Ep. 222 - We met the funniest streamer on Twitch (w/ PremierTwo‬)

we should we should talk about the guy who ran a marathon on me what what we should talk what sexual marathon let's talk about the guy who ran a sexual marathon on me we should talk about the guy who was 36 when twilight eclipse came out introducing peter it's not the greatest intro i'm too fat no it's a child's slide man it's a child's slide all right don't feel too bad come on in sit on it oh we're talking twilight we're talking twilight yeah so we're gonna have to get that are you a twilight like me boom nice job um but all right are you a team edward or jacob that's a great it's just a great question of course why of course because i think on hindsight in the in our modern society edward is now known as a pedophile oh no no jacob he was the one who imprinted on the child that was jacob excuse jacob is a pedophile right so edward looks like actually low-key also a pedophile because he's like canonically like 107 years old and he's like i'm really that's fine i'm in this that's okay this is why i'm so torn which one to our friend here lives in japan choices if you could not say stuff like that around him um but yeah thanks you guys for having me seriously this is so cool yeah team jacob for me what's cool about it well you know i feel closer to people my age so it's like we're hanging out with the guys who still run and get like 10 restaurants in a row i feel like this is fun you guys are playing dnd like dorks yeah and um i like i was watching you i was worried about your mental state because you've this league slide where i thought you just come in here worried raged and like pissed off i don't really promise very low testosterone levels in my body nothing that can't be true you're bald yeah i got the unfortunate testosterone by the way amazing hair thanks man i appreciate it i got lucky i got yeah you look great i was just telling you of course that when my i was in college as ages ago and my dad came to watch me in this play because i was studying acting and he was like so you like crazy hair because it kind of looks similar to what we have and i was like yeah it's uh it's fine and he was like so you like it yeah i think it's cool that's such a dad thing and it's just like yeah he never cut his hair again until he died so i hadn't seen him for three or four years because we were not close right but i went to his funeral down to his belt and he was like six two and he was i asked my grandmother what's the deal with the hair and she crazy long hair so he just never cut it again it's so sweet yep it's a sweet story it's like you tell them you like something and they're like they commit to it do you feel like you feel like the sword was passed down now like do you feel like you can never cut your hair again alcoholism oh the hair oh yeah so let me think um no i'll cut the hair i tried to do like this long hair thing and um the i'll be honest the forehead the line it's starting to recede a little bit i'm getting like the pull it back like you know we got like no no it's not bad let's just be honest with each other it's just not fine it's four guys that have hair and one guy that does every every every every week i get a thumbnail that sent to me to approve for the dnd show and this week i the it's such an important episode in the campaign it's like one of the biggest story moments we have so far and i the only feedback i have was like the hairline on aiden in this picture doesn't look good doesn't do justice to how serious the story is can you find a more flattering picture of aiden because it almost seems funny this is fine this is peak male you look like walton cog oh no i'll put you in a thong i look like you gotta stop the bleeding right now you're like a you're like not the ghoul but you know you're like 38 right so it's okay like you're like it's got a name in it how old are you i told you i missed it i told you today is my 42nd birthday no happy birthday happy birthday i was looking for god i'm clapping thank you thank you you don't even know this no he told me he's on friday that's all right but it's nowhere i'd rather be the disgusting you are twilight in my hairline you are farther in age from slime than i am from slime in the other direction wow i'm 35 and you're seven years older than me yeah so in japan which is where i live now they would say you're which is around 40 they just round it up so you're you're with me now they say that yeah yeah so it's cool but you know for women it's a really tough one when they're 25 because they just they immediately get 30 and it's like uh that's so for guys like us we're like yeah we're cool we're older it's wisdom yeah but you're like my age 25 she's beat she's beat man i think about it okay so when you were 35 okay what would you have told your self that's 2018 so right before covid i was like live life to your fullest spend your pension go out and travel the world okay and then i couldn't so i it was like the global lockdown i guess you know i don't really have a lot of advice for for younger pete i i always liked the die that was cast and i made do with what what the results were and so i feel like all of my decisions good or bad led me to today and like doing this which is awesome so i wouldn't have changed a damn thing not a single fucking thing what about okay marriage it's my wife and kid god can i please just let me go well you have two kids now i have one i just had a son you had a son three months oh my god congratulations thank you so um i mean sure i have regrets but i i genuinely believe those things tempered me into like this mess so if you ran over a dog when you were 20 yeah you gotta run with that you gotta go back this time we back up these are these are dirty hands but um it's like i guess the one thing i would have done is i would have probably i mean gosh it's so hard to choose i don't know if the acting degree was where it's at so i'm a really good waiter like i'm the best i don't forget orders i like i remember faces that was probably a minor i should have chosen and then the major would have been some more interesting what is the biggest role that you ever got so it wasn't the role but the the greatest success i ever had was there was a college acting competition and this story's already lost steam but trust me it's like a cool thing in college and uh there's like eight different regions that people compete in and i was in region five which is the middle and the most competitive because we just have too many people and the winner of that gets to go to the kennedy center in washington and perform on that stage their selected pieces in front of the president bill it was uh and he actually it was very cool welcome to how it feels to get to do this man it was george w bush first turn first turn first turn now watch this drive maybe perform for watch this drive bush that's that's amazing he's like 9-11 pitch and my performance kennedy center they're both really impressive but we we lost every year except for no i did i lost four in a row but on the final like because you only get selected because an adjudicator watches the college theater productions they choose one actor to go to perform in the regionals and on my last year i was like you know what i'm just gonna write i'm gonna write my own with this teacher of mine we're gonna come up with this great scene and not only did we we win the regional contest it's the first from my school and like it's history i got to go to the kennedy center i got to perform on the stage and it was an awesome awesome experience that i i think was the peak of of acting and then the yarn would be two and trash taste yeah yeah this is it that's the big George Bush at the kennedy center just dropping a tab of acid before you do your performance like oh boy it's gonna be crazy it was it was some crazy scenes so so wait do people usually do like shakespeare like scenes from movies or yeah not movies that's kind of discouraged right because it might lead to imitation of like you saw like how can i be anton sugar i see but it's just going to look like i'm not going to be anton sugar i'm going to be anton sugar i'm going to be anton sugar like him so yeah yeah you ready uh keep it that's your lucky water i was selling george bush what was that come on don't be a concert that was a mixture of your hannibal lecter and your i thought that was fine don't forget a water keep it that's your lucky water that's not that bad i think it's fine that's how he sounds are you talking about anton sugar yeah i thought he was just more monotone right no but he's kind of got like the javier bardem like accent i thought he was like call it you know call it you yeah well that's your lucky water why did i even he should have been nominated no but um i know you won this acting competition in college but check this out can i see your line again from no country back then all the actors were plumbers it was a much easier competition back then so my theory it's not even a theory but back in the 70s 80s we were much more willing to put bald people as lead roles jack nicholson's been bald - For a long time. - Samuel L. Jackson. - Well, it's different. whoa pause because he's black yeah he's the best of the actors that I mentioned white people look amazing bald all the time MJ kind of ran that one and he was like I got this but white people like you know it's a nerf but we were willing to put Jack Nicholson this is definitely a nerf for black people too I mean sure I guess if you look at LeBron James yes that's exactly who I'm thinking of isn't it just how you rock because if you're Jason Statham I don't think he looks bad no well I think it's like you have to make the choice balding and keeping like the friar talk or like any sort of come over Jason Alexander that's committing to like you're wish washy but if you're like I'm gonna just shave it that gives you the power back you won't get the promotions and stuff but you also need an awesome body oh yeah you do need that you don't need to be president if you're bald you need a rocking bod did LeBron go to Turkey I think he just I think he's done transplants yeah it wasn't Turkey no way I feel like at one point like everyone we always talked about it and we were like wow it probably comes off with the headband but now I don't see people talking about it well no one no one goes to Turkey who are really rich they go like London or just they go to LA yeah wait oh cause Turkey's the discount way to do it yes and they fly you out yes they pick you up at the airport yeah there's like a whole package right oh really yeah like it's like they fly you there's like a hotel it's like hairlines dude they should do hairlines that's so bad yeah yeah that would have won you second place easily my god they should do they should do like a lottery where like the flight is free but you don't know what country you're getting your surgery in oh I like that gotcha Japan was doing this not for hair transplants but for just flights they're just doing a lottery on where you go oh you just run it yeah fuck Belarus I'm not coming back all of them are just war torn Russia it's like yeah double tree Israel huh do I have to go so wait what okay back up yeah yeah sorry what do you what do you do that is a great question you sound like my wife now but who are you so I was making a joke earlier that Ludwig like because we were saying you took the train here to like the downtown or something I was like Ludwig's fucking with a dude who takes the train which is not that's not common for him because he doesn't fuck with poor people yeah Ludwig or me no Ludwig I fuck with poor people heavy no you don't I hang