Ep. 252 - Sephora Male Survival Guide

um and i think we should just start oh we're just starting yeah aiden's dressed like you know how like you know how like girls will just buy a shirt that says brazil you know i mean you're dressed like a why are you dressed like a girl oh oh why am i dressed like a hot girl you're dressed like a euphoria extra huh and your shirt says pro job yeah yeah it's what i'm bringing to the table is it ironic i thought it it was like one of those like bernie madoff like the hoodie concept i think i actually like you telling me what it is better than what it actually is that's right what is it what it's i don't even know i mean it's a juror it's just like a sports jersey is that what team let's see if we can get there i can't see the team what it's a sports jersey what's a green flag with a could we could we maybe we narrow it down it's green and striped flag with a crest i think this is it i think this is actually a good question do you know what sport this type of jersey soccer yeah yeah okay i'm not an idiot we all there's just no it doesn't seem it's some sort of it's not an international team um it's like a prep school academy team is this a high school team did you find a high school team's jersey did you take derrick derrick diesel derrick jersey you didn't hear that with that fucking been hanging out with a lot of eyes and you've been taking their jerseys away yeah yeah because they come off yeah come right off i say i go to the high school game i say tarps off boys he really is a soccer guy i don't care enough this isn't interesting to me just tell me who it is just tell me who it is it's hammer b what hammer b what is that stockholm team oh my god you oh my god you see what he did he actually no no he played this well but he but he didn't see he didn't see how to end it but he took control of the bit and he was like you're stupid and don't know sports actually right yeah we felt dumb of course because we can't we can't you know name the miscellaneous green country on his shirt right which i didn't ask you to is it that's the joke is it new ireland you know what what is on his shirt i don't know am i supposed to know what that flag is but then at the very end it's from stockholm dubbins bag dude it's guy with his big shorts and we're not talking why you got shorts like that huh why are you guys crazy we're not talking about it why are you why are you wearing shorts that we're not talking about what your shorts we're not talking about it okay what are we talking what are we talking about then he's a weird shirt we already we already did the shirt we can talk about your short we can talk about my shirt we can talk about how you took sharp out back and then we weren't talking about it oh sorry i was just listing off things we're not talking about let's talk about let's talk about the real issue oh my we're leaving zipper out hmm oh we're leaving zipper out you what are a gas lighter disgusting wait what do you mean i'm a gas lighter we did leave zipper out but something something though it's it's that you said i'm still gonna be there at 10 30 just in case yeah yeah that's i like that he said yeah that was terrible he'd be like no no you misread that or like what the way an airline works oh shit what else do we have my sharp you all got a tournament you're all gonna lose your ass pussies yeah we're done by the way we're done we're done i don't know if you guys saw this if you guys have been keeping up with the crimson blur but he lost on floor seven of act one yesterday or two days ago i've been keeping up with the subreddit which said i don't know who the fuck the crimson blur is oh you know oh did somebody say that yeah y'all subreddit well they're gonna say y'all i got my own offensive i have my own but also it's 25 you're separate but also most people but that's what i'm saying exactly it's all of us yeah but like okay if i had y'all implies no ownership if i was if i had an island let's just say i'm the owner of the virgin islands right and you're the owner of a different island it's very problematic and i'm a 25 part of it that's their jersey people mostly still know me as the virgin islands guy because you're a it's a hundred percent yours even if you okay no you're probably still in trouble you know what's funny though is you're reading a subreddit that isn't yours and that's material well yeah because it popped it was a clickbait oh it just popped up it was a clickbait title it was uh reddit's getting better it just popped up you're reading another man's subreddit oh kill yourself wait so you only read your own subreddit why wouldn't you lsf head no i don't read that one that's why the lies are so abundant today you don't think you think he does read it of course i read it every single day he reads it every single day you're you're a redditor bro me yeah yeah i've always been one you're right yeah you are cutie's a redditor i've also never he's a redditor yeah is she commenting or is she perusing she's just perusing she's always perused reddit and i was like i was like why is she a redditor and then she finally broke it to me she's like the reason she's a redditor it's actually sweet she's like well i have anxiety and so i go to r slash anxiety and i see the the shit people post there and i feel better i was like yeah i'm not crazy like them i find more manageable it's actually shared camaraderie i think it's more so like i there are people who feel like me it's not even like i'm not crazy like that yeah it's though we're the same also damn that's their dosage damn that's high also to be fair uh about the crimson blur is most people in that thread were like ah damn we're all gay and old boys it was mostly like a couple people be like there's no crypto blah blah blah and it's like they're they're the outlier okay and and they and it's the elder's job to teach those teach those who is crimson blur and let me tell you who he is you ever you ever get really pissed off and then immediately realize you don't have a reason and you have to deflate i did yesterday and it was when i got on steam and i saw the crimson blur was playing bellatro and then i realized it was slime whose name is the crimson blur and you're mad at blur i was mad because tournament he lost on floor seven that's the seventh fight of act one this is on a solo run this is on a solo run while he's trying to win streak i need okay i need you to put some respect on this day and then i thought he was playing bellatro and then i got really i'm like are you fucking serious and then i was like you should have messaged him on steam i almost did but he had a bad saturday i went to right click it then i saw the profile picture i'm like what that looks like not him you know what it is that my profile picture on steam you know the tyler the creator uh young fella cribs episode yeah and there's a picture of a cat he's like that's darnell yeah that's him that's my profile picture and then he's got the rocket launcher under the bed or no no it's next to the tv what a great moment yeah we need to chill on blur we need to chill on blur no what no i think we we should do anything but that what's gonna happen by the way everyone listening this tournament is going to have concluded on the same day that you're hearing this which is going to be two days at minimum if you listen to the audio it's blur what is blur in the tournament blur is in the tournament blur is our leader it's one of those moments you don't want to get mad you know that's a crazy question you don't get mad crazy question he doesn't keep up with us why is it just contextually we're talking about how we're mad he's our team he's lost it it's okay you're on a team there he doesn't even know how to say the spire works you're in some sort of sort of bathhouse you know that fight where that gas guy goes on you and you're like that's what that is that hit me with there's no there's themes and now i can only use one skill card per turn oh my god it's it's it's myself it's so close and blurry and stands mostly a solo game but there are teams the way people talk about it seems like a solo game you would think that the average experience you have to ask do you realize that slay the spire 2 has come out yeah but i assumed it's the same as the first one it kind of is i think oh you know what multiplayer multiplayer multiplayer multiplayer multiplayer multiplayer multiplayer multiplayer multiplayer it's multiplayer it's multiplayer not only that sweetheart uh your two dads and a man named crimson blur and uh stands stands uncle stands they're all gonna be in a together you're on a team together with stans and crimson you know what's fun we're gonna blur a lot of shit because i knew you i knew you two were in it stands and blur and and let me and let me fucking let me twist your balls a lot of shit because i knew you you were in it stands and blur and and let me fucking let me fucking let me diesel derek how'd you know you know i keep up with derek wait how the fuck but okay but how did you know they were teaming because you didn't know his teams until today no derek's just spiritually always there how'd you know diesel derek was there he you know well i don't know what to say i keep up with my young friends does this is actually his best quality i asked blur for advice i was like what should i do and he said he said don't ask any questions but if you're confused what to do ask a question you're confused what to do ask a question you're confused what to do ask a question and i was like i was like this is really it he's like a fucking napoleon dynamite character how does it feel a lot of week by the way that stands as our worst player um is he oh yeah i've gone i've done the research i've seen the data yeah and you are better than him yeah for sure oh yeah i went through and uh i practiced with every single champ um that'll come into play nick we're fucked don't we're fucked say something nice it's this is i hope you are not taking this seriously no not even a little i saw boxbox grinding in the discord early it's over for me i don't care anymore but boxbox is a winner that's what he does that's what i realized there are winners in this world and we're not a group of winners no no we have fucking blur at the they have like they have like slay the spire youtubers on their team yeah am i crazy is blur not the goat at this game no he was pretty good at the first one oh but he was he was kind of good at that one blur felled off yeah blur fell he lost aiden he lost on floor seven did you not hear it or something doesn't he strike hard and i feel like you're not bringing that up well he lost his sixth street to floor seven what does that mean can we not what does it mean he got like a fucking 10 streak bro he fucking clears he's he's good but he's slow he's slow when he gets bored and he doesn't like calculating what what is wrong with being slow and like is it not is there is it like chess yes it's exactly like chess is it no there's not it's like chess in the in the sense that if you had an infinite clock you could always make the right decision and but you do and slay the spire so you can and people like blur they try to spend all their time they can well good luck pussies anyway i'm the one that watches that motherfucker you guys just pop in you guys just pop in and some bullshit i'm in there i'm setting you blur it was funny that i was type i was typing in blurs chats like 2 a.m and then ludwig types in there too and i'm like we are independently meeting each other at the bar you run into people at the bar there i ran into ben tolson just in chat one day ben ben typed and i was just like hey ben coconut daniel was in there it's a hot dog harold it's a hot dog harold did not show up we don't know we don't know these are all real people yeah these are all real people that hang on real life actually and they all they i pretty much i think i would idea was there because diesel derrick was there which would make more sense you know it's i like this i like going