Ep 590 - Wildcat

Wow, wow, Wes. Oh, no, they don't even tell me I was that king. It was not on the kingdom coaster It offers gentle thrills with smooth turns a small airtime The cat I think is uh, let me say I see the things fucking nasty as hell So you know what you know what the beast does the beast first the wild cat the wild cat is It's newer dude. It's the longest too. It's kind of it's kind of cap Fucking beast dude beast is longer Hershport. Yeah, well the wild cat is like higher I think it has of course it is. It's huge. It's so scary dang dude Bro a classic figure eight design which often focuses on the cloud. Okay, my well Cat's just an out and back classic. So the forces the forces on the wild cat are rougher You want to if you ride the beast you want to claim the largest wooden roller coaster in the world It's like you know, it was the beast constructed. I don't know, but my thing is it's not as rough and tumble as the wild cat So the beast is like a longer ride, which gives it the biggest quote unquote Wooden roller coaster in the world, but we're talking G forces here. So damn I built a long time ago. It was fucking 1979 79 It's the biggest There's nothing I can say. Yeah, I was wrong. No. No. No, I was wrong. There's nothing I can do. I don't get down Hershey Hershey's it's still Hershey has a scary or wooden roller coaster that's probably higher I'm telling you I busted my fucking lip on the wild cat and this guy's gonna wear a nice survived Hershey shirts You're gonna steal valley like that How'd you bust your lip on the wild cat the fucking thing comes to a screeching hole my smack my face It was nothing to me dude spread the rest of the day bloodyed up. What would you rather do if you're at a dornie park You go into the amusement park or wild water kingdom as a young man and water park as old man You're saying now your old man. I bet you're not. Yeah, cuz when you're a young man That's getting soaked at a park as a young man's games I didn't give a fuck. I would walk around just drenched all day Now I'd be so mad You don't realize how I went to a water park recently. You don't realize how fucked up you get on the slot You get elbow bursts not stop dude. I got off and I was like god. My father right I was on with you and stop. Yeah, I never again Right up first turn. I got flipped off the raft. Yeah, slowly It's also like his family's water slide isn't yeah, it's an absolute vacuum seal on your dick You get off that thing you're like, you know, dude the teenest is fully fucking yeah gym shorts My teenest could be preserved indefinitely in that bathing suit. It was vacuum sealed. It was tight It's crazy. I think we had also a regular gym shorts on. Yeah. Yeah, that's not the move I had to wait in the pool until Matt could get us towels. Yeah, I was like dude. I for real can't get out of this People were just coming down land and next to me and I was like Matt came back with a hotel towel. So it was like this big. I just covered my teenest hopped into the lazy river Teeness in the fucking yeah, I remember that we had we were the only people adults there without kids So we were just like riding behind like a guy would be like down the bottom waiting for his child Yeah, boy up there. I'm avoided water park since I kind of I went to one an indoor last summer night It was pretty nice the lines though. We're just ridiculous man. Yeah, especially when you're like You know, you're there with your kids. You're like you need to get a bus to move. You're all my good to my wife I'm like all right. Hit the kids for a second. I'm gonna run up the slide 35 minute wait. I'm just looking down seeing her tap her foot. I'm like, you don't be fucking pissed about this Told you I stopped a young fat boy try to do the old like all my friends are up there kind of thing and I went hit him with the You stop you go to the back row and wait. I'll say tell your friends to go back and wait with you And they actually he put in God's pencil. Oh, he was telling truth shit No, man, fuck that Can't be doing that. There's a lot of butters going on in those water parks, bro And I'd like to shut it down. Yeah, you know, I don't have a lot of authority over anybody But I'm pretty sure I can take a little chubby 10-year-old. I feel like water parks will become a minorities game. Oh, yeah They kind of all it kind of always were They scouted him hard tonight. I'm where I'm from I they weren't no around I'm saying I think they scouted him hard in the 90s because they were wiped out The whites definitely controlled the yard in the water park in the 90s But then we did control the yard But that was because that was our generation of whites We used to control the yard He heavily It's awesome blackheads. You can not afraid to hit some slurs at the water park You could yell anything back then Water is our world though. Yeah, true Yeah, the way we come into the easy river I felt like Kevin Koster and the wave pulled as I am fucking one world When we were there was the hard-working river Nate, did you get to some water parks with your shirt on? No, I was I was I went I went topless. Really? Oh, atopless. Were you shredded as a kid? Like no, I wasn't that wasn't a fat thing It was just black people or shirts socks socks. I would do socks I would do socks where I do water shoes Got to do water shoes. I would do water shoes to his day. No water shoes is so crazy Walking around barefoot in there is crazy. No, it's not now not when you're young man when you're young No, dude black from a young age black people get a drill in their heads. They're bare feet. You can never touch the earth They're not the touch the never grounded. You never ground it. They've never ground it Dude sneakers on in the house. No bare feet. They're never ground A slippers sneakers on the house is a white person thing No slippers in the house. Yeah, yeah true. I'm sneakers. It's sometimes a sandwich in the house There's house shoes. I've learned there's there's such things are shoes for the house. I guess I guess sneakers in the house pure white trash That's just white trash and nothing bothers me more than going to someone's house and they're like take your shoes off We have slippers next to the door. I gotta wear fucking slippers now with these jeans. I look like a fucking moron Or just don't provide any slippers. Just let your because I just it took me a while But it is like if you take your shoes off and you don't wear them Like I don't we try not to put any shoes on our second floor But every now and again, I like already how much you zone and they fuck my wallets upstairs and I walk up And I'm just like thinking of all the piss I stepped in and the fucking airport is a bad and they're a bathroom I'm like well, whatever I should do this every day for years. It'll be fine. Yeah But yeah, no, that's that's good. Yeah, I said I like one of parks man water parks rule. They're fucking sick, man What you do? You got wet and wild? Yeah, I had the Schlitterbond. I invited Nate, but he didn't want come The aquasauks were two-day prime shipping they were gonna get Yeah, it was fun though Schlitterbond Check it out. That's what you got. Thank you. Yeah, no jokes. Nothing funny about it Yeah, what the hell happened? What happened to you? Did anything good happen? Yeah, well the lazy river was pretty fun Yeah, it was actually called the Torrent river because it was like a wave pool mixed with the lazy river. I like that. That's kind of really fun I feel like they probably couldn't name it the crazy river instead of the Torrent When you went down one of the speed slides your penis went up your butt. You're going so fast Your girlfriend told us you popped it you popped in here and bought it Said you bind yourself Is it a 16-year-old boy and a boy you started a lawn mower? He's Ripping that thing out He'd have pushed down your nipples like the primer just to get you Is that true? Well, did your penis fly into your butt while you're going down a slip inside of you came in your own butt Yeah, the 16-year-old boy and then pull it out the prime nipples is that true? Yeah, I wasn't gonna mention it, but that did happen You go for a total set. Well, I have to talk to her about that. You can have to have it talk with it I'm gonna have to have a staring talk with you. You can't keep telling people about the time my penis was in my vlog When I came in my own bottle the slip is live The water right as you come in your butt It was fun to check it out This is an ad by bitter help old the help with the better every year my family and I do this tradition around the holidays where What are things you do every year during the holidays family traditions? What me and my family gather around the Christmas tree and we talk about the single most traumatic event of our lives Yes, and then we just kind of just talk about it You know it's pretty nice. Then I head down to the basement once I get the juicy deets And I and I process it the best way I can The only way I know how because I Well, what else is going on? 