out with Nick Yingling more than most people you shouldn't say he's poor I keep him going though that only reflects poorly on you yes I pay him I pay him very poorly you know and I will continue to do so he's poor by your control yes okay why do you think he comes on and say can I get a 50k raise because he's making 10k yeah I want to eat 25k a year yeah full time so what do you yeah what's who are who is Pete well it's a it's a very good question I guess but the long and short of it was I got my acting degree and I was like okay this is not working so I went to Japan and I was an English teacher for a decade so I climbed the rungs of teaching in Japan Shogunai to about the highest you can get like that was fun can you tell me to stop fucking saying Shogunai no actually I feel like he's really tapped into Japanese culture when he says it he's perfectly using it each time Shogunai Wabi Sabi that's really offensive that I don't like when you say that sorry thank you finally someone can with authority can help you yeah great now I'm gonna get cancelled again so but I I felt that going into Twitch is like I was interested in it and I had met this guy abroad in Japan who's a Japan blogger of sorts kind of tells people where to go he's like the authority on visiting the country I think for white people I would say yeah for sure like I don't think the Japanese people are like where do I gotta go yeah well yeah of course let me check abroad in Japan I don't think the Japanese people are visiting Japan I think they're living there they reside but the local tourism is huge there yeah but like domestic tourism I mean sure well I was I was drinking at a bar and he came in this was like 20 before COVID it was like 2017 or something like that and I was the only guy in there and I said I didn't know who he was I was like hey come on sit down with me and he goes oh god are you one of my many fans and I was like not right now I don't even know who you are and he hates when I tell this because he says I'm embellishing but I'm not he gave me his business card you know this is true Chris and it says YouTube subscribers 250k plus plus he carries around a card with his subscribers that's nasty we gotta do that plus plus is awesome I love that and we gotta lump in his number I'm interviewing Chris and like three weeks I can't wait to bring this out I'll tell you what I'll do I'll send you I still have the business card I'll send you the photo of it and it's it was great we became friends and I was doing television for like the BBC of Japan called NHK and they put me on this show which was very poorly titled Cool Japan with a whole bunch of not cool people like me and the it's an awesome show I love that I like that it's theory wise so Pete what is cool also right wait was that the host I'm Japanese that's his European DJ that's the European DJ which we do very much who is still the host of Cool Japan I actually feel like that's fitting so I was doing the show the premise is actually kind of neat they get eight people from different countries and three of them go to different locations on today's topic it might be a location or food or a craft and I get to experience them like as somebody who's unaware of what I'm about to see then I take my experience back to the show and they say like today's theme is chopstick etiquette and Peter went to the chopstick's master to learn about culture let's see how he did they're making YouTube videos yeah for Cool Japan it was before they've been doing this for like 25 years and then we say like the guy from you can be from Jamaica I'll let you do it like the guy from Jamaica they'd be like we don't use chopsticks in Jamaica like I don't know I don't have chopsticks in Jamaica I'm second generation okay so I'm like they would say we don't use this here this is how we have it in our culture and they'd say like do you think in America are chopsticks cool and I'd say you know nowadays more people eat sushi and they're getting used to it but when I grew up with you know Bush based when I grew up like it was kind of like kind of confusing or you got like a fork or spoon or whatever but then I did about 100 of those shows so when he's flexing his YouTube I was like well you know I'm on the PBS of Japan too buddy I'm on TV bro we became friends and years later he said let's do a video together where we go to the northernmost point in Japan and I had been on the Twitch grind for like nine months and I had about 20-25 viewers which was you know I was still working full time as a teacher but when that when Chris's video came out he really helped me get like the motion necessary to eventually have to make a choice I just got permanent residency I just got this promotion what do I do Twitch or stay with English teaching and my wife was like you should definitely stay with teaching you should be a teacher it's safe and I was like nah we're gonna run it let's do it and then and I just please subscribe this is really dire they're helping me as like friends I really need to stick it to my wife I have a son okay so but it was it was an awesome experience and I've been doing that for about five years so I started Twitch at like 37 was there an overlap never too late yeah that's what I'm trying to say so I got 37 is kind of that's like you're under George Clooney it's very much so and I see a lot of people ask me for like well you know I'm not having success with it and I say you should be friends with C-Dawg he helped me out a lot but I think a low key thing that gets often misunderstood is it might just not be the time for you to do this like I don't think I would have been nearly as skilled or successful or interested in it if I didn't have the other experiences for like 15 years first so when it when Twitch did happen I felt like these are the things I want to do with it and that was a big difference tell that to Lacey bitch yeah well those guys it's funny I'm I don't understand it fully all of like they use the word bro like every eight words and I don't think I've ever said it unless it's like to my brother or something like that but like I think what they're doing is uber talented and it's in a different age of streaming and stuff but it's definitely not for me like I can't run with that and do trampoline stuff or whatever they're doing on subathons but I think it's in good hands with the younger generation well with Lacey I mean anything's in good hands yeah I I think it's like I cause I did the meet and greet I went to TwitchCon and like you know a bunch of people always ask like the two things people say is I love to tip or I watch your video on how to become a streamer and and so like a bunch of people ask for advice and I feel like the one thing is like if you start streaming or you want to stream super young you just drain your balls too early cause you don't have enough life experience you got nothing going on you think you think you think the young ones are draining their balls yeah they don't have enough in their balls Nick and so they're drained quicker as opposed to Pete he didn't start until he was 37 thick plums just overripe you waited for the balls to fill he had boar nuts I was actually told this I got a call with a guy who wrote some show it was through my old job and it's like hey this guy's a writer and you want to be a writer my boss helped me out anyways I called this guy and I'm 26 at the time and I was like what advice do you have to like write for fuck what was the show it was some terrible shit but he was like a successful writer and he was like in his 40s and I was like you know what just don't try it right now just go do stuff just go like just go be a person and go travel and like live your life and I was like this is fucking annoying to hear what if I want a job instead what if I want to do that thing right now that you're doing I actually I think I agree. I do think that when you want something, doesn't necessarily align with when you're like best suited to do it. Yeah. When I was in my first year of college, I was like 19 years old. I was in my first semester and I took a broadcasting class that was taught by a local weatherman station, Joel Nichols, awesome guy. And I really remember this teacher. And one day we had a representative from the local station of like today's top 40 music come in to give some advice. And his advice was once you get your foot in the door, never take it out. Like just keep trying to push it in. And I said like, Hey, whoa, Hey, wait, before you leave, man, I feel like this is my foot in the door. Now I want to come see the studio. I want to go look at it. He was like, come by Thursday. You can take a look at what we do. So I went in there and I watched them do just awful schlock for like four hours. But at the very, very end, they were like, we've gotten this, this young kid. And, uh, they were like, here's the microphone. And at the very end of the show, I made like some joke and they all laughed. And I said, that was really cool. And they said, why don't you come back as an intern every Tuesday and Thursday? And you can like learn it and, and you will give you like the full hour of the pre-show at like 5:00 AM. Um, I worked for them for a year and it was absolutely horrible. Like I should, I was not ready for this moment. Uh, they just, I was their punching bag. I was called Kramer because of Seinfeld with like the wild hair, they shat on you all the time. So every time I spoke on like, and I was the call guy to go is he 95.7, this is Kramer. And they'd be like, yeah, you know, they, they just say slurs or whatever to me. Can I, can I request, you know, this or that's great. And I do like, like, like listeners, listeners would call it. And so Kramer, a piece of my fucking mind before existed way before. And every time I had like an anecdote or a thing, the, the host would play this Al Pacino quote from Glen Gary, Glen Ross, which was a great movie. Every time I spoke, he'd go, it played and he goes, you ferry, you company, man. And he was, that was it. Like I could not speak without being called Glen Gary, Glen Ross. Soundboard is crazy. It was so used to be awesome. Okay. I have always said this that I've in a bygone era, I would have loved to be a radio DJ. You would be good at it, but it's like a dead, you know, just streaming. It is just streaming, but it's not, it literally is just streaming. Maybe that's why I'm a ghost streamer. Yeah, maybe. Well, you're not the ghost streamer. You see my Diana 22 and fucking two. You see what I do, bro. I get my death cap very fast. Yeah, you do anyway. But yeah. Uh, I, it is, it is weird. Cause, cause I would argue sometimes you are ready. And like you told the joke in that moment to get the opportunity, but then you ended up in this weird, like awful vicious hell, which is like BL, right? That's just bad luck. It is. But I think that like a lot of that stuff I just needed to go through and like it sucked. And I learned a lot and the, like the city turned against me when I was fired. Like they, like my mom got calls at her dentist, office. Yeah. I got fired so they could go to Vegas to see Britney Spears, which was a thing, but we needed a fun, like joke to get out of it for them. So they said, can we, cause I was not on just an intern. I was like full time. This is pre-headshake Britney Spears. This might've been 2004, 2003. This is toxic Britney Spears if it's 2004. Okay. So they said, we've got this great gag where we will, we will say that you're going to be on the air and you're going to say, you know, we're going to make fun of you about being a fairy and a company man. And you're, you're like, I'm going to say, I've had enough. I've had enough