Ep. 237 - Maxxing, Mogging, & More

don't wiggle it up and down waggle waggle it for me you like when i wag it wag it shake my hand we're a little early shake my hand bro shake my oh my god dude he's never caressed the head of my penis that was crazy that was a real grab bro shake my hand bro oh yeah shake my hand hey dude it's really wait can i dab it yeah yeah ow yeah fuck yeah it's nice to meet you bro it's sensitive yeah bro do you think we'll get censored for this sometimes when you get when you when you're born they just take off all the nails they just cut them off just cut the nail beds straight off i i genuinely think you youtube's content algorithm has will mark this as a weird penis i think this episode will only go to burnt peanut fans you'll find that shit funny what the fuck this is real funny no it's funny but it's also your penis is a hand you know it looks so crazy it does it's a little jackie chan's jackie chan's hand talking shit on burnt peanut because it's hot but we have the number one burnt peanut fan in this building oh no he's like how does he play as a peanut no you no oh my god kelby may of course bro it's because he gets viewers of course and kelby's a racist man kelby first off kelby's not racist oh yeah anyone here's racist it's me second burnt peanut is an electric factory that makes kelby giggle and and when i'm streaming i find out that kelby watches burnt peanut instead of me can i give you my theory that burnt peanut i think i'd love to hear this all of a sudden we've got this guy he's on twitch he's got super high level production he's anonymous he's confirmed to be tall welcome back doctor disrespect oh is he does he i've never watched a single frame of burnt peanut is he does he sound like him um not at all but doctor disrespect known for doing all sorts of clever disguises and they've been live and they've been live at the same time but no but he's figured that shit out bro we got claude now we got chat gpt gemini we want to keep going he had claude take over the og yep okay well does burnt peanut ever talk about gripping it hard with a gun or something like that yeah i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know and i'm about to let i'm about to let loose a big one right now no because that's because that's crucial doctor disrespect i think because he learned his lesson bro he learned his lesson he doesn't say that shit anymore because that's what got him fucking canceled bro and he's a peanut and he's now he was like what if i was a peanut cancel a peanut lock up a peanut there's nothing to damn grit how would a peanut wear its pants my question overalls there's only one way for a peanut to wear its pants hello thank you it's like uh it's it's it feels like my girlfriend's feet when i get to bed like 4 a.m oh man we miss you jackie wherever you are bless your fucking heart jackie was murdered i think his body was destroyed his head was still in the gym though i thought his head was supposed to be donated to science his chest was destroyed his chest was destroyed but his head is sideways on the little fridge where the workout stuff is right he's always looking at people work out yeah he looks at you work out and he looks at your squat form he's like run do it that way also you're chinese ludwig sounding good dude maybe this whole time ludwig was just speaking to the jackie chan head and he's just like what do i do next jackie tell me tell me which way which way do i go jackie is that it god i'm gonna white boy learn finally you're taking some l's this year fucking let's hear it give me give me my name's ludwig and i'm trying to find where to go um okay something you'll definitely need to say definitely a crucial thing to say that will come up a hundred percent like a hundred p okay that cannot be that just there's i mean there's a chance you know beautiful language it's possible it's rhythmic i just feel i feel like you shouldn't be doing should we censor that should i feel like i need to censor that because i because i'm speaking fluent mandarin and it pisses you off what is that you don't understand you need to explain yourself no i don't you said you need to educate yourselves okay archie subtitle it and then we can't help you well that means i sure hate that that sounds way more the problem with what aiden speaks chinese is that he does it softly and scared he does yeah he's no confidence sure aiden it doesn't matter that i had that prompted from you it doesn't but it still doesn't it's it's eyes it's an eyeball thing you were scared to be chinese so i'm not scared i'm not scared to grip my hair because i don't think i do it right i want to grip it by the horns you want to grip me by the horn no yuck i want to grip my heritage by the horn your heritage chinese i thought you meant the fins i thought you're finally reclaiming the fins not for a while i would love to see a video of aiden irl streaming and then get brutally china mugged by a frat leader at asd dude i knew you were gonna i knew you were gonna i was like my over under in my head is like three minutes when is he gonna say jack doherty china mobbed by frat leader at at pga tour event me and you would probably be jester gooning somewhere nearby of course we'd be jester gooning aka or maxing really if we're on a good day the femoids didn't like his no sorry the foids boys is it the foids which is presumably short by the way 100 years old yeah you really you actually the foids sexist yeah man i'm not you're you know what you're you're a moid i'm a moid yes honestly what is gonna be left of all the fortune in self-speak because it's like surely they have scraped the resin pipe of all of that and now it's just out there in the wild on twitter and it's high concentrate to what they got i'm like going crazy i'm like that just kid i i that one tweet i tried to read it like five times i think i'd the the one with the clip of the guy on the asu campus yeah i mean it's well if you're breaking down it's very i think i'm one with the language i think i can read it and i'm like yeah that is what happened can we get a tweet up zipper i'd love an aid and breakdown i can't i can't do it i would love an effort i think i would be i'd have a better shot i'd have a better shot at reading chinese just look at my asu frame log oh you just want the frame log tweet i mean that guy looks crazy he i mean he's it's genuinely that's what i looked like when i went to asu too oh yeah really that guy's like five five uh yeah i was like the six five version but same idea just adding five inches to your height i frame logged do you think i frame all you guys on this podcast um yeah frame right now yeah because you look good right now you tell me mog me right now no i it's it's and there's no reason you should zipper i'll be honest yeah there's no reason you should that was a test if you could if you could instantly pull up what i was talking about we'd have to have a talk and thank god this is your year of else i don't have any health well okay are you sure because i i was actually going to come in here with a very a little bit of a heartfelt moment about ludwig really and i think it was exactly against what you're saying oh well his team lost my team you don't give a shit about the patriots you care about tom brady's weird dick well i like tom brady's we're pretty huge an awesome dick i just clarified it could still be weird his his i like bad bunny what is this bad bunny bro oh i don't know it's crazy because can you pull up the tweet like you can read this shit like it's fucking illiterature that you've studied for years but bad boonie gets you confused like i just you are a classic american i just didn't have a slight accent show bro i know i just didn't know you say it like that this artist is he an og youtuber as well oh see that could have been something we could have gone to that probably could have convinced him we could have convinced him we could have convinced him probably find someone who actually was an og youtuber do it the opposite way and what you know i'm saying oh like yeah and pretend we're lying like oh charles trippy what we use when we the kings but he used to be like a vlogger like do it the opposite way and he's like nah i'm not falling for that one again okay clavicular ran into a frat leader at asu and got brutally frame mogged by him this one doesn't have any this is i've never watched this with sound i'm not kidding i don't know what they're saying because it's blaring it's just like you're fucked up by this guy what sport does he play i can't even tell by his body a sport yeah he just goes to the weights oh he you oh can you like can you be like a like a bodybuilder at asu is like you're what you're full-rided to you know what i mean like can you get a full ride to bodybuild at a school uh i don't know but he's just there he's a frat leader he didn't say it was a sport i assume if he's a student he's in some sort of sport that's what it's that's what i would guess yes you no no he's just a guy who goes to asu who joined a frat and working trend who works out like we need him on the wrestling five days a week and he probably skips legs i'm guessing we can imagine that with that frame he actually has the actual dorito like it's kind of a grotesque dorito but at the end of the day if you don't have the frame dorito's a dorito so i'll eat it but yeah you i've been that guy is showing i found out he was under 21 so he's wow bro i mean he goes to asu no no not the not the the the frat leader not but yeah and he's like he got like arrested for being uh underage it's crazy how much like pricey's getting him because he's this insane dude who is like doing drugs and trying to like face smash and bone smash can i say what's crazy what how much you're keeping up it's it's because much like everyone else it's a big window into a subculture that i would otherwise not have right because i'm 35 right and getting fat sure i'm not frame mogging anyone well you know there's no four up the frame sure i guess sure yeah yes i want you know those those videos where it'll be it'll be like a guy like that or like kai senat did this where he goes and hangs out with a fraternity for a day yeah like crazy fraternity they go to party i want him to do that i want slime i'd be electric slime spends a day with a fraternity if it's my job to like fucking hang out with those guys it'd be fun if i was thrown in there and i didn't want to be there then i'd be a little upset i or i wouldn't be upset i think you could make some magic i'm not saying that you would i sent ludwig i so i tried to ludwig tried to call me the other day during a stream and then he remembered he shouldn't do that and so i'm calling him back and i'm like please you know and i'm watching him stream and he's just like flips my call off oh you canceled the call yeah yeah and i'm like and then i messaged he messaged me the next day and i was like why'd you do that he's like i forgot i forgot that i should have done that i should have done that i should have done that i should have talked to you and i was like that's fine that's we have talked