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Yeah, no one could be like, well, it was actually a big one in, you know, Ohio, they didn't even know. But you know, or the fucking Ohio was. Why do you think this is a question I was thinking of recently? Why do you think they made you memorize the capitals of the states? Was that like some sort of like military knowledge? Was there some sort of practical benefit of that that comes from like the military? I think it's a good thing to know. Why? It's important that I went to the Capitol in Idaho this weekend. Boyd, yeah, not just bro. You can just walk right in. Really? I mean, I don't know if I should tell everyone, but yeah, you just walk right in. I mean, you can walk into most capitals, but you could walk into the governor's office. What? Just walked in. What's up? What's up? Just talk to the guy. He was signing a bill or some shit. What? It was pretty nice. That is nice. It was a nice fellow. We got a picture together and then I was like, I don't know, I wonder what his politics are because it's a nice endorsement photo. Also, I heard Idaho. It's in a tracksuit gun. It's like my bad. I didn't know I was going to meet the governor today. Yeah, I just like a fool. I was in sweatpants. I mean, how could you have known? I had no idea. We were walking up the steps and these two dudes walked out and we're like, you can just walk in. All right. Dang. We'll do it. Yeah. Well, Philly's not the capital, but you can just like walk in city. Oh, no, no. You can't actually. There's like a sign in desk, you're right. Yeah, I don't know, man. I heard of Idaho. It's kind of a wild state. It was a good state. I heard it's nice, but I heard you go to like, I think it's like Northern Idaho. The whites. I think the whites have run in the yard. They run the audience for sure. Yeah, Northern Idaho. I heard it's very. For sure. Yeah. Yeah, that's where all the craziest whites are. Yeah. Like that in like Washington and Oregon out there. Yeah, but I also heard Idaho's like one of the, it was like a sneaky kind of destiny. Like people started buying places up out there. So the governor was telling me. Yeah. Oh, the Kardashians. They're saying there's, we've had half a million people every year. Uh-huh. It's too many people. No, it's apparently Idaho is a sneaky. I'm probably making it worse, but it's a sneakily. Yeah, I'm like soon I said, you can just walk in the governor's office. How many fucking people listen in Idaho? By the way, that's on him. And he better fucking beef up his security. There was a woman. There was a second. There was a secretary desk and she was like, come in. Yeah. Is this a lady? Wait, he doesn't have a appointment. You get the fuck out of the way. Excuse me. I have to meet with the governor. I'm taking selfie with the governor right now. Yeah. It's pretty sick. That's cool. I met a politician in Salt Lake City, a guy running for mayor. And he had, I was like, it was like an outdoor, it was like a farmer's market. And he was like, yeah, usually, you know, this is like this park. I was like, it's a beautiful park. And he was like, yeah, it's usually like, there's a lot of homeless people here. And I'm like, oh, it's sick. You don't see any here right now. And he's like, well, the police came and removed him. And I was like, dude, fuck yeah. And he was like, no, it's actually a travesty. I'm running against that. It's very mean. The fact that they came and I was like, oh, shit, my bad, brother. I'm all for it every single time. Every single time they're like, we rounded them up and got them out. I'm like, good job. I don't know where you put them in fucking Utah. Where you going to take them? Fucking the mountains. Maybe. I was just coming from-- Let them down. Let them down or party out. Let them fucking grow on each other for a month. I was just coming from the point of like, yeah, if there were a bunch of homeless people milling around, this would be a less elevated experience, obviously. Yeah. Just kind of. It's a fucking bummer. We went from Boise where the whites were definitely holding down the yard to then Portland. Where the whites are still holding down the yard with the nasty evil whites. True. And Rodden crossed the lights. It was Portland fucking crazy. It points a good city. It is a great city. We had a different experience. We had a very nice experience. I tried to go back to that same bar and got fucking murdered. That bar was right next to the venue. It was nice. Yeah. No. There were no cool motorcycle guys, Rodden and Circles. Yeah, they were having a good time last time we were there. But this time there was the bumps, the bumps of one, Lebowski. Ah. The bumps won. I saw a colonoscopy bag on the ground. Yeah. Feel like shit. Ah. So right next to a giant dead rat. And then just-- I think the rat ate the shit and died. Yeah. It was a-- That sucks. Yeah, I got to clean it up because it's such a beautiful city. Yeah, Portland fucking rules the thing. And again, it's like, what do you do with a guy who just lays on the ground? There's nothing you can do. No. Except you got-- I don't know. It's like, how do you get him pumped? You know what I mean? Yeah. You put math under like a box with a stick. All right. We got no. It doesn't even trap. It just falls on him. Yeah. Got him. You could do a thing where it's like-- You know, they gave the Nazi soldiers math. Something like that. But then, like, you know, better programming, obviously. You want to invade somewhere. You know what? Blitzkrieg. Blitzkrieg with job application. With job application. Take Vancouver. Blitzkrieg. We should just-- yeah. That'd be a nice little undercover op. Just like, math them up and be like, yo, that's the Canadian. That's the Canadian border. I bet you can't get in there. I was thinking about just shipping them to my enemies' houses. Like-- Like, somebody I don't like. Tell 'em what, like, ordering one up and be like-- Just going to downtown Austin. Get a megabus. Yeah. That's cheap as fuck. You guys are headed to the town of one of my-- I'm just going to lower the property value in whatever town my enemy lives in. And this is kind of a politicians we're doing. They weren't really doing it. But I'm saying you can do that at a personal level. You're good for sure. You can just get 'em on a bus. I'll give each of you 100 bucks. Yeah. There was a guy-- I saw a video of a guy claiming that he would go around, pay homeless people 25 bucks for their social security, birthday, and all the stuff. Take out credit cards in their name. Oh, my God. And cash advances. He would just get like tons of money from all these people. And then he would get a cell phone with that money and put it in that guy's name as well and hand that guy the cell phone. And then somehow he would set it up to where he would do like a purchase. He would have went back to that cell phone and the police would track it and arrest the homeless person. It was win-win. Yeah, it was kind of awesome. I know we're being rude to the homeless. We are. But they've been rude to me. They can't be rude. They can't be yelling. They can't be rude. But, you know, again, they do yell. They scream. They taunt. But, you know. In Portland, I heard so many screams. Like just down the street. You just hear the-- basically the guy that scared the queen. I was the queen. I would hear someone screaming and I'd be rushed away. James would come and grab me and rush me into a building. That's the funniest video still to us there. A guy just screaming and ruining the whole thing. I heard several of those. San Francisco had the bombs. Yeah. They had the bombs still. Yeah. I mean, I. I mean, we had to run from a bomb. For what? That was he chasing for. We went to look at the sea lines at the, like, wharf. And there was just a big fucking bomb. He was a tall boy. It's a landline. Yeah, he was. He was a tall boy. His pants were both ripped straight down. So, he was wearing, like. Oh, he looked like the scream guy. His clothes were all, like, at least. But he was on. He was screaming at the top of his lungs. He was like, "Oh, fuck, I-- fuck, yeah." And he was just walking. We got to get those homeless boys some knee pads, bro. Some face slide. Some face slide. Sliders, dude. We got to turn them to sliders. Now, this is the type of forward thinking. We could have the fucking sickest country on Earth. If we had a billion sliders in every city. I would pay them, bro. They could make a good living if they just started sliding. Someone's got to hook them up with them, too. Because, like, nobody has cash anymore. I saw some bombs with themos. Yeah. Yeah, but it's like, you got to slide from me, Poppy. If I'm going to be given. If I want to be done without cash. My word's exactly. I said, dude, I said, bro, you got a Venmo sign. You can need to slide from me, Poppy. Need to slide. Or glove. I would take gloveic, too. If they were gloveic, I'd be like, all right. It's fair. Yeah. I hate to admit it, but I think I might be more of a gloveier than a slider if I'm-- That's fucking ridiculous. Oh, sorry. I know. Sliding's obviously way more masked and tough. Sliding's so sick. You saw the pig guys slide. I know. Sliding's fucking nasty as hell. I'm just saying, deep down inside, I might be a gloveier. Sliding's sick, but imagine if we pitched out this house black-- or total, you know, no lights. Okay, I hear you think if somebody was sliding there sparks, sparks at night, true Alright, that's fair. It depends if you if I will say if I was on Psychedelics the Glovers would Fucking rock do the slider could take you to a dark place if you're on mushrooms and some dude with like cool paint But that yeah, that's exactly both for habits, you know true. I like alcohol. If I was drunk watch and slide If I was drunk watching the glove guy like, you know, fuck