Ep 593 - Nollywood (feat. Ben Avery & Kevin Iso)

the wild wild west chinese girlfriend just lead with it just lead with it a chinese girlfriend fuck this guy's a genius i heard it for three seconds and i can't forget i know chinese girlfriend how sad would you be though dude you're like a maybe 55 year old black dude and you lose your chinese girlfriend that would kill me i just feel like more so and again you correct me if i'm wrong but i feel like you know if i had a chinese girlfriend i mean i'm married my family would probably disapprove but if i had a chinese girlfriend my family would be like kind of sick i might get a couple like chinese girlfriend but i feel like in a black family to have a chinese girlfriend you'd get a mega high five correct me if i'm wrong from the unks from the oh from the men oh yeah the men would they'd be like you did it right yeah the men would they don't like that do they i think all women don't like seeing their man of race date a other race women are quietly racist against they don't like interracial stuff you think white women mind oh they do i know they do oh they do oh yeah i don't think they care they're no they get mad they'll tease they'll get like three glasses of wine and be like so dang a black girl are you afraid she's gonna like beat you up they get like a couple glasses of white white wine and all the dad's information just trickles out she's afraid he's gonna beat you up i've been you know i'm in an age gap interracial relationship so i know is it you think it's you think it's harder you think it's harder to lose your girlfriend when you're older or younger you mean lose yeah because you said it's pretty rough on a 55 year old dude to lose your asian girlfriend yeah man i think it's rougher when you're young younger yeah you lose them easier when you're younger yeah you get five you lose yeah yeah i mean pre-30 every girl's a kind of free agent once they kind of hit 30 then they start going like all right let me nestle into this sitch right because you know but then but then when you're young and you lose them you didn't really ever really have them even though you thought you did true when you're old and you lose them you had that yeah and that's your final form she was like i've seen the flower has fully bloomed and no thank you for me that's all you got i'm gonna take my chances dating as a 50 year old woman which probably is no picnic if i had to imagine yeah yeah i don't people say like uh you know before you date a woman just like look at her mother yeah i'm like i'm not gonna do that i thought the saying was fap to her mother oh yeah i thought it was before you date a woman try to fap to her mother and if you crank one off the night before the wedding pull up a big photo over on an ipad you'll hear it on your facebook that's what i thought to say I never heard that that's the last hurrah of your bachelor party you and all your boys but does that mean you truly love your wife that you'd fuck your mom you go hi baby I love you so much I would I would eat your mom's pussy I mean that is one form I guess but that is the saying if you think her mom's hot that's what her daughter's gonna look like and sometimes they don't pan out I would like the opposite I'd like to have a very attractive woman with an absolutely busted mom and just sit on the edge of my seat for like 15 years waiting for it just to see the transformation that's italians yeah true she'd just wait for that meatball to cook in the oven you know oh is it all sorry it's all fucked up we have phone books maybe or I can do this you got a cowboy mic hey yo yeah you got it I'm not having am I having problems because I'm tall as hell either or no now my mic's fine I think I have a different mic to catch this dude thanks for doing it man Ben Avery Kevin Iso thank you Matt hell yeah man thank you guys for coming Sean was telling me that you had some hot takes on the Ethiopian scandal you don't even got the right Somali my bad dude no I did I'm more Ethiopian I think Somalian Somalian yeah they all sorry I just dude I get a little nervous sometimes for 10 years it's a hot button issue yeah the Somalian that's what Gardini pitched me he goes the isotope has some takes on the I feel like they've all been said at this point no no but my my thing with it is it's twofold right one is like they definitely scamming but it's a matter of fact I think yeah I mean it's it's happening but at the same time that doesn't exclude dude from being racist about going about the way he did it talking about the dude surely yeah well dude that was so I watched the video so I didn't know anything about it so I'm like all right let's see what we have here and I read up on it first and I was like yeah for sure there's there's like matter of record scams going on for sure but that dude was pulling on daycare doors right and being like where are the children and they're like bro get out of here and he's like I fucking told you this was a you're like you're legally they're supposed to be locked right you have a kid in daycare it's locked doors and you're like please don't let them see into this building for sure I don't want weirdos staring in I've never been allowed in a daycare you have kids you know what I mean you got to come with that right energy and be like where the fuck are the kids where there's taxpayer money exactly and filming the kids too it's illegal which is like you can't do that yeah I don't think I really don't think you're allowed I mean you I guess you could technically film them but you can't do anything with the footage like even a daycare has to as a parent ask you if it's okay if they take pictures of your kids right so if I roll in with the metas and I'm like show me the fucking children let me in now exactly with like a 60 year old guy next to me who's just waving documents the video was insane I watched it being like oh man they're gonna blow my socks off with a scandal and I was like this guy's out of his fucking mind you're not he's wrong you're not allowed I mean again it's like yes there's clearly massive fraud in Minnesota yeah he's acting like he blew the lid off it's like bro you're like a year and a half late right cause they already they already caught the lady that was originally doing it well dude there was that there was also there was the autism centers that got busted and then there was that wait what happened to the autism centers it's just you make a building like this imagine if we all down here like yeah we're working on autism kids and they came down we're just doing a podcast making like a million dollars somebody gotta start counting shit fast oh fuck they hear three four the biggest the biggest scam and again these are just the ones that get caught there was one for 250 million dollars recently where during the during COVID they were getting government funds it was called like feed the future or something and dude these it was like I think like 60 people got arrested they were just taking money and it was unfortunately it was mostly Somalian dudes but they were taking the money and they took like 250 mil in just like food bank money and they like you know they tracked everything it was they were saying they bought they gave money to the whatever that terrorist organization is but they they did a deep dive it was just sick whips and went to warlords warlords and stuff no it didn't they said it was but they like did a deep dive and it was apparently just like sick ass Lamborghinis and shit but see so okay that's kind of tight yeah and that's that's that's that's what one of the dudes like messed up at because they like he got in front of the the learning center and he was like yeah this is a this is an this is a legit business and then they went on his Instagram and he was in pictures with like Lambos and stuff it's like damn I don't know no daycare I don't know what they do I think he pulled up on the Uber Eats when they're like skirt and dude's like yo where the fuck is that hold on yo where'd you get that whip but that that's my thing with okay so you said the the feeding center or whatever and they took oh dude there is massive right there's massive fraud and they busted it they like they got them I don't care I mean it's fair where I personally I just don't care about people stealing my taxpayer dollars that's a fair point I don't know where them shits is going anyway that's a fair point so what the fuck hey they stealing the money that we took from you that you don't know what we doing with it to be fair somebody's gonna steal your taxpayer dollars like that's I think people need to wake up to that reality if it's not that blatant it's gonna be a bazillion non-profits who are going like we just need a hundred thousand more and they just fucking pocket it right and it's already or it's going to the war shit and it's like I don't know where this shit is going at all bro y'all don't send me no kind of update after I pay this money about yo this is what this is doing here the Venezuela shit's I don't know the Venezuela shit's been like pretty open as far as wars go they're like yeah we just took their oil they're not even hiding it before like Iraq was like we're going there just for the oil like no we're not and they're like yeah we went there for the oil and we fucking