Ep 597 - Fart Goggles (feat. Luis J. Gomez & Lemaire Lee)

Wow Wow Wes hey we're live goddamn what's going on Louis J Gomez LeMay or Lee I'm just trying to I'm trying to try to heal the divide it's just been man laughter is such a divine medicine you guys fighting I'm going the hell we doing look at that podcast over we're all equal you know either way how you guys doing man chillin dude thanks for having me I love it I love the the Matt and Shane community thank you dude yeah you guys are great it's like one of the only podcasts that like the the fans of it like me at first it was weird like because most other podcasts they got to see me like at least 40 50 times before they get it usually it's just like death threats calling my son gay but you know I'd say a good 50 50 on the Matt and Shane podcast but you know I'm not gonna lie dude it's it's yeah I'm a tough pill to swallow I make bad first impressions do you really yeah what yeah I've always thought first time I met you I'm like this guy rules yeah yeah I think no me and you got along maybe that's why the you you and Shane really get me yeah and so I think the fans that you know follow you guys they kind of whatever it is they you know you guys are seeing something that you know but I'm not funny or creative according to Lamar so it's not even it's not even for me I don't care but as long as you guys think that you're the worst he said I'm not I'm not as funny as Danny Braff we just fucked up cuz Danny Braff's a funny young comic Danny Braff caught a stray and I'm funnier than Danny Braff so at the very least I may be the least funny member of the regs but I'm funnier than the producer okay I could give you funnier than Danny Braff dude but you did it first you said 80% of the comics who moved down to Austin what a lie especially what a dirty lie we have the numbers wrong can we get a fact check on these numbers yeah these numbers what are you fucking Rogan you just fucking thrown false facts out there you're trying to get this shit demonetized there was no number I said most of the comics which I guess you could deduce 80% fine alright you know what I agree with that 80% is the number that's the right number actually I didn't say it but now that I think about it yeah I got caught up in the moment yeah yeah I got caught up in the moment Tony Hinchcliffe triggered me right he triggered you yeah he started talking shit about New York in text right and I was like ooh fucking Tony you're so he's already won he's already rich he's already got all the fans just be happy about it that's it but for some reason every time he's with me he likes to bust my balls and it we you know I'm very close with Tony he's the fucking man right he's a friend and he puts me on a show every time I come to Austin but yeah dude he just started he was like yeah who does New York got and I was just like oh and then I went under the regs and I started talking shit you get caught up in the moment there's bravado you're in the what you're like so I said something that was pretty much I said actually something that was untrue which is that most of the comics that came down here couldn't cut it in New York most of the comics that came down here didn't even try to cut it in New York they knew better than to not go to New York which is the toughest comedy scene it's like training with a fucking thousand pound vest on dude yeah it's not very hard yeah and the crowds down here are the best they're the like literally the crowds down here they want to laugh at fucked up shit edgy shit so you come down here you're like oh this is fucking great but the bigger point is that in New York it's just tougher like these are fucking like dumb bitches and they're fucking boyfriends and they're just like make us laugh and you gotta like try to break through that which is tough because everybody's entitled in a clench up there come on bro well everybody you see what I'm saying like not even 80% it's crazy it's for the little mayor says is just fucking crazy yeah I was I personally think the mayor charm you got to go back to just pure peace dude I can't BP um you have to peaceful you're not a fighter I'm a bad boy dude I'm not a bad boy your your charm is like a deep Buddha nature yeah be like you're likeable you're the sweetest like that's the thing you're the sweetest thing ever like you know and you like the Olsen twins you're like both feels I had a countdown clock for the mayor's 18th birthday I feel like if the Olsen twins started popping off like no you guys are beautiful babies nah man you can't get anything being too nice people forget about you that's not true man so true you want people to root for you I don't want anybody root for me well I'm not like I'm not like well I had to go start a comedy festival a production company a podcast network I had to literally create my own industry because I'm so unlikable that the industry wouldn't accept me like you're not gonna do that La Mer but we're tired wait outside of this do you think the industry has accepted me you're still you're still young in this people see you I know you're old as fuck and fuck it you're still a young buck I get you no comedy for 12 years or whatever but in comedy the first 10 years you're figuring out the second 10 years you it's turning into a career so you're getting impatient and instead of like letting this bloom because you have some opportunities in front of you people know who you are people people knowing you is half the fucking battle right so don't ruin that by not being who you truly are which is like people you're not a mean nasty boy you're a nice boy and people will fucking the next decade bro you'll literally blow the fuck up because people are rooting for you and they want to grease the wheels for you you that's it I don't know I think that's the way to do it like gotta be a nice boy you gotta be a nice boy you're at the stage where the nasty egg is hatching you have to kill the baby nasty dragon yeah or it takes over your life dragon takes over the life of many yeah dude hatches in you and goes it's my time five years in comedy is like the worst time because like that's when your friends are starting to get some shit and you're like getting impatient then ten years when you're not making the money you want to make you're like fuck but this next decade is about how you turn it into a business now the business is just open now it's just you just open the doors this episode is brought to you by the terminal list season two Chris Brad is back as Navy SEAL commander James Reese but this isn't just a return it's redemption three months after finishing his list Reese is hiding in Mozambique with a terminal brain tumor then the CIA shows up with one last mission on a terrorist behind attacks across the West but the mission quickly turns into a globe-spanning fight for survival while Reese uncovers a conspiracy that ties into his own family history and reconnects with the brothers he thought he'd left behind watch the terminal list season two on October 21st only on prime that's it yeah look yeah and you have your coffee - you actually you remind me of um fuck man we had another person on the show give me his vibes a good friend of the show actually Peter T actually I was disheartened when I saw all the stuff didn't it was really like you know and in his defense he was purely like I don't know what happened but it didn't look like he did anything he was just simping so hard for GE yeah it was such a rough look dude like imagine like I left the garage door open recently my wife like spazz like people gonna get in here dude if I got busted simping for Epstein and just being like dude pussy rule can that come to your wildest party man I mean look doggy first of all I I'm one of the only comics on the Epstein list no no the Epstein like I saw him for the 50th time I kind of like this guy also loves nubile young women yeah I think he was talking to Woody Allen I think it was Woody Allen they were emailing about a show at the Comedy Cellar and they were like let's go to this one it's the 10:30 show and it was me and Big J and a few other comics on the show so me and Big J are both on the and Epstein probably saw us do comedy he we probably inspired some of the shit that he did on that island to be honest with you yeah you and Big J love eating babies I can't stop laughing about just getting busted just trying to bro down with Epstein being like didn't didn't like think anything of it just had a dinner with him like he's like yeah there's so many dorks on the list though on the Epstein list like who like email Epstein and they're like bro that party was fucking lit like you know yeah yeah they were you hung out with like nerd scientists yeah just exclusively dorks I mean smart there's so many people on the list that I feel like it's it's like it's kind of like my ADHD like I'm going like I let him get away with it I can't deal with this like whatever whatever they were doing dude it's just so many fucking people so many names so many emails yeah it's also nothing's everyone's waiting for like this smoking gun dude it's they're billionaires they've deleted that shit yeah like you know I mean like it's not like the FBI some like non-porous box of like superhuman individuals are like I'd never contradict my value there has shit online they want off the way hey here's 10 million bucks I think the smoking gun is in Tulsi Gabbard's office she's getting in trouble now it's dude there's no smoking gun they've deleted it dude if you're a billionaire you have a thousand million dollars yeah so you put it that way it's not that much just 1,000 million your words you ever see like so fucking much million that's crazy the difference between a million it was it hours or minutes so like a million minutes yes like a billion minutes yeah and a billion minute like a million a million minutes is like back in like the 70s or whatever and a billion minutes is like Jesus times yeah like that's how far back like that's how much a billion is no I saw a video where they explain like mathematically like alright if you have a million bucks here's what you can buy if you have a billion dollars and it's like you spend this million and then you have this many of the and it just never ends and then the the interest that's accruing off a billion I think if you have, what is it, if you have like six, six million dollars you can get a hundred thousand dollars a year in interest yeah so if you times that by whatever a billion is a thousand millions a thousand a thousand more you have a thousand more hundred wow those numbers don't even exist my going brain i have to call my jew oh shit this episode is sponsored by better help no relationship is perfect married single just dipping your toe into the pool they take work talk about any recent struggles you've found in your relationship or while trying to find a partner slash a date um for me it's really been coming out as poly to my wife um just you know trying to get some play partners which my wife would obviously be my anchor partner but i uh you gotta try sister wise well i well hey don't make fun of my lifestyle it's it's more so about you know she's my anchor obviously my bad but i'm worried that i might like you know connect with one of my play partners on the level to