Ep 270: Kathleen Madigan

Hey, we're back. We got Kathleen Madigan here. This has been the work for a while. Yeah, I know we keep kind of missing each other by we're pumped here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I like this. Um, this is a fun vibe. Yeah. Thank you. I think you're one of the first people to bring booze. Oh my god. I always bring a gift. Whoa, Richard Jefferson MBA player, but he got fucking hammered on log of all and he got some scotch. Who else came? Berk writes your brother shitty vodka. Oh, Stan Hope, Stan Hope brought Trader Joe's wine. That was pretty cool. Oh, yeah, that was fun. That was a big touch. Is this like a special Jack? Yeah. Yeah. It's a special one from Nashville. Wow. We got to try some of this. Yeah. I'll be a swig. You brought two. Okay, we'll keep you in studio. We'll drink. I wish you were my mom. Look at each kid. You're always that. Mac, can we get some glasses? Oh, no, should we drink it? Neater on the rocks? What do you think? I like a little cubit. Yeah. Yeah. A cute person too, but I don't know if it's a bad day. I don't want the ice cube. I just want to feel it. Yes. Yes. Are you a whiskey drinker? Casually if things are well, I love Jamo. I like a shot. I don't really want to drink it all night or anything like that. A shot. It's a sponsor by McLaren, which seems a little Elite is appropriate. No, just like it's a car code. Let's get from drive. Have you ever been into McLaren? No, I know a guy You had one. He drove me around. I want it's fucking amazing. Really? I wouldn't know it if I saw it. Oh, you Pull up a McLaren. They're wild. You feel so you can be going 40 and you feel the breeze in your face. Wow. I just watched F1. That's a fun with Brad Pitt. Oh, yeah, but it's two hours and 40 minutes. Is it that law? Yes, and flew by. You should go two hours. That's true. Okay. It was fun. Yes. They used to when I lived in LA, they would park those in Beverly Hills and on a day of drive to like get people to Come over and then go in the store, but it was like clickbait for rich people. Totally. Totally. Yeah, they go look at that. But I mean, I went over and looked at it and I don't even care about cars, but it was like what's that? Yeah, 422,000. Oh my god. 220, 422,000. And it's not practical. Like you can fit nothing in there. Well, isn't it one of those things too? You kind of got to know how to drive it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure you're just going to die. But also also they have this special technology. I think look this up for if it flips. Oh, look up the technology for from McLaren flips. I think it's supposed to be like insane. There you go. Because they're crazy safe. Well, that doesn't look good. Oh my god. It's horrible. Maybe I'm an idiot. I'm like, now they're safe. First picture that comes up is a baby's head cut in half. Yeah, those people are definitely dead. Cheers. Oh my god. That's like smooth as hell. Jeez. This is a problem. Yeah, that's the problem. Too easy problem in a bottle. I could drive a McLaren after this. That's good stuff. Can I video from my YouTube? I just want to make the money. I think a DUI is a good thing for a comic to get and like go public with because it's it's you didn't like it like it's a good problem for your publicity. You know what I'm saying? Maybe John reap doesn't have a DUI though. Yeah. Yeah. I don't even know about all that. Yeah. What is it? Yeah. What is the deal with why is it good? It's not good. I'm going to say it's good. I'm saying like if you're going to get in trouble for as a comedian a DUI is kind of a funny crime. As long as you didn't do it. I didn't think about that. Well, I mean, I think he's saying it comparison to child molestation. Well, most things you can hear in entering like yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's crazy shit. Yeah, it is better than hitting a woman. Yeah. Just go to my fantasy football league and look at my team. I don't think we're not good. Yeah. You shouldn't have done right. You don't leave the scene. Yeah. I mean, there's. Yeah. That was driving me. Even Metcalf. Really punched a fan. That was crazy. I do not care. You shouldn't be over there talking to them for. Yeah. The football stay over here. You don't need to. It's two games. Two games. And now they're hurting. They're losing. Yeah. Well done. What's he looking at a huge contract right before this? Metcalf. Yeah. They're star player. Yeah. How long is he suspended? It's a hair flick. Hold on. That's a punch. That's a punch. I'm parent. And then he said he said the N word, which was a lie. That guy didn't sit. Apparently the guy called his wife, G.I. Jane, right before, but he's getting old. Anyway, see, I don't know how old he is, but I. But he's still a stud. But they're out of the playoffs anyway now. Right. It's all. Are you Titans fan? No. I go to the Titans game. A lot. Because all my friends are down there. There's a moonshine tent. There's a Jack Daniels tent. And that's right before you get in, in. So you're already having fun. Like, but we go to see the other teams that come to town. So like, I'm a chief's person because I'm from Missouri, like by proxy. I'm not. I'm a bandwagon. I'm really lame. And if they go to Kansas, I'm out. My fan shift is up for sale. Like the third time in my life. I was a Cardinal fan. I was a Rams fan. And boom. Now the chiefs are going to go to Kansas. I don't know that I can cross that state line. I was raised to hate Kansas. Really? Yes, but I don't even know why it's got something to do with the Civil War. And I don't know. And then it turned into basketball. And I don't even watch college basketball really. So I'm like, yeah, I don't know. But I know they're better than us as a rule. Okay. So we're kind of jealous. I guess with the lines are so murky. Because if you say from Pittsburgh, you don't have an MBA team, but you can't root for the Sixers. That's Philly. So what do you do? I guess you go to your city to it divides in the middle of the city. Yes. Right. So you think you're in Missouri, but you just went to Kansas. Right. Yeah, it's like the vagina, the butthole. Sometimes you slip it. Right. They're leaving us with a $150 million clean up of Arrowhead. They're not paying for that. Oh, wow. You got to demolish it and clean it up and take your trash out. Well, that's crazy. When that happened, like Buffalo just build that new stadium. And it's like, you guys have like a really bad homeless problem. They're like, no, we'll work on the stadium. All the money. Just put it in the stadium. Kinds are getting a new one. Somebody had a great meme. They put up. Can we leave the Titans in the old stadium and get a new new team for the new stadium? Like, that would be so great. We have two teams. We'll make the other one. NFC. Yeah. I put them in a better, better division. I mean, I go, but they're so bad. And everybody thinks I think it's the owner. I didn't know who the problem was. Because when it's such a shit show, you don't know is that the coaches at the players is, but it's really narrowed down to. It's her. And I think that community is as small as stand up. There's just not that many people involved with professional football. Once they're the word is out, Amy's Kuku fucking nobody good is going. You're going to get a young person who needs an opportunity or an old person on their way out. But somebody super talented. It's not going to bother with a crazy lady. They're just going to go. No, I. Well, there's only so many vacancies so that maybe they will. But yeah, you're right. Maybe at a certain point. There's a breaking point. It's like, do you want to deal with Jerry Jones? Do you? Yeah. Grandpa's crazy. Grandpa is in your face 24. So he's arriving in a helicopter practice. I can't. If you're the coach, I can't do that. It's got great hair. Well, I think of the right guy. Jerry Jones. I mean, I'm looking at a Jimmy Dean. I think you're thinking of the Raiders guy. You're thinking of Jimmy. The other Dallas guy. The old guy. Oh, Jones. Jimmy Jones. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, he has good hair. He has a lot of hair. Okay, my bad. So no, nobody cares about the time. That guy. Look at that man. Jimmy Johnson. Jimmy Johnson. Yeah, the old coach. My dad had a white hair. Yeah, he looks good. Nice head. See Jerry's hair. How about those teeth? Jesus Christ. Look at those veneers. I'm at the black face on that. So the first time he's been around black face. That's true. So that civil rights photo of him. No, it's a bad photo. Pull it up. It's a bad. Oh, it's got a lot of heat. Jerry Jones. I mean, the Cowboys suck, man. It's crazy. That's like the they were America's team. Oh, 30 years ago. Yeah, that one. Just not a good one, man. Holy moly. There's a picture today on Twitter. There's two old old and it's real. There's two old ladies. They're like 85 and they were the cheerleaders the last time the Cowboys won. Super bowl. And then they have the cheerleaders now. That's amazing. Great, great. Here's the last time. That's how I'm like, yeah, it was at a Holocaust survivor. That was a cheerleader in the 90s. Jesus. But if you're stuck with them, you're stuck with them. And the bad news is I keep telling Ron, because he the Cowboys fan. I'm like, dude, there's his kid looks like him. The grandkids look. It never stops. Yeah. More Jerry Jones is behind Jerry Jones and they all look. They're square-headed white guys that all look the same. It won't stop in your lifetime. Definitely not Ron's lifetime. There they are. Ron White. That is hilarious. It is true. They were really the original Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. That's adorable. Good for them. Yeah. Looking good. Wow. Wait. So how many kids does he have? Shit. There's two boys. The girls in charge of that show. That lady. I know he has two sons. Maybe three. Okay. Okay. Google that. The ones always at his side. He's always in the boot. Well, two of them are at first week of football is insane. I mean, all those games. We're fucking crazy. Oh, yeah, they're all pretty close Charlie's in charge of the cheerleaders as all you would expect chariot to do that. This is like yellow stone Yeah, and they are enamored with him like they don't ever say You when I watched that cheerleon you show cuz I was just mesmerized that people do this and She all in low money, so there's a son. There's a son. I Don't