Ep. 259 - He's A Family Man Now

what do you guys see johnny depp in in the last 10 years this secret window the back of my eye that is so old by the way i'm surprised you know about it i know this i've seen the secret my sister used to love johnny depp i've seen every johnny depp oh every johnny depp every johnny can we pull up the johnny depp fucking imdb oh we're actually kind of if you want to pull up the johnny depp imdb it's oh right here in your mind yes in my mind okay what is his first movie blow blow is really late man uh his first movie probably what's eating gilbert grape or some shit that woman's got me drinking zipper this is a discography oh this is his music zipper went i'm high i said 1994 uh his first movie yeah let me go what's eating or 21 jump street i guess it's a tv show uh it's it's 21 jump street johnny that belonged in like jackass or something you know do you feel what i'm saying like he's this weirdly handsome guy who is kind of not handsome anymore but is he's normally not handsome anymore because he got old yeah but the jackass guys also got old and they're still handsome dude my girlfriend keeps talking about johnny knoxville she keeps talking about johnny knoxville johnny knoxville's a looker there is this like trend i see on tiktok and it's like it's like guys getting uglier and it's like this is what happens when you and then they insert whatever and it's just a guy 30 years older like they're doing mark walberg and it's like yeah nice 4 a.m routine and it was showing mark at 20 and he looks awesome yeah and then mark now and it looks different it looks worse guys when they get older yes that's actually the trend i think this is fair though what like like girls making us feel bad about turning like 30 years older so we've kind of hypnotized them for 100 years to like do like a pretty much like wear makeup and you know i did see a funny tweet it was like a super fit girl and it was like see girls don't have to work out we just want a mom bod like this yeah chiseled abs yeah but i think there's a little bit of wiggle room to make it no no they don't get to throw stones wow the the left i get the soon say allegations the problem is that mark walberg in this photo particularly looks kind of pathetic and weird and crazy think people tell mark walberg he looks like soon say there's gotta be maybe like one guy does he have kids maybe if he has kids he's kids for sure i don't know if soon say is in the top five on earth though you know what i mean like he probably gets it all the time for other people like so many more people he beat leffen he beat leffen that makes him top five on earth like i think i also lost to josh's marth everyone loses to josh's yeah josh's marth's a bit of a killer he actually lost to josh's marth in a how do you say pathetic without being mean does anyone know you know who really loses to josh's marth is josh's girlfriend what do you think she sees him play and she's like aren't you're done playing the game right you're not picking up like another character you're gonna you're gonna quit soon he's like oh yeah i'm just playing for fun don't worry about it falcon too he just said how do you say it not a mean way and then i was gonna say why when are you ever concerned about saying something not in the mean way well i mean all the time you just i don't say something mean every time i open my mouth every single time i open my mouth you're on the fucking phone yeah i'm looking on the fucking phone you child molester i'm on the i'm in the topics channel that everybody else besides me stopped using five years ago that i do on the show that i check on every that i literally do on every episode on the episode see this is what i'm trying to talk about yeah see i'm trying i i didn't get the chance to say something nice because he's on his fucking phone this is actually he's on his fucking phone movie magic yeah we'll often stay on one side of the podcast set during no you are not using archie to conceal your ineptitude it's crazy because we've been doing it we've been doing it hundreds of episodes hundreds aiden sometimes treats this podcast like a checkbox in his monday board yeah and he's like i gotta get to this what is the most efficient way to run it oh robot robot loading we're podcasting robot loading and it's because he's got a robot on his plate sorry i'm in yard topic dump what's the last 500 messages are just me why do you think that is at this point bro just make a notes yeah i use my notes i have one but it's my notes up i don't have one i mean i have my notes the thing is the thing is and i appreciate you guys come to the yard with all these topics whatnot right i'm a family man now really morning yeah you're about talking about family well i look i get it 30 years old doing your fucking podcast that's cool like i'm starting a family i see oh starting the family this is because you're engaged i'm engaged do you mean like where's the do you mean like i don't get a ring but like it signifies that i would have do you mean like la familia huh what oh you're doing the thing where somebody like they get engaged and they're going to be married and they say that that is starting a family jealousy are you jealous of him oh my god he's your friend you know you know he's your friend he would be first in line to the jealousy factory i'm for you being engaged yeah he would be waving a fucking sign with a vuvuzela we might go to fucking sweden it's not starting i would love that and i'll tell you how easy it is for me to get some citizenship dude race him i go to that fucking i go to that fucking uh swedish consulate i got dude don't do that i do this stop do not do it again do not do it again stop that's so bad really crap that's awful i like that that's awful that's what i would do show that show that to the chinese lovely fans huh you know i like how you get into the chinese i like how he's so emotionally mature when he says he'll walk into the swedish consulate and just finger bang you don't get to say it in an academic sense you don't get to say it in an academic sense i'm quoting it also i want to clarify i'm not fingering what what are you doing then are you petting it's a hand job it's a bro what kind of job is that no guys can give hand jobs i think that's right for the butthole i'm tapping the back of the balls are you doing it that is no one thought that if you have if you have gay sex consistently in the comments tell me if this is something that you identified right here with who with all the all the guys who are pissed off that i'm starting a family now dude who is no way it's only aiden's on the list no fucking squeaks is fuming bro what are you talking about what does this even mean dude like i get it i'm at the next phase of my life y'all right i'm engaged now squeaks is further along we're starting a family y'all like i get that like would you do play street fighter before this or something i'm just guessing uh you saw me i was practicing okay setups that's behind you though i wouldn't know i'm a family you literally said i need to change my thumb button so i can di better i would be really good change my thumb button so i can go to the console i do this no don't do it now i'm tapping the phone every time i don't like it i'm just getting are you squeezing my balls i'm tapping the front of and the back of it of my balls yeah yeah yeah well not yours the swedish consulate guy okay yeah yeah what well i don't know you guys are coming at me well we i was a family i was coming at aiden and you kind of took aggro by say keep saying this so i'll humor you ludwig what are you doing talking about i got engaged yep yeah we see it okay yeah and now i'm starting a family and like i'm done with all this like kid shit you don't mean like this influencer shit really yeah it's behind you right behind me bro because now i'm worried about my family before you go that's what matters most in this fucking world streamer games in three weeks i would fucking kill every streamer yeah all right to protect my family for one night so cutie huh my family bro it's a whole fucking arc it's like a structure it's like a she's in the family for one night yeah what if cutie was threatening your family as a streamer i would suck oh wow everyone in this room off to completion okay sure for one night for my family well guess what what is the one night huh are you saying protected from death why would it be why would it be one more night for my family i said i said if your your family gets one more night alive if you suck off every single person in this room no don't archie censor dude you are really licking it too dude like you're licking the fingerprints off one more night stop if you okay so you were saying you will blow beefcake you will chakra him on chakra and live on chakra and you will time square you will shock raid and for one more night from my family with the carrot billboard you know you didn't get any shocker on the carrot billboard and then you're just like he's got like this sweaty eye hang out face this is just shit y'all wouldn't get but it's like when you start a family like you think your shit like this i'm closer to this than you i'm closer to this are you all right bro huh are you engaged no i don't believe in the institution of marriage right oh that's i'm sure you don't like that so you don't believe in family so you don't believe in families what that means no you're gonna be uh you have a family without being married you're you're like you're my family i'm not married to you I'm your family. - You're like my gay older brother. you know i mean you like that i'm like how am i your gay older brother i mean what are we doing everyone has one we just spent the first 20 minutes of the episode miming touching somebody my gay younger brother my uncle i'm straight yeah you're straight i guess you're my straight drunk uncle uncle cool my uncle as an arrow no i don't it's different though when it's blood okay so what just walk me through a new day in your life right now i have your priorities now that you have your family what is your new daily and so much has changed how does a family man wake up does he still watch 20 minutes of youtube shorts when he wakes up it's a waste of time bro now when you got a family i wake up 4 a.m now 4 a.m first thing i do prayer prayer okay yeah you're on walberg time i pray for one more night yeah that's it and that's the thing is you take it one night at a time yeah because you don't know how many you don't you don't know when your last is here you say you say prophet allah prophet muhammad prophet muhammad one more night please bro let a gangster ride one more night bye so we're promised two things in this world y'all it feels like you we're promised we're promised life okay and i promise a great fucking time if i'm around a great fucking time if i'm around i promise you that shit i'm wondering and so i'm i'm trying to get every single squeeze every drop out of that lemon every drop yeah why do you live in fear of it only lasting one more night i want one more bro that's all you get yeah but i think realistically one more fucking night that's it okay it can be more than that tomorrow i'm gonna ask for one more too i think you're gonna be the day after that i'll ask for another night it just seems like an anxious way to live one more night after that i'll be asking for one more night after that so you keep stressing the one more night part and i love that but what what has changed you want to get to 405 or what what don't you get about what he's saying because i feel like i'm not going to be able to get to 405 because i feel like i'm not asking what's different about his life now i'm telling you i wait he has a family a i have a family now b i now wake up at 4 a.m did i used to wake up at 4 a.m who's in your family huh is it the same amount of people in the in your family than it was before you were engaged to be married did you not have a family before you were engaged no really so what did you consider cutie cinderella yeah wow the whole time girlfriend a girlfriend with that face what no there's no i'm doing a face but not a girlfriend with that face but not a girlfriend with that face but not a girlfriend now the marriage is like a third body it's almost like a child yes no i mean he's exactly right this guy gets it he's getting care of it like it's okay you know how we're all god's children so when you yeah but like jesus is really god's child like there's a car but jesus is like also god this is where i get lost when you have a child when you have a child you'll have a family of four huh when i have a child i'll have a family of four that's what you're saying to me right now uh when i have a child i have a family of hold on don't block the graphic t let's check it out what do you got on you want to block the graphic t what is he what even is that no well done man yeah this is me before i had a family i like to remember