about this we've talked about we've talked about this on the yard and so it was a no slime zone and then i i replied to him and because he wanted to give me a clavicular update and on on live on broadcast and then i replied to him if a larping stacy tries to justify you at all even mid-mog you're essentially cortisol maxing to any foid and your response loving aiden want to break that down for me oh my god just break it down like what does that mean in layman's terms for the people at home who aren't just particular maxing uh it's just uh one more sure upon you it's about the same yeah these get so up clavicular ran into asu's top frat leader while jester maxing with gym cells and instantly clocked pete the frat fraud leader went full uv dodge maxing and weight coat maxing inflating fake stats to protect frame after being skull mogged while clav deep locked in nuked cortisol stabilized aura how do i even say that bart deep locked in nuked cortisol stabilized aura and dodged irreversible shout out psl psl bleed by a millimeter what is psl i don't know it's still penis starling clearly never changed wow i actually this is reading this makes me feel how when people explain competitive pokemon i think literally it sounds like it sounds the same they're adding fake word they're adding fluff do you know what i mean what fluff yeah yeah but it's you he's a full uv dodge max i know but it's like it's all fluff it's basically like uh you know when they do those like slowed down melee clips and it's like all the inputs yeah yeah yeah they're kind of fluffing it up yeah because it's like one one is just like doing like quarter circle back and it's like down down diagonal right right and it's like okay presses forward to run yeah yeah yeah because all they're trying to say is the guy who looks big was doing less weight than clav i really like d blocked that's good i never heard that one well this is it's a it's a wonderful experiment uh and exploration in the human language that's and that's beautiful it's like we can say with 19 weird crazy words what we could say with five yes and that's that's cool that's why this is interesting clav please bro answer my emails bro we want you on the pod we need you on this we need you bad bro this is the next step for us we want a pod max with you bro he like talks about doing meth and then a kick a kick uh admin was in his chat while he's playing counter-strike and says and called him the soft a n-word and then he just looked at it and then said it out loud and he was like what the and it was like it's just against the wild west over there it's the wild west they're bringing it back they're bringing i guess they're bringing it back when are you signing your contract bro with kick yeah they're not going to throw me one i've been trying for years dude you can get it you get it crazy is your hail mary they won't throw me a bone huh and then you go burnt peanut after that you switch i can't and then you turn yourself into like you know what i mean i do think i go ghost one day and i i come back but i don't tell people to me as a vtuber what would you be what would you be huh um i would be dad no probably just like a clavicular cartoon cartoon character it'd be the same shape as that the now deceased incel known as clavicular yeah and i and i would frame mug like the screen itself you get you'd get more dorito like and frame bog yeah and you'd have to see the game play like between my arms and lats and there's not a lot of space between there dude this guy okay i was i i got to the end yesterday in minecraft and it was i well if i beat it i would be jumping around yes you did not beat it but uh this guy i was streaming and this guy comes in and it's like it highlights first time chat and he's just starts getting really mad about iron mouse and he's like trash iron mouse mods bullshit she can sing perfectly and it doesn't even matter absolute trash community and i stopped and i was yesterday i turned on the stream usually i turn it on as like i'm a guy playing games that happens to be live today i was like i'm a streamer today so i was in a great mood and but and i look and i say everyone come gather around there is iron mouse drama going on wow and it has to do with her voice wow and this is and it spills over in a community it sounds like he got banned in iron mouse's chat but really respects her singing so which is great like to say in a first-time chat in a mind a bald guy playing minecraft he's like let me talk let me talk she does sing really well that's great yeah and i didn't know that and when you become a youtuber you can sing i mean here's the deal it's not it's not fun drama with time but with iron mouse it's not fun drama it's not fun drama it's never fun drama i mean that's a fun message for you because you're outside in here's here's my take if you're a computer woman you can withstand literally anything because no one can tie that to who you are unless they try doxing you and then successfully do unless they try to talk to you but even then it's like not the most what i'm saying is when people say and i get mad at it but if it was like if i was an anonymous computer woman i genuinely would it would wash over but then your anonymity would literally be your defense mechanism so anyone tearing down your anonymity would be incredibly anxiety inducing yeah of course i'm not saying it wouldn't be i'm just if i was a woman that she would wash over me low-key you think so i'd be playing on my breasts all day too oh my god as a woman that wouldn't hurt me why does it bother them so much i wouldn't even be bothered more i heard yeah so what's the deal period doesn't even come that often so i'd probably just clutch that one too i'm so beautiful i feel like a big you think you would clutch a period yes yeah yeah probably every time i mean how do you choke a period especially no i was just thinking i don't know i'd have the lightest flow sorry a second shimko breakup hit the timeline yeah what the is happening what did they get drafted into something two breakups kaide and tens broke up yeah and then sakura and jason broke up was that real yes dude did it i saw like 20 clips of like he walked out of the room because he cheated or something was that are this fake oh my god i'm not we can't be part of this this is fake i don't know it's embarrassing bro we can't be part of this you know what's crazy what is well that's what got fed to me it's a news podcast yeah and here you are spewing tertiary clips with fake no i'm asking you no i'm not done he's not done when there's primary sources that just give you the information that seemed fake to me there's just a jason tweet i don't you didn't see it oh you're saying i didn't see it i saw the clip about the fake thing i saw the clip of the fake thing and then set it on the podcast and it was mine and you listen news podcast don't you have any shame about that they didn't talk about it on the daily so it's like what am i gonna do because that comes out on wednesday i'm michael babar and this comes out every day what jason williams it does it's a tuesday i guess it's tuesday we do this every day jason and sakura hey well great love's dead guys wait it's great probably the worst news in my week love's dead what are you supposed to do like in this up great dude i i was what this one's way shorter they always ask kindly for privacy on this matter and then they never get it did clip channel just make it up yeah more than ever they just make up actually i opened up tick tock and it's cr and it's actually uh it's a battlefield news maxing it's just people making up and then people running with the rumors that's so interesting it seems miserable it's actually made me very um vindictive for people that i don't even are my community what like you watch the clip and then you start hating yeah hating sakura for what she did no no no hating like i think we should i think we should get her like stream comms down with sakura yeah streaming that whole she did she did that that was that family of Heartbreakers look at that shit. I'm a this is what's coming for you if you fuck with our boys hard again Oh, you're gonna beat her up. No I have a contact at ASU Me paying an ASU student to walk in the background of her street Yeah, it is it's it's crazy I don't even I'm not even in the chain channels. You are of the world and I see it You tell me people just make shit up which aiding you're you're making a joke about it But you are as obtuse as a man gets about the streaming industry. Yeah. Well, can you call him that? Yes, easily like woke is kind of back. I don't think you should he's obtuse and I'll say it twice Yeah, cute. I'm not a no no and and use and you saw the clip You saw it. Yeah, you couldn't name the top Five most subscribed streamers right now. You couldn't come close. Oh my god jinxie That's gotta be one of them. Okay Jason DeWayne Yeah, that's right Association with letters actually killing it I mean Ron's Ron's probably up there. He is up there Wow top five. He's up there. Yeah And he's fifth, but I Feel like I would residually be in the top five. I don't know how you nailed that. But yeah, and there's four or five Come on, bro Stat Morgan, please. Yeah, everything falls apart if you get this, right? No brutally brutally and then burr peanut No way almost all wrong Oh You fucking you fucking tricked me excellent work You fucking Who's the top five like quick and I shovel on a level twist face some thought hasn't hasn't happened for a while, brother You're living a few months ago. I knew something goes off when he said to rise it runs up To a sugar moza wrong was my least certain burnt peanut cage roll Asmina case, oh Wait, so up. Come on. You want 40% That's not close I got a lot in the top ten You got three of the top ten Oh, yeah, he's the guy right now. Well fuck is T foo up there. Yeah, and Banks has a tattoo. Hold on Hold this actually wrong. Wait, this seems go up click subscribers At the top at the top at the top at the top at the top at the top at the top there Okay, I was like, I can't believe burping. I got one for five. Wait, it's Christina. So it is janksy. That was who is Zuditi Palma? So anyway, you are not in authority on this amber Are they laundering? And the fact that you're asking people that see Oh my god, wait, they have all gifted at 43,000. This is what that's laundering is you are reading names and you're like They're laundering money, which is cool. I think that's a great use of twitch. I'm not kidding. Who is schlorox? That's like that's like a character they made up for a Ricki Morty episode Yeah, yeah sex with a schlorox, huh, you know Vito Oh, who's Vito? Vito's AI no way Kill yourself robot. What do you wait? What's your point here that you don't know shit and yet you still wait This is our streamer. You are consuming clips that are on your for you page It just and then to me, I'm not I'm not I'm not saying it's your fault. I didn't even feel it was true I didn't even say that was true. It's not it's regardless of whether it's true or not. You didn't know the truth All you knew is the clip wait, and I'm