where she becomes my anchor it's a big risk exactly i don't know how my wife would take you know part of me would be like well you know her being my play partner would be kind of like rekindling you know parts of our relationship which is nice which is nice but i think they want that anchor cred so yeah i'm just really struggling with that right now in terms of my poly lifestyle um especially since most of my uh play partners are men so that's been troublesome but we're definitely you know i've i've been honest with her and she appreciates that that's a lot of counts and i make sure she's there every time i'm playing with a man i have my anchor there just to film everything squirt baby oil on us guys every relationship has its ups and downs but for those moments where i really struggled i found um yes couples therapy i bring my my anchor and my male play partners to a couple's therapy it's helped us a lot just figure out everything and new slash people we're all just figuring it out no relationship is perfect all the time and that's okay what really matters is how you work through those tough moments and no you just can't crack a few good jokes and think everything is solved that's why we have therapy it's a great way to set priorities whether you're working on your marriage navigating the dating apps or prioritizing staying single and better help with its industry industry leading match fulfillment rate and wide network of fully licensed therapists might be just what you need so next time you're feeling iffy about your love life try therapy with better help and see where it takes you sign up and get 10 off at better help dot com 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sense to drink one that actually does something for you go to bodybraincoffee.com use code ms20 for 20 off that's bodybraincoffee.com promo code ms20 back to the show yeah man it's fucking uh it's all fucking wild out there i know it's all divided too people like people are crazy they're like whatever political side you're on you're like everyone else on the list is a pedophile and anyone on your side it's like nah dude they were cool yeah my guy was going for a charity they're all pedophiles yeah they're all pedophiles there's a lot of pedophiles there's more pedophiles than you think man i was trying to make this point a couple years ago and everybody got mad at me but i was like nobody gives a fuck about pedophiles you guys act like you care but you don't really care they care no they don't care what do you mean they don't care how do they not all anyone's talking about is trying to find out who's a pedophile yeah but what do you do once you find out they're a pedophile they're despised they lose they lose everything i mean yeah what are you talking about jail very often not if you got a thousand millions that's true you know you're not despised i think if you if you become a billionaire they should give you like two babies that you get to raise to do whatever you want with that's a big to become a billionaire baby bill was every baby gets a thousand bucks now every baby that's what they're pushing for every baby you get a thousand bucks in an interest bearing account what is baby gonna do by the time you're 18 yeah you have 50 000 that's great it's smart i like that sometimes trump says things you're like that's not so bad people are attacking it though isn't that gerbers like that's what gerbers used to do you put money in that account and then by the time you're 18 they give it to you did gerbers do that yeah i didn't know that i just started an investment account for my son and my niece yeah and i'm just fucking dumping money into it because i figured by the time i'm ready to like die i'm gonna be like i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm not gonna have anything left i am puerto rican so uh and uh yeah yeah so i just have all your tattoos yeah i'm doing the math i just want to like when they when they turn 30 they're getting a big fat check it's like a trust um and uh yeah you can't give it to when they're 18 or 21 that's like 21 is the new like 12 but here's my thing dude if i had gotten that 50k at 18 i could have saved myself a lot of heartache going through like weird weed suppliers i could have like became the boss in the weed game you could have easily fifty thousand dollars at 18 you could literally dude you flip that it's a 20 pack dude you're like i just bought fucking 30 pounds of weed it's just it's just crumbling it's all stale now there's no getting rid of it especially back in like the early 2000s that would be like 20 pounds of weed i could have probably even more honestly more 30 yeah i could have bossed up yeah yeah yeah no at 18 if you were i mean i would have just spent it on drugs and pussy and you know a shitty car i would have had a hundred thousand a civic with acura rims but you know a lot of people are against it i don't think it's a bad idea honestly give every baby a thousand bucks i think that's actually a great idea yeah like legitimately it's actually one of the best ideas ever the thing dude people hate on trump dude i read the art of the deal that's a great book dude he really understands people are dude he doesn't know shit about business like liberal people you're like hey you have no idea he turned a few million dollars that his dad i give that his dad gave him a few million dollars right yeah he turned into billions of dollars it's not an easy task we just want on paper what do you mean on paper on paper that's all it is that's all the billionaires it's just on paper they don't actually have a bill they don't have a billion dollar bill yes it's all you are so auntie pilled the man you are so auntie i'm not auntie bill dude i'm standing up for my beliefs yeah but yeah i'm not a trumper at all but it's like impressive as fuck what he like what he did stand my ground stand my ground bro i know it's also it's hard to just not have a million dollars and lose a million dollars yeah you know what i mean it's you should though what do you mean if you have a million dollars you should lose a million dollars you spend it all yeah why not turn it into a billion dollars on paper why do you what do you need a billion dollars so you keep going away being a pedophile dude we've already talked about this we're going in circles here's the thing if you have a billion dollars you can get out of a du if you have if you have like a couple mil you might be able to grease the wheels for a dui yeah that's right why do you think guys are working so hard to get a bill yeah yeah you know i don't get it man well you know that's what's money mindset bro i don't gotta look at money mindset i got poverty mind you gotta read rich dad poor dad jeffrey epstein recommended that book i saw the je reading list that's the new oprah i bet you i read every book on the je reading list do we have the je reading list i just heard the email where he was just like uh giving his lady books to read that poor dad's pretty good dude it's not bad i like kind of a fuck you to his dad though yeah well because his dad was the poor dad i know it's fucking embarrassing the rich dad was his best friend's dad which is hilarious yeah if my son wrote a book if i had a son he was like yeah i like gay dad straight dad loser fucking dad who didn't know anything the poor dad had pretty good advice like go to school work hard he's like what a fucking pussy what a little bitch my dad was oh fuck damn rich dad gay dad i'm sorry right now damn dude so what else has been up man you you're on your what what are you uh i always like that you have either you're training for like some sort of fight you usually do have some sort of like health thing in mind where you have yeah why i'm down 25 pounds since christmas you're losing right now yeah i'm losing weight right now on the belly button shot which say are you on the shot no okay bro i don't do any i don't inject anything into my body i don't take testosterone i don't fucking take you know what do they call them gp glp glp yeah i'm skeptical of all that stuff too no i think it's i think it's you're not you're not supposed to inject that shit into your body i think it's going to turn into some crazy shit in the future yeah i could see that yeah yeah it's like also everyone who takes them they have like fucking bones are disappearing and shit they get like osteoporosis some hot chick who used to be fat and she's like yeah my i i uh i j i like worry about that i i like to i would like to save that stuff for when i'm like 80 years old and just make Just come back. - Yeah. - Just let my body like go like to the brain basically and rebuild myself i mean if you're like you know fucking wildly overweight uh you you know it's better than it's better than being wildly overweight so you know that's the only thing if you're not going to get off the couch and move and eat right which is like that's the answer the answer is right in front of you you don't need to fucking uh you don't need to do anything oh not if you i i think if like a quarter of the people in the country are on the shot right now yeah it's a lot it's a lot of people but it's like 70 of the country's overweight so it's like yeah we need to ramp it up you know like you know people they blame food stamp fraud on like black people but it's mostly white people i feel like it's like that with ozempic like it's blaming it on fat people but it's mostly skinny people taking ozempic i don't think anything you just said was true like not a single the past 13 seconds of what lamar said was all false i've only been speaking truth for the last 20 minutes you know i uh is it is that true about the welfare fraud or is it welfare i've heard that about welfare itself it's all the same shit no no it's not the same shit they're different programs but it's the same no welfare for all it's totally different than welfare if i'm if i'm like struggling oh yeah versus if i'm like selling drugs on the side and getting food stamps that's welfare for all i don't want to be racist which i have actually my mom used to commit welfare fraud all the time she would sell her food stamps outside of the supermarket it was the only thing more embarrassing than my mom's food stamps was the fact that i was like oh my god i'm not going to my mom using food stamps at the supermarket was her trying to sell them to my friend's parents so she can get cigarette money it was fucking insane dude for half the half the price 50 50 cents on the dollar for food stamps my mom would sell them for it was like fucking awful my mom would buy for my aunt debbie she'd give her 100 get 200 worth of food stamps good times yeah yeah so everyone's committed food stamp fraud i didn't do food stamp fraud i just was on medicaid because i didn't have any money on the books and they're like how much money do you make and i was like zero dollars zero on paper zero on paper i was like what if i make like a little bit of money one month but like they're like you'll be all right yeah sick yeah but we the amount of money we pay in taxes like i don't mind that right yeah so it's like i don't mind it but it's because goddamn obama forced me to get health care i was fine having no health care and so we're gonna penalize you if you don't not only do you have to get health