Ep. 266 - Could We Survive the Wilderness?

[MUSIC] Kelly, our time in this meeting has come to its dictated end, and I don't want to keep talking a minute after I have to. Kelly, he likes what I talked to him like that. >> He likes it? >> He likes what I talked to him like that, yes. >> What does he like about it? >> He likes the directness. >> Oh, and pointedness. >> Because it's because otherwise he has to navigate nuances and social cues and kind of confusing things. >> No, if it's more direct, then he doesn't have to wonder about any problems socially that he might be missing. >> I know that people are constantly telling him he's missing. >> Kelly's exactly like Aiden. >> I'm going to go, I'm going to go and double down on her. >> They're both social lubricant. >> And they like a little bit of directness. >> Right, and again, that directness is making sure that nothing gets lost. >> He's exactly like Aiden, do you mean in every way? >> In every way. >> Okay, I was hoping you met that. >> If we were to swap in Kelby for a night. >> Oh, bitch, please. >> I don't know if zipper three notices. >> Really? >> Yeah. >> I think she's like replaced like we're getting dinner and it's like all the same. >> Yeah, I guess the hairline, she'd be like thinking at dinner and just kind of looking at Kelby and be like. >> Yeah, you look the same today. >> It's crazy. >> It's the same. >> It's crazy that it would be an upgrade to richer, isn't that crazy? >> Yeah. >> Well, that Kelby's got more bread. >> Come on, we got so much more bread than all of us, man, except for you. >> Kelby got so much more bread. >> Kelby got more bread than me. >> No, he does not have more bread than me. >> Kelby's got more bread than me. >> He just doesn't. >> Kelby has a retirement day and I can't shake him off it. >> That doesn't mean that he has bread. >> He just has a principle. I guess his principle is money. >> He's like Kevin O'Leary, you know what Kevin O'Leary, he keeps popping up and he's wearing this crazy gold tuxedo and he's talking about like, yeah, and so we went to get the Rolex watch and they told me it'll be there in 15 minutes or kill yourself. And I was like, I had to go and I knelt down and I wept at the Rolex watch. >> It's the most pathetic video I ever seen. >> And that's the kind of shit like, it's five years, that's what Kelby's going to be doing. >> No. >> And Paul is hell too. >> I'm Mr. Wonderful. >> It's crazy. You spend this much time with him. You don't even understand him. >> I make fun of him. >> Kelby Elizabeth May. I don't understand. >> Kelby Elizabeth May is going to retire and then spend every waking hour playing video game. >> What if he, what if the second he retires, he like switches up on us crazy? Like he immediately just like, yeah, I never fucking like to you guys. I just put up with it because it was, you know, it was a bottom line. >> Anyway, I don't want to meet. We don't have anything to talk about. >> There's nothing that. >> Why would we call? >> What's the value in that? I think I'm doing the best, Kelby, by the way. >> Your Kelby's horrible. >> I don't know man. >> I was supposed to my hear him in my head. When I speak, it's almost like I'm amused. >> Lad, you need to play that video game. You have to do it. I can go and tell them. I can go and tell them that you don't want to do it. It's fine. >> What do you think that Clavicular would say is Kelby's sexual market value? >> Make it. >> Great question. >> I think Clavicular is pretty set on the idea that being financially set is a big bonus. >> It's a big bonus, but it's not the main thing, you know? >> I think it is. >> It definitely looks maximum. >> I would. Oh my God. The idea of looks maxing is like, if not your gesture, what are we talking about? I feel like this is great. I don't know if you're gesture if you have like 17 billion. >> If you don't. If you look at his world, that's gesture. >> Maybe. >> The thing is we're probably uneducated. He's probably talked about. He's probably watched the same Kevin O'Leary in the Gold Tuxedo interview and he probably had a lot to say. Like, yeah, man, that guy took a private jet too and from this podcast, but he looks like that. >> Dude, he boomed fear-and. >> Who? Kevin O'Leary? A little vicular. >> Oh. >> Kevin's yet to speak on them. >> Oh. >> He probably harbors a lot of thoughts. >> Oh, right. Yeah. He said it was like, look at all the soys in the audience. >> He was like, he was like, he was a picture of the fear-and audience after a show. He was like, a big selfie with the fear-and crew and then the audience. And then he quoted it and he goes, "The left should have accepted me. Look at this basically ugly audience." >> Right. Right. >> How it's like, damn. Damn. He just boomed a thousand. I think because if the yard on a live show would be like half melee players and then he'd, I think it would finally tip the edge over and clovicular realize he's trans or she or they, whatever, whatever they end up landing on. >> She would be such a gift to Fox. >> Oh my God. >> The Clav Fox would be the new crush. >> He knows he'd play box too. >> Yeah. Unfortunately, but we get the tiles too cool and get over it. >> For everyone's awareness, they ain't so longer on the pod. >> Oh my God. I forgot. >> I bullied him. >> It per clav. >> It per clav. >> What's the beat? >> Yeah, bro. >> I was like, you really feel. >> I bullied A-Noff in Germany. >> You didn't bully him off. He just sucks at planning and he's Mr. Mrs. it for it. >> Mr. Mrs. it. >> He's good at planning. He's the best of the group. >> No. He'll just give you a heads up. That's not planning. He says, "I'm going to come and I'm going to fuck your ass in the office. I'm going to spread your chains. I'm going to fuck your ass in two months." >> I'm doing this in two months. You're like, "Oh, I guess you plan a lot. I guess I'm going to remember this from a week from now and I guess my ass is going to be a little dirty for you." >> You're doing an example of him planning. >> Yeah, it's being clear. In your example, he's planning. What I'm saying is planning something does not excuse you from doing something that would be otherwise untur'd. And my ass ate rips. My ass ate rips before. >> Yeah. >> And he tears it from the taint to the nuts, of course. >> It's not that planning though. I give him such a bad time. >> How do you fucking want to stay longer? >> You fucking bad? >> I fucking bad. >> How do you fucking bad? >> I fucked him up. >> With your weird hair today. >> I fucked him wrong. >> He's been enjoying the weird hair. >> If you do this though, it's normal hair day. >> Do you know that? It's weird hair day. >> I don't know. He's relishing everything. >> He's relishing everything. >> Is your partner for it? >> No. Well, I left my palm aid here and I didn't want to buy a new one. So I've been running the Justin Bieber. And then I found Cutie's hairspray and I was like, I'll let me try this out. I've never tried it before. >> No. >> You know why hairspray? >> But that's what I did. But then people came in my chair as a streamer and they kept going, what happened? >> Yeah. >> It did look like you got in some sort of like, like you hit your head on a door. >> Didn't say, didn't say a new haircut. They said, wow. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Is that it? >> It's just that the part is weird. You know what I'm saying? >> No, dude. That's where parts are naturally. >> It did look like you were trapped somewhere for a while. >> That's where parts are natty, bro. >> Look, man, you look perfect every day, it's including today and it's just time for us to give you some shit. >> I fucking appreciate that, bro. >> It's such minor shit, dude. It's just like. >> It's so hard to hurt him. >> Oh my God, your hair looks like kind of shitty today. Speaking of, that was like, dude, you guys got a tune in the Super's Valorant Streams. It's like Saturday morning cartoon. >> I tuned in. >> There's so many. >> They were tame. I don't know. >> No. >> It's not about him freaking out. He's really bad at the game. >> I thought he was fine. >> No. >> His aim is bad. >> What's he ranked? >> He's a diamond one. He only pops off when it's plat. >> It's just funny. He's like, you know, he was a pro gamer and now he's playing a game that's kind of similar and he can't really put it together in the way you would be. >> The funny thing to me is that he plays a bit like a discord kid where he throws up the wall. He chucks out his sage util and then he heals and then he dies after missing his shots. >> He's playing Overwatch. >> He's like me. He'll die with full belt every time. But the belts in Valorant are like vials and cobras. >> You also keep your belt, huh? >> You keep your belt. >> What do you mean? >> Like when you die, you die. >> When you die in Valorant. >> Yeah. >> So you know what I'm saying? >> Dusty belt. >> Anyway, that old Dusty belt. >> It's amazing. And to watch him be such a, you know, it's like getting a really strong guy to do like math puzzles or something, it's like, you don't know how to do that. >> Why is he bad at Valorant? He should be good at Valorant. >> Valorant was like the game when like it came out. It was just like, oh cool. All the best players are from other, like, oh, other games. >> From Overwatch. >> Overwatch initially. >> I guess some CS. >> Yeah. >> But not predominantly CS. >> Does no one could start in Valorant? Everyone had to come over. >> Yeah, yeah. >> I remember the first thing I watched was like when the demo was out, you weren't allowed to play it yet, but it was like Jordan, nothing Gilbert running on C site. And I was like, there's a C site? >> Yeah. >> It can't do that. >> All of the things we joke about encounter straight, they're going C and it's like, that's real now. >> Yeah. >> It was real. We had pneumonic devices to remember all the map names. >> No. That was you. >> No, almost like that was him. >> And I love it. >> You know, I like all needed a line caught on. I think people were saying split the rope. >> I never heard split the rope, but I did hear they do behave in three sites. >> They do behave in three sites. >> What was bind? >> What was bind, oh, I got to bind teleport. >> Right. >> Rememberable. >> Yeah, I remember that. >> I remember that. >> I remember that. >> Five years later. >> Aiden, I go to fucking Germany, we're going to Gamescom, Aiden's my babysitter. >> Yeah. >> He basically took, because Kellby's supposed to come with me to make sure I do my deliverables and the partners are happy, and why didn't Kellby come to me? >> Because Aiden offered. Aiden said, I will go and I will take this burden from you, Kellby, because I'm going to go to a bachelor's party after. in where did he go? - He went to Poland. - Poland. - I think he took the crack off. - He went to crack off. He did not bring the crack off the wallet. - Took the crack off to Poland. Yeah, he went to crack off with his Swedish boys. This is his big weekend, by the way. It has been studying Swedish to move to Sweden. This is the only time in his life he'll ever need to use it, including after he moves to Sweden. - So they all speak English? - He's going to Sweden with 15 people for a bachelor party who are all Swedish, or so he's going to Poland with 15 Swedes. So they're all going to be speaking Swedish. - I realize too that he's kind of in this prison because he's the talk to Uber driver guy. Which you need quite a vocabulary to have like conversational like a conversation with. - Yeah. - You know, if you're not a talk to Uber driver guy, you can, you go to the store, you go to work, this and that. - I've spoken to many Uber drivers in China, Japan. You don't need to, bro, you don't need to know how to say shit. Sometimes they'll just keep talking. I'm saying that he needs, he wants to talk about anything. He wants to be able to explain about Tyler Ninja Pleavens and how he works at New Stork and Esports. - I hear, but when I'm saying I took a 20 minute Uber ride, I said, "Dway," and then he started talking about Iran in Chinese. And I didn't pick up any of it, but he kept going. - Sure. - And I just kept going, "Oh, how to?" After he would yell something about Iran and the US. - Yeah, he doesn't, he doesn't, what's, it's fine, we put this into better words than me. He doesn't care about how much friction it'll create to try to explain something as nuanced as like, for example, who'll get into an Uber and be like, yeah, we all compete in Super Smash for those melee. He'll say that to the Uber driver. Without the, he doesn't care about how much work it's going to be to make someone understand that, who is nowhere near what they need to know to understand something like that. - They'll get them there. - And he also doesn't care if he gets them there. - No, he doesn't. - He's actually fully willing to say something to someone, they fully don't understand and then just move on. - That's kind of good, though. It's how you teach babies to be smarter. - It is how you talk to babies. - And