Speaker 1Most people have a third-degree black belt in talking themselves out of doing cool shit with their life. And so the question is, how do they do it? When you learn to think about your thinking, you become alive in a new way. Most people are not thinking about their thinking. They're just thinking. People think inheritance is just a little bit of money when they croak. It's way more than that. We inherit our parents' stories. We inherit our parents' words. We inherit our parents' breathing patterns. A lot of times people say, well, affirmations don't work. They've got the great words, but the breath is trapped in the chest. The breath must be addressed. Good luck feeling comfortable in your skin with your breath trapped in the chest. The first 10 years, I was either on an island in the Gulf of Thailand at a cleansing resort or traveling around in yoga scenes and circles. So I got a healthy dose of the woo, spiritual, alternative side of everything to an extreme degree. And there's a pinch of that there for sure. And it was, you know, people talk about regenerative farming and eating. There were meat eaters and like strong men, beautiful women and stuff like that. Yeah. Like all of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talking about finances. Hippies don't like talking about finances. They just talk like talking about manifestation and abundance. Right. I told one person there, I was like, listen, I know a couple of self-made, you know, very wealthy people. And none of them talk about manifesting or abundance. The most broke people I know, generally speaking, unless they're selling a course on manifesting or abundance. They talk about manifesting. So anyway, no, y'all are talking about tax codes. Tax codes and how to set up trusts and structuring water. Very real, very important. There's a lot of people talking about the victim mentality from a variety of different angles. Farming, community, families. There really aren't that many families on like the, you know, the. So it was. And then jack tan dudes and girls in sundresses and cowboy boots. It was like, it's perfect.
Speaker 2Perfect mix of all of it. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Yeah. Yeah. From a languaging perspective, what do you think it is about the people who are actually wealthy, who have actually quote unquote manifested things, not ever talking about manifestation, but then you have all these Insta gurus who are talking about manifestation and the law of attraction. And don't get me wrong. There's some validity to those things, but just in your opinion, what is, what is the deal there?
Speaker 1Because they got to where they were with their wealth. Wealth by staying focused, by building momentum and sustaining momentum and the, the fruits of that process, that long drawn out process. One guy that comes to mind is self-made billionaire. He owns half the medical real estate in Los Angeles. He's mentored my business partner and I on and off over the years. And he was a farm boy in Seattle and he built his wealth decades. He said, you learn, you have to, he said, you have to learn to think in decades. He said, didn't, he said, don't think in decades. You have to learn to think in decades because nobody learns to think in decades in school. Okay. Especially now people are thinking about, you know, weekend retreats and retweets and also instant gratification. Yeah, totally. Totally. And so where I think, and I say, think consciously where I, where I, where I think people get bit in the ass with the manifestation and the abundance thing is they think that if they just picture it in their head and they feel it in their heart, it's coming. No, that it, you, you gotta commit to something for at least a decade, at least a decade. There's something about that 10 year period of time for something to click into place. That's been my experience. And that's what those people have said about it. They're like, it's, it's too, it's too Insta now done and dusted where no, it's, it's a commitment. It's a decision.
Speaker 2Do you think a lot of people these days lack discipline? Yeah. For things that they actually want or they claim that they want?
Speaker 1Yes. Thousand percent. And a lot of that lack of discipline is a byproduct of the paradox of choice. So the paradox of choice is the more choices that people have, the less likely they are to make a decision. And it's been super studied out the wazoo. Here's a very, is it real? It was a real stage that they set up and videotaped it. Two stands. Selling jelly, jelly, marmalade. One had three jellies. The other one had 13, 14, 15. And most people, the, the, the people that spent, they spent the most time at the stand with 15 options. They spent the most time there and they spent the less money. They spent less money. They spent the least amount of time at the stand that had three options and they spent the most money there. So it's paradoxical. You think the more choices people have, the better. The choices that they'll make. No, they end up making none. And you'll see this in the dating scene when the apps showed up and it's just, you've got endless choices. So you, you make none. Yeah. And I do not suffer from that problem. You know, I've got my pros. Mark England has his pros. Mark England has his cons. And one of my pros is, uh, under thinking things and following through. So making a decision and seeing it through. And I'm in the process of seeing, uh, this, this, this language thing through. And I also did not make my decision immediately, which is, this is something that we can bring up. Uh, I've seen a lot of people so much so that I started focusing on the sentence. I've seen a lot of people reduce themselves to tears, actual tears with the sentence. I need to find my purpose. Okay. Well, there's a couple of problems with that. And one, most people wouldn't recognize their purpose. When they first saw it. Okay. And also it's something I got to find. So I, I'm, I'm looking around. Okay. I don't know what it is or I've, I've lost it somewhere. And then why can I only have one? So when I first saw this work, we have, we have a, we have a little, it's a, it's a metric. It's a scale. It's an enlifted. It's explore your interests. Okay. Develop your passions and commit to your purposes, interest, passion, purpose. Cause when I first saw this work in 2003, and I saw a guy that initially, uh, you became my first mentor in this work, turn a woman's very public and embarrassing breakup story on its head by changing one word, one word. This is in a yoga silo, about 40 people. And he had her tell the story of this very bad breakup. And the sentence that held the whole thing together, the spell was he did that to me. And he had to repeat it a couple of times. He did that to me. He did that to me. I mean, she was dug in, dude. And he said, uh, take that last word out and put in the word himself. And she goes, he did that to himself. And it went up at the end up talk. And then the breath unlocked, which we're going to talk about a lot about today, words and breath. And then she just started going off on how it was worse for him. And he lost friends. And she finally said, that guy was actually really weird. It wasn't going to work out anyway. And she walked out of there with a complete. Completely new perspective on things. And I was thinking, well, I've got some, he did that to me stories. And that was really cool. I want to know more about that. I was interested in it. I had no clue that it was going to turn into something that I committed to after 10 years of being in the space after, sorry, cause I went pro January 17th, 2007, when I put my poster up at this spa in Thailand next to everybody else's poster. I was shitting in my pants. I did it anyway. And after 10 years of doing that work full time, I gave a TEDx talk and I got off stage and I went back to the hotel room and I stared at the wall and we did, we knocked it out of the park with that, with that presentation. And I just, I looked at the past 10 years of my life and I said, this work has given me every single thing that I could ever ask for from a professional endeavor. It fulfills me. It fascinates me. I mean, I meet the coolest people. I get to, it's, it's an adventure. I mean, look at where I am right now. It's, it's extremely adventurous. It helps people and it's got that X factor to it. And I said, okay, it's, it's held that for 10 years. I don't have any other questions. I commit, I commit to 50 years, five, zero. And that day I went into my calendar, scrolled down to January 17th, 2057, cause that's 50 years. I'm going to do this for 50 years and see what I can pull. And it's in my calendar, last day on the job. So yeah, yes, people have a hard problem, hard time making decisions. Part of it is the paradox of choice. Part of it is we have some glitches in our language. This is one of the main ways in how people create prolific amounts of indecision and overwhelm. Most people have a third degree black belt in talking themselves out of doing cool shit with their life. Okay. Not why I don't care about the, why that's another, that's somebody else's opinion, or maybe my own opinion. It doesn't matter. I want to know the how. And when someone says, I think I might be avoiding the conversation. What kind of energy is that going to create? Alec, this is yours, by the way.
Speaker 2Oh, thank you, man. For those who are listening and not watching, he's holding up. This board, do you have a PDF version of that? I do. Okay. We can throw that in the show notes. So this is his soft talk. talk challenge board and has some words and phrases like probably, perhaps, sort of, kind of, potentially, et cetera, et cetera. To answer your question, say that one more time so I can really sit with the energy of that. I'll throw another one out there. Okay. I guess I need to be more consistent. Hmm. Give me something to contrast it against. Yeah. I need to be more consistent. I guess I need to be more consistent is a little bit softer. Correct. I'm not saying that just because it says soft talk challenge, but it's a little bit softer. It's being a little bit easier on myself and not invoking a feeling of shame. And I'm not good enough when I say, I guess I need to be more consistent, or I guess I could be more consistent versus I need to be more consistent. You know, there's like the David Goggins voice side of me that's like, sometimes you need to be told, no, I need to be more consistent. A thousand percent. Yes. And I think so many people in this culture these days are running on shame. And guilt and I'm not good enough programs to where that language internally, especially when done perpetually actually puts you in a shame spiral where you end up never becoming more
Speaker 1consistent. If you don't do anything about it. Yeah. If, if you, uh, you know, I need to be more consistent and I'm just going to sit here and eat some ice cream and doom scroll, then yeah, you're, you're going into that shame spiral. Yeah. And if you, you know, I need to be more consistent and then you're like, okay, you take out the guests. Huh? I listened to Mark and Alec. Yep. Soft talk. Take out the, take out the guests. And then you're like, well, guess what that word need is doing. That's creating excess pressure. I, I, I could, I can, I can be more consistent. And then you put a timeframe on it. I can be more consistent this week. I can be more consistent with my fitness this week. And so it's, it's such an improvement. And, uh, like we were talking about before we started, you know, let's take those, let's go ahead and take a big fat. on the public school system. No one learned how to get their language working for them in the, in, in, in English class, in the public school system. I came up in the public school system. I have a degree in education. I have a degree on how to enforce that system. And I didn't have one course class or conversation in, when I was in, in, in the public school or getting that degree on how to use my language to stay focused on what's important and keep the drama low. I'm going to build myself up in my imagination and create feelings of confidence and competence. And while I'm doing that dismantle the dreaded victim mentality. So I unlock my breath. So I turned myself into a good listener, which is half of everything. Show me a good listener and I'll show you someone who's very likely going to be successful as long as they long game it. Yeah. You know, I'm going to show, I'm going to show up and I'm going to listen and I'm going to do this for as long as it takes. They're winning. And aside from
Speaker 2attending that workshop that you mentioned in 20, uh, 2003, I've heard you talk on other shows and maybe part of your TEDx talk too on, uh, becoming a gym teacher in Thailand and taking kids to, to swimming class. So you had to be very, very precise with your language because you're taking 25 kids walking them to, I'd imagine a pool or maybe even the ocean to do a swimming class and making sure that they survive that swimming class. And it's little kids. So you have to be very clear with your language. And, and, and I want to get to that, but maybe even before that your, your journey as a Muay Thai fighter and how you had taken on the identity of being a Muay Thai fighter, because I resonated with that so much for me, basketball was a huge part of my adolescence. And then after basketball handball played on the U S national team. Yep. Not handball like American handball where you slap the ball against the wall, but European handball where there's a goal on the ground. I can show you videos afterwards. It's always funny showing people because most Americans have no idea what handball is. It's like water polo on land, or you could say it's like soccer, except for with your hands. Anyway, I identified as an athlete and in both situations, both basketball and then handball when they didn't work out, I had tremendous amounts of unworthiness come up and I had an identity crisis and I felt like I was worthless more so in the basketball situation. Cause I had started doing some of the quote unquote inner work around the time of handball not working out, but it, it was, it was the same feeling again that I don't know who I am and I'm, I'm worthless. And your story on Muay Thai really resonated with me.
Speaker 1Yes, I did the exact same thing. My first love was, uh, I wrestled in high school and that was cool. And the first time I, uh, Virginia. Okay.
Speaker 2You grew up in Virginia. Yeah. I grew up in
Speaker 1Virginia right outside of Richmond and wrestle. That was my sport in high school. And the first time I got choked, it was something completely different. I was like, okay, you pin me, I pin you. Cool. It's a grind, a phenomenal. And this is different. I'm going to learn this. And man, did I enjoy that identity. I really did. I enjoyed the intensity of it. I enjoyed the camaraderie of it. Uh, on the darker side of things, I enjoyed people being scared of me. Yeah, I definitely got off on that. And so when I moved to Thailand and I, I was doing well on the regional scene, I was competitive, had a hand in baseball, had a handful of MMA fights. I won a couple of state kickboxing titles. and I was like, okay, cool. This is what I'm doing because this is what I, this is what I am. Okay. I'm a fighter. Yeah. Oh yeah. And this is what I'm doing because this is what I am. It was just this, this, this feedback loop. And, and half the reason I did all that was one, the light and bright side of the conversation was, it was a fantastic way for me to develop myself, uh, physically, and also as far as my identity is concerned. And then the other half of it, I was just making up for a very entrenched victim mentality. Yeah. I thought there was some, I was convinced that there was something wrong with me. I'm doomed to fail. I'm absolutely not good enough. It's called a telephobia. There's a name for it. The fear of not being good enough. And, and I'm going to prove to everybody that, uh, I'm not, I'm not scared because I had some experiences back when I was a kid where, I was scared and I was cowardly. And those things were in the back of my mind. Okay. Influencing what I was doing as a, you know, a young man.