to the bar of crimson blurs chat i'm there i'm there you're not in the bar i know i have more of a private room there i would say well oh really you have a lap dance room at the crimson blur bar yeah i have a webcam set up in derrick's room so it's it's like i'm there you watch him pee in the building next door do you have a webcam set up in his room just a c920 always on yeah you say derrick never turn this off derrick don't turn it off yeah don't play another webcam in it'll break the first one i got fucked up i clicked a random youtube video it was just it was like youtube king versus leffen packs 2015 and i was there i live that and i'm watching it and i'm like damn these guys are yeah and i finally go back and watch they look like i finally come around to the footage where like i watched like i think it was like mango armada like genesis like three or four or something and i was just like damn you guys are ass a little bit i'm like cody it's not cody it's like preeminent you know what it is you know why they're not ass though it's like this is like pre-controller like we didn't figure that out yeah so like people weren't consistent they had good ideas and shit but they just like messed stuff up all the time but i'm watching it and then i have a fun little treat because i'm like holy fuck the slay the spire 2 streamer's there and it's the blur commentating it that's right with with legendary commentator d1 and it's just a dynamic duo and i didn't know it was blur because the whole comms was that and screaming from blur we lost a lot of good fucking sound bites bro we did no we it's like it's like it's destruction i was schleich schleich a different guy schleich different guy kicks different we did oh we lost i was thinking about it it would be like if the nba lost mike breen nice do it in video game do it go again but video mike it's like if smash lost d1 it was an analogy l that was an analogy yeah uh i i want to if we're talking about being a redditor and being a hater in d1 i have the perfect thing to show you guys because i've been doing this for i think i've actually brought this up uh is it i'm putting this in the group chat but this was i was actually watching a smash 4 tournament oops that is an old uh link that says ludwig wanted to do 10 30 today uh i don't know if he told you that was my clipboard so that's fun okay comment that was a good segment okay i'm just listening it's fire i i uploaded this to the smash pro subreddit it says really funny commentary moment at a tournament i i hate i hate it so much i was uploading my hate uh but can you uh can you just click that twitch clip i hope it's still loads oh it's got 20 points it's nine years old you have to listen to the whole thing turn the volume all the way up please pay attention yep dang wow explosion man yeah gone with the wind literally okay i didn't expect that to work yeah that all that work all right sorry guys i have it too much for your commentary megaman did a wind move someone said gone with the wind about seven seconds later and they spent 30 seconds laughing about it dag forcefully forcefully and then they said we gotta get back to the match bro we had too much fun today is it great it's kind of crazy that you've been doing this for so long you remember posting this i don't post posts a lot i comment a lot but like i didn't have to scroll this is nine years ago slime did this on on reddit on the smash bros videos like this they're cool because there will just be a comment that says like smash bros is forever i missed the old days uh but yeah i i it's funny you triggered me when you said we lost some good ass soundbites i'm like no we fucking did it no we did it it was always bad it was always fucking bad it was always to be fair mike breen's never done that okay to his credit but he's a he's a basketball commentator and his thing is saying bang oh i've heard bang yeah you've heard bang i even say bang because i've seen the clip of bang he does bang and sometimes he does bang bang this is like and what's bang bang it it's such a crazy shot can you look at mike breen double bang double bang it's just such a crazy shot that he double bang this is like when someone says wombo combo it's kind of like he saves it for when it's crazy yes and then he also does the the bang cancel what was the bang cancel he bangs but then the ball doesn't go in and then he said cancel the bang too early he goes he goes but no it goes out oh my god it's a bang cancel how do you find double bang if you're zipper just youtube that looks like double bang top 10 it's right there it's the first video top 10 mike breen double bangs of all oh it's all double bangs sometimes he double bangs he double bangs on on but he's been a commentator for 10 plus years you know 20 years maybe he's good yeah a long enough timeline you get some double to have some double bank 4.9 left they find gordon gordon there it is ah yeah he the first thing wasn't enough no and he needs a second bang to come out just skip to fucking one let's just get the gym i know what it is one i know what to do it's the curry one curry curry at the olympics no was he at the olympics there it is man from the logo okay with six tenths of a second remaining i mean maybe a stupid question but i feel like the natural one that occurs has he ever done a triple bang i don't know if that's not if that's not a triple bang i don't think so i mean i i think yeah it's tough because it is if that one wasn't a triple yeah full court shot would be full court shot buzzer beater look at mike breen triple bang no no he says mike breen has never used a triple bang and he's saving it the unspoken criteria for a triple bang but his bang is so is it's so iconic that there was a shot i forget the shot but there's like there was a game and he didn't bang and everyone was like why didn't you bang that was a bang if i'm the player i'm mad about that and yeah and then he was like he's like the bang just comes out i don't i don't plan the bang so he addressed this he addressed it but but i was that i was listening to the one and i was like this destruction was his bang yeah it was but it wasn't as cool or interesting you know because it was also like you can't double destruction like you're just yeah that's i don't think i think he did i think he did destruction destruction i don't think it's necessarily a function of a syllable but yeah i there's a lot at work and i love that he's being celebrated as a bang man is this true yes he's not is anyone salty about bang you're just going off the mic he's a pussy i'm sure anyone's anyone's called a pussy no one's free from it i feel like in sports there's like way more reverence for the casters they've been around for like so much longer oh disagree really they hate they hate them yeah i think they hate i think most casters are hated there's some that are liked i feel like if a caster retires it's like you know we make a tweet and i guess it's usually you're hearing about the one that was around he's doing it yeah yeah yeah like vin scully he started when he was 25 yeah he retired when he was 89 did it 60 years they'll put his name in the rafters 40 years of am radio i'm just all the only reason i say no is because there was i forget who but there's somebody casting a game and it's like a really good game and then all the like there's so many comments like i just wish and then they put in a different person's name was casting uh and it wasn't even like they were critiquing a fellow legend uh usually or just someone they like better uh yeah it's not even a critique of the person who did it it's just we wanted the other person i like the person who did it and i was like oh i'm not gonna do it i'm gonna do it i'm not gonna do it i'm not gonna do it i'm not gonna do it i'm not gonna do it i'm not gonna do it i'm not gonna do it it's like damn what is that that's huge that's a big watch man this has happened before not necessarily like the the one i mean obviously it has but like i remember remember reading an NFL thread about Tony Romo going on commentary and everyone's like we just got to have more players on here these fucking idiots these fucking stupid fuckers don't know what they're talking about unless you're Tony Romo it's melee all over it's exact same thing they hear something that's more insightful than well they got five yards to the first down and then they start creaming their pants but do you want to know the fucking dark secret let's hear it Tony Romo felled off he did felled off too the issue is the issue is also and if you want to get it a little dirtier most of the commentators are previous players they're just older Terry Bracha yeah they're all previous players Terry Bracha on his old ass are they just checking out the further away they get they're not checking out they're just out of date it's like being a smash commentator you were pro in 2015 is it like Bobby Scar you've called on his name but Bobby Scar I would are he's gonna maybe this doesn't hurt him anymore you could not see this possibly no no I'm talking about spiritually if he heard this is that I think he was a better commentator than he was a player even in his time he became a better you know you know what I'm saying but what I love about Bobby Scar is if you tell him that he'd be like don't say that yeah he he would yeah and that's that's the charm I suppose oh oh what what what are you laughing about what you could have to go over his moan I'm too unbothered what man it's just like what it's just you look so strangely comfortable yeah you look why do you look so much more comfy than normal yeah you look like you're at home right now we're at our job what is the moan what you're so you're dressed completely normally I'm so comfortable and unbothered and you guys don't know this you know why why because under these jeans those jeans I have a pair on of the nicest softest textured chubby shoes I have a pair on of the nicest softest textured chubby shoes I have a pair on of the nicest softest textured short said they are right there oh what you got a pair of chubby you wearing a pair of chubby take off your damn pants I can't do it I'm gonna if he takes off the pants I'm stealing the chubbies take off your oh you'll you'll come at me like animals you rip it off of me I can't do that I'm getting stressed out let the chubbies take me away the chubbies have taken you my favorite part about chubbies is when you pull down the zipper it says boom shakalaka right by the penis does it it does I love a joke in my pants and what else you know what else I love is how they're engineered with four-way stretch fabric that handles swimming laps just as well as it handles lounging poolside are you you know you can't swim so maybe I should wear the chubby it's funny because I can't swim I don't bet if I had to if I was thrown into a pool by a pack of three jealous guys that were trying to get at my clothing items my possessions I'd be totally fine I glide up ugly I glide up your legs like a snake if I can't have you I'll have one of the 2.6 million other customers I that's a lot of chubbies customers and a good thing for all of them it's the 15 year anniversary of chubbies where their original shorts that redefined proper length shorts are back it's the same iconic fit the same comfort first design and the same easygoing vibe that built the brand I want I want to play chubbies has given our listeners 20% off with the code the yard at chubbies shorts.com slash the yard that's 20% off your order with code the yard at chubbies shorts.com slash the yard give your thighs the vip treatment they deserve with chubbies tell me sense so tell me to tell me sent you tell him we sent you is it him and toph is that the goats that we're sending down as the goats commentary yeah well I think goats need consistency and there's a there's actually a lot of misses in their repertoire right they for a long time they were considered the anime guys it's like they make one fucking akagi reference and now they're 69 and fucking