Ep 588 - Horse Life (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)

Wow, wow, Wes. I'm a night shower. I don't really shower in the morning. I'm a night shower guy It depends what I'm well, not usually in mornings, but flights. I try I sometimes will bus out of shower I'm a bus at a night shower before the flight before the flight. Yeah, I don't even wipe my ass before flight Dude, you see they I think spirit banned PJs on the airplane You can't wear a spirit spirit airlines kind of did pull your pants up They're like no PJs. Oh, I kind of for a photo. I'm I'm with that. No, that's crazy. Put on sweatpants Like that's what I was saying. It's like put on some sweats. It's put on sweats and more comfortable No, not not not for real. What's no, they're dude wearing sweatpants and PJs in public are too totally different Would it be like just the checker plan old PJs? Yes, yeah, I'll handle PJs It's better. They're saying like dude no more because they're and it's also they're like Maybe people stop wearing PJs people act a little nicer and more courty is something Dude they put every they put spirit and a bus stop out here pajamas out that I like you be a $5 fine Pajamas and please man to write you a $5 ticket to do put it on my I didn't get cheeks one time when I was young because it was this one I learned that no, I was a pajamas a public and I thought I and I saw this girl I was like talking to but we didn't smash and then she saw me like coming out of my friend's house in pajamas But this is like 3 p.m. You know what I mean, I clearly was my pajamas for this is the board and like I texted She was like so I'm so I saw it early today. You fuck you pajamas and it's over and it was over It was pretty much it was more words than that, but it was yeah, that was that was it. She had more words for she like a year one day You'll say you're going to the spirit airlines I my favorite to see at the airport is I've noticed I've seen women just wear basically their underwear on the plane Have you ever seen that? Yeah, it's kind of crazy when you go. What the fuck yeah, I go Yeah, I mean let's on the plague All these sluts on this motherfucker play that's that's been that's been issued to a lady's we've got in trouble They there was one lady who couldn't board because she was just like her whole ass was out in the pile It was like no, you can't you can't bring your ass You bring all that in your ass on this plane my dude, I got my kid fucked me up recently I was like sitting there. I was doing something Brittany was watching our one kids hair in the sink My the older ones and then the younger one was just on the couch watching TV I went to like hookers. She was like I'm cold I went to like hit her with a blanket and she popped up and she had her pants down her ass was out I was like what the fuck are you doing? She's like just been scratching my butt hole Get the fuck up and wash your head he's like I like how it smells and my dude It's like just completely dumbfounded like no, it actually smells bad. She's like no, it does in. I'm like yes it does acid smell bad Just do the full surprise moon was crazy. Yeah, yeah, just casually Pants down so you can scratch your ass And just be like I don't mind the smell it's like no, it's bad. It's a bad smell and you're like touching my fucking face In your ass all the time. This is what it was you got to convince me like no, I promise. Yeah, this is not the right thing But then here's the thing a big old hypocrite that I am so I'm like yeah, dude your ass doesn't nobody's ass smells good So I was like get how you can get tricked into thinking it's at least interesting to smell your ass But I was like it's no good and then that night, dude I I went back on the raw milk hard in hell law with the parmesan cheese because you can tell me parmesan Reginoe is made or whatever. How are you saying it is made with raw milk as well know this I just been crushing parmesan cheese raw milk and a ton of steak which apparently cooks up the most yeah insane Farts No literally like it's There's the types of farts that like you get like mad like really mad because of the smell to smell so bad You're like dude, what the fuck's wrong with you. They got those epic farts. Yeah pretty much It's almost the point where it's like almost innate where you're just kind of like get away from me now because like you're sick I'm scared of you get away from me and like so I lay there I'm in bed my wife passed out and I'm just like laying there reading the book and I just start Dude like 30 second long hot farts and I'm going like I have no business If I have a hot fart that I can tell yeah like it's coming I will do the courtesy of getting out of bed and I go to our closet A and our closet and I chill I do a 10 10 second like chill so does a follow me. Yeah, I give that much credit because sometimes I can get like It's not all the time, but if I have like a fart attack like that it could be a good like two hours of the night We're like I would completely change the atmosphere of our room So I was like I it was one of those nights when I was up. It's all muggy We've we've changed the smell of the room before yeah, of course That's where babes get off the funny. They're like it's not funny, and you've literally altered the So they don't you know, so if I have one of those nights I try to like at least step outside or like don't you know, I'll like give a little bit and see and if it's like however It's met I'll be right out I'll go to the closet, but yeah, let's go fart and I can walk in But the song I'm laying there. I'm so cozy in bed and my wife passed out and I just start like Dude just crushing like thirty-second hot farts and I was like kind of surprised I'm like how does this not smell, but there was all trapped under the blanket Oh, and the whole thing is I was like telling my daughter like dude like don't smell your ass. That's crazy I couldn't help but I was like does it smell? I started for real sipping dude I'd be like I take a little smell and I was like dude that is Just letting a little bit out to test the waters just to see if it smelled and it did I caught the whiff and I was like It was almost it was it was like so heady that I was like this is like intoxicating And then I like and then finally I'm letting a little I'll let it out more and more cuz I'm like I got to get it out from one of this blanket So I started letting out and finally like I got up fully to go to the bathroom take a pee and As I started to get out of bed my wife woke up out of Deep sleep out of deep sleep. I'm so bad. He popped up. It was like what the fuck She like oh, she never says like bro or dude. She's so tired. She's what the fuck bro. Oh My god, what the fuck She's like mad literally being like fuck you and she's mad at me and then she passed back out And she I've never checked she doesn't know this happened Really? She's a member of it. That's gotta be fast dude. That fart knocked her back out Passed back out and like it's been two days and I have yet to bring it up But she hasn't said anything dude. You hear it with the bro. I got away with the absolute murder. Yeah, the bro getting like a fuck you bro Right here with the Holy Ghost Fuck you, bro How are you laughing in bed? She was like fuck you think that's it's funny Oh, it was literally watching her go zombie mode From like an absolute I mean, it was like a royal it was like a spoiled fruit Far it was it was I mean, I feel ashamed even talking. No wrong milk fart sounds like it's gotta be the parmesan, dude It's what really gets you to pinch your nose Parmesan hits you with notes that you're like The parmesan gives you some exquisite moose Taste on your fire I was it's okay to tell us talking about this last night. I said December Is officially a no-health awareness month? Yeah November and it now it's no solid log Sorry guys, this is gonna be a diarrhea podcast Sorry, man, it's I think the whole the whole squad's got diarrhea. You said you did pretty simply a sampler basketball I had one of those two where it's one of every type of turn you're like the fuck is my part. It's a smorgasbord It's shrimp. It's a log, and then it's just like childhood I had one of those yesterday that was the full smorgasbord that now I'm just locked into diary I'm in diarrhea right now, which is I haven't had diarrhea in a while, but it's like I'm rocking it Honestly, dude, so do I I like I don't mind a pile wouldn't but once again a hot pile a hot pile like the true heat from diarrhea It's all about solid diarrhea ratio diarrhea is a nice treat. Yeah, if you can't be the mainstay if you're if you're locked in diarrhea That's that I'll get scared after four days. I get started going all right. What's going on? That's it four days. Yeah, I get alarmed. You should too don't lower the bar four days is nothing I had my first log today. I was really happy. Oh, yeah, you had a stomach problems over the whole day. I struggle with the neuro virus You had a cancel the show. I had to cancel the show I said last night at the noctis says pissing out of my ass and shooting out of my mouth You look for real like you lost head pals. I did it. It's a cleanse. I probably did honestly I kind of like it. I feel like healthier now and you were locked up with Bay and her family Yeah, I was never seen if you're going as a guest and just shooting and puking All right, you got it Now I want to talk about it because I think like her cousins and stuff listen to this But wait, so you were secretly throwing up and you know they know that I was really really sick, but I don't want it again to the native