it, you're fucking hands out of my face Right if you got yeah psychedelics in the sliders was really fucking Guys I'm fucking idiot Crazy just the face man alone. Yeah, this is somebody's son He's still in slide. He's sliding on the road and fucking sacramenna Fucking idiot But yeah, we continue to search for you know something for the homeless to do and I think sliding Sliding is a very good start. That's definitely planning. I haven't heard any good options Do you imagine imagine you go to apply for like a warehouse, right outside your interview? Or just do the sparks on your pants or Again, they'll break out the gloves during mid-interview. Could you have any special talents? Oh, yeah You're hired You're the CEO I'm also down with you What are you talking about? What about a sliding Glover? Would it slide into the meeting? It's a glove slide out Yeah, what is with what is the ether war distinction all about? Why can't you be both real true? That'd be so fucking I'd be so nasty swear to god sliders are holding down the yard though They're definitely beating the fuck out of the Glover guys. Sliders are not I mean definitely how many sliders? How many undercover sliders do you think we're at Sliders There had to be seven to eight sliders there Dude is next one skankfest. You got a higher side dude. That's room skankfest. Let's hire bombs to go to skankfest Wherever they fucking book it All they have to do is chase lose to go mess. We'll give them a picture of Lewis. I know whatever you see this man chase him We'd have to if they do They do it on like an island. I think X is gonna be on an island We might have to have like an amphibious operation to get we have to get them over We need a duck boat From Dita just lower the doors. Let her slide out Yeah Damn, it'd be so fucking funny. I mean putting sliders in any situation Dude, I'm surprised no one's a slid its gang fast yet. It's common people are sliders We're gonna at least just at least hire some sliders as a gift You know what sliders It doesn't know what sliders or Glovers are They love the revelation Brow you can sit around say why people don't have culture Sliders and Glovers Holy shit Dude for real that'd be nice for skank fan skankfest 10 to be like dude we got you guys Skank fan Yeah for 10 for skankfest X if we just say it and it's like hey hold an hour slot for us We just have to do it in town and just have sliders I'm not kidding. I would absolutely do it. Skankfest 10 you'll have a live show. Yeah, it's just sliders versus Glovers That'd be awesome. We should just pre-record just pre-record We don't have to go to zoom in Welcome, thank you everybody. It's like if we died from them We're like, you know send in a message of the future that's you have made it here great excellent Now an hour and a half of guys sliding oh I didn't know everyone knew about the sliders. They were hitting my Algo and I was like How did you keep that to yourself for so long? I told every share and I'm just Me and one guy just going back and forth sharing sliders. I'm thinking hopefully our out your Algo might have Charged mine hit me with the fucking slider material because it's my I was on Glovers for a while Like who do you like more Nate? Do you like sliders or Glovers? Glovers are weirder than me. They freak me out actually Yeah, that's some type of type. It didn't his magic. It was it was too much individual figure movement like together I didn't like those two choreographed sliders just come in sliders your side side this up cool Maybe drag their hair to cook. Yeah, hold on, but who do you you got shown the sparks? I saw the sparks my question is so if if you're at like a like an all black barbecue Who do you think will be tolerated better a Glover or a slider? Glover, I think it's slide it might be getting his ass Glovers gonna be like get that shit out of here, but sliders is gonna be like oh shit every time he slides But fate no face paint though. Obviously you couldn't wear the demonish the demonic face paint. No, you couldn't They like that. It depends on the time. I'm like the purge masks The purge by me the love purge Rock it's slide in the shasty. I can't wait till we start sliding y'all don't want to see us I didn't bring it I know I forgot my choice. Yeah, I should have worn it. I was right when he said it I was like damn that's probably holding that trying to break that out. I should have With it when I'm not looking. I should have put that thing on I gotta get that my wife is threatening to throw it out I told her I was gonna throw away all her pocket books if she's there's I'll throw all your dumb fucking purses out She knows I'm thugging She knows Yeah, she knows he's a bad boy. I'm gonna post up. It's gonna post up the trap She just finally got out of the trap. She's living in the trap and they you can't start trapping again, bro Please I know the streets are calling I'd be so nice I Think about it now that I could literally probably buy like a thousand pounds of weed and just go dumb Be so sick. Yeah, you could like really get arrested. Oh, I know I could go really crazy I could get like a shipping first of all I can buy a shipping container and I could probably fill it That'd be so time could you zoom from prison? They have tablets. Oh, I wonder if we could I I probably could get some sort of like program Bro, that would be the podcast would go through the roof if you were in jail The only thing I thought about it. I think it's a thing about all the time if I go to jail I'd be like they'll if I got out or still be sick and be fine. Yeah, but yeah, no, they have tablets down prison I just found that out. I give you some verses from the phone They used to do that on rap albums. I would call in from the jet What's up, Shane? Yeah, this is what I was thinking about. Yeah, that'd be I think about trapping all the time dude be so tight Be so because I could actually get like a fucking bad guy HQ now. Yeah, be so fucking layer You have black eyes and purge masks, dude. I am sliders. I could get a van and a layer Shusty henchman febby sick as hell and I could just just pull an into your own bad guy layer and like having guys just lower the fucking garage door It's all I want it's all I want. That's fair. That's something You should aspire to yeah bad guy layer. Just guys pulling up a door. Yep. I I remember there was like a warehouse and do some of the had like a warehouse set up and I was so jealous I would go in there and buy weed and have like this so fucking sick you have a warehouse Had a gun in their warehouse. It was awesome. Anyone knocked up. They just be like fuck who the fuck is that Like damn, that's so sick. You shoot that guy right fucking now. It'd be awesome Yes, I'd like that if you got I might turn on you though I don't like that. I don't like that stuff. What do you mean? I'm like you trapping dude. I would I would report you that'd be nice to I'm so wearing a wire You'd have you'd have to have me strip a gunpoint Just you're at a cafe you're like an outdoor cafe with the FBI like you just brought in a thousand pounds of skittles He's making skizzlers again Yeah, I did make gummies read but regular gummies. I made regular gummy bears. It was kind of nice made it for my kids How would they receive there? They're there. You know what man there? They're kind of nasty about it cuz I yeah fuckers. Yeah, well, I didn't let them like dry enough So they were like these are yucky. You know, I was just like the first batch they liked and the second one's actually said well I just can't do anything right I tried so hard What else is going on fucking hell again at my coffee cup Trying to kill me fuck Probably the fucking sit in a lower cartel true. They heard about my skittles. Yeah, Donald Trump's gonna blow up your boat You can be in Lake Austin get a drone strike on your drug butt No, it's telling you this weekend. I uh, who the hell's that Someone just said hello on on night Let's take a look at who this is Matt it's an amazing time of year to be a sports fan We've got the battle for the Nadi elite hoops every night and cold weather football with playoffs spots on the line With all the picks to choose from it's like a holiday spread every night on prize picks where it's always good to be right You and I make loads of decisions during the holidays Being right can get you paid. There's so much sports action to unwrap during the holidays and on price picks, whatever sports you're into, whoever you support, it always feels so good to be right. Now, let's get into this. Who's looking good? And who are you picking against? I am picking more on Sequan Barking yards. I think he's really picked up his running game. I like that. Also, I like what Kenny Gainwell is doing in Pittsburgh. I want to be surprised to hit a little more on Kenny. Kenny Gainwell, I like that. Yeah, that's what I would like to do. Personal story of time where you were confident, making a pick that fell apart. Never. Yeah. Okay, so that's our take. Now it's time to lock yours in yours. There's no better place than price picks. Take it. Take it from there, Matt. You got to love how straightforward price picks is. You don't have to spend a lot of time trying to calculate your payouts. Price picks makes it easy to win with their payout multipliers, whether it's just a simple 3x or a big 2,000x. Price picks makes it easy to understand how much you can win. Join millions of users and