scissoring each other and then they were like well I mean this guy is up and comer guy and it was even as far as big house 7 uh where scar was asking for a discount and they were like well I mean who's banana the ice climbers player oh yeah I remember that that was the beginning of the end I think the decline I remember that of his mental faculties because he had a kid and that does slow you down yeah it slows you it speeds you up in other ways you know running across the park to save them or something but it slows you down when you're thinking about ice climber players Brandon and Phil classic once again I mean I it's funny I have so much to talk about interesting though it's just more of saying that I don't think there's a truly consistent pair I think everyone has like actual big periods of not doing too well you wouldn't even crown a goat I think you have to crown a person who's a goat and not a what is what is your guys's worst set oh your first block block yeah maybe everyone's got these block everyone's got these hard to remember I don't think Ludwig even remembers a lot of them because I don't and I don't remember no memory I would say I blocked block is Ludwig in the crimson blur at the local in I don't know it was like fucking 818 you mean 805 805 805 alive was blur also that's a regional oh it was Mike Hayes yeah it was Mike Hayes that's why I can't trust him he doesn't care like why the fuck was blur at a bar tournament it's exited his mind but I would say you and Mikey put you kind of on the map commentary wise you actually asked to commentate when you and Mikey fucking oh you asked that's what I found out found out about that's what I found out about it was the it was the Mikey Ludwig comm set at oh at the run back run back yeah yeah and and you guys were just so electric we had to beg for that you begged but we had to beg Shaq Shaq makes you beg for it Shaq give us the big spice and beg for it you guys you guys were crazy you guys are two two nobodies on comms had the whole chat going who are these guys they're funny yeah dude it's so easy to be electric when no one knows you there was what's up we recorded a MPL part two on the Shaq PC and at the end everyone basically everyone was looking at me like you took the footage off the Shaq PC right and I was like yeah yeah of course and I left I was like I actually don't know if I did and it might still be on there it might still be on there Shaq probably sold the hard drive for a good amount right now if you've seen how much they're worth it probably had half a bitcoin on it or some shit too but what was I gonna say about the blur oh there's just so much for gore but yeah uh he's great bro he should have been doing this shit the whole time he should have been a streamer the whole time do you think that if he started streaming when he started commentating do you think he's Ludwig could he have taken that spot I don't think he's Ludwig that spot was right for the taking I think he likes to sit and not say anything for too long of of durations to be a Ludwig streamer I think if he we what we should I'm gonna I'm gonna have blur pre-record a four-hour session and stream it and I want to see if I want to see if anyone can notice he talks to chat sometimes yeah but he could just say he could just like every five minutes in the thing be like yeah that's true this is as a streamer you're talking about hr that's the archetype really hr does not read chat he doesn't he did not read chat not much in my head I imagine him being like I'm not a fucking I'm not a topsy-turvy don't call me a topsy-turvy or whatever they say to him he does it he does that enough it gets cut into a but he does that with like like posts like reddit posts it's not the chat it's not a lot wow but like if he's especially if he's playing a video game uh the only other experience I've had similar is if my mom's parking the car with the radio on it's like nothing else matters in the moment let me ask you why live then why live yeah because he works at twitch I'm sure that's it I think so yeah I think his pride I think he worked at twitch and he just knew live but he should have become a youtuber but do you think he would be a better youtuber probably yeah I mean I definitely yeah actually I think most people know him for youtube I think it's been proven dude when I uh when I like if I'm playing a game like I play cs and I look the whole round without looking at chat which is kind of how you're supposed to play games this with attention I actually feel bad and I'm opposite of you're like the archetype who reads every message I read fault I yeah to a fault and I read every single thing and you have a great spawn for a long on dust too and you're all tabbed no no no no no no no no no no sometimes I've played with you sometimes I don't want to hear some shit I'm not saying I'm not a terrorist I'm just saying it's a flaw can I not point out a flaw are you a terrorist yeah I do this where you do this thing sometimes when I play cs2 slime where I mute and I take off my headset for the entire game oh my god that guys we talked about this last time oh this is just what you did that one game no no no I did a couple times crazy though you've done this more than one day yeah yeah yeah that is terrorist I won both games I feel yeah both games w it's like a dude he wins we win and then I can't say anything because he's like what would you rather have lost that's what he could say and I can just see the tech tree and I can't say anything I don't even it's like a episode of death note because I don't even reply it's me yeah it's it's light and l and they're trying to figure like they're just not saying anything because they know all the responses and we just queue again and that's how it goes who are you five stacked with miserable bro I wish you were there I saw I looked on steam and I see a Ludwig's in a five stack and he's on any of the discords I know him to be in yeah who are you playing with uh well so we had the AT&T terms the last week the last week peanut already won though shout out peanut peanut oh bungalow bungalow later dude I fucking love that peanut bro they gotta get me for the book - Fucking Lord, shit. - They gotta cut double F from that shit. cut double they just gotta clone them well they'll figure it out but i i think uh this is the last week's cs2 and so lily's been grinding so it's lily myself boosley and then michael and then we needed a fifth michael reeves michael reeves can't get scum can't get scum can't get scum he's too big he's too big he got a kid now he's got a kid he's got a kid now i had to put the baby down i hate when they say that yeah i had to put the baby down yeah i had to put the baby down tonight like jesus christ i'm good i'm good to play now i'm good to play good to play you have sids a lot of time going up no it was yeah wrapping in a blanket smother it we needed a fifth i hit up slime he didn't reply i'm like i'm like and then and then i got a message from luda wow and luda goes in luda watches every fousey stream because luda loves fousey okay and he goes you need a fifth and i go i do i didn't realize and this is no offense because luda's gonna hear this he's horrible really dude he's horrible at the game well lily got her rating lily got her rating okay okay i didn't i've never seen it actually i've never seen it i didn't know you know what's crazy she got 2k and then we lost three games in a row she decayed from 2k she decayed from 2k oh is she in one she was like 2.1 dude imagine northern lion he's a fifth grader going up to lily who's in second grade and being like yeah well she's low ranked it went real bad i think luda went one and i think he got five kills in the three games really across three games yeah yeah you're really scraping the bottom of the last game last game we're like guys we have to win one we've just been getting fucking ass beat 13-1 and then luda's like getting kills every round i'm like luda good fucking kill he's like yeah thanks man next round he gets another kill i'm like luda you're going crazy he has killed five rounds in a row i find out there was an afk guy on their team luda was rushing ct spawn shooting the afk guy in the head and then farming the compliment thanks bro i like sometimes you hit the head i like that because you should be looking at the map and seeing that there's just a guy standing where they spawn bro i'm like i'm like 25 and 12 i'm locked in i'm like trying to yell i'm doing my bestest i'm just happy luda's got a kill on the board he loses one of them the afk guy fuck yeah somehow how the fuck did he get me yeah his cat steps on the the mouse and it just shoots him in the head he's like damn it dude i went to uh have you guys ever been into a sephora yeah yeah yeah dude they're crazy they are crazy man it's such a it's what's an interesting feeling as a guy because you do get the feeling of wanting to buy stuff yeah but there's nothing to buy yeah there's nothing there for me there's like clones but i'm looking i'm i'm looking around and i'm like this is all fun i want to go in the aisle at the end next to the register where they sell you shit i want to take something but there's nothing what's the what's the guy equivalent the guy of a sephora girl walks in there like i want to get something a 7-eleven like you walk through the aisles of 7-eleven i gotta get something sour i need a slurpee i just i'm here no no is it is a oh what can a girl go somewhere and not have anything to buy yeah 7-eleven okay like a like a that's a hard one maybe like a like a like a bass pro fish i was gonna say bass pro but i was trying to think of like big five big five or like some sort of i don't even know what this ball does you know what it's a sexist question it's a sexist one that's hard to answer because you're you're basically saying what are women excluded from boys i mean we're excluded for something or they must be excluded for something it's interesting he throws out that accusation because there's someone who puts x up from time to time we have a big misogynist in our midst it seems yeah that's what leftist twit has been telling me don't point at us too and not wonder if it's you missed you missed dude i was fighting like i'm watching it's like a war damn week now fuck going on now that algorithm's weak as fuck i just checked it last i checked last night and i scrolled through i see a reply on a tweet that's that big i'm like oh this is a treasure trove and i just what i do is i go to your profile and i read like the week's updates yeah i was having an out with some people who were upset at me it was like it was a it was a small amount of people but i thought their argument was wrong so i pressed them on it and then they had nothing to say well basically i tweeted that because hasan had ashley st claire on his stream and she gave him a shirt that said stepped up or whatever and i'm like yeah this is all great you're like you turned woke now but you still let elon fucking nut in you and make a baby with machines and uh you know at the end of the day yeah it is there is a there's atoms of misogyny in there but it's a concession i'm willing to make to like make a funny joke right that's how jokes kind of work and so but people like got really mad at that that part and i was like okay let's fucking talk about it there's this one guy in my comments who is like in two and a half days you'll be apologizing for this and i was like really he's like yeah and i was like that's not a fan i have a mark i have it marked on my phone because i said in 2.5 days if i don't apologize for this tweet you have to say i overreacted and he's like oh really fine i will i was like okay i'm going to i have it on my phone it's such an exciting day for you how many days away are we it's gonna be uh the middle of the day tuesday that's so exciting it's gonna be so exciting i i know i didn't know so i deleted everything i deleted twitter tiktok instagram so i don't i don't keep up a guy tagged you to say your boy's out of