Ep 587 - PHIL (feat. Steve Gerben & Chris O'Connor)

Wow, wow, Wes. Darling, you send me, check, check, check, I know you. Yeah, you're nervous. You're singing you're nervous. Get your breath. You all right. Yeah, I'm fine. All right. Yeah, we're rocking. I mean, this, this, is it recording? Yeah, I'm already met this coffee is three hours old. It's from Weschester. He doesn't, this is what he does. Yeah, yeah, which is good. We'll go to a bar, a whole order wings. We'll eat three wings and then have a plate of wings in front of him for three more hours till the game's over. And then they come by and they go, do you want us to take this? And he's like, yeah. Fucking insane. A lot of times I'll finish it. This was a situation I was, it's my, my leg. Even this, it's like a coffee takes two sips and then brings it to Harrisburg. Well, someone brings it to someone can expert, someone got me the coffee. Just drink the fucking coffee. I wasn't ready for it. Phil, how are you? We're here alive with Phil. Get Phil, you got talking to the mic? I'm doing great. I need you to get nervous when that light came on. I didn't even see the light. Some guys aren't built for this. Yeah, some are castings tough. It is tough. I've seen it. It's hard work. I'm how you got to know how you do it. Well, you're sitting next to the, the mayor of Westchester. I know the king. I'm honored. I'm, you know, did you want to bring in the hats? Did you have hats? Well, I forgot. He forgot to hold. You're going to dress up like pilgrims and Indians for Thanksgiving. It was okay. I agree. I agree. I was fully against it. Fine. Then I realized Phil wearing a pilgrimage. What do you do for Easter? When I got bombing from party outfits, people ask me how I got my comedy. Phil taught me how to bomb regularly. But you can walk through a bomb, uh-huh. That's like one of your, you tell a bad joke and just go. Oh, yes, he is. Yeah, what was the line that he had when we were in the golf tournament with Billy, where he would say Billy was like, uh, it's because you were talking in my back swing. Yeah, and Billy's back swing. Really, really quick. Billy goes, you're talking to my back swing, Phil. Phil goes, I'd have to be a fucking auctioneer. Oh my God. He swings so hard and the results are never any good. Yeah, he's new. He's new to golf. I know. Yeah, I know. When he connects, he kills it, but we're not sure where it's gone, right? Yeah. Well, he's jacked. Of course, the first, the first couple of holes. Gerbys didn't know we were playing the scramble. So all of a sudden, he'd go up and play his ball and then we'd all drive up. And he's like, look at that. It's like, what are you hitting from here for? This is my shot. Of course, we didn't have to hit after he hit because it was all right. It's right on the green. Yeah, he's a very good golfer, but he took the key. He took the game very seriously. A couple cart bumps at the end, sent him packing. I hate cart bumps. Connor was in there with you. Just going, don't, don't do it. Don't let him win. He got out. He got out of the cart. You saw it. It just turned straight for him. Yeah, I asked about all the card. I can't think what to do is get out of the car. We were also, we were starting to find it at the end. We were starting to find it. It was whole 18th. And we were still there. It was crunch time. And that's what I found. It was perfect. It's just a nightmare now when the ride to the Valkyrie started. I think it was around 16. Valkyrie played on the blue tooth chasing Gerbys. And you had to Dan. Oh, Larry was off. Yeah. Good. I might have been by myself at that point earlier. He could have been in there, regardless. Yeah, we were six hours around the call. Just trying to finish strong. You came in. Well, yeah, I'm sorry about that, Steve. I didn't. It didn't feel bad when you were very upset. It's perfectly fine. All right. My mom noticed your mom noticed. Yeah, she was like, Hey, aren't you going to come say hello to all the people here? And you're like, Nope, I have to go. Yeah, no, yes. No, that's not really for me. Well, it's a killer. It's a killer style. You guy, nobody can leave. Every time you try and go, just, well, just what do you just want to have one more? Yeah, exactly. It's like you just got to leave. And in the next day, go, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I left. I'm sorry. She, mom was on me on Instagram message because she was like, promise you'll come on. Deandy, what the fuck? Yeah, we DM sometimes. Oh my god. He was, he was DM's, how do you do that? Well, how do I do? How do you do know how to DM you DM me? You send me, you know, that's called. Yeah, like a direct message. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I'm doing Instagram Reels. So it's very nice. Okay. What, what kind of stuff is you sending? I was like drinking Instagram Reels, which was really funny. But then I'll, I'll clearly be drunk and send me like an inspirational one. Nice, which is nice. Keep you on track. That's how it. Yeah, we don't really talk much. I just get a drunk, yeah, from my dad. It's like Michael Jordan highlights. That'll get I toss those out this weekend. Yeah, you were hitting me with this. Yeah, well, you know, you got to find inspiration during dark times. It's 4 a.m. The bar is closed. Fuck it. Yeah, maybe I'm my fault. But Phil, what's going on, man? Just starting our basketball season right now. I think you're going to get fired. No, I can't get fired. I'm volunteer. I can't get fired. Other people have to go before they get to all these come on, man. Huh? You're going to fire that? No, I mean, there's too many rings. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff up there that was too many championships. Hardware. Yeah. Yep. What's that five gold medals up there? Well, um, two or three with no, I got three with Cumberland Valley. And one with Trinity as far as state titles. And that's again, just coaching, helping coach kids. It, believe me, it's all the, it's all the kids in the head coach. I mean, it's just coach speak. You're just a humble guy. I am. I want everyone to know behind closed doors. This guy's a menace. And the Mike's off he's gone. Those motherfuckers will be nothing without me. Yeah, right. Right now it takes good kids to win for sure and make you look smart. Yeah. Well, what's the hope for this year? Do you think you got a champion? Well, we, we, no, we're going to, we're going to, we're going to have to work for everything. Yeah, I've got a great group of girls, but, um, we, you know, there was a couple of kids that were going to come out that played for us. And now we're going to stick with another sport. So they're not going to play basketball. And that hurts us a little bit. But the kids that we have, we're going to go with enough. And they're great. Well, this is good stuff. Why? Well, I'm sure we got a lot of six a girls b ball. Now with the number one women's six a basketball podcast. Yeah. District three girls. Good. You talked about this. Little press comments. Sure. Phil, now what do you say those people that, uh, found out your dad killed a bunch of cats? Kind of question. So what do you have? What are the cost of weekends? Think about this. No, we had a little press conference. Yeah, so, uh, to answer his question about cats, when I was growing up, we lived out in the rural area and talked to Stephen us. We had, uh, you know, we had a few cats and they all got pregnant at the same time. So we had, what did you do? Like 25 kittens running around. And there was just too many. And my dad put them in a box, a cardboard box and put them in the creek. And they went down over the dam. And about three hours later, about five or six of them came walking back. And he said, okay, you can stay. Well, the other one's never made a back where they said, we're not going back, you know, even though they survived the, uh, the creek and the dam. But just, just got the five dumbest kids. Yeah, no, that's good. Yeah, let's come back. Maybe I'll do it again. But these, they were like, they were like, the horse was stepping on them. And the way all the horse stepped on one kit and then one time I started to lawn mower and the kitten crawled under them lawn mower. Why I went to get gas because it was hot in the summer. And he thought that was the nice shade place. I didn't know he was under the air. I started the lawn mower. And dad getting rid of them was, it was time. They were everywhere. They were, they were a lot of cats, a lot of cats. 30 cats, we had a lot of cats. We had dogs. We did the Shetland pony. Um, I don't know you know the Shetland pony. Yeah. What is the Shetland pony? It's a little adorable town pony. Yeah. What happened there? What's up? God, what happened there? We sold a step down a cat. We sold him for stepping on a cat. We sold the Shetland. Things got tough. You got to sell the Shetland pony. Right. How we had a steer named Sambo and we had him butchered. He was a tough man. Sambo, he was butchered. How butchered it? Yeah. How old were you? Did you like all these animals? I'm not Sambo because he would chase. He had horns. He would chase you and you'd have to run. And yeah, the the horse or the the Shetland pony was fine. Dusty was fine. Dusty. Dusty. What do you get? What do you get for a Shetland pony? I have no idea. Back then, 10 bucks. I don't know. It wasn't much. Yeah. What do you do with it? - Well, we had a court and like a trotter. - Oh, okay. - And it would, yeah, we would, he would take rides with it on Sundays and stuff. There was no traffic on the road back then now. - You would ride a Shetland pony. - In a court, like a trotter. - Yeah. - Yeah. - That's fucking the same. - Ben, right? - Well, that's fun. It's fun. - All right, it's fun. - Yeah. - I thought the blinkers on him or the blinders, whatever they're called and you just get down the road and go about a mile and then come back. - Yeah. - All right, well, that's fun. Like, literally using it as transportation. - No. - I was like, it's crazy. - So you could go cart. - Yeah, that's fun. All right, I'll take it back that route. I wish I had a Shetland pony. That'd be nice. - Yeah. - I just go up for some age ride. - I'd need a team. (laughing) - I'd need the Cloddale's. - Yeah, you'd have to get like the spike, like the Roman spike coming off the cart too. - That'd be a nice DUI on the back of a Shetland. (laughing) - Yeah. - Yeah, can you get a DUI in the cart? - Yeah. - I feel like the Amish could DUI's all the time. - You can get him on a bike, you can get a walkin', you can get a DUI. - Yeah. - Well. - Well. (laughing) - Trust me if he's dodging it, all right? - All right. - Well, they must not have an album. - If they haven't got him yet. (laughing) - That's his drunk in public, right? You can walk drunk. - I think you can present danger to other people while you're out there besides his stolen public. - Yeah, yeah. Well, that's you guys. You get a little bit bigger than me. - No, I've seen you. - I'm out of danger. - You're definitely a threat. You're run. - That's true. - He starts running and shit. - Uh-huh. - But I'm safe for running than walking. - Where are you running? - I just home as fast as possible. - What about, what is he running from? (laughing) - That's the real question. 