Ep 276 : Jelking For Idiots

This is an iHeart podcast, Guaranteed Human. Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeart Radio, the show where we only talk about what is most obviously very crucially important. Today on This Is Important, dude, you could find me in the club. I'm gonna be real with you, brother. I'm ready to deliver pizzas again. Yeah, I'm actually just gonna go on my car and jerk off to these men, taking their shirts on and off, and I might gulk for a minute. Let's go. That shit's important. That's like, oh man, that's motorboat you guys. So like you just said before we got on the podcast, you said I have had zero sleep. Is that because you've been working or you are out late? I'm on death row. Don't you see, don't you see my film quality? The record label, no, the death row. I'm the real deal. I've been in prison. I'm coming to you live. You do kind of look, um, yeah, that's what it looks actually pretty scary. They're putting you up in a real shithole or what's going on? Yeah, it's a hostile. Yeah, it's a hostile, the rest of the cast is pretty cool. The rest of the cast is in like a beautiful, really nice hotel. Yeah, I just signed me up to being a hostile. He's like, dude, it's punk rock. You know, I love it, dude. Right, right. Were you working last night? Is that why you say you're sleepy? Yes, sir. Yes, it's because what's today, right? Today's Friday. Yeah, I actually have that day off today. So I'm pretty hyped on that. Freakin' actors. Yeah, the bitch actors just don't even know what fucking day it is. Dude, I'm in a time for text like I have a lost complete track of days, times. I am just in a snowball over here. That's my favorite moment of those movies where they're like, they're like, not where, when am I? Yeah, baby. When they've time traveled and then someone like gives them a newspaper and they go fucking crazy looking for the date on it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I live for that shit. I've been in one of those movies. Oh, would you do? Yeah, wouldn't we first met? And what can you just take us there now? Yeah, give us the scene, dress it up. Okay, so I go to buy a blueberry red bull. Okay. Oh, okay. I just want to part. And it didn't exist. And I'm like, what do you mean it doesn't exist? Or like, blue, blue, red bull doesn't make blueberry red bulls. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Right. Where? This is, I think, because they did the same thing in Inception, I think. Yeah. They did blueberry red bull based. Yeah. Yeah. Very famous scene. So it was like a nod and a wink too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The original draft instead of a spinning top, it was a red bull cam. Right. Blueberry. And in the shining when the elevator opens, that's code red. Right. Sir, you were here last night about a due code red. Yeah. He's time travel to the future and the past when the ballrooms. You were here last night drinking a rock star, sir. He's just sampling every fucking energy drink. I like that. I feel like the Simpsons must have done that. They did everything come on. They really have. They really have. Don't. I will say I'm back drinking energy drinks. Okay. I know, guys. I know. Welcome back. I know. Not as much, obviously, one every few days or so, but they've run out. They've run out, Adam. They can't serve you. I love it. Dude, they've gotten so good. They've gotten infinitely better than they used to taste. Okay. What? How? So good. They used to taste like energy drinks. They would taste like a specific. Yeah, yeah. The taurine was heavy. Yes. Yeah, that's great. The monster tasted like a monster. Now you could just drink lemonade and it's energy lemonade. It's free! Sorry, dude. It's like, I think C4 does it and it's just called classic lemonade. Hello. Okay. Well, that's like a pre-workout. What's an energy drink? Or does C4 just do energy drinks? Yes. I thought C4 was a pre-workout, such. But they do energy drinks that you can use as a pre-workout. That's a deal. Yeah. That was going to be a little bigger, but where are the guns, brother? What's happening, dude? Did you just walk through a TSA? No guns? Is it a shirt that's making you look so scrawny? What happened to that? Yeah, my God. Jesus. I mean, this is a football journal. I'm sorry, I guess something. Yeah. Maybe we're in C4. Yeah, maybe we're in C4. C4. Anyway. My honor. My honor. You're looking mad. If you're just tuning in now, my arms are huge. Come on. Jesus Christ. No, because I've seen your arms not like a month ago, and I was like, oh, yeah, Ders is like a pretty jack. I'm always, you know, gauging out into my arms. How jacks my bros are, and how jacks they aren't. Yeah. And I was just taking Ders looks pretty jacked, but right now, he looks like he has grand arms. He looks really-- I'm a tri-guy. You know, I'm not really a bi-guy. Yeah. That's not what I heard. Anyway, C4. You're just tuning in now. I look good. Adam's back on energy drinks. Yeah. Yeah, but-- and I've tried to handful of them now at the gym, and they're all so tasty. Ghost energy. They had these energy drinks. Oh, yeah. My god. Again, I thought this is a pre-work, I know. Yeah. Well, they're energy drinksters. Yeah. Sorry. I know that pre-workout has caffeine in it. Right. Right. But I think these are not energy drinks. They are pre-workout drinks with caffeine. No? What's the difference, please? No. Can you draw a line? I mean, they sell my gas stations. What's the difference? I don't think they are. I could be wrong. I don't know. The difference for a pre-workout would be that it has like some creatine, and it's got like amino acids in all sorts of other shit, you know. Wow, wow. Energy drink is just straight up the blood of children. So C4's thing is life gave us lemons. We blew them up. Meet the official energy drink of summer. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Delicious. Energy drink. Right in the title. And so here's my question. Is that C4's energy drink? Okay. Or is that? Turs. I'm just asking. I just want to know. So I work for the company, buddy. All I know is it says energy drink. Imagine a lot. You're damn near acting like it. It says it's energy drink on the can. Okay. And then I drink it. I have energy. And I go to the gym. So I'm using it as a pre-workout because that's where I want to drink an energy drink. But if you wanted it to start your day, I guarantee you it would be fine. And you're not going to be Jesus. I'm just trying to stretch this episode, man. We got two. We got to do two today. Okay. We're four minutes. Yeah. I feel like we're just kind of stretching already. Yeah. Watch. We'll see you at 54. Okay. And so you're going to go harder than ever on these things because they're just better. Can you be like a energy drink sommelier? Zinc. Zinc sommelier. If anyone could, I feel it's me, but I'm a little wary because you know, I went off the caffeine about a year ago and I was off for several months. Because what? The heart, your heart was palpitating? No, it was, it was because of the inflammation. Yes. Yes. Right. You got to bring the inflammation down. You can't feed those. And by the way, I will say I've never looked better, never looked or felt better than when I was off caffeine, they, it wasn't drinking. I feel like I got, I got like leaner than I just can when I'm doing all the other stuff. And I'm like, oh, this is so much healthier, but I hated it. And it wasn't. Can I be honest with you, bud? What's that? You, you weren't very funny. Oh. Yeah. You're funny. So every time you thought you were being funny, Blake and I would look at each other and go, oh my god. Oh my god. Yeah. He's not even even steak. This guy's not funny. He's not drunk all the time. Yeah, no, it was sad. That's not funny. We need Adam to have his go-go juice, baby. Yeah. Well, I, I loved it too. So I'm back on the sauce. Good. I liked it. See for what was the other one you dropped? Ghost. Ghost. Ghost energy. They make a lot of good stuff. I like ghosts. They do, they're the ones that do the good like co-labs, like they'll just say like, yo, just one sour patch kids and yeah, they have a sour patch kids. Liquid sour patch. Imagine him. That was around when we were kids. Oh my god. I would just be taking that to the brick and dome. Well, it just got me excited because when you walk into my gym, it's a giant wall of energy drinks. Like they have two giant free refrigerators that are just chock-full like airport style, like the open wall. Yeah. And you're just, and it's, bro, say that does it say get, get you some. I wish it did. Does it say get you some? I wish it did. I wish it did. I almost are saying get you some because they have those plastic flaps that hang in front of everything. Get you. No, it doesn't have it. No, no, good, good. Good. Just regular gym. Yeah. Okay. But it, but there's so many different flavors and types and I want to try, I want to try them all. Are you sure it's not a seven, eleven? Yeah, I'm just working out in a circle, okay, I'm just dead, dead lift. I think that's what we're figuring out here. He's like, you just called, it's called AMPM. It's a 24 hour fitness. It's called AMPM because it's open, uh-huh, jugs of blue liquid, you could go in whatever time of the day. And there's a ton of heavy stuff you can lift. There's cases of butter, a bun wizard. Have you ever been in the gym, seven, eleven? It's open in seven days a week, eleven months a year. I do want to see Adam doing what they call battle ropes with the fuck gas the gas station was with fucking slingships. Oh, no, with that gas station novels is zoomed out. Oh, too. Look at homies got the fucking gas. My have to gas hose workout. Dude, if you could formulate a gas station workout, you would go so viral. Oh, yeah, dude. Well, what you do is you you farm or carry bags of ice until all the ice melts. Yeah. And that's it. It starts to get to go. It starts to get pretty easy towards the end. Right. If you get there. Yeah, but then, but then you're done. Yeah, but, but you're so exhausted by the time you get there. Yeah. And then you better hope you're working on a hot day. If it's the middle of the winter, you're fucked. Absolutely, dude. Yeah. I do love that idea. What would that be called if you had like a bucket with like a little hole in it with a water slowly leaking. So it's heavy, but it's getting lighter. Oh, no, does people do that? People do that. And I'm saying, what is the name for that? Yeah. Yeah. Bucket bucket hole workout. Buck hole. It's like lifting with chains. We're like it's heavier towards the top, I guess, because you're now lifting more chain. That's not my. Explained. Explained. There's like a centric or is centric and de-centric. Is that what it is? You guys are hypertrophy. What else? Lipids. Lipids don't like them. Don't like lipids lipids. Macros macros macros macros macros. For sure. Macros, I know because you guys. What it? Wait, what are these? Let's go back to what's a lipid? Is that a workout you're saying? Or is that so? No, lipid is a fat. That's a type of fat. We don't like lipid. No lipid is fat. It is fat. Yes. I like H. A.T. Yeah. Sorry, we're from the 90s. Hello. Goodbye. In the 90s. Whenever I hear fat, I assume it's P.H. I think I've heard the word lipids. Yes, lipids. But I haven't heard the other word you said. Is centric. Is centric billionaire? What was that one? Lipids are a diverse group of water insoluble organic molecules, including fats, oils, waxes, and steroids. Give me some of those, baby. I don't want that. Dude, I'm watching that show, lioness. By the way, it's fucking good, dude. It's good. It's what the Taylor Sheridan should be doing. Instead of the land man. I don't even know what this is. Yeah. Hold up. Okay. I know me neither. I didn't know either. But it's Zoe Seldon. I'm Morgan Freeman's in it. It's like a cool fucking cast. And they run like a secret sect of the CIA where they do they like send in this like woman to like infiltrate a group of terrorists or whatever and then kill the terrorists either by her or sent. They send in a bomb. That's not nice. It's truly crazy stuff. But Taylor Sheridan put himself in the movie or in the show. And this guy, the last time I saw him, he was just, he looked kind of like a cowboy guy. And you're like, okay, yeah, he's like a cowboy type guy. He created Yellowstone and, you know, hella high water, which is one of my favorite movies. And that's a good tidbit to know. And handful of other cool things. He writes the cario, my crazy. Yes. Right? He roots a cario. Nice pull. And now he's on so much tea. Oh, is he a big boy? He has to be on the most amount of tea. He is so red looking. And he had to like, there's a lot of like, I think it's a show that both women and men like men like because the action and women like because guys are always taking their shirts off. And they're all. That's a women love. We love that. And then, and then it's, and then it's like slow montages have been taking their shirts off, putting their shirts back on. And under the guys of like, we're getting ready for war. You had me under the guys. Hello, hold on. Yes, points. You could just cut to them driving. You don't need to see them taking their shirts off and on and getting in and out of the shower. Right. So it's a lot of that. It's just getting dressed. It's a lot like the last episode I watched last night. It was like seven, eight minutes of them like getting dressed and showering. You see my bill getting ready for the good. It's a tight shirt