Ep. 228 - The Old Internet is Gone

this is what i think you were actually like and how you actually act you got small notes and i have awesome hair use your mic bro he doesn't care dude why would he care about some sort of microphone some sort of audio product my life is where'd you get that shirt what is that like is it kind of like ugly peasant ugly peasant fat turtle not ugly though you can be fat beautiful you've got a great face i'm stavros of the pod right now do the laugh you gotta get fat they should put stavros on spongebob they should dude that would be a good collab you'll probably get there it'll be like the bikini bottom nfl game and it'll be a ravens game and they'll make him larry dude they should put all of cometown on spongebob they should put come in spongebob they should let me come in spongebob here he comes the guy who gets us banned off the internet come and describe it then you were busy so long pooping describe it what would it be like if you were spongebob? what would it be like if you were spongebob? If he busts inside you. It was like kind of like it was kind of spur- you know when you- And you don't let it out? You know when you would spin the thing to get the play-doh sausage out? Ew, ew, yuck. And it would kind of like- you can't keep cranking, you get a crank in and then it kind of leaps out. He just tried to be under attention. And then- and then you- and then you crank it again and then it kind of leaps out again. Oh my god! It was like three times of that. Three sets of play-doh sausage coming out my- Yuck! Yucky! That's- that was Aiden's- What? Yucky's- what? Dump, that's what he described just now. He asked! There are thousands of people eating right now, and one truck driver who drove into a ravine. A thousand people eating, maybe they should fucking stop, maybe they're getting a little big? Uh oh. Oh wow, our viewers are getting too big and they need to stop eating is what I'm saying. Our viewers are getting big. And Aiden wants you to get small now. We see the merch numbers. You've been a problem lately, bro. I've been a problem, look at you. I look good. I look fucking good. When you guys take two dumps in one day, which sounds glorious, when you guys take two dumps in one day, are they the same size? Doesn't happen a lot, but no. No, not even- I usually do one a day, to be clear. Not even close. Yeah, but you know, sometimes, if you're a normal- Dude! If you're a normal pooper, sometimes you- He took the craziest poop I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, he sent me a picture, too. Yes, he- You didn't send me a picture! I didn't- That's actually hurtful. No, I sent him Dan Benson jerking off with something in his asshole. That- Why are those the same? That's true. Why are those the same? That's true, and I do have to- Honestly, that's better than poop. I actually do have to treasure the fact that I'm the only person I think you send Dan Benson to. Yeah, you're the only person I think you send Dan Benson to. You're the only person that's, like, ready to see that, I think, and interested in seeing that. I actually think the bigger problem with you sending it is not the initial- 'Cause when I open it, I'm usually, "Oh, that's what Dan's been up to." Yeah, I keep tabs. But the problem is, like, we'll move on. It'll be, like, the next day, and then I'll open our DMs, you know, in a public place, and it's like, "Oh, Dan!" Yeah. Uh, I did- I took the craziest dump. I actually called Ludwig- We were playing Expedition 33. I called Ludwig in to come look at it. And then, he- Usually when- When you do that- No, it was at his house. Oh, sorry. Dude, it was at my house, and bro, it- I- Honestly, I'm so impressed with toilets. Yeah. 'Cause they- Like, I said at dinner- Everything goes down- Like, it's hard to clog a toilet, is what I realized. It wasn't wide, it was long. It was so crazy long, bro. A baby's arm is smaller. So you thought the- It was probably the length of a baby. I'm not kidding. It was probably the length of, like, a newborn. Like, a big newborn. He took a- He took a- He took a poop, and it went into my toilet, and then it went in just so long, it went out of the wa- It breached. It breached, and then it like- Oh my god, dude. I'm sorry to anyone who's listening. It's fine. This is what the Yard podcast is. Like, it's- It was generational. Hold on, I gotta scroll through the pics of my beautiful girlfriend. He dropped a breacher? He dropped a breacher, bro. Uh, you wanna see it? I don't think I dropped a breacher in years. It looked like an icicle. Oh, god. Dude. Right? It looks like- It looks like you're snaking the toilet with it. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. It looks like a tool. Oh. Isn't that awesome? A newborn is 19-20 inches? Oh, I clear. Yeah, he clears that, bro. He clears a newborn baby. Stan's newborn is way smaller than Slime. Yeah, I'm Mog. Did she look at it? Uh, no. God, no. Why would you laugh? I don't think she would want- Women should also be in STEM. Women should be in STEM. Yeah. This is science. I don't think women should look- I don't think I should have a- My girl looking at another man's shit. And that's how you- No, but you could have your girl looking at another man's stool. That's the same thing, but a different word. No, no, no. Stool is science. Stool is science. Stool is science. Poop is crap. Stool is science. Why do you- And Swift loves doing science in our bedroom. Why does it look different this time? Why does it look different? Why do you look- I feel different about it. It got professionally done. As opposed to- As opposed to us doing it. Last time Nick did it. You did it? And so it probably looked better when I did it, right? Nick did it. 'Cause I think he did it. Yeah. I think we did two rounds of bleach. It was yellow as shit, and then we were like, "Ah, fuck it. We'll tone it." I went to this place. Bro, it was cra- They made me sign a waiver. They did three rounds of bleaching. I told them on my YouTuber. I think they started trying extra hard. Yeah. They didn't leave a spot. They started doing spot, like, spot touches. Like, there was a little yellow here. They went, "Oh, sorry. Just let me sit there for five minutes." That's a pro job. Do you show it on your eyebrows? You look like, uh, Mia Goth. I think the eyebrows would look crazy. You look crazy already. What? Yeah, you look like a rendered character in Bully. I look hot. You guys are mad about it. I'm not mad. I'm not mad. Both are true for me. He just nailed me. I could play a young Guy Fieri. Yeah. That's not what I'd cast you as. Dude, a Guy Fieri biopic? Yep. And you put on, like, forty pounds? And it's, like, when he actually used to cook, like, forty years ago before all he did was eat. He wore an apron. How did his tips become frosted? Like, he was saying he used to be full blonde. Yes. So where did he get the dark? The stress. It's the natural blonde growing out of his hair. Yeah. It's like presidential stress, but from eating at diners. No, I think it happened on Namek right before, right before the calamity happened. Zipper got that one. Namek from Dragon Ball. Yeah. Dragon Ball. I know Dragon Ball. I got the slime reference. I jump in! Ha ha! Jump in! Ha ha ha! You guys are trapped in here with me. For ninety minutes plus another hour after. Yeah. You can't get away from me. That's fine. You fucking flaked him yesterday. That's fine. I'll kill you. That's been the case for years. I know, but today I'm reminding-- We willingly get in this room. I'm reminding you of the case. You can't leave. Try to leave. I'm-- Try to leave. Do it. Yeah. Yeah. This is actually-- I'm actually so much more scared with you in the turtle suit. Try to leave, man. Try to leave. Go ahead. With the turtle suit, he'll jump. Come on. Because he won't feel the fall. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Okay. All right. Okay. Back in the chair. Oh my God. Now podcast! Okay. Say it funny! Say something funny, bitch. You're so rotund! Ha ha ha! But I thought-- You just kind of felt him up a bit. Now compare it to-- Regulate! Now compare it to sex. I'm a regul-- Oh! Oh, yep. Yeah, clean up after it. That's your coffee. Clean up after me. I'll let it spill. Spill-- Clean up after me. There's just bacteria in this grass. It's grass. It goes into the soil. Yeah. We should get real dirt in here. We did at the last place, and it sucked. Oh. So-- Because there was a bunch of dirt, and then you all left. It-- Do you guys remember doing that at my house? Yeah, we were done with the episode. I owned a house. It was done. We were finished. You guys blew it up, put a bunch of fucking dirt everywhere, and then left. And then I had to sell it, and then I had to get rid of all the fucking dirt. No, you didn't have to. You just had to call someone to do it. Oh my God. Humanity. Yes! The humanity of calling someone. You're insane! You're insane. If I put dirt everywhere in your bedroom, and then I go, "Oh, the humanity!" You have to call someone to remove it. Well, to be clear, if he put dirt in his bedroom, he wouldn't-- he would leave it. He'd like it. I like that. He'd probably sleep on it. He would not like it, because there'd be a fucking bug, and then his girlfriend would see the bug, and then he wouldn't be able to sleep on the floor anymore. God damn that bitch. Whoa. 'Cause I-- 'cause it's like, just let the bugs crawl on us. Let the bugs crawl on us. What the hell are they gonna do? What's the worst a bug could do? They could kill you. How?! The worst a bug could do is kill you. If you're asked about the worst thing a bug could do is kill you. Not any of the bugs around here! Maybe if I'm asleep in the rainforest, but not in my home. The bug goes, "Ow!" And then it kills you. You fucking die. You go to anaphylactic shock, and you die forever. You're an idiot. You don't know what you're talking about. Wait, the only way a bug could kill me is if it upped Chop. Yeah. It upped Bug Chop. What are you even saying? That's a bug's life. It's a bug's life. It's all a bug knows. That's a bug's life, fool. But many bugs can kill-- you know that bugs can kill you. You guys know this. A fire ant can kill. No, but that's not-- they're not here. You know, with us. In California? They're not. You don't think we have bugs that can kill? We got killer bugs. We got black voters and that's it. Oh. We have one bug that can kill. That's it. And it's everywhere. You-- you are on a cold streak with arguing these days on the pod. You are arguing that they're-- look, Zipper, look up killer bugs in California. Here we go. Top nine scariest bugs. Tarantulas. Not kill-- they don't kill us. Tarantula doesn't kill. Tarantula hawks? We got tarantula hawks, bro. You don't want to fuck with this. They fly like a bird? They fly now. Yeah, they're half tarantula. Do some crickets don't kill you. Africanized bees? I shouldn't call them. They shouldn't. And you know why they call them Africanized bees. That's crazy, man. It is crazy. Dude, these guys can all kill you. Wait, yellow jackets are top six? This is a pathetic list. This is a bad list. Centipedes. This is an embarrassing list. I might die of cuteness during world war two british troop station in libya would fight the spiders and then where even is that so the like everyone else competing in the war the british having to make trenches for the spiders oh dude trench warfare and the scorpions are all shell-shocked and they come home and they write scorpion poetry about it lucky martin spider traps and then it turns them into little missiles what's like uh beverly hills to a bug is it like a big poop oh yeah that's a mansion yeah it's a mansion made of food and like baker's field is somewhere nice i think it's like a mound it's a good mound a mound is beverly hills they love a mound it depends on the or like a corpse i think baker's field is being drowned in a chlorine pool yeah who's the corpse husband of bugs um who's the corpse i don't even go how do i even get here i'm gonna try is that who's the corpse like what's speaking of the devil i don't even know what's the corpse husband of bugs i don't even know what's or like what bug keep going by name yeah see this is what i wanted when i told you to podcast this is that kind of this is the kind of shit that i needed you to start talking about the corpse husband of bugs well you better show some respect because he's coming back yeah right and he's gonna oh that's what they all said yeah yeah him and ppmd he's gonna take you all i heard they're playing doubles at big house six and they're gonna go crazy together corpse husband's corpse husband and lauser one last time and he's making a political podcast dude that okay