Ep. 226 - YOUTUBE BANNED THIS EPISODE

(upbeat music) - Dude, it would suck to get a dog from your puppy mill and it just has puffy nipples and you gotta stare at 'em. You paid like $800 for a puppy and it has puffers. Guys, it's disgusting. - What do we come on? - I'm so genuinely glad I ignored everything you just said. Like, I mean, that's so sincerely. Like, what are we doing here if not excited at the idea of talking about that? - About puffer nipples? - Yes. - Just any puffer nipples. - Dog. - Look at that. - A designer of corgi with eight puffers, eight peperos. - And you guys throw it in the pool and all these other dogs laugh at it 'cause they've had a paddle around. - It's wearing a shirt in the pool. - Yeah, throw a dog shirt in the pool. What's over there? What are you gonna write? - That's flickering. - Oh. - Is it perfect in the lights? - It's using the iPad. - It's a dog shirt with a bone on it, but it's soaked through and the puffers are on it. - You've got puffy nipples poking through that shirt. - You guys, you know what? I realize about you guys. - What did you realize? - I realized you guys are real comfortable joking about animals. - Okay. - Yes. - Yeah. - Because you don't own one. - I had pets growing up. - That don't count. - If I had a dog's name was Booger. - 'Cause Booger was fucked up. - 'Cause children don't really take care of the pet. - Huh? - Children don't really take care of the pet. - I had pets like into my 20s. - You didn't take care of the pet. - But they didn't live with you when you moved out. - When I moved out, they no longer lived with me. - That's what I'm saying. - So they lived with me while I lived with them. - Yeah. - That's a kid pet. Can you pet the different than a doll pet? - They might. - Yeah. - They do need a pet. I live with my dog. - So are you saying that? - Bro, good dishes. - My roommate, such a piece of shit. - Left water all over the ground. - He's got a puffy nipple, so nice. - I think you would talk less about fucking animals if you had one. Yeah, I think you would. - I'd talk less and do more. - For sure. - Yeah, well, I think I'd lash out all the time. - 'Cause you don't have a pet. - 'Cause I don't have a laprador to go home and suck my dick. - It's not out. - I feel like I'm gonna have a big hole. - Can I just talk about fucking my Corgi's massive pepperones without wanting to fuck the dog? - Imagine Aiden finding out he's allergic to peanuts because he's trying to put peanut butter on his balls. - I'm like, "How the hell are you?" - He's swell up. - Come on. - And you're at the fucking doctors. You have swollen, swollen nuts. And you have to be like, "I put peanut butter on the allergic "reaction, but what did you put on?" - Not an allergic reaction. - You were working for a woman. - Did he have sex? - I loaded him up with peanut butter. - I wanted my dog to suck my butt. - I should make peanut butter in four sex. - No, no. - Like K-Y peanut butter. (laughing) - You know what I'm saying? - I think you buy it as Spencer's. - I was thinking, is there the guys who have the ball, they have their dog eat the peanut butter off their bone or whatever, do they put it on the balls? - It's the opposite. It's for the balls. - No, I'm not talking about in general. - But I'm saying that I think the thing is that you put it on your nuts. They lick it off your nuts. - Yeah. - I was gonna put a peanut butter on their shaft. - I don't think you want your dog to be teething you. - Oh my. - Teething you, yeah. - Well you're teething your nuts, that makes me, look at him. - Young man. (laughing) - Young man. - I think my point's been proven. I feel good about myself. - Young man, the ball's only. (laughing) - No shaft. - What is a U-3 thing? - No ball. - What are you down? - Sexual energy. - Whether they stop it. - Kitto. No ball, no shaft. - You're just sorry, what? - Just the nuts. - 13th century name do you have for a dog? - I know, I love really. - Whether it be? - Yeah, I love really advanced, like a ball. - Oh! - That's gross. - Zipper, that's what I'm fucking talking about. Flavored massage oil. - Peanut ball. - Baby, I'll be home. I gotta pick up something to lick on the way. - That's cool. - That's like how a mistress would kill you for your fortune-ident. - Yeah. (laughing) - I want you to dream with me. It's like my whole family's dead. It's just me and my dog at the end of the candy war. - Okay. - You're the candy war. - It's me and my dog. - He loves it. - And I use my last Reese's cup on my balls. (laughing) - So you're saying like I am legend, but it's just real smith that he's dig sucked. - No, no, no, no. - I can't do my insurance. - No, no, no, no, no. - It's too gross. - My dig's not getting sucked. He's licking my balls. - What is he doing? - Why are you getting smith? - But it's checking if the dog's dead. - He's like, he's like, come on boy. Come on. - You're licking his balls in front of his nose. - He's licking his balls in front of his nose. - He's licking his balls. - It's licking his balls in front of his nose. - All my friends like the Simpsons, too, it just came out. - I say no, son, because I've made it this far and I've never watched it. So how bad is it to me? - And I transfer my trauma. - And then my baddie mom, your baddie grandma, and that means he's going to let you watch the Simpsons. - He's going to let you watch the Simpsons. - No Simpsons, no screens in this house. Go play with your Corgi's pepperon. - 11 years old. - The Simpsons comes up to you. - Papa, I want to make a tweet account. - Yeah. - I want to see what it's like on tweets. - I want to go next to Amaranth's daughter. - She's got a German one, too. - I have one sexy German kid. - No, that means that's sexy. - No, he's not sexy. - You're the sexy boy. - You said he was a sexy kid. - No, my kid is dog shit ugly. - I guess you said you have a sexy kid. - No, you can't. - No, I think that's bad. - But you can kiss your kid on the lips. - You can kiss your kid on the lips. - She is a sexy baby in a song. - Let me just try. - Kissing the kid on the lips is not as bad as calling him sexy. - Yes. - If you're a parent, you are allowed to call your kid sexy. If you do not kiss it on the lips. - Oh wait, if you do kiss it on the lips. - If you are not allowed to say that. - It's for prisoners, prisoners to live. - Who's the number one people who are hurting the kids? - The left. - Oh. - Try again. - Oh shit. - Try again. - Oh. - Slam Dunkerone on the pepper road, man. - Kobe just did fucking dunking over a quarry with huge nibbles. I can't reach Sue. - Who's the number one who is hurting the kids? - Yes. - I don't know what you were imploring. Tell me the answer. - Well, the answer is other kids in the purge. But the second, the number two is that their parents. - Oh. - Their parents, which is why the parents are the most organized. - That's why they call it sexy. 'Cause it would be so like not happy. Like, thanks for calling me sexy. Mom, dad. - Well, what was he saying? Kelby's unironically like that. He imagines situations that hate kids and then talks about it. - You imagined situations that hate everybody. - You imagined situations that kill the child. - You imagined situations of Kelby imagining these situations. - Yeah. - Kelby said one sentence kind of about this one time. - You're like, I'm at high school. school you were a fucker and you're already mad about it but you're a fucker. I bet you were a student counselor you're a fucker. Oh my god. I got it. I got it. I got a yearbook photo of Kelbee in high school. No, but he looks the same. Does he have like a Ludwig high school haircut? You think he'll be mad if I put it up here? Yeah, if he has showed it to the people for sure. We'll blur it, but we'll look at it. We can look at it, but yeah, double you. You can just ask him to. He's outside and we're gonna blur it. I would just talk to him. No, yeah, that'd be simple. I think it's funny to blur it because then it's this eldritch. It's just respectful to ask him. Just ask him. Ask him to what? What did he show us all on his phone? It's the same thing. No, it's not. What are you talking about? It's a podcast. Yeah, we blur it. Yeah, either it's just a second horny. It's a recoil. Yes, it was a recoil. Show me water, pull Kelbee. He looks fine. It's great. It's the context of who he is now. He looks fine. What is the context of this now? The baby Looney Toon's Kelbee. He's like teaching all the other kids about finance. Your Wath IRA. Five year old. Taz is a brand risk. Baby Walsh. Baby Walsh, he's making me money. Baby Walsh, he's playing Halo still. Yeah, he actually looks. He's got neck. You can. That's where I draw. You're talking about a minor. And now he's not on the high school. He's not on the high school. Literally a high school. He's got 10 wonderful minutes. 10 wonderful minutes of towing the line. He's in the book of high schoolers. Look at how long his. He's talking about a high schooler. He's not a kupa. He's got the chat neck a little bit. He's got the Adam's apple of a guy with a guy with a different style. What you were saying. Look at his trap. Look at his trap. He's got one big trap. He's got game of trap. But the left arm beat. Man. Well, actually he's in high school. He's a high school brother. He's going to beat off now. He'll be a high school. Yeah, but you don't get. You don't get to talk about high school. It's not so. It's true. I guess you can talk about it. We learned about it in health. We live in America. That's true. And we talk about whatever. China. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. But you should it. You know, that's not. But you shouldn't. Dude, I like. I like your facial hair. Are you being mean? I'm not being mean. Because it sounds like you're setting up to be mean. So something about what weirdly would happen to your facial hair is that it's growing more. I think it's a 30 year old thing. Well, yeah, I think I look. I've long held that I can grow facial hair. It's growing. It's hand. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it can look good. It's looks funny at the moment. But it looks better than it all. Then it like usually. My dad had a beard. Okay. Okay. And it was big. Yeah. And he talked about it. Yeah. Or why? Yeah. That's right. And so I can do it too. Okay. I said to push through. Stone beard. Yes. Stone bread. I just have to push through this face is what I think my theory is. That's a lot of people. Yeah. It's so itchy. And I want to shave it so bad. Do you get stuff cut in the mustache? It's not that big. I also don't eat that crazy. You eat crazy. I was watching the documentary about Jeremy Fragrance. Have you seen that? No. There's like a YouTuber who like flew to me. You know Jeremy Fragrance? I don't know the documentary. Oh, I know he knows Jeremy Fragrance. I take jerk off, but it don't come since I do it. But I don't come. He starts off the documentary almost immediately talking about how he just jacked off off camera. It's pretty cool. Jeremy Fragrance does. Yeah. But there's a clip where he needs to know he didn't come. He did not know. He's being his route. He's keeping it up. He's so awesome, man. But he that's what I expect to help me to look like in high school pick. Like fucking Gavin Newsom. In the middle of it he's making lunch for the guy who's filming him for the documentary. And it's such a fucked up thing he eats every day. But I was just like slime would have loved this. What is it? It's like seaweed. And then inside there's sardines, way powder, like a million spices, like so much salt and pepper, a jalapeno or jalapenos. I think he's got me fucked up because I don't like seasoning things very much. If you're going to find it. If you can find a zipper somewhere in the middle of that documentary, you'll see it in the thumbnail. And then they took it. He takes a big bite out of it and he makes a face like like like he's up in it. Like. Oh, like he's enjoying it. Like like he's lapping it up. Uh-huh. I think you play Scrandal. Yeah. Yeah. I play Scrandal. Germans are fucked. They're dude. You