Ep 314: Uncle Sam Wants YOU To Have A Cock Ring

This is an iHeart Podcast, Guaranteed Human. I am talking to a felon right now with face tattoos, and I cannot decide if I like him or not. That was a caller from my podcast, Therapy Gecko, where I speak with anonymous callers about their problems, relationships, and anything else in the depths of their mind. It all happens on my show, Therapy Gecko. So if you're trying to get out of your own head and into someone else's, this is the podcast for you. Welcome to Therapy Gecko on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Self-care September is your reminder to slow down, check in with yourself, get off your phone, and maybe ask why am I like this? I'm Gemis Bek, host of the Psychology of your 20s podcast, and this month we're helping you make sense of the person that you are becoming, from setting boundaries and navigating friendships, to understanding anxiety, confidence, relationships, and attachment. Sometimes our biggest decisions, without us even realizing it, aren't driven by what we truly want, but by what will prevent us from feeling lonely or being alone. Listen to the psychology of your 20s on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. On Big Lives, we take a single cultural icon. People like Jane Fonda, George Michael, Little Richard. And we pull apart the story behind the image, discovering forgotten interviews that changed exactly how we see these giants of our culture. We're here for the messy, the brilliant, the human version of our heroes. Bobby Mantel-Jochi? I'm Kai Wright. And this is Big Lives. Listen to Big Lives on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Bobby Beones. Join me and former NFL quarterback Matt Castle, every Wednesday, on our podcast, lots to say, with me, Bobby Beones, and Matt Castle. You're in training camp and the rookie quarterback has one good throwing session in front of the media. Suddenly, everybody online says he should start over you week one. How do you handle this? You just go back out to practice the next day and wait for him to mess up. Listen to lots to say with Bobby Beones and Matt Castle on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's up? I'm Tony Gonzalez. And I'm October Gonzalez. But you can call me Toby. We want you to join us on our new podcast No Safe Words with October and Tony Gonzalez. We get real about marriage, parenthood, sex, divorce and all the nitty gritty stuff we all think about. But just don't say out loud. You're probably just going to be some rich guy and he's going to whisk you away. Wow. Listen to No Safe Words with October and Tony Gonzalez on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This is Important, literally my computer comes up and it was a skull and crossbones and it goes, "Haha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha." Can we see LeBron's foot with a cock ring? Let's just say my day is still in bacon, maybe over. Yeah, fuck all up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're back, yeah, yeah, dude, Satan, you deserve it. Wait, go through, go through a bunch, go through a bunch. Okay, he got it. Let's get inspired comedically. I got nothing. It's so funny. Yeah. So funny. See your pizza. Oh my God. Comedy God. Yes. Comedy God. Comedy God. Comedy judge. What the fuck did that do wrong? What is that from? I don't know what the fuck they're doing. Yeah, there's some of these I feel like I have never heard we might have put it in, never played. They're deep cuts. Look at that. Wow. Right before we got on the podcast Blake decided to flip off the camera right as, all right, sound engineer. I think that's what it is. Mark, son came into frame and Blake was flipping off his son. Thank you. And I was, I was like, that was rude, dude, but you weren't. You weren't doing that? No. No. And it made me think like, because his son, I don't know, how, how do you think that son was? A 10 year old son? I'm a terrible, I don't, I'm not sure. I don't know. What age would do, were you starting to release the birds? You know, it's Adam. It's like off the potty. He's throwing the birds and then it's like three, two, one. We're on and he goes, I don't know how old people are. Yeah. Okay. I'm not sure. Just take it. Just fucking shot in the dark, man. I'm just saying eight, ten. I didn't get a good look at the boy. He got a good look. So now he's a boy. Good enough look to flip him birds, dude, to release birds. I wasn't flipping him off. I was showing you guys the differences in my fingers because one is a little bit. The one is a little wonky. What's thick? I'd like to take that's the bowling pin. I'd like to start with one and finish with the other. What really? What happened here? Wait, wait. I tried to, my buddy has a diving board. Not real. And we were trying to do dives. He said his pool was ten feet deep. It wasn't that deep. I went straight to the bottom. I jammed my freaking. You didn't text me first about this. I should have. I should have. You were out of your depths. So wait, you dove. You were trying to figure out how deep the pool was by diving headfirst into the pool? No. I said before I jumped off the diving board, which this is why they're illegal now. I said, hey, how deep is your pool? He said it's ten. Let's have like a diving competition. I'm like, okay. I got this. Win. Straight up. Aren't you in your 40s? Yeah, man. I can't do this anymore. I love it. I love it. I need to have more diving competitions with a friend. Was it just you two in a backyard? What is at the stage? I need so much more. We got an hour. I got an hour. Take your time. Oh, I was. It was when I was back in Concord, this past couple, because this is like three weeks old. This is like three. Yes. This is like three weeks old now. So this is what I'm imagining. You, you're down at your local, your local bar, you're, you're belly'd up, you're belly'd up. And this guy looks over at you and goes, I got a pool. And you go, no shit. You have a pool. And he's like, I can't wonder if diving contests. You paint me as a real digener, then you guys go over to his pool. And maybe you think something else is going on. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. You just put him for a diving contest. I don't know what you're thinking. Yeah. But then you get over there and it's an actual diving contest. This is what I'm imagining. Okay. But it wasn't this. It was just an old friend. To random cowboys, like, let's go have a diving contest. And I'm like, I didn't say let's go, let's go. No, I was hanging with my old, not even high school, my elementary school friends. The friends I've had for, I know them boys for decades. I know them boys. What's up boys? Did you say not even elementary school? No, elementary, starting an elementary. Yeah. Yeah. It's hard to make friends pre-elementary. Second grade off. Hey, we've all got them. Shout out Brian Harper. Where you at? Okay, bye. My friend Adam, the, you've met, he has a pool. We know that. It's a massive pool. It's one of the bigger pools and it also has a diving board. This is how you know it's like a pool that was built in like the 80s or 70s or 60s. Right. Because it's grandfathered in. Yeah. Yeah. And by the way, hey, this is only in California. It's not a nation-wide ban on really? Yeah. It's California. We're fucking bitches, dude. Oh no, dude. Love it or leave it, love it or leave it. There should be more zippables with diving boards. No man. Yes. No. They're dangerous. They're terrible. They're terribly fun and awesome. No, you just gotta know. You just gotta know what you're doing. They're dangerous. I know what I'm doing. I'm a good diver. I am too good. That's why my hand got hurt. It's because I hit the water at such a direction. So yeah. Tell the story. Tell the story. You're doing just like what? Like a pike fucking. And what are you doing off this thing? I don't know the terminology of swimming. What is a pike? It's diving. It's a dive. Where you go like this and then you unfold. You like, I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. That's what I was trying to do. You know how you like to touch your toes? I can touch my toes. It's like that on a diving board. I bet you not. But I can't do it mid-air. So wait. So basically the one dive that everyone that can dive does. You can't touch your toes in mid-air and go back down. Yes, I can. And it's well documented that Adam is the king of touching his toes. Absolutely not. That is so hard. Palms to the floor. I can touch my toes so easily. You're saying you can jump up, touch your toes, and then reverse your body down. Yes. Yes. Like you're just describing most kids afternoon when they're like, okay, we've all dove that one way, everyone can do it. That's the way that's the dive that everyone that's the dive. If you say posted in fucking California and I diving board with easy access, I don't have any diving boards. There's no diving boards near me, they're fucking outlawed, dude. I know. As they should be. By the way, when you hear a diving board in a backyard, you hear that like, you're like, whoa. That's summer. Grandfather Dan. Hey, look, I used to be able to tear up like Grandfather was fucking cool as shit. He was. Yeah. I used to be able to tear up a diving board, but now I have a little more weight on me. So I go a little deeper when I hit the water. Yeah. A little deeper. One of my favorite, this is not something anyone will understand, but it's one of my favorite things ever is when you're on like a real diving board at a pool, right? Thank you. little dial on the side and you use your foot to kind of Crank it for a little more floppy or a little less floppy. Yeah, that makes it tight or a tight spring or a real flop dog. There's nothing more like than watching