Ep.441: The Fresh Prince Of Delamere

Episode Break Right, listen, I was on done deal cars the other night looking at getting a new motor and I nearly ended up with a full spreadsheet situation in my head. You. Speaker 2 A spreadsheet that's so you know what serious money we're talking about. Speaker 1 Exactly. But here's the thing, it's not the old done deal I had in my head. Done deal Cars is now packed with cars straight from proper dealerships. Like not Your man down the road with that no text after 9:00 PM situation. Speaker 2 That's a relief because when you're spending big money, you want a bit of Peace of Mind, not a mystery history. Speaker 1 And that's the big change done. Deal Cars is Ireland's leading car website for new and used cars from trusted dealerships. More dealers, more choice, all in one place. Speaker 2 And the trusted dealer badge is key there. Verified sellers, warranties, history checks, proper reviews, you know what you're getting. Speaker 1 Plus if you're thinking electric, they've more EVs from dealerships than anywhere else in Ireland right now. Speaker 2 So basically big purchase 0 stress. Speaker 1 Exactly. Head to donedeal dot IE hit the car section and start there. Done deal Cars last. You know those films where someone finds a golden ticket and their life changes? Oh. Speaker 2 Here, don't be telling me you found one. Speaker 1 Not yet, but three have hidden 5 Golden tickets online and if you find 1, you could be heading to this year's sold out Electric Picnic for the ultimate exclusive Electric Picnic experience. Speaker 2 And we're not just talking about the tickets, John, are we? Speaker 1 Not a chance, John, You animate. Get your weekend tickets, a luxury TP exclusive access to the best views at a stage, food, drinks and even more money. Can't buy festival moments? Basically all the best bets sorted. Speaker 2 That is some sense. So how do you enter? Speaker 1 Here's the catch, you can't just sign up. Three have hidden the golden ticket, so keep an eye out for your chance to enter. Speaker 2 I actually love that. It's like a proper treasure. Speaker 1 Hunt exactly. Yeah, so you keep your eyes peeled for trees Golden ticket giveaway over the next couple of weeks and remember 3 customers, they're always skipping to the best bits of music with things like pre sale tickets, lounge access and fast track queues. This summer, everyone's got a chance to discover what that's all about. Welcome to Podcast 441: Guests and Topics Go hey, we're the two Johnnies. Speaker 1 Reminding you, this podcast is intended for an over eighteens audience. Hello, Hello, Hello. Speaker 2 You're welcome to the Two Johnnies podcast, bring you all the mayhem and news from the world of the Two Johnnies. Speaker 1 I'm Johnny B. Speaker 2 I'm Johnny Smacks welcome to podcast 441 comedy like The 2 Johnnies March to a Luke Combs concert. Yes please. On this weeks podcast he's the funniest man to ever come out of awfully. We are joined by Neil Delamare. Speaker 3 Won the lads was so red haired he got sunburnt in between the passenger door and the boot of the taxi when we arrived at the hotel, like about 6 feet and we arrived at night. He was moon burnt and he had to pretend that he was. Julio Odlyski is a slow child. Speaker 1 And with the World Cup over, some say she's looking for the next bandwagon to jump on. Aifric O'Connell will be here with Africa's World. Speaker 4 I quite liked the England team this year. I liked, you know, I liked the vibe, I liked some of the players and stuff like that, but they can't be allowed to win a World Cup. Speaker 2 And this traditional, as an Irish person saying this is a different kind of heat to spin. We round off the podcast with our yours and ours. Speaker 1 We kindly brought to you by Murphy's Irish Stout. Rogue Wheelie Bins and Community Facebook Drama Now, before commencing with proceedings, matters arising from last week's podcast. Speaker 1 Yes, Mr. Chairman, so we're talking the lads who are back from Spain. Absolutely sickened. Oh yeah, Ireland had the best weather we've ever had in history. Wherever you spend, fuck yeah. Don't waste the time that. Speaker 2 For hall territory with 42° out in Spain. Speaker 4 I know. Speaker 1 That's to make me say it, John. It's. Speaker 2 Too hot. It's. Speaker 1 Probably too hot. Speaker 4 Half the half the joy of going on holidays is knowing that it's shit, yeah. Speaker 2 Yeah, I want you want to miss. You want to ring home? Go. Well, it's like pissing. Fuck yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck yeah. Speaker 4 Half the joy is gone. Speaker 2 Local Facebook groups, John. Speaker 1 Facebook groups lads talking about it last week, Dara says. Picture this a. Speaker 3 Picture. Speaker 2 Service Facebook. Speaker 1 They do. I supposed to do a cold, wet and windy morning a few years ago. I had left for work early. I work in Dublin and I was driving through the village I spotted a rogue wheelie bin smack dab in the middle of the road. Being the diligent community hero that I am, I stopped to rescue the bin and return it to its rightful place at the end of the owners driveway. As I was doing my good deed, I noticed the owner getting into their car, so I gave a friendly wave and dashed back to my car. It was a miserable day. I thought nothing more of it until later that evening my wife informed me of a flurry of posts on our local Facebook group. Apparently there was unusual activity involving A mysterious man standing at the end of someone's driveway, who then ran off and speed away. Facebook screenshots attached for your amusement. I was gobsmacked. After a good laugh, I informed my wife that the suspicious character was none other than yours truly. This revelation, of course, provided endless entertainment for my friends and neighbors. The story became such a hit with my mates they even commissioned a Catch Me If You Can DVD cover replica in honour of my heroic bin rescue and you can see it there on screen. Speaker 4 Umm oh, that's great. Speaker 2 That's sad. Speaker 1 Darrell Flannery is. Speaker 2 This fall, Darrell Flannery, Cam. Speaker 1 He's fed away towards Baron. Derrick would watch again. New York Rats, Bernie's Curtains, and Locked Knickers Five stars. Hey, aren't we leaving class? Speaker 2 Yeah, I love we leaving. Yeah. Speaker 1 For the time, the first time we went to American, they know Williams. There was shit everywhere. Speaker 4 Aifric I remember you coming home from. Speaker 1 The N Williams. Speaker 4 And tell him. Speaker 1 No. The Big Apple? Yeah. Technologically advanced. The biggest Apple store in the world. No. Willie Ben. Yeah. Waste of time. Speaker 2 The mating was like, do you remember that? A rodent infestation in New York a couple of years ago. Yeah. And the mayor come, I was like, we're going to tidy it up. Guess what they got Willy Ben. Speaker 4 Yeah. Speaker 2 It's you know what I mean? Come on, let's. Speaker 1 Simple game you play right? Speaker 4 Great idea. Speaker 1 On community Facebook groups last week, I was trying to buy a set of. Speaker 2 Curtains John, you are do you have, do you have an update? Uh. Speaker 1 Yes, Bernie, the backs, when I asked how heavy are they, she commented back. You are taking the piss now, Bernie. I was taking the piss. I'm not going to buy your curtains at all. At all. Speaker 5 Do you think she was tipped off now or she just used to dealing with you that she just knew she's? Speaker 1 Not used to dealing with. Speaker 2 Me, I can't. I can't wait till you meet her. Speaker 1 It's my first time trying to buy an off Bernie. Where did my last? Although I could do a blackout blind sign but then I'm thinking of doing up the house. I don't. Speaker 4 Know Bernie's not going to sell to you, No. Speaker 5 Man, you have to. You have to get someone else now to buy them off Bernie. You'll need a third party to buy. Speaker 1 The Max come on, what you come? Speaker 2 Under the post She knows me man. Speaker 1 Yeah, no, she knows you. Speaker 4 Your name will be on it. Speaker 1 If you can't, yeah, it's your Facebook. But if you come have been like no Bernie, the mind him, I'll take him off you. Speaker 2 See what she says. She's know me. I'm a respectful man. I used to be. You can buy curtains. I used to serve for meat. Speaker 1 I'm respectful, I would never buy a curtains. What are you talking about? Speaker 2 Yeah, but like she'll think if I comment under it and you've and she's like, oh, now the two Johnnies are in on they're gailing. You want to send some less? She doesn't know like Neil Cash slide into Bernie's DMS, No. Speaker 1 No, no, keep it all, hey? Speaker 2 I'm here for. I'm here for the curtains. Speaker 1 Blackout blinds. Another person was talking about John. This is the the rat Moylan. Speaker 2 Yes, discussion page and county Mead, isn't it? We got an anonymous one to this and they have got a picture in their rat myelin residence group. Speaker 1 That's a used condom and a pair of. Speaker 2 False teeth. False teeth. Speaker 1 Dentures. Speaker 2 Oh, quite the combo. Speaker 1 Well, they did it all, lads. Teeth in, teeth out, Yeah. Speaker 4 Wow. Speaker 2 Sucky sucky do. Speaker 1 You reckon anyone will claim the dentures? Speaker 4 No. Speaker 2 I mean, you'd probably have to claim the gun later into the condom too. Speaker 4 You'd have, you'd have to just chalk that up to experience, yeah. Speaker 1 Well, I went looking at how much dentures would cost you Dental care Ireland I said a good set of even just a bottom set like that could be 600 and. Speaker 4 €50 six. Speaker 1 €150, John. Speaker 2 Expensive blowjob. Wow. Expensive blowing my friend. Speaker 1 My you go, next time just leave them in the. Speaker 4 Best one of your life. Speaker 2 Yeah, we want to be for that price. Speaker 1 Louise says you don't have to join the a tiny notice board some shit as we posted that. It's wild someone lost a pig one day outside insomnia. Here's the picture of it lads. People also lock their knickers. They lock their knickers onto the new distribution road bridge. I can't find a picture of it right now. There just be always one person that comments on every single post to the point that I think she must just refresh it every minute. Oh man, there's a pig. Imagine ringing some Tommy. Is that your pig? Speaker 2 How would you not you know if the Lord lads and pigs pigs are quite you know how many pigs? I don't want to be racist to pigs, but they do all kind of look the. Speaker 4 Same. Yeah, yeah. Speaker 2 You know you mean you can't say that like. Speaker 1 Pigs nowadays, but they do all look alike, right? Speaker 2 Of the pigs, we live the fucking pigs right on to us. No. Hey, but e-mail as far as the two Johnny Study Hong Kong. Speaker 1 Hashtag not all pigs. Speaker 2 Did the e-mail just says? Speaker 4 Hong Kong. Speaker 2 Yeah, I didn't. I've got a black nose. I'm going, hey, that's. Speaker 1 What they lock their knickers onto the road bridge like with a padlock must be. Speaker 5 I've never heard that. Speaker 1 Would you cut the locker? Cut the knickers. Speaker 4 Easier cut the knickers. Speaker 5 Easier cut the knickers. Speaker 2 You live in the locker. But Dennis, there's some laugh from the council. Just loads knickers going to run the van with nickel catcher. Speaker 1 She could be done a. Speaker 2 Nickel Man, The Knicker Man, she's restricted of a knickers that you can't bring them back to shop so you definitely can't donate them like after they've been caught off the pad. Speaker 1 But you can donate all old clothes for just material, can't you? Speaker 2 Not if not, not if there's been a vagina in John, I think. Speaker 4 I don't think they like. Speaker 2 No, you can't under garments my friend. Speaker 1 Where do you put yours? Speaker 4 You can't. You can't donate knickers to to the. Speaker 1 One that's just material. They'll take all sorts. One thing. Speaker 2 All knickers are material man. Speaker 1 You have another there's a collection from material. No one's ever going to wear these clothes again. They shred them. Speaker 2 Oh no, it's even. Speaker 5 Yes, you can donate use underwear for material recycling, but only if it has been completely clean, washed and dried. Charter shops will generally not accept bang. Speaker 1 Over the belt you can donate knickers. Speaker 4 Jesus, Johnny, I have no. Speaker 1 Idea over the belt? Speaker 2 How do you know so much about this? Speaker 1 You can, don't care, GA ran the little the knickers and knicker collection. Speaker 5 Johnny B, Are you the Knicker Man? Speaker 4 Say they. Speaker 2 Did 100% is all. Berlingo. Yeah, yeah, just full of knickers. Speaker 1 No, they're just uh, you can collect