sign up for America's number one fantasy sports app. Download the price picks app today and use code Drenched to get $50 in line-ups after you play your first $5 line-up. That's code Drenched to get $50 in line-ups after you play your first $5 line-up. Price picks. It's good to be right. Good to be right. Hey, we're back. Yeah, salesman interrupted the fucking flow. It was door to door salesman. I saw him try to hit you with the hold on now. That, bro. These guys have been hit with the algorithm. I like how to be a salesman. How to conquer objections. Yeah, the objection of just like, yeah, get the fuck out of here. Yeah, like dude beat it. Coming over, yeah, coming out of the dude beat it stuff, he wanted to, I think, remodel your hand to your house. I should let him. I'm renting. Sure. Fucking tearing down every wall. Yeah, that's fucking bullshit. Also, like, if you're doing door to door sales, there's got to be something in it for me in terms to listen to it. Like for the podcast, at least we do a podcast and then there's ads. He should have to do like a solo, like five minutes solo cast. True. Come up and be like, dude, that's your scratch. You hear about that fucking. I brought him in and been like, all right, give us your sales hit us with the pitch and it's been hold on. Yeah, we could have done it for some Andy Elliott action. Andy Elliott, I saw a clip of him. Yeah, let me see. Let me see, bro. If you're not fucking ripped, no way. He, I think someone was talking shit on him in the comments. Then he somehow found the guys where he worked and called the guy and gave him a chance to like overcome his objections and roleplay and the guy froze and he was just like, that's what it's about, man. The guy fucking froze. He blew. I see him call people and I'm like, I would have been that guy. He called me like, I say you have a 2007 Honda on the lot. I'd be like, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't, do you want to come in and look at it? That's on the website. It's probably up there. All right. It's here. Now the guy started going like, I can't hear you. He's like, you can hear me. I know you can hear me. Don't do that. I was also like, that's a good move. How did I do that, too? I only had one guy hit me with that and it was a Chinese man. Really? Yeah, he came in. He wanted to know every single thing about the Honda Odyssey. I didn't know one thing about it. He's like, take the middle seats out. I want to see how it looks without seats. I'm like, fuck, all right. I couldn't, I didn't know how. Yeah, we can't get the ones. I couldn't move any of the seats. I was like, this is I don't know how to do it. You shouldn't be like, bro, this is going to be your car. I want to see you get familiar with this. You go ahead. Now see Matt, that would make you an expert salesman. I just bent over and was like, shit, shit, shit. I'm sorry. I can't do it. How did he take that? He was very mad and he left. What? He didn't like my, he didn't like me. Just that you couldn't take the seats out? Yeah. He wanted them to honorable. Yeah. He wanted somebody who cared. Yeah. That makes sense. I actually got in trouble for that. For not being able to take the seats out? Yeah, because my manager came over and was like, what's going on? He was like, your salesman doesn't know how to do anything, like he can't, he doesn't know anything about this car. Geez. I was like, he's right. No, he got me. Well, the manager trained you on how to take the doors out? Yeah, he was like sit down and read the fucking pamphlet about that. Honestly, I just, I just, fuck that sat at my desk and probably got on a video game on my computer, got on sporco. They'd like top five hysmans from each year. Sat down. Yeah, reading the manual. It's crazy. No shot. That's absolutely insane. My dad tries to hold it down so you need that. Most mechanics just read that manual and figure out everything you know. I'm like, bro, get the fuck out of here. He, dude, he claims he checks his oil every time he fills up his gas. I'm like, dude, you're the biggest liar. God, check your, every time you get a gas, check your oil. I'm like, you don't check. There's a gauge. That's what I'm saying. I can look at it. Now he holds down. That thing. He's like, dude, that oil runs out your whole car. I've actually, I was like terrified for everything in my car. He's gonna stop working one day. Yeah. God dog got a little oil on his dipstick at the water. His old dipstick went right in the gas tank. Dude, it was crazy because I heard he asked for his dick when I was buddy. He turned on his belly and went down backwards. Which would he hit the water and jammed it up first. Oh, no. Was that true? It was a deep pie. The deep self pie. Yeah, that's true. There's a canole in your WAP bus. Little WAP canole. You missed it. Yeah, I'm sorry to happen for real, man. I'm really, it's gotta be tough. Yeah, but it's, you know, I'm alright now. How many penile injuries are at the water park every year? There's gotta be a good amount. A lot, dude. Yeah, it's gotta be a lot of guys at least get thunder clapped on their balls. Dude, I got what was called a thunder clap headache for the first time in my life. I was lifting weights and all and just boom, I had a massive headache out of nowhere. It was scary. I looked up, I was kind of pumping. I saw it's called literally a thunder clap headache. I was like, yeah, I was like, yeah, obviously God, that's fucking sick. It's like a Norse. Yeah, some type of Viking headache. Literally. It's kind of what happened. Yeah, it was a fucking sock, man. I came out of nowhere. I think I was just holding my breath too long and I was just, yeah, you hold your breath. My face is bright red and I just got like a out of nowhere, crazy headache. Then I went away. But yeah, that's what happens is like fucking, you know, if you get like brain bleeding, you pop one of these things, you get a massive headache and then shed. It is. It is sad. Scary, dude. I was fucking scary and sad. So I think I saw my grandma. I'm dead. Yes. And I'm lifting probably dude. Getting closer, bro. I'm getting closer to a thousand pound club. I'm at 825. I'm gonna get there. I got you're bulking 175 pounds left. The allegations are not going anywhere. I'm dude. I'm down. Yeah, bring in Derek from more places, bro. You're juiced. I'll test. I'll test whenever we talk about me and the guys. Talk about how do you say I'm here. We got to do something. He's outburst of anger. Fucking crazy. Matt called me the other day. He was like, oh, you fucking pussy. Fucking piece of shit. Tartar carry in this old fucking day. Fuck you. He's like, what the fuck, Matt? This isn't like you ever since you went to waste a weld. You've been a real fucking jerk. Nadi, I'm all Nadi and I'm chill too. I'm Nadi and I got the chill to prove it. No, and then your wife called me and was like, Shane, I'm scared. I actually believe that I was like just hanging there a few more. He's gonna be alright soon. I'm gonna talk to him. I'm gonna get him off the juice. I can't believe that. I came to his house to get him off the juice. He was shirtless in the garage. I was like, oh, it was dark in there too. What the fuck are you doing in here? He was gloving jacked. He was like, get the fuck out of here, pussy. I'm gloving going out of your fucking wildfire friends. Now that's not a word we would use, but I was on the juice. But he was juiced up. That was we're making fun of some of you don't have to fucking times say it but fucking yeah. I do want to get some mass bells. Do you ever see those things? They're like kettlebells mixed with dumbbells, but you reach your hand inside of a steel ball. And it's just like you can hold it from the inside. It's fucking sick. You feel like mega man when it's on your hand. I saw all those things the other day. I want them. Yeah, that's all I've been doing for that. Pretty chill. Yeah, I'm trying to think what else is going on? Are you excited for Christmas? What are you gonna do for the holidays? My house. We're saying right now. Yeah, my wife's been trying to subvert my children into doing like a Christmas trip in Whistler Canada. I keep trying to shut it down. She's like, it'd be nice to be snowy. I'm like, no, suck ass. I should be fucking cool. It would be cool. My problem is gifts. It's like, dude, you have to bring the gifts. You can be like, you want to go somewhere it's nose and right, yeah, but they just think a bunch of gifts are going to appear in Canada. I'm like, I'm not fucking shipping that and shipping it back. It's yeah. No fucking shot. I'm gonna have a buddy. Bleak Christmas. I gotta go. I'm gonna go to my parents and be. That'd be sick. A single man in my parents' basement for a few days. True. Thanksgiving was tough. I was just down there jacking off. Yeah. I'm gonna do it again. For Christmas, I'm gonna get drunk and go to my parents' basement and jack off. That'll be dead. Bleak. Not bad, not bad. I hear you. There's peace and quiet. There's peace and quiet, but I do hear you're saying I remember it's bleak. I remember all my friends at kids and I would just go hang out. I didn't have kids. I remember I felt weird. I would go to places and I'd be like, man, I wish I wasn't here. Yeah, I'm not going to my friends house. You feel weird. I go, guys, did your family come with the bar? True. Come with the bar. And then I'm gonna jack off in my parents' basement. Shane, what