, like, the affliction is, like, so harsh. - That's the thing. - What if he had, like, Tourette's that was, like, sing-songy, you know? - True. - ♪ You're gay ♪ - That could be, yeah. - That'd be fun. - Maybe that's potential therapy. - Broadway Tourette's. - That could be a potential therapy of getting him to kind of, like, sing it out. But that's, yeah, I mean, I personally don't think the man, that was, like, some sort of, you know, showing of, like, innate evil. And it's also, like, the question is, is, like, what person, it's like, does that mean the word is there, or the sentiment to use it? - It's just that you've heard before that that's the worst thing to call a black person. - Yeah, for sure. - So then you say that. That's literally, like, the disability. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You say the worst thing you could say to somebody. - Your brain just goes to the taboo. - It goes to the taboo, and you can't help it, and it, like, helps you, like, live. You feel like, I've been watching all these, like, Tourette's people talk about it. And, yeah, it's, like, you feel like you're gonna explode unless you don't get it out. And then they also, you know, just go, like, "Ah, ah!" You know, they, like, bark and shit, like. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - They're fuckin' animals, man. - Yeah, they're, like, they're. - This episode is brought to you by Viore. - Guys, we've been wearing Viore lately. It's a game changer. - The core shorts work for pretty much anything. Gym, errands, hanging around the house, whatever. - Matt, and the Stratotec tee? Insanely soft. You're gonna wanna wear it 24/7. - Everything is comfortable, but looks good at the same time. - It just works. - It just works. Get 20% off your first purchase at viore.com/mssp and discover the versatility of Viore clothing. Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions. - The guy was podcasting at the bathtub. - I think, honestly, I think Tourette's are now the most, I thought, for a while, I was like, it's definitely straight white men, most dangerous people in America or the world. - Yeah. - Tourette's have replaced. - Tourette's, dude. - I think Tourette's are the most dangerous. - We gotta keep an eye on them. - I mean, you have, like, Eric Hartman disease. I don't know what to tell you. - Yeah. - Yeah. - It's pretty, it's pretty brutal. - They're terrorists. They're literally terrorists. And if you have Tourette's, you're an evil terrorist. - He didn't apologize, technically, too. And black people on Twitter, at least, are very upset by that. - What was his apology? - It was just like- - It was just explaining the disease, you know what I mean? - Explaining it, 'cause in the movie, there's an entire scene where the lady that takes him in is like, you don't need to keep apologizing for something. You can't help. - Yeah. - A black lady? - No, I'm kidding. - Yeah, yeah, it was Whoopi Goldberg playing his mom in the movie. - It was Monique in the movie, actually. - Monique's in the movie, and the guy, there was an actor who played him. - Yes. - It was like, yeah, so. - Who probably had the time of his fucking life. - Imagine getting that role. - Just saying it all over, fucking. - Literally like, hey, man, you're gonna get paid like $100,000, you get to see the N-word a bunch, you're like, oh, no. - Yeah, you gotta yell it out. - Oh, fuck, that's terrible. - Even in the movie, he doesn't yell the N-word in the movie. - No. - No. - Probably not. - But now, okay, here's another thing, Matt. There's a scene in the movie where he's like, painting his new flat, like his apartment, with his friend. And it's like green paint, but it looks dark green. And he's like, puts it on his face as a tick, and then he like, puts it on his friend's face, and they start doing it, and that clip has surfaced on Twitter, and black people are like, so there's a black face scene in this movie, too? - But it's, oh, it's a dark green. - It's green face. - It's like a dark green, and it has nothing to do with race, and he's just being like, wacky. And painting his friend's face, and they're like, oh, you know, but now that's like an evil. - Yeah, there's. - Like, this is a thought-out thing, and the movie is this like, secret racist. - There is like, a weird, like. - A weird, like, cognitive dissonance with like, I don't know, black people on Twitter, where it's like, they would like, go to like, a kid's birthday party, and a guy that gets painted like, a giraffe. - Yeah, for sure. - And they go, you're doing blackface? - Yeah. - What's going on here? - No, it's, well, it came, the problem is, though, if you're somebody who's like, you know, really prides yourself on being like, socially aware and empathetic, you came to a very nasty crossroads, where like, whose side am I on? - Yeah. - Black people or the disabled. - It's tough, 'cause also, he, there was apparently like, a mic, and like, he just said like, why was there a big mic in front of me? The BAFTAs wanted this to happen. - That was actually not a good idea. So they had it, they had the guy who was just all night. - People think he was-- - He had the boom mic on him. - Okay. - Exactly. - The entire time. - No, there's this idea that he was front and center, you know, like, wearing like, with a swastika tattoo on his head, just like, screaming the worst things of all time. You know, he was like, 40 rows back, apparently, but somehow, like, kind of mic'd. And they cut everything else but this part. - Yeah. - That's weird. - Wait, they call it, they missed every, oh, they-- - They cut, somebody on stage said Free Palestine, they cut that. - Maybe they were kind of, there was a couple guys where they were like, well, he was, you were saying he was yelling like, gay stuff, too, though, the whole time. - To the, yeah, the host, Alan Cummings, kept like, saying like, just so everyone knows, there's a guy here that-- - And he'd be like, shut up! - Can't stop saying it, and-- - By the way, by the way, imagine being gay and your last name is Cummings. That's so funny, dude, that's incredible. - That is really sick. - And that's-- - That's awesome. - That's driving the Tourette's guy crazy. That just, he's a fucking brilliant man. - Yeah, he's, he's my favorite, for sure. - No, but it's also just created a war, 'cause he's like a very, like, people really, he's an earnest figure in England. People really, really love him. - And they like that he said, fuck the queen, or called the queen-- - Yeah, it's 'cause it's so-- - Well, they forgive it. - They forgive it, and the queen forgave it, you know? Like, it's-- - She has bigger fish to fry right now. One of her sons is running wild. - She's also dead. - Exactly. - God damn it, I don't know what he sees. - Queen is dead. - Who the fuck's running England? right now I wonder they're having guys scream out in the awards damn pedophile I mean award show they're yelling out insults they're just I don't know that guy fucking knew I fucked that guy that guy you know what he was doing actually that is the core of that man's entire man he's a sick man he's a sick man his life should be ruined more than it has been his entire so you're on the same page as Jamie Foxx Jamie Foxx was like it's the fucking dude he knew what he said meanwhile Jamie Foxx is like telling Leonardo DiCaprio just fucking say it all you want it's your actor such a weird flex to be like yeah if like uh I'm trying to think I feel like if a guy with like down syndrome tripped me on accident and I turned around I was like motherfucker you know what you did I know you fucking know what it's like when an evil like reptilian uh like like grandmother of yours or like I guess like even somebody's mom they start kind of like oh they have they have uh they're forgetful now but they say like evil things in between the forgetfulness and you're like I know what you're fucking like fucking Livia Soprano or something yeah where you just like I can't tell like people have said you have a you know a problem now so I but but I still kind of think you're fucking with me it's also it just is so unbelievable if he has like a track record like oh we kind of love this guy and then he just gets the BAFTAs and he goes finally my evil dark philosophy the long con it paid off yeah I've been faking Tourette's for years yeah yeah he was at the BET awards like you it's just insane it's such an insane thing to not immediately be like yeah okay that guy but I think what happened is it it fell too neatly with uh who was the fart lady yeah she was like yeah I think that was like a a stun grenade for black people where they're kind of like wait what the fuck was that they're like stop being so silly about it we don't know how to get angry about no it was yeah it was uh it was just kind of like because that was clearly you know a slip-up although my brother was like there's no my brother is completely against HGTV ladies like there's no way that was a slip-up oh you know dude I think that's the thing she says all the time yes she stubs her toes she says fart n-word like it's that's just in her repertoire but she was saying fart knocker is what she usually says and it just it just she must have hit her toe we've all been there I mix it up you know I confused knocker and the n-word all the time Michael that lady's got great n-words also here's the thing is like how bad did you hit your toe broken toe yeah it's like what I didn't understand about that clip was why did she go like