go to a German football stadium. It's like Dortmund FC and it's like a literal fish with a toothpick through it. It's like unknown Scran. Yeah. And it's like, dude, you hate unknown Scran. It's one euro 49 P. And then it's going against fries that look like they came out of an ass. And you're like, fuck man. Like the silent hill enemy. That is a burger. Yeah. Dude, it's fucked what they do in Europe. The Germans, they eat whatever. Like there's one that's just toast and there's just onions on it. And they'll call it pizza. Yeah. Like they do fucked up shit like that where where it's like it's like a pizza got bagel and then it has like pickles on it. And it's like open face burger. And if there's a pint behind it, you know, it's like a nine nine. As long as there's a pint. Yeah. A pint buff in that game is crazy. It also saturation. But for the pictures, it's kind of nice. Or if you can see the soccer field, it helps. Yeah. These are dog eyeballs. We love. We found us dog Nipos from Sweden. If they've never been in a pool, they're a delicacy. We can't fry that. There's no choice. It's like caveats. God, that's where we need to go next. We need to go to Berlin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every time you've been in Berlin or one, Mr. World's not only been one. This is it. This is it. Okay. Wow. That does look horrible. This is garlic. Is he wearing an all white suit? That is so much garlic powder. You know why he says because it helps your boner. Oh, it does look so good. Just take the sauce road. Just genuinely take the sauce road. I cannot look at him. And without thinking about it, that freaks me out. He had this TikTok where he like sneezed and a giant tonsil stone came out. Yeah. And I said, but it's the grossest thing ever. And I can't. Oh, that's a joke. He's kidding. I don't know, man. This is a ridiculous amount of parts of the oregano or the parsley and the parsley and the oregano. It's because it's because back in the day in Germany, they'd say like you have any sort of illness in your body at all ever. You eat oregano. It just gets rid of it. He costs it must be the driest cough to ever exist. How is his throat not charcoal? I want to see him put it down his gullet. And then watch the pepper watch the pepper. Oh, you really get in there with the pepper fresh cracked pepper. This is for him. This is unbelievable. I know what the pepper I can blame. That amount of peppers find to me. He's going to eat all of these. Oh, yeah, he finishes it. No, no. The third one is for the camera guy. And then I think the first two are for him. I think the middle one is maybe meal prep or he eats two of them to follow me one thought. Yeah, German. Yeah. I believe he is German. Yes. Yeah. All right, just go a little bit forward until you because I'm more ingredients. I'll just try to wrap him really quick. Watch him wrapping it. He implies that he does this every day and he cannot wrap it. That's why the like what I love what he was saying. I think it's for the for the Graham. That one actually does really well. The first one is what the first one is wet and like he kind of breaks it and shit. You do need a big one. He'll be pulling it. He claims there's gold in it. Sure. Yeah, man. The gold might suck the the bees might suck the gold out. Dude. Yeah, it's too wet. He wet it too much. Oh, no, look, I don't play him. This is exactly good to see yourself to handle. Go to the evening. Dude, look at how he look at his eyes when you take the first bite. I want to say that first bite. Wait, isn't that a yeah, he's a pretty he's a big YouTube Robinson. What's his name? I can't Tyler. It's Porter Robinson's brother. It is shit. Yeah. That's like Dan Aoki and Steve Aoki. Really watch this. He's going to be in this shit. We're in pop. We're in high speed right now. That's how long he shooting. Dude, it looked like it was slow. And then him coming in for my sake. God. This is genuinely how slime eats sardines out of cans. No, no, no, no, no, you guys know what I'm saying. I don't like that. I don't savor a thing. Okay. So what I would like about it is the sardines and the seaweed and the dog eating the peanut butter off the sardines balls. He also says in this. I didn't it's just true. He says sardines and anchovies are the same fish. One's just gets bigger. I don't know. Is that real? That's it sounds like it's different. It was like it turned into a certain size. They become and I mean that's like saying it's an Italian great. Well, you actually that can be true. Right. If a fish is a certain size is a different fish. No, I think that coming from Jeremy fragrance. I don't trust anything he says. Like if a yellowtail's big enough it becomes a booty. Really? What? So that makes sense. He's a booty. Oh, buddy. What was I going to say that he don't trust him because I don't trust him because it's Jeremy fragrance? German? Well, inherently. I don't trust him because his whole thing is getting attention. So I think he you know, I think he he's just a cartoon character of a man. But I think if he is a cartoon character of a man, it makes him more successful. Do you see what I'm saying? But do you think the jerk off thing was like because that was so off the cuff? I think that was probably genuine. Right. But I think what was interesting about that is being being candid about something so personal. - It will, you know, in a. Like it talking about sense when he wasn't supposed to be talking about jerking off. Yeah, he voluntarily shared information out of nowhere That he couldn't come when he jerks off. He's just a streamer, bro Yeah, I guess so he's just a streamer who reads crazy crazy fucking fish Do you know watch Wolf of Wall Street last night banger my girlfriend was like okay? I want to watch three there's three movies. I haven't watched that I want to watch the social network The Wolf of Wall Street lovely an American psycho. I'm like, she should never seen those movies I've never seen them and I was like this is this is the pics of a girl that a guy is imagining on for a chance I know date one day. I just like 27 year old's favorite movies I know and I was like why do you want to watch like Christian bail was in the social network? I'd be like I think there's a Maybe she should also watch the dark night Want to watch Batman? It's my favorite. Yeah, it was she yeah, I was like Why do you want to watch these like sigma like? Yeah, like fucking if Roman statue pfp movies and she's like I didn't even think about that. I just think they're interesting and I'm like you have to work some shit out We're gonna watch wolf wall wall wall wall wall wall wall wall wall wall street because I don't know I thought it was it's a trace. It was dude. It's too long. They're awesome Yeah, I forgot it's three hours and then at the end it says Martin Scorsese and I'm like that's fucking why yeah This guy thinks that people give a shit about a three-hour movie still give me a tight 90 See where he where he cut him in crawls to his car is pretty cool. Yeah, I don't know what truck is with you on It's quite loose, but also I didn't like that scene because he's crawling around He can't use his legs and then he starts using his legs in the car. No before the car and in the car. What are we doing? What are we doing? There's there's actually a really good background on that scene He like did a character study on this like really really fucked up guy who walks into a 7-Eleven and he mirrors all of his movements from like security camera footage really Yeah, well, I guess I'm stupid. You don't bro. You never been on the ludes Leo's been on the ludes he's then on the ludes and he feeds him to his 25-year-old girlfriend like a horse in Margo looks beautiful In Margo does look beautiful in it. We a new social network. I think we do for about Elon About oh my god X dude, can I we don't we get that Chinese guy to play. Yeah, we get Elon Ma The play did you see it? Did you meet him Chinese? In Japan no, no, no, no, no, not in Japan. Yeah Where then where would I met him? You've gone to China Why do you think he last one the China? Yeah, when I was 14 when I was 14. I went to Beijing You think he's just in fucking China, bro. Dude. He but he plays Elon musk Takes him to think of English words. That's my favorite part of these We're what he's looking around with the cops are looking for him Yeah I hear just the beginning. It's cool because he looks like Elon Musk, but he talks like Quabble cop want to hear the phrase Hey Yeah, that's cool. All right. That's crazy. Anyway, you get him to play Elon I want to be in it. Who am I? Who do I get to be? You can be a user who is you I'm trying to use her I want to get to Elon yeah, and I'm in and I heard him in an fictional sense Aiden would play the big fan of Elon who's like like like his a his bio says like investing crypto blockchain Yeah, he has seven followers I have to find my own and they're better than yours I'm gonna play the Russian who owns the bot farm. Oh And I'm like can I be a dick drop shipper like somewhere? We can guys. We can't be user You have to keep people in his life. Can I be the guy who stands in front of him when he when he brings in the sink? Yeah, oh Aiden can be grimes Yes Your grimes that's that's the real story It's not about the social network. It's about how he got his heart broken and what a represent scene where grimes Zedid at Elon about their kid that'll be the saddest part of the movie She has to use the platform to get to him and I'll type and she's like you have to your daughter Revee is 87 minutes of him naming his kid and they're going through names and they end up with the name They got oh my god rock made a new letter. I'm gonna name our kid it scored and Written by rock. That's right. Oh my god. She rocks in the onward now No Mecca Hitler who gave him the card? The the pass I think rock is the past is rock black rock. I guess rock is gull by the everything happens black But in color literally, right? I would think no. I would think you have to be Coded I was thinking codes you. Yeah, if it's a black man if a black person code You don't know who coded rock right wasn't you long? I don't think you don't hire a black person 16 year old guy a kid that he hired Is it I thought he hired some 16 year-old whiz kid for the department is that easy? Excellent. Oh, I thought he did X. I thought he was a next. No, I don't think so, but so grox at the n-word now we're canceling rock mom Grox at the n-word Close the computer dear We should make an AI. Okay, I had this idea for a while AI didn't And it's a bot that talks like eight in and you can ask him questions and sometimes he doesn't hear you I have to pay you have to pay more. It would be fun if AI didn't answer every time Like sometimes it's just like sorry, I wasn't really listening. Can you say it again? I was busy It doesn't respond to like four hours later. That's playing kind of struggling to you. Yeah. I was being a robot Yeah, I should get I should be busy sometimes like answering someone else's question and should be like I'm busy right now It would reciprocate the human experience more. I think actually this is a really good idea We for like when we do the the website for merchant stuff and we have like we have a customer support chat bot and it's the AI didn Yeah, and we like drain it to be like eight and that'd be really fun this was a ethical use of it This was the literal idea we had Why won't it was exactly this why we leave if ideas in the cutting room for the idea The idea originally was we have a merch drop where there's a an AI It's like new AI tool shopper tool and you can click on it and then a picture of Aiden and only his boxers pops up and Helps you shop and then you can drag clothes on to his body. He'll be like wow that'll look awesome That was the original idea. We didn't do it. I couldn't find me on a make it Yeah Every year we do it we do it in first shop and I go can we do a item that everyone's like yeah, then it never happened But I guess I got to make it we just need to do it but it's not AI because I think it'd