this is, I suspect. - I think this is why I dissuade myself from these conversations is 'cause like, this person's not gonna understand why Falco is a glass cannon. - But I don't care, and I'm not gonna be able to understand it. - Imagine you, imagine you the 10th writer and they keep bringing up how Falco is a glass cannon. At some point, the guy's gonna go home and be like, "Wow, I gotta find out about the Falco." - So he's a billboard? - So he's a billboard for Riptide? - No, this is normal, this is normal. This is like the same thing happened with like Game of Thrones. You know, the fifth person in your life says you gotta watch, you tune in. - That's not the same thing. - That's saying you gotta watch a show. Oh, it's cool, there's swords. This is saying, "So right, let me break it down for you." Sakurai invented a game and then Nintendo characters got put onto it. - Low key, that is, I mean, it's a more, it's a more nuanced way to mention it. - I'm running the simulation in my head of like, "Okay, the four of us separately get into Ubers "outside of the Genesis venue." And the Uber driver says, "What are you in town for?" Like what we would all say. And I think I have it. But I'm sure on you, so I want your help. Aiden gets in and he says, "Oh, I'm here for a super Smash Brothers, "Maleigh's tournament." And he doesn't do anything any other heavy lifting and he makes them try to understand that. I do a similar thing where I do tell the truth, but I tell the story in reverse order because I believe, I think naively, I can get them to understand it. So I would start, it's like, you know like the Super Bowl? It's, where I'm at something kind of like that, but it's for video games. - Yeah, this is a good one. - Slime gets into the Uber and he says, like, I'm here for, I'm here for SnakeCon. He makes some sort of joke that makes him laugh. - I don't mind him. - And they go, "Wow, reptiles?" - And they're like, "Yeah, reptiles." - If someone else in the car with you, you'd do that. - Yeah. - If you're buying yourself in the car, you buy yourself as a good distinction, right? - And guess what, who else did this? When you were grilling that Uber driver at an open sauce last year about the bay and what a bay is? And you were acting like you were really upset over bodies of water acting. So, imagine having passion about water. - So it's a bag. - So it's a bag. - This is in the front seat, so it's a bag. - So it's a bag. - So it's not in close. So there's actually an opening for it in the water. - It was video, it was video. - Here's the deal as the fourth thing we brought it up. So clearly, my passion came off strong. - It was, it was you're still talking about it. - What is Lubbock saying this Uber? - Good thing. - What are you here for? - 'Cause he's not really, he's not Aiden, you know? - He's not Aiden. - You don't wanna explain this shit. And he's a lot of Uber's. - He's also not me though. I think Lubbock is okay with someone not understanding. - I can tell you, but I'll let you guess. - I mean, he gets in the, is it current Lubbock now? 'Cause Lubbock going to Genesis now, he goes for like four hours. - It's Lubbock now. It's Lubbock now. - He gets in the, he-- - It's very possible he were to be like, "Oh, it's a visit, friends." Something that is, get out, a lie. - Nope. - No. - No. - Wrong. - He says-- - Try again. - He says, "Oh, it's here for work." - Yeah, love the attempt. - No. - I'll tell you, I'll tell you. - I'll tell you, he's, you're the Uber driver. - Okay. - So I was just, what are we gonna do? - Oh well, we all know what I was gonna do. (laughing) And I'm not gonna, that we can laugh about it separately. So pull up your Tesla then. - Hey, man, I'm your Uber driver. What's up? How, what are you doing in, what are you doing in time? - So silent. - It's a silent and cold. - My bad, do you want a water bottle? Do you want a water bottle? - Yeah. (laughing) - Water it with the back. - Silent, sure. - Oxcord, we don't have those anymore. - Silent. - Didn't, cool. - You click silent? - Yeah, yeah, I click silent and cold. And then I point to it. I go, "Hey, how you've been?" - Hey, what's this? - You're coming with like your own Amazon ordered piece of glass that like affixes to any Honda. - Yeah, I'm like, you can just put it right there. And it's like, shh. - And then I have a gift on my phone and it's a guy turning five stars down to one. (laughing) - And it's you, from a Red Bull lower third, looking at five stars. - Yeah. - This isn't really tiny. - But I'm, what I'm curcified. - And yeah, you're right. And then you hit the bloody. (laughing) - Yes, that's what I do. - No, I do that a lot too. - I'm here for work. - I'm here for work. - Yeah, it's easy. - You know what, you know what's weird about me too? I don't like the Uber conversation. I find it a little exhausting, but you know, I do. I'm not crazy, deal with it. But I don't like clicking, no talking. I feel like it's mean. - Yeah, me too. It's a preset, so I don't click it. - I think it's dehumanizing. Like you can set a preset that is there for every ride. - That's what I'm saying. I don't even like setting that preset. - You may as well be a Boston Endemic robot. - Right, that's weird. - That drives me around. I like to give every driver the opportunity to be somewhat interesting. - Yeah. - And we can have some sort of a conversation. - I'm okay with it. - Can I get five stars? I give the tip. - So do you have it toggled? - Yeah, always. - On no talking. - It's not. - What's your talking? I think it's like preferred, quiet, and cool. - What's your rating though? - It's good. It's like four nine something, four nine four maybe? - Not five. - It's not a five. - No, it's not a five. - I would say this is much easier. - This is a lot of people I should be low. - They can. - You don't rate someone when they cancel? - I don't know, I've canceled late. I've done gross cancels. - It's like I drove to the airport and now I'm here. - I've done some more, I don't know. I used to be, I'd just stop doing this, but I used to be ambitious. So I would land and I'd call the Uber in the plane. - Two ambitious. - And AliEx? - At like new airports. - Yeah. - And then I discover it's like a 70 minute walk. - Yeah. - And then the guy canceled it. So I assume that it helps. - Okay, I'm a 491. - Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. - That's like, show me your shit. - That's like you have to go door to door to tell people. - Show me your shit. - Where do you find it? - Under Uber, under account and it pops up directly below your name. - I know yours blew up. - I'm literally lower than you. - 483. Dude, that's bad. That's fine. - That's bad. - And then I see I'm low, I realize it's fine. - That's actually bad. - No, it's not, it's good. - Okay, this has actually been going on for a while. My Uber is like the qualifier. - It's like, it's like bugged. - It's just like 3.5. - It does it like open. - It's a negative number. - Oh my god, it's like, has to update. (laughs) - I don't do for a lot. - Who is the last time you Ubered? - I think I went to the airport one. - I Uber a lot. - But I'm not everywhere. - It's like, how happened with Bray and Squeaks? - No. - We're at a shoot for Squeaks. He's secret launching merch. - Okay. - Did you just, no, no, no. It's been leaked. - What is the merch? What could he possibly be doing? - It's very cute. I'll show you after. - Is Mario on it? - Is it like the PEOPLE frog on a baby PEOPLE frog hoodie? - A hoodie, embroidered. - That's kind of how we kind of keep it. - He's not a PEOPLE frog chat as well. - PEOPLE frog chat as well. He's not a PEOPLE frog. It's very cute. - He does tingers, sorry, go ahead. But anyway, after the shoot, they're all going to play Mario Party. I'll come back here to do the yard. And Squeaks is like, oh, call the Uber. And Ray's like, no, no, no, I'll call it. And he's like, no, it's okay, I'll call it. And she's like, no, no, no, I'll let me call it. - Okay. - And he's like, I'll do it. And she's like, well, I'm like, there's a pause. And she's like, I just want it to be an Uber black. And I think you'll call a comfort. - Wow. - This is damning. - And I just sat there, and I laughed. That might be more racist than anything you could say to him. - I don't ride nothing, but Uber black anymore. - She only rides Uber black. - She boss bitch in this town. >> They changed the price on Uber Black. So I feel like it's not that much more expensive than that, if it's a- >> Uber comfort. >> I think because LA, LA has become a rife with Uber Black. >> Like Matt. >> Yeah. >> Because there's a huge number of people who now sublet, like, or not sublet, like lease, insane car, and then ride Uber Black with it to get the higher rates. >> Wow. >> I'm thinking they'll pay it off, which I don't know the value proposition there. But I think because there's so many sometimes, if it's a short trip, it's like $4 more. >> Yeah. >> I've seen that a lot. >> You went to a Dodgers game and it was like literally $2 more for New Black, and I was like, why would you not do that? >> My rating is $4.88. >> Ah! >> I'm the lowest. >> I'm the lowest. >> I'm the lowest. >> You're the lowest. >> We're 0.3. >> Oh my God. >> For Eight Club. For Eight Crew. >> I thought it'd be higher. I thought it was a darling. I thought it was a gem. >> You do. >> And I Uber that most. >> You got a big sample size. You play enough hands of poker. >> It's not one time I upper-deckered the Uber when you're shit in the glove box. >> Yeah. Everyone does that. That's the annoying part. >> It's hard to sneak up there and take your shit, too. >> Don't get caught. >> It's not looking. >> It's not looking. >> It's like it's a chain-chomp game. >> It is. >> It is. >> It is. [LAUGHTER] >> Being in, we're walking around Cologne. We kept saying we're two white boys who are trying to spread Rostafari. It is. >> Yeah. >> From Kingston. >> Yeah. >> To Cologne, Germany. >> Kingston to Cologne. >> We're willing to wrap battle anyone. >> Really? >> Yeah. >> Jesus Christ. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Jesus Christ. >> You would be the last two eyes had to do a wrap battle. >> Yeah. >> You're the last fucking two. >> Cafe Nero. Come on. >> You're before him. I'm trying to say that, bro. You're going in before Ludd. >> I had a great freestyle rap on stream yesterday. >> Really? >> I did a freestyle rap on stream yesterday. >> Was there even a beat? >> Yeah, yeah. There's this new daily, not daily. It's something like web game and it gives you the end word and then you fill in the blank. >> Of. >> I'm confused. >> Of the freestyle. So it'll give you, it'll give you randomly generated end words. >> Oh. >> And you could choose like A, A, B, B. >> So it's what does the rhyme for you? >> It does the rhyme but you have to get, you have to connect it. >> Look at that. >> Got to be right now. >> Oh, I would go crazy. >> We do it right now. What's it called? Help zipper. >> Is it a hard part of free styling picking the end word? >> No, no. I would, well, crazy. >> I think so. >> I think so. >> I think so. >> I think so. >> Let's see the D next. >> And. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Which one you used. >> Yeah. >> No, I think it's part of it. >> No. >> My calculations, you're going to take it off. >> All right. >> I think you're right. But I think this is like training wheels. Like I think it's harder to freestyle the whole thing than have any of it given to you. What is it called? >> I don't know, bro. It's called like rhymeversal.app. >> Okay. >> Like zipper, you have your mission. >> It's a fucked up. >> It's a rhymeversal. >> It's always some bullshit like that. >> Fuck that. >> I don't know. >> I'm a little. >> Okay. I had that. >> What? >> The freestyle wasn't good. You're nervous about your freestyle. >> It was good. >> It was good. >> It was good. >> It was good. >> I just have this issue where I cannot freestyle without it turning gay. >> Without a blunt. >> Oh, yeah. >> Really? >> It turns gay every time. >> It's so easy to turn freestyle as gay. >> It is. It's a crutch. And I can't. It's like, oh, I bought the AVP again. >> I don't know. >> And my hands. >> Yeah. >> This gay here. >> And now you're starting to climb the leaderboard. >> Yeah. >> And now I'm connecting words in ways that nobody thought possible. Now I'm running shit together that previously had never been rhyme. >> You know what the mechanic is behind that is you're using irony to help boost your confidence in what you're creating. Is this it? >> Yes. >> This is a rhyme game that's going to be a dash game. >> Probably, and it's got the words with friends, Bob. >> You hit play as an example, and then it'll go through it'll bounce. >> There's music, which isn't playing. >> We don't hear it. >> Then you would rap, and that's the N word. You have to come up with a-- >> It's a D at the end of that world, man. >> It'd be funny if it's like-- >> Space, peak, bleak. >> And then beep, beep, beep. >> Hard, hard, hard, hard. >> You see it coming like six words away, like look at your friends, like, and popcorn, let away. >> I got the gun, I'm going to pull the-- >> It's easy, Jason Jason coming here, you do this one. >> This is it, bro. >> Lacey, bro, I need a favor. >> But this is it, bro. >> This is it, and yes, I'm fucking crazy with it. >> Zippin Hut, come at Cafe Nero. >> It's like that shit that I fucking am thinking about constantly. >> Yeah. >> I'm thinking about that constantly. >> That's cool, man, especially when you're with Aiden. So wait, what did you do? You said you fucked him in Germany. >> Bro, first off, you know, Gamescom's in Cologne. >> What is Gamescom? >> It's like the largest meetup of gamers. It's a gaming convention with 350,000 plus people. >> Holy fuck. >> It's the biggest in the world. >> It's bigger than E3 was. >> It's bigger than anything ever, and it takes place in Cologne, which is funny, because they've never used that before. And so we get over, this is my first time there, and it's all Europeans. I'm barely getting recognized. >> Dude, you're literally, you were on vacation clothes time. >> A kind of yeah. >> Look at your story. You're fucking bebed hair down. >> I'm bebed hair. >> Open chest. >> Big on necklace. I don't even know where you got it. >> Instagram? >> Big on necklace? No, no, I bought that. I bought that somewhere. >> You bought that somewhere. >> Some sort of made a spoke over necklace. >> Some sort of a spoke over necklace. >> Look at that. >> You just procurate with a different body and a chest hole. >> But it's such a different body. >> Yeah. >> It's such a different. It's hard to be different, more different. >> Yeah, I guess. >> Big couple things, I guess. >> Yeah, we go, and it's sponsored week for me. I'm being turned out. >> Yeah, man. >> I land at 11. I take the train. I get there at one. I have to start my rehearsal at 130. >> Who hit it the best? >> Who left the mark? >> On me the most. >> You did all your obligations and you walked away like a bow like it. >> I walked away bow like it from Samson. >> I'm sure, bro. >> Samson? >> Samson puts you in the big, weird stir-up machine with a dildo that just got there. >> We did the PUBG mobile tournament and it was three days, two days of streaming one rehearsal shoot. >> And Samson does it different, bro. >> Samson has people to be like, the stream's set for 355, could you 350? >> Better for, I don't know. >> Yeah. >> And I'm like, tar. >> Tar. >> It's yeah, there's like a deep psychological reason. 350 is actually people respond more to zeros at the end of time. >> They're like zeros. >> Can we get some zeros in there? >> So they made you lick the toilet bowl. >> So I'm lickin' the fucking toilet bowl. >> Clean, bro. >> Damn. >> I'm paying for the wedding here, man. >> You keep saying. >> You keep saying, I'm paying for the wedding as if you could not have paid for the wedding before. >> I could have paid for the wedding but this covers the wedding without losing money. Let me just tell you some shit right here, is zipper we need to bleep this or archie which we need to bleep this? Guess how much the flowers at the wedding cost, just have a fucking shot of the dark. >> Ooh, I'm going to say. >> And let me tell you, it went down. It was a higher number. >> Oh, like this game. >> I mean, I'm going to guess. >> That was the original price. >> What? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> What the fuck? >> Whoa. >> It's fucked up. >> I'm getting all mad. >> It's fucked up. >> It's fucked up. >> I'm sharing your fucking feelings, bro. Let me know. >> Why are you getting mad? >> Well, because it's just too much money. >> It's a lot of money. But when the love of my life is across from me, and she goes, she goes, "Oh, it's too much. We can't do this." But then she pauses. She goes, "It's so pretty though." >> You're mind-controlled. >> You're mind-controlled. >> I am. >> I am. >> I am. >> I am. >> I am controlled. >> I will get it. >> So it left to your own devices. >> She can't hear this. >> No, listen. >> The great question. >> It left to your own devices. >> How much we spent it on flowers? >> If left to my own devices, I genuinely don't think I'm capable of preparing a wedding. >> No. >> Not to doubt your question, but the amount of planning that goes into a wedding is absurd. So if A if left to my own devices, I would hire a planner and I would let them fucking, it would probably be more money. >> They would do the same thing. >> Because the thing is when a wedding planner's job is to make the wedding go well and upsell you. Like they're upselling you constantly, but it's also an industry that usually you understand a lot less about. But Cudi knows a good deal about it. So like she's getting a good deal, which sounds absurd when you hear the numbers. >> Yeah, it does. >> But she's getting a good deal. >> She's definitely a great deal. >> She is. >> She is. >> She is. >> That's cheap for flowers. I'm here. >> It's way cheap. >> This is probably the last purchase, right? There's something else going on for the wedding. >> A couple more things. >> Okay. Without, if it was left to your own devices, you might not have to love your life. What was your wedding look like? >> Oh, man, I have no vision. >> I would probably look, I don't know, it'd be some fucking horribly cringe. >> Are you a wedding guy? I don't know what is that even question, but like, are you like a, like, if you had a partner that was like, I don't want to have a wedding, would you really push to have a wedding? or would you be like, that's fine? - Yeah, I would. I actually have it. - Okay. - I imagine it's a beach wedding. It's on an island, okay? Just set the coast. There's a bridge. - It leads to sort of a smaller. Now, you know those like, you can see like an island that you can walk on. It's like not an island, like a, almost like a, like a big rock. - Like a pier. - Like a pier. - Like a natural. - Okay. - So a pier, like a bridge. - Oh, the jetty. - A pier that goes out, yeah, to a jetty. A jetty. - It's a different place. - A jetty. - It's raised. And it almost looks like a gum drop. It's a gum drop jetty with sand on top. The bridge goes out there. And there's, you know, coconut trees. And we sit there. And one of the coconut trees is curved in such a way that like, it's like the left hooked. And you can sit on it. And we walk out. And this is the song we walk out to. And we get married on there. And I have her share of the papaya fruit with me. And then, and then we love each other forever. - The papaya fruit? - The papaya fruit. - And that gives you what sort of buff? - The papaya, if you both eat the papaya fruit, then it's said that you'll love each other forever. - And I'm drunk as fuck in the crowd. - And you're drunk. - Go on the wedding. - Go on the wedding. - I was like, say something. - Call it up. - Go on the wedding. - And I've standing up in the crowd. - And you usually have a headlock. - And I'm like, "Oh, fucking kill him." "Oh, fucking kill your marriage, fucking girl." - This is a different, you know? - I got suspenders on and I got, this is a party. - The party. - And then I put on a gun at your wedding. - I'm like, "Oh, fucking kill my zone too, bro." - Well, fucking dude on the gel, the gum drop jetty, bro. - And I'm sitting there and I'm going, "Fucking shoot me first." - Shoot me first. - I start crying 'cause I've ever seen you like that. - Shoot me. - I've never seen you go fucking serious like that. - And then you put your finger out like this. And somehow you mind control and the fucking guns goes down. - Shoot me, put it down. I release Adam. - That's fucking beautiful, man. I hope that happens at my wedding. But Adam, he didn't get enough air for too long. - He died of my arms. - Yeah, he died. - And Adam is just, he's keeled over. - He's not dead of me, he's different forever. He just like oxygen deprived. - Yeah, he's just oxygen deprived, so he can't think as fast anymore. Face down, ass up. That's the way I like to sleep. - You sleep with your face down and your ass up towards the ceiling? - That's the way I like to sleep. - But having you had like pretty bad back issues? - Yeah, all the time. - Recently been terrible, terrible, terrible back. - So are you sleeping like that? Because you're just at your wits end and you don't know how? - Face down, ass up, that's the way. I heard a song. - Yeah. - And I changed the lyric. - Are you doing it? - And I did it and I thought it would be funny if I changed the lyric and lived that way. And so, and yeah, it's been great. It's been really cool for me. - I think not one time have you shared a fact about sleeping on this show where you come across as normal? - What are you talking about normal? - I'd love to help make you more normal and get rid of your back issues without any sort of lyrical miracle. - I don't think that's possible, but you can try. - He looks asleep. - He looks sleep will do it for you. - What are you talking about? - Yeah, he looks sleep. They have a sleep quiz that you can take to get a unique mattress that is set up for you and they have a bunch of different designs with memory foam and different cool issues. - He looks, call me Felix, no cat. - No cat. - I got a penis instead. - It's, it's, you know what I'm saying? - Free shipping. - Free shipping? - Free shipping. - Free shipping? - We'll order it for you. - Free shipping. - I like a lip ring. - No cat. - No, no cat. - No cat because I don't want pussy. - Even if you don't like it, I need you to try it. - This is a hundred twenty nine. - Sleep trial? - Yeah, if you don't like it, if you don't like it, if you don't like it, try it. I got stomach bile and guess what? - No cat. - And you can go to helixleap.com/theard. That's no cat. For 20% off-site, why? That's helixleap.com/theard. For 20% off-site, why get your sleep sleep mattress? I sleepin' one, I like it a lot. - This will help me with problems in my body and my pussy, my cradle up. - One of 30 problems. - Helixleap.com/theard. - Sheep, bro, so he was my chaperone. And the reason I say I made his fuckin' life house 'cause he would need to fill me at certain points like for a YouTube short, looking natural with my Samsung. - All right. But every time you fill me in-- - How do you look natural if you're in the fuck machine getting fucked from, like, seven of the-- - You're all sweating. - It would be like-- - Yeah! - Okay, no. - Oh, no. (laughing) - Come on. - Yeah, okay, let's have him, let's do like it later. - Put the fuckin'-- - Adjusting the vibration settings on the Samsung app. - Put the fuckin' leg down. (laughing) I always make it, I always make it hard on 'em. 'Cause every time he would come up, I'd say one thing. I don't even know if I could repeat it. I don't even know if I could fuckin' say it. - Bro, you brought it up. - I don't even know if I can fuckin' say it. - He just mute it. Archie will carry many secrets to his eventual grave. - I kept saying, Kelly-- (crickets chirping) (laughing) - You're still like, dude, that's great. - You're still like, that's fuckin' great. - You're 30 minutes of me saying that throughout the week. And the issue is, well, as well, I hadn't thought about, as Aiden is recording this all on a Samsung Galaxy S26 Ultra that he was given by Samsung, of course. At the end of the week, get to give that phone back. - It will have videos on it. - No. - And I asked Aiden, I was like, "Do you delete the phone?" He goes, no, no, everything's still on the phone. - You're like, you're like, fucking Spongebob taking the fuckin' snowballs? - I didn't remember that episode. - No. - Spongebob's snowballs mouth zipper now. (laughing) Or is it Patrick? - It's Patrick, Patrick. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Fake millennial. (laughing) - Dude, someone make a fuckin' version of this with Kelby's face. - He's going to the middle. (laughing) (laughing) - We had a blip his name. We can't put his name out there. (laughing) - We can't, we can't do this, man. (laughing) - It's like a Samsung logo fades in in the corner. - Samsung, make your choice. The dreams come true. - Oh, that's right, you swallowed it. - So what, you did this thing that you're embarrassed about and then you told us, but you did it, but I'm telling you as a fucking friend that I kept tasting this forbidden fruit. - He loves doing the wrong thing on camera. 