asking you because I know it's not true I'm asking you to explain what you're getting offended because you're personally obtuse and an idiot. That's not what? Don't be mad just because Drake may couldn't complete a fucking past yesterday. Oh my god You don't know anything must have been nice paid five figures to watch that fucking shit That's because you don't know anything about football. What I know the Seahawks won that fuck. Yeah, it's easy to see what is on the data Screen Aiden is from Washington and he's like, yeah room for the Seahawks and I'm probably what happened yesterday He's playing CS2 goes. Oh cool, and then he turns back to play his fucking that's base though That's that's how most people should engage with sports. Oh if the Broncos were there I would have done the same shit I would have been fighting the ender dragon be like, oh they won. Yeah, who cares that I but then you say who cares? But he's sitting here pretending like that's right. He was born near. No, it's not his right because he isn't no shit He couldn't name Four Seahawks players give him to Walker the third Well, what do you mean Walker the third? What's his name? They're like a four-night stream Walker the third People call him Walker the third and then Shahid. Hmm. Are you just reading the back of their Jersey? That is a Tekken player Read the back of their jerseys. No their name. I can't read the back of their jerseys Says their name me up, I guess I know but like it's just like You only know who they are It's like name streamers Guys, you got um Ogren, uh, obby. You think that's the same? Yes You think that's the same? Yes. I'm obtuse? Yes. It's the same. Also, that's only two and I said four It's not my fault that when I log into X it feeds me because it feeds me so much There's so much on there. Everything is on there. And it chooses to feed me falsely titled clips I think it is your fault because you go on your other podcasts And you in you brag about how you've stopped watching short form content brain rot content I did so much so that your algorithms changed it did You're consuming so much brain rot on X that you're leaving with the conclusion that soccer cheat on Jason He cried at the walk out the street And so and so who are you listen up? Listen up bro, cuz he's telling the truth to you. Who are you? Okay, you're like Walker the fucking second by the way Wow. Yeah the disgraced Walker Before he had a son who came walking the father of a very successful NFL player I don't know what Walker the second did bro And you don't want to be him you if you did what Walker the second did we wouldn't be fucking friends fucking friends It's Walker jr. I know more than you So anyway, yeah, that's my fucking point and you're Sucks by the way Yeah, I mean yesterday's games are bowl. It's just sucked. You hate when grants is just peach puff peach puffy. What we gonna do? Yeah watch Grants is bad. Like what? I mean, I'm not saying if every green is watching that would kind of make it weird like you want Every grants can be good. I'm down. No, I don't think it can I think you'd be fine if it was it's once a year That's enough because because you're thinking you're thinking about it. Like if everything's good nothing's yeah. Yeah, but the whole tournament There's so many games before grants. That's the vegetables. So it's like there's so many vegetables. Yes watch it I mean to be fair that the same thing here like the top eight was amazing. It's just that grants is bad. I Think it's bad. I think it's bad. I think it's just bad. I think it's bad I think it's bad. I think it's bad. I think it's bad. I think it's bad. I think it's bad. I think it's bad. I think it's bad. I think it's bad. I think it's bad I tried to contact Jake Paul because You know, he he he started talking about some stuff. I really care about he was talking about how bad bunny shouldn't fucking He shouldn't be out there the Paul brothers and bad bunny have beef Oh, why's that because the Paul brothers live in Puerto Rico for tax purposes and bad bunny has spoken out against people Who do that kind of take advantage of Puerto Rico's taxes? And so then they've had beat like they've gone back and forth this was yeah purposely turning off the halftime show Let's rally together and show big corporations. They can't just do whatever they want without consequences which equals viewership for them He said realize you have the power turn off this halftime a fake American citizen performing who publicly hates America I cannot support that So I thought This is funny because he's basically saying when the halftime show comes on where no ads play turn that shit off When the game spins back up, it's time to watch it again And that includes those epic based Super Bowl commercials that we like so he said stick it to corporations by only watching ads Which I think doesn't really make sense anyway. I replied to him and I said Did you and your brother ever low-key just try stuff out on each other big fan? Thanks for speaking out about this and I just you know, I I haven't gotten a reply back yet, but I'm really interested right, right in his response Cuz what is he gonna say about that? Cuz I just want to know for like my fandom like brain like a brand of brain and And he just hasn't got back. He just has it. Well, he gets a lot of messages. He does. He was probably slow Yeah, we used to try stuff out on each other all the time, yeah, maybe that's one of the responses it could be I Wanted the Super Bowl with all my high school buddies. Yeah, I flew them all out. Oh, really? We all went. I don't know that Oh, it was like me Christian J. Like literally like six of the guys sick as a damn dog. Well, that's cuz he's hungover. Oh Cuz he's out there drinking he's drinking. What are you drinking? No, I didn't drive out of a cell feel awesome today Yeah, I don't have a sip. Oh, I don't have a sip. We were at the casino till 2:00 a.m. Last night. What do you go up or down? dude Talk to me, bro Let's hear it. Well, we're at the casino and You know things are going well We're at pie gal. Yeah guy at the table Okay Sits down and I just made conversation my we do for work. He's like I make microchips Yeah, so we're guessing the company and we don't get it quickly. He goes. It's the big one. Yes, I'm Z and video. Oh Oh shit and and i and i remember the this article about the salaries of people at nvidia and it's like 75 are millionaires like 50 of people at nvidia have a net worth of over like 20 million dollars or something yeah whoa you got crazy man and he's like i worked there 21 years okay oh my god so he got stuck he's playing high guy he's desensitized and he's had his shit edged way too much but i'm looking at his bets and i'm like oh my god he's not dealing no no he's the he's sorry he's he's yeah he's playing oh yeah a guy like that i bet for some reason i thought he said that he was the dealer no no he said the table i was so confused having 20 million in nvidia stock and just dealing at it just for funsies that's what i want to deal poker when i you know when i'm done with all this bullshit he was waiting for you to sit down he just wanted someone to talk to well yeah so we'll sit down at a pie out table alone i mean he's he's putting a bullshit the last bullshit yeah some people don't have that that shit in them but but then he's like i'm gonna do my classic bet and in a in a and like somebody who works there walks by he's like don't think i didn't see you you know clark some guy wow and now he's acting familiar and then he's like and he's like all right time for my classic bet clark and then he throws up um the mickey it's just 50 dollars for his main bet and then five hundred dollars on just the bonus yes just just the and the bonus only hits if you bank a straight it's it's hard or higher yeah because california sucks and and and then it misses and he's like round two runs it four times just misses every one and he's like all right going home wow and that was it he's punted 2k on bonuses interesting guy like what if you hadn't sat down do you think he just plays 25 hands until he's dead no because he said it was his hand maybe he would have picked the time for his spot later yeah but i think he does this or it's the go-home hand pretty common i wonder if he's ever you need to go home one hit for sure i mean there's a like there's a lot of guys that play flippantly miles one enough to bought up by a honda accord off a guy who worked for he did like special effects for marvel and the guy was just like he was like this five five dude who was probably like 50 years old he had a uh young prostitute with him and about 30k in chips and every time he played a poker hand it was like he was playing a slot machine and he would just dump it and miles waited waited and waited and then he won nine grand off of him and people just do this like they just play or sometimes they'll like play like you know omcs and do nothing all day and then go home and be rich it's weird yeah it's weird they don't people don't engage with gambling if you have a lot of money and maybe you've had it your whole life i think they engage with gambling if you have a lot of money they engage with it way different than most of us so i have this new diet that hasn't really been working out i basically eat these oh my god are you okay lovely guys i'm sorry i've been eating really bad really you too i've only been eating skittles fun dip oh my god oh my god you guys i've been eating about 60 of these a day i feel awful that happened to him it happened to me too it's fucking on my stomach you smell it oh god it smells like a glove box it smells like an old sweater stay with it for a bit it gets better do you want maybe some like higher quality or more nutritious food like the og fun dips no no there's food that you could make at home i don't know but what like like what oh like what like what it's not like an animal it's not like an animal it could be ready to eat in like 15 minutes or less it's time that you could prep at home you need high quality nutritious food it's supplements to choose from each week are there like liquid versions because i really like liquid stuff you can get smoothies dude is there anything powdered that i could dip in a white six and suck off it's only ingredients that are held to a high standard it avoids 200 additives like high fructose corn syrup preservatives and artificial sweeteners it's hungry root ludwig hungry is what you need that smells like angus beef yes dude it smells like the bottom of a pantry stay with it it gets better how does the chorizo cauliflower rice bowl give me another one i don't know if i like that how does pork medallions and herbed potatoes that's kind of fun what do you dip the medallions in is there like a powder it's like there's no powder there's no fun sticks there's no powder powder and there's french onion lamb stroganoff i'm going to say stay away from that one because i think it might permeate the whatever blocker is not in your body i feel like i'm smelling just the inside of your body but there are so many there's so many recipes it doesn't you