Speaker 2And you felt not good enough. So you were using kickboxing, Muay Thai, MMA, essentially as this is how I prove I am good enough. But ironically, subconsciously, you're using it to prove to yourself you're not good enough, which may have led to your injury in some ways,
Speaker 1possibly. Absolutely did for a variety of reasons. One of them is, you know, this is, um, we're, we're in lifted right now is operating in some very interesting industries and communities. This right now, very interesting. We've got in lifted parents coming up. And then next week I fly out to San Jose. We're one of the keynote speakers for the CrossFit. So the official CrossFit owner and coach conference. Two days before the games in San Jose put on by everybody in CrossFit. So you're getting
Speaker 2into sports too.
Speaker 1Oh yeah. Yeah, for sure. Incredible. Yeah, for sure. My business partner thinks that's the biggest opportunity we've had to date. So, and what we're going to, one of the things we're going to talk about there is how the real pre-workout of the, the, the fitness industry is the victim mentality. I mean, I'll show them, you know, I'm going to, I'm going to make him wish he never broke up with me. You know, just the, the, the, they're going to, they're going to, they're going to, they're going to, they're going to wish they never doubted me. It's all the stuff that I was fueling my workouts with in the background. Yeah. I'd take some, you know, some pre-workouts and some ultimate orange. If you're old school like that. And do you know about all the orange?
Speaker 2I never took it myself. I was like C4 generation. C4 generation. And then at one point to be more quote unquote
Speaker 1natural nitric oxide. Nitric oxide. Kyle Kingsbury and I have had detailed conversations about, um, ultimate orange. And yeah, I would throw some of that in the tank, but the real thing that was driving it was this entrenched dumpster fire of a victim mentality that I was, I was, that's, that was, that was the story I was telling myself about myself for years, which is mindset. That's what our mindset is. It's the story that we tell ourselves. We'll get to the definitions here in a sec. And, and what happens when someone fuels their workouts with the victim mentality, that, is an inherently stressful state as in my breath is going to be trapped in my chest it's going to create excess tension and tightness in my body and it's extremely distracting so i way over trained because there was no way i was taking a day off because if i took a day off hell showed up in my head yeah because that was the story that i was using the fight game as a band-aid for and and and i know by the way i mean one of the biggest letdowns in my life i was alec i was convinced sold hook line sinker real that when i won my first mma fight i was finally going to feel good enough about myself that's how i was going to prove for for good that i was good enough and i lost my first mma fight i won my second one it was one of the biggest rushes i've ever felt in my entire life when i first won that fight 24 hours later i'm sitting at the farm with my parents dinner and uh i felt it coming and i just i got all wide-eyed i was like no this existential dread that i thought was going to be dispelled spells dispelled dispel means to cast out i thought this this existential dread that i was been been fighting my whole life was finally going to be and it just it just creeped up on me and took over way worse than before which was bizarre i just got up from the the kitchen table and i walked out the screen door one of those country ass screen doors spring creaking behind you and i just went out in the grass and looked at the sunset stunned out of my mind that this thing was back and worse and i never and i won i won most of my fights not one of the fights that i won ever gave me i was just chasing that dragon i understand i've never had any hard drug addictions or anything like that i understand chasing the dragon yeah but because of that the first win through the roof energy and then everything else after that even when i won like good fights did well man and then when i got hurt over in thailand so i move over to thailand i'm gonna be there for a year dude i had three going away parties this was in 2002 my grandparents even though i told them 19 times they thought i was moving to taiwan it was nobody did that back then right there was no there was no travel blogs especially not from virginia no no no i was one of those you get two weeks vacation every year and then you're like oh guys and like go to myrtle beach or something yeah outer outer banks the outer banks went to myrtle and uh that's great uh and you're going where dude yeah that's funny you're gonna do what and and i was gonna go over there for a year come back and go pro and i went over there and my knee fell off uh over training and i thought to myself when the whole thing stopped and i could tell there's no going back i was like i'm actually not going back i'm not going back i'm not going back because all my friends were fighters my scene was a fighter i was known as a fighter even before i got into fighting i'd get in a lot of street fights and stuff in high school and being the wild kid and stuff i was like i'm not going back there and not being that dude so i'm going to stay over here where i'll be a nobody in a strange land rather than i'm just not going back you're doing it to hide essentially thousand percent yeah thousand percent yeah and i stayed over there for 10 years which still sounds a little bit strange to say i lived in thailand for a decade and thank god thank the lord because i mean i had there were some reasons so i was a mediocre athlete still am thank you and um maple syrup is the trick in the coffee it is it is a lot of people do honey i like i like maple syrup it's it's richer it is richer it's richer it's more earthy i i did well i was a mediocre athlete mediocre in the gym but one of my superpowers is that i liked the pressure so when i got in the ring and the lights came on some other gear showed up we had we had fantastic talent in the gym and some of those guys would get under the lights and they'd fold yeah okay i had the exact opposite going on there and so i don't even know why i brought that up but yeah so so i stayed over there and bucket uh
Speaker 2tear in your meniscus right yeah yeah
Speaker 1they uh chopped most of it out and i thought he had it was 27 years old and i turned 50 in a couple of weeks and he said he goes your career this is after surgery he goes your career as a fighter is over you could become a very good swimmer and i'm picturing doing laps next to grandma on a pool not what i had in mind at 27 and dude i just lost it i used that as the final piece of damning evidence in a case that i was making against myself waking up on trial every single day it's like some got some crazed processing acuting attorney i know no one listening to this show can relate you wake up and it's like you're on trial in a case that you're not good enough and this crazy attorney goes gets the evidence he goes hey remember this remember when you did that remember when you mocked that up and you're like dude you said all that yesterday and it's like hey well today's a new day which we can also bring up the the exercise that we did at confluence to help to help counterbalance i would love that yeah yeah i think that'd be super useful for audience and can we talk about doodoo's like whatever an enlightened doodoo changed my life and we were oh yeah we for sure we wouldn't be here without it really yeah can i cuss on here yes absolutely okay so i'm a miserable fuck for the first year i was in thailand and my vice principal i was an elementary school pe teacher and my vice principal came back from doing this cleanse at on an island in the gulf of thailand called kosamui the place called the spot and he came back and he goes man i did this really cool cleanse down on samui and they based their protocol around this book and he hands it to me and it was the dow of health sex and longevity by daniel reed so i'm over at the pool i got the third graders paul marks he's the middle school p.e teacher he's got the seventh graders and we did the lesson and we're in the middle of free swim excuse me and i've got this book and i start i open it in the first page it was like you hand mr handball smacks me as hard as you can right in the mouth i open it up and just two lines talking about the the the economics of traditional chinese medicine compared to western medicine and it said historically traditional chinese medical practitioners they stopped getting paid when their clients were sick and i just stared at it and i'd never thought anything about and i was like oh my god because incentive drives outcome and i was like are you kidding me so they they they only got paid when their clients were healthy and so i started thumbing through this book and it talked about diet it talked about exercise it talked about meditation and microcosmic and macrocosmic orbits and and acupuncture and martial arts and and doodoo's and it showed the difference between in the alignment of the bowels between someone sitting on a toilet and someone squatting and i was like well guess what i gotta go drop a deuce myself so i handed the book to to paul and i went in there and i squatted down on that toilet and when i when i say evacuation i mean completely empty i'd never taken a poop like that in my entire life i got up and colors were brighter dude and i took this huge inhale and it would i just i felt amazed i said okay i'm in and then i went down to that same spa which is where i saw the the guy he did that to me with the girl's breakup story and now i'm here uh incredible incredible doodoo's man doodoo's
Speaker 2doodoo's changed your life yeah yeah man so do you think it's good to jump into that exercise right now yeah yeah for sure let's do it for sure so what we did so go ahead and find a toilet squat over the top oh we're doing that one okay just kidding okay no did the exercise on on reframing
Speaker 1yeah yeah yeah so i sat down we'll talk about mindset the different definitions of it and i didn't bring my list of definitions anyway it's okay uh which which will will segue into the exercise that we did at confluence i sat down one day one morning with a cup of coffee and i read 143 definitions of mindset in one sitting i didn't get through all of them you'd think that there'd be one standardized definition of something that's as important as it is right so many people talking about these days too so many people talking about it and for all the right reasons because people know that it's important and everybody here's a fun exercise go grab somebody who's really big because that's the mindset and ask them hey what's mindset and get some popcorn because you're probably going to get crickets or some big long complicated drawn out big picture metaphysical conversation that involves a lot of motivation and neuroscience in my personal and professional opinion and lifted has the best definition of mindset in the space because it is the most simple and it is the most clear and we've been using this definition for years and uh i share it a lot and people just go oh yeah i get a lot of knots so the enlifted definition of mindset is the story that you tell yourself that's the that that dude you're in this space as deep as anybody and you just went that's it it's sold right it's the story that you tell yourself so everybody that works with people in all the ways that you do your clients have a story that they're telling themselves and that is their mindset and that story is made of words and it's made of breath good luck separating those two things even when the story's in your head okay yeah and so if someone's going to work on something one you want to know what it is and then also what it's made of then you got a shot and so when it comes to helping somebody work on slash improve the story that they're telling themselves yes most of the time you're going to want to start meet your client where they're at which is likely going to be in the stuck and suck most people do not book in for a mindset coach when the sun's out and everything's going well and they quote unquote got this no they're struggling they're stuck they need some help. And when you start scratching the surface of those themes and patterns in their adult life, you're going to get into specific memories and then there you're likely going to get into their adolescence and childhood. So, so where am I saying is you're likely going to clean up the house first before you throw the party. Okay. Clean up the house first. I didn't say spotless, clean up the house first, then throw the party and the party. So the cleaning up the house is when you go get those stories that people ruminate on over and over and over again, and you title them and you four-step those things. We can get into four-stepping, of course. And so you create some space, you create some clarity. And at some point in time, when someone's working on their mindset, if you're working with someone that knows what they're doing, you're going to celebrate the good stuff. You're going to celebrate progress. Everybody has got wonderful things that they've done. In their life, that people have got stories about times people have been there for them. They've got stories of people giving them compliments. They've got stories of progress that they've made, specific events that have been meaningful. People keep those stories in their head too. And I don't make the rules and we're still, we're still getting into the exercise that we did at Confluence. I don't make the rules. Scary stories kept in the head are very up close loud and meaningful. Okay. All the awesome stories for whatever reason, they're also kept in the head for whatever reason, they're way over there in the corner, volume turned down, not very meaningful. So what you want to do is you want to get the scary stories and shrink them down, move them over there. And then at some point in time, go get the awesome stuff and highlight that. So you're essentially hiring a defending attorney and they're making a case for yourself that, oh, wait a minute, actually you are good enough. And they're going to do what? They're going to gather evidence and present it so they can admit, admit evidence. You could admit, look, remember when you knocked it out of the park here? Remember when you, you did a fantastic job at the jujitsu tournament? Was that you? And they write that out. And then their story, their words, they're staring at it. And so that is an extremely important part of helping someone build up their mindset, build up their story, build up their psychological and emotional immune system. Most people have a weakened psychological and emotional immune system.