control so that's how i knew about this because i i checked twitter on desktop now and i just go to the home page for a second and i go to notifications just right before i go live and i just see like like a huge thread and i click it i'm scrolling like what the fuck and i see slime's tweet i'm like what the fuck and i'm like ashley st claire pretty cool name all things considered yeah very elegant i kind of like the name uh and then i'm like oh my i saw yeah they tagged me to try to as if that would do something and that's what i said it's famously worked for years yeah it was too much i get to um i like replying if someone says something i don't like letting it go right and uh i was on my phone a lot that day which was kind of like i didn't have shit to do that day though so it was kind of do you think your life would be better the same or worse if you deleted all socials all socials no i don't think phone off the phone you can go on the computer finish everything i don't want to have a roller coaster anymore because i was answering every piece what else what else is there and your dick's 10 inches longer spicy food makes you die and this chef wants to kill you and you have a famous cousin who dies at 30 years old i'm getting excited guys please stop adding fun uh no very simple just just delete all socials off the phone you can go on computer because what i did is what i did is what aiden's tried to do and does wait i successfully did it literally i've successfully done it for the past two years you yeah he checks he was checking browser for a while when browser on the phone the browser on the phone browser on the phone the last time i did that was over two years ago oh that's long you really did last time you checked browser on the phone yes well i will say they patched it because i deleted it all because and then i became an aiden and cracked on browser on the phone and then now that you can't do browser on the phone with x i mean that's great if you're not signed in right no at all i was signed in and they were like you got to get the app well they just push you to the app that's crazy nasty work that's crazy nasty work and then i was like i was like i'm good then yeah i don't want that then i don't want it well it's probably better yeah probably but i like having an audience and i like uh saying i mean like would it be better because you like it i i mean look everyone's like you fucking love this shit so i'm talking to these fucking random fuckers it's like actually not really i i hate feeling misunderstood and that's why i reply right uh you know how people say like uh like oh when you really want to impulse buy something like put it in your cart if you still want it a week later like go ahead do you think that system could work for you with replying replies absolutely because the moment a reply is a timely endeavor a tweet itself maybe not like a tweet itself has different parameters for time even though it exists right that tweet probably isn't as timely if i do it a week later and probably doesn't mean as much to me sure but it took a while to make your comeback yeah you know because if you have that in your head you might wait a week wait a week and then you're just like why did you wait so long to reply to this it's insane it's insane you might just not do it yeah uh so i think that's that now he doesn't work one-to-one but there are tweets or ideas or thoughts i'm like yeah this could be like a week later it doesn't really matter but it's it's the replying is this is what i do i will write out a reply and then not send it yeah yeah that's the league of legends method yeah classic well that's different i tell them to kill themselves with a gun in real life can you start doing this for me but instead of uh can you do it in like a notebook right right i like this and at the end of the year i kind of just read the notebook yeah i hate writing i realize though writing hurts my hand physically i'm so bad i'm so bad at it i think it's because i hold i hold the pencil like a crayon i hold it weird i can show you it's like this i have a weird one i know you hold it weird i've looked at you before it's like this kind dude every finger's involved the tension going on here painful my mom made me get a my mommy she and my mommy gave me a person we're doing that voice with each other when my mommy used to come she brought me or she made me go into like a orthopedic writer's place i don't even know what the fuck you call it you had a little gummy yes a little gummy on the pencil yeah i was like talked to by a doctor and then they like gave me the gummy we was chewing on them they fucking talked down to me and then i rocked the gummy and i'm still shit at it no the gummy doesn't help at all no i hated the gum what is the gummy supposed to do it's supposed to change how you grip the pencil i'm a dynamic i'm not even kidding i'm none of these it just thickens it i'm not even kidding i'm something i'm something of other shit we're looking at a graphic it's how to hold a pen there's dynamic tripod dynamic quadropod lateral tripod or lateral quadropod some people are so crazy i think i'm dynamic tripod the closest for me is lateral tripod but it's not right what are you in i gotta get a pencil i think i'm a i'm dynamic tripod we're looking i don't think it's a comprehensive graph of i think dynamic tripod hold pens dynamic tripod standard i i i don't think this is comprehensive because i think my uh handwriting thing is also there's animals in this world yeah no i confidence for humans none of these you freak dude that's this that's no no you're you're just a dynamic quadropod blur that that that looks like genitals they're hold she's holding it differently because she's more pointed but you're a dynamic quadropod no he's using four fingers to balance the pen which makes him a dynamic quad but a real dynamic quadropodder should never be curving their fingers like that this is holding the pen like a hand model for some reason yeah but i think ultimately you're still dynamic quadropod huh yeah i know but i think the question is are using three fingers or four fingers but and you use four whatever works you're four finger free okay i'm lateral i'm dynamic tripod though i think yeah i mean anyway this is hard to uh interpret if you can't see it hurts already i'm not even writing my hand you're holding it too hard sweetheart i don't know how to fix it is how i learned dude i used to hold it so hard i get bumps on my fingers yeah i used to i had a callus on my pinky you get bumps like like how like big bumps yeah i would get no like like small bumps i guess small bumps everywhere the pencil was like a special pen i was gonna put in my mouth wait is that the thing that's supposed to help no no look up that's crazy pencil gummy this little like pencil grip gummy hold the pen with look up gripping it um this is an example but i would the the those ones that's the one that i remember but they what yeah they were more like erasery than they were glittery yeah these yeah the new the old ones had like this weird uh like tetrahedron shaped remember these ones those were gross wait these were crazy disintegrate yeah and you can eat these yeah they're yummy was it one of those things they would tell you not to eat but you knew you eat it you knew that you should eat it yeah there's not much you can't eat everyone had a kid that swallowed one yeah you can eat most things if you just keep chewing why do they do that when you're a kid they're like you see some shit that's obviously delicious and they're like don't eat that like a lego beer yeah uh there's one that's literally a gummy bear so what can you do hang green i feel like made me want to eat grass why is that he said don't eat grass and so that'll make you want to like being told what to do and i'm like why not bitch yeah well i'm gonna eat it i'm gonna eat it i'm gonna eat it hang green watch me eat it hang don't tell me nonsense like that new video don't eat it eaters watch this one he would do a great like sex ed channel he'd be great at explaining anything he might have already have done this in his long and storied career maybe he had a fun metaphor there might be a crash course maybe it was like a panel at vidcon in 2018 but yeah maybe nobody recorded it the kelby may backshots panel yeah so what you want to do guys i'm in trouble why are you in trouble i so i was at the parking structure they didn't take tap and i lost my debit card inside my ass in your how'd you lose it i don't want to talk about that i don't want to tap so you had the card and then in your ass that's the unfortunate part is i had the card and even if i didn't have my phone i could probably have put my ass up to the reader if they had it's because is it still because your current wallet is so bulky you couldn't fit the debit card in and so you had to put in your ass for storage again yes i kept losing my wallet so i thought i would cut open my skin and put the chip inside so i could beep it like justin timberlake i thought about that too i thought about it but i was too scared are your first evolutions putting the stuff in your wallet in your body well you never lose it right well what would another suggestion be i mean you could just use a ridge wallet i've heard of those what does that do i mean it's like a unique it's unique and slim and uh rfid blocking technology for proof safety i heard about this so i can't just i can't just i can't just steal your little card data by swiping something by it sure i mean if someone swiped some sort of scanner near my ass they would have taken all my this is what happened to me you're saying you're you're saying like a team with a with a flipper zero can't take all my information and sell it to the government no unless they work really hard okay but that's just like that's just like a black skinny wallet like i don't want that 50 colors i'm gonna lose 50 colors do you see one color and you assume there's one color but there's 50 or more eight and eight in my issues it's too thin i'm gonna lose it what do you mean well there's an optional air tag attachment so you can just add the air tag and you don't have to buy like a separate random tracker product you already have an air tag you just toss it on there and you know what i don't like about my old wallet is that it's it's it's leather and i put an air tag in it but now it look it's bulky and straight what i love about the ridge wallet is that for a limited time ridge is running their huge father's day sale that's not your huge father's day that's your that's your huge father's day sale where you can get up to 40 off their best gear just head to ridge.com slash the yard and don't miss out on one of their biggest discounts all year that's ridge.com slash the yard for up to 40 off after you purchase they'll ask where you heard about them please support our show and tell them we we can still do the skin thing at the scholastic book fair what was your go-to do you have this shit of course i did offensive question sorry that's offensive it's before your time yeah but i just was foreseeing you getting mad for me asking that like we all had it i wanted to i guess we do all have it it's an institution um well wait what where'd it go it's gone we don't know we're not kids i think it could still be there it could still be there is anyone if you're a kid out there tell us if the scholastic book fair is still when i'm a teacher when i'm at tarp off at parties with the high school soccer team and i i and i and we uncle aiden's here guys come on i we eventually get around to it's like you guys still have this classic book fair and i'm fucking i don't even think it was in high school and your kid was twirling around i think we're cheering i don't think we i think it stopped in eighth grade i had shonen jump i bought shonen jump you had shonen jump at your shonen jump give us that shit i bought a shonen jump and i i only had one wow and i read that shit and i'm like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so