of this. I quit. And we had, and then, so I said, yeah, that's cool. But why don't we just do like, Hey Pete, good luck Kramer on your future endeavors. We'll be cheering you up. And they were like, no, this is funnier. This is going to be great. That's crazy. So we did the, the, the skit in my email of Kramer at Z 95.7 had like zero emails for like, unless they were trying to say like, Hey, I want to talk to the host. You know, she's hot or something or kill yourself Kramer. I didn't get that yet. Why would you say that at the laugh factory? Um, so I got hundreds of emails as soon as this segment went and like, and I, they were, they were just, these people gave you an opportunity. A lot of people would be killing to be in your position. Oh my God. And one guy was like, I will fucking kill you. Meet me on the streets of Troost. And he was like, I'm a Marine. I'm not fucking around. And I, my mom would be a Marine dumb as fucking bricks, not getting it, bro. The radio, just on the way to the VA to get a schizophrenia medicine. Like I got to kill this guy. I can't believe he's throwing this away. I'm going to kill this guy. Luckily for me, my acting coach was listening at the time. And I remember we still had a segment to go back on the air and I wanted to back out. I was like, I'm done. I'm not doing it. And I remember, and I, and I'm sorry if you've already heard this, so I've told it before on like a stream before, but like, uh, he called in and he wasn't live, but they, they put it, they have them on speaker. It's like, and he was like, first he got in through to like, he lied. And then he was there like, yeah, what's up, man? How you doing? He was like, yeah, I just want you to know, you guys are a bunch of fucking losers picking on this kid. Who's done nothing but good work for you for like a year. Yeah. He's ugly and dumb, but he worked hard. He doesn't know. I mean, I can hear this, but, uh, and he stuck up for me really bad. And I'd lost like all my voice. I could not say a thing. I was so nervous. My mouth was so dry. And I remember they were like, okay, we're going live in like two seconds. And then I was like, I'm not doing it. And then they like did some dumb symbolic thing where they're like, they moved the mic and they're like, don't know if I can trust you. I was like, wow. So I quit. And then my mom got some calls at the dentist office, which they listened to. And she called me like, why'd you quit like that? You that's weird. And I was like, no, it was a gag. That wasn't funny, but you know what? This is a testament to your acting skill. Oh, good. I guess. Uh, why? Because it was convincing. Oh, no one knew it was a bit. Oh yeah. Well, I mean, it's not hard to be picked on for a year and then lash out. So try four years and try being named one day. I'll snap one day. And the interesting thing is, I don't know when either the Aiden, he quit episode when it's just us and we're all fucking dead with bolts in our heads. And he does another fucking solo episode. He doesn't cry. The last episode before I moved to Sweden will be me murdering you guys on set. And then me doing a weekend at Bernie's episode. That's the yard. I think my favorite fan edit of anything we've ever done is this edit of it's a YouTube video called the yard, but Nick is making it all up. And it's just, it's just, they edited out. Like we have, we have video that exists of these chairs all empty. So they made these three empty, but they kept me. And then it's like everything I'm saying in the episode, but then like wides of no one there. That's great. It's just like four minutes of that. It's like the best thing we've, we've had in some tough competition then. So where are you from? Kansas city, Kansas city, Missouri, Midwest, you know, brawl pro. Uh, is that like a lethal shooter or something like that? No, he's a Tekken player. I don't. What is the age difference? Oh, between brawl pro and him? Uh, a year. He's 41. He's 41. Well, I mean like Tekken's not, I'm a street fighter disciple myself. And so I like the FTC a lot, but Tekken's never really been my street fighter. I am not well, but I, I mean, I've always played it since the arcade days. And so, um, and I, I love Evo. I've been like Evo moment 37, you know, I was like, that was actually new when I watched it. So it was like, I think I did. And I got Bill Clinton instead. He goes, I did not have sexual relations with that woman. I was like, there goes my porn. I was hoping that was titled that you downloaded something at six KBPS a fucking a second. And you're like, I hope it's porn. And it's like, Oh, I got a week and it's Bill Clinton every time. But yeah, sorry. I didn't even know. I was going to say, I think you're the most accomplished gamer I know. Uh, well I'm just the oldest maybe, but like you've done a lot of stuff. And I think you just like play most accomplished. How like in the sense of like, uh, the most like well rounded, like the, the most, I guess of the word gamer, he's the most cultured. Yes, yes, yes. What are you talking about? I think he's actually, this might be the first time he's been actually right. Like 100% you've played a lot of games. I mean, I was lucky. I grew up when the Commodore 64 and the Atari were like right at their friends of yours. Yeah, they're good friends. That's their Commodore army. Well, you know, um, he was released, but then we had the, the Nintendo came out when I was four and I, I've been with that systems, the bit wars, all of the PlayStation are in 64 all of the stuff. Yeah. So all of it was, they called it a Nintendo. Yeah. Oh, every system was a Nintendo to your parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Weren't the nineties crazy. They were the best man. They were the best. I remember them bro. I remember them bro. I was there. Dude, remember when I fucking poop myself and you didn't know what to say cause I couldn't remember. I was like, I was fucking crazy in the nineties. Yeah, bro. You were an obscene island, bro. Yes. That's where I was. And you were low elo, man. No one was asking you for dances or walk. I couldn't, I was learning to walk. Do you know it a bossy Zangief is? Yeah, he's great. Yeah, he's awesome. He's like 47 or something. Awesome. He's another character in street fighter. He primarily plays as Zangief. It's his tag. Yeah. It's either bossy Zangief but he's, he's, I think he's, I don't think he's 47, but he's in his forties and he's very good and it gives us all hope. Uh, do you know tasty Steve? Yeah. I've never met him before, but he's a commentator on FGC and Evo and stuff. Yeah. And I was outside the, uh, the hotel last night in San Diego and I saw him there and I really don't want to bother people, but I was like, I'm so sorry. You're like one of the OGs. Wednesday night fights, Alex Valle, you guys, you guys were like the best. And I was wearing this sweater and he was like, damn, that's a nice sweater. And I was like, fuck it, this sucks. Like Ludwig got complimented. That's awesome, bro. Oh, he's tasty, Steve. He was from St. Louis. Oh, is he? I didn't know that, but you could have. It was crazy. You said Alex Valle, because I have him on Facebook. And he, not a lot of, I would say not a lot of people my age are still posted on Facebook. So when I occasionally log in, most of my feed is Alex Valle and his family. That's awesome, though. He's one of the best. It's just him hanging out with his kids, like, oh, look at this crazy thing. We're at Disney today. And I'm like, God, Alex is doing well. Do Wednesday Night Fights still happen? No, right? It's been gone for a while? There might be a local somewhere, but probably not in the same spirit. Is it the same one that we went to? Yes. Yeah. Yeah, there was a melee side event there at Wednesday Night Fights that mostly Orange County would farm squid. Yeah, I would go every single Wednesday and get absolutely clobbered. But yeah. Y'all want to bring back Facebook? Yeah, yes, yes, yes. I would love to get back on that bitch. I want to get, like, a Facebook group. Like, you know how you make groups? Yes, like a group chat. Not a group chat, like the group, you have, like, a group chat. A group, like the, just a group. Oh, yeah, yeah. The Claremont Shit Posters Guild. Yeah, the Claremont Shit Posters Guild. Classic Ross O'Callow activities where our schizophrenic friend would post and we'd all just kind of watch. He was cool, man. He showed up to the house with a gun once. That was crazy. That was crazy. That was some fun. That was crazy. We thought he was going to kill us. He looked like he wanted to. He did. We made up a guy that he was mad at and he thought he was at our house. I'm not kidding. You remember that? Of course I remember that. And he was ready to kill that man. He was ready to kill him. Which one of y'all is Connor Cox? Yeah, Connor Cox. Where's Connor Cox? I was like, he's not real. But he's great now. He sells water. Oh, wow. In this economy, it's probably a decent job. Yeah, he sells, like, water purifiers. No, it's Kangen water. It's the famous pyramid scheme where it's a machine that can shrink the molecules of water so that you absorb more of it. Don't you? Yeah, and the last time I talked to him, he said Bitcoin was invented by God. Which I guess everything is. We don't know the inventor. Yeah, what's his name? Satoshi Nakamoto? Yeah, that's right. Jogan Ai. Jogan Ai, man. Yeah. Wabi Sabi. What does that one mean? That one means, like, you can go ahead and describe it. It's almost like, there's not a word for it. There's actually really not, but it means, like, it's, um. Beauty. Beauty in disfigurement. It's kind of like, you kind of, like, make it work. You wouldn't get it, man. Okay, so I'm just trying to learn. It's so exciting to be around you guys. Don't whisper. Let's fully say it's Japanese. It is Japanese. It's like, it's like, what do they use for umami flavor? Oh, my God. I have beef with umami. I do, too. It's fake. It's gotta be. Fuck that. What is it? It's umami. I think it's salty. But it's like. Yeah, I think it's just, like, shit that tastes awesome. Yeah. MSG, maybe. Yeah, I think it's just that. Yeah, they do use it for everything that just tastes awesome. Guys, you know how I've been getting into battle rap recently, and I've been trying to go maybe try it for the first time? Yeah, you've been saying how you want to go big this time. Well, I went, and I just didn't tell you guys because I didn't want anyone to know. I thought I used a pseudonym. And they snatched my chain. You got your chain snatched? And the event wasn't even real. It was just a Facebook group that led me to an ARCO, and they snatched my chain. At the ARCO? And they called me a bitch. You got set up? I got set up, and I don't have any now. I don't have any bling or jewelry or fucking anything. Yeah, who set that up? That's crazy. So in your personal life, probably. Tyler, do you know anything about me getting my chain snatched? No, I don't know shit. I know where you can find something new. I do know where you can find something new shit. I got a bunch of chains. Don't listen to Tyler. But everything is so exorbitantly expensive, and I don't know if I could buy another chain. Look, I think you need high-quality male jewelry to replace what got snatched, and I think GLD can help you. It's called gold pussy. Don't ignore him. It's just called GLD. It's called GLD.com? I'm getting Nick Yingling a PSL chain. They make those? That PSL chain, it's real gold in every piece. It's real gold in every piece. The stones are meticulously handset. Whatever your style, they got it, dude. And I know you got a weird style. The place I went, they had like 40 customers in there, and