Ep 269: Adam Ray

are we fucking rolling we're rolling got that pick two peters i sent you look at that big reiner double r oh fuck tim dylan oh we're cooking uh yeah hungover anderson he just made the wall yeah what took so long who got bumped wait what we lost bernie well yeah we can go higher oh that's out of shot what if we move on to yeah we'll figure it out all right it's a bunch of dead people i'm fucking hurting dude i'm like i what was last night santino in town we're hanging at the cellar not the hottest crowd we were both a little annoyed yeah i was like you want to hit a bar and it's like yeah we hit a fucking village haunt we get smashed nice good times yeah well the the last night was a rough night was the coldest day of the year so like half my shows got canceled it was crazy and and we just we're just getting lit up and it's like i tried to get normand out i just oh yeah that's just missed me i was already over the bridge because you were on the bridge already i was like come on come join us but we yeah we we're getting hammered some girl was on a date and she was next to us and she was trying she was chatting us like while on the date she's like making out with some swedish guy and then she wouldn't go home with them so she just like was hanging with us and we were just like she was bombed wow how was the sex i'll tell you after a few drinks she did look pretty good but so did santino you like a redhead man uh she was hilarious she was just telling a story she's like we were like why don't you go home with him she's like because i got my brazilian tomorrow and and we're like yeah no guy gives a shit no i mean you could be on your period i'll still go home with you but she was like why don't you go down i don't give a shit exactly bloody mary yeah yeah my wife told me i wish i had known this she's like girls only want to have sex when they feel hot which is so weird i guess first impressions matter but i said if you really liked him you would have gone home with him and then you could tell she didn't really like she's like but he's so nice and we were like nice and then i was like let me guess you banged a fucking jerk off like two weeks ago and she's like i did she banged an asshole too i was like nice guys finish last they really do they really do well that guy finished first alone yeah by himself but yeah they really do it's sad but they women want a nice guy but they don't want to bang them it's a it's a horrible we got smashed and they're giving us these like you know like when we were at the bar the other night analog which is going to serve analog in the village going to serve bodega cat cool little swanky bar and mark and i go in there and they're making us like peanut butter whiskey drinks it's like a pb and j but it's with our whiskey unreal it's so but that's the problem they were making a shit like that at sip and guzzle last night and it's so good and you're just like oh man like well they're making us like peanut butter whiskey drinks it's like a pb and j but it's with our like you know this is so good and they're like yeah we're not supposed to have seven of them like well then don't make it taste like fucking peanut butter and jelly dude no of course it's delicious yeah well the booze uh business is down so they gotta get creative they're getting real kids are gonna start drinking with these tasty flavors you hear what everyone's saying now everyone's saying you got to go out there and drink yes like a lot of health experts are like it's not worth the lack of isolation exactly to be social which i don't know if your body knows the difference right right right but still yeah but you meet people you get laid you make mistakes you have fun you have an adventure you're living life speaking of drinking you finally watched my rex alicus well i watched the first half like six months ago and then i put you off six months then you had to go get a brazilian wax and finish it and because i was like this movie is not oh is that your review i'm listening yeah and i was like it just doesn't do anything for me and then you're like just finish the scene you're on and i did and i was like this movie kicked into like six gear yes it has everything yeah it's got the the wife stuff and then the fun with the friends but then the trauma it's it's got it all it's a it is a realistic look at like how fun drinking can be and how sad drinking yes exactly and that ending dude fuck believe me heavy love love a crazy ending yeah that that's a great movie what is it dutch i think is it danish norwegian i don't know danish but i don't know the difference between it too to be honest it's too fun to be norwegian norway norway that's not the one that simonson's from it's the other one denmark all right that's what it is there we go yeah well mads mickelson is such a good fucking actor too that guy rules and also this guy did another movie thomas uh vinterberg two other great movies one's called the celebration oh my god you've seen that i didn't know the same guy dude so that movie the same actor the guy who's the racist brother is the friend in this holy shit so uh the celebration is basically this is the premise it's a rich family it's the dad's 60th birthday and it's this big fancy event and the son gives this toast and he goes i'd like to thank everyone for being here uh specifically you know my dad who fucked me and my sister when we were six years old and that's how it starts wow and you're like how is this how is this birthday gonna get crazy it's a weird ass dark movie it's shot like documentary style yeah it's like the dogma 95 guys who are just like no hair no makeup no lighting just story if you like a dog i mean the funny in parts too so dark in some parts obviously he did he did another one called the hunt this this director's sick wow he's great and uh mads mickelson's in the hunt also it's that's a good kind of like cancel culture type movie got it about a teacher who gets wrongfully accused of sleeping with a student whoa that one's pretty dark but it's they're all fucking good man i'm i'm hooked the celebration i'll watch that this weekend it's a fucking good flick where do you go from there i mean it's a full menendez brothers in the first two minutes yeah no i mean that's kind of i don't want to give it away okay i want people to watch it's great holy moly but you were telling me about this we're talking about another round you're telling me about the director yeah i don't want to tell you about the director yeah he based the the son character after his daughter right who was like doing a lot of heavy drinking in college and you know she died yeah she died four weeks before filming so it's like an emotional movie for sure it's yeah terrible but yeah dude the movie is incredible it's funny how emotion helps art like i think the fleetwood mac rumors is one of the best albums of all time and they were all fucking each other breaking up uh hating each other loving each other i think that's added to the album yeah we should have fucked god we should have fucked god yeah yeah we should have fucked godfrey would have been a better episode yeah he'll talk dirty to you a lot you know who else is a fan of fucking me yeah daryl hammond said i was the best fuck you ever had but no we love godfrey speaking of the album rumors i've looked at this album maybe a thousand times they don't notice those balls hanging on oh shit look at that it's like truck nuts damn it looks like the cherries at a slot machine that's always been there huh what is it i'm good the end of the age where that looks pretty realistic you sit down you're like oof yeah the good days are over i know i know the only time your balls feel tight anymore is when it's this cold out that's true then i get a bit of cold plunge oh i love i love the cold plunge i miss it i can't do in the winter man no it's crazy this is fucking crazy it's good when you're drinking though when you're out drunk and the cold air hits you it's kind of nice dude i got you want to hear a crazy road story that happened to me this weekend i'm at the dc improv i check into this hotel veder arrives before me so he already checks in and i'm checking in and they were like yeah you already checked in i was like no no this is my friend they're like all right whatever they just give me the key veder and i are going to get lunch so he just walks to the room with me we open the door it's a husband and wife in the room and the guy goes what the fuck and i was like oh shit i'm sorry man i got the key right here and uh well they you know decent yeah they were decent but it was still uh it's still like weird you know it's intrusive and you're like oh shit and then he goes you're that comedian i was like oh shit i'm sorry man oh wow so we i'm like and he was like he laughed it off but then we go to the front desk and we're like oh this happened they weren't even like that nice about they were like all right whatever and we were like that's kind of weird and uh you fucked me i could have gotten shot and walking in the wrong room it's just and you just look like a dick and uh and they were like all right here's your new key it's like are we good and i was like we give veder and i look at each other i was like i told veder i felt like we were on like a hidden camera jew show do they hackle me and i was like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm and we were like we were looking at each other like there should be a lunch yeah yeah they should have offered a free lunch uh although even when they do veder always says it doesn't feel as good as when you pay for it but uh the hidden camera jew show would be too sad here we are on bondi beach you're like no dude uh then we uh we go to the uh we go to the room and veder's like there should have been a lunch i go they should have been they should have offered breakfast i'm like so i'm like checking in i just hear him on the phone haggling no they offer a lunch and then i we go downstairs and we're eating lunch and they like three people come over to apologize and i was like that's weird they were not that apologetic at first and three people come over they couldn't be nicer and one guy goes here's your new room it's the presidential suite wow fucking upgrade see the squeaky wheel it gets the grease veder's good although i will say while he was on the phone he was talking a lot of shit and he was pretending to be me so when he was like this you know this is samuel this is really unexpected i'm like dude you're making me sound like a fucking asshole now was he like yo and the irony is they're trying to keep it out of the act and here it is in the act already well but they but they were nice in the end okay and i was like this is unnecessary they're like no we insist and i was like all right interesting and then you're in that big room alone you're like well this is kind of sad uh it's not a nice view great view but those suites are because there's like three rooms and you can't even use them all i know you're just like what am i but but you know it's kind of fun veder and i he's like we should watch a movie in here like yeah i mean we'll watch a movie yeah go full home alone you know get the candy out it was fun yeah man where were you this weekend uh right right Brea. I did Edelman's Pod. Yeah, we had a great time. Julian Edelman. You've got to get him back on here. Yeah, so fun. The Nuthouse. Yeah, great house, great time. The problem is with Brea, you're like, I'm in L.A., but it's an hour and a half away. So you drive in to do Edelman's Pod, then you drive out, and you're like, oh, now I'm in three hours of traffic. Did you stay in L.A.? No. You stayed in Brea? I stayed in boring-ass, sleepy Brea, which was probably for the best. I had a few drinks at the club, and then I'd go to bed. That's tough. I'll tell you the thing, after the show, there's no traffic. That's true, that's true. And the ride to the airport at 5 a.m. on Sunday, because you've got to return the rental car, was 34 minutes to the airport, whereas it was like three hours during the week. God damn. By the way, here's a rec. Sixth. Sixth rental? Super cool. You ever done sixth rental? You don't really drive. No, I haven't. Yeah, well, there's budget, there's Avis, there's dollar. But sixth is crazy. It's regular prices, but you get Beamers, Porsches, all these upgraded Mercedes. You could run a Comedians in Cars out there. I know, totally. But my manager set me up with this. I was like, what the hell's sixth? I've never heard of this bullshit. I've got to fire this guy. And then they throw you the keys. It was super easy. What were you driving? I was in this crazy-ass Beamer M-series, whatever, crystal blue, crazy nav system, leather seats. I had the NOS. I had all kinds of shit. And I was whizzing and wazzing all. That was it. I had that one. Ooh, that's nice. It was a sexy Beamer. And boy, it was fun. Wow. It's only $700 a month. A month. Yeah. A month, Jerry. That's what it is for a week. I know. It's a great little hack. So is Vita. So are we. But yeah, go to sixth. I'm a fan now. And they're not paying me. Dude, how was the show? It was brilliant. That's a good club. You know what sucks? Thursday, I had the weakest crowd. One show Thursday, two Friday, three Saturday. Oh, you went, that's a weird order. Yeah. I would much prefer, I don't like flying in and doing two at night, but I would much rather two a night. The three shows on one night. It's a nightmare. It's tough. You're on autopilot. I know. But Thursday, the managers come out, the agent comes out, because you're in Brea, you know, they all live out in L.A., and I had the worst show of the weekend. So they were all like, okay, good to see you. Take it easy. Maybe we should drop this guy. You're doing a lot of new shit. A lot of new, but then the rest of the weekend, I'm cooking. So that was a bummer. It's also fun when you get that crowd that embraces the new, man. Yes, yes. They want the new. That's why the clubs are the best, man. I know. I'm getting a lot of work done. Clubs, I'm having so much fun. I love clubs. We're both doing L.A. in May. Yeah, the fest. I thought we were booked the same night for a second. I almost called my agent, and he was like, no, no, you're the next night. I was like, thank God. Oh, hell yeah. You're doing the 6th? I think I'm doing the 7th. Yes, yes. Yeah, I'm doing a thing with Jordan Jensen, Joe List, and Rachel. It should be fun. Oh, that's a fun lineup. That's going to be a blast, but it's going to be a fight for who's going first on that one. Are we going to do a pod out there? I think we should. We should, yeah. Let's get some Paul Rudds or some Michael Mann or some John Hamm. Let's see if he'll whip it out, dude. Yeah. Let's see that ham bone. But yeah, so let's do L.A. We'll do it up. It'll be nice to have some New York people in L.A. Take the L.A. out of L.A. a little bit. Yeah. How long do you think you're going to stay out? Eh, three days. Jesus, what a fucking honker. That's soft. I know. What has this podcast become? I don't know. We're having this intellectual film discussion, and then you're like, check out his dick, dude. That's soft. Why don't you go home and watch Heated Rivalry, Salakis? That show's awful. It's awful. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of hearing about it. It's just a gay porn with a little bit of hockey. Yeah, and they're like, it's sports. You like sports. I'm like, yeah. You know what? I don't like all the butt fucking the whole time. I know. And I'm not homophobic. It's bad writing. It's bad writing. Maybe I'm a little homophobic, but it's bad writing. No, it's, oh, God. Speaking of heated rivals. Oh, here we go. No, I love Brokeback. That was great. Brokeback was great. Wow. Why am I the girl here? Look at that. I'm taller than you. You're kissing down on me. What the fuck is that? Oh, yeah. I'm kissing you up. I may as well kick my heel out. What the hell's happening? Mark's saying, do you want to kiss me? I think he's saying that. Oh, boy. My hair is straight in the back, too. Something this is not. That's what comes from doing Legion of Skanks. Yeah, that's true. That's fucking fan base. We got off easy. We did. Literally. Oh, good times. That was a hot F, that skank. Was it? Yeah, we were rolling. We were drinking. That was a great one. I was watching your glass. I'm like, you better fucking keep. I showed up drunk. You showed up drunk, and I had about a half left, and you gave me a full four. Yeah, I was like, get the fuck in there. Because I'm pounding these, because I already had, you know, when you're already drinking, you're like, you start drinking a little quickly. Yeah. Let's keep this fucking buzz going. And I was eyeballing Mark's like, you better fucking stay with me, dude. I'm calling right now. This is going to be a fun year. I can feel it. 2026. We're already in January. We're already having a great time. I mean, the Knicks are struggling. But other than that. I was at that game. That's why I was drunk. Oh, yeah. What are you going to do? Santino's in town. You're at Swallows and Gurgles or whatever bar. Sip and guzzle. Sip and guzzle. We're having a great time. Good time. Cool little bar. I never heard of it. How did I miss it? Yeah, a little cool cocktail spot. I love a cool cocktail spot. Love a good cock. Whoa, wait a minute. Tail. Either right or either. Love a good cock. Oh, God. It just shows that like no one's ever. Okay. Well, no one's ever done a gay hockey show. So they're like, we'll do this. And then everybody loves it. It's just the new thing. Yeah, but it's also like poorly lit. And it's horrible. And it's like the writing's bad. And it's like. And where are the gays? They're supposed to be great with lighting and decorations. I know. It's low budget. There's only so much you could do probably. I think. I'm sure. But this was season two. It's probably going to be like insane. Yeah. Well, here's a question. Are the actors all gay or they're acting? I think they're gay. What do you think? That dude's definitely gay. What do you think? The Rotten Tomatoes scores. I don't know. Pull it up. I don't know. I give it two boners. Oh, my God. What? All right. What do you think? I'm going to say like 50%. Are we talking audience or critic? I'll give you both. And they're pretty close. Audience. I bet it's like 92 or something. Nailed it. On the dot? On the dot. I knew it would be in the 90s. You're gay. Fuck. That's a test. Wait. What's the critic score? 98. Wow. 98. That's a perfect score almost. That's insane. Because critics love to just be like, you know what? It's self-referential. It's inclusive. It's aware of what it is. Is it aware or is it just a bad show that caught on? It's not good. No. Especially. If you're a hockey fan. It's horrible. You're like, this is zero hockey. Yeah. It's just them on the ice looking at each other like, how long are they in timeout? You know? And it's just not realistic. Like the first and second pick, statistically, it's not even possible. Yeah. We got to make a hetero hockey called penalty box. Hey. All right. It's just dudes running a train on chicks together. Like we're not gay. We just fuck a lot of chicks together. Yeah. I don't know why these women are on the ice. But fuck it. Apparently we're getting threesome opportunities, but they're fucking, yeah, threesome counter here, but they're all fucking. A double a teamer. Oh, they're asking for you both? Yeah. They want the devil threesome. Patreon. Patreon. But the girl's name is Sammy. So I was like, this is going to confuse me because I'm going to be yelling your name. But he's never called me Sammy, so I won't be confused. No, that's true. He calls me Sam. Yeah, that's true. But dude, that would. She's not bad. Why is she good? She's pretty. I mean, the face is very pretty. All right. I got a screenshot of her coming up. Actually, I don't know if we should do that. Don't put that up on here. She's a knockout, though. Very pretty. This guy's been late in years. I bet if you bring her to Analog and you go, Norman's on the way, you could probably hook up with her and I'll just not show up. That's a great move. But that's not the threesome. Yeah, but you can blame it on me. He didn't show up. The guy's a fucking flake. Piece of shit. What a piece of shit. I've been home watching Heat of the Rivalry alone. He's not here. I mean, men don't show up. Maybe we need a woman. Oh. And then we peek around. Call, what's her face? The other lady who was bartending. Hannah? Heidi? I don't know. Mandy? Mandy! Not even close. Not even close. Well, she'll never come back. Nicolas Cage movie. Maddie? Mandy. Oh, Mandy. It's a fucking mess. Is it good? It's weird. It's like a revenge movie. Oh, yeah. I remember this. Yeah. Oh, I don't remember Mandy. Nicolas Cage. He was in deep debt and he had to make a lot of money. He had to make a lot of shit to make that money back. I think he's been married like five times. Yeah. You gotta not. Don't you have an accountant who's like, what do you? Just be with them. Why do you have to sign papers? But you know what? I bet really artistic dudes like that are like, no, man, I gotta go all in on everything. Yeah. And they just fuck their life up. Yeah, he's living. What? He's living, goddammit. He's living. But you could live with a lawyer. Yeah, and not a wife. Same with dudes who just raw dog everyone. They're just like, I'll just have a bunch of kids. And you're like, those are usually creative types. Yeah, that's true. Nothing's holding them down. You know, nothing's like stifling them. Right. That's true. Yeah, they just, yeah, Nick Cannon. These guys are just. Yeah, one of the greats for sure. Great writer, great thinker. I know. Art Denzel, for sure. Great comic. He did it all. Good coxswain. I mean, he's got 11 kids. Oh, the ladies love him. 13, I think. 13 kids. Wow. Are you a coxswain? I feel like a coxswain is strictly a person who like pulls it off without all the baggage. That's true. I'm not calling a guy who. Nuts that much with the consequence of coxswain. Especially with that many different mothers. That's work. That's. That's child abuse is what it is. It kind of is. is completely he's not hanging out with all these kids and getting to know him 12 children i'm sure he's paying for 12 kids all right moms 12 kids wow a dozen that's great zion zillin is that more than musk musk is 13 i think wow these african americans are out of control but yeah musk is uh he's trying to populate the planet i think well that's where the rich and the poor intersect is they will nut at anything here here so true but i think rich people are like well there's no consequence i'll just keep nutting and stuff and poor people are like well it feels good i deserve something that feels good yeah yeah and rich people like i could take care of these people i got all the money in the world yeah so you came in hot oh sorry you came in hot talking about peeves i got some peeves that's good i figured i'd save some for a guest but what's he showing up he said he's 10 minutes late so any minute okay is he here i think so oh it's sorry you don't have to get up but uh shit i forgot what i was gonna say damn i'm bummed i missed that bar hang oh my god it was fucking crazy damn a lot of rando a lot of bar creatures too i like a bar hang that turns into a whole thing where everyone starts chiming in yeah we met some people we met the chef from that hot new restaurant the 86 he was wow have you heard of that restaurant i've heard of it yeah i've heard of it too it's supposed to be very hard to get into i believe he sent us he sent santino and i two shots oh nice yeah wow well santino is like we're no slouches but he's a very recognizable figure the fiery red hair he's on one of the biggest podcasts dave dave uh that other show he was on curb he was good on curb great on curve great actor too i mean look at that really uh looks cool right looks like it kind of looks like muso and frank's a little bit oh yeah once upon a time in hollywood yes very 30s very deco i like a throwback i love like when you feel a little transported and then you walk outside the bar and the fucking wind hits and you're like oh it's fucking cold oh look at that and you went to a diner today alone i did i love a diner alone i think that's a wreck go to a diner a lot especially hung over you just pound coffee eggs yeah this is how you beat it and uh yeah shout out vaselka one of the best diners great ukrainian diner especially if you can get a booth alone coffee you get some people watching dead i love a dead dog love a dead diner you feel bad because you're like this can't be good yeah business but you're like this is how you no one wants a packed diner no that's not where you go you go for the you go for the isolation well we fought we're big diner queefs and we follow this diner guy and he's like i'm at this one in park slope i'm at this one in lower east side and we try to go to as many as we can but they're dying they're like native americans there's like four left yeah it's tough man it's tough they're like blockbuster they used to be everywhere remember how many diners were in new york yeah and then what sucks is the ones that survive have to just jack up the prices and you're like did i just spend a lot of time at the diner i don't even know how many diners were in new york like did i just spend 23 on an omelet i know this is ridiculous it takes the charm away the diner completely it's supposed to be you know blue collar cheap like a coffee's supposed to be like 65 cents now it's like four dollars 65 cents you know i've been watching mad men but we used to go to a diner you walk out of there two meals it was like eighteen dollars you look at the day like this grilled cheese is supposed to be 135. come here toots what's that black in here yeah yeah it's all changed the diners are out of control i love movies from the 70s where they'll eat a grilled cheese and a black coffee and then just leave change on the counter and walk out yeah crazy it's fun to watch the the the menu in an old movie too you know you're like wow ham and eggs were like 88 cents yeah it's cool when you see like the menu hasn't really changed and it's like you know uh just like burger fries just we eat all the same i know i know apparently they say the food's gotten worse chemically you know processed process wise but yeah yeah now they're making they were making crazy you know we were doing negronis and last night but then he'd be like this is like a wagyu old-fashioned whatever jesus we're just hammered yeah just trying whatever sometimes i annoy those guys because i'm like can i just get like a tequila soda because i don't want all the sugar i don't want all the syrup a lot of times and i make a chock full of syrup that's what that's the hangover how's our guests coming oh all right something feels uh what do you guys do a little secret thing i see a backpack over there is he doing some kind of prank is there breakaway bottles in there yeah we were doing that for a while that was kind of fun oh yeah that was fun wait wait wait give me give me a menu price here is this in new york no listen that doesn't work right that's got to be like jersey yeah that's jersey fresh ham sirloin steak hey there he is oh i like that dude what's up Ray Ray? 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they were doing thank god for shopify they make it easy they make it smooth and clean they're helpful we saw a lot of good stuff around here so we love them we use them and you should too start your business today what the with the industry's best business partner shopify and start hearing ching sign up for your one dollar per month trial today at shopify.com slash drunk go to shopify.com drunk that's shopify.com drunk congrats on that uh seahawks win bro all right let me get right into it is this coming out this this has to come out this weekend now then oh all right well fuck all right should we take it again this weekend let's just yeah just do this then yeah let's talk seahawks okay great uh very fired up darn old man darn old uh we haven't been to the super bowl in 13 years let me ask a um a friend and comedian's perspective on something so you know first theater tour i'm on it right now you guys have both been uh the who is me theater tour adamraycomedy.com for tickets or uh x videos or jamba juice.com if you just want to uh get excited for something but um it uh yeah i was doing the more and sam texted me it was like favorite venue it might be my favorite yeah it was very sweet text first of all and uh i just say you posted i was like oh i'm like because usually you just think you're better than me and um what's that no you're seattle kids so it's like yeah it's iconic it was and uh pearl jam i think did uh yes well some music video there back in the day even flow even flow yes yeah the rafters yeah i mean you if you just put your ear up to the walls you can hear eddie vader being like uh you know this is where a titty fucked um uh yeah and so um but that's all you hear and uh it trails off he came yeah yeah um but it was the acoustics you made a big point to say were like i mean three levels but everybody's right up on top that's my favorite and it uh it just i don't know you want a theater i just you know we did uh the wilbur this past weekend and then we're like in maine and rhode island and new haven uh jealous and uh and best pizza in the country's best pizza new haven but even like this theater in rhode island was like 100 years old and uh i just like a fucking old historic venue like i don't know it's cool to feel like you know that it's not some you know obviously brand new venues rule but like the beacon for example just feels like every show has from seinfeld to bet to fucking two girls one car everything's been through there and they always get the grip the grip guy like you know chaplain played yes like whoa bro the sound and the lights guys are like i've seen everything from fucking you know vertical horizon to fucking willie nelson man and they both they both love the fucking party you know yeah houdini levitated off the stage tonight you did