how relaxed i used to be lazy lackadaisical yeah i could like every day is like what am i gonna do today oh video games jerk off and play video games yeah that's what i used to be what you used to do like like eight days ago yeah yeah yeah it's crazy to think back that far but yeah yeah that is what i used to be like and you do sorry continue you do what now you wake up before you pray you came late to the podcast today i can tell you why why taking care of my family you know oh my god i see that now yep i see that and i feel blind for not having seen it because when i went outside i don't know if you guys know this i went outside it's overcast today so i called up the skies you called the skies i said i've been praying for one more night for my family yeah for days now wow don't do this to me because you thought maybe it was your day well you thought it was gonna be their last day because of a storm and that's the things you worry about it's almost irrational you can almost find a rationality in it guy who didn't see the odyssey too by the way because like you see a storm you know what that means oh my god it's an omen now do me a favor check the weather report i saved us all you you altered the weather yeah you saw the fucking odyssey in los angeles that's what this all is no i got engaged no i don't think i don't to be fair he'll do this thing where he sees a movie and he'll just talk about it all that it's the one thing that takes the ram slot in his mind i don't think this is the case for this you don't think i don't think so i think it does have to do with his weird mark walberg fucking thing that he's fucking found and is doing and think about now he's like a family guy i buy plane tickets for flights i won't even go on just in case the terrorist goes on so i can say i would have stopped it every day on it every day you have to buy one every day i buy one every day and every day i'm in terrorist group chats saying maybe this one maybe i'll take the middle seat that i bought in coach maybe i'll fucking take it this time you're in terrorist group chats me yeah i'm in the cia i'm adding fake mark walberg accounts to telegram chats yeah so ludwig before the podcast we were all just sitting and waiting and he comes up and he says something has happened and something has shifted and uh it sounds like a very annoying era ludwig's life how long is it gonna be how long is this whole thing about your job we don't we don't know it sounds like it we're just gonna take it one day at a time right yeah but like just specifically today like i gotta get back to my family hour and a half hour and a half always do an hour and a half yeah can i do an hour 29 no well you could probably an hour 15 i'm gonna leave early you have to get you have to try to stop me but i'm going back to my family so it'll be tough you gotta give your one minute of of pay away was that pay away you can sell your minutes two words i can sell my pay away oh i can pay away you made it into one word i genuinely would pay anything for another minute with them right there's not a there's not a two huh what would you pay for two minutes anything i've spent it all on one so i would just i'd have to beg for two you're willing to do it you'd spend it all on one and then beg for everything every other minute yeah there's no there's no pride you don't think there's a better strat there by the way odyssey vibes beggar 100 you better beggar you guys all see it yes dude yes dude i actually we saw an imax you'll piss me off give me bitch you'll piss me off about odyssey spoiler alert okay it's because they got a hell of british people in that movie who are speaking with their american accents except for the people who are fucking mia goth who's just british she just gets to speak british what she can't do one that is random can you only speak british you only can speak that one american was that shit they were like just do whatever and did she just not have eyebrows is that the thing i think they're very i think they're the color of blonde okay they don't want she's the only person that looks like that it's a unique look she just doesn't have blonde look they're blonde no they're blonde she's beautiful that's fucked up she's beautiful it's just it's different which she's done an american accent in movies before not in the odyssey plate liquor plate liquor my girl on the way home was like odyssey these nuts she'd never heard it before really came up with it and i i like woke i realized she had made it herself right completely uniquely invented it for a good job yeah i went good job like when the kid comes with a crayon drawing that's amazing oh my god it's a house and we're gonna put it right here and we're gonna keep this it's what's the we're at 406 where you you pray for how many hours i prayed for five minutes you you prayed i'm at four i woke up at 4 a.m i'm at 406 a.m i thought it was p.m no i'm at 406 right now yeah i'm done prayer yeah and then ice bath ice bath i see awaken the nerves and then at 7 a.m you're in the ice for three hours you did two hours 54 minutes but yeah you're in the ice i'm trying to add more time but yeah right i'm just in the ice how does it feel don't you feel like there's it feels like losing my family and that's why i like to be in there right yeah i want to remember why i prayed all that time for another night everyone remember why you prayed for the four to six minutes because if i don't then it'll feel like this forever every morning 4 a.m boom ice bucket hits your head you wake up immediately oculus rift drops from the ceiling you gotta put it on a guy just slapped a girl's ass at the bar uh-huh you have to fight him to the death engaged simulation engaged simulation you gotta beat the you gotta beat the guy's ass who slapped your girl's ass every single morning take it off immediately pray i would for the blessings upon upon us yeah yeah that that is kind of my day in the life right now ice bath your mind now it's ice bath your body time get into the ice bath i have a question would you kill for your family i would if you had to kill again yes i would right who have you killed who i shouldn't allegedly can you say allegedly allegedly i'm not trying to like fucking in in minecraft allegedly a guy slapped my girl's ass yeah okay so allegedly i had an old crossbow that i used to use that i challenged him to string up yeah and he couldn't string it up probably right there's no other weapons in the room yeah yeah and i showed him i could string it up and you sure and then i fucking before it was very honorable because before you strung it up you actually gave him a warning sign you want a fair fight were you there and he ran yeah well i just know how he is This story has been told by a bunch of people. This is also family man kind of. I've been studying a lot of families. And I put seven in them. So a lot of family men do this? A lot of family men do this shit. Crossbow duos. Why is it a crossbow instead of a normal bow? Yeah. Or a gun. Man, old fashioned. Don't fuck with it. I like the shooting action. I like the shooting. That's why you don't like a gun. Yeah. Damn, you really are in your 30s now. Getting inspired by old head antiquity shit. Do you have any advice? For me? Start a family. Kind of become a family man? How about that? Start a family. All three of y'all. I don't know how. Huh? I don't know how. Yeah, that's the toughest part. I have a family. You have a family? I have a family. No, yeah, okay. What? Left hand, right hand? Dude, dude, come on. Come on, dude. Come on. Come on. Dude. Chill. I'm just joking your shit. Chill. I mean, yes. Okay, you're allowed to speak now, but I don't know. No, I'm not going to really listen after what you just fucking told me. Yeah, pretty much whatever you say, it goes into a part of my mind. It deletes it. Me? My girlfriend? Yeah. Oh, girlfriend? My- Your big machine? Your big machine. It masturbates you? It's my giant VR system. Let me just ask where you were this last weekend. Like, were you with your family? No. Would you describe to everyone listening and us what you did this weekend with as much detail? Well, in the context of it, I was in Chicago with my Mario Kart clan. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh. Oh. They were called clients back then. Right. So you're in, you're with the clan in Chicago. Yeah. You and the clan went to Chicago? You and me. I didn't think Chicago was an area where the clan would meet up at. And I said, guys, it's about time to start saying team. We should just say team. But the clan said no. No, the clan voted no. And you have to buckle to the will of the clan. And the guy who runs it. They got the clan leader. You're not the clan leader. The guy who runs it is like, oh, it's a clan. And then I turn to the grand wizard. Yeah. And I say, what do we call it? Excuse me, Elder Dragon, can we change the name? He said no. Well, that's what I was. And that's like a family. So what did you do with your clan? Did you do family things? We played in a sports tournament. We played a little basketball, a little wiffle ball. You played wiffle ball? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I played wiffle ball. It was actually so funny. Ludwig called me in the middle of the game. And I picked up the phone. And I just said, I just said like, oh, sorry, I didn't pick up earlier. I was playing baseball. And then he was like, we have a whole conversation. And then at the end, he's like, you were playing baseball. I did jump check this. Because I thought it would be softball. I thought it would be softball. Yeah. So I instantly jump checked because I was like, there's no way you're playing baseball. You're playing baseball. And then you go wiffle ball. It's wiffle ball. Yeah. It's like baseball softball. Wiffle ball. It's like down here. Wiffle ball is a respectable activity to do. You shouldn't call it baseball, but it's respectful. It's just easier to hit the ball. It's easier to pitch the ball. Yeah. But wiffle ball. Wiffle ball. Calling it baseball is crazy because he probably said it like, you know, I was playing baseball. He said it like, yeah, it was my baseball. Like he would say it to his dad. Yes. I get so much pro wiffle ball in my shorts algorithm. Yeah. There's a lot of wiffle ball. Pro wiffle ball. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get a lot of that shit. And it's like, bro. I cheated while pitching. They're getting like sweaty and competitive. It's really weird, but I respect it. I like the pitching. It seems like actual skill sometimes. Yeah. But there's a couple of guys who did shirtless Mario Party. I can see where their head's at. Yeah. With like making it competitive. But I don't know. I was like an MLB pitcher. Like I don't. Oh, my God. Oh, you're so many things right now. You're a things guy right now. He started a family. You joined the MLB. Yeah. You didn't see this? I saw it. Oh, so you saw it. It was a great pitch. Well, no one else saw it because it wasn't fucking. How did you see it? Because I fucking didn't know that at all. I only heard about it. It's more social media push and socials like. How many other people pitched that day? Way to grow. One lady and she was celebrating her 50th wedding anniversary. They let people just do that? Yeah. She was. Wait, was she before you? She was before me. Yeah, I was the last pitch. Was she like famous? I was the last pitch. She was the first pitch. Yeah, but first pitch is the worst pitch. Last pitch is the best pitch because the last pitch goes after. She was before the national anthem. There's just less people in the stadium. Closer to game time. Right, right, right. I can't think of much things I do before the national anthem every day. It's called the first pitch. I feel like the actual first pitch. I don't like how there's a couple. It's called the opening pitch. You throw the first pitch. We're giving out a few first pitches. You low-key threw the second pitch. I don't know what to tell you. You threw the second pitch. I threw the ceremonial first pitch. What did she throw? What was hers then? Her 50th anniversary just doesn't matter? For a long time. She got a pig prize. Yeah, a pity prize. Well, she's not just married. She walked back. I go, nice pity prize. She started a family 50 years ago. She did. And for that, I actually saluted her. But then you mocked her. Then I mocked her. Of course I mocked her. But I went, first off, beautiful family you started. I hope to be like you one day. Oh, nice throw. Underhand. Underhand of the ball? Oh, my God. I don't think you should be allowed to do that. You shouldn't be allowed. You should have to try. That's what Pete Wentz did. He did? Yeah. Wow. Dipper, can you look up Pete Wentz pitch baseball? I think there's footage of this. People were mortified. That's pathetic if he threw underhand. He threw it like, I don't think, okay, I don't think. He was probably in his 20s at the very latest. I don't know if Pete Wentz was the hottest guy we could think of. Yeah. Yeah. Mo Faze was actually gross for society. Dude, Haley in high school loved Pete Wentz. And I was looking at Pete Wentz. I'm like, I don't look like that. I don't even look close. He's a, he plays, he's a baseball player. Oh, that's not underhand. No, that's not bad. But it's a shit throw. That's a great pitch. It's way, no, it's not a great pitch. That's not good on baseball. But I mean, for like a random guy. It made it across the plate. But if the catcher has to stand up, something's bad. Dude, I feel like a lot of people don't even make it across the plate. What is he wearing? He's dressed like a, he's dressed like someone at like Genesis. He kind of low-key threw like a football. Like a guy in the mango line. Yeah. That's a crazy outfit. He low-keys throwing this shit like a football. Yeah, he is. Yeah, he is kind of like. I think he was afraid he wouldn't get it far enough. So he's arching it. That's dead ass to spiral. This is way less bad than I remember. I don't remember it. It's not as bad, yeah. Because the internet at the time was like, look at this guy. We should kill him with hammers. Oh, it's also Dodger Stadium. Wow, we're the same. Worst first pitches, Zipper. Let's see it. I'm trying to think who, I've seen so many of these. 