can choose whatever you need that's going to happen again you can agree with him it's going to happen again peter oh it's gonna happen again so if you want that a little bit you can take advantage of this exclusive offer for a limited time get 40 off your first box plus a free item in every box for life go to hungerroot.com the yard ludwig and use code the yard that's hungerroot.com the yard use code the yard for 40 off your first job force it over to his duke and a free item of your choice for life let me don't poop yourself duke don't don't duke i hate that i want to i want to i want to do i hate i want to i want to leave i hate that you've done this to me i want one more i want them to go to hungry yeah i got you i got you one more for the code the yard oh no well i uh i ended my night by going to blackjack and the there was like a dealer change and the new dealer's sound goes oh oh and points at me and i go good luck charm and so i have like 900 bucks i put like 600 in and um i get 20 and i'm feeling good and then god and then and then he has ace oh blackjack and that's no insurance no he they didn't offer it at the table oh okay instant blackjack you wouldn't take it i wouldn't take it anywhere but instant blackjack i'm like whatever 300 i get 11. i i have to borrow money from christian to double on a six long story short 21. i tip him four dollars and if you're watching how's it going four dollars that's all i had left you even four dollars that's i lost 902 hands yeah but he likes you what what do i have to give him cash you get more chips and you i don't have more cash did you give him a picture couldn't have gone anywhere my bank limit was exceeded by withdrawal you didn't give him a picture no i didn't give him a picture i don't know why you didn't that's a four buck that's a four buck here fame gets to people you switch disgusting how does fame get to people you can look at yourself if you go to the bathroom and take a dump and look in the mirror you would see how it changed you why was the dump part necessary to cleanse do you frame mug your high school friends christian's huge bro christian's pretty big huge i wouldn't call him christian's pretty jack no yeah huge i'm sorry yes he is he's very lean he's no he's not very lean christian i don't know what to say christian frame mogs you yes i don't know i we should test this when we i genuinely think let's let's let's line us up because where is he bro hungover his arms are the size of your calves bro i don't think that's true you only seen him long sleeving that's that contoured contours seeming an asu beater a little tiny one with a little yeah the little straps on it you can see i those are too horny bro those like those tiny ones the iron and it comes down here let's get christian one of those one of those you'll be shutting up real quick i know he's bigger because he acts different now like in high school he was like really small and scrawny and and like like his thing was being short and fast and that was his thing we all knew one yeah and now he's big and frame mugs everybody and so he acts like he he's bully baiter is what they call him no yesterday that's what they were calling him because he just started saying some like we were all patriots fans we're all from new england christian shows up in a seahawks jersey why he's not a seahawk christian's not a patriots man he's not a patriots fan he's a bills fan he's saying come take it off me just to just to with us come rip it off come take it off me bro take it off your teeth do it and so drake may throw an interception he turned be a bad throw and then and then i'm like and i'm like that's a little too far and then he and then he goes like this oh yeah what you used to do to us i'm like what's going on this is good what's going on yes it's a year of ludwig house but the thing is if you i i don't know i think you would who wins in a fight you're a christian uh i don't even want to test it he doesn't want to talk about that because jake's walking around he's like telling a story he's like yeah and and like it was actually really special day uh-oh big mistake special oh my god special day special day it's a special day today yeah christian shows him to the ground what's special now it was so bad at one point i'm gambling jake he's got his last hundred he loses it all christian walks over like he walked away to like vape for a second he walks over and he goes wow the chips dude that is i could hear him saying chips there what happened um are there supposed to be none i i did field research this weekend by the way on what the trash bag method oh yeah we all know we all went to a wedding biting my uh i wasn't biting I thought biting it I was experimenting Cause it's clearly an homage You bite my shit It's okay Biting your Biting someone's shit Is seeing someone wear jeans And then the next day Saying nothing And showing up in the same jeans But I mean no one notices That you gene-mugged Or gene Gene-stole Or stole Gene-maxed Gene Guys what is What could this be We gene Gene- Not jacked See this is why we're not these guys We don't think we have this No I don't think I have it No I'm gonna I'm gonna work on this Yeah cause you're the You're the word guy Yeah And you You kind of fucked it all up And we expected you To pick up the slack Cause what am I doing I'm obtuse I'm not gonna get You're an obtuse homosexual I'm obtuse You're 30 years old I'm fat And I'm nothing currently Yeah and so You know your job is to pick that up Next week I'll come back I'll have all the I'll study up fully on the vernacular Jester Gooning was in there this morning I did have that one ready to go I do really like that Um So I go to the I'm like So maybe I should Basically It was a one day trip And it was annoying To have to pack my suit And I'm like What if I wear it on the plane Uh I've never done that And I'm like Sure whatever And so I I pick it up And then I'm like Like you're an NBA player Yeah And I was like I don't wanna wear a backpack So I started realizing What's going through Ludwig's head Wearing a backpack Makes you look like You're going to school Right And to wear one with a suit on Like a wedding The whole get up Would look insane So I'm like okay So I try to get a briefcase Which is like They don't really make those anymore They only do like soft cases But I wanted like a video game Like Oh yeah Briefcase Those are a little more rare I had to order one So I'll always have it now I'm going to start Keeping shit in it Okay It's going to be funny Yeah briefcase In the office Yeah I like that And so I don't have a briefcase So I'm looking around the house And I'm like Okay Today's the day I grab a trash bag I put all my other clothes in it But what What bag A trash bag No bag brand Bro I don't know It's like the generic Kirkland Oh Kirkland bag bro Oh my god Oh my god That's a Target suitcase Yikes You are broke You are broke Yeah I'm just saying In the baggers community Okay The trash maxers Who are injecting filth Into our veins Yeah yeah yeah You are getting Absolutely trashed I'm getting trashed At the airport You're getting trashed At the airport You're getting trashed At the airport By anyone The whip maxer Got hefty mogged So I'm walking And I'm going to the airport And I'm Dude I'm wearing a suit And carrying a trash bag Around with a bunch of shit And I look insane And I have my sunglasses on too I walk through the security line And this lady genuinely Thought it was Pitbull She like walked And came over To see if I was Pitbull And then realized She got kind of disappointed And then she said I thought you were Pitbull What's crazy is at the airport There's a lot of pictures Of Pitbull around too So she could have cross referenced She might have too It was so crazy I'm like that's I don't think We look similar And so So I'm walking through And I realize Here is my analysis Of the whole Using a trash bag For your Short travels Or long travels Or whatever Extremely 90% performative There's no reason To not use Even if you like the bag Format It's like so funny It's so funny A canvas bag Or any sort of like Bag that is not a trash bag Cause you are Putting it on The conveyor belt Feels insane It's like It just feels crazy That was the moment Where I was like You can put it in the box No What do you mean? Well there wasn't boxes At the airport I went to You just put it right on the belt That's on you Not on me It's on the airport Burbank only has the little cups Like the little bowls Yeah if you're in pre-check Oh yeah but It doesn't matter I put it on the conveyor belt Even if you put it in the bin It's the same concept of like Hope it protects my bag Which is like Did the bag break? That's the It never broke But that's the moment Where I realized This is extremely performative Because You're like You're like Want people to notice You have a bag Which is a A trash bag Which is usually What was in the bag? We put trash in those What was in the bag? Clothes A charger Okay And shoes Yep And that's it Yeah so Here's the deal That's on bag material Excuse me Right I would have not have bagged this What do you mean? Why? What have you You need it on your trip What have you been putting in it When you use it? So when I'm bagging And you know this Yes I'm throwing in a laptop Yeah I'm throwing in clothes I'm throwing in like I said clothes He said clothes Oh did I Did I Did he say laptop? No he didn't say laptop So all of our lists are different Okay Can they include things That are the same? I'm just trying to understand that Oh they can This is fun Okay this is great So how has the laptop Influenced the clothes? What's the relationship Between Should I finish the list Or I'd like for you to finish That was on a trip And that's on us And I want you to First For interrupting you I guess it's my fault now A steam deck A coat hanger A coat hanger Yes A coat hanger A coat hanger A coat hanger Are you fucking deaf or dumb? Is the bag double bag Or single bag? What do you mean Is it a double bag? You have two trash bags And they're helping each other Why is there a trash bag? That would take effort Why would you double bag The whole point of the trash bag You're not supposed to use two Because of the friction Is that it's quick And easy Okay And Dog food You put dog food Maybe you need to bring Dog food Dog food on a trip Why? Can I And I want to be respectful Yes Because I understand This is like a tense moment What is your point? These items Are Are not Fitting In a backpack They are suitcase items So if I Genuinely not true So if I took every item You just said And fit it into a backpack In front of you Would you never use A trash bag again? Yeah 100% 100% Next episode I got a great opener Premium I got a great opener Premium It is a 20 pound bag Of dog food Yams Okay Okay You've just upped The size of the bag You've never done that You've never done that We all I never saw this On what trip Have you ever done that? I mean I've never Saw the size of the bag You can't fly with that You can't fly with that One of those trips to France When he was in the Driving the car He just brought dog food