3 AM when you're like, I need to get out of here and sprint. (laughing) - DUI's going on. - When you know you got a kind of a long trip and you're full stumble bump. - Speed it up. - I understand moving quicker when you're that drunk helps. I do know what you mean. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want like the shortest amount of time and having a public. - Nothing worse than stumbling. - Yeah. When you can't stop a stumble. - Yeah, that's tough. - Speed it up. - Anyway, Phil, what else you got for us? This is your big debut. - Yeah, really. - People have been clamoring for this. - Yeah, I know they are. I don't know. Just getting ready for the holidays here. - Yeah. - I was the pool, realized I screwed that up. - No, it felt like that. - I had like a submersible pump. Like stuck it on top of the closure that they put over the pool. And the guy came out yesterday to close the spa down and he said, did you put that submersible pump on top of the netting there? Like, and I said, well, yeah. He said, well, the water goes right through. You've got to put the submersible pump underneath that on the step. I didn't know that. I thought, man, this thing's really working. I never saw any water on top there. - Phil. - Here's just going right into the pool. - Hold on. You got to get a podcast, man. This is tough. Fucking shit. - Wait, how can you shut in the spa down? You got to keep the spa open for-- - You got to keep the spa-- - For the winter. - I kept it open for an extra month and Joan got in at one time. - Remember when you got drunk and fell onto the tarp? - At night. - At that? - You were sober? - I was, I was, no, but I wasn't drunk, right? No, what happened is the pavers weren't down far enough and I leaned in to put the submersible pump and the pavers lifted up and I went right into the tarp. - And I thought, oh my God, this is a weird way to die. I'm just going to get in golf with this whole thing and Joan won't even know I'm missing for a couple of days. But fortunately, I crawled out. Crawled out. - Oh my God. - I had to crawl out, fortunately I crawled out. (laughing) - Yep. - You had to go back into a soaking wet. - It was stuck in the metal, the funer storm. - Oh my God. - Yeah. - But I made it. - Yeah, I got the phone call immediately. My mom called me, it was like, "Fill, fill in the pool." Fucking idiot, he was like, "I did not." Damn pavers all. (laughing) - He hit me right back, he was mad. - You got to get some cameras out there in the yard just in case, that's great footage. - Yeah. - Yeah, we need that. - That would have been incredible. (laughing) - So you got that going on? - Yep. - Yeah. - Gerby's, how about you, what are you up to? - Well, you know, we're writing season three. - Yeah. - And then personally, you know, single life now and trying to find special sun long. (laughing) It's kind of a nightmare. - But it feels a lot like being on the pool table - Uncle Frank's, all right, my dad's brother. - All right, all right. Uncle Frank, get in here. We're doing a podcast, see some of you at the alley, yeah. It's good to see you. - Good to see you, good to see you. - Yeah, my school, yeah. (laughing) - My school's, I'm still there. - Good to see you, Frank. - All right, well, we'll go say hi to her. - Yeah. - Can you pause? - Yeah, yeah. - All right, take a quick break. - Well, that's all I want to do here. - No, no, no. - You really need a break? - This episode is brought to you by Aura Frames. - The part, the best part of the holidays, aside from the great fooding the gifts, because, be honest, we all love a good gift. - Love a good gift. - Is getting to spend time with everyone. - With everyone, getting to spend time with everyone. - I love spending time with you, and I want this, our time together to be so special. - True dude. - A holiday season. - And the way I make you feel special. - Do it around the holidays. - I'm Aura Frames. - I sent Matt, an Aura Frames stocked with photos of he and I. - That's awesome. - And you know the perfect gift this year that could be for you to share those moments? Give the gifts of togetherness with Aura Frames. 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For a limited time. - Oh my God, let's get a picture of that. Oh my God, for a limited time, visit auraframes.com and get $45 dollars. aura is best selling carver, mad frames. Name number one by wire cutter. That's huge. - Oh. - By using promo code MSSP at checkout. That's a-u-r-a-frames.com, promo code MSSP. This is exclusive black Friday Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year. So, order it now before it ends. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. - Terms in condition supply. I don't think you got out of that. - Yeah. - All right, hey, we're back on the air. (laughing) Hey, we're back. All right, all right. Let's get a little energy. - Sure, I got it. - All right, remember the mic. You got to talk on the mic. - Yeah. - Let's go on, gang. - Well, I'm back in the dating scene we were talking about that. Any, with dating advice? - You learning me? - Yeah. - Grace, I've been married for 46 years. How'd you enjoy me? - In grade school, sixth grade. She moved in from New Jersey. And I was, you know, just started talking with her. We became good friends. And actually dated her twin sister for a while. (laughing) - No way. - Yeah. - How'd you meet her? - Yeah. - She's the switch. - She sounds like he's the switch. - She's the only B. (laughing) - I'm going to check things out a little bit. You have to have something to compare it to. But that didn't happen to later, like, eighth or ninth grade. - Did you ever see the sign felt episode about the switch? - No. - It's the roommate switch. So how you're dating one roommate, you want to get to the other one. - Oh. - And says a whole bandage of 12. - I mean, obviously this wouldn't work. - Jesus Christ. - No, I'm just saying, you know? - Don't bring that up. - So you broke up with her and then later got with. - With Joan. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I think she broke up with me. But anyhow. - What the hell? - Hey, their mom was a good cook. They had steak every, like, Sunday. So I'd get down there and eat. Sort of became part of the family. (laughing) - It's Rodney Shellen. (laughing) - Rodney Shellen, that's a treat. - Oh, but they had this dog, this little snowser. And I hated that dog. His name was Otto. And whenever I walked in that room, it would just come up and start biting my feet. And they would put, like me, in, like, sort of a staging area, like a waiting area for them to come down to steps or whatever. And I would hear that dog's toenails running towards me. And then, at the end, he became blind. So as he's getting real close, I would shut the pocket door and just hear his face hitting me. (laughing) And it was just, I would just sit in there and laugh. I thought it was great, 'cause that dog tormented me for years. And finally, at the end, I got back to him. (laughing) - Yeah, he got revenge on me. (laughing) - It was good. - Oh, yeah. - Yep. - That's good stuff. - Yeah. - So you guys started dating in sixth grade? - No, no. - That's when I met your mother in sixth grade. - Were you in the friend zone for a while? - Oh, yeah. Hurry, hurry get out of there. friends. You get married. That's how you can have it. Then you're done being friends. That's how you can out of it. Now, I've just kidding about that. Something. Yeah. So, Garmin, is that good advice? No, not applicable. You don't want to hurt a blind dog. That's filled with advice. You go, what are your advice for dating? I used to fuck with this dog. Yeah. So, no, but you're out there. You're on the apps. I'm on an app. Okay. And yeah, it's going well for you. It's going well as far as I get dates now. Yeah. Which is the really saddened upsetting thing about this. It's like, I was on the apps, I don't know, six years ago. Yeah. And nothing. Nothing was dry. Absolutely. Nobody would go on that name. Well, now they know you're funny. That's the tough part about it. When you look like us, you get on a dating app. Yeah. It's just immediate. Oh, my God. Right. I tried to, I tried a dating app for like 24 hours once. It was the most depressing crushes. Because I downloaded it because I was going through a breakup. And I was like, I'm fucking, I'll show her. Zero for 24 hours. Fuck. Yeah. I don't think a lot of women understand that that's men's experience on dating sites, which is zero. Yeah. Like I had a friend. She was like, all the guys on here weird. I'm like, all the, all try zero girls. Yeah. Yeah. That's way worse. Yeah. I got somebody damning me like, I'll show you my decky bitch. Fuck you. That's it. These something. Do you get to see feel something? Yeah. In a reaction. Yes. You get on there. You look like us. You get on a dating app. It's nothing. No. So, uh, then you get picky, which is very funny. You get zero. You're sitting there going. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Right. Oh, a 10. She's gonna like me. Right. Yeah. She's not. So, now at least I'm getting dates. So I'm out there and, you know, getting to take people out and and you're getting in the line dancing. Yeah. I'm getting in the line dancing. I'm really into that. There's a place by us. Should I move? No, I shouldn't. Well, it doesn't matter. What is that? Go ahead. I'm not going to do it. They're going to be there now. Who? The weird guys. I think they're there. They're there anyway. The weird guys are going to be there waiting for you to like this. They're already there. They've always been there. That's on you. Well, they will keep the name out of it, even though it's going to be tough to find. This is a great place. Everybody there's so nice. Yeah. The bartenders are great. Uh, the bouncers and, you know, they're big fans of tires. So, they're all coming like show me how to do moves. Yeah. Yeah. Which also for the record, I have nothing but support for the weird guys. Of course. Yeah. No, no. Of course. But support for the weird guys. But we're weird. Yeah. So I got cowboy boots. I just went all in. Yeah. And, uh, yeah. I just want you to know how much this sucks. I know you hate it. I actually don't hate it as much as you think. Well, I don't like that you're practicing line dancing in the office at tires. So that did happen. That I was telling Joan that because I typically call my mom loves it. She's a good soul. And they're like, no. So, uh, typically I run really cold. And the other day we were getting lunch and Chris is all bundled up. And I was in a t-shirt. I was like, why are you bundled up? And then I was like, oh, of course, pop that door was closed. Why is your blood flowing? Working on this move in the boot scoot boogie where like you can kind of, when you make a turn, you hop off and click your heels. Oh, yeah. Which is, which is what I really like about line dancing, which is the improvisational aspect of it. Once you get down, you can be creative. Yes. Yeah. I like that. You like the boot scoot boogie. I love that one. Yeah. That's fun. Yeah. Cotton eye Joe. That's a good one. Fucking great, but it's frowned upon by the line dancing community. Cotton eye Joe because it's so simple. Oh, yeah. I think it's probably just it's like hack, right? I would imagine it's hack. Yeah. Well, they probably have deep cuts in there. They're like, oh, this guy knows what he's doing. Yeah. I suppose, but you got to come to Austin. You got to start with cotton. It's all they, it's all they're doing down there. I've heard and he's down there and cut a rug on a nice southern bell. Yeah. I would love this one. Texas babe. Yeah. She'll kiss you. Okay. Bill, you don't know anything about this guy. He's a sexual. Well, of course, I'm a sexual partner, but that's a thing that I have. I'll say, you know, it's like, you really are, you're meant to kiss on the first date. What do you mean? That's like a thing that you, you sort of supposed to do on a hinged on a date on a first date. You kiss. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's like if you're the guy, you don't go for that. It's kind of seen as like lack of interest and lack of confidence. So that was something I had to get over. So even if you had one, you really didn't want to kiss, you'd still go through with it. No, I probably wouldn't. But, you know, like all these FaceTime dates beforehand. This is the thing that bothers you. I don't know why it bothers you. I just I don't like I don't much right now. No, let's tell you. I get a real sad about how the informality or like how ever the formality of online dating. Yeah. It makes me sad that there's no like Kismet. It's just like, okay, and then we FaceTime and we talk to each other and then we say I'd like to meet it this time and we'll see if we like each other. I don't know. You got to do the FaceTime thing though. Because otherwise you're going out, you're shelling out date money all over the place. You need to call him. Which people. Riches. No, dude, a big bell buckle with diamonds on it. The FaceTime date works because then you very quickly can determine is this person lying via their pictures and then also do are they weird? And you just so it just saves a whole bunch of like I would hate to have to be on a date and instantly know you don't want to be there and then have to like have the full drink and be like, I gotta go. Yeah. That sounds kind of fun though. Yeah, I'd love to be on just a horrendous date that I know and then you exit. I wouldn't. I'm fucking you know, man. We're going to be here till three. I know the bartenders, they're going to stay open. We're going to be here to four and you try to get an uber out of fucking the Harrisburg comedy zone. Fuck 45 minutes. We got to stay. Yeah, that's a I don't I don't envy the online dating. It's not great. I do hope to I mean, I shouldn't say it's not great. Like I've already met. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I would like to meet in person and I need to get a little more comfortable. Where do you even do that? That's a line dancing. Line dancing, maybe. Yeah. Your country club. Yep. Well, it's just all just all Jewish men. Is it all Jewish men? It's not Jewish. It was originally Jewish. It's not good water interactions or anything like that. I've had none of those. Okay. Yeah. No, it's just open. It's just Jewish men. Is there a pool? There's a pool. That's where you take a lap around the pool after one of your after around a golf. A round of Jewish golf. It's not Jewish now. They don't. It's just at the time because there was a big star David on the wall. Was there? We're no in the window. There's like a reef. Well, for the pro shop. Oh, which is great. Yeah, I think they'll they do all the I only saw a star David. Oh, they got across the street. Well, they should understand the crisis king. But it is interesting because it started off as a Jewish only. So all the older guys. Yeah. Yeah. God damn. Because they because they couldn't get into the other ones in my area. Yeah. So they had to start their own. They started their own. Sure. That's very common. Yeah. And then some guy, what do you got? Nothing. I got nothing. All right. Got something. But the so yeah, it's just the older guys are all very Jewish. Yeah. How can you tell their voices? What did they sound like? God, a bulky. Oh, Lord, this club in my hands. I'll take a six. There you go, Phil. You fired from your job. But fuck it. It was time to retire anyway. Get there. Yeah. It's good to go out getting fired at your age. Yeah. Getting fired is funny for an old man to get fired from his job for doing a Jewish impression on a podcast. It's fucking hilarious. I think it's six. Phil, can we talk? We need you to come into the office. Yeah. But it's also extremely accurate. Yeah. Yeah. Well, how about your Thanksgiving? You were talking a little bit about your some of your parts. Oh, I don't want to. I don't crazy on here. No, you days. I mean, you can. I prefer not. Yeah. That's what I'm happy to throw myself under the bus for anything. No, no, no, no. That's that's one. Yeah. Yeah. That should be off limits. Hopefully we get some of that though. I love some political fighting at Thanksgiving. Well, we got the participants. I'm down to do it. I love it. I love it. Yep. We'll get you going and then we got both sides. - We do have a nice mix. - Yup. - I like that, but everyone drinks. So everyone really gets out of pocket at night. - Okay. - I had a nice battle with my uncle in my aunt one year. It was wonderful. - But it feels like everybody would be very communicative. Like it wouldn't be passive aggressive or just being aggressive. - Oh, it's just, yeah, it's pretty aggressive. - What happened is, this is Jones. - Okay, again, they're gonna hear that. - Well, they can hear it. But, so she and Shane are going after each other on the political stuff, you know? And all of a sudden, you know, this is after like three or four hours of drinking and this is three or four hours after the Thanksgiving meal. And Shane is arguing with her talking. And all of a sudden, he starts talking like Trump. And she's like a dog. Like she turns her head like she's trying to understand. Like, is this really Trump talking? Like she just screwed up, yeah. It was loud, it was loud. - Yeah, it was fun to argue with her as Trump. - Well, she was hammered on one. - Yeah. - Like she was like, oh. (all laughing) - Shut up, I'm gonna get a little quiet piggy at Thanksgiving at the table, at the table. Quiet piggy, that'll be chaos. - You should gamify it. You should just have like little cards around the house. - Yeah. - It's not a fun issue. - Yeah, I'll find it myself and go, oh yeah. Ukraine. - You love that. - I'm gonna let every glass just say it. - That'd be nice. Me and Chris got in, we had a nice political debate again. Same one. - Same one. - So we do, we go out, we hang out for hours. And a fifth hour in, we go. You suck. (all laughing) - I just have a political debate about illegal immigration for four hours. - Yeah. - And we were with the other writers on the show on tires. And like, he was, I don't even want to say what you said to me. It was so hurtful. He went low. - But you came back. - And I went high. - You came back. - I went back with, I'll beat the fuck out of me. I was out, I never hit him, and he knows that. But the people were with were all like, oh my God. - Yeah. - One of these guys, they were smoked. - I was like, he's in shit like that to me. I'll fucking punch you in the fucking mouth, dude. The whole staff left. - Well, just a bunch of drunk guys. - Shame. - Yeah, that's been tough. Trying to have like fucking heart to hearts with people. - Yeah. - That someone just comes up and I was like, dude, what's up? I'm like, oh, what's up, man, I'm good. - Yeah, we also didn't even notice that they left. I feel like we were arguing for like 21 minutes. - 21 minutes. - Yeah, fucking left. Fucking losers. They don't want to have fun, like us. - I was saying, I truly think I understand what, like hot women go through now. Given my daily experience, like, when we go out, I don't know how Shane takes it. Not that, again, it's not that. - They're all staring at my jokes. (laughing) - It's not that I'm not like unbelievably grateful for people to be fans of the show and all that and want to meet and take pictures. But then once they get to a level of intoxication, they're just like, don't leave you. - Oh, you should've seen the squad. We assembled it right. - I'm sure. - In their right ear. - Yeah, rough squad. - Yeah. - It was a girl. - Okay. - They're the ones that are like, this is a problem. - Okay. - Like a guy you can be like, dude, get the fuck out of here. - Right. - If they're like hammered and being like rude. - Yes. - This is a girl that was just like, kept taking her phone out and sticking to my face and she's like, come on, make her fucking take her away. - Oh, yeah. - And I was like, you gotta stop. And then Chris kept taking her phone and dropping it into the other booth. She's like, ah, no, no, Chris, stop, stop. - Yeah, the women are sometimes the most aggressive. Like the one that was. - They love pretending they don't know what they're dealing. - Okay. - You know. But anyway, it's just something that I get that experience. So like what I was working out the gym, which I had a stop doing, 'cause it's just like guys would come up. - Guys, yeah. - We're in a conversation. I can't get out of. - Yeah. - You know. - There was. - You're equating that to being a hot chick. - You got a little barn having everybody. - Everybody in your face and whatever. - But no, hot chicks are. Yeah, they got it worse. It's 100% the whole time. - Right. - Every outside of the bar. - Right. - Walking down the street. And your friend's dad is going. (laughing) - You're 13 and a guy's fucking staring at your test. - Right. - That's it, yeah, that's weird. - It's just a totally different reality. - The worst, I don't get it that much, but if I'm hung over as hell. - Oh, yeah. - Unshoured, stinky. Just trying to grab a coffee. - Yeah. - Trying to slip it and slip out. - Then the business is like, hey, can we get a picture of you for our Instagram page? - Yeah, yeah, fuck it, yeah. (laughing) - Just the worst. They have it on the wall next time you're there. - It's just dark red face. - Yeah. - Fuck. (laughing) - You're so gracious about it. - I don't know how people are not. - You have to be, right? - It's not that you have to be. It's just what other, what do you fucking psycho? - Yeah. - Somebody comes up and they're like a big fan of tires. - Yeah. - Can we get a picture? It's like absolutely, of course, yeah. - It's awesome. You know? It's weird to me when people say no, but maybe, maybe I'll get there. - I don't know. I don't think I will. - I don't, I don't have to be there already. - I don't like, yeah. - Yeah, saying no would like ruin my night. - I'd feel so bad. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Anyway. - Yeah. - How do you handle it? 