all material like old bed of towels and all that are only fit for the bin, right? You can donate all them to the. Speaker 4 Towels is different. Speaker 5 Towels. Speaker 1 You a person could dry their vagina with a towel. Is there somebody at the tower collection going that better not been dry? Speaker 2 Sniffing it, Fuck off. Smell a fucking smell a fucking cheese off that. Speaker 1 Have to drag it down Cheese. Have to drag it. Speaker 2 Down cheese if it was a box of shorts after smell a Fanny off, Laura was in touch, she says. Lads there's a Dundalk Dolls which is for women only Facebook group. Dundalk Dolls, Google vs. Facebook, and Trim Turf Wars You get away from you and your cheese. Speaker 2 And there's stuff that goes on and it would make it would have you in stitches. Sometimes there'll be AI think my boyfriend is cheating on me. These are the text. What do you think dolls etcetera, etcetera. And the comment section is the funniest thing ever. Like live EastEnders on a Facebook comment section. If you're anywhere dodgy looking at all and hanging about the Marshall shopping center, you can guarantee you'll be on Dundalk dolls that evening. Johnny Bean is long here era probably would have got a shout out. My pet head is people using Facebook community groups as Google instead of just looking something up. The post in the Facebook Facebook group looking for answers. Just use fucking Google. I know, says Laura. Laura, I fully agree. What's the number of the Chinese? Speaker 4 Don't get any good answers on the Clontar Facebook page. It's all it's all too strict. Speaker 1 Sensible, yeah, but do people use it as Google? What time does Superfall close? Speaker 2 How long can you keep a Wednesday day out of the fridge? How long? It's too long for Castle Blue. Speaker 4 Winter. I would like to winterize my yacht. No, they, I, I've. Speaker 2 Anybody got a knife for carving my Parma? Speaker 4 Ham, I was best. Speaker 1 Year for the Faustino 5. It's a christening I. Speaker 4 Was so I was so hoping that they'd be able to give me something, anything, but now it's just too heavily moderated. Speaker 2 Cole has a cracker lads. Speaker 1 Any chemist open today? That's all I see in the Italian OR. Speaker 2 People go math for pharmacies yeah, I don't know what has Google hidden pharmacy times or something or you see that and people from care from Facebook any and it's the same thing every day. One person's job is just Boots and Clammel. Boots and Clammel that's. Speaker 1 One in care on Sunday, now does it? Yeah, which one? The one up the town, up the square. Speaker 2 All right, What are you mean? Yeah, handy. Speaker 4 Out. So if it's a Sunday and you need like a paracetamol or something, Yep. Speaker 2 You know, pick me up that's. Speaker 1 Fine, Dale says out and about in Carrick and. Speaker 2 Oh, come on. Speaker 1 Great group, used to be a good group for gossip. Can't see at anymore. I got kicked out of it for tagging boys under posts. Some people were looking for handyman jobs. Almost make a new account now to catch up. I do enjoy tagging people. Do you know what it's like? Has anyone got a room trend and you just tag like at Neocash? Just let the DM start. That's a bit of a laugh now because you can't do it with don't deal anymore. No. Should we used to all do that like? Speaker 2 By pop starless for like a tenner, yeah. Speaker 1 Boxy Beamer 99 for sale contacts at Johnny McMahon like and put his number do that laws times so if you don't the pub then when the boys we get like 20 text messages. Speaker 2 Take us to Liverpool match on Wednesday. Face value bang. Lower phone calls. Yeah. Speaker 1 Then you have to start validating your number and all that. Speaker 2 Connor says total more together through everything too, which would lead you to believe that there was a total more together through everything one. Speaker 1 There was John Reed on. Speaker 2 The first one got paused for an unknown reason as some fella set set this one up as a comp as competition is. Speaker 1 It a separate fella. Speaker 2 Maybe. Speaker 1 The first code must be second. You're raging total more together through everything except metas broken small print. Speaker 2 That's fucking great. Speaker 1 Amy says the Real Trim discussion board. Speaker 2 They they missed the trick there. It should be the real trim Shady. Speaker 1 There is 2 trim pages and one of the admins named it that instead to have a better group for a laugh and someone else actually set up a fake trim discussion board. It's gone now though. The real trim discussion board and the fake trim discussion. Speaker 2 Board, Marty says in Finglas is mostly Does anyone know why the guarded chopper is around today? Speaker 1 Training, Marty, Laura says. In my local group someone asked and even got €5 off a 25 euro DUNS voucher. Speaker 4 Oh, apparently this is huge. Speaker 2 This is big, yeah. So. Speaker 1 The time out is. Speaker 4 It this is huge. So the the Duns vouchers are like €10 off 50 or something like that is it? And people swap their their vouchers all the time on online. Speaker 2 The other big one, you'll see this in December in your local Facebook groups is the Turkey points in super value. So if you shop enough on your real awards, you basically get a half price Turkey at Christmas and some people may have enough for two or three turkeys or some people. Speaker 4 You're still a company man. That's good to see. Speaker 2 Or some or some or some people make it to Turkey elsewhere. So you don't want to see that voucher go to waste. People like anyone got a spare points voucher? Speaker 1 Yeah. Does the DUNS voucher run out? Is that the idea? There's a timing. Speaker 4 I'm not 100%. Speaker 2 Sure, I think there is. Yeah, I. Speaker 1 Think it's always you would just hold on to it. Speaker 4 Yeah, I'm not a Duns shopper myself, but I believe excellent. Speaker 2 Where do you shop Africa? Sorry, very personal question on the. Speaker 1 Personal question, John. Speaker 4 Well, do you remember he said to you a couple of weeks ago? I've stopped doing like a big shop. Speaker 2 Yeah, just do bits and bobs. Speaker 4 You know, like which is probably not a good idea, but I have a really good Santra like literally 2 minutes walk from my house. And then if I was to do, if I was feeling bouge, I would go to. I like super value, but I also like Nolan's in Clantariff for a for a payday to. Speaker 2 Get your own a moose bouche there. I do sometimes a bit of cheese I. Speaker 4 Do sometimes, yeah. Got a lovely parmesan there the other day. Speaker 2 Start the mixer Africa. Speaker 1 Or it says, just picked up this little boy on the bridge. Please let me know if he's yours in Mccrum. Someone's child. Speaker 2 You laughing on what? I'm laughing. Yeah, Orla. Speaker 1 Orla or la TH Orla. Well, what do you mean you picked him up? Speaker 5 She didn't. Someone posted in the group that. Speaker 1 Is a hostage situation. Speaker 5 They had found a child on the bridge and they took the child. Speaker 1 Who owns this? Who owns this child? I want 5 tons vouchers or he gets. Speaker 2 It. Oh man, that's great. Speaker 4 Did you think they were emailing the podcast because they had a child? Speaker 1 Didn't post it in the group who owns this child? Speaker 2 Jamie's come on, Jamie, isn't she says in a small village. There was no lady asking was there anyone selling dildos locally for cash? Speaker 1 She may not have Internet banking. Speaker 2 But does dildos come up in case like of like autocorrect ran? What would that? Because the other day, the other day, as I thought the other day, I told the boys to bring their girls training. Speaker 5 Yeah. Speaker 2 Yeah, but I know this girls and one of the last text me. No, no, no bottle and I'll bring, I'll bring her on. I was like Foxy, honorable. I had to go in and edit. Then thank God for editing and what's. Speaker 5 That I don't know what dildos could be corrected problem. Speaker 4 Neither do I. Speaker 2 For the same reason as I wouldn't, you know, reuse and knickers it like I Yeah, it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be double dipping dildos, no. Speaker 1 I agree. Anyway, I want to talk about the trim discussion board. OK, so the first one was the real trim discussion board. What's the first of all? There's the real TRIM Discussion General Board, bigger and better. And then there's another group called TRIM. General Discussion board in brackets, original, often copied, never equals. Speaker 2 There's a turf, there's a. Speaker 1 Turf war for them. So the often copied never equaled has 12,000 members, but the bigger and better trim discussion board has 16,000 members. Speaker 2 How many people are living in Trim? Speaker 1 Quite a lot by the local. Speaker 2 Fuck me. Speaker 1 There you go. Speaker 4 People from neighboring towns want to keep an eye on the what? Speaker 1 The trim they're up to? Speaker 4 On the gang warfare, Yeah, all. Speaker 1 Right, well we'll talk. Community Games, Prize Poetry, and Paramedic's Page 3 Surprise Let's talk about shit awards, lads talking, what's the worst award you can get? And Gerald says when I was about 7:00 or 8:00, I signed up to the Community Games swimming. I entered the 100m backstroke and no one else entered. So I had to get into the pool and swim the race completely on my own. I'm absolutely brutal. I had to stop 4 maybe five times and hold on to the lane roll. But when I got out, they had to give me the gold medal because I was the only person who'd entered. So technically I was a community Games champion. Then I qualified for the county championships and my mom brought me. I was once again having an absolute nightmare in the pool when someone leaned over to my mom and said, I think it's really gay. Great that you're bringing him here. They thought I had an intellectual disability. Oh no. And we're praising her for bringing me along. Speaker 2 He must have a fair batswim. Speaker 4 Fair Batswell. Speaker 1 Fucking hard 8 years old man. That's true. The funny part is I didn't even come last. Some other felt I got disqualified for cheating so I finished second last in the county championship. I'll take the moral victory. Sure it's not too bad. I also won second best mullet in the country at the Tree Arena in December, so I'll take. Speaker 4 That very good I. Speaker 1 Was robbed, says Gerald. How you buy? Speaker 4 I remember girls, actually. Speaker 2 To be fair, we used to do that in the community games. We'd find a team sport that there was no one else in entered in in the county and then apply for it. Speaker 4 Very like Jamaican. Speaker 2 Pretty much. That's why. That's why we got to like the monster championships in volleyball and rounders. Brilliant. Remember one time we had to go to like Nina in case another team turned up and we'd have to play them. We didn't. We just just got supermax game home, came home county champions. Didn't even have to control ball. What a day Ray was in touch, he says. Lads, I haven't clue what I was going through or what village I visited. I visited back in 1989 at the tender age of 13 or whatever it was inspired the attached poem which won me an award at the Patrick McGill Summer School. Speaker 4 In Plenty. Speaker 2 County Donegal That year it also won me an honorable mention at the Pushkin Prize. Speaker 4 Jesus Christ. Speaker 2 Presented by Alexandra Sasha Hamilton Africa This is way above me. Who the fuck is that? Speaker 4 I well, I don't. I'm unfortunate. I don't. Speaker 2 Know I'm sorry, I thought it was a big name it's. Speaker 4 A big award. Speaker 2 OK, OK, good stuff. Speaker 1 Pushkin is a famous Russian fucking. Speaker 2 Writer. Yeah, Great, great granddaughter of the Russian poet Alexander Pushkin and the Duchess of Abricorn. Speaker 4 Lovely smacks. Speaker 2 What the fuck? That's. Speaker 4 Very good. Speaker 2 I got to visit her home at the Barons Court Estate near Alma. Counts your own for the awards presentation ceremony. When you read it, you realize the standard of poetry must not have been very high in these contests back in the 80s lol. Would you like me to bring you this poem? Oh. Speaker 1 Can we get Africa to read the poem? Come on, John. Speaker 4 I was. Yes, I know. Do you? Speaker 1 Look forward to doing it. Speaker 4 No, he was looking forward to let him do, Let him do. Speaker 2 I've got this guy's full name, OK Poverty by Ray. As I walked through the village it's shocking to see all of these poor people looking at me. The broken down houses and the terrible smell. The places they live in are something like hell. I wish how I wish that someone with wealth would give them some money to help them get help for they're