can we cut that and some guy was like no no absolutely not I hate you no someone clearly just took that and released it yes I think they're like live streaming or something like that I think they're like Instagram live were they I had to be because why couldn't you cut that out HGTV getting into live streaming no way I think someone took the card and was like sick yeah really you think that we were just talking about these gen zers yeah dude yeah they're evil that dude yeah yeah they do they're nihilists they're I think they are kind of nihilists yeah yeah or I don't know a lot of them are like big-time grind heads though so what's a grind head like grind like right yeah oh yeah yeah I'm gonna get to the next level yeah they and they don't care if they like die young I mean you know they're all doing the micro fracturing on their faces doing math and well Austin is also like the uh it's like the capital of like the most boring 24 year old of all time like all those like get ready with me here's my day as a 24 year old living in Austin and I'm like dude kill yourself yeah this is the worst life I've ever seen I've talked to my younger cousin about that and he was like I was like is this what you and your friends do and he was like no none of us he's like none of us do that it is like a mind because I'm trying to figure out like what gen z does or who they are but because all the biggest people are like streaming all the time yeah but I don't think that's like a fair reflection of like who they are you mean I'm you I think they're completely checked out of like online stuff yeah like I don't I don't think that I was just talking about like the rage bait of how like it's like if you get mad about something online I think they view you as like a boomer yes yeah we're like almost if you get mad at all it's kind of embarrassing yeah what was the sentiment we just had if you don't say the n-word you're gay yeah well no because that was weird yeah no because they'll just rip the end but it's like you know on the internet and again maybe there's a streamer or something like that but it's not like we're all like boomers versus other guys but it does seem like young white dudes can just rip the n-word on the internet I mean clavicular is constantly ripping non-stop fuentes and you can't tell me that's not trickling down it's completely it's like an xbox live economy it's just that's like now the culture no say anything so that's what I think I think it's like you know I'm you know I didn't I didn't predict this happening but I think I think white people are taking the word back I think they might be the youth why people are like let's put the power back into it actually the opposite of jay-z but it's got to be crazy because like you know I know black dudes that go it's xbox live and like yeah people yell the n-word and blah blah blah whatever but it's got to be kind of a mind to see like all these young white kids using it and like as far as the internet goes it's cool in the sense that it's working yeah yeah I mean we're being completely honest the the n-word was gentrified by black people that's what happened yeah we're taking it back all right it's like but you're you gotta be careful exactly you can't I'm not taking it back I feel gay like we just said when I say the n-word like I'm like retelling something I feel like a teenager is going to call me like a homo or something like like something just pop out of a bush bill you're gay that's what I was saying earlier like I think if you're like 22 and you don't say the n-word and you're white you're kind of it's like kind of gay yeah yeah which is funny I mean dude how crazy is that they just I mean well they're all at home no one can punch them in their room that's true you know but you know what happened I think it started there's a lot white there's a lot of white rappers that started just like ripping it you know Jin Lee no he was a Dallas rapper he's a he's a giant red-headed man okay with long curls oh yes I've seen this guy yeah he's good he was ripping the n-word he's in jail now okay yeah I mean I've seen I've seen him like also like post videos like justifying saying it just anybody then like he'll go and he'll fight like black teenagers in the mall yeah so his his okay so he's about that life completely he really hates them no he loves them totally going to the ball to fight I think he just roasts the ones he loves yeah but no he'll have people like if you have a problem come fight me right and he'll end up just being in like you know near a smoothie bro he's fat as he's and he's like six foot three he's huge ugly as hell hey man he lives in Dallas he can get me come fight me dude let's go to the mall bro let's do it I love I love you I love this guy yeah he's gonna get out of jail and he might not he might just be like crazy ass white boy he probably is dude but he's good he sounds like big x the plug right kind of similar yeah kind of yeah fat I guess I don't know he just sounds fat I've never heard him I never heard big x the plug but I'm like he's probably fat oh you'd love it is big x the plug white too no no but there's that I think that's you know the internet is like because like you're you're right you can safely say it onto the internet and like you know if you live around all white people it's like no one's gonna beat you up really for yeah maybe like you know your lesbian cousin they're also saying it with the a right yes so yeah there's like people have a thing it's not the same at all to true you know like like like when Nick Fuentes says it it's it's it's in a way of like I think he'd have a bigger problem he was saying with the hard r like every time I think so I he also claims that Kanye gave him the pass and yeah he's a sane individual which yeah imagine that's your justification yeah like no the most crazy man of all time said I could say it so he's getting his shit together though yeah he apologizes yeah it takes a big man to apologize to all the world's Jews it does it does you've done that before I've no I've never been in that position Matt I do it every single morning wake up and I apologize to all the world's Jews get on Twitter sorry Jews that would be nice just hitting him with just like inspo content every like what's good morning Jews let's get it yeah but like pause really positive stuff like the real-life equivalent like putting more shields in your chest and like Call of Duty you see that every morning you're like alright I'm good I'm fucking safe again oh that poor guy let's get it J Gang let's call it J Gang J Gang yeah this episode is brought to you by Zip Recruiter I always find it impressive when someone can let me talk about a skill I find impressive or profession I appreciate for example Olympic athletes and their dedication to training people can touch their nose with their tongues or someone who can speak multiple languages well those are good prompts but I just love a good accountant guys one skill I found tremendously helpful in my life recently is hmm let's say accounting I that's my new passion I've been 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Guys, I'm saying number one based on G2. I'm going to make that leap of faith for ZipRecruiter. Number one hiring site based on G2, of course. Let ZipRecruiter help you find amazing candidates with the skills you seek. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. And now you can try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash secret. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash secret. Meet your match on ZipRecruiter. I hope Kanye comes back. I don't know, man. He is. He's coming back. Bully's coming out, apparently. You ever listen to Bully? That's what they say. Yeah, I love Bully. Wait, what? Bully was the album he put out that had like some AI songs on it, but he put it out at the time when he was going completely insane. See, I didn't know what was real. Right, right. Some of the songs are like kind of fake, but man, it's just, he's just, and the funniest thing is that it's a really calm, like thought, like it's, it's very, like nothing's crazy on the album. It's really lovely and nice. It's beautiful. And then you look at him. He's, you know, he's online saying like, kill them all. And you're like, this is so nice to listen to. This is insane. Yeah, dude, just sucking your cousin off. There's this musician I like who, John Martin, he was like this guy, like a British folk singer from the seventies. And he would like, he was, you know, one of the first people who was doing the looper pedal. So he would do these like beautiful ambient soundscapes. And then I learned he had been like beating his wife the whole time. That's, yeah, I know. So he would like have a vicious altercation with his wife. Beat her and then go like out in like the other room and just rip like a beautiful. Yeah. Cause it, it helps you possess, you know, the, the, the, yeah. Like the hating yourself for doing bad things, like helps the artist. And so maybe, maybe hating your wife is the key to success. Hating or hating? Hating. Well, both. I think it'll come down to both. John Lennon used to fucking like beat, beat women. He wrote a song about it. It wasn't jealous guy all about. Women are the N word of the world. Yeah. That was him trying to help them. He hated his wife so much. He goes, you're the N word of the world. I'm gonna go hit my wife and go, I'm trying to buy a house. That's what I'm doing. Oh wait, he was actually being mean. I