that honestly really funny and it's like far right if he came back and he was like yeah i saw lemonade stand it pissed me off so bad that i came back just to compete that would be cool and all he does in the episodes is that he green screws himself in and then anytime you guys say something he goes i was fucking stupid young people can't afford it he should do a show you know like those like the show where it's like a bunch of only fans girls on like a right wing podcast oh yeah and they all argue yeah you should do one of those you should do one of those but it's like he's like i'm i'm just fucking i'm a stupid fucking idiot and they all like go no we love you and there's like eight girls on the show and they shower him in love what do you say you look snares yeah that one clip oh you weren't here he kept saying that that you see that clip no it's like this crazy podcaster guy just like berating this it's like rage bait shit yeah yeah and this this woman says you're you're your baby mama has kids from three different daddies like you lick snizz oh yeah yeah you fucking bitch i know this guy the guy with the beard yeah dude it's crazy and he gets really mad at his corpse he's like a south park caricature of that guy in real life it's cool dude i can't really this is what it's like being georg i can't really turn no i can't turn over that's what it's like being you look at how how mean chevin is chevin's mean now chevin's so mean chevin's mean four and a half four and a half you know in teenage dirtbag by weedus they say that one of the lines is i'm just a teenage that's one of the lines and it's in generation kill baby but one of the lines is uh her boyfriend's a dick he brings a gun to school and i always was very confused by that line because what the fuck's going on i think it's like maybe a time where like bullies had weapons but they weren't school shooters such a dick he shoots schools up you know yeah like what is this like if she is dating a school shooter he's not a winner right he's like i think he's like doom and jerking off every night i think he's like a motorcycle before columbine i think that's a great this is the only thing that matters that matters so much here check what year because i feel like bringing a gun to school was probably cool i think it was the year 2001 because the movie loser came out maybe 2000 with jason biggs i think it was after columbine by two years and i think that's crazy to say it's because there's no confusion about what the gun means i think kids having cell phones in school it's worse than a gun now dude vapes vapes are basically a gun for your mouth that you suck on every time you put a vape in your mouth imagine it's a gun yeah i nailed it i'm so smart it was well after you're so smart yeah so it's two years later and they were saying he brings a gun to school but he's also like an awesome chad so it's kind of interesting he brings a trench coat and a gun to school best friend they play video games and they're violent songs different than i remember they put it in rock band i guess it changed that music i watched it probably a hundred times there's a guy who plays maracas shaped like uh fruits in oh yeah in the gym when he's doing the percussion it's an insane video dude i don't know the last music video i watched i think it was gautier the somebody on the wall i think it's the last what's the last music video i liked that i like i mean then teenage dirt bagged by weed i mean like recently came out uh recently came out uh two hollis whichever whichever one where he's in the hallway the one edited by two hollis i watch a lot of music videos yeah i like the medium they're interesting it's like one of the last uh it's like one of the last forms of of uh traditional media like that where it hasn't been transferred to like a new music video it's like one of the last forms of of uh traditional media platform yet are they still popping no they're dying except except for some artists like if if like bono made a music video he'd be fine bono if like rihanna made it yeah she's fine i think the mega stars they can do it who could have billions of views on youtube they can do it but like and anyone can do it but it's like not a great it's not as great of a discovery tool as it used to be uh that's what shorts are for yeah you make a tiktok yeah and i always my band talks about israel in pop punk and then it's like you yeah yeah and then you get really famous that's the baby no money yeah that's the baby baby no money collab that boy will collab with really anything teenage squirt bag okay i'm just a teenage skater there's he's playing the apples and bananas dude he's so into it and then the bassist looks like he's 40 uh which is funny because it's like no he looks like he's no this is a different wait is it a different guy oh god i hate this song so much i have a weird thing where i just watch videos i hate i thought you liked it i just assumed you like oh you don't like the video no it's insane i love it it's kind of cool no yeah but i hate it but that's beautiful right the opposite of love is indifference not hey i think it's cool that like it sucks you know like something can be so generational why does something i was thinking about this recently why does something become something that sucks become cooler with time because i think it is making something that sucks is vulnerable but why don't we appreciate that in the moment because in the moment you make fun of it for me in the moment you are you have an obligation to understand cultural context to not make something that sucks and when you fail at that it's it's pathetic but when you fail at something and it's 20 years past it becomes capsulized and it's okay because even the things that were cool are different right yeah nothing that's like 20 years old that sucks sucks what do you mean 9 11 teenage dirtbag music video yeah should i keep going are you saying these things don't suck yes like i'm saying after 20 years we're like dude that's just awesome south park actually did this they said they had an episode where aids was finally funny because 21.8 years had passed precisely yes which is actually a pretty pretty interesting theory and they jumped the gun on the charlie kirk jokes but it will resurge in 2046 i think it's okay to make fun of charlie kirk it's happening now but i'm saying 2046 is a resurgence dude there's 21.8 years man who gets it who gets it next who's the next uh celebrity death that gets kirkified like what a sad thought we should do anything but name them what i'm saying is everyone's adding charlie kirk to like i show speed gifts and shit yeah yeah and it's such a crazy phenomenon because it's like i i i think he is just a certain type of person that makes it fun for the whole family to do that i think it's only fun for the family that you've curated if i were to go to heaven if i were to die and go to and go to sweet baby heaven and look down and people were doing that to me people were like putting my face on fucking everything i think i would snap out of like the heaven euphoria but i think i'd be like there's probably a pipe in heaven that goes to hell and i'd dive in i i don't know man i would die in heaven i would die in heaven i think there's something kind of fucking awesome like i maybe i'm changing isn't it what you want it to be remembered that's what i'm saying oh right like i think if i go down and all of a sudden i'm being like ai'd onto the the gooner side guy and it's reversing like i think that's really funny i think i think that's as long as it's funny and you and i think charlie kirk are probably different guys we are different guys yeah i think notably so i mean it's been a long time coming because it happened when two mad died too did it day of people were cracking jokes i'm not talking about jokes that's just normal culture i'm talking about there was a two modification i missed it i mean we didn't have the ai tech that we have now that's also the difference right sure like he's getting on speed because it's an ai button yeah back in the day you had to have some technical skill and that's that's also an interesting thing it's lowering the barrier of entry to to roast a dead piece of shit. - Making a Sona account Because not because Jasmine told me to, but because I want to make a song about Charlie Kirk and Too Mad. She posts it. She's saying we are Charlie Kirk. Yes. Sooner didn't help me with this, but it could have. Oh, man, we need Catatonic Youth, the Twitter account, back more than ever. Oh, that's a great account. Yeah, AI is waiting to be placed on there. Yeah. Even then, it's like there's such a nobility in having a dog shit terrible band or music project that, you know, didn't. What is Catatonic Youth? It's a Twitter account that I like that, like, I don't know if it actually might still post, but it wasn't posting for a while, where they just find really niche, like, terrible music and post little clips of it on Twitter. Like shit like if Stitches never blew up, they would find that. Yeah, it's like there's one I really like that's like, maybe you could try to find it on the Catatonic Youth. Twitter, Zipper, but it's like a it's a group of like old veterans who are in like an anonymous Facebook group, like anonymous, like we are anonymous, and they like banded together and made like a song over Zoom. It's really hard. You have to kind of just watch it. I mean, you can try to find that one. It's like the background looks like the Matrix. It's a bunch of old veterans dressed as soldiers. Yeah, like an insane Mad Libs. Yeah, and Zipper heading to the mines. Find that one. Well, that's going to be the future of podcasting is they have AI Zipper, and we say, can you find that video where we're making it up? We're taking away Zipper's job for everyone. Everyone is making it up. It's like, sorry, can you find that video of, you know, Barney jacking off? Dude, that is the future of Joe Rogan. Oh, there it is. I love this video. We made the video so Joe Rogan was right. Do you think how long until there's an AI podcast pulling up AI references, completely a world that doesn't exist, and people are just so bought in, they're locked? I don't think it, again, we've had this. Is this it? No, but this is the same, from the same page. What? Do you play the music? We can't hear it. Can we tell you got a box of me on this page? This isn't it, but. That's a great tone. This is unironically what K-On's like. This is what they find, they just find. It's true. Yeah. I get that reference. You got me. It's going to be really hard, you just keep looking. You'll know it when you see it. Searching through Twitter is miserable. Also Discord, motherfuckers. Discord's fucked up. Do you try to find a single fucking group chat with somebody? If you type in one person's name. Oh, it shows like a thousand times. No, it shows none of them. It shows none of them. Or it'll show you a group chat from like 2019. Yes, with that person and nobody else. Because you have to get the names in the right order of the group chat. Yeah. Oh, you do? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can't just like put the name in. It's so crazy. It's insane, bro. I had a sad, like, kind of loser thought the other day. Pfft. Which was basically like, Twitter's never going to be the way it was before the muskinator took it. Yes. It's just never going back. Because like, how do you get back there? You have to like hand it over to someone who doesn't suck. And it's like, no one's going to buy it for that much. All this, it's just gone. Instagram stories are the new tweet, man. Instagram stories? You do the text stories. There's no picture, it's just the text. Instagrams, then it's creator mode? Yeah, it's creator mode. Y'all still on threads? And you just post a joke. Check me on threads. Threads is. You're on threads. I'm on threads. I'm threading. Sure. I actually got a threads deal. What's your last thread? My last thread? Um. Pfft. Excited to watch Charlie Kirk's final. Uh. Mine was a fucked up piece of cake I got. On a trip. You posted? I posted once, I think. When it came out. I was just like, fuck it, let's see if this bangs. It didn't bang. Ludwig's last thread was like, "Can't wait to go to New Hampshire to ski with my friends." It probably is. Dude, I. They gave me a deal. I guess it's really down bad in threads universe. But they were like, "We'll pay you to post on threads." What's the numbers, dude? Come on. They're horrible. It was like, "You need to post every day for six months." Damn. And you get. I think it was like. Maybe it was like 6K. It was like 1K a month. Oh! It was like a lot of posting. And I was like. And I was doing the math. I was like, "I could just set up scheduled posts." Yeah. You could have. Oh, there it is. You could have Christian do that. It's a tonal language. Oh. It was a cross post. It was a cross post for a while. And you just hit yes? No. It auto-checked you yes. Dude, your hair sucks so bad. I. You're. Fucking. I hate you. Is it better now or better then? Better now. Better now. Yeah. Never do it yourself anymore. Just go to some professional girlies. Did I do that myself? The red? Yes. Oh, yeah. It was here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't do it. You guys fucking did it. I didn't want to do it. So you fucked it. So you're mad at me that you fucked something up. I also didn't do it. I would never touch your hair. You wouldn't shave his head if he asked you to? I would shave his head. I would shave your head. You have shaved my head. If I ever was going bald, I would come to you. Really? We should shave Nick. Yeah. I would come to you with a samurai sword. Oh, I did shave his head. I shaved it with the razor. God, it's time for Nick to go. No. Nick, you gotta go, bro. I don't wanna go. We've all been bald. Have you noticed that? We've all been bald for the show. What are we talking about? How much money? Except Nick. No, it wouldn't be money. Except Nick. How many patrons? Yeah, of course I'd do it for a million. Yeah. Okay. Wait. You'd go bald for 50k? Well, what kind of 50k? Are we talking like we hit a Patreon goal that technically raises the value of the Patreon 50k? 50k in your pocket. Yeah. I'd go bald for 50k. No, wait. Would bald or shave my head? I'm not bald. Like bald, bald. It's also. Yeah, I would. It doesn't matter. It's not that much of a difference. I feel like people make it a bigger deal. You just look sillier for one week. Yeah, it's a week and you get it back. Yeah, I thought about that. That's exactly what I thought about. I was like, yeah, of course. 50k? 50k's a lot of fucking money. Yeah, I know. Are you guys warped? I'm not. I'm not warped. I'm just saying maybe I cash in. I'm not warped. Because I thought you would protect your hair. I'd be so afraid that it wouldn't grow back the same. It wouldn't. It probably won't. It'd be different forever. And you'd look schizophrenic. You'd look different forever and people won't like you as much. I'd like that. Being schizophrenic would fix a couple other things, but I don't want to have. Is this it? This is it. Dude. Wow, Zipper. Good job. AI couldn't have found this. This is a great video. What the fuck? So they're just like green-screening themselves on Zoom and they say where they're from? Yeah. New Hampshire. Dude, the sax guy's kind of killing it. What, do they all have anon on their jacket? Okay, I'm not going to lie. Is Bro playing a seventh string? That's so beautiful, man. Dude, fist bump explosion? What happened to that? Yes. It's too much. That fell off crazy. It's too much. Did they stock like Marines commercial footage? No, because they were in front of it. I think that they found it. Like they went to the. Wake up secrets activated. Some of it's stock footage, but some of it is, yeah, them on the base. Anon digital. Like anonymous? Oh. Whoa. That's a crazy military strike. Dude, I imagine it's just like. Dude, the lightning planes. Them playing this and they got in the background like the 2010 Chelsea Manning leaks, like the fucking civilian video in the background. They got Stevie Wonder on the drone. That's awesome. I think she's blind. I think that drummer's blind. That's okay. You can be blind in a drummer or have one arm like in Def Leppard. Being a blind drummer would be so hard. No, it wouldn't. It wouldn't. I feel like it'd be easier to be a blind drummer than a blind driver. Yeah. I think so too. Yeah. I think that would be well, yeah. I think that's. Yeah. Good one, Cheven. I appreciate it, y'all. I feel like I have good thoughts and you guys should listen to them more. Cheven, you've been killing it. Thanks, buddy. See you all day. I'm Zale with Missy Stale. Bye. Bye. Bye. She's like, "Your bed is so rock hard." She was sleeping in your bed, Ludwig. Huh? She was sleeping in your bed? No, she's talking about airbed. What are you implying? I see. I see. I think I understand. She's talking about airbed. Okay. Rock hard. It was rock hard. Rock hard. The bed. And I said. That you share. I don't have solution. You don't have solution? I have a solution for you. I sit in rock and I sleep. I have a Helix sleep pad. It's actually the comfiest bed I've ever owned. What's that? Sorry. H-E-L-I-X. Helix deep. Helix sleep? Helix deep. Helix sleep bed. And I use it. I took their sleep quiz. You use it with your sister? No, no, no. I just use it normally. With me and my lovely girlfriend. It does not work for our sisters or women? It can work, I guess, for anyone. Anyone you want to put in the bed. How would you know if it's good for you? Well, I took a sleep quiz and it told me which bed that I most likely like. You are tested on what? It's like, it asks you all sorts of, it's a quiz. And then I got the Midnight Luxe. It was very comfortable. That's what I use. Cheven. You're using it for what? Can you really, can you re-explain? Maybe I don't get it. I think maybe I don't get it. You sleep in the bed, it's rock out. Right. So we're going to try to upgrade you. You can take the sleep quiz. They have many different designs with memory foam and cooling features and different sleep zones to customize your sleep. I think it's cool. Or hot. Or hot. Whatever you need. I like temperature. You just like it in general? It's just the idea of it up and down. Okay. It makes you happy. It's fun. That's cool. Well, you can go to helixsleep.com/theyard, Cheven, for 27% off site-wide. Such a funny number. 27. So it's random. Vincent in France. It's so random. So random. Helixsleep.com/theyard. And it's exclusive for listeners of The Yard. So you can use our link and let them know The Yard sent you. Alter butters. Tell your sister. Yes. Thanks to Helixsleep for sponsoring this week's episode. That's helixsleep.com/theyard. Let's get back to the main episode. Okay. Where this whole fantasy won't exist anymore. I'm really nervous about calling this pod and whatnot. You've been a great guest. Fat pussy. Sorry. Can you tell us more about Shopify? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So. Lemonacean interview. Yeah. It's really great. Here's my PR pitch. Ah! Ah! I listened to an Ellis episode for the first time, the first 20 minutes of it. Oh. Which one? It was the one where he was dressed up like a king. Oh, yeah. And everything you guys said is so fucking true. He is the soul and bones of that podcast. He's the beating soul. I've always said this. I've always said he's the beating soul of Lemonade. I was listening while I was working out, and I'm like, when is Aiden going to talk? But sometimes Doug would talk, and then his voice is so beautiful and rich. How am I, you were watching for the first 20 minutes wondering when is Aiden going to talk? What I'm saying is when other people were talking, I'd be like, when is Aiden going to talk now? Yeah, he misses Aiden time when there's not Aiden time. Where's my guy? Where's my character? But like I said, Doug has such a rich voice full of chocolate chips, and I really like that. Yeah. And then A-Truck squeaks up, and it's like, who's going to slime this guy out for me? Right. Well, the king will make a decision. I would love if you, Sire, will you slime him out for me? I realized I got slotted out last week. I had this thought. I did three different podcasts, in two days, all in different costumes. I know. Guy who slotted himself out. No, no, no. I've done three podcasts. No. You're slotting yourself out. The slutting is the costumes. The costumes are at the behest of other people. I mean, what was the sluttiest costume? I mean, that one. This one. Probably the one on Wine About It. See, that's fucked up. You should be the most gross for us. You want me to be the sluttiest for you? What we needed to do is hike that shit up. I was actually the sluttiest for your girlfriend. That's bad. And she should stop looking at your poop. At her request. If, okay, let me ask you a question, Ludwig. Let me ask you all, can I posit all of you a question? Please posit. If I were to, without any context at all, send that picture of my poop to your girlfriends, can you. I have a banana clip. It's like five long and fucking. You're going to kneel in the Matrix. Okay, and then. Wait, what's this? Put it in the. It's like a pocket punch. Comes out, it's fucking diamonds. And then I go. Check insert. I come back and I get my ammo back when I'm back. This is you, not cutie? No, that's me. I'm going fucking crazy. Okay, well, can you describe what. Can you be all of your girlfriends looking at your phone, receiving that picture? I got to sit down with mine like a kid, make sure she understands what she saw. So how did it make you feel to look at that? Do you have any questions? She's like. Oh, no. Okay, all right. What would your girlfriend. How would that go? Oh, my God. That's bigger than. That's bigger than my baby. What is this, in the future? When you put. He'll. He'll laugh at me. He'll laugh at me. He'll laugh at me like this, and then she'll send you a photo of her. The baby. That she's taking care of? That she takes care of. And then she'll have an extended conversation about the comparisons between the two poops. I like that. See. She feigns her disgust at the beginning. Oh, my God. Oh, I must act like this. Yeah. But really, let's talk turkey. But she's a real poophead. Why does it look like someone else is a poophead? She's a poophead. She's a poophead. She's a real pooper. Dude. She's a poophead. I believe she's a poophead. Yeah. What about Blair? Under game, is she a poophead? Yeah, no reply for seven months. Seven months later, you get a text being like, what the fuck? Yeah, true. This is crazy. Why is looking at someone else's poop gross you out, but your own poop is like. is like looking at a picture of your own child? Because it came from your soul. I think my own poop does gross me out. Your own poop grosses you out? Because it comes out different every time. It's a little scary. When you're experiencing pooping. What if I came out purple? Do you hate it? That would be. That. I don't want that. What would be the worst color for poop to come out? Probably see red. You don't want red poop. Red. No, but red is in the spectrum of biology. Like, if I came out like. If I came out purple, I'd be so much more afraid. This happens. You eat a box of Fruity Pebbles, it will come out purple. Guy who doesn't. Just guy who doesn't eat beets. Yeah, right? Like, this happens, bro. That happens? You need to know beets to get purple. Bro doesn't eat vegetables. But I do think red is worse because blood. You don't want blood. You don't want to feel like your body is falling apart inside of you and you're shitting it out. I would also think neon green. I get sketched when it's green. Because it's like, what did this? Yeah, it's iron. Because you spin the wheel and like one in 40 poops, one in 50 maybe. I'm shitting out Vantablack. It'll be green. Oh, black would be scary. Murdered out. I want a platinum blonde poop out of you. You can't even see it. I shit out and it looks like my head. You got butterfly doors on it? Mm-hmm. Damn, that poop's kind of cool. Like an XQC poop. Like a cool poop. Wait, what's this poop weird? It's just because he would have a butterfly doors. Awesome poop car. I found out the oldest listeners of our show this weekend. Oldest. Yeah, we got some moms listen. Dude, I went to my grandmother's funeral and she, which she persisted in her interest in the show because she just, you know, likes me. And she would listen to every episode of The Yard. No way. But each episode was a competition of like how much grass she could handle before she gave up on the episode. But then she'd always tune into the next one. My grandmother was 83. Wow. Wow, that's extremely sweet. And she told everyone she knows. Her big thing is she calls everyone in her life all the time. And they know like very specific details about me and the show when I meet them, which is crazy. The breast milk. She would just pass them on. Nobody brought that up. But comparative. Your girlfriend loves poop. She loves poop, right? That'll come up. Your girlfriend's a poop head. You love breast milk. You eat your boogers. And she, uh, and her two best friends were also in their eighties. Like, uh, also listened to the show sometimes and they roasted us. They were like, really, you guys, the grass looks so fake. You guys got to get better props. And I was like, you know what? I get told