that was a good seal of approval, I felt. Does GLD have a lot of customers? It has 2 million customers, and Tyler's one of them. I shop there all the time. What do you buy from GLD, Tyler? Jewelry. That's a stupid question. That's right, Tyler. That is a stupid question. For a limited time only, new customers are getting an insane deal. Use code YARD to get 50% off, plus a free chain, did you hear that, kiddo? A free chain? All I gotta do is make it, or I get my chain back? And you can't get it snatched this time, because it's very, very embarrassing. Well, it's easy to take it. It could still, well, he could still get snatched. It's 50% off, and a free chain with code YARD at GLD.com. That's GLD.com, use code YARD. You know what? If you're a gangster, come get it. You know what? If you're a gangster crit, if you want Nick's, come fucking get it this time. If you want Nick's, I mean it. And I'm gonna be ready this time. Maybe put up, like, a Craigslist ad. Craigslist ad. GLD.com, use code the YARD. That's our set. And you can come fucking get it this time. Again. Let's go back to the episode where Tyler has checked out. You can just go to GLD.com, use code the YARD. Why'd you move to Japan? Well, I was in that first year of college, and I was on a big Akira Kurosawa battle royale just come out, and I was, like, checking out all the classics in cinema. Wait, Akira Kurosawa made a movie called Battle Royale? But Battle Royale's the original awesome. Yeah, you've never seen this? It's so fucking good. You're such a pussy, bro. You've never seen Battle Royale? You're such a pussy. You of this group of people? That's insane. Did it not coin the term? Yeah, well, yeah, and I got to meet one of the actors in it randomly at a bar like eight months ago, but. It's an old film? It's, like, from the night. It came out in 2000? 2000, yeah. It's Japanese? Yeah, and it's amazing. I'm gonna have a heart attack. Okay. Let me know when Chinese Battle Royale comes out. Thank you. Hunger Games is my shit. Yeah, I'm a Chinese guy now. So, like, I was taking cinema, so I saw Battle Royale, loved it, and then went into the classics of Kurosawa, Akira, Mifune Toshiro as the actor. I really liked these guys, and I took a class and immediately failed it. Like, I am clinically dumb, and they. But in the class, as I was, like, doodling, whatever, they said, hey, there's somebody who needs a. homestay, like, family. And I was like, shit, I can be playing Street Fighter with some Japanese dude, like, 24-7. Ended up just being a really hot girl who moved in with me and my mother, so it was like, it was really cool, but not at all what I had. There's videos like this. But, like, me and my friends couldn't believe it. We would. They were like, dude, this is like. You're like, how did this happen? I was like, she needs a place to stay. We're not dating. And they're like, but there's a hot girl upstairs. And I'm like, yeah, this is cool. It's hard to comprehend. I do like that street cred at that age. It's like being within 20 feet of a fucking woman. Let's go to a pizza house. There's a hot girl. We want a doctor or a trampoline. Luckily, and I fully expected it to be like, nah, I'm good. But we were really good friends and she was so cool to my mom and, like, they taught each other, like, cooking stuff and eventually she said, and I had to drive her around and, like, you know, take her to school or pick her up or do all these things. And we became, like, really tight. And so she said, wow, why don't you come to see my family in Yokohama? It's only fair. And I thought, that's an amazing opportunity. So I went to visit her family, stayed with them for, like, two weeks on, like, a New Year's and Christmas. It was unbelievable. It was, like, 2004, 2005. And I thought, I've got to move here when I graduate. And it took, like, When you felt the crisp water of that bidet for the first time? It was, like, mountain water. I've been trying to seek it for ages now. You were probably drinking it. Yeah, but that, and I, you know, she ended up moving back to America and moving there and marrying, like, a dentist. And I ended up moving to Japan. Yo, fucking flopped, bro. Yo, flip-flopped. That's so cute. Are you still in touch with her? On occasion, you know, so not as much anymore. But, like, she'll, my mom will still ask about her. And I'm like, Mom, it's been 10 years. You know? Oh. And for the longest time, it didn't matter who I was dating. She'd be like, how's not, it's not, I'm like, Mom, she doesn't live here. Like, she's gone. So, like, but she would What is your mom's, you use this accent when you do your mom. She's not New York or Jewish. Nothing? No. It's just how you imagine her. She did, like, LSD once, and that's how I hear it. That's cool. But, like, she doesn't talk like that. No. But she has a great laugh that I use that as, like, an anchor sound and that how it's, she just sounds like that. She's a sweet woman. She talks like Edna Mode in the way you talk. Last time I talked to her was on the RV trip. Oh, she called and she had taken four edibles. Yeah. That's what I remember. Damn. Your mom wears tie-dye. She's born in 1950. She invented tie-dye, I think. Like, at Woodstock or something. Damn, your mom's old as hell. She is. She's cool as hell, though. No, I get it. Yeah, yeah. What? It's not nice to say. It's just true. Yeah. When you're an older guy like us, all my parents are dead. They didn't make it. They didn't make it to the same time. And when your parents do make it, you're like, damn, you're old as hell and you're still my mom. But you don't get that shit. Yep. I don't get that shit. No. Because I don't see age. No, I don't see age. Would your mom My mom's pretty chill. My mom gets along with everybody. Yeah, my mom's on Zoloft. She gets along with anybody, too. She's on Zoloft? One of them. I don't know which one. I could talk to her about that. I don't think she's, like, down to talk about it. I'll call her. I'll call her and I'll say, you're on Zoloft. I know that. I don't even know what Zoloft is. I know you're on Zoloft. I don't think that'd be like a nice way to enter the call. This is why you're three and I'm not lying. Come on, bro. She ranks the yard members. She gave me a hug. It was not a three hug. It was at least two. His mom gives mom hugs. His mom? Yes. Oh, yeah. They're very mom hugs. She's trying to check how hungry you are. food yeah she's a sweet never met her yeah but you'll meet her it'll come up no come to Japan sometime I'd be awesome but are you one I'm no I'm not on the list bro I'm not who am I wait oh three I'm out I'm bad we all know it's not you of course it's me of course I promise you it's not you it's fine yes Anthony yes of course you said who there is a video footage of her him back up well I said she was hooved and I apologize for it and also my mom's dead so she feels a responsibility this is a mom to me I'm the little duckling so kill yourself little duckling and so holidays will come around and she'll ask what he's doing and I'm like I don't know getting Chinese with or something he's probably fine I don't know who my mom's favorite is it's me no I'm gone I don't think so it probably is she understands you I wish she would wait long enough to have your permanent residency that's ten years I've been at 15 years almost this April Wow do you have to give up your American I want to so badly like I'm trying it's a bad idea though to renounce your city it's like you're just limiting your options no I'm good man I'm out I'm out so there's a couple things only America double taxes and it's really annoying ah even there you go and there's a thing called the F bar this is the part where you can fast forward 45 seconds talking about taxes no this is sick I want any bank account that has at least $10,000 at any point in the year in savings is subject to you have to file it every year or get fined and it can be taxed and they have a treaty with the Japan where it's like after a certain amount you will be also charged income tax there's only one of two countries in the world that does it and the main reason is I don't make that much to be worried about it but I have to file it really carefully but the main thing is like 15 years man I'd rather vote in my local you know municipal area I'd rather they have like a better passport than America low-key they do it's like yeah number one right and I I feel like I don't know why would I stay as American when all of my my family my son it's all in Japan now and I that's wrong that's why I'm gonna if you renounce it though it'd be hard for your son to get citizenship I imagine now we're good so if I as long as we have to go there within the next three months and I register him and he has until the age of 18 to decide where he wants his citizenship to be oh and then he can choose and then you can renounce after doing that I can renounce the minute after he gets Americans maybe a dumb question yeah what is your plan are you teaching English and Japanese to him equally I'm not doing shit man I'm here in the yard my wife's doing all of it yeah my the plan is because I taught English for a long time so I know the perils of how hard it is for half like half wide or half European or half English-speaking half French-speaking hafu right and it can be really it can be really tough nice guess that's what they call them well it's offensive terms is it a hafu like you like yo what's up hafu well yeah yeah if you said it like that yeah yeah well but if you're adding much trust him so much more than you so I got this one yeah okay hafu this keep saying it are you asking me if I'm half hafu magica but to answer your question we're gonna be using as much English as possible at home I like as much as possible kind of like how some people when they move to America their grandmother would be like German that you could only speak German to them so they had like that memory of it I know he's gonna learn Japanese like for sure yeah how would you not and everyone's he's gonna want to speak that all the time so it's gonna be on my poor wife and I not me it's easy for me but for her really try to lock in and express as much as possible in English so that he can feel comfortable using that whoa you're gonna learn it so free like I'm not even worried for him it's pretty exciting though I learned French in like I had a bullshit amount of French in my upbringing everyone says you speak the amount of French a fifth grader knows yeah that's really good no no fifth is not generous you don't don't chime in talk to your sister about it she agreed yeah your sister agreed she's you're basically a baby and then she's like one year older of a baby than you are she's being humble we both speak very good I'm going viral on French Twitter bro you don't do that if you're a second grader are you you weren't even yes you weren't even viral in a group of French people at the race okay you were you were you were chopped I dare I say no one in his life can talk to him like this except us it's like checks and balances he needs to hear this when he ignores it all the time so we have to do our podcast clip has a million views on French Twitter magica yeah which one just us doing the pod oh what really yes I'm viral on French Twitter does the clip ever cut away from you huh does the clip ever cut away from yeah yeah do I should get shown yeah I'm on there guys you're yeah you're all viral in France I'm just saying I'm viral in France what is this your mother let's go can you do yeah I'm not going violent Francis I'm soon but have you played a bokeh no Nazi awesome II the no but I know it's like the boys vacation yeah yeah it's cool but if playing one