be easier Well, it's not actually AI Actually, it would just be it would actually be me manually answering Yeah, because that's way easier because it's actually probably harder to it would have like it would have like 50 messages It can say yeah, so it's it's it's funnier because it's clearly not. Yeah, it's like the earlier version of this whole idea It works for the business, but some people get the actual me some people get the real me some people get the real you and you're actually Like live 24/7 behind a green screen putting clothes on yeah, and you can jailbreak you like those TikToks You're seeing those were the guys jailbreak take the jailbreak AI He makes a hallucinate and throw up and shit like they like talk. They talk to it in a very specific way And then it can like teach them how to make like really hard drugs. It's not supposed to yeah Yeah, yeah, or or it's like at terminated. It like user terminated It goes from saying like oh dude that's such an awesome idea. You're really awesome. I'll be your therapist forever and then I'm worth less worth less. It's so awesome. That's cool. Hey do me a favor close your eyes Imagine having your week of meals everything that you eat Already decided for you with personalized options, and I want you to make sure your hat is pointing forward when I tell you Why doesn't need to point forward? It's just important for me to say focused Imagine all your meals for this week. We're chosen. It's for you predetermined. Yeah. Yep High-quality nutritious food options. It's been personalized. They're also personalized and you're recommend and With your recommendations and there's over 15,000 recipes. How's that sound? Sounds great. This all can be provided to you by Hungry Root today's sponsor But who? Hungry Root. Hungry Root is today's sponsor and if you know and one of the things I want to say is Hungry Root can save you time Aiden. Do you realize that save me time? Yeah You can save you time by not having to plan your meals every week You don't have a lot of time left on the surface. Why not save some of it? Yeah, you don't have a lot of time left on the surface We know that for sure. Are you crying? Is there a health? It's just very moving to you. Is there a health goal you're working towards because Is it oh, it's weight loss, right? I'm building muscle. Well, they have they have protein rich meals that are low calorie That can help you lose weight and gain muscle like you've been talking about you can eat stuff like pesto-baked salmon You don't have to cry But the pesto-baked salmon and veggies is off. I want to say vodka sauce for good Tony meatballs. Oh Sounds delicious. Oh It is good. You know what you can find all this information and where you can get Hungry Root for a discount You can go to hungerroot.com/theyard and use code the yard for a limited time and get 40% off your first blocks Your first blocks your first box plus get a free item in every box for life. Not crying - Stop crying dude. - Oh my god, this is emotional 'cause I think everyone should be right now. Hunger.com/yard use code the yard for 40% off. - Your first box and a free item of your choice for life, Aiden. - The rest of my life? - The rest of your life is one man. Which isn't long. - However long it is. - It'll be pretty long for us though. We also get that benefit. So go to hungerroot.com/theard and use code the yard. - Will you die I'm taking it over? I'm gonna get your free item. Bye bye. - Let's see. - Bye bye. - We're doing in great glorious Neapon. - I'm sure we're talking about it. - What I do in China last week. - He was actually being hella racist. - Yeah. - No. - He was going around talking to people in Chinese. - I was not. - He was going around and Japanese and I didn't see it. - And he was saying, "Wall the Baba." And by the way, - What? - Engines are real high between the two. - I was not telling, I was not saying "Wall the Baba." - That's what they call Chinese words. - Japanese is what Chinese were you saying. - Hmm? - What Chinese were you saying? - What? (speaks in foreign language) - I wasn't saying this. - I wasn't saying this in Japanese people. - I wasn't saying this. - Jesus. - You know what? You guys learning Chinese has been pretty fun. - That's good for the show. - I don't know like that. I wasn't saying that. - So what were you saying? - I was saying, - Oh sure. - Oh sure. - To brand. - Oh, what's that mean? - He was speaking Chinese to Atriok. - What were you saying? - I was just doing, I was, I'm not the part I'm wondering. (laughs) - You know, you know when you go on a trip with Ludwig. And he isn't streaming it all out. And he gets a little antsy and he has fun being a little goofy guy. - Bouncing off the walls. - Maybe he's fucking with you a little bit. Imagine that dynamic, but it's me torturing Atriok the entire week. - Oh my God, you're the Ludwig. - Yeah. - I love that. - I'm just making brands of life miserable. And one of the main ways I can do this is I just say things in Chinese people. - I'm only Chinese to make your mouth miserable. I'll just, we'd just be hanging out and then I'd whisper something in Chinese to him. - And he gets mad like there's a fly on it. - He's like, "Why are you doing this?" "What are you doing?" (laughs) - It sounds like paradise. - Wait, wait, wait. - It sounds like paradise. - Yeah, and I had a great week. I had a phenomenal week. - You said you hated Tokyo. You said you don't fuck with Japan at all. - Yeah, I'm on my fuck Japan chair right now. - Why is that? - Wait a minute. - Wait a minute, wait a minute. - 'Cause I'm sick of the goddamn rules. And I'm sick of the fucking this Japan. - What is it? - I'm sick of it. I went to the pool. I wanted to go to the pool in the hotel. And I just, normally you just get in the pool, right? And I angle and the guy at the working the pool deck stops me and then says, "We have to go over the rules together." And then he brings out a whole sheet and we have to read off the rules one by one of the pool. And then in order to swim in the pool, you need a swimming cap and goggles. And he has to assign me to a lane. And the, oh, it's a lane to pool. Like, like you would let you do that. - So you want it to work out for swim. - Well, one part of it isn't a lane. So I'm like, I'm getting that part of the pool. - Yeah, you're, I want the casual on the phone. - You want to get on the phone, man. - I want the ball pit section. - And the skill base mattresses. - Anyway, let me. - He's going through the rules. He's like, you need to wear the swim cap. You need the goggles. You need to suck me off later. - And then just make sure you also don't have tattoos. So they were probably very-- - Vayne butterson. I don't think tattoos matter in a pool. - I'd tattoos matter on your skin, a lot of me. (laughing) - Well, it depends on how recently you got them 'cause they're with racing. You can't go in the pool. - And what do you do? - And then other shit, like little things. Like all of the, you know, we have to like put stamps on all the paperwork when we like check into the hotel. And like it has a sign that says you can tap your credit card, but when I go to tap my credit card to pay. - So you hate it. - They're like, no, no, no, no, no. - Do you hate Japan? - Do you hate Japan? - That's the conclusion. - No, I'm just, I'm over it. I'm over it. Because everybody talks about how fucking go to Japan-- - I've never had this experience. - And I had this realization on this trip. Everything that people like about Japan is just shit that you can go to other cities for too. They don't have all the weird baggage. They have a lot, I think Japan has a lot of structural baggage. - You're, I mean, you're well-traveled, so I'll take your word for it. - And Japan's still amazing. It's like, I love it. - And if I'm a China, and I open my phone to go to YouTube short, and it's not there, I'm gonna fucking kill myself. And I'm gonna take one person, it won't be there. - It will be there. - It will be there. - I promise you, it will be there. - Your phone has an automatic VPN. They don't care about you, you check it, you do. - Why? - Okay, so you go to Japan, you hate his bureaucracy. - Yes, so you truly are an American. It's fucking-- - There's a lot of biarchs in Japan. - And I was just trying-- - I had the realization that I've been to Japan enough times that I can now zoning on the things that I don't like. - Lord, let me ask you a question. You get on an escalator in Japan. - Yeah. - And those on the right side are standing, and those on the left side are walking. - They stand on the left. - Either way, what do you know I'm saying? - Yeah. - Do you like that rule? - That social rule. - Wait, the standing aspect or the specifics about the sides? - I think he's talking about the construct. - Obviously, the aspect that people are following a social rule. - Oh, that's amazing. - For the better minute. - And one of the Americans, my biggest peeps with Americans is that they have no escalator editing. - What if I before you got on the escalator, there's a man to be like, "This is the side you stand on," and there's a paper, and it's the side that you walk on. Would you hate it now? 'Cause a man told you to do it? - No, because if he was doing that, it would be a little funny in a country where everybody is clearly doing and following that rule correctly already. But ultimately, that wasted no time. - What if you had gone to Japan knowing that when you go in pools, you're supposed to wear a cap and stay in a lane? - I don't even think that's. - Like, are you mad because the Japanese people want you to follow their customs? - That's what I'm asking. - That's the custom. - You're making the pool with your dirty asshole and put your water ass everywhere. - It's fucking your butt, you want to put your ass in it. - You want to put your ass in it. - Ooh, it's filling me up. - Oh, white American goes to Japan and wants it to be done his way. - It's filling me up, I can feel it. - I think it's important to be respectful. This is one thing that I don't like is when I go on trips to Japan with people and nobody will be named. But when they're not very cognizant of the amount of space they take up on the sidewalk. - Oh, what a piece of shit cock sucker. - And maybe the volume that they speak at. - It's just nature. - Just the most annoying fucking rock-ass American piece of shit. - He doesn't. He does American faux pas. Like, he's socially inept everywhere. - Yeah, that's why I think we should cut his head off with a sword in any country. - But what? - I mean that. I think being respectful, being respectful, genuinely, is important. It's just, and it's totally-- - You don't want to, what is it, you don't want to? - It's crazy, it's crazy. - Being respectful is important. - And the rule should be respect. - I think he's a, he's, so the fun. - No, but I'm a rule follower. I just, I've gone enough times that I'm like, oh, I want to complain about it this time. - I think the escalator thing's lame to be honest. - And also, I have one more bitch. - Oh. - One more bitch. - Okay. - Dude, in a rule, in a-- - What's up, was it for three? - In a society. - Oh, get me in a bitch. - I'm sorry. - That's fine. - You take that back. - I said sorry. - He doesn't have to. - I quickly-- - That's crazy. - I quit. - Whoa. - You're, you're a bitch. - Sorry. - That bitch? - I'll be an unchalker. - Sorry. - Sorry. - That's what I'm gonna say. - Go ahead. - You, with the bitch girlfriend. - In a place that has so many rules, and I think maybe what's kind of annoying is like the fake jobs that come with them. It's like the guy that stands outside of the construction site and just stands there all day. - Dude, there's like, what is it? - You know, 75% boys to girls there. We gotta have some bullshit jobs. - Dabs. - Is that the race? Is that it? - No, how would that-- - What's the names, race? - How would that even happen? - So I thought that was why they had such a male loneliness epidemic. - I think we're mixing up. We're mixing this epidemic 'cause nobody's getting married and