are you doing down there? I'm watching YouTube videos. Okay, let's get to bed. Who am I? It's fucking 11 o'clock. I'm not even tired. You think I'm going to sleep in 11 feet? I'm right. I'm on his fuck. Yeah, that'll be dark. What do you think? Like, because you don't have a curfew, obviously, you can come and go as you please your parents house. Where do you think the, like, where do you think that ends in terms of like your freedom in that house? Where do you think they would stop you? All right, Shane. That's. If I was not, if they, if it was like. 3 or 4 a.m. Yeah. And I was still in the kitchen like drinking. And by myself, they would be really sad. They would just be like, we need to talk. What if you pulled a sober all nighter? I think they would support it. If you just did a sober all nighter, you stayed up all night playing video games. Ah, they would believe, they would think they were narcotics. I could do that. What? That might be a fun little Christmas. Just get a fucking eight ball and. Dude? No alcohol, just coke for the entire. Just a coke binge for Christmas at my parents house. You should get like a $10,000 suit and just do cocaine the entire time you got your parents house. I should go, just full McGregor. Just full McGregor. For the Christmas tree. He's gonna stand your bag. Just draped in finery, too. Yeah. Just pocket watch. That'd be so fucking funny. Especially if you only did it gentlemanly, just like a gentlemanly amount. Yeah, and you could do like coke when they didn't like the 1800s. Like just fully right in front of everyone, just like. Self-cold. That's the move. That's the move. And just hit all the rounds. You'll see all your friends, kids, and the show, and be like, "What's up with you guys?" Blast it on coke, going everyone's house. Business ideas out the wazoo. Massive gifts. Yeah, I got your car. I figured you guys could use on Odyssey. I don't know how to fucking take the seats out, but it's all yours. Let me show you how this thing works. Shit, I forgot. Oh. That's actually good. Yeah, that would be nice. No alcohol, just coke. Mm-hmm. All night here for three straight days. Just $40,000 in chains. It would be so tight. Oh shit, I forgot to get you guys stuff here. Yeah. Take that. Just go to people's houses and talk about like the terms of their mortgage. Yeah. I ran into some party monsters, dude, at the show in Missouri. Violin Bob Ross, dude. His party month throws. They were having a good time. Yeah. That was the stickiest situation ever, because it was like, I was learning in real time, and he was a UFC guy. And I was, you know, the classic thing. Obviously, you're going to go perfect. Yeah. And after a couple of those, I was like telling jokes while I would look with the side of my eye. Like, is this guy going to fucking tackle me and beat my ass? It became increasingly clear, like, oh, I think this guy is kind of shit. And then, like, during the show, it got, you know, he was just having too much fun. Kept just, you know, blurring itself out in support of me, which is a tough one. When you're like, dude, I know you're on my side, but just please, please chill. Yeah. And at one point, I kind of brat it out. I'm like, man, security is tight as hell in here. Man, Jesus Christ. Good thing you guys are all over the case. And finally, a security after like this fucking seven time, a security guard comes up. And I'm looking at this guy and I'm going, dude. Yeah, he's probably doing the same thing you were. What? I kept yelling. He was probably in the back, like, please, please, please, please. Please, fuck no, dude, please. I think he was. Dude, the guy's name is Violin Bob Ross. He's a sick name. It is. And the guy comes to, like, start the negotiations. And I just went, I give him one more chance. Yeah, no one about it, bro. I went, like, we're not at the mothership, dude. I was like, I don't, we're just in the middle of Missouri. This guy's going to beat the fuck out of him. He could have. I was like, he could have fucking killed me and him. And I was just like, you know what, man, give him one more shot. You know, let's, let's, uh, there's like, we can't get you out of here. This is your show now. And then, uh, but he did, he chilled. And then towards the end, he started just, like, chirping a little. I'm like, bro, you have, we have 10 minutes. It was funny, too, because I was genuinely worried that security was going to come back and try to kick him out, which, you know, you can't kick him out. You literally can't remove the guy. It was just funny. I remember, it really felt like I was like, when my kids wake up early and I'm like, shh, dude, dude, come on. I know where I'm going. Just come on, dude. I don't want to see a horrible melee break out. But yeah, so we, we chatted after the show. He was the man. He was good, bro. He was just, he was too excited. He was fired up. Do you think it'd be wise for me to go cocaine for Christmas? Or do you think I should go to, uh, LSD? LSD would be chill. Just take acid for three days in my parents. Yeah, that would be super chill. The kids come over. Did you just munch? I have a little dropper. You could just do like half a hit in the morning. You know me. That one didn't hit. That one didn't hit. Those did. True. I mean, even just once on Christmas day, go to mass. Little midnight mass and stay up all night. Just watch Slider videos. They dad come down. You got to see this. What? Now is this. Goddamn it. Please. Please show those Sliders. He's going to be mad. He's going to be genuinely mad about it. My mom will be like, well, that's nice. Is this, are these your friends? Yes. Oh, my God. That's Nate. That's Nate Marshall. Tell your mom what happened to Sean at the water park, too. I will. It was in the paper. My mom's slow. It was in the paper. He's beaten up his butt and flipped around on his stomach. It smacked his ass on the water. Oh. Oh, man. Yeah, I didn't even think about how bleak that's going to be. Fuck. Kind of bummed out. That'll be all right. I'll be all right. Yeah. You're going to rent a car. You can go to like a parking lot, like peel out. So he's just peel out in the parking. True. You're going to go to the police department. We'll probably let you do it. They would. They pulled up. Like, guys, I hear a lot of my mind. I just need to peel out. Guys, I just turned 38. I'm living in my parents house. I should probably have a family by now. I should be sliding right now. You're the fucking down syndrome guy, right? Yeah. Yeah. That's me. The drunk guy. Excuse me. I've rented this Mustang for a reason. And then just just be like, yeah. You'll never get me. That would be so. You fucking posties could never catch me. Slide. Slide to the whip. They might be afraid of you hit the slide to the. I'm going to do a slide then suicide by cop. Slide to the gun. Slide straight to the gun. All right. This episode is brought to you by Zipper Cruder. Matt, I need you to riff for me, daddy. So what do you like to watch around the holidays? Ooh, you know what I'm watching right now? Elf. That's great. Elf is, I sort of got it. It might be the best Christmas movie ever. I've been laughing out loud the entire time. Matt just holds up. But you got to keep in mind, whatever. Film you watch. It took a team of remarkably talented individuals to create. Holy crap. Writers. Yeah, no, I never thought about it either. Writers, actors, editors, set designers. When you need your own team to create something wonderful, use Zipper Cruder. Try it free at zippercruder.com/mssp. I'm going to bring it up to my wife tonight. We're watching Elf. I'm going to go, you know, it took a team of people to make this. A team of extraordinarily talented. Probably turn her on. Yeah. See where she right now? That went through her camera. That'll, that'll blow her mind. She'll love that stuff. Ready with the number one hiring site based on G2. Zipper Cruder works fast to deliver results even faster than Santa delivering presents around the world in one night. Watch it. Wow. Don't ever be smart. Watch it. Gen Zipper Cruder. Zipper Cruder. Immediately after you post your job, it's matching technology. We'll start connecting you with qualified candidates in your area. Yeah. Make your hiring a little merrier with the Zipper Cruder. Four out of five employers who post on Zipper Cruder get a quality candidate within the first day. That's crazy. It's awesome. Just go to this exclusive web address right now to try Zipper Cruder for free. zippercruder.com/mssp. Again, that is zippercruder.com/mssp. Zipper Cruder. The smartest way to hire. Awesome. Hey, guys, please come out this weekend. I will be in Syracuse, New York. Very big show. It'll be the Funny Bone Comedy Club. Syracuse, New York. And then January 16th and the 17th. I will be in Houston, Texas. And on the 17th, I'll be at the Majestic Theatre in Dallas, Texas. Also going to be Hartford, Connecticut, Albany, New York. Las Vegas. And a bunch of other cities go to Matt McCusker dot com for tickets. Thank you. I just added shows today. April 4th, Chicago. April 17th, Nashville. April 18th, Charlotte. May 9th, Boston Garden. And those are on sale right now with Promo. Prisale Code, SG Live. Also the link, please come to the link by tickets now. That's not till July, but get those tickets now. The things are going to sell out. And we're going to have cool stuff. We're going to have Sliders. I swear to God, I'll