uh queef jokes that was good stuff yeah pretty much the same show um but the uh but what was i gonna say oh so i'm doing you know town hall this weekend first time and uh town hall's epic great that's awesome and uh that's another where they're on top of you you know okay great and all these are are pretty close to being clean uh hell yeah troy is the uh yeah they've all been there's maybe been two so far that a bit like wilbur late show was maybe a thousand out of eleven hundred so a hundred you know you give or take yeah but this troy uh savings hall troy banks albanese yeah the yeah yeah that um i was gonna cancel because the nfc championship game is sunday now and i've looked really well john steiner was like i have a list of people now that i hit up when i go home where it's like my two best friends from from elementary school uh my mom obviously uh and uh and now john steiner the seahawks gm he had me roast the seahawks last year so i had to know mike mcdonald the coach really well i got him to do this video when i went on mcafee to like come in it was uh and i did a first pitch for the mariners and and like pretended to come up short with my pitch and then i called the pen and mike came out to throw his first pitch and so everybody 's welcome to seahawks coach mike mcdonald he's a cool ass guy he's like yeah you're my tie to the comedy world and and doing all these goofy bits is like because he's kind of a pretty even-keeled nerdy plays katan is that the game it's like a strategy game chris katan chris katan yeah you play a lot of drugs in that yeah you get a lot of pills from him and so uh no shout out we love you chris and uh but but uh yeah mango but so so i have all these ties now to the and known sammy for since he got drafted katan yeah so i was like i gotta go back to the game because you know i to sit in their suites and go to the field and like party with them after when they win and but i uh i got this like i think it was a sign from god man i get this facebook message i try to check all my shit in doses and i get this message you know obviously we all know how like impactful comedy is now and like sometimes you you see it more um some days and others as far as like a message or a meet and greet somebody's like you know my wife just had her fucking 18th abortion and this is her first time out in two years you know you and it really it means a lot and it's been going out a lot yeah and so and so uh it got his message and it was just this guy like fucking tugging on my heartstrings and i was like i can't fucking like so my whole thing was i was going to cancel after uh we won on saturday against the niners we had the game on the big screen during the meet and greet on stage and so i'm just fucking taking shots with people and going nuts and i'm like i mean we won 41 to 6 it was awesome yeah and everybody was like oh it's a good team yeah it's a fucking play totally and so now we're playing the rams obviously but but the people i think of are you and soda because it's 49ers yeah oh fuck i'm like one one of my friends is gonna be really fucking sad yeah i know dude that's sports though but so i uh so i'm like i'm definitely canceling albany because i'm like it's fucking albany i'm canceling how many times you get to go to the game and have this many connects and then this kid's message dude like i literally was like i go it's a sign from god i can't fucking are you with the egg uh it's troy's savings savings bank savings bank that's bigger than the egg oh nice the egg is cool awesome really but it's like a thousand but also and so then i'm gonna drive back from albany the next day to fly out yeah i don't know but so i guess what i'm asking is like obviously canceling week of is like shitty like i don't care how you slice it well you also you're talking about on a podcast you'd have to just be like something happened no no i was fully i was fully going to be like i'm going to the game yeah dad i was gonna uh but i but i just was like that's what you're talking about you don't care how you slice it well you don't care how you slice it well again you just don't think about it and i guess i'm trying to shed a light dude i did this during the next playoffs because it's like you know it's just it's so rare that we're in the mix yeah and uh i'd use an alias of the seller and sd be like why do you always use an alias and be like because you get mad when i cancel when i use my name and the fucking next she's like oh i get it she was like she totally got it yeah yeah but so cool did you ever think you'd be doing a theater tour and then you go hey let me cancel that theater i want to go to a game because i could go sit in the owner's suite or whatever i mean what a life you're living totally yeah and so but then that's why you just got to go but if we go to the super bowl then and this is what um my uh sweet wife was breaking down she's like fucking you can't bail she's like if we you win it's like we'll go to the you know i got some options there and then that's and then also it's like yeah you fly i'd have to take a 7 a.m flight back would you go to the super bowl oh yeah yeah so and you don't have a gig on the super bowl no one i'm at the mothership the friday and saturday but i purposely canceled sunday yeah to also just watch the game because i was like i don't want to be on stage during the super bowl like yeah um but i was just playing and watching it you also don't know how good your team is going to be so this these gigs were booked you know in in you know 10 years ago so that's so cool you got the local sports team from your city it's honestly the cool i mean i don't know how you guys are with like athletes or musicians i think we're probably all over the athletes yeah a bra i know i know sam's like great show wait who no heated rivalry hilarious yeah um no yeah i'm i remember the first time we met at the comedy store uh hallway right in the uh original room and we just started geeking out and you're like yeah i've got a super bowl and i'm like yeah i've got a super bowl and i'm like yeah i've got a signed a maury stuttermeyer headband do i really wait that sounds like something i would say that laugh yeah no you did but we were geeking out nba wise and i was like dude i've met a lot of comics is just talking hoops but totally i mean you were like you were like you're from seattle right and i was like yeah and you're like sean kim gary payton and i was like dude and then i go and i go and then i go dude john stark's ron harper and you go this guy knows his bedrick harper oh fuck what i say all right i still play i still play d like ron harper i hand check i'm dirty as fuck ron harper was dude yeah he just pretty much was trying to just just yeah you guys you have good teeth the pelicans call me i don't answer you want to come in the box you've adopted the knicks yeah yeah the knicks are all the way yeah i don't i don't get starstruck often but i was the first time i met jalen brunson i was a bit of a bitch oh yeah i was a little bit like oh fuck i was like thank you so much for coming here and liz from the sellers with me she was like oh fuck she's like jumping and be like no he's like a really funny yeah yeah oh okay yeah he was nice the pod yeah i did i was very bad on their podcast the um they were on a three-game losing streak they were not in the mood to pod and i'm just telling like bomb stories and they're not going they're like so you just so you're just not good i'm like no it's like a it's it's funny it went badly the game you're like so you just bomb all the no it's self-deprecating funny story wait it is tough it's what do you think uh guys get more nervous about like making that's a cool shot actually holy shit yeah like a friend tommy the cop that's a great break his fucking hand he's gonna break his fucking hand he's gonna break his fucking hand he's gonna break his fucking hand he's really getting on don't high five that guy benches like 400 pounds damn like a pickup line to a girl like oh or um an icebreaker to an athlete for a guy what's more nerve-wracking you know because you're like you're like i went up to a girl and i told her if she needed help in the bathroom i'd help her wipe and i thought that'd be funny you know but then i went up to fucking you know uh you know uh carl anthony towns and i told him like you know how's the weather up there you know and he's like you know like but you're or like you know i have you i have your trading card like what like what's your opener to these guys when you meet them dude i mean yeah i didn't have one i sucked i mean it was bad you end up just panicking you're like dude how basketball fucking rules right well i blew it with that guy in the lounge what was that guy that that famous legendary basketball player and i was like hey i'm mark kyle rittenhouse you remember that we were at the we're standing at the bar waiting to get a drink and some guy walked up and i made a joke and you were like and i was like hey what's up barberry oh cool i didn't know who he's always there well mark's like mark goes mark and he goes stefan i just shook my head we're at the garden oh yeah of course there's a If you can find this picture, I got to sit courtside at the Knicks game. I thought it was Seal. Holy shit, dude. We'll be right back. He does. He got kissed by something. Yeah, the courtside thing I got to do once. And I think the picture is online. And I went and I was wearing a Sonics jersey because they were playing, I think, OKC. So my buddy and I, we sat down there to kind of taunt OKC. This is like the Elaine Seifeld episode where she wears the Orioles hat. And I think if it was me here. Actually, no. So I go into the little private area. And there was, you know how they give out bracelets in the bucket sometimes in that little courtside? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So they give them. John McEnroe was there. And I grabbed a bracelet. And he was right there. And I go, hey, John. They told me that you wanted to be bracelet buddies. And he goes, who told you that? I go, nobody. I just wanted to talk to you. And he goes, John. I go, Adam. I go, you're great on Curb. And he goes, oh, thanks. And we just bullshitted from it. Oh, that's good. So we go down. Spike Lee's there. Rami Malek was there. And he was about, Bohemian Rhapsody had just come out. So he's like, and so there's a picture. If you type in Adam Ray, Spike Lee, Rami Malek, maybe courtside, some guy got a picture of him, my Asian friend Dale Tan, who we call Bruce Lee, and then Rami and Spike Lee. And it looks, there it is to your far left. What a crew. So this is. This is a Mad Libs. So it looks like we're all best friends. By the way, we didn't talk the whole game. Are you wearing a KD Sonics jersey? Yeah, dude. I love that. And so Rami. Rami is, I mean, by the way, God bless him. But the most like, like, like I was like, Emmett, I'm doing. He's like, so what do you do? And I go, oh, I'm a comedian. He goes, oh, you do shows and stuff. This is, by the way, a very heightened version of how he actually was. He was pretty chill. But he was a little, you know, uncomfy. Maybe it was courtside or everyone was looking at him. And I go, I'm actually at Gotham this weekend if you want to come. And he was like, can I bring my girlfriend? And I was like, dude, you can bring your girlfriend's girlfriend. You can hide your kids, hide your wives, bring whoever you want. Yeah. And that's a fun picture. Holy moly. Who's the fat bitch? That's Kendall Gill, dude. No, who's the lady? It's him. Take a guess. Oh, my God. I thought that was Hannah Gadsby. Welcome back to Hide Your Boner. Holy moly. That handhold is crazy. What is that handhold? That is me when I was playing Sharon, Sharon from Poughkeepsie in the Lifetime original movie, Suck My Cunt. I thought that was Rosie O'Donnell. Pretty close. Oh, my. What is that handhold, though? I mean, that's so elegant and dainty. And the boobs. I was with my mom, by the way. The boobs, yeah. You got to dance with you on Downton Abbey? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Shout out to my mom. She takes me down there. We're sitting up in the 300s. But she goes, let's go down. And you can go down and get close to watch them warm up. And I go, Mr. Gill, Mr. Gill. And I was like, Mr. Gill. You were a young black child. Squeezing together. And he was like, who's the hooker? And he's like, who's the hot milf? Wow. And I mean, even my haircut, dude. And my lips are all shiny and big. Full Delta Burke. Yeah. This is crazy. And so, by the way, that pullover, by the way, like, what am I doing? And so, I think I have nine shirts. When you're that fat, you're wearing shorts. So many shirts just so your tits don't ooze out. I mean, you're really layered. But I don't know if I put my hand out like that or he went like this. And then I slid my hand in there. Like, was he doing that? And I was like, you got it, you know? If he reached in, he better be on some lists. Because he was a hell of a player, dude. I posted this picture. Sadly, it's gotten more engagement on my IG than anything I've ever done. It's amazing. But I tagged him in it once. And he commented below, oh, shit. Did he say, may I have this dance? Yeah. When he grabbed your hand? Yeah. He took it. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Those warm-ups were fucking tight. They were, yeah. So the courtside thing, we hadn't really talked a lot. So I invited him to the show. I got his email. We corresponded. Kendall Gill? No, Rami Malek. Oh. By the way, how many people are confusing Kendall Gill and Rami Malek right now? And Spike, something had happened. And Dale and I, my buddy Dale to the right is like, I mean, bro, if he was in here right now, he'd just be laughing hysterically. He's like the best friend, non-comic. He's laughing right there. Yes, man. You know, like everything. You can't see material, dude. He just thinks you're the funniest person. I love it. And I don't know. I've known him forever. And so. He must love your act. Yeah. Yeah. So I did a Dikembe finger wave. And then I said something. I can't remember what I said, but in a Dikembe voice. And like Spike laughed. And then Rami was just like, meh. Like didn't know what to do. But like the guy got a shot of like our one exchange. So I posted it being like, we're all best friends. We're going to Cabo next year. You know, like. That's great. What a great snap. What a great shot, right? And I like that you represent with the hat. Sam's got his retard jersey on. You know what this actually is? This is the Roommates podcast. Jalen and Josh. It's Todd. Oh, wow. It's kind of cool. You're both repping the NBA. He sent me one. I was like, what is this? And I was like, oh, shit. That's awesome. Can we hear your Dikembe in 2026? What does it sound like? My Dikembe in 2026? Yeah. Well, he's passed away, right? Yeah. Did he? Dude, pull up my Dikembe Mutombo message to Sam Moreau. I paid for a cameo. I paid for a cameo. Well, let me do. I'll do what I think he said. I mean, I met him once at the NBA Awards. And I was like, Dikembe, dude. He's a classic guy. I go, man, I still, I'm a big Sonics fan. I haven't forgiven you. But, like, you're a legend. And he's like, uh, yeah. Well, can you do the message in his voice? Because I've never heard him talk, I don't think. No, it's like, it's a cameo from him. Yeah. Just like, look up cameo. He's got a little Cookie Monster going on. Cameo? A little Cookie Monster. That's, this is fucking, he's so good at this shit. He knows impressions. He was in Coming to America? Two. No, he wasn't. Slow down. No, it's a cameo, dude. The second one, yeah. Dikembe, and I typed in your name. It didn't come up. Mmm. Yeah, maybe it's not there. Damn. Have you guys ever bought cameos for, uh, you know, friends? He got me a Sugar Ray. Cool. Mark McGrath? Mark McGrath. Yeah. Cool. I thought it would just be fun to be, like, a random band. I'm like, hey, boy, he's like, Mark, we hear you're our biggest fan. A thousand percent, dude. Yeah. He killed it. He was really funny. He did great. He sang a song or something. Okay. Dikembe. He can't find it. Yeah, it's probably not that good. That'd be great if Google just went like this. You called it. Let's go. I got his autograph when I was a kid, because I used to wait outside the garden for them to come out, and he was in Nick for a minute, and I had a blue jersey on, like a warm-up, whatever, and he just, I was like, Mr. Mutombo, and he, uh, I was probably, like, too old to be asking for an autograph, but he'd just take out a blue Sharpie and wrote in it, and it just didn't even come out. God damn it. That counts. I once followed, uh, No, it's not that, dude. It's like, I don't know. I love that you did that, though. Wait. Waiting outside the, that's a very, like, yeah, you do get to a point as an adult where you're like, I should probably slow it down with the autographs, but as a kid, I think it's all fair game. My mom took me to a Mariners game. They were playing the Boston Red Sox. It's when they had, you know, Mo Vaughn, Wade Boggs, and these guys, and the Red Sox are historically known for boozing in the clubhouse, and just like, even in that, I think, Boggs is like the legend for it. Oh, totally, and especially in the early 90s, but even when they won the World Series, it sounds like they were all getting fucked up, and then obviously, you know, your Yanks, you know, David Wells, and Doc Gooden, obviously, so. They're all probably still, you know, doing fentanyl cupcakes, bumps, and shit. Wells was hung over for the perfect game. Yeah. Really? That was a famous story. Whoa. So I follow, I walk, Wade Boggs walks out, and I give him my ball, and he goes, walk with me. So I'm just like, walk with him. I turn around, and my mom's like, I guess he's raising you now, and I'm walking down all the way to the. And he held your hand like this? He goes, I saw the gill pick, and then, and he goes, don't make it weird, and we get, we walk to the Greyhound bus. He just keeps walking. He's in front of me. He walks on the bus, so I just like, you know. I'm nervous, but also, I'm just like, fuck, yeah, man, I could maybe get on a team bus. I'm like nine years old. Walk up. He's walking all the way down the aisleway of the bus, and so I just follow him down, and I see fucking Roger Clemens, and Mo Vaughn, and all these guys, and I'm just walking by, and they're all just minding their business. Some of them were looking up, like, why is there a kid on the bus? But I, either it was normal, or maybe they thought I was a make-a-wish, or they're like, who's the lesbian that Kendall Gill knows? Or like, maybe it's one of, you know, maybe he's, you know, Epstein's gonna come pick him up. And so I get, I get close through the end. And then Boggs sits down, and he goes, what's your name? And I go, Adam. And he goes, I wrote Alan. And then he handed me the ball. So he had signed it before, and then still was just like, what's your name? And he's like, ah, I fucked it up. But like, did he fix it, or no? No, no, he just gave me the ball. You could add a little, a little dick on the D, on the L there. That would make a D. I mean, look at this guy. Yeah, he was a fucking badass, though, dude. I mean, that guy was just instant on base. Oh, really? He was such a hard out. Baseball's just. Him and Tony Gwynn. Oh, yeah. 90s? The 90s were the shit. Baseball's the sport, too, where I think you can get away with the most. Boozing. Boozing, yeah. Yeah, but that's got to be. Like, the stories he claims that, I mean, it's fabricated, obviously, but he says, like, he drank 100 beers in a flight, which, like, there's no fucking way, dude. There's no way. Well, Kreischer hasn't drank 100 beers, right? And I feel like he may have. Yeah, that's a good example. I've flown with him many. He's scared of flying. He is, yeah. So he drinks extra on flights. We left the Super Bowl in New Orleans when we did a show there, I guess it was last year, and it was. He did an arena show. And it was, you know, myself and Shane and Nicky and Tony and Guy Fieri. Jeez, what a lineup. And so we're leaving on the. Bert got a plane with Howie Long and Howie bailed. So he's like, you guys want to come on my plane? And we're like, yeah. So it was my wife and buddy and I, and we had to get up, though, at 7 and drive three hours to the airport. Why? Where's the airport? In some. Outside of New Orleans. Oh, interesting. Is Lafayette a. Yeah, that's about three hours. Great, that's where it was. There you go. Kids, you can't smoke weed. You need to have a short-term memory. There you go. Every time I remember somebody's name from the show and some crowd work, and they come to the meet and greet, and I go, Dave, right? And they're like, dude, how the fuck? I'm like, that gives me another two years of smoking pot. Yeah. Do you smoke a lot of weed? Not a lot, but enough to. At night. I can't smoke when I'm on. I can't be high or drunk when I'm on stage, because I just. Even if I'm not doing anything in the crowd, I just need to have my wits about me, you know? It blows me away. Like, I see Big J just smoke a joint, and then he's so fucking quick. I know. Totally. Some people are born different, but I can't do it. It's all a personality thing. Like, some people take an Adderall, and they feel calm. Yeah. I take an Adderall, and I'm like, you know, shellacking the roof. Yeah, yeah. I'm buzzed up. I love those fucking pills. Yeah, well, but you're pretty ADD. Do you go up or down when you take it? I could just fucking listen. Wow. I mean, I'm not on it right now. I'm on it now, but like, because. which is exactly what a drug fiend would say. Show us your pockets. No, but I love it. I mean, I'm locked in. You don't smoke at all? I don't like it, man. I don't like it either. Edible, fuck, I hate Edible. I used to be the guy that was like, when people would say that, I'd go, oh, you just haven't smoked with the right people. Or like, you fucking, you probably took one hit. You say that it doesn't jam with you. But then I've also had the terrible Edible experiences. I was once in my, same room with Josh Wolfe. And Josh Wolfe would do like, I mean, he does shows where he does a Friday mushroom show. Jesus Christ. And Josh is so funny and he tells these great stories. He performs on mushrooms. On all the mushrooms. And it's like, but he's another guy where he can still be locked in and people, it's advertised, so people come to the show knowing he's shroomed out. And so we did probably, you know, I'll do a 2.5 milligram Edible. We saw the show last night, the All Out show with all the rotating cast of comics. Oh, yeah, yeah. I guess it was Sarah Silverman, Craig Robinson, Heidi Gardner, and Jason Matsoukas. Super funny. And so a little Edible for that, to where I can still be in control and when I see Craig after, I'm not going to be like, what's up, man? I'm like, great job, because I don't want to embarrass myself, but I definitely took probably close to 80 milligrams with Josh and he didn't tell me. And it was this big brownie. And so I get home to my apartment in LA and I start having a freak out. And there's a game that sometimes when you smoke too much or ingest too much that you play and potheads will know this, a little game called If I Do This, My Heart Won't Explode. And it's a real fun game where you just psych yourself out and have a fucking freak out on your patio. And so I was like, my heart was beating really fast. I was about to drive myself to Cedars-Sinai and I go out to the little shitty patio I had in our apartment and in my head I was like, just fucking keep moving. Just keep moving. So I'm out there going like just fucking tap dancing. And our apartment was set up like there was a pool in the middle and almost like Melrose Place. So there's apartments all the way around the pool. And so ours was looking across to another guy's apartment. And after about six minutes of fucking step ball changing on my patio, I hear this guy just go, hey man, are you okay? And I go, yeah, I'm just rehearsing. Because I like got nervous and like didn't want to be caught being high even though I should have been reaching out for help. So I go, I'm just rehearsing, man. In LA that line works. In Kansas you're getting your ass kicked. In LA everyone's like, oh, he's probably in the Nutcracker. And so I retrieved back to my inside and like somewhat calmed down. And then I was like, I'm never doing. How many milligrams was this? About 80. Which is crazy. That's fucking crazy. But Josh would. There's some people that can just like do that many and just be like. I know. Joe would be in. We used to. I remember the guy used to come to the cellar and just sell cookies and you just would like not know how much was in it. Oh yeah, I remember that. Was he dressed as a Girl Scout or no? No, it was a guy that was selling drugs. No, he was. That was the thing. And I remember like, I'd see Nikki get it and she's like, oh, you should get this. It's like really good. And I'd be like, oh, okay, cool. And then I got it and, oh, I had like three roommates at the time of full on panic attack. And they had people over. I was just like rocking in a bed. I was like, this is crazy. It's a nightmare. I ate the whole cookie. I sold a show. You know, you pitch a million shows. I finally sold a show. So they fly out to LA. Because once you sell it, you gotta pitch it. You know, to Netflix, Hulu, whatever. So they flew me out. This is a big deal. This is years ago. I did a show at the comedy store, Sam Tripoli's show. They just hand you a bag of weed. It's like gummies and cookies and joints and all this shit. And I go, I'm not a weed guy. Take the bag back. And he goes, well, at least take the CBD. And I go, oh, CBD. This will help me sleep. So I just guzzled the whole jar of it. It was THC. It was THC. Of course. I don't know how much it was, but it was a full jar. I was like, I'm going to sleep tonight. I'm not a great sleeper. I'm CBD-ing my ass out. And I get back to my hotel, and I was like, oh my god. And it was, like, I fell asleep, and I woke up high. It was one of those. So I'm in a dark room, like, and I fell off the bed. I'm laying on the bed, and it felt like the room was vertical. So I was holding on to the leg of the bed, like, because I thought I was going to slide in the hell. Oh my god. You thought you were in Titanic at the end? You're like, fuck, I'm falling. And then I made the worst mistake possible. I, like, army crawled to the bathroom, turned the light on, and I looked in the mirror. And when you look in the mirror and you're that high, it is just the Satan. No, you're like Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky. Yeah, I was like, ah, I'm melting. Dude, I happened to meet, too. I was on the road. I missed all the pitches. I was with Dave. Yeah, I missed them all. My manager dropped me. No way. Well, he was threatening to drop me, but he was like, you're crazy. They flew you out first class, da-da-da, and I missed them all. You're telling me it was an accident? Yeah, of course. But he was like, you fucked us. That's such a relatable accident, though. Like, that's not like you're just doing blow all night. You fucked up. Tripoli. My dad did that. He's 81, and he took by himself and he took about. 81? Yeah, he took about. Now he's in a home, but two years ago he took about, yeah, 60 milligrams of THC because he thought it was CBD. Yeah. And I'm like, and he goes, I got stuck trying to take my hoodie off for four hours and I was going to die. And he was like, I watched Naked and Afraid, one of his favorite shows, so he just played on repeat. He's like, I got to listen to a bunch of new episodes I hadn't seen, but he was like caught and his phone, he couldn't get, so he couldn't call anybody. So he was like caught in his hoodie freaking out high at 79, 80. I mean, like, that's terrifying. He was naked and afraid by the end of it. Geraldo used to always I remember he had a great bit about doing all the drugs like later in life or something. Oh, I love that bit. Yeah, because it was something about like, you know, when you're looking up with a hand to God, that's when you want to be doing all the drugs. Right. Yeah. Now, you want PTA meetings? That's when you want to be a little fucked up. God, Geraldo was great. I can tell the drugs are always younger. Dude, yeah, no, I had a full-on panic attack. I didn't understand anxiety. I didn't. I mean, I have anxiety, but not like to that level where you're like having a panic attack. You're going to die. Well, I was like, I'm dying. I'm going to die in a fucking Baltimore hotel room. You can control your, I think your buzz with booze a little bit. Totally. I think that's also what's going on. Yeah, we know what we're consuming. Yeah. And it feels like it ends when you're on edible. And you're like, am I going to be like this forever? Totally. Even when I took that two and a half before the show last night, I was like, that's probably fine. But it was a new brand of gummy. So I was like, I don't know that I'm not going to go up on stage right now and start talking to Craig. Like, you know, if I get inspired enough. You start heckling. Like, is that fucking Adam Ray? Yeah. Do something from the office. So, uh, crazy question. Yeah. So you're doing this stand-up tour. I assume you got a hot hour cooking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you've always been an improv guy. I've been a character guy. Now you're full on, 100% stand-up, selling out everywhere. Do you get people going, do this? So funny, yeah. Do that. I mean, I've been doing, that's what's so funny. Even people that come out to shows. Bro, I've been doing stand-up for 20 years. Even during the Phil, this is why I probably also stopped doing Phil's, because I wasn't, I didn't want to just, if I was three years in and found Dr. Phil, you probably wouldn't have seen me again, because I would have been like, I found something. Bye-bye. And it's a hit. I'm going to die in the wood cap. But, but, um, you know, I'd say I don't know, three, four years into stand-up, I was just like, yeah, I think I'm going