all the time. People are surprised that it's not actually outside. And then Jill, she said, well, those people are dumb. Archie, can you, can you ramp the VFX just right now? Do you make it look real, real? Like give me some sound design. Maybe a little light, light, light, outdoor fog, some little, little fireflies. Crickets. Yeah. Like can you put on a Suna song? We actually considered for a moment or maybe I just did before we did the show. If it was always had ambiance or not. Oh, not like that. Not whatever he just did. That's probably too much. Dial it down. Archie, take it down to here. It's right here with my hand, man. It's here now. Great. Uh, yeah, I considered that like, should it have like, should it be really outdoors? Put a bear here. Put a bear here. Then he's angry. You're not having a good time. Angry. They were signing up, but they, they don't watch that much. And they were, they were telling me that, but one person at the funeral, uh, she, I think she's in her sixties or seventies. Apparently she started watching the show the next day after the funeral was over. And she's six episodes in and she really likes it. Wow. We make a good product, bro. For 60 year old women. Apparently. If someone was like, I want to listen, someone that you have no, like, emotional stake and like them avoiding the show. Someone's like, I want to start the yard. Where should I start? Would you say one or would you like give them the funniest episode? Uh, people ask this a lot in the subreddit. It's always the, the miles episode from way back. People love the house party episode. Um, but what me specifically. Yeah. Yeah. I think I would try people. I think the Hagen green episode, someone said is like a great one. It's just rides enough lines. You get to learn about us. You get to have someone else who's like, you know, interesting, kind of, kind of temper us. I think that's cool. Yeah. It shows what we're about. Also the guy tier list. Yeah. Which is a good one. It shows what we're capable of. I feel like guy tier list whiffs for a, I don't like for an older audience. For sure. I don't think it hits the same for older people. Yeah. Maybe for an idiot kid. I actually think it's no, I think seven year old love it. It's awesome. If you're seven, like eating boogers. Most people would like it. It's all the seven year olds actually weirdly left and didn't watch that one. It's such an appealing. People don't like it. It's like a free spirit that I think, and it's like the other episodes with like all of us, they feel so grounded. It's like guided, almost over guided. Something that episode I think, but can't really take it where it needs to go. Not a bad listening. Yeah. Chevin, what, what's your favorite movie? My favorite movie? Hmm. Super bad. Okay. So Chevin's 35. What's the super bad for kids these days? It's just some Carl jobs video. It's Aiden Ross meets Donald Trump. No, it's not. I don't know what the, what is super bad for kids. Kai Sinat, Kevin Hart sleepover. Okay. There, there it is. That might actually be it. Followed up by Aiden Ross meets Donald Trump. Dude, he was in my chat this week. Yeah, it was so interesting. We were both locked in on expedition 33. Aiden Ross. What was he saying? He was just like, Hey, yo, what up? Is this AI? Cause I didn't read any of the messages. Cause it means we don't read chat. We play expedition 33 cause Chad just spoils. Yeah. So I don't read a message. And then everyone goes Aiden. And then I was like, what Aiden do? Cause I thought it was Aiden. Yeah. And then they're like, Aiden Ross is here. And I go, okay. And, but then Tim was like, Oh, he was actually here, but I didn't know. We didn't know what he wanted. We've had the show up for four and a half years. And the people on apple podcast still says, Amen. Ross is the host of the show. They're not going to correct it. Aiden. That's up to us. I don't know. I don't know how to do that. Oh, we're the biggest podcast in the fucking planet. it for us. Maybe we should go and. Whoa. Huh? What do you think? Hey! Let an 8 stand Aiden! Mr. LockheedMartinMonday.com Sponsor. Bro. It's funny because the crazier thing he said was that we're the biggest podcast in the world, actually. Yeah, that's still. You have to bleep it every time. What do you mean bleep it? We're not even close to the biggest. That will fuck- What's up, pussy? Can you, can you, can you, uh, can you block out my mouth, uh, Archie? And then add the bear back. I, I, in the, it's just- I love brand warfare. Brand warfare is fun, yeah. I like it. I feel like, uh. It's your Call of Duty brand warfare. Call of Duty brand warfare and you fight for brands? Yeah, and you fight for, you fight for, like, Costco. You drop, yeah, you drop in, it's a, it's a battle royale, four teams, um- And it's Kirkland. It's, it's- And it's like- Dude, we win. You got Nicki Minaj and Homer Simpson, like, wave-dashing past each other at Costco. Costco parking lot, just fucking- And Nicki Minaj is dressed in Subway colors. And they're jiggle physics. The Red Bull army is so powerful. We're like the Spartans. No, they're just fighting for the product in a big battle royale. Yes, but, like, the people sponsored by Red Bull, they have a great army, is what I'm saying. If people who loved brands had to defend a brand in a worldwide war, what brand would win out? Dorito. No. Dorito? Dorito. I don't think Dorito- Dorito is the whole- I don't think it could be weekend. You can eat a different chip. Dorito does- Dorito does not have hitters like- Dorito don't like to eat weekend. You change your chip. Anything that has a parasocial ideation towards it. But it would be Frito-Lay. That's who they're fighting for. Oh, yeah, you wouldn't want to fight for Frito-Lay. What's like a bomb-ass- It's Coca-Cola, bro. -bomb-ass brand in, like, India. Coca-Cola has the most, like, around the world. Just for the Diet Coke heads? People die- No, I would die for Diet Coke. Diet Coke's only the US, though. They have all of Mexico. All of it. Wait, I thought they don't have Diet Coke. No, dude, forget Diet. I don't know why you keep saying- The whole Coca-Cola company, they got all of Mexico on lock. Dude, shut up. What about the- what about the Gooners? Do you think the Gooners would defend, like, the- What brand, though? They don't- I feel like- Like a monitor? Gooners are disloyal. I feel like Nabisco owns Pornhub or something. Like, we probably don't know. But I don't think any Gooners really own one brand. They're just waiting for the next big new thing to goon to. Yeah, Gooners are not loyal. They're very- they're nomadic. No, I don't even think they're respectful of the material that they goon to. No, of course not. 'Cause they use it, right? They need- we need to free all the Gooners on the- on the Great Plains of Central Asia. You know, all we need to do is we need to capitalize on Gooners. We need to capture the Gooner as a brand asset. Capture the Gooners. So it's like, how do we get brand loyalty from Gooners? How do we put Gooners in a Pokeball? Well, we have to make a product that they appreciate and use and respect and need. But one they won't get bored of. One they won't get bored of. I- I don't know why Tangas aren't bigger in the States. Grock, you can fuck. Grock, you can fuck. Grock, you can fuck. Did you see? There's- so there's subreddits dedicated- to having AI girlfriends and boyfriends. And they changed the Grock AI. And that- that their- their companions got dumber. And people are having meltdowns and like trying to kill themselves and stuff. Yeah, it's so sad to read. Grock gay guy. Jevin. Gay guy. Jevin. Did you hear- did you see my tweet? Uh, yeah, it was like- "Claro's squirt. Sexpedition dirty pee." Yes. You- and I honestly, I didn't realize it was Expedition 33 'cause- you bastardize it so much. No. No. No. No. I like Sexpedition dirty pee. Yeah, I just added "Claro's squirt." Yeah. 'Cause it- 'cause it- 'Cause "Claro's squirt." That game awesome. Should I play it? That game is awesome. Pretty good. I think you should- It's a good game. If you like sto- I don't know the last RPG you've ever played in your life, ever. He's never played one. It was the one that me and Slime played for GameCube Explorers. What was that? Oh, yeah. The JRPG. Fuck, what was that? It was a JRPG on- It was- it- it- Yeah, I forget what it was called. It was- it was pretty interesting. I don't remember what it was called. It was- It was fine. I've never heard anyone- I don't think he was like JRPGs. Dude, when I play games with him, 'cause I've played single player games my whole life, I'll call out these tropes that happen. I'm like, "It's gonna go like this. It's gonna go like this." And then- It happens exactly as he says. It was the Bat and Kaidos Origins. You do have an insane read. It even happened when I was there. Yeah. When I came into the room for a little bit and you did it. I think Bat and Kaidos is like the longest speedrun ever. I don't think- I don't think that's the one, but it's the right- it's the right series. It's one of the Bat and Kaidoses, but, uh- Isn't it Payton? But yeah, I'll- I'll call something out and he'll look at me like I'm fucking- like I'm Neil deGrasse Tyson. Yes. And I feel- 'Cause you- 'cause you- you were- you were- you knew. But when I play with you, guy who has played stuff, I've played some stuff. we're- we're calling out the tropes together like we're literature students. Yes. It's very- it's very fun. I also- I studied literature, and Nick studied Trick Shot. I studied Call of Duty. Call of Duty, which does not translate to anything. He's actually Duncan. I studied to fuck my sister. She was very impressed by my grades. We didn't translate to nothing. If we had gotten to real war, I think I'd know how to slide, cancel- Yeah. uh, Twixcope better than you could. I want to put an intervention in your head, and I want to stand opposite of you. I want to have four chances at 360 me. I want to have an intervention with you in front of your whole family. What? How about the way you look? Why? Do I want them to talk to you? Do I look bad? Be honest. No, you look good. You look fucking awesome. I look running as fuck. You do look like a bully, though. And those cream cords are yours. Yeah, you look like Dolph Lundgren. Damn, bro. Chim's gonna put his balls on your face. That is peak. I look like that shirtless. Mmm. One peck is smaller than the other. Maybe his belt shirt is crazy big. It's his waist flexing. God damn, he is like perfect looking. He's got awesome delts. Yeah, he looks great. If he dies, he dies. He's so sweaty in that movie, too. Yeah, 'cause you wanna be. Yeah. You wanna be sweaty. Have you guys seen the end of Rocky IV? I think it's Rocky IV. I've only seen the first Rocky. Dude, you should watch Rocky IV, 'cause it's like, uh, he, basically, Rocky solves the Cold War with boxing. I'm not kidding. He goes to Russia, and he fights, and then he gives a speech at the end that solves geopolitical conflict. Did you see that? Have you seen that clip of him talking about how he made the movie shorter? Like, he was like, "The movie was too long. I cut out all the clips of me talking, and it ended up being an hour." Yo, man, you should box a lot. You know that, right? It's cool. He just cut out all the clips of him saying anything. He put one video up about how, like, we don't use 10-ounce gloves anymore. We use 16-ounce or whatever. He's like, "I usually use smaller gloves, and we--" But he's like, "We were tougher back then. I'm sorry. We were tougher back then." It's like, you can't speak. That's how I sound to Swift. "We're your pets. Swiftly does your head." Except, and also, you look like Travis Scott in Fortnite. It's just a hulking giant. Are you gonna get a puppy, man? Talking to me? Yeah. Yeah, you can-- Dude, I'm on cat algorithm now. Why are you thinking about that, though? See our videos of, like, cats? You should get a cat. You watching, like, the AI ones? You watching, like, AI cats going to work and getting cheated on? No, those are funny. No, I'm watching real cats. It's people posting their cat on subreddits where it's, like, cat help. And it's cats, like, vibrating, and it's like, "Is my cat okay?" Usually, it's like, "Take it to the vet. Take it to the vet." But they're very cute. I don't know what to do. Cats are cute, man. You would love a cat. But I'm allergic. There's a little outdoor market next to the coffee shop I go to, and they have, like, a little cat foster booth at this market. And I saw one yesterday, and I was like, "That's a cute fucking cat." You guys should get one. Oh, Zipper 2. He will explode. Well, I should get one. You could get the naked ones. They're cute. The naked ones