somebody do it. And be like, this one's about to be crazy. Crank it. Crank it. Crank it. I don't know what that is. I've never seen that before. It looks like a giant bottle cap on the side of the diving board. See Blake? This is where you say, I what a great diver you are. I'm not. You don't know what a pike it. You literally said that just just a few minutes ago. You said I'm a great diver, dude. I'm a great diver. And you said that two or three times. But Blake, we all know Blake is one of those natural athletes anywhere anytime he's ready. He might not know the vernacular or even what he's doing, but he'll do it. Obviously. I love hyping up Blake. It's one of my favorite things. Thank you. Thank you. A little more of that, please. It's the second everything after knocking him down 30 pegs. Yeah. And we know this to not be true. I would say none of us, the three of us, none of us are natural athletes. What? Wow. What constitutes a natural athlete? I can. There's a lot of things. I'll say about all three of us. Growing up, growing up, growing up, you know, you had that kid in the neighborhood that was great at football, that was great at basketball, that was great at baseball, who got on a skateboard and it clicked, sure, who could swim all the way, fucking over there and back, and it's not a thing. And you might be able to do one of them. I was good at baseball. I was not good at the other. I was really good at. You want to know what I was really good at, and Adam, we know who you're talking about. We could all say it at the same time. You're talking about Mike McCoy. Oh, I guess you're not going to say it. I guess I was, but you were, you were always like, there's a guy who just, you could do it all, right? That was a free dude. He could dunk a basketball in like seventh or eighth grade, it was a wild feed. Well he matured, I think he matured early. He got all the like height and stuff. Hit Harry Caves, young. But by the way, was then good at everything. Was good at everything. When I matured, I wasn't suddenly good at all the sports. Well, I don't care how good you don't get until junior year of high school. I bet that I could beat Mike McCoy at steal the bacon. Nobody could beat me at steal the bacon. That was where my skills, any other, any take back, I'm ready to go. I'm ready to go. It couldn't beat me. It's still a little. We're talking about, we're talking about natural athletes, but I also hate to steal the bacon. I also hate to say, uh, steal the bacon's like, hey, can these kids play baseball or not? I feel like he's probably pretty good at steal the bacon. steal the bacon is an elite game, and you have to have fast twists. You gotta be able to think on your feet like when you both get to the bacon at the same time. That is the most intense. I believe competition McCoy gets to the bacon. And you're still going. You're still like, oh, you haven't found the bacon. You didn't realize where the bacon was. You remember when a kid would just grab the bacon and you hadn't even gotten close to getting there. And then you just are like, no, I don't remember that. I don't remember that. Personally, like those were those were the natural athletes. Okay. So fine. You're good at steal the bacon and prison ball. You're see, you're not naming sports capture. You say prison ball. Prison ball. Yes. What is that? Why do you suddenly have a list? What's happening? It's part. I don't know. Yes. You don't have a list. Yes. It did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. What is prison ball? Don't tell me that's like the base. That basketball that has no backboard. No. Prison ball was kind of like a, it's like dodge ball. But like you, you would put people in prison if you like caught the ball. Bomb ornament. I, I don't know. I haven't played the game in a long time. Yeah. Dude. Hey, guess what? I fucking, I crushed Red Rover. Red Rover. We're talking about real sports here. We're talking about a true natural athlete. Not someone. Yeah. We're talking, we're going to let Adam drop Red Rover, but we're also. This is bullshit. This is bullshit. This is bullshit. This is bullshit. It all happens on my show Therapy Gecko, where we have real conversations just like this. Sometimes I'll have my girlfriend pre-tune spicy food and kind of baby bird it into my mouth. Is that weird? This week is Human Connection Week. We're taking a peek into the lives of various strangers who found my phone number online. We'll hear their funny moments, their difficult ones, and their unexpectedly profound ones. These are real conversations with real people figuring out life one call at a time. Listen to Therapy Gecko on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I was saying that if we can all name some childhood game that we're good at, but I'm talking about a real sport. I know, but my point is that you named one just like he's naming, but your point is that we shouldn't be naming him. Look, I'm really good at being back. I mean, we could all name one. Being back dodgeball, but. There's can't even name one well, I had to think about one, I had to think about it. I was going to have a childhood of a second tier real sport. Anyway, I was going to say I do think Blake's an athlete. I've run with Blake. Blake is quick. Thank you. I think Blake looks great with a shirt off, which is not necessarily making him an athlete, which is always fun. A lot of times you line up next to someone, you're like, God damn, I'm about to get worked. And then you don't, they are so bad, it's crazy. Sure. Then you find out that they just don't care, and they're a fuck machine on the side. And that's kind of the main thing. You made him cosy, what Blake and I even use his body to be a fuck machine. That's what sucks. I used it to be a musical machine and I don't know if you can play any instrument singing and dancing musical theater, my friends. Okay. Dammit. Excuse me. I was Applegate and Dam Yankees in the Clayton Valley High School production of Dam Yankees. You know when they talk about peaking in high school? Absolutely. I think that happened to you right then. Hey, trying to think of my song, take your time. Those were the good days. I see. I do remember this all. I think Adam, Adam, you, I have pretty good hand eye, you're a good ping pong player, you're a big throwing things across the room into the garbage can guy. Right. I love doing it. You know, I love doing it. I think you're a, you're a marksman. You're a marksman. Okay. I'm obviously a speed burst. My fast twitch reflexes, I'm very dexteritous and then Ders is raw power, so that's what we have. Yeah. I don't know about that. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I'd say Ders is great at swimming. I'm a regular Michael Clark Duncan. I can swim. I could do a standing back with back in the day. I'm like bodily coordinated if that makes sense. I don't know if I can catch things or I think that makes a lot of sense to me sexually. We'll be right back. There's a catchphrase, there's a catchphrase. We're talking catchphrases. Okay. I think I'm raising it all started is because you wanted to get to the root of you remembered the first time you ever threw the bird at somebody. I remember the first time I was a, I was about that young boy's age. Well, I think I was like maybe eight or so and I remember these kids way down the way. They were a lot older. These kids were like in like eighth grade or something, seventh eighth grade and they did something. They like kicked our ball or they took it and from like a block away. I was like, Oh, yeah, double birds, double flying birds. So the first time you ever did it was double. Yeah. Yeah, that's you. That's like getting done before you kiss. And they sprinted down the street and beat my ass. I'm kidding. I'm not kidding. They physically assaulted me. I was eight years old. These kids were had to have been at least five years older than me. They came down and beat the shit out of me. We'll be more specific. Keep me in the head multiple times. Got me on the ground. Yeah, they put my bike through it into a tree, the chain fell off and then they took my shirt and ripped it off of me. So then I and it only had the collar and was hanging off my body and I had to walk my bike home without the chain. Bro, it was a nightmare, did you leave the collar on? You just left the collar on necklace. Yeah, I left the collar on and it was still like hanging kind of off me. It looked like a sad cape. I remember it was a fucking first time in my life. I got my ass kicked. And it was all from the probably the first time I ever threw up the birds. And that's not the only time I was beating up for throwing the birds. So when I see you throw up a bird. especially a double bird. I'm like, oh shit. - I'm surprised. I'm surprised. - I'm surprised. Fuck it. - That's a fighting bird. - Mars kid doesn't climb through the screen and put some hands on you. - Oh my God! - And so Blake, you dive into this pool. (laughing) - Sure. - Hands first, stream line, like a pencil. - Like a pencil, a regular dive. - Yeah, that's what I tried to do. - And then you just, you go straight into the ground at the bottom of the pool. - Yeah, so my middle finger hits first. And as soon as it happened, I was like, oh fuck, I just broke my finger. But I haven't gone to the doctor for it because I've been going for my feet lately, but I might, I have a physical today. So I might have them run this through the X-ray too. - Yeah. - Yeah. - It's going on with feet. - No one can cut your toes. - It sucks. - It sucks. - Well, I talked about it like the two weeks. TI nation was pretty good. I had people in the DM some like real, I think, doctors or at least people who, like, really have? - Is that what it is? - No, my X-rays came back. It