lying here dying in every kind of state and to tell you the truth, it fills me full of hate to see people showing off their wealth when people like these are dying and in bad. Speaker 4 Health that is fucking unrealistic. Speaker 2 Great, I got me right in the fields man. Quite my particular 1 was like get help, get help, get help. You got to get helped. Speaker 1 Alexandra Sashan Hamilton will be Oh man, hold over. Speaker 2 Pushkin must have jumped over the ground. It is incredible. Speaker 4 Come back, I'm back. Call. Speaker 2 Me. That's great. It's fucking great. Speaker 1 If you've got a shit award that you won, send them in to us on paramedics. We had a paramedic on the podcast and James says how's it going? I'm a paramedic and would love to share a story I think you'll appreciate and have a laugh at. My crewmate and I were driving back to the station for a break 1 evening in the porn rain when we happened to witness an elderly man in his 80s hit the deck. He was carrying a big bag of spuds in one hand and a heavy shopping bag in the other, so he took a fair tumble. After getting him up off the floor and into the ambulance. We cleaned a small wound and dusted off his pride. He mentioned he only lived around the corner so we offered to keep him in out of the rain and drop him home. We get to his address and we both jump out and help him with his shopping and up the driveway to his house. During this he insisted the whole time that the both of us didn't need to come, more specifically insisting that I didn't. As a strong independent woman, I said not at all. We're happy to help and in my raging femininity I grabbed the bag of spuds to make a point I could manage. As we get to his front door, he turns to me and says, you can leave those here, I'll bring them in. Innocently, we insist that we can take them to the kitchen. Sure, we've made it this far already. So he steps into his hall, turns around and says to his boat. I'm going to be honest, I rarely have visitors, so I can only say that I am mortified and that I'm not that kind of person. So we're thinking, it's a typical remark about the mess of his house. And we say, would you ever give over? Sure, we've been in worse places. We step into his lounge and lo and behold, one wall of his lounge is covered from top to bottom in newspaper clippings of Page 3 model. Fucking man. I was speechless once I set my eyes upon it and he immediately became apologetic. I told him oh there was no need and that people can do what they like in in their own private spaces. I now understand understand why he was keeping me from coming in. After laughing it off and complimenting his dedication to soften the tension, he ended up offering us a cup of tea to thank us every now and then when I took another look at the wall. Full to the brim with pairs of eyes. Both kinds serving the models and the odd mixture of other photos of topless women. I would occasionally catch him looking at me and then look down into his cup of tea, red as a beetroot. I eventually put him out of his misery, necked my cup of tea before excusing myself to leave as I had to make a phone call. My crew mate shortly came out afterwards and said the the elderly man remarked to him. Masterpiece isn't it. On the way to Sean into the door. Dirty old bastard. Speaker 2 It's what? It's funny like that. He was like, oh, no, you can stay here. He definitely wants to go into Managua. Do you like tits? Do you like tits? You're all gone a lot. Where do you come in here? You're gonna. I just. Speaker 1 Couldn't buy that many copies of The Sun. Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, 100% OK, man. Speaker 1 It's funny, when I was in The Apprentice they were still doing that page treating. Yeah, so funny. Like loads and loads like would have the sun. Speaker 4 Yeah, it was so mad. Speaker 1 Fellas would just open paper and be like Alexandra I-19 from Birmingham. My God. Speaker 2 Look at that. I recently got John. I recently watched the Jordan documentary, The Katie Price Documentary, and like she when she was on page three, they were averaging around 6 or 7 million copies of The Sun Daily. Speaker 4 Isn't that fucking mad? Speaker 5 Like the power of one woman. Speaker 2 Fought me, the Internet really fucked them. Speaker 4 Over. Oh yeah. Speaker 1 Scumbags. I think for a while they went from exposed breasts to. Speaker 2 The only people lost their mind. They were keenies. Fuck that, go back to the tits. Speaker 1 Yeah, they did. Speaker 2 They did a poll and it was 8020. Back to tits. Speaker 1 But they didn't. Speaker 2 I don't know. I think they did. Speaker 1 I don't remember a return to breasts. I was a young man by God. Speaker 2 By God. Speaker 1 Says Jenna. Speaker 4 Was it so weird that it was just in a newspaper? Speaker 1 Tits. Speaker 4 Just tits. Speaker 1 But like. Speaker 2 Breast, breast, breast. Give it a full title. Speaker 1 Yeah, they're tits in the sun. Speaker 2 Oh yeah, yeah. Speaker 1 Breasts if they're in the times Tatas put No, they just I don't know. I don't buy the red tops much anymore, but there's no there's always they're always finding excuses to put good looking women. Oh. Speaker 4 Yeah, of. Speaker 1 Course, in the newspapers anywhere. Yeah, or on the cover or something. There'll be someone steps out on the red carpet. Speaker 2 The son of foot. Worst accounts. There you go. Umm, wedding stuff lads. And wedding scandals. First dances. We're all talking weddings. Speaker 1 This is an as there's a mental amazing story, wild story. So a fella A fella had been cheating on a woman and she found out about a month before the wedding, but on the night of the wedding at her speech gave a slideshow with proof that he'd been doing it and blew up the whole wedding. Speaker 4 Yeah. Speaker 1 John enter and. Speaker 2 And says lads, I just wanted to further the story and garters at. Speaker 1 Sorry, this is a completely different story. Speaker 4 Yeah. Speaker 2 Jumped the gun I was going to carry on there with. Speaker 1 Wait, he gets the other thing. It's meant. But first of all, John and. Speaker 2 And says I just wanted to. Speaker 1 John. John. Speaker 2 Lad, you got them all warmed up and then I went straight back to foreplay. You wanted like you had them there lad, You fucking. You were ready. You they were ready lad, and says. Speaker 1 John. Speaker 2 Warm up, I'll warm up and and says in her own words. I just wanted to further the story on garters at weddings. So the Garter was traditionally put up high on bride's legs and someone normally took it off. This happened at a wedding we were at three years ago. Speaker 5 The the groom would normally take it off. Speaker 4 Someone will take it off. Speaker 2 Well, didn't we hear a story of a priest taking it off? This story of a priest? This happened at a wedding we were at three years ago, a lovely young country couple. So Needless to say, it's the last thing we expected. Sure enough, after maybe 20 minutes of music, the bride threw her bouquet to a group of Single Ladies that were called forward. She didn't sat on a chair and the groom removed the Garter with his teeth. Granny watching from the side of the dance floor. I was naval. The band then called forward any single men. A few reluctantly went up and the groom threw the Garter to them. Most tried not to catch it. One fella took one for the team and picked it up. Then the final act was that the man who caught the Garter had to put it on the girl who caught the bouquet. It was awkward enough up to this point, but I almost couldn't watch anymore with the awkwardness. The poor young girl was laughing it off and went along with it as she was a good friend of the bride, but it can't have been comfortable. My mom said this was a regular occurrence at weddings in the 80s and it was an attempt at matchmaking. I think this couple were trying to keep it to the traditional life, but it should definitely be let die. This is a fact. This is just brought all back to me. Yet this was the goal the the groom would throw the Garter like. Speaker 1 Yeah. Speaker 2 And then the boys are like, yeah. Speaker 1 Catch it and put it on the woman who caught the flowers. Yeah, she's different times, lads. Speaker 4 Never knew that. Speaker 1 Different times. Speaker 2 Different times. I think it's a bit crack. I mean, if everyone's happy to be involved. Speaker 4 Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Speaker 1 It's a yeah, it's a bit of crack if you're 1, who's getting the the Garter? Speaker 2 Is happy to get the Garter. Speaker 1 Yeah, if he doesn't want to get the Garter, you can't get the Garter. You can't be forcing the Garter on somebody. Speaker 2 No, he's like, say boys is boys to. Speaker 1 Kill for a Garter me Garter the Garter lad. And thank you. The Bride Who Exposed Her Cheating Husband Now, John, back to the main event. Let's get that. Speaker 1 Story But the bride who exposed her cheating husband through the medium of a slideshow, would you believe, on the evening of their wedding dinner? Well, the bride Donna was in touch herself last week to back up the story. This happened in Ireland and that people have been having their say on the Spotify comments, on the Instagram comments on on emails, the whole lot anyway. Speaker 2 We've got a list of questions for Donna. We hope to hope to bring you all the answers on Donna. Speaker 1 Yes, well, one person says. I don't think I'd be able to go through it. I'd have planned a dinner the night before and revealed it all then. Speaker 4 Yeah, see, this is my, this is my issue with this. Why you Why? If you could get any money back from that wedding, why wouldn't you? Speaker 2 My, my thoughts are a few weeks out, you could definitely do a deal with the hotel. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? If you're like this, we're pulling this. Yeah. Like or something like that. And if you wanted to public publicly humiliate. Speaker 4 By all means. Speaker 2 By all means do, but like, don't let other people be stung for the money. Speaker 4 No, I know. Yeah. Speaker 2 Exactly as I said, if I had a card in that post box, get crowbar, yeah. Speaker 1 Hey, boys. Speaker 4 I'm stuck in. Speaker 2 Sorry lads, sorry. I Donna, Donna, I'm so sorry to hear about you wouldn't get a member of staff from the hotel there, would you? John? Johnny, why you leaning in? I. Speaker 1 Need a locksmith? Speaker 2 I slipped and my hand went in the let go of the. Speaker 1 At a wedding. Speaker 2 Sorry, is there a character here, Donna by any chance? Speaker 1 Often at a wedding, who could be looking after the envelopes? Speaker 2 Best man. Speaker 1 There's no guarantee that Donna got because most people in the comments were like, this is one of the she should keep the money. Speaker 2 This is one of the many questions we have for Don. Speaker 1 It's a lot of money. Like if you if you had 200 guests last year, you could be 2025 fucking grand there. Like it's not money. Speaker 4 I know that money. Speaker 2 Another listener said how did he keep the cheating himself? How did he go through the day-to-day while cheating? How did he stand up on the day and say I do? And As for the guests and expenses, I'd pay to have a front row seat to that live shows as a listener. Speaker 1 I know, yeah, Because I was saying like, how did she go through it? But as they're saying, how did he go through it? Speaker 4 Sure. Exactly. Yeah. Speaker 1 Fair. Yeah. Jean was in touch saying, yeah, so you want. Donna confronted him like about six months out from the wedding and he denied it. Right. And then so Jean is just reconfirming all this. Then a month before the wedding, the bridesmaids said proof. The absolute gall of him to deny cheating when confronted with it and then was prepared to live a married life to this woman. She wouldn't have had to act like this if he hadn't put her in that position. I know. Yeah. I just how do you if you know that your partner's cheating and you're going to break up with them, How do you go home and play husband and wife? I know how do you look someone guy and say I love you? How do you sleep side in bed? Were they having the sex? How do you go through all that? No one that you're not going to go through the wedding. Speaker 2 Yeah, so many fucking questions. Speaker 4 But it's very powerful emotion, though. Speaker 2 Yes, that's true. Multiple people said she should be keeping the carbs from there, Catherine said. Awful waste of everyone's time, says Catherine. Yeah, should have been. Should have confronted him before the wedding. The poor parents. Whatever. Vote that bollocks. Speaker 4 Feel sorry for her, hmm? Speaker 2 Feel sorry for her parents. His parents, yeah. Speaker 4 Kind of feel sorry for all parents involved here. Speaker 2 Yeah, it's not ideal. It's. Speaker 4 Not ideal, no. Speaker 2 Robbie says the poor guest that used holidays or time or time their lives are on that wedding and then the expensive hotels, hair, outfits, makeups, cards and they both sound like pricks as Robbie it was. Robbie is not holding back. Speaker 4 Robbie was invited. Speaker 2 Robbie's lost a few Bob on that, I'd say. Yeah. Speaker 1 Because it it's the worst time to happen to sure, after paying for the babysitter and all that and then 8:00 you're only getting going stop. It's just happened to 12:00 at night even. Like actually, we had a good day out of it. Speaker 2 One of the many questions that we have for Donna. I want to know like what the vibe was like afterwards. Speaker 1 Did they have a day too? Speaker 3 Yeah. Speaker 5 Fuck yeah, as as a guest you wouldn't know how to act, obviously. Speaker 2 I'd say I'd say as a guest you'd be sitting down. Someone has to go and close your mouth. Speaker 1 Yeah. And would you leave? Speaker 5 But that's it. What do you do? Speaker 2 Depends how pissed at us. Speaker 1 Would you get the rest of your gang, the rest of your table and be like, we get on to town? Sure, we're out now. Speaker 2 If. Speaker 1 We're out now. Speaker 2 Hey, you know, you know, you got to think about you got to think about the person who's done the pontoon at the table, who's counting how many times you say thank you in the speech and he's gone. Don't know what we'll do with the fibers. Let's. Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Do what you always do. You buy your own, the baby. Speaker 4 Yeah. Speaker 2 Yeah lads, we'll bring you more on Donna's story next week. Who's going to win the two Johnnies podcast mug this week though? Podcast Mug Winner and Sending in Your Stories Kindly sponsored by KC Sports. Is that all the lovely 2 Johnnies merch KC Sports study? We also have a 25 year apple green voucher with horse that in with the mug as well as you can use in any of the apple greens. It's hard to overlook Rays fabulous piece of poetry. Speaker 1 It has to be Ray, I think. OK. Speaker 4 Get. Speaker 2 John. John. Speaker 1 Get help, get helped, yeah. Speaker 2 It's so emotional. I want to get a T-shirt with get health on it for rare. Drop us an e-mail podcast the 2 Johnny's thought of you all your contact details. We get the Morgan the voucher sent out you ASAP. And remember lads, when you're sending those correspondence, you can include photos and videos just like rated of his lovely poem. And if you're watching us in video lads on Spotify only watch us when it's safe to do so. The Weekly roundup John by What's Going on to Johnny's Land? Forced Jiving, Foot Injuries, and Plastic Pint Glasses I was dancing. Oh, you should. Speaker 4 Have seen me like nobody's watching. Speaker 1 Oh no, I'm only joking on Michael Jackson moonwalk. Don't. There was a fundraiser for the RNL. Speaker 4 I all very good someone. Speaker 1 Park and we sell themselves for don't added tremendous music John Pat Daly Patty green slate art supple. Speaker 2 Patty Green, Slate. Speaker 1 Patty Green Slate. That's his actual name. Speaker 4 Wow. Speaker 2 Oh, really? Speaker 1 Green slate, Yeah, Known locally as Slater. Speaker 2 Oh, does he wear a leather jacket? Speaker 1 So fucking cool. That's. Speaker 4 Cool. Speaker 1 Anyway, that's cool. Speaker 2 Patty Green. Speaker 1 Savage proper, like a social dancing. Lot of crowd. 5067 days. Not big drinkers, just dancing as soon as you go in. Waltzing, jiving, quickstep. Brilliant, brilliant. Right now an older woman, stronger older woman pulled me out for a jive, right. I was driving against my will. Forced jiving. Speaker 4 Non consensual jiving. Speaker 1 She jived me. I didn't drive her. The man is supposed to lead. I did not lead. I felt like I was on the Walters centrifuge, was bringing, kind of sending the Beamish to my toes. The blood had left my head. I was defying gravity. Yeah. Do you remember when we flew at the train arena on cables? Yeah, that's what it felt like. Speaker 2 You're levitated. Speaker 1 Do you know, like they say, old man strength is the thing. Yeah, older woman strength is real as well. We garnered incredible momentum. Speaker 2 How long did the jive last? I. Speaker 1 Don't know, it felt like I was in a washing machine but I felt safe at the same time sitting. Speaker 2 Around in her, in her warm buzzers. Speaker 1 About my about my goal, OK, but she's. Speaker 5 Spinning your own? Yeah. Speaker 2 So you were the woman in the jive? Speaker 1 No, she just LED from the woman's right. Speaker 2 Perspective. Speaker 1 Perspective. Yeah, but it was brilliant shaving. Speaker 2 My experience by. Speaker 1 Myself and herself did our best javing and waltz and we couldn't allow some crack but the tunes. It was so nice to go to the social dancing like all the people have it own like younger people are. We wouldn't dance unless we were langers or something. Fucking learn to dancing. Such a nice event that they would all go meet up, have a cup of tea, maybe have one or two pints or an old mineral lovely and dive away. Couple of my favorite tunes were not three times on the ceiling if you want me. Speaker 2 That one, yeah, I've never heard that. Speaker 1 Or, umm, the best part of the day is the night. Speaker 2 That sounds like. Speaker 1 Dan Bryant song. Speaker 2 Feeling that Jimmy Buckley. Speaker 1 But it was great. It's also romantic, I think, to see a couple who were married 4050 years old. Speaker 4 Oh yes. Speaker 1 It's a way like, lovely, Umm, the slosh. Are you familiar with the slosh? Speaker 2 No. Speaker 1 It's basically Irish line dancing. Speaker 2 Right. Speaker 1 You do? Yeah, that's what it is. That's it's Irish line dancing and the slide. You ever hear this, the slash? No. Yeah, it's a common thing. Speaker 2 And I got lioness and lessons. Yeah, 1996. See. Speaker 1 But around every 16 bars, whatever, you change direction and you do. It's like the Macarena you go around the face in the. Speaker 2 Room exactly like Lane dancing. Yeah, yeah. Speaker 1 But I have a video here Neil Essentia of a please this is. Isn't that amazing? Wow, what a nice. Speaker 2 That is. Wow, I've never Are they all wearing matching shirts? Who in the band? Speaker 1 No, no, they're not a band. They just came together for one night only. Speaker 4 I'm at that. The the main man there, would she say his name? Speaker 1 Is Hart. Speaker 4 Supple. Speaker 1 What a shirt. Speaker 4 What a shirt you need. Speaker 1 Planning permission to wear that shirt. Speaker 4 Yeah, Do you know when they brought the World Cup out in the Louis Vuitton case? That's what it reminds me of. Speaker 1 Umm, but Jesus, guess so. There was a a gentleman with me. Do you know as you get like kids can do that. You're in a restaurant, your child is like 4 years old. You want to keep it quiet? They eat fucking chips and just draw crayons and no minds because I just keep it get happy. I think when you get a bit older, you can kind of do whatever the fuck you want. Oh. Speaker 4 Yeah. Speaker 1 So I bought, I bought the round and he's like, what's that? I said what you orders pint of cores what you ordered? What the fuck is it in? So they give me your plastic pint glass. I don't know if it's 'cause it's an event on or something. Fuck that, I'm up to the bar. Hey, hey, what's this? What's this? Have you known glasses? And I was like, it didn't last. He's like, no, no, no, no. Have you no glasses? And then he's like, what are they? What? They're like half pint glasses. Yeah. Give me two of them. Speaker 4 No way so. Speaker 1 He put down on the counter and decanted the plastic pint and filled the 2. So he was walking around with two half pints. No way you couldn't be, you couldn't be drinking a lot of that sick 22 glass half 5 glasses going around. I was just, you know, like. People have to be set in their ways, like I'm not fucking drinking out of plastic. Speaker 4 No way. I'm surprised he was happy to decant. Yeah, I thought he might. I thought he might insist on a. Speaker 1 Freshman. Speaker 4 Freshman. Yeah. Speaker 1 Great night. They finished with the national anthem as. Speaker 2 Well, ah, proper job. Classic proper job. Speaker 1 Great night, so thoroughly enjoyed the social dancing. Speaker 2 The dancing didn't affect your foot injury, John. Speaker 1 Norman Grand I got. I came on because we said got 50 minutes of Junior B. Oh yeah, suck my foot somewhere I shouldn't have and then put it on Instagram and a lot of people. Speaker 2 I've been getting messages and people going. I need an update in his foot A. Speaker 1 Lot of people message saying that your 5th metatarsal is broken but I went to cash and the girls were lovely, looked after me the women there and it's not broken it's just tissue damage that has formed into some sort of a lump. Nice. They said don't run for a couple of weeks. I said grand that you you have re retired. Speaker 2 Me, Johnny, Johnny just said. Can I do the slosh? Yeah. Speaker 1 What is incorrect footwear? Speaker 2 Yeah, Yeah, yeah. OK. That's good. That's good to know at least your sloshing career. Speaker 4 Precautions taken, yeah. Speaker 2 It's still ahead. Yeah, it's still ahead. Speaker 1 Track yourself, John. Speaker 2 No, that's it. That's OK. Extra Pod and Handwritten Shop Notes Great job on the go Patreon shout out. Speaker 2 Thanks. Thanks a million as well to everyone who signed up to the Extra Pod lads out every Thursday on Patreon. On this week's Extra Pod 331 we were joined by Tom Debero Manny for his top five handwritten notes in shops. Speaker 1 There's a petrol station out the country, one of those ones that are still existing out the country has O'Brien's petrol over the door and whatever else you need inside. And generally written on the column that divided the two petrol pumps out in the yard. Written was a handwritten sign saying if you're getting picking mix, wash your hands in the bucket. Ah, nice. Yeah. And it was a score advice. It was a bucket on the ground up again the column. Speaker 2 That's fair. Yeah. Episode Break Oh my God, Johnny, I have a question for you. What happens when Burger King and Pringles get together the greatest? Speaker 1 Combination. Ever. News travels fast, lad, because I've just heard that they've launched Pringles, sour cream and onion chicken fries. Speaker 2 Now we're talking it's juicy chicken strips made with 100% chicken breast wrapped in a crispy golden cordon with that iconic Pringles sour cream and onion flavour. Speaker 1 It's actually unreal. You get the savory sour cream taste, the onion cake, and then the chicken fries. It's basically Pringles bought Burger King. Speaker 2 And the best bit? This is an exclusive collab between two of the world's most iconic brands and you can only get these Pringles Sour Cream and Onion Chicken fries in Burger King Ireland restaurants. Speaker 1 So if you're looking for the perfect match day snack or just fancy trying something new, don't hang around. Speaker 2 They're available for a limited time only, so get down to Burger King Ireland and order now in a restaurant or on delivery. Neil Delamare's Wi-Fi and Celebrity Fit Family On my level, like you get that fucking. Speaker 2 Now our next guest needs no introduction. He's a regular on the panel at BBC Northern Ireland's The Blame Game. He's fronted his own award-winning documentaries as well as selling out venues the length and breadth of the country. Welcome to the 2 Johnny's podcast, Neil Delamare. Speaker 1 Neil Delamare, welcome to the 2 Johnny's podcast. How are you? Speaker 3 I'm very good, gentlemen. How are you? Oh. Speaker 2 You must be happy. It's been a good summer for Awfully. Speaker 3 I had a weird weekend the last time I was in Tipperary I was in Sample Stadium. Can I just say, by the way, what a lovely day that was? I forgot to. So I had three tickets, right? And I forgot I downloaded 2 because you'd never want to be downloading at the, at the. Yeah, no. Speaker 1 I was trying to minus Wi-Fi. Speaker 3 Minus Wi-Fi, Yeah, it actually takes stuff off your phone. There's a Russian guy in a bot farm somewhere who gets your ID at. Speaker 1 The county barrier I was. Speaker 3 I cannot believe that your password was Eden there in 1982. So I, I was walking around some stadium trying to get the third take it download and I couldn't get it downloaded. I had to go to my brother and my nephew. You go in with my phone. So walk away from 7 stadium and there's a woman sitting outside a cottage. And I went on the off chance in my off New Jersey playing Cork. And I said, do you have Wi-Fi? And she said, yeah, I says, any chance you'll give me your Wi-Fi password? And she went absolutely. And she came out and gave me your Wi-Fi password so I can log on for, to get the third ticket. And I thought, well, that's really lovely because if I go back down to, to, to sample stadium again, I could go on to her Wi-Fi was I think she saw my jersey when you're not going to be. Speaker 2 I think that's the one. Speaker 3 Yeah, she's taking a Mick. Yeah, it was a lovely day and at. Speaker 2 Least you go to download a few films next time. Speaker 3 If I only go to tireless now, I've done the diesel versus the Wi-Fi that's. Speaker 1 Due diligence. Speaker 3 Due diligence and kind of sitting in front beside a friend of mine who's a big car karting fan and he just made the point that that's a very young awfully team and the Cork are further along a strength and conditioning road. And because I saw those lads, I don't want to bring up the bad news, but when we beat eh to Brewery in the other 20 in Kilkenny and it was all athlete and a lot of those lads are on that team now. So umm, I was hoping my cousin would play in the Ireland final but he. Speaker 1 Who's your cousin? Speaker 3 My cousin's won several on Ireland. Steve Reedy for Candy. Claire, can I reveal something to you? Yes, you can. Please do. And now, now that you don't do anything with RTE anymore except your show. You're not in their all time. So you don't don't give this away. Yeah, except your TV show. Like your radio show. And I was meant to do. I was meant to do celebrity fit his family with David right, right, so you can have kind of cousins, yes, and you can on the celebrity version, yes, join COVID and I said David, will you do it secret weapon clear senior harder. Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, he's like. Speaker 3 Several all Ireland's like he's a savage. 2 weeks before he rings me up he's playing for a Six Mile bridge. He's he's club harder training, I think or something. And he goes my knees, knee injury, massive knee injury within like 10 days or something. So we've got another friend of mine, Rosie, who's from 6 foot 2 from Tipperary. Yeah. Play basketball for Ireland. She said, I'll step in now. Rosie is my cousin in much the same way that former U.S. President Barack Obama is from county. Awfully. Yeah. If you can find, if the genealogist can find the records of how we're related. He's he's a better man than I am. So we turn off on the first day and I thought we'd have me and Sinead Quinlan and I'm trying to remember the other people, any of the happy pair lads, the two lads, Right. And I thought I could get in their head. Yeah, nice. The vegan lads. I reckon I could just give a bit of that. Speaker 2 Fuck the chopping and probably. Speaker 3 Rashers for rashers from a heist. Speaker 1 Firing sauces at the Not even that. Speaker 3 Judge there should be something just whisper stuff about their granola. Calder granola into question or lads it doesn't even make sense. Identical twins or vegans. Lads, even your markets blit an egg, do you know what I mean? I could do that sort of stuff. Yeah. And we turn up and the first thing they said to me is introduce the team. And I went, that's James, my brother-in-law. That's Emily, my niece. And that is. And I looked at Rosie and I forgot her name on the television. Something happened. I was like, so we're doing it. And the worst thing is you get in the bog. Yeah. And the bog is really difficult, actually, the bog. But there was AI. There was AI. Couldn't get over this log. I was bollocks to this one. And then I just felt this Paul, this basketball skillful part. She grabbed me and hoofed me over the log. And I don't think they've ever been wedgied on a national television. But she was absolutely unbelievable. She was brilliant. And all you do is not want to come last. And that's. Yeah, yeah. So, eh, we didn't make it to the final. I think we got knocked on second or something. Good. All crack, right. But there there's your two Chinese reveal. We are in no way related in any way, shape or form. Speaker 2 We got asked to do, eh, that fit family before celebrity one, and we were like, we're not related. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaker 1 We're going to believe this. Speaker 3 Yeah. Did they just assume everybody for? Is that something in D4 going aren't you? You guys are all related. Speaker 2 Oh, just country lads. They're all yeah. I mean, you have a just sod Busters. Yeah, sod just. Speaker 3 Turf munchers, they're all, I mean, there's a bang of John Deere off those guys, so. Speaker 2 Because it's somewhere along the. Speaker 3 Somewhere, Yeah, Yeah. Do you remember that thing in Iceland came out? There was a thing in Iceland's quite small population X 300,000 people something. But there was a thing that came out that had, uh, and it was an incest alarm on your phone. Oh yeah. Do you remember that? And we, we were doing the blame game, the panel show I do in the north. And there was the, the guest from London. They're going to can't believe that you'd have this thing that's it would beep if the person was related to you. And I'm like, man, I'm from a small town in Ireland. We used to cut you go to a disco and play what I like to call culture roulette where you try and figure out just how closely related you are. And then you're like, if it's beyond first, 'cause it's like. Speaker 2 Yeah, I think that app was definitely born of awfully. Speaker 3 I was talking about all of them, all of Ireland, and you've gone straight in there. Playing Football with Premier League Legends I had to get a dig in. I had to sing The Boys of Awfully at our recent gig, which was an incredibly painful 3 1/2 minutes. Speaker 3 Well, listen, yeah, you've a young child, don't you? Yeah. So you can. You've put yourself in your wife's position incredibly bad for 3 1/2 minutes. Speaker 1 You played a charity match before yourself, did you? Speaker 3 I played a charity soccer match because oh man, have you not heard about this because you've had like Chris Kenton and Chris Kenton, Shane Todd is very comedian from Belfast said. Will you play a charity football match against a lot of a Premier League Legends team? Yeah, and there'll be. Speaker 2 It. Speaker 3 Was quite handy actually and a few old comedians and actors and I said, yeah, it's in Crusaders and Seaview up in Belfast because I didn't think that he'd get Premier League Legends. Yeah, that's right. What happened? Yeah. And their team had and Ryan Giggs, Dimitar Berbatov, Stelian Petrov, eh, Jason Mcateer, Keith Gillespie and Clinton Blackmore and our team had gout and diabetes and I'm not even joking you. Yeah, we had one box, the box midfielder, but the boxes were snack and selection. He was not great. We've got we've got 1/2 these lads like Cliftonville lads and proper lads who play football, but all they all you want is a moment in that, yeah, Andrew Ryan got the ball, won the lads. Umm Nutmeg Berbatov an immediate an immediately round Vic. Speaker 2 I've seen that footage. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, I've seen that, yeah. Speaker 3 In Nutmeg or Berbatov, looks like he could still play. Yeah, and Ryan gets the balls and and I see my moment lads like and I haven't played well and I know I haven't played well at this point you're all I've only been on for a few minutes, but you know you haven't played well when the shirt sponsor comes over half time and takes a marker and just rubs out his name on the front of Carol's beats. Just doesn't want to be associated. Oh, a Brady ham, whatever it is, right? And eh, eh. And drawing gets a ball in full back position and I point behind Gillespie and I go put it there, the space there, and he puts it behind former Man United, a Newcastle winger, Keith Gillespie. And I'm off like a rocket, like a graceful greyhound in my head. I've seen the footage back. Oh my God, it looks like this. Speaker 2 Something significantly. It slowed it down. Oh. Speaker 3 Yeah, it looks I I cannot explain how long it took to get to the ball. The grass was higher by the time I finished the run than but when I started or he can last. We didn't chase because you're too busy Looking at how I ran and laughing. It looked like it looked like Michael Jackson was going to lead me back to Neverland right after the match is over. I it took so long. People who didn't know what charity you were playing for looked at me running and started to guess charity. I heard Ricketts been mentioned. I heard some sort of vitamin deficiency. Got to the ball, put my foot through, uh, hit off the fellow who was in blue lights and went into the top corner. We score, we score, score. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The rake of money gone to charity and the DJ Kerry recovery fund. I think it was. It was mainly. Speaker 1 New iPhone chargers. Speaker 3 Mainly mainly eye chargers and some of the money went to Captain Tom's family's hotel and spa. I know I actually went to a men's mental health, but what a great, great day. Imagine me standing there, I genuinely thought it was off site and I looked at Keith Gillespie, who I watched playing football and for Man United and I said I thought it was off site there and he went, no, Jason Mcintier. Jason Mcintier played you on. That's an insane thing. Ryan Giggs ran towards Rihanna, had the ball, and I just immediately introduced him to my brother's wife. Speaker 1 Distraction. Speaker 3 That one, like he was gone. He was gone at that point, but it was just an amaze. Speaker 1 Who still had it? Speaker 3 Berbatov still had it, Yeah, but I suppose Berbatov, like if you watched a lot of football, he's. Speaker 2 Quite a lazy player you would say. Speaker 3 You would say he had a great touch. Yeah, Was brilliant that spraying the ball around. But pace was never his thing. Yeah, it's how I will say it. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Speaker 2 Much nicer if he tracks me down some. Speaker 3 Bulgarian. Yeah, but he was unbelievable. I mean, he could pass a kidney stone 60 yards, but he he still had it because like, there's a point of which, like, we scored on them and they just decided they were good. Yes, there's and then we had three goalkeepers at the end and 16 outfit players, but Berbadov danced through four or five people. Ryan Giggs still had it though, and they were still really competitive, which is kind of was good. Belfast Evacuation and Christian Sing-Songs Hard turn it off, yeah. Speaker 3 Very hard, but. Speaker 1 It's amazing to actually see people up close, like we've had a Charlie hurt a match and you'd be thinking the game is fast, but then put yourself on the pitch in the middle of it, yeah. Speaker 3 You just realized that the the different levels of skill. Speaker 2 Did you host and the Ulster All Star awards or something with Martin O'Neill? Speaker 3 I did, yeah. Speaker 2 What's he like? Speaker 3 He's very nice man, yeah. And he's. Speaker 2 Slightly afraid of. Speaker 3 You are yeah, he is good crack. He's he's a he's a sneery who are which I got like he would absolutely steer you. Eh, that was good crack because I've done a few Times Now I hosted you also awards. It's in Belfast. What I know about that is, is no more than you notice about speed is the GA players are young. You forget this, that all your heroes are in their 20s. Yeah. And so there's so it was in Belfast and there was it was brilliant, right. 400 cultures like ourselves in black tie in a room in Belfast. And I've I've never seen Dickie Bowers paired with body warmers before, but those him and looked amazing. And so those loads was the Kamogi the the the men's, the everybody was the the ladies GA, the football, the men. So there's kind of the four kind of big coat this was and then brilliant. Every county of also was represented. Nine of them sitting there in the room and 404 hundred called. She's in black tie. And then then the alarm went off and we had to evacuate the building in Belfast, right? So this voice comes on and goes evacuate, evacuate, evacuate, evacuate. And you go and put all the people in their 20s had never been evacuated from a building before in Belfast. So they were all like, what's that noise? And everybody over 50 was an administrator turned into a ninja like an absolute need. They were getting out Felix windows. They were climbing down drain pipes. They were who were putting bread rolls in their pockets. Me and I was myself and Martin and Ehler walking out going this is absolutely crazy. We're standing outside the seven Martin Lewis standing outside in black tie surrounded by all these people in in high end gear. It was amazing. And then so the ICC was evacuated and also the Waterfront Hall was evacuated as well. And there's a lot of and young teenagers having a, a Christian sing song to bring people to Jesus through Christian music. And I sweat so. Speaker 1 In the waterfront. Speaker 3 In the waterfront, yeah. So we're all outside. So there's all the largely, you would assume nationalists, Catholic, GA people and on all the young Protestants, teenager. And they came outside. We're all standing outside having the crack together. And they all they they said when we continue singing our hymns and they sang their hymns outside, we're all going, this is one of the weirdest things I'm never going to go through. Yeah, it was brilliant. Speaker 2 Fucking hell I'll be outside for. Speaker 3 What I Maybe 20 minutes? 