'Cause now you're a big man. - No. - Oh yeah, you are. You're tossing out tickets left and right to all my shows. - No, I can't. - You really? (laughing) - Kick your ass. (laughing) - That's crazy to do that. And then be like, yeah, I don't know, they're not selling. (laughing) - Today, you gave out six tickets to this. - I'm going to, to my-- - My can't give tickets to my friends. - Your friends are already, they already know what you're like and seeing you and hanging out with you. These are some other people that are nice people and they went to buy tickets. - They're talking to the mic, talking to the mic. - Yeah. - So they didn't have a chance to buy tickets. I mean, I guess it sold out real quick and it's a small venue. - Yeah. - You don't get near Mechanicsburg, Harrisburg too often anymore. So I said, I'll give Gracia a call and see what she could do. (laughing) - Span in the fan base. - Yeah. - And he's not, and he's giving out tickets to guys from the local bar. (laughing) - That's all he does. There's fucking five of these guys at every show. They're in my green room. - Yeah. - I get up, down with the show and I go, those are the guys from Mechanicsburg. - But he's got to be able to do that. That's community stuff, right? - That's right, if it's a huge venue, I'm all for it. - Right. Like 150, 200 seats. - Yeah. - That's a lot. - I said put them in the back or have them stand. That's what I said to Gracia. - Yeah. - They just wanted to get in, yeah? - Yeah. - Well, that's all right. I appreciate what you know. - Did they get fired up, getting into the show? - Huh? - Did they get fired up when they get into the show? - No, who's friends? - They don't give a fuck. - They don't? - They come to the show, they go, yeah, that was good. (laughing) - No, they take all my beer. - They take it. - And they take all my beer. That's how I knew you were back on the booze, by the way. Did I tell you that? - Uh-oh. - Uh-oh. - I think I might have been Pittsburgh or something. Some of your boys from the bar were at the show. And they were like, how's your dad doing? And I was like, he's good, he's lost a lot of weight. That's, you know, whatever, that's in the past now. But. (laughing) - That's quick, turn around, dude. - Yeah. - He lost. - He's lost. (laughing) - Yeah, he went down, you fought middleweight for a week. - I did. - Yeah, I was getting beat up, so I went back up. (laughing) But, no, I was like, it's good, he's healthy and he's not drinking, which is great. And they were like, we were at the bar with him last night. - I was like, that motherfucker. - No, I didn't. I didn't have a drink for over 100 and some days. - Whoa. - Yeah. - After my surgery, yeah. I didn't even want to drink it, nothing. But things changed. (laughing) - That's the ball season. - Yeah, football season. Pretty sure it'll be NBA's coming to one. - Yeah. - And then, you know, there's no sports on. I'm like, what the fuck are we gonna watch? - That's my problem, like if I can take time off of it. I go, I don't even need this, and then I have it one night. And I go, why do every single night now? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. (laughing) - Yeah. - But then, yeah. - It's kind of a spectrum on this couch. (laughing) - That's the spectrum. - Yeah. - We had three games stretch. - Yeah. - And Chris had a nice road trip, three days straight. - Yeah. - That was tough, I'm regretting, I'm regretting this Tuesday night. We're gonna have a couple drinks tonight, but Friday was wonderful. Saturday was wonderful. - Saturday was wonderful. - But Sunday was, Sunday was the one you should have skipped. - Yeah. - Sunday was definitely one we should have skipped. And we knew from the start that it was exactly where it was gonna go. And we kept talking to ourselves, like, all right, we're not gonna drink, we're gonna just get lunch. - Yeah. - Then we leave lunch and it's like, all right, let's go to the fucking pub, we'll have two. We'll watch the first half of the game, then I gotta leave. I gotta train the cat. (laughing) Three beers and we go, ooh, I'm starting to feel like myself is the guy before me. Yeah, it was a good night though. - Four of your, yeah, four of the dies cast. - Four of the dies, it's out of our hands. - Yeah. - There's nothing we could do. - Going down the bad road, yeah. - Yeah, well, that's kind of pathetic and sad. But, fuck it, what's not. - It was nice at the time. - It was great, bringing people out to a show. I remember, back when I was doing stand-up, I was opening for Paul Mooney, I was like the guy that opened for Paul Mooney at Helium, 'cause he-- - That's crazy. - Yeah. - He's so funny. - Yeah. - Yeah, he's awesome. - He is, he's, yeah. He's not somebody I would go back and listen to that much. - Yeah. - Yeah, I'd like his appearances though, unlike Radio and like, he's just bothering people. - Yeah. - And it worked on me. first couple of times I heard him, I was like, this fucking racist. (laughing) I get worked on me. I was like, this guy fucking hates white people. (laughing) And then you get older and you realize he's literally just fucking with people. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he didn't like white people. But it's funny. - Yeah, I mean. - Anyway, you were-- - Like me enough to bring me back. But so there was a hairdresser that I liked, so I had invited her out. (laughing) - 'Cause the Paul Mooney show. - Yeah, and I didn't know too much about him and then she brought a guy, which was-- (laughing) - I'm ready, I'm on my mom. - And then he's, I forget exactly what he screamed, but he was like literally screamed during the show, "You're a fucking racist." - And then he got-- (laughing) - Yeah, I can get it. (laughing) So it was kind of a double whammy on me then, yeah. - Did you ever speak to her again? - I don't recall, it's been so long. - That does suck though, you invited a girl to your show. - And she brought a fucking guy. - Yeah, that's wrong. - Yeah, but I also did it all wrong. I mean, I should have, you know, I've tried to basically-- - You're trying to be sweet. - I've tried to be like, hang out with her for a while. You know, like go get my haircut for a year and then be like, yeah. - Oh, trying to come to a show. As opposed to just like, you gotta go right for it. - Yeah, it's funny when you start doing stand-up. That is, like I was like not excited to tell people, but I would drop that, you know what I mean? - That you're doing it. - I can imagine getting a haircut from a cute girl and just being like, yeah, I gotta have a show tonight. (laughing) - Like what do you do? It's like, yeah, I'm a stand-up comedian. I'm not a big deal. - When she comes to the show, I just bomb. - Yeah. - You gotta use it. - Yeah. - It's hot, if it goes well. - It's hot. - I hate the way you talk. - It's also, it's also my only thing. - He calls things sexy, things-- - I get it up, that's right, vernacular. I got, you know what I'm saying? - You're right. - You're right. - Stop what you say is my costume. (laughing) - He has a book about how to go down on women. He reads it. - Yeah, he reads it. (laughing) - What? - Why do you need instructions? - Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. - I don't want to be a part of this. - What do you mean? - Now, hold on. You know, let's not talk about it. - Is it, is it Phil say? - Well, what? - What the fuck are you saying? - There he is. - Hold on a second, hold on a second. Shout the fuck off. - Hurry, hurry. - You're daddy's pussy, you're daddy's pussy. - That's up. - That's up, dude. (laughing) - You're daddy's pussy, that's up for sure. - I don't think so. (laughing) - Phil does like that when I was shot to hell. - What the fuck are you talking about? - Hold on. - You wouldn't be like, who needs a book? (laughing) - I don't think so. - I don't think so. No, I don't think so. - Any single guy that I was going, you read a book? (laughing) - The book, now the worst is the red lighting. (laughing) - Hold on a second. - He has lighting, Phil, he changes his bedroom lighting to red. Okay, hold on a second. - On his phone, he goes, Alexa, make it. - Shout it out. - Shout it out. - Hold on. - He's trying to tell you. - Oh, hold on. Now, that fucking nuts. Breathe in, Abby. Hold on a second. The red lights is a real thing. However, they're not like all auxiliary lights that I'm setting up. They don't get mad about it. People do it. You can literally Google it, it's a thing. - And play's techno. - No, I don't play techno. - You told me you played techno. - I said I like to. I like to, I tried it one time. It doesn't work. Hold on. - We're gonna go playing techno. - Yes. - It's fucking crazy. - It is, I agree with that. - It's so crazy. - I agree with that. - Doesn't work. - 'Cause the, well, I found it. - I'm scared of the fuck out of 'em. - This is fucking a hinge date and you go, "Oh, let's, make it shine a town." - I mean, I don't do that. - Hey Siri, you can do it. - Hold on. - Nine inch nails. - That's fucking crazy. - All right, hang on. I don't do it. - It's just because you're like a sweater golf guy. - Well, that, so I think they don't. - There's a little freaking there. - Yes. - I like that. You think that's sexy? - I do think it's. - You like it's a shade to grow. - Hold on. Let's go back for a second. Did you ever play any Motown? - I haven't played Motown. (laughing) - Thank you. - I'll give you that. It's very funny. - Yeah. But my dad and you are fans of Motown. - I definitely am. We'll come back to it. - So. - I'll give it to you. I'd be doing the same. - I'll be doing the same. - I tried one time I told you that. It doesn't work because the buildup. - Motown doesn't work or the techno. - The techno. - Yeah, yeah. - 'Cause it's, you know, love making is like a story unfolded and it's, this is like flaying. - Hey, what? I'm putting out some short story. (laughing) - You got to hide your nose. - You got to hide your nose. - And I'm done. (laughing) - That's five. (laughing) Right, we're gonna take a quick break from the show now because we've got something for the sports lovers out there. This is a special segment called More or Less and it's brought to you by PrizePix. You and I make decisions every day like right now. We're all thinking about what to buy for whom and whether we really want to hang out with that weird cousin again this holiday season, but on PrizePix. Being right can get you paid. Yup, the holidays come with so much sports action and on PrizePix, whether you're a football fan, a basketball fan, or a fan of both like me, it always feels good to be right. Now let's get into this. Who's looking good and who is on the sports naughty list right now? All right, please begin with your picks and they said make sure these players are playing this week. Obviously there's a ton of football. This is what I'm excited about right now guys. A ton of football on Thanksgiving. I'm focusing on the Green Bay Packers right now. I'm thinking Romeo Dubes. More. But then you have Matthew Golden and I'm going less. Same name as me, that's not a good sign. And who else do we have here? Ooh, Luke Musgrave. More. I'm thinking more for Old Luke Musgrave for sure. And then we have Jordan Love and I mean, let's be honest guys, less. So yeah, those are my picks. Personally you can disagree, that's fine. That's what I love about sports. It's just guys can come together and talk about stuff like this. But that's where I'm coming from. So I'd love to hear your guys. Just drop some comments below about your comments, about who's going to be more or who's going to be less. 