looks like I have a little tiny fuel spurs. Bitch. (laughing) - There's a maze. - I told you, my man just shoots them across the room and they always go in. - The doctor told me I have a little tiny bit of a tree. And they were, I've heard about that. - I should say my days are still in bacon. - Maybe over, they maybe over. I might have stole my last bacon. - Uh-huh. - Yeah, so I have a tiny little fuel spurs. - Fuel spurs. - Fuel spurmin, someone busted in my heels and then it's swimming around in there. So I don't know. I have a appointment with a podiatrist and we're gonna get to the bottom of this. - Now, do you go to a doctor in Beverly Hills? - Where do you go? - I'm like a burbank kind of guy. I like to keep it pretty warm core. - That should work. - I don't need J-Lo's doctor looking at me. Come on, man. - I don't know. You seen her feet? - Actually. - She's got great feet. - Oh, right. - And she was a dancer too. You know, a lot of time you look at those dancers in their feet are. - Narrow. - Whoa, yeah. - Look at like freaking Lebron James. - Type 25 hole. - Absolutely. Have you seen Lebron James's toes? Those things are. - Pull them on. - Are they really? - Are they really? - Are they really bad? - Well, they must grow in the gym. - Yeah, you're going back and forth and basketball shoes for 40 years. - That's what I'm saying. How does everybody not have heel spurs? Why am I getting them? This is kind of pissing me off. - You probably run like an idiot. - I think I do. - Do you run like a. - I bet you come down on your heel and that is an outing. - I used to do that in a head of change. - I know I run on the inside of my feet. - I run on the inside. - Prone for you. - Prone for you. - Yeah, I think I'm right in there. - Prone for you. That'll get your little bitch feet hurting. Yeah. So yeah, I don't know, man. I'm trying to figure it out 'cause I don't want to hang up my running shoes. That would make me really sad. - Okay, yes. So here, click on the link in the chat and you will see Lebron James' feet. They're all dancing with each other, dude. - Whoa, whoa, I was not expecting that. His pinky toe is, he's got a hammer toe, huh? - I think that's what all basketball players' toes look like. - No, that can't be real. - His pinky toe is trying to get out. - That can't be real. Dude, that thing is coming out of the top of his foot. - Can't, well, imagine, you're just (mimicking) and there's no way. He basically, all of his foot rests on his big toe. Everything else is like retreating. - Shack, he's got a hammer toe. Look at this, he has bunions, hammer toe, and then he's got a little pinky in the brain happening. - Whoa. - That's crazy. - I don't know what that is. - And his second toe is like the big toe and then the one right next to it. It looks like the skin has worn off the top of it from rubbing against the shoe while funky. - This is blowing my mind. - I wonder if any of these guys, a lot of times, like distance runners, we'll just have their toenails surgically removed for good so that they don't get like gnarly black toe and like the nails keep falling off and all that. - I wonder if basketball players are doing that at all, or anything? - Bow just did something very gnarly to me the other day. I had my feet-- - Bow Jackson. Adam's been hanging on Bow Jackson. - Bow! - Bow Jackson. My son, Bow Jackson. I had my son bow, I had my feet up on the coffee table and I was sitting on the couch and I have a, my toes are disgusting and we talked about this. But I have a, what do you call it? - Foot fungus, not foot fungus, but like the fungus of the toenails. - You're fucking disaster my guy and it's for sure gross and they look disgusting. - Are they yellow? - My leg, I was already hit by a cement truck so they look disgusting anyway. So I don't really care. - Part for the course. - But it's just, this toenail is just like sort of hanging in there and bow, grabbed it and goes, Daddy, what's this? And then goes and tried to rip it off as if it were like a ticket that he was taking. - Yeah. - As a way to describe it, as a way to describe it, I see where he's coming from. - It worked dude, it almost ripped off. I was, it was starting to bleed. It was a whole fucking thing. - Was that a moment where he hurt you so bad and the shock went through your body so quickly that like you kind of instantly almost like hit your wall? Yeah, like you almost got physical with him. - Sometimes those, those things happen where you would immediately go into fight mode instead of fight. - It doesn't happen to the three. - No, no, no, no, tell us more about you abusing your children Blake. - No, this isn't me, I've done it. - If my kid fucking hurts me, I grab them so fast and and I believe this. - I hold so firm as I, as I grimace. - We're both underwater. - Yeah. - This is the, this is this common training. So it's 5 a.m. - E.L.E. - Oh no. - But I've been like hit in the face. I think I told you guys, I had to go get surgery. Where I've been like hurt and I fucking grab out of reflex and I just hold and I go, you're like, you can't, just do things like that and you know, once the blood clears from their eyes, they see what I'm talking about. - Right. They know. - That's right, I think you know. - No, I didn't do that. He actually felt very bad right away. You know, he knew that he shouldn't have done that and then he was saying, 'cause he was like, you're being a bitch, you're being a Blake. He kept saying I'm being a Blake, dude. That was actually, yeah. - What? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's catching on, yeah. - That's what your household says? - Yeah, it's being a Blake. - There's a whole lot to talk about it. - But he does know both of your names. He goes, that's Blake and then he says, Durs in the way that Jetset would say Durs. - Dur. - Dur. - Do you love him? - Go Blake and Dur. - Keep that. - Let it ride. - And what are the odds that he is Jetset reincarnated? - Honestly, high. - Real high. - Yeah, real high. - That would be incredible. That would be incredible. - I mean, a comedy god, as a son, that born-in-rich-funked-funk. - Yeah. - Yeah, that's pretty fun, dude. (dramatic music) - I am talking to a felon right now with face tattoos and I cannot decide if I like him or not. - That was a caller from my podcast, Therapy Gecko, where I speak with anonymous callers about their problems, relationships, and anything else in the depths of their mind. It all happens on my show, Therapy Gecko, where we have real conversations just like this. - Sometimes I'll have my girlfriend pre-choose spicy food and kind of baby bird it into my mouth. Is that weird? - This week is Human Connection Week. We're taking a peek into the lives of various strangers who've found my phone number online. - That call was really pivotal for me. Hey, it's Emily Tish Sussman, and this season on She Pivots, the podcast where women share bold career moves and personal turning points that changed everything. I sit down with culture-shifting women who share their pivots like Para Olympian Alley Truett. I was like, "I'm a month out from a shark attack. "There's no way in 11 months I'm making the verilandics." - Advocate Elizabeth Smart. - I still feel that drive that I can still make a difference, so I'm gonna keep going. - Celebrity Chef Carla Hall was that scary to walk away from such a stable career after just two years? - No, I was more afraid of being unhappy than I was broke in a dead and job that I didn't enjoy. - And feminist legend, Gloria Steinem. - All of us were trying to express women's real lives. We need a meeting place of our own, and if I can contribute to that, I'd like to maintain that and leave this house for that purpose. - Listen to She Pivots on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. - Hey, it's Bobby Bones. Join me and former NFL quarterback, Matt Castle. Every Wednesday, on our podcast, lots to say with me, Bobby Bones and Matt Castle. We also bring in friends and mostly match friends, who are current or former NFL players. Some of the biggest names in music and entertainment, and then we have some really great conversations that can pretty much go anywhere. The great, Taik Man Jones. - After the game to hold national task force police. This was at the stadium. Like, hey, buddy, yeah, you, Adam, come on. And one of my favorite segments we do is called situational awareness. Where Bobby and I give each other real life situations and figure out what we'd actually do. You're in training camp, and the rookie quarterback has one good throwing session in front of the media. Suddenly, everybody online says he should start over a week one. Listen to lots to say with Bobby Bellens and Matt Castle on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, it's that time again. Backpacks, first day of school outfits, and the low-key anxiety of, it might be doing this, right? Good mom's bad choices is diving into the back to school season. The way only we know how unfiltered, funny, and full of the moments other shows won't touch from surviving morning drop-offs to the guilt of missing the first bake sale. I already told me the next season she wants to join a club team that's by your house. So I was like, so you want me to pick you up from school? I'll take you by my house. But then I have to take you there, and then I have to drive back. And then some days I'm here, and I have to go pick you up at school, and then bring you-- I was just like, hell no. This is a space where moms trade their highlight reel for the real reel, whether you're new mom, a veteran mom, or just trying to make it to pick up on time. This season of Good Mom's Bad Choices is for you. Listen to Good Mom's Bad Choices from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. The