region. - I wanna know what happened in the turb. - It was just like, yeah, I lost control of all my family. (laughing) - And like, I was busting out of it. - But you had to quiet, though. - No, I mean, I should have been quiet, but I wasn't, I couldn't help it. - I wonder if any of them thought you were toning it up. But damn, I'm kind of showing it. (laughing) (laughing) (laughing) - You've visibly lost five pounds. - How much did this do? - Spray, this is crazy. (laughing) - So they knew you were sickly. They knew you were diarrhea and vomit, but they were polite about it. They didn't say. - They were nice, but yeah, one of her aunts was a nurse. She offered to get me an IV. It was like horrible. I couldn't drink water. I just wanted water so bad. I was so thirsty. - Damn. - Every time I would drink anything, I would just puke it immediately. - Oh, it stinks. - You were sick. - Can you still rip sigs? - No. - That was the first time I probably wanted a day without a sig in years. - Dang. - How do I feel? - I guess you're still feverish. - I didn't even notice. - Yeah, so feverish. - And I went to bed at like six p.m. and I woke up at like noon the next day. - Damn, that's nice. - 24 hour bug. - 24 hours in one of her aunt, they were really nice. They got me like a bunch of drinks. And one of them gave me like these nice knowledge of pills that helped me sleep really hard. So everyone was really, yeah, yeah. Everyone was really nice and helped me out a lot, but it was still humiliating. - That was like your first time meeting most of them, right? - Most of them. - Yeah. - Yes. - It was the most embarrassing thing ever. - Hello, Uncle Zach. - That's who it was. - I was praying to God and like cursing my stomach, like probably loudly in the bathroom. I couldn't help it. Like it was, I had no control. My shoe was toned up. - That's exactly what it was. - Did you get to eat any of the Thanksgiving meal? - Yeah, because it was right after Thanksgiving that I got sick. So my lady was sick on Thanksgiving. - She think you got the bug from her? - Yeah, I know. I got the bug from her aunt. - You're probably bug chasing. - I was bug chasing. - All the little kids got it too. It sucks, yeah, it sucks. - How about the bathrooms? - Well, they all went home. But I hope they didn't get it. That would be bad if I brought a plague upon. No, like her aunt that I was staying at and stuff. - She's a nurse, bro. She's probably championed that shit. - If I brought a plague upon their family, that would be a horrible thing. - I've heard, I don't know if it's true or not. I heard after you work a long time as a nurse, you just don't throw up at all. You just take huge shit. Like every disease just flies out of your big butt. You're a nurse and you catch anything. Like they do all COVID. That's how they made it through COVID. - They say there's certain diarrhea cases. That was all nurses selling germs out of their butt. - They put filtration in their butt. - It's kind of nice, though. Never get a sore throat. Just a little diarrhea. - You back. - Yeah, it's rather so horny than nursing. - Never sick. - In fact, but the nurses, you know how it is. - Yeah, nursing teachers have to be the highest per capita only fans to job ratio. - Yeah, I'd say that. - I didn't know teachers were as naughty. I know nurses are certainly not. - Teachers teeter. - And they hide it, I think. - We had a teacher in an all-boy school who just had massive tits and just buttoned her shirt down and showed them to everybody all day. And you can't tell me that she wasn't completely getting off on that all the time. - She was like worshiped. - Right, the whole student body. - We had a teacher with a, she was a white lady with a fat ass. And I want to say her name, but I don't want to do that. She's like leaned against the chalkboard one day. She was always kind of flirty with all the students, but she leaned against the chalkboard. Just leaned back. She had chalk on her butt. And she did, like, we told her. And then she goes, can y'all get it for me? And everybody ran out. - It was me, my boyfriend. - It was still on. - It was still on. - And it just started. And it was that. And it was kind of the best. This she got fired. And for like, she like kicked a girl, just like play, kicked her in her leg. Or something like that. - It's weird. Yeah. I've had weird teachers, like crazy teachers like that. And they always get fired for like bullshit. - Yeah. - Probably cause the school kind of knows her up to. - They're waiting for her. - And then they're like, we gotta get them out of here first. - Yeah. - And then she started dating a kid. That's what she got fired. And she was like picking up or seeing her from. So they were probably like. - Yeah. - Yeah. - That's what she got fired. - That's the real reason probably. - It's also funny to be a principal and be like, you have to bring like your counsel administrators. - Every teacher's a giant whore. - I don't know. - She's a giant perverted whore. - She cannot be contained. - She's a pedophilious whore. - Yeah. - She just walked by the room and saw you guys smacking chalk off her butt. - That's crazy. She did that. - It's for real crazy. It didn't even hit me. You know, it's one of things when you're young. - Yeah. - You don't realize I'm crazy. You think about it later. Like, you know. - No, I had a teacher in high school. - Oh, she holds a teacher to you now. - She was young. She was like, those are like her first real I'm a teacher teaching job. She was like 25. - You have to get a chance for that. - Yeah. - But that was ninth grade. - Here's the thing though, dude. Adult teacher is adult women. And nobody ever wants to hear this. A lot of the shows they like center around like school romance. - Yeah. - It's kind of weird. The adult woman will watch a high school love story over and over and over. And it's just kind of like, like, dude. They put out euphoria. - Yeah. - And that was like total backlash. But there's every other show is like, like a lot of college chicks watch or centered around high school shit. - I had a-- - They're doing college now. - College? - Yeah, euphoria is the last like high school show, I think. - Wait, they weren't like, what's college drama? I mean, there was like-- - The sex lives of college girls. - Okay, yeah. - I mean, not the subtlest of touches. - The sex lives of college. - Yeah. - Huh. - It's all H-Po. - Damn. - I'm looking forward to BBC in the city. - I mean, nice. (laughing) - Yeah, that's kind of weird. How was the show? Did you watch it? - I watched it like two episodes. I wonder, it was fine. - You love girls. - There's Girl Trash. - No, I don't watch a lot of Girl Trash. - What was the one that you used to watch? The stripper one? - What was the stripper one? - P world or something like that? - No. What am I thinking of? - It's a cure. - It's a cure. Oh, it's a cure. - Oh, dude. It's not that bad. - I like true. - Good TV. - Yeah, that's fair. I don't know, I don't have time for that stuff. (laughing) - I was thinking about it yesterday, dude. I don't have time for that pool of tea. (laughing) - This episode is brought to you by PrizePix. It is the holiday season, the best time of the year for sports. Bowl games, basketball matchups, playoff pushes is all happening at once. And while you and I are out here making decisions every day, is it still too early to start buying gifts? There is one place where it feels good to be right. PrizePix. Discuss specific players you've seen play really well that your audience can hopefully start winning with by playing with you on PrizePix. Any specific players you've seen playing very well? - Lately, AJ Brown's been back. I mean, we still lost, but he's been-- - You like how he's playing? - Yeah, I like how he's playing. If you go on basketball, Tyrese Maxx, he looks amazing. He's a say, "Yo, kids." I would always go more and those three guys. - Yeah, there you go. PrizePix now has early payouts. If your lineup gets off to a hot start, you may now have the option to cash out those winnings before the game even finishes. Download the PrizePix app today and use code Drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code Drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. PrizePix, it's good to be right. - I wouldn't know. I should, so. I'm just, dude, I like you dawned on me yesterday. I'm for real becoming a man. - Yeah. - Like I used to be a boy. I think like three weeks ago I became a man. It's just pretty crazy. - It's pretty awesome. - What happened? - I don't know, dude. I just like, you know how like you-- I don't know if you guys have this, but like a lot of times I would just get like weird feelings all the time and be like, I don't know, man. Life's kind of weird. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. They've just gone away. And I just kind of like standing in my house devoid of emotions and I'm like, what do I have to do this week? - Yeah. - I just kind of like stare at stuff. - Oh, I think that's it. - Yeah. - I have like, I'm telling you. I don't have like any thoughts anymore. I just kind of like stare at my family and I'm like, fuck. I gotta move you guys to this place, drop you off. And then just like think about what I have to do and I just do it. And I'm like, all right, that's done. - Yeah. - That's shit. And then, uh-- - You ever see it back? - Walk around and look at stuff. - It's kind of cool. - It's kind of cool. - It's kind of cool. - You have a chair. Do you have like your own chair that this is like where I sit, what I'm in the house? - No, that's the final frontier. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You've been looking at chairs. You've been looking them up. - I don't sell them watch TV. - I mean. - So I kind of just like, uh, I stand and eat every meal. I stand for the most of the day and then I finally just lay down. And I lay there and read a book for like 15 minutes and then I fall asleep. - You live a horse's life. - I really do. And if I have free time at all, I take a walk. - I walk around and go, this is a nice pond. - That's not true. - Have a living horse's life. - No, it's crazy, dude. - I do, I got buttoned down shirts now because I'm a man. - I like the sign of buttoned down shirts and I feel squid, dude. I notice what you want. I was like, dude, man looks like an adult today. - I got to chill with these cracks. - Can't stop. These cracks, but I tell you about these things. - No. - I got them from it's a sporting goods store kind of near my house. - Yeah. - It's not dicks, huh? - Academy. - But Academy's nice and they also have like a lot of like industrial stuff. So like you go in there, dicks has a lot of sporting goods, outdoor stuff. For what I've noticed it has a heavy Mexican and clientele. - Yeah, yeah. - So like, dude, I got these crocs, and these crocs, like they're not normal crocs. You can tell by the heel of these things. These things are for like-- - Those are workin' crocs. - Single mothers who like workin' like slaughterhouses on a night ship. (laughing) - These are like industrial crocs. - These are for women who are like, lives are just completely spinning out of control around them, but their feet feel amazing while they're like beheading cattle. Those are mopping up blood. - You have to go home and ring out your socks. (laughing) - No, these are for like, these are like nurse crocs. These are for people on their feet all day. Dude, I can't take these things off. They're awesome. It's embarrassing. I literally wear these everywhere, and I gotta stop. I look at my shoes, and I'm like, I could untie them and tie them, or, (laughing) I can slip into my next-gen lady crocs. (laughing) So yeah, Academy sports, dude. That's my commercial for it. They're placed. - I like, can I bump into a Lamaric Academy. - The store dicks, let's say, let's call it, the store dicks, I'm gonna say dicks for rolls, the store dicks is great. I love the store named dicks. Academy kind of, I think Academy kind of crushes it, dude. - Academy, Mike, I don't know. I didn't give it too much explanation. We went, I was just buying Texas stuff. - Yeah. - Just Texas gear. - Yeah, so you're staying towards the front, basically. - Yeah, I was out. - Nah, bro, it's amazing. - Yeah, I think Richard says a bigger inventory though. - You think Richard says a bigger inventory. - Richard says a bigger, more impressive inventory. (laughing) But, dude, if you're trying to get, like, waterproof hazmat boots and a basketball, Academy's got you all day. - You wanna get, like, a reflective vest and, you know, hockey sticks, too? (laughing) - It's so weird to be set up. - They do have all the, like, car hurt in the back. - Yeah. - And then they have no, like, dicks is, like, set up nicely where it's like, it's just white walls and just crappy. Academy, go, there's just white, bright walls. - Academy feels a K-Mart. - Yeah. - Like how K-Mart used to feel. Just sports a K-Mart. - Tony, man, these, I mean, look at the fucking heel on these crocs. This is crazy. - For a second, I thought I heard you rip ass. - No, that's the chance. - With the weight of the couch, when you went back. - I know. - No, I literally can if I ever pass this. - That have been too alpha to put your leg up. Beat black. - Although, now that I'm a man, I could have ripped ass and I don't even know what I'm gonna do. Yeah, maybe I did. - Yeah, it's kind of nice, though. - You're engaged. You're a standard in the barrel. Just zero mental activity and a swollen prostate. - Yeah, you know, I feel like it starts right away. I got a daze and it's changed. I don't know, mentally it's changed. - Everything's changed? - Something, but I don't know what it is. I can't even put my finger in it, just does feel different. I don't like when she brings up, she's going to hear this, but I don't like when she calls herself or me her fiance. - I hate it. - I hate it. - Yeah, I don't like the term fiance. Especially if you have to introduce her in this next whatever however long you do a year or two. - There's nothing worse than like having a sweater on at some dumb party and be like, "This is my fiance." You just feel like a, it's such a fucking noodle. - It feels like, it's like, yeah, it's like that. - We should just do like my super bitch. (laughing) - This is my super bitch. (laughing) - She does it with too much joy, too. So she'll be like, be talking. I heard her on the phone and go, "My fiance." And then like, I heard like a girl voice and it's like, yeah, dude, I mean, it's, I'm like haunted by memories of standing over like a bowl of buffalo chicken dip, just like red faced in a sweater being like, - Oh, this is my fiance. This is my fiance, did you meet my fiance? - It's like, God, I feel like such a fucking pussy. - Yeah. - Wife is nice, so I want you to get the same wife, it's nice. - Wife feels like adult stuff. Like, yeah, yeah, fiance feels lame. - Fiance feels kind of gay. It feels like girl stuff. - It does. - Just, yeah, I mean, you're gonna have to think about how you're gonna handle it. My baby's in my baby. - I still say my girl in this show to try to be like fiance and I'll be like, you keep saying that, not much longer. (laughing) - I love, I love, and then there's not any games anymore. - Yeah. - I can turn back at any moment. - Oh, yeah. - You're wriggling on the dull. - You're a powerful coin in your hand right now. - Let's go. - I don't know, I don't know. We'll see. - Yeah, I don't know, that's a problem though. Once those down payments are down, caterers are secured. So start calling your bluff. I'm still thinking a lope. - A lope is nice. - A lope seems, a lope may be a party. Someone's still on a party with the brook. You always shake your head, you love weddings, you love a pageantry. - I want you guys to spend money. - You see, has she thrown the engagement ring back at you yet? - In like what? - Taking it off, I'm like, fuck you and throwing it at you. - I am so short here, short, I feel like she knows if she tried that with me, I'd do something with it. I'd call on it. I might regret it later, but if she threw it back at me, I'll go, I'm pawning it. - You gotta catch it in your mouth and swallow it. I keep, I've been telling my wife, Oliver Jewelry's cubic circonium. - Yeah. - It's my favorite thing about the bro, why? It's like, you can't tell the difference. Every chance I get, I should be like, oh, I love this ring. I'm like, you know, it's cubic circonium. - Yeah, I'm like, go get a tester. I paid the guy to say it was a diamond. - Stop, it's not funnier. - It's the truth. Yeah, that's a, man, that's a fucking racket. Diamonds. They can just synthetically make diamonds now. - They actually, they do it. - They make a pink now. - Huh? - Yeah. - Steven Singer, you make some pink. - I hate Steven Singer. (laughing) - Actually, I do hate that store. I do hate that store. - Hopefully he hates Steven Singer. - I went in there one time because the whole engagement thing and I just walked out of there like, man, this place fucking sucks, so bad. Also, I, buying jewelry sucks so bad 'cause you're looking at one thing and you're like, all right, it's 12 hundred and you go, all right. Fucking go, what about that one that's like a fucking millimeter bigger? Like that's $75,000 and you're like, what the fuck, man, how? - Yeah. - But it's just a more flawless, that's like mentioned up. - I gotta kinda love you. - Okay, cubic circonium off the happens. My girl, she literally requested not a diamond. She was like, I wanna garner. - So a kind of garner, that's nice. It's big as hell but it's like, it's garner. - It was a garner. - That's nice. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Let's move. - I told them, I was like, I want the most violently acquired diamond you guys have. (laughing) I want a little card with like the body count. (laughing) - I wanna see the child slowly. - Anyone lose her hand. - Yeah. - I wanna see the naked children who cut their penis as off by taking this out of their mouth. - Sir, let me give you this Boko Haram ring. (laughing) It has the blood of a million children on it. - Their souls as well. - Blood diamonds are underrated. - Yeah. (laughing) - Dude, it was good dude. It was good back in the day. - What? - Blood diamonds, it was good stuff right there. - Already, I don't think, I guess, I don't know, maybe all the diamonds, I think they're all got like mine for the most part. They just sit in warehouse. They sit in like the beer's warehouse, isn't it? - They're doing blood cobalt, man. - Blood cobalt? - Blood cobalt, blood copper. - The cell phone. - Yeah. - That is the funniest thing how everyone always goes. Well, you know your cell phone was actually made by slave labor and everyone goes, yeah, whatever. (laughing) - I do that, so I can't complain. - It is, I mean, it's one of my shoes, and so are my pants. - Yeah, true. - Yeah, it's one of those things you hear about. You go, well, all right, fair enough. (laughing) You know what happens in, you know? - Guam, it's not in my business, actually. (laughing) I'm more of a Stateser right now. (laughing) - What happens in Guam's really not in my business. - Dude, they're still China's taking over in Africa like crazy right