50 Cent is like the iconic worst first pitch. Oh, right. What did he do? I forgot how bad that was. 50 Cent first pitch is like the, it's literally the one when a first pitch comes up that you're like, just don't be 50. It's like, it's like on E-bomb's world. If you see a baseball gif, like one of them is 50 Cent throwing the first pitch. He just threw it wild. I think it was just probably all power, but no, it's weird because there's no power or accuracy. I cannot wait to see this. I love that he just released his fucking inhibition, just threw it. Fuck it. Oh my God. He's a lefty. And then look at it. That's my bad. Look at you, dude. It's one of the worst in, in history. How did he do that even? I think also because the expectation, cause he's like, you know, strong guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He didn't even look that bad at the beginning. Yeah. He just released it wrong. It's all about the release. It's what you learn. Right. I think the mistake. Why you want to sit in it? What? You want to sit in it? It's amazing. You have so much wisdom this week. I, brother, in an hour with you. No, no. Oh my God. I can teach you some things. He works for you. I work for you. Carly Rae Jepsen? Lick your fingers. Oh my God. That's worse. Girl. That is worse. But I mean, Emmy ruse. It was, it's also the devil race, which is kind of embarrassing. Where are the devil race? That's crazy. Cause you're Carl Lewis. Yeah. You're a fucking athlete. So Cincinnati. Oh my God, bro. These are awesome. This is crazy. He's a politician. We really know. No, bro. No, no, no. How does he fuck this up? Please bro. Not, not MJ. This is a sold out stadium Chicago Cubs. Am I crazy? Like how, how does he fuck this up? How did he do that? He played baseball. That's what you're supposed to do. This is way more interesting. It is. What if you just. Obama. And that's the picture? We're looking at a top 10. Dude, they gave him a, he's eating a glizzy. Top 10 worst first place. He's a lefty? Oh, Barack. Oh my God. Young man. I voted for left hand and president. Wait, I did phenomenally then. Hold up. I'm way better than these guys. These fucks. Are we watching like a compilation of the worst of all time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Nolan Ryan, just to be clear, is like one of the greatest baseball players all time. Yeah, you're allowed it. I think if you throw a bullshit one, it's fine. Oh. But see, he did something smart. He came in his business outfit. I think everyone else is wearing baseball jerseys. And then in my head, I'm like, oh, you know how to throw a baseball. But he was in, he was business mountain. He was business. Has his own cupcake. Oh boy. Okay. Yeah. Wait, Fitty's not the worst all time? Former best friends with Money Mayweather. Oh, this is meant to be like. Oh, it's like a hilarious thing. It's supposed to be a jokey, funny. Yeah, it's very funny. John Wall. John Wall. Oh. Wait, Lee, he got a hand on him though? Dude, he's wearing a crazy outfit on the left. Yeah, he is. Who is it? Monique Evans. Wait. 2014 Miss Texas. Wait, she stuck that. Yeah, I think that was fine. That was kind of intentional. Yeah, yeah, that's just. Man, this accountant just like kind of hates women. Yeah. I think that was low-key fine. She got on her toes. Dude, I'm logged all of them. Also, I found out I threw it faster than 54 miles an hour. When did you throw it at? Well, so what I did is I calculated. the distance from the mound to home plate and uh the time it took to go to go across that okay and then did math and it resulted in i think 53 miles an hour uh but that's not what they use to determine the speed of a pitch the speed of the pitch is not the average speed of its entire duration of travel it's the speed when it crosses it the speed when it exits the the hand it's the exit speed oh so it's actually the fastest point of the pitch how does it measure that oh this is it all right i don't know how they measure it ludwig anders fucking money bro honestly bro that's not a bad pitch it's actually genuinely money as fuck no one cares they they genuinely everyone in the stadium stood up and clapped it's a great pitch and and and i i had fathers coming up to me who did not know who i was going great pitch you must have a family you and i went yes how did you know yeah i do wow and they would say how big is your family wait you didn't know how big is it you didn't have a family yet and then and then and then there's actually one guy i remember specifically who yeah he said how big is your family and i go through and i go too big to count and he was like do you do a 4am prayer i was like yes and he's like you know this one no i was like i was like i was like yes i do that all the time so yeah it was a fucking great it's like this signal of like awesome secret homosexuality sexual fatherhood where you just you just lick your two middle fingers you suck them really hard and then you have it on it pine tar pine tar yeah pine tar the old secret the old pine tar handjobs yeah oh ow a lot of spin skin off a lot of it is just on there yep and it don't move death to us part oh what's wrong dude what's wrong i've been eating out of diapers again oh my god the diapers literally had a talk with them we talked about the diapers i had a one-on-one so many diapers again can we sidebar real quick we can sidebar yeah i need help because i've been trying to deal with this problem i've been taken into grocery stores but i don't know if it's like too much work or if he's just too much an idiot he goes to taco bell he dumps the guts of a contrapt supreme like a damn swisher and he puts it in a diaper and he fucking eats i just need help does anyone have been calling me he's been calling me a little hungry root hungry hungry root it makes the whole process simple maybe we present hunger to him and that'll help him with the diaper diaper right now we have to make it a straightforward ideally 60 second read to him otherwise we're gonna lose okay sidebar over we thought about it so we have this thing it's called hungry root it's not in a diaper but it's gonna be it's gonna be no wait hold on 15 minutes or less what yeah and there's 1000 grocery items like salad kits smoothies and snacks it's all high quality very nutritious food what i know you like if you think about it kiddo every meal is a diaper so let me break down some of the meals that you could eat right okay pork bon me a bon me is just delicious meat inside of a diaper bun oh wow and blackened beef burger with avocado what is a burger but a but a but a diaper but a meat diaper holding the food in between yes the thing is man it'll be a diaper it'll be nutritious it'll be quick to to prepare and and and honestly bro it'll be easier to hang around for you i don't know what's wrong what's wrong with hanging out with me nothing but for a limited time you can stop you know uh eating out of diapers and get 40 off your first box plus a free item in every box for life why am i get go to hunger.com slash the yard and use code the yard that's hunger.com slash the yard code use code diaper play for 40 off your first box that code doesn't work code the yard does though to get 40 off your first box you can't get 40 off your first box in a free item of your choice for life hunger.com slash the yard or diaper play no more diapers well guys i guess i'm gonna be eating a lot more around you won't i masturbation i was thinking about is funny because we're just tricking our bodies into thinking that we're having sex yes our penis thinks that we're having sex well i don't think your penis thinks it's having sex of course it does it comes but i don't think you shoot sperm out into the pussy to make my mind knows i'm watching v sauce oh hey michael yeah i don't think it's like because i think it's just nerve ending you know your body your penis thinks that it's having sex and it's going to come into that's what i don't think i don't think the body can be aware of the having i don't think the sex part is what or like the vagina you're like you're weirdly defensive of your penis being tricked it's being tricked my penis knows what's going on no your penis gets tricked yeah your your piece obviously being tricked okay what about when you get a boner on the moped as a family man for a moment i don't know what's going on with my penis i don't know what's going on with your moment it just doesn't work like that is he full stop you can make a fool of yourself i don't mind kiddo sit down you want to do you understand what you just saw what are you okay family man why are you talking to me like that what do you mean what are you trying to give you a little something take back with you really yeah take me back wherever okay wherever you want you just told me i was wrong and to live the rest of your life with something that you could take the rest of your life and now for the rest of your life you'll fucking be right because the penis head yeah right is an ejaculate machine oh with a bunch of nerve endings yeah it's being tricked yeah otherwise it wouldn't burp the penis will burp for you if you trick it the penis burps if you trick it that's what i'm trying to tell you i'll pray on it in the ball are you so if you pray on this yeah because you got that six minutes in the morning that described where you you're praying for your family yeah so are you replacing some of that time are you adding time to prayer ah maybe we skip a night excuse me so honey i'm sorry i had to think about whether or not my penis was being tricked and i had to pray and if something happens tonight that's why it's kind of like if you're gambling in vegas and you're doing the side bets and then you pull your bet from the side bet and then it hits that's what would happen so it's like you can never stop playing the side bets right yeah because you feel really bad to pull and then you see like fucking three kings of spades do you play the side bet your entire life bro have you guys ever been woken up by the by needing to poop but like then pooped and then gone back to sleep have you ever been woke um well that's and that's a family man that's a family man his families aren't woke i'm still getting surprisingly more conservative well it's happening very quickly i don't know you're trying to see the word world clearer i don't really see left and right like that and maybe you're right you see how it is can i take i do i do do that i've done that just want to say i've woken up from needing to poop so bad that i get up and poop and go back to sleep i'll say rest in peace lindsey graham real quick no thank you for saying that so yeah this morning actually i had a dream i was pooping i had to poop really bad and i was at my my childhood neighbor my childhood neighbor and my childhood best friend's house i had to poop really bad and i took what i i took what i used to call a screamer yeah i heard about your screamers took a screamer at my neighbor's house it sounds like a firework it's crazy the front of a screamer is hard but the back is kind of soft so i took a screamer and uh and it was such a it was such a mental release of like oh my god i feel so much better now and i immediately woke up in bed really needing to poop was it a screamer and then i took a screamer in real life wow and it was this morning and i and i literally saw i you ever sit on the toilet like this your eyes don't open yeah so tired you ever have that yeah i do that yes sir sometimes when i pee in the morning kind of like this you know yeah you just kind of give it a code name kids next door kid nick in his bathroom too he has this big it's