know that guy on the end All right. Well, it looks like a night at the sizzler How about this have you heard of this Netflix show heated rivalry the gay? Yeah, right. I watched them. It's horrible. It's all I know it was watching like I was like Yeah, I don't think I'm homophobic and then like ten minutes and I was like I think I'm homophobic It's pretty rough for the writing so it's so bad that I'm it making me hate gays It's great in the lighting is bad. Yeah, I was like born clearly didn't get a gay set that a designer This is like tough to watch. Oh, yeah, my friend Bob who is gay? It was like can I watch this with my mom and my nieces. I'm like not less the whole family's into gay porn Yes, if they are it is bingo. Yeah, there's not even a story though I try to watch it. I'm like. Okay, everybody's talking about it. These they were the like unfallen He one of them when I'm falling in the line to get in that specific show was like around Their mega stars, and I'm like okay, well, I don't care if there's some porn in here, but there's no story no story No, they'll do head for like a minute and a half and it's more likely that this would happen in the WMBA then hockey Oh, there's no WMBA version of this. That's a spin-off. We don't know. He did scissors. They got to hide it. Yeah Yeah, that's true, but I first and second overall pick. I don't think they're fucking I just think it's yeah, I think you get it's like a first overall pick, maybe and like a 59th pick right it's not the top two The odds are insane. That would be too coincidental. Yeah, the odds are insane. Yeah, but yeah, they should do a WMBA kind of soft core They should I don't mean I think it's hot when the black lesbians push Clark around that's kind of sexy, huh? That's my fantasy angel-recent Kalen Clark. That's the story if they're secretly hooking up Everyone's like they hate each other and they're like no, they're scared. Yeah Let's be in marriage does not go well. I didn't make it pass the episode heated rough. Yeah, I mean Whatever the gates. I don't care about all that, but I'm also bored like what I know but or just if you're into that just go run it gay porn Right, I need to fake hockey story that doesn't exist. I think I prefer gay porn. It gets right to it That's good point. You're chasing you with sports. Yeah, I don't like that I didn't like the bait and switch of the sports good point. I really didn't think there would be someone of a story No, but then it's euphoria and I can't understand either one of them and they're naked most of the time so their mics aren't good I can't hear what they're actually once supposed to be Russian I think yeah, and then the other one is like Canadian something. I didn't I had the sound off. I don't know But yeah, euphoria is a great life hack to watch high school kids fuck is that I heard it the good show I haven't seen it pretty good. It's pretty good, but all the kids are hot and They're you know in high school. Yeah, so you get to watch them hook up and not is this like a Netflix thing or something as an HBO show Oh Sydney Sweeney. Did I saw this video these two guys argue in an Instagram? No one of them's like hot take Sydney Sweeney's not hot and the other one's like what and I was like getting no wonder We can't agree on immigration right? You know, one of you's like she's ugly. Sorry. I know Attractively attractive. Yeah, and then to go ugly. It's like well, let's see your wife You know what I mean? Like I look like they just go right to ugly like that's your debate tactic Yeah, it's all the wife's wife ugly if you call her ugly We got to see what your wife mom and sister look like now what I can't say that ladies ugly That's ridiculous. They always go extremes. It's like when they call say I'm a Nazi Tinnacombs Now it's going to take off. Yeah, who's a charge of the Nazi Jewish Nazi. That's a sitcom What would the Jew and the Nazi is the odd couple? Oh, that's gonna be the way there's your rivalry. There's your super born super born. You left the oven on hot Jewish guy. Hi Jewish guy. Yeah hot Nazi. Yeah, I wanted to get dark hair once in blood This is good me and maybe like Francis Ellis. Yes. Yes, exactly. They're healing me from behind He's hiling well fucking you What is that? Oh, Nazi porn. Yeah, but is it Nazi Jewish born? By the way, my son has a little bit of like hair down here and I always do Hitler comb and then I give him a little Little ink right here. We have a good time. You put a little bit poop in the diaper right here. Yeah, exactly And then I take his whole hand, you know, the neighbors are terrified his first steps were very big Yeah, the goose He's got an easy back oven You don't want to adopt No, I do not did you know you never want to kids? No, well because I helped raise my younger siblings like I I get it And I'm like, okay, this is fun like I like them. They're nice people little people The best case scenario like I've ever thought about it a lot is they don't go to prison. Yeah, like they don't kill someone Or they don't do something completely fucked up. That's the really the best case scenario slightly Otherwise, they're just other people. I know all right Yeah, you're you're a fun person. Good my brother Patrick's fun. Yeah, good. You turned out fun. Yeah Anything bad, but like what I want to do that again like yeah good point And then I don't know if you're thinking like I want to go travel the world I don't see how how am I in some house with offense and I take you to school Like I see my sister has done it the kids are in high school their freshmen eight years Every day to the same pick-up spot. Mm-hmm. I can't that's parents It's almost like it's almost like bad for the comic brain. We were like this repetition the repetition Yeah, I stayed for two weeks because she had twins. She's like well, you come back and I go. Yeah, sure I did I don't know I had a look on my face. She's like you're leaving aren't you? Yeah, I said no I promised I'd stay the two weeks ago. I just I really like them the little twin girls and their fun in the high chair Yeah, but it's the same thing every day we wake up There's playtime and then feed them and then a nap and repeat until they get older, but that whole first first couple of years I hear as well. That's tough. Yeah, I was much better than a three-year-old. I got a baby Yeah, he was a Nazi I had to Everyday I just uh, no it's not for this lifetime. Maybe the next one I'm not anti-kid. Yeah, I'm the anti. I don't like the lifestyle Yeah, if I would do it the way I wanted to do it. I want to be home. I want to take them to practice I want as long as I don't I do but a lot of people who do what you do actually still have a kid and they're just not good parents Well, they it's not the way I would parents so whatever people want to do that kids are gonna turn out It's a result of your work. Right, so Like I would want to be home. I don't want to have the dog. I don't have the setup They go, okay, here's your dad. Here's a dog. Here's a cat. I go to the meetings and whatever Kid and yeah, PTA things and sure it's a lifestyle. I mean, it's it it is and when you step into it You're like oh wow shit. This goes on till they can drive Yes, at least you get school that takes a little edge off because you get the hours of the day mind is that a Somali daycare right now but yeah It does yeah, it gets easier. It's the lifestyle that I was always just like I don't know and then you got to find the right person And I hope they're not an asshole and then buy a house and you know, well at least in the Midwest like I don't know apartment in New York But you know, no, but you're right. It's a lot of things have to go right. Yes Yeah, yes, and they have to go right quickly Yeah, you can't be doing this when you're 45. Well, you can I mean, but it's a little late in the game Right, you'll be 65 the kid, you know, the kids are 20. Yeah, that's a pace. I'm on I think But it's weird too because I'm from the generation where our parents had us when they were like 22 That's true like I look at my parents are like it's weird. You're only 20 years older than me. That's why that is weird It is weird like when you're 50 and 70. That's not that kind of different. Yeah That's good, but I mean people wait, but I just I don't know I think all these things would have to line up and what are the odds of that happening? Mm-hmm. Well, well, you're from a you're from one of the last cool comedians I feel like comedians are all getting cleafie and sober and then I have any fun. You're still living dammit That's why I brought this. I'm like yes, and then if you don't drink now I already know what to say because so many people don't I'm like well, give it away Give it with it. You can do whatever you want with it or not one with it But you're fun. I mean, I still drink. I'll smoke my little cigar. We now and then Well, it ran brought those and left them run white. I do like them, but because I quit smoking six a long time ago That's a nice little treat. There you go. Yeah, all these studies now people are actually I'm glad that that guy's got gallway Had a thing recently like you should drink. Yeah, you should drink. It's all these people saying young people stop drinking It's like go out and socialize. It gets you off your phone. That's weird. They all they don't want to go out But I think it's coming back. I think it's also that young kids are really broke right now though. I think that plays Yeah, I was broke and I was a kid. Yeah, you find a way you find a way yeah crack heads are broke. They make it work There's a shoe. They don't have a roof over their head. They're not thinking shitty bike or bar by my house in Nashville beers are three bucks You can't come on and guess who's in there me and a bunch of old guys. Exactly. That's who's it Where are the kids? Where are the youngsters like I don't know you got to get laid But I think they all want a vape Yeah, I see it's such a turnoff. I would that was a girl and we're having a good time She took the vape out and I was like I know see I don't even care. I don't understand why they're so weird about it Like they're always hiding like oh, yeah, but I like I don't I don't know why like my sister-in-law is She's like my it. She's always in a cloud of strawberry That's a problem is like when you're drunk. It like this is fucking cool. You're like strawberry. Fuck you Yeah, but then you're so bubbly like that's fucking nasty, but if you were a real smoker or a weed smoker, that shit Yeah, no, I don't want my cigarette to taste like fruit It's supposed to taste like the earth. Yeah, no, it's like it is like the Mike's hard lemonade to a beer Yeah, I never liked the premium all beverages. I always wanted a beer Yeah, well, I don't want a fucking green apple whiskey. No, I don't know why you start putting fruit Vegetables or you altering the rawness of whatever it was you lost me. Yes me, but not the kids look at the vaping And I think it's better honestly I'm not a doctor. I'm not a doctor, but I think you should smoke cigarettes over vaping Interesting because vaping the pictures of that popcorn long. So you're basically inhaling a hot Coil which shitting it from China. You bought it a gas station. You don't know what the fuck is in that Versus I know that Marble had to go through a chain of inspection. I know they're so cyanide stuff. I get it Tar rap poison, but they told me it's up to me now They're up front about it. They're up front because they had to be in the 70s They held them to the feet to the fire, but I just think the vaping that instant heat In your lungs if you ever to see if there's a picture of popcorn long Because it never goes away. Oh, is that right? It never heals I had a joke in my last special, but if you see detective with a vape he's not finding your kid Oh, that's great. I mean like that's what the cigarette does give you some ease He does. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Why do they call it popcorn? Because it looks like popcorn is like on a seat like that. Well, that one's not real But it was a real. It looks like white polyps. Oh, there it is. Oh, my god That is nasty after spring break. It's also in the mix. We want to go back to the cinema Irreversible in the 60s and 70s that cigarette companies put a spestus in the filter tips So the smoke wasn't as harmful to your lungs. Oh Good times. Oh, so I've never seen a guy Hailing asbestos Never seen a guy with a vape with this picture of his daughter on it. Just saying Remember that was a big thing you put a picture your kid on the cigarette pack and you go ah, maybe I shouldn't smoke really Yeah, I've never heard of that. What? I did that I was a picture of you on a pack of cigarettes. Yeah, and he's like you're missing. I put a picture of a limb dick on my phone So I don't call my ex That gets me to start drinking a whole Convent in St. Louis. There's only five nons left. I smoked it up marbles that I got him a kayak And I got them those red jackets. They're like farmer jackets with the brown collar and they're like like a Martha Stewart farm jacket Yeah, it did say marble and tiny letters, but the non-so care. They all smoked anyway Really? And I'm like, hey, I'm gonna collect every marble mile in America So I'd go to like Columbus funny bone or whatever and then I tell all the servers save your marble miles I'm saving them because people would leave home packages. Nobody cared. Yeah. That's how many I got The kayak was 50,000 miles Wow, and I did it and they took a float trip in Missouri. That is hilarious Yeah, it could be done at Louis smoke cable. They had the camel bucks. Louis black so I would save all his can't because he didn't care Yeah, like dude the Louis smoked six - oh, yeah, all of them Wow Louis smoked all the camel lights. There's no more left. I love that you know when I'm drunk I do crave a cigarette. There's something about it. There's something well. It's terrible to say I shouldn't but like I just like fire I Like ash trays like old ones like stand-up ones that are super cool. You can find it like any thrift store. She moved to Malibu The smoky atmosphere. Yeah, but you have to just be the right kind of person to say I'm in right like I love it There's something hot too like you know you like walk outside the bar in the winter in New York You meet a girl. You're both smoking a sick. There's something kind of hot about that interaction I don't know sure. Yeah, well, you're both ruining your lives Yeah, you both have you know both don't give a shit. Yeah, it's a fuck it. It's a big fuck it. Yeah, I like but I don't even think we thought that back then like I don't know you just did it. Yeah, cuz my parents everybody in the house smoked right that's why when people are like I know there's something to second hand smoke but really then all me and my siblings should be dead Like my parents smoked in the car windows rolled up That's a myth. I don't believe it. We came up at the there was a couple clubs. We got at the end Yeah, like we're saying there was funny bone we could still smoke in that cloud of smoke I remember but there weren't that many clubs left by the time what when we were doing it that but that I remember seeing the cloud Smoke like it was crazy great the South they would allow it a lot more than yeah, like you could still go down to Charlie Goodnight's or something and Sigs everywhere and I'm scared yeah, but I smoke so I didn't care. I didn't even think it was an issue Like I mean, I knew that like my close-melt really yeah after a week in a club. You're like oh shit like yeah I got to go home, but you never heard an autopsy like he died of second-hand smoke. That's never I mean people get lung cancer Don't smoke it is you know, it's yeah, but that doesn't mean they're around It's true. Yeah, you just be a person. Yeah, I don't know the date on it I don't know either we're talking about things we don't know about but it sounds right. It sounds good Tell lighting up in front of the Rizzle it was an all-time moment on this Panat the Golden Globes. Yeah, he looks like he looks like an ashtray There are so many things you can do besides have that stick at that moment. I know I could take off your shirt I'll throw 17 nicotine patches on your back. You'll fly like an eagle. How about some gum? Like I got everything that's got the nicotine in it He doesn't care. He's been smoking. Yeah, but he's also been famous for two longs The thing would like should pal will just light up in a club and he's like he knows he shouldn't but he's also like I don't care Yeah, there was there's a comic Rick Kearns from Denver and I we've checked into some hotel back in the day on the road and the lady's like it's a $250 fine and we're there for the week like Wednesday through Sunday $250 fine if you smoke in the room and Rick goes nightly He's right. I might pay 250 to smoke in my room all week like if you could yeah, and the lady was like didn't even get what he Met like I'm like he's kidding, but he's kind of not right he wants to know if he gives you $250 Can you smoke all week, but I don't know. We didn't think about it. We just our parents smoked. We all smoked Yeah, I don't think it got out that it was bad news. Still. I was probably well. I was about 16. Okay My parents don't smoke or drink. I'm the problem. I think interesting Yeah, don't look at though like a drink you parents don't smoke no my dad did when he was young and then but he's they all drink quite a bit But I'm from New Orleans. I remember when you could smoke in bars, and the hangover was so much worse with that stink on my clothes Yes, yeah, it's a headache. Oh my god. I was just in Berlin, and we were we're in a smoking bar, and we're all zappin cigarettes We're all getting fucked up. Oh god damn that hangovers in another level another level drinking of water. Yeah, you got a super Hijate if you're in this I know, but you know that but in the moment you're like fucked up. Yeah Sounds gross. It's like we're in a good spot. We're a water sounds gross water does yeah drunk water just sounds like that's just one more thing I'll throw up later need all that you put it off. Why do you? Why do we put it? It takes the fun out of it We're trying to get fucked up. You're gonna hand me a safety net. Oh, we're drinking whiskey. And so I'm gonna say we're being Responsible isn't it's not in us at the moment exactly Wasn't in us to begin with eat this Were you around for the tail end of the comedy cocaine years? Oh, yeah, I mean, I didn't do it like I'm to it. I get it. I would get addicted to fat like I worked at a restaurant and bar from some of us 13 to 23 Stewart Anderson's cattle company. I was a bus girl. I was a server a bar back in the bartender That whole period. I watched people that were 10 years older than me get addicted to coke I called it the devil's drug because it was just affordable enough that say we made 75 bucks each bartending they'd spend 45 on blow And then that would be gone So you really only made 30 it was affordable enough to get it, but affordable enough to break you all the time So then they'd be like well, and then then you won more below So that 45 dollar that initial buy-in of 45 bucks is now 65 bucks And then it just keeps going. I just saw so many lives like smoked by that. I'm like no, no because I know I would probably like it Of course that jacket says cocaine. Oh, yeah, it says Tony Montana But they were still doing it like I remember the funny firm in Chicago funny firm. Thank God. That's hilarious. John Grisham's Club. Oh my god Don't feel an owner and it was just blow all over the desk bags of blow Because my friend Diane she goes how much of you tell you you're making? I said I don't really remember I think six six hundred fifty bucks. She goes go up there right now before we start to say hey, we agreed on 950 right And he's so high. You'll just say yes, and I didn't work I just got a 300 dollar raise you never hear about the good side the drugs right there's a wonderful side of drugs if you're not on them at the time you I was like wow, yeah, there was still a lot of that but it kind of faded quickly. I'd say by like 92 Gone 93 people just I think they just did all the cocaine and then they ran our money and they were burnt out probably - oh No, no, yeah, like somebody I worked with her nose actually fell in Oh, and I was at the funny bone years later and somebody said hey that came from the restaurant They're like do you say hi to Pam? I go out and see Pam. She said no, she says the bar. I go. I'm not shit Yeah, she is just at the end. I'm like oh fuck and if you get to the point you've done so much below that your nose claps Is trust me you didn't save 8 grand for a nose job? You don't have a reserve to fix that you have to live with that now Yeah, or work your way back like we were all