get Sliders. Please do. It's going to be more of an event than a comedy show. There's going to be cool stuff. It's going to be awesome. If I can get a fly over. Have a commercial pilot reroute and just fucking true. It'll be tight. Worst comes at worst. We got a national tragedy on our hands. [LAUGHS] All right. You going to get yours, Goddok? Yeah. You got to get yours before I get mine. A little bit of everybody. I'll be at the Atlanta Helium on January 22nd and 24th. Now show your shirt. Oh, yeah, forget. I'll be a dude later, heal your mind. I'm on January 22nd and 24th now I'll be with my friend, Aiden McCluskey, then we get shares. - No, it's a sign. (laughing) - Yo. - Please show your dd.com, it landed here. - Alphoretta, January 22nd, 24 please, thank you, thank you. - Damn. - Thank you guys. - Did you ever have a money clip before? - No, I think people have tried to give me them when I just can't. - I had one, I loved it. - Well that was probably when you were traveling. - That was like a teenager. - Oh really? - The money clip that it was said Fat Matt was engraved in it and I would keep like 80 bucks in it and I thought it was the coolest shit in the world. - That is sick. (laughing) - That was Fat Matt money too. - He was a chubby, he was chubby and his brother said with the Fat Matt and he owned it dude. Made it a screen name I know about it. - Fat Matt, they just called me thunder for thunder thighs. Thunder killed me. - Thunder's thunder. - I would, well I'd still have the fucking, I just got thick thighs. - You got thick thighs man, dude. - Some company sent me jeans man and I put them on and I was just like, Joe like I can't wear these. I look insane dude. - I look like Conan. (laughing) - This is my goal to get my thighs. I want to completely max them out. - Yeah. - I got to lean into it. If I have, I was like dude when I was a kid I was like for real very insecure about my big fat thighs. I would walk all my-- - Fat thighs on dude sucks. - It was crazy dude. I had flino hair or pants and they all, they weren't like none of them, they're all one size. So if you had jacked fucking quads in there or fat too. - Yeah we rocked flino hairs. - Yeah you just, I would walk down the hallway and I was constantly, I remember you know, crates were being like, I just never felt comfortable. - Sweating through those fucking crates. It was crazy. I had just anxious armpit sweat and it was fucking crazy. - Yeah we didn't have air conditioning in my crazy. - No, we didn't have it in high school. - Yeah. - We had no AC everyone was dying. We had to wear sweater vest and a fucking fuck down or a full sweater. - I think we had AC in high school. I'm pretty sure we had AC in high school. I've been bitching of that. Now we didn't, and then they would just open the windows and turn the lights off. - Yeah. - That was gotta do a class. Everyone just fall asleep. - Yeah that was the best and Catholic grade school is the end of the year when they put all the desks to the side of the wall. And you have to like just make up snow days and you just sit on the ground and play seven up, dude. It was the best. - Yeah that's true, that was very nice. - That was my favorite, that was nothing better. Worst for the first week of school when you went back in, you just smelled the smell of school and you're like, fuck me man. - Chloe's just realizing that. - I didn't mind that. - No you're bringing it up. That used to fire me. At the beginning of the school year it was great. - I hated it. I was fucking furious. I would go like, man. - Fuck this. - Yeah you were with all boys though. - No, well the high school, I had fun in high school was a great school. - Yeah. - Great school I would go in. I just hated it. I was like, fuck this. - Yeah I guess it was a kid I probably wasn't too excited 'cause summer fucking rocked. - Summer rocked man and I had to go back to summer rocked. You're going to the biggest wooden roller coaster in the world. You're going on the wildcat all summer. - I remember though I did get excited. My cousin came to school in second grade and I remember we just sitting in the fucking gymnasium just like this in line waiting to go ahead and my cousin walked in and was like. And I was just like, oh fuck yeah. - You were second grade. I didn't know he was coming. I was just like one day I was like, dude, my cousin's in school. That was tight. - That's nice. - That was fucking sick. But other than that I used to fucking, I hated school. My daughter Chloe is just realizing now that like, she has to go to school forever. - Yes, she hates it. - It did feel like. - Forever. - I'll be in school the rest of my life. - Yeah. - It kind of is. I mean, I remember graduating college and being like, I can't believe I'm finally done. I fucking hated school every day. And she like, every day bags. She's like, wakes up she goes, where am I going? I go, going to school today. And she goes. - Oh. - Yeah, you guys. - I'm like dude, it's never going to end. - It's never going to end. - You're a girl too. You're going to, you're going to be in school till you're 30. - Oh yeah. You're going to get 15 degrees. - Yeah, true. - You're going to get everything. You're going to be a doctor, you're going to PhD. - And then you're going to get pregnant. - And that's it. - Girls love school. Girls love school. - Girls love school, man. They crush it. - They're good at school. - True. - They do love good handwriting. - Yeah, I'm getting like a first, like a firsthand account of girl world. - Right now. - You might be pregnant. - You might be butt pregnant. - Yo, I think he's a butt son. - I think he have a butt son right now. - My butt. - My twins. - Do you think he's a butt's pregnant? - Yeah, you know, it might be, yeah. I don't know. I hope not. I don't know if I'm ready for that. - I don't think you're ready for the responsibility of butt kids. - No. - 'Cause you have to deliver too on the show. - Yeah. - You're going to come out. - You're going to be like a. - You're going to be like a seahorse. They're just going to come flying out of your butt. - I've got to take a test or something. I've got to poop on a strip or something. - Yeah. - You've got to poop on a strip. - What else is going on? Or what else do we got? - Just that, just fucking V.D. - Just Cardini, you get his butt pregnant. - Cardini has a butt pregnant. I got the link with VBR. He was the man at the show. It was really fun. - We got a. - The series rough though, dude, is it? - The series rough, roughs it. - Crazy, man. I didn't realize how. God damn, rough that place was. I kept, I was talking about the white ladies down there. They're just like. - But that's a. - There's a lot of men there. - There's very states right there, right? - Yeah. - The university. - Yeah, yeah. - My zoo is up near Chicago. I think Missouri, also, so close to Texas. - Yeah. - It would have been a six hour drive. I could have drove there. - No. - That's what we're gonna do. - No chance. - I want to Springfield, Missouri from Austin. - Six hours. - Maybe from Dallas. - Maybe from Dallas. - Even then. - Look it up, I'm telling you. I'm telling you, Dallas, I'm certain. - I mean, if you looked it up, I believe it. - I was shocked. I was like, wait, this is six hours away from motherfucking Dallas. - It's 15 hours? - It's 10 from Austin. - Yeah, six from Dallas. - Yeah, yeah, Dallas is closer. Sorry. - Dude, bitch. - I'm not, I'm just, how far is Dallas from here? - Three. - Oh, okay. - Batha, yeah, three and a half. - Yeah. - All right. - I got a little, I'm gonna do a little Texas road dog trip. Meaning, Gardini, we're gonna go and understand Dallas back. - Nice. - I'll be tight. - I'm excited to hit the road. We'll kind of play with you. You want me to play for you? - Something chill, whatever you got him. I'm down for. - What are you gonna hit him with? - Nothing. - I'm a fucking audio partner. - Very aggressive tech. I can go audio book or very, very aggressive dystopian. - We were doing skepta whenever we were in the last episode. - Skepta, I was gonna say no. - Yeah, I was gonna say no. Skepta, that might be the best music ever. - I like Skepta. - Just like British rap, British. - It is good. - Oh, it's dude. - Do you ever see the top boy show? - No. - It's really good. It's nothing but, yeah, it's so good. It's just like British. - It's like British belly. - I think Drake brought us that. - I believe so. - Drake? - I think Drake helped with that a lot. - I think he did get some music. - It came back, OG when I think was just like the guy, the rappers from the show put out, like they did their own Rockefeller, like here's our money, here's our show thing. - Top boy like Crotes and Mandemre, is it like the Toronto people? - No, it's British. But I guess they probably have a lot of the same slang. - It's kind of a Caribbean influence. - Yes. - Yeah, yeah. It's important, yeah, it's important to hold space. - We need to hold space. - I did it all weekend, I watched interviews in the green room, the actor, actor with actor, whatever it's called. It's something that's actor on actor. - With just every actor, they do like, just like two actors talk to each other. - Oh, okay. - I'm trying to learn how to do that kind of talk. - They're talking inside the actor studio. - It's not inside the actor studio, there's another one. I think I forget what magazine does it or whatever it is. - I've seen a couple of