Speaker 2If you listen to this show, you are probably well aware that there's something seriously off with our modern food systems. And even a lot of food labeled organic isn't what it seems. Some of it shipped in from China where regulations are murky at best. And other times companies slap the USDA organic label on while cutting corners and doing the absolute bare minimum in order to achieve that label. That's why Dr. Cowan's Garden exists. Founded by Dr. Tom Cowan, they believe health starts with food, real food, the way that it's supposed to be grown. They call their sourcing beyond organic, which means they're working with small family run farms who are going above and beyond the USDA organic label when it comes to growing their food. These farms care deeply about soil health and nutrient density, and some are even biodynamic certified the highest farming standard in the world. At Dr. Cowan's Garden, they use proper processing techniques. Techniques that humans have used for thousands of years because they actually work. Nuts and grains are soaked or sprouted just as traditional cultures did. Olive oils and apple cider vinegars are never heated, preserving fragile nutrients. Olive oil is protected from light because oxidation matters. The list goes on and on. The products at Dr. Cowan's Garden are made to be deeply nourishing and also incredibly delicious. Foods that you actually enjoy eating and foods that make healthy decisions actually feel good. Dr. Cowan's Garden is not about fads, it's not about fear, and it's definitely not about following government health recommendations. It's about reclaiming a simple trust in your food. If you value transparency, tradition, and food that respects both your body and nature, head to drcowansgarden.com or just head to the show notes and use code THEWAYFORWARD for 15% off your first order. Welcome back to Real Nourishment. Which is ironic too because when you study the nocebo effect and how much your mindset, your psyche plays into your physical expression of health, I feel like it's everything. I won't say it's everything, but it's like one of the most important things. It's right there with you.
Speaker 1At the very least, it's foundational.
Speaker 2Yeah. I mean, you could have someone, I was just watching this video the other day where, I don't remember the exact details of the study, but in this study, they cut a few people open who needed knee surgery and did nothing. Nothing to them, just made incisions on their knee under anesthesia and then sewed them back up. And several of those people, I don't remember the exact number, but they actually showed improvements in their knee as if they had had surgery, which indicates again, that your perception about something, the stories that you tell about something have just as much of an importance as the actual physical thing itself. Take any supplement, take any food that you're eating, standing outside with your bare feet on the earth, movement, whatever it is, your stories about that thing are just as important, if not more important than the actual thing. Like there are countless examples of this that we could get into.
Speaker 1Countless. One that comes to mind, I forget what book, I used to read a ton of books on this stuff. Now I just, you know, teach. There was a guy that went in, he was having some heart problems and the doctor told him that you have a galloping heart. And he thought that meant, like galloping like a horse, like I've got like a horse, as strong as a horse. And he goes, oh, cool. And he goes home and his heart problem was fixed. The doctor was like, if you'd ask, hey, what's a galloping? It's bad news, but he thought it was good news. And because he thought it was good news, it fixed his heart condition. Just the idea. So, you know, that story is powerful, everybody. That story is powerful. And so the, the unlifted coaching progression, it's not always like this. It's usually like this. Get your client unstuck, because that's where you're going to meet them. Celebrate progress, celebrate, celebrate some wins, show them that, hey, good things happen to you too. Get it in writing. And, and then, you know, get, get air it out, but we'll get there. And then, then they're ready to go into their future and set some goals. I didn't do it a lot. I did make the mistake a few times in the, the early days of people would come in and they'd be all messed up about something. Let me do a little bit of work on it. I'm like, yeah, I know what, what you need. Because I was a smarty pants coach. I know what you need. You need to set some goals and I'll help hold you accountable. It didn't work too well, Alec. I wonder why, because it, yeah, it sounded okay in the moment, but they walk out the door and they walk out the door and they get that text or they think about the problem, which why they came in the first place, the whole thing resets itself. And now they've got, now they've got these goals to go do. And it's like, are you kidding me? Once you get people action prone, because most people, people are inaction prone. That's how they start the process. Once you get them, Hey, you know, wow. Okay, cool. I have done some things and I do have people in my corner. Then pick something that they want to go do and write out the story of it. It's better than goals. Okay. So most people's goals, if they're lucky, they have a full sentence about what they want to go do. And only 3% of the population have goals. The difference between a dream and a goal is a dream is in your head and a goal was written down. I don't care how bad you want it. If it's in your head and it's not written down, you're in trouble. You're in trouble. You're in trouble. You're in trouble. You don't have a goal. You have a dream. And then statistically, once pen hits paper, it's 10 times more likely to happen. That's based on a 30 year goal setting study out of Harvard. Wow. And then from there, what we do is, Hey, well, let's write out the story of the thing happening and then get the breath in there so we can take it to heart. This is the main problem with affirmations. You ever seen Stuart Smalley? Huh? The, the, um, Al Franken, he did Stuart Smalley on, on Saturday night live. And it's a guy in a yellow sweater and he's just sitting there looking in the mirror. He's like, and gosh, darn it people. So it's, it's, it's play on affirmations and it's, there's a, there's a skit about it. Uh, because a lot of times people say, and they're telling the truth, well, affirmations don't work or I don't feel it. And the reason they don't feel it, they've got the great words, but the breath is trapped in the chest. Okay. So for everybody out there that has an affirmation practice, full inhale in and a full exhale out in between your list of affirmations and watch your buy-in as in your ability to feel it. That's what I was going to say. Go through the roof.
Speaker 2The breath is like the gateway to feeling it. Correct. Yeah. Veda Austin is, are you familiar with Veda Austin? Yes. Yeah. Okay. Veda Austin has talked about this and I don't want to butcher exactly how she said it, but essentially if she is thinking something, but feeling something differently than what she said, let's say she's, she's feeling really, really defeated. Right. But she's thinking about love. If she tries to imprint the water with just her thought, it won't imprint. It imprints what she's feeling. And it goes back to like thoughts are electric, but the feelings are magnetic and to actually like make it an electromagnetic phenomenon where it's, it's, it's going through your body and imprinting into the water. You have to have
Speaker 1those two things aligned. Yes. Yes. The swing boat. And so what we did at Confluence is I had everybody go go out, they pick their own adventure, three years, 18 months, five years into the future, the version of them that they want to experience, that they want to create. And they titled it and they wrote it, wrote it out for five minutes. So full sentences with punctuation. And then I went around and worked with everybody. And so first things first, let's get the story out. Pen to paper. That's step one. So now we're into four-stepping. And this is the, it's not, this is the primary tool at Enlifted. It's the only tool. Okay. So we four-step stories and play with words. That's what we do. And so write it out. Check. Step two, read it. Read what you wrote. Whatever happens, happens. Step three, read that same story 30% slower than your normal, normal rate of speech. And what happens when someone slows down their rate of speech, the breath loosens up, which is super important. Good luck changing your mind. Good luck changing your client's mindset when their breath is trapped in the chest. That's the demonstration of attachment to the words. Okay. For it being possible or for it not being possible. So in this case, if someone's got a story, a goal that they really, really want, but their breath is trapped in their chest, that's them essentially telling you, and themselves that for whatever reason, this isn't going to happen. It's not possible. So what we do, we want the good words and we want the good breathing. Hello, rocket science. And so that's step three, slow the story down. The breath will loosen up on its own. And then step four, same story. No need to go anywhere else. Get that so slow, smooth read. And at the end of each sentence, take a full breath in and a full breath out. And what happens is the breath loosens up, whatever it is. We, we take it to heart. We embody the concept. We socialize the idea, all different ways of saying the same thing. And that's for the good stuff. When it comes to the bad stuff, it's the same, it's the same tool. It just does different things. So the breath it's, it's, it's, it's, it's like the bouncer and the door. If the breath is locked up, the stuff that we want to come up and out of us is not coming up. The stuff we want to let go, we're not letting it go. And the stuff that we want to bring in, so to speak, it's not getting in. It must be addressed.
Speaker 2Can you show me an example of doing it for the quote unquote negative things that people
Speaker 1experience? Yeah, for sure. So yesterday I did a workshop in Austin and a woman wrote out a story. So she had this, she had this pattern of needing to, take care of everybody and thinking that she wasn't safe. And so she talked a little bit about it and brought up this, this feeling, this energy in her chest.
Speaker 2Is there a specific way to write it when you're writing something that is past oriented, like a story that you keep telling
Speaker 1yourself? Yep. Exactly. It's called conversational writing. Full sentences with punctuation, like you were telling a good friend. Okay. That's it. That's it. That's it. Cool. And, and so she talked about this pattern in her, adult life. It brought up this feeling in her chest. And I said, this is, we use the same questions all the time. When was the first time you ever felt that feeling? Does it take you back to a specific event? And she goes, yeah, that reminds me of when my dad left. And she wrote out the story. And I said, okay, so you got a specific memory. She said, yes, I do. Title it and write it out. I didn't ask her to tell it because you want to get it in writing for a variety of reasons. Uh, the two main ones is that you're going to get more detail in the story because it's slower. So there's three speeds of storytelling stories in the head, go the fastest stories in them out of the, out of the mouth. That's the middle speed and stories written down. That's the slowest form of storytelling that we have. The slower the story goes, the more detail you're going to get the devils in the details. You want to get those. And, um, for a vast majority of the time, there's going to be less and less of that. And so you're going to get more and more details. You're going to get less emotional charge to writing it out. So it's a, it's a better place to start. And so she wrote out the story and then she read it and it entailed her and her sisters. They were in the house and they heard the ruckus and the yelling. And then her dad comes out of the, the, the room, um, the bedroom with a bunch of shirts and hangers and was like, I can't do this anymore. Girls see you later. And from then on out, she, she, she thought those two things. Well, I'm not safe anymore and I've got to take care of everybody. And so we read that step, step two, and then we read it slow, step three, slow, smooth read. And then step four, slow, smooth read and got a breath in there. And, uh, she had her, if I'm remembering this correctly, she had her, her main emotional reaction on the slow reading. You never know when it's going to be. Most of the time it's when people read it for the first time or they read it slow. Okay. As they have their emotional crescendo. Yeah. And you don't know. And 99.999% of the time on the end of step four, you're, you're the person, whether you do this work on yourself or you're facilitating this work with someone else, the person is going to have space and clarity. So at Enlifted, we do not have answers for anybody. That is not our gig. We have questions and we have our good breath. And that ladies and gentlemen is clean coaching. I'll demonstrate, what happens when someone four steps a story mechanically speaking. And also we lucky us, you know, we have a, we have the best definition of mindset in the space. We also have a definition of a breakthrough. Most people talk about breakthroughs. They don't have a definition of a breakthrough. The Enlifted definition of a level one breakthrough is going from the participant to the observer. So stories kept in the head where people, that's where people keep the scary stories. Yeah. Okay. The story's in them and they're in the story and they're still participating in the story. And they're still participating in the story. And they're still participating in some weird way. Groundhog day. Totally. Stories kept in the head, breath trapped in the chest, stories in the head, breath trapped in the chest, picture in your face, wherever you look, there it is. So what do we do? We get that story, even when the pen feels like it weighs 400 pounds and write it down and air it out. And this is the mechanics. And as the, as the breath unlocks and descends, the breath descends, the picture zooms out and you go from the participant to the observer. No answers necessary. No snazzy Instagram quotes necessary. I don't have to motivate them. I don't need to tell them, you know, you, you really need to set better boundaries. None of that stuff. Cause it works on the mechanics of the story. And when someone goes from the participant to the observer, that's a really big deal. And that's what we facilitate. That's what we facilitate with four-stepping stories. And then when you go get the good stuff, like the good stuff's way over the definition of a level two breakthrough, because that's when we do that work. So when we teach our coaches how to do that work is the first half of level two, celebrating progress, celebrating wins, celebrating other people. Level one and lifted certification is all about cleaning up the stuff because that's where you're going to meet your clients. And that's almost exclusively where the, where the process needs to begin. And then you four-step the good stories and they, come over here and you go from the observer. Oh yeah. Yeah. To the participant. Wow. Look at me. I did this stuff and it does it on its own, dude. I find that very strange.