US Open is back. That's right. Two weeks of incredible, exciting tennis. Some outrageous overreactions from players, and some hot takes from people who have, let's face it. No idea what they're talking about, but it's OK, because I'm here for them and you. I'm Renee Stubbs. And on the Renee Stubbs tennis podcast, I'll be breaking down everything that happens after big matches, who's playing the best tennis, who looks like they could possibly win this tournament, the surprise runs, the heartbreaking exits, and all the drama that only the US Open can deliver. Coco, looking real good. Her serve looks so much smoother than it has in the past. I was really happy to see Yiga back to what she looked like a couple of years ago when she was winning dominantly. Listen, I'm going to let Venus decide when she wants to retire. I'm going to let the tournaments decide when they don't want to give her a wall card, because she still puts bums and sates, she still sells, and people love to see her play. You always say on this show that this is the best predictor of who will do well at the US Open. If this is a preview, then we are in for a treat. Listen to the Renee Stubbs tennis podcast on the IHOT radio app, Apple Podcasts all aware, ever you get you podcasts. Just do you let your child watch Michael Jackson music videos? Two. All too long. That's the only thing. Yeah, that's the only thing he does, too. Good. We love. Has he watched any? My kids watched them hell, young. Yeah, we have a lot of Michael Jackson. I don't think he's seen it. I remember putting on Thriller, Real Young. Remember the time. I don't think he's seen any music videos. Really? How do you even play a music video on your television? Vivo. Or just a little YouTube? Yeah. You need to have some music videos running, dude. That's how kids learn. That's how we learned everything. Sure. Those were all my sexual awakenings, where Mark McGrath taught me almost everything I know about everything. Tony Braxton. Come on. She taught me about belly buttons. Well, yeah, he's two years old, dude. I feel like he's got some time to watch music videos. No, you never know. You keep telling yourself that. You never know, man. You want to just get these music videos blown. Put on corn, freak it on a leash, dude. Yeah, dude. Is that the one with the anime bullet? Yeah. That was the bullet that came through. Yeah. Good video. The freaking best, dude. It's a bagel. Dude, tell you what, I don't even like that, like new metal. I don't know. That wasn't my favorite. That was not my favorite type of music. Sure. Um. Awkward. Shout out. Shout out. Yeah. Every fan you have just went. What? Nucky Grimble. Except for Creed. Crete is not new metal well I was more into like punk and pop punk and stuff like that when I was a kid New metal got a little little dark dark for me now I'm all new metal all the way yeah your full science and you with the umlons But but you put on Corn radio on Spotify for a workout you do dude that'll get that'll get you going all of a sudden your lifting weights that you never even You could let dude Fucking people you're you turn into a freak on a lead. Yeah, you do you're getting corn power So what what ends up being played because I know if I ever put on a radio station that I like as as in like I like the artist Then you just get some like stray dogs in there that you're like this is not like bcboys You'll get you'll turn on bcboys radio and get corn and I got to go. What are we doing Spotify what how do we get here? And the longer you listen the weirder it gets hmm the algorithm starts to starts to get a little Or I feel like it just kind of gives up and what it was doing and then just goes like this is the music you actually like Yeah, what are you doing? There we go corn radio corn limp is get yeah, that's the one two punts. Yeah, that's what I can't I don't need Spotify to tell me that okay Come on, and then you're getting deft tones then you're getting drowning pool then you're getting my boy Rob Zombie Dracula that's water trash That one goes that one. How's that one go did I? Okay It's trucker rock you're describing what I would think Kyle's walk up song would be if he was in the MLB Hey, see you remember what I said I wasn't that in the new matter I guess I take it back because all these fuckers song good, but I don't know would I I don't know of Rob zombies New metal New metal category I think to be a new metal you have well, maybe you have to have like somebody like on the turntable Oh, I think you have to have turntables to be new man. Oh To me that's kind of a is that right is that maybe not maybe not I don't I don't know No, keep going cuz you this is something. I don't know anything about it It was like a very specific genre, so you never listen to any Lincoln Park Absolutely not You never you never gave and that's not a and that's not a diss to them It just was so not something I would ever be interested in Fucking disaster my guy even when even when they did collision course with Jay-Z you weren't we've covered this Yeah, we have we have okay, so and you the use of that song in the Miami Vice movie trailer, right, right Ely But imagine you're you're about to Thank you And you you put on your headphones and you don't you don't have the energy and it's a big whatever day a chess game You're like I want to try to put at some numbers today dog. Yeah, and That's song by me a drowning pool body boobs are huge. Yeah, come on. That's an all-time That's an all-time It doesn't it doesn't There's nothing inside of me that identifies with that hot hot hot That's of course you're not I mean you're not a murderer You're not you're not you're not the bodies aren't hitting the floor But no, but even just the energy up. It doesn't psych you up. That doesn't get you rock That wouldn't get you going, dude. I feel like I would run through a wall for that song Well, Adam, I think you truly Should have joined the military in that case because these are like these are like who raw? These are like power songs for for the army. Yeah, a Midwestern boy. Yeah, who graduated high school in the early 2000s I feel like I'm very hurrah Yeah, it was before yeah when who raw was okay, but I and I probably would have joined the military probably 2000 I graduated in the early 2000s 2000 the the attacks just happened. Oh, but damn, but then I was hit by the cement truck Dude, oh, they said if you weren't hit by the metric You're one of the most gifted natural athletes. We've ever seen okay, they might have said that I didn't go in But instead he's just throwing trash across the room from wheelchair So just like no, do you really do you you did you foresee yourself joining the armed forces at all? Was that ever a consideration? Did you ever have some sort of a it was for me when I was six for sure? Okay, yeah, when I was J.I. Joe. Yeah, I used to love J.I. Joe come on. No, no, not really I mean, but also like who knows what the what kind of person I would have become if I hadn't been hit by the cement truck Right, the cement truck led me into the arts. Well, of course, because I might physically do anything else We could be on a podcast with Adam Rittenhouse Butterfly effect you change one thing American icon Cuz isn't that kind of a thing like in the Midwest you get you guys get recruited pretty hard, right? I feel like out in California. They they weren't coming by the the damn Yankees musical and trying to recruit me. That's right. You're from a suburb of the in the Bay area And I don't think that it's it's hitting too hard out there But in the Midwest out in the country is generations of people who were in the middle And so it's a little more normalized yeah, I have a lot of family in the military That was never something that you you felt you even wanted to consider well I couldn't right Blake, and I think I've is I've said this multiple times now I'm trying to make it I was hit by a goddamn cement from right or else I and I don't know Because my you know it changed the chemistry of my brain, but I went on a different road to be this artist You see before you today. Yes You're doing a heck of a job, man. Yes. Yes, or I could have been a fucking GI Joe Would have been sick ultimate soldier dude. Do you think I would have killed bin Laden? I think you could have made it to seal team. Do you think maybe I was a seal team six material? I feel like you would have been like a GI Joe and you would have got grenades that were like the shape of football You would have changed the game grenade grenades Absolutely right would have explosive nerf vortex. Yeah I would say out of the three of us. I'm probably though. I was the most likely to get recruited into the military You also have an army body. You got army body. Yeah, we're like you can fit on a submarine Mm-hmm. I think that's Navy body, isn't it? Whatever fucking military body you got to be able to fit inside of like a tank You're saying he's like it. Yeah, I think the military takes all all body types I don't know about shapes, but all sizes like you're saying height. Yeah, height Yeah, there's certain hinds where it's not an advantage You're like all right. I gotta sit in this fucking tank and I'm six three and this other dude next to me's five ten Oh, I never thought of that. No, I think you you get to your two tall for the ride You're like this guy's too big to be a tank. No, I think I think I described it when they tried to recruit me I go I'm too tall for the ride. Sorry guys. I'm gonna go to college and swim I feel like I met a lot when I did the USO tour Moving to Iraq and Afghanistan over Christmas. Mm-hmm I felt like I met a lot of very tall, very strapping men that were bigger than doors Hmm that I were in the military and yeah, I feel like you could have