too. So they're like pulling it down over the abs and stuff. And Taylor Sheridan is so naked in this. And he is so jacked. But in a way, the usher muscles, the fuck me muscles. He's too old for those. Yeah. But he has muscles on top of that. Like he's taking so many steroids or testosterone or whatever he's on that the muscles are growing on top of muscles. And now it's just like a slab of. It's like the big mouth muscle belly. Yes. I love muscle belly. Muscle belly. Guys, can you hold my hands? We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it. I would love to. Okay. What age do we start? Because I feel like right now I'm too young, but when it's in poor taste to do it before 50 ice. You have to be gray. You have to be fully gray. I feel like 50 is like a celebration. It's like we made it. I think you have to be fully gray. And then you can start start really getting jacked in and do your steroids. I don't know. But what if you don't get gray? What if you don't get gray? Oh, then you miss the bus. I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. You got to wait. You have to wait. Or you can dye your hair gray. Adam does not like this at all. It's coming. Give it. Give it time. Do you have like three gray hairs? I'm not going to go gray. It happens quick. It happens quick. Just trust me. Just trust me. Trust you. You don't have a lot of gray hair. I'm telling you. It's it's happening, man. It's happening quick. Wait till I can't wait for you to go fully gray. Me too. I'm gonna look like a wizard. You're gonna look like such a woman. What's that's going great? Like who's gone? Who's gone gray recently going gray? That's our next podcast going great. But we just talked about grazing out of me. That would be sick. Who's gone gray the best? Like I'll just write out the bat. This is a throat. This is kind of a throwback. But it was like when Ted Danson showed up in saving private Ryan and had like white hair. Everyone was like, okay, let me. It's Ted Danson in saving private Ryan. Hang on a second. Has his hat off? Hair's white. And you're like that kind of throws me off. I need like three minutes to just get back to. I kind of don't remember him in saving private Ryan. Yeah. It's a two old. I feel like I feel like that would throw me out of the movie because he's such a television. I know you could do both. But back then you couldn't do both. But also he's such a TV actor. Right. It's a little strange to see him for more than 30 minutes at it. Right. Okay. You like your dancing in doses? They did put norm on a stool nearby just in his regular costume in the middle of a war. That's fucking cool. Peelburg fucking sends it. Like, hey, norm. And then he fucking throws a grenade. That's fucking cool. Has the dad from American pie ever looked richer? Eugene Levy. He looked like, he's gone gray fully. And he just looks like a male prostitute. He looks so fetching. Oh, and that's rich to you. Well, no, no, no, like silky. He looks like what like a male, like a male prostitute is like, that's what you imagine my rich older man to look like. Like if he was like an old male prostitute, okay. He would be working. You know, I don't know. Not like a corner, not like a teenager on the corner with like jeans hanging off his ass. Well, what do people? That's fine. That's fine. What do people? He's not like, I'm not like a, not like Blake, like a little Blake area, bro. You know how we do it in the bag? A little twiggy Blake. But he just, he just seems like he's finally found his look. And okay, Isaac has a good one here. Okay. He says, what about good job, Isaac? The second half of the latest Jackass movie when Johnny was totally gray. Johnny Knoxville. Johnny Knoxville. Gracefully. Gracefully. I like that because he's, that's not great. That's white. That he went, he went, oh, so now we're do it. We're saying white and gray are two different things. No, okay. Well, well, it's one of the same. I'm saying he went super, super, super , super, super, super, splitten hairs at that point. What about Clooney? Oh my God. What about Clooney? Yeah. I thought that was a subtle. Yeah. That was like a long week. We kind of, we rode that with him, I feel. Yeah. Well, Timothy Olafant is suddenly gray. Yeah. It looks sharp. Okay. I like that. I think people who are like tan and gray. Do you think, are we going to go gray? Do you think, do you think the three of us are going to? I thought everybody does. Doesn't everybody go gray? If you don't dye your shit, isn't it like inevitable? Everybody, but Howard Stern. Oh shit. I feel like you don't. There could be levels to it. Some people go very gray. Some people like salt and pepper. If you want salt and pepper. Some people are, are salt and pepper gray? Go fully, um, balsam. Spend a real a gray. Yeah. I don't know. I haven't checked in on them in a while. Right. God. Can you believe none of us went bald? Unreal. Yes. It's true. Yes. It's a phenomenon. How did we find each other? We are in our 40s, Blake, uh, like my dad every time I asked him a few times ago that he was here visiting. I'm like, when did you go bald? And he's like, uh, I mean, it was probably about your age. And I'm like, uh, dad, I did the math. I'm like, when I was 18 years old, when, when, uh, when you got this, you got this. When you were my age, I was 18 years old. You were so bald into the math and that is brain breaks. Yeah. You were so. - So bald when I moved out here. - Can you imagine having an 18 year old right now, by the way? - I know, it's absolutely crazy. - Don't get it. - But you were so bald and you were so bald when I was like eight. So you're bad at math and knowing like how old you were at any point. - But was he like, I was shaving my head, dude. That was, that wasn't really bald. - No, no, no, 'cause for a long time, he just had like a swirl here. - What, like Charlie Brown, yeah, like just like a, it just, he didn't want to shave it, but it was just like a little puff of hair. - Yeah, 'cause as soon as you shave that, you're admitting you're like, it's over. - That's cool, dude. That's the kind of shit I like. I like when dudes cling to the very, very, very last of the essence of their hair. Those are, I hope so, 'cause those are cuts you can't get in the wild, or well, you can only get in the wild. Like, it has to happen naturally. You can, Adam, I'm so glad you're with me on this. - We both just made the exact same. - Those are hair styles that will be gone. - God can bless you with, and they happen through. - Okay. - So that's what in the wild means. - Yeah, in the wild, they only happen in the wild through living a wild life. - Yeah, wild creature. - The Lord's wild people, it blesses you with that cut. - I say, I don't think people should be able to get hair styles, I