Ep 259: Daniel Sloss - Thanksgiving Treat

(upbeat music) - Happy Thanksgiving. - Hey, hey, we might be drunk, we're here. Daniel's lost, everybody. - Looking fit, too, look at that. - Thanks, man. - You're in the gym. - Yes, only so I don't kill myself. - Yes, me, too. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I'm one of those. - Yeah. - There's those who are like the vanity lifters and then there's like, I just gotta sweat out, gym. - Yeah, mine's just a bit, there's certainly a bit of a variety to it, but I'm here for two weeks. It's the longest I've been away from my family since the beginning, like a full family, so I'm just like, if I regressed what I used to be before I was a father, I would be drinking until 3 a.m., waking up and smoking, waiting until it's. - Let's get you there. - Yeah, that's what we're here. - I think we start with the McCallan. - McCallan's a fucking unbelief. - Oh no, McCloed, McCloed. - McCloed. - McCloed, McCloed. - Ah. - 28 years old. - Hey, that's legal. - That's legal. - Now we're talking. - Almost with two olds. - Yeah, a little two. - That's a little. - That's a leanar to capital. - Past human trafficking crime, I would say. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, the numbers you're getting for a 20 year old is much, much lower. - You got a hand in these traffickers, 'cause you'd think you'd see some of these buses going back and forth, but they hide 'em pretty well. - They put birds post-run it. - Oh, they're fully loaded, too. - I just got that. - Also, if you need any, you know, fucking advice on how to traffic women, Andre Tate, or 90%, 90% of his podcasts. - That's true. I've never listened. - It's like all the accusations that came out about him being a human trafficker are from just podcasts, where he tells you exactly what, how he gets women into sex work, how he makes sure they're isolated from their friends. - They grab her on trial for murder. He's like, "I didn't even shot anyone "like all the music." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Really, 'cause you filmed two seasons of "I murdered this bitch." (laughing) - It smells pretty good. - All right. - I should go right. - What do you say? - No, I. - It's too good for I, should I? - I don't wanna be too, I can get occasionally potentials about whiskey, but Annie. - We gotta start with this one. - We're gonna start with this one. (laughing) - You don't do things giving over there across the pond. - No, nor fourth of July, you know. - Right, it makes sense. - It was when you beat us. - The Lockwood. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Hey. - Right to see you. - Hey. - Slánches. Woo! 12 years sober down the drain. - Holy shit, that's amazing. - Oh, that is gorgeous, yeah, yeah. - That's smooth, that's fine. - Wow. - So this is your producer working. I have the worst mic technique in the fucking game for a professional comedian. - You good? Oh, you came in, all right. - You came in and fixed it. I regularly on podcasts afterwards. People have been like, have you ever done a fucking podcast in your goddamn life? Do you know how microphones work? Do you still think it's there? (laughing) - There you go. - There you go. - There you go. - That's awesome. - Yeah, dude. You're like the maybe the most world traveler of any comedian. - John Mark was giving me a run for my money now. Also, Jimmy Carr, well, hey, fluffy was unbelievable. - Oh, yeah. - Everywhere I've been in the world. - But he doesn't have long. - You know, so it's gonna be you. (laughing) - Before, when we started doing like, European stuff, the people that were regularly had to be by several years. Where it was like, Russell Peters, Pablo Francisco, any of the ones that got like famous from like, OG YouTube dates. Like the people that just walked out, they're like, okay, I might burn an hour by putting fucking it out there, but there's no other way for it to hit Europe. I mean, that's Pablo Francisco, two, it was doing like a thousand, two thousand seats and Sweden back in like 2018. Sorry, 2020, 2008. I wanna say. - Wow. - Just, yeah, yeah. I remember who does out there and he was just, and he was not a promoter before Pablo got out there. He just chanced as fucking luck. - Right. - Message to whoever Pablo's agents were. I'm like, I can probably set up a couple of gigs in Sweden, black, this way fully into it. Still a promoter, no, a promoter bill where. But he's blacked his fucking way in. - Damn, what was your move? You could just get on American TV or YouTube or what was it? - He went on Conan back and then he was on the old Conan sets. - Conan was a big sort of booster, but what really fuck me up is like, so did Conan a couple of times and then my agent was like, do you wanna tour Europe and I'm like, no, I don't wanna go to a place where there's no, there's no worst type of person in the world than a British ex-pat, right? - No. - There they are. - Environment, whatever country they are in. - Yeah. - You did the worst. - Why is that? - Because they'll sit in fucking Spain or France and they'll complain about the culture. I've done gigs in Singapore to fucking ex-pats, right? Where you can get like fresh made Singaporean noodles from a guy like fucking cutting all this wheat into a boiling bowl of fresh fucking broth. And then you'll get to British people and they're like, you can't get a good burger in this country. - Right. - You're like, fucking kill yourself, huh? - Honey, why can't you do that, man? - We do that. - We're like, you're gonna slice a pizza in LA and 4 a.m. What the hell? - It's like, what do you think? Fuck, that's fabulous. - It's everywhere now. - That's true. - But yeah. - There's a place that's figured it out in every city, right? - You gotta experience. - Yes. - Hunter, yeah. - Exactly. - And then, and then when I did, you're up for the first time. I think Lithuania was one of our first gigs and my opener went out, smashed. I went on first joke, best joke I had, just fucking silence. And I was like, what the fuck? So I then like do a joke about like acknowledging the lack of laughter, round of applause. And I'm like, okay, good, I got them back. And then I do, I'm like, okay, let's keep them in. I'll do my second best joke. Goes out, fucking silence. And when I make a joke about that, off the cuff, they fucking lose their minds. And I'm like, is this fucking opposite world? - We little Lithuania in the front row just sticks his hand up as I do the setup for my third joke. I go, yeah, he goes, any joke you've done on the internet, we've all seen. - Oh, because like that's any joke that you've done on Conan or anything like this, we've all seen because that's how we watch British and American standup. - Right. - We watch it all online. - But if I see a bit, I'll usually laugh again. - Yeah, if it's been a minute, you know, it's been a couple of weeks. - Oh, I think this was pretty, yeah. - I mean, I agree. I listen to and watch standup specials repeatedly. - Sure. - You know, two or three times a year, depending on who's as good of us. - I've watched Nick Mullen's special three times a year, just 'cause I think it's especially when you're fucking stone hits. - French and Indian war. It's been a small years more. - More and more, more and more time. - Yeah, more and more than playing over the movies. - That's for free. - Folks, can you imagine the smell? Oh, God, it gives me peace. Also, the employee is Stephen Hawking. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - Everyone, look with the nerds watching if you can't get poor. - That's true. - Thank you. - I was just in Finland, and I'm kind of struggling, health sinky, and you know, full house kind of struggling, maybe a thousand people there, and then at some point, I was like, okay, you guys are tough, and then this guy raises hand in the front row, and I go, what's up? And he goes, why don't more comedians come here? And I was like, have you seen the reaction? I mean, I pulled out the A stuff here. It's almost, when a crowd member raises his hand, you're too polite to kill that, to kill in that room. - Yay. - No one in America is just like, who's like, excuse me, may I have the floor? No, they just fucking heckle. - Right. - You know, like, you want that kind of like energy. You don't want them to think too much. I feel like that's a due to thought. - Yeah, good point. - I don't know. - So, to finish out internal laughers, because the scientists of the Scandinavians, and they will openly admit that. And it's because they're the one that's going to be on like the front line against Russia. They've always, they've always had one eye on the fucking board. I'd be like, these, these fucking, these, it's just 'cause they're an international trade. Doesn't mean they've stopped being fucking bastards. - Right, and they keep, they keep saying, we're the happiest people in the world. That's what the internet says. I'm like, on the inside of the happy. - But I think the sandwiches killed themselves. So like, the other ones are just dead. They killed themselves, so they're having the laugh. - The aliens are kind of dark. - Oh yeah, definitely. - I've seen their movies, they're fucking the darkest. - That's true. - Do you ever see a movie speak no evil? No, I'm not coming. - Oh my God, the ending is a darkish, I couldn't believe it. - Yeah, that's too much for me. - All you need to know about this movie is it's Ron on Hershberg's favorite movie. - Oh, geez. - And that's all you have to know that you leave going, what the fuck? - Yeah, that's why. - That's gross. And also they, they do a lot of vampire shit over there. - A lot of vampire shit. Yeah, look at the screaming. You know, bad shit's happening just from that still. - Yeah, is that James McVoy? He's in the, he's in the remake. - Oh, okay. - The second version. - I'm gonna say he's-- - With the different ending, by the way. - Oh, back to his happy, they do a Hollywood ending for that one. - Oh, fuck that. - I hope I didn't give too much away, but I gave it all away. - Well, I'm not, I can't watch scary movies. I'm a big, big, big guy. - I don't like scary movies either, but he pushed me on it. He's like, you have to, I have friends who love scary movies and they don't take no for an answer. - Yeah, so you gotta watch, you like movies, you gotta watch them like, I don't. - It's, I think it's like, I love roller coasters, and sometimes people don't like fucking roller coasters, but like, there's something in there, there's just something in the goddamn brain, but I think that people who like horror, they just tickles like that. - You like real fear? That's weirder to me. - Oh yeah. - Yeah. - Oh, no, man, I fucking, I trust a bunch of bikers who have ever built the machine, you know, fuck it, it's, it's Mark, it's Mark fear. Like, I've, roller coasters aren't leaving my imagination to do most of the work. Like, it's a direct experience of fear. I'm strapped and I get horror movies, is there like, how fucked up is your imagination? I'm like, brain fucked up, man. Please don't, please don't, please don't play with that. Like, if you put a scary movie on, I will think about that in bed. Even though I don't believe in ghosts, even though I'm not fucking shooting any of that shit, my imagination's like, well, there was a movie about it. (laughing) - And on the flip side, it's why you're like porn. - Yeah. This could happen. I'm thinking about it in bed and this could be me. It won't but it could it could as a kid It made you stick around that that when she calls you after class a little too long. You're like, let's see Yes, yes, just in case I don't think it's gonna happen. Let's see the babies are just coming. You never know I knew a guy who banged the babysitter. He was like really eighth grade or whatever. Oh, and is she in jail now? Oh, sorry No, I don't think it was a different time You know, you could fuck a young boy and he were like a hero. Who's the age difference? I think it was like that Malaney joke was like a horse watching a dog, you know, it's probably she was probably like 14 and he was eight Can't fucking eight play it. No, yeah, that can't hold on. She was probably that's an outright right like you're not even a horny Sorry, she was probably 18. He was 14 something like that. Huh still illegal, but he was into it I mean that parents paid for a prostitute. Whoa, they thought they were gonna babysitter. That's a prostitute. Good point Man, there's a bunch of like stories about that in the UK of like dads who buy their son like a Sex worker on their own. Yeah, fuck that earn it, dude. Yeah, I'm not helping my son get laid He's got my second name if that doesn't do it. You don't deserve or ask all whatever he's into right, right? If he wants to, but if he's gay, he's not gonna have trouble getting. No, that's I evenly ugliest gaze. Yes, if they if they want it They get fun nicknames. Yeah, yeah, you're a bear. No, there's no