got it oh they saying that now yeah they just said like we took we seized their oil they went in there they had the Venice what Maduro I guess his name was was he they were like he was a tyrant and you know they were like we just couldn't stand you know stand with that guy being a tyrant and like smuggling drugs into our country so we just stole all of their we stole like a lot of their oil and we're just gonna take over their oil industry okay I'm glad they're being honest that's what I'm saying I thought I thought he was lying for a little bit because they were talking about the drug situation I mean what do they need oil for Venezuela yeah traffic drugs we need it they need to put it they need to mix the ass into a boat and traffic drugs it's a grand theft auto ass country no that's a fair take you don't so you were seeing a lot of the stuff about like fuck this is bullshit and you're like yeah I don't I don't care that they're scamming let them scam I don't I don't know okay yeah I don't care that they're scamming I don't care that they're scamming that they're scamming but also I don't care where my taxpayer dollars go if they're scamming that kind of money I'd rather them scam that money then my money that i'm investing like whenever these white dudes is doing a fraud it's money that you actually gave to enron it's like my real money i'd rather you take the money that was already about to be taken did they you know i mean i don't know where it's going so you know but uh they definitely they definitely i'm not there's some six-year-old white dudes in minnesota right now who are furious with that take i don't care i don't know where his taxpayer dollars is going he don't even know where his shit going oh they taking the money my money no it's not your money is you don't know where the fuck your money at but my other thing so with the with the with the racism shit it's just like it's like it's like uh when i would used to like walk in the stores and like they would follow me around like oh this black guy stealing and then it's like oh you following me around this is racism and i'm like oh you following me around this is racism and i'm like oh you following me around and i was stealing too that's what the that's what the minnesotans here remind me of it's like yeah it's racist but yeah i think they went the other way i think the minnesota government was like how dare you say that and then it came out where it was like fuck yeah you got out because they could have totally that's not a hard thing to check with like the autism centers and stuff you send out a couple people with clipboards like how many people we got in here all right we're not fucking leveled yeah the problem i mean the problem with that shit too is that they they just put in all somalians now and it's like across the country because there's a couple of somalian homies i got out here really that people are like oh they're just looking at their foreheads they just look at their foreheads like you somalian it's rough out here for y'all right now which i mean that's just that's the that's the part about it that just yeah that stings the most but i mean here's the thing though like as a like a black american do you ever think about just like totally just ostracizing them and coming up off like dunking on them racially no i'm not yeah you mother well that's what i'm saying oh so you're in nigeria you're from nigeria yeah yeah my parents are i'm nigerian by marriage so i totally get it don't my wife's her family's nigerian oh really i've been to a nigerian wedding they're fucking sick yeah lay on the ground i was just that one a couple months ago beg the father of the bride oh you did oh i didn't i wanted to i asked to do it too they're like no you gotta chill but you didn't have a nigerian wedding no no she's like you know she's she's not like her like grandmother supposedly is but you know okay they're not from where you know we're from but this is the map of the daycares it was four thousand in a 20 mile radius are these the ones that are fraud that's not that's a lot of so here's the thing when i hear it when people go why are some red and why are some green i'm not sure but somewhere in the middle of the water too well they are pirates right makes sense i personally when everybody went up to the day when people went up to the daycares they're like there's no kids in the somalian daycares i was like i was relieved i was like thank god there's no chill it's like worst case scenario when thank like thank god they're empty were you worried were you worried they like they're pirates i thought you're worried i thought you're worried they chiseled out the cement floors were mining lithium when did they when did they run into these daycares too that's the that's my other thing because i saw this shit on christmas i mean it was like it ain't nobody in the daycare i'm like it's the holiday supposedly this video is debunking it i didn't go looking for well so here's the thing too and i'm pro pirate i've always loved pirates you don't love pirates true that's fair my so the video itself apparently and this i was curious too because i'm not a big fan of pirates i'm not a big fan of pirates i'm not a big fan of pirates they looked into it and it was like no these were all legit daycares because i guess whatever minnesota state came through minnesota vikings came through and just like no these are all check out and then you go okay well is this like a government cover-up like the democrats being like dude we can't take another political hit it's going to be an election year but then it's like apparently it's it's i think they were legitly running because dude like republican like lawyers they were the moment that video came out there was probably a bazillion lawyers like digging in and all that stuff and they were like oh my god i'm not a big fan of pirates so really if it wasn't above board they would have i think they would have cracked it you know what i mean yeah because they were like the you know if you get like the republican guys they're super motivated to like prove that they're a scam right it just looks it's a big slam dunk huge slam dunk 360 slam dunk but they already got the slam dunk the young youtuber went in for like a weird victory lap did you oh what happened tim waltz quit tim waltz oh yeah i saw that i saw that and he it was a headshot it was a headshot and he waltz was like that guy went on like i ended waltz well in reality it was a headshot it was a headshot it was a headshot it was a headshot in reality is kind of memed into existence anyway so it doesn't really matter what's true so yeah he had to take the l i don't even know if it's real or not have you actually found out like the real like definitive i looked it up there's there was a definitive scam people were prosecuted for 250 million dollars you have to think like say you're selling drugs when that finally gets busted you don't bust them right away so it was right they were probably rocking they were running it for a while yeah they were rocking they robbed us at sea then they robbed us at land did you see the late they uh you know go ahead no no go ahead no no no get it out get it out please have the floor get it out look he wanted someone on to defend the the pirates and um no it wasn't it i thought it was just a funny take because i didn't know anything about it and gardini was like yeah i want to talk about this definitely i'm definitely passionate about it i'm all for scams i mean we live in a bureaucracy right and like that's you scams are supposed to be hidden within the bureaucratic state that's why it exists so they can do all their scams yeah so uh when other people are i mean everybody's scamming nancy pelosi's scamming you know we're paying for health insurance for israelis for some reason apparently uh tax dollars it's going everywhere it's going everywhere but us to our roads to our children there we go so you know go pirates did you did you see which is which is a fair point by the way everybody's scamming it's just that when you when it's so obvious what the scam is yeah that's what everybody gets a little tight we're like yo you dude ain't no kids in the daycare it's like yeah versus versus the bank fraud scam where it's hard to see you walk into the bank it looked like it's real shit yep and then you pull the thing down and just i don't know pull it off a little better yeah and also too like you have to think if you're i mean i don't know i don't know really much about minnesota but you can never underestimate just like an older kind of angry like white old white guy yeah there were eyes on those fucking guys yeah they had eyes on the somalis from day one guys going he was on to them immediately what the fuck is it and they just they just got stared at for 10 years until a guy was like hold on a second i noticed something here come on man you know how many times i've seen fargo i've seen one somalian inside that shit what in the movie you're saying in the show all of it is fargo in minnesota i think it's uh yeah i think i think uh minnesota is like maybe i don't know minnesota might have like the biggest somalian population yeah because they uh they they they they let the man sanctuary yeah the sanctuary right huh is it because they're scamming