EP. 211 - UTAH: The Susan Powell Story (Pt. 1)

Daydreaming about Fiori's soft Dreamknit fabric? Meet the Halo Essential Wide Leg Pant, designed with Fiori's softest premium stretch Dreamknit fabric. Invest in your happiness with some of the most comfortable clothes on the planet. Get 20% off your first purchase at Fiori.com slash Halo20. That's V-U-O-R-I dot com slash H-A-L-O-2-0. Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions. On February 14th, 2002, 20-year-old Susan Powell, who was starry-eyed and full of hope, sat down and wrote her husband, Josh, a Valentine's Day letter. Reasons I love you, she wrote. Over five pages, she listed 132 traits she loved about her husband. You'll drive aimlessly. You want children. You pray for people. You show affection. In public, you hold me in the middle of the night. You watch Friends With Me for hours. You love my family get-togethers. At the time, Susan and Josh had been married for less than a year. And as you can tell, they were still in the blissful honeymoon stage. Both Susan and Josh married young, but they were so excited for their lives together. Susan felt like she had finally met the man of her dreams. And they would go on to build a life together and grow their family with the birth of their two sons, Charlie and Brayden. But year after year, Susan started to notice a change in her husband. He was no longer the sweet and loving man that she wrote that Valentine's Day letter to. In fact, by 2008, Susan sat down to write a very different kind of letter. Quote, I want it documented somewhere that there is extreme turmoil in our marriage. If something happens to me, please talk to my sister-in-law, Jenny Graves. My friend, Kiersey Hallowell. Check my blogs on MySpace. Check my work desk. Talk to my friends, co-workers, and family. If I die, it may not be an accident, even if it looks like one. Take care of my boys. I want my parents, Judy and Chuck Cox, very involved. And in charge of Charlie and Brayden. I love you, Charlie and Brayden. And I'm so sorry you've seen how wrong and messed up our marriage is. I would never leave you. This is the story of Susan Powell. I'm Courtney Browen. And I'm Colin Browen. And you're listening to Murder in America. You're listening to Murder in America. Our story today begins on January 20th, 1976, in the town of Spokane, Washington. That day, Steve and Terry would give birth to their son. Joshua Stephen Powell. And when they looked into his eyes for that very first time, they had no idea that one day, he would become the most hated man in America. How could they? At the time, the Powell family seemed very normal. Steve and Terry got married young, and immediately they started having children. Josh had two brothers, Michael and John, and two sisters, Jennifer and Alina. And in those early days, Josh seemed to be a pretty normal kid. He went to Franklin Elementary School, went to his family, he was smart, but he didn't always get the best grades. The five Powell children grew up in a modest house on a one-acre property. There were plenty of days spent running around in the grass outside, laughing, playing, and enjoying life as innocent children do. But under the surface, their family was very dysfunctional. There was a lot of religious turmoil in the home. turmoil in the home. There were financial issues, domestic disputes, and Steve Powell, the father, exhibited some very strange sexual behaviors. One day, Terry was going through her house when she suddenly came across her husband's journals. Curious as to what Steve was writing, she decided to open it up. But what she would read would change everything. Steve and Terry knew this married couple that lived in town. But unbeknownst to Terry, her husband had a secret crush on this woman. And crush really isn't the right word. It was more of an obsession. There in Steve's journal, Terry read about these sexual fantasies he had written about this girl. And it wasn't just a few journal entries. He had been writing disturbing things about this woman for two whole years. Now, at the time, Terry was actually pregnant with their daughter, Alina. And as you can imagine, she was sick to her stomach. Especially because in some of the entries, Steve talked about wanting to make this woman his second wife. Terry was horrified. It definitely put a strain on their marriage, but they had five children together. So she chose to stay with him. However, sadly, Steve's disturbing sexual behaviors didn't end there. He was also known to show his children pornography. And according to the Cold Podcast, there was also evidence that Steve was attracted to his own daughter, Jennifer. In one of his journal entries, he wrote the following. I remember many times sitting at the breakfast bar in our home when she would come in the kitchen in the morning dressed in a t-shirt and panties. That would drive me nuts. We went on a trip one time, just the two of us, and she wandered around our hotel room in nothing more than a bra and panties. Steve's sexually deviant behaviors caused some problems in their marriage. But one of the biggest sources of tension within the Powell home had to do with their faith. When Steve and Terry got married, they were both Mormon. And they planned to raise their children as Mormon as well. In fact, Steve had actually helped baptize his kids. But as the