thought he was trying to be the ultimate emancipator. What a dick. Yeah. That was, that was a, that was a wild move. He pulled. Yeah. Yeah. I think women were like, yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? I've had a hard time believing they wouldn't be like, well, no, I think they love that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, women have been fighting for, there's been that oppression Olympics. For a while. It is funny that they have been in terms of like no sheer numbers. They've been completely shitted on for the longest. Like if you go back into like history when you used to be able to fucking, yeah. Rassle them and shit. And then all they get is like Hillary Clinton. Yeah. It sucks dude. She just gets destroyed. Really sucks guys. It's tragic. Kamala Harris. They need to like their own Farrakhan. Yeah. But that's cool. When women get like too feministic, for some reason they lose their cool. But they do that and we go, eh, shut up. Yeah. Yeah. Like they've tried a million times. They have tried it. But you know what? This is embarrassing of me to admit, but I recently, I don't know why I got this idea where I was like, dude, I think women in like, you know, heavily Muslim controlled areas are genuinely happier than women in the West. Uh, like Sharia law and stuff. Looked it up. Not the case. Not at all. I was like with Grock, like, yeah, but like, what about it? He's like, not even dude, they're not, they're so sad. I love that. Like ignorant take when you meet a person from like a different culture, you're like, oh, it must be peaceful. And then you're like, are you Googling? You're like, oh, they hate gay people. Yeah. It's actually illegal to be gay. They'll kill you. I was like, maybe they're like, you know, it's like as much as it sucks not being able to drive or leave your house and having to do all of them. Or have a clit. Yeah. Muslim women are like the clit is like the appendix. It's not really necessary. It was a shameful thought, but I was like, maybe there's a certain freedom in that, that women actually, and then I looked it up. It's like, no depression. And it's also like the reporting of depression is probably so low too. And it's still. Right. Are they even allowed to give up? Are they allowed to give up? Are they allowed to. Are they even allowed to get into that? And that's why they asked them more like, you know, like they, instead of being like, are you depressed? Is it probably like, no. So it's like, well, how did you ever feel like tired for days at a time? And they're like, yeah. And I'm like, do you ever like think about just like sleeping forever? And then they hit him with all those questions when they collect a lot of data. It was just coded killing yourself, you know? Yeah. Yeah. But then I was like, are Muslim men happier? And I don't think so. I don't think so. They're Middle East. I think if you're like religious, you're just never happy. Like if you're like fully like God will hate me if I do anything, you can't be, but imagine if you don't beat off for one day, I mean, I kind of lose my mind. Yeah. You'd be happy. I don't know. Lately I've been able to go when I like do shows. I've every now and again, I'll go to a hotel, sleep there, not beat off and leave in the morning. And I always feel like, feel good. Yeah. I didn't leave a fucking disgusting towel for that lady to get Muslim guys are just considerate that. We clean up our jizz. This you're not joking straight into the toilet when I'm in a hotel at the hotel. I do that at home. You jerk right into the toilet. Like just get it out. Yeah. It's a late night. Sneak away for sure. A hotel. I like, I just, whatever, dude. Yeah. You just paid the room. Not my bed. Yeah. Treat hotels like shit. We were just, we just turned everything on at ours. Dude. That's our favorite thing. We go make sure to turn the TV on, turn the air conditioning on fan, get everything going. Get your fucking YouTube. On. You're my slave. I own you, but yeah, dude, it's just, well, sorry. My bad. If you're a Gen Z, you got Tourette's I'm at the BAFTAs right now. My bad. So no, do you ever lay in a hotel room and think about how many people have came in the bed that you're in? Yeah. Yeah. It's that top cover. You got to worry about, right. That they always tell you about like that's how I get cozy. The one on the top. I think about that. I go, that's how I get cozy. Yeah. I, uh, I don't know. I, I, I've always, you know, obviously people are doing stuff in there, but like I, I got hit with the like genuine scale of it. I was like, dude, it's like every time someone hits one of these beds. Yeah. You're coming. Yeah. Me and my ex at we'd like, she like demanded to like leave a hotel in New York one time. Cause there was just like kind of obvious jizz stains. Yeah. I thought you're going to tell a totally different story where she like made you, she made me all over her. She got the bed wet. It was. She's a pig. Dude, dude, come on. It is funny to be like, there's too much jizz in this bed and you get a different room. You just jizz. You go to the room. You're like, there's not enough jizz on this bed actually. You laid out nothing like crunches or you don't see like a pile of dust just fly up. I kind of miss the days when I was like a kid and like nothing came out. Yeah. It was easier. You got the whole feeling. The orgasm happened. That was the best. Nothing came out. Yeah, man. It was great. The only downside of that uncle will be like what the fuck man i thought trying to get pregnant over here trying to get bukkake by my nephew this is unbelievable yeah it just feels like i always let down my uncles my uncle hates it dude when he would molest me and i didn't come i remember i'm joking i've never been blessed but i went to my uh i went to penn state one time years and years ago and it was like my uncle was there with his kid we're all hanging out and we would go to the bar and i got hammered with my uncle and i always like fuck around with him but like anytime there'd be like a woman there i'd be like yeah that's my uncle i was just like oh great he's like a handsome guy for his age he always has been and every time like i would kind of like hype him up and be like yeah he's still molested and then he'd be like what the fuck man he was not i was crushing it he's like penn state has no history of molestation it's totally true but I would just be like i would just like build him up he'll dave and he'd be like fucking nice and i would say something terrible and they'd be like oh what the fuck i mean it's kind of the ultimate bit with you like with your boys yeah you're like yeah he's a pedophile i have a friend joey that that if we're in public at like a grocery store i'm checking out he goes just so you know this guy's a registered sex like every time i mean doing doing that to your friends just in a grocery store be like he's here to meet a 13 year old boy he levels it up too he'll go like he's a convicted pedophile he's a violent pedophile violent pedophile how do you play it off i just go tease nuts i look more like a pedophile i look more like i look guilty no no i'm not no i'm not he is i'm not you can't fight it you just gotta laugh it off if i were like no and i like kill myself trying to hit like uno reverse like oh yeah you're a pedophile actually you gotta hit him with you wish like he wishes did you wish i was a pedophile your life would be so you wish in your dreams oh man that's a fun prank to play yeah he plays a lot of pranks they're not always fun hitting the if you have the video the best one is a video like you know you have guys the cameras you surround someone in a walmart and go like oh you're here to fuck it that is i mean that someone's got to do that prank vid that's got to be so fun they do that's all it's not even like they don't even pose it as a prank video they just get people in trouble there's like like you know these nihilist gen z kids they just go to like walmart and they'll just like point at somebody and be like this guy and he's not just a random person yeah that sucks dude the pedophile hunting is crazy part of me like i hate to be that guy i'm like you just you want to beat up an autistic guy that's all this is sometimes it is sometimes i am like i'm uncomfortable with how i feel like weirdly a little more empathy for the pedophile than the hunters i'm like let's stop pouring tabasco and obviously like kill that guy sure i don't i don't want to see it kill take him out back yeah do something i mean you know well it's like you know if you're it's hunting man you're hunting game sometimes you catch a big deer sometimes you catch a little deer exactly but when it turns into like an influencer thing like you're getting views off this you know it's gone down a little bit but for a while there was so insane how like akon and like t-pain exactly all these guys like celebs to go on dude it was like part of the circuit yeah it was like you're putting your album like you're gonna hunt a pedophile like ty dolla sign is like shaving epstein's head mark tabasco in his face those were so weird though it's like i mean because those guys are being hunted for real right so it's like there's a pedophile who's in his head he's like dude i'm about to get some little boy pussy yeah and then akon shows up he goes this is the best day of my life yeah holy shit akon's gonna serenade me fucking a boy and then he's like oh it's the worst day of my life actually he's like play locked up can