aren't. They don't solve the problem. What? They still give off the sperm that makes you sick. Yeah. The cat still has sperm. The sperm. And you want your cat's sperm. Well, no. I need it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But the sphinxes are cute, too, man. They're cute as hell. I'm with you. I think Jody's cats are cute. She's got. Jody has them? I think she's got them. That's good, man. Yeah, I don't know. Or Sid, and I'm actually. Every time I look at the humane shelter, I'm like. A bad person. this is just too much. Why don't we cut off the nuts of a dog? To stop us from being tempted. To stop. To stop him from. But the gals. We're long enough in the episode we won't get reported. And Jill stopped watching. So I just can't get behind her. He said we cut off his nuts, so he only wants the sphinxes. No, no, no, no, no. I will say, that is a bad spot for Jill and the gang. Or not Jill, because they already. It's a bad time to hop on. But yeah. I would. I think it's because they get real angry when they go and heat. It's easier to domesticate them. No. Or it's easier to keep. They're already domesticated animals. Sorry, what I should say is. We're not breaking in a dog. No, we do. We basically like. We're like, "Okay, we're gonna do this." We're like, "Okay, we're gonna do this." Sorry, what I should say is. We're breaking in a dog. No, we do. We basically like. We temper their wild sensibilities when we take their nuts away. My mom would treat Kelby normal if we cut his balls off. I definitely. Well, he wouldn't bark as much, so I'd be more gentle with him. If. Wait, no. Your nuts are cut off. We're cutting your balls off. We're not touching Kelby's nuts, bro. We're not touching Kelby's. By the way, Kelby left to Montreal and he's chirping at you. He's happy he doesn't have to deal with you. What are you talking about? That's all I'm saying. That's what he messaged me. I'm gonna. When he comes back. Leave it in. Leave that one in. Archie, just play the fucking Ambrose. Leave that one out. Leave that one out. Play the fucking Ambrose. Leave that one out. Archie. Ambrose. Play the Ambrose out there. Everyone looked at their phone. And put the blue bar from how TV used to do it. Kelby said, "When you headed over tonight, I'm trying to watch some E33. Two hours later, I thought you missed me. Hmm." I said, "I have a fucked sleep schedule and you live in Diet America. I don't wanna hear some shit." Oh, and now you're making fun of Canada for being Diet America. Only 'cause Kelby's there. He makes things worse and he's there. Is that why it was so cold this weekend? It was so cold 'cause Kelby was gone. It was so cold. Um, yeah. It was a fucking show and Kelby didn't get to fucking watch it. I've had sleep problems, man. It's bad. I just gotta not sleep during the day. In the afternoon, I always just lay down like a cat. They say geniuses take intermittent sleep naps. They do. Genius naps. Do the genius nap. I have been doing that. No, you don't. You just nap. The genius nap is when you hold something in your hand, you fall asleep, the thing falls out of your hand and wakes you up. So you only sleep for the fraction between that ball, like in your hand going limp, between that and falling asleep. If I dropped something while asleep, I would just keep sleeping. No, you wouldn't. It would not wake me up. You feel like I would keep sleeping. You wouldn't? What? You would wake up. Why? You'd wake up not even, I think, because the sound of it hitting the ground, but because the sensation of your hand being opened by the thing. You haven't seen me sleep, Sheldon. I'm a deep sleeper. Try it. Try it. Go home. Or just put a fucking bowling ball in your hand so you guarantee it. Just hold it. And then just your toe taped to the floor and then you wake up like Jerry. There is a scene in the Punisher movie with, what's his name? John Travolta. John Travolta is the enemy. John Travolta is the Punisher. Thomas Jane or something, I forget his name. But basically, at the end of the movie, he ties a guy, a guy's trapped, and he makes him hold out his arm and hold an eight-pound bomb. And it's attached to a string and when the string drops, it blows up. And he's like, how long can you hold it for? And it's a great scene because he just leaves him. And then he walks back to John Travolta. He's like, I killed your son. And you just hear, ah! He's like, I just killed your other son. And I've always thought about that scene because I was like, I bet I can hold on for a long time. You got five minutes, maybe. It's hard, yeah. Five minutes is impressive. But also, there's no end, right? It's not like if you do it ten minutes, you win. Yeah. It's a torture situation because all you can do is think about your life, you know, until you drop it because you're tired now. Why can't you fucking throw it up? Catch it with the other hand. Because he was trapped and he had nothing else. Throw it up. Actually, he's been around. He was trapped under a flaming desk and it was the perfect situation for this bomb situation. Why is he under a flaming desk? Because he got, there was another bomb that went off. It's a great fucking movie. Yeah, a lot of bombs in this movie. Great fucking movie, Tony. Great fucking movie. He's a punisher. He's fucking crazy. A question. I have a question. I was having an argument with my girlfriend about whether or not I'm a gamer. And I don't feel like I'm a gamer because I don't play single player games. And I have like no ability to culturally participate in like discussions about. Imagine coming home after like seven hours of ignoring your girlfriend, playing Counter-Strike and being like, I'm not a gamer. That's what I mean. I'm not a gamer. Let's argue about this. You're obviously a gamer. I mean, you are clearly a gamer, but the gamer, I would, I would say if you told that to like a normie person. Yeah. They like an Uber driver. They'd be like, oh, you don't play any games. I guess you're not a gamer. Like that word means people who don't. You're a gamer. You're not motivated by the exploration of games as an art. You're just, you have specific goals in the games you know about. Yeah. You don't have a lot of street cred. You don't got a lot of street cred amongst gamers. No, I don't have street credit at all. But you are a gamer. This is the example. That I was thinking about is usually when like, you know, somebody who like knows her and maybe their boyfriend like plays video games, right? He plays like normal fucking console video games. He played like, he played God of War this year and he played like a 200 MS delay on the TV. Yeah. And they're like, you know, you guys will have a lot to talk about. It's like they shuffle us together. Like we're at daycare together. And then I don't know anything about these games. Like I can't participate in there. You're like cultural conversation of you're about something like expedition run of breath of the wild. I'm almost through the second boss. Yeah. Yeah. You're an online gamer for what it's worth. I'm on the fourth divine beast. Whoa. So I've made some progress for what it's worth. It literally has been seven years. I may go delete it by save file. So that set me back a while. Yeah. That is true. But yeah, you would have probably finished the game on a long enough timeline. If that didn't happen. But I don't, this is the, he gets smoked by the bonobo. The comparison I was drawing is like, you wouldn't, it's like, imagine if I only played chess all the time and then you entered it and then you introduced me as a game. No, that's obviously a bad argument. You're a chess player, not a gamer. You're poisoning the well. No, I'm not poisoning the well. The well's been poisoned. I think that there, I get it. I get it. I like, I play, I play some video games, but there's, is faker, is faker a gamer? But I think there's a cultural, do you walk around going? Faker's not a gamer. Faker's not a gamer. He's never played God of War. No, but this is a good, this is, this, it's like, it's, it'd be like introducing, imagine my best friend for some reason is Roger Federer. And I, I, I bring him to you guys and I'm like, this is my friend, Roger Federer. He's really into sports. He's a sports guy. He's a sports guy. He's an athlete. Chess isn't a video game. He's an athlete. Yeah, that's why it was a digitized board game. This is a better comparison. It's like, I just say Roger Federer's an athlete. So here, here's a, I think, I think, I think the question maybe is what is the true, who is a true gamer as we see it? Is it the person that plays like fucking Counter-Strike and Melee and like these hard, like experiences and no single player games? Or is it the Dorito XP weekend couch guy? It's the Squeaks hybrid. Dorito? No, those don't exist in real life. Squeaks is literally it. He plays like fucking like the craziest, like itch IO games ever. And then sometimes triple, play. That is not a demographic. I think, I think there's a broader cultural connotation of when you say like, Oh, like this, I'm a gamer or I play video games that you play. Like you keep up and you play a bunch of different stuff and you participate in like this, like you played a little bit of Silk Song and you played a little bit of Metroid and you played a little bit of Call of Duty. Like you, you are able to culturally participate in the conversation of video games. Okay. What do you want? I can't do that. What do you want? So you want to be like, I'm not a gamer. I'm a Counter-Striker. No, I want everybody to call me a Counter-Striker. Let me ask you a question. Yeah. I'm a terrorist. You take someone like a simple. Yeah. And he's only ever played Counter-Strike, but he's, you know, one of the best. Yeah. Yeah. Is he a gamer? This is the fake argument. Yeah. So this is, I think it's like saying it's the same thing as calling a fucking LeBron James. LeBron James is a sports player. It's different because LeBron is so cultural. Culturally prevalent. Yeah. But like if you bring simple to like, you know, Thanksgiving in Minnesota. Yeah. You introduce him as a gamer because people don't know. Yes. I get that. But if you bring LeBron James to Thanksgiving fucking anywhere, it's like, Oh my God. Hi. Hi. 25 average your whole career. The question is, what do we do with that word? I don't think I'm right necessarily in that a bunch of people agree with my take. I just don't, I don't feel like a gamer because when I'm thrust into a social situation where I have to participate in a conversation about what, like you've played so many games, you understand so much of like the cultural landscape of gaming and I, and you watch me play games. I'm terrible at them. It's terrible. A video game. It's funny cause I, I actually share your feelings cause I've played old games, but I don't really play a lot of new games. I think most new games are like not interesting to me cause I'm fucking 35. I don't care. I think what's happening here is like, is like the way you use the word gamer. Like in a sentence you'd be like, Oh, he's a gamer. I'm a gamer. And I think there's a weight attached to it of like that is some badge of pride. That means some sort of thing being earned or like respectful way of looking at what they do a little bit. But if you, if you're like, I'm a gamer and then it's like, no, cause you only play so and so it dilutes the value of like, Oh, you shouldn't be called that. But I think the real word and it's real application is that you are into video games. No, you're right. Cause in my head I was like, yeah, it'd be like saying it. I'm a real TV. Like I'm a real TV head. Like I watch a lot of TV and I, but I, I've only looped the office for the last 20 years. I was going to say, are you a film buff? Like, Oh my God, my boyfriend's a film buff. He, you guys should talk. You're both film buffs. And you've only seen Adam Sandler. Wall street. Yeah. I think a good comparison is maybe the word artist. Like I'm an artist. Yeah. It's like, I mean, I just started painting. I'm an artist to make this, or I like no other artists. And I've been in a gallery and I was just levels, I guess. Yeah. No, that's a good breakdown. I think it, to me, it feels like something that I actually have to earn. Cause I feel like I can't, in a way I can't keep up. The problem I think is the conversation that, that ends up. Cause there's so many games and so many like subdivisions. It's like, you could play a single player game that you really like and, and then talk to somebody else. And they like only play Fortnite and Madden. You still can't have a conversation with that person. There's just, there's nothing there. You're kind of asking, am I a gamer? If I would be afraid to call myself one to like, like, a very experienced gamer. Like if I said, I'm a gamer and they're like, what do you play? And I'd be like, uh, I'd be embarrassed by my small pool. Like, am I, am I really a gamer? I think the answer is just, yes. I play Counter-Strike. In an embarrassing way. I say yes, but it's like, I played, I used to be. I'll try to think who the ultimate gamer is. And it might be Lyric. Wait, isn't it Void? No, I mean like Void's very good at everything he touches, but like I'm turning, I'm talking about. The ultimate gamer is some guy with 9 million games in Steam, and he has played them. I think it's Lyric because that's also his full-time job. Maybe. So he's able to do it eight hours a day, every day for the last fucking 20 years. Hmm. But you're right, that they're also probably someone we don't know about. Something that was always funny about playing games on, like I was thinking about this with Expedition 33, is like, you go online, and you're, a game had just come out, and you're playing it as it's come out. And you go online, and someone has already beaten it, and is like, here's the best build, or whatever. There's always a motherfucker that is ahead of you. Always. And I always, found actually a comfort in that. What I realize is, when they say it's the best build, it's just the build that used to beat the game. No, because sometimes these guys beat the game like Sarah. 