now. - Still? - Yeah, there's almost, they're almost done. (laughing) - Really? - Yeah, dude. - Oh, did you see the guy in Namibia, his name's like Adolf Hitler-Ukwanko, and he got elected as president. - You know, if they're not elected in China. - Or maybe in Namibia, in Africa. - I mean, ah, man, that's pretty wild. What are they, it's pretty crazy to think about, like, do you think the Chinese like interlopers have set up like little corner stores in Africa? (laughing) - Tiny bags of chips. (laughing) - You know, and everybody walks in. They teach a bunch of African guys how to squat and smoke first, or just like step one. - I don't know, you think Africa will rise up against the Chinese overlords? - No, the Chinese overlords, let me just treat the, I've seen videos that I'm like smacking them with sticks at construction sites. - Really? - Like just real snappers, just hitting them with big ass like chips. - Not like Kim, those sticks, but they look like, I don't know, bamboo, but I don't, they gotta be shipping them right now. - Bamboo. - Dude, what the fuck, man? - They're shipping in the bamboo, that kind of smacking stick. - Is that a real thing? Are they really? - I saw that a year ago, I haven't seen it probably since like, it was like, it was like peak COVID time when I was, you're all in your phone, I'll see you, let me see. - They got the friendship out of there, then it took over all the mines, now they're feeling killing us, it's technology. - See, my thing is, you really think America would let that happen? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - They would let China take over Africa, or you think they're gonna let them do it and then take it from China? - I don't know what the plan is, 'cause they've been there, I think it's gonna leave them over there. (laughing) We're gonna go after Venezuela, we're going to South America now. - You think so? - Yeah, we're about to take their resources. - Okay, I'll take, you know. - It's closer, I think. - What does the Venezuelan have, oil? - Oh, yeah, I'm gonna give them, I'm gonna give them, - Oh, okay, this is a shit where they trap these African nations in unsustainable debt, and then they take their natural resources. America's been doing this forever, too. - Yeah. - They really did just steal our playbook. - Yeah, but I, dude, I just, you know, I feel like America kind of knows what's good, but again, it's good, 'cause America's been on this for fucking ever, given people being like, we'll give you loans to do infrastructure, then they go, oh shit, you've defaulted, We're gonna take all of your natural resources. - So you think America was like, we don't even need. Africa's got we can even take your resources or put them down. I'm straight here I don't know I'd have to I have to consult my sources high up in the government I was pretty hey We did unveil a new jet that looks a better than anything. I've seen China put out like a F They got like a hypersonic jet that took its first flight and that's pretty looks crazy hypersonic fast. Yeah, I don't know how you can have a person and it's got to be That's pretty cool. Yeah, I don't know what the you know what to see what happens with China and China Africa I feel like if we did ever go to like, you know real to blows with each other It's gonna be the craziest thing of everybody unveil unveil in their secret shit Yeah, we just show off B2 bombers now like it's not our type like so you know what's old shit I think that's what I'm waiting for aliens cuz they're like we got so much cool shit take out of me Did I also honestly think if we wait? 30 more years China's populations gonna be old as fuck cuz I have a lot of kids. It's already old right now It's already fucking old. So I think America's is gone. Yeah guys dear thing do all the work for us We're gonna once you guys are old as hell. We're gonna swoop in. Yeah Maybe do it a thing where they're like all right. We got we're gonna crunch time - we got a fuck it But they're about to be old this shit. We got to make a move those afro Chinese are gonna be crazy though Afro Chinese is gonna be a lot of really hot moor is That'll be tough The blazer down their screen You think blazians are better than this regular like black white mixed people like like Do a mix conversation hot like hotness blazing lady black white lady That white lady is more common over here, so sure. So here's a common combination every real thought of Chinese Mexican Yeah, but there's a lot of oh crossover. There's a lot of crossover Yeah, that's that's one that you like you know, yeah, if you mix fucking yellow with Right, sorry, that's a bad college you know, you mix like yellow and orange. Yeah, you're not gonna go what the fuck is this? Yeah, yeah, it looks just looks it looks like yellow I didn't mean to pick that color. I was trying to think of like green with blue what am I not about race? You know I'm saying I'm talking RGB. I'm trying to talk RGB primary Okay, so now we're gonna take a short break and get into something that all you sports fans will love the more or less Segment is brought to you by prize picks you and I make decisions every day like right now We're all thinking about making sure we choose the right gifts, but on prize picks being right can get you paid There's so much sports action during the holidays and on prize picks whether you're a football fan a basketball fan or a fan of both like me It always feels good to be right now. Let's get into this. Who's looking good and who is looking horrible for the holidays? Let me think who's playing this week. Let me access my Database of games going on right now. I know the birds are birds for sure birds are playing and I I know it hasn't been looking good, but I'm going more on hurts. Yeah, I'm going more hurts for passing yards Just cuz I believe it. This is a bounce back. This is too bad. I was back to back I think so to bounce them back hard. I'm going more. I'm going more in hurts as well. I'm going more on maxi right now because I think the They still haven't caught up with how good he is Thai res maxi on the sixers on the sixers going more with him constantly and right now yoke it's Just he's just nuts go rebound specifically go more on rebounds for you go more on Barclay as well go more on Barclay Yeah, you really get a lot of His more might be kind of low right now too Like saying you get a lot of yards. Yeah last game I watch so going more on your own team can be you know a little heartbreak Because if they lose you get double man, I can't go less on my own team. I don't want to root for them to go less But it's sometimes I just know I also just like to pick it random It's good stuff, you know, sometimes you pick it random let the universe decide, you know, I don't know anything about this Sometimes I go, you know what? I think that guy's gonna win. I like his look. You know what exactly? I like I like that guy's name. I think he's good Any personal story anytime your way too confident making a pick that fell apart Nope, I've won every single time yeah, okay, so that's our take now. It's time to lock in yours There's no better place than price picks America's number one sports picks app and even if your team is looking More cooked than an overdone turkey with price picks you don't have to wait until next year's draft Price picks lets you play fantasy football every week pick your favorite players and win when they hit their projections every week No draft required download the price picks app today and use code drenched to get $50 in line-ups after you play your first $5 line-up That's code drenched to get $50 line-ups after you play your first $5 line-up price picks it's good to be right dude. I've been I've had a type of video that's been taken over my algorithm now. That's just Did you see the videos were a person and like a black bandana over their face just records like an elderly person Until the elderly person freaks out and like comes at them and they spray him with pepper spray It's the most weird. It's a crazy genre who sprays the pepper spray the cameraman Oh, it'll be like three guys with like their faces entirely covered just like this in like a 70 year-old's face The guy like what why are you recording me and they just go? Like get get away from me and as soon as they reach to block the camera the guy goes Call spicy with pepper spray and they go, ah! And there's a lot of people in comments being like that's what the fuck you get when you try to touch people's shit Bitch and I'm like gotta be a bot. Are you sure this is me? I maybe I don't know Russian diffs information. I think you think of their fake Yeah, I think it's dividing us. I don't know dude. I could see there's I've seen a lot of rage mate And I'm like that does seem like a way because I watch a lot my whole algorithm for the most part is rage mate It's people going into like loads in home depot and like bumping into an old guy shopping cart and just going get out of the way You fucking asshole these dudes snap. So if you put a camera in that same guy's face He probably snap as well. Yeah, you probably I hope it's fake. If it's fake that would be a relief. I'm watching it like Yeah, this is evil. This is like really mean these guys like pre-dimension. I get crazed Do you ever see the rage mate guy who goes up to people's dogs and goes man? Look at that dog I just want to suck on its nuts He goes man, look at the dogs nuts. I just want to suck on his nuts and he screams I think they put their dog in the park It upsets me. We're gonna have to have a public health talk about rage mate Because someone's gonna have to tell