joined if if and when you wanted to but Yeah, yeah, yeah, I wish you didn't say you felt like you met I wish you said that you just that you did me. Well, I can't yes. I did mean. I did mean Who knows before was just a feeling now. It's a fact. It's funny how that works Was that ever something you explored? Did you ever think of maybe that's all your honor? Did you ever think of serving your country? No, we're at my high school Is either people who took advantage of the things that the military can provide for you as far as like you know Getting out of where you are paying towards education all that or it was that's absolute craziest people that I knew yeah Who were like murder like but we like but we can do it. Let's go Like cool Yeah, then they were like mercenaries after the military and all that kind of stuff Oh, so they actually were really successful in their field. Yeah. Yeah, they really saw some shit. Yeah damn Would do came back from like his first tour whatever and I'm like, dude like what the fuck is it like out there? He goes check this out. I'm like what he goes you use one of these things. I'm like What am I looking at? He's like the fucking cock ring bro. I was like I was like is that like a fucking as Blake was a grenade pen like what what what what are we looking at here? That was my his big like I'm home. I'm gonna tell you guys what it's like out there Let's do some international waters throwing on a cock ring and just blowing bags out My god, so we see fucking. I mean is he fucking dudes? You love him? No, not fucking dudes. No, no, no, no, okay Well, he's he's fucking service women. Uh-huh. Um, or he's Fucking late. He's a land hoe He's saying he's going he's hitting land and he's a like he's gone Dude, that's that's the perks of the job right there. I just remember being like all right So he got a grenade pin in it in the head in the head of his cock and he started hitting the ports hard I guess so and he came back and reported to you that life was good and so now we're all like We've just gone into the military. You get a free cock ring There's something fun about it about just you and your boys Right doing a mission. Sure. By the way. Hey, most of the time. I would say 90 blowing up 98% of the time. You're just fucking working out kicking at the mess hall. Sure. You know fucking chopping it up Yeah, and then you're called into some shit and then you get and then they go hey good job boys Go into port and then you could throw on the cock ring What does it sound like the worst you're like gentlemen? Yeah Sign me up gentlemen grab your weapon This is what I feel that the recruiters should have been good morning Vietnam couldn't get me out of the bunker Yeah, I think this is what the recruiters that that's what they should tell you that's that's the pamphlet that I should have been handed Yeah, they just throw the clink clink on the table You're like, what is that it'll like join and I'll teach you Come on. So clink clink clink. Why did I imagine a cock ring was a plastic metal? Doesn't have to stretch over your dick and balls. No, they're like barbells, dude. What? Yeah, this is a metal ring This is not a barbell barbell is literally the opposite straight. Okay. Yeah. I'm sorry It's like a metal ring that has like a ball at the end of it though, right? No, you're thinking of a Prince Andrew the piercing that goes like in the head or sick. No, it's not a prince Andrew It's a prince Albert prince Albert. Yes. That is Andrew is the Has a network has a child Right, right. Yes, that's right, right, right. But all right Allegedly, we don't know Prince Andrew has a prince Albert. We're guessing. Oh for sure. No, I'll put a cock ring is a steel ring or maybe a different Textile 3d print. I got a 3d printer. Maybe I go. So how do you how do you this is important? Some this is important Cochrane's at the next tour. Yeah. How do you 3d print? Oh, hey honors, can I use your phone to search for something? Fucking why are you searching 3d printer Cochrane? That's actually a really funny bit is always barring Your buddy's phone and then searching up the crazy shit and that just plugs up his algorithm Just leaving it. Yeah, because the algorithm is like so fucked up because you looked at his phone for Pissed out Adam. I appreciate what you're doing which is laying the land for when you search for something My friend Oh, that is funny. That is funny. What friend did it dude the one? I don't want to The one that you don't like the one that you don't like One you just don't like at all one that you just don't like he's always doing that dude How many of your friends do your partner and just not like? Oh, I feel like my I feel like Chloe likes 98 percent. Oh, yeah. There's a few all liars Interesting who's that 2% huh? I'm trying to think I don't think I don't think she has one that she doesn't like I think and maybe the maybe the guy the mercenary who came back from war I mean she knows who she knows who he is She doesn't really know. I'm though. Yeah. Yeah, he knows He's the legend. Yeah, so I'm sorry And I hate to go back to this cock ring because this is blowing my mind because I always know Thought a cock ring was like a plastic thing that you put your dick and like It goes over your ball under your balls and your dick with it and it keeps you hard. Isn't that what it's for? No, yes, that's something else. Yeah, it cuts off your no you put it on before you've got a heart on And then you get a heart on and then it like constricts the blood in it So wait, I thought a cock ring was a piercing. It's not you're saying a cock ring is indeed a thing that you You slide on to what Adam was explaining Todd We're not getting any pictures in the chat for some reason Qisee Lebron's foot with a cock ring Yeah, okay, so there's a lot there's a lot of different lots of unpacking things here the that are cock rings Go ahead and shift into overdrive by the way. I guess I never knew what this was This is a whole to do if you will. This is a whole to do. This is a whole hello triple metal They sell them at target now And it says falling asleep or using a listen drugs at the same time as using a cock ring is a very dangerous Which I would imagine I would imagine I don't know that's the only way I do it. I use it to go to sleep Yeah, just sleeping device the first sign of penny problems on it when the penny start penis starts to become numb painful or cold That's what he knows working. I imagine imagine you put a thing on your dick And your dick just gets suddenly your dick's freezing. Let's put that thing on ice. Oh, I kind of I mean that's kind of kinky It's like corpse cock Dude, you know, there's some right-and-take-backs apologies. Yeah And women out there We know there's droves of you who are into the corpse cock Slide in a blank DM. I'm gonna let him know. Oh for sure, bro. Oh come on. There's some got baddies who are super down for that There are zero. I don't think there are any there's there's your crazy You think that there's not women who fantasize about having sex with like cold vampiric men Sure sure sure sure sure sure sure sure sure yeah like some of these are there. I bet I bet there are under 50 in the world - People? - People. - No. - No, absolutely not. You're underestimating how weird people are. - You think that would, what actually do it? - Not just like a weird thing. - No, no, no, no, no, no. - I'm talking about the actual thing. - Oh, no, no, you're saying, no, I'm saying they're finding a way to hack the system. Like, oh, hey, you know, I, like, part of me has, there's an allure to having sex with a living dead man. Will you put a cock ring on 'til you're different? - That's different. - It's cold. - That's different. 'Cause living means warmth. So I'm sure that there's chicks out there who want to sleep with somebody pretending to be asleep. Sorry, a reanimated corpse. That's just cosplay. That's just like the corpse bride. Fucking like with just the like stitching painted on their face or whatever. - Sure. - Sure. - We're talking about a cold dick. Nobody wants a cold dick. - No one wants a cold dick. - I disagree. I think that there's probably a large sect of. - I see, you say large sect, but I think that number is-- - Well, more than 50 people on the earth. - Okay, I was talking about that actually would fuck a dead man. - That's not what I'm talking about. - And those people are, they are crazy. So maybe the number's higher. - Yes, that's the same. - I think there's a lot of red tape there. But what's crazy is that I'm like, though those women are like the most insane. - We know chicks. - And then I do think-- - You know chicks? - There's way more guys. - Oh, way more guys. The number of women would be like, there's 50 crazy women out there. And then the number for guys is like 12. - What's wrong with me is that I go, those guys are crazy, but they're not as crazy as I think. - Wow, really? - Because I think guys are so desperate and women are less desperate. So to Adam's point, there are fewer women who would be into this, which makes them on the bell curve of crazy further down the bell crazy than on that bell curve of guys. - The bell end, the bell end. I think it's further said. - I see what your guys are saying, too. I'm saying, I'm not talking about actual corpses. I'm not talking about necrophilia. I'm talking about people who are like finding ways to kind of to cause play. - To use the cock ring to keep it on until your dick is cold. - Cold. - Which, that's what they say, take it off. We've got problems. But maybe this goth baddies like, I want a cold one. Give me a cold one. - And by the way, it's not a goth baddie. It is a deranged sad woman who pulls her hair out constantly and maybe can't have scissors because she's constantly cutting her nipples off. - Yup. - 69, dude. - And is in no way part of society. - And often has to be taken to the hospital to retrieve things from inside of her nipples. Well, the nipples are gone. They've gone, she cut them off. - She ate those, okay. - She fed those to her cat. - This is like Harley Quinn. - You're talking like Harley Quinn style. - I'm talking about gnarly. - gnarly Quinn. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, if you, when you break it down like that, that doesn't sound like much of a baddie. - Yes, what exactly. - Yeah, when you break it down like that. - Yeah, but what is she bad? - But it's like drop dead gorgeous. Emphasis on the dead. - Yeah. - See, that's where I knew you were going with it. - Let me tell you this, yes. - I think the furthest that goth baddies go is like those tentacles. - Tentacles? - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, like the tentacle dildo stuff. That they're doing that. - Oh, yeah. - Those are wild. - Oh my god. - And even that is further on the bell curve than tentacles. - Yeah, there are some. There are some sections. - I don't know exactly what he was talking about. - Like, you the way you answered that? - Because it was literally somebody was asking to be like a sponsor of our podcast. We clicked the link once. We looked at the stuff they were selling and they had like these super. - I don't remember this. - And we never got sent anything. - No, 'cause I thought it would be really cool to have back here with my load burst or boosted. - And do you know why they like tentacles? - Why is that? - 'Cause tentacles and 11 hurts. - Okay. - Yes, points. - I'm taking, you're sad. - So wait, so, so, so, I don't know. - I hate to be this guy that does it. - 'Cause I feel like I know a bottle out of this stuff, obviously. - And dude, way to go. - You demand. - You demand. - No, thanks, dude. And some of it you wish I, which I didn't know about. Adam's just saying he clicks on the things that popped up in Pornado's back in the day. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, I'm always clicking. - I'm always clicking on that. - Well, I've had multiple computers just be like, we're good, we're done here. - You had them give up cough. I mean, I did, I told you guys about the lime wire that I got that I down, it was downloaded. And probably my girl Heather, I hard, deep throat, those videos back in the day. And literally my computer comes up and it was a skull and crossbones and it goes, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And then it like a Satan fizzles away. - Yeah. - You got busted. - So yeah, I stay clicking on things. Is that weird? I was like, I'm a nun out from a shark attack. There's no way in 11 months I'm making the very Olympics. Advocate Elizabeth Smart. I still feel that drive that I can still make a difference, so I'm gonna keep going. Celebrity Chef Carla Hall was that scary to walk away from such a stable career after just two years? - No, I was more afraid of being unhappy than I was broke and in a dead and job that I didn't enjoy. - We need a meeting place of our own, and if I can contribute to that, I'd like to maintain that and leave this house for that purpose. - Listen to She Pivots on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Join me and former NFL quarterback Matt Castle every Wednesday on our podcast, lots to say with me, Bobby Bones and Matt Castle. We also bring in friends and mostly match friends who are current or former NFL players. They're great, Pac-Man Jones. - After the game, the whole national task force for police officers was at the stadium. Like, hey, buddy, yeah, you out of, come on. - And one of my favorite segments we do is called situational awareness. - You're in training camp and the rookie quarterback has one good throwing session in front of the media. - You just go back out to practice the next day and we firm the mess up. - Listen to lots to say with Bobby Bones and Matt Castle on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. - Well, it's that time again. Backpacks, first day of school outfits, and the low key anxiety of, it might've been doing this right. - Good mom's bad choices is diving into the back to school season the way only we know how. - Unfiltered, funny, and full of the moments, other shows won't touch from surviving morning drop-offs to the guilt of missing the first bake sale. - Ari told me the next season she wants to join a club team that's by your house. - I'll take you by my house, but then I have to take you there and then I have to drive back. And then some days I'm here and I have to go pick you up at school and then bring you back. I was just like, hell no. This season of Good Mom's Bad Choices is this for you. Listen to Good Mom's Bad Choices from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. - The US Open is back. That's right, two weeks of incredible, exciting tennis. Some outrageous overreactions from players and some hot takes from people who have, let's face it. No idea what they're talking about, but it's okay 'cause I'm here for them and you. I'm Renee Stubbs and on the Renee Stubbs tennis podcast, I'll be breaking down everything that happens after Big Matches, who's playing the best tennis, who looks like they could possibly win this tournament, the surprise runs, the heartbreaking exits and all the drama that only the US Open can deliver. - Coco, looking real good. Her surf looks so much smoother than it has in the past. I was really happy to see Ega back. to what she looked like a couple of years ago when she was winning dominantly. I'm going to let the tournaments decide when they don't want to give her a walk-out because she still puts bums in seats. She still sells and people love to see her play. You always say on this show that this is the best predictor of who will do well at the OS Open. Listen to the Renee Stubbs tennis podcast on the iHotRadio app. Apple Podcasts all aware, ever you get you podcasts. So you've been out in the field. Go ahead. So what is this dildo that it looks like a octopus? It's in the chat. It's in the chat. Oh, here we go. There are some sex toys. Okay. It's exactly what you think it is, Adam, and it's not. It's not, but this is what Goth baddie is. This is a coutou-lu. This is advertising coutou-lu is in the background. What is coutou-lu? So now we got to compete with octopuses? It's like the HP Lovecraft octopus monster. Okay, a lot of those words didn't make sense to me. On one side it has an elephant hoof or elephant foot on one hand. Oh, okay. This is cool. This one, like, go to the last one. This you, like, put on. This isn't just a standalone toy. No, I don't. No, I don't. This technical is over 22 inches long. Get the fuck out of here, dude. Oh, my God. People are so weird. It's 20% off. Okay, let's go. Yeah, they're not flying out the door. They are not flying out the door. Scroll down. Blake, there's one for you. You see this alien with, like, the dick is the nose. And then there's eyes. Oh, yeah, there it is. It looks like Gredo from Star Wars. Yeah, like you're. Yeah, that is cool. Journey to this. No, this isn't for the. The women, right? No. This is for the women. And this is for, this is for like. It's for a couple Goth baddies. The weirdo boyfriends just like. Actually, I always wanted. Yes. I always wanted like my girl to fucking off to push. No, that you mentioned it. And girls are so nice to us about this that they're like, God bless them. I guess so. Yeah, God bless them. God bless them for real. You know, some Gandalf dude is like, please, please. I can't return it. It was $190. I spent everything. Okay, I spent everything on this. But like, you're. I'm going back to dentist for school. This is crazy. Okay, all right. Yeah, I'll help. I'll help. Do you love him? Do you love him? Help me become a nurse, right? Yeah, this is a bummer. If you finally. If you finally feel comfortable enough because you guys are kind of shaming it right now. But if you finally get to a place where you're comfortable enough with your partner that you kind of say like, hey, click this link, what. I'm like, click this link in my bio. #BlakeSpatties. What are you? You get 20% off. What are you thinking about this tentacle stuff? And then. And then you're saying she's out the door. She does like. No, no. I think we were saying that girls are so nice to us that they would go, I don't want to buy put this tentacle. This 22 inch tentacle in my body. Yeah. But this guy's really nice to me and. He holds the door or. He's a great guy. He's a great guy and. He's a natural athlete. He's so good at stealing things. Yeah, he danced with my grandma at the wedding. He's just like a nice guy. He's into these weird things. And the guy sounds like this and he's really good. That steal the bacon when he was younger. Yeah. Shut up bitch! And he's got a bitch feet. He's got a heel spurs. I feel terrible for him. I feel terrible for the guy. What do I do? I like that Blake put this on himself. We weren't even. No, we weren't just. No, he's getting ahead of it. He's like. We were making him but make believe. Be ready. And he was like. You were not! No, no, no, no. I only hopped on the bandwagon of pretending it was you. After you had led me down the road. Well, I'm just trying to identify here, man. I'm just sticking up for the little guy. That's all. That's all. So God bless women who are willing to do things like that for their man. Yeah. You know God bless them. And I hope it's not. You hope it's. The least we could do. The least we could do is make our cocks cold for them. They ask. That's the least we could do. That's the least we could do, okay? I mean, you were absolutely right. Thank you. That's all I'm saying. Is it real? I remember a kid in high school that was a year older. And I was a senior in high school and he had just graduated but we were still working telemarketing together. And we sat next to each other our cubicles. And he's telling me about all the fucking he's doing now that he's out of school. Right. And he has an apartment and he's doing so much fucking. Yeah, I'm like. How big are the Jankos? Uh, actually, he had Jankos. And he. Oh, he's new metal as fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's new metal as fuck. Yes, yes. But then he told me he got a prince Albert and I did not know what that meant. And I'm like, for sure, for sure, dude. And then you find out the commitment to get a prince Albert is so. Because then for the rest of your life, even if you take that prince Albert out. It doesn't heal. It doesn't heal, right? You're going to have like weird holes or like scar tissue on each side. It's not going to heal perfectly. It's like anything else. You're going to have to explain what's up with your cock Yeah, for the rest of your life. And I see where you're coming from out of it. Sure, he's coming all right. And then you are like, man, I'm going to have to explain this to the normal women I deal with. I have a feeling this guy's not going to have to explain anything to anybody. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They're like, oh, you took it out. Somebody for everyone. Do you still have it? You know what I mean? Oh, no. And they're like, actually. I just want to play. No, we have requests. Are you into octopus? Your dick is so big, it's just too warm. Can we cool it off? Can we put this on ice with a, uh, military/coconut? Absolutely. Right. Oh, wrong. By the way, dude, fucking graphic photo when you click on this link and it's on Wikipedia, get real. So, Prince Albert, I'm good. It goes through the. I didn't realize it goes through the head of the penis. Yeah, I thought it went sideways. Yeah, I guess it still didn't even know. No, it kind of like goes through like the tip, like through the hole a little bit. There's a couple of different versions though. So when you piss, it just hoses out. It's like on the bottom of your urethra, correct? What is the. Where is that? And then there's one. Other ones that are the barbell that go through the top of the head. This one, this one that I just looked at, it goes down through the head and connects like this. Yeah, at the urethra though. Is the urethra, the penis hole opening? Here, dude, just see it. No, no, no, no, we're on Netflix. We're on Netflix, we can't do that. Yes, the penis hole opening. Yes, the hole of the penis. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So when it would be like a fire hose or like just a regular hose when you're a garden hose, when you press. Yeah, you're trying to go a penis just fucking me and myself and I reinstall it. Yeah, just hosing everywhere, totally. Anybody, nobody. No, I know what you're saying. Yeah, no, no, I get it. God, yeah. Everyone will be as we're funny. I do, I love it. A couple of days. I heard some guy at the pool the other day. He was. I think they were talking about Marcelo Hernandez and they were complimenting him. And because they were going. They were younger, they were like probably like 21, 22 and they're going, "Man, was that dude?" He was honest and L, man, he was hilarious. And the other guy was like, "Yeah, SNL, man." "Wow." And then they're all going, "Yeah, man, SNL." And then one guy goes, "Yo, you remember comedies?" Yeah, yeah. "Wow, dude." And I was like, "Yeah." They literally said, "Do you remember comedies?" As if they don't exist anymore because they don't. Although I did drop my car off to get something updated the other day. And a young dude, probably in his 20s, was like, "You were in a game over?" And I go, "Yup." And he goes, "Dude, I watched that movie like 10 times." And I was like, "Oh, yeah, brother." Yeah. Young guy. Netflix gets the young books. Hey, do you think if Netflix starts to do like theaters, do you think they'll re-release movies that never got to come out in theaters and maybe we'll have a little Game Overman run in theaters? You don't know how business works. I don't think that that's going to happen. They want people watching Netflix at home. No, they're starting to talk about doing theater releases. They say that so that everyone else is quaking in their boots because they know, like, "Oh, fuck." And then there's some movies that they do release because they want them to be eligible for award seasons and stuff like that. Yes, or the director is so powerful that they force their hand. And I think Greta Gerwig is doing a Chronicles of Narnia movie. Right, for Netflix, that she's making them release in theaters. That's interesting. So you're saying we don't have that juice. I want to be on board with believing that story. That seems like bullshit. Yeah, that's just what I heard of. I think now because movie theaters are really. I understand. That sounds very good as a PR thing to be like, this is how powerful Greta Gerwig is. And it's not that she doesn't have the juice right now. But I'm also like fucking Brad Pitt and George Clooney had a movie that was supposed to be in theaters and then Apple's like. nope. And then Ben Affleck and Matt Damon had their movie and they wanted it in theaters and Netflix was like, nope. Yeah, we'll see when was that. We'll see. I think that move will come out this Christmas, right? The rip or whatever? Because I think it might be just because of the times because the theaters are kind of really cracking right now and movies are really doing well in theaters. So maybe they're just going to release. We took we took bow to a Paw Patrol three Dino move. How was it? Oh yeah, I got to know. I need to find it. It's a lot of action. Uh, it's pretty. Have you seen the other ones? I saw the first one. I haven't seen the second one. Oh, you got to see the second one. Taraz is a banger. Yeah. What's that one? I think that's the second one. I've only seen the first one. I think this is the third one. But, uh, yeah, it was awesome. And bow, when I got him up this morning, he was like, do I remember when we went to the movies? And I'm like, yeah, dude, I remember that shit. It's, uh, it's crazy when they remember things. You're like, you're a real human. You take a knee and you say movies are dying, son. Movies are dying. Did you, did you like really build it? Like, did you guys get a bunch of snacks? Did we get iced teas? Oh, yeah, man. Well, we didn't get icees, but, uh, he, we gave us some popcorn, even though they're like popcorn will kill children. Um, that's like everyone won't shut up about how popcorn will kill the kids. But how was that? I haven't heard that. I haven't heard that either. Yes. It's like the number one choking hazard because they're, their wind pipes are too small or whatever. But I was like, the seeds, you know, I mean, I don't, I never heard of it. I'm right here. I think you're right. He's not running around. He's just, he's just watching the dyno movies. Oh, right. God. Yeah. Somebody clip that just in case. Yeah, just in case. Yeah. God forbid. Stop. I didn't. I didn't, but just somebody playing the clip. Yeah, it's not going to happen. I hadn't heard that popcorn was a hazard. I didn't. I haven't. Yeah, I feel like you didn't read a lot of books or on parenting or, uh, send me the, send me the book that has the popcorn is the number one. It's a wing. And, and by the way, neither did I, I just, my, my algorithm made me learn a bunch of stuff. I was like, ah, fuck. I don't want to learn this. You might be watching like AI shit. That's not even real. Like popcorn is a choking hazard. I, I don't know. Yeah. Popcorn is a choke. That sounds like look, look up. Hey, yeah, it's hot. Some other snack is trying to throw them under the bus. I wouldn't say popcorn is the least to show the choking hazards for kids. Top 10 choking hazards. Grapes. Grapes. Yeah. Sure. Tomatoes. Uh, milk duds. Cochrane. Cochrane has to be up there. Batteries. Oh, fuck. He's choking. What is it? Is it like a grape? Did you not cut his grapes? Not a grape. Is he eating cherries? I wish. I wish. Okay. It can be Lee popcorn is a leading cause of death and injury among children, especially when they're three years old or younger. He's two and a half. But that being said, we were sitting right there and you can't go. I'm sorry. His advantage. I'm sorry. You can't go to the movies and naughty popcorn. No, you have to. I hate eating at the movies. You're not even not even popcorn. You don't even eat popcorn. No. That is. Come on. What kind of childhood did you have? I ate popcorn when I was a kid. And then I was like, so now I have to make him dursy popcorn constantly. Very early on. Yeah. They were like, we got to these three. Then it doesn't work apparently. You want some more popcorn. Come on. We can't afford all this popcorn. We can't afford to swallow. You don't have to swallow. Just put the vacuum game. Can you gargle it? No, I just don't like dealing with popcorn and like the fucking hands afterwards and like cleaning. And then I have to have a drink. Then I'm like three quarters of the movie. And I'm like, I got a piss like a race horse. Oh man, guys, that's a lot to race horse. That's a lot. I went to the Odyssey in like the big theater. Yep. I got to go downtown city walk city walk. Bro, I got to like where I thought the movie was over. I had to be so bad. It was like the it was like the climax of the movie. And I'm like, I have to go. I tackled about five people. I fell in a dude's lap. I hit somebody's junior minutes off. Everybody was so mad at me, dude. I was like, I couldn't have biffed it harder. But the Rose were so thin. And I would I would have peed my pants. Where