those. - Actor on actors. - I saw one with Robert Pattinson and Jennifer Lawrence. - Did you? - I don't know how new they are. - I saw the rock and Brendan Frazier. - That's good stuff. - It's really good stuff. I also like the way actors talk to each other. They're very much like, it was, they'll just use words, it's not like epic, but it's always very much like. - Yeah. - It's just the funniest way, I don't know. I've never seen anyone else talk like that to each other. We're like, I mean, it just might be the most iconic, I would say it's the most iconic charge, a very charged scene. Thank you, yes. - Thank you for saying that, but it's every, I watched a bunch of different ones, and it's just nothing but that. - Yeah, I know exactly, I can't, I can't replicate it. - I was trying to learn how to replicate it, but I did learn the word reportage. Reportage is a word, apparently, about like reporting, I think. So I watched the media round table with Shultz. - Oh, how was that? I saw a clip of it. - It was cool. - The clip was funny, that I saw. You watched the whole thing, and the whole thing was like, you know, why don't people trust the media? And then you was just watching these kind of media people try to gaslight everyone and be like, we are good reporters and you should trust us. And you're like, I did hear the word reportage. I heard the word reportage. Ben Shapiro hit something like, there's, I've seen a lot of good reportage. I was like, bro, that's the craziest word. - Yeah. - I think it's just reporting, but you can say reportage. But that was crazy, it was like very much like. - The coverage on Garde's pie, there was good reportage. The reportage was nice. It was in the herald, it was in the Austin herald. - I caught one of it over my morning coffee, I went. (laughing) - He said, he said. - You don't say it, but babies. - Dude, there was one line from that round table that cracked me up, but they were like, talking about like how getting news through our phone and being addicted to our phones, blah, blah, blah. At one point, someone was like, maybe things going viral is making us sick. - I was like, fuck man, that sucks. That fucking blow's, dude. - It was a big, I was just jumping across from like, smart pants YouTube, I forget which one. - They need a belly slap. - It was just a big belly slap. (laughing) - But it was a belly slap for that. - It was just intellectual YouTube, but it was making me laugh. So. hard just watching people because eventually it's like some of that stuff sounds good but then like you lose the thread after a while then I will sign like nobody knows what I was talking about like let's let's let's try to reel that in so we can really get granular and it's just it's really funny and I don't think they've really resolved much at all. That was the one thing they never fucking do. No, but they watch all these I think it kills me is like the Kimmel thing is like well you know we're living in a fascist dictatorship that was taking Kimmel's job away from free speech like yeah obviously don't take Kimmel's job away but if just one of those like New York Times journalists can be like well that kind of does remind us of when we were being gigantic cockroaches for seven fucking years taking jobs from people because of things they said you never hear them once be like yeah we were kind of on that bullshit for a while. That's all you got to do and be like okay cool we're back normal. Yeah it would be nice again if one side just wasn't a hypocrite once. Exactly yeah there's a fucking tea dog needs to do what a fucking idiot. Why would you do that? That was one that like he's done stuff before it or I'm like ah you can't really that one sucks that one this one was like dude this sucks so bad especially in the year one AK especially AK. You can't do it. You can't do exactly what you were mad that they were doing for real I was just thinking it'd be like if Obama tweeted after Charlie Kirk that yeah we're fucking good riddance fucking shit be like I know people we're what we're like we need to let go of their beefs we need to let go of their beefs man yeah can't be out here the only long term beef that I hold down is 50 second can continue beefing with whoever wants because it's pretty fun watching his documentary so although here's the thing though if this is a massive commercial success who's next because he's one he's gonna want to strike twice because the Shannon Sharp documentary obviously we've seen the tea might be the new oil we don't have the drill for oil we just need the tea right now exactly right I think the tea the Shannon Sharp documentary I mean that his stock flew up and here's a documentary well no he brought cat on cats build the tea that was a that was like a 24 million dollar deal yeah there's only people going 50 you have any more tea there's gonna be some there's gonna be some prospect some prospectors about around Harlem way going some tea there's tea some tea around it yeah you're right Harlem way there is a lot of tea up there that's that's tea country that is or BK even in BK yeah some good tea and get some tea going down there could be some tea that way but that's a major dude that's like you know that that thing's gonna be number one so yeah we got to go ahead get some tea Sean we need you to get some tea when any here any rumblings yeah you guys haven't ever given us any fucking tea I'm trying to fucking survive out here dude our podcast is we're falling we're we're failing right now because we don't ever spill any good tea I haven't I haven't need to openly gossip about our peers sorry yeah you have no tea no tea over you nothing scandalous nothing's scandalous at all and all some comedy scene you broke the story about my boat babies that's kind of a big one that's yeah that's gonna hit the web true that could rock it as back up what he could be covering that yeah we need pick do you have any pictures no no we didn't get a song for the mothers I haven't been to the TMZ people gonna be gossiping around the cubicle the guy with this big ass call he's gonna say what came out of Austin this week yeah I think he's gonna have some butt babies fuck them fuck them dude how dare they talk about our butt babies live on tea just to reach you now I'm reaching out from TMZ to follow up on this butt baby story and some rumblings about the butt baby being born at a water park in Texas your flaccid penis went up your ass then you flipped over on your belly and smacked it in further is this true you must have been slightly hard to get through all that hair you got no butt net I've heard this is the tea on John I heard his head gets hard first I guess the head gets rich it gets the bowling pin it works its way down he's got jelly on the bottom the old bowling pin straight to his own butt at the water park trying to show off for the kids you go hey everyone watch this slide oh it's a bowling pin bowling pin right to the key stick Nate what do you think about that I got no comment I got no comment I got no comment you ever hurt yourself on a white side this is a good podcasting no comment thank you for your butt baby I can't we're doing all the heavy lifting it's just because it's fucking cloudy out we're all sleepy come on man talk butt stuff to gloomy day we should all be cuddled up watching a movie yeah why can't you talk butt stuff leave him talking about I can't talk butt stuff what is this drastic butt stuff people are going to think you're aligned with Diddy bro if you go yeah we can talk butt stuff no I can't talk butt yes we can yes yes well somebody in this group got fingered recently in their butt by a guy hold up yeah you had a fucking probably a hemorrhoid and freaked out went to the urgent can just got fingered in the summer so much blood oh yeah who fingered you uh it's guy you know his name I don't remember his name what do you look like at least what do you look like I didn't want it huh what do you look like it's a guy it's a guy it's a guy just a man did you get finger that in urgent care yes 200 bucks paid 200 he made his girlfriend leave the room he said honey you can't see this I would have her hold my hand bro that's crazy you got to touch girl if someone's going up your butt you got to touch a girl that's true that was our first time her and the doctor's office with me like that was the first time I got here that's what they're four dude they're for fucking stand there like your butt see me like that you're never gonna beat the allegations did you paid 200 bucks to get finger to do why would you ever get finger to an urgent care what are they even determined by fingering your butt nothing he said I was all right he said my boy said I was like he's like he's like less he's like we got it just because you you bled a lot out of you but you seem fine but you know same year in a period who went to the doctor and he finger she was my first period I didn't know what you did I panicked to give him a vibrator he went to an old doctor he came from his butt finger I have my fingers like the four days and I was like this is too long this is a problem how did he did he I guess he lubed himself up yeah he loved up he lubed up I heard the glow and then he came and met me at the bar he was on my birthday it was a nice celebration then he came to the bar with I did not I did not have the same outfit you were in the same outfit you were earlier that day we did not shower you did