right near the toilet it's a big cowbell and he just he goes when it's a screamer it's the hunk alarm the lunk alarm the lunk alarm it was more like the cancer-free bell i do have to check for blood for real though uh you know about fecal impaction um no if you look at fecal impactions i want a video i'm learning i don't really learning so much give me a video is it gross i'll watch it with you if you don't if you don't look away i won't look away i've already seen it i'll look again fecal impaction is a genuine medical ailment from forcing out poops that are too hard and what happens is the fecal matter bursts from your normal this is it's like a animated gif it's not actual poop not evacuated voluntary evacuation give me like a short they're giving me like a youtube short well we can't watch i can't watch a 10 minute video of fecal impactions uh uh but yeah i'm assuming there is one i can't watch them my person can't watch the long fecal impaction video zipper of course no it's okay i'll tell you what explain be my short fecal impact is when you force a poopy out of your butt hole so hard that it bursts out into your other capillary veins and whatnot and then you get a bacterial infection how would that manifest in like your like how would you look would you jaundice or something from the bacterial infection i think it would like like most bacterial infections i don't think you get jaundice per se but you might have like a incredibly sore anus and then and then some pus like pus like out of your anus and it hurts really bad most days and why not and like you cough to make a coin a term for it all like screamer right like something like that and you can't go you can only go to the cowboy bathroom because the bathrooms are really powerful because the toilet flush is so hard that they can just get away the evidence and just dispel it but if you do it at home like that you got to deal with it and then everyone else the roommates have to do deal with it you live in a home that one bathroom doesn't even work like why is that the case that's true yeah but the guest bathroom didn't work the guest bathroom yeah you could only pee in it remember it was no kind of sign and then people ignore the sign and miles peed in the sink more than he did in the toilet yeah and more than he washed his hands for sure too yeah peeing in the sink and not washing your hands is is fair file what are you gonna do wash it in the piss sink because you're already turning the sink on to like rinse yeah it's like a bath the japanese toilets where when you flush they have a little sink that refills the water basin where the water are like those machines that like where it's like it's like an organ and then you pull the thing and it makes a noise and then you pull like a cord on the top like all these cables come to the ceiling yeah it's like the crazy organs yeah this but it's just your piss coming out the top i mean you low-key you gotta sit in the sink and you're like oh my god i'm on the toilet reverse style for this oh my god to wash after you should just stand up really quickly we gotta get rid of we gotta get rid of that squat rack bro it's i i think i think it served its time you cannot spot someone on bench in that squat rack because okay imagine you're benching right yeah and you can't get behind it it's too big it takes up the wall yeah you cannot so usually you bench and you hold the bar from behind so to spot someone who's benching you have to go to the toilet reverse style for this oh my god to wash after you should just stand up really quickly because okay imagine you're benching you have to go to the toilet reverse style for this go and stand over them we've been straddling each other they're nuts that's what yeah it's it's like if you applied lotion to somebody's back from the front it's by the way you can squat from the back it just require it's harder to get in you'd have to wait you have to make you have to get in before the person you're like trapped in there yes which is crazy we could just pull it out we could but it's funny because it was like i think it was christian's like is like hey can you can someone get me and and ludwig just starts walking over me and i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like ludwig he's he's benching he's gonna drop it he's like no and he's just standing it's the most intimate thing in the world well you know straddling somebody almost dick to dick can you look up uh lifting weights makes you stronger with girlfriend this is just like your google history i don't have a girlfriend so first off yeah my bad family man activities what i'm realizing is a family man like you watches more videos than ever uh there's this old meme and it was like a girl straddling and it was like this increases your testosterone and it makes you lift more and that's all i was thinking about while i was straddling christian i was like one more one more one more i'm here for you yeah it's an old meme do you guys remember when uh we're we got food with super when he was here and with the way afterwards there was that that homeless guy in a and this is only funny it's just gonna sound like i'm being mean i'm the only one that wasn't here for this but this homeless guy in a wheelchair comes up to everybody and he asked everyone can you buy me some food and there was like a food truck right over there and we all look and aiden actually is the one who because usually you're like yeah you can buy the food but it's like it's time and he's like but it actually did this he's like yeah i'll go buy you some food and he walks over with this guy to the food truck again reminder he's in a wheelchair and this guy's over and no he was already like that and we and we make a joke like oh no no it's like did you push the wheelchair uh no i think he rolled yeah we tipped the guy over because we thought that's hilarious and then and then um we're making jokes like bro i bet that guy's fucking i bet that is a fake wheelchair we're making a joke like aiden would get fooled by this we're talking and he's like waiting in the line to buy him food and stuff we all look over at the same time the guy's standing up aiden all he does is he get up stand up and hug him he starts dancing a little bit he's dancing my pov is this guy he needs some help he asks for food and he picks out his meal and i'm like is that you know is that all you want and he's like what can i do i don't know i don't know i don't know can i get another thing or whatever yeah yeah and then he's really happy so he stands up out of the wheelchair and starts singing like god is good god is good god is good and then you know he's very grateful and he asked you know he asked for a hug so i give him a hug and then he kind of like his back's messed up right so he can only like hug me by like leaning over so there's like kind of a like he's hugging me and i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like this so there's like a lot of distance between so you're getting low funny way to hug somebody but then right after he hugged me he said i got pissed all over my pants really you didn't tell us that that's sad it's sad wow then he yeah we got him some food you got him an awesome meal it was just just to look over and he's miraculously standing i thought i was running away like and then i walked back over and they were all laughing i was like what's going on and let me tell you something ludwig that's what a family man does yes huh no he does family man activities helping those in need the world is aiden's family you understand you think about that i've never not been a family man i would put you all in wheelchairs for one more night and i'd get you all meals for one more night you would do both i'd hug you all for one more night well i got pissed all over my pants so then what wouldn't stop me there was a there there's this youtube video and you know how like youtube's gotten better about like recommending long form videos that are like have like 20 views on it'll just feed you shit and uh i got this video and the title i zipper can you pull up the the video but not like play it i wonder if there's a way to do that there's a way i just want to see the picture i see this photo like an album cover this like beautiful painting of a basketball court and the title of the video just is brazil brazil norway mexico england big three basketball window wimbledon naomi ayosaka fifa world cup 2026 like it i was like i have to i have to click it it has some things in there that you certainly say i have to click i'm just gonna i'm just taking a stab at this ai so what was it if you listen to it i don't think it's a good idea i think it is it is a guy solo preaching in his room on the shittiest mic for 45 minutes let's get a 10 second he's just ripping he is just doing speaking the gospel is the rai you think this is a photo you think it's dead ass photo no guys i'm going to trick by ai just now i mean this is a photo this is definitely not ai it looks like a painting it might be an ai painting it's a photograph you think this painting is funny it is 44 minutes look at the look at the ground that looks like an oil painting that's just wet i think it's just wet fucking it's clearly wet look outside the court he is always looking out for his grace mercy favor love the outstretched arm of god the mighty hand of god the finger of god his word finger of god the two fingers of god yeah i don't think it's ai i'll give you that this is what uh i just i just listened to like the first five minutes of this in the car how many views does it have that's like that's like that's like that's this is low-key what um the shiz whiz uploads now stuff like this you know i'm not kidding this is like he sits on a couch with like his friend or i think or brother he calls him brother uh but i think it's like a brother term like cry in christ yeah um and they just they just do gospel and when he's like he's like bring up corinthians whatever he's like all right he opens the bible and it's kind of crazy oh dude did you see uh actually i don't know is you think alex would be okay saying he got engaged here he did okay he knows fucking dude he's like he's like he's like he's like dude but we got so engagement mogged yeah you got engagement mod bro because alex smokes mid bless his damn heart also a family man got engaged but he had net spend send him a personal video congratulating him and it wasn't paid they just are friends yeah this was uh so this this is i understand why you view it this way what do you mean view it this way you should i mean i mean is this through the lens of someone who doesn't have a family right there's an engagement mogged right you just wear that you just wear the first off i was the one that got me the shirt i know he has a gesture of a family man who was before you you know what i mean he was like one day you'll be a family man too we're both family men okay we both can come up together there is no there is no mogging okay and am i fucking a little fucking mad that nespan didn't hit me up whatever i don't give a fuck dude you sound like it i don't give a fuck kill yourself that's bad yeah okay sorry i didn't mean that but like die fuck you dude fiery death well no you got banks i didn't get banks you got what are some of the the banks and congrats yeah and the face lace lace no actually you should hit me up behind set really you made that up uh lace doesn't do congrats jason before he said it yeah before he said it you know he fucked up because in woke three asian guys are gonna be allowed to say it he jumped the gun he saw that vice doc of that cambodian guy that grew up in south la and he says all the time. Did I miss that he said it? Oh, he said it. Is it in a song? No, it's not a soccer game. You left early, but if you stick around for the end of the credits of the Odyssey, that's when the clip shows. It's just like a Snapchat video that pops up. He just ripped it in a soccer game? I can't believe I missed this one. Family men do their own research. Okay. Well, they have to. They have to. For sure. It's like, is this mushroom poisonous for my family? I know every single mushroom in a seven mile radius. You've tested them all? Yeah. I've eaten every one for my family. On all fours. And sometimes I feel really bad after. Dude, you know what I would watch fucking so much of from you? You drop all this bullshit you do. Streamer. All this bullshit? Game. All this stupid. And you just become like a primitive technology YouTuber. Oh my God, he'd be amazing. Oh my God. You and Christian. Oh my God. And your sexual brothers. But it's all implied. It's all implied. You're never really touched. But there's. There's clearly a desire. There's moments. And you make huts made of mud. And you build like ovens with leaves. Christian is the best. Christian is like the old kind of Linus Tech Tips like model where it's like Linus is the main guy, right? And then sometimes he has someone help him. And then everyone just really starts to end up liking the guy that helps a lot. Yeah. And then Christian gets his own YouTube channel where he like works on cars. Yeah. He's like, what's up? Christian's Garage. Today I got like an old ass Toyota Celica. We're going to put a turbo in it. And he just does it. Today, I'm going to look for food. I don't know. I'm going to look for food. If Ludwig's down, we'll probably build a hut. But he hasn't hit me back yet. So. I might go to Arby's. This is how Christian actually is. He's very sick. He's the most unbothered person I think I've ever met in my life. He's become my goat. Yeah. Yeah. He's very admirable. You see, you see this guy over here just vibrating at bullshit every single day. Yeah. Wishing he was at home with his big fucking jack off machine. The jack off machine that tricks his penis. Yeah, it tricks his penis. Mine trick. And then you see Christian and he's like, that guy's penis would never be tricked. No, of course not. No, of course not. So he's not jerking off? He doesn't need to trick the penis. He doesn't need to jerk off, man. The penis tricks him. Yeah, that's right. I would trick once or twice by my penis. I'll say it. I'll admit it. Jesus, fool me. But dude, I'm not. Just to finish, I fucking woke up. I took a big dump and I went back to bed. And then when I woke up. Woke up, dude. It was like crazy feeling. And I wasn't sure I pooped. I didn't know which one was really a dream. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I pooped in the dream. And I was like, oh, I feel so much better. Then I woke up and I was like, oh, no, I don't. My body was trying to get me to poop. I have to poop. I went, I pooped. It was loud. I was alone. I rang the cowbell. A zombie walked back to the bed. I think it was maybe like 9 a.m., 8.30 a.m. I went back to bed and I woke up again. I said, did I poop ever? And I still don't know. You don't know. I'm not sure. I have no way to prove it. The only way would be to measure yourself. Because it's always fun when you hop on the scale. You take a poop and you hop on the scale. I would have to have measured first. I didn't, so now I'll never know. Yeah. I'll say this to you, bro. I've never once in my entire life on this earth been woken up by needing to poop, ever. Me neither. You've been woken up to pee, though. Yes, of course. Many a time. I woke up for a bloody nose the other day. I had a dream about a bloody nose and then I had a fucking bloody nose. Too dry. Too damn dry. So dry. Dry in this damn house. I've never had one. A bloody nose? No. Unless I was hit in the nose by a basketball or something. Nick stayed with me in the ER because I was scared because I had one that lasted for like two hours. And I was just bleeding. I was just bleeding and bleeding and bleeding. Tell your head back. Let it fall on your throat and drink it so you get to keep it for later. They do not respect the bloody nose at the ER because it happens a lot. I will say that there's no part about that, like waiting for him that was like negative, but like being in the ER itself is horrible. It's just like. There's people wailing and fucking. Oh, that guy was wailing so much. There's a wailing guy. There's every like, there's like a rhythmic like beep. It just goes off in the room every once in a while. Like, what is that? The staff hates you. They're all, you know. It smells. It's a scary, terrible place. It smells like sick. Well, because they're at the end of the 16-hour shift. Yeah. Which makes you excited for them to be your physician. I hope you make a good decision on what's wrong with me. And then the guy comes, ah. And you know, the fucked up part is you just get in there and your nose stops bleeding. Yeah. You just want to kill yourself. So you made it that way. I think also like my mental image of like an emergency room is that like, it's not that populated. Like not that many people are having life-threatening emergencies, but really it's like so many people are having life-threatening, or think they are at least, and are there. It was so crowded. Because no one. There's a charm to it. Dude, I don't think there's a single charm. Yeah, I kind of like it. Everyone there is scared. They have the same lights that Aiden fucking wants in here. Oh, they love the lights that are in the hospital. It's like 1 a.m. They have a fire-ass vending machine. They do have a good vending machine. You got like Famous Amos. You got all the. Mini Oreo. Oh, God. Sour gummy worm. Yeah, it's a good vending machine. They need Joyride in that bitch. I've been preaching Joyride. You've been fainting for Joyride, bro. Dude, Sour Zips. It's really the only one I care about. I got a bunch of Joyride in there, no? It's old-ass Joyride, bro. Everything in that box has expired as fuck. Fruity Zip, whack! Sour Zip, very excellent. It's a better Skittle. Nothing in that box expired. I like the Skittles. It's good, man. Yeah, they're very good. Also, did you eat some of a Luncheon on stream yesterday? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, those are so old. How are you feeling? No, they're not. We have. He said it with like no confidence. I can see it in his eyes. Yeah, they're not old. I watched him open it. I'm like, for one, why is he doing this? For two, these are old if it's the ones I'm thinking about. They're just. I got new ones for a thumbnail for the video. Oh, thank God, bro. And I just had them on my desk. That's Mr. Beast, right? Lunchly? Mr. Breasts. Oh, you got it with Conner. Dude, that was good as fuck. Those Unwells, by the way. They're so bad. You should check the. The expiration. I'm genuine. Because there's one on my desk I was going to drink, and it's expired. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was low-key expired. Yeah. I'm not like you with expired shit. I don't mind. I really hate it. You hate it a lot. It's my one thing. But I don't mind expired at all. I'm with him, bro. I think he's eating expired stuff. If it smells bad or looks bad, that's my barometer. But if it's expired, I don't care. If bread is expired, but it looks like bread and it smells like bread, then it's bread. You know what touched my heart a little bit yesterday? It was a stunning return to form, Ludwig. Eight hours straight. Playing a children's baseball game. Just did not plan to do that. Sat and did the whole bitch. It was kind of like the old Christopher Robin days. It was nice. Me and Shake. I fucked up those children. Me and Shake, we mount up for Joji. We're getting ready. Oh, yeah. You went to Joji last night. We go. We go to the concert. It's great. Enjoyed it. You're at the fucking concert. Did Corbin come out? Did Shake do this? Corbin? Yeah. No. Corbin was going to be there? He's on the album. Fucking Nate. Nate. Nate. Nate Sib? Nate Sib came out. Nate Sib opened? Nate Sib came out. He does that kind of stuff? Yeah. He's dancing around. He did a lot of. And he fell on the ground a lot. What's his last name? He was honestly. Sib? I don't know what his name is. Nate Sib? Nate Sib. It's just Sib. Nothing. Childhood friends with Two Hollis. Sibian? They came up together. Yo, what's up, y'all? Nate Sibian. That's him in two. Bro, his trade-up looks like he knows Two Hollis. He shouted out Two Hollis. You can just tell. Literally, at the end, shout out Two Hollis. He looks like reckless Ben. Yeah, Nate Sib. Two Hollis was like. This is one of his friends. And he was just like, Bro, you can sing. You should try to do music. And he got him to do music. He was like a. Kid Leroy meets Porter Robson. I kind of loved it. Kind of thought it was great. Did Shake do this? It felt. Shake didn't do that. He didn't have a arm up. Did Shake have a beer? No, he's holding a drink. This is a drink. It's down here, though. Oh. Actually, same exact. You're nailing the movement. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a really good Shake dancing. Yeah, this is good. I've been in a conversation with Shake. You're actually right. Yeah, because he shit himself at the Pusser for a show. Every once in a while. Yeah! That's it. Yep. Yeah! Bro. Yep. So just straight. He shit himself at the Pusser for a show and he danced like that beforehand. It's all true shit. Ran down his leg. There's the craziest looking Raising Cane's outside of that venue of all time, by the way. It looks like a space station in a movie. But it's a Cane's. Like those old Fry's shops. Oh. Oh my God, they're so cool. They were sick, bro. I grew up next to one. It has the rocket ship in the fucking lobby. Maybe you heard the crashed UFO. Oh, so cool. That shit flopped with Pizza Planet so hard at Disney. They could make it so much cooler like this. They did flop. And the food sucks. Yeah, the food sucks. Wait, did they not just make it like Pizza Planet in the fucking movie? Oh, okay. You know what else sucks? That looks crazy. It's insane. This looks like SoFi Stadium. They do need a fucking rocket ship outside. It's a cross from like SoFi and into a down. This looks like one of those fake like 2008 Xbox 720 images you'd see. Yeah. This is what we think it'll look like. This is coming out. This is what we were talking about. If the Canes logo wasn't on this, you're like, oh wow, what an incredible, what an incredible outdoor bar or library. I'm still not getting coleslaw, bitch. Yeah. Put that shit away. Dude, we, after the movie, because it was at Universal, me and my girlfriend, she was like, I really want to check out the Hello Kitty Cafe. And I'm like, come on. And we went, I like Hello Kitty too. And we went, and it was specifically the Hello Kitty Cafe. It's just the Hello Kitty Cafe. Yeah, it was. And then the Sanrio shop is right next to it. And she was talking about the politics of Pom Pom Pudding who gets voted the best Sanrio character every year. Doesn't make a lot of space for other characters. Also, the top three characters are all dogs, which is kind of like, well, what are we doing? Like Tuxedo Sam is there. Is this not important? It's a whole thing anyway. Hello Kitty never wins? Hello Kitty doesn't win. Wow. She's kind of like, she's Mario. Yeah. To use the Dota analogy again, she's kind of the art style of this whole thing. And then Navi just takes the, but anyway. so you go the but the hello kitty cafe is just like this very sad like little place and it's just pink chairs and they all have drinks that are named after the characters and there's this girl working it uh with a hello kitty apron just chugging a white monster and we're like can we get the fucking can we do the fucking hello kitty cold brew please and it like sucked and it was like i was like wow what an underwhelming like shitty little experience yeah and sometimes it was not like this that's that looks amazing this is cool it was outside and it was it was like a pop-up right yeah it looked it looked like it looked like a pop-up repurposed area that just became pink now that's good oh that's nice right there yeah uh pop-ups usually blow and when you said pizza point it sucked i immediately thought of hello kitty cafe guys aiden what are you using over there what do you want what are you using over there what are you using over there what are you doing over there on the phone what's on there checking rocket money you're on rocket money yeah well i'll tell you so i got rocket money all right you know i fucking found out bro i wasn't a one-time joi i bought from you i signed up for a subscription from you no i've been getting a monthly joi for you that i didn't realize i was paying for you didn't read my terms of service get duped yeah and the thing with aiden too we don't live in new york buddy there's no one click cancel no to cancel you have to show your trip i have to i have to show my trip yes and i keep sending the trip to it says error 404 every time are you even getting them the crazy thing the crazy thing is rocket money with a bunch of these subscriptions you can just can't they'll cancel for you within the app which is really convenient yeah rocket money will show me your trip to cancel it i i know this now because i have the app i'm canceling today you know how much money i'm gonna save you or did you not see my trip i of course well what did it look like describe it why would i describe it i a magma pool like when it's just bubbling anyway get alerts if bills increase in price or unusual spending is noticed rocket money dashboard gives you a clear view of your accounts helps you understand your finances check credit scores track budgets increase savings and also help cancel unwanted subscriptions i'll tell you this bro i'm using rocket money to cancel your shit because i sent you a trip and you've been charging me for six months and you didn't even look at it you're not even looking at me right now i'm signing up i'm trying to check my credit score with rocket money right now because i haven't set that up yet i'm peeking over here and i'm trying