front to puss to back yeah yeah yeah front to puss i read this shit probably magazine well you read it right to left right yeah it's it's honestly a dumb question yeah i don't know it's just like sometimes with the questions i looked at i i didn't really get anything i well no i got captain underpants and then i would uh i'd look at all the anamorphs yep but i'm not gonna read we were exactly the same yeah i would buy i'd get captain underpants and i'd look at the anamorphs i'm like i'm not reading i'm not reading that one i'm not reading all that to this day i'm i haven't cracked an anamorphs book i read one anamorphs book in the first or second grade uh i don't remember it very well their whole business model is just getting kids to buy because the cover because the cover yes they're amazing goosebumps was the same thing i feel like no i read a lot of great read yeah no but goosebumps the cover hit they lured you in yeah it's beautiful art it was both it was a good content and then the thumbnail i think anamorphs is bad art uh bad art it's not amazing it's fun to look at it's fun to look at so there's value anamorphs covers are something you it's captivating and also like looking at the in-betweens are the most interesting part of it right look at that rat girl oh it is a drawing look look at that rat girl what do you know and you're like wow that guy turned into a an owl dude it is good art yeah this is it's good art because it's captivating and it makes us want to see the next one that's my favorite one is the i feel like the horse one's crazy did you guys ever read that are they bad were they not well written never read i've never owned one has ever hit the one in the middle bottom i never thought that i always hated them right there yeah i did the horse one was the unknown i want to do this with aiden can we make like a thousand anamorph covers of aiden i feel like this is this is a job that now ai exclusively does and you can't even do it for the love of the game because of ai you can it just costs you money and it costs you time zero context you would get accused instantly well no i don't but then you just say no i didn't do that here's why i like anamorphs and then everyone's like okay cool old throwback wow i forgot about this this is such a bad application of it it really is there's not like a lot of effort there's a normalized picture of me what is that character what um from wait this is kind of funny what is it the backyard again oh that's right i didn't watch it 36 year old man i watched a lot of that show because my little brother watched it all the time when he was like baby yeah your little brother huh yeah we believe you man okay real shit and i i don't think this is that embarrassing but in seventh grade when i was a 13 year old boy i used to in the morning before school i used to watch roly-poly-oly and i liked it a lot roly-poly-oly holy shit i was 13 i think that's fine now if i was 13 with you i would make you feel bad and and you know what my friends did because i told them and i shouldn't have told them i told them if you're watching baby looney tunes though either you're a bad fucking kid or get well soon get well soon yeah homes sick watching baby looney fucking sick because that shit wasn't there in the beginning or the end and a pup named scooby-doo that shit would show at like 11 a.m what are we doing we've done this bit but but the the baby-ifying of cartoons just for the slot of babies to watch it was a better show than scooby-doo could ever be and that's on durian i'll say it forever untrue it's not not true you just live true it's just the only cartoon you were allowed to watch you i'm trying to remember the pup named scooby-doo i'm like that this is something that they had acapella versions in the eye catches you know what that is the eye catches what is this when you watch an anime it's in between the commercials oh i didn't know they're called that that's crazy yeah wow be a pup named scooby-doo yeah yeah yeah that's good shit man and i'll never forget there was a because this was one of the other shows i was allowed to watch and then uh on boomerang they changed they changed the whole network to scuba rang and ran only scooby-doo for a month you are now watching a scooby-doo takeover and i just every weekend i was like scuba rings on scuba rings a good day it's like when ed ed and eddie was getting retired and they they had a fucking two-week marathon of every episode and all those people rioted in the street you remember that i was a lot of people died man yeah i was i was killing people too yeah my uh my boyfriend died in the great ed and eddie murder people throwing jawbreakers at each other they chopped his head off with a chainsaw in the middle of main street during the editing murder purge damn it was teenage robot any good yeah i definitely watched it a lot but i don't remember it was a banger that much about it i never watched it jenny jenny it's cool uh cool art i like the way it looked this is that heavy line style there's another show that came out at the same time it looked really similar fuck what was it that's gone it's gone no matter i uh by the way when i went to sephora i wanted to say they treated me like a fucking sick animal like i did not belong in there and something about sephora they make you they make you feel that were you with your girl no they thought you were a gay man so that means a lot no but i wasn't i don't think i was giving gay and really i don't i guess not bald man with a mustache in sephora you were giving gay maybe but like i i if i was giving gay i was a very nervous gay yeah and i think i think the gays in sephora are kind of feeling like they're in a nice place the way and respect to all the girlies out there the way those girls treat the fucking sample products at sephora is disgusting wow what do they do have you ever have you ever looked at one oh yeah they're fucking ran through it looks like they're chewing on it it looks like they're taking bites out of the lipstick it looks like they're going there to do their whole routine yeah leaving they do if they put a fucking face on and they leave wow it's crazy i like that i like the idea for sure you also got to check every package you purchase because some people just open them up yeah there's just like new products that aren't testers that they just open it's like grapes at the grocery store it's like yeah did you guys moms used to do that eat a grape my mom would just eat grapes out of the bag at the grocery store i just understood what this could mean and i'm like why did you why are you doing that my mom used to do this shit but she would buy it she would my mom buy it too she would do it yes okay but she would like on it my mom was going big on like eating and using and drinking everything that was in the cart before purchasing it and then and then my sister get real stressed out about this i was you can't do that you gotta check it out you gotta check it out mom stop you think your mom's like a big stupid idiot stop it stop it you're being insane do you guys remember at the grocery store maybe this is only california i don't know but uh when they had like the bouncy ball section california what the are you talking about growing up every single grocery store mostly we used to go to stater brothers mostly but every single stater brothers had like a big cage just full of like yeah that oh okay this is like a department store this is walmart yeah this is more walmart this was at every single vaughn's and stater brothers in my city really yes wow and every time i'd go i'd be like mom can i get a ball i want a ball and she would oblige i had a lot of balls they made balls look appealing i had one that changed color if it touched water and then i would throw it in the pool i think it would turn green yeah or your hands touched it your hand print would be left behind uh so wait why were you in sephora i was getting a song for my girlfriend but i i went in there and basically it was just crazy no one looked me in the eyes i was like this doesn't usually happen no guy named stable ronaldo did this i'm gonna make a problem for you ma'am i did keep talking about all of my favorite members of core and very loudly hoping i could bond with anyone in the and i had a selfie stick and i was live streaming no i was getting you going up to sephora employees and being like lace does not bought yeah lace doesn't by the way but lace wouldn't even need to buy it doesn't even make sense as a premise it's funny it's funny to even break up that's not even funny is what a million views some sephora employee with a crossbody she's like i don't know but yeah i was like i was getting a perfume and i was like hey i want this perfume and the lady was like okay and then she walked away and i was like oh she's gonna go in the bed it's like shoes yep so you gotta go in the back and get it and i wait for like 15 minutes which is an eternity and i i go and find someone else because they're like you need anything because i'm standing in the same spot the whole time looking around hey man you can't stand here i looked in the same spot the whole time looking around hey man you can't stand here i looked in the same spot hey man you can't stand here i looked in the same spot hey man you can't stand here i looked insane and weird and then they keep asking me like i was like no she said she's gonna help me she's in the back getting the shoes and she's like okay and then finally and i was like i'll just ask somebody else i asked him like can i get this perfume like yeah there's a drawer in the bottom they just open it the lady just left me yeah she left you she said okay that's cool it was crazy i guess she worked there yeah by the way yeah maybe she had the crossbody don't with me are you sure don't play with me play with me do they is there could it could a woman another one have a crossbody is what was it it says sephora on the crossbody what's kind of a funny idea here though is that like she was like do you need help and he's like i just want this perfume because she's like you can just take one so she's like oh yeah it's locked oh it's locked that's a big deal that's a big deal that's it that's a point in his favor yeah thank you i'm with you because i've been a sephora and i've been scared and i felt alone so i feel like i know what you felt like and i had a re i went to skims who do you want to serve you want to serve from skims this is a kim k brand flagship yes i got underwear for skims yeah you're talking all about underwear oh that's right yeah they're great yeah and what i and i remember you saying this so i'm getting the thing for cutie and they're real nice with that because i think they actually went up to me quickly because it's um i think i was looking creepy so they were very quickly like what do you uh need just checking how they smell and i'm just looking at like swimsuits i need a swimsuit for my girl and i'm just looking at like swimsuits i need a swimsuit for my girl and so i bought i'm just looking at like swimsuits i need a swimsuit for my girl i bought i bought this but then i wanted to go to the men's section it's funny the men's section is it's a joke it's like if this whole room was the skims that wall with the cane would be the men's section it was a singular wall yeah i get it which makes sense but it's in it's in the back next to the changing room so i'm sitting and i'm like looking and it's and it's white t-shirts black t-shirts underwear yeah that's the skims whole life that's it that's what they want you to skims men that's the outfit right yeah and i'm looking at the under got a bunch of different underwear they got one that like four inch seam three inch i don't like i don't know the same i'm sitting there and a lady comes up she goes hey i need help i need i need a different pair like i need a different size and i'm like oh i don't work here i thought you worked there i guess the men's section is so far in the back that only people go there to go to the