think it's bullshit. - Okay, I think you should have to rock with what. - Okay. - You are a hairstyle. - I am, yeah, you're a human hairstyle. - I'm very aware. - Did you know that you're call sheet for this movie? It just says, "Hair guy"? - Yeah. - You're in the top. - I'm very aware. - I'm call sheet, but I don't know. - They don't know your name. - I don't know. - They say, "Get the hair guy here." - And where's hair? - Hair? - Rolling, and we're missing hair. - He's right hair. - Hair, the man. - No, no, no, no, hair. - Where's hair man? - Hair man. - I should learn his name, but I have icy friends. - You don't have to. - You don't have to. - Hey guys, it's, it's Blake. - It's not, it's not hair. - Shut up hair. - Shut up hair, get on your mark. - I don't think so, I don't think anyone's gonna go back 'cause now what is it called? Hair. - Yeah, what are those? - Hair plugs are so good. - Good and so. - But also the Rogaine or whatever. I know a dude who got Rogaine. - Joe Rogaine. - And he showed me pictures of before. And I didn't meet him with his boy. - I let you. - I met him with hair. And he showed me pictures and I was like, "Muh, fuckin' thanks." - Not really, but it was shocking how far he clawed back to. - Really? - Rogaine has gotten so good. (dramatic music) - Didn't I see a story in the news that like UCLA cured baldness like forever? Like it was like, it's like a true thing. It's like baldness is gone. They got us. - Okay. And that's a true thing and because you read a headline, it sounds like you didn't read the article. You read a headline. - It's when I was opening my AOL. - Maybe Todd or Isaac can-- - It's real. Look, baldness here. Hello. - Well no, it's a question. They go, "Did UCLA just cure baldness?" And you click on it and then it just says, "No." - Yeah. - Wait, and then do you see this person? - It's me. - It's me. - Oh, there's a guy, oh, by the way. A guy who's like, he has no armpit hair. He shaves his armpit hair and then he just plays with his hair. This is getting me rock art. - Hello. Can I ask you guys something? What? - And no one listening to this, we'll understand this. What are they doing with this GIF up top here? - Yeah, I don't know. - GIF, what did we click? - What do you mean, link, Blake? I don't want to click links, god damn it. Oh my god, this guy's AI, for sure. - Right. - He must be. Look at the way his forehead's moving. That is an AI human. - I was locked in on the eyes. I'm sorry, I didn't see the forehead. - I'm mostly, so it's this link about UCLA, maybe curing baldness. - And then it's a twink-like gentleman. - Yeah. - Playing with his, tossing his hair. And then I'm mostly intrigued by the shaved armpits. - Yeah. - I know guys do it, I know bodybuilders do it. I know some, I hate it. I hate it. - A guy with the shaved armpit? - Yeah, a guy with the shaved armpit. I don't like it. - Dunkin'! - Do you think? - Unless you're gearing up for finals at the Olympic trials? - Yeah, that's true. - But how cool would it be, Durs? If there's like a really fast like German team and they all had super hairy armpits, I would be rooting for them to win that swimming. - Anything, anybody fast is cool. - Yeah, but what if they're super fast and they're just covered in hair, dude? - Yeah, like hairy motherfuckers. - Would that be cool to you? - Sure. - But here you are shaving your butt hole hair in a Hojo bathroom. - This is like, this is like Mark Spitz style. He used to have like a huge mustache. Do you understand how much slower he was because of that? Yeah, I don't, I don't think care. - I want people to go back to just regular speedos instead of all the suits to like cover their bodies. - What are the, and the like, what are they? Jamers? - They call them jammers. - They call them biker shorts. - I love that they're called jammers. - Sweetheart, where are my jammers? - That's, I mean, that's essentially what I tell my son to go put his jammers on. - Yeah. - For jammers. - Where's dad his jammers? - Yeah, don't put your jammers. - We say jammies, we say jammies and jammers. It's really confusing around bedtime. - Wow, God. - That's what. - Oh, good for you. He comes and wearing a swimsuit, I feel his son. You're going to sleep. - Blake, real talk, and I want you to be serious, and I know you say like, you want your hair in the wild and yada yada, if tomorrow it just went. Your hair is fallen out in clumps. And they go, well, Blake, if you can spend whatever, and amount that you can afford, you will have your full head of hair. No one will notice, you'll have to take a few weeks off. No one will notice, and you'll have your full head of hair. - Again. - Or, hey, you're leading the witness here, Durs. I'm talking to Blake. Or you're going to look like you're out in the wild, like you said earlier, and you got a haircut that you could only find in the wild, where it's really strangly on the sides, and it's just like a swirl right here. And would you then decide to do that and not be a hair guy anymore? Or would you spend the 10 grand or whatever? - Well, you're saying like, it's like falling out in chunks and clumps and like sectors. - It's going fast. Like, within a month, you're going to be a bald old woman. - Because if it's like, if it's like skull it vibe, like, you know, I have the ring around, and then like, I have like a cool wispy. - It's not, hey, it's not cool. It's not cool. You immediately look like the old woman from weapons. - Right, dude. - No, but she's fire, dude. That haircut is sick. - No, actually, she has the red hair, right? - She looks good. - Yeah, she's got the bangs. - I've always wanted bangs. So if I have an excuse. - I don't know. He's talking about when the wig is off. - Oh. - Yes, when the wig is off, when the wig is off. - Oh. - Wigs, okay. - Wigs straight up like, yeah, no. Like, Pippi Longstocking's dad is. - Yeah, when she's wearing a wig. - Sure. - Dude, you could find me in the clurb. - Yeah, no. - No, I don't. - No, I think at that point, I would shave my head. - Yeah, I would bust it. - You would shave your head and not just-- - Oh, no, I would take the miracle. I would take the miracle drug and I would go. - You would pay 10 grand? No, he's not saying, would you take it? - What's not a miracle drug? It's hairplugs. - It's essentially, but then it's hairplugs. - Yeah, you gotta go to Turkey, right? It's Turkey. - No, no, you could do it here in the States. - Okay. - Don't people go to Turkey? - They do go to Turkey. - It's cheaper. - Oh, it's cheaper. It's not just better. - Oh, I thought they knew what they were doing over there. - I think they do, but I also like, it's cheaper. - Yeah, it'll look legit. - It's gonna look as good if not better than what I got right here. - A lot of people will say