thinking it No, we need all that other stuff. I've never seen as much destruction as I just like Jews don't do cocaine that the Know the collapse too hard for the face That's a big avalanche way more expensive. No, yeah A lot of codes break. Oh, yeah Already look better the last time we saw him. He looked like he fixed it. Yeah, did he fix it? I think so somewhat Yeah as much as you can he did a fix either because it's just all cartilage like a shark. It just there's no bone here It's just so we got a redo. You know his story, right? Yeah with the hooker. Yeah, and they shout the glass shattering Can you tell us well, basically he was crack crunched up some coke or some pills with a Salt shaker a glass salt shaker the salt shaker cracked. He didn't realize it so now he's pounding glass into the pills in the powder And he saw her that and then he said the hooker took a shower or he took a shower and he said keep clapping Well, I'm in the shower, so I know you don't steal anything So she had a clap good relationship. Yeah Good players that you'll fuck someone that you trust that little Wow, it's a hooker. I know, but that's all applause. He's getting Yeah, but still that hooker won't gonna do that Why are you judging her so harshly just because she has a shitty gig doesn't mean she's a shitty human Wow, that means she's gonna steal But you never know Yeah, but would you do that to a non-hooker like let's say you went out with a woman and you're on your third date and you say clap I'm in the shower because I think you're stealing no, I should have once that would be weird. That would be like she'd be like dude Fuck you I'm not stealing your Your zany sweatshirt My own yeah, I know a friend. I'm not gonna say this name is a fellow colleague. We all know him He got a prostitute and they did their dude their their deed the whole thing lasted eight minutes and then he went to the bathroom He saw in the mirror that she was going through his double bag and he just went could you not do that? She was like, oh, sorry. So then she left So it happens that's all it took could you just not do that? It's very polite. I guess so. Yeah, I guess you just got to keep everything in sight Take that bring it all in the shower the wall at everything Geez, there you go. All right, well, hey, did you ever get shit because you've been doing comedy what? 75 years 75 years so you started with Bob Hope and Shelley Bourbon. No, you know, I actually did it Bob Hope show Really, yeah, it was called ladies of laughter. It was me when he leave in Margaret show Carol Montgomery, I think But he was so old. He was like 88 at the time. Mm-hmm. My mom and dad came out for some I don't know why because they didn't really attend There's seven of us. They don't I don't know why that oh, I know why cuz my little brother was in love with Brooke Shields and she was supposed to be on the show And he canceled a sign tournament and they broke shield canceled and they switched her out for crystal Bernard Oh, no, yeah, my brother ruined his whole life over that But so my mom's photo Is that you? Yeah, I'm on the back left whoa But that's no, those are the host. So that's not the comedians that were on there. Oh, they were all on the show see There's the lady from wings. Yep, that's a need of wise. I think she passed away. That's a room a clan of hand Yeah, there's Bob pull it see if you can find the comedians. Yeah, okay, these are like the Host people. What a pull no shit. I don't even know that was online. Does he's touching your buttocks there? Oh, no, I can see his hands He was having I explosions I Was talking home my mom my mom was the nurse for ever. She's doing coke to his eye She goes oh, it happens to all people all the time blood vessels burst and I go is that hurt him? Is it hurt? She goes he doesn't even know what's happening except everything is gonna get very foggy for a few minutes And then somebody will come out with drops, but like I didn't know that you can look all good Oh good like you're the whites your eyes all of a sudden a vein of sharp ninja's house Whoa, that's rough. Yeah, all the cue cards were like this size of a wall. They brought them in on trial This how smart he was though he negotiated for 50 years with NBC that they had to give him three specials a year For 50 years they had a Jesus. So that's why when he's 88 he's still doing the Bob Hope Christmas special 1994 that originated 50 years ago They were like we did not think he'd live this long. No, nobody did Norma Donald says he's the best comedian of all time Bob Hope. Yeah, that's what norm says norm is a contrarian though Sometimes yeah, I think like a lot of people towards the end said he got low corny and stuff Yeah, I mean at least to our no Even my even my parents were like well, you know, he's the gay guy like he has writers like they even knew He's just a vessel of delivering whatever. He's not really what we would call a Comedian. Yeah, yeah, he's an entertainer. Yes, he's a MC. Yeah, oh, yeah Exactly, he was funny enough though. I mean he was somebody gave him a $20 bill and said you sign this and he did he goes Like old-timey corny sure joky joky use America's grandpa. Yeah, but like that's a cool item to be on to Wendy Liebman funny shit Oh, yeah, yeah, our HBO one wait women of the night. I think it was called I think it was like me Wanda Wendy. Oh wow. It's the same six of us right in that era It would we just kept getting the gig sure they would go. Okay. Well there like that's why back then there was HBO young Comedian specials H.V.O. women in the night. Well, which one am I gonna audition for there's like 50 women shown up to the audition Max max you got a good show. There's 350 good guys showing up over here. I'm not going to that No, we're here smart odds and yeah play the odds I don't care if you want to say. Oh, you got it because your woman whatever I got it. I got it. I'm on TV I'm on your not yeah, you should always been strong though. I mean killer. Well, they picked good I mean Wanda's still fun and funny. He's still funny. Marta chose still funny. Yeah, she is and solid like I would pay to see anybody I just mentioned did you have a lot of the it could always hear like it's hard for women. Did you find that? No, whoa I did not if anything every dude that was a headliner like when I was an already I was nothing but nice. Yeah helped to me though The one the one big disadvantage is for women headlining especially early on is like just the griminess of the road and the clubs and stuff to me That's what I've heard at least from female friends. Well, there are women that quit because of that because they don't like the road part But I liked it when I also have a lot of brothers Yeah, I'm used to living with slabs and pigs like I don't care about all that yeah I think the only disadvantage was and I can prove it Statistically is when it came to do you get a sitcom or not? Interesting female the only the only reason Brett Butler and Rosanne was cuz of Marcy Carcy Warner over at Warner Brothers And they gave the Marcy Carcy was a big advocate for women can handle their own sitcom. But if you go back before that Oh I mean, and I love Ray Romano. I think he's very funny But it that's who was getting them Kevin James. Right. I don't keep going back Mostly white guys to sure and if you're black they put you on back then get Martin you had a couple of crazy channel I don't think it doesn't you p.n. Not you p.n. It might have been w p.i.x. 4chan It doesn't I don't think it exists anymore, but they put all the blacks it comes on that network The wb would you say wpn? Oh, you can I don't know what I'm saying so if said with the entertainer friends with him He's funny funny, you know, you know if he got a show then they would back then they would go You're right right right and then white guy goes to and the other drag I don't want the gig so it doesn't bother me that much, but female late night talk show host forget it That never appeals to you though, I don't want it, but why couldn't want to do it? She wanted to yeah sure She's great. What about it, but did a sitcom appeal to you back then? No, it's never did never will I can't I Went one time to the Big Bang theory with Lewis because he he had a part at the end as a crazy professor or some Poor shit. He's a good actor. He's a very good actor and he enjoys the process like I don't have the patience for it We want it there at four in the afternoon. We didn't leave till 11 me and his assistant drank a bottle of white wine I memorized his lines the whole I memorized the whole script absolutely you can pay for this Lou Do you even know scale you scale? It would like the whole day. It was like 4500 bucks minus everybody got a pay But yeah, I go was this worth it to you. He goes yeah, I love it - But he's a Yale drama guy, isn't he? - I don't believe he doesn't care. Any kind of acting is fun to him. - Yeah. - I go this truly, 'cause we've been best friends for a hundred years. You truly think this was a fun day. Compared to if we went golf and then had a bunch of wine. - And some states. - You think this equals that. In a different way, yeah. He's very, he's not kidding. - So, well, if you want to do that, not the road for sure. - Dude, I will never, ever return to this lot and not choose anything. You're on your own now, buddy. - I came once, I ate with you in the commentary. It was horrible. Seven hours. - I'm with you. You do the tonight show. You got to get there two, you don't leave till seven. You're like, what the hell was this? I just five hours. - Right, and that was only five hours. - Right, right. - I was talking eight on a lot that I couldn't get on 'cause they don't have the IDs, right? And I got a fight with the people. And meanwhile, I have Jokey the clown here who's on the fucking show. Nobody believes that. And I'm like, no, he's in it. I'm just a driver. - Right. - I don't run out. - Now. - I think you're right about the sitcom, though. - True, 'cause a lot of guys, you're like, Bernie Mac, Jamie Foxx, Damon Wayans, they all got sitcoms, all the way guys. - What was the network? - You, I think it's UPN. - Maybe UPN. - Yeah, I think I found the clip as well here of some local TV station if you wanna see it. - How about hope one? - Oh. Most people carry around a wallet that's way thicker than it needs to be. Old receipts, random cards, that could stand a wallet. Falling apart leather and something that's basically a brick in your pocket. That's why Ridge is different Ridge Wallet or Slim. Modern, built to carry where you actually need. They hold up to 12 cards, plus cash, and they're made with premium materials, like aluminum, titanium, and carbon fiber. They come with over 50 colors and styles, include RFID blocking technology to protect against digital pickpocketing. 