Ep. 246 - Don't tell Nick

i'm crazy on the world he's crazy i am i am demonstrated recorded to be crazy on the world you would sit there like a like a like a fucking fat sea otter i don't sit there that's mean i don't sit there try to get the food i don't sit there i i act i act quickly there'd be nothing oh my god because the thing is i'm not afraid of failing the wordle so i i fight so you're just gonna fail it really quick i fight bravely i'll show you after this i will fucking destroy you i'm a warrior in the wordle are we going okay thank god thank god i got that on record that i'm a wordle warrior yeah they needed to hear that shit do you understand i needed to hear put an m16 in my hand i'm a wordle warrior wow we're back we're back oh my god the the fractured limping freak that is the yard podcast once again incomplete we just can't complete we just can't get a full can't get four get a full normal it's because like us three are willing to hustle i'm saying bro you know what i realized i go on all the travel episodes he skipped france he skipped japan i've never skipped his pants you i've never skipped the travel we kind of have to be around you which is miserable yeah i guess you don't skip them you're the impetus you're the sun and we're the gay little mercury that rotates you yeah gay little mercury is one of the big ones i'm the gay little mercury small one mercury do you know all the planets in order mercury venus earth mars uh you know i don't give a shit see that's so pathetic that's so pathetic i play bellatro of course i know them you know i don't give a shit see that's so pathetic i play bellatro of course i know them i don't give a fuck what does that have to do with bellatro and you know what i don't know i'm sorry i asked that's a dumb question i don't know for anyone who plays bellatro do the second half saturn wow wow he blew it that's crazy dude you should have you should have taken me out is it that was crazy you were the one who who fucked with me i cut you off at the end no that's also wrong it's crazy is it jupiter yes it's jupiter the asteroid belt i i only care about what's inside it right you understand me that makes sense because that's where we can we want to go where we can reach i don't care about anything else we can reach the planets you know do you think this one will go on billy billy too should we adjust what we say yeah so the billy billy viewers ludwig ludwig uh what was your what was the best part about china oh oh awesome ludwig you're so worldly what wait please uh i'm about to make a dirty joke please stop me don't threaten sam altman's life in the first five minutes that'd be terrible you guys are so it's funny it's not okay it's not okay it's not okay it's not okay joke about history unless it's about the japanese you guys are so weak you guys are getting mad at an ai translated comment that's a human behind that ai translate that's a human behind a vpn behind an ai translated comment who has developed a parasocial relationship to you and everything you say is perfect and everything we say is bald and gay and it's just funny that you've gone through to to a website that you you've never gone i didn't talk about billy billy they came the ball broke yeah i don't even care about the comments they can do what they want they came over to people were so upset on the billy billy re-upload which is because it's in a silo so it's kind of funny to read okay and then people it's it's like world war z when the zombies climbed the wall they came over with the youtube with vpns and started leaving comments in chinese on the episode you think chinese people are zombies well whatever the subtitle says yes i guess whatever the subtitle says you know what the subtitle says it's it's funny because i'm on the they re-uploaded all our lemonade stand episodes and what we the lemonade stand trip which we had planned separate from logbook strip was you know go to china which is this place that we talk about on the show a lot and experience it for ourselves try to like tour factories universities interview people we brought an interpreter and these episodes get re-uploaded to billy billy and people really like them they called it they called me astute oh and and and they they enjoy this like foreigner's interpretation of the country that they feel like it's really fair and the billy billy comments about me on the yard episode are that i'm a drooling american troglodyte who yeah i'm a bald i'm a bald idiotic pig i'm a bald ahistoric pig it sounds like the yard viewers are more accurate personality i will say there was one exchange because i was kind of annoyed because they were drooling you and everything we said was ridiculous i get it and i think when you upload a podcast of 90 minutes translated to another platform without any cultural social texture at all obviously it's gonna look insane it makes sense why it's but there was one guy he's like oh so you think it's okay to take joke about hong kong japan taking back what's theirs and it's like well i mean and then he asked would you joke about 9-11 i was like we have joked about 9-11 more times than we've done many things and then he said oh would it be okay and this is all translated you're talking to this guy are you replying in english are you pre-translating yours no i'm playing in english because he's yeah we're just using the translation in mandarin yes to be fair it works really well and he says he says okay so what if i said that the people that died in 9-11 were roasted golden brown like ducks this is all in the comments last episode and i said you know what brother i wish i would have thought of that i wish i would have thought of a chinese man commenting that about 9-11 you're doing my job for me i'm on this like i'm on this like two days later reading it in the comments and i was like damn i wish i wish he's doing my job yeah and then he said i think we i think i've misunderstood you or something like that he broke bread with me no he wrote what i thought was funny was he wrote you won in english and then wrote the rest of it in chinese and then he said you're still a shit interviewer because he thinks we're interviewing you because you're not on the show i spent three weeks just trying to unite the chinese and the americans and in one day you guys are taking it all down what are you talking about i bonded with that guy i went on a cultural excursion i made hours of pro chinese content you basically just got a chinese guy to say that everyone who died in 9-11 deserved it that's what you did but then we talked about how his analogy was insane and then we bonded over that he did bond you bonded but that's what hey oh i'm sorry does the journey of a thousand chinese of diplomats not take start with one step okay okay you know you have to start with one guy and you have read and you have read up with one guy i actually realized this this is because the the weird the weird ludwig because what also appeared from this which surprised me like the last episode popped off because it's the end of the tip to tip episode right and people i think want to see something that sort of caps off the trip it's getting recommended to people who watch tip to tip and you a bunch of this is this is not the chinese commenters there's like a weird subsect of english tip to tip fans that came into the comments and are mad that the interview that we like invited you on is so bad we invited you and conducted which is which is fine if that was your expectation it's fine it's fine that the episode would be upsetting to you so i i asked one of them because i almost couldn't believe it i was like i mean you're both in the comments i mean i wanted to know this was an excursion this was an excursion i was nice to this person i said could you explain to me it's like are you do you gen am i misunderstanding did you genuinely not know that ludwig is a static host on this show like did you think we invited him on to interview him about tip to tip he's like yeah that's just what i thought it was that was a bigger cohort than i even understood could exist i think what you guys are misunderstanding because you you both are coming at it from the same angle of like these weird tip to tip viewers i think you're now just being exposed to just this gross abomination that we have made well this podcast which requires like 200 episodes of referential knowledge oh yeah to be able to dive into the joy of what it takes to appreciate one piece dude yes but that's the greatest story ever told this is for guys talking about the comment no they're fine i was so i was so annoyed because their comments being like ludwig see you see how the bald one tried to they always call me the bald one it's funny you click auto translate on the comment and it translates into the bald one okay well what should they call you no i hey no offense what is he he's the gay one i'm not kidding yeah oh is he yeah i'm the gay one yeah like in a in a couple yeah what's he glasses nerd yeah they call them nerd so so you see how this immediate pressure but so but they would say they literally like ludwig is so emotionally intelligent put on a gay nerd and a bald yeah and that's yeah you came on our gay nerd and i came on the gay nerd bald podcast he's so emotionally intelligent look how the bald one tried to make a dirty joke and ludwig redirected the conversation i'm like he fucking he fucking threatened sam all my life in the first five minutes he did that he's talking about minor there was a couple people who were like he was like these insensitive jokes about the ayatollah oh my god and i was like ludwig made a joke about the ayatollah being assassinated two episodes It was a bad joke. He got punished for it. They would never gain my favor. It was. Anyway, I thought about this. I thought about this. This is all part of a grand. This is fine. Yeah. Because Ludwig, Ludwig, while he receives. You guys don't seem bothered. Hmm? I'm not fucking bothered. No, this is. I'm not fucking bothered at all. When you said it's fine, I believe it. It's fucking fine. You don't seem bothered at all. This is the way that I'm pulling it all together. Because even though Ludwig experiences the pedestal sometimes, where he's put on the pedestal, because people are more familiar with him and they want to protect him. They spent 18 days with him and Michael. They spent 18 days with him and Michael, and that's magical. And tip-to-tip was a magical experience. I like that. But what is the trade-off? You experienced the lowest lows. The tens of thousands of people posting Hasan holding you as his dog and. You're saying he deserves a little bit of cake. Yeah, yeah. I realize that this has to bring balance to the ecosystem. We can't eat this cake. I can't get fucking cake. Because he gets sent to the rock bottom. I get let's up those numbers for nine months. I can't get a little bit of cake. That's what I'm saying. He deserves a little bit of fucking cake. He deserves some Chinese cake. When it drops that you were in fucking 40 VTuber DMs, bro, you're going down again. Oh my God, bro. You're going down again. Fuck, bro. Isn't it so bad? You just want a little goddamn pussy? Dude, it's. They were all banging. Aiden, what about you? Because I don't think it's so bad. They all. Aiden, they straight up were all VTubers that were banging fucking bodies too, bro. What's that about, bro? I don't want to. No, I was just. I think I should say something because obviously people come to me. Yeah, the