better. - Yeah. - Yeah, I think I would do it. - Yeah, I think I'd do the procedure. - Yeah, that's cool. Thank you. - That's cool, and I'm like that you're being honest, because I know you want to say, like, no, no, I would do, I want the cool with the wispy and the-- - Well, again, I'm not totally afraid of the idea of buzzing my head. I think that could be a cool thing, but I do think maybe I'd want to buzz it in like, you know, do it like pink sort of like, like flee or something, like do something like that. - But there's nothing to die. - Yeah, that's where I'm getting worried. I would have to like, tattoo my head. - If you're an actual bald person, there's nothing to die. - It's really sad out the head, right? - Yeah. - You just like, bam, bam, bigelow, that would be kind of fired, dude. Your first tattoo is going to be on your skull when you're bald, so then you can't ever cover it. - Yeah, yeah, like flames. - Okay. See, see, this is what I don't like. We're getting real, we're getting in some place, and then you make up a bunch of shit. - What's the name of the Greek stand-up? - Greek stand-up guy. - Greek stand-up? - Stabros? - I don't know him, but I see him in every stabros. - Stabros. - Yeah, stabros. - Yeah. - He's made it the look, see? 'Cause he rocks what he's got. It looks fucking awesome. I love it. - But he knows what he's doing also. - Of course. - He's cultivated a look as opposed to like, just being a guy who works at Wells Fargo, who's like, Janine, can you pick that up? - Yes, but also he could have looked at himself in the mirror and gone like, this is not, you know, this is not the coolest hairstyle, but as long as you embrace it, and you love yourself for who you are, And what the Lord bestowed upon you, it were! Absolutely. That's what I'm saying. But he knows what he's doing as far as mixing it with like glasses from the 80s He's got hair and glasses from the 80s Sure, which we all look back on fondly. Yes, right? He's kind of cracked the code You wouldn't just be like I'll crack the code. I'll crack my code I would if I started to have like the clumps and like this I'd probably start wearing a lot of leather jackets, you know, like a lot of life but Blake So you're now you got scared and you pivoted off what you just said that you would do well No, because Adam we're just talking Okay, I could make I could make either of them work, you know, and sometimes life hands you Lemonades and you got a blow mom and you got to make fucking C4 lemonade Yeah energy drink and just make it work for you because what if what if I don't have the money? What if I don't have the money you do the transplant? No, no, you do I know, but now we're going walking. I'm let's put myself in different shoes where we're not where I don't it's you're in your shoes You're not in different shoes. We're talking about you and your shoes in your life Right and what would you actually do for real not some made up thing Would you pivot and you know, maybe gain 150 pound and become Savros if you're listening And if we were in person Adam would be holding Blake down right now I've seen it with a wiki hanging This is why we can't do it in one room. I'm against too physical It would just turn into boxing matches Adam slams a ghost. What what happened like you know when um Sports stars have to make big decisions and they're like I need time to be with my family and like think about it I would have to be with my family and and we'd have to discuss it right What why is it that big of a decision like we all know a ton of other comedians Adam don't it like Andrew Santino has done it. Yeah, Theo What the hair plugs. Oh, yeah, Theo Andrew Joel McHale has done it like five times. He's every time I see him He's talking to me about hair plugs. He's like the king right he showed me photos of him before It was crazy and then now he looks. Yeah, I mean he's got a great idea. Same as Santino when Santino I kind of forgot that he got them and then he mentioned it not too long ago and I was like Yeah, I forgot that when We were in the clubs together like in our 20s. You were balding and then he just went and got it I think it's a I got a cool little bit. It's so just People are just open and honest about it now because it looks so good like it would I feel like you would want to That's amazing. You're like more scared of it if it turns out ugly, right? Well, yeah, because then you got to tell people I got hair plugs and it looks like shit But when it looks great, you're like, yeah, fuck I got it. Look. Look how great it is. Yeah, you're hoping it's not something that you always have to address You know what though I mean, I feel like you Blake you just for like comedy juice and I don't mean to be looked at and seen as funny But just to be looked at and laughed at long enough That you get funnier and then you get the hair plugs because I look at this picture Santino and I go Oh this guy he's got to have come back. He's got to be quick with the tongue right with what's happening up here Because he looks very young here. It looks like he's in college in this picture and he's already pretty thin 2011. He's not in college. Sorry. I'm on the internet. Are you somewhere? I'm not oh, yeah I'm on the link that Todd just sent but you see and not even the link the photo, but uh, I just pulled up the same armpit person. Oh god. What are you doing? I can't I've hit the wrong link. I'll just leave it here. I guess No, I'm looking at what I what appears to be like a college picture You think that kind of the year um your defaults or whatever sort of forge and I'm not throwing Santino onto the bus or like He's been out and and open with with getting this done before and so so is Theo So I feel like we could talk about it, but I never do that. I think he looks great. I think he looks great And look he can bring up your penis enlargement. Yeah Science. Oh, have you not it didn't it? Oh did you never Uh my big my Cockrojected it. They did my balls by accident Yeah, I'm just back to hanging fish weights from my dick to stretch it out. God that'd be a nightmare To go get a penis enlargement and then have the doctor like put his hand on your shoulder and go Everything went perfectly your balls are bigger than ever and you just go What's that? I think if I was that doctor, I would do that every time. Just kidding. Your cock is beautiful now I heard there's actually a term for when you try to like stretch your penis To make it longer. I think it's called gilking I don't know. I think I heard that maybe there's this and anyway Hey guys think I've heard uh, yeah, I don't know maybe unreal unreal Possibly there's this thing called gilking Have you guys ever do that done that or would it be cool because I started in ancient Samaria days Guys, I