Speaker 2So it's flipping the, the participant and all the bad stuff to the observer position. Yeah. And then the stuff that's sort of in the background, like the good that we've experienced in our life, the good aspects of ourselves that we've really been the observer of this entire time, because we've been just participating in the negative stories. We become the participant quote unquote, positive stories about
Speaker 1ourselves with zero. It's with no other, with no extra prompts. So it's not like, okay, make, make the scary story go away. Now bring the great story over here. No, it's the exact same four steps, the exact same cues. And on its own, the scary stuff goes away. And on its own, the awesome stuff comes over here. So I don't understand that. I don't understand that phenomenon. I have ideas, okay. You know, maybe say maybe consciously we're working with much smarter parts of ourself than just our conscious mind intent. You know, why, why are people paying to work on their mindset? They're booking in for coaching sessions. Well, because they want to get better. Some, some smarter part of us, but, and I don't have an answer to it. I just find it a very interesting and bizarre phenomenon. It happens every time. There's something about
Speaker 2the emotional anchor you mentioned 99.9% of times, at least by step four, when it comes to dealing with the negative patterns and stories that we're holding inside ourselves, when there's an emotion of a big cathartic emotional experience to release coinciding with you becoming the observer of that situation, rather than the participant, I feel like that's getting it up and out of you. And then immediately flipping it in that moment to becoming the participant and the positive stories. Yeah, I think that's, I think that's, I think that's, I think that's, I think that's the, if you will.
Speaker 1Yeah. It makes it more real. Yeah. Yeah. And we facilitate that with, again, a four-step process that it's what we teach people in the certifications. And we also put it out for free in a lot of different directions. And because before all else, yeah, okay. And Lyft is a business. We got bills to pay and all that stuff. That's cool. And before all else, I'm a teacher. So I want people to use this whether they get certified or not. And how we go about doing that and why we go about doing that is part of the process. It's part of the magic. It's part of, it's a, in my personal professional opinion, a very important conversation to have when it comes to coaching. Because a lot of coaches, they live and die and tank their coaching career with the original sin of coaching. Which is thinking that you have to have all the right answers for your clients. That's hell on earth, man. Yeah. So what does that mean? That means that I've got to be wiser and smarter than all of my clients about everything. No pressure there. Right. Okay. So that's inherently stressful. So what does that do? So I'm sitting here, I'm going to coach somebody. I'm a coach. So I've got all the right answers and I'm in the background stressed about it because no one has all the right answers for anybody. So I'm going to coach somebody. My breath is trapped in my chest. Now you've got the most common and ineffective form of mindset coaching out there right here. So this is the enlifted coaching quadrant. This right here is the most common and the most ineffective form of coaching on the planet, which is I've got all the right answers for you. And my breath is trapped in my chest. This is called smarty pants coaching. And this, this leads to drama bonding and trauma bonding. So first things first, this is a big deal. If this is the only thing that you take out of this conversation, then you got your money's worth. The difference between questions and answers. There's a massive difference between answers and questions when it comes to coaching. Answers push, questions pull. I'm going to say that again. Answers, I tell them questions they tell them. And so when you combine, I got all the right answers for your, your life, hotline coaching, plus breath trapped in the chest, because most coaches aren't paying attention to where they breathe. You've got the recipe for drama bonding and trauma bonding and, and a, a retardation of transformation. And I'm using the word retard of accurately. The word retard is that you're impeding the development of. You're impeding the transformation that client is paying you for. And so we tell our coaches, it sounds harsh at first. It's not. Do not believe your client's story. Observe your client's story. Because if you believe it, you're going to get sucked into it. That's called drama bonding. And drama bonding leads to trauma bonding. Trauma bonding is when the, the client's inevitably, you get into any kind of important subject matter. They're going to have an emotional response. And if you're bought in, sucked into the story, oh, you poor thing. Men are dogs. Women only want one thing. You get, you get, you're biased. You're going to get, you're going into that stress response with them. And now the client and the coach's breath is trapped in the chest and everybody's like, that's a big fat mess. Yeah. And you can avoid that if you know how to play another game. And then over here, you've got, uh, chest breathing plus questions. This is a big improvement. Okay. If someone just asks more questions in coaching, your coaching is going to go through the roof. I hope you like repeat business and referrals because that's going to happen. Okay. And then over here, you've got, uh, belly breathing. I'm going to actually get this redone and abdominal breathing and answers, abdominal breathing and answers. So what this is, this, this right here, if you're good at it as a coach, you'll get turned into a guru because you're comfortable, you're confident, you're comfortable with, with what you're saying. Okay. It's funny when you think about it. And for your troubles, you're going to get made into a guru. I'd shoot myself in the face before I turned myself into a guru about this stuff. I'm now I'm 19 years in, I'm going to do this for 50. And there's part of me that's like, man, I can't wait to disappear, get this thing to where it doesn't need me. And then I'm out of here because the shine does not do it for me. And I'm like, I'm going to do this for 50. And I'm like, I'm going to do this for me. Like I said earlier, I can do spotlight. I can do it real well, put the pressure on me. No problem. And I can also leave and never be seen again. Okay. Yeah, I've done both. Yeah. Yeah. I actually have. And so, and, and, and I find this fascinating too. There's something in the human psyche that that's, well, it's the dominance hierarchy. There are people that want gurus. Great. There are people that want to be gurus. Great. Yeah. Just know that, you know, just know that over here, this is the unicorn of coaching. Okay. This is the cleanest form and most effective form of mindset coaching in the space, which is the combination of low and slow breathing for the coach and questions. So when I'm asking questions and my breath is low and slow, that's me. That's my demonstration of not being attached to whatever the answer is. And I'm just sitting, and I can do this all day long. I can just sit there and breathe and ask questions all day long. And it keeps me zoomed out. Okay. So, and you can observe the mechanics of this, like I just did with the book, the DSM-5, we'll get into that. You can observe the same mechanics in wind sprints and slow walking. So when someone runs wind sprints, like we all have, where does our breath go? Up. Up. High and tight. Yeah. And where does our field of vision go? Narrow. It narrows. Tunnel vision. Tunnel vision. Yeah. What happens when someone goes on a slow stroll, a slow walk?
Speaker 2Peripheral vision is on fleek and they're breathing low and slow.
Speaker 1Correct. It's the same thing when it comes to coaching, when it comes to the speed of the story, which does dovetail into the four-stepping. So when a coach is able to, with their questions, okay, questions, questions, questions, and low and slow breathing, they're going to stay zoomed out. They're going to pay attention to their client. What words are their clients using? Pay attention to that because your clients aren't paying attention to that. How fast is your client's story going? Pay attention to that because your client isn't paying attention to that. Where's your client breathing? Now you've got your hand on the lever of the most important aspects of how we tell stories. The words we're using, the rate of speech, the breath. Is it written down or not? Bet it isn't. With your questions, help them go get the scary stories. Pick up that 500-pound pen and get them on paper, and then you can get the air in there. There's a couple of things I want to unlock in there. That was a lot.
Speaker 2No, no. That was great. Breath is one of them and the importance of writing. And I also want to get into someone who is had this big sort of cathartic breakthrough in uprooting the things that they're carrying, let's say. How do we help that stick? That version of them that they've come into in that moment, who's able to observe instead of participate in those negative stories, how do we keep that sticking? I'd imagine the answer is in the language, again, in the continuation of stories that we tell ourselves. But before we get there, I want to talk about, this almost seems like a rhetorical question, but I want to hear it from your perspective because you've been talking about it for a long time. I want to hear it from your perspective. You've brought up breath so much in this, right? And you're not teaching breath work over here, but you're just teaching life and breathing is such a big part of life. It's funny. I think Dr. Edith, my mentor, is who put me onto this, but there's like the, I forget what it's called, but it's like in a survival situation, the things that are most important, it's like you can last three months without human interaction, typically, which is super interesting. Three weeks without food, three days without water, and three minutes without breath, which would indicate to me that breath is like the most important thing by far. And again, that's in a survival situation. I know Wim Hof has obliterated that. I've done a 15-day water fast. But the point is, in a survival context, breath is the most important thing by far. And again, that indicates to me that the way we breathe in each moment is one of the most important things in our lives. And I think that's a really important thing. And I think that's a very important thing. And I think that's a really important important things that we consider, but most people don't consider that. So I'd just love to hear from your perspective, why is it that you talk about breath so much as it pertains to mindset? Because that's the point of what we do.
Speaker 1We're known as the language people. That's fantastic. It's great to be known for anything. And push comes to shove. It's about unlocking people's breath. Because when someone's breathing is unlocked, they're stacking the cards in their favor. They're going to feel better in their skin. You're going to have space and clarity in aspects of it. You're going to be a better listener. There's this thing, I'm going to sound smart for a second. It's called amygdala hijack, also known as a stress response. When someone goes into a stress response or amygdala hijack, they get that, the breath gets trapped in the chest. They get that tunnel vision, their peripheral vision tanks, their creative faculties tank and I mean, have fun, have fun with that person on your team. Have fun being that person on someone's team. In a relationship, that's not fun. That just, that arrests transformation and unlocking the breath is, it's, well, I mean, what's, what's cleaner than that? Where'd you learn that? Staring at people's stories for 19 years.
Speaker 2So this is something you came to observe. Yes. Over people telling their stories, how, how shallow their breath was. Oh yeah. And it's, it's chronic, man.
Speaker 1Ask any, any, any yoga teacher. Yeah. People take on average 200 sighs a day. Yeah. And that's because their breath is chronically trapped in the chest and the body's like, hey, jerky, give me some air. Yeah. So the, the, there's four steps to four stepping and it still sounds, I did not intend to come up with a modality of coaching. Okay. I tend to, you know, raise my eyebrows at that because it took me 10 years to come up with that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it started with three people that came in to my coaching session for coaching sessions with machine gun mouth, as in they were telling their stories so fast, I couldn't get a word in edgewise. And finally, the first person I just handed him a pen and paper. I said, write it down, write it down. Cause they were repeating themselves super fast. They were not responding to any of my questions or prompts. And I was like, okay. And then another person two days later came in. It was a similar affliction. I did the same thing. And then, uh, number three. And then I started thinking about it. I was like, I started thinking about all these stories I was working on with people. I'm like, I wonder how many of these things are written down. And I started asking. And on average, 97% of the stories that you work with, when you ask people, Hey, have you ever titled and written this story down before? They say, no. 2.9% of the time. They say, no. Well, I've journaled about it. That's not this journaling is usually a general writing. Okay. It's very rare for someone to title the day that the moment their dad walked out the door and write that out.
Speaker 2What happened? How important are minerals when it comes to how our body actually functions on a day-to-day basis? And how do we even begin approaching mineral sufficiency in the modern world? And are mineral supplements really the best approach to take when it comes to mineral I recently sat down with Caroline Allen, the CEO and co-founder of Beam Minerals for a conversation about the importance of proper mineralization and the role that humic and fulvic mineral complexes play in supporting overall health. Caroline has spent years studying minerals and human health and how modern food production, agricultural practices, and lifestyle factors have influenced mineral intake over time. Beam Minerals was created to provide a concentrated source of plant-based humic and fulvic mineral complexes. Designed to support the body's natural functions. I'd love for you to hear from Caroline so she can share about Beam Minerals and why humic and fulvic mineral complexes are so vitally important for our health. Here's a clip from that episode.
Speaker 3The ratio of minerals that you need in your cells is the same as the ratio that are needed in a tree, in a little plant, in a cow. At a cellular level, we all work the same. I met my business partner, Dan Howard, and he introduced me to these minerals. We need to bring these humic and fulvic molecules to the world because this is how we reconnect humanity with Earth. When they're in your body, they enhance so many things. They're meant to be in your body.
Speaker 2So if you're interested in checking out Beam Minerals, just head over to beamminerals.com and use code TWF20 at checkout for 20% off your order, or just head to the show notes. And if you'd like to go a little bit deeper on Beam Minerals, humic and fulvic, mineral complexes and the importance that they play in our health and all the things related to that, check out episode 246 of the WayForward podcast where I had the chance to sit down with Caroline. When you say title, literally give it a title. Yes. Like a story title.