you sing locked up yeah he uh it it sucks when they're clearly you're like oh this person is like either severely autistic or like yeah has something yeah like oh dude all right they kind of always are though definitely stop the guy from molesting like you gotta stop him but it's like i don't know that should be you gotta get him back yeah just kill him sonic bro you just kill him you think so yeah yeah there's a comic i mean why not why kill those people yeah you think so pedophiles yeah i mean all for sure but it's saying if it was like if you have severe developmental delays and all that stuff and then like you get caught being a pedophile and people like beat them up i'm like all right dude definitely yeah it's a disability blow up the it's kind of like the best because there's gonna be a pedophile at the baptist next year no that shit was in you i know what the fuck is in your soul it's evil you ever see the pedophile fight back and they're kind of good they got hands a little bit there's a couple videos where like they beat up the pedophile the pedophile is like i'll fucking square up right now and they almost lose a fight to the pedophile i'm like dude could you imagine to him getting your shit rocked by a pedophile buff pedophile holy expendables pedophile god damn yes so low in pedophiles definitely is not his first road rambo first kid it's not his first rodeo he's trained he's got they probably caught him slipping back in the day never again has someone for real almost lost to the pedophile in the yeah yeah in like a convenience store like a liquor store walmart should have like a boxing ring for if someone finds a pedophile they should yeah they should absolutely like disney jail or something yeah should be an old black guy that come on put on the gloves we're gonna set a list like men then you get in there and fucking also at this point how dumb do you have to be as a pedophile it's like if a kid's asking you to meet at a fucking gas station it's a trap are you not seeing these videos come on i mean your dicks never led you to a strange place no never once not a gas station i mean like all the videos are at a gas station or walmart so if i was a pedophile i'd be on my p's and q's being like i've seen the videos yeah you mean right i'm not meeting at a walmart that's an obvious trap you might ask you know what's funny though that now it's now they think about it it's pretty you know like the bar lets out at 2 a.m that's kind of like that's 3 p.m is the pedophiles 2 a.m you know if you're like a teacher pedophile you're like it's almost three o'clock and you're like so like what uh what do you think you guys just going home after this or what we can keep the party going if you want you guys want to do robotics class this episode is brought to you by rocket money rocket money um matt what were you finally able to save for thanks to automatic savings vacation can i can i tell you something actually i had a surprise charge story really crazy story surprise charge those those lying cam girls no actually it's funny enough they had nothing to do with that i was going through my which one caught me i have a joint credit card with my wife and we're going over the monthly charges and it was like a shock they almost someone had i think frauded us and i had a charge for the bangkok massage down by the airport son's a bitch it was fucking bullshit 160 dollars that's i mean and also that's a tough one for you to have to i know that was not me i said babe what the hell i'm so taken off so surprised by this this is fraud someone this is fraudulent suspicious that's a rocket money involved rocket money is a personal finance asset and it's a personal finance asset and it's a personal finance asset and it's a personal asset that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings guys let rocket money help you reach your financial goals faster join at rocket money.com slash mssp that's rocket money.com this episode is brought to you by ag1 september rolls around and suddenly everyone's got places to be early alarms early alarms work school about 14 things on the calendar that definitely weren't there two weeks ago tell me about it very relatable ag1 next gen is one less thing to worry about oh thank goodness one scoop a day helps support your gut health energy production and overall nutrition without having to completely reorganize your life around being a healthy person finally and it's not just green powder with good pr ag1 is a clinically backed comprehensive daily health drink shown to fill in nutrient gaps yes ag1 replaces the need for a multivitamin probiotics and more and makes your daily health routine powerfully simple for a limited time save 20 on your first subscription order of ag1 next gen or ag1 pro at drink ag1.com slash secret pod that's drink ag1.com slash secret pod well that's the thing like we're kind of okay with is the women pedophiles like like there's been like a revolution going on lately where it's like every week there's a a decently attractive teacher that like fucked like a 15 16 year old has that been happening still yeah happened like a week ago yeah and she was hot it happens all the time yeah well now they're reading too much darren erotica yeah that's why they're fucking becoming and it's that's like make tv there's like shows about it and it's like hot the show's hot yeah it's what's the fx show called like the teacher or something like that with a yes rooney maro or whatever there was a new book that just came out about a um it's from like a fuck what is it called i think it's like jeanette mccurdy i think she was a yeah yeah she's a disney half half his age and it's about like a 17 year old seducing her teacher i read the whole book well i was going to have her on i'm on my i'm on my third reread actually i can't get enough of this book i was going to have her on because i'm like man that's kind of wild yeah because you wrote the book you could have it was a senior she could have been 18 and like sure you know then you would have been but it's just like you know so i was kind of curious but i read it and it was uh it was like kind of i mean it was like really fucked up i can spoil if you guys want to hear the ending i would go ahead but it's like so the story is there's this chick she's 17 it's like white trash her mom's kind of like never there her mom's always trying to find like the dude that's going to save her hot yeah so it's already it's already hot as hell dude so white trash is so hot for some reason i don't know what it is so she you know and then she has this teacher the creative writing teacher who like loves her writing and thinks she's like super smart and then she just becomes as a 17 year old obsessed with like how he's just like he has like a you know a belly he's receding hairline and how she's like i want to make this guy feel good and like i'm going to show this guy how to like you know like oh like a pity like i want to she's the nicest lady of all time pretty much yeah and then uh so she just like sees this guy and he gives her like you know some positive attention like i like your writing and i just it somehow just like triggers something in her where she's like i am going to base this guy will be mine and she like seduces him and he carries out an affair with this lady and this girl and eventually leaves his family for her and then she's just like they're about to go on a flight together and she's like this guy sucks and just leaves that's the whole book that's the ending that's the whole book oh man after but they they have like there's like a bunch of very gratuitous sex scenes written and it's pretty oh okay god yeah yeah that's kind of you just described the most bleak book of all time thank god dude but yeah it was pretty wild i read it and i was just kind of like fuck that's uh pretty wild like what do i take from this she realizes she's like you don't need a man to justify your existence right right so yeah i'm yeah romantaholics anonymous romantaholics sexaholics it's romantaholics it's just like obsessed with flirting pretty much yeah the fact that there's like a guy that's going to come save you yeah it's going to be romantaholics dude i'm telling you that the the erotica books aren't even so much about the like sex as it is like the two people finally colliding like what are the circumstances leading to that is it high class low class well yeah yeah because if not it would just be literal porn yeah so it kind of is like porn comments put in a book yeah yeah but it's it's more so about like the um it's more about the situation around it than like just kind of like right and then she sucked his dick it's not that it's like they're from two different families they're not supposed to see each other he's rich she's poor roman juliet he sees yeah pretty much i like touch her and you die yeah that's about a guy i feel like someone touches a girl and a guy's like i'll fucking kill you oh yeah right right so they're getting charged up off of like a homicidal do you have that i don't have it at all i'm not like protective over my wife in that way uh i don't like i don't like when she gets hit on i go cool i'll get i'll get a little angry i was in a casino and a guy was like he was in a slot machine like this and when she walked by he did one of these and he had leaned almost on her look at her ass and i like i was like what the fuck you did i'll it'll get me every now and again he's like bar in new york with my wife and i'm sitting