'Cause otherwise it's not that funny. - It's not that funny. - And this is, I think the mentality is going into Ludwig when that phone comes up in his face. And then Kel, and then Aiden is filming. - If he does something that can go into the video, it's not a joke. It's content. - Yeah. - He did something to make Aiden laugh to break the barrier. - Beautiful. - Something's aversive. - He's in there. - Yes, dude. - Yeah, fucking yes, bro. - So what is the result of all this? Samsung has this 30 minutes that could bury you? - They have 30 minutes that could, well, I wouldn't bury me, bury our relationship. - Yeah. - I don't think they'd look at it and be like, "Fuck, yes." Oh my God, this guy's a hoot. This guy rules. - You don't think there's someone at Samsung that can chuckle a little bit? - I don't know, Samsung's a funny company. The way they work is that every, I think I've told you just before, but like every lead position is someone who's Korean. And so like, even further Western advertising, it will be someone who's Korean who doesn't, maybe they're not as tapped in to like NA streaming, has someone-- - Are they Korean Americans? - Or are they importing their own Koreans? - Korean, okay. - From South Korea. And so like, for all the events, there's like a little disconnect. 'Cause there's like things that I'm like, "Oh, this one wouldn't do as well for a stream, but they're pumped about it." - How interested are they in your input? Has the streamer? - Not at all. - It's not even a little bit out of-- - Holy shit. - I know a little bit. - I bet you some of them think that he's Ninja. It's just, he doesn't do the blue hair anymore. - They know I'm not Ninja, 'cause Ninja burned them. - Oh my God, that's right, he did the ads. - Ninja burned them, so they know I'm not Ninja. - But I treated like mini golf. - Right. - There's a set hole, I just got puttin' it. Puttin' it in the hole. - We don't gotta make the hole fuckin' wacky. Just gotta hit the ball on the hole. - Do you think, do you find it less embarrassing to do, I mean, maybe you don't find it embarrassing at all, but instead of having to do anything live streamed, if you do like a film thing, it's way easier to swallow. Like flipping on your stream for a sponsor carries a risk of it being fuckin' lame, right? - I think, I don't, I think they're one in the same. I think it's all lame. - Really? - Yeah, but like that's fine, you know what I mean? Like I don't mind being fuckin' D1 or Kevin Hart. - But is live not more-- - Oh my God, it's lovely, like Kevin Hart is streaming. - Probably, yeah. Wow. That is so interesting. - Yeah, I'm probably the Kevin Hart. Because you are like very loved. You know, like universally very loved. - No, no, no, no, no, he is Ops. - Across the board. - Yeah, lowly has Ops, so does Kevin Hart. - Kevin Hart doesn't have Ops like lowly. - Kevin Hart has Ops. - He has Ops. - He has got an Ops. - Kevin Hart famously has Ops. - Ew! - There was the whole thing with the, who's the guy who was beefin' with him? And they were supposed to chop it at the rose, but they did not chop it at the rose. The comedian. - I don't know. - Oh my God, what's his name? - A comedian, black comedian, man, woman. - Cow Williams? - Cow Williams. - Oh, yes. - Cow Williams. - Bro, you can't have beef with anyone if you got beat up by a kid on camera. - I'm saying you just can't. But I'm saying everyone who fucks with cat is like, he's actually spitting, bro. - Kevin is a fucking snake, bro. - Interesting, interesting. Who's your cat Williams? Maybe it's me in the future. - Uh-huh, no. You're not my cat Williams. - The way it could be. - What? - You couldn't be. - I love each other too much. - Cat Williams accused Kevin Hart of being an industry plant. - Yes. - We did a Kevin Hart's career start. Could he have been an, I guess he could have been an industry plant, but like we talked about that. - I don't think industry plant is like, I mean, it's so silly. - It's a little silly, yeah. - I don't know enough about this. I will not speak on this. - Cat Williams, I won't do it. - Cat Williams went on Shannon Sharp's show. - Ah, was it before after he abused that damn snow bunny? - Boof, boof, boof, boof, boof. - That's tough to say, around. - Around. - Close to. - Okay, good to know. - And then talked crazy shit on Kevin Hart. - Damn. - And then it stung Kevin's reputation a bit. And then Kevin brought Cat Williams out to the roast of fucking whoever the last one was that Shane Gill's hosted. I remember who was roasted. - Okay. - Shane Gillus? - Shane Gillus was the host of the roast. - Oh, I really roasted that. - Not the roast at Kevin Hart. - That's the Shane Gillus clip that everyone was really like talking about. - But anyway, and then they were supposed to kind of chop it and they kind of chopped it, but still some animosity. It was roast Kevin Hart. - Yeah, that's the infamous Shane Gillus joke heard around the world. - Which one? - Hard to repeat. - Dude. - Kevin Hart would need to use a bonsai tree for this activity that-- - Oh, this is-- - That was a joke. - Oh my god. - The famously-- - I don't even know. - Dude, so it's like, there is a point I think that happens in fame and money in this business where Kevin Hart's worth like a nine figure guy, right? - He's probably a billionaire. - Like, that's crazy. It's close to-- - He's probably not that much, but he's probably lived, probably probably is a very comfortable life and he doesn't have to work like a job that sucks or whatever till the end of his short life. - He don't got to do jumanji for. - He doesn't. But how much the street cred end up mattering is a good question, right? You can have $100 million and still be kind of upset that people hate you for no reason. And it's hard to consider that. - I mean, matter real. - It matters nothing at all. - Like, that's a real answer. - I mean, it is if you assign value to it, right? What was all the money for if not to, I don't know. Everyone's value system is different. - Sure. - My question is, is Kevin Hart, who is a guy who will start a vegetarian restaurant chain, concerned about that? Or does he not care because he's the kind of guy that would start a vegetarian restaurant trying to get money? - I think he doesn't care. I think Kevin Hart's all things, he wants to fucking get rich as fuck. It's funny. He's also the only guy. This is how I know I'm Kevin Hart. He's the only other guy when I first started streaming when I looked up hashtag mogul moves whoever used the term. - He's used it? - He's used it before me. - There was Kevin Hart and Dawson. - Yeah. - That's what it is, was you're like Hartberger or whatever the fuck that restaurant was called? What was it called? - Hart, Hart, healthy, Hart, healthy, Hart. - Oh, that's what it is, was that for you? - No, so what it is more about that. - What? - I think I cared more about Badez than Kevin Hart cares about vegetarian restaurants. - I'll give you that. - Yeah. - Because they weren't, so you wanted one in every American household. You kept saying that. - I want one in every man, I still do. - You would say that when we were working out. He's like, I want a Badez in every house. He's so funny when Miles would be working on that stuff and he was here. He'd always be like, yeah, Ludwig just like, doesn't want to make any money on it. So it's a very interesting project 'cause I just like, he doesn't want any money. So it's like, where is this gonna go? (laughing) - It's true. I just wanted a Badez. - He just wanted to dump your stock. - Yeah. - As fast as possible. - Honestly, I remember vividly the My Pillow guy and I wanted to be the My Pillow guy, but for Badez. - Yeah. - I wanted to influence elections with toilets. - Stonchley Republican. - Yes. - And we were gonna take back the Senate with one simple trick. - Do you guys, I had a question that came up the other day. My girlfriend, her friend got, they argued over whether or not you should buy a juicer from Goodwill. And I thought this is very interesting 'cause she was like, it's a really good juicer. It's like a top, and juicers can be very expensive, right? And this juicer was like $15, you know how Goodwill, it's like the appliances are like double digit, $15. And I was saying, you don't get a juicer from Goodwill because there's too many things inside it and it's juice, right? It's too scary of a machine inside to know what could have gone through it. A blender, you can get from Goodwill because a blender, you can see everything. Like the Badez are down there and you get under it, you can clean it whatever, it's glass and it's blades and it turns on. A juicer inside of it is a mystery. - Okay, surely a fancy juicer still has the option to be able to deep clean it. - Yeah, I was gonna say, this is what matters the most for me. Some juicers, like the juicer I grew up with in my childhood house, there's no compartment for juice to hide. There is the shape thing that you put the fruit on that juices it and that is part of the container and you just dump it out of the container. - I don't even, I don't know though. - So there's no more for juice to hide than you just clean it? - I think juice hides. - If juice could hide, and you cannot deconstruct the thing, don't buy a juicer from Goodwill. - Or deconstructing it was too difficult or required to use a sentence. - It was gonna be like a Michael Reeves project to open this thing, buy a juicer on Amazon. - There's a timer inside of it and a little dynamite. - Okay, well my question is, is that a reasonable anxiety if the juice can hide? - Yeah, you're at points unreasonable with your food. - I've watched your food out of the trash so it's interesting, you feel this way, but I feel it to me. - Still fresh. - He is a food safety concern guy. The best buy date skives amount. - That's true. - And I, - Me too. - It does skive me out, doesn't. - No, 'cause I think it's mostly fake. - My girl ate something with mold on it and then she went, ah man, it's moldy and she threw it away and I was like. - Dude, my girlfriend does that too. - I would literally be freaked out for a year. - It's fine. - It's fine, it's fucking mold, bro. - It's fucking mold, you don't eat mold. - I don't think it's that bad of mold, though. - But it's crazy. My girlfriend was like, yeah, I drank some water and I thought, I think there was mold in my cup and I just kept drinking it. And I was like, what the fuck, okay. Your self-destructing, yes, I know. - Freak Bob. - I was like, you're self-destructive. Can we talk about it? - I do think so water, I would be scared of. - Okay, so my, the thing that got me here is that weirdly, I feel blenders. If someone bled it something crazy in a blender, like a hamster, and I knew that. But I would, if I needed a blender, still from Goodwill and I was broke, I would still get that. - Wait, 'cause a blender, you could put a drop of fucking soap and then you're just bled and that's how you clean it. - You would just clean the whole thing out. And I'm wondering if I'm alone in this or if this is a reasonable thing. - I think it's reasonable, but I think it comes out of whether you can clean it. - I would never buy a blender from Goodwill. - Why? - Because the under the blade is such a secret. - What do you mean? - You could find a secret. - No, bro, it's like a fucking turbine thing and there's probably hair in there. - You could just blend up some ice cubes, some water, and something in your hair. Like, or things that are more fibrous. - It's gonna give it all, that's what the ice does. - If it got rid of it, it wouldn't be in there. They would have blended it out with their past project. - You understand me? - Yeah, I get, I don't know. Either way, I was revolted at the idea and I wanted to deconstruct that 'cause I was like, why do I feel so? No, Ducer shouldn't be there, but this doesn't matter. - Yeah, I think anything that is meant for food is weird to buy used. - What about a walk? - That's fine, because there's like a, see, that's crazy to me. - But there's a lot? - What? - Nah, you guys are crazy. - But we like, okay, I know it's not a cast iron walk, but like with cast iron pans, that's kind of the whole thing, right? Is like, you don't really walk. You wash them, but you don't like deep clean them. - The cast iron, it's for the history. - I think a walk holds a lot of flavor of what was cooked on there. - Yeah, you want to throw cooking up hamsters every night. - Wow. - And every time you eat, you're like, it's gamey. - It's gamey. - It's gamey, and I made vegetable. - Hey, where do you get this meat broccoli? - I read this broccoli, it's gamey. - It's hamster chops the name. - It's broccoli, yeah. - And it has to stays on that pan forever. You can't clean that off. - Really? I think metals that are heated because the traditional idea is that heat kills, right? And this is my mind saying, "The walk you just heated to an unimaginable red hot blacksmith level, you have killed all hamster particles, and now we can enjoy our stir fry." - I'd be more afraid of like, than like the germs or whatever, of like the teflon or whatever. Like I'd be afraid that I'm gonna eat fucking microplastic. - You should also fear that too. - Another thing to fear. - Yeah, man. - It's all very scary stuff. - Are you a teflon house? - No, we have a cast iron, and then we have like some pretty nice pans. I don't, I think it's like the hexa-clad shit. - Dude, I think I might have taken some years off Miles' life. 