Speaker 1Yeah. The day my dad left. Yeah. Okay. And good breathing. There's so many reasons to aim at the breath, including the next generation, because we inherit our parents' breathing patterns. Most people think inheritance is just. A little bit of money when they croak. And this is not rocket science. This is observable. Go and ask any teacher what happens to students' grades when there's a lot of stress at home. What does that mean? That means everybody in the house, their breath is trapped in their chest. And so the kids model that. It's called entrainment. It's very. Very rarely do you see a child that grows up in a high-stress environment, also known as everybody using their words in a certain way, and their breath trapped in their chest. Very rarely does a child walk out of there cool, calm, and collected. Right. Okay. So that's for a good reason. A lot of people in Confluence were talking about generational wealth. What about generational health? It's similar. I mean, very rarely do you see fantastic. Fantastic athletes come out of families that everybody's a couch potato and, you know, washing down Skittles with Mountain Dew. Okay. And so there's something called generational health. What about generational mental health? How do we do that? Well, it's going to start with the words. Well, there's a couple of places to start. And those couple of places, those two places are going to be what words are you using and how are you breathing? And those things, that's a feedback. Exactly. Inextricably linked. Inextricably linked. Yeah. Inextricably linked. And, you know, and the question that you just asked, one of the things I thought about was, you know, what traps the breath in the first place? Here's an example. So I was on a sales call about three months ago with a breath work coach. I'll be telling this one for a while. And she was inquiring about level one and level two. And she said, will this help with presenting? Because I get really nervous. My breath, the breath work coach's breath gets trapped when she's giving workshops, giving presentations. And I said, yes, directly and indirectly. I said, definitively, yes. And she goes, oh, that'd be great because, you know, it's really getting in the way of my career. And we had some time. And so I asked her, are you okay going into that story? Whatever that is. I didn't know what it was. And she goes, yeah, sure. So she told me generally about what happens. When she gets up in front of groups of people. And a lot of times when people share just a little bit about something, they'll get that energetic emotional response. And I said, does that bring up any kind of energetic emotional response? And she goes, oh, yeah, actually, it feels just like that thing that happens when I've. And I said, tens high, ones low. What number is it? She goes, right now. And I said, yeah, right now. And she said, a six. And I said, okay, well, cool. Where in your body do you feel that? It's important you're tying it back to where in the body. Dude, super important. Those are the three magic questions. Until I ask, I don't know. What are you feeling? Tens high, ones low. What's the intensity? And where is it in your body? And she goes, well, I'm feeling the thing. And it's a six. And it's in my chest. And I said, cool. Are you okay if we continue with this? She goes, yes, please. I'm over it. And I said, when was the first time you ever felt that feeling? Does it take you back to a specific event or time frame? And she goes. Same thing as person. Reminds me when my parents used to fight. And we play the put the gorilla on the table game. I said, do you remember the worst fight you ever saw? And she said, well, yeah. And I said, title it like a title to a movie. And she said, Uncle Steve's Thanksgiving dinner, 2009. And so I asked her, has you ever titled that and written it out? Nope. And so she did. And we four-stepped it. I repeat myself for a living. Title it. Write it out. Check. Read it regular speed. Check. Slow it down by 30%. Slow read. She did that. Slow, smooth read. Slow, smooth breath. Step four. And the breath is at the end of each sentence. And it did what it does. It loosened the breath and helped her zoom out and see it. And she had some emotional release and things like that. And that was great. And because, you know, we look at what words people use to force themselves to create the dreaded victim-villain dynamic, we know the language patterns. And so there was one sentence in there, the Lord of the Rings spell that was holding the whole thing together. And that sentence was, my father spent all of his money on drugs and didn't take care of us. And I had her say that. And she did. And then I said, take a breath. And she did. Say it again. She did. And so when you hit a hot spell, a combination, That's the definition of a spell, Webster's definition of a spell, a word or a combination of words of great influence. When you hit a hot spell, no reason to go anywhere else. Okay, sit there and rep it until you get on the other side of it. And it's usually three, usually. And she said it a third time. My father spent all his money on drugs and he didn't take care of us. Cool. You could tell she was more neutral about it. And I said, take out the word us and put in the word himself. It was like somebody smacked her in the face. Eyes got all, went like this. My father spent all of his money on drugs and didn't take care of himself. Then the real waterworks happened.
Speaker 2Yeah. Makes it less personal. Instantly. Instantly. Instantly dissolves the personal aspects.
Speaker 1Instantly. And the sentence before it forced her to take it personal. Yeah. It forced her, that little girl, to make everything that her dad did and did not do as an adult, make it about her. Yeah. Reflection on her and her value as a person. And no wonder she walks into places where she's there to serve and be valuable. And it presses that button where she's like, oh, no, you're not. Remember this? It doesn't show up like that. It just shows up as the thing.
Speaker 2You know what it also ignites? I won't say instantly, but it ignites the possibility of feeling compassion for that individual. Like when it flips from. My dad spent all his money on drugs and didn't take care of us to himself. It then allows you to question, well, why did he spend all of his money on drugs and not take care of himself? And it's like, oh, what was he dealing with? What patterns and things were impressed upon him that he didn't have the resources at that time to deal with? Or maybe he did have the resources, but he just couldn't get past it. He felt too much guilt, too much shame, too much unworthiness. He felt like he was. He was a piece of shit. Whatever it is, it allows you to sort of open up for questioning. Like, why is it they were dealing with those things? Oh, my gosh. Not only is this not personal towards me, it is highly personal towards themselves because they were struggling. And that's that's not to negate the harmful things that people have done for people who listen to this podcast. Like you've heard me talk about this ad nauseum. It's not to negate any of that stuff, but it's it's to add context. That takes the heaviness off of it almost instantly.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's it's it's to break the spell of the victim mentality. Yeah. It's to break the spell of the victim mentality and the victim mentality by Rudolph Steiner's definition is a Luciferian force. Yeah. So any force that seeks to constrict or control was by definition Luciferian. That's Steiner. And is this a good place to share the definition of the victim mentality? Please. Okay, cool. All right, everybody. Not if you're driving and get a pen and a piece of paper because I'm going to recite the definition of the victim mentality twice. And most people have never heard it, much less put pen to paper on it. And when you put pen to paper on something, you get a little extra return on an investment. So here it is. I'll do it slow the first time and then I'll speed it up with some polish the second time. The victim mentality is an acquired. Personality trait where a person tends to regard himself or herself as the victim of the negative actions of others, even in the absence of clear evidence. The victim mentality depends on a habitual thought process. And attributions. Here it is again, sped up with a little bit of polish. The victim mentality is an acquired personality trait where a person tends. It's a tendency, everybody. Sometimes it's up. Sometimes it's down. Person tends to regard himself or herself as the victim of the negative actions of others, even in the absence of clear evidence. The victim mentality depends. Circle that word on a. Habitual. Underline that word. Thought process. And attributions. That second sentence is right between the eyes, right where it belongs. The victim mentality depends, as in it has to have a habitual, which accurately implies duration and addiction. Thought process. What's a thought process? Glad you asked. It's how you put your words together. We all have one. And attributions. What's an attribution? It's a characteristic. And as I've said, after the word. What words force people to create it in all of its glorious forms and fashions. How are people breathing? That's another characteristic of the victim mentality. And you can address the victim mentality through breathing better and using better words. Let's unpack that even more.
Speaker 2Yeah, let's do it. So what comes up for me, the first thing that I want to tackle is for people who have gone through a lot of really challenging shit at the hands of other people. Let's say primarily in their childhood, right? And they were victimized in those moments. A lot of those people. Well, just a lot of people in general these days. I was going to say a lot of those people struggle with victim mentality, but I think a lot of people in general struggle with the victim mentality. But how do you go from I was victimized in these instances and not gaslight yourself or allow other people to gaslight you pertaining to those experiences? Well, not holding the perpetual victimhood and adopting the victim mentality.
Speaker 1Yeah. Most of that comes down to the meaning that we give to what happened. Yeah. Addressing that. So nobody's changed in the past. No one's letting anybody off the hook about anything unless they want to. And yeah, well, it's built into the enlifted method. We don't give answers. You know, you really should forgive that person. Yeah. We don't say anything. We don't say anything like that. Nothing like that. We just four-step stories and let people come to their own conclusion about things. And we will ask the question, hey, what does this mean about you? Okay. Because that right there, that's the GOAT. Yeah. That's the greatest of all time coaching question. What does this mean about you? Because we're meaning making machines. And a lot of times it's not what happened that gets people. It's the meaning they assigned to what happened. That's what gets people. And that's where their power, that's where their level. That's where their leverage lies addressing the meaning. And as long as the story's in there and the breath is trapped in the chest, it's going to, it's not, it's going to be in, you're not going to like what that means about you. Yeah. And you can change that for sure. You just got to pick up that heavy ass pen.
Speaker 2You keep coming back to that. I want to, I want to talk about that now too. Yeah. Because I've interviewed a variety of people who share, let's say, things related to sort of Byron Katie-esque processes. And I know that in some. In some ways, her how to do the work, like methodology is taught to actually write it out. Like, I'm pretty sure, I don't know if she has it on her side or if these are sort of third party independent people who have like the questions that she asks. Is it true? Who would you be without that thought, et cetera, et cetera. Like you can write it out. But you're the first person I've interviewed that harps on the writing it out, putting pen to paper. Can you, can you share a little bit more about why that's so important from. In Lifted's perspective?
Speaker 1There's a massive difference between stories kept in the head and stories written down. Stories kept in the head are seemingly infinite. They swirl. Extremely disorganized compared to once stories are written down. Where does it start? Where does it stop? And really, really hard to digest something psychologically. And emotionally when the story is in the head. It's also, it can be very challenging to get to the meaning. You know, what does this mean about you? When the, when the, when the stories are in the head compared to once it's written down. Once the story is written down, you're talking about a completely different story. Get it? It's now externalized.
Speaker 2That's what I was just thinking. Yeah. It's, it's like no longer, even when it's spoken, it's coming out of you. This is already out of you and you're looking at it from, you're observing it outside of you. Yeah. A thousand percent.
Speaker 1Yeah. And it's, it's, it's externalized. It's finite. I don't care if it's 19 paragraphs. There's the first word. There's the last word. Okay. It's still, it's not moving. Yeah. Okay. Like a repetitive stress injury. What about repetitive mental stress injury? How do people get repetitive stress injuries? They do the same movement over and over and over and over and over again. If someone's going to heal that, what do they need to do? They need to isolate it. Right? Uh-huh. Okay. And it's the same thing with this. You keep replaying that story over and over and over again. You're going to get a mental, a repetitive mental stress injury. Let's isolate that story and then get the breath in there, dude. And I tell the coaches this all the time. Writing it out is if for whatever weird reason, I was only able to help people title stories and write them out. I would charge for that service. It's that valuable. It's that valuable.
Speaker 2Wow. Wow. Makes sense. It does. It hit me as you were explaining. I'm like, oh, it's getting it out of you and it's no longer, you're reading something that's external. Yeah, you said it so well.
Speaker 1And in a coaching situation, most of our coaches coach virtually and we do them off of Google Docs. So let's say you and I were doing a coaching session and you'd be in Texas and I'd be in Virginia. We're on a Zoom screen. We're on a Zoom call with the Google Doc. You've got access to the Google Doc. I've got access to the Google Doc. Hit share screen on the Zoom and we can write both real time on the Zoom, on the Google Doc and see it. So we can see the words real time when you're working with someone. I mean, there's no better way to curate somebody's story real time and virtually than that.
Speaker 2Do you prefer that it's written with actual pen and paper than in an ideal scenario?
Speaker 1Good question. In an ideal scenario, I'm still working. I'm still working off Google Docs. Okay. In a coaching situation because, you know, we're going to be taking sentences out and separating them and highlighting them and then also spacing them out and getting the word breath in between each sentence. It's just so much easier to do that. Yeah. And then also, you know, we're going to be doing, it's coaching packages. So we're going to be doing multiple coaching sessions. And so you're going to be curating your client's stories. Google Docs are superior. That makes sense. There's something magical. I mean, AI can't read cursive. There's something magical about pen to paper for sure. And as far as coaching, Google Docs are superior. Makes sense. If we were in the same room, we'd be on Google Docs. Got it. Like if you had your laptop and I had mine, we'd be on Docs.
Speaker 2Okay. Got it. I know you've brought up on a few other shows I've listened to you on the definition of identity. And we were talking. We were talking before we clicked record. And I brought up the article that was written by that basketball player. I forget his name. I'll link it in the show notes. Reese, just remind me and I'll send it to you. It's this great article where this basketball player basically says definitions are for dead things. And what I took away from it is that he would rather identify with kind of what you talk about, identifying with a process rather than a thing. Right. Like something. Something that is dynamic, that is becoming and unbecoming, that is definitionless. Definition is for static dead things, which I really appreciated. But with that being said, this plays right into the question. What is the definition of identity? The fact of being who or what a person is. What is your problem with that definition?