to, the drug and the grind of it, obviously it hits you early, but I just was like, oh, I'm never going to not do this. And then the Phil thing, it was like the only, it felt like a reward, honestly, because it was like so different. I just needed something else always, like just doing stand-up all the time, even though shows different, different cities, whatever. But it wasn't, that wouldn't have hit in three years, because the reason Phil worked to me is that you had the improv chops from the road. I've been honing all my skills for podcasting and interviewing and doing a model and the crowd work and being comfy to go and do a 5,000 seat theater and just walk through the crowd and bucking man on the street shit or sing stuff with a band or whatever. But, uh, no, I've been doing so like we had like during March, I think it was like we had like five Phil shows on a weekend, which was too many. And then literally the next weekend, uh, five shows like at the Philly Punchline and then the next weekend, four more Phil shows. So every time there was a free weekend, it was stand-up. So every month would be like three or four Phil's and then three weekends of stand-up. So there was no, so it was just, it was, you know, but again, no one's making me doing it. It was killing. So that's why I never complain. It's like nobody said you better fucking get, I mean, agents a little bit. Yeah, but you feel and you also feel like I don't want to lose my fastball with stand-up either. Sure. That's exactly why I didn't also want to go back to like any club and have, I wanted to feel like when I walked on stage, they're like, oh, cool. I'm still working on stuff. And this is what I, this is first. And that thing is just like a fun thing. That's in addition to, but I also didn't want people that, you know, for my, you know, people are going to think what they think and people finding me doing stand-up through Phil or whatever is great because however people come to your shows is awesome. But I didn't want to go to the clubs and have people being, I didn't want to not have anything to be working on and not to be still looked at as a stand-up because that's where I am first, you know? So I didn't want people, but also you can't control there's some people who just go, oh yeah, the Dr. Phil thing. So, and you're still doing stand-up. I was like, obviously, but I don't take offense. It's another gear. To me, it was always just like another, but I think it's smart that you put us there because you're like, I don't want to only do this. And also we did for two and a half years, like I don't know, but it probably brought so many people who were like, I mean, we talk about this all the time, like with us, we're like, so many people are like, you guys have a podcast together? They just know us from stand-up. Or vice versa. Or vice versa. Yeah. So it's like, yeah, you do other things too, but. And it really, the coolest thing is that like, you know, you just want like respect from your peers so much. And it's like, being in LA and throwing so many darts and then like, and you're just like, alright, you just gotta at some point go, control what you can control. You know, just trying to get up all the time right and just keep pushing yourself creatively. And so, to find the coolest part of it, obviously all the joy that hopefully we, that people found from it, and the fun obviously, like you guys both, thank God, you know, wanted to jam on it, which was just so fucking fun. But people that I've looked up to and am fans of, it was like something that I, you know, kind that kind of did, that put me on a level where people were like oh cool like you did something that that we think is funny and fun yeah that was like because you know and another reason to hang that wasn't i mean like shortly after that people that wanted me on their pods that uh that maybe hadn't asked before and it's like it wasn't it didn't feel like a too soon thing it was like yeah i've been doing this 20 years so like oh cool i can pop into a here or a rogan or wherever and be comfy to chit chat because it's not like well it's fun for us too because we get to do a different muscle to go on the show yeah totally because i know the i know i heard you and and joseph uh list talk about how you know i guess terrifying and i think on the first one joe went on in milwaukee he was like yeah and phil's just up there talking about this and he said this and he's like and he said fucking you know fucking and then he said the n-word and then i said the n-word and i'm just like i don't know what's happening you know yeah yeah and but i was like i feel but he also you know i guess in the moment it does feel nerve-wracking because yeah it is a different muscle but we rely on our act and then you're just like so but you guys are also such good you funny people are funny people man and you wouldn't have said yes to it if you no i get nervous for sure i was pounding some booze backstage in the show you and carola oh he had me in a fucking headlock at the end of the night oh yeah he was fucking tell me his life story i was like holy shit we're fucked up i didn't realize how much adam drank too oh yeah we went to this little bar called carry-on in arizona yeah and it's uh it's the fly bar the plane bar yes we got hijacked by these terrorists yeah and uh we went there they kind of held it open for us to uh after the show and we were there till maybe three and like they just gave us everything and so and adam you know i got there after a while after the meet and greet everything so i was like oh whoever's there will be there to say what's up too but uh sam was still there and adam and i couldn't leave he had a hold on me i walked by uh and uh and five who else someone else is a strong guy and i walked by they were like what was that i'm like i mean i was enjoying talking to him but i was pretty fucked up you know wow you gotta have the same hair oh he looks like my illegitimate father he does he really does do you think when your kids uh are older like mark for you like do you think you'll get into like the i don't know 60s 70s and just be like all right i'm gonna fucking turn things up a notch on the booze train because probably i've done my job with the kid yes right yeah and i'm so good at drinking now and i'll only be better by then so and maybe there'll be some magic cure-all by there will be you know no hangover pill whatever it is i want to ask you about the uh dr phil shows he was telling me sydney sweeney's at one of the shows who are some people that showed up that you were just like what the fuck are you doing here oh bro well city yeah so i with the met scooter braun at a show yeah wait i saw you guys talking about that and uh i do listen to you guys apart all the time it's always really funny and you know i love to i just like like i don't know fun silly you guys going tangents oh you're goofy you're like you can talk about some serious shit but nothing's too ever heady but so uh yeah scooter braun i met doing a show with schultz and and he was like yeah i showed uh sydney uh she'd never seen sydney's show and i was like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm i guess any stand-up uh schultz she saw and then he showed her dr phil and she's like i want to go see that live and he's so he hit me up he's like when's the next one i go the next one is the last one and so that was like in july and they marked it on the calendar and then a few days out he's like we're gonna come through is that cool and i was like for sure and then i was like she doesn't want to come up and do a bit does she she has two movies coming out he's like she just wants to watch i'm like that's cool she's so normal and little yeah you're like oh my god that's her this woman i've uh stared at movie star yeah she's standing right there and you know when you see an nba game and there's like whores in the front you're like oh my god that's her this woman i've whatever and they're like all right i gotta do a 360 dunk and a backflip my legs and they kick it up i kicked it up a notch because she was there and i i totally got my head and i felt like i really struggled oh my god it was all because of this fucking coos she got my head this blonde bitch weenie curse on you yeah but yeah very nice lady she was sweet yeah um but she got my head and i couldn't think of anything funny and i was like no way he's watching you fucking loser all right oh hell yeah the bass concert hall which is on the ut campus so it's 3 000 pack we had big j and thomas lennon flew out from thomas flew out and um he's funny he's so funny dude yeah if he's ever around here you guys should bug me to have him come on here because he'd be he's a great so he hits me up and goes do you want lieutenant dangle and i go i wasn't even thinking that as an option but that would be awesome he's like yeah i'll bring the outfit and then you let me know last minute i was like short shorts bro it murdered he and we and we had did a whole surprise video when he came out and people went nuts and he murdered we had pete holmes and casey rocket and grace and so after the show i'm doing the meet and greet and somebody goes uh hey mcconaughey was in the show and i go shut the fuck up and then we have this family he left about an hour and a half in and i'm like i'm like fuck the show goes like somebody's two and a half hours oh okay but they uh with his family yeah and i'm like so maybe his kids were you know kid dude even 14 15 year olds are watching all our shit on youtube so you can have lieutenant dangle around but that was cool and then i great name like an asshole got real uh fucked up that night and sent him a message on instagram the next day being like heard you wrote the show blah blah blah thanks man just left me on scene baby i got at least he saw it well he's mysterious yeah he's a mysterious guy i got wrecked after your because i felt bad about the bomb and sweeney hating me oh in la i got wrecked at that after party which is a badass bar he messaged sydney sweeney you bitch yeah but uh yeah we got fucked over that bar and i had a 7 a.m flight that was the worst flight of my life i mean yeah but yeah i mean dude there you've uh i'm in the chicago one you did was great that was killer with um chevy come out yeah that was crazy guy is he he's had like so many opportunities to not be a cunt and he just can't help it oh really i haven't watched the doc i mean i just saw clips but it's like you know there's a woman is like she's editing it and he's like you're an idiot yeah and it's like you're calling the person who's editing the thing like you've been in showbiz what 80 years i know you don't know that maybe to be nice to the i mean one but to the fucking editor it's like being mean to the chef he's got a jizz in your shout exactly oh you were asking mark too about people screaming shit out and like yeah you know look you know i remember when i saw chapelle second season of chapelle show and i saw him in vegas at mandalay bay at the house of blues and he paused the show because people were screaming out rick james bitch so much that's a nightmare and it was just so like fucking up flow fucking whatever and i everyone most of the crowd is upset at these people for doing that because you're like dude it's obvious like it's a show yeah we're all here from that but like stop it's also not clever you're breaking up all his yeah totally and so uh yeah i know it i wrote it bitch exactly so i'm getting a little bit of that of like oh we'll be right back or whatever but like this past weekend in maine somebody just stood up one guy was like roast me and i was like what he's like fucking fucking roast roast me man you should fucking roast me man and uh and so then i just kind of took some time and talked through some stuff tried to gather some info and then ended up roasting him pretty good and then he stayed standing so i just tried to ignore him usually i tried to include the distraction to squash the distraction that's kind of how i view it where it's like you can't just sometimes ignore you gotta like oh yeah welcome in and use him to go into a bit maybe about drinking or something and uh and then another guy was just like dude biden face and after i'd done a few bits about biden he was like dude biden face i go you want me to do more shit to your show i got something don't worry it's gonna work and i just like you know i've i've done both sides of the coin where it's like i i try to now kill it with kindness not lose my cool because like i've done that and it's just nobody wins you the crowd even people that are on your side in my eyes i'm like you want to keep them on your side as long as possible and so like to even though it might be justified to just be like dude shut shut the fuck up there's still a chunk of people that might be like well he was just trying to be a fan you kill him with kindness and then you keep the crowd on your side for when you have to um sometimes i just had my my last instagram as a like is he autistic or is he a dick and i had to like walk that line me too and yo favorite and he was autistic and he was kind of charming once i got to know favorite clip of 2026 so far dude oh thanks oh man yeah you just because you were so like everyone was like yeah like waiting for you with beta breath to like comment on what was happening i had to he was like hello hello i did a puzzle and i'm like okay he goes can i get a cake now and i'm like oh this guy is a half a but you don't know if he's fucking with you but the q-tip line my buddy uh speaking article julia white sent me uh a video of that good guy of that video and he was like he was masterful oh wow shout out yeah dude uh the q-tip line was so funny dude he sent me a video of sydney sweeney and wrote masturbate here's a new internet show idea the drunk heckle guy film that then find that guy two days later and have an interview with him and go what were you thinking let me show you what you were like in a blackout ruining the show you know what it's they're just they're either going to be a dick or they're just not going to be interested it's like when tosh did those web uh web redemptions right oh yeah people do something fucked up but yeah those guys most the time when people there's not a lot there they always and then they usually end up if they sober up they're like man it's either sorry or they double down and it's like dude i was just laughing yeah kick me out you should be able to handle it you're a comedian yeah totally dude you should be able to handle me throwing a beer at you i had a weird one in dc too it was just like he was just like he was like i was like oh what's that and he would just lie about everything i'm like all right i had a guy throw a wine glass at me whoa i was doing a brewery show maybe three years in a stand that's not a drink that should make you belligerent totally all right you're throwing shit from wine it was in paso robles and it was uh is that california yeah like wine country like maybe probably two three hours like northeast of la and uh