'Cause when he lived with me, he cooked, and he's a very like, he's very brutish. He's like, what are the guys in Halo, like the big fucking guys? - Oh, he's the blood. - No, it's like the big motherfuckers. - The Revenant. - The guys that hold the, - They always have the big cannon gun. - With the blade on the Halo. - The Brutes. - He's a brute. Anyway, imagine that guy cooking chicken. And he's like in a, he's in a kitchen, and he has the gun on his side. That's Miles. And Miles would like, if so, consider it, but it's fine. It's fine, it's a matter. - You got mad about it. - He doesn't seem even fucking a real man. - He had a chicken breast, and then he'd take a knife on a new non-stick pan, and just be like, - Don't step in that stick, right through it, and he just like cut a fucking like, right through like, pulls off a Teflon, flake, and puts it on top like a gun. (laughing) And then he'd see if it's cooked, it's like, it's good, and then he'd put it in. And then I'd look at this hand, and it was just be like this mutilated thing. - It's the scratching of the shit. - That's so bad for you. - I know, and he would just eat it, and he'd be like, "Want me to make you some food?" I'm like, "No, Miles, I don't." Because one, I'm mad at you, but two, it's poison. - You're gonna grow mushrooms out of your neck in five minutes. - We saw where pure stainless steel household. - Okay. - And you can cut that shit all you want. - Yes, it's cool. - But, Han, I watched a video on, I hate that I don't remember the details, but there's like a downside to every type of pan, pan. What is the downside of stainless steel? - It's like a bitch to cook with. - That's it. - Yeah, yeah, like if you cook eggs on it, but you don't heat it right, and use a fuck ton of oil, then the egg sticks to the pan. - We like don't. - We like don't have like a perfect pan. I like watching a whole video on it, even like the crazy Gordon Ramsay fucking hexaclad, whatever stuff, that stuff even chips over time. - I think, I think you're right. At least in the sense that some require some skill, but that's part of it. - Sorry, perfect. Actually, pretty non-stick. We have like cast iron stuff, and that's fine. - Yeah, yeah, it's fine. - We don't have a pretty non-stick. - Yeah, it just requires a bit of skill, requires a little bit of. - Pinesse. - Pinesse. - If you guys were in the wilderness, and you had to like live, do you think you could fucking kill and hunt a rabbit and then cook it and eat it? - Yeah, a hundred percent. - I don't think it'd be so hard. - I wouldn't snap its neck. - I wouldn't get it. It's faster than you. - I said a trap. - Would a trap consist of describing trap. - My trap would be, so I'm lying down, and I put a bunch of leaves over me. Peter Mellark style. Put a little peanut butter on the tip. - Yep, round the tip. - And I have my hands right here. - A mushroom. - And then I wait for someone to nibble on it. - Oh, it's number one. - Well, he weighed a little longer. - Enjoy it while it lasts, you know? - Wait a little bit longer. - And then I go, and then it leaves, and I gotta go, fuck, I gotta reapply a peanut butter. - I call the penis fly trap. - The penis fly trap. - And I'm capturing anything and everything, it could be a fucking bear, it could be a fucking rabbit. - Anything, your bear. - If it's catching a bear, after animals on your penis. - Do you know how fucking soft and pussy black bears are? - What did you say? - What the fuck are you doing? - Soft and pussy talking about. - Black bears are soft and pussy. - Okay, black bears, yes. You could probably catch a black bear. - You could catch a black bear, bro. - But what if it's like, they are not black bears. They're brown bears. - I would know if it's brown. - If it's brown lie down, no. If it's black, fight back. If it's black, fight back, if it's brown lie down. - Yeah. - Wait, isn't black bears scary then? - No, no, black bears are not scary. - You can fight down because it's like, you got no shot. - Yes. - Yeah. - It's no shot and you're just hoping that it gets - Dude, you can't even fucking climb a tree. They can also climb trees. - You're supposed to run sideways, right? You're supposed to run, like, you're supposed to run the straight lines. You're supposed to run, like, as diagonal as possible. - That's gotta be fake. - Because it's bad at turning. - I think it's fake. Look it up, bro. I swear to God. - I think that's fake, bro. They run the turns. - You don't wanna say it's, if it's useful, people should know. - They run 30 miles an hour, bro. - If you are listening to this podcast and you are some, for some reason, being chased by a bear and you're trying to remember what we said, 'cause it's the only time you've been exposed to anti-bear tech, and then you die. - Oh no, this is alligators. - Yeah. - That makes so much sense. - This is alligators. - Alligators, alligators. - Alligators. - Yeah, I did make sense. - 'Cause you're treating bears like fucking bowls. Like, they couldn't turn. - I watched, is it Robert Irwin, what's Steve Irwin's kid? - Also, alligators run away in a straight line as fast as you can. - Ignore the myth about running in his zigzag pattern. - Also fun. - There we go. - Yeah, yeah, okay, this makes sense now. Is Steve Irwin's kid Robert Irwin? Am I getting all right? Robert Irwin, this is a video, someone asked him this zigzag question. And he was like, he didn't really say like, it's a myth necessarily, but he was just like, it's really just about how close to the water you are. Like, if it's kind of close to water, even if it's not in the water, if it's kind of close, you are dead. Don't even wonder what you should do. You're dead. But if you're not near the water, it has no chance. It's not catching you. - It's 'cause the water makes it fast. - It's the only way-- - The water makes it quickly. - The water makes it tail, fucking pushes it to the bottom. - Fat, fucking, oh fish body. - But if it's like a, like of a polar bear in Arlington, Texas, you're pretty good. - Yeah, yeah, there's no way it's catching you. - Okay, well remember that, you are listeners. - It's a genuine debuff. If you're near an alligator and if you're near the water, you're dead. - Me with peanut butter on my tip in the water. (laughing) - Uh-oh. - At what point, how many days do you hold off breaking a bunny's neck? - What do you mean? - 'Cause I don't think you have that in you to do it. I think there would be a filter where like, I don't wanna kill you. I mean, we'll find some berries. - Dude, finding the rabbit and capturing it would be so much easier for me than like, skinning it. I wouldn't wanna do it. - I think you guys are underestimating how fast rabbits are and how hard they are to trick. - I think rabbits are fucking dumb and selfish. I watch these videos online. It's these guys that set up a trap cardboard. And so the first part of the trap, it's like the cardboard box is a house that has two doors. And the first door closes when they walk in and the second door drops when they try to walk out. So I know I already had to do this. I seen this on short. - I would say, I would take a day to a starvation day and I'd study the rabbits. So I would fashion some sort of gilly like outfit. I would just sort of go where I know rabbits are generally around in this area and I would lay out watch. And I'd see, what fauna are they attracted to? - Wow. - Because I'm looking at fauna. - Or fauna. - Or fractured fauna. - Because I don't know what. - I don't have like a Mr. Goodbar to lay out for them. Like, what am I gonna put it through? - So, but when they you find the fauna. - So I find the fauna. - You also said peanut butter, by the way. - This is a better way. - Where is your peanut butter coming from? - Oh, I store it in the skin. - Really? - It's constantly in the skin. - You produce peanut butter. - If that's true. - No, I don't produce it. I just put it in as always there. - That's true, it's true. I don't know what to say. It's true, it's true. - You never see an inside of that? - I have a flora and fauna guy, okay? And I find it and then I gather it, okay? I gather some of that fauna and I take it back to camp where I'm gonna set up my trap. And then the trap is I take whatever, you know, vinery or cloutree branches I have and I tie, I fashion a string and then I get anything that I can fashion to be sort of trap bucket-like, shaped, put a weight on it, rock, a rock weight. And I sit in gilly with the fauna and I wait. And I wait, and if they come, they come. I capture, I drop it, I drop it, can I improve your design a bit? - Yeah, 'cause you're really hopeful to think a bucket with a weight on it would drop and then just stop. - It would. - It would bounce. - I designed it, of course it would. - It would bounce. - It would not bounce. - It would have 100% bounce. - Why would it bounce? - Because that's just how it works. Equal opposite reaction, 'cause the energy goes into the earth or the earth, it doesn't absorb at all. - It would only bounce if it landed unevenly because of the weight distribution. If it's perfectly distributed, it would not bounce. - If it was perfectly distributed, if it dropped it out, Luke, who's dropping it, bro? - You've got shrubbing. - You've got to be perfectly flat then, too. - Yeah. - Where do you think I chose to drop? Where do you think I chose to set the trap? - I can put it anywhere. I would clear out a flat clearing. - For the fauna. - Hey, so here's what you should do. Here's a shit. - Can I tell you where I have a rabbit by myself? - How are we both in the forest together? - I'm in the forest here. - And I'm sitting next to you, and I'm going, bro, let's just use the peanut butter. - He's already got his dick out. - Bro, you have the bucket, and then you slide, you have just the door. So the door's open, when you pull it, opens the door. And then when the rabbit walks in, you close the door. - Such a more complex contrast. - This is just a stick in a box, but you made it doors. - I just put a stick in a box. - No, it's much different because the stick in a box is different. - I don't think it is. - I enter a place, you do something, and then the place becomes unleavable. - I mean, I guess if you want to fucking boil it down, everything's sticking a fucking door. - Okay. - Everything's staying, the Patreon's a stick in a door. We fucking, it's sticking a box. - Get 'em in the fucking Patreon. - Stay stickin', we put the stick in the fucking door. - It's hard. - Okay, and they all, they're on the Patreon episode now. - Yeah. - All right, I didn't mean to belittle your console. It sounds like you're obsessed with it. - I'm fucking kill Sony rabbits. - Yeah. With many methods, it's funny too. I said, "How would you do it?" You named a very avant-garde method involving your genitals instead of the door one that you named immediately after. - Well, he had to hear a good idea to make it better. - I honestly, after doing them both, think the penis one's better. - Why? - 'Cause you get, you get more feel. - You get more feel. - You get more feel. - You get more play for it. - It's more fun. - The issue with the stick in the box is that you capture something you don't wanna capture. Wait, what would you do? - My friends, that, you remember I told you a story. I wanted my friends to add formatting, gutted a pagan shot in front of us, and we changed our lives. He had a really ingenious idea to catch rats and his workshop. And it was, it's a big one and five gallon buckets. And there's like a little path that goes up to it, like a little ramp. And on it, across it is a toilet paper tube or a paper towel tube and it's got peanut butter in the middle. The rats climb up the ramp, they go over the bridge, it's, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. They fall into the bucket and now you've got a bucket and then you loop up the bucket so they can't climb out. They can't climb out in general unless there's a million rats. You're oiled the bucket. Trust me I've been here. - Sorry, I gotta be the worst smelling bucket of all time. - Well they're live rats and then you do what you want with it. - You do what you want. They're like every day, they're not gonna die in the thing in the day. - You want to fuck with the rat bucket? - That's it, this is the trick. Oh, this is a paper plate? - Yeah, a paper plate. - Play on a spinning thing. - It's unbelievable. - And this one's not gonna work because the mouse is too small. - No, no, it'll work. - They wouldn't post that shit but it didn't work, bro. - Oh, bye bye. - Oh, it's, it's embalanced so they get to the other side. - Oh, yeah, phone. - And now I'm taking phone pictures. - Look at all that shit. This might've been bro's dead and that's full of mice. You got your bucket of rats, and you can do whatever you want with them. You take them to the store, or you can use them as a weapon. When I was very young, I know I'd be getting the wilderness because I'm not very young. I read Gary Paulson's hatchet. We all read hatchet, and we all thought we would do it better than bro. I took it a heart. Mm-hmm. I mean, bro did it good. He had like three spin offs from that. He had to have a dream to figure out that