Speaker 1Static as hell, man. Yeah. Yeah. There's no flexibility there. Yeah. And not only is it the definition, there's our life. Language can trick us into being stuck. Yeah. Here's an example. Here's a language game that we play. Everybody play along. This is a language game. Oh, and by the way, you can turn around and play this language game with somebody else. Everybody write this sentence down. It's just the way I am. Alec, what kind of energy does that create for you?
Speaker 2For me, the moment that you say I am, like first off, you're invoking the name of God and you're fixing the dynamic entity that you are, that is always changing and is definitionless, right? And you're invoking the power of God and saying that this pattern of behavior, this thing, this quality about you that you know deep down you need to change is fixed while invoking the power of God with it.
Speaker 1Yeah. So we're thinking about, get all Alan Watts about it. You got an Alan Watts book up there. Yes, I do. He's my favorite Alan Watts quote. Yeah. And there's a difference. And so, all right, everybody, take your magic wand, also known as your pen, and I want you to add one word to the end of that sentence. Add the word thinking. To the end of that sentence, just the way I'm thinking. What happens when you use that sentence?
Speaker 2Well, you added a verb, which makes it an action that is subject to change. You added an element of the possibility of change.
Speaker 1Yes. Yeah. And we're all subject to change. And that identity, man, it's a, you know, Teddy Atlas about it. He said a fighter gets 30% better overnight when they win the belt. So just because they're now the champ and they're identified as the champ, they get 30% better as a fighter. And you know what? Let's talk about soft talk again. If someone uses a lot of these words, probably, perhaps, feels like, guess, maybe, could, might, possibly, sort of, kind of, potentially, hopefully, try, one day should. Almost like, they're going to create indecision. And if they continue to create indecision, eventually, they are going to identify themselves as indecisive. Oh, I'm just an indecisive person. And when they do that, now they just got 30% better at being indecisive because they identified themselves as such. Language, the Taoists say it, without rope, people bind themselves. With their words. With their words. With their words internally.
Speaker 2Internally and externally. Maybe that's a good segue into, for the people who had, have these, you know, cathartic emotional breakthroughs, the common languaging patterns that you see that are keeping people stuck. Four main ones.
Speaker 1Okay. You got soft talk. All those things that you just brought up. Yes. Right. And that, this is the gateway drug to the rest of the words, everybody. Okay. Because they're the easiest to just pluck out. Take out the maybe. Take out the guess. Take out the sort of. And 49 out of 50. 50 times people are going to prefer a, the solid sentence versus the soft talk.
Speaker 2Can you give me an example of like, use a soft talk version and then, I know we did that at the very beginning, but maybe another example.
Speaker 1Yeah. It's almost like I'm overthinking things. Take out the almost like. I'm overthinking things. Now you can do something about it. Okay. It's sort of like, I'm blaming her for that. I'm not going to, I get no growth, no personal development, no personal empowerment saying it's sort of like I'm blaming her for that. Take out the sort. I'm blaming her for that. I am blaming her for that. Yeah. Okay. So it puts you in, in action mode. This puts you in, in action mode. Got it. And all, and it, and it's also a gateway drug to the rest of the words because most of the time, vast majority of the time, these words have the least amount of emotional charge, friction, dedication to them. Projections, they've got the most. That's where the venom's at. These are like, yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe. Okay. So soft talk. Negations. This is how people worry. This is how people, fancy term, catastrophize. Okay. Can'ts, don'ts, won'ts, isn'ts, nots, haven'ts, hasn'ts, shouldn'ts, force us to stare at the worst case scenario. My driving teacher said when I got in the car, look where you want to go because you're probably going to go there. You know, I, I, I don't want to come on here and have a, and sound like an idiot. Okay. I just made a picture of me coming on this show and sounding like an idiot. Whoops. I'm not going to spend all my money this weekend. Picture that. Yeah. We, we, we can't keep arguing so much all the time. I just made a picture of us arguing all the time versus I want to come on here and have a great conversation with Alec. Okay. Versus, um, I'm gonna stick to my budget this weekend versus let's go on a walk and have a heart to heart conversation about this. So I just gave three. Yeah. Versus three affirmative examples. Yeah. Yeah. Then there's projections, project projection, keywords, he, they, she, you people's first name. Okay. The government. Uh, she's wasting my time again versus I'm wasting my time again. Dude, who wastes more of our time than us. Okay. He's not. He's not letting me live my life. What does that do? That key? I'm just, I'm waiting for him. I'm powerless. I'm a victim again. Fucked. Yeah. Yeah. I'm powerless. Versus I'm not letting me live my life. You know, my dad talks to me like a child versus I talk to me like a child. When will my mother ever respect me? When will I ever respect me? It's it's a hardcore path. Okay. And this brings up, um, an interesting point and we'll get into dramatics and we'll talk about the way the English language is used almost exclusively right now. It is externalized, it's vague and it's inflammatory, hence the chaos, hence the breath trapped in the chest, hence the, the, a large part of the control systems foundation. If you want to get people to go in a certain direction and lead them around by the nose, and we can go into some conversations about this brother. I know. I know what you think, generally speaking. I mean, conflict. Confluence was a taste. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got the memo. I took the pulse. You want to scare the shit out of people first. Yeah. Scare the hell out of them. And then, and then. Demoralize, divide, scare the shit out of them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, for sure. And, you know, call me old fashioned. I think it's cool to not be that way. Yeah. Translation. How about be centered and grounded and sovereign in your mind and your heart and in your family and your community and in your wallet? Yeah. Yeah. What a radical idea that is. Right. Okay. And all of that is totally on the table when, when, with the right kind of story. Does it all start with story?
Speaker 2I mean, it could be argued. It's so wild that you're bringing this question up because even before I started preparing for this podcast episode and knowing that you talk about stories so much, I was thinking on this like two weeks ago, just on a long drive, like. Literally everything is story, arguably. Again, for anyone who hasn't looked into the placebo effect, nocebo effect, mass psychogenic illness, mass social contagion, the Maharishi effect, what it indicates to me, again, is that our beliefs about something, which are rooted in stories that are passed down, either like directly, overtly stated stories or stories that are just lingering in the background of our psyche. Over time, not only have a impact on how our physiology expresses, but on how society orchestrates itself, how society conducts itself. And even like, for example, with, with COVID, Daniel Reuters in his book, which, which has just changed my life in ways that I didn't expect. He has a book called, Can You Catch a Cold? And it goes through all the ways to falsify this idea that healthy people become sick when exposed to sick people or their bodily fluids. The quote unquote journey. Which is entirely unsubstantiated. I was with Dr. Cowan three weeks ago. Okay. So you, yeah, you already get it. You're, you're on the same page. But what Daniel points out in the book is, is how many examples there are of mass amounts of people getting sick with very specific symptoms. And per the author's own admission in some of these paper, it's not even possibly related to a microbe. I mean, what it indicates to me when you continue going down those rabbit trails, is that actual physical things happen in reality based on collective belief about something. And it's like, those are literally just stories that are passed down. I just started thinking about this. I'm like, how deep does that go? Is it literally so deep that like the nature of reality and how reality organizes itself is based in collective stories about something. Like it is wild to think about.
Speaker 1If, if you go far enough, you will get to where he got intellectually. And also your body will do the same thing. He was just like, is it like, like, like that's when you get to astonishment level contemplation. And you can only do that everybody by contemplating this. I don't think so. There's three levels of thinking. There's thinking that's when you do it once there's considering that's when you think about it multiple times. Contemplation is when you stare at something until it starts to reveal its secrets to you. And the pun there, the joke there is that eventually you'll get to, it's an absolute mystery. It's an absolute mystery. There's no, how, how influential, here's a question that I don't even think about anymore because I know it's a mystery. And if I know it's a mystery, why am I trying to figure out a mystery? Just enjoy the mystery. How, how, right? How, how much does language influence you? How does language influence us? Good luck getting to the bottom of that one. Stay, stare back in history. Right. Those stories are, are still rolling through. Go out a thousand years from, from now in the future. The squiggles in the sounds that we're using, these sounds coming out of our face, they're going to be echoing. What's, what's Brooke's last name from music? McCoyle. Yeah. She's awesome. She's great. Did her show from another connection I made from Confluence. Five days ago, I was like, what's the difference between singing and talking? I mean, they're both, it's sounds, we're making sounds. Okay. I think there's less difference than there is more difference. And so what are we? You know, we're, we're basically walking accordions. Yes. You know, in a, in a gel suit. Yeah. Like, and most people, most people's instruments are just out of tune. Yes. They've never learned to tune their instruments, which, and we do have some very practical. We, that's, that's, that's the, that's, that's where we live. That's the space we live. We strive to be the most simple conversation in the room when it comes to mindset. Okay. Because it can get extremely. Of course. Wild. And I love this.
Speaker 2People can become neurotic about it too. Ironically. Ironically. Yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's, yes. And like I said, most people, most people are, their language is working against them. They've never learned to, to use the words. Well, use their words. Well, and, you know, we, we, it's not that we do have a lot of practical, we, we just, we maintain practicality because the root word of practical is practice. And if someone wants to tune their instrument, the, the, cause I get that asked a lot. Hey, what's the, what, what's the number one thing to slow down your rate of speech by 5% because a whole lot of things is going to happen are going to, is going to happen are going to happen when you do that. One, everything. One, everything, everything's different when there's some awareness. And if someone slows down their rate of speech, that means they're going to have to be a paying attention to their rate of speech. And from there, your breath is going to be looser, which means you're going to have more range. Okay. Of inflection, which means you're going to be a more interesting person to interact with, which likely is going to mean you're going to use less words because you're getting your point across better with fewer words. Which also means you're going to be a better listener because you're using less words and the person you're using less words with is more engaged. Okay. Uh, and the breath is, the breath is, it just creates that vibe, man. Creates a, uh, when, when someone says, oh, they're so easy to talk to, they're usually talking about a good breather. Makes sense to me. Yep. Yeah. When someone's, when, you know, we'll look at the opposite of it. You know, you can't get a word in edgewise with that person. It means they're using a lot of words really fast. Breath trapped in the chest. So for all these people that you coach people, if you want to, um, hold in a better space or an even better space, I know that's how some people talk about it or just make it, make it easier for your client to, to go where they want to go. Slow down your rate of speech back to that. And then ask some more questions and watch what happens. I'll put, I'll put this right here. Belly breathing and questions. If somebody gets their head around that, I'll put them in the chat. somebody gets their head around that, I'll put them in the top 1% of mindset coaches out of the gate. Quick shout out to
Speaker 2Podigy, the team that we brought on to produce our podcast. We started working with him last year and the difference was immediate way less stress on the back end for us with podcast production and our youtube has grown significantly since bringing on podigy if you're already running a podcast and looking to boost your production value or if you're thinking about starting a podcast i highly recommend working with podigy if you check the show notes there's an assessment that podigy has put together to give you specific steps to take to grow your own podcast and that's whether you're just getting started or looking to take your current podcast to the next level. Each month, they're giving away a strategy call with their founder, Justin Moore, and he is incredibly talented and incredibly smart. And he really knows how to grow a podcast from the ground up. So if you're interested in working with Podigy, just head to the show notes and take the assessment. And if you decide to work with them, just mention Alex Zek in the way forward and they'll give you a nice little deal. That's why I can't stand the public school because it's it's the exact opposite of that it's it's answers and shallow breathing
Speaker 1and chairs and fucked up lights right and the worst food and shall we keep going
Speaker 2oh man that's why i really our kids go to this little so-called alternative school um around here in central texas and the the guides they're not even called teachers the guys only use the socratic method like they will only ask questions.
Speaker 1They're not going to be, your children are not going to be recognizable compared to someone who graduates school and has got a black belt in doom scrolling and can't read. You know, that's very wild.
Speaker 2I want to get into parenting a little bit too, because I know you're about to come out with Enlifted for Parents. Just the approach to take a lot of people listening to this show are parents, parents who rent, so they're moms and dads, let's say, they might want to like, you know, look at how they're, they're speaking with their kids and how they're approaching their style of, of guiding these, these little ones into becoming adults without, um, conditioning them too much, let's say. So what is your sort of take and philosophy on, on parenting from, you know, a languaging standpoint?