changing room yeah it's only for doing things i got asked if i worked at a grocery store the other day i was at the ralph's and some lady was like do you work here and i'm like no i don't work here and i'm like no i don't work here and i'm like i was like i wish i don't remember what i'm wearing but i was like no i was gonna ask what you're wearing were you wearing that shirt i was not wearing my pizza my heart san jose short peripheral i think that's a ralph's logo yeah it wasn't this it does feel like a grocery store you're right it wasn't this it was something where i looked at myself and i was like that's not reasonable but i was like i don't work here i don't think i can put together an outfit that makes me look like i work at a grocery store you don't possess those clothes i don't think i believe that yeah i don't think i have like what do you need you need like overalls or an apron or like a collar shirt maybe it's always the apron you know what you need a tucked in dark gray shirt i don't know why they are polo i don't know why they always look like bowlers yeah i guess that's like the safeway they're on a bowling team oh by the way i went to uh the update i went to the police station after i got swatted to try to do the thing where you explain that this might happen and all this stuff and so i go there and it's this big glass like partition and there's two people there and there's like this old lady and this younger woman and i was like hey uh the police came to my house the other day i got swatted and i would i was hoping that that word you just know yeah and and she's like they came to your house and i'm like okay here we go here we go it's okay because she had to be like i don't know 56 years old and and i'm like this this older than i'm like so okay so you're on the internet and people like fucking hate you and they'll send people to your house and and try to send ashley sinclair's tweeting out and ashley sinclair's and it's crazy because she was she would conscious decision okay i have sex with a guy looking barry and harkonnen and if he looked like john ham i'd be like sure yeah i get that that's that makes sense i mean makes sense he's more amorphous and weird looking disgusting and uh and so i but i've explained it and they both don't get it oh my god and i'm like oh jesus christ okay so i have to explain everything from the beginning it takes me like 10 minutes and then they they bring in the like the master cop of like the the office the master cop he is such a dick and he's like he's like got the glasses and he's like kind of fat and like this like slick comforter and he comes in like what's going on here and like so so he got what did you call it and i'm like i'm gonna kill myself and uh the guy understood what it was and he's like he was such a he's like we gotta go out there you know we gotta go out there right i'm like i understand you gotta go i'm trying to lessen the severity of the response when you do have to come out multiple times if that happens do you understand like it could happen again it's like we gotta go out there it's like he wasn't listening oh my god so now i start getting frustrated i'm getting mad i'm getting mad hurts to listen so i start getting frustrated and i'm like but imagine you're me right and i'm doing a lot of miming because i'm behind this glass partition which is kind of funny and they come in and i was literally like so you imagine you're me right and i'm in my computer i'm in my underwear right and then a couple cops come in they get on the fucking ground get on the fucking ground i'm doing this in the place imagine you're me and then they do that right like the overhead security camera view of this where slime's in the water like a t-shirt and my g like and the guy's just like doing this he's like damn it we gotta come out we gotta do it and if you you know if you just comply nothing if you're not doing anything nothing's gonna happen to you i'm like but i don't want to get fucking gun pointed at me and your officers come in and they come and shoot me in the fucking head i don't want them to shoot me in the fucking head and i'm doing all of this this is my favorite question to ask there is so if they did it every day would you come every day like if they say yes it's like all right dude that's what i wanted to do when it was happening it was like just call them ourselves yeah you know you just because if you call them every day for a week by day eight you're like guys again what's going on what do you think is going on this time and then there'd be a different response they would change their tune so i'm basically asking them that uh without that having to occur and he says he's like we gotta come out and if you comply no this is gonna go wrong and i'm like i don't want your officers come in here and get really scared and shoot me in the head and he just looked at me he's like our officers not gonna shoot you in the head he said that and after that i was like okay you said it fine you said that and i'm taking your word on that and then i left what's his name i don't even remember well we gotta know in case they shoot you in the head yeah we have to go let me know we have to go back there's a time stamp i'm there there's cameras sir officer's so fucking stupid i know like stupid and they're angry if you go to med school and you fail to become a doctor you should have to become a cop and that way we have all these really smart cops i think that's what dentists are bro dentists are failed doctors dentists make half a million dollars that's what they say about the dentists that's what they say every dentist has like the same vibe i feel like they're they're just they're just they think you're so dumb they're like just fucking floss man and i'm like it fucking takes a while i like it i think dentists go through the same cut scene a lot and it's probably the same cut scene a lot and it's probably the same cut scene a lot and it's probably the probably frustrating because they just know what to do they're war-hardened i think to be honest everyone knows what to do yeah everyone knows you fly and i i floss every day damn and people say that and it's like you know to floss every day yeah but i don't do it and it's fine oh my god until it's gonna fall out in 10 years until dentist comes around what i don't find until dentist comes around i don't get cavities i brush my teeth twice a day cavities is a dice roll that's not you're doing of good so what's the flossing for then what the fuck is it the flossing is for the buildup of plaque between your teeth yeah because it can harden you your your gums bleed when you eat a protein bar now what's the difference between plaque and tartar because they say tartar the dentist plaque plaque plaque become tartar tartar is in psyop and it's not real i don't think it's real tartar tartar is it i'm not gonna fall it goes crazy you leave plaque becomes heart becomes tartar oh like if it's hardened plaque it's it's tartar and tartar you cannot remove with floss anymore tartar is quite hard to remove and that's when the dentist comes in with the fucking knife ah and they scrape stop scraping me dentist god i like how that feels keep doing that bro don't numb me either god it feels good uh why am i bleeding so much i like that too i can't say shit i haven't been a dentist in three years that's my last dentist was a year ago i'm actually really good about going how often you go every six months damn that's wild for a long time he goes he goes to the dentist he picks up six months worth of new towels in i still have my towel i gotta bring him home i'm almost out i'm at my six month mark for those who don't know ludwig got me like 100 towels for christmas and i'm using that has been nice it has been really nice if i had a hundred i'm not i'm not making a joke if i got a hundred towels i would pass them on to my children like i would not use them in my lifetime you're a filthy fucking animal the towel string them together and belay out my house when you wash them they lose their uh their magma they lose their magma at target like so how many like washes it take for the magma to kind of fall out of these me asking the 21 year old at bed bath and beyond dude i've been when my towel runs out of i've been on a i've been in trouble lately because i have a new addiction my addiction it's taco bell t bell oh we're back what are you getting on that menu i only get one of two things okay either the cantina chicken soft taco or the cantina chicken brew this is not sponsored it gives you cancer by the way so it is prop 65 it's crazy that there's signs in every fast food restaurant says this stuff kills you by the way no prop 65 is weird it's on 65s on everything it's just anything with carcinogens but anyway uh i realized last night i was like i'm not even hungry but i i've been doing it so like every other night i'll go to taco bell like 2 a.m your body wants it and my body wants it and i'm kind of in trouble it's like cigarettes i've been like that with sweets what have you been much i've been a little sweet boy yeah i was i will i was a bad friend like augustus gloop friday i was supposed to go hang out with stans but the the beat off ran late because i my i was slow making my pee and then the judging went kind of long for each one right so and he had to put the baby down yeah so he's like you probably shouldn't put over i'm putting the baby down right now and i'm like that sounds wrong everyone reaches their breaking point but i bought a bunch of cookies to share and then i was like well i got a bunch of fucking cookies yeah yeah i'm just gonna eat in the fucking cookie like 1500 calories i'm just putting in the fucking cookies yeah because they're there okay what am i supposed to do the cookies you could say you could say for what for what for what later what if they go to can't have a bad for stands they're gonna lose their magma they're gonna lose their magma don't scare me like that dude i'm eating them while they got their man you bite into a cookie has no magma oh my god when you bite into the magma still warm 2017 2017 what was that what's the significance of that 2017 the year you met me the year i started making bread boys i need to teach a bit of a lesson bit of a money making lesson right now i'd love to learn he's a million dollars i'm listening i want to learn a million dollars 2017 you know what i did what open up a fucking store a store i out of the store he did what store you open store i want to sort of sell merchandise i was drop shipping clothes from china from china it was the reeds you were making the merch for the reeds i wasn't giving toph and scar how did you have the wherewithal to do that nick i wasn't giving them a lick i found this website called shopify i just started spinning that shit i took it all they still think that we broke even i turned that into a multi-million dollar empire called multi-million dollar empire i turned that into a multi-million dollar empire i turned that wait so shopify made it easy enough for you to start a business in 2017 keep up bitch yes they platform millions of businesses around the world and 10 of all e-commerce inside the u.s and i'm part of the 10 now wow yeah i'm such a big part of a thing with those terrible sweatpants that was like block colors yeah that nobody wore which ludwig made not shopify just to be clear he picked bad products but sold them on a great website if i marketed them and made them easy to sell yeah it was great you can get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you but it was just me here's the thing i'm taking everything i'm a guy in 2017 i haven't heard of scar toph the reeds or alex 19 or any of this how's how are people gonna know about my brand that i'm selling sweatpants buddy well it's not funny that you can get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you really yeah man yes dude remember that one time remember that one time you didn't you didn't know your password and you messaged customer support at 3 