Why can't I fly with that? I'm bringing food For my family It's too many fucking Ounces What do you mean It's too many ounces? There's too much stuff For a backpack it is No for the TSA That's right Now you're fucking Clocking it You're trying to get Fent to Utah So how much weight Can you have in a suitcase? How much weight Can you have on a plane? Is what I'm wondering There's no limit There's no limit To yes To a suitcase weight As long It's all about size Not about weight I thought there Oh I guess for carry on Yes Wow This doesn't make It's again I use the trash bag The whole point of the trash bag Is that you're fitting items That wouldn't fit Or too cumbersome To fit in I think I have an easier time Getting the yams Good great brand Honestly good choice Into I think it's yams Isn't it Y-A-M-S? It's I-A-M-S Iams? It's yams No it's Iams It's yams They said it in the commercial I-A-M-S You just never heard him Say it in the commercial I love commercials And I love Like when people I turned off that money And I watched the commercials You are What's going on with you today? It's because I've nailed Into the wall It's because we made fun Of the trash bag And I finally did it And he just needs to admit That it's even a little bit Performative Drake May pisses all over Himself yesterday Slime comes at you For the trash bag And you're crumbling You're lashing out Drake May went for 295 And two touchdowns Really can't blame the guy Like what a performance More yards than Sam Darnold More touchdowns Than Sam Darnold Second That's what I've been saying Yeah Second You brought Tote Material Okay In a trash bag Now I was at that same wedding Did I have a trash bag? I don't know No I had a tote And I put it in my tote bush Your tote what? My tote bush What is your It's a bush outside of the venue Where you hide something And then get it later Am I right? Yes We did that At Smash the Record With the fireball It's a tote bush I don't know See I understand Ludwig You guys don't know How to travel To be clear Ludwig also pulled up To the wedding In like tennis shoes Covered in cat hair I pulled up to the wedding In black Margellos Or Jella Hey Margellos Okay sure Sure it's Margello now Still it was my hair No it wasn't We know It was not your hair It was obviously animal hair It was obviously animal hair It's one of the two cats That you have Maybe both Most likely both Anyway It's performative I think Cause even if you wanted A giant bag You could just get one That isn't a trash bag It is It is genuinely To have people Look at you And go Too handsome of a guy For a trash bag That's what they sound like And it's insane It's just genuinely insane I've been doing it For seven years I know You did it bad one time And all of a sudden This is like when I shaved My head bald And I was like This is easy What are you admitting That was insane Of you to say Yeah I was lying The whole time Well I'm not I'm not bitch You are Cause you're in You don't know It's like Dunning-Kruger It's not Dunning-Kruger Dunning-Kruger is us Beforehand Not having touched The method You're right here buddy The rollercoaster's coming Cause you don't know shit I'm steadfast In this theory And I think I think I'll be Backed up in the future Later on In the archives They'll retcon it And they'll be like Slime was really right here The thing is That you'd be Proven right By backpack wearers No I would accept All ideas No Trashmexers would ever Agree with you So let me ask you A question man Cause that's important to me Like what is the argument Against reusable trash bag How come you're using A new trash bag Every time Great question Nick I don't I get it Why don't you get A reusable bag Why do you like The disposable I like the shape Of the trash bag I would be okay If I I mean I used to use A pillowcase But I find pillowcases Too restrictive Okay the fibers Are a little too tough Yeah like you can't It doesn't stretch Very easily Right - Right. - So, but if there was like a. bag material if i could get a santa bag i would use that i literally got him one of these and he didn't like it he looked at me and he's like oh nice try sweetie it was like a canvas bag it was the same issue oh it's like a pillowcase again yeah it was like if it was like santa's magical bag that expanded because santa's bag stretches yeah and it like you can see the shapes of presence it has magic fibers you just wish it was santa's bag i mean it doesn't have to be like the same what if it was like latex this what if it was like a swimming cap it would need to be like like like a nylon like a carbon nylon carbon nylon yeah like a carbon mixture of carbon and nylon yes carbon nylon like steel mesh a canvas bag gets everything you want done but you're pretending that it doesn't okay because it's performance it's too i get i get to be honest i get the canvas bag thing because you need the you need it to shape shift it's not going to fit the coat hanger and the in the am what about a different fabric that's not as as restrictive as canvas but much more malleable that isn't santa's bag that's what we're talking about right but like it's that exists and you don't want to find it you don't care because the trash bag makes you look quirky you keep thinking it's about being quirked i a hundred percent are you being quirk chungus loving he's being quirk chungus i'm not being quirk chungus like because because otherwise you're basically saying i've been quirk chungus for like my whole life i i am and i hate to make the accusation i hate to make the accusation it's it's like we've finally come to an idea that i can understand in this whole episode i'm glad i'm glad we can pull you in that you've been i i've been quite a chunk of your entire fucking quirk maxing i could yes i could be the thing is if i tried to quirk chungus like you guys wouldn't be able to handle it like because i'm just being me but if i were to be quirk chungusing like you think i am you would fucking lose your mind what about this that's pretty good that is that's pretty that's good it's not bad i'll give i don't like the hands put the hands down i really don't like the hands no no that's why he's not quirk chungus because he crossed the line too quickly the hands completely i think well you know we gotta develop on this anyway that's my theory i i implore everyone to try and test it out at home try it use the trash bag method again and also hold up if you're gonna try it try it when it matters don't try it just to try like don't just put like oh i'm doing a day trip and i'm putting clothes in a trash bag like just bring a tote in that situation do it when you have stuff that doesn't fit in your normal backpack but you don't want to bring a carry-on suitcase okay yeah i mean i guess you're you're heat checking me and saying i didn't i didn't really put my money where my mouth was no matter you did it is there any is it travel with a trash bag that's exactly it what more could be done because because the thing is aiden i was on the same trip and i didn't bag it i toted did you know i was trash maxing no i had no clue i just knew it was a tote trip were you attempting to tote mog i'm not tote mogging but he's trash forcing a tote trip and it doesn't make sense forcing a tote trip he's trash forcing a tote trip trying to trash mog me and doesn't make any utility max based on the items that you're yes i thought he was bush maxing i'm utility maxing no no that was a bush tote that's aiden sit this one out aiden just watch this episode i'm gonna kill myself yeah i would love to hear it because everyone last episode talked about when they last had a yoohoo and there were some crazy stories last had a yoohoo i was drinking a hell of yoohoo man really yeah as a kid oh yeah we had in the house we had the box the box do you who in the house your mom was so beautiful she was at the time and still is at the time but less beautiful i wish i could have known her then because there's no yoohoo yeah i didn't know that she was i wouldn't want that not a time of my life where i wish i didn't know they want me to censor something here and talk about britain or something like light-hearted but i live in a shithole i'm sure she felt terrible i didn't rub it in though hold up spoilers archie uh just put something over what i said that is uh something british and fun like a summer activity light-hearted do they have any sun and three weeks there's nothing british you can imagine it in his head that's all they can do i go into the imagination hall and then i look at i look at the ceiling and i think about the sun i think aphantasia is like a is like a genetically british thing if you have any british blood you're more likely to imagine you can't see anything in your head you have a hope yeah aphantasia is nurture not nature i think i can undo it for anyone who has it because okay i think i'm dead bro i think i i think give me fucking how much time do i need give me 48 hours with anyone aphantagious or aphantaging dude this is kevin nanny's the power of touch and healing or whatever i need i need i need the itunes first off it's called quantum touch quantum touch quantum touching people's aphantasia i need i need i need the itunes visualizer yeah and i need a jukebox microphone and and i need i need like a like a cake from vons and i need like a bunch of snacks for the weekend it's gone wait you can get it out drugless drug a drugless rap experience a drugless hip-hop experience to make you see in your mind's eye it's only logic and j cole and it's me i look like david copperfield and i'm on like a big poster at burbank airport you can test this you have a good test subject you do this on zipper too that's what i'm saying i want to i don't want her to be able to see things oh okay oh yeah if she could just imagine a life without me she would run to it yes yes immediately that's smart so we keep her down yeah yeah yeah my dumbest girlfriend has it too and she i would your what girlfriend dumb ass girlfriend oh yeah i'm mad because she says i can't do the jack black voice anymore while we're like you know like sleeping in bed okay okay so like i thought she was just gonna say you can't do it anymore you don't got it no it's more like like in the morning or at night when we're about to go to sleep i'll like do a lot of jack black voice give me an example like i'll be her like uh oh good night good night see you lady see you lady see you maybe in my dreams sorry maybe we'll be dreaming together don't let the bed bugs crawl up your ass we need jack black on this show dude we need him badly it would be just us fucking making him miserable doing him to him are you guys gonna ask me about a movie or something i'm not gonna ask you about a movie i'm not gonna ask you about a movie i'm not gonna ask you about a movie and do you feel like and i know i know i feel like that hurts you because you love doing that yeah and that's and i would never want to hurt you that's unfair of her but do you feel like there's a grain of of truth in what she's asking for not a shot maybe a grain of fairness even brother she can't imagine yeah she can't imagine