game for the rest of your life could be your job but you couldn't play anything else what's that game what are you well so this is I like I've always get asked like to rank games and it's so hard now because I go by like console generation but if I'm going with like all-time played amount of hours I want something that's replayable infinitely right yeah so it's got to be either like an FPS like CS go or Team Fortress 2 or you go like Diablo 2 with its never-ending like I could grind that game forever but you would love Diablo 2 it was great I'm tells me that a lot or like an MMO of some sort but I think I'm gonna go with Diablo 2 or just like some fucking lame JRPG shit that like what that's a good idea that's a good idea that's a good Seven? No, that's too, that's too like. Too easy? That's too easy, man. Okay, then what? Again, so Suikoden's my jam. So that game's so sick. What is that? It's a really good RPG that no one luckily, I mean, they should play it more, but it was just, but like, I like that. Or Secret of Monkey Island's one of my OG favorites. Oh, yeah. The point and click games. Secret of Monkey Island. You ever play Xenogears? Of course, man. Yeah. Any RPG before 2011, I've literally played them all. It's not for you to challenge that. Peter. I'm just telling you. I love you. Thanks, Peter. I had to, I was telling them, I was like, we're going to have Pete on. And then Sam was like, who's that? Because that's what he says about everyone. Yeah, to be clear, he did this to Mr. Bass. You know what? I don't expect anyone to know me. When I go to like conventions, like even on this one, I get gifted so much stuff. And at first, the first time I was like, oh, this is awesome. They're all addressed to Connor and Chris and Lud. I love how he gets lumped in there. Someone went to me, they're like, hey, when's the next time you're seeing Connor? I was like, I don't know, eight months. They're like, okay. Can I give you this to give to him? And I was like, no, no, I'm not going to, I'm just going to lose it. I'll be honest with you. But I get it because those guys have huge presence. But I, I've always felt that in the thing missing from streaming that isn't celebrated as much, I think it's totally okay to be like the best supporting actor in a major motion picture. And if I can help my friends who are doing cool shit with or without me, if I can elevate it even just a little bit, that's, that's been like the best for me. Jesse Plemons. Yeah, like exactly. Just, just consistently giving. Uh, his best effort. Or Will Lutz. I don't know. I'm a little bit better than that. No, I'm kidding. He's good. That's a good way of putting it though. That's actually how I feel is coming up, living together and even us doing this show. I'm like, I'm a great, I'm a great role player and I'm happy with it. So we just got, I mean like sometimes it's just, it's necessary to understand that and to live within those bounds has been very fruitful for me and my family because it's more fun. I get to see these guys succeed and I'm way older than all of you. Guys, except for you. Um, but I still feel like they're my big brother. So like when I got like this sweater, it's like, like, like my older brother put like a hat on me. It was like, don't let him have that. Well, I mean, for example, but why not? Because you're not older, you're younger and stupider, but I'm wise. He's my favorite French streamer. You know why he's not wise? It's because you ask him something about the one thing that he knows probably the most about anything, which is YouTube. And he goes, I don't know. Is that not the wisest thing to admit? Well, you don't know. You don't even attempt to answer. It just depends how much, if you only ever say, I don't know. Should the Shifu master pretend what he knows? So you know nothing. You know as much as I do. Does the rock tell you where the sun is when it sets? Does the moon kiss the sun on the lips when it's sleeping? What the fuck does that one mean? That's actually Shakespeare. I like that. Thank you. Is there a people on TikTok? Um, oh, whoa, look at this. Viral, bro. Faites attention. À vous deux. Pourquoi nous deux j'ai fait ça? So anyway, you guys don't understand this. You can pause it. Yeah, what are you guys saying to me? What are you saying to this guy? I said, watch out, both of you. And he said, me too? And I said, yeah. And he's like, why? And I was like, because I could kill you. And that was a really short sentence. With my car. Okay. And he said, fill the pute. Yeah. Oh, you look. Oh, damn. That's a weird shit. Maybe that's why you went viral. Yeah, my yoga pose. Yeah. Like, what can I say? Damn, you're viral, bro. I'm viral in France, y'all. And I'm about to be viral in China. In China. When I go to do Road to Empress. Damn. That's awesome. See, you're doing great. Yeah, everyone's proud of you, sweetie. Well, I'm just, I'm leaving this orbit, all right? I saw, you know, American streaming, and I can't, I can't hang. No, because if this is true, you'd learn Spanish. No, no, no, no, because that market's already saturated. Oh. That's how you feel about the Spanish? Is it? That market's saturated. The white guy in China who speaks perfect Mandarin. Yeah. That's not saturated yet. That's not saturated. There's a lot of open positions on that. We just have shot them all. They're still shocked as fuck in those videos. Yes. There's no thinking about it. Like, laying at night just awake, like, I can't believe he ordered it in flawless. I don't know what to say, man. Chill, Chunk. Do you get that when you speak Japanese still? I'm assuming you do. No, I think that in Tokyo, when I lived in the countryside, you know, there was some enthusiasm for my ability. But my favorite way to communicate, because I'm not actually that good. It's quite embarrassing, but I get by, but, like, I should be ashamed. But there's a really cool concept when you go to bars or izakaya in Japan, and the word for drink is? Mekju. Nomu. Okay, and the word for, what did you say? Mekju. Oh, that's not Japanese. But that's okay. It's Korean. It's Korean, yeah. Chi mek choi heo. All right, we're killing it. Let's go viral in South Korea, baby. So, nomu is to drink in communication. They combine the two words and call it nomunication. So, a lot of Japanese people are obviously taught English, but they're really shy to use it in a lot of cases. So, you go to the izakaya, you have a few pops, and then everybody's kind of communicating. You unlock all the things you've been studying. That's where I excel, is nomunication. Every time I've drank with you, you start whipping out, like, an announcer character for the WWE of Japan, and it makes the Japanese patrons go wild. Can you do it? Can you do it? Let me think. So, I will say. The one where I go like, Kyu no te ma kore desu. Yes. Everyone gets the reference, and they're like, plus two. And then I'm there like, what are you doing? You're doing some, like, Iron Chef intro. That's what it is. Oh, it is Iron Chef. So, I love that show. So, I have the entire intro almost memorized in English. They're Japanese. But the guy who plays is this guy named Chairman Kaga, and on the old Japanese one. And I found it so fascinating when I was in high school when it played. His was the only character they put subtitles for. Because everybody else was dubbed in English. But they kept his because his way of speaking is so theatrical that I, I, uh. Oh! Kira haksu de umu kai kudasai! Sa-ya-do! They love that shit. I'm telling you. I love that shit. It takes down an izakaya. Like, free drinks start rolling in. Yeah, it does that. But what I said there was, let's get a huge round of applause for the yard. And so, like, so, and then, uh, but nobody claps, so it's fucking faded. Dude, that's crazy. You didn't know that shit? Bro, I'm Chinese now. I don't fuck with this Japanese shit. It's fine, huh? It's fine. Yeah. Yeah, bro. I learned a lot of, and I learned a lot of the fun phrases that are, like, really, really rare. Yeah. That are guaranteed, like, if they say, "Your Japanese is so good," I hit 'em with my absolute cheat code, "Don't steal it's mine." I always say, like, "Ah, sumimasen. Fugainai." And "fugainai" is, like, a really rare word. Like, nobody knows it. But it means, uh. Uh, "feckless" and "worthless" and "useless." I learned that on my first year. We were playing, uh, pickup basketball in, like, some gym. And, uh, every time I got the ball, the dude would take a step back and go, "Fugainai, fugainai." And I thought he was saying, "Fungai, fungainai," or whatever. And so, I was, like, dribbling, I'm like, "Damn." Wow, they're saying, "Let him shoot, bro." Yeah, they were like, "He's feckless and pathetic." And so, I was talking to my friend, I was like, "Damn, I'm getting kind of popular with this team." And he was like, "Oh, yeah, they were calling you fugainai." And I was like, "Yeah, I know, I'm pretty tight." And he was like, "No, look at the kanji, it means, like." And I looked it up, and I was like, "Damn, that's actually insane." Because every time he was like, "Yeah!" I was like, "Let's go." But it sticks with you forever. Oh, I never forgot that. And I love to use that, because Japanese people will be like, it'll kind of break down a little bit of the, you know, hierarchical relationship stuff. And we're having fun. He's saying, "Fugainai, we're killing it." So, it's great. Wow. Why are people so cruel to you, historically? I think that it's a positive. This is my coping mechanism. Yeah, we all tell ourselves that. I know, but I think— Shut up, Aiden, our guest is talking. Could you actually please shut up for, like, five minutes? I think that I've always been very, like, self-deprecating in my humor style before it was, like, The Office or whatever. And I think that people feel comfortable doing that to me, because I can usually turn it back into something fun. Sure. I can roll with it, and I don't take offense to it. But, yeah, and I think Twitch is a natural thing that people do now on that. And I don't know if it's really good for everybody. You can't let them do it. Is that the chat culture you have? No. Not really. His chat loves him, because his chat, like, I think because you lean into, you know, as you say, being the supporting character, like, people like seeing you on the stream where they might watch. Yeah. Like, whether it's Connor's stream or Chris's videos or my streams. The reason why I asked, I was like, it's so shocking. Because when I met you, which I think was— Not, wait, TwitchCon? Vegas? Yeah, Vegas. Yeah, that's right. I remember I left, and I had said to Ludd, I'm like, "Who is that guy? I love that guy." Aw. He kicked me out of the blackjack seat. He was like, "Get up, young pup." Yeah. And I was like, "Yes, sir." Well, I went up $9,000 from $300 on that trip. You did. You were insane. This seat is hot, and you are not going to sit in it. You gotta get off. But I think Pete's so self-deprecating that it's hard to roast Pete nowadays. For me, at least. I can't. Oh, like, he's like, "I am white. I am fucking dumb." Yes. But it's all true, though. He's constantly b-rabbiting me, and I'm like, "Oh, oh, oh, oh." Interesting. But I think it's something that was not common. And it's a Midwest thing, I think, actually. And the way my mom kind of just raised me, it's way more fun to be humble and positive and just not take it seriously than it is to worry. But— It's not. You're wrong. I am very sensitive, though. Like, I hate a lot of this shit. So, like, it makes me—I get, like, imposter syndrome, where I'm always wondering, like, "Oh, I shouldn't have—I should have done that differently." But, like, I'm getting used to that. Pete, it's anger. Anger is what solves everything. Oh my god, you would ruin him. Dude, I watched your League streams. It's not the answer. Some guy was like, "What's the record?" You're like, "Ban that guy! It says it on the fucking screen! Six and two!" I don't say, "Ban that guy." I do it myself. Okay, and then— 'Cause mid-game. Mid-game. He was like— He'll alt-tab out to ban someone. 