don't out and we can keep this kind of talk to a minimum today because I don't want to really dive into it. It's got an interesting history But I believe it's called gilking and or gelking One or the other interestingly enough. It started at the exact same time and four different places on the planet But guys, I really would like to keep this talk to a minimum today. Yeah, all right All right, but honestly We don't want to get into this today. So we're talking about gilk the shocker. This is green This is where you hang your something from your dick to make it longer It's like stretching exercises. So it's a lot of tugging and pulling Hey, I'm doing. Hey, I'm just joking. I'm just joking in here. I was joking with I wear my Oculus Rift just joking real quick Just joking kids come on You know what? I feel like if joking worked a lot of people be doing it. Yeah, we would all be joking But see, I like this this podcast has become like a men's health podcast Yeah, I really kind of go into you know our love of energy drinks Hairplug these Balding how to make your dick. I don't even know Bigger. It's it's stretchier. Yeah. I think it I think it maybe it begins to get accustomed because if you stretch your your penis out Uh-huh stretch it out stretch it out mine when the blood goes into it. Is it uh-huh? Would it get like hard or would it just sort of be like Limp and like a limp noodle like is there Because if the same amount of blood is rushing into the area, right now there's more area Maybe stretching it is about kind of opening the floodgates a little bit like the opening Yeah opening the your blood gates in your cock a little bit and let's keep it to a minimum, but again if it works Starting in eighth grade We're all doing it. We'd all get the gilking guide to whatever yeah What is it idiot's guide Yeah, we get gilking for dummies. We'd be doing it gilking for dummies, baby Have you clicked the gilking link yet? I saw somewhere that like uh The complete idiot's guide to whatever like that world Sold for like hundreds of millions of dollars or tens of millions of dollars or something great brand for like we're gonna exploit this In movies and television. I'm like You what now Did it was in fucking what's it called too? Uh fucking kids movie I just saw it. Yeah kids Zootope Zootope you too. They have like a partners for dummies book or whatever and I was like oh really I haven't seen them for dummies book and uh, that wasn't the 90s. That was like in the 2000 By the way, which came first for dummies or complete idiot's guide to which one was first because they're the same thing right? Yeah, which one has the little dude with the glasses What what has the little dude with the glasses on the cover? Is that the dummies? He's got like the little I don't want to say I couldn't I don't want to be wrong I feel like there's a really cool mascot on the the dummies ones. I was just threw up. Durs Talk to you. There he is. There's my guy. Yeah. How to fix everything for dummies Yeah, I guess that is different than a completed idiot's guide completed idiot's guide and then blah blah for dummies. I find for dummies superior. That is my reference book I love that for dummies series because it has that guy. Yeah, I think I could do both It has that massive I that might be my first tag on my head when I shave it. I like the idea that Blake goes Both wait fuck you can do both No How to fix everything for dummies is the name I trust I think we had a complete idiot's guide to like history or something at my house or something like that You can tell you're not a dummies family because dummies you haven't read it You guys were complete idiots and my family was dummies Yeah, my family couldn't afford wouldn't buy books My family doesn't read Right family wouldn't buy his books We didn't we just didn't look shit up we'll find out the hard way If my hair started falling out at him would I would I get it? Yeah, now that I've been sauteed and I know You're not a very vain person - And I like that about you, Dursd. - Well, my teeth are fake. - I don't know. - Well, that's true. - Cheater fake, you had some Coke bottle glasses that now you-- - Personality's fake. - You gel, all the time, and then we'll keep that to-- - And you laser your eyes. - I do think it's, I never had Coke bottle glasses. Like I never had glasses where like you looked at my eyes and they were fucking-- - Yeah, Apple bottom jeans, which was always tragic. I didn't understand. When people had those glasses, I was like, you can't define regular ones that don't make your eyes insanely crazy huge. - My wife's glasses are insane. - She's so blind. - Like truly blind. - When Chloe puts her glasses on her eyes get way smaller. They're like, right? Like the lenses are so fucking thick. - I think it's the opposite. I think they get huge. - She looks like battle for Alita. - You know when people wear glasses and it makes, it makes like the eyes smaller behind the lens because they're so thick. - No. - She doesn't want to get just lasers, doggy? - Yeah, I think she's scared too. And maybe her eyes are like too far gone to do that. - Oh shit, they're like, this is fucked. - Well, what do I know? - Yeah, I don't really know why she doesn't, but she's-- - I guess I would probably get the plugs. I don't know. I mean, we all know where I stand. - You get in. - I'm getting the plugs. I'm getting the plugs. I mean, shit, I might get them now. You know, my hair's perfectly fine. I might get it so my hair line starts right here. - Hey, we are kind of tired. (laughing) - I want a widow's pink that goes to the tip of my nose. - I don't think you need to, but like there's so much preventative stuff now. Like honestly, like hymns. I think hymns, fucking-- - Oh, we talkin' hymns? - The way to go. - hymns aren't just a brand of everything, right? - Is it? I thought they made spit. I mean, we've read enough fucking ads. - I thought you could get like hymns that was like hymns, Vagra, hymns and hair stuff. It's like they use the generics. - Yeah, I think so. - I think that is the case. - I have no idea. I feel like I'm already 44. - Nice. - It's a good age to lose your hair. - Holy shit. - You're a monster. - I'm married. Like I feel like this is something you do when you're in your 20s and losing it. - Yeah. - And every girl needs you and just looks at your forehead and goes, next, I'm good. They don't make eye contact. - Dude, I was losing my hair. I don't know if you remember this, Blake. I probably wouldn't shut up about it, but in college, I was losing my hair. I was like, I would take a shower and there would be like hundreds of hair, little hairs in my hands. - I thought those were cubes. - Blake was just sprinkling fucking his own hairs over here. - And it wasn't