things in her head so i am better for one and for two maybe that's the issue oh my god she can't imagine she thinks you're genuinely black jack black and she thinks her eyes are closed so she can only that actually makes a lot of sense uh she didn't say that though what she said was stop doing that right and i said doing what and she's like the jack black voice and i was like you really want me to stop doing the jack black voice i gotta put up a fight right you have to i'm making stink and if you're not gonna stand on jack black voice what will you stand on and she said yes and then she turns around and i'm like okay i feel like it's one of the only quirks you have like that's one of the only things that would stand out otherwise like it's like otherwise a really normal guy so in the morning so i i like i'm like fine we go to sleep in the morning i'm like what i mean want me to make you some cafe did a pour of the parry par and uh got the hario she was so mad b60 she was like i told you to stop and i now i have to really stop you have to rein it in your ham photo oh my god is it for can you pull it up i i got bored and uh so i i posted on the pour over subreddit has anyone else ever tried a slice of ham in their pour over yeah and then i put a slice of ham i did this all i honestly i didn't like actually make the coffee why not i that was too much because it's too gross but i was bored enough to um it was like a three in the morning and i was like oh my god i'm gonna have to do this next morning to think that this was funny and then post it on the subreddit and it actually a lot of people were kind of rolling with it but then they they um they removed it the moderators took it no what yeah dude dude i thought when you first said to me i squint your eyes it looks like the whole filter is like a slice of prosciutto oh to me it looks like the skin of a man yeah i i will say i arranged that it's also turkey someone in the comments like that's turkey no it's not and then i replied same thing which also kind of pissed people off but but there's apparently a circle jerks subreddit so someone cross posted it to there and they loved it everyone everyone in your life just wants to keep you in this little box i've noticed i'm saying every time you try to break free it's not fair you should be jack black voice drinking ham coffee every day but i can't be but you can't because oh because they think you're quirk chungusing yeah ham coffee is my trash bag cage what is jabos jabos i'm happy I'm having trouble navigating the colder seasons, the colder seas, Gage. Jables, I feel so bad. My back's in pain, Gage. Jack Black, my best friend and ex-musical partner, it pains me to see you in pain like this, not having good sleep. What am I to do, Gage? I got no other ops for a match. No, that's not true. I sleep on the only match ops I got. Sorry, we're having a conversation, but what is it? Sorry, James. I know you don't like to be interrupted, but I know that Helix offers 20 unique mattresses that might help with your back. Are you Dave Grohl? Oh my God. Get that shot out of my face. It's the devil. It's the devil from the movie we made. Hey, Jack. I'm just a big fan. I love Kung Fu Panda. Thanks. I love the panda, too. That's my pride. That's my pride. That's my pride. That's my most prideful role. I didn't like when you said those things about Trump. Just want to reiterate what this guy was saying. Helix does have a sleep quiz to find your perfect mattress, which I took, and they have various designs of memory foam, which I use, and cooling features, which helps, because it's a little hot where I live. I want to gobble up that quiz. I want to gobble it up with the fire of rock. Wait, can my friend gobble up the quiz with the fire of rock with my silver fingers? Yeah, he absolutely could. Just, again, really don't like what you said about Donald Trump. The good news is there's sleep zones, so maybe whichever party you have, who I hope has left you for those comments, could maybe leave. Sorry, by Dave Grohl, firefighters suck. New person walks into the coffee shop. Them crooked vultures is pretty good, though. So, anyway, there's sleep zones, so you could find one that fits your zone. Can you hear this, Jables? Where would I? You're safe. You're saying I can go to heatingsleep.com slash the yard for 20% off site-wide? No, that's wrong, actually, Jack Black. And I didn't finish School of Rock, but my friends told me it was good. That's 27% off site-wide? It's 27% off site-wide if you go to helixsleep.com slash the yard. Exclusive for the listeners of the yard. I don't even know what that is. And I don't know who Shohei Ohtani is, so you must be more famous than him. Well, thanks, Helix, for sponsoring this week's episode. It's epi. I was in a movie with Miranda Kaz. Miranda Kaz. I couldn't help myself. I wanted to do it, too. I don't know. Go to the episode, Archie. What the fuck are you still here for? When I came in. Right before we did the pod, there's that guy yelling. Did you see him? Oh, yeah, yeah. The crazy guy's back. He's back. He was saying. He was like, fuck you, too! And I was like, what the fuck me for? Everyone gets it from this guy. But he was just hollering at nobody, saying, tell your bitch to stop looking at me. Tell your bitch to stop looking at me. And I'm looking around for whoever, bitch. And you call her up quick. No one's looking. No bitch is looking. The neighborhood's getting wild, actually, because during the State Farm stream, I rolled up, and there was a woman. With the largest meth pipe I think I've ever seen. Okay. And she was just hitting it. Just had a backpack next to her. No trash bags. Just taking rips. And her defense is one of my wheel spins. Yeah, so. If she's conversational enough, he ends up doing meth. You can be convinced to do meth for sure. I mean, I can take a toke and see where she's at. And then that guy. So we had a bunch of old, rotting food in the fridge. And I tossed it out before the. Before the Super Bowl. And I come back later to go, like, pick up some food for the party we were doing here. And someone had taken all of the rotting food out of the trash, and then stolen our table that the male gets put on, and set it up on the street in, like, a buffet style. And what? And I was like, you know, if you went through all that effort, like, have at it. So I left it there. And then I come back later. Crazy, guys. And he is taking each piece that's on the table and smashing it into the ground. Box of donuts smashed into the wall across the street. The glass bottles. Like, he's ruining, and then he folds the table and then puts it down. Okay. And just leaves it on the street. Okay. Well, we were gonna do that eventually, too. But then me and Yingly looked at the security footage. It's the same guy who set it all up. Oh, my God, bro. Dude, okay. Hold up. That is crazy. Hold up. Hold up. And I just. Okay, imagine you set up a feast, and no one shows up. Bro. You set up a feast for Super Bowl Sunday. Yep. And you want all your homies to show up. No one shows up. I'm throwing all the. It's like my grandpa threw a birthday, and no one showed up, and he's got the fucking green paint all over his fucking. He thought it was yogurt. Same thing, bro. Bro, that is crazy. And then last. And fucking. Last night, they took the mail table, right? So I'm leaving. And it's. It had gotten moved. It had gotten moved to a different part of the block, and it's just leaning up against the wall. So I steal our mail table back. Let's go. And I go put it back. That's fair game. But. And I find out the gate. Like, our gate thing isn't working. So I have to leave the gate open overnight. And then I leave. I come back this morning. They've stolen the table back. Yeah, that was an obvious one. And this time, it's just not set up anywhere. Like, I can't. I searched the neighborhood. I can't find it. You watched the video? Yeah. Same person? Different person. That's crazy. Different. It's just a woman who I've never seen before. So. We gotta. We gotta make some sort of. Maybe we do, like, a community feast every week. Yeah. Because that's. That's what we used to do. Zipper would give them, like, big, like, um. What do you call it? Like, aluminum, like, trays full of chicken tenders. Mm-hmm. And we just stopped getting the chicken tenders. Yeah. And I think that kind of disrupted the ecosystem. And then that one mom dog started having sex with the baby dog. Oh, did you get the update on that? No. Because the son dog and the mom dog. What? Sorry, I was following everything. What the fuck happened? So. They were incest maxing? You just need to keep up. It's like, you don't know about incest maxing. The incest maxing that's going on in my head. I don't know about incest maxing. Yeah, I don't know. He wrote the book. Yeah, he wrote the book. I was gonna say, I don't think you come to your comfort like that. Thanks, yeah. Thanks for that. There's this, like, these wiener. I think they're chihuahuas. And there was, like, an older mom dog who had a puppy at some point. Okay. Okay. And the owners would just let the son fuck the mom. Like, it. It happens. It was just happening. How do you know this? It's happening often enough and in public enough that multiple people have just seen it happen in the street. The dogs? The dogs doing this. And how do you know it's the son? So, our next door neighbor, she has been here for longer, and she had seen that the mom had puppies before. And she has, like, 17 cats, so she knows about animals. And she's like, they shouldn't be incest fucking. They should get the dog fixed. Right. She's like, oh, oh, that's just fucked. That's wrong. Oh, my God. Yeah. Is it. You think it's a vertical or a horizontal thing I should do here? 4K. The insane update to this is I've been seeing the dogs walk around lately. Yeah. They have some tiny chihuahuas with them. Oh, no, bro. There's, like, three baby. New, smaller baby chihuahuas around. And they have three teeth. Yeah. I didn't check. I didn't check. Okay. First off, let me give you a little background on my people. One generation of that's not even that big of a deal. You really got to keep running with that one. You guys are freaking out over life. The miracle that made you get here. I like our neighborhood. We have a very varied interest among people here. God forbid we have somebody who, like, Sunday roasts and a couple dogs who, like. Who are in love. One guy sets up. Down the street on Sundays, I think, and he preaches. The preacher. The preacher man is pretty crazy. I've never seen the preacher man. I've seen the preacher man a lot. Preacher man's been coming around. He's really annoying. Can I tell you we're lucky? Because. I agree. I feel blessed. I was in San Jose for the Super Bowl. Yeah. You don't want to be in that fucking town, bro. San Jose? Everyone's engineer maxing. Yeah, that's where dreams go to die. And everyone's fucking sad and watches Ludwig. Yep. So many engineers came up to me. Everything's closed at 9. Yep. Except for, like, three Japanese restaurants. No, we brutally mob Northern California. It's not