years went on, Steve was no longer interested in being Mormon, which was a huge problem for Terry because she was still very committed to her religion. And she didn't want their children to follow in their father's footsteps. So, around 1989, Terry filed for divorce. She said that her husband was mentally unfit, he was abusive, and he tried to participate in polygamy and witchcraft. Now, at the time, Josh Powell was just 13 years old, and he was also beginning to show some concerning behaviors. According to divorce court records, Josh had killed his little sister's gerbil and then forced her to touch its blood. He had also been caught examining his little sister. He had once threatened his mom with a butcher knife, and at 14 years old, Josh tried to hang himself. It was said that Josh was withdrawn and had a hard time making eye contact, but it seemed like the divorce was really hard on him. His family was splitting up, with his mom staying in the house and his dad getting a place of his own. One day, Josh came home from school, and his mom told him, If you're going to live with me, you have to follow my rules. No cussing, no staying out late, and no R-rated movies. And with that, Josh decided to live with his father, who was a lot less strict. But the divorce would get pretty messy. One day, Terry and Steve were at the house going over the legal papers when an altercation ensued. Steve had tried to rip the papers out of Terry's hands, but she resisted, and it ended up getting physical, so their daughter Jennifer called the police. Then somehow, Josh ended up tackling his sister in the front yard. The family would later say it was kind of like the boys against the girls, where Josh, John, and Michael lived with Steve, and Jennifer and Alina lived with Terry. In Terry's home, they went to church and lived modestly, but over in Steve's, the boys had a lot more freedom. Steve would often go on these anti-Mormon rants, talking poorly about the religion they grew up in. And obviously, being young and impressionable, they listened to him. Now, when Josh was a teenager, he got a job at a car wash, but one day some cash had been stolen out of one of the cars, and Josh was immediately fired. At the time, he was a senior in high school. grew to be very disrespectful towards his mother. mom. At one point, his mother asked him to show more respect and he replied, you have to earn respect, mom. What have you done to earn my respect? His father, Steve, decided that he was going to move a few hours west to the town of Puyallup, Washington. And even though it was in the middle of Josh's senior year, he and his brothers made the move with him. Josh ultimately graduated high school later that summer. Now, usually in the Mormon faith, after you graduate high school, you'll go on a two-year mission. But by that point, after years of living with his anti-religious father, Josh had no desire to go on a mission. Instead, he wanted to go to college. In 1997, Josh was attending the University of Washington, working on a degree in architecture. He did pretty well in his classes. But making friends was hard. He ended up getting a random roommate that he didn't get along with. Josh quickly found out that a lot of people his age liked to drink and party, but that wasn't really his thing. He would later admit that he was depressed around this time, in a new place, with no friends. And it's here where Josh went through some self-discovery. For the first time, he was finally away from his anti-religious father, who was always shoving his opinions down his throat. After years of pulling away from his religion, Josh found himself wanting to go back. He even joined an organization called the Campus Crusade for Christ. And while there, he rediscovered his relationship with God. And now that he was on his own, he realized that maybe his mother had been right the whole time. Josh also felt bad about how he treated his mom over the years. So that year, after the semester ended, he actually went back to live with her. His sister Jennifer would later tell the Cold Podcast that Josh seemed to be bettering himself. In his journal, he even wrote, I think certain aspects of my character can use improvement. I may be a much better person to be around with these minor adjustments. For instance, I say what I think. Sometimes I need to remember that people don't want to hear some things. While living with his mother, Josh fully committed himself back to his Mormon faith. That year, he even attended a Latter-day Saints singles event. And that's where he would meet his first serious girlfriend, Catherine. Catherine was a 19-year-old from Utah. She had just moved to the area wanting a fresh start after a bad breakup. She ended up attending this singles event. And while there, Josh came up to her and introduced himself. Despite not ever having a serious relationship, Josh was pretty confident around women. Perhaps too confident, which would sometimes turn girls off. But Catherine was interested in him. Soon after meeting, the two started dating. She would later say that in the beginning, Josh was a doting boyfriend. Sweet, gentle, and caring. However, her family didn't agree. They didn't like Josh for whatever reason. But Catherine, being young and in love, didn't listen to their warnings. Now, later that year, Josh and Catherine started