you at? I'm like telling them. Max, why are the Rose so thin? That's weird. I think I don't know. They don't have a recliner seats. No, it was like we were crammed in there. There was no footroom. I'm going to go to CLA, bud. It was I felt so bad. It was like right at the scene when they like lock them all in together. Yeah. If you know what that is towards the end. And I was just falling on like I literally like fell into a guy and like held him and he's like, what the fuck? This is sorry. You have to go. When you feel the inkling, when it's a three hour movie, when you're an hour and a half in, I just go, I should have. I thought I was going to make it. I just go because I go, I go, I know. What happened? What happened? And then you dead sprint there. Yeah. You come back. And then you can see the second half of it. Because I'm with you. I have to piss. If I drive 20 minutes, I piss before leaving the house. If I drive somewhere and it takes over 20 minutes, I'll piss first thing when I get there. You got to go before I just do another piss. You know what I do now? I made my kid go. I go, we're going. It goes. I don't have to go. I go. I did. You go before a movie. Let's just go in there. He goes like this. I hear him. He's next to me, he goes, and then he just turns around. I'm like, all right. I was so embarrassed that I didn't go back. I didn't return to my seat. I watched it from the hallway of the like, you know, like, you can see the theater like the screen. You get one of these? So I waited all that time. I waited all that time to see it in that one specific theater. And I watched the end of the movie from the hallway of the theater. Oh my god. I was so ashamed. Dude, I straight up tackled like five people. I felt terrible. That's crazy that you couldn't just get up and walk out. They wanted to come back. They were audibly. They were audibly saying like, what the fuck? Yeah. And I was like, oh, you ruined the movie. I felt so bad for my money back because usually when I have to be, because I always have to pee during the movie, I'll take my phone and I'll put it in the where you put your your soda and I'll record it. I'll press record. So when I get back, I can review what I admins. When do you do that? Yeah. When I leave to go pee, I leave my phone there and when you, oh, when do I review it at the end, after the movie's done? Hey, why did it? Were you by yourself? Like that's genius. Thank you. And yet also crazy. What? I started doing it after sinners because that scene where they do the Irish jig. I was gone for that. And there's like, did you see the Irish jig? And I'm like, okay, you're fucking with me. And he's like, no, there was this whole Irish jig part. There wasn't Irish jig. Yeah, I didn't see that. I wish I would have recorded. Now I now I record when I go to the bathroom, but I didn't this time because I would have to leave my phone behind. So, hey, but aren't you just with someone that you couldn't like during a slower moment go like, hey, what did I miss? Well, I don't want to see it. I want to see what I miss. I don't want to retell. How long does this piss take you? The, the, the piss you should be there and back in under three minutes. Yeah, it was quick, but again, I couldn't, I couldn't go back to my seat because it was a quick piss, but I just waited. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That was such a bummer. It was. It was a bag, sending apologies, any epic slams. If you could, if you could go back, would you have taken your seat or do you like who you are? Um, I wouldn't have took my seat because the, the aisles were so thin, I would have, I would have stepped on feet again. Sounds like they got to upgrade their whole lifestyle there at the city walk, dude. They do. They need to make the lanes a little bit. DTLA is roomy. Although I was so close, I felt so bad. I took my kid and we were like, fucking face up against the screen. Yeah. It was not good. I don't even know why they offer those seats. They're terrible. Dude, uh, I will say that Paw Patrol is that it was the first time I went to like a true children's children's movie because I took, I took about a toy story, but that is like a lot of adult go to that. Yeah. Yeah. It was, it was more of a, it was like a bigger event type picture and it's four kids, but there is a lot of adults. We've grown up with toy stories, but it is Paw Patrol is a, is very, young. Paw Patrol is, you're not going there unless you're taking your two, three, four, five year old. Yeah. It's weird when you see the dude solo adult watching Paw Patrol. Yeah. That's, that, you're a strange guy. That's questionable behavior. Uh huh. Yeah. You're, you're, you're, you're, you have an octopus in your pants. You're on the other side of the bell curve. There's no doubt. You're a tent cool gang. Yeah, you got a cold, you got a cold dick. That's all I had. Something sums up with you. You need to be escorted, but it was funny hearing like the, the little kids, there's probably six families in there. What else was on a roll? Yeah. There's probably six families in there and you hear like during when the, the bad guy would come, there was one kid that just kept going, dad, that's the bad guy. And then bow, who's like a little younger. He just threw up two fingers. No, he would go, he'd go bad guy and then go. Yeah. Yeah. Dang. That's classic. Classic dude. Man. Uh, any take backs any apologies in the epic slams? Oh, I guess I will take back the way I said grenade. What is it? Grenade? Grenade? That's the correct. I don't know. Oh, grenade. I said, "G grenade." I think you're saying "G grenade," or something. You said it, "G grenade," like, "Gernola," instead of "Grenola," "G grenade." It's "Grenola." Yeah, and it's grenade. This is just part of your speech pattern. Yeah. Yeah, I just, you know, we're from the bay. We say it a little different. Yeah. You say "Dinnon." You say "Dinnon." You say "Gurola." And it's getting worse. I feel like he puts it on. A little bit. This is, like, suddenly he'll like have a list. Escape. Yeah. Yeah. You drove an escape, a forward escape. Yeah. Escape. Escape. It's what, honestly, in 2026, it's majority rules, I think, whatever more people are saying. There's a lot of things people say wrong. I keep hearing simplistic online being used. Simplistic? That's a way. It is, but people don't use it for what it means. The thing that still blows my mind is that what does it mean? It means, like, stupid. Yeah. Simplistic. Simplistic. That's the obvious. But not that people use it for simple. It's simplistic. Oh, okay. I guess. Yeah, sure. Seems real. Google this. I think it means, like, let's see, how's that? You brought the whole how we talks, and I'm like, "Hey, I'm just seeing how we're all talking." That's my, hey, that's my take back, okay? Sorry about that. Yeah. Okay. I feel like I, I feel like I stand by everything I said. Other than, like, I know I'm going to get some blowback about giving my child popcorn, but I'm telling you what, we're right there. Did the boy that was popcorn, and we're at the movies, and I'm not going to, not going to not give him some popcorn. Yeah, I'm going to challenge, I'm going to challenge that popcorn is that bad. So simplistic means not complicated. Yeah, simple. Like, but like, but I didn't know that that meant stupid. I, I thought it meant like, yes. Well, I feel like an old way of saying someone had a disability was calling them simple, but that's like, that's like an old, old term. All right. Okay. That back. That's another episode. We really not end them. This is important. That shit's important. Oh, we're going to Ontario. We'll be at Great Falls, Ontario. Falls view Ontario. Oh, baby. Is this our first show in Canada? Yeah, this is our first Canadian show on Ontario, Canada. I do like that you don't know. Are we doing an official thing right now? Yeah. Oh, no, this shows over. Bye. That was a caller from my podcast therapy gecko, where I speak with anonymous callers about their problems, relationships, and anything else in the depths of their mind. It all happens on my show therapy gecko. Listen to therapy gecko on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Self-care September is your reminder to slow down, check in with yourself, get off your phone, and maybe ask, why am I like this? I'm James Bayek, host of the Psychology of your 20s podcast, and this month we're helping you make sense of the person that you are becoming from setting boundaries and navigating friendships to understanding anxiety, confidence, relationships, and attachment. Listen to the psychology of your 20s on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we pull apart the story behind the image, discovering forgotten interviews that change exactly how we see these giants of our culture. I'm Emmanuel Jochi, I'm Kai Wright, and this is Big Lives. Listen to Big Lives on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Bobby Beans. Join me and former NFL quarterback Matt Castle every Wednesday. On our podcast, lots to say with me, Bobby Beans, and Matt Castle. Listen to lots to say with Bobby Beans and Matt Castle on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's up, I'm Tony Gonzalez. And I'm October Gonzalez, but you can call me Toby. We want you to join us on our new podcast, No Safe Words with October and Tony Gonzalez, where we get real about marriage, parenthood, sex, divorce, and all the nitty gritty stuff we all think about, but just don't say out loud. You're probably just going to be from rich guy, and he's going to whisk you away. Listen to No Safe Words with October and Tony Gonzalez on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. This is an I Heart Podcast. 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