'Cause you know, this is the sports naughty list right now. Okay, so that's our take. Now it's time to lock in yours. And what better time because new feature alert, PriceBix now has early payouts. And if your lineup gets off to a hot start, you may now have the option to cash out those winnings before the game even finishes. Download the app today and use Code Drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's Code Drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. PriceBix, it's good to be right. Anyway, where did you get that love makings like a story? 'Cause that has to be one of your books. Yeah, yeah. (all laughing) There's a book called, I think this one's called, "Come as you are." It's written to Winson. Oh, no, it's all puns. It's not coming. The other one's, she comes first. Yeah, I know. I'm not even, I'm shame. I'm looking at Reddit and asking Reddit what are good books about love making her, you know, whatever this, and then they- That's what you want to go for sex tips? Why not? The guy's from Reddit. (all laughing) Those pussy hounds on Reddit. So what's the, what's the, "Come as you are," he's like written for women that struggle with, you know, or- She can do what. (all laughing) Are there testimonials in the book? I didn't think the conversation was heading in that direction or I really wouldn't be participating. I understand now. That's just what he does. No, that's what I do. Keep going though, what are you doing? No, then well, I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable but it's down to the whole point. Yeah, I'm not going to be staying that much longer but anyhow, when we were in Pittsburgh last week for the football games, we stayed at the William Penn Omni. Nice. And they put us up in this suite 'cause friends of ours had a connection. It was fantastic. It was. That's a good subject. Yeah, it really was. (all laughing) Yeah, nice. Oh, the William Penn Omni is beautiful. It's a historic hotel downtown Pittsburgh. And what it happened is, they have what's called the Governor's Suite and they convert it to the Santa suite in November and the first night we were there in November 14th, we walked in and there's all kinds of things. Everything is Santa. They got his boots lay in there. Oh, that's nice. They got gingerbread men out. They've got shower curtains changed. Everything, the bed sheets and there's two extra common rooms. So there was like 2,000 square feet of hotel that we had for three nights at the Omni. And it was fantastic. Yeah. I just wanted to get away from what he was talking about. That's fun. That's cool. When he was talking about he was talking about-- No, I get it. He says him and he's open about this stuff. You read a lot. Well, about, he's it fun though, too. What are you looking at me for? He's the way he's the instigator. Is he? Yes. He let the fuse. Yeah. He made it in offer. I regretted the fuse. I also regretted the fuse. He didn't regret it. That's not what I want. I would like to stay in a Santa hotel room though. That'd be nice. It's unbelievable. How big were the boots? The actually the guy that-- was taking our luggage out. Actually thought we left the boots like they were ours. So he brings the boots down to put them in the car. I said, buddy, no, that's that's that's part of the room. You're not mine, you're Sanders. Yeah. You saw the pit note aim game. What do you think of that, Phil? Um, I thought was Hunter able to say what's up to you? Who? Hunter Biven. I didn't see him there. Okay. You told me to get the word out that you were there. Yeah, I was looking for. I didn't see him. He's not like a glory ham. Oh my god. He's a complete glory. No. You guys have a lot in common. No, my, my friend set set us up with great seats right behind the Notre Dame bench on the 4045 car line. We were three rows from the, from the wall Phil text me goes, let them know I'm here. Let the world know they're nice guys. Hunter, what are you? Hunter would have said what's up? Yeah. I saw Ron Paulus and some of the other guys, but I didn't have a chance to say hello. They probably wouldn't know me. They didn't know you. They don't remember you from the commercial. Anyhow, so we saw that pit Notre Dame on Saturday and then Sunday, we saw the Steelers and the Bengals play. And that was, you know, just, wait, was that, that wasn't flack over as Rodgers. That was incredible. You were there for that? Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. Yeah, but Rodgers got hurt. And then the, the other guy came in and he did a great job. But that was fun. I was, I was amazed truthfully at how much support those Steeler fans give that team. Yeah. That stadium, they are 100% for the Steelers and they cheer every play. Even though, you know, people may not like this or that, they support that team. I, I would love to play for the Steelers after, I mean, seriously, they have to see football as well. And then I felt team, I would love to go to Pittsburgh and play for the Steelers. They really do a great job with them. So I've never, I've always wanted to see a game in that stadium. I've never seen a game in this. I don't think I've ever seen the Steelers play. Yeah. How about that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I have either. We got to get out there. Those are the best fan bases though. Yeah, they are. There's small towns. Cincinnati's got a good fan base. Buffalo. Buffalo. Buffalo's great. Buffalo's great. Yeah. The Eagles are great. Eagles are great. Eagles are such a fun fan base. Yeah. They're like an evil version of the Bill's Mafia. They really are. Yeah. They're just the fucking devil. No. It's fun though. Yeah. They sort of had a a thuggish reputation, the Eagles fans. Yeah. That's fun. Yeah. But I think they're getting away from that because they raised ticket prices so much that some of the the riff raps some of the way they're outside of the state outside, they're not going out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I went there once. I went there. I saw the Eagles. Niners a few years ago. I went into the game. I had nine dollars to my name. I bought a Bud Light. It was nine bucks. I went with it was big J and soda and they were like, do you want to come in this game with us? And I was like, yeah, fuck yeah. And they were like, here we got you tickets. You can't say, we don't have any more with us. You're up in the, I was up in the nose bleeds with big J's sister and brother-in-law, just being damn freezing. Who's cold and rainy? I got one beer. I was like, well, yeah. Down to zero dollars. I'm getting back to West Philly. Unreal. And I always said, I told this story a thousand times when you were overdrafting Chipotle. Love how you say it. Chipotle. Chipotle. Yeah. Overdrafting Chipotle for sure. Yeah. But I mean, the reason I brought that up is because the riff raffer is still outside. Some of my buddies are like Philly trash and they were out there. They're snorting shit off their dashboard. Yeah. Okay. It was like, it's snort axes. No, thanks. Yeah. They're getting after it. A couple of pain pills in the parking lot. Oh my god. I cry. If I had a B-around. If I had a-- I'll tell you what, I wasn't too comfortable. Yeah. Watching guys snort pain pills. Oh my god. Yeah. That was going. Right. What's going to happen? Games not for two hours. You're going to get tired. You're going to not feel your body and go into Xfinity Live and try to fight someone. Ride the bull. Just get stuck off the bull. Yeah. Yeah, that's-- No, they're still there. They're not going anywhere. Yeah. Right to your car. There's a new class of plumbers snorting pills out there waiting for somebody in another jersey. Oh, fuck is that. No, it was a great weekend though. It was. It was good. What do you got next for them? What's going on? What do you got on the docket? I know your knees bothering you. I might send you down to Austin and get some stem cells in there. I took a shot at Cortezone yesterday. Oh. It's helping. Oh, you got it. Steve's got arthritis. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't gotten Cortezone yet though because it's apparently only so many you can get of those in there. Well, with my age, they can give me one of these. Load it up. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I definitely noticed a difference and she said it could take two or three days before you really noticed a difference and she said sometimes it'll last for a couple of weeks. Sometimes it'll be a couple of months and sometimes several years. Hmm. Depends on the individual. Really know how to determine that. The science is out. Yeah. How about, would you get stem cells? I have to. I don't know what the fuck they do, but. Yeah. Well, I'd have to do some research on it. I don't know. Yeah. If your knees work, right? I think they work. These guys are good at the people in Austin and the people who did Roger's Achilles. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We can get you in there. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He had a torn meniscus, he operated on it and then said there's a lot of arthritis in there. So funny. If I sent Phil down there, they just kill him. Get stem cells. So we don't have to fuck this. Yeah. No. No. I want him to push right away. It never really improved my knee. It did briefly, but in the last two months, it's just been killing me. And plus I'm coaching basketball, so I'm walking on it all the time. You've driven the car. I mean, I can't, if it's positioned incorrectly, it just pain shooting through my knee, wakes me up at night constantly. I can't. I have to. It's really terrible. It sucks. It really does. So that's why I took the cortisone shot. I do have an appointment in December with the surgeon, remember the mic. Into the mic. Yes. So my voice garage. Some guys are for showbiz, Phil. I think I'm getting like a hip thing. I think I'm getting like a hip pointer. I think you and me are drinking. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to break my way in the sports center. Yeah. I'll wake up with just a dead arm. Yeah. Just passed out on it. Yeah. Fuck. That happened a couple of times in my 20s. Woking up. Oh, you're falling asleep on your arm? Yeah. And woke up with like the deaddest arms I've ever felt in my life. And it was just like, this has to be permanent. Yeah. This has to be a permanent injury. There's got to be like nerve damage. Phil, the last time I was here, you were fucking hammered. When? I'm like, sure, that's crazy. First saw. That's very funny. When? We got home. Were you there? Yeah. We got home late. I don't think you expected us until the morning. You thought you were all safe up on that deck by yourself. We opened the door. Phil. Hey, guys. Hey. What? Damn. That was after the golf tournament. No. It was the day before. No. You were out there getting ripped. Well, then you got home. Where can you? And then you went and got a kit cat bar before bedtime. Ooh, that's good. I saw him reach to the candy drawer on the way up to bed. He was in the hallway. I was like, "Feel you got to be quiet." He was like, "Sh." He was like laughing. Don't make things up. Yeah. I don't really go for candy when I'm boozing, more of a chicken farm. Chicken farm's crazy. Taco Bell kind of guy. I speak my language. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how you're getting chicken farm. Well, what time are you drunk? It was making chicken farm when you got that hour. Well, at least in Philly, there were a couple late nights spots to stay open. You get a chicken farm at any hour or night. Yeah. You get greedy at night with the grub. Yeah. This guy would order 1,000 big Macs, eat four of them in one sitting, you'd watch them do it. Yeah. They're going to take a breath. Two big Macs was the move. Two big Macs was crazy. Yeah. I was. But I was reaping all the benefits. He would pass out. Yeah. Yeah. There's a third big Mac in here. Yeah. Yeah. I think there was a lot of times I only ate one big Mac and I'd come out and I'd be like, I ate two big Macs last night and you were like, yeah, man, it's nuts. I think that was three. You definitely ate two. You always ate two. Yeah. That's good stuff. What else? What else do we got here, Phil? You want to tell us a fun fight story ever beat anybody up? Nope. Yeah. Why not? Nope. Clean sheet. Any funny challenge stories? Yeah. How about the story when I had to walk that girl home? I don't know about her. Yeah. Well, I don't even know if you were born then, but this sticks out of my mind as one of the funnier stories. We lived about 10 miles from here or 5 miles from here and back then in the mid 80s we had a land line, you know, phone, okay? So I would answer this phone and say, hello, Gilles' and I would hear this, like this pervert on the other end, and I would just go nuts. I'd say, you son of a bitch, if I ever find out who you are, I'm going to kill you. [BLANK_AUDIO] and Sarah were both like six and seven at the time. And Joan, you know, she was, you know, still hot. And so, I'm thinking there's some perverts just watching what's going on here. And I don't know if they're after the girls or after Joan, but, and then like a week later, I'd pick up the phone and say, hello, Gillis is an idea, there's, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, I guess. And I say, and I would swear I'd go nuts. Yeah. So this went on for like six weeks, like once a week. And then one Sunday afternoon, Sarah's girlfriend comes up in a baby stroller and she's some little overweight Greek kid. All right. So, Joan says to me about three hours later, will you walk her home? All right, because she was put in Katie and Sarah getting them in the baths or whatever. So I said, sure. So I start walking with this kid and she's got her baby carriage and we walk and I take about 10 steps and I hear this, ah, ah, I go, it's you, isn't it? The kid had asthma. I didn't know it every time I answered the phone. I scared her so much. She would never say anything. And then I'm swearing at her. That's what I was saying. Hey, yeah, that's, that's a true story that poor kid. That's great. I remember when Mike Connelly hit puberty. That was a tough one. Yeah, my buddy Mike hit puberty like real early. He would call me like, you're sure you're there. Yeah. And they're like, who is this? You fucking pervert. You know, I was a pervert man. We had to stop. He wasn't allowed to play football with us anymore. We did hide our backyard football games from him. 'Cause he was just a pervert. He was a fucking monster. He would kill us. Yeah. My friends had no jump rule against me when we played basketball. You were now allowed to shoot? No, they weren't allowed to jump. Oh. The block because I was so tiny. That's nice. Yeah, it is nice. Yeah. He got humped by a down syndrome guy playing basketball. That's right. Yeah, it was just, yeah. Do you want me to tell him? I mean, fuck it. What else are we doing? We don't have to have you. Obviously, you know, he's just a little overexcited. You know, sort of toss me around. Steve, yeah, let me tell him for you. Would you make a tough shot or something? Yeah, he knew the, he knew the, he knew the pretty girls were gonna be at recess watching. And he said, they were already there. And he said, watch this. I'm a good guy. I'm gonna help this special needs boy. First of all, I won an award, which I said you a photo of. Of course you did. Nice to see you. What's it? The nicest guy award. No. But do you remember? I was like, I think it was something with Congress. And then it was like a state. Yeah. I got a word from Congress. It was like a judge from Westchester. Right. But now he was trying to show off for the ladies and be like, look how good it was. I was trying to show off for the ladies. My cousin. No, you were. Well, it's a byproduct, you know, it wasn't like I sat there and said, how can I get a date in middle school? It was my cousin started doing it in his school. So I was like, that would be a cool thing to do here. Yeah. Yeah. But once he's all ladies watching, you were kind of doing everyone. Of course. The mess. All about all the ladies watching. Yeah. Of course. There's no wrong with it. But it's just a funny thing to have backfire. Yeah. You're trying to be a good guy. And the fucking guy starts to hump. And he's like, I can pull him off. Yeah. Yeah. I remember the stress of just like running the mile in gym class. Oh, brother. You have no idea. Yeah. No fucking idea. No. That's when you hit the fucking up too cool for this. Yeah. Yeah. Go fuck that. I'm walking dude. I'm not. Oh, you're walking loud. It's too cool. It's a great. Yeah. There's no way. I'm going to fucking do that. Right. Right. Run and lose to a fucking like all the girls. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's I'm too cool for this. That's funny. Yeah. I'll hit the, I'm too cool for this button. Basketball tryouts instantly. Shirts, skins. Once I, you got to do that. There's no. Okay. You got to take the skins. You can't. You can't even fight it. Okay. This. You can't even, when they go shirts and skins, you're on skins in your head, you go, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. You got to play that cool. You got to just give, yeah, fucking. I'm going to fuck it up. Fuck. Who cares? No, I'm talking about like, uh, once I knew I sucked at basketball, that's when I was like lay up line, try out. I'm just fucking watching it against the backboard. Fuck it. I don't even care. And I get home ago. Oh, I wish I could play with my friends. It's so bad. Because yeah, I would just, the cry. I wouldn't go through the cool thing. I just go right to the cry. Skins was tough, but was nice was, there was a couple guys that had, we were all gone through puberty. So they all, some of the guys just had giant tits. You remember those like puffy nipples kids got? No. Yeah. You didn't play enough sports. Trust me. Okay. When you go skins like 20% of the kids have giant fat nipples. Everybody goes, yo, why do you have tits? One of my friends came with tits from that and it was just puffy nipples. It's just puffy nipples. He was in perfectly good shape. He was skinny. He just had a rack. Dude. Yeah. I told you I drained them. Oh, yeah. That's the worst man. I pierced him. Oh. Oh. Yeah, I didn't know what. I thought I was growing tits. I was freaking out. I wasn't going to talk to anyone about it. Yeah, you can't tell anyone about that. I was just like, put a needle in that. What happened? I don't know. I guess the maybe a couple of times shorter than I should have been. But I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I think it was like important. It's ton of your girls. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All the power was in your nipples. You were about to be six eight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it wasn't worth the risk. You'd be a problem. Six eight with tits. You were tall. You would have a real problem. Yeah. Yeah. man what that would be so fun. All right, James. So you're gonna wrap it up. Got to wrap it up. Got to get ready for our basketball. Okay, you got anything to say the guys have been waiting for you to be on the pot for. I don't really know who the guys are. Everybody. Everybody. Alright, fight club dude. You're your chef. You're good to be with you the day. Yeah, it's nice. It's pop in before Thanksgiving. Good to see everybody. Yeah. All right, I'm out of here. All right, we'll keep going. Yeah, sure. What are we at time? It's a tough couch to fucking get out of this episode is brought to you by dose. Supporting your liver daily with dose is one of those small things that can make a huge difference in how you feel overall. You're gonna reduce sluggishness, get rid of midday crashes, support your metabolism and aid digestion. Plus it tastes like freshly squeezed orange juice. How about that, Matt? That's nice. Get ready to get ready to give your liver the support it deserves. Head to dose daily dot CO slash MSS P or enter MSS P to get 41% off your first subscription. I like it. That's great. Yeah, it's good for you. It's good for you. Do it. Okay, he said not to derail you guys talking about but when you were yelling at him like your daddy, it's supposed to be ass off. I didn't hear that. That's all the third time. Chris knew exactly what he was doing. And Phil, Phil hit me with that. What I heard when he was like, you need a book. I was like. I didn't think this through. I'm talking about eating pussy with my dad. That's a fucking crazy thing. I didn't know if you wanted him to dive in or not. No, absolutely not. Obviously it would be funny, but I don't need that now. And I feel bad for him. You know, yeah, yeah. I don't think he understands. Just how many people asked me what are you doing down there with your fucking friends? Yeah, weirdos. Yeah, I was like, I think we got a good team this year. You know, you can't win without good kids in coaching. Yeah, it's to go deep into the pussy eating conversation that just pour 60 beers on top of that. Wake up tomorrow. Yeah, yeah, I'd be sad. It'd be nice to take it easy tonight. Yeah, oh, yeah, I'm, I'll take it easy, dude. I'm dead. Yeah, yeah. I got burnt. I walked. You did get burnt. I got too close to the sun. Yeah, I got to stop doing that too. I was. Yeah, you can't go into deep waters. I mean, I've been in the deep. Yeah, you are. I've been in the deep. Yeah, but it's not. He's not built for it. No, no. No. No, the wheels come off. You start going. Yeah, also your, your depth is so much. I'm just drinking brusquies. Oh, but they were bringing out the green teas. Green teas are all right. Yeah, but if you have to. No, I can't, I can't, you know, once a single. I can go. There alcohol. What? I don't even know what's in there enough enough to June. You start hitting that brown. Like the brown is that's that's when he's going for a run. Sure. That's when he's fighting. Yeah, that's true. But I, I don't think I asked for the brown all weekend. Everyone's in a while. Oh, it found it. Yeah, it should be offered me a shot. I got a crystal fucking. Yeah, I was saying no. We said no to a. A twisted t-jug. It's an insane offer. Hey, you want a jug of twisted. Oh, no, thank you. And then they were like that. Come on. I bought it. If you'll do it. It's like, well, I hear we'll film it. Chug this you go. Yeah, that's good. Let's get that out there. My fat neck chugging a fucking. Looking in a camera. And kids come up and do be like, yo, can you shout out fucking Sigmund Kai? Whatever the fucking frat is. I usually say no, but everyone's a while drunk and I'm like, yeah, I'm Sigmund Kai. I'm a loser, dude. I get into