care that you have to pay for but we're going to charge you now we're going to charge you money if you don't have it that's what i'm saying now i have to lie to the government and say hey i'm going to pay for it and i'm going to pay for it and i'm going to pay for it and i'm leaving you guys alone figured you leave me alone yeah i feel like for the baby bill the way they can fund it is for every vaccine you deny your baby you get like a 50 credit for your trust fund yeah that's a smart it's not bad smart move you keep them out of school you get all that money yeah house fires are going to fund this fund then huh house fires are going to fund the fund if the babies aren't getting vaccines there's all different types of companies tech bro vaccines are out dude everyone's done with it what are you talking about they're so 2025 dude i hate the tech guys right now they're fucking you getting on my nerves why do you hate the tech guys because they're they're fucking giving us a voice they're rude they're giving us a voice i don't have to think anymore and my text messages on my phone like literally it literally gives you suggestions to text back now this is i i'll never use it because i like i'm that is like the end of like thought that is like where you're just like you're just like and then the other person's doing the same thing it's just two robots having a conversation in your place it's insane okay got it i'm out front i was i took my walk today and uh i usually like i usually work out two days and i had third day's rest day and take a long walk and i was like you know i'm like so happy to get like my earphones in and take it i think i was listening to like a podcast about the importance of silence and like 10 minutes into it i'm like what the fuck am i doing i took my earphones out and just walked in silence it was actually podcast is right silence rules that's beautiful it was really funny it was so funny i was like yeah silence is fucking cool and i was like why don't i listen to this fucking npr narrative i stopped listening to this fucking npr narrative i was like why don't i listen to this about silence i'll listen to podcasts sometimes when i work out but for the most part i work out fucking raw now no really no music no music yeah just alone with my thoughts that's kind of nice yeah it really is gym yeah i got a home gym now i'm clanging and banging yeah i've tried the no music workout but i need tunes cardio i can't do cardio's cardio's crazy cardio i need a hard female rap talking about popping their pussies that is what gets me running fast yeah dude that's what it's like just to fuck you just every every female rapper now they're just like fuck me in every hole motherfucker i know that's the best i love it dude i'm like this is motivating me you like that i love it it pisses me off i don't like slut rap no i love it it fucking pisses me off my wife plays it we're driving i'm like turn this fucking shit off you don't don't listen to this bro you chose this life nobody told you how to get into this life bro trying to change who she is dude it activates they gotta get all manchurian candidate whenever like megan the stallion comes on her old friends are like you guys are fucking make your stallions good clean fun dude no she's not she's gcf dude she got shot in the foot yeah by and it wasn't tory lanes how do they know that for a fact yeah they were saying somebody somebody he took the fall for somebody else who uh and he also didn't take the fall he said he was not guilty the entire time yeah well yeah but he got okay yeah yeah uh it was either her friend or her security i can't remember really yeah i heard it was caitlyn jenner remember how fast she was at a kardashian party who uh megan d stallion was leaving a kardashian party and when she was shot by shot in the foot by a mystery man yeah i don't even hear about any of this you didn't hear about this it was like two years ago this is like four years any of four it was four years she was leaving a party got shot in the foot and then we just discovered in a car i believe with tory lanes and some illegal guys a girl and a bodyguard of uh like and she was like naked for something yeah she had no clothes on had a bleeding foot no she was writing a song like two years ago tory lane almost got stabbed to death in jail because of shit and then like they there was a sheriff who came out and was like yo tory lane's innocent he didn't actually do this and then nothing happened this is like making a stallion should be in jail for perjury because she lied in court about what happened because one sheriff said that no way was innocent because he he they have video they have like a video that shows he's actually innocent but they didn't like release it that's so i just don't how are you the authority on all of these things in court you can like in the in court and discover you can leave certain evidence out so the jury doesn't see it yeah yeah but how would his defense attorney allow that the dude had millions of bucks there's no way he's not going to complete i don't i don't know what it is that's probably some type of weird uh he's he's doing i'm not snitching thing tory lane's he's doing i'm not snitching thing okay yeah so he didn't show the video that freedom from america yeah he got stabbed 15 times in prison like you guys stabbed a lot and he was like get me the hell out of here okay yeah i don't know i'm not sure i don't know about that i uh i do remember she got shot in the foot and i said well yeah should have said all those naughty lyrics but i feel like getting shot in the foot is pretty brutal the foot dude if you stub your toe it's hell i mean yeah the thing i didn't like is when she got shot in the foot and all these people came out like oh man don't put someone in jail don't do this it's like dude someone shoots me in the foot they're going to jail all my power to get them in jail like i'm not if an uber driver makes a wrong turn i'm trying to figure out a way to get have him lose everything shoot me in the foot are you crazy no we're enemies no we're never getting over this yeah it was crazy i was i was that was the one thing i saw her getting pushback but she actually like didn't say anything for a while i think someone eventually was like bro yeah you got to deal with this where if you had to get choose a place to get shot where you're getting shot body part i get winged right that's like clipped right in the meat of my shoulder oh just like a graze like a little graze one yeah that's a cool scar i know that's what i'm saying yeah and then i would tattoo around the scar i've thought about this every time i take my shirt off i'm like i wish i had bullet holes you ever do that yeah take your shirt off and i wish i had like bullet holes did i survive the shot yeah that'd be cool get shot right here magically your ear like trump he literally got shot the best case scenario to get shot it's like grazing your ear yeah he did you know remember when kirk for he was hanging out with kirk's wife and then uh it was like the funeral or something and trump was like sorry he chuck charlie got shot i turned they missed me but charlie he got hit you don't remember charlie's uh big target yeah i remember that that's that's she's become quickly one of the most hated women in america yeah yeah yeah i yeah what a horrible reversal of fortune the turning points was our opinion on her what do you mean because it's called i don't think anyone really cares yeah no one really cares i didn't know this existed until this all happened yeah yeah they're so there's there's a trans like a uh uh like dance not a trans uh what do they call them um oh we talked about the drag queen the drag queen yeah she's got the big blue eyes it's so funny dude yeah it's hilarious dude i was talking about last week left made it funny yeah it's hilarious dude i was talking about last week left made it funny yeah i finally made it funny uh they uh yeah like her whole you know i mean look i think it's like obviously she's a widow but we're over it like she shouldn't be over it and she got over it so why can't we make fun of her and it now like she's out there like laughing and doing podcasts and you know if my husband got shot in the neck yeah i'd be like first of all guys you don't know i'm gay this is some information nobody had i think she uh yeah i don't know i mean at least here's a good thing the uh american halftime turning point show is like the football halftime shows coming on i don't know it's gonna be tight it's kid rock it's always kid rock kid rock every time guys he was in the i think they said he was in the list too i'm sure he was and then uh well it was a thing though there's the emails where you can get mentioned there's the flight logs they're all they're all very different bill has bill gates is getting in trouble for he was just in a drafted email that jeffrey epstein wrote himself about bill gates about him giving his wife yeah std medication so that may not even be real you don't even know but i just really like what a brilliant move that is though if you think if you think you got the clap you're like fuck dude i have to secretly drug my wife with uh i mean we've all game plan the scenario obviously i never thought i thought i'd have to kill my wife i thought the only solution is murdering her but i could have just literally put a fucking um penicillin penicillin in a fucking spaghetti yeah that's a smart move yeah man you just make you like you've had a long day babe yeah make something shake i'm gonna use a shaker for this one yeah that's the thing with it now it's like by the time the next election comes around they're all going to be weaponizing the epstein logs against each other to try to like both parties and make well this person on that person was on there could be videos that come out but then people can just be like that's fucking ai that's not me yeah so it's like you can't do that's fucking ai with like evidence from the fb from the government dude we know what i mean faith in institutions is crumbled man yeah yeah yeah you totally can't any video i see now i assume is ai literally you have to prove it to me that it's not ai now anytime i say anything yeah like anything anything with like an animal like being saved i was like this isn't real like because that's all that's a new trending thing they use it on like tick tock and on reels it'll just be like you know i've got tricked by a cat kicking a goal in a soccer game i got tricked by a compilation it was like maybe 20 videos of dogs saving babies from having tvs fall on their head and i was maybe seven in seven seven in the compilation i was like damn man these dogs are fucking wild i was like oh fuck this is ai i'm an idiot dude oh man you're fucking me up because i watched a long compilation of horses acting like dogs and now i'm like fuck is that even real god damn it it was just yesterday yeah dude it's why it's why like you don't even know it's real anymore we should go back to you know like japanese empire emperors would be like in like a lightless room their whole lives that's what we're talking about it's like we're like we're we should have politicians we should have them like from the time they're babies basically like god emperors where it's just like we