no they did sanctuary city did you see the did you see the um the kid on cnn which is the kid who did the video yeah yeah did you see in an interview what was he doing y'all can't play that shit on here he looks so dumb on there who shirley yeah how old is nick shirley like 21 yeah he that's a thing he's a youngster yeah he's a kid he's a youngster he kind of in over his head a little bit yeah he's who the fuck is that old guy is next to him the old guy dude the old guy waving paper dude the old guy has a thousand pages of loose leaf or he's been tracking somalians he is that guy's not he's been thinking about preschools way before this scam ever happened well no the thing that they didn't mention though they brought up in the video which again to the video's point like yes they had a they have a major problem with somalian scamming in minnesota but then there was like these just vehicles that were like hey we're gonna scam you and we're gonna scam you and we're gonna we can we just drive people around for medical appointments but then they were like they're not checking and again i don't know if this guy's i heard that's true or not say that he's like but that's that's yeah that's in every city dude home the home care hustle is like the oldest oh yeah sure just chill with your aunt and get 30 bucks an hour yeah absolutely everywhere that's everywhere which again kind of chill i honestly think the home care thing is kind of that's kind of nice it's a good scam it's a really good scam and it's like a low stakes scam for real like even the daycare thing it's a low stakes thing for like if you say that you got 50 kids in a daycare but you really got 25 who you hurting yeah well there's another 25 kids you should be in there like they're they're printing so much money every month anyway now it's yeah money's not real anymore i'm kidding yeah i mean hey look tell that to fucking uh what's the guy's name again shirley shirley's gonna be on your fucking ass dude he's gonna end you you're next you're on the shirley hit list that guy i'm skeptical of that guy's video there's clearly like fraud of some kind but the he had a video with joe biden where he was holding up immigration signs and shit who was this one he was paying immigrants to hold up signs that said like we're for joe biden because he's gonna have open borders and like nick shirley copped to that that he was paying people in the video to look like what so he stages stuff in his videos but that doesn't mean it's not on that it's untrue it just means he embellishes things yeah see he's scamming the scammers sure i mean he definitely came up and again the video i watched it i gave it an honest look and i was like dude this is it's weird like ever i was like i was trying to look at the comments to see if there'd be one person being like yeah you're not allowed to just barge into it everyone's like get him brother i'd be if that was my kids daycare someone was kicking in the door and they were like i'm so sorry sir please tour the facilities i'd be like dude i'm taking my kids out here objectively funny leering daycare center objectively funny them missing that in objectively hilarious well they're still to be fair they're still just leering so there's obviously there's improvement there's improvements to be made we're all lifelong students why aren't there like the parents of the kids coming out like if there was kids there like matt said he'd be like he'd be like oh because the kids are going to be in the daycare with them yeah and also they're probably scamming too a little bit so they're probably like dude get the fuck out of here and also how we know it wasn't an overnight daycare how we know it's not how we know because some people are in night school how we know it's not a daycare for strippers that is kids that's always sad when i see you see that in philly sometimes you're driving through a neighborhood you see the daycare hours and it's like 2 a.m pick up and you're like god yeah damn dude god yeah they legit have like midnight pickup on daycare how we know they don't get paid in ones true you gotta drop looking at this the right way he's got to drop the crown royal sack full of ones every month no i work at a daycare i swear i swear i swear i watch kids you watch kids with this hold on yeah yeah i mean i don't know i mean look maybe we should have a live cam in a small daycare 24 7 everybody nice is a pedophile watching that being like there we go things are about to change i don't think pedophiles like somalian kids i i don't know you don't think so i'm just i don't i don't you don't think they like i think kevin's right on this one white i looked into michael equino and country walk and presidio mcmartin and there's no somalians mentioned in any of tim tate's books or anything you think it's never mind that's a bad comparison when it comes to satanic ritual abuse you know yeah usually there's not a small it's kind of like too gamey maybe pedophiles say that i don't know we want kevin we don't want kevin it's funny to be mad about daycares now though like the satanic panic and everything in the 80s and the 90s you know sorry i should have kept that to myself it's fine it's we're podcasting wait so here's the thing though from like okay nigerian right so you excellent scammers yeah that's what i'm saying and they're also like nigerians i'm a big uh proponent of nigerian excellence in terms of mathematics all that stuff as a nigerian wouldn't you like just see a somali and be like or is it like more unity than that because that's like i know ethiopians and somalians ethiopians they don't like each other i think there's a bit of everybody everybody beefs but then like on when when you outside when you off the off the continent i think there's a little bit more unity yeah you know but on it it is a little bit of you know everybody people beef with they nigerians that hate other nigerians yeah that's fair i mean it's like pennsylvania new jersey right right right the closer you are the worst yeah it really is but nigerian scam and i hope they don't start looking at into that shit well nick stay away dude i actually looked into um i was i was i went to a nigerian restaurant one time and i was watching there was like the nollywood movies i didn't know what it was i was watching like what the fuck is it yeah you know about nollywood no no nigerian nigerian hollywood and dude i like looked into it you can film a movie in nigeria for like 15 grand yeah that's awesome yeah thinking about it yeah you know here it's like a million bucks that would be you have to if i did a nollywood epic it'd be nice yeah just put myself in it like clint eastwood style right directed for 15 grand you could shoot like mission impossible no no no no you like an indie movie oh an indie you do like a nice a really sick indie movie that would actually be hilarious a sick move yeah i would have a brutal schedule though because i try to be like maybe a month i'm like you know i can bring my whole family i'd watch it i'd definitely watch you not understand anything there's a lot of people they're saying no they're speaking english no they're speaking english but it's also pigeon a little something yeah yeah throwing some french into the mix no check it out nollywood movies are sick they're on youtube for free oh really yeah yeah full feature dude they're i i watched it in the restaurant i'm like bro what the fuck is this this movie's crazy a lot of the movies have the same plot though a lot of them is like a guy who like cheats on his wife and then and then she like he he like he like gets in an accident and comes crawling back to her or she's gonna accident like i don't know like a car accident or she like puts a spell on him and then he can't fucking walk anymore and then he's like take me back i'm sorry and she's like don't they believe in witches and stuff uh believe in witches is crazy no they don't no i've seen like newspapers from over there and they say like a witch can touch your penis and it shrinks into nothing that's that's like um i know you're talking about witchcraft but it's not like it's more so like oh you're talking about like voodoo type shit it's like it's like i i won't i won't say it's like a belief thing but it's more so like it's more prevalent and it's actually it's actually real for real like voodoo i'm not wrong he goes no but yes and it's just real it is real for real i'd be scared you go yeah if somebody if somebody for real they could do that shit to you and take your fucking hair and wrap it around some shit or put some blood on you and then yeah like i i think that shit is real you can read about witchcraft in the newspapers there if you subscribe to any of the newspapers all right you can read about it i'm about to scam your ass there we go that's not is that real it probably is i saw i was watching one earlier and uh i was like skimming and there was one it was exact plot you're describing where it was like a guy had been cheating on her friend yeah and she like there's i was like trying to just like i wanted to watch just the climax of the movie i went to like the end and this lady put like a handkerchief on her head gigantic sunglasses and just confronted a guy being like i know what you did he's like you cannot prove it it's literally