a geezer's like if some young kid comes up to you and came art and says gay shit to you Like you're probably on a viral It's like a video to be recorded. Yeah, you're being recorded chill these guys just go fucking nuts. I saw I would never fucking kiss you I saw one that just hit my algorithm It was it's like the funniest thing is dude takes two pictures of people like standing near each other And but like they can't be looking at each other and then he'll use AI to make one of them do something weird to the other one Like yes, the one was he went on he put his hands on his guy's shoulder like kiss them on his neck He's like look he kissed you or your neck I'm looking at the video. He's like, I never kissed him dude that It kills a man and then there's they do another one with a go up to an old man and go oh, you're the guy from the internet They go right and they're like check it out. They show a video of that man, but he has a good brown. He's dancing Get the wait for me No, do you like full sprints toward them in the store? That's what that will be doing the geezer's right now. I know For lighthearted kind of funny, but it probably does because that gets so much. They're getting old They start getting worried about their mental health. Yeah, they're probably like did I kiss him on his fucking neck? Now that I'm an old man. Yeah, I'm like that But if I do 40 more years, you know, I'm already like I can feel decline. Yeah, physically obviously I'm getting stronger than ever Mentally you just wrap it decline You give me in 40 years in a parking lot just filming my face. I'm gonna cry I'll scream cry and it's like kick a shopping cart I mean they could when they were born they couldn't even imagine you take a picture and that quick you turn it into them Kiss of the man That's real. Yeah, am I dreaming? Am I having a fucking stroke? What's going on? We should let them shoot those guys. You think so. Yeah, I kind of like that. Yeah, that's all one guy get shot Never seen never seen him online again. He's not dead He just got shut. He was in the mall. He was rage-baiting some guy in the morning guy. He was like he was like pushing him And the guy was like oh, yeah, kind of not He was like we're the hoodie. Yeah, I just walked away. He just Yeah, I wonder if that guy got trouble to do was like fucking. Well, no, he didn't get in trouble Yeah, he got off sky free. I think the other guy got in trouble The guy got shot got in trouble. The rage-baiter. Yeah, I'm telling you they're gonna Introduce legislation if you call rage-baiting it should be like a misdemeanor. Yeah, yeah, really it's really fucked up to go to people and Like push the buttons like that although you would hope that if when you're old enough You're able to recognize rage-bait and just go complete monk mode and go like some of the old men do counter gays Stuff in a very funny way. Yeah, but I'll kiss you right now Whoa, what the fuck or they just see a genuinely gay guy out there and he's like yeah, I'm down What's fucking kiss Yeah, that's my counter, huh? That's my counter whenever someone's like You're gonna meet a 15-year-old I go so what you want to what? So what if I am What's the two of you punk? Oh man, that's none of your bad with me to be the little girl. So what do you know of a really good video? Put out a one-help wanted fly-me people in Starbucks about a job paying like $25 an hour benefits And once they show up have cameras come out and be like so you're trying to meet up with the In the middle of the Starbucks I just started hitting him with that reading like just make-up taxes like my hard fat penis You'd have to run if that happened you just run out of Starbucks That'd be devastating yeah, they shouldn't actually someone should never do that. That's terrible. It's a terrible prank Dude, I missed the old guys would give kids money to like Now you got to say like take pictures of them in their underwear. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean that was a good industry for kids Yes, like Lisa again paid I hear yeah, at least they're gonna pay you know what for some underwear shots come on do take - I mean that's so The problem with that is The problem with that is you never hear the tales at the time the guy just was like I can't handle it and picked out and just completely Yeah, that is true because like how you know there has to be some kid who's like Completely unless there were just gentlemen pedophiles back then We're like, well, let me not push the envelope. I'll give some pictures I think there was cuz like you know like there'd be a house in your parents like don't go today Yeah, I remember it. Yeah, it was like a funny guy. Yeah But before pedophiles are just like funny business. Yeah, it's just like that guy's a weirdo. Yeah Yeah, I've said this before my dad always makes the same joke when he went to jail He goes we lost the best babysitter Yeah, my my grade school beat a couple brushes with the big P as well. Yeah, pretty crazy None of the I'm a priest to my knowledge is all just like chaperones though. You know, I School volunteers you should just let people volunteer for like grade school shit And then just higher private investigators to follow There's like 20% of school volunteers are pedophiles Should pick a random parent from every every school like one parent from every family just spend like three days track I've been seen with their up to yeah, they see me taking my walks and I'm this guy's not thinking about fucking anything Speed of sweating his crocs. He's like I can't hear my family from here at this time Take him to here for this thing guys just thinking hard about taking a nap and regretting the fact that he drank too much coffee And then staring at something getting distracted my seventh-grade teacher got in trouble for chop-porn Chop-porn chop-porn I saw it on the news Damn, you know what's worse about that too when a teacher gets caught for like Pedophile stuff then you get to go, okay, what grade did you ask to teach and you know exactly what his thing is? That's crazy Here do all these diversity and equity programs. You're like we got to diversify this population. This is I'm barely getting hard I need some dulcitos It's all that we have like the old dude picking up the young the young lady from school all the time But like high school we're talking I just for me was middle school. I Remember this little school. I was like I this the maybe the sick I left back a year Puerto Rican Dominican, but like yeah her dude used to come and he had to be like 25 or old what he's like pick her up from school and walk out. They will walk home together and now Sure wasn't her older brother. No, I was definitely she I mean she would she would tell everybody. I was my boyfriend Oh, like she would say he snapped on me and my boy Khalil once because we were sitting at the corner store and they were walking past and we were like Trying to just make fun of her not even about You don't you were just like your boyfriend so old basically. I don't even know. We were just we were just making fun of her Like as a person and he's just was walking with her and snapped on us like he just didn't even hit us that he would do But then my boy's mom we told right after that we told his mom and they bumped into each other at the mom. She went nuts on him. He said His mom hit my boy said him and his mom saw her at him at the mall with his like grade school I don't know if he saw her with the girl, but they just was like she just was like Mom that's a guy told you about who did the thing and she just she's like a she's from Philly black lady that lived in red And she went nuts on them really from what I heard. Yeah, I'm pretty nervous. Yeah. Yeah, well, that's what happens when you I mean, you probably thought shit was sweet me kept picking her from school picking it. Yeah, that's crazy Like he's not like he didn't even drive like he would just walk to the middle school and walk but he was like 20 something If you don't get a file when you're younger, you maybe he was younger than that. He was definitely out of like school age But yeah, the youngest he was was 19 and I'm remembering him looking way older. Well than that 45 you for a like I'm remembering them look at third But Dominican's a kind of sorry. He Dominican's listening, but like the most pedophile suit I've heard in person is the minick Is I remember being at high school and I was like it fucking. It was like 16 This is so funny because I'd be like sorry to mannequins, but you guys are gigantic pedophiles I mean dude Yeah, I mean it kind of checks out, bro If you were like a 40-year-old Dominican hat man, you put on one of those boulder hats I could see it you just starting on You have like four mojitos. You just see the grades pull it out of you All day long For real for how we get a horny in a car, if I was listening that all day That music changes you psychologically Imagine listening that all day long if you ever worked on a construction site you watch these all day long It's just like you know just ask to like change your brain like what even mindset does that put you in? You're working all day long, and it's like It's just it's insane it's like circus music like move fast Yes, move and but it is it is nice when I do like about specifically Mexican guys is how they'll just go I didn't know they just love the screen They had the Greta hi nice. Yeah, we introduced the green dots our last year. Yeah, we had a really yeah, yeah Yeah, that should just a nice power screen It's like one for 150 beats per minute trumpet music And it's funny because you have just