and a buddy of mine had worked up there she's like i'm going to produce a show up there upstairs this brewery i'm about three years in so most of my material is about working at universal studios at the time doing Wolverine and all that. - Sure. - And so I'm talking about that and how some of the jokes about how i didn't know shit about marvel comics so kids would be like you know you know wolverine what's your favorite food and i was like potato salad fuck off you know and and just dumb shit and then um and then uh there was a woman in the corner by herself and i'm kind of like looking down thinking of like what i'm gonna do next and she goes she's like kimbo you give me a kiss and i was like oh should i give her a kiss so i walk over and she just licks the side of my face and i just go like all right what are the three most like aggressive stds i can say she just gave me so i'm like oh she just gave me gingivitis herpes and aids you know and everyone was like yeah dude this guy's killing it we're in a brewery we don't know comedy we don't get it so this guy must be great and then uh and then a few minutes later i'm looking down and i see in my peripheral vision her holding up her wine glass because everyone was laughing at me making fun of her and i didn't have enough time to like clock like as i just see this and as i'm like in my head looking down i'm like she's picking up her wine glass and before i can like totally turn to look i just see that whoa and so i swear to god dude i just like i kind of put my hands up like that to go like no and the base of the wine glass i swear to god hits my palm and it's just sweaty enough from being hot up there to where like like the it it almost suction stuck for like hit my palm in the perfect way and again probably 10 15 feet away to where it kind of like inside the inside of my fingers whatever it's stuck just enough for me to wrap my fucking hand around it so i fucking palmed the wine glass out of midair and then when i did it i turn i look at it and then i just went and then i walked over set it on a table and i go i told you bitch i'm wolverine don't fuck with me and bro after that i get and i get off after that i probably had 10 more minutes but i was like good night passing role plays i get off stage immediately dude dude shots shots i'm now i'm like a fucking local hero yeah and like i'm getting shots and i haven't really yet like drank on the road so this is my first taste of like you know having a good set and then you know it's usually open mic so i'm like fuck man like i did you know 15 minutes and like ended on that and then i went down this this one couple was like dude you want to smoke weed i was like hell yeah i go down i'm in the back of their little like two door sub or something and i'm in the back they get in a big fight so i'm trying to like squeeze out but there was no extra door for me so they were fighting i'm in the back just high and drunk and he was like you fucking this is why i fucking hit you i mean he was just saying crazy shit he pulled the gun out you're like i'm gonna try to catch this bullet i'm trying to get out and i end up getting out and i'm like and i go back to the i think we're at a hilton garden inn and i was so fucked up and i grabbed like a couple stovers lasagnas from the hotel snack lounge and i go upstairs and i was rooming with the other comic will clifton was his name and um he was in the military and super funny dude and uh we're sharing a room and he was still out and i am so fucked up that i like get into the shower fully clothed because i was just like it was a bad night where i was like i need to just like maybe just get wet but i didn't have the energy to take my clothes off so i get in the shower and i'm leaning up against the shower like this and i'm like i'm gonna get in the shower and eyes closed i wake up with my legs getting undercut from the tub hitting my head on the ground fell asleep standing up in the shower will at this point is in the fucking room and he's got this deep kansas city accent he goes he goes oh shit brother what's going on in there man and i go and again shame like i said from earlier of just like the guy catching me dancing on my patio instead of being like i'm fucked up come in and help me i was like i'm just shaving man and he goes and he goes and he goes brother there's water coming underneath the fucking door and i'm like i'm just shaving man mind your business he's like all right man i get back in the shower leaning leaning up against the shower like i lost a big game fall asleep again fall out of the shower i mean dude that probably could have been the enemy dude yeah that's how william holden died the actor from sunset boulevard hitting his head on the he was a 60 year old fucking drunk and he just slipped on a rug hit his head and bled out oh that's how they fuck it by the way huge wreck billy wilder cameron crowe book that's where that's where i found that out but uh incredible book wow yeah dude so that i i fall out and then i dangerous as fuck and then i get up and then i i uh i yeah open the door sopping wet just fall asleep no then i tried to open one of the stovers microwave wouldn't work so i just threw it against the window smacked cracked the window so the window is cracked and then i go down the lobby next morning and i'm checking out i'm like hey thanks a lot guys and then i go up i go back by the way shower's great you know whatever he's trying to make a comment and then the guy goes whoa mr ray right he goes yeah he goes need you to go ahead and pay for the uh stofers that you stole last night and i'm like yeah i'm gonna pay for the hotel snack on i was like oh really he's like yeah yeah he's like i don't know if you want to see the security footage of you walking and fucked up just grabbing like nine lasagnas and then he goes oh and then he goes yeah totally and then he goes in the window you're gonna have to put a little deposit for it he's like you threw your fucking casserole uh at the window oh my lord so um well hopefully this story gets longer yeah that's fucking that's crazy long pause i was trying to fill the dead air that fucking crazy woman this night has so many beats i know you have the best you have this amazing night with a catch in the bottle the drinking and all you want to do is black out yeah isn't that weird you should be sitting there remembering it and enjoying it were you riding the wave the adrenaline like there's nowhere for that to go so you're like i'll just keep fucking rocking you're right yeah that was my point with the i know it was a long story i'm sorry but um people probably tuned out as soon as i said that's a great hey guys happy to be here uh but um no but it just the my point was like getting riding that high of like people the the adrenaline of people being like you're the man so then you're just like dude whatever you want me to do i'll do it now you know you want me to steal lasagna from the hilton garden well as much as we bitch about content you gotta have clips and filming imagine if that was on tape you'd be uh fluffy oh catching the sorry yeah i did you'd be the biggest comic in the world that's some superhero shit yeah wild dude yeah that is bad but you know what's so funny and then the yin and yang of it all is in like you know that was on a saturday and then monday i'm back wearing the claws talking to some kid being like you know and he's like you know why why why you have to wear fake abs you know it's funny that you're you're superhero identity is the boring one the real you is fucking what was her reaction when you caught that i mean she was she must have blown you out yeah she was just uh black out there's probably a picture that's fucking dangerous in the wolverine i know she could have cut your bottle thrown at you on stage i've had a beer mug like a pint but never a bottle that comic ariel uh yeah yeah remember that was cool as fuck kim will put her on like shortly after that yeah they threw a beer at her and she picked it up and drank it i was like oh i love that that was pretty cool that went crazy such a crazy thing to even still be in a time where and i guess with the amount of wild shit that happens on a daily basis nothing should surprise anyone but but like to be in a crowd and to throw i remember i remember when i first started getting into stand-up and like the idea of like they'll throw a tomato at you or something but like to actually throw something from the crowd glass crazy the person who's trying to entertain you yeah show you paid for yeah psycho but it's usually a heckler who's added responses and their shit face yeah all they got left yeah yeah damn will smith we're talking about you yeah he's got a new show going out called like north pole pole or plug my butt oh pole to pole it's the gayest title of all time plug my butt is his wife's show i can't tell if that was me or him i got blended together look he's got jizz in his mustache oh he's just jumping one way or another you're getting fucking old dude look at will smith i'm not a fan i don't like seeing that this is crazy yeah it happens do you know will smith no seems to know i i know i uh i i mean i guess neil brennan knows him well that's probably my closest really connect yeah yeah damn he knows all the black neil neil was at the store after the oscar thing and neil was um like telling stories about talking to him i think he yeah i remember exactly what he said but he was just yeah he was kind of will was kind of reaching out to neil being like did you see it and like what do you think type thing and he was like very bad like you oops are you not hearing from anyone it's not good and he loves chris rock too they're friends yeah dude yeah totally and it's also i mean it's it does suck that like i remember pre-oscar slap too he was like getting into youtube a lot i know and he did a really cool thing and he was having alfonso roberto like do a lot of things with him to where i was like just as a fan you're like hell yeah they should be fucking trying to jam on some content and he did a thing where he bungee jumped into the grand canyon did you ever see that no and it was a whole live stream thing and it was a big and it was but it but will smith was just so fucking fun and cool to where i was like this isn't him doing climbing the skyscraper with that guy's doing on netflix but it's that's i mean well that's fucking alfonso robera is one of the most talented guys ever yeah so likable so likable dancing singing he's a phenom that kid so he like he was and just the fact that he was yeah i mean this was his whole family here and then so now i just see a preview for pole to pole and my head immediately goes to the oscars and i just kind of go like yeah you know yeah poor guy well he fucked up and he's like oh my god he fucked up isn't that crazy he didn't want like what are you i remember watching and i know you probably talked about this i was watching it live you were watching live yeah with the wife and we were like what you thought it was a joke glitched remember they like tried to edit it and shit but twitter picked it up well you know what's so funny i was uh on speakerphone with my wife and i was getting ready uh to go uh meet them and and i'm watching and she goes uh i go wait i go can you just be quiet for one second chris rocks on and this is the only part i really care about the show because it's here's a comedian probably about to make jokes yeah and and so uh i'm on speakerphone and listening and then it happened and then i was like huh that's a weird bit and then i was like i think will smith just hit chris rocker she goes what and i go go online she's like i don't see anything and then when it cut back to him and he was like screaming and like you're what my my fucking then i was like oh this is not a bit this is probably and then literally like 10 seconds later she's like oh yeah this is everywhere yeah the speed of that too isn't that crazy dude like crazy and schumer was hosting and she went on after she goes did i miss something it was like something she had some line yeah oh yeah that's funny man form is immaculate it's a perfect slap the form slap and the follow-through through it was like royalty yeah you know i wonder if you know how the way that you know we whether it's on a podcast or a show you second guess you're like oh i wish i had said this like do you think chris rock chris rock definitely did that oh yeah well he you know he got his comeuppance when when dave chappelle got tackled at the hollywood bowl by the trans guy and he goes was that will smith and the place went nuts yeah that's right and he had a bunch of great jokes about it yeah sure in the special yeah when he said he wanted to watch that that slavery movie with will smith again just to see his ass get whipped that was hilarious that was a great joke that's fun poor guy guy i know come on these gave us so much to be happy about his tickets were they were you know it's like a hundred dollar ticket to see chris rock but after that there was like five hundred dollars right chris rock it's also like think about the things you have to do to like to go out of your way to fuck your image up like robert robert downey jr only harmed himself and so the comeback i think was warranted right because he wasn't like he's a drug addict pedophilia shit he was just you just fucking himself up and like right and then so people were like rooting for him to come back but like it's like will smith like maybe maybe he would have had an alec baldwin screaming at your daughter voicemail or a hasselhoff burger on the floor like shoot a lady in the face don't forget about that bro he's a nice another crazy story wow that woman so the apartment complex i was telling you that um uh uh with the pool and the thing uh there's a girl who lived in my apartment who worked at the comedy store for a little bit and after that happened she goes uh she goes it's so crazy about that shooting right i go yeah it's fucking wild she goes yeah she we would see her every day and i go what she was we would see her every day i forget her name unfortunately but oh the rust lady yes oh wow so her and then i go wait the woman and blah blah blah and i'm putting together i go with the little kid and the husband they were in the pool like every day so then i go i saw them for fucking five years every day tons of like hope you don't get shot by outball and you know like i know i wouldn't do that that's so fucked up but i would see her a lot and and i was like no fucking way like never why don't they were like the sweetest like they had a little kid and like always in the pool and like oh man epstein jogging all around manhattan i'd be like he's a he's a nice man yeah he's working out that's not true there's so much do you think someone's got some stories like that dude i once was at a burger king and they just ran out of whoppers and epstein had two and he gave me one like do you think there's any of those going around i saw cosby at sleepies he was trying i mean if it was a 12 year old at burger