25 minutes and there's people in need and just go more freezing. Yeah and and the kids are going. We like bonfire soon and everybody is getting on. It was just really weird. But it's really good crack. So then I said they said will you do it again this year? That was a couple years ago. So absolutely. Because I've something to talk about. So yeah, Martin is good crack. Countdown's Bold Words and 'Nielsen Wheels' Tour Yeah, he it's Martin at the time he's going back to Celtic and there's an amazing room where the Snoop Dogg was going to be into Celtic. So one of the jokes it did right, Snoop Dogg was going to buy Celtic. What an amazing event that would be. Like Snoop Dogg would buy Celtic and 50 Cent would buy Rangers and not the rapper, $0.50 would buy Rangers, right. So someone clip clips that puts it up online and then Celtic fans are like legit. That's fucking. Then Rangers fans are abusing yourself. Bit of crack like you. Speaker 2 Know Mind yourself in Glasgow the next yeah yeah, you're off to countdown again. Speaker 3 I'm doing countdown. Yeah, I do. I do dictionary corner a good bit and countdown, uh, so I told Colin Murray that Colin's from Belfast. So I told, yeah, telling him about, about what happened at the old Star Wars. But yeah, you do dictionary corner. So you sit beside Susie Dent is the amazing wordsmith and lexicographer and you go, oh, there's a four letter word there. There's five letter word there that the person may have missed. Or does anyone help you? Yeah, that's what Susie Dental. Yeah. So I must have told you I have not been on since the first time I did. First time I did it. You're panicking like this. Countdown is the first program ever on Channel 4. So this is. Speaker 1 Kind is it? Yeah. Speaker 3 From 1982, still gone, still gone. And you're sitting there and you're kind of going. I used to watch this as a kid, woman. Yeah. And. And you're kind of freaking out a little bit, eh, for. So Colin Murphy. Colin Murray who I get on very well, right? He goes. So he's going to introduce me to UK audience and he's going to go and listen, we're not going to make it to Irish. And so the first 3 letters to come out are PS And I, I swear to God and I'm looking at him going and sorry, but if I and LA comes out, we're going to have to arrest. People are going to think that we're doing something, but we're having the crack and but you are kind of panicking. Speaker 2 I've tried to do it at home. Speaker 3 Yeah, it's not. It's right. Yeah. Speaker 2 Yeah, I just can't do. Speaker 3 It so she one of the first times I looked at the letters I couldn't get anything at all and and Susie then writes in a piece of paper and there's this physics thing got ET an etalon AETALONS some sort of physics time and she writes down etalons. It's it's it's just a letter words haven't write a letter word and I'm not going to go no one's kind of believe I got that. But she wrote it like I hadn't seen anything and we're 25 seconds in and she and I was like, and I thought she said at etalon like, which is the errors were. Speaker 2 Fair. Yeah. And I was like fuck. Speaker 3 I haven't watched this in such a long time and now there's other languages foreign word. I'm looking at going why you use it As a father, I'm absolutely panicking at this point. But she will go. If you can't get something, she'll just write something down and or you can sometimes go listen. Speaker 1 Did you say it? Speaker 3 I said that a long and she a long and I was like what she said and, uh, it was a bit of a panic is. Speaker 2 People believe that it's like copying someone's homework You. Speaker 3 Haven't a breeze what's going on there? But they're great. They're great. Can I give you a little another little behind the scenes thing? I'm allowed to speak. Somebody else has said this on a on a very successful podcast. If there is a word that's bold, sometimes they'll go, we go, we go again. So there was an episode and I was on it and Colin goes, what do you got? And the first guy goes six and second guy goes, we got 6 as well. And he goes, what is that? He goes wanked and the second guy goes wanked as well. And he looks at me and I go wanked #3 right. And they go, OK, so you got both, you got 6 because it's on a 2:00 in the afternoon. So go, they go, we'll keep the integrity of the game, right? So eh, what we'll do is we'll switch the D for an N and then went back to this guy and it says declare that you got awakened to the first guy goes, I got awakened and the second guy goes, I got awakened and the ball got 6. And so the integrity of the game. Speaker 1 Is fine. Speaker 3 Right. And then so we did all that was very fresh and then the next one, umm, eh, column. So we had a full numbers gaming in the full of the game and they came back to me and we're all very serious in studio and column goes, what are you gone? I said there's masturbates. They're rage and they we just had to stop. We just had to stop. Speaker 1 Did not find it that funny. Speaker 3 No, Murray is pissing themselves. Yeah, yeah. But they're, they do 5A day. You do 5 shows a day. So like, they're on a really tight kind of time frame. Get it done. So like if you're messing around, you just hear something in your ear gone. And no more masturbation jokes, please. And you're like, I've got, I've got 12 of my hair, lads. I've we've been writing those dodge jokes since it came up. But it's it's really good fun to do. Speaker 1 You're touring again. Speaker 3 I'm touring again. Speaker 2 Yeah, why? The names of your tours are always great. What point have you got this? Speaker 3 I think the high point was, was Fresh Prince of Delamare. Yeah, I think that was the high point, yeah. And reinventing the Neil was is the current one of a couple of days left in that of an Olympiad left in September, the 20th. That's the kind of 5th Olympia. We're kind of just tagging it off fair play. And the I realized who I'm talking to go, Oh, you still do the small rooms. And then we have an every man in Cork. Lovely for reinventing the Neil. And then the new tour has just gone on sale and that's eh Nielsen wheels, eh? That's yes, that's all around the so I'll do the O2 Arena in Belfast and I'll do a break of Olympias and that's and every single county as much as I can. Speaker 1 And what, what kind of what are you worried about these days? What are your jokes about on the new tour say? Speaker 3 Umm, well, Donald Trump will still be in power, so he's always a bit of a crack, isn't he? I did one the other day about Nigel Farage and just throw it up because he's in in hot water at the moment. And Oh my God, it went, Oh my God, All I said it was like he's always pictured with a pint in his hand because he wants to be seen as a man to people. Yes. And all I said was it's ever a pint of Guinness because Guinness is from a foreign country and you have to let it settle. And that went to about 2 million views in 24 hours. Speaker 1 That's very funny. Speaker 3 And then, yeah. And then, like, but you know, when you do something and it goes quite big, you're waiting for the people who don't cash, you don't really like this to get involved. And you're like, oh, here we go. Speaker 2 A lot of you can buy. Speaker 3 There's a lot of options load the union flags currently turning up in my but I do loads of gigs in the in the UK as well. So like you get used to navigating all that stuff. I'm doing Leicester Square and then my third Leicester Square on the reinventing the needle to as well at the end of the year. So they're all on the website and sign up to the mailing list as well. That's the big thing. Now everybody uses because you could be hoofed off of various platforms at the minutes notice. You know if if Elon gets his way, which I've always thought was a silly name. Speaker 2 It's. Speaker 3 Just because it's my account spell Noel. Speaker 2 This is my. Speaker 3 I think you should do another character called Elon Furlong and it's just you in a South African accent, but just doing all of Noel's jokes. Speaker 1 Drive it, drive it. Does he have siblings? Speaker 3 He has a dad that's in that's a fairly strange man he's. Speaker 1 A big character, yeah. Speaker 3 I love those those smaller town phrases. He's a big character. Speaker 1 He's fond of a drink. Speaker 3 He's fond of a drink. My favorite. Always used to be Suffers from her nerves, which is everything from full mental breakdown to periodic anxiety. But suffers from her nerves could be absolutely anything. Speaker 1 Harmless. Speaker 3 A harmless. Speaker 1 Is is it a going on it light bulbs? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shit in our boxes, you know? Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaker 2 We were only so we were only saying that like, like, but obviously back when we were in school, like before, everyone was like undiagnosed with everything that everyone has now. Like it was like just two or three. Lads were just slow. Yeah, yeah, You know, And that was just the way it was. Yeah. I mean, now, now with everyone's got the letters. The letters. So what? I mean ADDHD fucking. Speaker 3 Yeah, it's good that you can figure it out though. Like we everybody has something. Oh yeah. Because otherwise it's boring. Isn't. Speaker 1 It. Yeah. Well, 100%, yeah. Speaker 2 For all the same, she's a lot of shape. Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, my, my wife is diagnosed me with an awful lot of things. Speaker 1 No, your wife isn't bad. Yeah. Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She is. Diagnosed me with yeah only down the road with a huge amount of. Speaker 2 Things oh man, so the last last few shows for. Speaker 3 Reinventing. Speaker 2 Really. In the needle. Speaker 3 Yeah, I'd say there's only maybe kind of 3 or 4 after that. Yeah. And then we go out and I'll do another. Speaker 2 Meals on Wheels. Speaker 3 Nails on Wheels 100 dates all around Ireland in the UK, yeah. Tigers, Barcelona Stags, and Fighting Nigel Farage Can we do a bit of a quick fire before you go? Absolutely. What favorite animal? Speaker 3 Tiger. Speaker 1 What's the Best Song of all time? Speaker 3 Best Song of all time? Oh, the only one I can think of that makes me kind of emotional is Sunshine and Leath, because it's about sport and The Proclaimers. So it's just the first one that popped into my head. It's not the Best Song of all time. Speaker 1 Yeah, weird answer. Speaker 3 I know. Yeah, it is a weird answer, yes. Something that has absolutely no connection to me and is a Scottish football song by The Proclaimers. I can't. I'll come back to it. Speaker 1 Yeah, OK. Do you have a screensaver? Speaker 3 On my phone, yeah, yes. Speaker 1 Any picture? Speaker 3 Yes. Tell us. No. OK. No, no. It's my wife. I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And my dog. Yeah. You want me? Yes. Yeah. Speaker 1 Where'd you go on your stag? Speaker 3 I went to Barcelona. Good. Yes. Oh, I have to have told you that story. I don't know. I know we don't have time. Very briefly when my start Barcelona didn't realize that you have to, because I want to see Messi, I want to see Messi play, I want to see the best ever footballer. But I didn't realize you have to go on someone else's season ticket. Did you know this? Yeah, some. Speaker 2 Premier League grounds. Speaker 3 Yeah, so I woke up the next day and the guy had we were all messy and no, I didn't mean that. And it was 14 lads had to pretend we were Spanish, like yeah, 1. Three of them are in monster jerseys like and I pretend to be, I know I'm not, there's no way I could pass the Spanish. And I know I can't pass as Gabriella Garces, a 42 year old mother or two more fine 1 the lads. It was so red haired. He got sun burnt in between the passenger door and the boot of the taxi when we arrived at the hotel, like about 6 feet. And we arrived at night. He was moon burnt and he had to pretend that he was Julio de Les. He's a slow child, yeah. Speaker 1 Strangest ad he ever did. Speaker 3 Strangest ad that I did for some for something. Speaker 1 He probably done advertised stuff over. Speaker 3 The years I did one that was so bad for Bored gosh that they replaced me with two other idiots idiots and they got loads of money for. Speaker 2 It as well so much. Speaker 3 What was weird about that was I was originally changed. That's more of a stretch in YouTube. Speaker 1 What are you doing in my house again? Who's the best looking man in Ireland? Speaker 3 Best looking man in Ireland. Jimmy Dornan when he's here is very handsome dudes. And eh, Colin Farrell's a very handsome dude. Speaker 1 Absolutely, eh? Speaker 3 Eco Lopez. Speaker 2 Yeah, he's good looking. Good luck man. Speaker 1 Yeah, best session you ever on. Speaker 3 I'll refer you to Barcelona. Speaker 1 Have you got a hidden talent? Speaker 3 Eh, I can crack every bone in my body suck out. Speaker 1 Like accidentally. Speaker 3 No, I can crack crack them all. Sounds like when I get up in the morning it sounds like a log fire. Speaker 1 Yeah, why would you? What else? Knees. Shoulders. Speaker 3 Heads and toes, heads and toes. You do more everything, spine, everything. Yeah. When I get up in the morning, it just, it does sound like, like, like someone's like an open fire. And you know there's cracking and hissing and spitting it in a log box. Speaker 1 What celebrity would you love to fight? Speaker 3 Would I love to fight? Speaker 1 Charity for boxing match OH. Speaker 3 And Farage. Yeah. Nigel. Well, yeah, he's also sixty. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'd arrive on a small boat. That's what I would do. Wave with my Irish passport. Go. Come on. Yeah, I reckon. Like he's a like he's a public schoolboy, right. I'd have the wolf tones in. I'd have the wolf tones doing the spit buckets. And as a cup man, I'd have the lads of kneecap be me Mary, Mary wallopers carrying me on their shoulders. I would just. Yeah. Speaker 1 Yeah. Is he tall? Speaker 3 Farage. I don't think he's, no, he's massive. No. I mean, he stalled me. Whatever reach, eh, he would have reached. But I get in though. I get in close and work the body. I'd work the body. That's what I would do. Yeah. Umm. Speaker 1 Weirdest gig ever did. Speaker 3 Mount Joy Prison What? Speaker 2 Was that like? Speaker 3 Eh, Mount Joy prison, What? You know Willow Weiss? Yeah, Yeah, Willow says you do a gig of Mount your prison. I said yeah, we did that. We did. And eh, first guy was with Brilliant. Me and Will are in the dressing room which is the kitchen and Willa turn his life around entirely but had been in there at that point and. Speaker 1 A guy. He'd been in prison. Speaker 3 He'd been in Montreal. Comedian. Yeah. And I was a comedian. And we're waiting to go on vacation. A guy comes up and goes, all right, Willie doing a bit of cooking and Willie goes, The only cooking I did in here was an involvement spilling, Hilarious. And then we went on, it was a little bit aggressive. And I'm looking at, but not really. And I said to Willa, I was watching the other actor. I said to Willa, do I just what do I do Is do I just go for one, the guardy and two, you know, and the screws and just be a bit aggressive. And he goes, yeah, if I'm busy. Yeah. So Will is heckled by his former cellmate. Yeah. And Will it will, it goes, that's your trouble, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You're always blah, blah, blah. That's why you're in here. He goes, He goes, the guard didn't even have to give you the biscuits before you were blah, blah, blah, blah. And he's storming. It was great. And then I go, I go on after the first act, Jared Regas first act and I go on. And then his Selma heckles me as well. And I just want you. You have almost as big a mouth as your sister. Which I know is clever, eh? But it is massively effective in a prison. Yeah. And your man's are bothered. And then it was great after that. Yeah. That's the weirdest good game. Speaker 1 Fair play. Umm. Speaker 3 Sorry, this is meant to be quick fire. Speaker 1 What's your karaoke song? Speaker 3 Umm, karaoke song? I don't really you have a karaoke song, but if I had to, I do a bit of a Crowded House or something. Four Seasons in one day really get the crowd going at the end of the night when you want to clear the dance. Speaker 2 With your musical choices. Speaker 1 Pablo, honey, start to finish. Yeah. And would you be the goose in a fight? Speaker 3 Absolutely 100% I'd hiss at it, would go cheesy, speaks my language, and while it was distracted, boom clock them. Boom clock them. Yeah. I wouldn't want to have to clock them, but if I had to, if I had after, yeah, what's good for you is good for me, Gander, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. I will go for it, yeah. Speaker 1 Neil, thank you for coming down. Thanks lads. World Cup, English Media, and Unbearable Bandwagons I'm out here 10 year short turn. She is dreaming a sip in a spicy marg and reading her many, many books in the sun. It's time for Africa's world, some of the greatest horse by all time. Speaker 1 Bang over the belt. Speaker 2 I'm out here 10 year short turn. Speaker 1 Africa. Speaker 3 Out together. Speaker 1 That is what happens. Speaker 3 When you take pre workout before a game. Speaker 1 I'm a Hardy lad now, it wouldn't affect me, but you ready? What have you got first? Speaker 4 I was, as you know and correctly said, I was bandwagon in real hard on the World Cup for the last kind of six weeks. I fucking love world. I love a world event of any kind. Speaker 1 And are the old wars. Speaker 4 What are the wars? Nothing I can do about that and very little to enjoy there, but I. Speaker 1 The current one is. It's just really all bad. Speaker 4 Currently all bad. Yeah, of course the. Speaker 1 Current ones as I the the many wars happening right now I think are awful. Speaker 4 All bad. Speaker 1 Probably no upside to any of them. Speaker 4 I would I'd nearly say you're right. Let's. Speaker 2 Move it on. Let's. Speaker 4 So I have been looking for a a new bandwagon and I'll find it in in due course. But what I was thinking was like, I know it's a it's harsh or whatever, but I quite liked the England team this year. I liked, you know, I liked the vibe, I liked some of the players and stuff like that, but they can't be allowed to win a World Cup and I'm glad that it didn't happen. Why? They're fucking unbearable. Who the the what I will say is the English media. Speaker 2 They're a bandwagon. Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah, they're the English media absolutely lose the fucking run of themselves. And I was watching one of those documentaries. Do you know the one for EUR 2020 which actually happened in 2021 where the final was in Wembley? Speaker 2 And they? Speaker 4 Stormed all the gates and all that kind of thing. I remember watching the final that day. I watched all of the build up, like 6 hours build up beforehand, right? And I watched it on BBC kind of to annoy myself a little bit, right? And it worked. So then I was delighted when Italy won. However, I don't think they're the only ones. I think they're the worst and I think they're the most unbearable, but I think that we have someone but unbearable qualities of our own as well. I'll be sure. Speaker 1 Yeah, so I didn't really follow it. What were the English press that confident and that hard to swallow this year were? Speaker 4 They they were pretty hard to swallow. I would listen to a lot of UK radio and it was pretty a. Speaker 2 Lot of it's coming home. Speaker 5 They they have been like that for the past 6. Speaker 4 Years they have since. Speaker 5 That Euro 2020-2021, they have been fairly unbearable, yeah. Now on one hand, trying to see where they're coming from, it is a good team, but historically they have not won much to be claiming such things that it is coming home. Speaker 4 They've won a work, they won one World Cup 60 years ago, 60 years ago. And it it would have been huge for them to to win it this year or get to the final even this year, because I haven't got to a final since since that time either. But so they did they, I think they deserve a lot of their own bearable Flack that they get right. But I do think that there are levels of unbearable to us as well and I'm just wondering what are kind of what you think are unbearable qualities? Guinness Snobbery, British Claims, and Yank Obsession To other countries. Speaker 4 Yeah, to other countries. Speaker 1 Or probably stout to be honest. Now, like Irish people go hard on the stout thing. Now there are places around the world where like they'll be saying, oh, I've got a pint of Guinness in Birmingham. Look at it. It's fucking rotten bastards. Like, but I, I, I would think like Irish people go on about it. Can we just be honest? Like most people haven't fucking clue what they would drink it out of Wellington. That is correct. You've had a couple of points. Most people can't tell the difference. You can give them a pint of Fosters colour black and they would know the difference. So I would think the whole split, the G and dormage and stick and all that. I think other countries probably go Guinness, Murphy's, Beamish, all nice great drinks. That's for petty. Yeah, but like, stop going on about. Speaker 4 It yeah, OK, OK. That's a good one because it does travel. Speaker 1 Got one more for you, Yeah? Go on when the Brits claim someone Irish on Twitter. Speaker 4 Yeah. Speaker 1 Yeah, Irish Twitter. Yeah, all get naked and start tossing themselves. Speaker 4 Off. Yeah, it's true. It's true. Speaker 1 We're not actually British to Irish. Fucking 10 million likes. We go fair hard in that, John. Speaker 2 Wasn't it? No, I can got T-shirts printed up and like on the back it had like Dublin UK or something. Speaker 4 Oh. Speaker 2 Yeah, he had to eventually do a video. Speaker 1 Come on, apologize. Speaker 2 I'm so sorry someone else. I didn't personally print the T-shirts but like it's my thing so like. Speaker 4 Exactly. Speaker 2 Yeah, we do lose the plot over there, probably rightly so, yeah. Speaker 1 Yeah. Speaker 4 But I I know. Speaker 1 We make some hay out of. Speaker 4 It, yeah, but yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaker 1 They'll call Kilian Murphy and a British actor or something given more, and then Irish people would be like, he's not British, which is fine, Yeah, but the whole of Irish, come on lads. And that was our moment. Speaker 4 Totally. And there's like 18,000 news stories about how they've been like yeah, exactly. But I am, for me it's and this will be controversial, particularly for you. I'd say go. Speaker 1 On. Speaker 4 It's the yank thing. Speaker 1 What do you mean? Speaker 4 The hay we're still making of what the Yanks think of us are we We're obsessed with what the Yanks think of us. We're obsessed with making ourselves as Irish as possible for the like Paddy Wackery Irish for the but not specific examples. I'm just it's a feat like you're saying about the Twitter thing. First of all, and we were only talking about this last week, why does every single minister go abroad for Saint Patrick's Day? Speaker 5 That's what I was money just about to say. Speaker 2 Money, yeah. Speaker 5 I mean, like for visas, they should come to us exactly if something is going to happen. Speaker 1 I think Ireland is so reliant on overseas trade. Speaker 4 That no, I know that we. Speaker 1 Take the opportunity to go and fucking shake hands with anyone we. Speaker 4 Can I do not? I do know that. But let's not pretend it's anything else. Oh, yeah, it's pure business. Yeah. Deal. What do you think? Speaker 5 Talking about this, I don't know, have I gotten a little self aware now, but the yeah, us talking about like how much we hate the Brits, which I feel is warranted to a certain degree. I would do people look at us, be like, oh, just give over. Speaker 4 Oh yeah, they definitely do. Just they definitely. Speaker 1 Just I would say them most Brits are like totally unaware of it to. Speaker 4 Be honest, they don't get they. Speaker 1 Don't really mind. Speaker 4 Yeah, no. Speaker 2 I think we're we just like been liked as a country. Speaker 4 Yeah, we love it. Speaker 2 I think that's what it is. It's not a bad place to be if everyone likes you. Speaker 1 But as Tommy Kieran said, a big part of Irish identity is that, like, we're not English. Yeah. And Irish people love if you're in a negative salut or whatever and they're like, oh, because we speak English, are you English? We are absolutely delighted to pull the ace of spades in our pocket and go nowhere else. Speaker 4 Yeah, we. Speaker 1 Fucking love. Speaker 2 That. Don't