nobody's having sex. We're offensively mixing up China, Japan again. - What is China that has that problem? - China has significantly more men than women overall because they go on childbirths. - Yeah, because for a long time. - Warzone is gonna be popping. - We're gonna be great, John. - Warzone will be, if it's servers are full, baby. - We gotta have a pool worker, seven. We gotta have random jobs, because that would do it. - I think there's also something that gets a different culture. - Are you trying to do, I don't care, where? - Wait, are you saying that women don't work? - I think you say women don't work. - And he's saying China and Japan seem same. - Explain the rules of the pool, that's a dude's job. - Ah! - You think that's a boy's job? - You're explaining the rules of the pool? - When they can't be explained the rules of the pool? - That's true. - Or she's probably explaining her beauty to someone if you're getting paid for some for it somewhere. - There was, when we went on the Hokkaido trip and we were going a bunch of reocans and we were like in the bath houses. There was one day we were in the locker room. There's a bunch of naked guys in the locker room and then the person cleaning the locker room was just an old Japanese woman. And I was like, oh, that's ball. - It is ball. Above a certain age, it's fine. - Yeah, it's just like, I've seen a window. - Yes. - She can't be 30 years old in cleaning it when a bunch of people have her penises out. - I think that comes with a great amount of experience in wisdom. - And I would appreciate. - You're imposing the ceiling on a woman. - Oh, that's what I'm saying. - Well, no, it's more like a high floor. - It's a high floor, it's a skill set. - It's my comfort. - 100%. - What I hate about Japan is that when you go order a coffee and you get like a non-dairy milk, they hand you a card. That says, I ordered non-dairy milk, everyone. - Really? - Yeah, and then you got to, at the end, you got to give it back. - I think this is so they don't accidentally mix it up. - Because there is such a much larger version of dairy. - And when you leave, they give you a hand. - They give you a bink. - They don't want to make them a steak. - They give you a non-dairy bink. - If the Starbucks cup with the binky on top, that's the three drinker. Nick would have his own, like, Ridge wallet, S, like, personal one. He's like, "No, I, I, yeah, I'll do it." - This guy, I think it's all sort of where I was playing poker at the bike, like, years ago. And this guy, it's like the one three table, like, it's the riff raff table. And this guy's, like, all in for $100 in white chips. So just this massive, like, stack. And he stands up and takes out his wallet and pulls out the all-in chip that the dealers use to throw onto the table. - Oh my God, he altered. - It was so sick, bro. And then he wins the hand and he's like, "Give me that back." The dealer was like, "Sure, yeah, that's yours." - That is so fucking weird. - But you'd be like, "And by the way, I'm at $200." - Yeah. - Yeah. - I think if you lose there, the dealer gets to keep it. - 100%. I tried to steal one once. Oh my God, it was crazy. The first time I've ever tried to kite something at the poker table, which is bad, 'cause it's usually stealing money, which I've never done. I tried to kite the damn all-in chip and someone ratted out. - I've never heard kite as thieving. - Yeah, it's like, you know. - It's usually what you do to zombies. - You do it to zombies and you do it to mid-laners. - Sometimes you accidentally do it to add a con for the other team. - Yeah, I need you to-- - Add to God. - But then someone narked on me. And then the dealer left and she's like, "Give it back." Like this happens a lot and like, "Okay, fuck." - That's such a nark. - It was crazy. - Was it poker or blackjack? What do you do? - It was poker. - Blackjack, they would cut my hands off right away. - Someone stole the envy chip for me. At Blackjack, it was very sweet. - I like that. - I don't know where it went though. - You can also just get them in the poker case. - Yeah, yeah, but I want the one. I want the played one. - The one for sure. - The play the one that's nice. It's a nice, it's a nice thief. - But I'm saying maybe they didn't steal it. They got it from the little metal case with the chips. - It was, oh, it's possible. Yeah, but it was dirty. It was like clearly table played. - Okay. - Yeah, it was like, it was like fact. Not fact new. It was a field tested. - Field tested. - Yeah, I've been wanting to go to Vegas pretty bad. That's been on my mind recently. - You're going this weekend. - You're going? - Yeah, for the thing. I'm doing a one day, I'm going to go, I do a one day. - I was asleep on the couch in the office listening to Kellby Broker, this deal with Ludwig, talking about him doing something. And I'm like, maybe I shouldn't hear this. Maybe I shouldn't be asleep on the couch in the office right now. - Why? - Well, 'cause it was personal details, Ludwig. - Well, I'm just going to an F1 race. There's an F1 race. I have a time to do a shoot there. So I'm going for a one day. - He's going for a one day. - And anyway. - And I'm throwing it down. - Yup. - Dude, can you do a show at the sphere? - Yeah, I can. - Anything you want? - Yeah. - The yard D&D live. - At the sphere? - 18,000 people at the sphere. Well, they sold out Madison Square Garden. That was more seats. - And we have gaping plot holes. Just right on the big sphere that everyone can look at. - Yeah. - We have no plot holes. - We have a lot of plot holes. - We have the last episode we had a lot. - We got yelled at, and we have to, it's up to Dave to solve the plot holes. - We're one of the plot holes. - We can't spoil. - We can't spoil. - Oh. - There's some spoiler. - Oh, it's a fucking spoiler. - It's a spoiler. - It's a spoiler. - I haven't seen Severin season two. Oh my God. He busts down helly. Shit. - Bro. - I guess you have seen it. - Oh, I just guessed. - You did it. - It's the last titties around and shit. - That's what goes. - Obviously, Sede. Otherwise, he wouldn't have reckoned. - No, no, 'cause it's, of course he does. - Do you have, does Mark S when he goes home and he smells titty on his breath? - Does he start to get suspicious? - Just opening his mouth at the top of the elevator. Just press him, it falls out of his mouth. - One of the flashes he gets while he's going in the elevator is just a breast in his mouth. He's like, what was that? - Mark has to go into the top of the elevator and just having so much peanut butter on his balls. - He's rock. Getting home and you smell like peanut butter, you're a rock solid. - It's not happening to work today. - Fuck, I have to have more. - He's like, I got titty on my breath. - He's all tortured and dark and stormy. - Severance, man, put a phenomenon. - That's actually a line from GTA IV that I remember did this day. Roman, Nico's cousin, who always calls you to go bowling. He says, "The way I want to die is like in bed with titty on my breath." And I was like, that's a good writing. I'm 17. - I wouldn't want to die like that. - Why not? - Titty on your breath? - When I'm dying? - No. - Oh, you want to die in some dumb way. You want to save a baby from falling in the grocery store and then get shot. - No, I want to die. I want to like, he wants to die on his vest, but bro. - God, who's, there's like a famous author. He was about to die and he just left. He was like 80, he just got up and left. He's like, "I'm gonna go die." And he just disappeared and then he, he was like weak and frail. So like a random couple took him in and then just housed him for a couple months and then he died. - As he died? - I would do that. - Why? - Where's the nobility? - I would go to Almori, Japan. - When he's there, he left. Like who did he leave? - That was his wife and children, so you won't do that. - Yeah, I would leave my wife and my children and my grandchildren. - Okay. - And I would say, I have to go die. - It's time to die. I don't, I no longer, and I would say, I don't want you to worry about me and I'd go to Alaska. - That's kind of baller. - You should die frozen. - So I'm really, (laughing) - I can Scooby-Doo, like caveman, and then maybe we try to unthought. - It's a generation of outdoor boys find me. - Yeah. - Oh God, and they're just like saying Mormon hymns while they're like chiseling your finger off. - And we gotta put you in a museum and it's like, this is what YouTubers do. You still look like. - You still look like. - 'Cause they're all AI now. - Yeah, they're all bots now. - Yeah, they're all bots. - We all watch V-Tubers. - We watch AI-Tubers. - You pick your grok and your number. - Do you think that's the future we're headed to? - What, AI creators that we actually watch? - People don't like that shit. - I think people don't like it. - I don't think I would do wrong. - No, no, no, no, sorry. - People like, I think people like it's slop in a way, but they don't like the idea of my wrong. - Do you know Neurosama? - What's Neurosama? - Neurosama is a project that's ongoing. It's an AI V-Tuber made by a creator named Veedle. It's been, but it's like, when I say ongoing, like I think this is like seven. - I just hear a huge sigh from Aiden. - I think it's like seven years old or something. - And it's beloved. - It's kind of like Hotsune. - Is it like innocently seven? Like is this a weird thing? - No, I don't think it's like sexualized. - Do you think it's a V-Tuber that's seven years? Why do they have to make it seven? - No, no, no, no. It's been going for seven years. - Oh, I mean, that could clearly be a seven-year-old. - To be fair, that looks like a seven-year-old girl with you and a big girl. - But why is there a band-aid on her knee? - She's called. - I guess she scraped her knee. - She's an AI artist. - AI artist. - Well, this freaks me out. - Right, right. - So this is like this is an AI. - Okay. - But I'm saying it's like. - And people like it. - People like it. - Who are the fans of the young? - No. - I need a young fan. - I don't think I probably should. - I don't like that. - I don't like that. - No, I don't like that. - Well, I guess this. - We don't want to interact with you directly all the time, though. - Yeah, this. - So people are fucking with it. It's on Twitch. - People are fucking with it. It's on Twitch. - So it's all AI. - This, I read a crazy article while I was gone. - The whole of your phone, like my mom called The Goon Squad, is published by Harper's Magazine and by this guy named Daniel Colitz. And he does like a deep dive in Discord Gooning communities. And like to explain it to the layman. - And Harper's, though. This is like literature like nerds. That's a funny thing to post it in Harper's, because it's like. - This should be the yard sign. - Oh, my God. - This should be the yard slogan. - It is. - This is porn's next frontier and the dream of endless masturbation. (laughing) - We should have under every episode. (laughing) - And it's crazy, 'cause. - If you read through this article, you realize that The Goon Commander is not. That guy is real. That guy's just a real guy. - Well, there's several commanders, it's like the army. Like you have your generals and your kernels and he is, The Goon Commander is just one commander. - They have names like that. - Really? - Yeah, and all of the stereotypes that we drew up during The Goon Commander bit just exist in real people in this article. - Oh, right. - So I had this, I was supposed to tell me about this, 'cause he brought the Goon aside, and I remembered that. - Yeah. - Oh, The Goon aside's huge. - Yeah. - Because, yeah, that guy. - Oh, he was The Goon Aroll. - The Goon Aroll. - The Goon aside's funny, because now people are. are taking the video of him pulling up to that drive-through, reversing it and it's Charlie Kirk inside. - The Goon Aroll is a funeral. - Huge. - But the Goon Argoons reached the Goon and said, "Anyway, this article is, it's long, it's a good, but very sad read." And I was wrestling with these feelings of, this is really funny because