not shower I didn't shower but I washed up I washed up I didn't have I washed up I hit the hot spots I hit my balls I hit my ass I hit my him on dog why don't you put your clothes back on the shower for that because we were going to meet you I was like you use a shower stinky we were we were celebrating then we had to leave early to go do spots I was I was maximizing my towel my friend I'm sorry you just got the loop out of your butt it's almost like my butt so you hit it it's a standard drill the doctor said yeah standard the standard drill the doctor threw a towel on you to clean yourself up you paid like a hooker like a gas station bathroom yeah I paid him a gas just washed your ass in the sink oh man then you came in through darts with us she had to shake his birthday like what's up on how we do yeah dude you still have a loop in your butt I told you I was like here I'm talk tell my friend in confidence and I second I did it I was like did you ever tell me he was like you messed up I was like it was nice birthday gift I was the whole time y'all coming at shaw about his butt baby I'll see you here quiet I knew you forgot about it I was like thank god thank god I remembered he all went for me and I was like I can't you could have jumped in I would have never known why you're being so bashful but then I couldn't trigger shaw on the turn on me he would have had that yeah true you think I got a butt baby you would never you lie dude you're a nasty little fucking we got some brown liquor out here you fucking spill the beans immediately oh you told the crowd at the noxious he got fingers nobody nobody like you know choice you I tried to do a set about it that night it was probably the worst set out of it in a while yeah yeah yeah yeah I'll keep going that's so funny got to talk about it forever open and close with it every time every brand around it after after we were all up at the doctor's talking about what up to do my set I was like I just need to know that y'all aren't thinking about me with a finger in my ass so there's somebody what well I wasn't how many seconds we're talking had to be like three but it felt like 20 three seconds no way I think it was like five probably was I think it was like five for all you got in there check check your butt walls Yeah, what was it you just checking for a hemorrhoid clearly ever fucking hemorrhoid your butt's been like a any kind of mass He was like we just got to check for he has what he said. We said we got you a mass And he was and then he was like if he keeps bleeding bro, we'll get you to a serious question. Did it jump a little? No, that's a good question. He didn't move at all Dude, I went and got a massage recently and when I had my thunder clap headache Brittany was like just go get a massage because it's like up here was real tense. So I went First of all she's trying to talk me into like she really try a mouth therapist. I was like, no He's not doing it. That's therapist or like a massage. Oh, I was like, no, no, no, no, that'd be sick actually Yeah, you like Tony's prana. I was fucking doing deadlifts and I was doing stream of squads No, I got a so I went and I was like, no, I'm telling you like you should just try Why are you so worried about it? And I was like Brittany if I get a mouth a massage person and I even start to get hard I have to leave the whole family. I'm gonna come to home to that guy's. I'm gay now. Yeah, I took the test turns out I'm actually gay And I'm leaving this family. I move up Harlem way Nate you're gonna have to join bad boy Dr. Diddy Diddy don't you birth the happy you did get diddy on my birthday. Yeah, maybe I set that up sort of on Nate Nate dog Marshall I know we got the good nickname for You might just be butter now, too. You are the butter man I think the doctor use butter is a loo Buttered You got the peanut butter. I mean butter. It's better than not butter. It ain't go. He go for you Flexing penis. What are you talking? God you see that's crazy I mean butter is better than not butter I wish I don't have too many topics right now, we're just gonna call you this game We're done. We got an hour. It's a good hour. That was a great hour. That's one of our better ones That's a rainy day masterpiece. I mean, it's just a rainy day Sure, there's nothing we can do about it. All you can do during a rainy day is either Cuddle up with a good book or you can sit around with your buddies and call two guys butt boys Nate, what were your thoughts when you got when it happened? I mean, it was obviously funny that it was about to happen like as soon as I knew that I was like all right This is about to happen to me. It was Hilarious especially like I've possessed the online for a good couple months now, and it's like I can't I think I got Again, I've talked about before I got my balls sonogram. Yeah, and that's Bite guy. Yeah, I'll never forget. He's one of the Steelers Cap Steelers cap so nice with the Steelers cap Put in jelly on my nuts warm, too, wasn't it wasn't very warm? Oh, it's jelly. Yeah, it's kind of chilly. That's good on him You want to shrink everything and it works Doctor, this isn't what it usually looks like. Yeah, you can't be giving them the warm jelly. That'd be good I was laughing during that you said he was no. He was laughing. He did not think it was funny. Yeah, but if I got blood fingered out Left your leather laugh. Did you hold your breath? Uh, I don't know him now. He went I tried to hold his breath with the air escaped So your babe really left the room. I made her leave. I didn't she would have had to be looking like she I can't have her have that staring down the barrel like yes, you literally when she left and it was just you and the doctor And then his fingers in your butt. You should have one. She hits me You're allowed to open up the doctor. Tell him about that. I did he He did ask he did ask if I like before him. He was like could the bleed and be from you know Like he was like bus stuff and then I just looked at heroin. It's an urgent care. They're not using the best terminology He said bus stuff he said bus stuff. We're gonna see him come back to that urgent care Your dry passage. Give me like a trench coat and blind guy glasses walking out like a massage Another 200 bucks down the drain who go broke and urgent care So he asked you would you respond you look at your wife and said ask her I said yes I just say yes because I thought it'd be funny to just come out like it's like I'm gay in front of my lady in the doctor Then I was like obviously no, I have it, but he said he like he laughed. How did he Benj over did you stand and lean over the table? I stood up straight flexed No really Yeah, no not on all fours on the table. No, no, you don't get all fours. I don't know what you do I'm just early y'all y'all y'all are gonna get that I would remember to get a call and ask me to be crazy. Yeah I had if I just say elbows on the tip I had to put my elbows chin on your fists He instructed you right he said put your elbows on the table and bend over That is a hundred percent. Oh, he's like you gotta put your elbows on the table And he didn't say bend over but he's like you gotta put your elbows on the And then I was you know damn That's all right. I found that I wasn't dying. That's good. I could be died. I could be I could be probably never felt more alive. Honestly It's kind of liberating Yeah, I get the bar first words first words out of his mouth. He was so excited to tell me no I read when he walks in the bar. He was like oh my god today. I can't tell you what happened to me today It took about I had the wildest experience I held it for like 10 minutes, but it was all I was thinking about like I couldn't you knew the beer didn't spill That's also that is a great birthday gift though. Yeah, that's a fantastic birthday gift Yeah, I'm turning 40 January. I'm Well, I'm just a matter of time. I'm getting fingered. Yeah Whole squad is getting fingered Yeah, I might have to go early on that. Yeah, because this has been out of control The uh, I wonder why they just took spill the beans and made it spill the tea And why why is that acceptable? It's beans dude. It is the beans but I think there was all that like Trinking tea when like something. Yeah, it's still eating beans. True, true That's why they spilled the beans you go what the beans The beans fall off your spoon and you spilled the beans. I think you're completely right. You're supposed to be Hold on now. Yeah, fuck I spilled my beans, but tell me about your fingering I gotta get some beans I peeped your pantry the other day. I got some beans. I got I'm gonna make those beans when you leave That'd be nice. Yeah, you'll keep that keeps the butt doctor away by the way. Oh, it's a whole fucking bunch of beans from I might fucking to scare shit on the doctor. Just eat a ton of beans as soon as we go Just let like a one foot around It's gonna clog it though. He's gonna go no, no, no, he's like cut it Okay hit the sawmill hit the buzz lock All right, this is maybe one of our worst pocket Just talking about pooping pots Oh, no Oh, fuck oh Join us for the patreon where we're actually we're gonna get serious. Yeah, true It's time to talk politics on the patreon. It's time to give you the real deal Me and Matt both know exactly what's going on in the world. We'll give you our takes And you got a finger watch new episodes of Matt and Shane secret podcast on Spotify do it