even close. And the weather's just worse. They're nature maxing. I get that. They do have beautiful nature, but. And I mean this. Zero inbred dogs. And. If you do one thing, do it right. Yeah. And maybe 30x the preachers. They need more God up there for sure. Dude, megaphone preacher mans are always so funny because. I think in a way, it's actually the most direct way to talk to people about Christ. Because they can't get. Like, they have to, like, do this or have headphones. The Air Maxes don't quite do it. I'm not doing this. I'm. For 30 free seconds, I'm listening to the good work. Yeah, what are you going to do? Like, cover your ears? Like, now what are you, Rickard Gervais? Like, all right, I'm going to 7-Eleven. Tell me about Job. Those guys. The schedule, I saw one of those guys. It was, like, it must have been, like, 10 p.m. in, like, some random city in California. And there was just no one around. He's going. But it's dark. And I was like, I thought. I always kind of thought that part of it, like, a little bit of it is, like, oh, we're trying to be inflammatory. We're trying to, like, you know, be in big public areas, Venice Beach. Like, everyone's going to see us, hate us. That's part of it. It's a tension. But this guy's grinding by his lonely. Maybe that's why. Maybe he's grinding out, like, a different psalm. And he doesn't want to stutter. Because at that point, everyone's laughing at him. Dude, I'm. - As soon as it's like being a Santa comedian, so you gotta grind local spots I actually had this exact thought when I was listening to him yesterday because he was he was stumbling a little bit like it's not it's not perfect and I was like dude this is this is the local continue dude he used to work on the good word here I'm listening you got a lot better you got a lot better you used to fuck that one name up Bethel Ahiza but you really nail it now that was a close Psalms one too I don't like I think he's getting better too there's less hesitation than there used to be dude Yingling came up were you guys at the table when he did this it was Yingling's pretty drunk at the wedding and he comes up really excited and he's like so you know we have the mouse problem at the studio and we're like yes Yingling he's wearing a suit it sounds like he went to sell something and he was like we need another cat and we were like yes we've talked about this and he he's like no the cat he wants to use coots to kill all the mice like a Mercer and hire coots and he's like trying to convince Ludwig of this Ludwig says no you can't afford her it's crazy because he he came over to me after this and he just lied he just said Ludwig's down we'll get coots that's so crazy that's good because it was not even close just an adamant no I was saying all the mice would hop on coots like a big like ants on a big steak and just fucking eat her whole dude she's a warrior oh she's a warrior test her out well you couldn't afford her I mean you couldn't afford her you're a studio bitch you're the one hiring her it would be uncouth uncouth shouldn't work with blood family yeah it's like yeah hiring your nepotism son it's just bad it's just bad for business bad form so we should probably hire like a different cat yeah why don't you just hire another cat hmm what do you mean me can we get an office cat what no why because you guys can't take care of a cat it's not I don't work here so then why are you complaining because I live here it's okay so you guys both want a cat but you won't take care of it I'll take care of it you didn't even ask me you didn't ask how many days a week every day of the week it's a full-time job you'll be here every day of the week taking care of it yeah even okay I'm down even weekends I'll call all jaded litter box if you I'll throw it I'll throw on the wall like a chow if you don't if you don't take care of it and the cat goes hungry you have to snap the cat's neck live on the yard I don't have to I get to but like that's the that's the I think I think he actually just wants to kill the cat he wants to throw it against the wall like a chow and then kill it live yeah I would never hurt a fucking animal I'm just joking on this fucking stupid show man there was that one time you said you step on like a bug that looks cute and I was like oh my god and I was like I had to rethink how I thought about like me huh you did say it but then you immediately like why would you you would be a big we all had the fucking magnifying glass on those ants bro we were all there you were there of course you were there I was not there I was like coffee percent yep I was not there I was trying to do it I could never get it to work I would make little bad tracks I'd make little tiny magnifying glasses for them and I'd say use it on me go ahead I'm here I would have I would have voted for aunt Obama twice times if I was old enough I swear I know we have ten minutes left we have ten minutes left but I have to I like ish right I have to pee so bad like what are you gonna do for us we're gonna do something for you what are you gonna do for us what are you gonna do make a deal before you get up make a deal I could film a video of me peeing holding my penis with the Jackie Chan hand okay I'll done we get to wash your head after no he doesn't yes have fun he's gonna put his penis in the hand yes we're gonna throw the whole warehouse away what phone time I forgot he wanted to do that bro you see his eyes light up I get I have to jerk myself object today I have to film it this time do you think real Jackie Chan is somewhere just getting heartburn he's like why is my hand feeling I'm holding I'm holding like a coke can it feels good a little bit shit's huge is Jackie Chan still in his last movie he was in um he did a couple of dramatic films not too long ago actually Jackie Chan IMDb zipper the last one I watched was the Karate Kid oh the new one oh he yeah he did the Karate Kid remake looks good man um this is in a bunch not produced these are all producer creds yeah go down actor that's upcoming he's in a bunch bro he's in he's still very Karate Kid legends last year dude that's next year he was splinter in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Wow he's still out here man what the hell is Panda Plan I don't know it looks like it looks like an airplane game on a plan B made my girl take Panda Plan that shit don't even work dude I uh so I was like doing a bunch of cleaning this week and I found the big old t-shirt press that I used to make the bush did 9/11 and like a Trox a pedophile or whatever I put on it for the the bake-off and I found it that's the only time I ever used it and it's just massive like iron heavy stupid thing and so I was like oh I'll get rid of this so I put on Facebook Marketplace for free and when you do something for free on Facebook Marketplace your phone doesn't turn off yeah until you throw your phone away but anyway I'm going through all of them in this one guy is like dude this is awesome I wanted I've been wanting to make a t-shirt business can I get this I'll be in the area at like 6:00 p.m. I was like you know what man yeah sure and he comes and the guy is like it's like a I gave him like like Christmas to a kid Wow and he was so happy so if you see if a guy named Ramon starts making the most insane shirts of all time I get a piece of that oh you get a piece is I mean I should you should but you negotiate that it doesn't matter you say negotiate later give me a yeah cuz then we show up to his house with fucking crowbars and we Ramon negotiation time is now I mean Nick and slime I told Ramon oh it's actually really heavy do you do you got it do you got it but what I meant was I get 50% at very least of anything and he probably understood that implicitly yeah yeah he should have right yeah I think it's fair and I and I hope Ramon's business goes crazy dude if he what if he becomes like a mogul like a tycoon what if he gets billions of dollars and you don't see a penny of it because you didn't negotiate I'd kill him I have to kill him Ramon sorry man you two would be like full dads the home alone villains if you went up to kill someone no we love finding out who's who but we're both the brains that wouldn't work take a little stab at who's who I'm the tall guy he's Joe Pesci no we wouldn't get home alone trap you know what we do we would overthink all the traps that might be in the house and then not end up home alone in the guy at all you just would quit the robbery altogether something else yeah you'd be like maybe this is bad yeah let's go home and that's oh hey it wasn't weird it wasn't weird he thought about it and then said no well I can't be weird when you do it you watch it time yeah you wash the hand he washes hand was soap and water Oh W where's he see he's even a little wet from the water just holding your cock where's the video yeah I mean you do you guys want to see it I would like I think our live O'Reilly reaction would be pretty cool I don't know if I can send this to zipper and not know I just play it just look at it I've never seen your pissing dick so crazy your thumb also being in frame looks like you're holding hands another man like you're being guided do you have for one clear piss powerful stress by the color man it's also a long piss you really did have to go I had to go bad you should post this and say my dad taught me how to because that would be awesome you know how we are worried you're still paying it's a log this up I don't know what you're saying you're yeah you're saying we're probably stepping on some awesome I said just check the tip take it a little bit shake it a little bit and then he uses the hand to jiggle his cock and maybe we can play the audio for the jerk off to that bro so it's up to God forbid it's up to him yeah I'll I'll send a little and it wasn't weird it wasn't you you thought about it and then definitive session I think I'll be real I think it took me about two seconds to settle in it was kind of nice it was like like I'm I feel stable I feel secure was it like someone else was holding it for real like is it like sitting on your hand When you beat off. Yeah, I mean, there's a little less warmth to it. Sure. That's the second penis he's held. But, Jackie? Oh. You put your penis in it. You put yours? Oh, no. No, Jackie wouldn't sloppy seconds me. I've had Jackie for a long time, of course. Bro, you're getting herpes. Why do you think we kept the hand? Cage, why do you think we held the hand? Cage, we have Jackie Chan's hand! Actually, a fucking, like, awesome, like, MacGuffin object for a Jackie Chan, a Jack Black movie. It's perfect. We've got to put his hand back on the statue to reanimate it. Dude, oh my god, that same morning I woke up, she's like, no Jack Black voice. And then an hour later, I was explaining to her, I was like, do you know why Jack Black calls him Cage? And she's like, no. And I explained it to her while she didn't want to hear it. Yeah. I don't know why she is so resistant to Jack Black, but we'll get there. I don't even feel like it's. Stop, that's not what the. That's not really your takeaway there. You're