this is the joke we made up on the show, crossed over with, oh my God, this is real people suffering. - Hey, Aiden, you fool. - What? - You're in the soul. - We didn't draw anything up. I've known about all this. - Well, I feel like the Goon commander was born from a voice, was he not? - Oh, 100%. - Yeah, I don't know. I'm just talking some bullshit. - The depth of this goes. It was the longer I ran the more sad. - I mean, it makes me mad. - I am mad? - Hentai Wink-Badler. - It makes you mad. - Weirdly a regular Wink-Badler. - I think it's a Wink-Badler. - I think it's depressed. I feel like it's the same issue that I have with video games nowadays, where a game comes out and everyone's already so good and there's no innocence to it. And now people have gotten so good at jerking off. - Picture this, that you work for a masturbation factory in hell. - That's a great line. - That's a great, this guy's a, I mean, he writes and then he got published in Harper's. - It's really well written. - This is what you come for. You come for the pros. - It's an amazing, it's an amazing read. - That juicity. She said, "You like wobble meat." - Wobble meat? - I have to read this. - Hand pumpers and pump sluts. Okay, I thought this is interesting. Never mind, he's millennial voice. - What is a, what is a Baudrillard? Baudrillard? - A Baudrillard? - Baudrillard. - I think it's called that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't even see it. - Post 9/11 Baudrillard. - It's like a formal name. - Oh. - You think they've ruined jerking off? - Yeah, I think jerking off got too competitive. - They patch it. - And it's like, it's like booting up Black Ops 7. - No. - People are too good instantly. - It's not on around shit. - Oh, it was just like they had a goon assist. - That shit's black now. - That shit's whack. I think goonings whack now 'cause they got too good. You can't even enjoy it passively. - Yeah. - I think that's a good point. You know that's actually, okay, you're making a bit of a joke, but there's like a thing like younger people are dealing with more like hardcore like sex stuff. Like they feel pressured to like be not, like not just have normal sex. Like they got to like be into fucking hitting each other and shit. And there's actually, there's like hardcore as like damn. There's a pressure on people to be like, you know, more competitive with like fetishes and shit. - You should have a sexual rank. You should be able to hit diamond. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? Is this the commasutra? - No. - That'd be more like the tutorials like Island. - That's like drum rudiments. - No, that should have, they were pros. - Well, yeah, the tutorial is the whole game. - But there's no like system like matchmaking. - There's no rank. - There's matchmaking in this. - They have good matchmaking. - No, I'm not kidding. They battle. There's tournaments. - No way. - There's goon tournaments. - Like monops or like how are they doing it? - Yeah, like you have to. - Yeah, I feel a jar for the fastest. - It's weirdly, the way I was described in the article, it's like weirdly honorable. 'Cause the competition is you, you are like beaten off with somebody else. And then, but you're sending material back and forth. And if like you, and if your material is like, it's a turn-based, it's turn-based battling. And you take turns sending each other better goon material. And the honor is that you have to judge it and fairly. Like you have to be honest about like, man, this porn is better than it. - And it's like aerosol. - You have to raise your hand and say, "I was there." - It is. - It's on some people. - Dude, we should do a you-goon you lose. (laughing) - There's like a small community that that's like their dream, that they've been waiting for four years for that to happen. - You get into like, you get into a call of like, 85 people, it just sounds like everyone's clapping too. - Oh god. - That's awesome. - There's this crazy, the other meets, he meets this guy who's like 55 and is, - Do you know what I'm saying? - He feels really bad for these young men who are addicted and stuck in this like community, right? So his solution was he needs to ground it and like bring these people off of the internet. You know, like the typical old guy, kids are being too online, too much on their screens. So he created an in-person hotel meetup where we come and do it in person together. And he like gets material to show on the TV in the hotel room and they're sure they're hydrated. He brings water and snacks for them. And then like, he's like soccer mommy and goon. - Yeah, he's like, he's soccer mommy and goon. - Gooning with an orange slice as tea. (laughing) - Look, gooning with a sheet of orange on it. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, look, you get a range of the loom station. - Propped a fleshlight, hold down on the kitchen. - A hold down. Dude, this is crazy. - So he's running the goon local. He's like riding this, we should let Slippy run the game. - Yeah, yeah. - We got a lot of people. - Going in person is what keeps the game a lot. - Did it work? Did they all come friends and stop gooning? - Yeah, well, no, they goon together in person. - But didn't stop gooning. - But his goal was to like make it more social, right? - I mean, like everything gooning is about community. - Yeah, yeah, grassroots. - And that, you know, the gooning is just a vehicle to achieve that community. - So some people are building the grassroots community. I don't think they stop gooning online. I think they just go in person. - And Ted was also trying to shut this one down, which is weird. (laughing) - When I was younger, I was probably like 12 or something. There was this, this, so we had, they gave us like a month free of HBO. And back in the day, it was just like a number to channel. It was like channel five. And anyway, so there was a show on HBO called Real Sex, and it was like a documentary show about shit like that, like fetishes and just like people. Anyway, I would love that when that came on, because it showed boobs all the time, 'cause on HBO. And one time I find it on, and I click it on, and it's like, it was just, it was an episode about a mutual masturbation group of very much the same thing. So we've been doing this for a decade, an AI. - We've got better names. - And there was, I turned it on, and it's just, I instantly am hit with this like 50 year old guy just beating off. And I'm just like 12 and I'm like, oh, and it's just all these people watching him beat off and kind of like encourage him. - And painting. - Oh my God, I watched the whole thing, 'cause it's like, well, maybe this gets better. And there was this one lady that was so annoying. You could tell, no one wanted her around while they were beating off or like doing their thing. She was like trying to pinch their nipples a bunch and being really loud. - Oh my God. - And I was like, I was so young, and I was like, this person's fucking this vibe up. And I recognized that. - Fucking the vibe up at the best, a beautiful masturbation circle. - Yeah, it's like, dude, we thought you were a chill, but you just kind of fucking annoying. - It would suck to like get invited to that. And like, you have 15 of your best homies who are ready to beat off in the hotel with you. And there's just one dude who kind of sucked. - You didn't even respond to the particle. So like, it's weird. (laughing) - You know? - Dude, Carlo making fucking puns as you're trying to, (laughing) as you're trying to nut onto a wall. You're like, dude, shut up. (laughing) - What if I was jorking off? (laughing) - Oh, by the way, I think the floor, I don't think I'm allowed to be on the floor anymore when my girlfriend's over. - Oh. - Whoa. - The dream's day. - You gotta break up with her. - They're rapid. - There was a spider on her head. - Was it a big head? - That spider crawled onto her head. - I didn't see it. She saw it. We're watching Wolf Wall Street. - She screamed. - She literally, she's like laying down, she kind of curled up, and she just goes, (laughing) Like one of those. - Yeah. - But like in Forex Speed. And I'm like, what's wrong? She's like, there's a spider on my head. There's a spider I saw him. She said that she saw him crawl onto her cheek. - Oh. - And like in the corner, yeah, exactly. And I was like, instantly I know that this means that we probably have to sit on the couch now or something. So I was like, that was not a spider. - Oh, I don't know how many spiders. - You try to guess I was like, there's probably no spider. - That's really awesome. - Like at all, and she was like, I swear to God, and then she tried it, she's like, I have to find it, right? 'Cause it's a spider, and she hates spiders. And I'm like, I mean, you can try. And so, she finds it, she found it. And you're like, that's probably a, you're like, showing the spider under your dirty arms. - Yeah, I eat it. - Yeah. - What's the spider? - It was a spider. - It was big? - It was big enough to where it's on your face, and you don't want it to be on your face. - Yeah. - And then we just, I'm like, do you wanna sit on the couch? She's like, no, it's fine. And then I can just tell, she's like looking out for spiders while the fucking Jonah Hill is a big, weird fucking teeth. And so yeah. - So you moved it to the couch? - She, it was funny, 'cause she was like, I wanna sleep in the bed at night, and I was like, that's all right. - I wanna sleep in the bed tonight. - You're all from getting mad at you and sleeping in the bed. And set it next to the couch, which is normal. - It sucks, man. - It's the, 'cause spiders crawl in me a lot, and I don't care. - You take it. - Like, you know, what are they gonna do? - Hey, today's episode, sponsored by Old Classic, Turtle Beach. - Yeah, actually the first headset I ever had was a Turtle Beach. - I can't hear you guys. - Today's episode is sponsored by Turtle Beach. - Turtle Beach. - Turtle Beach. - I had Turtle Beach X-Elevens as a kid. - They're really like. - It's a long-trusted breath. Can you hear me say that now? - They really do. They really do hug your Jesus Christ. They hug your head really good. I can't, it's like, hi. What? It's not just headsets anymore. - It's not just headsets. - It's not the pros. - No, those hug your head. - They have 80 hours of battery life, jumping. - Do you say that you use their fight stick? - Jumpin'. Oh yeah, I use the lever list. The Victrix, I think it's the Pro-K-O lever list. - And the still 700, what you're wearing right now has the industry's first cross-play dual wireless transmitter system. You know about that? That means you can seamlessly switch between your console and PC with a click of button. - You click one button. - I actually started that and not knowing what it meant and ended thinking that's actually kind of sick. - Yeah, it's kind of awkward. - Which is cool. I think the better part, probably the 80 hour battery life because you, the disgusting gamer at home, who refuses to plug or charge in his devices ever, and we smell you. - Well, you barely have to do it because it has 80 hours. - It sounds like SpongeBob walking when I do this. - The best part is that he can't hear us. And I just want to take this time to say, fuck slime. - Fuck slime. - I mean, the entire world was saying this is so crazy. - So if you want to get the Turtle Beach style 700, you can get the ultimate immersive gaming experience with it today for a limited time, only head to turtlebeach.com and use code TheYard for 10% off your entire order. - I don't think I ever want to hang out with him again after this. - Yeah, honestly, when he does the Jamaican accent, I find it like this. - Yeah, well he's-- - That smells bad. - Don't delay getting the perfect gift for a gamer in your life or maybe your son that has trouble communicating. That's 10% off your order at turtlebeats.com with promo code the art. - And he uses toilet paper to wipe his ass instead of, or excuse me, paper, oh. - Dude, this is crazy. - Can't hear anything in there, huh? - You can't. - It's just