done like three days worth of work by launch time So yeah, maybe that music is what we need is a country Just that classic beat that's not stop all day long one song for eight hours I'm telling you I think it puts you in a whole different mindset No, you talking to me. I'm talking about how to do it. Yeah, I'm still a hard work of actions I'm gonna tell you how much about I gotta tell you what this one makes you and you are not Mexican Dominican both said when we were like in 11th grade because there was a Middle school nearest and so we was you know, they were walk past and we're like getting out again Not really whatever and he was like pointing out one of the girls and I was like man She's too young. He went man after 12. It's lunch Yeah I don't think a lot of those countries really do have age you can send I think they kind of eye it up Yeah, like we have like walls and metrics. I think they kind of use go boobs. No booze You kind of eye it up. You go. I'm gonna put this one on the eyeball and you see I could imagine being in Brazil and eyeballing it up They don't have walls like that Yeah, no, dude, I remember so I actually went to the Dominican Republic years ago on like a little vacation And I like went to an all-inclusive resort and I remember this is like a long time ago It was younger, but I remember they like made the staff like dance for us. Yeah, I think you get there They're like come out. It's like a you know, welcome night thing and I remember being like Some of the staff's like they they weren't like children But I remember they were like young enough to where I was I was in like my mid 20s is thinking like it's kind of weird They're dancing very sexually. Yeah, yeah, just like standing in front of us and just like gyrating their bodies And we just all get to sit there and be like great Remember just feeling a little weird about it being this kind of feels is Brazil is like one of the horniest places This is the Dominican Republic. Oh, oh, but Brazil number two. Yeah Brazil is such a horn. It's the horniest country. Yeah, it just if you go there you'll become horniest L2 It's like it's nothing to anyone can do about it. It's in the air. Yeah, I mean, I get it though. Don't ladies look so nice This episode is brought to you by aura frames look I get it gift cards are easy and you don't have to worry about getting something They don't like but this holiday season. Why not try something different Get something more personal than the same old generic gift card. It means more than you think Have you ever gifted something Small but personal what made it meaningful? What was gifted one time? This is actually a horrible confession, but one time I It was mother's day. I didn't get anything and I think I was in like high school and I went to a nearby Little development of houses and I stole flowers off the porch of another house and gave them to my mother Oh, it wasn't even like a bouquet. It was a bucket of flowers. They're a potting plant of flowers. I was like, "Here, mom. Feel bad about that." But that was just so, yeah, you know, I should have gotten Orra. I should have got my act together back then in order to aura frame. Guys, nothing beats the gift of togetherness. Can we just all agree on that? And thanks to Orra frames, you can get it all year round. It's nice. It's a digital picture frame. You can put all your pictures on it. It actually is a really sweet gift. For a limited time, save on the perfect gift by visiting orraframes.com to get $35 off or as best-selling Carver Matt Frames, named number one by Wirecutter. Using promo code MSSP at checkout, that's AURAFrames.com, promo code MSSP. This deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast. So order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Yeah, Brazil is a land full of beautiful women. So I'll say about that. The other plastic surgery. Yeah. The other plastic surgery out there. A lot of way. Although they have like one guy in Brazil, who should get all the money? No, they're just the guy's looking. The women are just like every type of woman you imagine. There's just one guy. Yeah. Cristiano Ronaldo, please. Kind of. I see that out or black as hell. You got two guys, two guys. Yeah, they have like dusty parking lots, awkward guys. The most handsome fucking. Well, hell, that's hilarious. What's up? Interesting information. The Dominican Republic has an age of consent of 18, but Mexico's federal age of consent is 15 years. Federal. Yeah. And the fed stamp that Japan is 13. No, they change it. Are you sure? Uh, yes. I'm glad you keep it up on it. What the hell? Do you have to reschedule your trip? You got an anime guy pass on that. Yeah. I'm fighting for these rights and kids. You're a watchdog. I'm watchdog. What they changed you too? You're already a 13. Did they go to 18 or 16? Because that's kind of probably 18. I just go 14. 16. They want 16. 14 with me. Oh, what? 13 and a half. Hold on, hold on. Hold on. Japan. How long was Japan 13 for? I'm just proud of them. They used to have on Google. You'd ask what's the age of consent in Japan. And then Dennis' face from always coming up. On the side of it. Yeah, they changed it two years ago. That's crazy. From 13. Yeah, from 13 to 16. I mean, that was like a multi-generation plan. They're like, look, we'll go 13 now. That way when they put the fucking, put the wrenches on us. All right, all right. We'll go 16. That's crazy. That's fucked up. So it's like a, so literally a, a college or a high school teacher could just have sex with a high school student. I think it's good enough. That makes sense now, that that's a thing, because you know, I've been playing in Japanese, I've been using prison and they always have like this game I played. There's always like a way you can fuck your teacher in it, but you play like a, you know, it's like a fantasy gate. Oh, no, it is really weird because like, I mean, being a pedophile is up there with someone like one of the worst, as one of the worst crimes in the world. Yeah. And if you go to another country, you go from being the worst guy in the world to just a totally law about it. It's just a normal, you know what I mean? It could be a pedophile, plubbically, I mean, go get a coffee. Like on the same block. Yeah. It's such a bizarre thing. You can kiss your kiss your murder's murder. Like you murder somebody. It's across the board. Everyone's like, yeah, that, that wasn't, that wasn't really called for, but yeah, in America, you can be next to me. I mean, I think you're more respected as a murderer than a pedophile, depending on your murder. Dude, even in like in jail, you'll get way better treatment as a murderer. Yeah, even society. I like you get murdered as a pedophile. Yeah, you get murdered and raped. Yeah. I, I, I just been having dreams where I just like wake up and I'm like, did I kill somebody? You don't look why? Because you're driving drunken. No, no, no, no, no, no, just keep waking up in a panic. Like, I think I just had a dream about hiding a body. Really? Yeah. I don't know why. I don't have the edge. You feel murderers? No. No, not today. No. Like what kind of what's the feeling? I don't know. It's just like the scariest feeling in the world because I'm like, I'm going to get caught. It's what keep thinking when I wake up. You're definitely going to get caught. I'm like, I'm going to get caught. I love it. It's not, I feel bad. I murdered a person. It's like, they could be all my ass. Yeah. It's like, I'm going to jail. You know, murder in the, in the, no, no. It's like different people. Has it ever been me? No. You promise? Yeah. Okay. Just creak in the cave comedians. You want a fucking bump. That'd be sick to do one of those like comedian movies at the end. Someone gets bumped and they just shoot them in the green. Put it up. Put it up. Hey, Dave. She probably comes in and bumps you and you're like, that's my final straw. He's going to go up there for three hours. Yes, Erie Bob. Oh, me. Everyone, we can all establish. We all got diarrhea. We've discussed the age of consent globally. And yeah, it's, is Japan the lowest? I mean, I think if you hit Chinese controlled Africa, there's probably like, oh yeah. Yeah. I look it up, but I don't feel good about it. You're definitely by the way. Some guy just stole a bunch of girls from a building in Africa. Really? Yeah. They're always still in girls in Africa. Yeah. Girls do get scooped up. Yeah. It's one of the last countries you get an honest man can go steal some just steal some ladies. Is it Michelle Obama freak out about those girls? Yeah. They never brought them back. No, I don't. And then I think what didn't make a bunch of boys at that school get like brutally murdered and nobody even said anything about it. I'm almost I'm almost positive. That happened. This is like, bring back our girls. Yeah, because it's like, I think it was a like a, you know, upper class school that like parents were kind of rich. So people would beg out perfect. Let's go kidnap an entire class. Yeah. And I think they like took the girls as ransom and just like killed murdered all the boys. That's crazy. Yeah. Africa is looking tough. Africa Nigeria is 11 years old. Eleven. Wait, why haven't at all? Yeah. I'm serious. That's what Google says. Nigeria is 11. Yeah. That's devastating to find. That's crazy. That's crazy. That just thinks anyway. And also, yeah. I mean, I love it. It's crazy. It's not even it's not even lunchtime. I mean, it's funny to be in Nigeria dating a 10-year-old. They're like, you fucking scumbag. Wait, you started talking to her when she was 10, you piece of shit. That's