Sykuno files dropped and you were like the second most tagged person on Twitter after Sykuno, bro, because you made fun of him three years ago saying he does diaper play. Which is. Which didn't leak. No, I'll say this. I think it's annoying because when someone you don't like, you don't like their content, they do something bad and you're like, I always knew it. I think that's actually wrong. It's a wrong feeling to think. It's also wrong to go to the guy who was making fun of his personality, justifiably, I think, and then being like, you were onto something. It's like, no, I was just being mean and I thought it was funny. That is it. And to conflate those two, I think is annoying. I would hate for somebody to be like Slime New all along and then ignore. Or the scatter shot of the last five years. I got a lot of wrongs in there. Which is, I'd hate for that to be the conclusion. Remember when he said he wanted to kill Colin and Samir because he thought they were iced coffee hour podcasts? I still get confused. Yeah. I still forget. It's different. Just different. Just two different guys. Don't even look remotely similar, I'd argue. But if they end up doing some sort of crazy exit scam and move to Andorra, they're going to tag me again. They will tag you. Yeah, they will. And I'll say the same thing. Hey, I'm just making surface level accusations that are funny and somewhat rooted in my feelings and that's it. But I will say this. If that doc draw. And it's also bad to be like, yes, he went down for anything because usually someone got hurt on the other end even though this is like, I would argue is not on the most serious end of the spectrum of things that we do usually see. But I will say, if that document had diaper play in it, I mean, I'm going on a helipad on a skyscraper. I would. I. I'll say, I'm going on a helipad and I'll say, thank God it wasn't. Thank God it's. I think it's good for us all that it wasn't. But yeah. What are you supposed to do? You guys are all pussy. Just go with a little pussy. I don't always shop at Kroger's. Shop at Kroger's and hold down like a little bit and go with my two-year-old pussy. Sometimes I go to Rouse for some pussy. For some pussy. You ever been to an Albertsons for a bit of pussy? It's not Kroger's pussy till I die. I don't trust their meat selection. You don't fucking say it, bro. You don't even know. I don't go to the grocery store for pussy. Everyone goes to the grocery store for a bit of pussy. For a good goddamn pussy. It isn't so wrong. Should we fucking shoot him at like a dog in the street? What are we going to fucking do? We're going to put him in jail for a thousand years. For a thousand years? Is that what you want? Should we take him out like he's a fucking ayatollah and just fucking blow his shit off? Should we fucking missile his fucking house, I guess? Fuck off. Shoot him dead because you want a pussy. You want a damn pussy? Is that it? Is that what the lemonade saying faction says? Yeah, yeah. Lock him up. Lock him up. Lock him up. I'll tell you what. As soon as you offend, lock you up. And they all have banging bodies too, bro. What was that about? Anyway. That's current events. Yeah. Man, that was. Wow, it's going to be back. It's going to be somewhat back. Yeah. What did you fucking miss about us, bro? So that's your full statement, by the way. Just because a lot of people will come. There's going to be like a bookmark. It'll say Sycuno and people are going to be like, oh, what's that? I think that's your. All of it from the beginning and then the end part that we just experienced. Nailed it. And I hope that covers all of your questions. Don't ever complain about making fun of somebody and prescience of wrongdoing. That's my big message here. And don't come to me like I'm going to pat you on the head because I hate you already. Yeah, I hate. And don't go to Ralph's for. I'm going to Ralph's for some day. You go to Ralph's for some day. I'm a person. Pro too sick. Don't just go to Ralph's. Go to where you can for some day. Bounce around. Call them beforehand and see if they're open. It's a free market, boy. Like, man, here. I have a palatable, translatable question for Ludwig. Okay. How do you feel now that you're back from your long trip? Because you seem. We did D&D on Saturday night and I appreciate you were an all-star but you did seem a little tired. You've had a. Oh, yeah. Well, no. My schedule's just been fucked because Swift. Yeah, Swift's in trouble right now. Poor bear. That poor bear. So we had. We came back from China and it was instantly Disney week and I went for two days. Then I do two days of Disney week. Then I go to Miami for the Red Bull Player Summit. Oh, yeah. You did Disney before that? Yeah. Oh, boy. No, I've been back to back and the Red Bull Players. So the Red Bull Player Summit was. It was cool. Dude, I had to leave though because Swift, the last thing I was supposed to do was learn how to kickflip from Ryan Sheckler and I said, no, Ryan. That was at this thing? Yeah, that was at this thing. Was it like filmed or streamed? It was just filmed. I think it was like Red Bull Crew there. Okay. Ryan Sheckler. But yeah, basically the last day of Disney week, I wasn't there for this. Swift was at the hotel with us and then just randomly starts dragging that back leg. He just stopped using it all together and then they did an x-ray and it's not broken and they haven't done an MRI because you have to put him under for an MRI and they don't know if they want to do that because he's old as hell. But yeah, he's. But he's gotten better but I. There's some shit wrong because I feel his right foot and it's cold and his left foot's warm. Oh, no. That can't be a good sign. That's terrible. That sounds like a bad sign. Oh, Swift. Dog duty on top of. On top of. Yeah, going to Miami right after China is insane. We actually. We talked about flying to Miami to do the D&D episodes that we needed to do. You could have handled the smoke, dude. And I. The will of the group collapsed at the suggestion. Nobody wanted to do it. No, that's not true. I am always. You see me in the group chat chat, I'm like, I'll fucking do it. Never miss a travel up. He never misses a travel up. I have this great. When it comes to travel, I wish I had a crazy look in my eyes. I'm like, I'll fucking do it. Yeah, that's the only time he has a crazy look. He's outside of that really. He's actually really adjusted. Even keel. Normal look. When it comes to the traveling, that's when he gets weird. It's his crazy shit. I'm just saying, I'm usually down. It's like, Nick's like, I really don't want to get off the plane and do a podcast episode. And I'm in there being like, I'll fucking do it. I want to stay in my house and take fucking big dumps in my humid bathroom. I want to take really sweaty, thick dumps in the air. I want to shit my bathroom crazy and read comments on Billy Billy that are translated directly to English. Nick shares that he has food poisoning in the group chat. Everybody instantly, you pooping? Yeah, we all started investigating it. Asking him about it. Walk us through it. Was he not being a little haughty? He's being a little annoyed about it. Yes, I'm pooping. Yeah, I guess I was pooping. Correct to the above assumption. It's like, why would I not want to know? If you're going to miss the podcast, surely you can tell me the details. You're asking if it's humid. He's like, it is humid. And it's like, okay, well, you don't have to have an attitude. Just asking if it's humid in the bathroom. I want to imagine it, what you're doing right now. Oh, it was Chipotle. It was Chipotle. So maybe something wrong with the meat. Maybe. Dude, that's the one thing I'll say about the Chinese commenters is the food. What? You said it with some stank. You said it with all that oomph. What? You said it in a way that if I said it, I think people would be mad at me. Yeah. Well, okay. I was just reading through some of the Billy Billy comments and the Chinese commenters had this like, is it commenters? That doesn't translate. It's odd. I was just going to say the beloved Chinese. So you're reading through some of the Billy Billy comments. Well, they're not all Billy Billy. It's the Chinese commenters. And something they kept fighting about was the food poisoning. How so? There was like two warring factions and it went on for multiple episodes of comments. One faction was like, like this this is food poisoning you got three for ten bread you're gonna get food poisoning that's so cheap interesting even i would fucking be astonished at that price okay that's that's half the other half is like not food poisoning not food poisoning it's altitude sickness because you've been driving motorcycles in the rain and you and it made you get altitude sickness and and then you threw up and and it fucking i kept really getting mad what do you fucking mean what do you mean we both drove motorcycles in the rain got sick from it and then it threw up within five minutes of each other just fuck perfectly synced altitude sickness period period and i'm shitting out my ass crazy yeah it's just from it's from cold that's so cold weather it's presumptuous isn't it ludwig well i well i think i think what it is is i think there's a sensitivity which is understandable about some negative stereotypes about china that they want to dispel they don't want a foreigner to come to china and be like yeah the food here is shit that fucking makes you shit out your ass is bad for you and then and then leave because they're like it's actually not that bad it's actually good we have a high safety state you know what i mean like sure yeah it it does seem like a gargantuan amount of cope um but i i don't blame them but it's like there's has to be this moment where you look inside yourself and be like you know maybe it was fucking food poisoning what can you fucking do it's like it's like bro fucking we have food poisoning here we have food poisoning here we have food poisoning here we have food poisoning here that air is thick right now where he is chipotle with his weak throat or imagine when we were in beijing and i take a picture of it beijing calia beijing see i feel like i wouldn't be allowed to do that i can say that i can say that i can say whatever he wants whoa hold up maybe not now now i don't what are you talking about not that that's not that's why you can't get a break oh but i don't know if that's right okay let's say i'm in beijing when we were in beijing i take a picture and it's it looks like the fucking apocalypse in the air obviously we said it was a bad day it was like a fire there was an actual fire going on and i post that i'm like look at the fucking air here that would feel like shit if i were a chinese person yeah no we work really hard because you'd be misrepresenting it i get it but i think if you're shitting out your fucking ass in your butt and it's wet can you not share that can you not be honest should i be quiet about it you shut the hell up about it i don't think you should i fucking put two between did you goat michael in the hotel room maybe did that didn't film it the brown stained goat done done done done done did it did it you know i did find out while we were there it's like they're some of the like city tourism boards or like it is apparently pretty easy for foreign influencers to get money to show off the country right now i was like shit i'm not getting paid really we should have got a fucking bag i would have said some crazy shit the only time