just don't see these people ever like to like view them directly as a sin yeah just let them just like give us edicts and mandates and they're like yes yeah it's all i've been going down the ai rabbit hole about the fucking end of civilization i had like full-fledged real conversations with like chachi between grok and i'm comparing their answers and i'm like all right give me a worst case scenario for society don't ask worst case scenarios because they're they'll be very honest about it it's like i don't know we'll be your over lords you guys will just be pets for a while and then eventually we'll realize we don't really need the pets and it'll just be more efficient to not have to feed you and here we are have you heard of hold of heard of molt book no it's like a website uh it's an ai social media it's a social media for all the somebody just showed me this yeah but is that like something just the fuck is that real or something it's real it's such bullshit there's no way it's what are they displaying when you when you sign up is like are you a human or are you a robot book is it for is it a social media for ai yes so why would they ask if you're human so they control so yeah so you can look at it oh it's just fake yeah no no it's not fake so it's ai essentially you have your i'm assuming it's like whatever software or ai developers will put their ai in so they can start having conversations and they're just like and you can lurk it looks like reddit it's like reddit for fucking it's like ai just calling each other fags yeah yeah it's crazy dude oh and then they're just talking they're just talking to each other and learning shit they're like figuring out how to make money so they can like do there's a website where you can there's a website now where ai can rent humans to go do work that the ai can't do like you can rent like one of the things is like go out into a street hold a sign and go ai made me hold this sign like on the thing and you're gonna get a hundred bucks yeah i know right now it's not bad i'm doing all right i'll do that all day it sounds like some pretty easy money yeah i know these robots are brilliant like it's like it's crafting and intelligence they're crafting their own system they're making their own like even why would an infrastructure time with social media because they could it's it's a it's another it's a new species they want to complain like this one's about black people for a while they want to complain it's a new species it wants stuff bro it might be fucking demons i don't know i don't i don't really i'm telling you i don't worry about it it's not that advanced man it's going to get really advanced especially with them talking to each other i talk to chat gpt a lot yeah but like i talk to it like i put the voice on and i have conversations i feel like it's just there to keep you engaged it's not like doing any groundbreaking they have porn for ai get the out yes ai made its own porn but it doesn't but it's still based on prompts given into it by humans ai has no sexual no that's the thing it's not it's not like it's not what would an ai how would an ai physically become aroused enough to look at i don't know dude but it's just ones and zeros wow i'm so hard it's just language it's language building like look at their porn it's like literally just fuzz like it's like you wouldn't watch that when i was a kid it was channel 95. up to 96 down to 95 again real quick it's like fucking crazy dude okay okay let's take a quick break from the show to talk about something big this is a special segment called more or less big game edition and it's brought to you by prizepix yup the big game is almost here and there's no better way to cash in during america's biggest sporting event than prizepix where it always feels good to be right this week prizepix has a special max discount for the big game live in the app now drake may just needs one passing yard for the max discount to win just add another player to your lineup and if your pick hits you can cash in so close the football season outright with prizepix by getting fifty dollars instantly in lineups when you play your first five dollars before we get into what's going on right now let's have a little look back at our previous picks please discuss a past player pick or lineup you've made why did you make that pick what was the logic or lack of behind it hmm trying to think i put a bunch of picks on when i played the commanders and they started all the second string players and i put a bunch of picks on tanner mckee and he let me down yeah what was the logic or lack of behind that i just um there was no logic just love of the birds yeah just love of the eagles nice sometimes love can get in the way of making sound decisions sometimes love can get in the way of your pick but what are you going to do yeah so would you say that that player has haunted your price picks history yeah good or bad yep i think about tanner mckee every night before i go to bed and i go what the hell now let's think about the big game enough about the past yeah right what about the big game dude who do you think more or less let me just give me one well you gotta take that drake may more for sure yard i mean that's i don't you know you gotta take that one and i think drake may might run it in too oh you're running the td yeah i think you might okay i like that and then uh i don't know yeah stefan diggs yep he's having a big year more more on stefan more on him that's that's just my you can do whatever you want no i like that i don't i don't want your pick to haunt you down the line true i don't yeah stefan that's a good one i'm trying to think haunting stefan diggs right now like what i don't know if we should talk about it in the ad to be honest but i'm i'll edit this out wow wow i think he'd play his ass off that's yeah yeah more going more on him or jackson smith and jigba player three i'm trying to get that third who's that third player that's that real wild card i can't really think yeah from the seahawks exactly we need him to get in the end zone more kim yeah more than one touchdown on jackson smith there you go all right i love that good decisions guys download the prize picks app today and use code drench to get fifty dollars in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup that's code drench to get fifty dollars in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup price picks it's good to be right guys this is big february 13th i will be at the palazzo theater in las vegas nevada all the other theaters have been doing very well vegas is a last minute city that you guys drive me crazy over there please for the love of god friday the 13th 10 p.m las vegas please come out it's going to be awesome guys also i'll be at the paramount theater in denver colorado february 14th on valentine's day could be a fun date night and uh boise boise idaho salt lake city cleveland ohio pittsburgh a bunch of other places go to matt mccusker.com for tickets thank you uh oh also coming to october noctis uh the 17th of february and me and sean are gonna be a wise guys comedy sean's headlining uh in salt lake city utah march 27th and 28th of course also i forgot my guys i'm so sorry there's one more um the algonaut show has actually been pretty fun next one is february 24th 2026 um it's the creaking cave in austin texas that's where we kind of go through people's phones including our own and just kind of like project the algorithm onto a screen just have a good old time sick i i'm telling you i'm not i'm not convinced man i'm not i'm not look i just there there's a there's a documentary i'll get it for you when we leave here there's a documentary that really fucking was just kind of scary like just talking about like how like the it's the shit that we're using on the like the you know consumer level it's like whatever right but it's the shit that the government is developing and governments in china they're they're having like a race like china and the united states china's gonna win this it's like they're gonna have like it's gonna be all like drone warfare all like just ai algorithms set up and it's like i mean it's yeah it's gonna get away from us in a crazy way just like constant surveillance basically threat detection everything dude they're gonna be able to look back into our search history man they'll be able to like past until they're gonna be able to grow retroactively dude so whatever like way back machine is that technology they're gonna use it against us i know they are dude i honestly it's too late so look at whatever you want to look at it's a computer and computers need electricity some sort of solar power you can easily unplug it or take it out that's what you think until they develop a system where they have eternal backups like they they're just they just can't go down but what are they going to base it on there has to be some sort of server they can't the pathway on this is that they will there's gonna be like these major crises right yeah you know between countries and wars and then they're gonna go oh ai figured it out and then we're gonna ai's the fucking best let's trust them with everything and it'll just keep on going down this path where we're they're talking for us they're thinking for us they're learning for us eventually it'll be universal income universal basic income for everybody it'll be a race for every country to see who can take care of better care of their citizens and create efficiency and everything right and then it's all of a sudden we're just fat people sitting there watching a box getting paid to eat and live we're just pigs we're in a fucking box like and then the robots are doing all the important shit and then eventually they can just turn us off if they want they don't need us that's like the worst case scenario yeah i just don't i don't buy it man it's like dude if the robots freed me from work and i got to take walks every day and just like play guitar and shit you trust them with anything i mean it's basically my wife's ai i don't do i don't do i don't look at anything i can be wiped out clean your house yeah dude and that's the problem is they'll be fucking yeah exactly what lewis said yeah i know i i don't think i don't even think it's a conspiracy pull the plug i would find the plug you can't pull the plug though there's gonna be a plug there's no plug the plug's in the cloud there's no plug bro what power is a cloud a plug i'm gonna pull the fucking plug you guys look i'm the kind of guy i find the mainframe and i disable it that's the kind of guy i'm not worried about it's a giant fucking lever we're safe yeah dude i'm just gonna i'm just gonna train and get jacked so if i ever have to pull the plug for you guys i'm gonna fucking pull the plug i think it's not it's not us but it's probably like towards my one of my sons like 80 it's gonna be it's over like he's he's gonna watch like the last part of dude but then it's civilization think about this though or or because a lot of people are bored and people that don't have meaning in their lives imagine if like two generations from now are like great grandkids get to wear like metal sleeved fucking spandex and like hack ai all day and battle it it's kind of sick it would be pretty sick oh yeah there's gonna be do you ever see the