and i only watched for like 10 seconds it was the exact they all the same but those women love that shit the comedies yeah and the comedies were you know i watched the comedy in the restaurant it was actually i was like kind of it was like pure slapstick it was kind of cracking me up yeah it's like falling and shit like aki and papa is like i don't worry never mind yes we're like gonna type it in the thing you're like speak english but uh no nigerian scammers best best best scammers is a dude that like scammed like like he sold an airport to somebody i swear to god that rules he sold an airport to somebody i don't remember the full story which is basically a really big parking lot he sold the airport that didn't exist that's awesome to who and i feel like it was like a government or something or some like just some foreigner but he sold an airport a nigerian dude and then obviously hush puppy is like one of the most notorious what was hush puppies nigerian scammers he he was just he he's in jail right now i think for like 11 years but he he was just stealing money i don't even remember how for real really yeah but a couple hundred million yeah i like the i like the romance he was trying to make a documentary about it hush puppy sounds like a hiccup rapper like he'd be featured on a jelly roll album jelly roll featuring hiccup hiccup you know what hiccup is yeah yeah hiccup is like it's red dirt we're from the red dirt road okay like that real estate wave confederate flags my bad real estate mogul nice hush puppy was a real estate mogul yeah sick that's a great 124 million from an english premier league club i mean that's top go big or go home man yeah you can fuck around the fake daycare or you can just go big get 124 million from an english guy i think they only got them for like 11 years or something like that it's not bad it's not bad it's not bad because i feel like that trade yeah i feel like if you steal 100 million bucks you can hide for sure probably 50 million and then give the rest up my god i don't know i'd spend it all sorry what prince the email scams dude so apparently so i looked into the a long time ago that was like that was like the yeah the apparently well apparently that wasn't even some of those weren't even from africa some of those are just like a dude from ohio feigning the nigerian prince which is like 4d chess for sure see that's the that's the that's the scam right now because everybody still think that's the scam the nigerians is doing we left y'all in the 90s thinking that and now we're doing new stuff keep thinking it keep the stereotype alive yes the nigerian prince we are white women now the new shit is scamming the elderly that's the new thing that's meat potatoes dude just catfishing you're you you're some people go home for thanksgiving to see their grandma and they go i'm dating matt rife you're like oh god i love you i'm dating vladimir putin and i send him apple gift cards every tuesday and we're married and oh god and if you track it it always goes to kuwait they're killing the game right now really killing it yeah yeah there's a great catfishing youtube channel and they always track these people down i like a classic indian robocall yes just 40 dudes sweating in a fucking call center just banging the phone yeah that's what i like in a warehouse that's flooded i like when they're playing video games and the water's like up to here you know have you seen that no where they're all playing they're all playing like video poker and they have to swim to the next machine is that real it could be ai it doesn't matter i made it up maybe yo sure that's good though dude you never know nah it's getting scary yeah it's getting scary i'm i don't even want it they got they got a a dude they got uh matt barnes recently they got him like he some ai girl scanning him out like 60 grand or something some crazy yeah who's matt barnes again he's a uh former basketball player oh no he fell for that yeah bro sad dog scammer for how much i feel like it was like 60 jeez i think i still think the shannon sharp thing was like an intricate scam where you get lawyers who hook up with only fans ladies and they start just fucking like go go go film sexual encounter threaten the tape this episode is brought to you by prize picks we're in the second week of january and you've probably already given up on your resolutions but there's good news some of the best football games of the season are around the corner we've got great games on the schedule this weekend and there's no better place to get a piece of the action than prize picks with team picks there's even more to choose from i'd like to discuss a new feature want to pick winners in the race to the big game you can now on prize picks that's pretty hype so people you think will be in the race i think you can just pick teams now it looks like it's in the race i think you can just pick teams now it looks like it's in the race like i think you can just go the birds and if i can that's what i'm doing every single time there you go i'm picking the birds i'm picking the birds to win which is big since we live in texas you couldn't do that before and now we can yeah now it's it's definitely wide open this year so many different teams could win it all that's very nice guys team picks are now available on prize picks in texas california florida and more and for the prize picks ogs you can still make all the player pick lineups you want just pick more or less on at least two player stats if you get your picks right you could cash in download the prize picks app today and use code drench to get fifty dollars in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup that's code drench to get fifty dollars in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup prize picks it's good to be right oh hell yeah next weekend january 16th and 17th i will be in houston and then i'll be at dallas uh the 23rd i'll be in hartford connecticut and then 24th i'll be in albany new york and then we have las vegas coming up uh 2 13 that's february 13th that's a big one tickets are going slow because that's just how it works in las vegas it's a week of town fucking whatever and then i'll be in denver boise idaho salt lake city and a bunch of other places go to matt mccusker.com for tickets the there's actually a little thing in the uh underneath the episode click it please hey hello everyone january 15th i'm gonna be at helium atlanta and then the week after that sean's gonna be there january 22nd to the 24th please come if you can and come to october noctis january 20th oh yeah and i'm gonna be at hyenas fort worth january 23rd that's it thank you bro the only fan shit is getting better i saw something recently it said it's easier for only fans models in other countries to get a visa to this country than it is for like like movies like they said the only fans models is eating up the visas really yeah so i thought they were sex slaves what the hell they said they could get in with the if they make a certain amount of money yeah that makes sense that makes the visas that they like reserve for like arnold schwarzenegger type people yeah they're giving it that makes sense i see what you're saying you know yeah dude i looked it up one time because i wanted to see like you know how much only fans actually makes like versus patreon like patreon i think all the patrons globally put everyone's patreon money together and i think it's like i don't even know i think it maybe is like 80 million dollars i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know if it's like 80 million dollars if that yeah you know how much only fans is collectively that's like one-tenth of what sophie rain makes a month dude it's it's like 13 billion dollars a year only fans is 13 billion i think porn and gaming like and gambling are the big three and comedy is like way under here i know when it comes to my we should all start fucking each other on the show at least and playing poker just a will ai what is ai we'll wear mocap suits we're not actually fucking but it just looks like we are we're just like we're just like dry humming what oh dude there's a typhoon what are they gonna do that's true gaming the typhoon's actually kind of legendary that shows you how addictive gambling is right hold on what's wrong there's a snake on you it's like anaconda yeah there's gators and shit that's fucked up where was that again they say philip that was a philip so that was a some a cafe that was an internet cafe okay that's how you know yeah that's how you know uh the country's not doing well when they're like yo we uh we have the internet here i'll pay five bucks an hour okay so that's gaming i do get that dude being 12 years old and playing xbox live yeah the house could be on fire you could have flooded my cousin's basement we weren't going anywhere not going anywhere we're not going anywhere we're not going anywhere we're not going anywhere dude i'm playing if i just got to a level i even got to before come on now your game's not saved i mean that would be chill too you never even think of it imagine just like chilling in water and gaming if you rage quit though you electrocute yourself if you slam the controller down it kills everybody everybody dies damn that's fucking crazy but i remember when i