i've ever been offered by a tourism board was puerto rico oh really puerto rico offered like it was something like 50k but it was like you have to get 2 000 people to go to puerto rico like what i could maybe i don't even think i could pay 2 000 people the like it wouldn't cover has speed gone to puerto rico i don't think so i don't think he's on puerto rico i don't think he's on mexico i don't think he's on mexico i don't think he's on mexico either dude there was this moment i don't watch speed i only watch like clips when he's traveling and stuff i watch clavicular i only watch clavicular mostly pretty much constantly second monitor content um but you know i'll pop in some speed shit every now and then but there was this clip where he forgot to turn off his stream and he's just like eating at his computer very quietly and i was like this is always a window into a soul that i've that you never really get to see he's like quietly eating just like at his computer just like fucking scrolling yeah and he's like oh my god his energy is so normal yeah as opposed to like if the camera's still on he's going ronaldo yeah i'm doing 60 backflips and shooting machine gun it's actually the same wow it's crazy not even a little different the you made me think about the the food safety thing you're getting sick there it's funny so you do get but you get mad at comments like us you feel it in your bones sometimes yeah but i'm just like i'm just like oh they're dumb and that's so i mean like there's dumb people in china there's there's we're on it we're on a spectrum of engagement that's for sure a what of engaging we're on a spectrum of engagement what i think he's marrying an autistic person it kind of surprised me because the food was like one of my favorite parts while we were there we ate so much good food like all over the country and then interviewing this one woman we asked her like what are the biggest problems for china are or like what uh you know what's coming up that china is going to have to deal with and uh this woman lung cancer lung cancer number one problem for sure really number one dude they smoke so much they do smoke so much smoke like dan tinnies lung cancer and traffic accidents gotta be going crazy there's so many traffic accidents it's crazy it's one thing they're doing worse than us they have so many more traffic accidents than us do you do uh you know when nixon made the seat belt law people really didn't like that yeah i know i wonder if there was maybe the same blowback dude there was the same thing i saw this video i mean we talked about it is the drunk driving did we talk about that when they added it in the uk the the the breathalyzer test no there's this video of this them adding the breathalyzer in the uk and this reporter going around being like now if you're over the limit now you're gonna go to jail and the guy's like it's bollocks i'm fine to drive i'm fine i should be allowed i know me i'm gonna drive and it's the same guy where it's like the lads drinking 70 pints in the backyard just throwing up like fucking like stand by me when they're eating the pies wait you didn't finish your story although the one woman she said the number one or or two one of the two biggest problems in china is the food safety oh really yeah she said that food safety in china is overall pretty bad and she like walking into a spot in anywhere in los angeles and there's a big a on the fucking sign a plus i'm feeling good and sometimes it's a b and i'm like b is pretty good i mean that's just one woman's opinion too i didn't get sick from food while i was there it was fucking amazing the whole time yeah i mostly didn't get sick but the last time i went to catalina island i was shitting my brains out on the ferry back y'all get some food poisoning y'all got weak shit how many times have you gotten it food poisoning lifetime i don't i don't i don't think i know i don't think i know i i've i don't think i've ever like puked from food poisoning and i thought that's what food poisoning was for a long time oh yeah i mean i think it's like a sliding scale right yeah on twice my whole life yeah i think i'm at like five if it happens a lot there's a problem i think the only time i'm for sure of is in mexico city that one time oh right it was horrific it was aiden in the it's like a curious george book aiden in the search for the bathroom yeah it was and your man in the yellow hat stepping into some mom and pop juice juice store and be like can i please use your time it's tip to tip but you're not asking for directions you're asking a shit shit to shit and if you have to get food poisoning in the beginning you have to do the whole trip with food poisoning you're not allowed to progress unless you get food poisoning for something in that town i like yeah you guys are just eating like you're like sprinkling like i don't know mold on eggs or something it's shit to shit actually farming food yes bro this is a good idea there must be like a agent like a poison that i think it's got to be like natural e coli you know what i'm saying i think a little bit of poop like let you i just laxatives right shit to shit sure i guess it's it's it's just it's just making you shit and it's not all the sickness in the yeah yeah you gotta have like you'd have to have items or powers along the way like you can activate your smooth moves t in this city if it's really tough to find something so it's it's you're shitting crazy yeah let's this is a good idea yeah i'll call sam i'll call sam you're not calling him oh right now yeah it's like because it's such a because otherwise it's a jakey bake situation and he never gets it never gets the message i don't think i got just call up sam i don't know if i have i don't think it was no call sam wendover sam siri call call wendover productions what's wrong it came up with california over easy productions okay that's close okay sort of the egg you're hiding them from me i'm hiding them from you damn it it doesn't ever work you threw that phone down like pretty angrily what's up dude what's going on i'm upset about what my whole business communication system just isn't working wow that seems really frustrating because you're unemployed so i don't know what the i'm not employed anymore he's trying to start a small business dude i started a company that pocket ass pocket ass yeah wow and you take it you're manufacturing and i'm manufacturing distributing i'm doing everything so i'm doing everything i was these vendors and i have these customers this is an intriguing product so a lot of people must be trying to contact you about the pocket ass so many people i would love to call you about the pocket ass i would love to receive that call but i'm like i mean i prefer i prefer texts or maybe what i only do google mail com there's so many ways there's so many ways i'm so overwhelmed how am i gonna make money How am I going to get pocket asses out to the masses? You could get quo spelled Q U O. That's the smarter way to run your business communication. What? Well, to sell your pocket ass and communicate with your customers in a better way, it'll consolidate all the different calls, texts, voicemails, and transcripts all in one place in a single clean view. Is this real? Yeah, that's real, bro. It's called Quo, Q-U-O. It has more than 90,000 businesses with like different sized teams in the businesses. Most of the 90,000 also sell pocket asses. This sounds like a really good fit because we have all skin tones. How many? Of the pocket asses. So many of the pocket asses. So many? That's a part of the appeal. That's why I started this company because all the pocket asses I would ever use and use and use and use and use. Do you have like a Shrek's color one? Yeah, like a green. I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you after this. No. I mean, you could try Quo for free plus 20% off your first six months when you go to Quo.com slash the yard. That's Q-U-O.com slash the yard. Whoa, no missed calls, no missed customers. I think my business is saved and you guys were doing this. You can have any skin tone you want. I'll buy a billion. Back to the episode. Michael's the kind of guy who would be down, I think, too. He'd be like, shit to shit. Yeah, sure. I don't know. He's actually like a germaphobe. No. He doesn't like germs. Interesting. But maybe shitting's not germs to him. I don't know. We should. Yeah, I think it's something to ask him later on. Michael is shitting germs. And he'd be like, no, no, no, no. Not germs. Shitting's not germs. He hand sandies before every meal. Really? He's a hand sandy boy. And you still got sick. Yeah, well, you can't hand sandy the food that you put in your body. Do a little wash. Do a little. You know when you wash the berries or the lettuce? I think this is how my mom taught me to clean my foreskin. It's the fucking berries and the lettuce. She called it the berries and the lettuce. Yeah, she'd clean the berries and the lettuce. The berries? Did you take it to your stretch? You have bags of ice baths? You must get the smeg out of your berries. Don't short it to smeg. I'm sure there's a French word for it. I'm sure there's like seven. Zipper, can you look up the French word for smegma? And then I want it in Chinese as a prep. I will want both here. They're not circumcised in China, right? Surely. Yeah, probably not. That's an uncirc nation. They're like God intended. Like God intended. They keep the pain. A God fearing nation of uncirced citizens. I appreciate that. I appreciate them. I respect that. Because honestly, man, imagine you go like most of your life, like 20 years of your life, and then you see a cirqued penis. You must think something happened to it. You must be like, it was an accident. Like, holy shit. Why is it exposed? I don't know. I got an insane DM about this one time. Cirqued penises? Yeah, it was about how like I've gone, somebody being like, I got my entire life, like only six. You know, only seen uncirc penises and only hooking up with people who have uncirc penises. And then I saw one for the first time and I thought they were ill. And you thought they were gross and drooping. Okay. Okay. Um, I'll peek out. Go. Go. Isn't gold dog. Uh, yeah, I don't know. I got that dog dick. All right. Give me French. Give me French, just type French in the, uh, yeah, that works. It's a borrowed word, really. It's a cognate. It's a cognate. It's a cognate. It's a cognate. It's a cognate. Dude, you know what? It was going through my head the other day. I was just driving. It was so fun is when you were talking about your mom and Peter and she was saying something like going to five guys, your mom is just like, Peter, who is these five guys? When do we eat? I'm like, shit bro. Shit bro. I hope he's not dead in China right now. Fucking on the side of the road. Just a corpse bro. Came close to death once. Did I tell you about that? Was it on the, the cam you had? No, that one was a guy almost hit me. I, I didn't come close to death. Michael was really close to dying legitimately. Driving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were driving and we were behind like a trucker and so I had to drive. I was like, I'm going to go to the trucker. And so I passed and I passed on the right cause there's like a pretty big shoulder. And then he goes to pass on the right and he's sort of like halfway through passing. But while that's happening, there's a car oncoming that's passing another car. So they're too wide right now. And so this