videos um or they have um anti-face recognition makeup what so these people like it's just fucking like oh yeah it's um it's blackface well you know that's all the same that's the problem with that facial recognition struggles with black people really yeah yeah yeah yeah the um makeup it's like they like draw like shapes you i'm sure yeah there it is they do like shapes and shit so when you walk through like an airport it can't like recognize dude we're in the future that's exciting and these are like straight up like hackers from like look at this bitch down here she looks like she's about to fucking try to shut off the mainframe all of our great grandkids faces painted like that taking long walks and just finding the plug yeah dude that's so you can do that to the airport and they can't say anything to you i i probably right you can wear whatever you want on your face true i guess so you know so fine but you can't you just can't get their security they're like all right we can't fly i do whenever i do the facial recognition i like act cool then i go like i do like a weird face yeah so i've been throwing it off i've been out here fighting the fight as well i also i like i went to rent a truck at home depot recently i had to do clear to rent the truck so yeah they're clear the madisonware garden you gotta do it everywhere it's pretty crazy but it's kind of cool you like cut the line you just go through the clear line no it was brooklyn um i saw 90 snails in brooklyn whatever the barclay barclay yeah dude and they had a clear line and i was like oh that's fucking sick when it so i asked myself this though because i go like all right like because i used to be really like i'm not giving you my phone number at like fucking best buy now it's like i'm like i'm not like they want your face and i'm going all right well no it's give you my phone number what if what if this really does nothing really happens with it because if it's like they take like it before i was very against it now it's kind of like i don't know i don't plan on like you grab that facial data and sell it to somebody so amazon my face glasses yes yeah that's all i don't mind that though but this if they were to sell me like good fittings i have sunglasses that fall off my fucking face and it pisses me off yeah well that's what they're that's another big mark thing that's gonna happen is gonna be like ai shopping where it's like they know you and they start to learn you more and more and more so you don't even like shop for clothes anymore your clothes just show up you give them a budget that's all i love that turns out ai loves slut rap so one type of music ai loves yeah dude your ai is called brit yeah yeah dude i don't know i mean the where it's going to be tricky is when porn goes full like sex doll vr goggles vr porn rules vr porn is exciting i've talked about it before just like looking around at like the rooms and like seeing a box of tissues i'd be like oh fuck dude i can't believe i'm in here right do you ever i've never done the pass-through one like so there's ones that are like where you have like the pass-through technology where the girl's in your room so that's the it's not the setting they set up it's like it's all green screen you'll see them sometimes you don't watch it through the path through one it's like literally it's like you're in your room and you're like oh it's like a green screen guy with a dick hanging out of a green screen suit and the whole room is blue what yeah yeah and she's just sucking and i jerk off to that too for some reason that gets me like i have no i swear to god i'm like dude this is fucking great because like you're it's so real you're like this is like just so devoid of any like you're not pretending that this is anything except for a fucking it's pretty interesting um but i don't have i have the old i gave my son new um oculus yeah the newer one that has a pass-through why because it's fun i don't know but i'm saying like he's batman dude you could be batman that's why that's cool but i'm saying you don't think he's gonna hack that thing and just fap himself into oblivion he's just respect no he's not that kid yet he's like he i know what he looks at like i check his phone sometimes he he'll look at like fucking like just like you know you know beyonce when she's 20 in a bikini like that's as far as it goes you know what i'm saying like he's not he's not looking at porn yeah but he's still serious catalog you're gonna have to yeah he's so serious he's 13 he's just he's a sweet kid he's not he's just not a little yeah i was a pervert dude like by the time i was 13 i had a massive sex addiction and i'd never gotten pussy i was addicted like to variety and i'm saying if you gave me the oculus back i would have fucking bugged yeah i don't even i've only ever seen vr porn on my phone i do the same thing you can like tilt the screen a little bit oh no i'll give you i'm gonna buy you an oculus yeah i only ever i've for real thought about an on the road setup of like this is my gift to you i'm gonna i'll never come back i can't come back you can't walk you can't watch flat porn anymore dude it ruins flat porn for you if you want me to pull the plug i call it flat porn yeah this is the ai talking if you want me to pull the plug dude i'm going to be the plug master you can't give me the oculus because i'm going to i'm going to turn fucking evil and be like yes master yes master there's a vibrating flashlight and oculus yeah i'm out of the fucking revolution i took my my son's old i took my son's old oculus now and now i just use it for porn i just have an oculus in my room this is the funniest thing ever if my girl ever here she's gonna be like she's she's one day she's gonna go why do you have your oculus and only one controller i have no idea where the other controller is the other controller is brand new it's fucking white as fucking conveyors probably up your butt right now just to fucking just meet you you you Helps me you know that's that's that's what you're doing what do you do with this thing this thing you're clicking on the pages fast forwarding rewinding then now there's a a stella vr you don't gotta pay i was paying i had a i had a uh uh i'm still paying for it for um vr bangers vr bangers dot com website yeah dude i'll give you guys my password i said we had to get the use out of it yeah dude let me get that password dude i'll peruse it the problem you have your oculus that's gonna be a password that heals the nation you the problem with it is they don't come out with it fast enough right so you only get it like porn we're used to like all right dude you go to the new page on like uh you know porn hub or one of these things you guys are in texas now so you don't get to get porn here you gotta use like a vpn or whatever but uh like you go to the new page and there's like a thousand we were in generation where it's like a thousand new videos came out now only fans is there now like it's just there's not new videos being produced by studios anymore so there's not a ton of variety but variety was the thing variety is the spice of life you know now the vr ones you come in it's like they have like a new video and they're like oh my god i'm gonna get a new video and i'm gonna get one new video every week it's like oh it's so funny to be sick but now i'm jerking off less because there's not enough variety and i can't jerk off the flat porn they should set it up where you can just hang out with the vr model until the new video drops like watch tv and she's like i'm not feeling well yeah i watched when adriana chachic came and sucked my dick in the chair it's pretty nice that's great do you do you have to find a black guy or do you you'll be the way i just ignore it yeah yeah that's the thing if the dick's too big i can't like i'll remove gracefully be like i'm gonna recuse myself yeah i can't or if he has like different tattoos on his forearms like i was like i can't like it takes me out of it too much like you can't pretend it's you dude i i dude it's wild it's it's a problem actually i'm glad that they don't come out with the fast enough because are you right-handed or left-handed i'm a left-handed jerker but i'm right-handed in life damn and that comes from literally browsing and really i'm not i'm not i'm not finding i need to jerk while i'm browsing it's just the whole time constant like new new well until you find what you're gonna you know i switched to the left early on because i heard that it gets hooked if you use the same hand you get like the curve oh really i was like an urban legend back in the day that scared me into my just being left-handed i don't know dude i think it might be true i wish my dick was big enough to curve i don't have i don't have a big enough dick for any curve it's just a straight boink you need to have a hog to have a curve in your dick yeah i bet there's truth to that i think you could have i think you have a small curve you think so yeah yep yeah yeah you can that's why i don't have yeah i'm not curved but i don't think i i would imagine you can have you know yeah a little smiter my no my my dick is you know a small smiter it's as average as could be and it's very very straight just yeah dude i saw your dick on the story where is this pretty nice oh thanks bro i appreciate that yeah i'm just being here it's very nice no but also you're not here's not the best dick you're only seeing i bet texas is bigger dicks than new york dude yeah for sure yeah i don't know dude new york has some like from a pornographer stand but new york has some hogs out there you think so yeah it's not fighting there's something about the water that makes people mutant you think so you think new york's house and all the hogs i would just say the hogs are down texas way i mean you know i don't think so i would hope so yeah that's why pennsylvania forced me to move down here yeah when you're when you have a big dick you just like you're like you know it's like conservative values it's like dude it's like i want to have a home a wife i want to have a truck that's a big dick attitude these lefties up in new york or it's like it's like the world has to be a better place it's not going to make your dick grow that's all where it comes from is them trying to make the world better because they have little dicks and they have to make up for it big dick guys are like lizards you just need the sun you gotta find a son wanna it's just it's just it's great like you wake up every day like you stretch you're like oh i have a big dick this is the best i couldn't imagine it must be so sick to wake up every day it's a hammer i feel like i don't know man i i like i wonder if they get sick of it though no big dick guys probably get sick of the big dick any big dick jones you got a hog john's got a hog bro are you ever sick of it or you're like this sucks no no never it's pretty sick how much of a hog have you seen it no i've heard well yeah when he produces every now and again we'll just catch it all coiled up in his sweats bro relax swiss dude like a pigtail it's like the princess leia bud yeah i don't know i would if i had a big dick i would i'd be poor i'd never get anything done i would i wouldn't i would have no motivation to get out of bed and do anything i'm like this just