hundreds, but it was dozens and dozens every time I would chuck. And then I would like put them, I would like freak out and put like smack my hand against the wall of the shower and then count them. And my roommate Austin was like, what the fuck is there like your hair all over the shower? - Because I was freaking the fuck out. - Yeah, you were probably stressing your hair out. It was falling out because of that. And also you were probably just living off of energy drinks and-- - And fucking malt liquor. - Yeah. - Yeah, you're absolutely right. And then it stopped. - I do love the idea of having a roommate who goes, I go, why is there hair all over the wall of the shower and he goes, I'm freaking out. I'm losing my hair and I just go, hey man, I'm sorry to hear that. Don't put it on the wall. - Clean up your fucking hair, dude. - No, I'm fucking doing it. - Yes, and that would be perfectly, totally fine thing to say to me. And I did it, it was only a few times that I did that so I could, 'cause I was like, 'cause I don't know, I think maybe my mom was like, was it 10 hairs or is it 50 hairs? And I'm like, I'm gonna count them. And so I did. And I'm like, 66 hairs or whatever the number was. And I remember just freaking out about it. And then after like a month or two of that where I think like, I'm gonna go bald, I was not even 20 yet. - That's right. - And I'm like, I'm going bald and then it just stopped. - Yeah, but Adam, imagine if he did. - What was it? We got a circle, we got to figure this out. I don't know. - Imagine if he did and he just would've been so cool. If you were bald this whole time. - Yeah, you looked like Matt Damon in that one movie. - Do you think we still would've got Workahol? - No, I don't. - If Demamp was a bald character, I don't think so. - I agree only because, I think it's Scotty who always says this. He goes, sometimes I go back and watch episodes of Workahol from season one and you guys are just children in an office. - Yeah. - And he's like, and that's half like what the joke is, is that you guys are so young in an office. And so if you were bald, yeah, it might've, you know, 'cause Robbie, the drug, the drug tester, he's bald. And if you're bald and he's bald, it's almost like, - Brian Husky. - Brian Husky, funniest person. - But we love him, he really is. - It kind of doesn't work as well. - That's right. - Yeah, that was right. - Yeah, that was part of what the charm of Workahol is, we did look like actual kids in the, in working in an office, which is what the youngest people in your office look like. - Yeah. - Which is so funny. I love that. I love that you guys were at a call center. - And you know what is interesting is we, we were the dumbest people in the office, but we liked, we had the most fun, and we made fun of everybody in that office. I think that young people now think they're the smartest people in the office. - Oh, okay, okay. - That's just what I hear from almost everyone who's like, we just hired a millennial, younger than millennial, I guess, like Gen Z. And they're like, they walk around like, they own the place, and it's a little off with it. - You're so dumb. - What bosses can no longer like be mean, right? Can be mean, or not even mean like stern. You can't even be stern to your employee anymore. - Yeah, that's so wild. - I will say this, I remember getting yelled at at an office, and then being like, oh, I no longer take this guy seriously. You know what I mean? Like he like, he lost it about like a printer or something, and I was like, I love that. - Well, there's a difference between like losing it and being like, hey, you have to come on time. There's no being five minutes late, there's no being three minutes late. You have to be here on time or five minutes early. - Exactly. - Like, you can't even save that anymore. Like you could get written up for that. - You know, comedy is dead too. - Yeah, I know. I still like, oh man, talking about this, but I had a friend who fired his assistant because that assistant called in sick for work. Every Monday for six weeks in a row. And he could not say when he fired that assistant that that was the reason. Because you can't fire someone for being sick. - Oh shit. - Even though it was only on Mondays. - Right. - Six weeks in a row. So they had to come up with another reason and there were other legitimate reasons, but you can't even say to your employee like, hey, I know what the fuck's going on. You're 22 years old. On Mondays, you're hungover because you parted all weekend. - Right. - You still have to come into the office on Mondays. You can't be sick every month. - Right. I wonder, I wonder if there's been studies about mental health days that are taken. Because I feel like we have never taken a mental health day. - No. It's awesome. - I'm just asking if you guys ever been like, I can't come in today. I'm just not feeling up to it. - It's not how I was raised. - But anyway, I just, no, realistically, I'm sorry. I'm sorry Blake doesn't want to get real today, Anders. - I'm being serious. That's not how I was raised. - Just Blake, remember we've got two episodes to do. It's a real, just for a lot of time. - That's not how I was raised, man. - I wonder if there's been studies that have shown that taking a mental health day is actually beneficial or not. - Dude, we didn't even acknowledge anxiety when we were kids. Like that's not, that wasn't even a thing. So how would we have a mental health day? - Yeah, Adam's hair is falling out. He's like, "Mom, I don't know. Anyway, I gotta go to the grocery store and go slice it." - Adam, is it a hundred or is it the hair going into the sandwiches? - Adam, if it's 50, shut the fuck up and go make sandwiches. It's a hundred. Yeah, you're fucked. Okay, and go make sandwiches. - You're fucked. - Either way, you're fucked, but get to work. And I guess I'm like, and I don't know. That's why I'm just saying it in front of an international audience that will be recorded forever. Like, don't you still have anxiety? - It's science. - Even if you're like, I don't know. - You're just at home that day. Like, shouldn't you go to work and make some money? - Oh, yeah. - I had anxiety then. - When did I have an anxiety now? But like, now I'm told I can like, chill about. I guess I just don't know. - You're saying what do you actually do with a mental health day? Like, what is. - Well, no, I think sometimes it's fine. Like, if your dad just passed away or something, like someone close to you just passed away, then yeah, you could take some time. - For sure. - And then, but then you gotta gather your shit and come back to work. - Right. - Oh, this is a cool movie. So someone keeps killing people to get mental health to be. - Oh, yeah, they're like. Like, my best friend just died, so. - Oh. - One arc. - And they're like, so. - Yes, and by the third one, they start checking, and then they're like, wait, they really are dying. He's not like that. - That's a lot of dogs. - That's a ton of dogs dying. - That's so many dogs. - He actually did have 12 dogs that live in his house and they're all dying. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Then they go to the pound and they're like, "Oh, that's a dog guy?" He just, yeah. - That's the movie. - That's the movie. - Yeah, I just don't like, you know, if you're like a cop and you're having a bad day, I'm sorry, go to work. Okay. (laughing) - Gotta work. - Load your gun. - Power through. - Okay. - Obviously. - Yeah. - Take it out on some. - Yeah. - That takes her out and go to work. - And go hand out some tickets. - All right. - But I guess I'm like, if you're doing a mental health day, what is the protocol? - Like if you're taking a sick day, and genuinely you're sick, you're chilling, you're laying up, you're catching up on your shows, you're hydrating, right? If you're taking a mental health day, what is the protocol? - What are you doing? - I think you're doing it. - What are you doing so that the next day, you're ready to go. - I think Adam's got the survey set. (laughing) - Ding ding ding ding ding! - Ding ding ding! - Number 100 people said jerking off. - Yes, you're jerking, you're gulking. - You're gulking. - You're setting up your diffuser, you're humidifier, you kind of get in the vials, go. - What was the thing? 'Cause I understand the concept of mental health day. - Okay, so what are we doing then on that day off? You're running errands, you're jacking off, and you're running errands, right? - It's science. - How many mental health days can you take? Like what's fucked up about a mental health day, is your boss can't say, you've taken too many mental health days, or is there a number? I say, I don't know, I don't work in an office. - I don't think there is. - I think a mental health day is a sick day. I think they're the same thing. - They just can't be denied and you can't be punished. Like you treat them the same way. Like mental health days as undeniable as a sick day. We don't want you coming in on a bad mental. - That is a misnomer because it may not be a single day. It could be used in a scribe on hour, half day, or even a month away from stressful situations. - Hey, I'm fucking down for that. I think that's sick. Now I'm in. - It is sick until you're the boss and you're trying to run a business, and you're like, man, all of my employees just left for a month because they went on a chill and just maybe go to Coachella and it's a bummer for your workforce, for sure. But yeah, you know, I get it, fuck it, dude. - Yeah, I just love that they go, it could be an hour or a month. - Yeah, man. It might be a campaign trip. - I'm sorry, if you need a month off, you know what would relieve the stress? Quit your job. - Yeah, dude. - Then you have to put your job. - Oh, I got to pay the bill. - And then it's 30 days. - Re-apply for that job. - Hey, man, job. - Change your life, go to a whole 'nother job. Learn the guitar. - What's the protocol? - I love that interview. I love that interview, though. I'm better, man. - I know. - I'm good. - No, I know. - Actually, my name is Skyler now. - I had to go camping in Yosemite for a month. - Yeah. - And just kind of give my mind right. - And it's right now, until two months from now, I'm gonna go camping in Joshua Tree. - I'm gonna be real with you, brother. - Well, look. - Hey, Blake, you look great. You smell awful. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I came straight here. - See, the problem, the problem, Blake, is it's not just like the, I understand, if it's the lowest level pizza delivery guy, 'cause you can probably get another guy to deliver pizzas really easily. But a lot of times, it's like, it's just like a junior executive. Like, they have a real responsibility in the office or whatever. And they, but they're Gen Z, so they feel comfortable just being like. Yeah. You know what, I had a really kind of stressful weekend where I did a little too many drugs. So, on Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday, I needed to kind of chill at my house and catch up on Lyonis, on Paramount Plus, where Taylor shared, I was gonna watch some dudes catch up on Jack, taking a shirt on and off before going to work. - Look, bro, I'm coming down from a pay-outy bender and I gotta watch some boys take their shirts off. - I need to take a mental health break. Okay, how long an hour a month? - A few episodes. - Just a few episodes. - I'm sorry, did you say episodes? - Yeah, the protocol. - Yeah, I'm actually just gonna go on my car and jerk off to these men, taking their shirts on and off. And I might go for a minute. You've been gulking during this interview. - I have, I have. - Guys, keep it to a minimum. - Any take-backs, any apologies, any epic slam. - Oh, man, I mean, look, hey, I'd like to, I'm not taking it back, but Gen Z, you know, I feel like we, I take back how old we probably seemed going after the Gen Z, and I don't like that we seem old, but we are getting old. - You take back how old you are? - We're getting there. - Interesting, no. - Do you think they take back how young they seem? I don't think they do. - Okay. - It's not about them. - Okay. - It wasn't about them. This is what we take back. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, so I don't like that we seem so old, but we are so old, so I guess I'm not taking it back. - I mean, I was almost with you about just going, hey, I don't know, but that's kind of my question is, is like, are the numbers there where it's like, hey, it actually does work, it's working. Everyone's happier. I don't know if those numbers are there. Everyone seems more miserable. - Yeah, who knows? We're speaking from a place. But the workforce, the amount of time people have to work, it's not fun, it's not good. - Well, too, now work isn't fun. I know, but I remember when I was young and I was working like crazy, and it's like kind of what you just do. - Yeah. - I worked 60 hours a week in a service deli, dude, it wasn't fun, but I had to like pay the bills and make sure I had spectrum cable. - Yeah, but with AI and everything, we're not going to need to have jobs anymore. It's going to fucking rock, and life will be a mental health life baby. - You think that's how it's going to pan out? Is everyone's just going to get free, but all right. That'd be hey. - Hell yeah. - Let's see. - We shall see. - Well. - Aw. - Yeah. - Right. - Do you have a take back? - No, I was just going to say, well. - Don't worry about that. - That's another, but yeah. - Oh, there it is! - It's part two!