trucker sees the two wide. So he's like, I'm going to go to the trucker. I'm like, I'm going to go to the trucker. So he starts veering to the shoulder to let the two wide pass. He doesn't see Michael on the right. So then Michael has to veer further into the shoulder. And then the shoulder eventually ends into just like a little drainage ravine. Like it's just an instant fall off, you know, one foot down water, water ravine. And, and he, there's like, it goes from shoulder to like, like laid down concrete brick. And he's on the brick. Are you going like 60? Um, kilometers. No, we're not going. We do miles here. Oh no, we were going less. Okay. I don't, we almost never went 60. We're going like maybe 45. Really? Even on the big ass, long ass roads? The very, very last day we took the highway and that day we're going like 70, 80. Wait, why were you allowed to take the highway at the end? Cause that highway wasn't banned. So like most highways have a sign that say no motorcycles. Oh. Oh. And we even tried to go on a highway before they turned us away. This highway allows motorcycles. Oh. And we saw actually a bunch of motorcycle drivers on it. So we know that going in, we thought all highways were banned. Was Michael shook? Or was he like what happened? He was shook bro. The whole next day he's like, I don't pass on the right. we we know that going in we thought all highways were banned but michael shook or was he like what he was shook bro the whole next day he's like i don't pass on the right oh my god i'll pass on the right i'll pass on the left it's scary i was thinking i was like i was watching you talk about what um you know you're asking chat like what's the next one tip three tip right and you're like fielding all these these countries and i asked you a question in chat which you for some reason refused to answer i asked him which population now experiencing both do you enjoy more uh the japanese or the chinese please answer immediately and he didn't it chinese oh well there you go i didn't see it my bad easy one no he just said hi slime and then ignored it next but uh i was like i was like i want to i want to be i want to do this i want to do something like this and i was like i couldn't ride a bike it's too scary i don't want to go out like that i think wait why it's a good way to die i'd rather go out in a shootout james dean why would they like a like a like a last stand yeah it's like everybody kind of every kind of picks those one of those two options it's a motorcycle or it's last stand shootout through a bike cop in china they apparently also have lung cancer never heard of it i want to die by getting smoked out by cops smoked out like i got smoked out by cops like this shit was that loud you died on the spot cops were so fucking money with their shit yeah they had some like confiscated crazy weed with a smoke you smoke the flower and you just die in the hot box in the squad car i don't know who died by motorcycle james dean i guess is the big one oh that's right yeah well i mean yeah probably like people's family members too oh yeah it's like humans there's a lot yeah yeah i'm trying to think of ones i can name though you said you said you felt a little sense of jealousy watching the journey you want to go on a journey were you fucking jealous yeah i mean i think are you fucking jealous because i'm like this looks so fun it looks so fun you get you get to hang out all day you get the riff because your guys riffs were great when you were talking about moving creamily cream-based plays making cream-based plays i was like this is so fun and obviously i'm enjoying it in the way a viewer would uh but i'm also somewhat your friend so i'm like oh i can see myself somewhat in that situation in the rain he's in the range of stranger to friend yeah i'm in the range yeah he's making a spectrum yeah i'm in the married spectrum i'm in the married spectrum i'm in the spectrum uh but yeah but then i was like i couldn't i couldn't do the bike but then i was like i had this idea bro i was like it's like me and zeke and it's tip to tip california but it's in my rav4 because we're scared of bikes and it's also not tipped it's like just side to side and we're and we're like and it's like i'm filming and it's like we're just sitting there like what kind of adventures are we gonna fucking go on it's gonna be so cool and we stop by like a denny's yeah and like so like speak to the waiter like really slowly and like pointed shit and it'd be like egg a egg please the trips over in like three days on the i-5 it's just it's not even the five because it's just from left to right we just hit nevada we go to like zizek's road one yeah it's the 15th barstow it's a one day trip and then at the end we're like high-fiving and fucking like huggity fucking blithe california let's try their world famous jerky yeah and we yeah we get to blithe and there's like that huge turkey and we're like oh my god we're going to gas station and we're like fuck dude and we just like we're hugging we're like crying because it's over because it was like such a magical here's what we should do okay man dang we do a fuck we can do a yard road trip yard road trip and we have to we got to make it we got to make it across america shit to shit we got to make it across america but you know you're thinking oh you know english okay can you speak english we have to all learn american sign language and see if we can get across it would just be uh it would be who finds the closest like deaf person no i think it'd just be us writing shit down on paper that's cheating okay yeah we can't write either we can't write okay we pretend we're four foreigners i'm the chinese one you're spanish yeah yeah we all choose a nationality to be swedish swedish i'll go swedish and nick would be a non-offending french person a non-offending french yeah and he only knows how to say less magma and ice bell less and yeah we only listen to duran duran the whole way yeah it's hard it's hard because it's just not knowing the language is so much more funny that's the whole draw yeah if you know english it's actually really easy we can also reach it that's why going to europe would be kind of bunk because you could just read the signs i mean it depends oh i guess you could read the signs true latin-based languages eastern europe would be tight for the next one eastern europe yeah are there any conflicts in there what about the donbass region is it chill it's fine okay you got the 0.6 podcast i don't keep up i stopped listening to the news about that whole thing a while ago you've moved on so i moved on okay so i'm sure if i probably good if i don't listen to anything about it i'm sure it can't be that bad it's wednesday and now if for your israeli business plans monday.com i'm michael babarro michael babarro i'm michael babarro i i just like jd vance also report to benjamin netanyahu every day i'm michael babarro is it wrong to get some bus you took mine you took mine it's wednesday today we're going to be talking about a live streamer and is it wrong to just always want some damn puss here's a clip from that streamer i got some pussy in the house dude i'm michael babarro we're gonna go on a bro we'll be right back oh man i haven't listened to that fucking podcast in so long it has been a while probably listen to that shit since covid i just replaced it i replaced it with william spaniel he's a he's a war analyst it's more interesting i replaced it with baseball you're visiting with baseball i played baseball i gave my season tickets today really dude i found out i've been wasting so much money not getting the season tickets yeah because if you get season tickets you get retail costs for world series games oh and i bought resale price i spent that is a bet that they will make it to the world series though right i don't i'm not trying to be offensive it's not it's not a show hey just look up just look up mlb standings just look it up and like it's it's disgusting how good they are like it there's a bit of shame in in enjoying the dodgers go to national league because they're just so nasty with it yeah they're just they're they're not they're like prime armada the first team to reach 10 wins they have the most they have more wins than any other team in baseball right now how fast do you think you throw baseball oh going in your head right now dude 45 miles an hour 105 what are you trying to fill next juice and i hit probably 100 too i was thinking everyone plays baseball i think just that that's probably on the high end too 105 you think it's on the high end no 45 okay okay 45 miles an hour i think you throw 45 easy you are underestimating i don't know what it feels i don't know there's i've never measured this i don't think you could throw 30 that's i are you being mean okay okay you know what mr pj dollars how fast could you throw a ball come on now got an injury on my index finger before that or after after the injuries healed you're you're a hundred percent not a hundred do you see that okay doesn't make a full connection really okay well you know what you have to play with that because that's real life so where do we where do we land what is it i do 50s 50s 50s yeah doesn't sound high 50 i'm not bad i would probably crush a jv high school team i got fucking i got some shit to expose shit to expose yeah i discovered something yesterday what i'll tell you after just later after the pod after no during the pod i won't talk to you after the podcast go go look up fart reverb what look up fart reverb and play the sound what just look up fart reverb and play the sound what just look up fart reverb and play the sound just look up fart reverb then play the sound am i asking for too much yeah just just do what he says man play it louder again one more time 0.75 speed again zipper just do what he says bro it's not worth it bro bro i'll send my audience of chinese netizens after you okay now look up now look up sex in the city fart oh i think i've discovered the source pause don't play yet i think i've discovered the source of the fart reverb sound effect and i need some real scientists to break this down for me this is like an h bomber guy video interesting we were watching sex in the city last night and i heard this fart and and just bear in mind 0.75 speed again zipper just do what he says bro i'll send my audience of chinese netizens after you 0.75 speed again zipper just do what he says bro i think i've discovered the source pause don't play yet i think i'll send my audience of chinese netizens after you it's gonna be no reverb here because obviously the fart with reverb has reverb it does right so but i think has reverb it does right so but i think has reverb it does right so but i think this is the fart if you if you want to this is the fart if you if you want to this is the fart if you if you want to play now stop avoiding the situation and play now stop avoiding the situation and play now stop avoiding the situation and take the grown-up approach complete and take the grown-up approach complete and take the grown-up approach complete and utter deny so context she farted in utter deny so context she farted in utter deny so context she farted in i was gonna say they're talking like i was gonna say they're talking like i was gonna say they're talking like they're fucking like they're on fucking they're fucking like they're on fucking they're fucking like they're on fucking four bars of xanax oh and then we have to stop and see the oh and then we have