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Back one of them was signed by MBC. - I still with it. - He's 88 here? - I assume, wow. Hey, look at that. - Hey, look at that. - I'm Korean. I don't know, store already thing. (audience laughing) - I'm having to choose the five young women who are on the show. - Oh, I've never seen this. - Is Nancy Raycon? - Yeah. - From different ages, stop. - You know what the thing will be that easy to get to set, but my daughter is producing, picked up 40% and we ripped it all of them and picked five of them. - Looked out with her back. - You looked at it, it could set. - Yeah. - And I thought it might be a lot of traffic, but I only had like two cars. (laughing) - The classic Mr. X. - She created that whole thing. - I had to take the bus, so it was really gross. - Ah. - About 65 years ago. - I can't watch that. I was left alone. I took a look at these people. I felt like hanging on salt mysteries and going, "Yeah, I found everybody." (laughing) - Wait, pull up the Caroline's wall and then her sweater. I gotta compare the two. That sweater was right out of Caroline's. - That, yeah, exactly. - Oh shit. - Come on into Caroline's. - I should've worn it on Caroline's car. - Oh, you would've blended it with a camel. - I would've been wallpaper. - Ah, this is gonna take a half hour. God damn it. - Oh, man, that's cool, man. - How cool is that? - I don't know, is it? - What can you pay for that? 50 bucks? - What would like the first big gigs you did? The first like big, what was your first special on? - Well, HBO, 'cause the, and then I got a HBO half hour. - Nice. - Me, Chipel. - Wow. - Warren Hutchinson. That's one of the only things I have a poster of in my house. - That's pretty cool. - You know what, that was cool. Pat and I was walled in two or five of us. The one skinny guy, maybe his Warren passed away? - I don't know Warren. - Is it Warren Hutchinson? - No, skinny black guy, I think he died. - I don't care for that kind of humor. - Yeah, it's gay. - Warren Hutchinson? - No. - Hutchinson. - We just got the wall, there you go. - Hutchinson. - I could be saying he's Denny's not even dead. I don't know, but that's what I heard. - Uh-oh. - But there was a fifth on that that I'm not thinking of. - Ah. - Is that Warren? - Yes. - There he is. - Yeah, does it say, did he pass away? - Oh good. - I'm like, oh boy. He was on UPN for a while. - That'd be enough. - So the HVL? - That was like the big to get an HVL half hour. - Sure. - It was way better than a Comedy Central half hour. I got one of those two, but that had more, like just between comics, that had more, 'cause they didn't give that many. Like Comedy Central, at one point I think it was like 25 a year. Like what the fuck are we talking about? - Yeah, it was crazy. - It was completely crazy. - By the time Mark and I did it, we, uh. - It was basically- - It did nothing. - It was nothing. Yeah, it was a waste. - No, but it was almost a waste by the time I did it, where you're like, okay. And then Comedy Central, we filled this somewhere here in New York right off Times Square, one of those theaters, the Hudson Theater. - Yep. - And nobody asked me, and I don't really care, but I'm like, huh. I go out and the background is a prairie with a windmill. (laughs) And I'm like, what? - Well, you're Midwestern. - What? - I'm from St. Louis, we don't have the windmills. - How about the arch or something? - Yeah. - I can't, this starts all that. Not Missouri, and I was like- - A lot of funny people from St. Louis, by the way. - Yeah, we have a lot of funny people. - Tommy Johnnigan, you, Mickey D'Laser, Greg Warren. - Greg Warren, a lot of funny comics. - And then the black side's even funnier. - Saddrick. - J.B. Smooth? - Uh, I don't know about that. - I was David. - Lavelle. - Oh. - Lavelle and I grew up like two streets away from one another. - What? - Now that I see you, I know you are the fattest kid at the Swirlpool, there's a public Swirlpool. You're like, "I'm gonna get a lot of fatties, baby." I go, "Yeah, but that was a tiny pinhead. "You have that pinhead of the bell." I go, "I know, I saw you as a kid." Like, we never knew each other till later, but I'm like, "It had to be, we're not that far apart, "nage, I'm like, "It had to be you." And he's like, "I'm sure we got it. "It's fair to get that I get it." - He murders. - He's the hardest killer ever seen. - Good actor, do you see, when he was on a totally sunny, has landslide, the diarrhea comic? - It's fucking great, landslide. - He's good and serious, too. He was good in the drug one. - Breaking bad. - You beat him. - Breaking bad, but then there was another one where it was like a Mexican cartel thing. - It's just, it's a, yeah, it's a breaking bad. - That's a cartel in it. - Red fox is from San Luis. - Whoa, yeah, that's how big it is. And I loved it. - How about that profile pizza? What do you think? - I love it. - It's pretty good. - Emos is good. I do or die Zaini's Dorf every time I tell him his kids play hockey and they're in St. Louis. Get an e-mails pizza. Maddie, I've tasted it. It's your thing. You either love or hate it. I don't love or hate it. I like it. It's not. I'm in your piece of guy. New Haven's my number one. But like, I like it. I get it when I go there. Yeah. That's it. That in the toasted ravioli's. That's the same Louis thing. And then once you try toasted ravioli outside of that, outside of that perimeter, it's gross. Yeah. Like I can't. But I don't know where it originated clearly, not well, maybe we have been Italian neighborhood that's pretty famous. I mean, Yogi Barra. All those guys. Oh, wow. They're all from that one neighborhood. But Yogi, but Demagio grew up in the West Coast, so he was on SF, I think he was on the Bay. St. Louis, it feels like the most famous Yankees. There was like four of them. Yogi Barra. And you said that, right? Yeah. All right. And then if you Google, but Demagio's father was, I think he was like a fisherman off the coast in the Bay. Maybe some of you grew up in the Bay after that, I don't know. It's you'll know him. There we go. AI, do your thing. Yogi Barra, Paul Goldschmitt, Luke Volt. No, he's not good. Why? No, it's a Yankee. For sure. J.A.L.A. Yeah. Right. They were all from the hill. So maybe they didn't have that. Jason Tatum, St. Louis. Hmm. Who's the guy in the Florida panthers is St. Louis? Yeah. Yeah. The Kichok. Yeah. And then the next move just for me, I just want to know if JB Smooth was St. Louis. I don't think so. All right. What about Miles Davis? Yes. Okay. That's a big one. Yeah. St. Louis is fucking some nice contributions. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That funny bone was good. It was the year. Yeah. Kind of a 16-a-turner. That's right. I can Tina became a thing. Oh, good. But she's technically a different like Tennessee. Where's he from? I don't know. It's really nice. I was a North Carolina. Yeah. Yeah. And the service here because we were like, is he live or dead? He's alive. Can we listen to one of his jokes? Yeah. Let's listen to Joe. Yeah. I hate to be like, they're talking about you on a pod. Well, yeah, but I don't-- They want to know if you're alive. I don't know. I just heard that. That's why I said. You have to listen to one of the 111. You know? How did you get all the way to 111? You cut right to the set. Oh, sorry. Hey, Meredith, what's up? I just couldn't-- Hey, there's a 187. 187. That's the color for murder. Which part does it mean? That's good. Yeah. He had a great power, and he was fun. Oh, I know the other guy. Oh, god, Jeff Garland, who I wanted to murder. We all do. Because he was so fucking late every day, and we all had to do this shit together. And as comedians, we're not used to any of that anyway. I don't want to rely on you. I just want to do my shit and leave you. Wait, why do you have to wait for him, though? Well, because it would be like a taping thing, or doing an intro thing for the stupid special HBO. Whatever they made us, monkey do, monkey, you know, monkey behave, those vanguard symbols. Fine, fine. Chappelle made it. Right. He said 18 bags of weed. And he's fucking here. Yes. He is fucking here. Like, come on, man. Yeah. Come on, Jeff. And then he would show up like last time. He's making that face when he shows up late. Yeah, you're already half late. It's hilarious. It's hilarious. Well, at least he's gotten funnier. All right. Well, I know whatever love you, Jeff, but you can't be late like that. It's not nice. No, it is not. The punctuality, I would say punctuality is at the top. It's just disrespect. That's respectful. Yeah. If I have friends who are late, I make comments of it. I got in a big fight with a close friend of mine because he was late, like repeatedly. And I was like, I said a very respectful, like, hey, I just, I, the late thing is-- Can't do it. I don't care for it as disrespectful. And he, and he pushed back. And then while later, he was like, you're right. Wow. But good. But I do think lateness is fucking rude. Without a text, at least give me a text. Yeah, everybody shit happens like get it. But every time-- Well, back then, too, he's not just, you know, it doesn't matter about me. But like, what about the HBO executive people? You're not worried that they'll be mad? Yeah, he's very fun. I don't know, but I'm Catholic school rule follower. Like, you give me rules, I follow them. When it affects other people-- Yes. It's just late. And it's, you're the bad guy, whatever. But when it affects other people, and it does, it's annoying. That's one way. It's one of my top. I had to sit a friend down. But I will say, it was like a family thing. His whole family is always late. So they run like that. And he was, he, when he could get real nervous, he could like this. He'd like pet his own head. And he'd be like, I go, Jim, here's the thing. I can't-- you can always be 10 minutes late with me. Maybe 15. 