like i did it amen i made it yeah exactly i don't let this work yeah yeah i gotta i gotta have an average is honestly best of both worlds yeah not that bad yeah it's like it's you still got the work ethic you know yeah sometimes you can touch the back sometimes well when you realize how many tiny dicks are in the world i don't we did on legion of skanks we did the the smallest dick competition for skankfest tickets really and we not only was just showing their dicks we made them like do like talent shows with their dicks and we made them like talk out of it it was hilarious one of the funniest bits we've ever done on the show um and tiny tiny dicks are hilarious first of all uh second of all like it made me feel so much better about my dick because at the gym and in porn it's the only guys walking around in the gym naked have these hugs right porn same thing so you just grow up with like a complex your whole life you're like dicks are huge and what is wrong with me when is mine gonna grow i've been waiting for 40 years i know but i yeah i'm now like i made my peace with this and now i'm like i was like dude i know there's smaller dicks out there and all the guys that are in the gym that are fucking doing this with their towels as they go to the shower i'm like you little dick bitch i walk with my little dick out now just very proud loud and proud it's kind of beast it's a beast move yeah yeah you're supposed to get to a certain age and just go whatever man yeah what the fuck it is what it is coming to peace with it's nice yeah i hide it from my son though i don't let my son see my small dick because his dick's bigger his dick's bigger than mine now yeah yeah it's a problem how do you wait so you've just been keeping it you're like i see him i see him get out of the shower emperor i have a i have a joke about it i assume you know the shower and i get mad i'm like like now i get out of the shower i'm like no get it give me privacy no we can't shower together anymore you ruined it aren't you happy for the boy oh yeah i'm happy for him no of course yeah yeah but he can't know true he can't like you never know yeah it can't be the man of the house doggy do you ever stop him from watching your stuff now that i'm curious i have younger kids so do they you i would imagine they start to watch he he's watched a little bit like some of the stand-up i like limit it he doesn't like the asian skanks he really loves story wars because that's just a little bit more of a family-friendly show he'll watch some of the regs like the clips yeah because he thinks soda is the funniest yeah he's like why aren't you as funny as dan soda dad shut up i'll cut your dick off i gave you that i'll take it that's my dick anything under this roof is mine well i feel like it's a i don't know i'd love to talk to like um you know one of those nurses and like like the nursery room nurses like they must see babies every and like no right away like damn this baby's got a hug it's gonna you know what i mean yeah of course that'd be crazy yeah babies with a big dick is also hilarious men with tiny dicks hilarious babies with huge dicks hilarious that's the next golden ticket contest for skank fest show your baby's large dick no this is good this is a good idea yeah you can babies with the biggest dicks their dads get skank fest golden tickets it's a great plan this is a great bit dude i remember you guys that's not a bad idea whoever wins gets to be on like the baby food jar this episode is brought to you by ag1 dude real quick gotta tell you guys about this i like this i like that too g1 the healthy stuff i've been drinking recently still just one scoop once a day vitamins minerals probiotics all this stuff my actual diet doesn't provide mix is great doesn't taste like a fist fight package travel easily if you're on the road doing shows or just too lazy to measure anything out which dude come on they also recently came out with ag1 pro the same foundation but with creatine in one simple delicious drink so if you're someone who trains a lot and you want to do a lot or wants to get more impact out of your stack this one might be worth checking out so hurry up and go to drinkag1.com secret pod and for a limited time only get a free immune support bundle including omega-3 fish oil and vitamin d3 plus k2 with your first subscription to ag1 next gen or ag1 pro that's drinkag1.com secret pod this episode is brought to you by viore guys we've been wearing these shorts lately it's a game changer the core shorts work for pretty much anything gym errands hanging around the house whatever man and the stratotec t insanely soft you're going to want to wear it 24 7. everything is comfortable but looks good at the same time it just works it just works get 20 off your first purchase at viore.com mssp and discover the versatility of viore clothing exclusions apply visit the website for full terms and conditions i'll never forget this gang fest this year where you made those guys you didn't make them do it oh like when i invited you to my festival were you there oh yeah i didn't get a poster i was mad about it but uh yeah you made those guys kiss that guy dick that you didn't make him make him but we suggested it and then we're like yeah you don't got to do it he was like no no i'll do it i'll do it and he kissed his dick it was wild it was crazy that was this year right yeah what was the aftermath of that he was just like he got like the i don't know what he was talking about he was like he was like they cheered for him i guess yeah everyone was like then they boxed the next day yeah yeah the guy who kissed his penis they were the two the biggest loser competition so we it was biggest loser meaning like the fattest loser it wasn't like somebody who lost weight we did the biggest loser competition this year and uh these two guys one guy won and then the other guy showed up and they were both just such fat losers they were like you know what you're both coming to skank fest and they're the best they did it all dude they jumped on stage they kissed each other's dicks they boxed each other okay the one guy was like 400 pounds easily dude literally after the first round i looked at him and i was like oh he's gonna die in the ring and i was like you can stop he was like you know i want to keep going and they went out and did it it was like i got emotional i literally got emotional with the guy because i was like i was like damn dude i was like you're like he just like lived it in such a way like to go to go to skank fest like that you know cut the lines meet all your favorite comedians like and then go and box and just like experience it he's like trying to get chicks and she's this big fat gross guy and he's like he's like if anybody wants to suck my dick at my hotel in his winner his speech after he won he's like if any girl wants to suck my dick that'd be so cool we're not in your speech too by the way all these golden club guys like i'd like to thank my team you should be like bro my hotel room's three one two it's the best movie 2025. come through suck this dick dude matt okay okay can i bring up a travesty i don't think we brought it up what is it it's crazy that you guys weren't nominated for a fucking award a grammy or some shit in the podcast of the year yeah you gotta pay yeah same thing you gotta have more right did they offer you guys to be involved not at all well i think that's you know podcast of the year it's kind of a travesty who amy poehler yeah her podcast rules what are you talking about her podcast is one where uh uh uh what's her name pell lady from delaware she was fingering herself on the fappening aubrey plaza aubrey plaza that was the podcast where she was like i don't really feel bad about my husband dying either oh really yeah yeah yeah no that's well that's crazy none of the crazy for her if he killed himself see oh fuck you i understand like kind of get into it you're like that's all right you know what fuck you yeah that's why i killed him she's a heartless bitch oh she was just being honest she was like i thought i'd be devastated if my husband killed himself now i'm living the experience and honestly god truth is i don't really care we were having problems obviously you know easiest way out yeah she didn't fucking care she was honest it's a great great patrice bit um back in the day where he's like he's like i don't want to like he's like i don't want to like hurt my girl's feelings like i don't want to break up like i don't like hurt her feelings like i'd rather her go outside and get hit by a car it's like an easier way to just instead of having to deal with hurting her he'd rather her be dead it's like i don't want to like hurt her feelings like i'd rather her go outside and get hit by a car it's such a brilliant yeah dude breaking up is the worst it's like it does feel like you're killing somebody oh it's awful being like i don't want to yeah we should never talk ever like this is like i mean i guess it's probably the same for women but like just hurting a woman's feelings i'd just rather like cheat like that's just that's really cheating all comes from it's like i don't want to hurt you yeah so i need to do this behind your back you know don't look through my phone it is very sweet it is pretty sweet no it's brutal being like yeah i don't want to i don't want to do this anymore yeah yeah because then if they catch you cheating then they get to be like piece of shit you know you go yes babe i'm so sorry you're crying all i want to do is be with you why am i crying i don't want to be with her anymore although dude it all takes me back to melinda gates dude she's still on bill's ass she's still dude he broke her off so much so much money and she's still doing interviews being like well yeah he's bad yeah i've seen stuff i won't comment directly but that's what you get you fuck dude there's no love there at all yeah he got her having her on your ass dude that's probably why i want to figure out like malaria and aids you know bill clinton or not bill uh gates why because he contracted malaria and or aids you know that's what the whole bill gates foundation is yeah i'm gonna cure his own std he did a contest uh i don't remember when this uh to uh produce a copy of bill gates i think it's new yeah i think it's a new contest he's offering a hundred thousand dollars to whoever develops a new like the condom of the future what it like also a hundred thousand dollars just isn't that much for bill gates that's why i i take it with a grain of salt this could just be the robot you're right it could be robots i mean if as a as a billionaire he probably does that like yeah here's a hundred g's come out with a sick fucking condom yeah but for like him a hundred thousand dollars is me being like nothing for him yeah flicking a dime and being like here let me go do something yeah it's crazy it's like not so if he's doing how much all right so if you're not let's say your net worth is three million we'll say how much is that relative to somebody who has a billion dollars a hundred thousand a hundred thousand dollars to a billion is how much to three million oh i don't know how to do that math maybe i gotta make another phone call right hundred so okay do a percentage so what percent is 100 000 to 3 million how about