to stop and see the oh and then we have to stop and see the renoirs i love you put a whoopee kush renoirs i love you put a whoopee kush renoirs i love you put a whoopee kush okay okay this sound pause pause pause is okay this sound pause pause pause is okay this sound pause pause pause is that not it that not it that not it it could be well this sound itself is in it could be well this sound itself is in in a lot of cartoons. Sure. I can write, it's like the Wilhelm scream of farts. So you think they just pulled Wilhelm scream, AKA fart noise. Yeah. It's like, who's to say that it came from sex in the city? No, yeah. This guy's not coming from sex in the city. This was probably, this is for probably from like cartoons before this. This is the one that's on the, the stock Hollywood. Can you fucking do something? Can you get off your fucking ass and make a video saying the history of the reverb part? Can you figure it out? You know what? You've, you might've put me on the path. Do some fucking research, bro. Like do some shit. You're playing street fighter. What are you? 1400. I hit 1600. I am a high master. He's high. Oh my God, dude. I was doing, I was doing some, um, recon for you. I was watching Tyler play. Yeah. His, his fucking modern guile. He's, he's really bad. He, he, he might watch this too. Look, he's really bad. He's okay. I know I'm only 1600. It's hard to get there. I have 400 hours in the game. That's what it took me. Plus five characters to master. So I'm a little bit, I know a little bit what I'm talking, what I'm talking about. He doesn't play the game, understanding the systems that he's working in. And he plays modern guile. And he was, he dropped down to like 1360. That's like super low. I think, I think the thing with Tyler is he's a grinder. He is a disgusting player. Like I watch him and he plays disgusting. Yes, bro. He played like he, for context, I'm doing a show match against Tyler in street fighter at Evo, which a bunch of the FGC Twitter got mad about. Yeah. They were just mad that you guys were doing that. And it's like, what are they supposed to spend the half mil on? It went to a good cause. Yeah. When, when, when the MBS himself comes down in his white little dress and he says, Ludwig, Tyler, here's 250 K. And they actually, they should, they'd offered to tour the oil facility. They said, come to Saudi Aramco and walk around to see the, the resource. Tyler, it's state owned. Isn't that interesting? It's agenda. So, yeah. But I was telling Lola, I was like, cause, I just did some recap. I watched Tyler play. I'm kind of a hater in there because he plays modern guile, but he also fails so much at it. He plays gross. Like he, he plays like this. I mean, I guess you're supposed to just zone with Kyle, but like, I feel like the way he does it is he just sits back and he does whatever his fucking uppercut is. Anytime they jump ever. That's, that's the modern experience. Cause you don't have to do an input. It's modern in street fighter. The, the melee analogy would be like, let's say you want to do laser turnaround up tilt with Falco. All you would, you really need to do is press the jump button and then the Falco would just do it. It's like there's zumpers kind of, or let's say this, let's say you hit a, a shine with Falco. Like you, you clip them with a shine. If you just kept hitting B, he would do the pillar combo itself. You don't have to do anything. So people who play modern, they're like mentally weak and worse people. I look, they like, I mean, I've never played street fight. I've, I've, I've never played the new hatred for modern is very real among classic players. I don't think it's that big of a deal. I think it's good for, for people like Tyler to be able to play weaker than other people. They've balanced it a bit in the sense that you do less damage, right? Yes. You do less damage. You don't have access to some moves. Yeah. Right. So, but anyway, I'm watching and I'm like, and I'm just like, you could beat this guy in a week, I think at his current skill level. Cause I don't doubt that Tyler will grind his ass off. He's going to get better. And here's the deal, but I'm flat. What do you, what does that mean to you? I, are you saying is it like I'm flat or is it like I'm flat? In league or in street fire? It's street fire. Which is kind of a meaningless rank. It's like horrible. It's like, yeah. The thing about every rank before master is you can't go down. really it's like you can only fucking go up yeah you can get to master like a six to forty percent it's just a question of have you played the game for more than 50 hours or not and i haven't however my argument from my my fucking 400 raw ranked hours and more in training mode is that if you did this if you focus on this one matchup just straight up this one matchup yeah and your honda whatever i think you do it in my e honda my edward honda does it i'm excited i'm excited because i think you can do it if you apply yourself and if you don't you're going to suffer the wrath of modern guile and want to throw your controller at the fucking wall that's what i'm wondering is are you gonna because one time you did that money match against noah jay in smash ultimate for a lot of money yeah twenty thousand dollars but you i mean if we're being honest you just didn't prepare at all no it wasn't worth the twenty thousand to play it no , no, but now it's a saudi aramco money saudi aramco and now it's half a mil half a mil prize pool plus plus a private tour by mbs yeah yeah yeah so it's like you can look at the refinery it's like if you lose it's like it doesn't matter you get all that anyway half a mil or a dinner with mbs and they actually said i think in the meeting because i was in there i've been like talking to talking to the evo guys with you in the meeting they said well you could put this 500k towards like grassroots events across the country or you could just split it between you and tyler and i think it's like well we decided to split we decided to probably just split it because you decide to split it what's one more local yeah oops what does that mean you know everyone plays online that's gonna help anyone he's a rollback netcode not gonna help anyone it's gonna help anyone we need it anyway when you when you're ready to learn you come to me and i'll teach you the systems of the game and then when you're finished with those you go to mike ross because he plays the honda you have he made the honda yeah i miss his streams bro he used to stream like four in the morning just playing honda then he would arbitrarily turn his camera off because i think i don't know he's gonna get butt-ass naked i don't know he's gonna get butt-ass naked i don't know he's gonna get butt-ass naked i don't know he's gonna get butt-ass naked i don't know or something but they were great they're great fucking mike ross please keep streaming i miss you i miss you being butt-ass naked on e-honda so are you gonna practice are you gonna get butt-ass naked yeah i just have too much shit to do man i know you guys i think i just gotta i think i gotta blow off the cs event is what it is what's that we have a cs event at the end of the month and oh like you can't practice for that yeah i'll just be ass at the c even though it's not for a while yeah it's kind of it's in june right yeah but you could train for all of may it could be may training month also you know what the problem with street fighting games dude tyler i see it was super too you boot up street fighter your viewership gets cleaved in half yeah you can't stream no one likes watching it stream it it's only schizophrenic people and people that like you no matter what uh when i was streaming i had to delete my vods because i would get so mad at people being like huh ken has a cool purple costume he's like i don't talk to you i don't talk to you you're just here for no reason i just want to delete the vod yeah i was i was i was deleting every vod are you the guy who likes to like catalog things these were you had to be there breaks the cataloging rules type you don't know about the catalog amendments that i would also go into the custom room and talk to these have conversations with these people yeah it's just not worth documenting so again remember we're on a spectrum the three of us it's like i'm somewhere in the middle yeah you're on the bottom i'm on the top you're on top you're on top and that's all you need to know and you're on top and i get some damn shit evo threw that in there and you're both married men so it didn't go anywhere hold the put i'll take the put take the cash hold double it and give it to the next guy yeah i'm gonna practice yes but you don't want to practice cs i know you're a busy guy i'm a bro video games are just fucking like now that i've seen the world dude it's like god fucking kill yourself bro i went to the same country i was there for three weeks yeah but like you weren't there like i was there bro like i was there talking to the people i talked to people more than you i'm sorry no you didn't he's a piece of shit and insufferable he's kind of got you what you did bro is you talked to a phone and that phone talked to a person think about that shit bro we had a person we had a person that's even worse bro so then you talked to that person the whole time you didn't even talk to the fucking because you don't even know what the actual conversation was you know what it was filtered you don't know what it's like to go into a gas station and say something and they look at you like this and their eyes are like missile the one the one clip your your eyes look crazy it's crazy your eyes look crazy i don't think it's real i don't think it's real you don't look like that right now you don't do you see what i mean it has somebody had to have edited that you don't look like that it's like it's like all the editors i think they've for the for the longest time have been just slightly changing that's what i'm saying that can't be a real screenshot unbelievably insane the thing is like i look at it and it doesn't look edited like i'm trying to see the edit that's what i'm saying that that that frame that's crazy that frame that can't be it's it's polite shake cam anyone who touches your footage i want you to imagine like like he's like a mr potato head but somebody's put the the bottom eye in the mouth they've seen the clip and i will say my grandparents are cousins maybe that has a factor in that did they love each other very much so much that they had sex and children awesome many times some people do that and don't love each other yeah true that's so cool they had four though four a lot of kids wow that's so beautiful man yeah they're not that bad dude i get fucking shit on my fucking editors to come back here you guys make fun of me for being fucking celebrity in china no i made fun of you for having squishy triceps and me and christian made funny for that i'm bulking i cut so i was 205 pounds i've lost 30 pounds since that's unbelievable that's crazy actually i've won i hit 174 i lost weight in china actually what's your mile at right now you think how fast could i run a mile head gun to your ass gun to your balls seven something seven and change that's disgusting liar this disgusting liar low you think i'd be higher obviously you'd be higher under a sub eight yeah easily out of nowhere genuinely ten thousand dollars are you sure because i will take it wait that's all right that's this is crazy i'll just get the 10 can i take that i'm talking