the hatchet makes fire. That is what's happening in the book. But the hatchet's old. They didn't have TV back then. I've ticked talk. Like, I get that. Enough so I have survivor now. Sure. I know what the hatchet do. Do you think we're all a little better at surviving because media things like this? Yes. 100%. We have the knowledge, but I think they're better at surviving back in the day because they would do it. I think, yeah, I think they have better survival instincts because there's no option but to continue to try to live. For us, we would be constantly wondering when we would be saved. Yeah. I guess you're just biting your time. But I mean, maybe when maybe something happens and then we're all stuck in the Canadian wilderness and society has truly collapsed and there was a rebuild society. I mean. This is the plot line of yellow jackets on, was it Apple TV or something? About the credit, bro. You know, it's like the soccer team that they have, they are in a plane crash and they land on a remote island and they have to rebuild a society with only each other and they start going crazy. Dude. We would not go crazy. Yeah. Oh, because of the fish. Because I didn't know with fish and I don't think fish are different from rabbit. I think they are. I think some people think they are. I kill a million fish before I had to kill a rabbit. I know a lot of people feel this way. A lot of people put fish below in their tier lists of like respectable creatures with souls. Yeah. Fish are pretty low generally. But I put fish higher than most. Why? Fish are equal to right. Because I think fish, I think the fish and the good fish. They're good fish. Oh, I think because the fish really good fish. They're good fish. The sauce was for fish. They're good fish. Yeah. I think they're good fish. I've always been good with the fish. Okay. I had a couple growing up. All right. But I think I have a sauce spot for anything that doesn't seem to want to hurt me. As an animal or like amphibian or anything. Like most animals. Yeah. Like I don't think I could go fishing. I think it's like, it's like 90 fucking 5%. It might be more. Might be 99%. Most animals want to be left alone. Even the big ones. Yeah. Even like the fucking tigers. You know who kills the shit out of people? HIPOs. HIPOs dolphins. HIPOs kill people. HIPOs kill people. HIPOs kill people. And fuck the mouths. Well, they do with them. They mouth. Yeah. They bite your head like a big watermelon. I've 100 people a year to 3,000 daily, bro. Mr. B is on this. Mr. B is on this. Each year. It says each year. It's not daily. It's more than daily. Oh, I see what you're saying. I thought you're saying, yeah, 3,000 people, everything. Oh, no, no, no. They're not cops. Yeah, yeah. They're like, every day a hippo's taking a life. Yeah. Oh, come on. Imagine. HIPOs aren't cops with cops or hippos. Waking up and being like, is today my day? Am I the one death of the hippo day? If I lived in Africa, I'd think about it every fucking day. It's like it's gotta be someone. And I haven't heard of anyone today yet. Yeah. Yeah. It's like that dude you go to school with, that kind of sucks, and you're like, oh my, he died. That lookie sucks. But also like-- That lookie sucks, but hippos must be smart. Yeah. They know something. I saw a TikTok, a trendy TikTok that you know, those trends, for overnight oats. I wanted to get into that because I thought it would be kind of good to have breakfast in the morning, but I didn't have oats, so I've just been using rice. I've been making overnight oats with rice. How does it taste and make you feel? Honestly, taste terrible. Really? Yeah, it's a bad experience. Pretty much beginning to end. The rice kind of just swells. You sure? And then it holds all the milk. Right here's milk. You know what I mean? What are you doing in milk? I don't have water in my house. Sorry. That was an opportunity. It's so bad. It doesn't have to be the choice. I use rice and milk. If you could try hungry root, you could try hungry root, and it will have-- I don't have a blueberry, so I've candy. I use candy. Blueberry favorite candy. Okay, really great. What do you call it? What do you call it? You like a dish that you've made. What if you try like a smoothie? What if we try like a morning smoothie? Or-- Let me fix this. All right. You've made some sort of horrible Frankenstein monster like a children's-- Well, I don't know what easy your way to-- I have a solution. It's called hungry root. You use it. It's-- no, no, no, no. It's high quality, it's nutritious foods, 1,000 grocery items, salad kits, smoothie snacks, all kinds of stuff. And there's no additive. So I know you're using candy a lot in what you're making. It's actually bad for your 30. Shouldn't be doing that one. Do I need water? I don't have running water at my home. Do I need water for it? You-- You know what? You might need to find water. I'm not crying. You might. But that's beside the point. We can get you water. We make a lot of money on this podcast. We can help you do that. We can get you running water at your home. Probably. So all this is 50 minutes or less. This is good for you. I feel like you're unconvinced that what you're eating is poison for you. And I'm here to tell you that hungry root-- For instance, how about this cilantro lime chicken plus snap peas? That sounds pretty good. That sounds pretty good, right? It sounds better than what you've made. It's pretty much ravioli alavanka. None, I know you've been so-- That one says rice with zucchini. Yeah. I have half of it. And that's not overnight-- I can make that. It would be different than what you're making. Yeah, it would be different. I'd have to use salami for the zucchini. I don't have anything else like that. Well, what's also cool about hungry root is, obviously, you could order all this stuff and then make it overnight like you want. It's kind of like the American dream. So here's the thing. For a limited time, get 40% of your first box plus get a free item in air box for life. Go to hungerout.com/theyard and use codeTheyard. Hungryroot.com/theyard. CodeTheYard, you get 40% of your first box and a free item of choice for your life. Can I free-- I want my free item to be water for life. I want free water for life. You know what? Sure. CodeTheYard, hungry root. You need running water for it. This is the same thing. You probably need it. You probably need running water, you need it. I wish I knew for sure. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. It'd be the other spot guess I would say. You don't need running water for hungry root. I don't feel confident in saying that. I don't know. I don't know when to say it. You don't need to run water for life. You need to run water for life. It's still a coin flip. It could be either. You're dying to a fucking animal. That would suck. You could be alive for a little bit inside of it. So what's our will? Well, it's our will in his competition. Okay. We've got to make fire with flint steel. Is Aiden involved? Yeah. Are we teams? No. No. Okay, thank God. Yeah, I could. I can't. You know what? I'm killing. I need him. I need him. I need him. I need him. I need him first. The first thing we do, first part competition, is make fire. Second part hunt and kill it. Third part. You have to find Aiden. Yeah. And it's the most dangerous thing. He thinks, well, this competition, it's the purge. Aiden edition. And Aiden just has to not get captured by us. Yep. But he also must find the coin. And Cam is a fox. And he's worth less points, but finding him is good. Yeah. Cam is bonus points. Well, you guys keep trying to hunt and kill Cam. He feels like he gives off an aura that deserves it. Kill Cam mentioned. I think that's why. Okay. So what else? Let's get this. Let's get this. Well, we have to spend a whole night. I'm trying to think of, we have to build a shelter. Yeah, you have to build a shelter. You have to find a clean water. You have to make fire. And you must hunt and kill something. For sustenance. These are the four pillars of being it. I don't think you need to hunt and kill. You don't need to kill. You can be a vegetarian. You also just need to find food to eat. It's a little risky, right? A little risky. Scary berries. It's very scary to eat a scary berry. That's part of the wilderness expert. Because I know mustard seed better than anyone. I guess I don't. You do know mustard seed. No. We get a fuck ton of it in Nambar. I don't know that. Mustard seed is an invasive plant and it's taken over most of Southern California. You know when you drive through Penteh Hills and it's just fucking yellow and it's spring time. I do know about this. And it's just beautiful yellow everywhere. That's all mustard seed. Mustard seed. Yeah. You can eat mustard seed. You can just eat the yellow. Mustard plant. I know you have saying seed. Mustard seed. Mustard. Will you eat the fucking seed? Okay. But yeah, you can eat that shit. Is it used to make mustard? I don't think this type is, this is, I mean you probably could. It's tough because like- But not the mustard that we fucking- I think the competition is most interesting after like a week. We're like really matters, right? Well, yeah. We're not gonna fucking do that. But why not? Because you're dreaming of a fucking thing. We're not gonna do it. But let's do it. I think let's just make it simple, bro. Make a fire. Fucking shoot a rabbit in the skull. Dude, man. Don't eat it and go to in and out after. Okay. I mean, I hate to admit it. I think if you put me in the wilderness right now with no YouTube first, I don't think I can make a fire. I need YouTube first. If I get YouTube first, I'll make a fire. I've seen like, I've seen a lot of videos of people making it, but it's like, it's all different. Sometimes it's like the fucking the rock. Sometimes it's the stick. You would get flint and seal. No, that's not- You would get flint and seal. No, no, no, no. Do I get diamond armor as well, literally? What do you. What do you or mine? What do you get? Another portal. Like mushrooms. Like because if you go raw into the wild with nothing, you're never making a fire ever. Yeah, I don't think so either. I literally can make a fire. Be easy. With nothing. Yes, nothing. Please, we test them. Please, we test this. Never in a million years. the camping thing is because I was a obsessed with watching Campy videos and I kept telling you, you should do this. - I hear you. - And then we did it. - I've seen you guys make fires enough. - Never in a million years. - We should just go do this. We should just go put him in the wilderness and say make a fire and we'll watch. - We would lose him on the yard. 'Cause you'd be in the wilderness forever. - Let's do a stream. - Let's get the fucking Starlink shit Maya has. - Brother. - Stream ends when slime makes fire. - Which one as well do stream ends when the paint dries? - And I get it, right? (laughing) - We've been in this spot a lot on the show. - What do you think you're doing? - Walk me through. - I will not disclose my method to you 'cause then you would know how. - I'm admitting I cannot do it without some tools. I would eat some tools. - I don't need tools. - I'm sorry. - That's crazy. - I'm sorry, I know how to do it. - That's crazy. - You don't. - I know how to fucking do it. - I actually do remember how they did it on Survivor. - So I would try that. - I'm not gonna name my material. - No, literally an episode of One of Survivor. - I've done it once and I did it in the camping stream where I had to make fire with just wood. - Yeah. - And I did that. But I still had kindling, which made it a lot easier. - Yeah. - And it was also a very specific type of wood with string set up for me to use. - You had string, that's part of the hard part. - Well, you're stringing the wild. - Yeah, but you gotta make it. - Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, if you had to fucking make the thing, 'cause you also need like a knife to be able to whittle it. - You do need a knife. I'll say this, if you don't have a knife, you're kind of far from making a knife, probably. - So you need some tool. - I think I can like, I hatch it. If you wanna go back to the seminal classic. - I will afford him a knife. He can bring one. I will afford him bring a knife. - What's the knife made of? - It's non-flammable knife. Make it ceramic. Kill yourself. - I just wanna make sure. - If it's a ceramic blade, I'm more on board. - And I take it on plane, too. - Oh, I see. No, yeah, yeah, sure. Something non-flammable knife. - I don't know. Hey, set it up, bitch. I'll prove your dumbass wrong. - There's no fucking way he makes fire. - It's not that crazy. - It's crazy. - Dude, we did it back when we didn't know English and shit. And Nintendo. - Yeah, but it was the only thing we were all grinding. Of course, we figured that one out. - I look, I guess, sure. If given enough time, you'll get there. I wouldn't be that way. I wouldn't starve to death. - But making a fire gets harder with time. Like, you get way more tired. You start to lose out on the gathered resources. Like you spend resources trying to do it. Your wood starts to grind down, you know? It's gonna get more resources. - Yeah. - With time, it just gets harder and harder. Is it any easier? - I'm just saying. - The amount of time that I spent watching dudes do this is enough to figure it out. That's all. And it's not like fucking shooting a basketball or whatever. And beating a fifth grader. It's different. - It's easier. - I would say harder. - No, it's easier. Those fifth graders are pretty good. - They're, I will say there's a set of survivor, recent one, where they make a fire with two pairs of glasses. - With magnifications. - Yeah, that's easy mode. - That's easy mode. - Deer it. - Even the harness, the power of the sun. - With the glasses. - It's harder. 