Nigeria is a bad country. I was like, one or the better. They lie about how much money they make a couple of years ago. They got in trouble for like bouncing checks as a country. Well, apparently Nigeria puts out a ton of math leads. So a lot of mathematicians come out of Nigeria. Some reason Nigerians crush math. So because they figured out the age. It's the square root of 18. Yeah. Huh? No, no, what did you say? Change the subject. I just found out another fun. Let's go. Do you know the MMA fighter could be Nirmagomedov? Yeah. He is married to his second cousin. And they had the same surname before they got married. Really? Yeah. Second cousin. So she's Nirmagomedov. Nirmagomedov. Nirmagomedov. No, she just, I think she just came in. Yeah. Second cousin. That's not mean second cousin. It's not ideal for sure. I don't think they have many options in Dagestan though. Yeah. You go third. Third cousin. That's not even a thing. Third cousin's just like your friend. Oh shit. Now, I mean, third cousin's, I do not think like though when you marry your cousin, it's like a chance as a birth effects go up like 3%. It's not like a massive. I thought it was just like automatic. You're getting. Yeah. You know, don't they do that in my Lego guy? That's still a weird one to show up to the family meet like the family reunion with like with each other. It is for sure. But some, some, I mean, in history, it was like the coolest shit you could do. It's like you marry your cousin. Everyone was like, great choice. Dude, if you have a hot cousin, the world's kind of fortunate to not really have hot cousins. What'd you say? That was kind of fortunate to not have hot cousins. I don't have one cousin. I didn't even like in my head go like hot cousin. I was never a big cousin guy either. Thank God. I was never now. I imagine if that was your twist when you were just completely obsessed with having sex with your cousin because there's guys out there. I'm sure. Yeah. That happens too. A hundred percent. What do you think about that? Huh? Let me see all that. Dave, your age is in Japan speed tapings. Might have been might have been with the Delia Snapchat. Wait, what? That's a tough one Do you know I peed to everyone who's gone absolutely munched by the internet? It just happens to everybody gets destroyed. I know it's coming for me one day. I'm worried about it I'm just destroyed by the internet. I don't know. I just like everyone just gets destroyed I don't think anyone ever sees it coming. They're always going nothing's ever been better than the internet goes Yeah, it turns out everyone fucking hates I mean, I it's literally like a soldier's death. I'm like it's coming from me one way or the other. I don't know how In the words of Harvey Dent either Diet hero or live long enough to see yourself become to villain I'm gonna at least see myself become a villain I mean you never that's something you didn't predict in high school to have to ever contend with like a digitized public shaming Yeah, so I don't know maybe hopefully now that I'm a man. I'll just go. Why don't they say it on the internet? crap Turn it off God damn it. I'm going for my walk I think whatever if whatever happens to me, I'm gonna leave it to it if it happens just like yeah I don't know you have to like there's no guys that fight. It's a little like Chinese finger trap Yeah guys to go. No, you guys suck. It's like you've just yielded him. Yes. You I am a lowly disgusting worm Yeah, I have watched every single come walk video So what I Do know them all by name it seem accepting your shame takes to find out of it for the internet. Yeah, it will depend what you did Dude Glenn Greenwald got cropped. You see his video. No, he did. Did you see that thing? It was a and again, I guess I'm gonna toss to the stand the alleged on here But I think I think it was just like kink shit. We're like you he's gay and he had like his I guess a lover of his Reliefs a video where he was just being like a little piggy like a hungry little piggy Yeah, it was like a humiliation video, but I think he was just like whatever. He was being the humiliated one He was being humiliated, but it was out of king for like, you know, he was kind of I don't know the exact details Yeah, I'm not if you could just maybe pull off a after That came out and also RFK, do you see his sex? No You see it. No, it's his sex. He like did like text met allegedly again Man, next message is his shit blew over but dude his texts are like There's so horny that by like halfway through the text. You're like I'm on his side. So you like you can't this is to Cheryl Sure, unfortunately, he's a bit of a bad boy Maybe it wasn't a sure I don't know. Yeah, but I don't that's not how they framed it You know what look man? No guy's trying to get blue food die out of the goddamn lucky charms, man Leave me alone. Yeah, I think he's warning texts to whoever It's not my fucking business. The only kink thing that I don't shame it, but I don't get it is I mean I guess is like people watching their ladies get plowed I think that he had a cut shit is but there's a thing I learned about very recently. I was just telling a little bear about it There's the reverse. There's like cook in I figured with the Cuck Queen, yeah, Cuck Queen, I had a speed with you on Cuck Queen might be the best thing that's ever exist. I think Cuck Queen's propaganda like sure me one Cuck Queen Where are this? It's not an actual port lady. Yeah, where are these this these fabled Cuck Queen? I know It's been like yeah, I do it again. I've been I was already and we decided we're gonna have a free use day a free Yeah, that's pretty nice. It's pretty cool, right? What's your thing going to be like yeah? How also how long are you gonna last to the free use day? I feel like that's what you bust water out in the morning like well, yeah Checked out. I can go That is a private matter. Sorry guys. Hey, man. I'm glad for you. That sounds good. That sounds fun Share to be a free free. No, I like I was interested in the free use day. We should plan. Yeah, that's a good question. Plan is to just show up Do it The hang out Here's the thing Do you get to direct you get to direct her positioning because where she gonna be that's the question Oh, she's gonna be stuck. Is she gonna be just frozen like stuck to be nice? It's they're gonna be a sex doll in the bed and move it and then it's her like yeah, I was just gonna go down. No, that's the thing It's like it's just whatever you just have a day and then whatever's happening during the day Like is it reciprocal? That's my question. Can she freely use you? Oh, we get your own day really yeah What if she takes it to like a realm of kink? You're not ready for it now You can't violate the free game. Oh, you're also free use. Yeah, I sent my rules The dude would be so I'd be so nervous Especially after your day of free use Yeah, that was also my turn I don't know My rules you can't be inserted no, but no, but no, but what if she tries and you just nod in the mood slipper No, but whatsoever. No, but can't even tickle you. No No, but Sean, did you find any of that stuff about the sex? What yeah, it was a poem allegedly sent to Olivia and nozy Newsy bro, it's the best. It's very erotic. Yeah, let me see if I get back to it. Okay, I'll read it Do you read it with pros? I'll try it. Wait. You say it's really I like started hearing it and I was like by the middle of it. I was like, you know what man? I kind of tip my head to this guy I got it here Your open mouth awaiting my harvest drink from me love. I mean to squeeze your cheeks to force open your mouth I'll hold your nose as you look up at me to encourage you to swallow. Don't spill a drop. I am a river. You are my canyon I mean to flow through you. I mean to subdue and tame you my love my love I'm not a copy of paste ass. Yeah, girl good. I have key right the letter for the guy the Kurt guy Okay, goodbye love I'm not sure I don't know what you mean. It's okay. Oh That's that's what it is Glenn Greenwald got set up. He said it was a political takedown where he was with this is all from Google Reportedly depict Greenwald and Indyman acts with another adult male in Brazil, which we're just talking about whom he reportedly this is what they're saying paid for the encounter and It's pretty much it's just him being like kind of like thoroughly domed and humiliated by They confront they like released his tape without his consent. They like, you know, it's pretty rude and then they're like What do you say about that? He was like, I don't regret any of that. But that kind of these it's be it's a beast move You know to get completely be a shame lord to be like, yeah, dude. I'm a total pig and I did some fucking really It's it's like yeah damn, but he just came out. They just political enemies try to take him down with it And he was like, I don't care. That makes me respect him. Kind of a beast. It's kind of a beast Yeah, look at this weird shit. He's like, yeah, it's fucking really weird. I did that and You don't plan didn't work on me. I do Wasn't there some politician that got like exposed like that for doing like public shit with his lady not the lady Who was giving hand jobs in the movie theater and I heard this was like a different this is like a whole video that got exposed Yeah, I forget who's telling me about it, but I'm just here now Was any scandal attached to it or was it like? I think nothing seems to like take down type shit Yeah, I can't I don't remember his name or anything. I'm so funny, dude All you have all you need is a video of a politician having sex and you destroy their