EP 22: Am I Good Enough? Rethinking the Question

The problem with the notion of being good enough is that there's no standard for it. There's no baseline for it. And it's all in the eye of the beholder and that's why so many of us struggle so much with feeling good enough because what may be good to me and you is completely different for somebody else. Hello my friend and welcome to the Tea and Life Podcast. This is a safe space where we sit on a favorite cup of tea and process life. Here we grow by showing ourselves grace and challenging beliefs that are holding us back. So if you're ready, grab your tea and let's dive in. Hello my friend, how are you this week? I hope that you are good and you're staying warm. It is the middle of January and it is cold to me and it's funny because I always say how did I survive for 13 years in Alaska when I like freezing when it's 40 degrees outside here in Virginia. So yeah, that's just me, but I do stay warm by bundling up really nice cozy socks. Montana got me the most soft cozy socks for Christmas and it's like a thing that my mom and I always had to get socks for Christmas. My mom always gets me socks or pajamas for Christmas and I told Montana that and he like surprised me with some really good socks. Lots of socks actually, I'm stocked up for the year, but today right now I am drinking some really good tea. I'm drinking an orange spice and a chai spice altogether and it's so good and I put some milk in there and I'm just just staying warm. And I'm actually recording in my office downstairs instead of the bedroom like I normally do. So it could be a lot of echo because Montana's drums are in here and they just sound just bounces off of them. So I do apologize, I'm also recording with a different mic and I just wanted to record this before I had to work. But yeah, I really hope you're having an amazing week. I hope that this two weeks of the year have been really good for you or if they haven't been all that great, that's okay. I hope that just because January doesn't go quote unquote as you planned, doesn't mean the whole year is ruined. So every single day is a new start. That's how I've been trying to look at it is that it's not January 1st. It's not the new year. That's a new start. It's every single day. So I hope that's a little bit encouraging and that you are literally showering yourself with so much grace every single day. And I'm showering you with that grace. It's okay to make those mistakes. It's okay to fall short. It's perfectly fine. We had our first team meeting of the year at work and one of the most beautiful things that I've heard in a work environment. And the CEO said you have permission to fail this year and that just like give me so much peace. Like give permission to fail because if you're not failing, we're not trying. We're not pushing the envelope and that just really got me pumped up and I brought that into my life. It's I have permission to fail this year because if I'm failing, I'm pushing. So I'm going to write a list of all the things that I want to fail out this year. So I'm excited for that. I'm excited to really dive into failure. Dive into pushing the envelope, failing and trying and failing and trying and being okay with it. I'm very much like someone who doesn't do things that I know I will fail at. I only do the things that I know I will succeed at, which is not living. It's just living safe and I don't want to live safe this year. I don't. So which kind of ties well into the topic of today, which has been good enough. And being good enough is something that I know I struggle with and I know that I've been struggling with a lot specifically in my relationship the last year or so. But I think now it's kind of getting a little better and that's why I wanted to do this. But it's still there. It's always questioning whether I'm good enough. So I'm really just excited to talk about this. This leads me to asking you two questions, questions that you should write down and ask yourself, which is what is good and what is enough? Because we cannot talk about being good enough if we don't talk about what good is and what enough is. And I'm not going to go into the definition of good enough because that's just for you to answer. And whatever answer you come up with, see life in that lens because chances are your definition of what is good and what is enough is completely different from mine. And that's why being good enough is so hard because it's all subjective. And that's why we shouldn't put so much weight on being good enough. I do struggle with this on a daily basis and I always ask, am I good enough? Am I good fiancé? Am I good daughter? Am I good friend? Am I good enough for the world around me? Am I doing it enough? Can I do more? And it's just like, what am I doing? Does this podcast even matter? Like is it good enough? So I always struggle with that and those questions, honestly, keep me in one place. I'm always questioning my worth and questioning myself. So those questions really keep me in one place. And I think those are the wrong questions to ask. Is am I good enough? And some questions that I've been trying to ask myself more is, what do I bring to the table? What are my skills and writing them down? And also instead of asking, am I, it's saying, how can I? Am I good enough? I think that question, we shouldn't be asking. I personally don't want to ask that question anymore. Am I good enough? No. And not even like, how can I be good enough? That's not the question I'm saying. The question I'm saying is, if you're asking your relationship, am I good enough, am I good enough fiancé? It's just like, how can I be a better fiancé? Not being good enough because again, good enough is subjective. And I found myself asking this a lot with Montana. And he always would say, yes, you're enough. And for some reason, that answer wasn't enough. And that's the issue is that when you ask someone, am I good enough? Am I a good fiancé? Am I a good boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, whatever it is? And they're going to say, yes, chances are they love you that they're going to say, yes. And Montana, just like, yes, honey, you're good enough. And that's never enough because at the end of the day, I'm not asking him the question. I'm actually asking myself that question. And I just want him to validate that. And even if he does say, yes, it's still not enough. So what is the honest truth? It's frustrating because you're putting yourself in the cycle of asking and