'Cause it's on the screen. Yeah, it was. It was right—but then you also had a thing, and I was like, "Look, what's that thing? It's called, like, Trisket Eaters or whatever." Yeah, yeah. What was the thing at the top? Oh, uh, his subs— Drywall punchers. Drywall punchers! And I was like, "What's that?" I was like, "I thought you were so mad, you'd been punching the wall a thousand times." I thought that he'd punched the wall a thousand times, 'cause he's, like, on a losing streak. An awesome, like, set decoration for your stream would just be, like, a drywall with holes all behind you. It's really easy to punch through. Yeah, it is. Unless you hit a stud. Unless you hit a stud, yeah. Yeah, and then it really hurts. And then someone in chat types, "What is Drywall Punchers? How many times do you punch a drywall?" And then you alt-tab "Ban the fuck out of them." I don't ban people! I time them out! It's obviously subs. You don't ban people? What are you even talking about? I time them out! I time them out! You ban people, and then you go back later for the unbanned forms off-stream, 'cause you like doing it. No, I do that on-stream. I eat my dessert in front of people. But you have to ban them to do the unbanned forms. Sometimes I ban them. Okay, we're making progress. But sometimes I time them out. Sometimes, yeah, it's true. Did you always plan on having a— No, no, no, I did not, but my wife was adamant, so. Ooh! But now that I had them, it's the single—I know this is—and I don't want to be like, "Oh, I'm a kid." But it was transformative. It's so incredible. I'm really astonished. That's so weird. I've heard this time and time again. Who says that? It's just true, man. I'm not saying you said these words, but I've heard a lot like, "Yeah, I didn't want kids." Then I had a kid, and it just changes—you feel differently. Yeah, 100%. Let's see, let's see. You want a second kid? Kind of. Ooh. No, I mean, so it's a tough—my wife asked me that, like, when she was in labor, and I was like, "Okay, let's just wait." Wait in labor? Yeah. She's like, "By the way, another one?" Yeah. "Let's defuse the bomb we're currently in the game we're in, and then we'll talk about the next game we're gonna play." Your next one. That's how it is. I guess that's what it is. It is the same. I got that reference. All right, I'm getting better. Let's go. But she—yeah, I think it would be cool. I just—I'm really coming to terms with a lot of it right now. It's just so much stuff. And—but I can tell you. I'll finish work or whatever. I'll just go into the room, and I'll see him sleeping there. And it's just like, this is so awesome. And it's—it's really cool. That's because that's what I feel like it'll be, because that's what I get when I get off work and I see Ders. Mm. What? The cat. Yeah. Yeah. And then I feel like a baby version of that would just be higher. You don't even like Ders. You're the dumbest motherfucker to breathe. Wait, so are you, like, grinding dad stuff? Like, are you reading books on it? No. My dad taught me enough. He left in, like, two days. I lasted longer than he did. That's worked for generations and generations. No, I'm not—I think I'm taking a lot of the lessons that I took to heart that my mother kind of instilled in me. But, like, I think right now, like, some people say, "Do you want to be able to play baseball?" Or, "Do you want him to do this or that?" I don't want to do—I want to do whatever he starts showing an inclination and interest in. And I'm sure he'll like what I like, just because he's going to be with me. But the only thing I'm going to really make sure we do a lot is reading. I think reading's like—I like reading. Mm-hmm. I like that skill. Wait, I have a rec. Oh, go ahead. I have a rec for your child. Okay, let's hear it. Your child should listen to classical music. Mmm. Chopin. It's so groundbreaking. It's so amazing. Huh? It's so really groundbreaking. Well, let me tell you. That's cool. No idea. You can develop perfect pitch in a child if you introduce the child at a young age to a wide enough array of music. Which is good. I listen to, like, Lil Wayne and fucking Youngboy. I don't mean— I have, like, perfect everything. I don't mean genres or artists. NBA Youngboy. Right? Listen to Youngboy. I literally mean the way their brain will comprehend sound is different if they've heard a large enough range. Show your kids Swag Surfin'. By Lil Wayne No But I We got the Beastie Boys records We've got What are the Beastie Boys? Oh you want a white rapper No I did not I said one artist And then you We got Del the Funky He's a black guy So we have You don't want your kid To talk like this We got Yamashita Tatsuno That's big I got all the All the spectrum here Of artists Well I think The thing I think about I would fuck up Is like What if I did You know how kids A baby can't have water When did they tell you that? Wait I kind of know that Babies Know it? Exactly bro Because what happens If you give your kid water And then you know That'd be bad Well my wife was in daycare For like eight years So She wasn't like in daycare She was slow as hell That's more my story So she taught daycare Yeah Aiden graduated From daycare at 16 Do you know Artosis? He's a Starcraft commentator Yeah yeah yeah Yeah older guy Yeah yeah yeah I think he's actually your age He's got like four kids But But I watch his stream And most of his stream Is him just yelling at chat And playing Starcraft Against Koreans And losing And he's been doing this For years and years But sometimes People will ask him about Like how to raise a kid And he'll like He'll like change completely And he'd be like Well I think What you have to do With a child is You have to be patient The more patient you are With your child The better it is for them And for you He gets in like a zen state Yes And then he turns Right back around And he's like Shut the fuck up Shut the fuck up Shut the fuck up And I've used that To turn around on people Who are mean to me On the internet And I say I wish your parents Were more patient with you A little grace A little empathy Yes But To that point I Even up until the day He was born I was very kind of Nervous about it But Do I have time for A quick birth The birth story Yeah yeah It was really cool to me So my wife I was on a legendary Uma Musume run Like I was Seriously I was like the goat Of streaming that game I don't know why That happened But like You went You went mega viral On Twitter Cause you had like A post of you playing it And radio commentating Some bullshit On French Twitter Where I think most Yeah French Twitter And where most people I think like Dabbled in Uma Musume You were like In the shit Like you understood What it took To get an S rank gal Well I like horse racing In general Like my dad did And so we would talk About that and stuff But I don't really Like anime right But I was on this Generational run And I had so much Time to play it Because my wife Was like Nine months pregnant And And the day She was like It was My son was actually Born on his birthday Which is tragic So July 7th Wait does he have A godfather Right here buddy He'll be living That mogul life I named like seven Just in case I go broke I'll be like Connor, Chris, Lud You made us All godfathers Telling each of them Individually If both of you pass We become like The wise men So I It's like 4.30 in the morning And I'm on like An 18 hour stream Of Uma Musume And my wife She's like I think it's time And I Didn't I immediately stopped Like I just stood up And left I was like I gotta go And then I got a sign She's like Let's take me to the hospital So I go there And in Japan You have to sign up To be in the room Like six months in advance You can't Oh my god Yeah so I didn't sign up Because I had a very sick cat At the time And he passed Like a month before that So now I had the free time So I could have been there So I was like Let me stay For the dam's childbirth You know And they were like Okay we'll make an exception Oh you carried your way through Yeah I carried my way On my way through that shit Do they have a word for that In Japanese A pita It's funny when he does that It's funny When you do it It makes us feel weird So I I go in there And they said It's not gonna happen For another 12 hours Please come back Later And I said Okay So I went home And I go back on the stream I was like False alarm guys I'm good I streamed for like another hour Told the story And then I finally like Get off the air And then she calls me back She's like It's happening now Get back here So I was like Now? I'd been up like 24 hours She'd been up 24 hours I get to the hospital room And I'm in this room And they have like this chair Where they have these These handles And the legs are I'm like It's like the dentist This is fucked up And she was like Right next to this huge Enormous stone wall And it was like It was like we were in prison But through the stone wall We could both easily hear A woman screaming in agony In Japanese She's going And it's interesting Japanese ouch Is two syllables Which is weird She's going Itai Over and over And over again Ouchie Ouchie Ouchie And you're like Awkward Yeah And my wife's like Getting ready And looking at me And I was about to speak And she'll like Scream it again Like every like Six seconds And I was like Can't be that bad Yeah Come on like This fucking rookie I was like She must have triplets Like that's not that hard And so my wife Starts going into labor And I'm like And they bring in the doctors And I was like Where do you want me to go What do you want me to do And they move me behind her And they were like Just hold her hand I was like She like nearly Snapped in half I was like How about You hold on to this And I'll like Wipe your sweat Yeah yeah And so This woman's been in I guess she'd been in labor For six hours And so Yuki starts locking in Oh my god And I was like Yuki starts locking in She's been barren Like five times I'm telling you though My wife She's like super human strong So She's like She starts like Doing the contractions And it's taking An immense amount of effort At something The lengths of which I've I mean well I did do an 18 hour Umemusumishim That was pretty close Yeah pretty close It's equal I would say it's equal She's like Pushing as hard as she can Gasping for breath And then she does like Two contractions at a time And it completely like Like Just exhausts her And she's done this For about 30-40 minutes And I've been wiping her sweat Just like Pouring off of her And Suddenly After her second Of one of these contractions They said We see the The crown of the head It's coming out And then There's like some discussion And then she's like No no no And she looked at me And she's like I don't want it And I thought Oh my Well it's a little late It's like It's like it's now It's like nine We've been doing this for 40 weeks Baby play the game for nine months Steam is not And I was like I think we're gonna love him And she's like You idiot Not the baby They're saying using forceps And I was like Okay well that was key information That's so fucking funny You gotta translate that part Than saying I don't want it And I'm sitting here That's not Japanese 101 The forceps Doesn't come up a lot I didn't hear that part I don't want it I mean I can