30? No. I'm not going to wait any more. I'm going to drive out to the Brea improv without you. I'm not stopping by, while you're fucking ironing your shirt. Is this a comic? Yeah. He was opening for you. Yes, and he was late. And he's a good friend. That's great. And then they get mad at you. You left me? Yeah. Well, the fuck are you going to do that? And you're driving, you're opening her. I'm driving him. Yeah, I picked him on my way. So no problem. You're a better person than either of us. One time his roommate answered the door. I'm like, Ty. Where's Jim? Oh, I think he's ironing his shirt. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, dude. This is not-- But I will say I had to talk with him. And from that day on, Jim was on time. OK. I mean, the Knight of the Terrorism made it on time. Not all of them. Some of them fucked it up. Oh, is that right? I think some people are just like-- Sometimes you just kind of let people know it bothers you. Sure. Maybe it didn't bother, because Jim's, like, my whole family is late all the time. Like, nobody thinks anything of it. I'm like, well, the rest of the world isn't necessarily on board with that. Yeah. But he'd made awesome adjustments. OK. What do you think? You can't do it anymore. Just tell him. Oh, when people are OCD and they're like, oh, I'm OCD, I'm like, I don't give a shit. Wash your hands 14 times before you meet. Yeah. Before you're supposed to meet me. Yeah, but-- Exactly. There's a famous story about that. Showed with a wrinkled fucking shirt. I don't give a shit. Yeah, I love a wrinkled shirt. There's a shirt with a store like that. Right. We're a worldwide improv. Does anyone care? Yeah. No. No. We're doing a benefit to be head for it and in our weird animals. Let's get in the car. Get in the car. You want us to be headin' again? Yeah, in the car. She's Mellon Griffith's mom. She was the lady in the bird. Oh, shit. The bird. God, that is a whole lineage of famous hot chicks, huh? Yeah. We grew up with, like, lions and tigers in the house. Literally. Mellon Griffith. Show high. Can you pull up a picture of Mellon Griffith? Dude, something wild. You like that one? Raleota? She's very strict. She's very strict. Well, if you haven't seen something wild, Raleota, Jeff Daniels, Mellon Griffith-- Oh, I never see it. Great fucking movie. It's Jonathan Demi, too, who did something. Yeah. It's fucking awesome. Holy shit. There, it's the swimming pool. That is not fun. That's Mellon Griffith. Yeah, but that will prepare you well for Hollywood with dudes trying to grab you like that. That's true. That's how it'll be. There she is. There are pictures of it in the house. Like, oh, there it is in the kitchen on the bottom left. That's to me. Look at that. Look at that. That's a nightmare. That's like Tiger King. It was the first Tiger King. Yeah. This is abusive, I think. I don't know. I would have loved it. A Tiger King. Yeah, if I was a little kid and somebody told me it was fine, you can have a nice thing. I don't trust in my dad's opinion on that. A lion? You're smoking? Yes. You'd like that they got fire on accident. You'd ask, y'all. Yeah. I'd be an excellent asker. I don't care for this. No. So this is the greatest, one of the greatest comic moments I've ever seen somebody fucking do. There's a comic from Houston named Jeff Berkhardt, and he's very funny. And we all went out to do this benefit. I didn't even know what it was for. It was one of those last-minute calls. Can you guys all just show up with their Irvine improv? It's for an animal. I didn't know it was animal-based, like, don't, but Jeff didn't know, and he got there late, and he has like a two-minute bit about running over his neighbor's cat. And he, he didn't mean to run over the cat, like it wasn't like on purpose. But it's kind of funny, like funny that I can't explain. But Tippy Hedren was there. I didn't even know who this person was. She stands up and bangs her glass with a spoon. Like we're at some sort of royal reception. And says, "Remove this man from stage." Like she's a queen of something, and all of the coverage in the back, I'm like, "Who's that?" And they're like, "It's Tippy Hedren." Like, Meli Curves is small. I'm like, she was probably 80 at the time. Oh, my God. And he's like, "I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm not getting off stage. She goes on stage and tries to grab the mic out of his hand. He goes, "Oh, no. Do you know how many open mic nights you need to go to get a hold of this mic, lady?" You need to go. And he gives her this laundry list of what you need to do to pick. And he walks, she then went to the improv on Melrose the following day and told Bud Freeman she wanted him fired from every club, which, you know, Bud didn't even know who we're talking about. Sure, sure. Well, I'll look into it. What's his name? You know, I'm like, well, it was Deborah Hart, but-- Yeah. They should have thrown like 50 birds at him. She was very mad, but it's like, lady, it's just a joke about running over a cat. Like-- I don't. You hit her cat. You're gonna wreck your fucking truck. Yeah. You hit her cat. It's like, can we remove this lady real quick? Yeah. Fucking coke. Wow. What a nut. Yeah. The title, man. She grew up with all that. She still has, if we, if we Google LA to be Hadron Animal Park. She still-- She still cooking? I don't know that she's still alive, but the park is. You can spend the night there. Weird. It's-- We got hope. We can do that here. Look at that. She's still pretty. What? What? I love her. I love Lily Thomas. I love pussy. Oh, he's amazing. Wow. Okay. Look how pretty she still is though. She looks amazing. She looks amazing. Oh, my God. Beautiful. Yeah. Do you remember in Nashville? She was hot, dude. Oh, yeah. In Nashville. In what? In Nashville. Robert Olman movie. Great flick. In the 70s. Oh, my God. You'd like it. Musical, but it's like dark and fucking seedy about showbiz. It's awesome. Yeah. I didn't realize how much Melanie looks like her until I just saw that. Oh, yeah. That's they've got some hot jeans in that family. Who is the dad? Good question. Was he someone famous? I hope he liked animals. Oh My god. Can you imagine she isn't dropped if you get married? By the way, I want tigers in the house. You're like, fuck you're not allergic to cats. Yeah, because there's a lot of cat who? Yeah Husband, oh, oh Keeping your pants out. Okay. It's Jesus. Who is he Peter Griffith? Oh And her brother was baby stewie Huh, how about that? He's cute - there you go cute kids. Mm-hmm Melody Griffith had a hot chick run. Oh, milk for sure. Oh my god. Look at me started on that charming - like very good Cool again. You know, she was like 16 in that movie Nightmoves with Gene Hackman. Mull it up. Fuck it's probably 68 And nobody cared simpler. No, he was pretty young in that. That was like 70. That was pretty young. Yeah, I mean poor Gene Hackman. Jesus Christ I mean, it's like one you make it the 95 whatever the hell he was and then you just die like that. What happened again? Rats all over the product. Oh, well, he just you don't think about that. Do you be like that? We you die alone? Some animals are not on your fucking skull. Yeah, I guess I'm dead, but I don't like it. Gene Hackman. It's not a rat. It might be your cat Yeah, Martin. Thank God. She didn't die in her home. She'd be mulled to death Well, those big I don't know who was that was a weird weird death. What happened again? How are the tech? Well, I think she was his caretaker and he he must have some sort of dementia and she died She died and then he had no one to take and he yeah, yeah, not good. Yeah, I hope the win somebody has dementia if I'm the caretaker I have a checker in her every day just in case something happens to me. What happened to that like plan? Yeah, good point like Because if I go he'll be ape shit and not know anything. I don't know. There should have been Catholic rules were fall or I would have had I would have had a backup plan. He was a fucking ledge. I love the man Papa Doyle baby. Oh, man French connection. Yeah, fuck yeah. Now. How are you dealing with all this new-aged Comedy shit with the clips and the pods and the Podcasts I just saw you which part of you just yeah, I just saw you on something recently bird if something else - oh bird I don't know. I did a bunch of Tom papa. I'm really close with Tom Yeah, I mean we love we love bird and Tom. They're both great I love the podcast part I don't really get the post the clip of me dealing with a heckler thing That's just engagement you don't have to burn material. Yeah, just the way the whole burn material thing I think is just Idiotic argument. Do you think because I have done a million jokes? I've done I have a regurgitated set of Olympic jokes that I don't like a hundred shows and nobody knows it except me and one guy Bob the Bob has booked me doing it numerous times But they're funny enough. It works, you know for the time. It's a timing thing Yeah, like you see Lippings like I just wrote it all yesterday I have done a million jokes on TV do people not come anymore because they've seen it of course not I just think there's a pressure now though that we really have to just turn over hours like never before Well, that is weird like there's it is weird, but I think that is the expectation like I did a show at the Chicago Theater recently and I got all I thought it went really well. This guy wrote me this long message like I'm so disappointed that I've heard that closer before. Oh my god. I was like I was like I'm like, I don't know what the fuck you want me to tell it's like I feel like 15 new minutes before that Yeah, exactly anyone and strong And the show went well it's like when you get off you're like that was good Yeah, and I can and I'm hard on myself. I'm like I know when it's bad, but yeah, you know people I don't think so seeing someone Deal with a heckler is gonna propel me to want to go buy a ticket to see them Interesting. I need to see what are you doing that would make me? There's a big difference between I'll follow you on TikTok off all your Instagram or I'm going online to take a master And buying a ticket or a club like whatever it's a There's another level there to push you over the edge to do that even is like a like I love music more than comedy But music wise what would you give us a music racks? I love Ella Langley right now. Okay Oh my god, choose in Texas is like the biggest song that's happening right now. She's country, but she almost sounds old school. Yeah I like old