to figure out what to do with it and i'm trying to figure out what to do with it and i'm actually just looking at you both your trips dude now you're looking at it picture in picture it had to do with a holiday the meaning is gone i'm also seeing he made 500 000 this month from the joi service yeah five hundred dollars a month is a steep fucking price i thought it was five hundred dollars for one time and i sent a trip and you watch it it's five hundred dollars a month i send you premium jois you only sent one and here's the fucked up part they're ghost written you are not ghostwriting them are you chat gpting your joi let rocket money help you reach your financial goals faster and also cancel unwanted subscriptions like what i'm doing try for zero dollars at rocket money.com slash the yard that's rocket money.com slash the yard you faker see you guys in the make good i i spend a lot of time typing in the prompts i know i fuck with what you're saying though love because when i went to pizza plant for the first time i was like this is ass yeah why i feel like they need way more love in that part of the park california adventure has more love than disneyland can i fucking say it because well i think the thing is tomorrowland used to rule and then back in the day just left it and they've updated everything else and now tomorrowland kind of felled off is it like today i'm gonna say this is kind of like not a tomorrow as a guy who's never been what hasn't it all fallen off you've never been to disneyland no we gotta take us we gotta go to disneyland don't want to do it great i will say i don't believe that going with her is awesome because she has the same love for disneyland every time she she knows ball and she doesn't know ball she will she will it's very it's like a guided tour also i imagine i don't think i've been with her thinking thinking i don't think i have analyzing she would be a great person to go with because she wouldn't care if you don't want to go on a ride yes but also i it makes sense you don't like it i get that theme parks are i think theme parks for family men firmly yeah for families people interested in having families you don't like them because you're not a family man must be i don't understand there's no because you're a family man you're not a family man you're not a family man you're not a family man like it um because you go for your family where is dunk dunk there's a cartoon i don't like the car z doesn't tolerate my lifestyle they don't like when my wife and my husband and my other husband are there together they don't like my voyeuristic lifestyle i want to touch i want to touch them in line for the toy story ride what's the point of having three partners if i cannot well that's why they made universal studios the lgbt disneyland you sit in the fucking fast and which is releasing in a week and then you jerk off your husband yep your wife's husband electric i had my worst coffee ever at disneyland like i remember it was disgusting oh you were there was that when i went home early we went with all the writing people oh yeah yeah with the was it just starbucks which one uh the one that's by the i don't know what the restaurant here yes yes by the pier how do you know that it's the it was a cold brew yes yeah this is like world renowned shit coffee it's known wow it's not so bad is that a bad thing for to be wait i've had this too i threw it away i literally took a sip and went no i don't need to i don't need to drink that i'll waste the money whoa yeah so you should go to the starbucks by the jazz quartets at the front that's in downtown right uh it's it's in it's in california adventure you're so true for that yeah it's in california adventure it's on the way to soren soren usa you do you hook it right out the entrance you hook it right out the entrance you hook it right out the entrance ah of course ludwig mogul went to six flags together a few weeks ago and ludwig bailed and to stream ludwig which is really funny ludwig did bail gotta work well he's gotta work boss gotta work you just have to work how do you how do you think they afforded the trip yeah he did pay for the trip is that like gang yeah i am and we all go and i it affirmed what my my belief this is such a i don't like this it's such an idiotic thing even on the ride i'm like this is fine i mean i say this and you guys don't chastise me why does he get chastised it's because he hasn't gone oh yeah but how good could it but it's just like it's just like what do they get a fucking i also like when you criticize something you've never seen it's like that's par for the course we know and we understand that you know it's your vibe is it fun sometimes when i do it sometimes it's fun sometimes it's fun it's funny because i don't like doing that generally but with disneyland i feel such a liberal willingness to do it because it's big megacorp but you're basically saying you know it can't it can't be that guys i saw sharknado i'm not gonna like the odyssey i get it it's seas and whatnot and it's rough waters like that i'm not gonna enjoy it i'm not gonna enjoy it because i saw sharknado i won't enjoy the odyssey isn't it this is what i think in my brain it's corpo slop that'll never live up to the vision of the thing you imagine in your brain that is in the piece of media no i think disney just does a great job look i'm not trying to be a disney defender but your vision of disneyland is through the lens of if you went alone i feel like yeah because you're like oh i would go alone and i wouldn't like all the rides but it's like you go because you're with your friends in an imaginary place yeah but we could also go do anything else yeah but it's different than going and eating a salad in rancho cucamonga and then going to disneyland i think the fact that i think if you live in rancho cucamonga i see why you would like disneyland do you know what i mean it's like that's all you okay that's all you got i will say this because i'm pretty much on your go i'm kind of like i would go home whatever i think what actually got me was in universal when you go into mario land for the first time have you been there oh yes this is actually what sold me on my tape for the first time only and then you kind of walk around and you kind of see like the strings and the the curtains and how the sausage is made if you're b dave walters and then you so and then you're like okay i get it but the first moment you walk into mario land you're like i'm in da movie well okay hold on mario mario is the most firmly entrenched like nostalgic thing embedded in my head right this is this is the world where if i walk in maybe the nostalgia receptors can overwhelm everything else and i remember being in the line for the mario kart ride and being like wow all these like pretty amazing visualizations of stuff from the video game world that i love i love i look at ba-bomb and i'm like that make me happy yes bro it activates something deep inside me yes bro and then after i spent 10 minutes there i was like wait i can't interact with this i can't touch it and then i got on the mario kart shooting ride which was maybe one of the worst experiences this is universal like yeah the guy who has not been on the star wars ride the cars ride is okay i will say this we went to this the star wars thing with caleb pitts and alex huggins and caleb came off of the star wars ride caleb pitts the comedian right and he was like tearing up dude what i was also on it by the way and i came off and i was just like that was amazing it really was i was like that was a breathtaking because i love star wars almost as much as i love nintendo and i hate i hate rides you have to go on it it's a bit it's pretty sick it just can't be that good bro can i tell you disney is dog shit now at making movies in new ip yeah they're bad at that they're good at theme parks it's probably the thing they're best at they're just not good at it they're just good at it they make the best ones the cars one is pretty cool no this ride was one of the most disappointed i've ever been this is the universal mario kart ride it is also if your gear is broken this is straight up like you ride this and then you kill yourself and then halfway through the whole ride stops and they go oh we gotta fix someone someone got stuck and in dream with me it's you it's nick yingling it's yusuf it's that guy you met gary or whatever the hell who you sorry i got close and whoever your fifth is josh man adam not actually your fifth and you guys do an irl meetup right and you guys go to disney you just have an amazing time i think you would have a great time you just would you just call me call me an old family man conservative yep what if we just went on a fucking amazing hike okay wait if you want to be conservative actually i uploaded this when we were at in the star wars world in that same disney trip there was a guy wearing a sweater with ss bolts on the back of it oh my god i forgot about that yeah it's on my you can have everything you can have everything wow and they even they even allowed alcohol in disneyland you also walk in you get a hot dog like it's like a baseball game it's awesome i meant corn dog jumbo turkey leg look up jumbo turkey leg i don't think i relish in eating the shitty food you're such a bitch bro i'm over this you don't have to go bro bro just go one time and then if it sucks you get to say that forever i have to go and it sucks i have to go one time i have to go one time before you get that thumbnail it's a big turkey leg bro it's genuinely massive look i'm i'm open to new experiences this is i'm open to be convinced i'm open to be convinced because remember when he tricked me to go to disneyland i was like you rotten bitch but it was pretty fun it brought a lot of joy to my heart talking about my family like that no that was when she was your girlfriend she wasn't your family at the time she's oh yeah she was a bitch back then yeah you should i actually as much as i'm like if someone's like you want to go disneyland i'm like i've been so many times that i'm like you have to go once because there is magic there one time there is it's all about the group in my opinion it is all about you go with the wrong group disneyland is the worst experience you go with the right group it's one of the most fun days you're gonna have alex huggins walking around like toontown and it's goofy's house and he's pretending he's banging on his door like i do have one last frame of reference that feeds this opinion i've been to hong kong disneyland twice have you been to tokyo no okay disney was kind of cool yeah i went to tokyo see it was cool anyway um mochi looks like little aliens from toy story uh after the odyssey kind of nice i ran into shroud yeah it was there he was there rowdy shroudy he was doing this at the camera or the screen a lot and then i said i said i said what do you rate the movie and he was like like 6.5 out of 10 out of 10 still critical i'm like low yeah he's like yeah and then the only other movie i've seen shroud at least that i can remember recently it was like five years ago maybe was thor love and thunder it was batman uh because because his girlfriend invited all the people for his birthday but i also went to thor love and thunder which i think oh was that after batman maybe before but either way uh i was like how does it compare to thor love and thunder because i remember leaving that movie anyway that was good i like that so i'm like okay this one you're being critical 6.5 thor love and thunder and he goes about the same okay so it's it okay it's about the same so odyssey's a bad movie they couldn't be well he kind of liked thor love and thunder okay but they couldn't be farther from each other no as thor love and thunder in the odyssey i think it i think heat is farther than both of them sure they're very far from each other heat is the one true word so it's not really every thursday if you haven't someone said uh someone said we call the religion heat rises he rises he's rising uh and then and then i asked him i was like okay do you just kind of rate movies based off of how entertained you were he's like yeah and he's like i was like do you like a movie that like makes you cry no why would i do that oh and i was like oh and i was like okay and that's fair sure sure sure sure you just he wants he like marvel was created with this guy in mind he's rating he's rating the movie the way you would rate like a food i like i felt it and i felt sick so i don't like it it's literally like a roller coaster he's also rating the movie in the way that you rate the food if you're right if you would give cookie crisp like an eight i think they're just they're like visual roller coasters and he wants to go on a fucking fun ride here's my question to shroud maybe one day i can ask him is that when tony stark dies at the end of endgame sorry spoilers did he get sad so mad when i spoiled one piece come on