to ludwig can i can i get a 10k for running sub eight talking to you what about this 100 cut the money i run a sub a you come to my place i want a little bit of that for real you are you run a sub a you run past the ticker tape doing this all the shit i go home right away i'm not showering you got the run sweat i got the run sweat the run stain it's dried up and my skin's like i don't know what i'm doing sticky skin and i gotta come over you gotta come over from a cultural experience this is my two friends talking about fucking do you think this is a good deal as my lawyer can you pay attention to this deal that's happening right now i don't know what to fucking do anymore lawyer i he runs a sub a i go over he's all sweaty sticky just give him some pussy yeah that's fine that's fine you can yeah put her there yeah that's so ridiculous archie can you put in the clip unfiltered of aiden jerking off slime's fake penis what are you talking about what does that have to do with anything like he's he's like oh my friend's talking about fucking my friend it's like dude you're you stroked him raw it was crazy no yeah yeah no yeah what are you squeamish now i didn't do anything that's so graphic what are you talking about getting uh put in the fucking clip dude uncensored that's different right now archie that's different i was i was cool i'll put it there too i was coerced oh you're a coerced really by by electrodes back back to your wall back to the wall just put it on nick's chair on repeat till the end of the episode uh what's where did it go is it still in the in the house a little bit your cat the fake cat my fucking cack your fucking cat go socks i i i've re-watched that i haven't uh re-watched episodes in a while and i re-watched that one almost in full i was like crying laughing that's great i'm glad the games of favor pleasured you yeah it pleasured me i'm glad the games of favor even though i was in pain for so much of it and they were successful for everyone but the medallion was mine my cock can be yours no no gay gay no i can't do this i can't do this it's all out of gas dude i started i started writing again i've been very motivated and my vocabulary is so fucked up it's just all the twitter like gooning has just like like i'll try to write a sentence and in the way i like to and i just don't have access it's like that it's like they're grayed out like little locks on the words that i usually like to choose and it all has to do with just i think reading twitter like eight hours a day she mogged him she mogged him he wanted some pussy she said no she mogged him yeah yeah he was maxing i i had this realization i think last year where i just used the word insane all the time to describe everything i need and i was like i need a new word it's a fun word i can't i it fits so well in so many places yeah you were good at you were good at nailing it i think i i think that i that is a word i've i've heard you say a lot and i enjoy when you say it but i i feel like i need to branch out i have noticed i finally i so i've i've had a year i have a year of reading again under my belt that's consistently a year that's not the point that is zany i'm not it's i don't think it's amazing i can't even think of a sit on my boy i can't even think of a synonym to follow up that's how fucked i am it's not zany um that's turpidicious then that's that's fuck you guys have it bro you don't have shit i'm god there's nothing here brains it's all chia seed pudding it doesn't matter i believe you can run or sub eight reading does sharpen you up perfect you're a perfect representation of the chinese story what the distributor failed oh god not again oh my god dude you freak out like this except for the last time you did like a few minutes ago i'm just so busy my my business is booming i got this new new system of messaging and stuff but the problem is that the distributor i have so many problems i can't even i can't even eat well what your problem is you don't have time to eat i don't have time to eat i can't make a healthy meal it's all it's all messed up my schedule is so thick do you have 15 minutes or less in your day that you could squeeze something in yeah i guess yeah i guess i could i mean the whole pocket ass distribution network chain the supply chain straight to hormuz let me let me tell you i've had the same problem because i've been going through every skin color and it takes up my whole day yeah right so because there's so many there's so many shades there's so many so every day i wake up and i just go through it's like a it's like a shade of eggshell it's like a shade of maroon i spent the whole day doing it's crazy and i only have 15 minutes so what i do because i'm trying to stay fit i lost 30 pounds is i eat hungry root hungry root yeah that's right what the fuck is that well hungry root is a company that when we do their ad reads we get to their name probably about five minutes into the ad read okay that's cool and they also do high quality nutritious food and i'm telling you over a thousand different grocery items in these and i'll be real i personalize my rex because i like smoothies i don't like sweets okay and i like meats this is what i like i like all the things he likes can i just get what he gets well yeah you can man you can just pick whatever you want every meal is ready in 15 minutes or less what about a little honey garlic beef and jasmine rice yeah hold on this is important yeah sorry thank god you're done with your call i was gonna add another flavor i like i think it's the street corn is it the street go back is the street corn cowboy mine's actually the teriyaki chicken and broccoli bowl i keep a sim i can have cowboy tacos oh my god this is gonna be a lifesaver i can finally get the supply chains connected for a limited time off you can get 40 off your first block box plus a get a free item in every box for life go to hungryroot.com slash the yard and use code the yard that's hungryroot.com slash the yard code the yard to get 40 off your first box and a free item of your choice for life what if you made a deal with hungryroot and then that free item could be one of the butts hello hungryroot come on are you calling i've got i've got an offer hungryroot.com slash the yard code the yard for the busiest of businessmen oh my god the straight it's open again let's get back to the episode when's the last time you read a damn book literally i'm reading right now what book it's called the the golden robberies to chinese book is it in chinese no it's in english it's written by a guy who moved to china he's basically me but 80 years before my time he's like a british guy moved to china lived all of his life in china and he wrote a series of like murder mysteries basically did he have a a shorter more intelligent friend kind of a compliment to him i think it was like a bald guy around him oh really yeah a gay guy and a nerd they wouldn't let him speak yeah the whole book is them interrupting him they had horrible takes you wouldn't want to hear them uh and then i'm reading um john green's book about tuberculosis what did he get it no he just wrote like a book about the history of tuberculosis so fake don't write a book if you don't have it it's so just it's so gross what a gross writer we all ripping on john for because he's a fake because he wrote about tuberculosis and doesn't have it yes and he never had it and he doesn't know what it's like why you're my boy jg like that jg we go way back oh really you and wentworth have you i've met john yes did you when did you meet jg i went to his he invited me to the premiere of his movie oh you're right was hank there you're right uh yeah was dad there yeah but i don't think i talked to hank though i just talked to john see these are the high highs these are the high highs that ludwig gets to experience fucking celebrity yeah walking in a fucking premiere dude there was a screenshot of a i think it was the billy billy comments again and somebody is laying out like they're explaining who all the hosts on lemonade stand are and they're like atrioc like worked as the global head of marketing at nvidia uh doug you know top end engineer at ea worked there for a long time before he started this podcast aiden ludwig's friend it's a big three aiden master in in slippy and also worked at smash gg before we start gg aiden don't park on the grass several years it would be nice to see that on billy billy a nice to see socal star league we're cliche to break out to break out performance dude i was walking uh i was i was running i run a lot now so i'm a running guy oh that's why you're mad about this he's doing two miles he's doing two miles a day i'm trying to get fucking i'm trying to get 40 year old guy jack the thing is you don't run fast enough well i start to i i have to ramp up because i haven't ran in a while that's what i'm oh why not because i've been lazy that's why i got fat i was playing bellaccio eating peanut butter what the fuck are we doing yeah okay so but now i eat less and i run more i'm trying to get i'm gonna be 36 at the end of this month which is crazy and then four years i'll be 40 and so i want to be like jacked 40 like old guy 40 like the kind of like like iron man like you look fucking good but like it's saggy still like everything's still gravity does what do you mean still bro you've ran like eight miles total what are you talking about what do you think would happen no every no i'm talking about when i'm 40 about when he's 40 oh when i turn 40 i'm gonna be after after he's run all that i thought he was like why am i still saggy no no no i'm gonna be saggy jacked you can't get rid of sag without surgery which i'm not interested in wait i don't think you would have sag there's some sag you're gonna you guys are gonna hit it i promise you're gonna hit 33 34 it's gonna start pulling down it's not gonna start pulling down okay you're right you're gonna be wait you're gonna just be toned for the rest of your life i'm gonna because you're taking clavicular peptides yeah no cheese on your burger no cheese on my burger because it's scary because it'll kill you why what i keep it that's why it doesn't eat the peptides wait peptides make you die from cheese some of them i don't know that guy's that guy's got a crazy life but so that's my goal i want to be jacked for okay oh my god dude i filmed myself no can i give you one sure i'll do an iron man with you when you're 40 an iron man but you'll be younger you'll be five years younger than me yeah i'm just saying i'll do it i'll do it with you like in a support way not in like a fucking all racy way okay you do it with me yeah i can't swim so we can't do it that's yeah that would be part of the journey over the next four years is learning how to swim i don't want to do it okay marathon okay bitch we can just oh my god bitch cap it at a marathon let's do a marathon there we go cap it at a marathon dude i was watching myself uh because i hit the bag too and i'm like let's i've never watched myself do that i'm like all right let's film myself and when i'm throwing punches and doing combos and moving i feel like i'm in tech and i feel like i feel amazing yeah and i watched the video back i don't have any speed can i see it no please please we can watch it later just show i'm not showing them i won't show that yeah just let us watch it let's be intimate you're gonna be really mean to me why would i do this no we're not why would i do this you can't even stop yourself from fucking