at a bar stool and she's in between my legs and i'm like kissing her neck you know full lovey-dovey and this like black dude walks up he looks like quavo from like migos yeah and he comes he's like hey mama you got a man or what and i was like i'm literally holding her i'm kissing her and she he was like yeah this is my husband right behind me he goes i bet and he walked away and i was like can you believe that guy and i was like that's the coolest guy i've ever seen in my entire life i would have been furious i was like that's i the confidence to like see what the situation was be like yeah you got a man that's fucking crazy that shit fucking it makes me so angry yeah i was just shocked i was like struck by it dude i've almost i don't put myself in those positions true stay away never with a woman and that's why i'm an incel actually yeah i don't know something about that really chaps my ass i was uh i don't think it's weird i think it's a normal thing no no i think i'm like something about uh men cucking me in public chaps my ass about a man pretending i don't exist and trying to fuck my life for some reason grinds my gears yeah hey you're really weird man that's weird you gotta be more like him dude yeah more like me dude well i'll deal i mean maybe i should zen out i mean it is the fact that i'm cortisol spiking like that in public is oh yeah embarrassing dude cortisol spiking getting frame mogged i know these foids are getting to you no i i well the thing is too is like you know my wife's black so every now and again like younger black dudes will like try to what if me and devin had the worst reaction to that i go what we every now and again they'll test me as like a thing or like to like you know sure and every i'll i'll completely 100 irish spasm i got the irish spasm for sure yeah yeah once it gets going it's you can't stop it it's really embarrassing too no i was like a thing with her like co-workers one time and like some like 20 year old popped off and i like fully was in his face like i'll fucking kill you and she was like dude can you please chill he was like so young he's like dude i'm a virgin can you please leave me alone i'll fuck you right now i'll fucking kill you yeah man i have that it's embarrassing i'm gonna you know i'd like i'd like to chill but i can't i can't you seem so zen you seem so chill i'm zenned out but if i lose it it's called like it's just a flick of it's i'm kind of the same way i'm pretty i am pretty chill for the most part i can kind of chill and be like all right what does this actually affect is this a big deal yeah but every now and again if i'm in the right mood you push my buttons i gotta get hammered to have the confidence to just scream at somebody and act like i could fight that's that would be yeah that'd be nice drinking i'm either like very friendly but that is the thing if i'm drunk enough and like someone it can be like the littlest thing i'll be like what the fuck yeah exactly some flip switches it's kind of scary all of a sudden yeah i think i'm strong and i can handle anything fighting words don't exist i'll say anything to you and i'm like what do you i'll sue you yeah hitting the i'll sue you is always great i've yelled that many times yeah yeah hit me i'll sue you so nice i go go ahead i'll sue you you don't know how the legal system works could you imagine like actually following through on suing somebody it makes me laugh thinking about taking it that far actually happened to my buddy one time really we were at a bar in uh in pasadena and he like got like a booth like he paid for a booth with like bottles and all that stuff and he kept inviting girls over and they're like we're their husband i like that he's like you know and then the girls like we're with our guys we can't come in he's like fuck your guys and the guy's got all the stuff and he's like fuck your guys and the guy's got all the stuff and he's like fuck your guys and the guy's got all the stuff and we like you know die down the situation we're like all right everyone chill whatever blah blah blah me and my friend went to the bathroom we came back he's just getting stomped out the booth by all these guys no like absolutely fucked up like eggs on his fucking head it was the getting killed was it high ground yeah it was like a table like a secret like you know like a club type table but what i'm saying was it up higher than like yeah yeah it was like elevated a little bit and he couldn't defend the position exactly he had the high and he had the high ground this is crazy yeah but i mean he was by himself literally siege warfare we thought we thought we like you know killed the situation it's all good we come back from the bathroom he's just getting fucking stomped out completely bleeding everywhere bruises all over the place he woke up the next morning he sued the bar for like lack of security hey huge settlement that's the thing did he really bro i think he got like 150 000 from this bar lawsuits rule yeah isn't that crazy i sued postmates back in the day for what i just they they banned me for stealing food so i post i've sued them and i won like twenty four thousand dollars what yeah it was kind of crazy i mean i'm you know i'm exaggerating a little bit but like yeah they'd like the app banned me and then i i you know you get like those mesothelial you just sign like an email like sure i'm a part of a class action thing and one day i just kept getting calls from some law office in chicago and i'd be like what is this i kept ignoring it and then finally they got a hold of me and they were like we think you could go to arbitration and this i was like oh this is like a real thing why am i i guess i signed something that most people don't yeah so i put myself in a situation where i'm like yeah sure i'm going to go to arbitration and i'm going to go to arbitration i'll actually like be a part of this why did you get fired again oh you uh uh you're stealing food get an order and then cancel the order and then eat a meal i had like i you know they had a genuine reason yeah but it's no one's working for them so i'm like fuck but my phone's gonna like are you delivering for them or ordering yes yes yeah i did uber i would do them all at the same time and like and you would they would have an order and you would just be like actually i'm not going to take this yeah sometimes i mean technically postmates i don't know i don't know i don't know i didn't steal the food that often uber eats all the time uber eats constantly i'd call i figured out that they didn't track your like car or your who you were and it's just some like sad lady in like the philippines picking up the phone so i would at the end of a night at the end of at the end of a long day of delivering food because you get if you cancel the order you also get paid for the mileage too what like like whoa we're sorry like it's the restaurant you go like i can't do it and they're like oh it's okay your car is broken fine just try to get back out there but i so so at the end of every delivery shift i would like work you make like 60 bucks working like nine hours it's terrible no one tips yeah just delivering to like celebrities and i tip i always tip my uber east driver thank you thank you it's appreciated did you ever deliver food i was a pizza guy for a while yeah yeah so you have the empathy i have the empathy i tip the fuck out of them yeah it's crazy why wouldn't you same they're risking their lives to bring you the food and you see the service charge i think the service charge gets people being like fuck them as a pizza guy it was the same thing it'd be like there was a delivery fee yeah the restaurant would yes yes and i would get my my uh yeah so like it was like my version of like giving myself a little nice end to like a long day yeah so i would pick up i'd wait for a huge order like a gigantic i'd like feed my friends and so i'd go pick it up and then i'd get in my car i'd drive a little bit away from the restaurant then i'd call and be like my car broke down it was kind of fun i got to like carb you know the engine it's smoking it's yeah i'm on i'm dead and uh they go oh it's okay just try to get back out there and then they'd cancel it i'd get paid for like you know an 11 mile drive and then i get to keep all the food i did this like i'm not kidding once a night for like seven months straight but i i felt bad initially the first time i ever did it and then i found out that like the restaurant they still get paid like it's it comes out of the like uber yeah like it's not like like the people have to remake it but they didn't like they don't lose their money or dude eventually gets his meal just a little later and he'll be fine yeah and then yeah that's kind of sweet actually yeah it was i mean i i'm not like super proud of it but sorry to interrupt the podcast guys but this episode is brought to you by prize picks shoot your shot on prize picks and get fifty dollars instantly in lineups when you play your first five dollars that's right prize picks is now giving you fifty dollars in lineups when you sign up and play your first five dollars prize picks makes every dunk every dime and 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the action prize picks is now available on in all 50 states including california texas florida and georgia download the prize picks app today and use code drenched to get fifty dollars in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup that's code drenched to get fifty dollars