Speaker 1Yeah. Big picture. It's, it's outside in it's you first. Okay. You, you, you as the mom or dad. a lot of times. you know parents will tell their children to do and be things that they're not even remotely close to doing or being you know you just need to believe in yourself more little johnny when that when that parent doesn't believe in themselves for shit
Speaker 2that's why johnny doesn't believe in himself is because you already didn't believe in yourself and that is passed down energetically to the kid facts
Speaker 1i did not pay him to say that exactly that's it so if you want your child to believe in themselves more, you as the parent believe in yourself more, okay? If you want your child, your children to understand and utilize the power of words in more healthy and effective ways, you as the parent learn to use words in more empowering and effective ways. If you want your child to be a better breather, then you set the tone first as the parent by improving how you breathe. And that's what we're going into in Enlifted Parents. So there's going to be a really nice piece of self-work for the parents and which will absolutely directly influence their relationship with their child on an energetic level, on an emotional level, on a psychological level. On a, is it, should we say literal level? Yeah. Like the word level? Yeah. And then you're also going to learn how to ask more questions for your kids, okay? And wait for the answer. Also known as create space and clarity in the household. Yeah. So you're going to do some very good work on your own personal story. You're going to give yourself credit. I'm thinking about the curriculum right now. It's six weeks. You're going to give yourself some very well-deserved credit for being in a small percentage of the population of parents that are doing something about being better parents. Right. You know, you take a thousand parents, how many parents are actively investing in being better parents? One out of a thousand was one out of 10,000.
Speaker 2It might be less. It's so funny you bring this up too, because we just went to a water park the other day here in Central Texas. And like, after being in those environments amongst normie land, if you will, Kylie and I, my wife, we looked at them and we're like, God dang, dude, we're actually doing a pretty damn good job. Exactly. We're the rest of society. Exactly. And we tend to be so fucking hard on ourselves, man.
Speaker 1Yes. And so you're going to celebrate progress, like I was talking about earlier. You're going to write down some success stories and four-step them. And so you take that unnecessary pressure off of yourself. It's actually a fallacy. No, you're going to give yourself some well-deserved credit. You're going to get some stories about how you want your family to go, the direction you want to take your family in the future. I mean, what families have a story written out five years from now about how their family wants to look? Beautiful. We're going to do that. And you're going to learn a ton about the words. And you're going to be doing it with Jenna Cain. I mean, this is exciting for us. 99% of my professional time is dedicated to delivering the certifications, because I deliver all of our certifications, level one, level two, level three, and going on podcasts and doing workshops and things like that. And then the administrative stuff. So we've been certifying coaches for seven years now, relentlessly teaching this stuff, 10 at a time. And I'll put our coaching community of mindset coaches up against any coaching community out there of mindset coaches. They are so well-trained, and they're so good, and they're so cool.
Speaker 2Very passionate, too. I noticed that in meeting a lot of your coaches at Confluence. Yes. Very passionate. They're passionate about and lifted. They're passionate about the work that they're doing. They're like, no, this is meaningful stuff. It works. They trust their tools to the stars and back. I'm not just saying that either. Actually, I noticed that at Confluence with a lot of your coaches that were there. I was like, man, these people are really passionate about this shit. This is a cult. I'm just kidding. It's a culture. It's a culture, exactly. It's for sure. People say the same thing about Confluence. I'm like, it is a very powerful culture.
Speaker 1Yeah. Tampa Bay Buccaneers, that's a cult. Let's talk about the same stuff and wear the same clothes. Totally. It's, yeah. And, you know, that was a five-week. That was just five weeks from us getting on that call and then me coming out. That was majorly shotgunned. We'll be there next year. We'll have 40 coaches deep.
Speaker 2Heck yeah. Love it.
Speaker 1I'm glad y'all enjoyed it too.
Speaker 2Oh, dude. It was a perfect environment for you guys.
Speaker 1It was great. I met such cool people. And we're now at a place with the community where we've got coaches from all different walks of life. And Jenna, who is a PT. She's a fascial release, home schools, two kids, and just hip to all the stuff. Okay. I don't need to say anything else. Hip to all. It's just super cool. She's facilitating that. And we're at a place. This is very exciting for me. We're at a place in the certifications in the coaching community where I don't, I don't have to. She's one of our level three coaches. She's good to go. She's like, I don't have to go do everything. I'm going to stay over here in the certs and crank out world class coaches. And then let the thing do the other stuff that it wants to do. Yeah. So that we'll link that in the show notes too. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
Speaker 2We'll link that in the show notes as well. You know, I was, I was reflecting on the language we use in front of our kids. And one bad habit that I have that I know that I have is like, even coming to this podcast today, I love what I do. I'm stoked for this conversation. And instead of saying, I get to go do a podcast today with Mark England or something of that nature. I said, sorry, guys, I have to go do a podcast. And that makes it seem like it's a chore. That makes it seem like it's a burden. That's the energy behind that. I have to go do this. And I, that's what I say every time. Sorry, guys, I have to go do a podcast today. I'm like stoked to go do the podcast. But even when I say it in that moment, I have to, it makes me feel a little bit burdened because I'm like, oh, I, I, I'm leaving my kids. I don't get to spend time with my kids because I'm going to go sit down with this guy to talk about this, whatever. But instead of, I get to go do this, which sounds very exciting. It sounds open. It sounds inviting. And it's like, I could see where some people listening to this are like, dude, does it really matter that much? I'm sure you get that all the time. It's like, does it really matter that much? Like, I don't actually mean, I'm like, then you wouldn't say it.
Speaker 1It doesn't really matter that much. Take out the it and put an I. Take out it does and put an I do. Do I really matter that much? Well, do you? Do you? Because I do to me and you do to your family. And that, my friend, is a perfect segue into the fourth pillar of conflict language. Always, never, truly, finally, formerly known as pressure language are, that's the fourth, because we have, we also have an online course. It's called Enlifted Coaches Essentials. There's, there's three things that are on the menu for people that want to go deeper with this other than podcasts and stuff. And it's Enlifted Parents. Okay. It's Enlifted Level One Certification. Okay. And it's Enlifted Coaches Essentials. Those are the three products we have. And Enlifted Coaches Essentials. Deep, you could take out coaches and put in communication. Okay. Goes into deep dive into those four main pillars of what we call conflict language, which was formerly known as victim mentality language. And then this does bring up another interesting point is that, dude, my dad, he said that he would see the word when he was growing up. He would see the word incredible about twice a year. He would look, look, he would see the word incredible. It was reserved for very important things. And it would, it would show up in the newspaper. And when incredible, the word incredible was in there, everybody got, it was a small coal mining town up in the Appalachian mountains. People would gather around and they would, they would, they would discuss it. Incredible. Dude, people use it. It was the most incredible poke bowl. You could mind, it was a mind blowing blueberry muff. It's blown out. The language is blown out, dude. You've heard of the Donner Party, right? The what? Donner Party. Oh, what's that? The people that got stranded up near Lake Tahoe and Truckee and like the 1800s. And yeah, dude, here at Enlifted, yes, we do have a dark sense of humor. I love that. I appreciate that. You actually need it. And so the Donner Party, they set out in, I think it was 1850, 60, something like that. Doesn't matter then. And they went west, covered wagon people. And they got to, they took a path that was not as well traversed as it was advertised. And they got started late and winter came early and they got snowed in. As in 30 feet of snow on their head snowed in for the entire winter. And the half of the people that survived, they did because of cannibalism. An absolute shit show. Yeah. And if someone experienced that now, imagine the stories they would tell. She wrote a letter and it was, it was just a handful of sentences. It said. Stay at home. You have a good life. Do not travel. You do not know what trouble is. Four sentences. And so in this lesson 17 of that online course, I go deadpan. Deadpan is harder than most people would think. I go, your dinner party, your dinner party wasn't a total disaster. Now, the Donner party, the Donner party, on the other hand, that was a total disaster. And I just keep going. And that is just ruthless.
Speaker 2You don't even give context to what the Donner party is. You just keep going. Just keep going.
Speaker 1And if somebody does know what it's, we've had people reach out and be like, that was one of the funniest fucking things I've ever come across in personal transformation. Or like other people pause it and you're like, what the fuck is a Donner party? They look it up. Cannibalism. Yeah. That's a total disaster, folks. Save your total disaster words for that. Yeah. Not your dinner party. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it still
Speaker 2makes me laugh. Oh, yeah. That's great. On a variety of levels. I don't know exactly which Eastern tradition teaches this concept, but it's essentially about staying even keeled. Like, don't get way too excited in your life and don't get way too depressed. Like, like being a pendulum that is only oscillating a little bit, that is centered. And that's kind of what that brings up for me. Like we've, we've used, we use these buzzwords, especially with social media culture, with the proliferation of technology, like incredible, awesome, like to where they're watered down. And then it's almost like on the flip side of that, we use just like you're indicating here with like the Donner party versus your dinner party. You're like, it was a fucking total disaster. Like, was it really that big of a disaster? And it's like being able to stay in that center point to where you're not. You're not exaggerating your experience. You get what I'm getting at there?
Speaker 1Yes, that is that skill. That's a skill is rarer than diamonds. Yeah. And I'm pretty sure that there's overlap between Taoism, Zen teachings, Buddhism. You know, this is this is Alan Watts's main thing. Yeah. You know, and it said the words a little bit weird master. I'm not talking about like racially weird. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. Like, I don't I've found that most people it's a net negative when someone calls them a master of something. Okay. Because it kills curiosity. Yeah. Yeah. So they've reached a finish line. I know somebody that certifies coaches and they're a master in six months. Nobody calls me that. Yeah. I don't accept it. I never will. I'm doing this for 50 years and then I'm out and I will never accept that label because one of the reasons that I keep doing this is because I'm a master. Because I'm always seeing new stuff. Yeah. And if I think that I've seen it all and heard it all like yesterday. I mean, these these workshops are no joke, dude. I did. So this is we're recording on a Monday. Saturday, I did a workshop for 60 people in a very cool recovery space in San Antonio. And we did something called Kidlin's Law. So Kidlin's Law states that any question sufficiently worded and written down is half answered. Most people don't write down the scary stories. They don't write down the questions. They don't write down the questions in their life either. So three questions can feel like 33 and they spool and they're not very rarely. Do you get a good answer for that? Because it's not sufficiently worded and also written down. So we put five minutes on the clock and had everybody write down questions about their life. And some people got five. Some people got 17. Most people have never written these questions down before. And what does that do? Hey, we're back at space and clarity. It's what we do it and lifted. So another way of delivering space and clarity to people. And then I had everybody identify their most important question. And then at the end, I went around and worked with everybody individually. And I saw something I'd never seen before. A question I'd never encountered before. And I got to this woman and I said, what's your most important question? And she said, this is what she wrote. If this next round of treatment does not go well, will I consider a passionate euthanasia? Whoa. Get your pin drop, dude. I go, cool. And I said, have you ever written that question down before? And she said, no. And I said, is there any benefit to having a written down? She said, absolutely. And I said, what's the benefit. And she said, this is exactly what she said. She goes, it sounds like I already know the answer. And I go, take out the sounds like. She just, this, this, it was a very odd smile, as you can imagine. Yeah. Because I don't know who she was talking about. She could have been talking about herself. She could have been talking about her dog. She could have been talking about her husband. She could have been talking about her dad. Something significant, right? And it was this weird smile of not, it's overthinking. It was this weird smile of coming to terms with something important. And she goes. I know the answer. We took out the soft talk. It sounds like I know the answer. Take out the sounds like. And she said, thank you. I said, you're welcome. And I moved on. And that was it. And those interactions, they'll, if they ever get boring, dude, I'm like, okay, well, I'll hang it up. They haven't yet. And I don't imagine that they will. Because whatever happens in those transformational, everybody gets something from that. Everybody gets something.
Speaker 2Even just from that story, I got something from that. Yeah. I can't imagine being in the room. Yeah. That's, that's incredible.