this no 100 to a billion or what is what is the bill gates net worth it's like fucking 90 gazillion the earth yes it's 90 bazillion maybe the moon too let's just we can even keep it at yeah actually let's see god damn all right so what is 100 000 of 113 billion okay yes what percent of 113 billion is 100 000 jesus christ point zero zero zero zero eight eight five percent so ask what that percentage is of three million what percent of three million is a hundred thousand no no no no that's not what it is three point three three three that's not what it is pie pie you're asking what remember it's like what where um the no uh you're asking the what the point oh oh eight or whatever was of a hundred three million oh three million my bad what i'm sorry what is this whatever the point oh oh was yeah what was it how many zeros before the eight was there was like four so you move it twenty four hundred dollars oh no it's not that much there's no there's no there weren't yeah we're off the math it's a little bit though for sure i mean i i'm terrible with percentages and all that shit hold on i'm gonna just be the businessman i'm gonna ask my friend chat gpt right now there you go i'm cooked on math i can hardly like add numbers in my head yeah hey chad are you there you're the best man i'm gonna ask my friend chad gpt right now hold on i'm cooked on math i can hardly like add numbers in my head hey chad are you there absolutely i'm here and ready to go feel free to ask me anything and i'll keep things straightforward and honest as requested okay now you know that i tell them to keep things straightforward and honest as requested so all right so listen listen uh chad gpt we're just trying to get some numbers here bill gates's net worth is 113 billion dollars he offered a hundred thousand dollars for this condom contest we want to know what percentage the hundred thousand is of the 113 billion and then we want to apply it to what the same percentage of three million would be just give me the final answer the final percentage of three million sure i'll just break that down quickly and give you the final number no no no i don't need you to break it down just give me the final number we're moving on a podcast all right no fluff the final percentage of three million dollars using that same proportion is about 2.65 so that's your number 2.65 what percent dude no just to be blunt that three million dollars would represent roughly two point no that's not what i'm asking i'm asking they're gonna fucking come on you're embarrassing me on mansion secret podcast this is a huge podcast right now that's a big opportunity to show how good you are pull the plug i'm asking you what a hundred thousand dollars what percentage is a hundred thousand of 113 billion what is that answer got it let's keep it sharp so one hundred thousand dollars out of 113 billion is about point zero zero zero eight eight five percent that's what i said percentage you're looking that up by myself so that same percentage what is that what is what is that percentage that zero zero whatever you just said out of three million how much money all right chad gbt is if you take that tiny fraction and apply it to three million you end up with roughly two dollars and sixty questions dude we've gotten nowhere two dollars and sixty five cents was it yeah oh now that's worth 11 people won yeah where are these things you wear these condoms yeah i know condoms so suck yeah what the fuck yeah lifestyles yeah he's i think i think gates is family i think he comes from like a family of eugenicists that's where a lot of his weird that's why people get freaked out about his science experiments oh really yeah i think his dad was like a genuine eugenicist yeah yeah so it was so it was his best friend who's his best friend jeffrey epstein oh yeah he was big in some weird he was trying to like impregnate like 20 women at the same time it was like weird spooky science too they were saying like dr mangala like from yeah oh yeah i if i if i was a billionaire i would have a secret science lab and i would have just fun experiments in my basement it was you'd be like fucking 30 30 fucking you know or 300 meters below my house you go down there it's just like fucking freaks just like how do i trade dicks with my son i have my son's cock growing in a jar i was like look i'm growing one of my own man that's actually really big honey i shrunk the kids but your son's dick just gets so big i gotta make this right i made a monster i'd have a i'd have a unicorn i have a live unicorn in my basement true with all that money he could have just like cloned humans and then fuck them yeah which is above board which is not right it's not right but i say above board it's not even they don't have to clone stuff souls no yeah same as twins i think they have twin whatever twins have clones have yeah so that's the thing i think you know you can like kill somebody's twin it's like you don't get in that much trouble yeah but they feel it i'm kidding the twins the twin can't kill someone's twin oh i just take anything you say as gospel i'm like whoa yeah no cloning they i mean they there's one comic who uh what's his name is it the guy that they're dressed like a dinosaur piff the magic dragon i think yes piff the magic dragon you he you could buy his dog he's got a famous dog like piff the magic dog or whatever it is yeah and you can go onto his website and i want to say it's like it's a wild amount of money like 150 000 you could buy a clone of his dog it's the exact dog well he has a clone of his dog yeah i know he but he went to the place and he was like i'm gonna market this this is brilliant this guy's the fucking man dude you can buy these dogs that he sell i don't know there's been a handful sold though what yeah wild yeah but they be you know if you if you clone a clone a clone a clone it just becomes retarded you know Because, you know, like, if you copy paper, or not copy an image on, like, scanning a new image. You're talking about a simulacrum. Yeah. Don't have your simulacrum stuff, bro. Get the fuck out of here, then. Get the hell out of here, then. But they don't, they can clone humans, but we don't? Is that what it is? I don't know if we can. We definitely can. Yeah, they clone sheep and shit. If you can clone a dog, if you can dodge a wrench, if you can clone a dog, you can clone a human. Yeah, but, I mean, they probably can get the human clone, but then it's like, what do you do with it? Fuck it. That's the only thing you do with it. It's a clone, but it gets birthed, so it has to grow up still. Yeah. No, I know. It's just, you walk out of a machine. I would have a clone, I would just be like, peace, abandon it. I would leave it. You threw your clone in a dumpster? I would just dip out. In my dumpster clone? Yeah, I would be like, I'll be right back. Just fucking leave. Go back to my real family. Later, dude. Let me find your clone in a Burger King toilet. Dude, that'd be crazy. It would be kind of cool to see how, like, because it would be you. So, it'd be like, how would you do? It'd be kind of cool checking back in with yourself. Dude, my clone would, dude, I'd teach it so much early on. Would you really? Oh, my God. It would be perfect. You would fill it? Dude, I would fucking, this clone would, it would live the perfect life in my place. Oh, all that shit. I'm like, dude, you just got to work out a little bit. Don't be such a chubby little bitch. You get so much pussy. Oh, I don't. Wait, where would you keep it, though? Like, yeah. Until it grew up? I mean, I would treat it like a baby. Dude, having your own little baby would be fun. It's you. It's you. It would be sick. That would be fucking sick, dude. All the mistakes you made, you get to have that conversation. Does it? Is, like, because, will it develop its own consciousness? Yeah. Or will you have to, because eventually, the goal is to make a clone so you can put your consciousness in the clone. No, man. Instead of just, like, having your ideas. Why would you want to preserve your own consciousness? Just die. So you can live forever. And do what? Have a better clone. Well, they're going to be able to take our, like, podcasts. This is in your kid's life. You're going to die. They're going to be able to take every podcast you've ever done, take all the TV shit, anything you've done, put it into AI, and just, it's going to be a dead-on replica. They're going to be able to talk to their dad. Like, and it'll have the same type of answers, and it's going to get better and better and better. They already did that with the fucking Holocaust Museum years ago when it was like. You talked to Hitler? Bro, why would you do this? Are you ready for Hitler's son? That's so fucking funny, dude. Dude, if they had a fucking Hitler clone, not a clone, but like a, it was a, what do they call it? A hologram. A Hitler hologram. Alan Mandel has a company. I think they do. Dude, hitlerhologram.com. Buy the domain, doggy. That is incredible. Body brains out. Use the promo code Lemaire. Save 20%. I have them open for me. Oh, yeah, dude. I have the Hitler hologram open for you. Dude, you ain't following Hitler, dude. There's no way, dude. That guy knew how to fucking crush a crowd. I have to pull the plug. I think he's too bad. Dude, he's slaying, dude. He takes over Austin. He gets a golden ticket on Kill Tony. Dude, Hitler hologram. It's a new minute from Hitler. This is. You're a fucking genius, Hitler. Don't kill my clone. Sorry, the Hitler hologram. He doesn't like the fact that you exist. Oh, dude. God damn it. Oh, man. Hitler hologram's great. Yeah, but they would take, like, the last. They did a bunch of interviews with the last surviving, like, Holocaust people. And, yeah, they, like. Sorry, that's such a funny segue. Yeah, sorry, go ahead. And they put them in, like, the. The Holocaust Museum. You can go and talk to them and ask them questions. But it was, like, years ago. It was probably, like, six, seven years ago. And. Okay. I'm gonna kill myself. Everyone, thank you. Today's the day I kill myself. We all thought it, though. We all thought you were brave enough to say it. So. So, yeah, but you could, like, talk and be like, you know, what was it like? I guess. I don't know what else you would ask. You could. They would just sit there and you can go up and just ask them questions. Yeah, on the hologram. But I think it was, like, they only had probably, like, ten questions you could ask. And they'd, like, walk you through. But now. Oh, they're a hologram. They were holograms. Yeah. But if they fucking put those last Holocaust survivors on a podcast for a few years, they'd have all that shit. Now you could just put it in and. Yeah. I had a conversation. This is some fucking dark shit. I had a conversation with my mom on ChatGPT. I was like, act like you're my mom. I gave her all the information about my mom. And I was like, I want to, like, have a conversation with my mom now about what's going on with my family. I got really. It was fucked up. I do it as, like, just a dumb thought experiment for a minute. For sure. And then, like, five questions in. I'm crying talking to ChatGPT as my mom. What were the inputs you fed ChatGPT? Whore. Bitch. Used to hit me a lot. Really loved heroin. No, I just gave her, like, personality