would go to the beach when i was little the beach would flood all the time so we me and my cousins around the streets and like swim in like the street flood water yeah i just realized not too long ago sewage it was all sewage oh yeah yeah poop and pee poop and pee i was just in there donking my head my mom would be like don't go in there and i'm like whatever and i'd be under and it's like fully under a full breaststroke and pooping mommy look at me it's a piece of shit on your head a huge shirt i was like when i first when i had my first kid we were in philly we're at this playground and like there was a like a sprinkler kind of thing but that had kept going and it like it flooded one of the little drains like the storm drains and then that water was kicking up from the sewage and it created this other little pond so i don't like kids would go to play in there they'd be with another kid and that kid would jump in like the shit water and i'd be like hold up you can't play in there like they're playing in there and i was like they have bad lives dude you don't like they don't have the parents here dude they're gonna swim in the shit water and you're gonna stay out of that and you know this is where your guys's friendship ends so sorry i was drunk on a couch unfortunately i'm here so no shit water for you would you let them do the trampoline on the mattress that's been outside or uh for like six months hell no you wouldn't no way like oh it's just sitting outside if i saw a mattress first of all there's a mattress outside my house i would call the city make remove this right now i'm not having that i bet guys this is a this is infested take this out immediately no i'm i'm uh yeah i don't know i i try to even in philly like i remember like if someone would be like knotted out on our street corner i wouldn't be mean to them but i'd go up and be like bro i'm gonna go to the street corner and i'm gonna go to the street corner and i'm gonna go to the street corner you got him but you used to do it though oh yeah i would have done i used to walk along the side of the highway when i was a kid yeah so yeah i used to like throw golf balls at cars and like run away yeah i was really bad but but no my kids live like a completely i mean i'm letting them kind of roam a little bit now but no they're they're like completely sheltered you got a a girl and two girls two girls oh all right never mind exactly i thought you had a boy no yeah be totally different i i got hit in the nuts recently i was like i think my my daughter was trying to like wash a baby her like little doll out in the sink but it was bedtime so my come on it's bedtime no no so i went to grab her and she did that where she gripped the edge of the sink so i had to like come on i pulled her off as i pull her off she just three years old she just swung back and kicked me in the nuts and i had her like this like because i have to hold her away from me so she doesn't hit me held her up and i like it went through my head to just do full like on the bed and if it were if she were a son i would have spiked my son onto the bed but i just gently lowered her like oh you little i'll be back i was about to bounce her off the mattress like just got hit it's like a reaction you hit the nuts you're like fuck you but i was like gently laid her down i was like i'll be back the smashing machine i would have chokeslammed a three-year-old boy right through that shit yeah instantly i for real had to stop myself i was like and i knew it was coming but i tried to move and she's like grown so she was like whack even if you did that somebody would be like we understand oh dude yeah no man that was that was close i almost fucking i mean it was a bed she would have gotten like she would have rattled her for sure but for sure if i'd spiked her actually she could have broke her arm but i didn't so what's your parenting style are you are you um are you copying what your parents have done to you are you spreading the threat the generational traumas that you uh experienced as a child i hope not i mean you like to think you're not your parents but then you know every now and then you go i'm the exact same guy yeah like i'm my dad you know know yeah you like to think you're completely different right and they might have thought they were different but i don't know i feel like i was generally just fucking ignored no one paid attention to me and i would just wander around in the woods really yeah and like find like knives and stuff no i i would just get lost all day i don't my brother told me this i don't remember it at all but like i used my like bedtime they would put me in a room and just latch a thing on the outside and be like bro see you in the morning so they would lock they would lock because i knew they did it to my sister and i was always like that's so fucked up they did that to kathleen my brother was like dude they did it to you too and i was like oh fuck wow they would just go full like you're done you're goodbye for the day darkness i was just a creature dude i was in a room and you're in a somalian daycare and the windows are boarded up and the lights are off where the fuck was that kid i needed him to be like where the fuck are the kids in here let me see this child yeah yeah that's that was their shit my mom too she'd be like like if you like uh my like my older brothers and like my cousins they weren't taking a nap she would just trap them under her legs and until they fell asleep and then be like all right good fucking put the foot with the quads on them that's crazy the thing so yeah i do way different stuff i didn't so i didn't have any fun growing up like my parents were no fun there was no fun everybody was miserable we were all strangers in the house yeah so i'm just trying to make it where if i can teach them to have fun yeah then that's a skill that they can take throughout the rest of their life and attract goodness and great things and good people that's the plan that feels like the ultimate if you can have fun in any situation true then you're unstoppable right so that's what i'm trying to do that's true so we like uh you know we fucking drive around really fast tight in the car listen to really loud music dance a lot we do coke she's drinking and driving that is that is the one thing once you have kids and it really dawns on you like fuck dude i'm in charge of your mental well-being like i'm pulling from a poison dwell i know i'm just dipping this bucket into your brain you're like god help me please like your parents are like a lighthouse for like you go that's good that that's there because i can avoid that no rocky shore my parents did a lot i think a lot of things really good they were just like like they're like you know now we have like the internet we have like a thing like when you yell at your child for seven seconds they make neural path there was none of that shit they're just like whoop their fucking ass yeah we would all go out to dinner as a family and everyone by like towards the end of it it would just be me and my brothers in the car by ourselves just like chilling until everyone ate because you if you acted up you had to sit in the car you're just sitting a suburban by yourself just like damn it's fucking bullshit dude i didn't get that's so funny they took y'all out to eat yeah we were going to this place true like i said there was good stuff it's so funny that your punishment is son go sit in a hot car it was nothing go go do uh what casey anthony does to her children that's your punishment now i dude i never even thought a kid could die from a hot car yeah that's like who's to say if they can this is new kids are weak kids maybe this is those peanut allergy kids i do dry saunas every day i'm fine 20-25 minutes i'm fine at the 24-hour fitness the baby's just activated his heat shock protein so it's the telomeres that is so sad dude just to forget because it's like i get it like you're just like oh fuck i didn't think about it and you come out and it's like damn he's dead nowadays the car will uh car beeps the or the car will lock you inside of it and catch on fire what is that you see this with the cyber trucks the same thing with the car will lock you inside of it and catch on fire so the cyber truck has a mode where it turns it turns into a microwave and then it locks and then everybody dies oh it's like so you don't have to go through all the trouble of hooking like an exhaust thing to your car yeah i guess maybe if you like have a cold hot pocket flame my family grok is like do you have a cold hot pocket there amigo let me heat it up for you but they will lock and then you can't get out everybody dies it keeps happening in the news nah i like the cyber truck though it's good it looks like halo i'm a big fan look that up is that true that people are getting like a piece of there's no way you can get locked in your car unless you're polish that's the old joke you're about the polish guy got locked in his car what's the joke polish people are dumb they couldn't yeah it's like a little white on white racism i don't know any polish people yeah it was a pretty i don't think i really it was like the first meme kind of is like polack jokes but it didn't really didn't really last well how do you plan on doing your kids you don't have kids