straight nickname for an ugly straight Yeah, in tail That's on a good one comedian. A bear is positive. Yeah, a bear what else is positive? What else? It's all positive. It's a bit of a slur But people like they've twink fetishes. They do like it. That's true. No one has an in-sell fetish If they did, there would be a problem No girls like you know when I really want to fuck a dude who plays Call of Duty 12 hours a day. That'd be awesome I want to fuck a man who hates me Maybe actually some of them yeah There was a serial killer fetish, right? Yeah, but is that being is that being fucked over? Is that just like also? The serial kills get shit done in cells don't they just sit in their room. But serial killers. They like those your body if anyone's Anyone's finding the clip. It's a man who's cut off 12 Well, the serial killers they like them, but they don't like the mass shooters. No Too easy. Yeah, still skill that's true killer. Well, because they're willing to commit to one at a time And Ted Bundy's representing himself in court. He's getting shit done. Yeah, he did He's escaped his old fucking they just left the back of the days when they just left windows open Exactly like you they really they really were like daring you to escape back Yeah, yeah, we're just gonna go take a lunch break. You stay here, right? Remember the American police force was started by the Irish. So there's gonna be some gaping fucking holes For a while that's true, but yeah, well, where had we get on this oh the babysitter. Yeah, yeah That is pretty hard. What what gender? Maybe did you get a boy? You got a boy boys are good. Yes boys are good. I got one of each Nice, that's what I'm hoping for we're hoping for another one. Yeah, if you do have a girl This is this is gonna sound like really really fucked up advice, but I just need you to mentally prepare for that because nobody warned me Don't fuck it. Don't do it. Good. I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me you're not gonna do it. I'll get a babysitter for that Baby vaginas are Fuck their fuck like they come out like swollen They come because all every part of a baby is super small. It's a baby The vagina comes out and you're and like they just send you in like if your your job as a dad is to change the first fucking diaper If you're actually pushed out fucking baby, though you can be on point there and a dick Yeah, it's easy to wipe the shit off of a dick. She has any gay guy When you get like a baby even it's swollen you got a wipe down in a way you can't get If you get any shit in that thing there like infections infections against bad at all nobody Nobody prepared. Oh, the real meat Peter. Oh, yeah Ducks down when you just have an excellent line, and I know it always made me laugh before I was a dad Just because it was a funny vision. It wasn't until my daughter was born that went to fuck. He was like It's something been punched in the eyes punched in the eye and he was like it was swollen like a baby Yeah, I always just laughed at that for how just like a like a visceral image of what's my head? Normally the first thing you're meant to feel when you look at your daughter for the first time he's got a lot of my daughter I'm like, I just reminds me of Ducks down Tell me Thanksgiving, folks Doug is poetic. I mean he is. Oh, it's one of the in terms of like painting a fucking picture Yeah, well, he's a couple that one of my love I quote all the time as when he says on one of his albums He goes when I do comedy. It's like I'm taking you in the war. You're not all gonna be here at the end That's amazing in the one that Bobby Barnett bit where he's just you know He's the whole story about picking up a woman and it's like, you know I said all the right things that that night, you know, she hated cigarettes. I was trying to cut back She hated long hair. I was trying to quit. It's just like it's like out of a movie Yeah, yeah, and then I don't think there's any like in the newer generation and include our generation of comics and that as well I don't think there'll be another stand hope I think like what because he was a proper road dog Yes, and he was doing weird as fucking places in Europe Way before as well before. Yeah for me. He was doing like fucking Iceland and all the darker places I imagine he reps in Finland. Yeah, it's anyone fucking reps in Finland Yeah, it's duck's down hope. Yeah, yeah, look at that. Oh, yeah, he went to Ukraine. So we fucking dead. Yeah Yeah, we had him on here. It was a fun one man. Oh, he showed up at the seller that night. He was a No one expect it was like a rare time to see a tell smile to Cuz Dave was like, oh, he won't calm. I said he said he would and he's like now He would stay at the airport hotel if he could each New York City and he showed up and we yep. Were you there that night? No, I missed it We drank to like super late we're drinking the Doug stand hope, which is just I think grapefruit juice Vika soda. Oh But that's how he keeps going. Yeah first comic I ever saw live. Oh, yeah Yeah, and he was so shit face. He barely got a word out, but I was like this is fun Yeah But great show. Yeah, it's been a while since I've seen Kai my friend open for a couple of times in the UK And just yeah, he's also he's one of his such a nice bloke. Yes, great guy. Yeah, now he's in his kind of like I'm wearing my leisure suits. I sit in a busby Arizona, and I drink and I go out every now and then face He'd be a dude that if you saw in the Delta sky club because I feel like he wears that so proudly. I'd be so pumped. Oh hell Yeah, just to do you miss your flight. You definitely miss your flight But you don't know you're going a new adventure. Yeah, you're like, I'm going to Cleveland. He's like I'm going to Fucking Gaza, you know what he did is he he tried to get he where he didn't hit diamond one year So he just went on like a 36 hour. Oh, that's right. He just flew all over the world to hit diamond Delta there's people who do that like they work out like the longest flights that they can do to build up I think Alex Gidelman was telling me that his brother did that for a while It was the cheapest. He worked at the cheapest and most efficient way to get all the air miles, and I was like man You're doing the Jewish stereo time. Yeah, I know Now when you're you're on the road you miss the kids. How do you how do you handle that? Yeah, yeah So the worst thing you can do is a comedian for your careers have children like I know I've been here for a week And like normally I would be on the road for like two three months. Sure Can bring my wife out. So you know, probably choose my girlfriend. Have fun Yeah, a week is the like I fucking I miss I miss the cancer wall. It's a lot of faith you're the FaceTime dad Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and that's not a good thing. I don't want them to like recognize me through a fucking screen, but it's only now like before after my daughter was born I took Eight months off to just like be good the entire time were you itching though that during that eight months? No, I'm gonna and I hate it coming back to stand up because I imagine you finish a fucking tour right and you're going to new material right new Materials already like bit nerve-racking, but but you've gone the exp you've just been on tour for two years Your form is through the roof your materials are zero, but your forms are a hundred you take eight months off Your form is a zero and your materials are fucking zero I'd also you've just been a dad for eight months. I don't even get up. You don't even what was a home-based read him right? So you can't even just get up. I could but I just I didn't want to I just want to like I what I Because I've been to a recent yeah, I wanted to like I've been turning so relentlessly in thought and constantly like stand-up comedy was the number one Priorit of my life for 16 years. Well, no wonder you dreaded it though so much going back as you're like I'm a fucking cripple right now In every sense or and I felt like a fucking I felt like a cripple like Because I was also I was being a bit to Um Like too much of a wanky fucking purist. I was like you know going back. I want to just like go to I'll go to clubs Um, where people don't really know who I am. I'll perform to a fucking neutral audience and I would go out And I do I wasn't I wasn't eating shit, but I wasn't doing great. I was finding my fucking fear again Yeah, my wife that was like why don't you just watch what instead of going play to a neutral audience Why don't you fucking go and play to your own audience one time and just get that confidence back up If you've never ridden a bike before you don't start at the top of a ramp It's been a couple of years and you've run a bike you will find your fear again. You don't and start in the skate park for 10 years of not bike. - But there's other part of you were like, I feel guilty doing this horse shit set for my friend. - My friend, my friend. - It feels like cheating. - 'Cause that's what I was doing during COVID. I remember doing those like hotel shows 'cause I'd be like, I gotta write new shit. - Yeah. - But I was like, luckily their bar for entertainment was so low at that time. - That's true. - But yeah, no, you feel guilty. I ran into a guy once and he was like, I saw you fucking working out jokes in Dania Beach, it fucking sucked. - No. - I was like, it was built as a workout show and he goes, still, it's like, damn. - Yeah. - How bad was I? I remember going well. - I saw some comedy fans fucking love the other work of programs. - Exactly. - 'Cause I've got people that come to multiple iterations of the show 'cause they're like, same as going, right. But then you've also got people who are blown away. They're like, I saw you two weeks ago and you did the same jokes. - Ah. - You're like, what do you think a fucking tourist? - I know. - It's the same type. - Yeah, a lot of people don't know that. And more people know that obviously with podcasts but a lot of people don't know that. So you just do the same. I'm like, no, I tweak it a little. It's not exactly the same. - We're sure. - When I started stand up, like, when I was like, 16, 17, I loved stand up like watching on TV, watching it on fucking VHS and stuff. But like, I had this thing of like, I didn't like when I'd seen like a comedian do mock the week and then I saw the one turn they did like some of the same things. So me being a dumbass 17 year old, I was like, I'm never gonna repeat jokes at any venue. So if I do this five minutes here, the next time I come back to that venue, I'll have to do a different five and then I'll come up with a different five next time. And thankfully, like, two months into my career an old alcoholic was like, hey, just let you know. That's, like, that's like the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my fucking life. - But it probably instilled something in you that made you prolific. So I remember seeing you on Conan when you were young, being like, who the fuck is this kid? - Yeah, where he's got a new six every few months. - And it was all good. I was like, what, we would send each other? - In the group chat, it'd be a mean norm and enlist. And we send late night sets to each other where, we're like, oh, this is good. And if you look at the whole thread, it's like, this guy's a heck, fuck him. He's like, and then they're like, what's this guy? - Depends what you put on my coat. I'm sure it's having my coolest spots. We're saying like, well, he's fucked up this time. - Oh, yeah. No, I was definitely buzzed on a couple of those too. 'Cause they get, 'cause they were just pretty, like, do you want a drink or something? They'd be like, is that allowed? Yeah, I'm good, I'm good. I'm good, I'm good at buzz, yeah. Also, I'd such a fucking hard time, not a hard time, but like, coming to America for the first time, and just how legal and prevalent Marijuana was. I was like, this is what they mean by the first. - What's the situation in Edinburgh with? - It's decriminalized now, but that's basically because, I think about five years ago, the chief of police of Scotland was like, we're not busting people for weed anymore, because there's a waste of resources that absolutely nobody cares. Like, if we, any, like-- - Amsterdam's lost a lot of its juice now that everywhere is like, you can just take it from here. - But I'm saying I'm fucking, they'll be happy with it, 'cause they hate British tourists. - Oh. - Because, so broad are the worst in the world. Like, Americans abroad, there's the stereotypes that like, they're loud, they're obnoxious. But, the Americans abroad are the best, to Americans, they're the ones that travel. They're the ones that have, like-- - Yeah, it takes a little more work to get there. - Yeah, and that's not a great, like, I hate when fucking Brits and Europeans are like, oh, you know, the only 40% of Americans own passports? And you're like, do you know how big America is? - Nah. - You're aware of like the fucking signs of, like, in terms of what you can experience in this country, you can experience every-- - Those are expensive to travel. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you've got the desert here, you've got the fucking Arctic here, you've got fucking forest here, you've got villages, you've got manages, you've got mountains. - Like, you're the state like North Carolina, they've got everything. - Yeah, California. - You've got beaches, you've got-- - The only thing you don't have is history. (laughing) And I know you're like, oh, what about American history? Like, if people are alive to experience it, no longer gonna-- - Make up for that with fentanyl. - Yeah, we're forgetting every day. - Yeah, you've crammed a lot in. You've crammed a lot into your two different places. - It is crazy to see how bad the fentanyl problem is here, and then you go abroad and you're like, oh, there's just, these streets are peaceful, and there's no litter in anywhere. - I know, it's crazy. - But, downside days are cool, 'cause shit. - Yeah, like-- - Well, it's coke is shit everywhere, I feel like now. - Oh, we got good coke. - Would you, would you do coke and we've never done it to begin with-- - I've never done it. - And either of I, because you've never done coke? - I was scared straight by this fucking I used to be gay. I was scared straight by my coach. He was like, when we were young, he was just like pulling up Len bias, Boston Celtics. Oh, D's the first fucking time he does a line. Darryl Johnston, offensive tackle. Oh, D's at his bachelor party. Just bring up statistics of guys who died instantly from bad coke, and I was like, oh fuck, I'm not touching it. - At the end, he was like, pussy's. (laughing) - They died doing what they loved, being fucking losers. (laughing) - My stagdoo was in Vegas. I brought like, fucking 24 British comics over. - Why Vegas? - Jesus. - Because I'm not from America. Like, I love Vegas. - Right. - I love Vegas. That's not a fucking option where I'm from. - But what's the equivalent for like Americans to go there that you'd be like, oh. - Oh, girl, I'm, oh, fucking anywhere in Spain. Like, Benador, Mallorca, all the tourist fucking spots. Like, oh, why would you go there? The worst of our country goes to there too. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, and when we got there, 'cause my son was about a year and a half old at this point 'cause he's a bastard because I'm a cool. (laughing) And I was like, I'm not doing coke. I'm a dad now, there's no chance I'm doing any coke. And my friends were like, all right, we'll go to Vegas. I'm like, no, man, I've been to LA. And I was like, oh, that's big. - Real fucking problem. So they got a comic, it will remain nameless from LA. And they were like, we need you to get coke that you weekend can't get in the car with. - Joe DeRosa. - You're not far off. (laughing) It wasn't Joe DeRosa, but you're in the right vein. And yeah, the friend of mine got like, I don't wanna exaggerate it too much. But it was like a hundred grams of coke, which they, 'cause there's 25 of us. So we're doing all, and we got through that coke in the first two nights. - Wait, so you said you're not doing coke? And then they're like, we just brought coke. You're like, all right, I'll do it. - Well, so the guy they did, it was like, this is guy I've always been buying from. He tested it in front of me. He's done it in front of me. He's fine. We were very thorough about this. And I'm still nervous, still nervous. And then one of my friends who's not a comedian, who's just a war vet and he was like, I'll fucking, I'll do it. He's like, I've put my life on the line for a country. I don't even like that much anymore. I'll fucking do a line of coke for one of my best friends. And we racked him up a little one. He's like, if I'm going in, I'm going fucking in. Like we gotta find out what this is. And he must have racked up almost close to a full gram. And we all just watched him rail it. And like he's like, he's like, it smells great. Feels fucking good. And 25 minutes later we were like, that's good enough for us. That's fucking weird in here. You know Charlie Sheen? Wow, that's incredible. So how was the night? Was the night wild? Oh, man, I was, I was, you want to stay with, I only do, we have other stuff you could try as well. I mean, that was delicious. I've got a lot of wool in as well. I thought it was just a little bit of this one tonight. It's really nice, it's so nice. Very nice. So the first night I was so fucked that they let me go to bed. Like normally the buck doesn't get to choose when to go to fucking bed. But I think it was like half five in the morning. I stumbled up to the boys. I'm like, well, I might go to sleep. And they were like, yeah, you're almost definitely shoot. Like all the cocaine you've taken, you've, I was also, it's man, it's fucking Vegas. I was, I was taking countless intervals. Sure. I'm drinking five years. And this city's already built to not sleep in. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know gambling? Are you seeing a show? Are you in circus or late? Gambling. We gambling. We went to the fucking show. We did a lot of gambling, lot of drinking. Went to some shows, took a helicopter. With a fucking crime canyon. At one point, because I paid. So I paid for all the boys to come out. Because I didn't want to outpriced any of my friends. So what we-- What the fuck? This must have been, what, hundreds of thousands? No, I've got helicopters in blow here. Well, so I think I don't know what the budget for it ultimately was at the end. But like I'd said to Kai, what he'd done was he was like, for a full year of our podcast, he was like, I'll just not pay you any of the Patreon money, right? And we can just fucking save that up. So over the over a year, I think that amounted to maybe 20, 30 grand. OK. I was like, cheapest flight for the boys. Cheapest fucking hotel. I'll get them all over there. Because I don't want to outpriced any of my mates. And I want to fucking-- Brett's in Vegas is mind-blowing. It's not fucking hack. It's exciting. It's new. We've seen it in the movies. We've seen it in the TV shows. I mean, we very quickly realized on day three that six days were too many. We could have told you that. Oh, bad. Three days in. We were like, fuck, boys. It's like, I don't know what we're doing. What do you do at a certain point there? Well, one of the great ones they did was with it. Because they were so grateful that I'd fucking flown them over. They were being super kind to me. Like, they was not being shady, but ultimately great. They booked a suite, like a penthouse room in the MGM grand for two nights, for just me to stay in on the condition that they got to do a roast of me, just in the fucking room. So we were all-- we were coaxed out of our fucking nuts, and we recorded it, and we shouldn't record it. Because it's comedians with no audience roasting each other. What are we having a horse? Don't know what I'm saying. All right, jokes, and set up a thing. What do you do? Yeah, I want to get fucked up. I have homework, and I write jokes. I write them a lot of work. Yeah, they wrote them all on the fucking plate. It was great. That's incredible. That is memorable. That's great. That's great. The blow makes it more fun. There's a bunch of guys grinding their teeth, shitting on you. Mark and I are weirdly similar in our fear of coke and like it's just always been boosted. Don't do it now. You start a coke in your 20s, you start up in your 30s. If you're doing your first light in your late 30s, early 40s, but come on. You know that now. You can't do it now. Man, I can help me with the housework. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and Kanye used to do before the French started every year. We get back a coke and just to clean the house before the start. That's great. Man, I would find myself cleaning the inside of Ben's and I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, you never think of cleaning the inside of a fucking Ben, but it's got to be done. That's where germs are coming from. You know, you put the positives of coke. This is good. I remember, I remember we were out with Jim Jeffery's like way back in the day and I remember across the room, he was like doing this to me and I was like, does he have allergies? I know this one. I was that fucking naive. Is he being anti-Samanic? I was like, I suppose it is a little pointed. Later, he's like, after that, he's like, we get a Jim Jeffery. Now his cousin, he got a hooker because he was in a wheelchair. Yeah. So that's a muscular dystrophy. Yeah. I think it was like a childhood friend down there. That was childhood friend. Okay. That was one of his big bits. Oh my god. That thing was incredible. It's one of my favorites. I think that's my alcohol. Alcoholic? Alcoholic? I think it was that. Great title. He was hammered in that one. Yeah, and he sobered now. Oh, he's Callie sober. Yeah, he's a big part head. Which is so funny because I mean, I never got to do, look, I'm so glad for Jim in this variety. I think that's great. If I could go back and dive and do coke with like, I'd love to do care with fucking Jeffery's back in the day. Oh, yeah. I reckon I would have been a god. I don't know if there's some good coke with some pretty fucking cool people, but Jeffery's I think would be would be up there. Yeah. Can you can you name any of the cool people? Yeah, absolutely. I'll set up you know me. I'll sell anyone to them. Mother Teresa. No. Well, the more like for the more like four me were cool ones. I was like the British comics. Sorry, the comedians on the British say, nah, I grew up. Well, like Glen Wolves Canadian comics. Oh, I love Glen. And I love Glen. He was a big one for me. Mike Wilmon. I don't know if you know Mike again. Lots of Canadians go to the UK, just develop a fucking career and end up staying there because it's easier to tour the UK than it is to tour Canada. Right. Just in terms of drives and everything. And they also have like weird politics with the clubs in Canada. That's true. And be funny if this got dark and like and then Geraldo last night there, headberg. I've done coke in some fucking great places. I've done coke off of, I probably shouldn't tell the story. I've done coke off of Hitler's toilet. There was, yeah, there's, it wasn't a toilet that Hitler actually used, but there was a place in the UK where if Hitler was captured at the end of the war, then they were going to imprison him because you can't put him in a standard prison. And they had this sort of room set aside for his prison. And I got access to what was meant to be his cell. And I was like, I have to do cocaine. Wow. Is that it? Yep. Yeah, that's the story. Yeah, that goes to one of the left. Yep. Oh, wow. But he was supposed to go there. He was supposed to go there. Yeah, he was supposed to go there instead of Argentina. Right. Wow. For the, for the, for the, for the, look at that. He's got a little book table there. Yeah. A little mind comfortable. Yeah, that's fun. Berlin today newspaper right there. He's got a window too. This guy's living large. Yeah, by the way, Barcelona, we mentioned tourism. They hate tourists. They fucking hate. They hate. They have all these graffiti everywhere. They hate tourists. Tourism went through the floor. How much of business were like, please bring them back. Every time I'm annoyed by a parade or something, I'm like, yeah, it's fucking, it's good for the city. With Spanish people, they, they, they're napping during the day. They're dumb people. It's the only, it's the only place in Europe I want to. What? Yeah, I had a good show in Barcelona. I've performed there four times and I've never not hated every second. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Which is weird, because Portugal's the best. Portugal is fun. I got to hit there. Oh, that's beautiful. Lisbon and Porto. Love, love them. Yeah, that's a, that's one of the prettiest cities I've ever been to do. Yeah, yeah. Food's amazing. Everything Spain wishes was. And they don't know, and their culture isn't based around a fucking nap. Right. Part identity. I like when Slask gets fired up on a call. Oh, man, anyone that's easy to hear any of my, my, they'll be so bored of me just constantly doing my why I hate the Spanish route. The Spanish? You don't hear them getting taken down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And enough with the paella. We get it. Have them it stuck to the pan. Yeah, also just make a full-sized meal, guys. I know. What's the late dinner bugs? Oh, because they're fucking naps here in the day. I don't like it. I don't, maybe we're getting older. I don't like a late dinner. No, 10 p.m. 10 p.m. for five hours. I don't get fun. Hold on. Late dinner, I'm sorry. I'll tell you one thing I like that I see, and I guess it's maybe more Paris, but you see in Europe more is the foot pedal flusher. I'm down. I like the foot pedal flusher. I love it. Yeah, you don't have to touch a dirty ass thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the foot pedal sink thing too. Yeah, I kind of like that. Why are we not doing more of that? Some planes have it too. Yeah, the foot pedal. I don't like the, it's Austrian, and it's other parts of Europe. The poo inspection plant. Come again. There's the toilets. Just have like a bit of the ward that you poo on. Oh, like a shelf. Yeah, like a shelf. Yeah, you can look at your shit. Yeah, there you go. What's in zoom in on that? That's tough on a mystery. It's the one of the second one. Yeah, just a fucking. It's in slow motion. Yeah, that I don't need the shelf. Yeah, what is that? Yeah, it's going to get stuck. Yeah, that's like, I don't know, I get it. The only question when you when you when you skid the hotel ball, do you clean it? No, I do my best to piss it off. Yeah, that's the game. You could you've created a mini game, but sometimes they don't put enough water in there and I'm like, this is the plumbing issue. This is not on me. Yeah, what am I? They have cleaners. Yeah, but that's it is your poop. It's pretty gross. That's true. And I try to get it, but they should always have the brush. Love the Brianna plunger for that matter. Yeah, I did coke off that. Off the shelf. That was actually a girl. But the but days are really coming in hot everywhere. Oh, but they at home. So what the jab, do you know, do the jab toilets? Yeah, they are unbelievable. Oh, man, I love it. Why, but do they have bidet always? Well, they they it's the thing that comes out and it shoots. Thanks for supporting Japanese and that one. Yeah. Yeah, I love those toilets. They're like heated seat. There's like a control panel on the side. Yeah, it's in the winter. Scuses, scuses, warrant directly up your arse. And if you if you sit, if you sit the angle right, obvious thing to you, you can have a slight animal. Yeah, I'm in. Yeah, it's great. You'll meet people who are homophobic sometimes with the like you fucking squirt water off your ass and like the alternative is a finger. Yeah, it's not that like what's it's not a gay thing. Yeah. Also, I can't understand the monopoly that fucking toilet paper is had for a hundred. We've not there's like how are we still wiping our ass with fucking paper? It's insane. It's a crazy. It's insane. It was on your hand or your arm. You'd use water. If it was in your fucking air, you wouldn't just get like a bit of toilet paper and be like, well, that's all the poo gone from my god down at the very least you got to bring the wipes. The wipes are big, but they're bad for the environment apparently. Yeah, but and if I can't get the chasing off my arm, I put my dick around and I try and piss them off. Yeah, that's the best way. That's pretty good. That's the Scottish Japanese toilet. Damn. Yeah. Yeah, the birth rate is through the floor, but their asses are clean. You know, adult diapers sell better in Japan than than child. Fun fact. Oh, damn. Is that like it for for gross fetish reasons? Ah, there's just so many old people and no kids. Oh, yeah, we got a sense. So sad. Once you're strapping that on, it's time to time to pack it in. Yeah, it's also if you've got adult diapers, it's time you don't get to vote anymore. Like you're at the age where there has to be a car if there's a car that you can't vote when you're five years old. Right. You also can't vote when you're 70, right? If we if I'm leaving a restaurant and you're coming or fucking a president is usually 80. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't get to order your fucking meal when you come into a restaurant. If you are overly, if you're over there, you're fucking 70. You can't drive a car. You don't get to choose the next car because you'll be dead. Who gives a fuck? Yeah, you voted the most times. That's true. You don't get to decide the rest of the fucking future. And if you do vote over there, just 70, it comes directly. You have to pay. It comes out your fucking pension directly. I like it. Do we already have a voting problem in this country though? Yeah, no one's going to pay to vote. Did you vote today? I will tomorrow. Wait, but it is today. It's today. Oh, it's a vote later today then. I thought it was tomorrow. No, it's today. I went today and they're like, this is the wrong place. And I was like, ah, fuck. It's I have to go later, I guess. Yeah, you got to do what the Aussies do. So the Aussies, it's illegal to not vote. What do you get? Find a thousand bucks or a bit more, but what and they nobody works on voting day because they want everyone to vote. But what this does is it stops and they've got a multi party system as well. But this stops them ever having a far right or a far left government because if you force it, because the middle is voting because they have to. So it's like a really good Do we long? I'm sure we'll have Aussies in the comments being like, explain all these fucking cycles that we've got. But in general, it's such a smart way to-- - I like that a lot. And also, in Singapore, it's illegal to not save money. They make a law that you have to save money, which I think is genius, 'cause then everybody's set. - Yeah, yeah, okay. Well, just like in an amount. Also, Singapore is one of the, like, I love Singapore 'cause it's legitimately safe. Like, the idea is like, you can leave your phone-- - It is not illegal to not save money. - Yeah, fuck. Maybe I had the wrong country. Country does have a mandatory social security saving scheme. - So they save money, they save money for you. - Yeah, that's good. - Okay, sorry. Much like they take our taxes out, they take save out for them. But yeah, Singapore is safe as shit, Japan is safe as shit. - But yeah, but Japan's safe because I don't feel like it's just a cultural thing. Singapore is safe because the punishment is fucked. - Right. - Like, why will no people-- - It's not worth it. - No, nobody will steal it. If you were to leave $1,000 on a fucking table at 1 a.m. in a pub in Singapore, you could come back a day later and it'd still be there. - Do you get cocky? Do you watch some bills and-- - That's skinny. - Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, on my phone. Been like, I've only got a million on me right now. - Yeah. - Didn't do the roughest neighborhoods. (laughing) - Yeah, that's true. I guess that's why Rihanna was always acting right. - Yeah. - All right. (laughing) Shit. The punishment was so bad, you get it. All right. Is it weird to have all this Thanksgiving theme stuff? Here we go. - It's very white girl. - That's true. - Super white girl. - You're a white girl, man. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, you're a white woman. He puts thought into it. I appreciate that. - But I am-- - I don't think putting is for you. - Great. It also just looks like a giant job. Like a big, big shit. But it looks-- - We wiped it off. - That's on the shelf, my hotel room. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm clearly from a height because it's been flattered. - All right. - You're right. - First time I ever did a comedy club in America was the Denver comedy works. - Oh my god. - It started too high. - It's like losing a virginity to a supermodel. - Huh? (laughing) - And I went out there to try the material before doing my first Conan spot. I get there on the Tuesday. I'm there until the Monday. - Were you downtown or the suburbs? - Downtown. - Ah, the good one. - Yeah, that's what like David tell the Thanksgiving to the memories you're all the day across the river, all the-- - Some of the best comedy albums ever. - Boy, and again, like completely not this bad. Go in to a show in the Wednesday. It's fucking great. And I sit at the staff and I go see you tomorrow and then I know you won't. I was like, I'm booked all weekend. They're like, yeah, but tomorrow's Thanksgiving. It's Thursday. We don't do-- - And you don't know this? - I'm like, fucking no. We don't celebrate Thanksgiving in the UK. We have no idea. So I'm like, all right. Well, I guess I'll just, you know, sit and jog off of my hotel room and get-- and the comedy work staff were like under no circumstance. You're sitting in a fucking hotel room. - Ah. - And they invited me to date. So the only Thanksgiving I've ever had in this country was they invited me to theirs and I fucking loved it. They were stoned from 11 AM. They were all taking it in turns, cooking different fucking parts of the things. There were some bits where I was like, you guys really have to put fucking marshmallow once we put that-- - No. - Because that's good. - That's the book. It's amazing. I could believe it. And of course, when we stoned, oh my God. - Oh, wow. - And like, we all sat around and like, I'm not gonna lie to you. Like the idea of, like, sit down and like, giving your thanks. Ooh, pretty, pretty gay, pretty loosery. But like hearing these people like talk about, like their family, what they were grateful for, the friends that they had in their life. And like, just, you know, to not be alone on Thanksgiving thanks to the people from comedy works. I was like, oh man, I really get and understand this holiday. This is-- - Yes, giving thanks. - This is sweet. Yeah, yeah, I love it. - It's beautiful and that's one of the drunkest clubs that the greatest staff they will get drunk with you. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good time. - Yeah, I love the-- - I remember one year I was at the St. Louis funny bone on Thanksgiving, and Nikki Glazer was there. And she was like, you should come do Thanksgiving with my family. - No way. - And I couldn't, because they did a show on Thanksgiving night. - Ah. - They did? - Yeah, they were like, you know, you have to do a show that night, I was like, really? They're like, yeah, not a happy bunch out. - Yeah. - Not a good thing or nothing to be grateful for. (laughing) - Especially after my sister. (laughing) - Jeez, no, no, it actually wasn't a horrible crowd, 'cause if you were the out on Thanksgiving, it makes some sense, 'cause like, you go to a movie sometimes Thanksgiving night with the folks, right? - Yeah, but my Thanksgiving was always awkward growing up, 'cause my mom is the most giving Jovial ladies, so she'd be at the CVS, and she's like, what are you doing tonight, sugar? And the lady's like, I got nothing. And she'd be like, come over. So we'd have all these, like a bus driver, a CVS lady. The mail man was there. - Guys, you're just holding a knife. - Yeah. We had nothing in common. We had the other guy who was fucking my mom and dad's there. It was always an awkward Thanksgiving. But it was fun. It was nice. It was the spirit. - And how far away is Thanksgiving from now? - November 16th, 17th. - No, it's not. It's like the 28th or something. - It changes every year. It's like MLK's birthday. - Yeah. - Hold on. - That's 27th, that was way off. - Oh, so Thanksgiving's like, and I know you, I've been walking around New York. I know like some of your Christmas decorations that I've made these. Thanksgiving's like a really good holiday to just. - Eat stop people from celebrating Christmas to fucking early. We don't have the stop gap in the UK. The second Halloween decorations are down. It's fucking Christmas in Scotland. - Interesting. - That people are like, 'cause we got no buffer. - Right. - I would say from Thanksgiving, like the Wednesday on Thanksgiving through the end of the year, it might be the most hardcore drinking. - Oh, yeah, so true. - It's like, no, I'll take a little of that with that. - It's 'cause it's all about excess. It's about overeating, over drinking, over family. Over love. - Well, also, it makes sense it's such a heavy drinking holiday. There's always a couple people at that table that you're like, I need a fucking drink to be around this. - Of course, of course. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of admire the idea of, you know, it's such a traditional thing to spend this time with your family when you fucking hate them. - Yes. - 'Cause yeah, we just, I mean, we got, that's kind of Christmas for us. But I guess Thanksgiving is just pure family over here, right? But thanks, I mean, thanks, it was a good transition to go from Halloween to Christmas. You're going from like, ghouls, goblins and scary to Santa. - Santa, and Jesus. - Remember, it's this birthday of Christ our Lord. - Jesus. - Plans, trains, and automobiles. - Perfect, perfect Thanksgiving moving. - Yeah. - Do you know what, do you know what? This is legit, one of the best Christmas movies of all time. The perfect gene has redefined where genes can be. No more crush nuts or saggy diaper butts. Just pure soft, stretchy perfection. Life's too short for denim that fights your every step of the way, yeah, I mean, come on. - Where and right now? - What do we, I mean, they look great on you, by the way. - They look great, they feel great. - These genes move with you, whether you're chasing kids, hopefully not at the playground. - Yeah. - Tackling chores are just chilling like a boss. They've got the perfect lineup to keep you looking sharp and staying cool, including buttery, soft teas, to make your arms and chest pop. Comfort shorts to give your thighs a liberty they deserve. And den khakis that are office approved, but feel like joggers. I mean, yeah, you see Mark and these are comfy as hell. I mean, this is, I don't know if I got them. Did I get a pair? Did I get off them? I'll take a pair of these. - Take a pair and look good. - They're good. I got khakis too, and they're both great. - If you got baggy ones, I like a little baggy. I'm sick of the tight genes. - I agree, I wore them on my special. - They're too, I'm, in my nephew's special, I'm wearing the tightest genes ever. And I was like, I look, I think I'm a fucking rock star. And I look, and I sure as fuck ain't. So it doesn't look cool. - All right, you want a little bit of movement. - Yeah, so yeah, hey, I'd like some perfect genes, guys, if you're listening. For a limited time, I'm baggy. Wayside 32, thanks. Our listeners get 15% off their first order, plus free shipping for the perfect gene.NYC or Google the perfect gene and use code Drunk15 for 15% off. That's 15% off for new customers at the perfect gene.NYC with promo code Drunk15 after your purchase. They'll ask you, will you heard about them? Tell 'em we sent ya. - Yeah, hymns. Confidence shouldn't be complicated. Through hymns, you can skip the guesswork and get access to care that actually fits your lifestyle. 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We're going to go to younger guys. - I know. - Where they are. Our days are numbered, Mark. - Yeah, well, we got the robots, thank God. - Thank God. - To get simple online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, hair loss, weight loss and more, visit hymns.com/drunk. That's hymns.com/drunk. For your free online visit hymns.com/drunk. Actual price will depend on product and subscription plan. Feature products include compounded drug products, which the FDA does not approve of, verify for safety, affect this or quality prescription required. See website for details or tricks or support safety for me. Is Daddy's home to is it is that we'll fail unfortunately Mel Gibson's in that movie Definitely celebrates Christmas Oh, man, who's that in brochure? I'll check it out Yeah, John Cena's in it so Jason's in it holy shit. Yeah, I've never heard of this movie. Is he? Oh? Yeah, I've not watched I don't think I've watched daddy's home one And it's not crucial to the story but daddy's home to is Hannibal so fucking funny Hannibal Bobby K out of Olli holy moly. Yeah, I liked bill burr Is this right? Oh Tony V. Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I think they can't a lot of bills stuff out But there is a bit of a man yeah, yeah, yeah, what about wait? What's another Christmas movie that you they love? One that came out a couple of years ago, which like I love Christmas. I love Christmas I've got like you know, it's big thing but if you watch close. Yes, they animate it. Oh, it's great Donald's in that I am I'm fucking a normal. Yeah, normal Donald. It's the voice of the fucking boat driver I will watch I will watch that movie. I thought I was alone. I watched this randomly on Netflix I couldn't believe it's not one of the big news movies. It is fucking excellent It's got a great message. Yeah, it's really smart really funny really nice really sweet Yeah, one of the many Christmas reviews that I cry to but I cry at most movies because I'm a big loser Oh, yeah, that's where I think that's where it's appropriate for men to let it out. Yeah, Christmas movies. Yeah Oh, no, any movies. Yeah, so you like you let it out there and you're like one of the big crying movies for me where I will like Gush and weep The greatest showman head and figures Ah Warrior you seem I heard it amazing. It's Tom Hardy. It's Tom Hardy the cage flight movie. It went to Tommy It's great. It went so under the radar because it's like it's a dick flick It's just that people thought it was just a fucking UFC movie right right neckknot was absolutely robbed of an Oscar in this mood Oh, yeah, yeah, but and it makes me weep. It's great excellent. I got a bright and galleon plays Joe Rogan No way yeah, because it's just a UFC commentator. It almost couldn't get real good so Brian Kalan just does his best Brogan regrets not doing it because he he loves UFC so much. I know that'd be like if I couldn't do the movie you played me Wow, there were some pretty hefty allegations about you Wow, all right, I'll watch this hmm I got a movie wreck for you guys, and I've I've seen it before but it's not a holiday movie. I just rewatched it on Sunday Have you ever seen you can count on me the movies with Mark Ruffalo and and Laura Lenny? It's fucking amazing. I've seen them really cover it. It's so good Okay, she's always great dude. It's that playwright Kenneth Lonergan did it. It's fucking great. It's like a very slow burn kind of Oh wow 95 and that looks old. That looks like a very young Mark Ruffalo. Yeah, it's from like the early 2000s probably it's pre-night 11 Falcon. He's amazing. He's a little kid in it. Okay. It's it's an amazing movie. Wow never heard of it. Yeah, huge wreck. Okay Slow-burn dramedy some really sad parts and really funny parts if you want to cry watch This is a bummer of a movie but my the perfect neighbor. It's on Netflix right now. It's on the top. Oh, I just I just watched it dude I'm fucking wept like a fat girl. Yeah. Yeah, unbelievable. It was bad. Yeah, we partner. I assume I like skinny people cry pretty high five guys It's closed I agree with you like it's a really really hard fucking documentaries. Yeah, very fucking emotional highlights a lot of problems It's easy to misinterpret the like the reason that she's the perfect neighbor is because she kills I was like you got it. You got to call this something else Like she really is the perfect neighbor. She yeah What did she do? She killed a black mother of four the perfect neighbor Yeah, yeah, but so sad crazy story real story down in Florida unreal bananas damn Florida's where that's where all this all happened in Florida. What does that you got that right? A lot of wackos a lot of wackos Scientologists. It's Jews. It's Cubans. It's old people. All people who've done they've they're done caring Yeah, I mean look at a place like Key West. It's like all these all it was like enlist documentaries like all the broken toys live here Totally it's people going down there and just deciding. I'm gonna let God Try and kill me with the sun while I kill myself with alcohol. Yeah, it's like it's just a very personal race to Jesus By the way jingle all the way holds up. It's so underrated So Michael Lawrence and I talk about this all the time they need they need it's it's the only movie that I will Absolutely accept a modern remake of that watch Jesus Christ. That's literally the cable guy There needs to be a jingle all the way to and it needs to be there isn't jingle all the way to apparently with Larry the cable guy Oh, no, it needs to be doing the rock Johnson Playing the grown-up son of Sinbad Guy in this one It's him growing up. He's got that just towards Christmas. He needs it to be perfect. The rock hasn't done a Christmas movie yet all the way as he's done that fucking shitty one with um Uh rank so then so then maybe so maybe a Schwarzenegger son grew up and he's like the weak guy absolutely I know that's the pitch shit and also I don't I don't want to be in this movie just read one that was it red one Stank absolutely stank haunt of come dude Schwarzenegger fucking rolls. I love him. I love him As Sinbad is so fun remember when Sinbad showed up but you're We just we just had an after party from our special and Sinbad shows up crazy He didn't know it was a special. He was just at the bar. Yeah, we're just like hey now. We're like is that fucking Sinbad? Yeah, that was cool any any comedian who's you know something like one name is His excellent Oh, yeah, fucking Yeah, he's awesome was god. He was the best. Yeah, so funny But yeah, good movie good Christmas film. They don't really make them do they We keep watching love actually over and over. Oh my god. It's so bad. Oh, I need to do all do you check for us? He's hey, that's not not chick flicks. There's an excellent chick flicks. No, but that's not one of them. No, it's a bad crazy crazy stupid love That's one of the all-time great. That's a good movie But I don't think that's a chick flick. I think that's just like a funny rom com to rom com rom com's are chick flicks They don't have to be I I agree with you, but I really as chick flicks. Yeah No, that's a good movie dude I'll tell you an unironically unironically one of the best chick flicks rom com's um Two-girls one com 50 That's a wrong that is chick so like Fifty-first dates. Yeah, it's good. Love it. Absolutely. Oh, man, it's good. I just assumed it was horseshit. No, it's good No, it's it's one of look. I love I stand and sound like I like out of saying look like he was everything I grew up with and yeah There was appealing as well as I got to understand why you make occasionally makes the occasional shape your movie And then you become like a 30-year-old and I'm like if I studio offered me this amount of money To make a movie all I would do is be like with all your best friends. Yeah, like it's on Hawaii Wives play all the extras all my friends come out. I mean if I was Adam Sandler I would have dropped Rob Schneider at this point and not even not even as an act just as with a fucking punch I would have been like that's a loilies. Yeah Yeah, go to my room fucking best That's his wife on the right and the the brunette Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, she's a place his wife and a big lot of things which which I respect but also surely Surely one of the good things about being a fucking actor is It's a yeah, it's a free. That's why you made it food. Yeah, but he's that good a marriage Right, right, but man, I made it to me what Adam Sandler was like and this role is played by Jennifer Aniston You're like, yeah, I'll fucking bear it as well Fucking Jesus Christ. I'd ever played my mom if I could get close to it Play the babysitter. This is the wacky comedy. Why is there a simulation for a blowjob in this? Why am I jerking? This is weird Yeah, what's a you ever seen serendipity? No, pretty good chick flick. Yeah, I'm really good chick flick Okay, we've seen a lot of things I hate about you. That's a thing. It's a fucking excellent god That's what I was like. Oh, Heath Ledger's a fucking star. Taming of the shrew. Yeah, yes, everything shakes beer. I know Everything something, you know, I just learned a Lion King was hamlet. Yes, that took me a second. Yeah, everything is something. Yeah Everything it's all we act like every you know, we get mad about remakes We're like well at least that's like a spin on IP Right, at least that's like you what you like. Okay. That's like a little more sneaky with it Yeah, yeah, the post like another Transformers or another, you know, right Transformers is also Macbeth. Yeah, with Macbeth. It's so, it's so far away It's a fellow Jingle all the way with actually Romeo and Juliet, it's a what's really It's really exciting about this is you can tell that there's three comics desperate to make really good pants here But none of us know enough about Shakespeare It's like our one for there to be a post like it's a limit by our absolute Black and F*cking ball. - Did Romeo and Juliet give that away? - Yeah. (laughing) - Othello, something? - Yeah, F*cking Macbeth. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah. - That was so weird. - Oh, remember that? - Oh. - Did you just like Black Othello? - Oh, did they? He had another Othello right though? All right, you know, West Side Story, that's Romeo and Juliet as well. - Yeah, yeah. - I own private. I know, I didn't know these were all-- - Also, well yeah, they do a little nod to Macbeth in my own private Idaho. They do like, they do it the exact same way. It's shot with the Orson Wells Macbeth. - Oh, yeah. - Oh, shit. - I know some weird f*cking Orson Wells shit. - This is something that I read a lot of fantasy books and every single fantasy book is just an allegory for Jesus Christ. - Right. - It's always, there's one guy. - The Matrix. - Yeah, it's all Jesus, it's all Jebus. - Yeah. - And Tomah. - Do you speak a little jiggolo? It's Jesus Christ? (laughing) That was Jesus Christ, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But we're like, can we actually, can we? I know, I know the whole message, but can we specifically crucify this one last year? (laughing) - I know, I know, it's the wrong time. - You're gonna hate me? - Yeah, we're just, it's a wrap Schneider though. - If there's one Jew, if there's one Jew that we can all agree on, they're like, and look, maybe he's also dying for our sins this time. Maybe, you know. F*cking, maybe he can just die for his own goddamn sins. - He's claiming that children's hospitals didn't exist to it. - That was bad one. - That was bad one. - I was like, children's hospitals didn't exist when I was a kid, because kids weren't getting sick. The first hospital, just had an easy one. - The whole thing didn't exist. - It was an easily guckleable lie. - Yeah. - He was just like, when was the first child hospital in America? - That's the thing. - In 1976, shut the f*ck up and stop him. - But hyperbole is what gets, engagement. - Yeah, yeah. - And that's why people, and then it got some hyperbole to like, a real f*cking lie. And then it just keeps working. It's not people like, what the f*ck? - Yeah. - Surely most people didn't believe that, but. - I think every time you post something like that, I think there should be like a public f*cking rating of your social media accounts. So like, in the same way that I walked down the street in New York, I can tell the f*ck had the safety listing of all the buildings, 'cause it's posted right there. And you can see how the food is good. - Safety list. - It's not just the food to the-- - The rating. - Oh, the rating. - The health code, yeah. - The health code, sorry. - I walked down and I'm like, well that's got, now that's got, now these are all good ones. I'll go into, I think it'd be great if on social media, they're like, this guy's lied so many f*cking times. He has a social media rating of f*cking F. You can still follow him, you can still consume it. But we've checked everything he said. And most of it was bullshit. And also, he clearly half's paint, right? - Yeah, well we have no politicians. - Yeah, he's just a dinner one night. He's like, I got a day. (laughing) I'm asking. - You know what, Jayden, he never wants any consbies. - Oh, that's one of them, himself as well, right? - Yeah, I mean, look, you gotta do some separation here. - Do you know what, a 67 from critics? - Well, they have to. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, but you can't have revisionist history on what's a good standard. Although, I guess the hard thing is, he did name it himself. - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, so you can, like, he-- - It's hard to separate, right? - If it was the last time you watched Raw, because-- - No, there's a few. The consbies whole thing is he was clean. I was, like, kind of, hit the part. - And that's not to be smudge fucking raw, but the first eight minutes of Eddie Murphy's Raw, you're like, oh, yeah, okay. - That's wild. - Yeah. - Yeah, he's just coming up and you're like, oh, there's still some great bits in there, though. - Oh, it's a great spot. But that first eight minutes is him coming out and saying, yeah, I'm not gonna let any of you fuck me. (laughing) - Oh, boy, yeah. - Which by the way, that's not how straight dude's talk. - No. (laughing) - It's that? (laughing) - It's just a weird thing to say. - Yeah, that's true. But he was dressed in skin-tight leather at that time. - Which is not how straight guy's dress. - That's true. - I'm good boy. - I'm buzzing for the fucking Murphy dog. - Yeah. - It looks amazing. - It looks amazing. - Is he doing that instead of the stand-up special? - I think so. - There was a period where he was gonna do a stand-up special. - I know. He can't do it because he has gonna have to bomb for a year. - Yeah, as we said, you have to be a cripple. - Yeah. - I don't know if this is true, but what it always hurts about like Chris Rock, the blue mind, mind, I hope this is true. Whenever he was doing the material, if he was at the seller or the improv or whatever, he would purposefully eat shit and do awful jokes for like the first five minutes so that like the audience is, 'cause like for the first three minutes, if you're Chris Rock, the audience are laughing at anything, everything, whether it's funny or not. And he knew that. So he would purposefully do like 10, five to 10 minutes of shit stuff so that the audience was so bored and they're like, oh my god, Chris Rock's like, and then he'd go into his actual material because then he'd get a real gauge of it. - Wow. - And if that's true, that requires a level of fucking ego. - That's some jedi. - That's it. - I cannot. - Yeah. - My fucking narcissism. - I don't know if that's true. - It's never. But what's the first thing Rock says when he goes on stage or the seller? - Lower your expectations. - Yeah. - But he does also read off a thing and not do the big stick, like the big act-out form. - Because it would be, it would be insincere to do that, that level of theatrics in a room as small as a seller. - And do a new shit. New ideas. - Yeah, we don't have the confidence for like the cadence yet, but yeah, he'll kind of almost do it deadpan. - Yeah. - Which is actually really fun to watch 'cause you're like, oh, he's just letting the joke do all the work here. There's no performing really. But yeah, he's fun to watch work out for sure. - Oh, yeah, 'cause you get the real idea. - Yeah, my man, I'd love to watch him do a new thing. - He's at the seller. I saw him the other night. - Oh, no. - So he's around. You pop it on this week? - No, I'm my pop, I always, man, I love this seller, and I've only ever been looked after there by like the staff who you should come by, dude. - I'm gonna show him a nice style. I choose, I feel like. - Yeah. - I don't know, I always just feel like an imposter whenever I'm there. - Come with us. - Nobody else has made me fucking feel that way, but just like, I've done gigs there. I've had great gigs there, the staff. The staff have been very inviting me out to like the birthday parties and staff. I've only ever been. I love the seller. Nothing but compliment, compliments. But yeah, I always, if fucking intimidates me being there. I feel like. - Wow. - Yeah. Just because of coming from Scotland and like growing up and like stand up, 'cause the only stand up culture you hear about is stand up culture in America. Because our scene just isn't as old and like there was that first time when I was like, oh my God, I'm fucking, I'm sat at the table. - Right. - Which is like the thing that's how we felt when we were new there, right? - Yeah. - Remember how nervous we used to be? - Of course. But in the fucking podcast, it's like saying that the table was a big deal. And the first time I sat there, it felt like amazing. And then I don't know, just every time I'm just like, I still just feel like I didn't earn my place in the sale. 'Cause I did my career everywhere else. I think it's been a part of that. - Yeah, plenty of that happen to them. Get over there. - Like I'm allowed to pop up. I'm allowed to fucking pop up. - You're a road dog, it's that's funny. - You're a real dog. - Yeah, but I mean, you're an opinion road dog. I'm not even like a real American. - You go everywhere, dude. - I'm here. - Yeah. - And you've been doing it for fucking ever now. - Yeah, fucking anything got down my ears. - Yeah. - Look, I'll get a bag of blue. - Well, I'm gonna sit down. - Well, no, you're doing my offense. (laughing) - Yeah, come by any time. - Are you guys up this week? - I'm there tonight. - I'm there tonight as well. - I come there every night, actually. - Okay, well, am I, I'm there, okay? - Yeah, I'm thinking there every night. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You can just pop in and-- - Pop in. - Yeah. - You know Liz. - Yeah. - Yeah, we're fucking doing it off. - Well, are you doing, you're doing like an hour around town, right? - Yeah, I'm doing there, it's so hot. - Playhouse. - Playhouse, and how were you out with your new hour? How you feeling? - Pretty good, I've been doing it for a bit. I was really happy with it for the first like five shows I did here, and then I've sort of like, I think, you know when you get to the point where you like, maybe you don't actually, but like, you get to the point where you're like, that's the perfect way to tell that joke. I'm just gonna tell it that way every time, which for me just makes me get bored of my material so fucking quickly, and I, which wasn't what I intended to do when I was here. So it just, yeah, I had great shows all weekend, but I was like, you know, when you do a good show and you don't enjoy it, and you're like, "Right, well, there's something wrong with the two of you." Like, it's good, there's still not a lot to talk about. - So that's part of running into the ground. I think you're just part of the process. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but no, I'm a comedian. Am I having times where I learn that fucking lesson? - Right. - So I've never learned that god damn lesson. - Yeah. - No, you tell it again and again, and then you start to hate it, and then you're like, "I need a new bit." - Yeah. - Hopefully something happens, 'cause yeah, I hate. Sometimes we're doing more sets than we are writing, you know? And that's, that's where you get a little crazy. - And also when you gotta live a little bit, yeah. But we don't have a chance. - I'm also doing like a bit of a fucking nut, not an additive, but it's a story, kind of all the way through it. And then there's, I mean, there's something you should expect to tell the story, and then there's other days, I'm just like, and this podcast kicked off the fucking story. I'm sure it was about the Russell Brands thing. - Oh, wow. - Because when the documentary came out, I was the only comedian that did the documentary, and when it all came out and people were like, talking about me being the only one in the documentary, the last time I was on this podcast, and we were drunk, you mentioned Russell Brands, and I was like, "There's some rumors." Which I probably shouldn't say that thing. - Did you handle Burris to his cosplay? - Whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - The white version. (all laughing) - So the black person did it, Burris. - Yeah, yeah. - What's kind of like the comedy beat? - The cat William started in the black world, and we brought it over here. - Right, right, right. - Whoa. So is he going to jail or what? 'Cause I know he's doing-- - He's doing court next year. - Whoa. - He's doing court next year, 'cause there's a bunch of, after the documentary came out, a lot more women felt the confidence to come forth. because, you know, I'm told then, they were just like, well, I guess I was just a lone incident. - Right. - Ah, yeah. - Which is why he's now, you know, he's over here now and he, because he needs a conspiracy theory audience. That's why he started being. - Right. - He started being very, he started being very anti-COVID and the masks and all that stuff, not because he believed in it, but because he knew that if the mainstream media was going to accuse him of the things that he did, he needs a conspiracy theory audience who doesn't trust the mainstream media. He used to be, when Russell started, he was a socialist, he was talking about the dangerous like-stage capitalism, he would speak about how dangerous Fox News was and how awful Sky News was, and the fact that Rupert Murdoch told us, he would talk about all this stuff, spiritual, deeply against organized religion, all this stuff. Now, now, born again Christian at Charlie Kirk's funeral with Tucker Carlson selling crystals to fuckin' idiots, because he needs, he doesn't believe any of the things he's saying. - I bought some of those crystals on. - They work, they feel stronger. - You're a lot stronger. - I didn't know Crystal Span from the kooky hipster lady to the right wing, oh, there they are. - Oh, it all, it all comes around. - It all comes around. - The far left ain't that different. - It's a horseshoe, you're right. - But yeah, both of a lot of Bernie people went to Trump. - Did they? - Yes. - That's true. - That's your Bernie bros. - Dude, I mean, that's interesting that you say that about him though, 'cause I don't know a ton about him. I really don't. - But even the allegations are false, he's still one of the worst comedies I've ever lived. - I never liked Bernie. - No, he stinks, he fucking stinks. - He stinks, and he ruined Arthur. - Yes, he fucking stinks. - That was a big swing, to try to come in and do a better job than fucking Dudley Moore. - Right. - And also, fucking John Giggler, did anyone ask her for the original? - Oh, I don't know. - The original is unbelievable. - That's great. - If you haven't seen the original, I'll ask her, Arthur. - You've seen the original Arthur. You should watch that. It's one of the best movies. - Yeah, my parents made me, I don't think my grandparents made me watch that when I was a great script, great hilarious job. - It's just basically stand up to the whole movie. - It's