school. I love she's she's super pretty I want to see I want her this song. What can we play this so we can trouble? Peters It's her voice. I love that twang and wait here, and it she's got a deep like smokey Hubba hubba So her I like it. I love Morgan Wallen sure sure God's country He's East Tennessee. Yeah, this is so the whole album great pipes. Yeah, I like it And now easy on the eyes So your country gal not really yeah, but I live in Nashville. So I'm surrounded by But no I was in Nashville. No, I'm from St. Louis 20 years you're in LA for 20 years. Yeah, yeah with all the beach comics Venice, Daniel Tash. Oh, we were the Redondo Hermosa group. Oh, that's living out there. Did you like it? Well, we love I love the beach, but then eventually traffic got so bad you can't get in there So I just bit the bullet moved into West Hollywood. I'm like, okay, I'm right here. I thought comedy stories right there Laughter is right there. You know, it's all a mile away. I'm proud. I hated it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it I don't miss one thing except Barney's being right. I love Barney's because everyone in there was normal and wanted to watch sports So it was a ton of like East Coast and Midwest people Not the California cocktail crowd or whatever you want to call them too real for LA I can we just turn on the fucking black Hawks game. I mean yeah, no, there's nowhere else. They won't even have it Chicago for hockey. Well, no, I'm blues, but they were playing them at the time. Usually it was black Hawks blues But like you'd go to these other bars and there's like the Super Bowl will be on and they don't have a fucking TV Oh, crazy. No, I'm not meeting you for drinks. No, that's super close Like there was just that dense I would never feel that way in Chicago or New York. Sure. Chicago's an underrated Also an underrated drinking city. It's underrated drinking. Yeah, it's mostly beer and whiskey like solid old-school stuff Not weird drinking just great food and great food. It's a super nice feeling underrated city. It's a great time It will die for their sports. Well, like even I don't know like I love the 49ers But I feel like if I'm at San Francisco and you're walking around downtown you may not know the 49ers are Interesting I don't feel it. I feel it good with the Warriors, but you might be right about them Well, and then they moved to far south. I know and also the Warriors they just spoiled the fuck out of that city Four championships in like 10 years. I mean, that was crazy. Yeah, then it just becomes boring. Yeah Uh, and then I moved to Nashville like 11 years ago. I left L.A. I'm like, you know, I don't need to live here all but late night shows moved here So what am I doing here? Because I used to go on a side show a lot. Yeah, and then if somebody fell out they knew they could just call I'll go over there and do that Conan was there everybody was there and then they all just kind of started dropping off and I'm like I don't I don't have to live here anymore. I'm gonna sell this house good for you for You're one of the first I feel like because a lot of people with COVID moves. Oh, I left way before going. Yeah But I thought it was getting weird like there was a guy going through my trash And I went out to like go do it if you just tell me what you want I'll actually save it. I'll save it for you Tell me what you want and the dude the dude growled at me. Whoa Okay, I'm out like I don't even know what that meant But I've never seen a human grow that's crazy. I was like I'll save you what do you want cans about like I don't know what you're looking for Yeah, how about I just save it for you. Yeah, yeah, I was like I'm out and dwarf zany's dwarf was like Nashville Maddie I'm able to drive to my parents. They were getting old and I'm like if shit goes weird. I don't want to be a flight away How far how far drive is a Four-and-a-half to St. Louis all said and done. It's so funny that comedy people influence Wait because I moved downtown in the city because of Liz at the cell Anton Papa actually Liz was like you just fucking move downtown and Tom Papa was like you got to live in the village Move to the village and it was like those hangouts back-to-back. I was like fuck it. I'm actually just moved down that message from Jesus Through Tom and Liz super Yeah, but dwarf dwarfs like Maddie you could golf every day We can go fishing every day at the lit I go what lake? Yeah, he goes just right by the airport. I go I've been coming here 20 years or if he's always took me off it. I go you never took me fishing. I don't know. There's a lake here He's like yeah, it's five minutes from the golf course And so I couldn't recruit him at this whole time. Yeah, you know, we could have a fish in versus golf or both But I see you like do you fish a lot? Yeah every day. Well, I mean that one is freezing But wow I built a house on that lake. I'm eight minutes from the airport 15 minutes from downtown and five minutes from dwarf. Oh, what's your yeah? - Yeah, what's your situation like? What kind of house are you in? - Um, I don't know, I found it online. It was somewhere in the Northwest and I just asked a builder, can you just make that? (laughing) And he was like, yeah, and he was drunk every day. - Hell yeah. - Every day he showed up with his dog and a big thing of Jack and Coke. He was hammered, it's the most well-built house. - Damn, stairs like this. - I was like, imagine what Doug couldn't have done sober. Like, I love this house. And even dude, like, dudes will walk in and they'll start stomping and banging on his well-built house, Kathleen. Well, but I got to even ask, unsolicited. So I don't know, I just lucked out and right by door from I see him, like, at least, well, when the weather's nice, we golf probably three times a week. - Do you get a word in? - That's there. (laughing) I know a door. - Oh, door. - He's a talker. - He's a talker. - Yeah. - I like dude, you're like a see, 'cause my sister goes, what's your deal with him? I go, he is like having a 16-year-old friend that's a guy. Every woman needs that guy. He wants to golf, fish, and smash beer cans on our heads. And sometimes I feel like that. Not all the time. I don't want to be married to Dwarf. - No. - But as somebody in the phone, you want to go downtown right now and go see Jelly Roll? Fuck yeah, Maddie. - Oh, that's great. - He's a doer, he's a doer, he's a, I like it. - So, how the hell do you, you got like so many specials? How do you write all that material? What's your, what's the little prolific? - You are prolific. - I do. - And you don't get you to do. - People say that, but I don't. - You do, and she's a fucking, she's a doer. - No, I don't. - Like, that's what you're saying. - We got a great one right here. - There's so many that's under 30 that says they're doing their fourth special, I'm like, really? - Mm-hmm. - As a comedian, somebody yelled, "Well, Kelly, you know what I mean? "I had a special in whatever it was three years." I'm like, "Sharday, after her hit, "didn't have an album for 21 years." - Wow. You're supposed to-- - But you are prolific, I think. - How many specials you got? Pull it up, but we got IMDB here. - I don't know. - It's gotta be over 10, right? - Well, hours or half hours. - Well, let's say, half hour, I don't know. Either way, it's a lot. - Well, if you combine, there's probably seven hour ones, I don't know, and then the half hour ones. - That counts, we'll bet two of those up. We get another hour. - Yeah. But you figure, you know, that's, I don't know, one every three years, but that's about right. - That's rare. - I think it takes three years to do it correctly, in my opinion for me. - I like three years too. - For me. - Yeah, same. - I don't know, but I'm friends with Ron and Hershburg. Ronin could write an hour in his sleep, and I still like it. - Yeah, he's great. He's great. - He's great. And every, I can't do that. - We talked about him. We were hanging in Nashville. - Yeah. - He's kind of-- - As Shane was fucking handing butt lights, we were at that Post Malone thing. That was fun. - Yeah, yeah. - That was great. His album released. Yeah, I don't know. - It looks like six or seven. Wow. - Okay. - And that's not even clue in the half hours. - Yeah. - Oh my Lord. - So, yeah, that's a lot. - I think every comic's different. I think you know when something's ready, and I think sometimes it takes you two years, and sometimes it takes you four years. - But I also think that's why it's terrible when that Netflix is putting these time limits on people, and it says, "You're gonna give me three specials." - That's crazy. - But that's why we know when you click on somebody we all like, I won't name names, where you're like, that was half ass. 'Cause he didn't have enough time. - Sure. - He was under some weird pressure, and then you just turn it in, 'cause the money was good. - Yes, that was all the time. - I get it, but I wouldn't do it. I would say no. - I could name my-- - I would be embarrassed. - Five comics, we had a great opening special. - Their debut was amazing, and then the heat was so pressured that the second one sucked. - There's one I know right now, and it makes me sad, 'cause I know that person, if he wasn't pressured, and he was given more time, the second one would have been great too. - Yeah. - It's tough. I mean, also Lewis. - But I think also the touring is good. I mean, that's the other thing, it's like touring's fun. - You gotta get up. - You have to-- - I mean, I do love, I mean, I just did Europe in October, and you're like, let's see if these work here. - It's a fun thing. - Like a puzzle. - Yeah, you're like, kind of running through the mud. The only joke that didn't work in Europe was I had a healthcare joke that was kind of specific to the US, but other than that, everything hit. - Yeah, livery? - No, that's an old joke. - Oh, I did joke. I had a joke about how Amazon was doing discount checkups, and I said, that's how fucked we are in America that Amazon's trying to help us. It was like a year away from, hey, what's your health insurance? I'm with a draft king, Silver Leaf from here. You're like, are they good? Yeah, with a Flushah, you get 20 bucks in bonus bets. But that's not like, they don't have draft kings in Europe, so they didn't get, but I'm like, I still like the joke, I'll still put it in the special, but it's like, you know. - That's a dead, that's