in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup prize picks it's good to be right hey uh real quick while i have you guys i have some shows coming up and um well we have some good news and bad news the good well depends on for me the good news is i'll be in cleveland and pittsburgh this weekend march six cleveland march 7 pittsburgh and i'm not fronting i think both shows are going to sell out so if you want to come here's your cta your call to action if you want to come to those shows and clips if you want to come to those shows almost called it clitzbert that's crazy uh cleveland ohio or pittsburgh fordian slip um yeah just come you can get my tickets i think there's a link in this video to get them pretty sick and um also after that i'll be in st louis indianapolis st paul missouri i guess that's mo missouri Des Moines Iowa Phoenix here's the big one guys all of them are selling pretty well god damn that Phoenix Celebrity Theater is it's not till April 17th so we have some time but that shows in the round and I actually enjoy performing in the round so if you want to see my butt for like good 10 second stretches while I do my thing and you know I'll turn around I'll show you my bulge at the Celebrity Theater as well it'll be butt and bulge all night at the Celebrity Theater just an angry little micro bulge I'll wear some joggers that night so everyone gets their money's worth they can all go ha ha ha look at that it's barely sticking out guys I'll be in Tucson Arizona Toronto's a big one two shows again not bragging nature of the beast two shows both have sold out in Toronto I'm thinking about adding a third so Canadians I know I've said a lot of bad things about your country I was just fucking kidding around I love you guys you guys love me more than all these bastards and fucking people I love you guys I love you guys in Phoenix Arizona apparently so come on out to the shows and then Chicago of course I'll be at the Riviera Theater uh probably going to add a second show there hopefully because that that thing done sold out May 26th so whatever hopefully that makes sense to you guys go to mattmccusker.com and uh yeah come to a show man we're having a good time also I'll be doing Algonauts in Austin Texas that's once a month I do that where me and Tim Butterly take people's cell phones project their algorithm through Instagram usually on the screen and you know try to get a picture of like who is this person what are they what is the algorithm being sent to them or what is being sent to them through the algorithm what does that say about them what doesn't it say about them because you can't just judge someone on their algorithm or maybe you can I don't know come out to that that's at the creaky cave creek and cave uh so if you go to creaking cave atx you can get that and last and I don't remember the saying last and cool enough guys I'm tired last and most importantly um I'll be in Philadelphia March 16th I'm gonna I'm just visiting family figured I'd strut my stuff on the old flagship stage that is helium Philadelphia I'm gonna get some of my friends and we're all gonna try newish materials stuff we're working on it'll be fun come out it'll be St. Paddy's Day weekend you can get drunk if that's what you feel you must do and if you're trying really hard not to be drunk well try to hold out come to the show be sober you know be fun learn how to be fun while sober or get fucking hammered on St. Paddy's Day it's really up to you all these I'm laying out choices that's all I'm doing I'm not trying to coerce you I'm not trying to manipulate you I'm just giving you choices do whatever you want love you guys back to the show pardon the interruption pardon the interruption this is Sean Gardini I just wanted to let you guys know that I'll be in Salt Lake City Utah at Wise Guys Comedy Club March 27th and 28th with Nate Marshall support me on Patreon and I'll see you guys next week bye bye please come see that show if you'd like and I'll be at the Comet in Cincinnati not Comet Ping Pong just the Comet in Cincinnati on May 22nd and 23rd so please come to those that was a little joke there but I'd like I'd really like to see you guys at the show so please come if you can tickets are at seangardini.com and we also have Optimum Noctis at the Creek in the Cave in Austin Texas me Nate Marshall and Lamar Lee and I'll see you guys next week bye bye every first and third Tuesday of the month so thank you very much for your time pardon the interruption enjoy the rest of the show no I I worked for insomnia do you guys have insomnia cookies yeah well I know not in LA yeah yeah I worked for insomnia cookies when I was in college I had this idea that like I was like dude I could totally stay up all night one day a week and be fine so I was like I'll work during the day go to school and then I'll stay up all night and deliver insomnia cookies and just ride it into like Tuesday and then I'll be at the Comet in like I was like you don't have to sleep every night it's like the worst version of hustle culture I've ever heard I was like if I just do one all night or a week I'll take a nap I'll be fine totally and uh I did insomnia cookies and you know so I would go in there and I wanted to do my bike and they're like we have enough bike delivery people you have a car I'm like yeah I have a car so I get this big order put in my car I like pull up to the place pop my tire on like the filly has a lot of these like metal lining to the curbs I don't know why they do it they'll do a curve they'll put like a coping on it and uh and I just pop my tires one of them was sticking out it's like fuck so I'm like sitting there with a pop tire I call insomnia being like yo my tires popped and they're pretty much like yeah let's figure it out I was like fuck so I'm like okay no support no support whatsoever and you know it was one of those cars that had like the hubcap key where you needed to get like a certain thing from inside even take the tire and it was just like and uh yeah luckily this old black guy came up I was like what the hell are you doing and he was like you saw and he goes oh that's a mercury I had a soft top mercury cougar okay and it was like old black dude out in the car so they were like bro you need the hubcap so this old guy came up he knew exactly what I needed pause and like he's walking over you zipping down his pants like oh what you doing man I know what you need dude he completely dad bogged me off and he like knew he was like he got the he like you need a security key to show me he took it out and he like you know paused again then he fixed the tire so he fixed the tire so you know my black daddy came fixed the tire yeah and then um so I go back to insomnia a bit of a chip on my shoulder now because I'm like and they're like are you ready for more deliveries and I was like that's all you guys care about huh I hadn't slept I hadn't slept all night I'm all sensitive like you guys don't even fucking care about me do you there's nothing worse than like uh working at a job and people care about the job oh you're higher ups you know what I mean yeah I worked at Abercrombie and Fitch did you come on was that shirtless or was that Hollister they asked me to do shirtless and I said I can't do it because it's like a hundred bucks a day I was like that's not the price yeah that's crazy to be shirtless in a mall that's fucking me and I didn't know him in high school we stopped hanging out with a guy when he got a job at Abercrombie and Fitch really I mean we're kidding but we were kind of like we we really like I don't mean to brag him for doing yeah yeah I don't mean to brag I got I bought three different Abercrombies I'm walking like a community college campus people are like do you want a job and I was like no I'm good and then the third time I was like all right I'll take the fucking job really constantly happening and you're like thank you Mr. Wexler I'll be glad but dude I yeah I worked there uh for I think three weeks worst job of all time it's like four hour shifts it feels like it's 10 hours yeah they pump the perfume through the vents you're like nauseous headache retail is the one job I've never worked at anytime just hearing the same song over and over again jacking pants people who work retail I'm like why are you doing this work anywhere else yeah it's people get addicted there's some people I know just do retail yeah clothing stores a lot of younger women do it because they can get the discount and they can get their clothes yeah right but yeah it always seemed like super fucking miserable well dude yeah so I'm working there and like I also got like class action like checks from these people all the time because they were just fully illegal you know like so I like I get the job they make me buy an outfit like you have to dress head to toe in Abercrombie oh yeah they make you buy it so I had to spend like 140 dollars an outfit it's not it was like 20 off what it's an expensive store and I was like fucking 19 you know yeah that's kind of brutal so I remember like I went the manager was like this like really like um gay guy you know and uh I go and I put my shirt on and wear large I like bag your clothes and he goes it's not small enough and I was like for real and he goes yeah tighter put a medium on he goes not tight enough what and I was like what this is crazy you're like you're raping me right now yeah it's crazy I go put a small on dude my arms like cutting circulation off he's like perfect