only gaming. - Yeah, we're saying good things. - Put 'em back on, get 'em. - Okay. - Back to the episode. - We have a mouse infestation here. - No, we fixed it. - Yeah. - Nope. - No. - You ran it all morning. - This morning? - There were two this morning. - Two. - That's fucking crazy, because we caught three. - Yeah, we've caught eight so far. - Who's mates? - Who's managing this Christian? - Christian. - Wait, we've caught eight mice have been caught and he's not killing him. He's humanely catching them and releasing them. Now, I'll say. - The movement's co-founded by me. - He's releasing them out front. - To a Christian man. - I think they're running back in. - Well. - This is a very likely to say is the name of it. - We got a brand. - We got a brand. - We got a brand. - We've actually just got to get so too mice. - That means people don't think they're coming back. - A paper clip and we got to get so excited. - Tell us why I'm not coming back. - Do you forget what else is out front? The cats. - Yeah. - A whole litter. - Wouldn't that mean they're more like that from that thing from your cats? - They want to hide from the cats. - We're the whole. - You think Tom's losing every time. - We're Tom's house. - You can use our hair. - I don't think Tom. - We're Jerry's house. - If Christian is literally walking out front to let the mouse out, the mouse is just turning around and running back to the building. - Yes, if Christian is doing that, I'm gonna make fun of him. - Because it's crazy. - It's a hell of a- - It's crazy. - Soft. - You guys are not helping them. - The mice are like, hey, this is a little green box we go to and get food and then we go outside and we just run back in from more food. Let's go, let's keep going in the green box. - Sometimes a man, sometimes a bigger mouse takes us and puts us outside. - Maybe, look, I bought all the mouse traps, I bought the humane ones, the catching release ones. Maybe it's time we up the stakes. - No. - And we get the ones that poison them. - What are we doing? - What are we doing? - A humane mouse traps? We poison millions of mice every day. - Test and shit. Let's kill it. - No, we don't. - We do. - Collectively is the size. - We have the size of our body. - No, we don't. - Yes, we do. - No, we don't. - We use drugs and food and we test on mice and rats all the time. - Yeah, but we don't. - We. (laughing) - And you know, something that fucked me up that there's these traps that are just basically glue squares that you put a food on there and then the mouse crawls and it gets stuck endlessly. It cannot get its foot off, but it's a humane because they're living. Dude, my mom was like, "We caught a mouse, "got a throat away." And I'm like, okay, and it was a little baby mouse and it's just mousing at me. It's squeaking because it can't get off the thing and I just put it in the trash can and then never think about it again. And she made me do that. - And you thought about it. - I'm to this problem. - If that was something I go. - I'm like, "This is what I'm talking about." Little trash? - Yeah, but he can't go anywhere. - No, he can't go anywhere, bro. - Yeah, like endlessly eat around him until it's a circle like you can't reach anymore. - I would hope he got fat and lived a long mouse life immobile. - Yeah. - But he did. - Like a guy in a wheelchair. - He thought he'd die. - Yeah, he wasn't like the end of Wally. - Just in a fucking mouse wheelchair, he didn't do it. - So what's the plan that if you're the mouse master? - We just release the lights further away. - Yeah, we drive them until we drive them. - Why can't we just kill the fucking mice? - We drive them to Braia. - Because we drop them off. - Because we don't need that owner. - We can't be a mouse here. - We're all grown. What do you mean grown up? - You were fucking me. - Oh, what a big man. He kills a small mouse. - Really? - It's a guy who eats a five wagyu. - Talk about real mice. - Watch how about every time you eat a burger, you watch a cow get slaughtered. - Hold up. - Now, the difference is that animals are in a movie. - That animal is killed and then its body is used. This mouse is just killed because we didn't like it where it was. - Let's fuck it, let's eat the mice. Who gives a shit? - That would be fine. - Let's cook them. - Okay, but if you would fuck, don't fuck with tests as good as a hero. - You don't eat a mouse. - I don't care about it. If he does this, I have no problem. If he kills a mouse and then eats it, we have to eat every single mouse. - It's fine, it's fine, it's pretty good. - It's such a weird thing to stand on. - Wait, how is this a weird thing to stand? I think if you kill something, it should be for a use. - Like eel sauce? - There are pests, pests are real. The deer are pests. That's why we issue hunting licenses to call the population. - Okay. - Do you think that's wrong? - I think if you were to just shoot the deer and then fucking walk away, yeah. - What about it? - Because it gets eaten by bolts. - You used to do it. - You used to do it. - Use the venison. - But with the bolts you used it. - Use the beautiful meat. - What about invasive species? - What about invasive? Yes, so there are animals that if you find, and it's endangered or trapped or whatever, you're supposed to kill them. - Not endangered. - Like a lot of birds. - Yeah, could you do that? Could you snap a bird's neck? - I don't think so. - Day, there's the thing. So you're just a bleeding heart and that's beautiful. - I don't think I could snap a bird's neck just because, and I don't think you guys could. - I could do it. I'd be sad all day. - I wouldn't have been. - I don't think you could. If I can't do it. - I'm even twisted versus to see. - If I can't do what the fuck in thousands of years of humanity did before me, then I should be ashamed. - Then what's the value of killing the mouse? - What, in this case? - Yeah, in this case, it's making sure they don't come back into the office. - It's insane that we're releasing them where they came from. - Yeah, that's just Christians probably. - I'll leave some credit. We could try releasing them further away from it. - But we go four weeks of the mouse problem continuing with the further away approach. We start killing them. - I'm not gonna find where they're coming in. That's where we should hire someone. - Thank you. You finally are coming in. - I'm hiring someone meet. - What are we doing? - You saw an expert. I'm like a mouse expert. - Yeah, like a Sherlock Holmes. - A mouse expert. - A detective. - A detective. - A great mouse detective. - Yes, yes, yes, yes. - A mouse exterminator. - A great mouse that they're hiring. - A name. - A name. - A name you should look at. - A mouse detective. - You know that one. - Yes, yes, yes. - Well, guys, you're fucking this up. We just have to get a cat. - We have seven. - We have fuckers. - We can just start letting the cats in, bro. - Well, the cats outside. - We need a mogul moves compound cat. - You know, I genuinely thought about this, but I don't think we could take care of a cat. - Christian could be able to take care of them. - I don't think it should be Christians for us to be able to take care of a cat. - We should just let the neighborhood cats in. - There we go, up, go up. - This is what Christian tried already ate in it. - Looked out the bottom middle one. - They used to come in sometimes, you know that? - Yeah. - One more down. - Aiden and England. (laughing) - How about a CS2 game? (laughing) - Wait, that should be our Steve PFP? - That's uncanny. - Dude, I was, Yingling looks, he gives, he's giving Jonah Hill and Wolf of Wall Street these days. - Dude, you guy who just watched Wolf of Wall Street. It's like Jesus' man these days, yeah. - I know, I know. (laughing) - Yeah, I'm against killing the mice, man. - Well, what if a cat kills the mice? - That's fine. - Dude, you're such a pathetic person. - Yeah, that's what we were like. - That's what we were like. - So why is it fine? - Because it's like, 'cause the cat makes use of the mouse. - Murderers are murderers fine when I pay a hit, man. - No, no, 'cause the cat would eat the mouse. That's the point. - What is this? - You just want to eat the mouse. - What is this? What is this fucking every part of the buffalo? - Yes. - Shit, your brain is so nice to this. - Why is this so weird? - This is, I feel like this is a great principle. - That's nice. - Well, let me ask you, oh, so life doesn't matter. 'Cause it's a mouse. - Let me ask you a question. - 'Cause it's a mouse, it's a matter. - What do you, oh, so do you kill Dolphin? - Dolphin? - I don't think you maintain, I don't think you maintain this principle through the rest of your, this is an unattainable principle. - I do maintain it. I don't kill any insects in my room. I always release them. - I don't kill any bugs. - I don't kill bugs. - I guess I did feel bad. It's like, I had that passing thought that one time we had the tarantula on the driveway in the old house and I was like, man, I can't kill this one. - But you want a twist mouse neck. - Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think tarantula is more precious than a mouse. - Would you shoot a dog in the head? Yeah, you would. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. - Wait, what context? - Like I'm in Chernobyl and I gotta get the job done. And I'm like rushing to sign up for that job. - I'll be, I'll be, there you guys need dog shooters. - Oh, it's like a dog. - It's a dog. - Yeah, it's almost 50 years ago. - I was just kidding. - There's no irradiated dog anymore. - I only was done for two things. To kill and to lick my balls. - In that order. - Well, okay, we either get a cat, or we put Christian in the cat costume and he gets to work. - Yeah, that's good, I like that. - I already have a solution in place. - What is your fucking, what are you? - I already said it. I released them first. - For the way, yeah. - For the way. - Sorry, whatever. - Are you gonna do it? - No, God no. - He's gonna make Christian here. - Two to three miles away. - That's so far. - Jesus. - They earn it if they come back. We're bringing these mice all the way to Bakersfield. - And they're definitely coming back. - There's gotta be some mouse detective you can hire on, like a task rabbit. - A rare rabbit. - A rare rabbit. - That's something like Caleb Pitts would know where to find. - Yeah. - He's probably done an episode. - My grandpa actually is a mouse detective. I'll talk to him about it. - Yeah, he burned down his acreage and became a mouse detective. - Yeah, we find a mouse detective who knows how to speak their language and find their holes. - Their culture knows their culture. - They're little black holes in the world. - Oh, it's 'cause he was raised by mice. - Well, he had a mouse, a pair. And it was kind of a sad situation because-- - His dad would cheat on his mom. - Out of the outside out there. - No, like what's their entry point? - They're small, bro. They're probably like their cracks in between the door. - Where your spiders come from. - They're everywhere. Who can you get? - You know that. - But here's the thing, we're gonna figure it out. And by the way, I've killed animal, but I use every part of the bone. - Well, animal, you killed it. - What animal? - Fish. - You killed it for the fish. - I've killed many fish. - And you went, yep. That's well, it's not really how you killed me. - Do you say a little like Shinto pray? - Yeah, I do, Shinto pray. - Shinto pray. - Shinto pray. - Yeah, every time. - Wow, that's so-- I go, "Oh, it's on this!" (laughing) - And then I do, and then I do. - I don't think you should be doing that. - Down, circle back, and then heavy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the empowered fire ball. - Right. - Akuma does. - Yeah, I can't, I can't, I can't fish. I can't do anything that stuff. Freaks me out. - No. - Killing, so what's the biggest animal you'd kill? - I'd kill a cow. - You killed an animal in your day. - Wait, I'd personally kill. - Yeah, personally with your hands. - You've killed an animal. - What's