town, I become a fucking embarrassment. No, you know what? It's really embarrassing. You're so nice about it. I'm nice to people, but then you hang out too late. Right. Too late so I was saying. There's a bunch of college kids coming in, be like, it's fine. Just beat it out of frat. Write your face, spit it on you. Yeah, but I get it. I remember. Sure. I was a college kid. I'd be so happy. Sure. Yeah. Oh, it was a dream. College? College, yeah. It was a dream. It was a dream. It was a dream. I was a dream. It was a dream. Oh, it was a dream. It was a dream. It was a dream. Oh, it was so fun. Then we might have lost the economy. He went through hell this weekend. I did. He's on a different plane. And now I'm descended. He's a. I had descended. I need to ascend. We do. I need to. I need to. I need a big dry out. You and me are going to be in complete control. Don't worry. It's only the holiday season. We're probably not going to be drinking that much and not depressed at all. Yeah. Well, my family goes light on the booze. So I can. We'll go light at Thanksgiving. Yeah. Well, they won't, but I will. I don't like getting drunk in front of them. No, I guess. My family. Yeah. Yeah. No. For real. Yeah. Yeah. It's a bad look. Yeah, especially the way I actually drink. Oh, yeah. I showed up. It was like, watch this. I'm about 25 fucking beers. Yeah. Actually, that would be funny. They treated like the medical emergency. That it is. It's like. Yeah. Yeah. Like, wait, so what. You're doing this when you're not around? Yeah. This is what you're doing. No, this is just. No, this is for Thanksgiving. So I miss you guys. I miss you so much. I don't remember it. I only remember seeing you. That's good stuff. Yeah. Oh, that's fine. We're in complete control. Now. Are you excited for tires? I couldn't be more excited. Yeah, I'm excited. It's going to be so much fun. I'm excited. It's the best. It's incredible. Just filming together, goofing off. You'll get mad. Oh, it's going to be cold. You're going to be such a bitch the whole time. I think I'm going to be a bitch, too. It's cold. It is cold as fuck in there. We only got a little lick of the winter last year. We're going to be in the depths. My understanding is that there's like heating elements outside now. And that they're going to be a little bit better about having places for me to go personally warm up. Yeah, because you're ruined a room. I accidentally did that once. You said it to 95 degrees. He does have a nice trick to keep me out of his office. And the writing room. Yeah. I go in. I take two steps into the room and I go, oh my god. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, I'm like cold blooded. I run. My temperature runs low. I do great this summer. Yeah. I like walk around the office and seeing what you guys are up to. Yeah. Walk past yours. You're laying on an inflatable mattress. Walk Chris is asleep on a fucking bean bag. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. Dude, everyone's asleep. Dude, the whole staff's asleep. It's getting exhausting. You come in it like two. Yeah, dude. Four hours of hard thinking. You got to lay it down. A lot of guys. You got a lot of naps in there. We need the scripts by Thursday, everyone. Oh, fuck. It's just so exciting. That is the one thing I was saying is to be famous for small famous that I am for this reason. Well, you know what I mean? Sure. Not you. I don't like even talking about it. Yeah. Well, I mean, it is a factor. Yeah. But for this reason, like, it's just so nice because it's it's about a show. Yeah. You and John and it's like for sure people that really care about each other. I couldn't imagine being like fuck would want to be famous. Well, that's it. Wow. That's my point. It's like if you if you were a reality show famous. Yeah. Just try to be famous. Yeah. You don't want to have talent at all. You just want to be famous. Right. Yeah. Right there. Nightmare. Nightmare. Yeah. But it is it is funny. I do like seeing you be the big man on campus. I like watching you walk around and go. Oh, yeah. That's me. That's not what I do. Oh, yeah. I don't do that. Oh, yeah. But I'll tell you what. It is rewiring my brain. You know, like, because bars I used to never. So I'm trying to get better. She's trying to get me out of my comfort zone, which I'm totally grateful for. And like went to the Eagles Halloween thing. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah. Just me dressed as jafar. Yeah. Just going. I can't see. Kind of blind. It's like loud hitting you in the state. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Right out of the gate. Yeah. Well, it's a picture. I thought we were. I thought he wanted us in the picture. So I was saying, let's go. Yeah. Oh, no. But he was saying, get out. He was saying, not you. Yeah. Yeah. No. No. I'm Steve. Fuck. You. The fuck out of him. The fuck out of him. I mean, I'm not talking on you. He is a really awesome guy. Yeah. How fucking nice is he? Yeah. Great. Everyone was. Obviously, everyone's great. But I went to me and him after the Halloween party went to the boners. Yeah. I just sat with him at the bar at boners. He's huge. He's dressed like a witcher. I was out of it. Yeah. And he was just getting into singing. He was talking about his singing. He loved singing. Yeah. He started singing. It was very funny. That's fantastic. See what? I see what. The difference between you and Jordan, my lot of singing. Yeah. If I was just gigantic, you know, then I said, I want to dance. You would be, oh, you're sitting. You'd be like, it's so cool. If you were, first off, I wasn't saying, oh, it's so cool. I thought it was funny. It's funny to hear a guy that's, it's that big. Yeah. He's like, I'm thinking about getting into singing. Yeah. Yeah, man. Fuck you. I wish I were a good voice. He did. He does. That's the difference. Also, if you had a great voice and good moves, I can support it. I'm going to have to work on the moves. The moves are actually pretty good. No. I will say that. You got a good move. And you got long legs. You fucking look good out there. Yeah. Like some type of bug on the dance floor. I don't look good. Fucking bug out there. I know. I wish I was more proportioned. No. I think long legs is good for square dancers. - No, I think long legs is good for square dancers. - Long and all three of us are pretty fond of the proportion. - What are you talking about? - Yeah, you know. - I'm not talking about the fight. I'm the ideal man. - Hey, let me tell you. (laughing) Talk to my ex. (laughing) - Hey, it's not a fight. (laughing) - Oh. - That's what I think I'm gonna do. I think I'm gonna dry it out. I'm gonna get big into yoga. You got to drive it up before we film you get flexible for sure. Yeah, and while we're filming we got to Get the family thankfully. It's going to be early enough days Because of the lighting So you're not gonna we're not gonna be oh. No. Yeah. I just we go. No, that's it. Yeah It's kind of like a little bit of identity crisis to think about how different I would be if I was Jordan Merlot my lot of size Yeah, god. I'd love it if you were the exact same There's just a giant version of you. I would probably say, I don't like parties. I'm going off. Six, eight, jacked. I'm going, it's your part of the Eagles Halloween party. I have to leave, I'm blind. [laughter] Well, it's because you have to use it. But people's don't die late too. It's like, I can't see anything. And I think I asked you at one point. It's like, who's that over there? And you're like, Jay, come on, Barkley. Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay. Dang it. I can't see him. Yeah. - And then just a bunch of giants. - And John Cena was there. - Oh, he was? - Yeah. - Wow. - No. - Yeah, Steve couldn't see him. (laughing) - Folks. - Oh, no! - Nice, folks. - Nice. - I got plenty more. - Very nice. - That's how it comes to me at the link. (laughing) - For more fucking gold like that. - I would, I would gen, if I couldn't see, I would freak out in those environments, too. - Yeah, 'cause like when Shane came in, then Jordan and I, I was like dancing. Yeah, like, I don't know, I was kind of dancing. And then there was some movement back towards me. And then there was literally nowhere to go. I was against the bar. Yeah. So then then, you know, it was nice that we were the only one there. Yeah, other than the team. It was very weird. Yeah, it was awesome. It was really nice with the Dickerson's. Oh, that's so nice. Yeah, they put it together. He couldn't be how great is it yeah man. Yeah, that's it's funny when you get to know the the guys that play football like it changes the way I watch the game like like last night. Christian cafe running the ball 30 times every time he runs the ball like don't be safe. Yeah. Just don't get hurt. I just you become a girlfriend. Oh, no, he's down. Yeah. Get up. Get up. He's up. He's good. He's having a hell of a game and at the end of the game, you're like, I'm so proud of you. He did great, man. Yeah, like I watch Bill's games now. I'm back to that because Gabe. Sure gave Davis is bad. I watch it again. I'm like a fucking girlfriend watching this shit Yeah, just Gabriel Anytime he doesn't get thrown that you're like he was open. He's open Yeah, but injuries and football is sad. It's sad. It's so sad for the guys. Yeah, cuz I've really you know It makes them sad. Yeah, yeah, it's such it's just your entire career can be done in a second. Yeah I don't I genuinely don't know how there aren't eight broken legs every running play me neither it's Obviously I would Just ran if no one tackled me Pull up tear your killies That's what I'm surprised the line guys don't wear the double leg braces. Yeah Also, I feel like the arm the arm brace thing Feels like the one the D guys wear it feels like cheating. Why you just got a metal weapon you can hear Dude when we were playing like indoor lacrosse There'd be these fucking Canadian guys and they would build like their own like armor They would just like they would they would like heat up plastic and build just like a shield and then it's just fucking crushed Canadians are fucking you up. They're nuts. Yeah, they better than you. I well who's better skill level who's better the Americans of the Canadians I think the Canadians. Yeah, really? I mean Damn, it is like a clash of the Pussy's who can play the real sport It's our non football guys versus they're non hockey guys Who are the pussy guys get up? This is our best group of pussy guys now the Canadians because every everyone When I was growing up was like you got to have like be like good and but with both hands and all this stuff and Canadian guys my fuck that Yeah, they just got so good with one hand didn't they no New York has the Native Americans. Yeah, yeah, I'm in doggie. Yeah We laugh about what are you showing or whatever Jim Brown playing. He was like nasty at lacrosse. Yeah Jim Brown. Yeah, he played lacrosse at Syracuse. Okay. Yeah, there must have been 10 people on earth playing lacrosse He must have just truck the fuck out. Yeah. Yeah, so I was actually him I was like, can you just lower your shoulder with the ball? He's like, yeah That must have been fucking terrifying. Yeah, he just I'd be racist sure One of those white guys out