yeah and then they make me like pose for photos for like the employee catalog I have no fucking clue what's going on but I'm truly in a shirt that's like killing me and pants that are killing me and then uh I just had such a weird vibe from that that I was like I can't do this job and I put my two weeks in I was like I'm out of here you know yeah and then um that manager came up to me fine you can wear a medium no for real for real dude it's the worst thing I've ever heard in my life he heard that I put my two weeks in he comes up and he goes so I heard you're too good for the fitch wow dude I went dude I quit now and I left I just left the store too good for the fitch I was like you're the worst person I've ever met dude so heard you're too good for the fitch this is like a guy who's like a career manager of Abercrombie he's probably the regional did he move from Salt Lake City to Glendale California to like manage this Abercrombie and fitch that is the thing with retail it sucks but if you become like a you know regional or whatever director you you kind of have like a cakewalk the rest of your life you just drive around and check on stores and you get paid like a hundred something grand yeah for sure I mean I know people that like make a really good living just like they work their way up at like In-N-Out yeah and yeah I knew I know dude who did it at Target like years ago he was just like the regional VP or something he just he's like I just drive to stores and I'm like man it looks good yeah I don't think I've ever had a good job no like I've never had a good job I don't think I've ever had a good job never once uh dog walking was sick but I think the boss the money's not good though right yeah money sucks I've never like once had a job I'm like I could do this yeah I worked on a weed farm for a while it was kind of fun that's kind of chill you could just smoke weed and trim and you know I painted with my friend that was nice we painted houses yeah that was actually pretty actually like kind of like that I got paid you know decently oh dude the I forgot to tell you so the uh I just completely forgot the uh what's it called what's it called insomnia cookies or something so that when I pulled back up and then I could tell they didn't care I went in there can order and i was the same thing i was like i'll take an order i was like i'm taking this right home and eating it but like yeah so i take an order and i'm like all right i'm gonna go get these to my roommates for any cookies and then i like forgot my jacket and they were like oh dude can you take another order like a bunch of milks and they hand me like a fucking massive cookie order with a bunch of milk and i was just like definitely taking this all home so i went home i just left and i was like i went back and i was like sitting there eating cookies with my roommates and then i had the phone numbers for the orders on the little slip yeah so i started calling them and being like yo i'm outside where are you and they're like huh i'll see you and i'm like oh come outside man like so i had this guy walking around looking for cookies i was like 19 and i called him and i was like you know i was like oh dude i had to spin the block there was a bunch of like really shady guys standing outside and he was like where i'm like i don't know dude i think it was like a gang outside you gotta watch out for those guys man they're all trying to steal my cookies and he was like oh oh and i was like just keep coming down wave your are you wave your arm so i can see you so the guy who's outside i had him doing all these like weird like calisthenics yeah you're like i think the bloods are in ambler pennsylvania it was it was university of penn gotcha i was like dude there was these guys out there i think it's like a gang bro what the hell he was just like i don't know i don't see anybody out here i'm like i'll be back man i gotta spin the ball dude for my own safety i'm not making this delivery dude you can't do it dude i might die but then i called the headquarters of insomnia as one of the other deliveries that never got ordered and i called like hey my order never came here and they were like well you know well they're making all these things and like as they were like hey we'll figure it out i was like i probably should need him i'm so fucking fat anyway and they started being like oh come on man don't say that i'm like no i'm a fucking i'm a fat piece of shit i just shouldn't even have probably the weirdest shift that guy's ever had like i think i have to talk he's gonna kill himself i think i don't know this store finally called me like an hour later like are you okay yeah i was like i'm chilling i'm like i'm gonna kill myself i don't know i'm like i'm chilling they're like okay they just hung up yeah that was the end of that i used to deliver whippets to a drug addict did you really compton yeah because i don't even understand you can go to a smoke shop and just buy like whippets yeah and there's galaxy somehow like it's like i guess the the law like is like oh no people also just love whipped cream and stock or something like i don't know but yeah and this guy tipped very well he would literally answer the door like a breaking bad meth head like in a robe like and like grab this big package of like yeah whippets i would get him from like a smoke shop for like uber it was just it was like legal dude so apparently if you do whippets all the time like that your body just stops producing vitamin b12 like it like fucks you up that's like puts holes in your brains too right like your brain has like weird spots maybe i don't know probably the biohacking whippet addict it's like you got a supplement with the whippets well there's a there was a lady who went like paralyzed like she heard like legs stopped working because it's something to do with your body not producing like certain things and like it just shuts it off dude that and do you ever fuck with 70h no that is 70h is uh it's funny because i brought it up one time because i just like found out what it was and i like brought it up on a podcast and never finished talking about it so people were like dude whatever you do please don't do it's like 70h is kratom that's been like processed and refined almost like you know there's like percocets and then oxycontin or it's like the same ingredient but you just make it super strong so uh 70h is like a whippet and then oxycontin is so uh 70h is the shit they sell at gas stations that's like stronger than morphine yeah but you can just go buy it at a gas station it's insane so like people go there so you're there you know you're at the gas station you're like yeah let me get uh you know let me get some zins and those guys some of the guys would be like oh man set tried to 70h and people are like what's it like it's like it's very chill and there's dudes that start doing it they become literally they got to go on like fucking like methadone to get off crazy christ it's like the smoke shops were selling spice for a while it was like the fake weed yeah we're having like seizures and shit i've talked to people who do like a lot of drugs and like meth heroin they're like dude k2 is fucked up yeah which is you know same thing and it's like yeah it's a big jail drug people do they would do k2 in jail because it's like ketamine no it's spice it's like spice synthetic weed call it deuce yeah it's like crush you're like yeah dude we're smoking deuce and like my friend who's done literally every single drug you can imagine is like bro fucking k2 is fucked up i'm like yeah dude yeah i mean i can't smoke weed even like you should try spice once you think i should i'll lose my fucking mind i knew dudes who could smoke like ounces of weed yeah and they would have they had like they would go on probation they would smoke spice and they were like bro that was fucked up he smokes weed he turns into like the coney 2012 guy who just starts jacking off it fucks you up dude it fucks me up in a crazy way last time i smoked weed i was probably like 24 and uh my friends from california i was living in new york they sent me like a weed pen and i was like oh my god i'm gonna i ripped it twice i was up till 5 a.m crying because i couldn't remember like alan rickman's name i'm like in bed with my wife i'm like what's his fucking name she's like who and i'm like in harry potter and she's like daniel rackel i'm like you bitch no i made her go on like imdb and she goes alan rickman i go yeah oh god i love weed dude truly and then like i remember like that same night i was like such a cliche i was like watching family guy at a conference for me i was like i need something like comfortable to watch yeah i would laugh at a scene in family guy and then start crying because i forgot what i laughed at oh no weed does something to me that it's unbelievable what it does to me i get Alzheimer's truly dude i have dementia when i smoke weed and i'm scared you know there there is something scary about that though because i used to smoke weed constantly and like having like the coolest thought ever that's going to change your life yeah two seconds later going wait what was that right yeah get it you know what the fuck is going yeah you do get like so i do that and then cry like a baby i'm like way too emotional it fractures me dude forget what room i'm in so i'd be like so high and i'd be in the bathroom like peeing and i'd finish peeing and just be sitting there like and then it would slowly be like