a.m and they replied yep 24 7 customer support and then email and social media campaigns for for customers you find them where they are and then this is a real story even after that ludwig just gave up lost that account made a new shopify account and paid for two separate accounts for about five years yeah i just love I love what they did for me and my family so much. I wanted to give back. You didn't even notice. You didn't just contact and support again. You could have just said that, but you paid for two. Hey, buddy, how about you turn those what ifs into cha-ching with Shopify today? Sign up for the $1 per month trial today at shopify.com slash the yard. Go to shopify.com slash the yard. That's shopify.com slash the yard. It actually does work really well. Cha-ching. $1 a month. What is that a year? It's $12 a year. Fuck. You need tools like Shopify in your life. I can see it. No, they have a account. They have a shop. Shopify.com slash the yard. By the way, bro, I messaged Ludwig after the beat off and I was like, dude, your beat's really good. I like it a lot. I like the melody. And I watched him back making it. Dude, he looked up like shorts, like how to make catchy hook. And I'm like, fuck this, bro. Fuck this. There's no magic. There's no magic in this. I made my own melody. But I love it. Look, I'm lost in there. You don't understand. We're all alone. What are you talking about? No, we're not equally lost. Some of us start at different points in life. And there's no such thing as a dumb question. And I need to ask more questions to get to the same place you're at without asking any questions. I start here. Not me. I'm a fish to water. Aiden starts here. I'm a fish to water. Aiden is a fish to water. The way he broke up that Porter sample is beautiful. It was cool. You had a good beat. Me? I'm staring at this piano and I'm just stressed. You know what I realized? I actually don't think I can think of things. What do you mean? Oh, like creative ideas? I don't think I can. I don't think so. Like, I think I'm zero Apple. Oh, you think you're zero? You're aphantasious. I don't think you are. Do you think you have that? I think I'm zero Apple, bro. I can't think of a fucking Apple right now. It's just holes. You can't. I don't think you need that for music. But I think my issue is I couldn't conceptualize what I wanted to make. So I spent basically two hours just kind of throwing shit on the timeline that didn't really work. And then I was like, okay, I have to make. You know what I kind of do? I just think. I think of a song that I want to make. Like, I want to copy. And I just know I'm not good enough to copy it. So on my route to copy it, I will just fail. And I will just make something else. And the failure is the result. Yeah, the failure is what I made instead, which is mine. I think it's kind of mysterious in a way to see you struggle so much with something. I struggle with most things. I feel like you're. What? You're good at. What? Most of what you try, I feel like. What am I fucking good at? You've walked into a glazing arena. You've set yourself up. You've set yourself up to glaze him. So what am I even fucking? If you don't think of anything right now, it's bad. Look, you're great. At what? I think I think you're generally good at all of the video games you try. Like you start out at a higher place than most people would. I start out higher in league. I think that you kind of. Everybody starts low in league. I want all my placements. I got iron four. But you perfect. You reach a level. That's high. You're higher than others. If you set your mind to it, you're successful. No, you're successful at streaming. You've adapted to YouTube channel. A billion things. You come up with creative ideas all the time. I actually jerking you off. I'm jerking you off. You're a good streamer. You're entertaining. People love you socially. I think I'm not taking part of any of this. This is a setup from the beginning. Why are you still flaccid? I think you're wrong. I kind of like what his voice. I think I'm good at grinding something, but I think I'm not good at it initially. For someone who's not good at it. I'd have to grind be making. I think for somebody who's like never, basically had never played basketball in their life. You showed up and you were like, you've figured stuff out with basketball. Yeah, but college is a little late. You know? I went to a camp when I was young and then I didn't make the team. Ah, what can you do? What can you do? He didn't mesh socially with the other basketball players. Dude, my best friend's dad was the coach for the soccer team. My best friend, Christian. His dad is the coach for the soccer team. Mr. B. And we're, we're kids, bro. We're eight. And we were at tryouts and he cut me. That's what the fuck I'm talking about. He cut me, bro. We're eight. That's that ruthless shit. From rec soccer? If you want to win, that's how it goes, boy. He cut me from a rec soccer team for HBHS. I had to go to a different town to play soccer. Oh, did that have an effect on you, you think? Like this much later? Yeah, I was like, Christian's dad's a fucking dick. That's it? But you didn't like feel like a rejection that reverberated for the rest of your life? Huh? Maybe. At the time, I was like, I was like, fuck, I must be crazy. Oh, yes. Did you confront him about it? Huh? Did you confront Christian or his dad? No, I mean, because ultimately he's the coach. He's kind of a childish. He's the power. Yeah, but you went and complained later. No, I'm not a complainer. Oh, yeah, that's my right. That's my right. 23 years later, I can, I can yell about it. You should, next time you see Christian's dad, you should ask him about it. Why'd you cut me? He's just going to say what we all know to be the case. Fat and lazy. Oh, dude, for, for music, I think you have to start with an idea that, that is like, I want to make a song that feels like this. And then you, and then you help that guide you. Okay. Did you guys think of your idea when you were, because we did the beat off. I hope you've all listened to the beats. When you, when you listen, or so when you started, did you know what you're going to make? I said, I want to make some Motown shit. I was just feeling Motown that day. I don't even know if that's even the right genre. And you knew you were going to rap? No. It just came to, but I started with like a kernel of like, I want to make. Is what you have Motown? I think so. Maybe not. I don't know. Just some old ass shit. Some old ass, like smooth shit. That's what I wanted. Okay. I've had the friends theme song stuck in my head since I was a kid. It just pops into my head, like maybe every three days. My whole life. That is a torture in life. This is a way to purge it. Yeah. I just always have it in my head. Cause my sister watched like every season in a row, front to back over and over again when I was a kid. And yeah, so in the shower that morning I was singing it. And in my head, I couldn't get out of the idea of the, the claps being gunshots. I kept going, pop, pop, pop, pop in my head. So you just needed to get that out. I just needed to get that out. And so that was the first. That was the first thing I did. It's funny cause he didn't get it out. Cause we were here yesterday, just hanging out before doing the GameCube show. Still singing the song. And he was still singing it. I think he needs to get the gunshot idea out. Yeah. That is what I meant. But also I'd like the curse to leave because I have had this in my head my whole life. That's. It's fine. What about you? So used to it now. How did I think of it? Okay. How do you think of the four seconds you looped? You are fucking what are we going to say bro? How do you think of that four second section you looped for 45 seconds? That four seconds loop? Well, it was. It was a six second loop for 12. Nakey Jakey first for you is. He is a demon for that. No, he's not a demon. He's not potential. I don't even like Aiden and I agree. As much as I didn't like Bishu's fucking attitude. Can I say it? Yeah. Can I say it? I don't know the guy. I don't think he is. As much as I don't like his cool guy attitude. I thought he was being very sweet. I like his nuance. I think he just had a delay. Cause he, he, he cared about how it was constructed. Yeah. Cause it's his natural. He can't not think that way. I think if he had less delay, it would be. It would have been, it was just awkward. Cause there's a crazy delay. No, I look, I, maybe the guys rate way cool other times, but for first impression, you could just see it in my face. I was like, but you know. The Italian delay did not help. I'm trying to be a nicer guy, but man, I was like, this guy was this guy. What can you do? Maybe he's really cool. If you're hanging out watching sports. I don't know. And that's what I'm trying to be that kind of guy lately. He was like, maybe you're cool watching sports. I'm not going to fucking, I'm not going to condemn you to the pits of magma. I think the delay on the call. Made it. Didn't help him. Didn't help. Didn't help. Sorry. I'm in fucking Italy right now at a hotel. Just got out for a fucking dope ass fucking show. What's up guys? What's up? Are you guys like gay or something? I don't think he heard it. I don't think he heard it, but I was just like, I was like Italy, man. I'm hoping to play there soon. And there's no one or him laughed at all. I was like, yeah, it's all good. It's all good. I was hoping the laugh would come five seconds later. Yeah, I just got off the fucking turntables. I'm in fucking Italy at a hotel room. I got my fucking penis out. You guys like. You got five. You got five. You got me for five. Where'd you find this guy? I was upset. I sent my goons to his hotel room. I'm trolling. I'm trolling a little bit too, but it was bad first impression, but I'm a fucking bald guy in the 30s. So who cares? It is crazy. Someone came to his hotel at 3am though. What can you do? Have we heard from him? And we haven't heard from him since. No, I haven't heard from him since. Was it Gestapo? Do they still have a Gestapo? I don't know. I'll say this. Wait, Gestapo? Gestapo? I don't think they got that anymore. Nah, that. Wait. That's true. That fell off. Is it a soft G? It's Gestapo. I do think, independent of that guy, if you have music in Valorant, I think it's like a huge red flag. That's been. Two of us. What? Gestapo was in Germany. Then they bent over. They kind of bent up. The fall off might be soon though. Who else has music in Valorant? That's big. I'm trying to think. Zed. Dead. Does Eric Doha have music in Valorant? Porter might. Porter definitely does. I actually don't think he does. I think it's just League. He's music in League? I think if you associate with Riot, with your art, in terms of music, you are, you are, you are vacant. In your heart, you are vacant and you are bankrupt and it's over. I think you're an artist who wants a bag. Are those not the same thing? Discuss amongst yourselves. Do you guys ever play, have you ever played Deathmatch in CS and you have somebody just blasting music through the microphone? The whole time? Oh yeah. I've had this in other games. There was a guy I was, I had played with and he, he was playing music and I'm annoyed at first because this is usually annoying. You're mad at the Deathmatch. I realized because of what he's doing, not because of the game, bro, you're hot. A Deathmatch. I just booted in. I just had to do it. What is happening? It's a Deathmatch. We're just, I'm ready to learn why this guy's the freak, but so far you're the freak. I literally just booted in. - I'm open to the idea that he is the freak. people decide to play loud screeching sounds or music into their microphone as a bit in counter strike yeah not what this person is doing i'm like oh they're playing it's a pretty good song oh you kind of like it so i don't mute them like the radio and i kind of like it was the radio and i and then he comes on over the song in like this this reverberating overlaid voice