smiling and laughing right now show us the fucking clip because we're friends we're not gonna fucking show them we're gonna say anything weird you're going to i'm sad because you won't show me you look so sad do you understand why i don't want to do this oh i'm gonna just prove myself right because you guys are going to be insane to me and there's that word again you can't even you're thinking about it no you're thinking about it you can't stop laughing i'm thinking about i'm thinking about how ludwig's uh grandparents were cousins first cousins the closest relation we did it because i was embarrassed it's in your recently it is my recently deleted i have to find it crash how do you find recently deleted i don't delete anything Oh the new UI looks pretty good I haven't seen it Show me Show me I have to get it dude it takes a second It takes a fucking second Show it to me Rachel It takes just like a second In Ohio show it to me Rachel Don't turn on the sound No I won't You promise you won't We can't listen to the sound Okay we're watching the video No sound Oops It's so funny how it's still got Jake's face on the bag It's just set up it's a bag It looks beautiful It's a beautiful day Jake's on the bag He's punching Jake I'm not very fast I feel like you were talking this up Like I was expecting you to be shirtless Looking like a heaving mess And just fucking swinging at the bag Crazy You look fine You just look like a guy who's training for boxing Do you think I have boxing dysmorphia I think you're just Yeah I think you have maybe I don't think you have to make it boxing I think you just have I think I have boxing dysmorphia I think you just have dysmorphia Because that doesn't look fast But when I'm doing it I feel like I could kill anybody Yeah I'm It's not like fast like Mike Tyson But like it just looks like a guy training boxing I think this is like a normal This is all above board This is such a nice thing to happen to I thought you were going to be cruel Honestly I was Horrible people I'm sad I'm disappointed because I don't It's like you didn't give me The material I needed Yeah I'm so slow I mean yeah you're like somewhat slow You're normal But like I think it's fine Like it's normal I've seen footage of people that speed That's what people look like When I look at Like we went to the boxing gym A couple times And that's what beginners Like you know Non-professionals look like At the boxing gym They look like that Can we just spar Yeah You guys spar me You guys You and me We're not on the same weight class Everybody You two That's insane He's on the same weight class I'm lighter than both of you What are you at I'm like 165 Actually That would be immoral to spar him But I can spar you We're in the same weight class You're 10 pounds more than me I'm 9 pounds 10 9 I'm gonna come down and wait And I'm gonna spar you guys I Yeah I'm gaining weight right now So I can spar you Okay I'm going to 190 That's gonna be higher than I am Yeah I don't wanna reach that You know what I'm saying I'll meet you on the way up Yeah you can catch me on the way up You can go on the way up And I'll meet you on the way up This is the smallest Ludwig's been For the entire time I've known you Yeah Yeah Cause I think you didn't At first you were losing Maybe a little bit of fat Yeah You're losing a little bit of fat Well it's cause Michael took it all out of him But then I think He didn't leave a dot You haven't This is also probably the least I've seen you work out in your life And I can assume You've lost a little bit of muss Um Yeah for sure Oh yeah on the triceps absolutely It's very squishy Yeah it's squishy We talked about it I got squishy tries now Yeah Yeah well I was like I wanna do a handstand push up So I just started doing calisthenics And now I just do fucking Handstand push ups Your triceps are It's like your skin is just filled with honey Very disgusting Dude I was walking So anyway I'm walking And I'm running You've lost all this weight And there's no winning Like it's like You're winning bro You're just You're just If I wanna win I go to fucking Billy Pilly With you To celebrate Just fucking Everybody I'm back bro Go to Billy The wise Traveled observer Who represents The great nation of China And it's history And such Yes bro In such a balanced And eloquent way It's an emotion Emotionally intelligent traveler He comes He comes to YouTube Where they make fun of his honey triceps And he doesn't like it And they're not They're stone bro So I'm running And I'm And I'm walking back Cause I ran a fast mile Instead of the two Cause you Try to push yourself So I'm like walking back And then There's this guy Walking on the sidewalk My way And he's got like Really bright red hair And it's in pigtails And he's like this Tall He's He looked very unique Wendy's core? It was kind of Wendy's core But he was like He was a guy And he's walking And I'm like I wish I had hair like that bro And I say that to him And he just stops He's like Are you slime? It was crazy Yeah Like near my house It was crazy And then I'm like Yeah Yeah And he's like I was just watching tip to tip And I was like It's good huh? He's like Yeah Alright see ya So shout out to that fucking guy Shout out to that fucker Shout out to that fucker Fucking fucker Dude I was last night At um Masayoshi Takanaka concert Do you guys know him? Uh I've heard some of his music There's a universe He's hit your YouTube recommended Yeah I don't know He doesn't do video game music No He does like Just regular music Regular ass I don't know what I don't know what What genre of music Like Japanese rock Japanese Yeah Pop Yeah I wouldn't call it pop But no it's like It's mostly just Orchestral Orchestral guitar Oh But Anyway he's like This 73 year old Japanese dude Had a great career In Japan You know Like successful artist Did it for 30 years Whatever Dropped his like Best of album in 2006 And then randomly Like 10 years ago Starts kind of just Hitting the YouTube algo I think like I think there was a wave Of older Japanese artists That got picked up heavy Kind of the like Stay with me Yeah You know like Around that time There was a time Where the algorithm Only fed you Plastic love In the same time There was like Plastic love Created like an offshoot So it's like yeah You might end up With stay with me Or you might end up With Masayoshi It's like It's like Houses in Harry Potter Potter Your sorting house It's your sorting house In Harry Potter Dude what the fuck Was that I'm a millennial I'm a fun millennial I'm a fun millennial It's like Harry Potter I wish I wish Kamala would have won And he beat the orange man I don't know You know Guess I'm going to Canada Harry I gave you So yeah Alright yeah You went to the Harry Potter So you went to the Harry Potter concert But it's crazy Because this guy's 73 Like his fans in Japan Are like 60, 70 year olds And then He tried a concert Last year Actually at the Wiltern Where you did A streamer awards And it went so well That he's doing His first ever World tour At 73 Whoa Like he's never Performed Outside Japan Before this And it's It was like Packed You want to talk about Some buzz That bus Is going to get crazy Dude no Because his band Is a bunch of His old fucking homies Like Like the guy The guy on drums His name's Miyazaki This dude's 80 That guy looks like A clean 80 Why don't we do that When all this bullshit's done Bro let's tour And just play music I'm sick It'd be crazy You have to sell out The yard The yard finally Goes on tour But it's music It's music And also at a time When the podcast Is the least popular It's ever been Yeah our fans Will be 60 like us The thing is He had an awesome gig If I could be him At 73 it'd be great Because he was He was like You know like You have Sabrina Carpenter As a foil Who's like Has a fucking crazy set And cars on stage And whatever And like basically A live music video He had Like you know Those birthday That was one of his Big gags Oh And then He got a little wild He got a little wild And it'd be like They brought out a chair With wheels And Christmas lights And he'd sit on the chair And then people Would be like Yeah Dude it reminds me Of the old PM house In fucking Fullerton Did you ever go To the PM tournaments No it was before Your time I never did I forget what it was The balcony I'm stupid It was the balcony And it was just This trap house Just filled with PM players Smashers And it was Iconic at the time And one One of these Tournament Days In the garage Was a band And they were playing Pumpkin Hill From Sonic Adventure Battle 2 Banger And it was an amazing set It was terrible They like Played very terribly But it's like We got live Fucking music bro Can't be mad It was really sick And that is what I am imagining Like that A chair with wheels And Christmas lights Sounds like one of the things That would've What we had At the live music At the balcony Yes Yeah Except there was like 5,000 people there And it was like It was sold out Fucking standing room Every spot's packed And I knew the audience Was this normal audience Cause they were all just Also the same demographic As like Ludwig viewers Like so many people Came up to me Oh And they were like Dude just watch Chip to tip What the fuck Cause I'm also there With Michael Oh wow yeah And so they're like They're always together Like in the movie Yeah That's what they must've thought It's just the way I imagine What I didn't realize Is I put a lot of people on Masayoshi They're like Dude you You showed up You showed me this guy And I was like I've been listening to him For a while But I was like How? And he's like There was a clip of you Actually it was Cutie Talking about you guys Having sex And then this was the song That you'd play during sex What? I forgot Like six years ago There was a clip That Cutie had Maybe I'll whine about it Or some shit But she was talking about How yeah I would play music When we would have sex And it was literally Masayoshi The conica Cause I thought It was a nice vibe Oh my god Tell me Tell me if I'm wrong By the way Can you just play Beliza Pula B-E-L-E-Z-A P-U-L-A And just tell me If When I run my sub 8 We shouldn't Throw this song When I come over After you finish Your sub 8 Fellas Fellas Is this a bad song I get Is this a bad song Lay down some Puzz Dude it's got the From like From like Austin - Austin Powers. - Woo hoo! you can't be serious it's the kind of music that at any moment you think like yoshi's gonna go yeah it's the kind of music where you jump on yoshi and then drums are introduced into the song wait go to the very start this is seven minutes long yeah and it's that's too nuts it's literally this there's a guitar solo but it's this for mostly seven minutes oh no he shreds you're hitting it different now the funny thing is like he's 73 and he walks like a 73 year old like he would walk across the stage and it'd be like you know asian man hands behind the back kind of walk yeah like the shuffle yeah but then when he was shredding because he would do his solos it was like those fingers were 30 again he he he could play that that's sick bro he could play that dude uh josh man i think it was he was saying that like it when he has sex he every time he busts he he has a song in his head and usually it's dj got us falling in love baby tonight yeah what part of it i think it's at the uh so dance dance like it's the that part that's the worst part of the song no that's the best part no the best part is cause baby tonight no no no you got it wrong because