entire career the same the thing We all they're clearly having sex. Yeah, like weird psychosex. Yeah, you want to be a politician like you're going nuts in the bedroom I've been ill-seed does the crazy shit. I hope so you think so. Oh my god. Yeah, but who who's pipe in the AOC? She's some white guy. Yeah, probably She's like the founder of some weird tackle Yeah, true. Yeah, you know, there is a lot of behind a lot of powerful women There are surprisingly just kind of a drab wake kind of kind of slide into that role really nicely Isn't isn't Kamala Doug Doug Doug. Who's Doug? It's Kamala's husband. Yeah, that's how he like talks about I think you could call this up Like I'm Doug Kamala's husband Doug Doug fucking nerd Dang, that stinks. I think I got like a political email once that when Camala that was like this was before she was even run I think she might have been running with And then I got like a political email. I was like this is Doug and then in parenthesis Kamala's husband is how it started And that's how I know his name like that email the fuck this dog do Why would he allow himself to be framed in an email like at least the owner of the dims. No dims. No, don't cuck The first Jewish spouse of a US vice president. Oh, that is that's what he did, you did that is that really a fucking First Jewish second. Oh, damn. He's from old bridge New Jersey. Oh, what? I mean or it's kind of a bad look Masad Looks like Waltz a little bit He's in Christoph. No, Doug. Yeah Doug looks like a lawyer. It's crazy about damn. He should I would have been nervous around well have my baby around waltz Whose waltz waltz is a guy she ran away I thought it was like, I love you. - Touchdown, too. - Touchdown, too. - Yeah, dude. - Damn, dude. - She got a type. - Doug M. Hoff does soul cycle. (laughing) At home in California, M. Hoff had attended a Sunday morning soul cycle class in West Hollywood and left his cell phone in the car while going for coffee and a chat with friends in the bar. - Why they framed this guy as the ultimate housewife? (laughing) - I mean, he kind of framed his self as the ultimate housewife. - It could be King. - Kamala's husband. - It could just be King, dude. That whole campaign could have been King for them. (laughing) - She goes out, loses. He's just like, I'm just your sexy little fucking boy. (laughing) - You're a little home boy. - Kamala does drink. I can see it, dude. - Yeah, as soon as one person was like, this lady's drunk, I can never unsee it. I'm like, oh, she's a drunk lady. - Yeah. - I don't see one of her more likeable things to me. - Yeah, she's just drunk. - Yeah. - She should have really leaned into them. I'm like, I'm fucking hammered down. (laughing) - Come on down. I would've heard, I'm dumb. And that would've guided me out of like she might be present. - Yeah, got leaned into that little bit of George Bush action here. - Yeah, well, I'm just a drunk old whore. (laughing) - Dude, it would make me believe she could get things done more. Whores get things done. - Yeah, she would go through out history. - Yeah. - Whores get things done. (laughing) - I wanna see that tape between her and Doug. - It's gotta be the steamy and stewed Doug. She's like a little rose petal bath tub. - Come along. (laughing) - She's fucking wasted. - He's like, stop, don't you fucking. - Fucking asshole. - Yeah. - I'm gonna ruin everything. (laughing) - I'm fucking you. - How so psychally fucking. (laughing) - Come along. Hey, what do you drink? (laughing) - I'm on a nice lunch with friends. (laughing) - What a weird PR angle to be like, we're just gonna make her whiter husband. - Her whiter husband. (laughing) - They should have been like, they should have made 'em like, 'cause they try to make Tim Walts a badass. - Yeah. - I've been so mad if I was Doug. It was like, wait, why does Tim Walts get to be like a hundred badass? - Yeah, and I have to be. - I'm just a little peg boy. (laughing) - An at home fucking peg boy. - Oh my cuck. (laughing) - Beyond. - I think he's almost beyond. - We get cucked by Tim Walts over here. - He's basically wife play, he's going. - Yeah. (laughing) - Tim Walts was like, I love shooting guns with my children. And I was in the army. - Yeah man, oh the fuck. - Yeah, did he mean that? Matt, do you mean that stuff? - I heard there was, you never know man. Look, Lamar on the campaign trail, things get dirty. So, who knows what, what? I am really not looking forward to the election at 2028, 'cause it's like, 2020 and 2024 were so depressing. - Yeah. - 2028 is gonna be both parties, you're an unleash. I think a new cycle. - Dude, this is different. - I mean, a young cycle, a double young cycle. - This is Trump's first year though. - Dude, he's not, he's not going to re-elect. - That's what I keep. - That's what we were just having a conversation. - He's not getting re-elected. - It would make people too mad. Like that's not what it meant. - He's also just lost his juice. Once I hit him with the Epstein shit and he was like, ah, forget about that stuff. I think that he really lost a lot of his juice. - But I'm saying this is his first year as president. - Yeah, I know he could do it. He could technically do it. - He's about to like, three more. - Wait, why don't we do two more? He did two more. - No, we can do one more after this. - No, he's president for four years. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I think he did another term if he was already president. - I don't know, but they said, I honestly don't know, but I think they said he can do another term technically. - He can only do two. - Cause they're not consecutive. Cause he had one. We had Biden, and I think for some weird reason he can do two more now. They're like trying to make the legal argument that he can't. But it's like, dude, we got to move on. It's like, we can't. This is going to be forever. It's going to dominate in time. - We got about 90 year old dictator. - He's dominated a whole decade. - He's like, he was funny. Yeah, he was obviously funny. But now it's like, dude, please. - Yeah, new guy. - I'm curious the moves are going to make it. If they're going to go back old school, like prim and proper, or if the new thing is just fuck that guy. - It's my money. - I think it's fuck that guy, bro. - Or, yeah, maybe mom, downy. - Yeah. - I'm downy more, maybe more of like a, even Gavin Newsom gets. He's a leather jacket Democrat. - They're trying to make Gavin Newsom so fucking cool. - He's a podcast. - That guy needs to go. - He's one of the normal guys like us. He has a fucking podcast. - Gavin Newsom needs to go lay the fuck down, like he needs to shut up. - The problem is, I'll say he is the perfect politician. He's just like a weird smiling psycho. - Yeah, but like just, I'm saying just like, I don't, you know, I'm not a fan of him. But it's also like, you gotta, you gotta give it up and like, man, no, this guy was born for the role. - Yeah. - Of California governor. - Yeah. He fucking tanked the cuts to state. And now he wants to tank the country. - Well, yeah, we'll say, man, I don't know. I think maybe they'll run vans. They could run vans again. - It feels like he's been making a play because he's been out doing his own shit recently. - Trumps? - What's he doing? - He's been, he can't pay me. - He's important. - No one. - No, what is it? - I don't know. I feel bad for bringing it up. - Just his relationship with the, with the widow of Mr. Charlie. - Right, right, right, right, right, right. - That's a nasty thing you would say. - Yeah. - Hey, I'm sorry. Forgive me. - Well. - Sorry. - Yeah. Final words. I think we're going to slide into the Patreon. By the way, I got you guys a little gift. - I'm excited. - I'm excited. Final installment of the conquistadors and I'm going to display a little gift. - I'm excited. - I'm excited. - I'm excited too. - I'm also excited to hear how it all ran. I mean, I kind of know, but, you know. - Yeah, but it's, it's surprisingly was way, there's way more, is way more in detail. So yeah, we're about to slide into that right now and thank everybody. Thank you for listening. And hope, stay, keep your spirits high during this holiday season. A lot of people think about killing themselves. - Do we agree? - Do we agree? People on Christmas want to kill themselves, but, I don't know. I get it. I do get it. But also, at the same time, it's like, I like, we just lit up our Christmas tree. - Yeah. - Makes me so happy. I see the lights. I go, that's the best. But then, sometimes, at nighttime, it's just you downstairs, it's dark. You look at the lights and you go, maybe I should kill myself, actually. - Don't kill yourself. - Don't do it. - It's bad. - Hang, I'm getting an elf on the shelf. That's going to be a big thing this year. - Dude. - Yeah. - Don't get saddened. Do you get saddened the holidays? - Well, you're about to do free use. You don't care. You're having a good holiday. - Let's be off on the shelf. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Don't get saddened the holidays. - The me's one is me. That's going to be you. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - What's going to be your free use position? Where do you going to go? - I don't know. - Stuff. - I got to start taking notes. - Do you, for real, be stuck, though? - No statue. You should do like, you know, like the little boy in the lawn where like a peeing cupid? - Yeah. - You see how much you can pee and sit like a statue. It's beautiful all the time. - Yeah. - Well, see you later. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret podcast on Spotify. - Do it. (gentle music)