there to go get him off the field This is fucking crazy Yeah, that feels like a sport ripe to have somebody come in and just dominate like that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Jim Brown I'd love to see it fully fuck. I would love to see I'd love to see like a LeBron kind of guy out there Yeah, he's so sure my lotta with a lacrosse. No Jordan. He would shoot the ball 200 miles It's right. Jordan my lotta needs to be nowhere near dude. I remember other sport. Yeah, dude I remember he's scary out there. Yeah, he shakes your hand after the game You destroyed the girlfriend girlfriend mode again. Oh my god. Oh my god. Your hands are so fucking gay the whole time And you can sing and he's handsome. He's dressed like a vampire He's dressed like a vampire And I was our fucking squad of mutants in the corner just like a fucking ninja turtle Blinds going home Got a whole team of pugs in the These are my buddies. We're all fucking pieces of shit The hat the jafar hat was like two foot and it still wasn't bliss blizz showing up at the fucking whatever that face Is fucking no horrifying That's a high-level move Yeah, that's a good night. Those are some good costumes. I don't I thought I had a good turtle costume. You did have a good I had no costume. I Oh, yeah, no, it wasn't too cool. I just didn't have a time Should have gotten you want we went to the store right before should have got the Jason mask. Yeah It's classic, but it'd be nice nice to get your power ranger Yeah, I'm that Well, it's baggy better be A lot of problems the way to shoot with me in the teenus might be number two Yeah, this is where we're running into some real fucking chaos Just a belt a power-anger belt sagging underneath my gun. I mean, that's I'd be with you. I go. I'm going home too This fucking blows I think that'd be a such a sick look If I pull yeah, if I wore it with confidence. Yeah, but there's no way there's no way I could I'd be doing the adjust my fucking shirt Pulling the teenus out this time the whole time I'll get that spandex off my dick. It's crazy I was gonna see my tiny penis Dude, I remember when we were in uh we were in like I think late middle school early high school Casey Powell is like the best player in the world at the time came and we were hanging out and he was like shooting There was shooting like 95 miles an hour and Sullivan just picked up a stick Eighth grade. Yeah, he just picked up a stick and shot like one day It was yeah, because he pal was 25 Someone was a horse though. Yeah, he's a monster I can't imagine an NFL lineman like actually playing lacrosse and shooting the ball Fucking funny. If you're allowed to just truck people. It would kill goalies Yeah, yeah, they don't have to start actually wearing pads like way more pads like a thick like a hockey chest protector Those guys must be crazy they're not lacrosse goalies. They're nuts. Yeah, I like those positions in sports that are real weird Yeah, like MLB pitchers. Yes, are just insane people I would imagine hockey goalies are fucking weird dudes. Hockey goalies. Yeah. Yeah, they're supposed to be every single golfer Weird dork Yeah, they don't know any I've only met a couple and they were all very normal and nice. Oh, yeah It's just trying to be a little your sport. I just wanted to take your favorite thing and say it sucked Even though it doesn't know what it has to do the little bit because it's such a headgear that is I would imagine there's a weird people Yeah, like you have to do all these like weird mental stuff to like keep from absolutely melting down. Yeah Yeah, so I have goalies like talking to pipes and stuff thanking pipes to the My favorite was just during COVID going to baseball games where the stadium was empty and you could just listen to the pitchers They're fucking insane. What are they saying? They're for every time they put that glove over their face. Yeah, your mother fucker I'm just back in the game. You're like holy shit. Whoa Yeah, no, they're mental patients Wow, that's really interesting. I mean, I get it Yeah, give it up a homerun. Yeah, you can just hear it as soon as it leaves the bat. You're the petrified It's sort of a fucking bitch. Give me the ball It's just winging the next pitch I can't imagine like having the confidence Did just throw the picture over the plate. Tommy put me on to that. It's very funny when someone gives up a homerun usually the next pitch is 95 fastball yeah, down the middle like fuck you fuck you Gone again, gone Shit That's got to be the worst feeling in the world Giving up a homer. Yeah, it's a tough one Give me a sack sucked Oh my god, that was really shit. Yeah, especially your friends with the quarterback. He's your buddy Just kidding. I'm getting killed. I don't know who the fuck this guy is. I'm gone this game run away What can you do if you're just getting smoked what do you Nothing just the coach hopefully the coach can make an adjustment and help get the running back chip. Yeah But we didn't have that Oh, so it was just you just you're gonna get fucked up today. Yeah How many times that happened just happened once Yeah, having to me once it's my last game of my senior year. Oh, no And the guy across from you just play one you were like he's I mean, yeah, I like never gave up a sack and then that's one game This guy was just killing me Final game. Yeah, never played another game. Yeah. Oh, no, that's all right. Fuck it. I got a memory. I got I don't care. I got a memory like that In college, but I thought you're going to your hockey story. Oh, that's that's a tough one. That's a tough one He's like deeply troubled by it dude conference championship my senior year at college. They like the dialed it up They called the play to me. Oh, like take this guy to the rack had a shorty Dude stripped me and I like never turned the ball over. Yeah, never stripped me Down the other way didn't see the field again. Oh, man It was yeah, it was like a fourth quarter games like it's like seven seven. Yeah run the play Connor. Are you ready? And I went into it. We're like I'm going to smoke this and he just Twig to go. Yeah, all right, motherfucker And dude, I'm off the field dude. It was like And I still say that one of those things is screaming about in the shower because it was a thing where it's like Like I hadn't been playing well in the like the last quarter of the season But the coach is still like I know he literally pulled me aside and was like I know you still got goals. Oh, no Yeah And I was like hell yeah, dude. That's nice though. Yeah, you know, he's great. Yeah and then I didn't have goals left there. - All right. - But it was, that's what it was like so painful. He literally like, game on the line, gave me a shot to make a difference. - That's tough, you never told me this story. - Oh, it was brutal. - Yeah. - Yeah. - It's literally like the last play of mine. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Heartbreak. (laughing) - I tell you, aren't you guys? - Yeah, that's a tough one. - It's all right. - That's how sports ends it. - No, you don't end on top. - No. - Yeah. - You got humiliated. - Sure. - Fuck it. I'm not doing that. - When was your last sport? - That would be probably little league baseball. And it was, yeah, just couldn't. - But you were just short. - Yeah. - When did you grow up? When did those fucking legs take off? - Freshman year of college. - Holy shit, that's been crazy. - It was pretty nuts. (laughing) - How much did you grow? - Six inches, seven inches. And a year. - Over the time. Yeah. - God, that wasn't a little hurt. - It was crazy. It was crazy to have to buy new pants in a year. - Yeah. - Yeah. - That's a dream, though. I always held out hope. - Yeah. - 'Cause I would learn about people growing in college and being like, "Is still, is still, is this what happened?" - I saw an endocrinologist and they, you know, said five, six, five, seven pops. - Really? - Yeah. - I don't think they know shit. - I don't know. - They get that wrong all the time. - You're right. You're just looking at an x-ray. - Yeah. - Yeah, it's a scam. (laughing) - Endocrinologist, I'm coming for you. (laughing) You fucking rubbish. - It's so humiliating because they had like a beat of testicles, did I tell you about that? - It was like a size chart. - A size chart. - Yeah. - But it was like on a rope, like a butt plug rope. - Yep. - And then my mom, like, so they checked me and then my mom came back to the room and she was showing where my testicles were on this. - On the big balls? - Yeah. - What? - Yeah. - Is that how they'd see how tall you're gonna be? - No, I think it was the x-rays, but they were just stuck in that. - Just to show you where you stack up. (laughing) - Don't fuck with what doctors is. (laughing) - Get rid of that fucker. - My recollection. - You know, also you have small tiny balls. (laughing) There's no medical difference. You're gonna be able to have kids, all that. This is just for you. (laughing) - It has no bearing on anything else. Just want you to know you got a little tiny dick. (laughing) - All right. - Thanks for that. - Yeah. - You're like matching up to the age group that tends to leave it. - That's a doctor with small tiny balls. - Yeah. - And he's got his little, he's got a notch on there. - Right. - And he's got it. - Got you. (laughing) - Not so small. - The 99th percentile. - Yeah. - Yeah. All right, well. - How, yeah, what's the biggest, what was the biggest ball in the chart would you say? - Don't recall. - That would've stuck out to me. I would've been like, holy shit. (laughing) Just poor fucking guy. That's crazy. - Yeah, I don't know. I don't think they were like abnormalities. I think it was like what you got up to average male is basically what it ended. - Yeah. - Well. - Never really think about the size of my ball. - I keep trying to end the ball. (laughing) - But yeah, what do you never think about the size? Yeah, we got way bigger fish to fry. (laughing) Right next door. - We got a real problem. - Ball of end below those things. There's stuff going on that we need to take care of. Balls are on the back burner for concern. - Garvin. - You're a sweet boy. I wish you could come to the show tonight, but. - Thanks for having me on this. - Yeah. - Sorry. - Do you wanna make your dad super uncomfortable? - No, 'cause of fuck, it was fine. - Okay. - He thinks it's fine. He just doesn't wanna talk about it. He can post you around me. If I wasn't here, he'd be like, "That's what I do." (laughing) - Yeah, but no, my family's not a. - Got it. - Never talk about sex. - Got it. - Yeah. - I think it's weird when families do. - It died. Couldn't agree more. - Yeah. - I agree with that. - You know, you final phone thoughts here. Anything you wanna give off your chest? - No, no. I think I'm glad I made it through. I was really up against it yesterday. - I thought you were dead, yeah. - Yeah. - You don't respond when you're like that. That's annoying. - I know, but. - I got it. - Sometimes you got it. - Couldn't face rehab. - Shut it down, yeah, shut it down, yeah, shut it down. Yeah. It's communication gone. - For sure. All right, well, that's a good podcast. - Yeah. - Thank you. - Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify. - Do it. (dramatic music)