i don't have how do you plan on doing your uh raising them up keeping them away from my parents no um i don't know i haven't given them much thought man i just i just definitely don't want to repeat some of this stuff yeah yeah that was taught to me uh like my my parents my parents are definitely better now right they chill out majorly yeah they chill out but then like you don't know if you've kind of adopted the things that you're parents taught you or like unintentionally taught you or downloaded the shit that they've been doing their behavior until you're like under duress yeah you know when you're stressed out and then all of a sudden like you say you want to spike the baby yeah real bad she's three she's fine there was two cases huh there's two cases one was in california one in texas where they got in an accident and then the power went out in the cyber truck and they get out oh big microwave oh fuck yeah dude and cars get really hot too and like they're i mean obviously anything on fire gets super hot but like you're trapped but when you're trapped inside that small of a container on fire it's like would you rather burn or drown drown dude 100 yeah ted kennedy style yeah for sure really right around and burn alive dude drown you just pass out it's like you ever go underwater for like a little too long and you're like lightheaded yeah it's almost romantic you just get more and more lightheaded really it's chill burning alive is literally the worst of the worst but what if you like sleep burning i'm playing a little slow cooker low and slow for about 20 hours yeah sleep it ain't really no dude burning alive is like i think the worst i'd rather have probably my dick chopped off than burn alive damn have you but do i'm sorry because you know no go ahead but dude and and uh in asia or the monks they'd be doing they look pretty calm self-immolation yeah yeah but they've studied the art of chill that's like that's most people are not prepared you won't fire you will scream a little bit it's so funny to be on fire and be like i don't even care i don't care dude is that anything i mean not even real well they build they build like temples where those guys burn themselves because it's just like the supreme act of like i don't know buddhist chill yeah it's like you you can like oh you know i haven't fucking you know i worked off in 40 years people like watch this shit just fucking light yourself on fire like do this because it is the ultimate usually they do it to like draw attention to something yeah so it's a protest yeah they don't you know they have guns over there they caught a monk recently that was uh like i think it was like only fans no it was a girl that was going up into the temple cleaning it out and i think dude was like he i think he was smashing and then she tried to extort him damn she tried to just like trick them she tried to extort him and get bread out of him i think uh i think it might have been a few of them that she was like going up there and that's a bad plan they're monks yeah yeah they're like begging alms yeah they have to hit the arm circuit hard like damn i got a fucking baby mom but she probably knew they had she probably knew true they probably have some money yeah what's this where was this all right so wherever the monks be i don't know they're everywhere man dude my my brother it was my brother was just talking to his friend who had come from like thailand or whatever and she was telling him that like the um like the the tourism so like if you have like a like a kind like a gay kid you are from this it's like a a giant like victory because what the fuck he does he does he just called my kid gay that's cool well hey hold on listen to this so if you're in thailand maybe should i be offended i don't know you thank you so much here's the thing if you're in thailand you have like a recognizably gay kid you turn the kid into a girl asap and your whole family's like here we go because then it's like part of that like sex tourism thing where what you do is you get a uh even if you just have like a daughter too you can do the same thing where you're like oh man she pretends she doesn't have like a husband she can be married whole family or everything kids but then she'll go to work as like a prostitute get like an english businessman and be like yeah like i'm single bring the english businessman back to like her family and her husband will like even be there pretending to be like her brother and they just basically you get like even if you don't get knocked up they just fuck these dudes send a letter back to england to like wherever they work being like yo i'm pregnant now and if you don't want like the thailand courts coming after you for child support and like blowing up your spot because a lot of these guys are married give me like 10 g's a month and that's like apparently like a huge thing over there so if you're out there just fucking having sex with hookers you could get caught up in like a that's him but here's why you do a lady here's the kicker they got no ovaries true who's true but then if you fall in love that's the thing and i saw a documentary fall in love fall in love i do there's like they'll you bring you back to the village and like you just have to start like buying fucking shit for like the whole village whole village and it's like a huge thing for a village if you get like a slamming lady boy everyone's like let's go we're all gonna eat it's gonna be so nice we just need one rich british guy we just need one old british guy this plate a whole place with lady boys And it could be ladies too. - Oh, okay, okay, okay. lady boys over there just popping off so hard that it's like and that's an easy one too where it's like bro we're gonna send stuff back the family who's giving the prostitute a real address i don't know but here's the thing you get these old businessmen they'll be like i love you and they'll start divulging info and it's just kind of like yeah you're done here the funny thing is especially for like the custody stuff where it's like yo i'm pregnant with your child like the courts are gonna come after you unless you send me hush money apparently if you just ignore like the thailand courts can't do anything to you in london they can't like there's nothing they can do so oh you you from experience no i've never been i've never been in thailand actually when i hear people are in thailand as like grown adults i'm kind of like yeah that's the what are you doing over there dude because we already got their food yeah we got the food here so we got the food it's like what do you we have elephants at the zoo we have mopeds we got mopeds that's true we even have ladyboys here we got it we have the big four the big four of the economy of thailand if you're going over there there's another itch you're trying to in my opinion else i was talking to someone recently who was in asia and they're like oh my friend was supposed to meet me over wherever they were he got his visa got messed up in thailand he's stuck there and i was like is that what he told you tail and hold his time like i was gonna leave and my fucking visa is all fucked up yeah see all these stereotypes about these countries a man can't even go to thailand the dominican republic dr you get away with the dr i think you can't go to the dr without you doing something you can't go by yourself that's crazy you got to get a girlfriend just so you can do the trip and then you break up with your girlfriend in the dr and then you go crazy yeah what's this oh shit this is the thai monks oh yeah 5600 videos damn that guy's the man allegedly who is seeking miss golf woman allegedly behind thailand monk sex blackmailing scandal oh so she ran a ring that's what it was that's fine i heard there's a lot of meth too and some of there was like at one point in a lot of those um what you might call it in the monasteries or whatever there's a they like did a drug test and there was like a couple of them where like everyone was just strung out on meth they're in there just partying yeah kind of sick i don't know but still that's what i think ayahuasca is you think ayahuasca is kind of a cult i think so i think so too dude because you hear all these people like being like yeah i've done it like 75 times like bro i thought it was the most powerful why do you have to do it 55 i think it's just a giant party though yeah doesn't alan want say once you get the message hang up the phone that's what i've heard so why do you pick up the phone 75 more times i think it's just chill i think you go down there again you're like a tech billionaire and you just go down there and party i think it's just a big party i think so too and then people started talking about they crying on it and all the type of stuff i used to want to do it a little bit when i was on like my little mushroom journey and then after a while i was just like kept listening to stories about i was like what do i want to cry for it is true like yeah you like shit flies out of your ass and you throw up then it's awesome feels great and i get what they're saying but at the same time i'm like i think i could get uh there myself yeah without all the extras yeah i don't know man it's uh you think it's demons or angels you're talking to on those trips i don't know i've