everything leads up to the good dance dance like because that's like the that's the reason why you listen that's the reason why we pay the price the repetition no it's the chords don't get no because you're lost it's too staccato it doesn't matter if it's staccato because you're lost in the moment where you're dancing baby tonight because that's like that's starting it up but that's like no that doesn't start it up that comes after how does it should be well it starts with usher usher but i'm saying that you go to the dance dance into the good baby and then that's the part where you get to release your soul no you go baby tonight and that's like the the top of the mountain right okay it's it's when you come down to the roller coaster so dance dance like and you're like okay think about this if you were you're an idiot by the way if you were to come while listening to this music yes you think you're coming in the part where it goes and dance dance like it's yes no that's the part where you're that's that's where you're stroking that's where you're that's stroke session no bro stroke stroke it's it's the roller coaster no that's that's yes that's all of that that's stroke is stroke that's true i disagree and then the part where you go down is in baby tonight no that's when you're pumping the best oh my god no no real i'm serious no that's when you're doing w it's epic strokes who am i supposed to listen to it's like this guy on my on the left or the guy on the right who learned what back shots were two years ago i don't want to hear this you're always bringing this up it's like the hassan 9 11 thing this is what see when slime gets picked up by cnn this is what they're complaining they're just gonna keep bringing this up this man 35 year old shots were it just doesn't use 33. how can we trust kate baldwin have a crush on her for 10 years watching the news and she's like so you didn't know what back shots were what's that about oh my god kate don't do this to me come on i but i'm just i think i'm right i think i'm right vote on your phones what part of dj got us falling in love is the part that is the part where it's obvious it's obviously baby tonight yep it's obviously there we go it's not the best part of the song it's like if i i wouldn't be picking this song if i had to pick a song but now that we're here and i have to pick the path it's obviously i'd love to see you make love really i would pay we'll run a sub eight so much okay you'll get everything i feel like i want to watch you i want to be a cook you know you would really i feel like watching them make love would be like watching them run no i think you're being so cruel that's cool you saw me on the bag you said it was normal looking that's cool i'm gonna punch you in the stomach to see how normal it is i'm saying that's too there's two parts there's two paths if i'm normal sex if you show me if you show me your sex tape it's either going to be you hitting the bag and i'm like oh that's great yeah that's great you probably get a little last boner watching me and maybe i get a little less power you have a lot of boner but then the other bad is like when i'm watching you run and i'm like why is he doing it like that it's different i think i don't have to i think you would do it different i don't have to stand up for that so it's different i think you would do it different and that's why i'd want to see it i was actually really self-conscious of the the china episode when we were walking around and i was like i'm gonna get for this because you're gay well you walk normal i don't really walk that normal and i was also like when i get tired i pay less attention to how i'm walking because i kind of have to like mentally adjust a lot because otherwise i'll be on my toes which is embarrassing people make fun of it and and after we had to wrap up and we were at mcdonald's and i was very tired and i'm walking around like my worst i look insane to me i look insane and i was like they're gonna cook me alive bro you just yeah because i think the thing is you think about yourself more than they're thinking about you but sometimes some people do end up noticing and you're like uh a noticer yeah but that's just like a one-off noticer but it's not a one-off noticer because they noticed like they were perceptive yeah but that's a one-off but like it's still it's it's a fundamental truth is what i'm trying to say like let's say i got tiny little nuts right no one comments that you guys all watch my sex it's posted online right right everyone's like oh he's normal shots normal strokes and then one and i know i have tiny nuts one guy in the comments like he's got some kind of tiny nuts that is a truth yes it is a truth yeah and when the truth is revealed to you it's like but but the i think the truth doesn't i think the truth doesn't matter like because like there are some truths but in the truth wait the truth could be that you have this grass is green that's a truth but it's more like you know one would maybe wish their nuts were more normally big sure but like you know it's like whatever you're not saying you're nuts you can't choose your nuts but i will say i've always wanted to watch a movie and i've always wanted to walk normal who are you to lambast someone for their nuts i mean i wouldn't i would never do that i think i got weird nuts yep so i couldn't you're normal your nuts are normal i got weird nuts how are they how oh my left one is bigger and droops deep oh my i have a left droop yeah you know whose nuts are really different as josh's oh yeah i mean he's singular nut yeah it's very interesting he's got one nut it's like a it's it's like the episode of south park where they cut up her breasts and it's just two like uh kind of dying little animals on her chest and they go start the reactor it's like that it's like that crazy i think it's is it like that i don't know i haven't seen his nuts i haven't seen his nuts we haven't seen joe i haven't seen josh's i am his boss so i don't think i can ask for him at this point oh ah laws let me get a peek this is the upsetting thing about getting in bed in the employment is because i i feel like four years ago i could have just asked josh to see his nuts and now i can't i mean that's why i'm this like free spirit this free agent that lives in this world agent i thought you said asian i'm the free asian because they're not all free but i am i champion them i am and you know i get to do what you get to see whatever pair of nuts you want to see do whatever that's what you're saying i drive with the top down at night sometimes yeah well but i didn't it's like it's called getting older i'm 35 nothing changed for me it's it's called getting older more mature and you have a job and you're a boss you're not your i have no boss and you're beholden to people you have responsibility you have like a schedule you go to bed at a similar time you wake up your schedule you're consistent i play botcher on my phone now why i don't know you 100 percent of it i know have you played slay the spire no dude hop in i saw people were mad episode about what they were mad how bad you were playing the game my first time what can you do at least but the chinese were not in there defending you so what could you do you're all alone i played it i got better now that's cool i got two clears i think that's great i can't beat the game consistently but belatro it took me a while but i think you get better you also unlock shit you unlock shit i my schizophrenic journey was street fighter and i hit 1600 and i feel good i'm just saying if you play we could play together we could play together yeah i'm day i'll play with you oh i have an idea for us for all of us yeah shit to shit the youtube video throat included it's a youtube video what weak throat included weak throats in there weak throats in there you know like that mario party game where everyone like lines up you have to pick the vehicle you drive and some vehicles drive quicker than other vehicles and it's in that's like a different button combination to determine it yes no you never play this in mario it's one of the first three as well but it's basically like there's like a bunch of vehicles and you're like which one do i get in how far is it gonna go which one's so anyway that's the game so we we do the same thing but in real life so we all start at the same place okay we're starting here and there's four there's four vehicles one is like it's like rollerblades the other one is is a bird scooter and then it's then it's public transport only okay and then it's and then it's like hitchhiking yeah and it's like who can get the farthest away from the starting location in like an hour or something sure yeah i love the ones that are more dangerous yeah i think the hitchhiking and the rollerbladings are dangerous have you ever hitchhiked i've never hitchhiked i've picked up a hiker picked up i've picked up i've i've hitch i used to hitchhike a lot because i didn't have a fucking car and it sucked like to what the home from what i would hitchhike back and forth because i lived in a series of towns which were like eight miles apart and it was just highway a mile a mile a mile and we would wrap our and we had to wrap our way to school which was very difficult both both ways he said he said i'll pick you up but you better not stop the rap and then and then he starts his fucking beat i'll pick you up and the freestyle begins the whole time and one time i stopped the freestyle he let me off on the side of the fucking road but yeah i actually used to hitchhike a lot it was fun which vehicle which which one do you take i mean you're kind of public transport pilled i mean i'm kind of that guy right i feel like if i'm but no phone i'm gonna back it up no phone you can't look up no you can't like look up like uh google maps how do i get to fucking um the most efficient no you have to go raw off your own nuts so you have to find your first bus there should be a place we have to get to it's not just how far we can get it's like we have to arrive it's probably better if it's a race right it's like it's like a pizza place in downtown la and there's a red button there we have to fucking smack it oh i get to get to some first one to get to kyala sushi yeah in diamond bar california my god just doing 40 miles on a bird scooter just on the side of the road of a highway fucking freaking out that's some ludwig you actually wouldn't work because the bird once you leave like a certain range you'd be yeah but i think then you have to pick up another would you like a series of birds go from pocket to pocket of daisy chain birds and limes i think you could throw the city bike in there too or you could like flip or zero a bird and then like unlock the boosters on it then like michael fucking rears yeah they they take the governor off the the bird and you can go really fast that's what we gotta do anyway we'll do that fucking pissing out of this well guys i hope you like this this episode of the yard that still isn't the what you normally experience because dl weak throat is gone it's like will we ever be the same as we once were probably not they would probably never be but what you know what you can do is you can check out the patreon episode the bonus episode to see if maybe it is the same as it used to be but we don't know if you go to patreon.com but you have to check and you have to pay money to check so we pay money it's like i don't even know if it's not gonna be the same fuck up ludwig see ya