then getting the answer, but then the answer doesn't satisfy. Because again, good enough is subjective for us. And it's funny because I'm asking him to determine whether I'm good enough, but at the end of the day, neither of us get to determine if I'm good enough or not, because that's already determined. And this is so good. I talk about this all the time. I've talked about this in many, many episodes, but it's just like the good news. The gospel truth is that I've been good enough. I've been good enough since day one. You've been good enough since day one, my friend. You have been good enough since day one. And if you haven't heard that, if no one has told you that, that is the gospel truth, the honest God truth is we've been good enough since day one. The question of good enough is all about approval, right? We are asking that question so we can get approval about who we are. And even deeper than that, it's asking about worth. Is it am I worthy when you ask someone am I good enough? It's asking am I worthy? Am I worthy of your love? Am I worthy of your presence? And it's a crazy because that person that you're asking that doesn't determine any of that stuff. The only person that determines that is our creator. And I think learning this and seeing that I don't determine my worth. I didn't do anything for it. I didn't earn it. I didn't work for it. I didn't pay for it. I won't succeed my way to my worth. It's already been there. I've been worthy since day one. Sadly, we want approval and we want other human beings to tell us we're good enough or we're worthy. When they also are looking for approval from other people who are messy. And it's just like we create these bigger messes by just like trying to figure it out together. Trying to like answer the question of am I good enough? And we're all saying yes, yes, yes. And you're questioning your own worth when you're telling somebody else, yes or no. Or you know, we're coming up with just human answers to the question, am I good enough or am I worthy enough? But the answer is, it's been yes since day one. The day I was born, it's been yes. I didn't do anything. All I was just smiling looked into my mom's eyes and I was worthy. And she didn't determine that. God determined it. It was already determined. It's freeing for me to think and believe. And I believe this. Now, I believe this is that we humans don't get to decide the standard of good enough. We don't say what's worthy and what's not. And I know we do in society, but that's just not how it works. Society doesn't say whether I'm worth it or I'm not worth it. It's already set. It was set before time. It was set before ages. That brings me to the fact that the issue is that we don't actually think about is that we're asking the wrong question of am I worthy? Am I good enough? Has I already stated before? Is that the issue is not whether we're good enough? The issue is that do we believe and see that we are good enough because our creator said so? It's so freeing to know that I don't have to do anything to be good enough or to be worthy. That's freeing to me. I don't know about you, but that's freeing to me. And the work that I'm doing is living every day and trying every day. And I will fail at this. Remember, I'm going to write a list of things I'm going to fail at is believing and seeing that I'm good enough since day one. I've been worthy, I've been good enough since day one. That's the work that I'm going to be doing. And that's the work of reflection, of journaling, of crying, of therapy, of prayer, of all that stuff. That's the hard stuff that comes. Is not trying to find whether we're good enough, trying to find the answer, yes or no, I'm good enough. Because that's already said, that's a fact. It's actually trying to believe it and walk in it and practice it. That's the hard part. The hard part is not really the truth. I can sit here and tell you the truth is that you're worthy. And you can be like, oh, yeah, that's the truth. Facts. But now what's like living it out is a hard part. And I think that's what we need to be focused on this year. Instead of being focused on the question of, am I good enough? It's saying, how do I believe that I'm good enough? What is it? Can I bring myself to that place of seeing it and walking it and practicing it? You know, how do I go about this? How do I go about really seeing myself the way the creator sees me? And knowing the truth that since day one, the one fact has been true and it will never change. The truth is, it's that I am worthy. I am good enough and I can't do anything to change it. And no other human being can do anything to change that. So it's a lot of thought work, my friend. It's a lot of therapy. It's a lot of personal time. It's a lot of self-care. So many things. It's a lot of connection with the creator, with reading the word, with meditating on the truth. It's so much. And that's the work that we get to do. Pretty much the rest of our lives. And it's about pulling away from asking another human whether or not we're worthy. And you know what? For a moment, that is very comforting, but it doesn't last. Because we always go back to trying to determine it. Because another human can't. And that's why when you ask someone else in your life, am I good enough at my worthy? And the answer that they say just doesn't seem good enough. Because you're asking the wrong person. You're asking someone who doesn't determine that. And God, who determined or worth our creator, already said yes, since day one. So my friend, I hope that's encouraging to you. And I hope that my crazy thoughts are somehow, you know, they somehow come through and make sense to you. Because sometimes I just like, I wake up. I'm like, I'm going to make a podcast. I'm going to record that before I lose it. So I hope you have a good one. I hope that all is well with you. And you are worthy. You are good enough. And not because I'm saying it not. Because your mom said it not. Because your boyfriend, wife, husband, fiancee said it. I am saying it because it is the truth. And the truth does not change. So please have grace for yourself. And do well. And just ponder and reflect on the truth that you are good enough. You've been good enough since day one. I will see you in the next one, my friend. Bye. Thank you for listening. If you found value in today's episode, please go ahead and review and rate the show. Share this with a friend. And please don't forget to show yourself some grace today. I'll see you in the next one, my friend.