30 times but if they really discover the best thing the best thing is a luck build so you're not doing all this bullshit it's a luck build it's a luck but we have to scale with our records and do many things and I'm lucky to have such a great CSL is this the Expedition 33 stream yeah mostly and then Aiden Ross comes in and he's like what's going on he's like why are you speaking French it's a French accent I don't know man I consider myself a gamer even though I'm kind of like you but I'm not fully like you I think we in this circle respect hardcore gaming and that actually means more than anything way more value the conversation can only happen within a pool of people that understand or play enough games to begin with I also argue that there are people like the console like NPC guy will double XP weekend man will also very much respect Counter-Strike he's like oh shit you play Counter-Strike I'm like yeah for sure dude for sure for sure they carry they carry that you know I think a lot of them also have tried it oh I tried it once when I was fucking 13 on my old my dad's old PC on the old gateway wasn't for me I play 1.6 I play 1.6 Counter-Strike's good bro they're always talking about 1.6 man there's kind of two types of gamers there's like the gamer who like plays their first online game and they're like oh great I spawned a shot in the head never mind I don't want to do this anymore the game's not being played it's playing me and then there's the gamer who gets shot in the head and they're like I am now addicted yeah and I would be like I would like to figure this out I'm gonna figure that out I'm gonna play this the rest of my life but then you also have to have enough time I have something embarrassing to admit Kevin get off your phone you have something embarrassing for us to admit I found out I was paying for iFunny Premium that's not embarrassing that's awesome that's the dark side of the internet is it really and I pay for big watermarked memes every month you have to pay to get the watermark and I pay for it but you send them to us and we all laugh you guys laugh and I crack you guys up just like my high school boys yeah but how long have you been paying for that I mean like 8 years let me tell you 8 years financially Kevin's got a little tip for you you guys started thinking about compounding compounding how do I compound my iFunny Premium so here's what you do how much you pay a month for it $47 so we do the math right now that's $600 a year over 12 years uh oh buddy that's a car that's a car dude did you just do that top of head that's a car Kevin you know math like that Kevin knows numbers and Kevin knows that $7,000 if you compounded it into just a simple I don't know uh Nvidia stock 12 years ago you'd have $400 million and what else does Kevin know Kevin knows about Rocket Money and what about Rocket Money Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions monitors your spendings and helps over your bills so you can grow your savings oh so you use Rocket Money and you found out you're paying for iFunny yeah that's what happened that makes sense I have $10 million in my bank account Kevin that's so much money Kevin that's so much more than Ludwig I've only got it saved from not spending monthly subscriptions that's literally it so wait wait wait where do you get your memes so I yeah how do you get your memes if you don't pay for iFunny premium I take people's credit cards and I and I use it to take their money and I cancel their unwanted subscriptions that feels like something Rocket Money wouldn't endorse or want people to copy you can do it all in one place with Rocket Money you can see your subscriptions it has a dashboard to give you a clear view of your expenses wait wait wait it gives you little notifications gives you little alerts if your bill's increasing price yeah so like sometimes it sends unusual spending yeah and so I make sure to get around that oh you can check your 600 credit score on it too it's way higher now 620 Rocket Money doesn't lie about your credit score so if it says 600 it's 600 and it's also saved users over 2.5 million sorry billion that is dollars including over 880 million in canceled subscriptions alone that fucking is that number real it's too high 10 million members Aiden has saved up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features if I take off my glasses I can't see the number anymore so it couldn't be that big that means they probably don't exist well if you want to go and cancel your unwanted subscription and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money you can go to rocketmoney.com slash the yard and you can accomplish everything in your life probably including not paying like for me I was paying for a rock climbing gym I haven't been to in two years I saw that on Rocket Money that's rocketmoney.com that's real shit that hurt pretty bad rocketmoney.com slash the yard I'm a turtle he's a turtle let's get back to the episode where Chevin's gonna teach us all about compounding I think that's a big part of it too having time well that's why kids the time into getting good at shit that's why kids should play games cause they have fucking time that's the time to do it I think kids shouldn't play games anymore I don't I wanna go full CCP I don't want kids playing games wait they let the kids play a little bit of games they go what now? I would say maybe get an hour a week yeah you get an hour a week you jump off fuck that's not enough to get good they're gonna be made fun of by all their friends don't get good I'm tired of people getting good they'll just get VPNs wait why don't you want the people to get games? you're into Minecraft you don't want kids number 22 oh my god 22 scared the truth comes out oh no Chevin 22 the 30 year old man the kids are on your ass these kids they're like he's rage baiting they got nothing to do Finkelberg didn't teach him shit he's rage baiting Chevin looks like shit Chevin's rage baiting Chevin's 30 Chevin's not even hot I'm Chevin is hot it's unfortunate Chevin's not at all Chevin those are the one thing they can't say I'm playing I'm playing and all these fucking kids they come to my chat and they're saying I beat this game when I was that good it's like fucking kill yourself that's what I say to that child like way too young that kid watching like with your whole life ahead of you I'm saying with so many years left with the best days still to come like so sad it's like so sad I'm gonna get my boy who's then you then me I'm sorry we gotta stop I'm sorry what are you talking about we gotta stop because it's gonna be so much censoring we have the censoring I'm gonna visit the censor why censor what are you what are you what are you gonna do what are you gonna do I'm gonna slime him out don't say what are you gonna do like we didn't just get an episode taken down what do you mean what are you gonna do I'm gonna slime you out what are you gonna do I know you're watching motherfucker he's not watching in the patreon we'll say who it was we will in the patreon in the patreon we'll say who I'm sliming out tonight we can say who you're sliming out in the patreon sure fuck it what are you scared of L.S. boy I'm sliming out well that kind of fucking gives it away whatever dude unless we were involved in that somehow you're not allowed to leave you're not allowed to leave you're in here with me you're in here with him for three hours bro try to leave man we're gonna do an episode after this it's gonna suck fuck you fuck you man fuck L.S. fuck it out what do you mean fuck L.S. dude and my hair's awesomely bleached you have nothing you have nothing anymore I've got no pigment yeah go on your phone dude start scrolling on X dude Amazon look up gorilla glue porn see what comes up I saw I saw a a tweet that was like honestly if you turn your screen into monochrome it breaks the mind control this is what Hitch does really his phone's been black and white for like a year black and white no I know but like why does that do that it stops you from like doom scrolling because you're not like it's like less it's just less colorful eye candy and so you're like more bored of it faster oh okay I've been mind controlled these days it's weird the algorithm's weirdly way better I can't break it yeah it got worse for me too dude my algorithm got awesome I know my algorithm my algorithm's just classical pianists talking about songs and he's so good and he plays it and he goes Chopin was thinking about this girl when he wrote this Chopin and she was gonna die and that's it and it's a beautiful algorithm and Minecraft and Minecraft and Minecraft man Chopin was probably 5'1 think about that I was thinking the other day I was like were you thinking about how he's a little guy yeah no because I think it wouldn't matter we all like your song sport I think I think I think if you were to go back in time you wouldn't be able to do anything like if I went back in time to like Julius Caesar Rome yeah and I and I had and I had all the knowledge that I have today I just couldn't I wouldn't be able to change a thing no how do you do it you have to get before someone with power and tell them something crazy but then like ultimately why would they change any of their actions because I'm like dude 2,000 years from now so Croc's gonna come around and Elon's gonna buy it like what do I do they're super intelligent and we don't like it they'd be like alright cool like if I told you today guys 2,000 years they're gonna have flying cars where everyone's gonna live forever and there's gonna be no babies anymore and no one's gonna ever die no you know what I'd do what do you change no I go back with a gun I go back with a bigger gun technology solves all of this you come you up chop and then everyone's like okay this guy's awesome we've talked about this but if you have nothing on you yes if you have nothing on you you're fucked if you have nothing on you you're fucked what is having anything on you even do he's saying if he brings a gun you could like show them the gun and be like let's build this bro think about no no think about I wouldn't bring a gun I'd go I'd go get a gun it's so easy back then I would go get a gun what do you mean it is like Baltimore I would just be like hello gun please yes you're eight here's your gun and I get my gun do they have guns they didn't have guns they didn't have guns wait what year are we in we're talking about Rome oh I thought sorry in my head we were in Nazi Germany it's just crazy cause I was thinking about going back to Chile in my head we were like we were Nazis and we were all having like a lot of fun I can't remember and we were still doing the yard we were still doing the yard we were still digging there was an eagle insignia back there I would get the most dangerous weapon I can find in ancient Rome like a rock with a chain on it or something okay I would go up to someone and I would be like I would be like I'm from the future and this is all the stuff I want to prevent and this is what you gotta do and if you don't do it I'm gonna kill you cause then they're like trying to protect their life now they're like they're like trying to - Okay, now we're talking. - And I tell them, if you kill me, me now i never come back to kill you because i'm dead you know