king he would be like you want to see my crown all right burger king came in hot with the crowns for a bit mcdonald's didn't have an answer no true we can move on from this all right i love it like man we got three good improvisers here what are they going to talk about that burger king crown we got to tackle that real quick what have you guys not hit on the pod we hit it all baby i did love that crown uh sound keys wants to direct how about some peeves hey i'll do a peeve i got a few i got some peeves oh please oh you you start us off with a peeve i'll do a peeve i got a few i got some off man oh um pet peeve man um well this isn't this is probably uh one that's pretty common and shared amongst most travelers but hey man um getting off the plane if you're rose behind you wait your turn you don't rush i literally just told a story about vita with this wait the people you're getting you get out by row let's say you're in row seven someone's in row nine that's horrible unless there's a connect flight that they're gonna miss then you give them the but now i'm getting real sus and i was on a flight recently and a guy and a gal said they had to make a connection and they rushed off and i see him getting coffee right when i get off oh and i walked by and i go good luck making a connection because i'm a good for you and the guy and the guy turns around like this and i just went like wow it's like i got to do something like a citizen's arrest what am i going to go up and go hey man that was up but like you know you pulled a fast one because you didn't think anyone was going to call you out for it it's also like you did it for airport coffee yeah that's your end game yeah i have to stick my leg out in the aisle now because people are trying to come up quick and you gotta you gotta stop them you tripped an old lady yeah also pet peeve um people that don't say thank you when you hold the door for them that's a big one that's a small one but to me it's like there's two types of people manners people that say thanks and people that don't because then then it's just like uh unless even if you're on the phone give me a hey you know yeah something all right you know give me the kramer and uh what about the kramer give me that thank you yeah point at me and uh but uh it says a lot about you if you just like think you were i don't know deserving of the door hold or whatever but just like it's a small it's also a quick way to just show your gratitude to another human being it's easy it's free it's kindness is free dude yeah here here where are you at with letting ladies out of the elevator first they're gonna say vote um i think uh dry out of the elevator first yeah yeah oh yeah for sure i do that too and people kind of like give me like side eye for it now yeah ordering first at restaurants i'm big on that too i always want to show off what a chivalrous guy he was i just it's the type of guy i am i let him off oh my god i just let him off what's ordering for us i don't know that just letting the gals order first oh yeah i ordered four women that's what a gentleman oh there we go i say you'll have nothing but uh yeah how about uh here's a peeve oh this one got me the hotel check-in call i'm my do not disturbs up i'm trying to nap i get the call how you doing oh what are we old friends oh yeah the w does that hello hello how's it go we just want to make sure everything's good for you no i'm trying to sleep why don't you just assume it's fine and if i call to complain exactly i'm a jew you're here for me yeah something's red i will say i stayed in miami at a hotel recently and they would say if you need anything just text us and you know you get these random texts like whatever and then you go you know what i need a towel i need a coffee maker and they would bring it right up so the text wasn't bad but it's not disturbing okay dude the landline because like when's the last time any of us had a landline that hotel is the only time you have a landline that's true yeah what do you guys ask for uh like mini fr is there something crazy that you've asked for you've called the fridge no i just say can you clean the room it's crazy in here i don't know i don't want to be disturbed i want to just chill yeah well i just leave i get coffee and i go can you clean the room and they do it oh here's another peeve it's a minor one it's not that big a deal but the hotel is where it takes two elevators to get out oh i got to go to three for the front desk they're going to take another one to get out i'm like what is this the escape room that's where you're going to start you got to start staying at lakinta ends man it's just one floor do like yeah a lot of i like the name i'm a stairs guy i do the stairs in a hotel love this who are you swartzen swartzen won't take elevators if you're on the third floor this is one of the 16 floors swartzen walked he took the stairs he's scared of elevators he won't take it claustrophobic yeah it's hurt his career all right i got a peeve for you the guy who suggests something in the moment and waits for you to do it like he's like the aggressive suggester so i'm eating tortilla soup with a couple of people and one guy goes oh dude you know what's great with tortilla soup you got to put the sour cream like a dollop on the top and i'm like oh okay oh you know i'm not a sour cream guy but uh and he's like dude it's so good and i'm like i like the soup i'm good with the soup and he's like yeah sour let's get some sour cream in here and he gets like a cup of sour cream and he's like okay i'm like what are we doing here i don't want the sour cream i'm trying to be nice to like oh yeah one day i'll try that but he made me try it so i had to go you didn't make you caved i caved i came to this pushy guy it was getting awkward i was like that is annoying yeah and people let me eat how i want to eat i know you got to try it like this all right yeah maybe i will then he's like no no you got to do it and then he's waiting for me to be like right right god i hated this guy how about uh tsa going through your uh bag do you ever bring food on the plane or no are you guys now food yeah what do you bring food what kind of food do you bring rotisserie chicken what are we talking about one of those bags from the grocery store everyone's saying those are terrible oh is that right with the plastic bag that's fucking good three of those a week one time i love them every now and then i'll bring a uh fork breakfast burrito if it's super early not like a tuna sandwich i think that's not too crazy is it that's no tuna's aggressive on a flight tuna's aggressive but it was burrito and i and the guy opened my bag and like held it up in the sack and he's like somebody's hungry and i was just like all right i know i was gonna get fat shame fucking security hungry i think it's okay to bring a breakfast burrito i mean if you look like that still you know you can't bring shit on a plane lips yeah the tsa just like let me walk you to your gate i'm sorry about that yeah yeah yeah here's a question sure you're a chosen one yeah a he but you uh hi me whatever yep maybe the most hidden of the comedian comedian jews well ray is not a zan frank wait who well she was funny she was good you go hey hey ding ding ding we got one here yeah you know other people hey seinfeld whatever obvious david tell by the way the worst games for the holocaust ding ding ding fuck they got me you got you win a train ride man but you kind of you're from seattle last name ray you're a sports guy you drink heavily you you hide it well by the way i'm all these things too except seattle yeah yeah i don't know well ray's not and your hair is straight yeah yeah you're pretty you're pretty well hidden i um ray's not that's my dad's last name and he's not a jew you could have kaiser associated your way out of a concentration camp totally who i think josh wolf is up there is a hidden jew wow he is usually a jewish oh is that right not always but i mean michelle wolf's not but right right but he's got a trucker hat on and like a you know a country band shirt so you think i i should probably be trying to use it more to my advantage no i'm not saying that i'm just saying you don't have to point like that when you know jesus christ who i love my opinion like you haven't used it enough paul rudd great one wow yeah let's go california has called him out for now i mean it's a joke that's a joke yeah yeah he did and call the police at the Gestapo. Yeah, just saying. Have you guys been to a bar mitzvah ever? Did you go to one growing up? Of course, I had one. Well, you had one, that's right. I've never been to one. I just went to my niece's a few weeks ago. It was fun, right? It was a party, yeah. Not a lot of chicks, though. No. They're all very young. Yeah. I remember going to the first one. The one I had was fine. I remember my, you know, my mom was like, you can't invite. Yeah, that was the kid. I mean, that kid's Asian. He looked Filipino. I know, isn't that crazy? There was a girl named Jamie, I'm going to say her full name, Jamie Davidson, and she wore, she pressured me into inviting her. My mom was like, you can't invite everyone in the sixth grade class. We had three sixth grade classes. And so I, you know, invited the people and there were two girls that made fun of me for being fat all the time. And it turned into like this end of the year party. It was like a big thing. It was Adams Bar Mitzvah in the sixth grade because there was nothing going on and it was like right a week before school got out. And everybody kind of wanted to, we didn't have parties. So it was like, oh, a fucking party in Bar Mitzvah. It was like, we're going to this fucking Jew. You're blowing lines off latkes. Yeah, dude, yeah. The rabbi's going to cut everyone's dick for free. And so these two girls got in front of me and were like, why aren't we going to your Bar Mitzvah? And I was like, you guys fucking make fun of me for being fat. Good. And they were just like, we were joking. I was like, well, I'm not about you coming. And they didn't go. And then Jamie Davidson, though, cornered me and was like, where's my invite? And I go, oh, it must have gotten lost. And she was so sweet and I think on the spectrum and I said, you know, for sure, she showed up in a, this is a sixth grade, 95. Everyone's wearing, like the guys are in these fucking cheap men's warehouse suits or fucking Timu or whatever. Do you wear a suit to that? To a Bar Mitzvah, yeah. Oh, damn. Or at least a sport coat. And the girls were all like in like, you know, just like hometown buffet dresses from the gift shop. Sure. And then Jamie Davidson shows up in a fucking Jessica Rabbit fucking like silky and my aunt Shirley, R.I.P. Shirley was a gay. She's a gangster. She goes, who invited the whore? Whoa. And I remember like, sixth grade. And she was out there dancing by herself a lot, ripping it up and like a little, like she was putting on a show and like some of the dads probably were, yeah, we had a character artist, but that was about the extent of the activities. And then I went to a, a Bar Mitzvah for a kid I met from a different temple in an area of Seattle where there was a lot more money and dude, I mean, they go on. It was wild, dude. I mean, like, it's like a sweet 16. Yeah. It was like, remember MTV? It was like a sweet 16 when you see these like rich person kids and like ushers there. What? Yeah, yeah. That was a great show. Wait, what did you say? No, not that. He made a joke. Well, dude, plug some fucking dates. Where are you going to be? So the theater tour's off and rocking and this, whenever this comes out, adamraycomedy.com for all the tickets, youtube.com slash adamraycomedy for all the Dr. Phils and I'm doing, doing a little, the Netflix pod stuff is happening. I'm going to do like a 26 episode, I guess, Adam Ray, basically the Adam Ray show, but it's going to be characters and me doing pods. So I guess that'll be out soon. How did you get them to do the Dr. Phil? Who? Netflix? Because they're pretty tight lipped. Oh yeah, dude. I mean, yeah, I paid them. It was, I mean, it happened very fast. It was like two weeks out. We basically, Phil's son hit me up on Instagram and was like, hey, I'm Phil's son. Phil's my dad. And I was like, yeah, I got that from the first thing he said. And then he was like, my dad, we should get him on your show. And, we went back and forth a bunch. And then I was like, what about, I just kept throwing him dates. And I was almost like, fuck, we only have about five more on the calendar for the comedy store. I was like, what about September? And we had Fluffy and Jay Pharoah and Patton Oswalt for that. And, and he was like, yeah, I think I can do that. So then we hit up Netflix and it was about two weeks out and we just quickly did the paperwork and got the cameras. Fluffy bailed out because I think it was just, you know, Netflix, I think maybe he wanted, because, you know, you just give like a, whatever the pay is for that but Phil was super cool about it and I mean, to improvise the special, I guess was wild but like, you know, I trusted myself enough to be able to hang with him and he was a good sport. God bless him. I mean, he gets, he shows up and he's like, yeah, I've watched a lot of this on YouTube. It's pretty funny. He goes, now it's your show but I'm going to fuck with you and I go, well, I know you better than you know yourself, motherfucker. And, and, you know, he was, he was just silly, dude. I mean, I've never even seen like a full, I've probably seen five minutes of an actual Phil episode so, but everyone, I think what everybody, you know, overall probably like connected with it is like, he's enough of a guy where you go, all right, I've seen him like, he gives advice, he's a little abrasive, you know, he's got sound bites where it's like, you know, you're kind of a, you're, I didn't come 90% of the way to get 10% of the information, Sam. He's got enough of those like there's two sides to a pancake but then he's also kind of a twat where it's like, he'll kind of like chop you down in front of your family and like embarrass you because you need to be humbled so, having that I think in the, you know, in the, at the forefront I think people were like, you know, receptive to at least me fucking around but he was a good sport man. Yeah. And they were nuts when he came out which was like, that's the other thing too, it's like, fuck, what if we get him out and everyone's just like, we thought it was gonna be fluffy. What if he just phoned it in? You're like, yeah, I'm relying on him bringing the heat. What if this was his way of being like, I'm gonna shut it down. Yeah. He's gonna come out and just be like, You think you're fucking funny, dude? Yeah, yeah. Hey, Adam, stop. You know, we won't be right back. That would've been great too. Yeah, yeah. Well, we like to see celebrities be able to take a joke, you know? Man, that's the thing too is like, who was I talking to? It might have been Santino early on. He was like, yeah, dude, enjoy it. Like, I can't see this guy having a good sense of humor about it and then, you know, thank God because you don't, yeah, you don't fucking know. Like, there's, it's also, he's not, this is a new thing. It's not like he's been parodied on, I think like on SNL, Mad TV, but not, you know, in a way like this. you're hawking the book. You got the book on the stool and it's on eyeballs. I would always go to, you know, it was like a running bit if somebody would say something like, you know, I think we did it on your episode too. It was in Chicago when, or no, the first time you did the LA one with Pimple Popper and Burt. Yes. Where you thought the Pimple Pop was real and you walked off stage. Yeah, it was so gross. That was incredible, man. That was, I mean, that was a great show. She was back there taking shots with everybody. She was super going pretty hot, actually. Come on, man. Yeah, slam it. You know Pimple Popper? I don't know. Pull her up. Find that clip actually too. Tight scrubs. It was Pimple Popper on Phil, but it was Sandy Danto. Can we pause this for one second? I'm going to fucking piss. Yeah, go, go, go. Can we just pause for one second? Sorry. Sorry, you guys were trying to wrap up. Uh-oh. I'm dying. Oh, you should add that to your impression. Beat, I'm dying. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Please pause real quick. New York, like Gabby in the 80s. Well, here's the thing. It's like when someone's regular, his regular voice is just, you know, we went to the Knicks game. Well, Vita said, you know, there's a way just to talk like down the link, but it's more fun to put like a little more character-y like. Sure, of course. We went to the Knicks game and we fucking had a little bit of Rodney in there too, right? Yeah, yeah. Oh, there it is. Do you mean this or the actual? Yeah, no, that was it. This is the scene, but we're talking about the lady, but yeah. Yeah, yeah. What's that guy's name again? Sandy Danto. Sandy Danto. Yeah, Mark. We were drinking hard. I mean, I was hung over. It was a crazy weekend. Bro, that fest, this was like, I think towards the end or the middle of the fest. Yeah, two years ago. Look at your face. Yeah, look, you put the mic down. You're like, fucking, I'm out. There's Bert. Mark walked off. I couldn't handle it. Yeah, because the goo is what got me that puss. You didn't see this. Oh, come on. It was macaroni. What was the goo? Cheese? Yeast? I don't know. Yeah, it was something. Oh, man. Oh, that's a great, that's a comic right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Celebrate. Yeah, dude. Boy, the real Phil can't kick like that. Yeah, dude. Yeah, he was slow moving when he came out too. I think he was 70, 74. Really? Yeah. Does that Dr. Pimple Popper, should take that from the Seinfeld reference? Is that? Oh, good question. That's in the Seinfeld episode. Probably. Good question. You guys are going to come out for the Netflix Fest, right? We'll be there. Hell yeah. We're all going. We're going to do some pods out there, try to get some real hamsters. Wow. Yeah, good call. Yeah, there's going to be people out there that, I guess, I mean, that's the crapshoot of doing the pod, right? It's like trying to book and scheduling and whatever, but if you're out there for, hopefully you guys stay for a few weeks. Eh, a few weeks. A few days. What are you, crazy? I don't know, try to get Letterman. Try to get Letterman, Jim Carrey or something like that. Oh, Letterman would be amazing. Jim Carrey is like, I mean, when people always say like, who did you want to, I mean, Conan and I tried so hard to get. His assistant, Sona, I went to college with, so I had a direct line. He seems like he would love that. That's so shocking. It's just the timing. It was just every time I hit her with a date, it was like, he's got his own show or a function or something, but like, yeah, he'd be the ultimate. But Jim Carrey too, or Sandler fucking, or Jamie Foxx, or like, you know, just guys that are like, great guys, you know. What about you guys? Dream guests for the pod, and then I'll, we got a Charlie Sheen we want. He hasn't done it. No, we'd love to get him. We did a bunch of every pods, didn't we? Yeah, we just, I don't know how we missed that shit. He didn't do Theo's, did he? I don't know. Who? No, Sheen, I think we scare, I think we scare a lot of people away with the title, where they're like, I'm sober. I don't want a drink on here. I don't know if you saw that documentary. Yeah. I'm not winning really anymore. That doc was wild though. Wild. It was weird. You didn't like it? It was entertaining, but I'm like, part of me was like, I feel like it went like a little soft on him. Yeah, that's what, that's the new way now. You wanted them to go harder on his what? I'm like, like they had the Eddie Murphy doc, they didn't bring up the trans hooker. Yeah, I feel like the docs, yeah, they're just, they're clearly produced by the people. Right. Right, right, right, right. So the questions aren't as hard hitting. Yeah. I thought, what's Denise Richards saved it, or stole it? She's a fucking, she's a cool lady. Classic. I like her. She's like, oh, these hookers are hungry, I'll make them sandwiches. We'll add a show in Stanford late Thursday, and we'll add a show in Providence late Thursday, and then I'm, fucking i'm done dude i'm taping a special and fucking oh yeah mazel oh oh yeah i'm doing rosemont and i think that's sold out maybe not i don't know but then uh and then i'm doing a special tampa theater february 27th sold out so please buy for february 26th baby gonna be fun uh new special mark states hey new jersey we're adding a show on thursday so come on out to that san antonio baby lol almost sold out tulsa never never played the great club shout out to the bricktown yeah okay you're gonna love it you're gonna rip it's got a great setup for all the shit you're not jammed up cool green room oh i can't wait all right great room flagstaff uh and suarita thanks for the shout out doug stanhope that was nice indianapolis buffalo and uh lexington kentucky providence rhode island all kinds of good stuff mark norman comedy.com go to punch up get some bodega cat where are you ready when does this come up again 25 this episode drops on on the sunday yeah great so uh albany if you haven't uh come out to the show if hey thanks for uh all right seattle if um yeah seattle i'm doing a show with cal raleigh in seattle on the uh you're the fucking sports guy out there dude oh yeah we did i presented his um breakout star of the year yeah i went to vegas to present the sports illustrated award for him and we just played blackjack and drank all night and he was like uh and i roasted the mariners last year so i got to know him and some of the other guys and he was like we got to do a show you know these guys they want to like you become their connection to the biz and so i hit up uh the fifth avenue seattle and we're gonna do that on wednesday and it's all going to charity but it's me and him and like i said hopefully a few other music guys um eddie vitter might pop through and then uh yeah the mothership and then um detroit and then minnesota february and then we got uh south carolina north carolina vegas first time in a theater in vegas the wind the wind is nice have you guys done it yeah it's very sexy so what up to dylan for me man good let's go and then uh yeah chesterfield what paris denver paramount carnegie and lawn hall pennsylvania all these new spots and then yeah we got the netflix fest cooking a few clubs in between then doing some hard rocks in florida in july and then um then probably tape something around bro look at that summer gotta go yeah wow then we got australia australia and new zealand is all june and that's uh three fills and then a bunch of stand-up and then um you're gonna tape this puppy we tape what this is our at some point yeah probably june or july okay great i'd like to see this stand-up yeah yeah i mean it's uh and you post a ton by the way your clips the heckle stuff yeah i mean it's so funny like the the you know topical bits i'll maybe put up like i put like there was a moment when caroline levitt you know was saying um it was i guess at the height of the epstein files too so i was like oh if something pops up to like riff on maybe put it out there or even just do it's one thing i learned from gerardo too when i hosted for him once at irvine improv favorite comic of all time he's one of the best and uh and he was just so i just was such a i was always trying to get people on his stand-up train because everybody was just like oh great roast guy and i was like he's fucking brilliant yeah and he was able to kind of just hit the right angle he never got like pandering or preaching yeah it was joke yeah good joke and he but he told me he was like i was like do you have any like writing tips he's like talking about how like he'd read the paper a lot and try to write topical stuff because yeah it might have a shelf life but it got him to form an opinion and a point of view quicker because he was like oh i'd read a news story and then go oh what do i think about this yes like he had that um that one joke that it was kind of evergreen where he'd do the uh you know he's like uh there's a news story a guy fell off a cruise ship or a guy jumped off a cruise ship he'd been struck by lightning 17 times then got married uh got in a fight with his wife and jumped off the cruise ship he goes even God himself couldn't kill this man and he was like send in the experts but it was like a joke that he could do all the time but it was based on something that he really read yeah he put his and so I definitely tried to apply that for a little bit that's an evergreen yeah I mean he that's I think from good day to cross the river which is one of my favorite unbelievable yeah but yeah so so putting up like crowd clips so that's the thing that always sucks too when uh I guess I gotta find a little bit more of a balance between some bits and crowder because I'm just like I don't want to burn the bit I'm like I'll just put the crowd clip up and some people are like is this all you do I'm like no come to the show to see the the hour you know seriously I was like yeah not giving it all away for free yeah come see the show yeah oh I had another great Geraldo then we'll get out of here he had that great bit another news story he's like he's reading the news story and they had a guy uh he burned his uh genitals in the shower he's like on the subway the other day and this guy screams across the tracks yo Monica you're Monica yo you got age yo he goes wow that's how they tell you yeah and then the tag that Michael Moore is right we really do have the worst health care I love it you guys know that dude oh I was at that I was in the front row of that taping no way yeah we love Geraldo I remember Mark and I were in the back of comics watching him headline once and we were just like we're like high-fiving after the jokes we're like young ass comics we're like what would he be doing right now podcast he'd have the best political stuff right he'd be going on all the shows and just ripping it oh yeah he was selling out theaters and like phenomenal comedy he'd be on this pod we wouldn't be able to keep up with him I guess and probably because he did so many pilots that I guess didn't work out but now because with pods and touring that could maybe be enough for him right oh yeah definitely he'd be a legend yeah he was a legend but you know I think he would have just kept he had that show remember that Newsy kind of show with Lewis Black or what was that a root of all evil Lewis's show oh he was just always on oh he was always on it okay yeah he was great on that yeah well he was a lawyer and you had to be a lawyer on that show he had a debate yeah yeah he was a beast well leave us on the table here before we go yeah have you been working on your Sam impression oh good question so I was just talking with Mark when you were off uh yeah I gotta pee real quick I just get so the laugh I was doing that you guys have a little move from The Simpsons I guess yeah well here's the thing I was saying like the regular your regular voice is so deep so it's like so um initially I always want to take something and like you know getting the voice perfect is fine or whatever but it's like if you can like heighten it a little bit so that's why my my uh my instinct is always to go a little bit like Jesus yeah I mean yeah I mean I it I just yeah yeah I'm a Jew you want me you want to see my you know at least that's what I that's what I said but but then uh but the laugh you have the uh you do that much in his head you do do this you do do this you do do that yeah you go I guess you go you go well I mean some you know a carrot top has never eaten a carrot you know like you do have like the like but he was a pretty good Gary Vee is white you know or or uh you know uh Gary Vee does have HPV uh but there's but then the last Tina would break it right now but the laugh the laugh I was doing too your laugh I think your actual you do have like that that's dead on but it's more it is a little higher I think too when it's a genuine like wow like it's a little yeah but it's a good laugh too flattered it only stuck out when I was watching some episode and jerking off it was um it was uh you know that's the thing too is like man you see pods and that's another reason you know last compliment but you guys are always like goofing and making each other laugh and that's you know and Mark just going oh yeah oh man whoa you know you're always chin chimery chew and then like lean back and then ever since the Rizzler's been doing that that oh man that was so funny when he sat on your lap Jesus oh yeah great comedy instinct there Sally he's getting the studio shut down who suggested that dipshit over here thanks dude of course you did I've never got on his lap for a clip oh man I ran a C fabricant outside Steve from the cellar and he goes that was a bad idea yeah we know dude Fitzsimmons looked like Billy Bush on Trump's bus when he said grabbed by the he was like okay I guess you can do that you know David tell was unfazed he's like who the is this oh man I saw him last night we were talking about it because I'm gonna bring him a basket of Brett what'd he say I'm gonna bring him a he goes another what's the next mountain to climb Twizzler yeah and when he was on your lap doing this he goes he's Rizzling that was a warm buttocks I'll say that right now don't say that right now buy some bodega cat we love you see Adam on the road see you next week guys hell yeah comedy Sunday's the day for my next vendor a bit of fever wreck you know the beer juice close I've had a little too much bourbon and Norman's talking about the poke and I get down in the same way up on the roof like a cop's coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans this woman doesn't look like I remember her and I get down in the same way finding a doctor is hard enough finding the right doctor even harder someone who takes your insurance has an available 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