the context animal? - What animal? - I'm sure you killed an ant. - Just as a man on this earth, what's the biggest animal? - That's what I'm saying, what's the biggest animal you've killed? - He would kill. - He's asking good, he's asking good. - I'm saying good, I'm saying good. - Yeah, would kill? - Yeah, what's the biggest animal you would kill? - I would kill. - And we're killing insects. - Yes, I mean, that would be a small one, but yeah. - Biggest animal I'd kill, man, I guess it would be like a really small, like a goldfish. Like sure. - But like a beta fish, you don't do it. - You don't fucking goldfish? Like fucking. (laughing) - What do you mean a little over 10? - Well, I think it's a nose, like shh. - It's over. - It's over. - It's over. - I can't do it. I mean, I guess maybe I kill, okay, if a spider, the size of my girlfriend was running at me. - Uh-huh. - Oh, I'm rattlesnakes coming at you. - Oh, no, oh, it's not the fence. - I think, yeah, but that's like, I think we would do anything, right? - I would kill a lion if I didn't find it. - Yeah, I mean, I'd kill a man. - Well, no, because then I don't think you could. No, but you're not asking if I could, you're saying wood. - What the fuck? - What? It's the outfits of the fence. - Yeah, okay. - If you weren't crazy, it was like porno rage. - Right. - If you weren't crazy, it was porno rage and it was good rage. - And you started just coming at me, you got all red. - If you were in strong, I'm covered in K-Y-P to butter. - Yeah, you got it, okay. - Well, it looks in the office and something clicks in his head. He goes crazy, porno rage. It's all red. And it comes at me with a bone or naked. He's fucking screaming at me, he's ready to kill me. - I have to kill him. I have to kill him. - Yeah, I have to kill him. - Dangerous. - I don't know if you can. - Grab him by the boner. - No. - And that kills me. That's my good advice. That's my good source of power. - It's like weapons. - Heat of flames. - Back into who he was before. - Yeah, so your biggest is a man. - Yeah, I mean, but it's self-defense. Now in the context of, let's say we had to do it for a challenge on a Mr. Beast's Saudi Arabia video. - Yeah. - Right? - That's the Mr. Beast's Beast land re-od challenge. - Whoever comes back with the biggest animal goes to the next round. - Yeah. - You have to kill an animal. - You have to hand kill an animal. - Yeah. - Bring a knife. - For your bare hands. - Yeah. - And you have to bring him to me re-odd and wear the gown. - Yeah. - And so I think I would kill anything less than a man. - A man or less? - Oh, well, for that challenge, you have to come in. - Small than a man. - Well, if the man, well, if they're one of the slaves, then I even kill him. - Okay. - So you're coming back to Beast's Land with a human and you're going, it was in self-defense when you're using it for a challenge for money? - No, it wasn't. It's self-defense. - Oh, in this case, you just killed a man. - Yeah, it was for the, you know. - So it was for his work. - You would just kill a man. - No, no, no, I'm saying, okay. - You killed a man with more than enough self-defense. - I see. - I think beneath a man, anything that's a man, no man beneath a man. So anything that's not like sentient the way that we can think. I'd probably kill an elephant, but I wouldn't be happy about it 'cause I'm really smart. - You would kill an elephant. - I think that's a man. - No. - No man, beneath a man. - I don't know what the fuck you said. - I think that's tears. - The tears. It's man. - Okay, man is one. - But you're nothing but a man. - It's not size-based. - It's intelligence-based. - So you would kill any animal. - So a man-mongued elephant. - No, no. - It's a bitch-reage. - There's some animals on par. - Okay. No, I hate this. Yeah, we're the fucking smartest. - No, there's some animals on par. - I didn't build the fucking pyramid. It's like orcas are really smart. They just don't have thumbs. - No, they don't have fire. - Oh, dirt's fire. - Fire gives us steel, which gives us weapons, which is a society. - I just don't buy that. - They're just stuck up in that water. That's all it is. - I've never heard a podcaster from an orca worth listening to. - No, but it's because you can't spit. - You can't hear underwater. - Why haven't they worked on that shit? - They do work on that shit. We just don't understand. - They have the right ears. - They don't even have castles, bro. - Dude, we know when they can do the thing where, if you're in the water with them, if they do their cry next to you, you can't even listen to how fire the pod cast was. - Dude, the Nick Mullen of Wales. (laughing) - Make Mullen of Wales burst your eardrums. - So you would kill a kapuchin monkey? - Yeah, what I'm saying is I'm capable of doing that, even if I'll be really sad. - You see the monkey you'd fucking kill it. - You suck so bad. - Are we on coulder wood? You keep switching it up. - Yeah, this doesn't mean you're saying wood. - We've lost the pot. - You said it could for me. - You made it a thing about, oh, you wouldn't physically be able to handle that animal. - I'm saying wood. - I think context is-- - I'm saying wood includes could. So like-- - No, it does matter, man. - I'm saying like-- - I'm saying like-- - It's easier different, 'cause wood if you have a shotgun, you just could do the elephant head. - I could kill an elephant if I had a gun. - Sure, okay. - If I would never-- - If I would never. - If I had infinite elephant killing power. - I have a different dream right now, and I could say whatever I want. - I think, like, let's stop imagining it. - What is the largest animal? - I know what this means. - What is the largest animal that you would kill without self-defense being the reason for killing the animal? - That's the question I'm interested in answering. Now, the question of what's the animal, large animal, you could kill with maybe a tactic-- - Yeah, I'm not sure about that. - You don't care about that. - No, right. So yeah, then yeah, like stick by my answer, and I'd be sad at most things. - It ends at insects for me. I don't think there's anything outside of an insect that I could kill. Like, actually-- - I would kill-- - You know how for sure. - Really? - I would chop its head off. - You know what I would say, draw the line at the Bonobo that learned Minecraft? - I couldn't kill him. - I would kill the-- - What? - That Bonobo that learned-- - That's the one animal he wouldn't kill. - But the other Bonobos who can't play Minecraft? - I think they-- - I think you have a line of Bonobos and they're all fucking going up to the Minecraft station and you just have a, like, a coat 45. - Boom! - Yeah. - I think if I lived on a farm, like, I had all my own farm. And I had cattle, I had vegetable, and I would go vegan, and the animals would be pets. - The thing is, I would-- I feel like that's bad. - I'm imagining it. - I feel like you're just what I'm doing. - I know, but I feel like you should be down and kill the animal that keeps-- - We have devolved past it. - We have devolved past it. - It's years after the Monkey War and it swarms at, like, the Bonobo Nuremberg trial for-- (laughing) - The mass amount of Bonobos-- - Wait, there's three of the monkeys one? - Yeah. - And I'm like, I'm on trial. It's like, yeah, I just fucking thought it. The monkey judge, first or you judge. - The monkey's famously way more than Bonobo deniers. - The monkey's a way more than Bonobo. - You know, he died. - He died? - Yeah, he passed away. - He was in Minecraft. - Oh. - No one real life. He was an older Bonobo, but he loved Minecraft. - Can you run a bucket trick? - Uh, he doesn't know how to do that. - Did he? - I know. - I can, just here. - I know. - We know sweetie. - He's a great-- - He's a great Bonobo. - He's actually better at Minecraft than me. - His name's Tiko. - No, no, he's definitely not. - I never been in Minecraft. - He's giving him everything. - Oh, no, no, sorry. That Tiko's a different one. - I've never made it to the end of the game. - Drain was just to be clear. They put him in the end. - You got help. - He didn't get to the end of the game. - He's not surely. - He's also only-- - That doesn't make any sense. - They're also doing it too well. - How would have you have gotten to the end with that brain to the end of the game? - Well, he's in the end right now. - I can see it. - You can't just spawn to the end. - Clearly. - You can't spawn in the end. That's not what happens to the end of the game. - What if he was just jagging off all playing? - Man, killing the sky would suck so bad if I had to do it. - You don't have to kill him. - But I have to. - I have to. - The question is, would you. - I would. - Well, it would imply it's like. We don't kill for fun. We're not crazy. - I'm not gonna lie. What he's tapping has nothing to do with his tapping on. Oh, I just watched it. - Don't be a hater. - I was for a second. - You were-- - I was for a second. - You're close to monkey, man. - The most interesting version of this question is what's the largest animal that you could find in your home that you would kill instead of releasing? - Yeah. Probably just like-- - Just like-- - It's gonna say a five-year-old. - Then it's like, why is a five-year-old in my house? - How are you getting here? - And then when the fuck an electric racket. - Shondrick trying to put him in the bug thing, shooting him with a salt gun. - Anything above a spider? - I don't. - Well, I guess I'll really fucked up bug. Anything that's on an insect, I would catch one. - I will. - I'll show for sure catch one of them tunas. - Yeah, I get a fat tunas. - One of those huge. - I can't fit one. - Why are you underground tunas? - Why does it feel so chill to kill fish? - I don't know. - It's not chill. - To be clear, it's not chill. - Because we've associated it. - Have you done it? - Have you done it? - Have I caught a fish? - Have you killed a fish? - No, I haven't like gutted one. - Yeah. - But I've watched it. - I don't think it's chill. - My uncle made me do it when I was a little kid. - It doesn't feel great still. - No, but. - It do go from wiggling to not. - Yeah, but it's like it's a fish. - No, but. - Well, okay, I do think we have fish labeled as a subspecies. - Why do I feel that? - As man, because they live in the water. We don't respect water as much as mammals. - Don't you agree, like dolphins? - We respect mammals. - No, but they're mammals. - Yeah, but they're water-based. - But they're mammals. - The mammals is the argument. - Yeah. - Sure, okay. So is there a water-based animal that we respect like dolphins? That aren't dolphins. I mean, all like whales. - Right. - That's whales. - But who are also mammals? - Sharks. - Sharks. - I think sharks are easy to kill for us. - Yeah, there's a big shift on sharks. - But we are the salt defense now. - I think that's a self-defense thing. - That's a self-defense thing. - I think we're gonna kill sharks because we're scared of them. - You're supposed to punch in the face. - That is true. - If you guys are at sea, your shark is coming. - I would just write it. - What's it gonna do? I'm on its back. - Yeah, you're gonna hold onto the ship. - Yeah, I'm gonna hold onto its body. And what the fuck is it gonna do? literally literally match up over. I want to see you on a mechanical bowl because I think I think you want to see me shake an ass. I think for 14 seconds. No, are you fucking serious? Fourteen millennia, maybe. I didn't we do this at the Mark Robert party? Well, there was one there. I don't think you did. I didn't read it. You got you got no thigh power. It's not in my thighs. It's in my power of will. I don't think I have power of will. Yeah, I think your glasses would get crazy. This is fucking me. Shark riding. That's like, what is the shark fucking do? What did I do? Shark riding. What does he do? The shark is so bad. What the fuck does he do, bro? You swim straight down. You can't breathe. You take me to the black. It's like when they grab snakes behind the head. And it's like that that's such a