while it's still playing he's like welcome to dj seven deuce world thank you for joining us piggy two like and then and then he does a full he's doing a full radio station dj set in the game and every time someone joins the death match in the chat he's like welcome bubbles he has to be straight and then and then if it comes on like the next song comes on it's i miss you by blink 182 and he's like it's time for a little blink 182 sing it sing it if you know the words wow and then we the chorus hits like three people in the death match start singing into their mic and they're all delayed and then if you sing along with him he shouts out your name in the game and he's like beautiful and then and then the end of the death match comes he's like we're going an ad break don't leave us like that's funny dude it was perfect it was like perfectly mixed and i was like dude i want to stay i want it it is sad that they are probably streaming yeah that's that's the perverse inverted element of it right but if he's not that's so beautiful because he's just doing it because it's funny also what sucks about dm and counter-strike in general is like everyone has a mic everyone has access to say the n-word yeah it's just gonna happen they're saying you get a really different version of i miss you they love saying i was playing a moggle really yeah because i was doing the god gamer gauntlet i have to win 10 pvp games in a row and i'm yeah that's a good game for him really funny i was like good game one not a good game for him not great at it isn't it just your facial bones kind of but like there's a moggle gimmicks where for some reason if you flash the camera or this one guy you just do this he went like the camera re-analyzes and for whatever reason when it re-analyzes it shoots up perfect this guy's at like a five and it's like nine five and it's like what uh so anyway i'm doing it and and most of it's most of it's fine like there's a clip of i'm doing it i'm just staring and this guy goes blood wig blood wig and this is two kids in school they're 12 in a classroom yes they're all moggling in a classroom and the 12 year old's beating me and he's going you're getting mobbed by a 12 year old blood wig and but but then there was one and it's just these frat guys and they just instantly start calm slurs really yeah and i'm like guys i'm just here game are you streaming this yeah you're trying to keep you're trying to keep your mog face on you're like while they're calling you like the craziest shit let's stop we'll use those cut it with the language damn they did that with their whole ass face and shit how does it go into byu or how does that website because a lot of streamers are doing it right how do you avoid like someone showing whole or whatever oh you don't you take that risk to show it on stream have you showed it on stream no yeah i've shown on stream i mean not whole i don't think people are showing whole but it takes one oh no yeah yeah i'm just saying i don't show a hole at the mog off i don't think that's the because i think i think that would be the behavior of a pedophile there's a lot of children on a moggle so if you're just showing whole there's a natural filter of like well i'm not a fucking freak you would show whole the troll people but not not a kid yeah it would mostly be children seeing the hole and then you're just that's what people used to do on omegle that was most of omegle you mean wait yeah he said it right is it called omegle he's called it omegle there you go that's just dude hey i'll be with you here i didn't realize it till he said that but i didn't say anything out loud so i'm with you i realized it did you guys did you go on omegle as a kid it was ever it was every third one yeah there were a lot of people slow stroking yeah yeah i've told this story before but i had the giant horse mask and i just thought it was funny if you see the big horse mask and there was this old guy on a stool kind of a full body cam and he was slowly jerking off and he saw it he took his hand off his penis to give me a thumbs up and then he uh you know with his mouth changed it because he doesn't want to jerk off preference yeah not my preference but i love the mask yeah good work i've been getting a lot of thumbs up driving my k truck and uh and i was driving a cutie in it she fucking hates the truck yeah it's a fucking death track it has no shocks or airbags or ac less safe than a plane by a lot it's way less safe than a plane especially with me at the helm but she was in it every time i drive it someone compliments it like like just because i think it's unique and so i'm showing her and i was like i was like check out all the thumbs up everyone loves us i was like isn't this great she's like i love ac it didn't it didn't it didn't sway her it didn't sway her like i thought it would damn you have no ac in that bitch uh it has it it's a whisper the whisper it's a whisper dating fucking love right bro you just got to put up with that you want to go to the store he's like let's take this fucking crazy little truck i have with no ac you're like okay i chose you you're the love of my life let's go into the crazy little truck and i just have to do that and i have to be on the wrong side and feel like i'm driving but i'm not i'm in the passenger seat and that's weird korean dude pulled over next to me he goes nice car it's not really a korean accent yeah that's but it felt good the whole day really it'd be worse if it was a more accurate korean accent he was ripping a european european dj nice car i'm korean i was adapted i look korean but it's low-key irresponsible to drive her in that thing it's irresponsible to yourself don't do it to her yeah you're inflicting what do you mean it's like i'm not driving crazy i'm just driving down the street i think if you drove crazy you might have more of a chance of dodging something it is safer than a moped that's you know what yeah i i guess it's safer than putting a loaded gun to your it actually might be less safe because on a moped you're so focused right because you're like i could die at any moment and that thing you have the opportunity to die at any the illusion of safety looks like not me bro there is no illusion of safety and we have too many data points already this shit don't even have power steering i feel how power steering work power steering it takes fluid to leverage the force like through hydraulics and it makes the steering easier by using pressure oh that's not even electric bro huh it's it's water this is also it's a fluid a fluid of this is also i don't know exactly how it works i'm pretty sure that's how it works and it's a very overhead explanation i'm not pretending to know about power steering i know how oil works about it look how careful he is around subject matters he respects cars are beautiful things he's like he's like i don't want to be wrong i'm gonna be careful i'm not gonna say something i think bishu might be a fucking evil villain you know why well he couldn't because he's a korean protest player uh it's pull hydraulic fluid at low pressure yeah it's just pressure modulation but i'll say this actually super right answer that is not subjective right right and i respect that but when we talk about things like you know what is his name graham stevens like that's all objective i can just say whatever yeah you know because he could be right he might be those things he could be an ap he could be an ap pa my bad pa automar pa pa the watch could be a pa he could be pa leave it at that pa is good that's one of my favorites so so far on this show yeah things to call people yeah we can't use it in the slack anymore did you guys finally set some boundaries yeah what what goes in this room is no the slack boundaries slack boundaries what you mean i mean well culture culture comes from the top down and for a while the top was jared fogel we've actually made some changes in leadership at mogul booze i don't know if you've heard there's one i have here one cams co-coo now i've heard this actually yeah i heard a lot we all made that call together and uh co-ceo so that's a co-coo so we've split the oh we split the responsibilities 50 50 50 50 so it's like you feel like you're mad about something at the company and you would go to me normally you would be like aiden why haven't we paid the internet yep now you're also a guy camp he's also a guy who would uh for his adobe subscription for premiere for his job he would just buy another one instead of transfer the license just buy another that makes sense over two i do i mean i i appreciate that there's another person because i do think sometimes people think you do too much you don't even do that much i was in my stream the other day and i was talking about the minecraft event i was like yeah we're gonna fly them out and then they're like when are you flying them and who are you flying them with i was like i don't know i'm not doing it and they were like oh aiden i was like aiden's not gonna do that i do that sometimes gonna be cam i do this there's a new co-coo well i'm training him to hand off most of the responsibility you and you changed your profile picture from jared fogel to coot so i thought that was a good move too it's a big upgrade dude i had this dream last i'm just remembering i had this dream that i lived in northern lion's house but it was like an old 1920s house and i he i was trying to get an acting part with him and i had to trick him into liking me oh how'd you do it how did i do it it's a great question i saw into the i'm not even kidding i saw into the future and saw that he didn't choose me for this acting role so i i instead went back into the future and placed a book on his nightstand that he would read that would encourage him to think i was the good slime would be a good pick for the action yeah and then i read my role and he was like really interested he didn't let on he didn't let on right away he didn't let on right away he didn't give it to you he didn't was it was it northern lion northern lion or was it like northern lion's form but like clearly a different person that was straight up like how i think he would probably act okay yeah it was very and and we're in this like old 1920s like wooden floor house and i'm doing this bit where i'm like uh training a monkey and and he goes run that one again and i did you're crazy you are crazy i'm not crazy people have fucking dream like all the time i feel like when you wake up the dream doesn't end you know like when you wake up that you still have you still you go in your kitchen you're like well thank you northern lion well thank you northern lion and then he's doing this to the monkey to wear out for me and he it was funny because like for some reason i was i was really uh i was really i was like crazy and ready to blow at any moment and so he had to say to me he had to be like oh by the way i'm going to be writing things down after you say them is that okay he's being careful yeah and i was like that's okay because i like apparently i'm insane and it was a very fun dream uh but i nailed the part i'm pretty sure i got it we'll see well when you go back to bed we'll in pre-pro right now we'll let you guys know in the patreon uh whether or not he gets the part we have to go do a fire tournament now me and lubbock so we're gonna go do that aiden this latest fire tournament by the way crimson blores and you're playing together and you're into the primo where i got a bunch of sperm testing kits and we're all gonna jack each other off really dude what is that picture they allowed me to upload which one nicks or my nicks i just looked at nicks crazy i think it's uh what was the tweet it was i think the original tweet was like i'm the first white rapper named philip hashtag little philip it's this picture also crimson blores wearing a roast of hugo gonzalez shirt i'll say slime influence always there always there never gone like look like like like irradiated steel kicked off a career devour the tower we'll see you in the primo bye