does that change this shroud be like oh i'm tony stark dies i didn't like when tony stark died i'm sad bad movie i think what do we do i think that's like uh that's tough i think that's a good question it enhances probably the the journey but i think he doesn't like sad movies and like the sophie's choice because he wouldn't enjoy manchester by the sea the good guys do still win is that why yeah because wolverine or not sorry on wolverine everyone but wolverine gets to celebrate yes i think you'd hate every coen brothers movie ever made no he'd love fargo i don't think so shroud watch fargo on stream i want to see i know you're listening yo i was so pissed at the odyssey i i revived my letterboxd account you hated it i didn't hate it i actually thought it was very beautiful i just had a big problems with it oh yeah that frustration of yeah letterboxd letterboxd score odyssey now three give me cookie i got a four is letterboxd five out of five i give it a three he's three yeah it's good cookie i go 4.5 really wow you got a four really that's like 4.5 it's like it's one of the best movies you've ever seen nine out of ten i think i literally gave it a nine out of ten when i was i also i it's impossible for me to separate like how unbelievable it looks from its rating like i can't yeah it is that's why i gave it three i can't separate i'm also a little greek mythology slut you dude you knew all the stories yes i usually know the story i told you i told you this right i've told the story before where i when i was younger i loved percy jackson so much i took part of my dinner and outside and burnt it no sacrifice i don't think you've ever told us that really yeah i've talked about this on stream but yeah when i was younger i was really into it and i was like i was like low-key believing wow bro i saw a guy from percy jackson at the uh bell's bagels the other day which guy oh the actor main guy the new one uh yeah oh i haven't seen the logan yeah logan whatever lerman lerman that's him i saw him he's sitting down god i used to gorgeous man i used to make oh my god posts about that guy i used to reblog logan lerman he is good looking dude i watched percy jackson to like hang out with a girl i liked and that was the worst shit of all time the old percy jackson was pretty mid and they also did the book in pretty injustice that's what i watched for girls i liked uh harry potter uh hunger games i read hunger games for a girl i like crazy i watched harry potter for a girl like but i liked her i liked the movies i was like oh the movies are good so i but percy jackson i was watching it i'm like 19 and i'm like this is the worst shit i've ever seen and i liked harry potter and i was like mad and courtney was like dude christopher nolan really just has an infinite amount of resources he can do anything he really can yeah and he made matt damon talk like that that's my problem oh you really matt damon matt damon i think it was a lot of the cutting i i thought about it a lot but it's like a lot of the way that people talk and the way they speak and the way it's written and the way it's cut make for a very unnatural dialogue in a way that doesn't feel good and also doesn't feel like antiquity theater which you kind of want to do if you wanted that way it does nothing right and everything mid dialogue wise i think it's hard it's hard as fuck that the first time you see zendaya she's completely out of focus for like a minute straight i'm like you're fucking christopher nolan bitch you can do that you can do that shit you can do shit like focusing was crazy in a few scenes there's like a scene with anne hathaway she's going like this and she's out of focus that's the cost of imax yeah it was an expensive role we're using that that shit is so i can't even i can't even imagine how much it costs to shoot a role crime crime cringe i'm a cringe nick you're on trial what oh you're gonna tell me oh tread lightly bro tread lightly because you will tilt me on the on the show this is a case you don't even know about oh okay great the defendant nicholas for cello we are all sitting in a row together we all leave the row i'm towards the middle so i'm the last to leave all three of you have left the row i don't know where you or zipper two sat front but like in terms of which seat like right or left far left front we asked to sit there the staff asked us wait is that where the front the far front we weren't with you guys we went we're in the very front of the theater at the very left absolved i wasn't even with us i thought he was next to yingo because there was two people there oh no no no no absolved the case collapsed sometimes it's a mistrial because there was a popcorn bag and a drink left behind oh i don't leave food in the theater you barely even had evidence well i just saw i just saw the empty bag well he got there late so i didn't see if it was him i just didn't have a seat disgusting honestly freezing off theater i didn't have food i was just like this the whole time it was chilly and and cutie brought like a button down and then she's like i'm cold he was chattering like a skeleton and so i took off my fucking Well, she just got really, she got a panic attack. Is that why you took off your shirt? Yeah, that's why I had the. He was wearing a wife beater in this. I'm like, bro, we get it. You work out. The first thing I said when we got out, I said, in the wife bee. I had the sweater she had on. I gave it to her. Ah, because of gals. Because she was chattering. It got fucking cold in there. Family vibes. That's family vibes. You got to keep your family warm. That's what a family man does. You know what I realized? So we did the shoot that was pretty fun. And it was basically, we were in this school, like an old Catholic schoolhouse. And there was this library. And there's all these children's books. And I haven't been in a school, an elementary school, since I was in elementary school. And I was like, dude, there's so much like Star Wars books. And like Disney books. When I was a kid, that was W Goons. And it was W. And it was Good Breeds. It was very scholastic in there. And it was funny because I'm like, dude, they're just farming like lifetime iPads. IP identifiers. I see the world for what it is now. It was like, it's a children's book. And it's like, here's Luke in the X-Wing. And I'm like, you're four years old. You're going to know Luke Skywalker's for your whole entire life. And you're going to see a toothbrush with Baby Yoda on it. And you're going to buy the toothbrush. And you're going to be 25. And you're going to be like, maybe go to Disneyland. I see now the point of kind of what you're getting at. And I do think it's very interesting, the idea that we must create young literature for these IPs so that we get to make the movie. So the next generation gives a fuck about this IP. It's not even about giving a fuck. It's about making money off them, right? That's what I'm saying. Yeah. If they don't give a fuck, you can't make money. No one's going to go to the theater. No one's going to watch. No one's going to see new Star Wars. Mandalorian doesn't exist because the new generation prefer fucking little baby. And you buy the Grogu toothbrush. Grogu toothbrush. Grogu. And he fucking in the Oscar Isaacs there. Tooth toons. Yeah, it was kind of awesome. Did you post the video I sent you? Oh, no. I didn't post anything. I'll just put it here. It's just fun. It's just a fun little video I took. All right. You guys don't know it, so you can play the game both here and at home. Oh, this is cool. It's called Spot Slime. Wow. Okay. Zipper, I sent it. Wow. Is this spoiler vibes? Nah, it's fine. Zipper, just give me a pause when I call. Be ready. Yeah. You have the video. Video. Okay, so right here, pause. Slime's in this frame. Yeah. I think I see him. You probably have a hint. What color is he? I think he is gray. Okay. Yeah. Let's press play. He's under the blanket. Oh. Pause. Wait. Do you see slime? Wait, what? Oh, my God. Everybody play at home. Fun little game. Dude. I thought he's like in the chair, but now looking at it again, I think I don't. Gentlemen, your guesses? Um, I mean, you would just in this frame, you would just guess that he is behind all these things somehow. He is visible right now. Okay. Wait, wait, wait, actively see him right now. If you touch me, if you want stuffed animal on the bottom, right? That has eyes and like little horns. I think that's his head painted over the purple thing, purple, the purple animal. Okay. Good guess. Nick. Oh my God. This is actually crazy visually here. This is not like, yeah, obviously he's in this pile. You can walk up and talk. You can see him. Oh, I see. So I'm saying where is he? I think he's, um, I think between the green and the, the anime girl, he's the blue thing. That's like peeking at us from the shadow. Okay. Good guess. Zipper. Press play. I found him. Oh my God. I got him. That's me. But I did not realize those were painted eyes. Dude. That's crazy. Yeah. That's my forehead. Yeah. It was, uh, yeah, it was cool. It was, it was Metch a chameleon in real life. And it was, it was a chameleon. It was a chameleon. It was a chameleon. It was a chameleon. Dude. There is a moment in there. Cutie. Cutie scrums. Screams a scrum. I have never heard her. She did scream a scream. It was real. It's like the fear. I screamed a scream. It was like the biggest spider in the world fell on her head. It was like a rat scurried from under the couch. Was that the best spot in the video? No. No. Yeah. Was anyone like, it sounds crazy cause I don't think this works in real life. Was anyone plain sight and this wasn't being seen? Uh. Like I'm fucking like on a wall type of thing. We did have a couple people plain sight. Then one kind of got away with it, but it was kind of meta and then the other was like, like Christian painted his full body, but it's like just hard from a lot of angles when you're against the wall. At the end of it. So I was, I was bitching about this shoot cause Ludwig kind of asked me and people are bailing and I'm like, okay, like I'll do it cause I'm your friend and I'll fucking do this dude. He tried so hard to get out. I really did. I was like suggesting people. He was like how much money? And then he started suggesting people. Yeah. He said nine grand. I'm like, I'll pay it. And he's like, no, I don't. I need you. Anyway. So I'm like, so I, and cause when I did Kratos for the, the podcast, the person who did my makeup did like the real, like you have to be on set all day and eat and drink and it's like really, it sucked. I was white for like four days, like with a red stripe on my white for 30 years, but you know, now I'm back to me, the real me, the Jamaican slime, but, uh, but so I'm like pissed cause like this body paint is going to suck anyway. We get our painted, we get painted and then the guys tell us, Hey, put a bunch of shaving cream all over the paint and then you just fucking rinse it right off. We're like, okay, whatever dude. It was me, Christian and polite, just all in our fucking undies buck. And we're like painted all over the place. We look insane. And we just sort of rubbing, shaving cream on each other. There's two, there's two people who were working on the shoot that were helping us and they had like towels and they got like a hose and then we just started washing each other. Yeah. And I was just washing the lights back. Washing the paint off and then Christian is just like spraying is like awesome chest and body. Fuck bro. And I, at that point I was like, this is all worth it. Was it just the three of you? No, no, no. Connery's pants. And yourself? Myself? Yeah. Five. Yeah. But it was cool. I'm glad. How does that come out? Shake editing it? Two years from now. Polite? Two years from now? Polite's editing it cause he was in it. I go every time shake, he comes to the office now, uh, to edit and I just tell him channels die and shake. Channels die. I tell him it every single day. And he started uploading faster. Yeah. He edits faster too. He does edit faster, but it's just not dying. Well, it's because I keep telling him that it is. It's cause you're on his ass. It's cause he enforced. Cause otherwise he'd be slow. He'll be there and he has headphones on his giant timeline and it's just four hours in Adobe Premiere. He's like, Ooh, four hours to get that down shake. You like that one? Say we're gonna get that down. And I went in, he has his headphones on and I just go up right in front of his screen and I just go, Oh, it'll just look, I'll be like, I'm working man. I'm trying. I'm trying. He always says, I'm trying. I'm trying. You gotta cut it down. It can't be having it longer than the Odyssey. It's too long. It can't be longer than the Odyssey. He's also goofing around. He's going to concerts. You know what he's told me at the end of the night? Uh, I, I was like, let's uh, you know, if you want to go do something like this again, let's