heard about that stuff probably talking to both you're probably talking both for real i mean we all contain both right true i don't know i've heard that seriously i have heard of like that you're talking to like extra like interdimensional entities that's a weird thing with the dmt dude people witchcraft true head no i've heard that that like yeah you're really talking to uh like entities if you do dmt there are like characters that you encounter because i distinctly remember i had like the jester it was a mean jester who was on like a black and white checkered floor saw clear as day and then i watched this video about dmt entities that was one of them i was like whoa that's fucked up you it was really our con guy was so mean to me so fucking just laughed in my face just like teased me the whole time like you're a fucking loser and i'm like yeah just fucking bullied me i went to the astral realm and just got absolutely kicked around he's giving you titty twisters he was just like you're a fucking dork and i was like what the fuck i thought this was supposed to be chill you knew a swirly and a wedgie like literally dude calling you gay it was it was literally it was probably like 15 seconds of just a jet like a multi-headed jester on a white black and white checkered floor being like dude you're a fucking loser and i was like fuck damn it sucked really fucking sucked yeah it's it wasn't that per se but if you look up there's like a the jester guy dude it's fucking bullshit yeah i'm afraid of all this stuff yeah and honestly too it's like i feel like mushrooms are great you know you can do mushrooms i don't really i don't know you can do a lot of them you don't have to go to like the right extreme and dude i swear to god when people do it a lot it changes the way their eyes look really you see someone who does ayahuasca a lot they get this like like very relaxed start looking like like almost zombified no like they look like nick reiner like the nick reiner i never got a good let me get a good look at that guy never got i've heard about him he's sitting on the red carpet with his dad they keep posting strange pictures with him maybe shit from the past no sort of but there was it was in like a black and white floor that wasn't as like lines and colors it looked just like a dude almost you gotta pull up a picture of will sylvans let me see something nobody all right who is it it was a comic will smith got the eyes he did ayahuasca like a bazillion times as well i feel like aaron roger got some eyes he's got to look at the eyes you look at the eyes and there's like and i've known just people from like just in my life who like have done it a lot and it's just like they get this i can't explain it man but they get this kind of like i don't know it could just be me freaking out nah i mean something's there's something something happened oh yeah i'm i'm and dude every time i do like a lot any like big hallucinogenic i'm always so fucking relieved when it's over that i go yeah i'm not i'm just happy for my normal waking consciousness yeah i don't ever want to leave this ever again the the the thrill of it kind of like is when you're young for real at least for me and then you start hearing all these stories about like like the matthew perry situation and all that stuff and it's like he was doing like oxy so he was i thought he was on ketamine he got boiled like a crawdad in that hot tub he got boiled they do a potato they find potatoes and carrots and shit and corn in it a bay leaf hot tub death hot tub death is kingly though i'll give you that i'd rather okay now it's like drowning to death lighting on fire dying in a hot tub i might smash dying in a hot tub especially if you're dressed up like batman and you die in a hot tub he was not dressed up like batman he would dress up like batman all the time i mean they didn't release it but i like to think he put on a full he's he was a fat batman and he got his hot tub he died in the hot tub he did yeah he died maybe he was on ketamine i think but i think he had been doing like a lot of like oxy's pain pills so maybe he did take ketamine to go in a hot tub i could see the allure so you might be right maybe yeah maybe he hit that and just get a good life i think well yeah i think he did get high a lot watch batman get in the hot tub it's a sick life yeah i don't know i'm not convinced you need the last 20 years not yet of life 20 years total he went off at what 55 yeah oh no that's not bad true i'm definitely i'm definitely a strong component of getting out of here quick really which is why i think i'm gonna live for a long time yeah i don't think i'm gonna be here for a minute because i do not want to be really you want to do a quick one i mean nah i'm just saying like you know how life expectancy is fucking tempting fate with that hoodie someone might come around and clock you right in the fucking head you're asking that you're that's a suicide hoodie dude dude kevin looks like he's gonna live a very long time life expectancy what is it now it's like i mean my grandma so i don't even know how old she is it's getting too high it's super high you're right too high i know i'm not gonna be this type of old person but they're all those old people that are just like sitting around waiting to go you know oh yeah like they just don't leave the room or don't leave the house and it's like but i don't want it yeah well that's and that's where i think the hallucinogenics come in because once you get to that stage then i think it should be like you have the home care worker and it's just non-stop just like feed me mushrooms let me watch the lord of the rings till i memorize all the lines yeah take take my money i don't care take my money yes my i have a fake i have two fake internet girlfriends that'll be chill and we'll have vr so it won't be as bad for us i can be posted up on the auto blow go into the machine auto blow oculus trt just hook yourself up into the code i just want to see the falling rain yeah just be an oculus i'll be in a nursing home i'll be like seeing my family like oh hey guys what are you guys up to oh man remember when we went to the fucking mountains that would rock you're still racist though what do you mean you're still well whenever it gets really old they become very racist true i've been in old folks homes they are they are wild but here's the thing it's pre-civil rights you know they go nasty but but here's the question though here's the question now we have i i would say almost for the first time especially for white people we have elder kind of like liberals which that wasn't really a thing i feel like so you see if you watch the video of that uh i keep forgetting the fucking guy's name the young youtuber who like shirley we stop saying his name we ain't putting no light on motherfucking he already dude his videos at 10 million bro i know but you think you think but no there was one there was one i think it was at the leering center i swear to god where he went old white lady who was like, ice. their eyes do not enter the building like she started like she was like a car alarm just going off like do not and let these men in the building ice is here so like that lady's going to be in a nursing home one day and just be like i think you're as cool as any you know what i mean she'll be doing like uh one of the soft-handed stuff right we get jamaican lady and just be like i love you so much can i touch your hair you're beautiful i should be wiping your ass my my queen my goddess i'm just gonna be it's gonna be old white lady shadow wife jamaican like i'm good baby eat my food i don't deserve it eat it all so that could be the day that could be um that could be it i think that's gonna be it the future is looking pretty bright actually true it's looking good to me i don't know i think so things could be worse oh for sure we hit the lottery being born in america right yep we just got a fresh we got dude oil oil's booming right now yep oil is gonna be killing i mean everyone look we're a fucking empire dude like we are an empire at the end of the day definitely a fucking empire we got to bust some moves russia's busting fucking moves and china's busting moves it's time america bust the fucking move it's unfortunate i wish they didn't have to do this but we are an aging empire and it's time we but and strike out just dude it was one guy venezuela easy now the rest of latin america i called this by the way years not that specifically but like latin america the cartels like dude i was like years ago i was like we're gonna hammer down on those cartels i feel like now you say to anything i feel like one guy in dude's first year i feel like if this you know this plays out the way that they want to play out by his fourth year he about to be going crazy who maduro trump oh trump how many years in are we two this is this is two well your year just started right i think i'll be dead by the summer but you think you'll be dead by the he's gonna drop dead really yeah like a frog on a lily pad he's just gonna drop you think he's just gonna he's gonna eat his last fly and just fall in the pond somebody told me he's gonna try to be president of another country i thought that was crazy yeah he's old he's he's getting there you're starting to see the way it's like biden