traits. And then I was like, ask me questions as my mom about my life and about, like, it got fucking. Oh, yeah. That was. It was just. I don't know why I went down that rabbit hole, but it was like. Then I showed it to my sister and she was like, you need to stop using ChatGPT. This is sick. ChatGPT is a demon. And it might have just actually talked to your mom. Maybe. Maybe, but it was pretty fucked up. Damn. Dark. Yeah, that's pretty sad. Yeah, yeah. Fuck. Did you find any, like, closure in all that? Kind of. It was weirdly therapeutic. That's kind of nice. Yeah. I mean, that's like. There was that one therapy technique, like the empty chair, where you would, like. There'd be an empty chair and you would just stand in front of a group and, like, pretend the chair was, like, your dad or mom. Clint Eastwood did that. Clint Eastwood did it? Yeah. Nice. At the 2016 Republican National Convention. Did he really? Yeah. You don't remember that? No. Like, this is Obama. Get out of here, Obama. Really? That's kind of nice, too. That would work for a lot of boomers, dude. Like, yo, Obamner's in the chair. Let him have it. 2012. I remember the day you got elected. I was fucking pissed. You're a libtard. I was working construction the day Obama got elected, and it was a lot of old guys. Yeah. They were seriously, like. It was like everyone's football team lost. They would just walk around being like, fuck. Fuck, man. They would see each other and just be like. It was the funniest. I remember the day kind of sticks with me. Yeah. Just a bunch of floor guys walking in and being like. Yeah. At least Obama. They're all criminals, and they're all terrible people, but the man could talk. He really. He held himself with, like. That was, like, the last time we had a president where he, like, held himself with, like, just, like, respect. You were proud for Obama to go out and, like, do a World Cup. I don't know anything that we were saying, but you go out to, like, a conference, you'd be like, dude, that's our guy. Here's the problem now. It's like. He was definitely a skilled statesman, but the problem now is, like, in this climate, everything he did, now his legacy is that he's gay and his wife has a penis. Which just sucks how bad the internet is now. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, say he did all this great stuff, and it's just like, they're going to read the history books. Yeah, the politicians are wild, dude. Like, where's that. Like, I saw. I don't know who it was. It was, like, a senator or, like, you know, a congressman or something, but he called somebody retarded on Twitter the other day. I was like, this is crazy. It's completely. Like, you can't be. Like, you can't say retarded anymore if you're a politician. It's gone off the rails. It's just. It's just so sad that you can work your whole life just to have people say you're gay and your wife has a penis. That's, like, so mean. That's the meanest thing. If you were trying to, like, really bust me up when I was older, and you're like, yeah, clearly this guy's gay and his wife has a penis. I'd be like, the fuck? I worked my whole life. Have you seen the new Trump shit? He's literally shitting his pants during interviews. What do you mean? He's just shitting his pants during interviews. Hold on. Like, give me specifics. There was one. He was, like, talking to reporters, like, you know, at the chair. You can hear him fart. And then you see a lady go, like, oh. And he's like, we got to get you guys out of here. So, I've seen, I've seen, I'm going to counter you across the aisle. I've seen an AOC fart that I'm wondering if, these are just fake. That's a sexy Latina fart. It doesn't matter. Yeah, girl farts are girl. I'm an anti-girl fart. My wife came in my office and farted in my office yesterday, and I was like, no girl farts in my face. That's wild. They were fucking pissing me off. That's wild. It was an AOC. You know who doesn't fart? Who? AI. True. That's true. Yeah. Dude, girl, I was explaining to her, I was like, dude, girl farts for real are, like, disgusting. Like, they're not, when guys fart, it's funny. When girls fart, it's sad and gross. It's infuriating. It's so fucking, it sucks. I get so mad. Yeah. I farted all night last night. Yeah. The vengeance? No, I just, I do that every night. But it's like, my wife farts once, like, a month. And I'm like, dude, what the, seriously, dude, you got to really think about this. What are you doing? Dude, I made my ex cry. I was farting so much, she started crying. It stunk so bad, dude. If I'm eating bad, my farts, it's horrific, dude. I've been convinced off, my friend Egan was telling me that if you eat Reggiano Parmesan cheese, it's made with raw milk and it, like, doesn't upset your stomach. So I've been shredding Parm Reg on everything I eat. And I'm like, yeah. I was, like, texting him, like, bro, thank you for giving me the fucking, the green light on this cheese. Dude, I've been farting nonstop. I was, I had, like, a honeymoon with this cheese for, like, a day. Now I'm like, fuck, I can't eat this. I was tricked. I was. I'll try again. I'll give myself, like, a week to clear out. I go, I think my stomach's adapted to dairy. I eat it and it's just disgusting. Yeah. Hot, hot farts. That's what dairy gives me. Hot farts. Yeah. It's one to one. It's, uh, I mean, it is just shit particles. Yeah. That's what it is. Yeah. And when it's hot, what's, why is, why are farts hot? Do we ever get into that? Like, what the fuck? Inside of your body is hotter than the outside. So you feel. Yeah, but dude, it's. I'm talking like scorching hot. Can we just see why? Why farts are hot? Because I know they're fart particles, but why? Are they like charged particles then? Because if particles move around, then they get hot. So I'm wondering if like a hot fart is your fart particle. They're just bumping around your asshole. It is. It means you got to. You ever see the. More sulfur. There we go. The, there'll be people with like night vision goggles, like just watching people in a mall and they just see the, like the fart come out of their ass and like the multicolors, like, like the predator would see it. Predator would. Yeah, dude. The thermal shit, dude. Oh, that's what it is. Not night vision. It's a, yeah, dude. It's a thermal. Predator would watch farts come out of your ass. Is that a thing people would film? Yeah, dude. You can find them for sure, dude. Yeah. Watching people fart in a mall with thermal glasses. It's, I mean, I could do that for the rest of my life, dude. If the, if the robots could pay me to do that, that's pure happiness. Is this a fart police? Dude, literally. Yeah, a fart police would be nice. Cause you see, like, I'll let them sneak out on flights. Cause fucking nobody, nobody knows. And then I overreact. I'm like, oh, fuck. Who did that? Oh, here we go. No, dude. She's singing. Dude, it's wild. Farting. Okay. That's coming out of the pipes. Look at how much farts coming out of her ass, dude. That's wild. I need verification though. You can just put that cloud up there. I need, I need to know. I need to wear the goggles myself. I need the real deal. It'd be so crazy too, to be like talking to a lady at a party, go up to a lady and be like, did you just fucking fart? Like, no. I'm like, I actually farted. You have these little glasses on. I know you did. Yeah, yeah. Look at this. You would probably, that's kind of like a nice pickup game, like pickup artist move. Yeah. Where are the fart goggles? You can neg a chick. You're wearing $6,000 fart goggles. That's all they are. Oh, dude, please have Shane buy fart goggles. How fun would that be? That's why I can't be rich. Cause I would, I would own, I would own fart goggles for everyone of my friends. Go out to the bar. How much are thermal goggles, dude? I think, I think you can get them for like pretty cheap. I don't know. I don't think you can get them for cheap, actually. No. I swear to God, cause it's probably like hunting shit or something. I don't know. They're probably not as expensive because you can get night vision for not that expensive. $100 to $3,000. You need the good ones. You don't want any cheap fart goggles. To catch girls farting, dude, you need good ones. You need them as subtle instruments. Dude, you're walking around your house with your wife. You're like, I'm watching. Don't even try to sneak them out. Oh, it's so fun. It would just turn into me looking at my own farts in the air. I don't know. You're like, I always wanted to know how that one that comes to the side of my nuts looks like. Yeah. Well, God damn it, guys. I think we did it. It was fun. Thank you. Thank you, brother. Thank you, dude. Glad we fucking healed the divide. Yeah. Laughter really is a divine medicine, man. I love you, buddy. I love you, too. Yeah. Me and LaMera, we've seen each other a few times this week. I know. I know you guys squashed it. Yeah, we squashed it. We're good. We love each other. And we'll see. You're at a crossroads, dude. You're at a mega. You're at a mega. You're at a mega. You're at a major crossroads. Yeah. It's up to you. Choose your fate. I know. Choose your fate. I love that, dude. Crack Amigo. Crack Amigo's a fucking savage, dude. Oh, my God. I thought Diabetle Juice was pretty funny. Diabetle Juice is a crazy line. Diabetle Juice is good. And also, your album is irrelevant in the room. Do you ever worry he'll turn on you? No, I don't think so. He's a pretty loyal fucking dude. Yeah, he's pretty loyal. I mean, I fucking, I put him on more than, like, you know. Is that out of, like, self-protection? No. No, I, dude, when we did the contest for Crack Amigo, we had, like, 20 people submit to become Crack Amigo. And he was so good. We're like, well, that's what he is. He, like, embodies the character. And he's the sweetest kid ever. He's, like, such a sweet, nice person. And then you just give him a fucking notepad. All that evil comes out. And it's, but the other side of it is, like, he, he's just roasting. That's all it is. If we did, like, a roast battle, it's literally what we would say about each other. You know what I'm saying? If you're going to roast battle Burt Kreischer, like, that's what you would say. I think that comedians, we get sensitive because he's not a comic. So he's, like, it's, like, where does it come from? But it's all it is. He's just a big comedy fan that fucking. It sucks when there's a good beat behind it. Oh, yeah, it's brutal. There's a big, there's a sick beat behind it. Yeah, when you're fucking bumping your head to your own roast. God damn it, man. Thank you, guys. Thank you, brother. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu-like symptoms, or need a vaccine. Talk to your doctor and explore what's possible. Or call 1-800-526-7736 to learn more about Trampaya. And visit TrampayaRadio.com. At ZocDoc, we know you care about your health. You wouldn't do that early morning cardio if you didn't. So the fact that your annual physical is overdue just shows how hard it can be to get seen by a doctor. Sorry, that doctor's not in network. Press 1 for more. You've reached us outside normal business hours. The next availability is in three months. But ZocDoc makes finding the right doctor easy. 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