'Cause they're not like magnifying glasses in here. Like, I mean, I guess they-- - All glasses are. - Yes, but like not to the degree that a magnifying glass is. - Even normal glass can be used. - Even just a single fucking sheet of paper. - To magnifying glass. - Yeah, you just need to take the light and focus it to a point. - What I would do is I build a huge tower like Babel. - Yeah, okay. - And I would have lightning strike it. - Yeah. - And then I would use the fire that surrounds the lightning strike. - I did this in hardcore Minecraft. And to mark things on the map, I would just go really high in the sky and make a giant tower. I would make probably a hundred block high tower, maybe even more. And everyone laughed. They laughed and they laughed and I laughed. - Wait, what's the better way, saving the cords? - Yeah. - Is there a better way that isn't, I would call that like spiritual cheating? - It's not spiritual cheating. - I'm saying, if you weren't allowed to check coordinates and you weren't allowed to use the data, is there a better way in the game? - You could make a loadstone compass and then the compass points to the loadstone. - Oh, I don't know about that. - You could do that. - But I made a big fucking tower. - I did that too. - And everyone laughed at me. And I said, this is survival. These are the kind of things that happened naturally to get my mind. - There is a natural phenomenon to wanna go high. I'd do that, I was watching this fucking show. Yes, I was watching Jetlag and they're doing a scavenger hunt. And they kept saying, let's get high. We can see everything. - Yeah. - And then they would do it and they wouldn't work. - No, they can't see shit. - You can't see, you can't see. - It's a dumb question. Is this in Minecraft or real life? - This is real life. - Okay. - You can't see details. - But it's like, yeah, you can't see details, but it's the illusion of control because you now know contextually where you are. - In this scavenger hunt, they need to find like a koi fish. Like, what the fuck are you gonna do when you get high and be like, oh, it's probably koi fish over there. - That is stupid, yeah. - No, I would look to see in what direction does any of the sort of fauna die off? And I would assume in that direction, there's less water. - Right. - And I would head the direction where there is more life or maybe even mountain size. - I mean, you are, if it's koi fish, you're looking for you for bodies of water. I feel like this says actually kind of-- - With zero disrespect, you would be the worst of us for a scavenger hunt. - Thank you for saying that. - Yeah, so I didn't have to say that. - You haven't said that. - I didn't have to say it, and I would get, I would get charged just the bad guy. - You'd be embarrassed. - If the four of us go to an escape room and we're all in our own rooms, I get out last. - Are we fucking kidding? - First off, an escape room is not a scavenger hunt. - That's different, that's a video game. - That's a video game. - So you want like a pure like, we are in boy scouts and we're going out and doing a scavenger hunt in the city, type of scavenger hunt. - Yeah, and I'm last. - You, yes. - Are you joking, man? - Yeah, if it's a scavenger hunt. - I'm offended by this. - This is hurting me. - That's what I didn't say it, but I'm glad I did. - Hop in. - No. - He's a hundred percent last. - No, he's not resourceful, he's not cunning. - He gives up. - He gives up, he gets mad. He said, this is gay, I'm rich. - Yeah. - He'll say shit like that. - He has said shit like that. - I'm counter strike. - He would do well in the scavenger hunt if he was motivated. - Yeah. - Can you give me the form out of the scavenger hunt? Can you build it out for me? That's why I understand. - Let's say the scavenger hunt is a cross Los Angeles, and you have to find, you know, eight things. - Yeah. - Eight things, and it can be various. It can be like, find, you know, I don't know. - Can you use money? Is it like, oh, you have to find a blue shirt, which is like probably something you have to buy? - You just have to find it, you don't have to buy anything. You just have to find it. - I don't know, 'cause you don't need it. You just need to find it. - Oh, you don't need to like possess it and bring it to a location. You just need to. - Oh, you just need to like have a picture. I found it. - Find a shell, or find, you know. - I know, I saw it. - One of those four armed man. - And you're giving fortune teller booths. - You're giving me that it's where only I grew up. And you guys didn't. - Yeah, I'm still last. - Last but dead last. - Let's do this. Oh my god, any amount of money. It's insane. - I would know exactly where to go. - You would give me the list of things to find it. - I'll go here. - I genuinely would do it. I'm just worried that the time allotment, I wouldn't have enough time 'cause you would take so long. - I was so ready to run in a car. - Yeah, I'm properly ready to go to a good job. - Run in a car, this is a problem. - We have to have Dan switch in car. - Yeah, 'cause it'd be like 12 hours later. Dan would be like, can we pause show? (laughing) All his batteries died, every single night. - All of the data. All of our light, we ran out of memory cards, because there's no data left. - There's no data. - We have to clear out some bit. - LA is out of data. - I think he's at a good point. I think you would struggle. I think-- - Okay, so Slimey said fire. - I don't think you would be last. I think Aiden would be last. - I also think that. - I also think that. (laughing) - When you're in a fight and you're disagreeing about, except one thing you agree about. - Yeah, the worst guy on Earth has the same opinion though. - Let's just fucking meet in the middle of something. So yeah, but problem is, bro. No, there's no problems, I'd be the god at it. I think Ludwig would cheat. Ludwig is very much the-- - He loves to cheat. - He loves bending rules. - Yeah, he loves it. He's a person. - I don't think that's called cheating then, right? - Kind of is. - It's a definition. - No, that's bending rules. Otherwise, you wouldn't say it like that. - I guess you're right. It would be just cheating, but you're bending rules. But what can you do? - I'm a bit bent. (laughing) What can I say? - I know that. - You two channel bent wilderness. And you're like, getting guy trapped in the wilderness. - I'm climbing in the wilderness today. I am a homosexual man. (laughing) I can't find any of you. - It has no impact, but I am. Dude, guess who texted me today? - Daysbanks. - Yeah, you'll never fucking guess. - Okay, let me get one. Guess who texted me today? You'll never, ever guess. Michelle Curry. - They sent me their own Instagram post. - Not Michelle Curry? - And the post said, and it's gonna give it away. It says, "At 30, you're not finished. You're just getting started." - It's not. - And then they followed up with, "You know this." But they misspelled this and they wrote, "Ris." - It's not, it's not not. - It's GaryVee. - GaryVee? - GaryVee. - He says, he says-- - Message to you. - He says, "You know what GaryVee is?" Bro, he's like the, what, how do you, like GaryVee's like-- - The philanthropist, like, like, self-made guy. He's like, "Ty Lopez." - He's a guy who'd go to garage sales, then he would, like, flip shit, and then he would always tell you, "You're so, yo." 'Cause someone called me, like, "Gary, I'm 35. I feel like it's too late for me to start a business." And he goes, "Stop right there. Stop right there. You're 35." - Can you flip it? - 35? - It's a good question. - So, yo. - Is it for, please bring up the clip of GaryVee, talk to you. talking about his NFTs. I don't know what, it's one of the funniest clips ever. You've probably seen it. I feel like he didn't see this. But he's like, it's a kind of recent clip where he's talking about some sort of NFT project he's a part of. - And V friends? - Yeah, V friend. Look up the clip of him talking about V friends. I don't even speak for it. - I sound like an NFTs or trading card. - It's not digital. - They might have digital tools, but they also have physical trading cards, I think. Might be hard to find. - I mean, if you find them on cards. - Do you remember V friends? - You'd way back when the pod started. You were like, I think you said it on the pod as well, there's footage of this. But you were like, you were like gripping your fists that you didn't get in on NFTs. You were like, God damn it, everyone's making so much of your money. - Bitch, I could have been. - It was really good on this. I'll find it on. - But now I remember being like, yeah, I guess. - I got it in now. - I got it in now. - You got it now. So you're in on NFTs now. - Yeah, I got it now, bro. - Okay, what do you got? - Now it's fucking early, by the way. - All right. - Uh, what do I got? What do I not have, bro? I buy Aden's shit. - You bought this. - You bought this apartment office? - I snapped it up. - Okay. - I tried to buy it. - You've got the pennies on the dollar. - All right. - Penny's on the fucking dollar, bro. And I should buy in like various art that I'd like. 'Cause that's what I find on NFTs to really be about. I was like, buy some shit you like. - Mm-hmm. - So I've been buying Logan Paul originals. - Oh my god. - I buy 87. Yeah, is it if you can pull up Logan Paul originals 87? - I know you're not doing much right now. You're not looking up other shit. - I'm gonna find this, you need to see it. - But yeah, I'm just gonna stab a shit up, bro, 'cause that market's young right now. - That's cool. - Yeah, so that's 87 right there. No, Logan Paul originals 87. - Wow. - There's also that one. - Photo, photo, photo. - Where it appears pregnant? - Fuck, they don't have 87 on here. But these are his originals. That's an NFTs. - 21 Mr. Beast's first sip. - So they're Polaroids, that are NFTs. This is dope, bro. - Yeah. - So this is- - This type of shit, bro, it's like buy shit you like, and then if it doesn't make money, guess what, you still won. - You still won 'cause you possessed something that is meaningful to you. - Yeah. - That's fucking tea, bro. - That's fucking fucking tea. - He straight up paying to have this removed from the internet. I swear to god. It wasn't the biggest one on Twitter. - 87, people like memories, I guess. (laughing) - Dude, I forgot about being a defender. - So I got that, bro. - Wow. - That was only like fucking, yeah, that was like 25-eath. - That was only 25-eath. - Yeah. - And that's like, at that point, bro, you think that's a lot, but like- - 25-eath's not even that bad. It's like what? - $70,000. - But yeah, but like, you gotta think of the value of it going up. Like, you're gonna be able to buy a house one day. - Yeah. - But it's not about that. - No, but it's not about that. - It's about love it. - Yeah, you could, you could. But it's about love it. It's about love at first. (laughing) - Dude, I fucking damn it. I'm gonna, I'll come back to reality now. - I'll sell my whole Pokemon collections. - Are you? - You are, dude. - I cataloged it. I think my Pokemon collections worth like roughly 40k. And I'm selling it. - What are you putting in? - I don't, I couldn't even tell you. - More than 40k. - You put in more. - It's definitely more, but I couldn't tell you the number. And it's also like, but whatever. Anyway, I fucking, I put, I have 40k of cards. I just have them. And I'm selling them for fast 53 for charity. I'm auctioning them. - Oh, cool. But I've had finally cataloged all of them. - So we're doing fast 53. Let me ask you something. - Yeah. - Jit. - Yep. - Why didn't you do the hot dog mile for Shrimmer Games? Well, you have good ideas anymore. - Well, the hot dog mile is-- - But the hot dog, 100. - The hot dog 100 wouldn't have been a bad idea. It's just like, it's what? - I wanted a straight 100. And I didn't want a straight 100 and a hot dog 100. - That is the correct answer, isn't it? - Yeah. It's like, 'cause you kind of have to do one or the other. And then there's like a level of torture you can't make. - What about this? It's a hot dog 100 relay. You have an eater and you have your runner. - Oh, that's fun. That's not bad. I actually like that. - And I