go do it. And he's like, yeah, I go clubbing all the time. And I was like, I go with Anthony Casper, like Melee Casper and Gio. Yeah. All the time. Gio and Casper live together. Yeah. I didn't know that Jake goes clubbing with them all the time. That's pretty awesome. Yeah. Dude, I don't know if I've ever dead ass on clubbing. What is it? Okay. I never have. We've been clubbing together. What is clubbing? You go to a club and there's music and you'll dance a little bit and you'll drink. It's weird to go. I think clubbing is weird as a non single guy. Why don't you say we're going to the club? This clubbing imply like multiple usually like you'll, you'll go to different ones. Whoa. You know, go to the clubs. I think clubbing implies the activity of going out. The club is such a cool name for a spot. I hate it. We're going to the club. It sounds so pretentious. Let's go to the club. You might, it might sound like you're saying like there's a, there's one I want to go to specifically. Clubbing is more of like a, let's go out, let's hit a club on the journey of being out. But also we could do other stuff. And then we could also go to another or another club or a bar or I guess maybe that's the spiritual argument against what we've done, which is we specifically went to the Abbey together. Aiden, you could also get fucking shit faced at Disneyland. Like that would make it way more interesting. They added alcohol, alcohol. Wow. I don't want to get shit faced. Yeah. But like sometimes you do, you do get shit faced. Sometimes you do that. Occasionally. Yeah. Cutie's never asked you to go. She's never asked me to go. Why would she ask you to go? I'd be a blast. Why wouldn't you ask her to go then? Because she's asked him. She didn't ask him. No she tricked him. She tricked him. I didn't ask for it. It's a girl's ask. But you're not fun to trick. The ask of a penis. You're not fun to trick. The trick of a penis. What? I don't need to be tricked, I need to be asked. You just want to feel special. Yeah, of course. We all do. It's innate in us. It's part of our humanity. Why would a family woman, right? A family woman. Why would a family woman ask another man- Because I have a lot to learn. I have a lot to learn. To go to Disneyland. Because she gets to bestow the family value on me. I could learn a lot. And eat churros. She would be down to go. She's never asked, so she doesn't sound good. Why don't you ask if you want to go so bad? Last time. Because she could ask me. You understand? She's a Disney person. She does keep saying that. He's being difficult. No. He's just saying the same thing. You took a screamer this morning and you're mad. No, I don't know. I got the in. And you went, "Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing." I rang the cow. I think a cowbell in the bathroom is a good idea. I'm not kidding. I think it's a good idea. I know. He's shit free. Yeah. And then four weeks later, it's back. It's back. It's back. You're levitating like Gardevoir, just like around the house. Dude, I'm kind of falling off. You're right when you say four weeks. It's not actually four weeks, but like I was doing so good for like two years. Of pooping consistently? But now I'm like constipated again. Are you taking iron supplements? No. What do you eat, man? Oh, you probably know. You have a lot to teach me. That's why he probably told us about that fucking crazy condition, because she's probably worried about it, because she's a warrior. No, I knew about this from my ex in college, because she studied poopology. She studied to be an orthopedic therapist. That's feet. Yeah, but there was a class that- Damn, she was bad at it then. She only learned about poop. There was like a pre-med class about poop, I guess. But I remember vividly a fucking graphic of the poop bursting into other capillaries, and it looked nasty. I've heard of this. Like- This was not the first- I didn't know the name for it that you used. Fecal impaction? I've heard of the fecal impaction that you've mentioned, but I don't believe in it. Because I take some of the craziest poops that are possible, I think, and I've never gotten an infection. You know what I mean? Like, who else has had these infections? You know why, bro? It's because you're young and your body can handle it, but if you keep having this problem when you like are 40 years old, you're going to have crazy problems. Thank you for saying I'm young, by the way. But I think if I'm- If I'm 40, I think this is gone. I think this is long gone. Okay. I think it's just going to be better. But what if it's not? You've got to figure that out. That's bad. I'll die of colon cancer. Well, you've got to get checked, too, because that's happening a lot, too, to us young people. It is happening to young people. What? Straight up, go to the doctor, get your colon checked. It's happening a lot to young people. And if you have a toothache, go to the fucking doctor, bro. Go to your fucking doctor. That's real shit, bro. How many times are you pooping in a day? A day? Me? Yeah. I probably poop, like, every day. I've been doing two a day recently. Two a day? I usually don't poop twice a day unless I ate something crazy. The only time I ever poop two times a day is if I haven't pooped in so long that the first poop, I don't even get all of it out. And you can't spend that much time. I don't have- No, like, my muscles get so worn out that I have to not poop anymore, and then I go poop later. Like, an hour later. That's so insane. I know. Dude. You want to see something crazy? Let's hear it. It's a gross image. How gross? Uh, really gross. This is the React episode. I don't know if I want to see it. 29-pound poop. But it's with the man's- Oh my god, it looks like a seal. No. No, it's like a seal. He's posing next to it like a rapper. That's not a poop. Why is he squatting next to it? They have to take out the whole organ that the poop is housed in. Wait, really? That's a poop. They have to take out the whole organ with it. Did the person live? Yeah, I don't think they just take it out of the dead guy. Oh. Dude, I pooped into being hungry this morning. That's a classic combo. But, like, the sensation was instant. Yeah. Like, the poop left, and it went- Like, hunger. Like, I was already hungry. My body wouldn't allow me to feel it because I had to get rid of- You know what I mean? Yeah. Dude, you have fucking problems. I'm about to be snatched in a month, by the way. Sorry to tell y'all. Because you're family. Why? Well, because we're doing no sugar. No sugar weekdays. Can I join you? We're doing no sugar weekdays. Can I join you? Yeah. Only weekdays. Yeah. And then sugar weekends back up. And then you eat a quart of Jenny's on the weekend. Yeah. Come on, bro. Every hour, every hour of it. You can't undo it on Sunday when you cream out, bro. It was like, my bucket of Jenny's. Sorry, I don't know. I'm trying to play. You made it weird. I'm trying to play. I don't know. I'm trying to play. It's sugar free during the week. I don't know how to do it. Piggy. Wait. What? Yes. Okay. The fucking- The kiddos in the family like getting ice cream on the weekends. Who are the kiddos in the family? It's Connor. Connor. Yeah, Connor. He's gone. That's why he's a family man. He's got someone to take care of at the house. He's got his little domain. Domestic unit. Of course. But when Connor leaves, it'll be like your son dying. He left. He's gone. Oh. He's already gone. Really? Yeah, he left. I thought he was coming back. He's back end of the month for streamer games. So what is he doing in America at the time? Or did he go home? He already went home. I love the idea of Connor visiting like Arkansas. He's like, yeah, I think I'll just like visit America. He did go to Texas. He went to like San Antonio, I think. They'd love him there. They'd love like weird purple t-shirt guy walking around with a funny- He would love it, I'm sure. Yeah. In the same way that Miles loved it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Miles fetishizes a, well, yeah, he wouldn't say fetishize. Miles dreams of a different world than we live in. It's very crazy. One time his ultimate dream when he was here for the first time in America, he's like, I just want to settle down with a girl and we just smoke weed and watch Rick and Morty every single night. And she works, and I work at a gas station. That is not, California, that is most guys. I know. I know. It's a very achievable dream. And Miles is just talking about it like it's some sort of like transformation. It's like a transcendental experience. And I'm like, I don't know, Miles, like you play, you've played video games made of savings that you earned playing online poker. You, you kind of are, they wish they were you. Yes. Yeah. Yes. And it was crazy. And I'll never forget that. And he's like, yeah, Rick and Morty, dude, we just watch it like every night. This is like, this is like going to Japan and wanting to be the salaryman. Yeah. It's like, I just want to live all the lives. That was his salaryman. Yeah. And he never. It is the American salaryman. He didn't get to live it. He didn't achieve it. He didn't do it. He just has a normal, more normal life. I think because achieving it means doing it for 30 years. And that's not as fun. That's the hard part. As dreaming it. Of course. Is doing the same thing for anything for 30 years fun? Is doing anything for 30 years fun? I mean, he did a tier list yesterday, so ask him. Yeah. I've been real for 30 years. Yeah. I kept it real for 30 years. I could be a man. I could be a family man for 50. And then you throw out some dog shit pitch. You're not. But I hope for one night. At the end of the episode, you're not a family man. I am. More than you. You don't have a fucking family. More than you. I do. I dead ass think it is more than you. He family mogs you. I have to say it. Sorry. You're not even close compared to him. I have a question. If I have a kid before you do, but I'm not married, am I not a family man? Oh. Do you have a kid do or a kid out? God, that is. Kid do. That's no. Do you believe in abortion? Like, do I believe it works? Yeah. Like, do you believe that women should be able to abort fetuses? Yeah, probably all the way up to like 24 months. Yeah, then no. 24 months. 24 months you throw them in the trash. No, you'd have to wait for the kid to be at least 13 months old or 14 months old. I have a question for the family man, and we'll leave you with this. Is it possible to be a family man if you had, let's say Aiden had a kid with the person he's seeing. Is it a woman? Woman. Doesn't matter. Just asking. It's a woman. They have, uh, he tricked his penis and yeah. They had sex and then the baby comes out. They didn't get married. It's a, it's a unit without marriage, but a kid. Are you family? That's no family. Where are you living? That's no family. In his place. He lives now. Yeah. In Los Angeles. Oh, then no. Oh, it's fair to you. Uh, I believe they respect common law marriage. Yeah. So you need marriage to become a family. Common law. Yeah. You could do common law. They do common law in France after five years of living together. What if he had five kids, but they never got married? In Los Angeles? Is he a family man? I'm sorry. Does God recognize their marriage in this situation? If not, then there's no family. God recognizes it. He just didn't. The state doesn't. God is blind. I mean, God or the state? You pick. I don't know. You pick. I'm giving you two. He's giving you two and he's doing that face. You pick. Why do you look like that? I'm giving you two. Your lips look like little cigarettes. Guys, I really got to go. I'm sorry. I can't. I can't. Say bye to them. Say bye to them. I literally am in a rush. Will you at least say bye? I have to get back to my family. Oh my. Guys, we're sorry. We have to get back to them. You've got to understand. We're in a fucking rush. You can catch us on the bonus episode, which we'll shoot tomorrow and hopefully. We're going to shoot another one tomorrow? Yeah. Yeah, of course. It's shorter tomorrow. Why don't you lift the chair and put it. That's all good. Why don't you fucking night sell it? I don't know. I can't clean this up. I have to go. Okay. I'll get it. I'm literally fucking got to fucking run. All right. You've got to go. I've got to go. I hear you, man. I'm out. I hear you. You were 20 minutes late. I'm not late. I'm not leaving. You're not leaving? Come back. My family. All right. I'm sorry. You all misspoke. Guys, we'll see you in the primo. I hope if you guys are inspired by that, maybe you can have a family too, which is only recognized by the institution of marriage. If you're watching this with your partner, maybe on like a television in a messy room on a couch or a chair, gaming chair while she's on your bed, get her pregnant. Fuck it. You know? Fuck it. Just get her pregnant. And tell her Slime sent you. And tell her Slime. Until the slime was here Okay