a dead. - It's very specific to America. - Yes, and they'll get it when the special goes over there, they'll figure it out. - Yeah, and also like, you know what, if there's one of those and I like it, it's fine. If there's like five of those, then it's a problem. But, you know. - I think there's too much pressure on some of these people where I'm like, oh, here's another special. - Ah, really? We just saw one, eight months ago. - If it's all you do, it's also different. Like, when Mark and I started, you know, obviously, when you started, but like, I remember, we talked about this all the time. Mark and I used to meet in the coffee shop and just bounce bits. We didn't have pods. - No, the whole day. - We were just, all we did was stand up. We didn't have people asking for scripture or show. We were literally only doing stand up. Now there's other shit. You know, you're a dead, and there's, and there's, - Call your stuff. - Clips, editing. - Yeah, you need a social media manager. - It becomes another job with the job. - We've a whole thing, and this is still number one, but holy shit, I wish I had more time. Sometimes I have to just be like, please don't contact me to people, or like, I'm putting my phone in the other room. I need a topical job. - But they're also totally different. - They're also totally different. Audiences like, I do my Madigan's Pubcast. People come to shows and they're like, I didn't even know you were a comedian. - Oh! - We get it all the time, but people didn't know we did a podcast. - I know. - Or they don't know you do this. - Yes. - But the podcast people are very specific and very different than the stand up fans. They're very rarely are they crossing. So it's like if you do a podcast that people like, then there's a whole nother audience waiting out there to be had. - Totally. - But it's a second job. - Yeah, but I got another thing. - I don't feel like doing it every week. Now I love doing it, but when I'm swamped and the road is in a churning spin and I go, and like the Amazon special, you know, I actually participate in all that. Like I pick the headshot, I tell them, I give them, I edit it myself. - Right. - I don't do the real bike show where. - Sure, sure, yeah. - Like, I'm involved. So I'm busy and then, but it's almost like, if you don't, I don't know, I just think you're gonna fall off the mat. - You gotta stay, you gotta stay in shape. But I will say, I don't realize how busy we all are until I get like a cold or something. And I'm like, fuck, I guess I do a lot. - You gotta suck shit up. - You know, when you get sick and you're like, oh shit, doing this, like, yeah. - Who's gonna do all that? I was supposed to do today. - Yeah, fuck. - I always put stand up first though. - It would've been better to just be like, Ron White, he was famous for the time he was famous. He'll always be famous within a certain group in America that loves Ron. And then, and he can do a casino, he sells everything out to this day and he does nothing aside from that. - Golf. - Well, yeah, he got one. - But he's also, yeah. - He's a type of guy that might have been grandfathered in a little bit. That's what I'm saying. He's been brothered into, if you became a big enough star in your time, whatever time frame that was, you can still run off that. - Yeah, for sure. - Like Ron 70, people that come to Casinos are still 70. He can do every casino in America, but he can still sell hard tickets. Like Knoxville, he sold out two shows. I mean, nice. - And he is writing new jokes. He's going out of those. - Yes, that theater in Knoxville is one of the best in the country thing. - Spaceship. - What is you? - The Beeshoe in Knoxville. - That's a good one. - Yeah, like he's in the- - That's an item. - I'm in the Beeshoe. - Big, big game. - Oh, wow. - Okay. - Well, what is that? - That's a great theater. - Knoxville's a great city. - It's fun. - I was there with college game day was there. - Whoa. - I've never seen that much excitement in a town. I've also never seen that many blue tick hounds. 'Cause that's our mascot. - Oh. - But you're allowed to bring yours? - I thought that was a slur. - No, I was so excited. I love a hound more than anything. And I'm like, fuck. There's like a million of them. You're allowed to bring it to the game if you have. - Pull up a blue tick hound. I don't know what that is. - Oh my God, it's so cute. It looks like a beagle mix with an Australian. - That? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So, no, no. Can you click on the middle one? That's like, no, next one. Oh, other side, other side. Yeah, that guy. - Those are like very all-American. - Yeah, it's like a hunting dog. - Yeah, it's a hunting dog. Yeah, but they're just, they're also like super spoony like beagles. Like they're, but Knoxville. - Oh, come on. - I think I'll fetch a duck for you right out of the bar. - Such a proud-looking face, too. - Yeah. - I killed all the chickens. - Look how cute. - Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want those chickens? Because I already ate 'em. - Who does he look like, Reagan? I can't put a face on it. - Lydia Johnson. - Thank you. That's it. We got there. All right, so where are you gonna be there, mad dog? - Oh my gosh. Well, that's next weekend. Chad, you're good, Knoxville. - You're all over TN. - Chad, Nuga, Knoxville. At the busiest. - At the busiest. - How has been his coming to see me? I'm very excited. I'm his favorite comedian. - Oh, really? - Chuck Morgan. - Whoa. - Chuck Morgan's husband. - Oh, I love you. - So before you get a picture made with my husband, you're his favorite comedian. I'm like, really? - Ah. - 'Cause I'm, you know, I'm cussing them. I'm not dirty, but I cussed and I, you know, I'm, yeah, I wouldn't think I would be in that belly, but I, I was very happy that I am. - She feels good. - Constell, great city. Up and coming. - Yes. - Nobody gives it any love. It's one of the best bang for the buck cities. - Love it. - That in Charlotte, they say. - Charlotte, but Charlotte's are almost already gone with the, they've already bought everything. - One of those got the Von Braun exhibit. - Yeah, yeah, because all the Nazis went there for NASA. - That's why we used the village for-- - You can tell it's still kind of a dumb museum 'cause they still have a pop-a-shot in there. There's a basketball thing like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. - Let's fill Atlanta, Pittsburgh, and Cleveland. - Good times. Boy, you got quite a run. He's a big theater, good for you. - Great comic, every dude, seriously prolific killer. - There's my podcast. - Madigan's Pubcast. - I drink, and I talk about fringe stories. I don't have any guests, I had one. I had Ron one time, and they all hated it. They didn't hate Ron, they just didn't like time. Yeah, they were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, no thanks. - Got it. - Are those are supposed to be, I was told by many people, those are supposed to be special episodes. - Okay. - So you can choose, do you want to listen around life for now? - Mm, never thought about that. - Me and either. - To read the comments, sometimes they're helpful. - Yeah. - Is there a little hype? - I agree, I agree. - Yeah. - Okay, where am I gonna be? - Starting the 18th here, what was this? 25th with you, me. - What? - 20? - They hear it as, is this the art? - Ron, a bit of Oregon at some casino, Spirit Mountain, a new Brunswick. We're back at the stress factory, baby. I think that's sold out. - And I think they're selling Bodega cat now. - Yes, say to Tony Willowell, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Flagstaff, Arizona, and another casino, Swaharita, Arizona, Indianapolis, and Buffalo, Portland, Maine, and Lexington, Kentucky, Providence, Rhode Island, Daniel Beach for Lauderdale, Raleigh. What else you got, Sammo? - Oh my gosh. - I got, I don't know, you got to pull me up here. What, when did this come out? - Eight to 28, 18th. - All right, so yeah, I got a, oh. - This first one. - Yeah, we just added a couple nights. I'm just doing some clubs in Chicago, 'cause I was in the-- - Chicago. - Which is there. So yeah, Rosemond, on the fourth, and we got, I think those were all sold out. And then we got Stanford Connecticut. - That's fun. - And Providence, I think they're, I think they're all sold out, so we'll add a late Thursday in Providence, and then taping a special in Tampa, February 27th. - Oh wow. - And we just added 26, so I'm gonna do three shows. - Whoa! - But I'm not adding the fourth, so get on that third show, it's at 8.30, there's not even an option to add a fourth. I wanna get it in three, Tampa Theater, February 26th, and 27th, only the 26th is available, so please buy those tickets at punchup.live/sameral/tickets, or just go to my website. - Get yourself a blue-tick-cood-hound, and check out Madagat on the road, get some bodega cat. - bodega cat, we're now, we're doing what we're making, I just dropped the bottle off at Balabusta on Hudson Street in the village, so hopefully we get in there. - Balabusta. - Hopefully we're in analog soon. We're in it for our Tuesday striphouse comedy, so all over the country, too, so please get on bodega cat Instagram message, bodega cat whiskey. - So you're taping a special one was the last one you had. - Couple years, so. - All right. - Two years. - That's fair. - That's fair. - That should be fine. - Yep. - I think it's gonna be good. - It's gonna be fine. - It'll be fine. - It'll be a fine special. - It'll be fine. - It'll be fine. - It's not weird. It's fine. - No, two years is all right. I feel pretty good. - Yeah, I think I got some good bits in there. - There you go. I hope so. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Don't close with that same one at Manhattan. - Oh. - Oh. - I'm gonna let her. - I am. - I'm gonna get more hate mail. - Fuck you, dude. I'm closing on that bit. Each shit. (laughing) - Thank you, Kathleen. - Thank you. ♪ Sunday's the day for my next spender ♪ ♪ A bit of fever wrecking the future's close ♪ ♪ I've had a little too much bourbon ♪ ♪ And Norman's talking shit about the fucking post ♪ ♪ And I get down in the same way ♪ ♪ Up on the roof like a cop's comin' ♪ ♪ And they can send you well as feeling dangerous ♪ ♪ I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans ♪ ♪ This woman doesn't look like I remember ♪ ♪ And I get down in the same way ♪ ♪ We might be true ♪