ask I mean I can ask Can you put it back in Just like So it's like You can get the California stat We'll have hours to do this So Doc do you think It's had a conscious experience You know So they They start getting like this Looks like some sort of A gulag Torture device You know And then I was like She doesn't want that And like they don't know What the fuck I'm saying So I was like I'll just shut up And then They said well They need that because The baby has been exposed to oxygen And at this point If you don't get it out soon enough It will die It'll suffocate Because it's been disconnected From the The umbilical cord Exactly Right so it can't breathe It can't breathe That's so crazy So my wife And it's like this comically Like cartoonish Looking weapon Like Silent Hill Can you look it up What's it called A forceps Forceps Can you look the I've never seen what forceps look like Oh man They come in Some of them they just put like On their head And they like Like pull it like a sling And it Like it can be like this But yours are crazy They grab the blinds fucking head My god That's the device That's Well no Theirs was like From pre-war It was like so old looking Look up Japanese forceps Yeah yeah Japanese forceps I mean I don't know If they're gonna have the one At my ancient hospital Yeah I think I was forcepted By some 1990 technology Well whatever it was Ew It was Go get one Say ew Go get one Don't say ew I don't care Don't say ew Well It's ew Miracle of life Miracle of life Well they did say Oh that one Look at that one I'm not looking No the bottom right It looks like Oh my god It looks like the The device that opens the wine bottle But also this other shit And I don't know what the other shit is It's actually just the same What is that fucking thing It's the same It does so many things And there's a corkscrew And it also It's an all in one tool That I didn't want to use So It was crazy My wife She She just did They were like doing this with it And like getting it ready And then they were And then also They were like Don't look down here And then I immediately This was like What's going on And I should not have looked It was like I will You saw it I saw everything It was Wow It was like Okay Dude that's crazy Oh my god They could use a forceps on my eyes maybe But like Then she shows She does the two contractions And you could tell She's at Every single ounce of her energy Is being put into this And she collapsed back And then she just alts And does a third one And I was like Oh my god Like I've never seen somebody Dig that deep for something And It's still not out And She has to go for the fourth round And on the fourth and final push Using I can't even imagine the strength The baby came out And My No forceps No forceps My life like went Like back to back alts And then like Wow Crazy bro And then she They brought the baby around And I was I found out I had been holding my breath For like three minutes Like I Cause I was so nervous right Yeah So for me I gasped And like everybody's Looked like a watercolor Because I had no oxygen In my brain And so I was seeing the baby come out And they're bringing it around And I see my wife And she's She's like waving at it And they bring it And they like tap her On the tummy with it And then they move it behind And there's like this blood On her tummy Cause it's from the And then they were like Don't look back And I was like Oh my god And it's all purple Like an eggplant So I thought Oh my god Something's happening And I was like Like he's bright purple Yeah And then they And then she was like Is he okay? And I was like yeah and the doctor was like um he was like which is their thinking sound which is also two syllables which i think is interesting like they go he was like a baby is fine i was like okay okay that's good and then he and then like another nurse was like in perfect english she was like when the babies are born they have to adjust to oxygen i was like where were you in the forceps talk you're like you speak better english than i do and then she went back so then um then they kicked me out of the hospital like 20 minutes later because in my and they she had to stay at the hospital with the baby for 10 days i could only visit 15 minutes a day in america they're like get the fuck out they kicked you the fuck out yeah america you got 15 minutes to get out that's how it works yeah you get the wrong baby yeah yeah you get the wrong baby somebody's giving the other person's baby but and so um yeah the baby was born on on ludwig's birthday which is kind of sucks because the next day would have been perfect because uh right now we're in the imperial that sucks but um it kind of does so like in the imperial year right now it's it's day one which is like this emperor's reign seven so the baby almost was born on seven seven seven which would have been jackpot jackpot you hate one off jackpot you gotta name your kid jack we we were gonna name his middle name jack and so just get this jenny's in the bonus for fuck's sake dealer dealer dealer i thought about it and then like my wife's father was born on seven seven so just lie lie before the first birthday who cares but now i have this great excuse when it's your birthday i'm like oh i forgot i was busy with my son yeah yeah wow that all sounds really beautiful i can't wait to also go through it it was cool i have to give you your son amazing presents now every birthday because i have no excuse to not remember exactly his little man can't even remember no we have a shirt we have a yard shirt we've been um talking about turning into a baby's thing like a baby shirt we better hurry because you guys shipping takes forever it's a picture of slime uh smoking crack on it oh i've seen that shirt that's a great shirt you want to make a baby version i appreciate that would you put it on your baby uh yeah i just smoke crack with him why not no um so that that changed a lot of things and even the first few months i have no idea other than like i just want to do drugs no but like i would not know where to help or what to do and like that's been a big change and luckily my wife has a lot of experience but it's it's crazy and well you think that like we've just been doing this for a really long time as a race of human beings right like it doesn't it as confused as you can get it's like right pick him up when he's crying yep i don't know i feel like we've like maybe been doing it long for you know human history but babies are kind of useless for like 18 years that's part of why they're that's part of why they're smart is they have to keep growing outside of the womb but they'll come out you know as soon as mine can walk he's going to work in the field the other species are so good like a like a baby deer comes out he's running but a baby deer can't wield fire to make weapons and that's the difference and that's what we hope for you get like a baby beaver they just start making dams yeah they're just like i get it it's the one thing they know how to do it's crazy and they don't have to be like yo so you're going to be a dam maker yeah you don't even have to tell them you're going to be a dam maker you're going to be a dam maker you're going to be a dam maker you're going to be a dam maker you're going to be a dam maker yeah you don't have to tell them they're just like they're just like that shit's a little too open does anyone else feel that way? does anyone else feel that way? just looking at any gap and be like what's wrong with that? i just don't like how open that is you guys are you're in for it though because there's stuff that you don't ever anticipate like like my son has a little trouble pooping right brother i'll anticipate i have well world experience put a q-tip up your asshole and try to get it out it's gonna take more than a q-tip brother you gotta do that with your son you gotta do that with your son that's crazy i know and then there's things like how do you wash an infant's penis like we don't know these things right she was like well what do you do and i'm like what do you mean i clean but it's like these are because in japan they don't circumcise right and so we don't know like these are things that are necessary for like the health like do you have to peel it back or do you do you not just sitting over your kids baby penis like fuck and then with the three wash sink i also understand that that that comment really made no sense when i said it like it just i'm not getting i knew exactly i assumed you had an uncircumcised kid i understood completely what you mean but like that those things are not in like dad training and so like you're circumcised i'm not actually i'm welcome to our side of history that's right why didn't your parents get you circumcised i think my dad was just like when you were a baby no it wasn't the forceps were brand new but like i so but like but i don't remember how i cleaned it at zero sure you know and i these things are so delicate these babies like you don't know you don't want to they're like even the way that they sleep one of the things that's quite common in japan is is that a lot of asians from like my her parents generation have kind of flatter heads on the back because they they they lay on the futon and so nowadays there's a lot of like pillows or like but western children generally have more rounded backs because when they're we're sitting in cribs with pillows or whatever and your skull can change so like you know those oh yeah it's it's like very malleable for like 18 months yeah it's got a big hole in it right yeah you're a little baby i mean i'm making my kids sleep in a cube well like one of those watermelon like japanese watermelon come on look at crazy square head baby fuck it that's my kid all that stuff getting your balenciaga skull template for your child so wait what do you do you do futon oh no so you know we were just looking for the right pillow well then he had like this huge bald line like if you wore a headband all the time because his pillow looked like mine it was like all these hairs on i'm like oh and he was going like this all the time and like just it was like completely removing all of the hair there so then we were like okay there's no manuals for any of this shit so she found some infant pillow and she was like oh my god i'm instagram and bought that and he loves it so w instagram yeah w instagram so like i think the thing that i was trying to convey was i when i had a dad training class where we were like i learned how to give a fake baby a bath with other japanese dads and we were all just like we don't know what we're doing yeah and then you're suddenly you're just doing it and you're answering all these questions or you're so unsure about stuff but um i left the country right after i was born so here i am i hope those have been answered so what's harder uh so far being a dad or final fantasy tactics with connor specifically yeah tactics okay i think my son figures things out faster are you guys failing at final fantasy tactics do not ever say you guys it was 100 him because i've it's like my favorite final fantasy so we did like we did the full thing in one stream and it took him 45 hours which is actually pretty quick but he doesn't understand the beginning of military warfare he's like i'll attack this from the front every single fucking time and be shocked when i miss the enemy every single sometimes you have to move around sometimes it takes it takes a many years of front shots oh yeah to learn that there's other ways back shots are key is what i was back shots are important they're very you can never touch tactics final fantasy tech i'm the only father here i think i can speak with