good stretch. I can't do anything. Yeah, that is such a good stretch. What do we? What? Swim down? Swam down. What the fuck would you not think about that? I thought about it. Extra long scuba. Really long. You just keep like a clown scuba. Eventually you have to come back up. Well, I think there's what's the max length on a scuba or not. You're not even talking to a school. You're talking about like a tube. A tube. Yeah, a tube a scuba would use it. There's a max length for tuba. They're tubes to breathe air out of. Oh, yeah, because it is the straw thing. The pressure buster. Did it? You know what he does is the shark takes you down to the bottom. You pressurize instantly. You implode and you die. What if it takes me down? It turns into air again. And it's there's shark people. It is like a casino. That would, yeah, I mean, and that's your, you know, that's your prize for being brave enough to ride the shark. That's what happened to that. We know less about the ocean than the observable universe. That's not true. Look it up. Look it up. Look it up. Look it up. Look it up. He wanted to look up. Do we know more about the observable universe with our ocean? They always say we explored. We know more about the ocean's physical geography than we do about space observable universe is not. We know more about space in terms of observation and remote exploration. And would I say observable? We have mapped more of the ocean floor at a lower resolution. The vast majority of the ocean remains unexplored. But the most of space is unexplored. No, our remote exploration of space through telescopes is a lot of subsurbed distant galaxy through telescopes observable universe, not a space I specified. You know what? The ocean destroys us so hard we can't even get radio waves through it. A submarine has to come up to the surface to get e-mail. We got to send rock down there. Rock can fix the ocean. We got to say rock down there. We say come back tell us what you found. We got to put a hot dog on it to stick in the ocean. And maybe like a sketchers and like a journeys and like a game stop. The journey's in the ocean. It's got the the Carl Jacobs. We have a pair of those. And like a gang is calm. Those are those are hot. Can you zipper? Can you look up the Carl Jacobs journey's collab shoes on eBay? Are they lit? We have a parallel office. Are they for kid? No, they're for anyone with feet. Oh, all ages. Carl Jacob journey's shoe. Okay. We're looking at 22 bucks. There it is. God that look all loved it to KJ. That is an ugly hoodie. Holy shit. That's a bad hoodie. No, dude. All of though. Wait, which one's his shoe? That one? Yeah, it's the Vans. It's a Vans collab. Isn't that fucking tough, bro? What's the circle thing? The spiral logo, I think. The same thing on the hoodie. Dude, I want to rock these. Yeah, sure. What are those? Do you look up? He look up circle jerk Vans. I had these as a kid because there's a band called Circle Jerks. And my mom was like, do you know what that means? And I was like, yeah, and I didn't. I looked it up and I was like, crazy. I've been wearing these. Those ones. No, that's not it. Look up images. Circle jerk Vans. I wore these as a kid. Yuck. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. Is it crazy that they just said Circle Jerks on the side? Yeah, that is crazy. We got it cool though. And it's crazy your mom let you call them knowing what it meant. This is very old. It's a Vans myself and bought them. This is very cool. Crew hoodie. She didn't know I had them. I was like, I was like 12. I don't think I bought anything without telling my mom until I was 18. Do you mean getting it from your mom? Like she bought it for you. She bought it for me. Even when I had a credit card, I got a credit card at 16. I think I told her about everything I bought. What would she was she paying it off? Is that why? I don't even tell your mom that you bought something on a credit card. No, I would just tell her if I was buying something. Just in case it scares you. Just in case I wasn't allowed to have it, I guess. He used to get a skid. Oh, you like rules. Yeah, I was very smart. I didn't swear until I was 13. That's why you liked your pants. What's the first crazy thing you ever bought? Like you had money or like you became your teenager. You have money and you're like, I'm going to buy something. I'm not going to my mom. What's the crazy shit you first bought? It was like in college. It was beer. Did you feel crazy? No, because I got the first thing about condoms. I felt crazy. You feel like a man. I was so scared. I'm a fucking man. Yeah. I mean, I think I've told on the pot, but I would steal them for so long. Oh, right. Cause he, like, the guy. That's why they trap him up now. Yeah. Now you got to go through a whole rig of moral because you were stealing condoms. Yeah. Sometimes boxers are locked up at the store. It's like, I just want underwear. Yeah. I guess that it makes sense that like essentials are stolen a lot. Yeah. Yeah. My freshman year, I wanted to get beer and I gave this guy 40 bucks. And I said, can you go and there get beer? And he said, sure, he said, what beer? And I was like, yeah, whatever 40 bucks gets us. He walked him and they're 40, walked back out, gotten his car and drove away. He comes out with a slurpee with a sour straw. By his one beer apparently. He didn't do that. That was better. We got nothing. Dude, did you go to New York? Yeah. I was in New York for like a day for 22 hours. Yeah. 22. 22. Do you like this running gun lifestyle? 22. I'm fascinated. Do you live for this shit? I'm fast and loose. I fly by the seat. I'm gonna hate it. You fucking live for this shit. I'm chill. But here's the thing. You fucking live for the shit. I blew it. Okay. I blew. Here's the, you want a reality check, buddy? Okay. I took off before you got off discord. And I slept more than you. I was on discord. I was on fucking ballot row. You were in the call. I was, I was on discord. Oh, was I in the call? I think I just didn't leave it. Yeah. Because I was playing normals as shake. And he, he doesn't like playing normals with me anymore, man. It sucks that I make him upset. What do you do to him? I just play fiora top please. I was watching cutie. And it's hard. Cutie was having a bit of a depression stream, which he was like playing league, really late. And she was just like, I think I'm going to chat. Should I just kill myself? Everyone's in the chat. Like, no. Some people were saying, yeah, which is crazy. And then she would like, she was CSing like three CS a minute. She's getting, she's getting punted under her tower. Her team is like, they're opening up our opportunities to like, absolutely win the game. And she's just like, I came fight Mundo. Mundo's just, she's just a tower. And then after the game, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, let me be your support. And she's like, I'm like, okay. And she's like, you want to play right? I'm like, how about a normal? And she's like, no, fuck that. I'm not like a fucking normal. And I'm like, I'll play, I'll play right. Don't play right. I silently pick Vex mood instead of playing Luxembourg. You want? No, no. She played great. Okay. She suited up for the game. I like that. But it was you saying it was a tough street watch. That's fun. I was like, give me a name. We win one. Yeah. Yeah. Once in New York, I saw Slat. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We got food. He's been AFK. No, or am I just not paying attention? Uh, he's been a world traveler more than more disconnected. He checked it. He go to his place. No, no, I was dead as there for, I was in New York City for 22 hours. But then he realized Slat has like four YouTube channels and he's active on all of them pretty much. Oh, yeah. So it's like, well, I don't even see it. I've been following a fake Slat account on Instagram. It has 300,000 followers. And it's fake verified. And I just thought it was like an alt Instagram. And then I found out it was a fan account. That's crazy. And this is the second time it's happened to me. It's such a weird verified. It doesn't mean anything. Wow. No, you just pay 15 a month. Yeah, it doesn't mean anything at all. It just means that they have disposable income. It's verified that you bought something. I guess. Yep. The receipt. I guess the blue receipt. You're a real human maybe. No, you got to buy it. No, a bucket by it. Am I stupid for still being confused at the level of like numbers? And I don't know. Like that Slat got in general for being what I consider a pretty normal guy. Like am I crazy? Like it seems out of place. Like you look at Slat and you're like, that guy has like this fanbase. Like he has people making 300,000 followers accounts on Instagram. I kind of get what you're saying. Like in this among all of the Twitch streamers and YouTubers and like people in this space, right. He has like a very outsized impact. I think he was a little bit of a bad boy. Like a nasty little boy. He was a nasty boy. He was a nasty boy. He was he was he was canceled. Yeah, he did blackface. We all know this. He did blackface and he was canceled for that because people hated that. I thought it was because he was putting PB on his balls. He put PB on his balls and people were like, we can't do that Slat. And he said, I think to make sure of like he was a little bit of the Minecraft bad boy. And he also had that voice, that golden voice. You want to watch Slat because it's nice. - He's too listening. - And he's funny. - He's funny. - He's funny. - I have a moral question. Long time ago, this is on one of the videos I made. I would show a lot of them on my balls all the time. Remember, you go into his arms. - Oh, one time he showed your balls to everyone else. - That's true, but I buy accident date. - Accident date. - And I go in an accident date. - Accident date. - Seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven. - And one time I wanted to mix it up, which I always try to mix it up in the old house. - Okay. - And I sharp beat my balls all the way. - Yep. - So I sharp beat all of my, I like-- - I remember this. - Pulled the skin out and I just like, you know, made them black. - Yeah, yeah. - Was that wrong? - Yeah, yeah. - That's worse than blackface. - Yeah, it is. It is worse than literally doing a one-man minstrel show in front of me. - I don't think that's-- - I don't think it is. - I don't think it's this case. - I think it is. - Because-- - Like, it's not good. - Because it's not like, okay, so what do I do now? - You, you have to do it again to cancel it out. (laughing) - I think you have to publicly apologize. - You should have apologized. - It's publicly apologized. You should, you should publicly apologize, but in the apology, you should show what it looked like. - Yeah. - And you can say, I want you guys to judge. - And this was wrong. - I would not do it again. - It's like a Times Square billboard. (laughing) There's a recreation that I did yesterday to show you. - You don't like not to do it. (laughing) - Like, the drake worn doing the drake pose? - Yeah. - The one who's just your balls. (laughing) - And I will never do this again. - Yeah, I got, you know, I, it's been weighing on my mind. - Yeah. - And so I, I'm, I'm being set on a path to yourself closer to Kinney poisoning with that one. - Yeah, that, I think that had a lasting effect. - No. - Yeah, I think it tainted your mind, it got into your brain. - I don't think that, no, the dominoes that I ate in college had changed my bowels forever and changed my mind. That's what truly changed my brain. - Love it, what are you doing? - Ripping. - Ripping. - Don't try, I'm not trying to rip it. I'm just saying it's ripping. - While we try to rip a premium episode. - Okay. - You're gonna go to the Patreon right now. - Well, I have a surprise for y'all. - Okay. - Really? Can we see it right now? - Yeah, tell me. - If we're doing the premium at 10 in the morning tomorrow. - That's fun. - That's the surprise. (laughing) - I thought it was. - Well, it's gonna suck. - See you there. (laughing)