not, but the conclusion isn't we'll get there. We'll get. We'll get there. I mean, she has to understand eventually. I don't understand why she, her problem is, but I'll fix it. We'll change it. I don't know if it needs to be fixed. No, actually, no comment. Yeah. He's doing really well. We'll fix it. How else will she change in the way I specifically want? If I don't. No, you're right. She doesn't change into the kind of person I want without me forcing it. And what am I supposed to do? What's the point? Maybe relationships are all about compromise, right? And you say, either I do it in the morning or the evening. I'm being honest. I'm being completely real. Are you speaking Chinese or English? That's. I. Sorry, I think I was just locked in from earlier. It kind of slips through sometimes. Keep doing what you're doing. He comes back from peeing with the Jackie Chan hands. Perfect fucking Mandarin. He can't say it in English. Come on, he's back now. Dude, if you saw it with Jackie Chan's mind. Oh, my God. And you hate your lesbian daughter instead of your lesbian self? That little dick he saw. Wow, that'd be so healing for his daughter, though. Oh, my God. Dude, if Jackie Chan had your mind. Does Jackie Chan hate his lesbian daughter? Famously. Famously. Famously, bro. Yeah, man, you don't know this? But not for being lesbian. It's because she does Jack Black impression all the time. You should have thought about that before you let him touch your cock. Jackie? Yeah, that's. I mean, you consented. I let a homophobic hand touch my. That's right. penis? Dude, we were at the Super Bowl with my friend Zach. Zach's gay. And then he messaged us a group chat. And he's like, football's super gay. But he accidentally messaged the group chat that Christian's mom made for all of us. Oh. Instead of the group chat with all the boys in it. Did she LOL all caps? She replied, watching the Turning Point USA. A halftime show. No, she didn't. No, she was not watching Kid Rock. Watching the Turning Point halftime show. Sorry. I was watching Erica Kirk come out like Triple H. Dude, Kid Rock, honestly, was a dream come true to see him perform. Nah, he's. He still got it, bro. The legend. He got it more than anyone's ever had. Did he do a song? Does anybody know if he did it? Daddy Cool? That's the song. It's really cool, Daddy Cool. Yeah. No, he didn't play Cool Daddy Cool. It's because you know why? It's because Osmosis Jones still has the rights. Yeah, it's also his. It's old shit, bro. It's old shit. Bad with the ball. It's ball with the ball. It's just I feel like his classics would come out. You're a fake demon, bro. I call this statutory. I call it mandatory. And then a kid helps him sing that line. Isn't that crazy how that really is. It's all together. We were saying yesterday, it's like, he doesn't leave any room for interpretation. No, no, no. He quickly corrects any room for error there might be. In case. He responds to the first line with, in case you were worried. In case you were worried, yes, that is what I meant. Oh, my God. That's exactly what I meant. Did you see the Seahawks posted CP on Maine? Yeah. CP on Maine, bro. Oh, my God. It was so fucking funny. CP on Maine. That's your team, by the way, bro. CP on the field. That's your team. No. Here's the thing. My team might have lost, but at least they weren't tweeting out CP. They did not do that. They literally tweeted out CP. They didn't do that. Dude, there is a clip someone posted from Pot About List, and Patrick gets Caleb a hat that just says CP on it. And I'm like, if these guys still think this is funny. That's an old clip. That makes me. Oh, is it? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. It says it in, like, college block letters, and Caleb's like, this is my. This is so awesome. Everyone's going to know. I mean, it's kind of mainstream now, though. It's like. I know. You know, you go to Pot About List, and they're talking about CP, and now the Seahawks, like, social media account. That's motion, bro. is posting CP. Yeah, but now it's dead, bro. It's like, I don't want. And I don't know if it should have motion. He's lame. Some things shouldn't have motion. Yeah, CP fell off, of course. Yeah. Because it used to be like, fuck, yeah. I like the idea that Pot About List is sort of the crucible in which cultural ideas are formed. That and 4chan. I guess, and 4chan, like, incel. It's the left and the right. Yes. Left and the right. Pot About List, the left. Perpetually at war. 4chan the right. But sometimes at love. Wow. You know? Yeah. Yeah, man. That's what we. Every presidential candidate should. Should have to be in a room hot and stinky. And Bill Clinton is a pimp. What did Kid Rock say? He said something like that. Did he? Yeah. You watched it? I watched a little bit of it, yeah. That's cool. I was watching it on my phone during the Bad Bunny performance of the show. I think he was like, Henry Clinton's a slut or something. I can't remember exactly. Maybe I dreamed it. But I'm pretty sure that's what he said. Just shit slime set on the pod. Dude, you're a bit of a menace at the wedding, by the way. Me. Yeah. Why? What do you do? He kept spinning his fucking hand towel. Oh, yeah. The hand towel bit was good. He kept spinning a damn hand towel. He kept coming on to me on the dance floor. Did you? He's a married man. What? And look at him guffawed now. What happened, dude? I don't even know if I can say this. What happened? I don't even know if I can. Did you grab bro's nuts and dick? Brother, he grabbed me more than Jackie grabbed him. You were Pedro Pascal and my boy. You're just gonna spread lies? At a wedding. Do you not do the same after getting on an accident? Dude. What's wrong with spreading some lies? You are David Schwimmer through and through in that episode, bro. Oh, my God. You are the fucking problem. Because we were on a break, bro. You and Yingling. Dude, he gets nervous. Yingling made it. I was like, Yingling? What's going on? That boy, Yingling, was hammered. He was hammered. I'm getting. Everybody's getting handsy with me on the dance floor. Okay. We get handsy with you. And I'm a remarkable. Three. Three employees, including him. Well, the other day was Touch That Waste Thursday. Yeah. And this is. You had planned to Touch That Waste Thursday a month ago. And let me tell you, improved morale. I'm just. I didn't think that Touch That Waste Thursday would catch on. And I'm realizing that it's coming at the expense of me feeling uncomfortable. Does it feel bad that Chubby Cattle Monday is washed in Touch That Waste Thursday? Chubby Cattle Monday is happening tonight without you guys. So think about that. Wait, what? So think about that. Sounds like Chubby Cattle Monday for sure. Well, I didn't get an invite. Huh? An invite? It's Chubby Cattle Monday. It's our thing. Stacked invites this week. Who's there? It's a little too full. We've got me in the rotation. We've got Andrew Way in the rotation. Right. Again? We've got Journey. And maybe my girlfriend. She's a maybe. Your girlfriend, your heart and soul, who you're getting married to one day. Actually, she's a maybe. Now that I think about it, it's not a maybe. She did say no last night. So it's really. That's cool. Yeah. So Chubby Cattle Monday lives on. Dude, Chubby Cattle Monday blows. Chubby Cattle Monday is in its like 10th season of a show that should have never been made in the first place. You're talking about me being a problem on the dance floor? Meanwhile, you're getting crazy. Why? You, Jesse, and Josh backing it up on me on the dance floor. Okay. So can I say what's happening? Yeah. There is a back it up train. Okay. And think of a human centipede. I got you. I know what it is. I can imagine it. We're here already. But everyone's grinding. Yep. Yeah. Now, who's the first person in this train? Do you have a war machine 420? Whoever's in the back. Guess who's in the back. You can't. No, the first person, you have to back it up. So someone must back it up to begin. Thank you. No, but I see. Because if you're standing there, all right, it's me. I'm like this. I'm partying. Okay. And someone comes up. Oh, I'm grinding on you now. And I'm now like this. Man, girl, boy. I don't know. I'm just enjoying my time here. What if someone's going to come up? They're not going to come behind me. They're going to go to that person. I have a question. I'm on that person. So the person who is getting it backed up into is in control? Yes. Of course. They're prime. Of course. They're grinder prime. What if that person's backing up and the people in front of them keep backing onto them? Well, you have to wrest control from the situation. It's 3v1. And that's your bottom bitch. I was your bottom bitch and you know that. You were my bottom bitch? I was your bottom bitch off the top of your head. You were the first person in front of me. And you know that. So who was backing it up into you? War Machine 420? Joshy. Josh. Jump. I see. And then Jesse gets on there. Jesse tacks on. And now you're. Just letting fucking anybody grind. Come on. Because anybody joins the grind train. He's the one that's letting anyone because he's running the damn train. Wow. I'm not running the train. You're the conductor. You're running the train at everybody Ben's wedding? Yeah. I didn't run a train at Ben's wedding. Sounds like you did. A lot of people are saying it. I feel like. A lot of people ask. I feel like things are being flipped around on me. on me right now. - Oh, do you feel like maybe Sakura? Maybe. Do you feel misrepresented through some sort of approximation of what actually happened? Yeah, Fearbuck, post this. Post this. It's a video of you pissing with Jackie Chan's hand. Hey, Fearbuck, post this. Homosexual woman backs it up at a wedding. Yeah, Fearbuck, I did run a train on my boss, get a War Machine 420 and Josh Mann. Yeah, I did at Ben's wedding. You know what? It's time I own it. They kept saying it was a beautiful wedding, but where they met was a place called Jalapeno Inferno. Dude, every time it came up, it killed me. It's so funny, bro. And when they locked eyes at the Jalapeno Inferno. And I'm like, I told Sly, it was like a Zoey 101 restaurant. Like, how is that a real fucking place you guys met? She was the hostess, he was the waiter. It seemed like everyone at this wedding had worked there at some point. Like, guy in the crowd was like, the kitchen's so small and like, really hot. Like, Arizona 100 is like 120 in that kitchen. They were describing the setting of Jalapeno Inferno like a George Saunders novel. It was very beautiful. Everyone's been there once. And let us know in the comments if you've been at Jalapeno Inferno and how you thought the food was. That's right. We're going to go into the premium where we're going to really get to the meat of this Touch That Waste Thursday debacle, which I'm sure I can solve as a non-employee. Get out there. How to combine Touch That Waste Thursday with Chubby Cattle Monday to make them both better. Sexually harass your boss. It seems like it's fine now. So just. Just give it a shot. Do it. Do it without questioning it. Bye.