ever fucking say that to me again. Speaker 1 You're over in China or something? Are you English? No Irish. Yeah. Fucking delighted. Speaker 4 I don't know. So I'm just interested if anybody you know, if this if this stuff, this do we have a Brit equivalent? Do you know what I mean? Of like they're they're not unbearable the way they go on about soccer. Not just that it it's because it's not just about soccer. It's about a call back to empire times. Do you know what I mean? Well, the Empire was already dying but and dead in a lot of ways, but it's is there something? Speaker 2 What are we? Unbearable. Speaker 4 What are we unbearable about? Speaker 1 Basically, that's also a tricky conversation for them because sport is one of the rare times where people get to be patriotic and. Speaker 4 100% all that kind of stuff, 100%. Speaker 2 But I'm just we live in fair on, we live in America at the World Cup. Speaker 4 By Jazz. Oh, completely. Speaker 2 I was only just thinking that like I, I was watching this guy's first news tomorrow and I was like, oh, did this lad in singing an English song. I was like, oh, on bear. And then I was like, me and Johnny would have definitely had a song if Ireland got to the World Cup like we didn't like. Speaker 1 Posh it all a while yeah in. Speaker 4 In fairness, it's not. That is not something that most people are going to experience releasing a song for. Speaker 2 Yeah. No, no, I know, I know. But like, do you know, I could see and I was looking at being like there's some unbearable bastards. And then I was like, well, they're in a World Cup semi final. And I was like, if Ireland's in the World Cup semi final, it would be, it would be a bank holiday. No, no, it would if we were playing on that Sunday, like they were going in England or maybe we should have. Yeah, straight away to come out here. Yeah. close everything Monday, lads. Yeah, I know we're in a world of semi final. Speaker 4 So that's what I that's my point is that we're as bad just how that's what I want to know. Speaker 2 Let us know Last drops an e-mail podcast at the two Johnnies dot IE. Pint of the Week, Gym Readers, and The Wiggles Thank you Africa, Now is this tradition. It's time to end the podcast with our Yurts and dirts of the Week. Speaker 1 Speaking of beautiful pints of stout, put them on your social media and send them to us lads. Be unbearable today. This week's Pint of the week. The photograph was taken by Kean Boyle in the Haunted Hog in Castle Martyr, County Cork, formerly owned by Pat Short. Remember that pub? Yes, up there just on the corner. So Kean Boyle is the winner of the money. Can't buy Murphy's 2 Johnny's T-shirt for sending in a photo of his lovely pint. And you can send yours in and you can try and win one as well. Got a gas one for you Africa. You'd appreciate this. I was in the gymnasium the other day in care. Speaker 2 Otherwise. Speaker 1 And I was doing something at the rack and you're this big mirror, so you can kind of see behind you. A woman came in, I don't know, approaching retirement age, perhaps, right? Hopped up on the exercise bike. Big thick paperback book like a big 500 pager. Speaker 2 Stop reading on the. Speaker 1 Twice I tried to get a look at what she was reading and she looked at me like, what you doing coming over here because there was no one else there. Like it was a weird time. There was no one else there. I was dying to know what are you reading? Speaker 2 Oh my God, at the gym. Speaker 4 And you didn't, you didn't manage I. Speaker 1 Couldn't find out what she was reading off like twice. I went over and then she kind of like put it down to look at me and said I was going to talk to her or something. I was like fuck it I'm just getting hand sanitizer, sorry. Speaker 2 That's some level of confidence in it. Yeah, fair play. As you said, when you get older you just do all this kind of shit. Speaker 4 Yeah, I'd love to know what she was. Speaker 1 Reading love to know what she was reading the. Speaker 4 Gym. Speaker 2 50 Shades of grey open the bike faster than that one. My daughter to the week unfortunately. Yeah well fortunately being a parent is great and it has many many up points. One of the low points for me is the child has now taken a liking to the Wiggles. I don't know if you're familiar with the Wiggles. Speaker 4 Australian. Speaker 2 Some very smiley Australian people. Speaker 1 So for people who don't know who the Wiggles are, John, who are the Wiggles? The. Speaker 2 Wiggles are a group, A musical group who sing kids songs and they smile so much it's almost unhinged. Now. Some of their songs are catchy because they're for kids. So they want you. Like, they want to basically to brainwashing the kids, man, with the song, Like, you know what I mean? Like, it's it's kid music. Whatever fucking algorithm it is, kids bop up and down and they love it. The child is now into the Wiggles, right? And he'll be like, stand on the telly as if to be like, take off Sky Sports News. I don't want to watch it again. Put on the Wiggles. Yeah. So Annie start playing the Wiggles from last week and now he wants to Wiggles a lot. Speaker 4 All the time. Speaker 2 This is what I'm listening to now. Now bear in mind on 6:50 in the morning, this is a hot potato, hot potato, hot potato, hot potato and the child just hot potato, hot potato. Speaker 1 I don't mind that potato. Speaker 2 You don't mind it now. Speaker 5 Yeah, I think listening to this on repeat cold. Speaker 2 Spaghetti, Cold spaghetti. See, you were gained it. Now you might. The problem is right, Johnny went. I don't mind that it's 4:00 in the day and we're here just having a look at that and you've listened to 20 seconds of. Speaker 1 What's going to know? What's going to know? I don't like that mash. Speaker 2 Banana mash. Speaker 1 Banana. Banana, banana. Yeah. OK, how long has this gone for? Speaker 2 So the song is on your own 2 minutes, but there is actually YouTube edit of it where you can listen to it continuously for 4:00 to 5:00 minutes. That is some SAS shit, man. Yeah, 100%. So hot potato. And they've also got Choo Choo chug a Chug a Big red car. So they've got several songs. Speaker 4 I quite like that song. Speaker 2 So the wiggles are they know of me life. That's yeah. What what have I become? I used to be hungover doing like. Speaker 4 Yeah, used to be cool. Oh God. Speaker 2 I can't help dancing. Speaker 1 Do you have a favorite Wiggle song? Yeah. Speaker 4 What's your fave? Speaker 2 I'd probably go big red car. I do like that big. Speaker 4 Red car is very good. Speaker 2 To chug a chug a big red car. Travel near and we travel far. Speaker 4 That's complex. Speaker 2 But that's there's no one. I'm wondering what's it like to be in The Wiggles? Yeah, I actually love to get one The Wiggles. Speaker 4 And they a bit like that. Speaker 2 They must go home and strangle fucking shit. Speaker 1 Like do MMA. Speaker 2 Hundred, 100% they have to be either a street fight, kicking the photo someone or getting the shit kicked out with them because like what happens when they're on set? It's like, OK lads, we're going to go for a take and they just go. Speaker 4 Yeah. Speaker 2 Turn hot potato, hot potato and then like it's like cut and they're just like out the back fucking smoke. Speaker 1 Could be just happy people. Speaker 2 On a fucking crack pipe, 100% I don't. Speaker 1 Know if the wiggles are on crack? Now let's just put a maybe. Beside that, let's put a question. Speaker 4 Is it is it a bit, is it a bit like smash hits? Do they have like they have rotation of members if you know as far? Speaker 2 As I know people will come and go, but it's it's, it's the same kind. Speaker 4 Solid. Speaker 1 OK, in the videos, yeah, they're they look the same gang all the time. Speaker 4 Same gang, yeah. Speaker 2 So that's my life lads, that's why. Not in the weekly round up this week. Speaker 1 Wiggled out of it. Speaker 2 Just been a lot of wiggles. All-Ireland Final: Suits vs. Polos Tradition Yeah, sounds good. Speaker 1 Umm hey and a funny one as we were kind of talking off air about them. So the all Ireland hurling final was on hmm. And Limerick were unbelievable, unbelievable level again. Speaker 2 They went down and didn't know more about it. Speaker 1 No more about it. Absolutely unbelievable. That's at the old. Speaker 2 Harlan miseration to go well as young team. Speaker 1 Yeah, at the banquet. The Sunday game always cuts live to the banquet. Yeah, and we think the Limerick could be the first team ever to not wear suits. Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm not. I'm not sure if they've done this before, if Limerick had previous for this. I'm not 100% sure of this, but when I was watching I was like, are they wearing polishers? Why aren't they wearing the suits? Speaker 1 How me and Johnny would be traditionalists like it's the order and final. Speaker 2 I also. Speaker 1 You stayed here for the guy, for us. Like it's like Toronto's shirt like. Speaker 2 Yeah, I think you should. You should have a suit. So who doesn't like a suit? Also as well, the pundits and RT Joe Canning had like a double breasted blazer and a shirt and don't log had the suit and people are always don't like wearing a suit. But traditionally going back years and years, yeah, like they'd always have the full suits for dollar and final. The pundits. Yeah, yeah, name. She did a shortly shirt on. It was fair hot and cruel power. I will come some slack. He's a tip man, but like I'm come on name. I'm the tie. I'm wondering if it is y'all are in final should be just some traditions. Like do you ever see the old footage from like the 60s and 70s? Every fella in the crowd were in a suit because it's like Sunday when the Sunday maybe for the other and fine, we should keep a tradition. Speaker 1 But with the FA Cup in this change as well. Speaker 2 Yeah, the FA Cup used to have, the managers will always wear suits for the FA Cup final on the sideline, on the sideline. And then that like got done away with them over the years and. Speaker 1 The team had to turn up in. Speaker 2 Suits. Yeah, yeah, no, they all wear tracks. Speaker 1 Do they still do a parade? Speaker 2 The managers still walk out in front, Yeah, for the FA Cup final. Speaker 1 And what are the team where I think they're? Speaker 2 During their kit, then by then, but like it used to be, the two teams come out of Tunnel and Wembley for the FA Cup final. The manager would be first in a suit with a flower like a wedding and then the team behind. Speaker 1 What happened back in the day? Remember the Liverpool? We were kids that live famous Liverpool. Speaker 2 White suits, Yeah, yeah, Liverpool. Liverpool team like you, always had an ethical final suit and Liverpool team wore that white suit. Speaker 1 In 1996 did you do a lap at the pitch when that? Speaker 2 They come out and just walk the pitch first. Speaker 1 In their suit. Speaker 2 Yeah, and then the white Armani suits. Speaker 1 When you get talked out then yeah. So that's gone with the FA Cup as well. Yeah, they're. Speaker 2 All just in tracks as you only see him. Speaker 1 And then Limerick didn't first team, as we far as we know, to not wear suits. Yeah, in the banquet, yeah, I like a bit of pageantry. Biggest day of the year. Speaker 2 You'd like to see them in suits as well. Speaker 1 Yeah, they look. Speaker 2 The everyone looks good in the. Speaker 1 Suit, they obviously talked about it and said we don't want to wear the. Speaker 2 Suit Yeah, yeah, they were more casual. Speaker 1 Polish shirts. Speaker 2 Polish polos. Yeah, polos and and the chinos. Speaker 1 And they didn't wear matching stuff at the homecoming. Speaker 2 No, they're all just their own casual civvies on. Speaker 1 So we've been lucky enough I've been at hip homecomings, eh, singing and whatnot. Speaker 2 You know, one thing I thought was like, haven't seen the tip homecomers and those doing a couple was like how do the security know who's who's who? Because it could be a panel of 40 lads and they're all. Speaker 1 Wearing helmets on the game. Speaker 2 At least if they all arrive in and matching pops you're like he's with the team. Speaker 1 Yeah, maybe they had arm bands. Speaker 2 Maybe they couldn't. Speaker 1 Responded. Speaker 2 They could have. Speaker 1 Responded. I was. Speaker 2 There, never thought of that. Speaker 1 Yeah, but I I'd like to know if people think about the suits on our final day. Thank You and See You Next Week Fair enough. Speaker 2 Let us know lads. That's it for this week from me, Johnny smacks. Speaker 1 From me Johnny B me Africa, that's. Speaker 2 For me, Neil, see you next week, Juan. Good luck. Speaker 1 Johnny's recorded