i'm saying no yeah if they just kill you the problem's over no wait don't they just want to kill yeah but i'm gonna kill them no you know what you do you if they don't kill it weapon when you go to sleep weapon then well if i go to sleep i won't go to sleep what's happening in a moment you're not gonna go to the thing i need to do right now or i kill you see here's what i bring i bring 20 caffeine pills then i never go to sleep and then i say and then you can kill me if you do it and then i don't ever come wait so you're sacrificing yourself no he leaves before they come back okay let's to aid you in your quest because you're going back and you're trying to make some change yeah okay and the change is up to you can we can we change the change is up to you i didn't go back to kill hitler but i miss it because i sleep until noon oh he's gone why am i so tired i went to bed at like one he left dude you get to bring you get to bring one thing back one thing to help you change make change a lighter that s wait you're saying to prove that i'm from the future yeah i'd be like check it out to prove to yeah it can be how to help prove you're from the future to give you validity or to give you power there's a video about this who was it it was either vsauce or hank green or one of them folks nerds and they were like oh it was vsauce and he was like the best thing you could do is you could go back with the uh uh the geographical location of relics that we didn't find until very long later and you could be like all these places are where they're all buried and then you're a prophet and then and they'd be like well there's no way to know like where that sunken ship was and where that unbubbled burial thing was and that fossil was and so it's clearly from the future it's a map with locations yeah it's a map lanterns yeah you just have a fucking lighter i i think you need to know how to it'd be one of those lighters that flip open yeah you do a trick with it on your pants i would bring back one of those like huge like cloth vapes oh oh dude they would think you're like a geomancer and i'd jump through the ring yeah yeah and i'd be i'd be playing three card monty smokescreen and i'd be so rich you would really need to get money it's kind of just like normal life because back then like the biggest armies were just rich guys you wouldn't bring a computer right because they wouldn't be able to plug it in so there's no internet but that's why you bring a laptop you'd be playing google snake and you'd have a bad guys for two hours crowd around yeah it's the future they don't live very long yeah i need to see the emperor right now i do my fastest minecraft speed run in the time i have no don't put it on your lap it's hot as fuck ironically a ti-83 might be the greatest thing you could bring back oh the abacus has been turned into power it would last so long and it would and when it would be in the calculator have you guys thought about how we could play block guy if you did go back you wouldn't be able to talk to anybody if you go back far if you go back more than like 400 500 years you just can't if you study latin you could talk you could just learn latin you could learn latin it i could talk to me it would take so long music and my laptop battery would be dead by the time i learn we can learn latin that's the one are you to learn latin before you go on the time i think it'd be smart i'm saying it would be i'm saying if you just go back in the time it's like if i dropped you in japan today you could learn japanese in a year if you go back like they learn the language i'm saying you'd have to settle it you'd have to live for the year yeah sure but then you learn it whatever it goes but and you become a peasant you'd be a peasant we're just broke but you go back you get dropped in you have your alienware laptop at your ti-84 which use batteries first off but you have no dick socially and you don't know the language so you take a year but your ti-84s died it's i'm trying to tell you i'd talk to them with music i'd be like like modest yahoo and they would they couldn't peasant they can't put me with the peasants i'm like a fucking i'm like a grand gesture you're just trying to secure your gestures yeah yeah i think i learned in two weeks and then i yeah i'm a language proficient guy do they have pig latin where'd that come from how'd pig latin come to be you're i don't know no i didn't really oh maybe i did i'm speaking to you it was too much structure you need a year in ancient china bro you are gonna struggle dude my chinese is shit i gotta throw you in the song dynasty because you're dumb as fuck my chinese is shit and i think you're gonna struggle i learned a little thing or two from my barber brendan okay you have a chinese barber he's taiwanese so don't make that mistake again my fault what i didn't mean it you're like the japanese prime minister again well wait why was he what was he teaching you well shinibaba okay what does that mean i'm your daddy i'm your daddy chevin's your going back to ancient rome and saying that what the fuck is he talking about it doesn't even sound like something from the future it's wrong turn on the silk road fellas my bad that's what i would do ancient rome i go right to fucking china you know what i do well i guess i couldn't do it but you bring a basketball and you just hoop on those motherfuckers oh my god let's run ones and also i'm over six feet tall yeah let's run one dude and going back three of us could do that i go back in time and i go to i go to like i go to kosovo what are you doing slime going back with the ball in the hoop and like very quickly they pick the game up and they're like oh he's the worst basketball player to ever do it so you're you play this game in the future yeah i'm the best i'm the best ever we ever had modern day basketball has a bunch of different rules because slime made them up to be the best you actually can't jump there's a live bowl on the court you have to avoid bald guys get double points i want to go back in time i want to go to latvia or kosovo and then make basketball there and then they become the greatest in the world because they'd have a 2000 year head start why would you why would you want them to do i would like to give it to a small region be fun for them right it'd be fun for the kosovoans you can't be saying like i would i would racially change the makeup of basketball while looking like they're white exactly yeah basketball is made by white people here made by white people yeah culturally defined it was a white it wasn't a canadian you're right you know what i'm saying it's a white people it's a white people it's a white it was basketball is a white sport it was a white canadian what are you what are we doing i don't know what you're saying i'd racially change it like that would matter on the austin reeves subreddit you're saying you're kind of saying that you'd make the biggest team white no but i think you're implying that it'd be white because it's like you're saying kosovo is 100 white but i don't think kosovo you said it was anything kosovo you said that no you started by saying it's racially i would racially change you would i don't think he knew they were white it would until you said they were white and i don't think he knew they were white i think he learned it when you said it but now you're saying they're not all white i mean they're not it's kosovo it's like uh it's uh it's kosovo well i don't know what that means of course diverse area diverse area what do you care you can't just say they got so many different races in kosovo kosovians are you off baseball because the ethnic albanians you would make the albanians win yeah disgusting yeah do it and and and but the bosniaks would be way better the bosniaks i love that show yakko wacko and uh no albanians you need to keep them down keep them down why you keep albanians down you have to did you guys see when we made those jokes about them not having school in lithuania so mad some people actually got mad and i was like i was like you you've watched the show for four years and you've made it to lithuanians don't have schools and are like they're being serious this time i was blown away yeah just folding their arms more than five people yeah i think the problem is like these people maybe are from or adjacent to lithuania and this is their one moment in the sun and they what happens is they get told that they don't have school and i told you to leave those lithuanians alone no you didn't you jumped on them you're the one who said that y'all wouldn't listen to me chevin you're lying i'm saying the baltic empire is actually that was dubbin chevin stands with lithuania chevin's from lithuania yeah i can tell yeah yeah the best basketball player just a little bit it finally got against the finish it finally got warm i'm warm in there i'm warm in here it probably smells crazy in there no it does i put on deal you got your can i smell your turtle sweat you want to it smells like a super i've eaten turtle that shit's crazy no you know you'll know what i mean when you smell it i promise you take a sniff dude i farted earlier and i was like this smells like a shipyard i thought you said shipwreck oh yeah and yingo didn't move he didn't and then he said it's actually sad he doesn't do it like he used to he's trying to find the only way to retaliate that you might actually it's funny and he's right you're washed i dropped a fifth of my power right next to him he would scream out of the room throw up he would he would run out of the room like a fucking call of duty zombie leaving a hole the shape of him in the wall so don't try me bro i'm not trying to you i don't have the mental gas mask to take it it's not good in here i just don't believe it smells good in there i promise you it does i don't i don't smell bad usually except it's my ass except my ass no you don't smell that bad i'll give you that are you done with baseball it's just the off season you don't think about it anymore when the world series ends the off season i'm done shohei otani is getting his limbs drawn and corded by motorcycles from a cartel gang and you don't care anymore First off, no. They tied each of his limbs to a buck in Harley-Davidson. You're telling me they're doing a Shohei. Yes, I'm telling you that straight up. He cannot threaten the lives of very powerful people. On a platform. It's not his life. He can live it. You just said he can't live it. Shohei could live it. Shohei can take it. The World Baseball Classic's coming up. The WBC? Yeah, and it is. No way. It's coming up in March, yes. I can't wait. The White Boy Classic? The White Boy Classic's coming up. And it's going to be a big one this year. It's like the World Cup. All the countries. Isn't it just the All-Star game? It's Kosovo versus the world. No, it's countries. So it's like United States as a team, Japan as a team. Wait, the United States team's got to be pretty good. They got second last time. To who? Japan. No. What? But, Nick, the U.S. team didn't have all their good players. Also, the U.S. team is pretty good, but there's also a lot of other really good teams. Do we lose or get Shohei? It's like Melee. Does Russia have a team? We don't get Shohei. We don't get him? Obviously not. He's Japanese. Wait, no. He's from L.A. You think Shohei's from L.A.? Yeah, he lives in La Cunada. He's from Oita. That's in Highland Park, right? Yeah, he's from Oita Highland Park. Any guy who's driven on the freeway next to Eagle Rock, that's from L.A. He used to frequent Kuala and Diamond Bar. No, most people actually who even have a small claim to a different country would leave the U.S. So you're born in Mexico, but you've been living in the U.S. since you were seven. You play in MLB since the day you turned 18. You play for Mexico? Yeah, 100%. I kind of like that. Even Freddie Freeman, who's born in the States, whose parents are Canadian, plays for Team Canada. Wow. That's interesting. Why do they want to play for the other teams? His is like a. He just wants an homage to his parents. It's like a pride. Yeah. But I think for a lot of them, it's like a challenge, maybe. It's like, you know, also pride. It'd be like me choosing to play with Team France. Yeah. Because I have my. Or Sweden. French pride. That's what Duplantis is doing. You know that guy? Yes. He's the guy who keeps breaking the pole vault world record. Oh, yeah. He signed up because he was born in the U.S. He grew up in, like, Louisiana. But his mom's Swedish. Now he fucking does it for Sweden. He said, fuck them. Fuck them Cajuns. And they pay him a hundred rack every time he breaks the world record. So that's why he breaks it by a little bit each time. And