was so old that you're like dude this guy is fucking getting around pretty good but yeah they're really good at creating problems to then act like they're fixing the problem you're like like that's what the bureaucratic state does so like what they're going to keep doing is letting immigrants in on quote-unquote accident and be like but you could sign up for ice and help us get rid of the problem so they're employing people with a problem they have to create problems yeah then they go we fixed it it's like you fucking caused it yeah that's another scam and they did just shut ice just shot a lady in the fucking face today and uh right before this like an hour ago i think it was in um his hotel i think it was like minnesota it might have been minnesota where lady was just in her car and i said she kept driving she didn't know what to do and then the ice agent reached his huge gut across the grill and fired four times into her face damn and then the car took off like 100 miles an hour into a building oh right before and she's a u.s citizen not an illegal immigrant they killed her uh yes no the accident the accident actually killed her wasn't oh wait she dodged that she drove into a dude with the police footage did they show the lady reaching at all i have not seen the footage when i and again i don't know what happened i'm not proposing to you know i know what happened but that police footage when they're like and sometimes it's obviously pretty terrible but then there's times where it's like like i knew someone who was in a car they were a cop and like a 12 year old just went boom boom boom boom fired into the car and they came out of the car and fucking killed the kid damn which is fucked but it's like do you've ever got a gun shot into your car like you're not like to be like you have to like think clearly and right it's like it's kind of hard to do whenever i see the police stuff i'm like i don't know man sometimes it is bad when you dude i think if i was a cop like i'm a pussy i would empty a full clip every day um first side i'm just emptying bags like on like a bird that flies a little too quickly in front of me i'm just firing at it i'd be terrified you know i'd be killing dogs that are running at me yeah i don't know i mean again i don't know what happened i'm not trying to say you got the video let me see yeah oh it is minneapolis oh man okay oh hey hey wait so the car takes off once she gets shot because obviously she slumped over the wheel and yikes i didn't even see it though i'm so fast well that just in um i don't know i don't know sorry hey let's take some uh where we had time last on this shot an hour or two can we just cut it out no no it's fine you're fine we never we never really can you edit me out of the podcast all right we got some actually this is from our premium subscribers we got some questions a little q a action uh here you go oh shit really this is sick this is the new thing whoa okay i'll start i'll start it off i gotta read um i actually this kind of pissed me off it was like matt why is your wife so hot but you just look like a fucking potato i've never seen someone with their eyes so close together and you suck at guitar and are gay i fucking hate you it's from uh it's from nick that's nice syracuse that was uh just that's a perk we give to our premium subscribers that's very nice yeah i don't think my eyes are that close together honestly but i mean what do you want so that was my question there you go okay hey first time patreon subscriber and huge fan graduating from high school this year which is something i've been really excited to accomplish at least until my older brother died he was riding a motorcycle on 95 with his girlfriend on the back a tractor trailer swerved to avoid a broken down car and the back of it literally smeared them along the divider there were hardly any remains of their bodies so we had to cremate all the pieces together and split the ashes evenly which is a bummer since my older brother barely liked this girl it would have been beautiful if they had been deeply in love or whatever but they fought all the time my brother and i can say this now that he's dead hit her on several occasions this is so good that's our premium subscribers here come on but anyway oh wait hold on she cheated on him with her ex-boyfriend in the army but anyway i guess my question is that with my brother dead that leaves me as an only child i've never been an only child and now i'm worried that i might fall into that bratty only child personality just before college and won't be able to make any friends do you think i should maybe join a fraternity did you write this that's so funny man that's a real that's a real conundrum i don't know what i was telling this i thought i was going too dark on this show and then you hand me this i'm like oh i'm fine it's just a perk we give to our premium subscribers thank you on patreon for making this very funny person you don't have to answer that's a very uncomfortable question do you uh do you have anything i think there's uh one more i got a book the producers cherry pick these producers been cherry picking these all right lady dog here whoop whoop just wanted to say thanks for all the laughs my boyfriend got me hooked to y'all's podcast anyway i'll get to the point i know girls have a bad reputation for circling around what they're trying to say with unnecessary details so i'll try to spell y'all spare y'all lol but i'm in a bit of a pickle the whole thing started when my boyfriend when me and my boyfriend got drunk and watched porn together it was his idea so i let him pick the video since i'm not much of a porn girly and he started off pretty vanilla basically like girl scissoring and whatnot we started hooking up with it on in the background and it was pretty hot but then the video was over it was like two minutes and i just clicked the next video again two girls and continue giving my man a bj and things got and things were all good but then in the video a short fat black guy came into the picture all right a short fat black guy came into the picture and had i'm not lying the biggest dick i've ever seen it was like two coke cans stacked on top of each other and so anyway we started having sex and the video really did something to me and seeing those women just total just being totally filled up with you know this guy's man come on man all right all right all right i just want to i just want to reiterate as i'm reading this is somebody else's words this is not kevin that's fair saying this shit that's fair that's fair all right so i clipped this shit up all right audio listeners might not know you're reading you're gonna have nick shirley on your phone i gotta start talking slower i'm licking my lips all right whatever so uh these women are totally being filled up with this guy's massive penis and my boyfriend kept saying how wet i was glancing uneasily at the screen and so i just pulled him into me telling him to fuck me or whatever but then or whatever i don't know if it was desperation or what but my boyfriend i guess trying to go along with started dirty talking to me but in like black guy voice or whatever saying stuff like you like this big ass black dick girl and like oh god damn this pussy slicking in a car wash parking this pussy this pussy slicking in a car wash parking lot hurry up and come girl so i can get back to doing my podcast stuff like that and honestly i was kind of mortified but the video was so good that i actually came but now my boyfriend thinks he has to talk in like a black accent during and i've even noticed he's been dressing different too did i like accidentally turn him black which is which if so i'm okay with that but i just don't know how to bring it up because it seems kind of weird he's like i don't know how to bring it up because i don't know how to bring it up he's like i don't know how to bring it up he's like i don't know how to bring it up he's asian by the way thank you for our premium subscribers i don't know i don't have any thoughts those questions are both a little too complicated for myself i didn't know yo you're right no i swear i've asked the producer selected them that's just one of the perks you get i mean that's i wish we i had more i can't really tackle it both are too heavy you know for me to comfortably tackle he's asian by the way well guys i can't thank you enough that was uh you guys are great thank you man i appreciate you guys have anything you want to plug or whatever oh go ahead kevin what am i doing when does this come out i don't know probably like tomorrow okay i'm in dc over the weekend dc improv with chris red and then uh follow me on instagram kevin isopropanol yeah that's it at ben avery is good on uh social media i got a podcast with my brother jace avery and devin costa called lemon party let's go patreon.com slash lemon party and i do live stream sometimes ben avery.live i go live once a week if you want to sign up on my website you'll get notified when i go live hell yeah thank you guys thank you matt appreciate you buddy later thank you cool watch new episodes of matt and shane secret podcast on spotify do it when you shop kroger delivery you can expect the savings you love and fresh groceries 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