authority but it's how many months old is your baby three oh my god so yeah so i'm still brand new yeah brand new so i'm learning all this stuff and trying to figure out all these answers that like you said though we've been doing it for millennia so it's it's i guess it's really hard to like hurt a baby unless it's intentional like so that they're gonna fall and bang their head they're gonna scrape their knees uh we don't have that yet because he's not crawling yet but like things will happen i mean i'm sure you guys have had been to the hospital before yeah i i banged my head up a shit ton as a kid okay so like i concussion is taking out so many babies oh the sharp edges uh yeah or the furniture that just falls down because it doesn't have it's like poorly balanced or the meatballs i went into immediate surgery when i was born really that's why i got a big scar my whole hairline's like a scar no way that's cool as hell uh i had a big old thing on my face on my head when i was born my son does have a cyst and he has to have surgery so that was not that was not like anything we did wrong but like at first i thought yeah so you had a cyst do not look up those things they can have like teeth and hair not his doesn't but you should okay maybe this sounds weird but what if you gave him a cool scar well i like a monster hunter create a character what if you physically abuse your baby have you thought about throwing your baby around you don't throw anything you have a baby it should come with the stickers that like guitar hero guitars come with like your phone yeah he's giving whatever so yeah he'll have surgery at one years old we have to wait for a year baby should have gun buddies or something i don't know a gun buddy for your baby yeah the q-tip up the ass is the hardest part okay that's the worst man no because i hadn't that hadn't even crossed my mind well sometimes you gotta do something you gotta do something you gotta do something you gotta do that with you does it work yeah you have to like it doesn't just or is it like is it more of like a it's like it oozes out and it's not solid yet because they don't have yeah because it's breast milk yeah babies are fucking so it's like it's like bright yellow brown yeah so you're all slowly oozing out that's what i tell myself in the process i'm going i was like i had to have done this once you were that somebody stuck a finger or a q-tip up my asshole and i paid for it last wonder too it's like i i i hear stories like this and i think about like when i was a teenager and i was like a pain in the ass my mom and shit and it's like she she put a q-tip in my ass and now i'm fucking 14 lipping you know now i'm now mouthing off to her yeah she took care of you when you could do jack shit for like 23 years damn yeah that's crazy man so that's been fun and like make him a baseball player i'm not gonna force him to do anything why why why because i like make him play for the bangkok sit him down at the smash setup and just see what he does well you know they have a thing that they do in asia where they put out like nine different it'll be like a stack of money paintbrush i don't know if they did in america we didn't but like um a calculator or whatever it's like what they do to find the dolly well yeah i put my sin out there and he's just like i'm gonna crawl towards my crack pipe or whatever yeah you feel like shit don't put a track hawk out there man or the keys to it because i'm gonna get in that i'll put a baseball bat out there put a baseball bat out there and then put a baseball glove and then put only baseball stuff and then put a ring light and like a chat and like an elgato like stream deck well the thing that's is cool is that no matter what you're going to be for at least a little bit whatever you're into as a dad or a mom your son is going to be interested as well so i'm already going to get tickets to like what i like baseball games and he'll just because i love it i'm going to be what he knows for the first like five years so anything that i'm like i have to be really conscious of that because i don't want to like only suntory whiskey or something like that's that'd be it that'd be not a really developed palette would no no but like but that's i i was told that by the uh by the the trainers or whatever the other thing they taught me in japan which i thought was wild they we were in this this this room with all the dads and they put on this video from like 1973 or whatever uh our generation and then they said um they they they were like you need to talk to the baby while it's in the tummy so i'd go like no she's fake that's some bullshit yes that's some bullshit and i was like and uh and then he heard my voice and i was like this shit's fake as fuck but then they so i was doing that for like six months and all the other dads were like i'm not doing that uh but the other thing they said was you need to take baths with your children until they're like three or four like you it's part of the process like right now we're showering them and stuff yeah and then you know i get in the bath and i wait and then i haven't done it yet but i'm doing it i get back she'll like hand them to me and we'll just be in the bathtub and they said on the video they said no matter what even if your son is a yakuza he'll always remember he'll have a family he'll love his mom and dad i was like if you take a bath with them yeah if you know like they'll know that they always have a home and i was like well where did i fail on the yakuza part how did i fuck that up well it's not from not having a bathroom so yeah it's cool the worst thing you could be in japan is just in a gang here it's a lot worse why are you as a man bathing with another man yeah have you ever considered that you know i haven't done it yet but i'm ready you can't do that it's a baby well and also you've never been in an onsen i've been in an onsen i have developed secret methods to not acknowledge the other men in the onsen to be clear eyes closed word for it onsen together you've been naked around the bros so what on camera i'm kidding i love being of course he's kidding because seconds before the potty walks up to me when i'm talking to christian he does this just kissing the tip he's just doing that very thin very long and he got down why he made it like a beef stick yeah and then christian's like so do you want to do like five o'clock or four o'clock for this meeting you know i i please don't go near my son i don't think i don't think slime uh i think slime's the firm no children hey don't rule it out brother i'm just saying i'm not interested uh and i continue to be not interested and nothing ever changes but i think when i'm around kids i think i understand them really well were you ever a hundred percent no yeah yeah well it's like i we both like we both like to play yeah no but like i i think it was just it's so weird for our generation i think for all of us you know it's just i just didn't know when it was gonna happen and i wasn't sure if i wanted to be a dad and like today's climate but more of it was i didn't know if i wanted to commit to that sort of i was kind of selfish i was like i i don't want to commit to the next 20 years of my life but now genuinely all i think about is like how can i get more free stuff so i can give all my money to him like i just want i just want his stuff to be cool and not but i don't want to spoil him so okay he's got to earn like all i think about is like what i can do to make his life as awesome as possible and like with traveling and stuff like that so yeah uh it's it's really changed a lot of my perspective and it's brought my wife and i closer and stuff because you know that can be we've been together for a while we've had to survive a lot of cultural differences and i mean plus i'm just an idiot so she has to deal with me but like you met in japan yeah yeah yeah yes we met in japan and so do you think it'd be easier to have one kid or nine kids probably nine because you get a whole team that way right they start doing the work for you do you think without skipping a beat dude that was magic but that's true though that's one percent i think that's a good point do you think what's what's better uh one one child and two parents or nine children no parents oh i think nine like all of her twists like they're all like running they're like he's like let's go steal some money i think the nine fatherless children that's fucking sick i mean you you're making the lost boys you're making the newsies like so many institutions have been built off nine kids the warriors you know you're going to take care of each other but yeah like we get i'd rather i'd rather have that now my bros i think you know what it's funny i think what i developed in my life without thinking about it is the situation i'm in now what's that parentless with nine of my associates if you have three kids they should combine into one like auto chess they try this with the trench coat it rarely works sometimes you get to see the rate in our movie i think it's like 50 50 ish between us all right on on confidence and wanting kids or having kids but you guys are so young though like you're 50 50 no no no i'm saying it's 50 50 across this room i'm definite i'm i'm my kid eta is in like two years oh can you rank who you think would be the best father of the four here well i know you the best so i'm one yeah but that's disgusting but mainly all i know slime though is from league league streams oh my god that doesn't paint it in the best but now that i'm sitting next to him he's he's charging up your your uh heels there but uh but then on the i watched this you guys do the fast food thing in your dnd costumes oh yeah i really liked you the most in that one like you were outside being a menace but does that make him a good parent no actually so it moved him down to fourth because you're a free bird you need your let your wings spread i like the way you put it so like you really brought it back around for me honestly here's the cool thing is a kid would bog me down no the cool thing is that if one of you had a kid it's gonna have four dads like for real like because we're gonna be gay yeah yep well we're gonna be gay together but like can't you guys see that like but i mean i would keep i would teach your kid crazy oh dude we're gonna teach his kid insane i'm gonna give your kid a switchblade for his second birthday i'll teach your kids so many slurs in every language i want to keep your kid calm your kid's gonna wu-tang the roach wu-tang the roach switch blades krav maga krav maga and we're talking about political shit oh and it's not lemonade sans policies yeah he almost did we did we even go over that he was getting angry that i was late because no i wasn't angry i've got a lemon stand i love that you say that he's about a bumpy bro all because what you took the train and it got delayed because america doesn't respect your time because america doesn't have functioning trains dude and i came in and i was like i'm so sorry guys i haven't eaten and he immediately stood up and was like yeah it was the group chat he called you chomo pete what's that i don't even know i don't even know okay that's kind of sick though that's what he said like like political guy that's what made a guy chomo pete well it's all your chomos out there that's the episode with hey hey thanks for coming on that was great no don't you stop hit me up in the channel really important from one chomo to another i'll see you in like six or seven days okay maybe if you're not incarcerated hey we'll see y'all in the in the premium episode everybody just chomo pete chomo what's chomo - I'm a monster. - Monster.