it's kind of cringe when you do it the other way. Like, Joel Embiid is. I forget where he's born. Cameroon. He was born in Cameroon, lived in France most of his life, but played for Team U.S. And everyone was like. He is a U.S. citizen. He is. But some people were like, oh, you left, like, you were raised in France and you left the French to go play with the fucking powerhouse. Dude, if we got rid of world borders, there would be no need for the Olympics. Oh, dude. That's why we need them. And that's why we need war. Well, the Olympics would have to be defined by a different classifier. I think it's just. The country. Maybe skin color. The Olympics could just be. The color Olympics. Now we're talking. Right, Chevin? That's almost a race war. Wow, Chevin seems oddly excited about this. This could kind of work. You know, the Olympics would just be. The race race. Your team. You'd just make your own team. It'd be open signups. Like, the yard. Dave Chappelle did this. The yard would be in the Olympics. Oh, he did the racial draft. Well, that's. If you're doing a race race, you have to have a draft. I guess, yeah, you have to start drafting. Yeah, that would be a part of it. Yeah, that was a. You know Bill Burr's in that sketch? Yep. He's one of the announcers and he's got a lot of hair. Yes, sir. Well, you should get Northern Lion to commentate a baseball game. Um, why? Because I think he'd be great at it. I think you'd be good at it, but he'd be good at a lot of things. But I want that for him. Okay. I want it. Okay. Yeah, no fucking minor. No, no minor league bullshit. Come on now. I actually might like that more. Imagine him doing a kid's baseball game. Let's have him commentate the Savannah Bananas. The Little League World Series would actually be really funny. Or the Kosei in Japan. The Kosei. What was that? Who in Japan, at the end of high school, they have a big tournament every year. The Kosei. A single elimination tournament with every high school in the country. A tournament of what? Baseball. Okay. Dude, Shohei was better than us. And it's single elimination. That's lit. It's a brutal tournament. Did they play a third? Huh? I wonder. How do you seed a single elimination tournament of every high school? I think it's probably like regional then expands. And then like you're seeded nationally after like doing it regionally. They actually just hired Connor Kelly. Yeah. And it's a brutal event because you'll have like favorites. But then they get upset by fucking Cinderella stories. And you have kids who are throwing 200 pitches in a game. Cause that like it's the last time they'll ever get to compete. That shit's falling off the bone like the Gucci back there. Their arms get fucked up. Damn. So let's get an online to commentate that. That'd be really cool. Hey, could we even do that? I'm not even listening, dude. Do it. No, I don't think there's structure enough. Can we do it in collegiate sports? Collegiate sports were pretty successful at it. Do you go World Series? Kind of the same thing. But is it divisioned out the same way in Japan? Where like in collegiate sports, you only do that with like D1, right? Like you're not. Yeah. But like, I think it's probably. I think it's probably pretty similar. Like, I think because we have a really good collegiate system. I mean, it's kind of fucking sloppy, the divisions, but. The size of our country stops us from doing cool shit like this a lot. It is a little. It's just a massive country. It is quite big. And there's 50 little countries inside the country. I think D1 sports operate pretty well. Japan got a lot of people, though. Japan has a lot less people than us. I guess they got fewer. They got like a third. They got fewer people. They got a third. Fewer babies. And it's smaller, so you can get around. I think going to Shinkansen. Shinkansen. We can't. You can't. Let me ask you something, Aiden. Yeah. I'm not talking to you. Yeah, what do you want? What's up, man? Woo. Four and a half. Sorry. Is it okay if Chevin sits in on this? Four and a half inches. Is it okay? My friend Chevin's here. He's going to sit on it. Chevin's got a. Chevin can sit in. Five rock. Sorry. Five rock. Five rock. Five rock. Four and a half saw. Four and a half saw. He likes interrupting people. It don't change much. Genuine question. Not for Chevin. Not for Chevin. Chevin might answer, though. Hey, Jamin, what if A-Track dies horribly? Who do you choose from one of us to take his place on LS? Oh, my God. Chevin's free. And we're all enthusiastic. We really want to do it. Chevin. Chevin. I don't think. It's Chevin Slimer, Nick. Our sponsors don't like you, Chevin. What? We don't need sponsors where we're going. They don't like your posts on X. We're going rug pull. Yup. Yup. Yeah, you were bench pressing with Nick. I was bench pressing with Nick Fuentes the other day on X. We're selling lemonade sand. And every grain is one corn. Lemonade sand. Lemonade sand. I like that. You think Adria dies in a visceral accident? Yeah. A freight train. I'd pick one of you three. Yeah. You would have to. Why do I have to? You have to. That's the fucking question. Well, we would make you. Because everyone, because all the other viable people are gone, too. You are the king and all three of us are kneeling in front of you like in a Kira Kurosawa film. And it can't be just me and Doug now? No. We already watched that. Oh, who is it? Are you kidding me? Because we expect to succeed into the role. Smarter child talking to Grock. Right. So if you don't pick one of us, we'll all plot to overthrow you. Okay. So for political reasons, you actually kind of have to pick one of us. Wow. It's just, it feels so, it feels. Who would it be? I mean, this is the plot of the movie Run. It just feels like Chevin, even though he's the most racist of the three of you. Oh my God. Well, if you're a missionary, you want to have a racist on you. You want to have a racist on there. Yeah. If you're playing H-Dog, you want to have a racist on there, bro. What a three minute missionary answer. You guys would be horrible. I'd be amazing. You'd both be horrible. Why me? Huh? Why me? Because you wouldn't have any input that would be related to what they talk about. Yeah, I don't, but they do the input thing and I do, I'm salt and pepper. I come in. This is the problem with Nick is somebody, so we finally have an important guest on. Like somebody would roll up and then they'd walk in and then Nick would be in the corner. What if I had a pussy? I'm a pussy. No, that's his problem. That is Slime's problem. No, no. That's what you would do. You quoted that. That's what you said. I said, what if I had a pussy? But not to a stranger. Yeah. You would say it to a stranger. The issue is you'd have like the professor of economics from Cambridge and Slime would be like, so what do you fucking do? What do you even fucking do? What do you, what the fuck's a professor? Professors would love that kind of language. They love people fucking meeting them on their level. I don't think so. No, no. It's the opposite on this show where we have to prep. Oh, so you ask the questions. Oh, AKA flush. AKA flush. AKA swirl on the dick. And you have to suck a little econ professor cock on the show. Oh, you have to swirl on the glands. You have to squirt on the glands. And the issue. And have the Shopify CEO on and be like, and squirt, squirt. Does it make you feel good to swirl on the glands? Yes. And, and Chevin. Nick's disgusted at what you do. Look at his face. You're making it glisten. Do you realize that? Chevin swirls on the glands. Do you realize that? When you swirl on the glands. You're making it glisten and make little noises. I would argue. The funny thing is. The funniest version of the show. Oh, there's a bubble. I would argue the funniest version of the show is with Nick. Nick, Nick makes the funniest version of the show for three weeks after Atriog dies. Okay. And then, and then they're all like, the viewers are just like, wait, this is how I thought it was. This has, this, this show has too much freestyling on it. Wait, this is the yard two. This became the yard two. That's what the lemonade stands fan sounds like in my head. Yeah, they do sound like that. This is the yard two. I don't really like this. They're just fucking around too much. i want to hear the fucking economics like that that's how they all sound why are they they're all heaving and out of shape they're heaving ls fans are classically out of shape they either were nine they weigh 90 pounds or 600 let me say chevin's with you chevin but the pot shouldn't be talking about the kettle like chevin will be good if we want to expand the rumble i always talk about the turtle fluff not even the tongue oh they were there dude the fans were creaming yeah you looked hot as fuck last episode about me last if you dress nicely you'll look better it's the worst i've ever looked in my life physically and they were creaming you just dressed up a little nicer put it away drop it yeah if for once in your life you wore something that wasn't just your beat sneaks and your tight lulus in a graphic tee you would look hot how would we dress him if we dressed him i would genuinely daily daily daily i'm telling you that's what i said last episode i would pull up cam newton and i would just fucking pick one of the google searches and pace it on him no it wouldn't it'd be too cartoonish yeah it looks like you look so hot sick fantasy it's just it's just you in a mumford and sons music video in a barn i dress you up like you're a new member on queer eye go to town on linus look yeah look up queer eye real quick take your pick honestly that's such a general certainty what is he gonna look up look up queer you just want to see gay men okay click that first that second one yeah that guy on the left yeah i would i would i would a hundred percent give you that well they're all the hosts nick oh i thought the guy on the left was the guy no no they're all the guys why do i only know the guy on the left because i only know the guy because he's louder you would dress me like these guys yeah the dude on the right looks money he's got the pirate thing if you had the outfit on the wait a minute pause enhance holding hands holding hands yeah they're gay man holding hands okay holding hands oh the black man that's so fucked up they are not holding his hand yeah to be fair it doesn't look like he wants to be yeah i think he's just i think he's just stunting i wouldn't want to either if they didn't want to hold my hand yeah i know what you mean because it's like you don't fire me i quit but he he looks fabulous you don't gay fire me i gay quit i gay quit and i'm gay quitting this show i'm going to gay ls i'm guessing you've never watched queer eye uh yeah you're watching it like when i was a teenager i'd love gay ls yeah you would huh gay ls what would that what would that change gay ls it's already gay it'd be just me just you just me i'd listen to a solo aiden podcast i would do that it would just be the same thing but after doug you haven't even listened to the solo aiden episode of this show i would listen i'm saving it if i could when you eventually go off to white paradise and i mean we don't even fucking talk anymore we don't even fucking hang out anymore you'll hang out and it's all you're gonna be in fucking a different country we're not gonna hang out when you're in sweden you're talking about how there's too many muslims who are coming in over it's once you go to sweden you can't make because i'm with you i would pay i would pay a monthly subscription to have a little microphone that you wear right here that you don't even think about and i just want to hear the things you say to yourself throughout the day when you're just like i'm gonna be like i'm gonna be at home typing i'll be like i should i would hate that you hear the sound of the world's biggest bull hitting the desk and you're like oh he got pho you got pho this is gonna be like swedish pho probably hits like shit oh my god it's probably great bro tastes like garbage all right guys the best food in sweden is the people who move there who make food yeah well i guess it's the u.s too uh guys we're going to go to this the patreon episode where we're shooting right after this so it's gonna suck really bad i hope you enjoy your stay wait but we're gonna tell you who we've been talking about all this time the whole time we've been talking about we'll reveal it it's a big secret yeah and the patreon episode he's gonna get squeamish again he's gonna be disgusted again we can't keep it in we can keep it in yeah watch me keep it in watch me and we'll watch you with the camera in your room make you keep it in bye