almost like a danger field type. - Yes. - Like rhythm of just great job. - Who fucking lies and manelias? I've watched that, 'cause I've always ever, I've only ever heard lies and manelias as a reference point for mostly gay comedians. - Yeah. - And it was just something in my head that I was like, oh, can I-- - Do you see Mateo's act? - Yeah, it's out of my reference point. (laughing) - He does a good impression over it. - Oh. - Yeah, I love Nataline. - Oh, yeah, it's my neighborhood. - He's great. - Is he? - Yeah. - Thick walls? (laughing) - I wish they were a little thicker. (laughing) - No, that was a big-- (laughing) I think the original Arthur's incredible. That's a big swing. - Yeah, well, he was the golden boy for a minute. He did a ceremonial and all that. - He was good in that. - Yeah, I mean, I talk about this. It should be also to get him to the Greek with Jonah Hill and P. Diddy. - Whoa. - Seeing the credits of that music. - Is Jonah Hill's okay though, right? - Yeah. - Yeah, he's sort of semi-canceled in the sense that there was an ex-girlfriend who said he was good with the guy. - Oh, I hate that shit, dude. - Yeah, I'm not a public with tech. - I think it's weird when it's like, when it's like, you were in a bad relationship. - Is everything blast worthy now? - I know, I know. - Like, Diddy, I'll give you a Diddy. - Yes. - But it was, I think it was at the time when people who, white women had learned, and white men who went to therapy learned the term gaslighting. - Yes. - And I'd be happy if I never heard it again. - It was just two years where it was like, let's throw it everywhere. That's the new buzz word. Let's throw it everywhere. - I can't remember what community, oh yeah, Tom Stade's Canadian community lives in the UK is great. Every one of my favourite bits is a youth of the day coming up with all these new fucking terms. Gaslight, it's apparently really bad. Like, we used to call it lying, and that's how you got laid. (laughing) - That's good point. Good point. - Yeah, it stayed, you got it, yeah, yeah, there you go. (laughing) Damn. - Oh yeah, so many comedians out there. - Yeah. - I didn't know there was this pipeline between Canada and England. - So many, I knew a lot of the, many of the fucking, the, a lot of the comedians who I consider to be like, the greats and the ones I certainly looked up to growing up, was Tom Stade, Mike Wilmon, fucking Sean Collins, just fucking heaps that, yeah, they just went. And they're still doing it, Catherine Ryan, Canadian lives in the UK now, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, she's big. - Yeah, she's fucking huge now. - Wow, I had no idea. Why you think you just go right down to the border, right down America. - Yeah, but America's so hard to. - Right, it's so hard to go. - It's so hard to go. - Are we a friend who came here and also, also the immigration fees and seeing, like, it's, get a lawyer, it's, it's crazy. - Yeah, good point. Well, hey, shit, I thought I, I talked to a guy earlier, I thought I was gonna pop in, but I guess not. - Oh yeah. - Yeah, Russell Brand. (laughing) - Oh man, I'd love to. - Yeah, do you guys know each other at all? - No, I mean, he knows who I am. I was the only person in the documentary. And there's an absolutely zero way he didn't watch it. He was also the judge on comedy roast battles in the UK, when, again, in every comedian in the UK knew about these rumors. And again, they were only just rumors, but we all knew the rumors. When we were all on comedy central roast battle, comedy central UK being like, nothing's off limits. This is the fucking, and they were like, none of you were allowed to do jokes about Russell Brand's sexual history. And we all went, well, that's sass. - Right. - That's a bet fucking sass to me straight away. - You have to change rape jokes. So like, he's weird looking this guy. - Yeah, one of whatever bullshit I guess. And then that was actually the, that was actually where Catherine Ryan called him out. - Oh, it wasn't heard. - And then she spoke about it on a layer of show being like, there's a well-known predator. - Did she make a good joke about it? - No, I think she was just, you know, she was like, you are. - Damn. - And the crowd's waiting for a punchline, like that. - Yeah, well, 'cause the audience didn't fucking know. - Yeah. - Like, you know, so many people didn't know. Like it was one of those things where, you know, it was an open secret in the UK. 'Cause she started the rumors, but you can't do anything with rumors. You can go to the police with fucking rumors. - Sure. - You know, they hate that shit. - Yeah. - It's something about like a straight guy being like, acting like really gay. Well, it kind of turns into like a vent diagram of like rapey. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? - Yeah. - Look no further than David Williamson in the UK. It's like a straight guy that pretends to be gay. - Yeah. - HALA allocations. - Oh, interesting. - We got a couple straight pretending to be gay guys here. - I've been cockplocked by a few. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Oh yeah, they're good. - They are good. - No. - Not a comedy, but. (laughing) - I'm just like a gay guy pretending to be straight. - Yeah, so I texted Jimmy Car earlier. He's in town and he said, oh, probably pop by. - Oh yeah, yeah. - But I guess not. - He's fucking excellent. I've always. - He's a killer. - He's also such a, you know, I understand some people might have some bad things to say, but Jimmy, what I've noticed about him, he's one of the most supportive comics. - Agreed. - I like Jimmy World. He, I did eight out of 10 cats. I was just showing the UK for the first time. Directly thanks to him. Like I bumped into him and get a gay girl. And I was about 20 or 21. And I was like, oh my god, you know, you're Jimmy Carnie. And I said, oh yeah, you're, I'm sorry about you, you're down your slots. And he watched me do a set. And like normally like obviously your agent's books everything. And he just came up and he was like, do you want to do me a 10 cats? - Whoa. - And I was like, you fucking serious. And then yeah, I was. - Wow. - Yeah. - Those shows are huge, right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Wow, what a guy. - I was such a young, yeah, there I am. - Look at that. - Look at that. Look at that long hair. It's a third one of them. - Whoa, that's great. - That's great. - That's zoom in on this. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's me as a fucking, yeah. - Yeah, look like Cobain or something. - That's wild. - Yeah, look at the fucking Bieber here, come on. - Holy shit. - Damn, you did. - Yeah, yeah, that was, I mean, I've had, I've had many iterations. - Yeah. - I'm like the worst Pokemon. (laughing) - Look at that hair. - Holy shit. - Three stages of my evolution and all are shite. - Are you familiar with Hanson? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Whoa, that's wild. - Yeah, a car, what a workhorse. I mean, this guy's riding a million jokes, hosting this shit on the road, he's got kids. - He's on the road like a motherfucker. - Crazy shit. - Well, I mean, he had to be for a bit, he was a tax dodger. (laughing) - Jimmy's open about this. Jimmy's been open about some buckets. I'm not, I would never dob Jimmy in the end of it. And I love him. But in his show, he was like the reason I do two shows is because when he dodged the tax prohibition, he's like, paying back the tax man. One shows for the tax man and one's for me. - Whoa. - Well, that's it, yeah, yeah. And he is the, I mean, I think the hardest working man. - How do you, how do you do that? - Successful and you must have a good accountant and you, I mean, is it a conscious choice to be like, fuck you, I'm not paying tax, is it? - Well, I mean, I have the actual, God, I don't know how much I can say on either. - Well, I love it, buddy, come on. - So the rumours, the story is that he, it wasn't his decision to, like, he was given an accountant and it was sort of told to him that, 'cause his tax dodging was legal. It's nothing different that the billionaires do in this country where they keep all their money off shore. Like, his was all sort of technically above board and it was suggested by somebody that, just say somebody in his team had suggested it said it there would be fine. And also Jimmy loves it. Okay. But yeah, you never know. No, no. And I think look, he's paid it back on now. And he also had the funniest response. Kusu, when he was doing eight ten cats, which is a week, like a topical news show, we were talking about the stuff in the week, they do the show, the week that all comes out about Jimmy. And he lets the other comedians fucking roast him because he deserves to be roast. He knows he did wrong. He gets roasted for like 10, 50, 15 minutes. And then John Richardson, great UK comedian is like, all jokes aside, here's why what you did is fucking shit. Like all poor people pay tax. And you didn't. And it's not the, you know, the government will never take the money from the rich people. They'll only increase the taxes of the poor people to make it work. So you weren't stealing from the government. You were stealing from everyone else, which is a very, very good point. And Jimmy says there, and he takes it, and he gets all the fucking abuse. And he goes, you know, I could set up here and say that I'm sorry and point to all the efforts I made with charity over the years and all the money that I've given the charity is, but I don't think lying will help my case. Wow. That's great. Yeah. Such a funny. Damn. Damn. I kept it funny. Got to keep it funny when you fuck up. Well, he's just, he's the consummate. He's the quickest. Yeah, he's quick. Wow. Well, good for Jimmy. Payed his debt to society and now he's back. And he loves money so much. Yeah. For me, I got to a certain point where I was like, once, once your house is paid off, you know, how much, how much realistically do you need to earn? Sure. Like once the house is paid off, kids are happy. Kids are happy to cars. After that, I'm like, I'm slowing down how much I work. I'm slowing down how much I tour because was it Jimmy car? Well, I've got no doubt he loves his kids. He loves much. He loves to do it. Yeah. Yeah. But he's put a half of it into his face. Yeah. He's really, really worked on himself, but he's open about it. He's open about it. It doesn't be a weird job. This is all fucking, this is all bullshit. He's like, I was told you weren't going to talk about this. My face, my tax problem. He's real sick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say, yeah, I love Jimmy. Yeah. Does he drink? Did he drink with us? I don't think he did. I don't know if he might listen, react to an ale, but don't think we touched it. I mean, not everyone's so fucking, we get so many people being like, I don't drink. And we're just like, you don't have to. But we love a day off, every once in a while. Sure. Sure. But I mean, it's fun when people drink. But yeah, we've had people who I guess are, you know, in the program and they have a publicist who's just like, I'm not even bringing this to them. And we're like, yeah, I mean, you don't have to drink. Yeah, we've been last time I did this podcast. I don't think I think we started recording it like two or something. I hadn't had any of us that day. Oh boy. I walked out. I remember me fucked up. Fuck it. Yeah. We wanted it. That was a big thing. Because I think I think you would make like somebody who's making us like drinks and bringing them in concert. I remember that down because that presents a problem. Yeah. Man, the show I had that night, like I very, I remember having to tell the audience that I done this point. I have to be like, I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm so drunk, but it's because I did a podcast. Cool. Everybody loved the episode except Russell Brad. Man, this is one of the, this is Jamie. Like, I'm very grateful to the fans of this show because this is like my most requested one to come back on. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And people like it was a great episode. Like, well, obviously, I can't remember what it was, but I'm going to trust you all when you say it was a good. Yeah. Yeah. You made a splash. Remember you talked about the Glasgow smile. And I think it went crazy viral. I got like 10 million views. Oh, yeah. The fuck you with the razor plates? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if we've got any other good Scottish violence stories since then, but it's not, it's not like we've calmed down. Yeah. Yeah. You obviously know about the Glasgow kiss. What's that? It's just a headbutt. Oh, that's fun. That's what it's. We call it Glasgow Kisses. Somebody gets it because it's like a lot of Scotland. It's asking one for a consent kind of weird. A lot of Scotland's like, do you know what squirting up means? Yeah. I don't know if you're squirting up to someone. The Scottish, you have a, you have a fight Glasgow Kisses. It's just shut up. Yeah. Just straight ahead, but I'm just talking about this on air. So does podcast. Yeah. But yeah, it's you made the rounds, man. Yeah. Well, also I'd like to love. I think dance orders is fucking show. He's about to blow up by the dream magnet. Of course he does. Of course. Oh, do you claim more England or Scotland at this point? Scotland. Okay. Scotland. Fuck the English. Fuck the English. And I say this is somebody who has my family's English. I would say 90% of my friends are English. A lot of my fans are English. I love going to England before performing. There's so many beautiful places. You know, I love it. How about living in England today? Oh, Liverpool? Yeah, it's fucking great. Yeah. The hot water comedy club. Yeah, you're supposed to was there when I was here. That's my buddy right there. Yeah. What hot hot water dead was really, really exceptional in that they were like the first comedy club in the UK to have that little fucking camera that recorded everything. And for their host Paul Smith, who's known one of the most famous comedians in the UK, like sells out multiple, multiple arenas regularly. The reason he's famous is because he was just their resident MC and they would just film all of this stuff because it's all on the crowd work. They would just call it stuff up, put it online and he blew the fuck up. Wow. In the same way that like I've always said that you guys, at least from my perspective, from the UK, you guys were like some of the first comedians over here to do the clips. Clips. Yeah. At a time where beforehand people were like there was a sort of snootiness to like, oh, you know, I'm not doing this. Right. And then you guys did it and you fucking smashed it and then the game changed after that. Our equivalent of that in the UK was very much what? Wow. I loved that club. I loved it. It's so good. I want to go back really. I was like this is, it felt like comedy on state Denver comedy. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Comedy on states are fucking great one. Epic. It's just I know I love Liverpool and I make fun of a lot. It's such a shame about the horrific accent. Yeah. It's amazing. Liverpool takes you a second. Yeah. You're like, what's that actually fucking English? Liverpool is very lucky that Birmingham exists for the worst accent in the UK. But for those who might not know, Birmingham's the fucking Peaky Blinders accent. And God does it make me racist. I guess it's like for here it'd be like a real deep Southern accent. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm a foreigner man. There's a fucking charm to the Southern accent. Oh, I mean to us too, but it's still fucking it's it is funny when you see like a real thick one. You're like, what? Yeah. Yeah. How many generations ago did you want to slay? Just one. We're bringing it back, baby. I didn't know about this Paul. Is it Paul Smith? Yes. Oh, I did the podcast and Liverpool. Is it Mike Rowe? Oh, Adam Rowe. Adam Rowe. Yeah. The red pod. Yeah. That word pod. I love. Yes. Again, the king of fucking Liverpool. Yeah. Great guys. They were the first ones. So when we're going to take the American podcast format, which was working for fucking everyone, especially the rise of, you know, your mother's house and all that stuff. Your mother's house. Your mum's house. Yeah. We call it your mother's house. I like the UK. That's, you know, clean it up a little class here. Yeah. And yeah, man, I did there. I did their roast three weeks ago in in Glasgow. They're great. Oh, dude. Glasgow. I just played. I played there twice. Well, I was with him that day when they were leaving for the road. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I did a part of that day. Yeah. They're good, good eggs. But I did Glasgow. I couldn't I was getting heckled. I couldn't understand them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's so thick. It's the thick. Yeah. It was a lot of. What was that? A lot of that. Yeah. It's like, I think he called me a ****, but I can't tell. No, he wouldn't call you, if he's Glasgow, he wouldn't call you a ****, we'll call you a poofter. Oh, that might have been it. Yeah, **** a poofter. I like that. That's a little softer, I like that. Yeah, poof is, look, poof is home of home. But it's, it's, if you ask any poof in Scotland, none of them care about the word poof, we call, you know, um, uh, like Alka Seltzerns. Yeah. That's called poof juice in the UK. Uh, Annie's. That's that because it's a gay drink. You're right. Do you smell enough ice? Eggs, we don't tarf you. Indigestion. Oh, okay. Yeah. Anything. It's so anti-semetic. Mike Mike's hard lemon age. That's a poofter. Okay. That makes sense. Yeah. White claw. Yeah. Any of that's, you know, it comes from that masculinity of, here we go. I love the Eddie Murphy doing this. You ate all these poofs looking at my ass. Poof is I like, poof is fun. The guy I dislike genuine homophobia. Yeah. Unfortunately, homophobia, uh, the original homophobes came out with some great slug. Yeah. The original homophobes came out with some **** bang in. I agree. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look, are spanned it. That's so funny. Hello, bider. That's all a poop pirate. Yeah, look, was it a heart of the wrong place? Yes. Was the creative on point. Absolutely. Yes. I mean, the racist jokes, the old ones are very clever. Yeah. I need to have a black eye from raping a chick, throwing a basketball. I mean, that's some top there. Biting for the other team. Yeah. Yeah, he gets no credit. No love. Bean queen. Oh, discreet Mexican homosexuals. Ah, bean queen. That's great. That's all that's clever. And butterfly boy, butterfly boy, a feminine man. That would be me. Chaser. Okay. Korn. You know the birds. Yeah, we're at the point of the power just reading slurs Pulled dick. Oh, he's the other one. So dyke means is a street in Scotland. Oh So it comes from Scotland. No, no, the word dyke means street so that I used to live around the corner from back dikes Like back dikes is where my I used to visit my friends to Go and play right they lived in the dikes. Ah, well, dick here's like a port or a it's like a Spelled differently though, isn't it? Oh, is it okay? Oh, so I think I just saw a foop as a homophobic slur there, which is just poop backwards That's for the dyslexic Yeah, what is that dick dick here is a two primary meetings lesbian, but also Oh, it is spelled different. Yeah, and the corkney the corkney time for less being is a rusty Rusty bike Dike so a couple of russies Leaps there. Yeah, but that's what we're talking about. We're saying it's apple and pears is stairs It's it's the rhyme and it's very stupid And frustrating thing that I'm glad is dying out, but there are some there are some bangers in there. Yeah, yeah A guy Richie had a few of those yes, I've written all of you chubby cheese. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Okay, well geez, I hit here great Left handed is Yeah, I mean look, I agree with that still contraint just calling. Oh, there you go corkney rhyme or something. He's stoke Stoke on train bent oh Yeah, yeah, so he's stoke Got it stoke the fires would be for way too close to the etymology of The bundle of sticks. Yeah, yeah, my friend Reese Nicholson, the great comedian Him and his partner every year for Christmas get giant bundle of sticks Rape Christmas lights around. I can call it the Christmas Is he the well-dressed guy? Yeah Oh Reese is the best to sell or something. Yeah, it was a lazy. Yeah, they've done a corner a bunch of times. Oh nice nice others are sort of feminine man brownie, but I read Bender bum. Charm is great. Oh, that's good. Chotney Ferris Chotney Want to do to it? Yeah, right Fawn, so I remember points Pilibur shirt lifter great shirt lifter turd burglar turd burglar is a fucking Brilliant, that's like fucking that's like a top Twenty-hit it's also that that's homophobic because it's so funny to assume that the reason gay men are fucking out of them The ass is because they want to steal your poop Cuz that's also what bootbuyer it is Just not understand Just the words are fucking bombs because they want to steal our boo But there's turd and burglar are both already funny words Combination hold on get some lesbians at the bottom of the list there pussy puncher. I enjoy torture torture is What's a torture torture Carpa Muncher it's a classic that is one of the top. Yeah, rug Muncher. Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right Well, where are you gonna be? Yeah, you back out there at all Yeah, it's the plug Yeah, I guess yeah, I look this this this thing is show is good on the road of AIDS. I've taken some time off when I get home Dude mostly yeah, there we go the UK and then Dude Turkey because I just love turkey And then start next year's when we start to a I heard Budapest amazing Budapest is the fucking Do the gigs do the gigs do the gigs do the gigs. I'm definitely going on. I will give you the contact information from Vienna Please I want to go all the way Yeah, we're gonna do all that we're gonna do if you do indeed you go at you go out with dead and they know what to do They've taken fucking me. They've taken Jason like out there about to take it and mark a way That and again India you're not making money when you go there the first time because if you want to talk about the cost of Living crisis in the rest of the world It's affected India a whole bunch So it's like you've got to make you don't want to out price the working class then the working class are slightly less than that Not like a marginal less than the rest of the world So if you do there you don't go out to India with the idea of making money in the first year You'll make a bet, but it's you know, I understand for you guys you're traveling halfway around the world It's the best One of the most important places in the world to visit an experience nobody does is better than dead at night Okay, wait all right, and then also my American tour will be announced I think in next couple months. I'll be here October next year. Okay. Okay All right boy fun stuff Amsterdam you're everywhere. Yeah, but it pays Turkey The end of all the fun places. Yeah, I just got Reno November 29th the Atlantis and Carnegie Hall of New York, New York, New York, December 4th So it's fucking awesome. That's all I got. Yeah, thank you. Local boy makes good. It's November 29th. That was right, right? Been drinking because I've done. I've done. Yeah, I'm a beacon for me. It looks like the big Vegan vegans follow the best. Yeah, but in terms of Yeah, I believe and great if I'm wrong here. I believe Carnegie was Scottish. Oh I could be very wrong. I could be thinking of a different Carnegie. My history isn't it's good. I believe it's Andrew Yeah, or if it's Andrew Carnegie that I'm almost 100% correct. Okay Yeah, yeah, because there's a couldn't yes, and because there's a fucking Carnegie Hall in Dunfordland, which is Seven miles from where I fucking grew up. Yes. Okay. Yeah Yeah, great awesome. Good call. All right. Hey, I'm all over the place. Mystic Lake, Casino, and Minneapolis, then Kansas City back to the clubs to build the new hour Des Moines Braia, California And grand ronde Oregon never heard of that. New Brunswick San Antonio. We're all over this. Get our fucking bodega cat in that menu. Do New Brunswick. Yeah, and you fucking better You better be listening to us. Yeah, you lied to us. You said you were serving it. Oh, I didn't know that. Get it that Tulsa Arizona Indianapolis say that say that we go back to that Arizona one. Say that say that. Fuck it. Hold on. I can't do it. So I reach it. So so horrible. That sounds right. Yeah, nailed it. I think I probably shouldn't have done a Mexican woman's voice You're a bean counter. What is it? A bean queen? That's a bean cat. You're a bean for a lesbian. Yeah, a bean counter. Right. He's racking him up Any that Buffalo and we're a way out in Portland Exactly Yes, you're going hard, dude. I gotta yeah, I gotta start poking my neck. I mean shit. Yeah. All right. Thanks not check out sloths on the road Do all this stuff. You got a pod You always we've taken a big high A's. Okay. Yeah, cuz it was called sloths and everything on the road and then I stopped being on the road All right, well happy Thanksgiving. Get some bodega cats purr for the family. You're gonna need it with your drunk uncle Hang out with the fam. Get some turkey. Have a great thing. It's given and we we're grateful for you. We're thankful for you guys Thanks for listening guys. Sorry Native Americans Had a little too much And Norman's talking shit about the fucking post and I get down in the same way Up on the roof like a cop's coming and they could send you well as feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember And I get down in the same way With my