Speaker 1Incredible. And it's simple. I didn't say it was easy. It's simple. It's an art. Yes. We got to call it something coaching. Okay. Well, let's, let's do the definition or not the definition, the history of the word coach. That's fantastic. There's a lot of coaches out there that do not know the history of that word. I'd say one out of 10,000 does. We got to call it something. And it's transformational wordsmithing, dude. Just like blacksmithing. That is an art. That's a craft. It's alchemical. You're fired. You're firing something up and hammering it over and over and over again. You're writing a story down and getting the breath in there and finding those, you know, my father spent all his money on drugs and didn't take care of us sentences and, and, and repping it with the breath. So you get the junk out and you get down to the, the essence of it, the essential idea of it. Dude, it has held my attention. Some like it's held my attention, my attraction at times obsession since the first time I saw it. And yeah, like I said, I do not suffer from, uh, the paradox of choice. And so the word coach fascinating comes from a 15th century Hungarian village and they used to make the best carriages and the name of that village was coach K O C H. And this does segues back to this too. The best coaches are the coaches that take someone from where they are to where they want to go. Okay. Questions versus coaches that I know what you need to do. I know what you need to think. You just need to have stronger boundaries. Just believe in yourself more. Don't let anyone tell you, you can't do it. That stuff sucks. It doesn't work. It's like saying, honey, you're overreacting. No honey has ever stopped overreacting because someone said, honey, you're overreacting. It's the same thing in coaching. Okay. And so this village made the best carriages of the day, the most comfortable ride from a to B. And then it goes on. It got, they got the very famous for it. And then it got picked up in Oxford slang in the 1830s and they would label the best teachers because they would take the students from where they are to where they want to go. They would label them as coaches. And then a hundred years later, it got picked up in sports. Okay. And now it's, it's, that's as mainstream as any word football coach. Okay. And so again, it's, it comes from something, taking someone from where they are to where they want to go.
Speaker 2I love that. Smoothly. I like that. I like that a lot. In Europe, they call them trainers. When I was playing handball in Germany, they, instead of calling our coaches, coaches, they call them trainers. And I, I hated that. Instructors. Yeah. Instructors. That was the other one. I want to talk about regenerative and degenerative mindsets if we could too. We have been the whole time.
Speaker 1Okay. Yep. I figured. Yep. So I tell the coaches this, I'm like, here's the, here's the bad news about, you know, coaching with the unlifted method. It's not sustainable. Sorry. And then I wait a couple of seconds cause I, you know, I like the theater. I go, it's better than that. It's regenerative because when you're helping someone, if you have to have all the right answers, that's, that is not regenerative. That is degenerative. Okay. It doesn't work. What is degenerative farming? It's a farming practice that over time doesn't work. Okay. And what I mean by doesn't work more coaching. Coaches get, they take themselves out of the coaching space because, um, of the, the imposter syndrome and tanking their psychological and emotional gas tank for the craft. And if I think that I have to have all the right answers for you and my breath is trapped in my chest, my gas tank is going to get real low. I'm going to overthink client interactions. I'm going to second guess coaching sessions. I'm going to compare myself to everybody else. Think crazy shit. Like why would anybody want to coach? with me when there's so many better coaches out there. And all that junk comes from the original sin of coaching, which is thinking that you have to have all the right answers, which pairs perfectly well with breath trapped in the chest. Again, the most common form of coaching and the most least effective form of coaching. And that is degenerative. And regenerative is when I sit here and I have trained myself, I've learned to keep my breath low and slow. Oh, and by the way, the transformation doesn't show up here, which is very important for a coach's psychological and emotional wellbeing as a professional. People get into coaching because they want to work with people. They want to help people. They want to facilitate change. That's what gets coaches in the door. What keeps them in the doors is making a living doing that. But that's what keeps them in the room. And if the clients aren't getting the transformation, then guess what you're not going to get as much of? Repeat business and referrals. That's the two biggest compliments in business. Hey, here's some more of my money and my friends. It doesn't get better than that. Okay. And I mean, how many people brought their friends to Confluence?
Speaker 2Oh my gosh, dude. How many people came back? That was one of the coolest things is I encountered several people who have never heard of me or my podcast or anything. And they're like, oh, you're one of the co-producers. I'm like, ah, that's a good sign. This is working because they found out through a friend who was like, you just have to go. Trust me, come to this thing. You cannot buy that kind of advertising.
Speaker 1No. And so regenerative coaching is when you're helping people get those stories out of their head. Okay. Because every time you do that, and we also breathe with your clients. When they're in step number four, they're breathing and you're breathing. So you're in it with them.
Speaker 2Yes. You're in step number four.
Speaker 1Yes. And if some part of this story is interactive, if you're interacting with some unresolved part of the coach's story, because who starts coaching with a perfectly clean story? Nobody does. Okay. I don't have a perfectly clean story. It's way better than when I first started working on myself. Okay. And cool. I'll keep polishing it. It's like getting in shape and staying in shape. Yeah. Okay. Are you ever in perfect shape? No. No. Who cares? Cool. And so when a client goes into a story and the coach is, is there breathing with them, you're getting better on your side of the street as a coach, on your personal side. And then whenever you're like, hey, take out the maybe, you just reminded yourself about soft talk. Okay. And so when, by helping your clients this way, you're helping yourself the same way with the words, which, and then this, I'm glad you brought this particular thing up because I was talking about this in yesterday's workshop. And it's very important. Back to the breath. So negative feelings and emotions. Most coaches are afraid of their clients, negative feelings and emotions. Okay. Truth be told. Okay. No, they get like that when people go there and the formula is so negative feelings and emotions are not the problem. The repetition, the relentless repetition of negative feelings and emotions. That's the problem. And here's how it gets people. Most people have not, not learned to breathe well while they're feeling those things. So here's the formula and it's total rocket science, negative feelings and emotions plus breath trapped in the chest equals revolution as in a revolving door or a revolver. It's coming back around again. I don't care. The universe does not care how sick and tired you are of it. If you feel like shit and hold your breath, more shit's coming. Like I said, complicated, right? To understand. Negative. Feelings and emotions plus breath, low and slow equals evolution. You're getting the breath in there and your pattern interrupting it and you're adding another element and eventually because you're going to start to zoom out and the thing will start to do other things. So when you're helping someone do that over there, you're watching them transform and that's that's that's the main reason why in lifted coaches are as lit up as they are. Because the the I'll just say it the way I want to ray Charles could see the transformation it's happening right there dude it's obvious and it's awesome and it's real and it sticks there's nothing more empowering than that dude it's it's it's meaningful you use that word and and to use a simple word accurately how important is that for people's life is to be involved in something that's meaningful oh my gosh it could you could say you know what that's everything to have a to have a. To have a family that's so you know warm and loving it's it meaning their meaning with what you do we know what happens when people feel like their life doesn't mean anything taken far enough right you know right we know yeah yeah and and so yeah the the we're so proud of our coaches I couldn't be more proud of them that's half the reason that I go do stuff like this it's for them that's awesome getting emotional oh no.
Speaker 2Oh no motion keep that breath really high high high and tight so I can keep that I don't want it to evolve though we we've talked about coaching a lot obviously doing what you do it makes sense but why why would someone or what what is your pitch to someone on why they should not should why they could consider becoming a coach with and lifted and you didn't ask me to ask this I'm asking this yeah yeah and you know you backed up off the word should I've never asked you to ask this I'm asking this yeah yeah and you know you backed up off the word should I've never
Speaker 1once told anyone whether they should or shouldn't take our certs and I'm never going to we have over 400 at this
Speaker 2point right 550 550 that's amazing yeah yeah yeah yeah and I'd imagine that's by mostly people are like dude I'm getting some breakthroughs in this I'm coaching people and I'm seeing evolution happening you got to
Speaker 1join this big time we stroked one advertising check once in seven years and that was to some of our is is the way that people get here so um why why would someone want to consider that well if they want to work with people in this way and what do I mean by this way as in you're you're going into the shadow realms with them I've probably done I say probably consciously 6065 workshops in CrossFit gyms wow and just in CrossFit just in CrossFit gym
Speaker 2wow I'm over a thousand
Speaker 1workshops given that makes sense why you're getting
Speaker 2into CrossFit then too that's cool yeah yeah
Speaker 1well that's what help put us on the map awesome I did not know that oddly enough yeah um I did some CrossFit classes in 2015
Speaker 2and I have some buddies that are in CrossFit Chandler Smith who's been in the games Jacob Heppner okay I haven't connected with Jacob Jacob in a long time oddly enough in separate instances I've snowboarded with both of those guys they're awful
Speaker 1it's probably throw around some weight though
Speaker 2dude oh
Speaker 1my god it's crazy Jacob
Speaker 2Heppner finished sixth in the games one year I believe that's could be incorrect he might have finished even higher than that he might have finished like third fourth I don't know Chandler Smith is finished pretty high up in the games too so just to get there it's an insane these
Speaker 1dudes are insane insane athleticism insane yeah I went did some classes in 2015 and I came back to my business part and I was like hey man there's something happening there these people are adventurous as in they're learning movements that nobody did in high school PE class they have work ethics they got each other's back their pack animals they have goals and their problem aware with mindset they know it's something that they need to work on I said dude if we could get this in front of CrossFit I bet it I bet it catches and very synchronistic story that I'll skip two years later we're on barbell shrugged okay and when that show dropped dude everything changed for us forever we got show we got showcase to the fitness industry by the best mouthpiece in the time shout out to those guys eternally grateful and we've been on not all of them a lot of the biggest shows in CrossFit and to circle back to you know why someone might or might not want to get certified we've done a lot of workshops and CrossFit gyms and some of those coaches they look at what we do like I was telling that story hey what does that remind you of the day the your dad walked out okay and she titled it and wrote it out and had a release and played with some words and they look at that and they're like I don't want to coach I don't want to go anywhere near that way that style of working with people and I say I understand and I totally mean that and some people see what we do and they're like yeah I want to work with people in that way and I say the same thing the same way I totally understand so it's one of the the reasons that we put as much work out as possible for people to see, and also the same reason why I take the sales calls. is that I want to know, I want to know, they have questions for me. I've got questions for them. Do you understand how this is going to interact, how you're going to work with your clients and that the heat in the emotional kitchen is going to get turned up and you're going to be in there. Okay. And you're going to be trained to, to navigate that. Do you understand that? And yeah, I mean, this is the, this is for the pros. It's for the pros. So I teach all the level ones, 10 people max per certification, nine weeks long, one, two to two and a half hour class per week. Everybody does a two to two and a half hour coaching session with me in the middle of that certification, which is a coaching session. It's also a tutorial. We record those and post them in a closed classroom. And so everybody watches everybody go through it. You learn the enlifted method by going through it. And for, we do that for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, we're in the bad-ass coach making business. And in my personal and professional opinion, nobody's making bad-ass mindset coaches with 232 people on a self-paced course with a check-in with a two and a half year coach. I've been doing this 19 twice a week. Okay. And then the, the, the, the, the second reason that we do this is this is what I do. This is my craft. And it's your Dharma. It's a, it's a devotional practice at this stage of the game, man. And I'm going to deliver, we're enrolling for groups, level one, 58, 59. And then 60 in September, I'm going to teach the first 100 level one certifications. I'll get it done in the next four to four and a half to five years. And so that'll be 12 years of teaching this. And then I'll get out of the way of that. Yeah. This is, this is for people that want to do the damn thing and do it really well and be around people that want to be a part of something that want to be around a community of people that are dedicated to the craft.
Speaker 2Beautiful, beautiful, man. I really love that you're breaking into just the realm of sports too. Cause the sports psychology space is so messed up. A lot of times it's degenerative. It's very degenerative. I mean, yeah, yeah. I'm, I'm stoked that you're getting into that space. Here's the last question because we're big about the, the, the meaning of words here. What does enlifted mean to you?
Speaker 1To improve the integrity. To improve the integrity of something. You can enlift a family. You can enlift a child. You can enlift parents. You can enlift a CrossFit gym. You can enlift a podcast. You can enlift a first
Speaker 2date. Boom. Done. Done. That's great, man. Mark, thank you so much, brother. My pleasure. Truly. It's great. Boom. Done. You're welcome.
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