where am i oh fuck man i used to smoke so much weed that i'd get like panic attacks yeah from them and like but i knew how to handle them and i'd let be like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm gonna go put my feet up get some blood to my head and then the next day be like that's good not thinking about like that's kind of a crazy experience to have had i would also on dates when i was younger i would go i would get secretly so high from edibles and go on dates yeah so like i'd be like a movie date just like chill with my wife now i went to the movies one time and like you know middle of the day and i was like panicking from an edible i went in the bathroom and i'd be like mid-date like staring at myself in the mirror being like dude you can alter your reality right now you don't have to be afraid now get back in there and enjoy wuthering heights all right you have to for your wife and your family you have to enjoy it like you have marvel movie yeah i go back in and be like i think i just hacked my fucking brain right i'll never be afraid i think i'm iron man actually we're immortal i just found out we're immortal yeah i don't i rarely i'll like i'm like such a baby with it we're all like it's like a little bit of a baby with it it changed my brain over time yeah i just smoked it so much that as i got older i was like i i why am i doing this to myself like i'm like nervous and uncomfortable in public now it used to be like the total opposite i know yeah it just fucks me up now yeah i'm just not a drug guy at all i've never done cocaine me either yeah never will i don't understand the point never will never have i did molly for the first time with devon that's new year's yeah and uh molly's chill i think i lost my mind well yeah at a party it'd be tough but i feel like was it a party it was an airbnb the heights it was just me and devon holding each other we became one i'm caressing his back no molly with the bros is nice though it was me and all my like high school bros and devon and uh everyone's drinking too though so you're not really getting the full experience the kicking on molly does it's actually this is kind of embarrassing because i've only ever well this isn't the embarrassing part i think but i've only ever taken it with my wife we go to a hotel room we take it we just like chill that was the best part though that's chill yeah that was great kicks and i need her to like hold me because i like it hits me so hard that do you shake yeah when i had the first time i ever did it like earthquake like the whole world started shaking and it came on and i like you ever seen like butterfly effect yeah you know when he like transitions to a new timeline that's how molly hits me the whole world's doing this and i was like holy fuck this is the most scared i've ever been yeah yeah the high was cool the come down was the worst i've ever felt my entire life so yeah i the come down for me is i learned if you just have if you just smoke a little bit of weed or like a vape pen during the yeah but like you gotta that's my brother was like just sip it from the vape pen just have a little bit that actually did help last time i did it was like the come down was kind of nothing i went out i ate a huge same same i felt like really happy actually for about a week after i first did it yeah if i if i if i killed with the come down with weed i wouldn't be here today i think it would actually kill me yeah yeah i mean the come down was the worst i've ever felt my entire life the come down can be i could see it being kind of uncomfortable dude i feel like i was uh going down a roller coaster for three days straight really i had that like body anxiety like my stomach's in my throat really three days straight my i think my baseline is so low and depressive that like the molly wear off him is like all right i i still feel like like he hates when i uh i discount that it's the molly that gave him this feeling we were like binge drinking for days on end there's like nothing worse than alcohol like it makes me i have like visions when i'm hung over dude i'm the same way if i drink heavily for if i especially if i like tackle like two days together i'm like anxious and depressed for three days straight yeah i mean it didn't help for sure but uh i've been hung over a million times i've never i'm hung over right now true so you know yeah i don't i feel all right you know okay that's fair but now i i think maybe the molly by itself if you ever try it completely by itself i don't think it's that it's pretty chill actually yeah the first time i ever did it i i uh i had like two tall cans i was like this sucks and then my friend had given me uh a bag of molly because i was very depressed about kobe dying and he was like you gotta get out you gotta get out of this funk man that's it was he's a great guy yeah love you mark yeah that's so funny yeah yeah and we were all gonna do like la it was very yeah we were all gonna do like mushrooms and then it just kind of fell through and i was just kind of like man fuck i wanted to like it was in the pandemic we're all stuck inside so i just kept like dipping into this bag of molly throughout the night and then it all hit at once and everything shook and it was like crazy and i vomited and then i went into the bathtub and just like kept feeling like the tub and shit and then i just stayed up all night watching kobe highlights and just going like this like in front of the tv it was amazing it was like amazing everyone else hated me because they had the i kept vomiting and making their lives horrible but i had a great time no it was great man my best night was their worst night it's awesome you know that's so funny all night just truly my friend came up he came upstairs to check on me and i was just like doing this in front of the tv a good cartoon cartoon you're like a sims character that's glitching i went to bed grinning like i remember falling asleep like it was amazing i mean i've seen you watch kobe highlights sobered it's the happiest i've ever seen yeah i love it love it kobe freak over here that's awesome obsessed yeah that's awesome my cousin played against the mamba in summer league for real and my cousin's like a really yeah he was a really good basketball player and he played in the summer league and i remember him being like dude there's this guys from italy and he's like he's my cousin was really good and he was just like bro like this guy's a freak he's definitely going to the nba that's unbelievable that's the greatest i met you know pedro yeah when i started doing comedy with pedro pedro said he went to lower marion and i was like can i shake your hand like i it was that was the coolest thing ever to me my dad went to lower marion yeah yeah that's oh snap that's great yeah pretty sick i mean well guys i think we did it we're at an hour and i have to go now pick up my kid okay and um we're gonna have a date sick little day little day with the type two kids and the one's going to gymnastics so every now and again when one of them's busy i get to do like one-on-one uh what are we going to do we are going to well it's funny she already she picked out her outfit she wants to wear so she's gonna wear there's like an outfit she got this is the cutest thing i've ever heard yeah this is great yeah and then we got to go to the thinkery which is like a kid's museum and just let her play in there and probably go out to like early dinner and take her to the mothership top it up at mincy's so we're gonna go i gotta go pick her up at 2 30 what time is right now oh perfect 2 30 so sweet that's great oh yeah man so i don't know why i said no i'm just i should have kids yeah yeah i'm sorry just no what's your fucking problem i don't know i know you're happier than me it's fine thank you guys yeah do you have anything you guys want to yeah hey watch podcast hey watch podcast we're both on that and lemon party uh we were banned uh there's a there's a much more powerful uh jeff out there than epstein i believe uh check out lemon party it's fine it was just somebody kept reporting us okay are you guys gonna get it back on youtubes or you hit up people no one gives you a response we got some emails from like our ad people no one responded to us okay i don't know but we'll figure it out it's fine you know yeah hell yeah hey watch podcast yeah see you guys bye watch new episodes of matt and shane secret podcast on spotify do it hank joined bj's wholesale club the day he became a father of 30 i coach football now coach hank saves up to 25 off grocery store prices 30 pounds of pasta three cases of protein bars 75 sports drinks and that's just pre-game he knows teamwork and bj's knows savings this is your home coach home of the save join for just twenty dollars at bjs.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months open soon limited time offer new members only bj's home of the save this episode is brought to you by txu energy for the first time ever texans have an energy plan that combines free nights all year with daytime summer savings it's called free nights and cool summer you get free nights every night all year long plus a 25 bonus toward your daytime use all summer it's a first of its kind plan created for how texans actually use energy discover how much more you could save with free nights and cool summer txu energy energy for everything visit txu.com for more information rep number one zero zero zero four 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