got there in five seconds. - I like that. - So next year we do this. - The hot dog four, the hot dog two by 400. And you eat a hot dog. Your guy runs. He comes back. You have to eat another hot dog. He runs again. - I like this. - Comes back. - Uh-oh. - For a hot dog. - What now? - For a hot dog. - I had it the field day, bro. - He runs again, bro. I had the field day, it's coming up. - Field day is coming up, bro. - It feels as if it rained out. - What? - No. - Things you're saying field day is gonna get rained out. - It's a big-ass style. - I can't believe you don't fucking know about that. - Weather on Labor Day. - There's a El Nino coming, bro. - Yeah, there's a big-ass style in the city. - I don't care who's a little cousin's coming, bro. We're fine, clear fucking skies, bro. - That's fucking today, bro. - That's fucking day, bro. - Maybe fucking blur that out. Maybe we blur that out. - Is it in next Monday? - It's next week, yeah. - Yeah, bro. - It says 30%. - 30% chance of precip. - Yeah, it reads good. - It makes it all muddy and gross and we all fucking kiss. - Uh, yeah, there's something weird in LA with the El Nino though. - Do you ask me to be the ref for the Newfield Day because she knows that she needed order and she knows that I would be the only one to lay it down? - Smart to have a ref. - Yeah. - We needed it bad last year. - Well, do you know why they needed it last year? - Oh my god, don't even start with the bro. - Yes, bro, by that point, this point is legendary. - Like you, bro, you're the reason they need a ref. You're a fucking problem, child. - Dude, even when I don't say anything, and I'm like this. - You've never not said anything. - You're like this is saying something. - No, no, I'm like, go ahead, this is a great game. It's working great. They're all murmuring. They're all like, "Why is this the rule?" (laughing) - Really, it's like, you can get a run-up start for the show. - The thing is, bro, you let the murmur. - I let the murmur. - No, you don't. - I'm saying, even when I let the murmur, then field day, master, my beautiful girlfriend is, she's like, "Should we change it, should we run it again?" - She's in decisive and we need someone to come in and say, "Fear not, lady." - Because I have the rule. - I will be the hand of the queen. Here's the rule. - Here's the fear not. - And then the angel. - Everything now. - The people. - They come to me in the secret. And they go, "Thank you." - They thank you for forcing me. - The hand of the king's swapping the king's decision is a good thing. Is it better to swap the king's decision as something you think is better or make the king's decision happen how king is-- - He is not making a decision. - The king literally made a decision. - The king is like, guessing her decision. Like, is it better to make the king's, what the king's will was go through or change the king's will to what you think is best? And then you have to ask, who's truly the king? - Though in your world, we should just let Donald Trump make all the decisions because he's the king. - Exactly correct. And that's why I voted for him. - He uploaded an AI video of a bunch of ducks in military uniforms marching with his haircut. Dude, it was crazy. - Sounds really cool. - He's just, he's just sitting, getting his brain fucking fried on AI all day and being like, "Yeah, send it." And everyone's just waiting for him to die. - There's no way he gets up there. - There it is. - There's no way he gets approval over the shit. - He put that on truth. Socialists, there's no approval. - Those are geese. - They're geese, my bad. - It's all right. - Just wanting fucking straights, that's like your straight. - They're in Vancouver. - I think it's Sophia Sadie him back there. - Isn't this unbelievable? - It's pretty crazy. - You're Lake America, yeah. - Oh, that makes sense. I mean, I won't lie. It's probably fucking pretty awesome to be like 80 years old and then in intern just shows you this video and you're like, "Yeah, that's, that rules." - Like you made this? - Rip it. - I don't know how you made this, but God, it's a movie. - It's a movie about me as a coo-star film. - Do you get dream works on this? Dude, that, I watched that Dexardo interview with you. - Yeah. - There was something interesting happening with you, like going on with you in that video. - It's gonna. - It's so interesting. You're like, I didn't watch it. - You should watch it. - Watch what he said about it. - Dude, he said it. - It's so, you like, normally on camera, you sort of put it on a little bit. You're like, you're like Ludwig from video games, on camera. - Yeah. - In this interview, there was this energy to you. You were like, the most real honest version you have ever seen on camera. But also, you like, almost thought they were bad questions or something. Like, you almost thought it was stupid. You were sitting there kind of-- - You're kind of one eye answer questions. - Dude, when the interviewer, my favorite part of the whole clip is when the interviewer is like, is there anyone, any other streamer that you're jealous of and you're like, well, you're not asking the right question. It's not jealousy. Jealousy is when you are afraid of losing something. Envy is when you want something that someone else has. So if I'm envious of someone. - Yeah. - I'm like, oh my God. - Yeah, tell him. - That was me asking the question. I'd be like, kill yourself. If you knew what I meant, then just answer the question. - Well, how about we fucking work on our language for the future, bro? - Dude, I actually did feel it was profound. I did think you said a profound thing. You said it in a way that was like, surprisingly-- - Dickish. - You were scolding them. - You were scolding them for a bad question. - There's probably two reasons why I was acting that way. One, it was Dexterito. - Yeah. - Yeah. - All right. - And I don't have a lot of fucking love for them. - But you said yes to the interview. - I did say yes to the interview. But I said, I'm gonna do it, 'cause first off, they're fucking, I was low-key trying to blow it off. - Okay. - 'Cause they were like, we have an interview spot. - You can, okay. I love the interview. It's my favorite interview you've ever done. You can tell that you wanted to blow it off. The whole time. - I was like, I was like, I was like-- - I was like, I was like three digit number right now. - 734. - Go to seven minutes and 34 seconds. You will not be smiling. - I promise. - Zipa? - You will not be smiling. - Seven minutes, 34 seconds. Xero interview, but anyway, I try to blow it off. five different times. I like, oh, there it is. - No, it's not so long. - Look at your furrowed brow. - Take any time step. So I try to blow it off like five times and they're very pushy and eventually I fucking did it but I was like, I'm gonna do it my way. - Look how honest he's being. - And then, and then I also just by nature of the way these Mr. B's shoots go. There's like 50 streamers, right? So I usually, my energy will fill the room with what I think the room requires. - And the room doesn't require a guy who's all excited and fucking hamming it up on camera. - Yeah. - It requires someone who's fucking being real. - I do, I loved it. After the Tommy in it podcast and then this, I was like, we're in Ludwig's fucking real era, bro. - I'm real, bro. - And he's making sure everyone fucking knows it. I like it, man. - I'm really about to find out. - At the same time, he will fly to Berlin and get every single one of his hold filled like concrete. - Got it, you got it. - He already turned out every once in a while. - For lights on. - And for, Archie, believe this, (bell dings) - Whoa! - I'll do it, bro. I'm Kevin Hart. - Is that, was it? - And we're doing Jermon G7 this year. - Is that, is the trip paid for and then it's not much money? - Yeah, yeah. - Damn. - And it's just gravy. - Damn. - This is gravy. - That's just gravy. - But you know what? - And all I took was you wearing a collar like Sasha Gray and licking the rim in the stall, the Samsung glory hole. - I had to. - That's what they asked for me. And it was all filmed on my S26 ultra. - What is your best outro? - That's how we outroed. - Look at, look at, dude, he's doing white guys. Like, lightly says high at the airport face. - Probably say goodbye forever. - What is the, how many views does this have? - Uh, probably a lot, bro. - Is that a view thing? - Yeah, great. - Is that, I think that view thing is definitely hitting on YouTube, the change they did. - Oh, maybe, I think it's, I mean, I don't think the numbers are like crazy different, but maybe they're like 10% different. - I think they're going up, which is interesting. - I think it like is not crazy noticeable. It's not like someone went from fucking no views to a bunch of views, but maybe like your views are a little bit higher, but it doesn't change your revenue. - All right. - There was just jealous, bro. - There were jealous of. - Other platforms? - There's just jealous of other platforms having fucking 13 billion views because someone's scrolled by it on their algorithm for pointy seconds. - They're not the only video platform in the world anymore. - No, no, there are some competition. - Dude, you know what I did the other day? I went on Facebook. - Me too. - Me too. - What happened? - I don't know. - I went on it for some reason. - I had two for wedding invites. - Oh, sure. - For wedding invites, I had to reach out to some people I only had on Facebook. - I needed someone's birthday. - Oh. - So it's the only place. It's literally the, it's crazy. It's the only place to find that out. - It's so crazy. - If you need to know someone's birthday right now, what would you do besides like the other option is you deep dive their account and you hope someone told them happy birthday at some point or they'd said it's my birthday today and you find that tweet. But Facebook is like the only resource besides sometimes they attach it to their iPhone contact. But most people do not. - It's such a weird little place. - Do you remember family guy girl? Do I remember family? - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, they'll girl that you were talking about. - Dude, I went on Facebook. She's the only one under 40 posting and she's posting fucking thirst traps on Facebook. - Okay, girl. - I didn't know this was for that. - If they, hey, if there's fish in the water, the horses will play. - Dude, last guy, she let get away, bro. - There's fish in the water. - Yeah, she must be devastated. - Yeah, the last guy, she let get away, bro. He's the fucking most famous fucking streamer in the world. - If there's fish in the fucking water. - The horses will play. Dude, I have tennis elbow, by the way. - How is that? - If I try to do a pull up, I have excruciating pain. - Yeah, that's helpful. - Oh, like tough, I guess for you. - Well, how do you get it? Usually you get it from a, like a sport that requires, abnormal movement. - Oh, fucking no, bro. - Maybe it was a, maybe. - I think I got it from dodgeball growing up, but I don't know what it was. - Really? - And it just sort of manifested. - Bro, I used to be so good at dodgeball. - Yes. - Dude, I love dodgeball. - I was so good at dodgeball, a sophomore, when I'm a freshman, freaking started hookin' up with me. - We surely have to talk about this already. - Wait, what? - I was so good at dodgeball as a freshman. A sophomore tried it first. - I thought you said that I'm opposite, and I was like, I get, that is fine, but it's weird to say. We should've surely talked about it, but I was on a dodgeball team at school. - I don't think we did. - We had annual dodgeball at our school every year. - I think it would've worked this to hurt you later. - And every year, we would form a team and we'd compete in the dodgeball tournament. I have a five thing I showed you the photo. - Wow, well guys, this is a good time to announce, we're opening up the yard dodgeball. - Yeah. - National League. - Yes. - It's gonna be all over the country. - All over the yard, wildlife boys, what survival guide. - Yes, that's right. We're going to make a declassified survival guide, not for school, but for actually living. - For boys, triving fire. - Only boys, it's a very gendered experience. Guys. - And then there's the girls rabbit kill off. (laughing) Oh, they'd be so bad at it. - You need to learn how to kill to be able to learn how to love. - And then don't forget Nick's scavenger hunt will be on the Patreon. It is a 70 hour pod, and that's part one of 10. - We ran at a card. - So, when you watch, you just understand this nine more parts. We just have to upload it. - It takes so long to upload. - Yeah, we need like industrial internet to be using the cables under the scenes. - It feels like I would specifically be good at this, 'cause why it's so weird to me. - So all these awesome events are coming to a screen near you. We stay tuned, and we'll see you on the bonus, where Ludwig will be gone. I'll admit it, and Aiden will be back. - Yeah.