talking about moving in together. But Josh's mom was not going to allow that. So, Josh made his way back to his father's house, where there were fewer rules. Steve Powell allowed Josh and Catherine to move in with him. But almost immediately, things started to go downhill. Catherine noticed that Josh had some really bad spending habits, constantly maxing out his credit cards. She said that he and his father argued constantly. And that sweet and gentle boyfriend he was in the beginning, well, that was long gone. Catherine watched as Josh became very possessive and controlling. She wasn't allowed to have friends over, and he wouldn't even let her visit her family. Now, eventually, they would move into a place of their own, but things only seemed to get worse from there. Josh continued back at school. And Catherine enrolled in a nearby community college. But when her student loans came in, Josh actually took all of it and put it into his own bank account. Catherine never got to use any of that money. Money that she had to pay back. Now, the couple continued going to church together. But something that bothered Catherine was that Josh told her he didn't want to get married. However, when they would go to church together, he would make her wear a wedding ring. He told her that if anyone asked, she was to say that they were married. It seemed that Josh was very concerned about their appearance within the Mormon community. So, he wanted to put on this front that he was living by the Mormon rules. As time went on, Catherine said that Josh's possessiveness grew stronger. Anything that took her away from him was prohibited. He wouldn't even let her use their computer unless he was right by her side watching what she was doing. When she would email her friends, he would stand behind her, reading what she sent them. One day, Catherine went and got her nails done without Josh knowing, and when he saw them, he was angry. He told her they looked stupid, and he actually ripped the nails off her fingers. During one particularly bad argument, Catherine locked herself in the bathroom while Josh kicked and pounded as hard as he could to gain entrance. In another fight, Catherine's uncle had died and Josh refused to let her go to the funeral. Things were becoming volatile within their home, and soon enough, Catherine began looking for a way out. After about a year of dating, in March 1999, she convinced him to let her travel to Utah to visit an old friend. Usually, Josh would come with her, but he couldn't because of school. And once Catherine arrived in Utah, she took the opportunity to break things off with him over the phone. Now, eventually, Catherine moved on and married someone else. It wouldn't be until 10 years later, in 2012, that she would be married to Josh. But that wasn't the end of the story. In 2009, she was forced to reopen the wounds of her relationship with Josh after seeing his picture flash across the screen during an evening news program. After the breakup, Josh felt that he needed a change of scenery. Now, he was known to record these audio journals that we got from the Cold Podcast. And here was his entry from around this time. I let go of my apartment, and I packed up all my stuff. I left my apartment, and I packed up all my stuff. I left my apartment, and I packed it in my storage unit. I had a feeling I did not need to be in Seattle anymore. I had a feeling, and it got stronger and stronger until I finally moved out of there. I didn't know where I needed to go. I didn't know what I was doing, where I was going. I didn't know anything. After this, Josh left Seattle and moved back in with his dad. He ended up enrolling in the nearby University of Washington in Tacoma to finish up his schooling. But living with his father was extremely hard. Here is a journal entry of his from around this time. I was living with my dad for about six months until I finally got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. My dad is, of course, non-member, and it was starting to wear me down to have to be around alcohol in the house and cussing and occasional anti-Mormon discussions. So eventually, Josh moved out and got an apartment of his own. From there, he could put all of his energy into school, his faith, and trying to find another girlfriend. Now, Josh pursued several other women after his breakup with Catherine, but most of them reported that he was very forward and creepy. Here is what he said about that in his journal. I often feel like I just can't get through to any girl that I really like, that the only girls that pay attention to me are the ones that I'm not interested in anyway. But in the year 2000, he and his friend attended another one of those Latter-day Saints events. And there, across the room, Josh spotted a young, beautiful, dark-haired woman named Susan Marie Cox. Here is Josh's account of that day. Well, I didn't know who she was. She was about to leave. After Institute, I called her back, and I was like, "Hey, come here. Talk to me for a while." And she did. Josh was immediately interested in Susan. He was 24, she was 19, and she was everything he had looked for in a woman. Not only was she beautiful, but she was charismatic, friendly, personable, and more importantly, she was Mormon. So soon after meeting, he decided that he would invite her to a group dinner at his apartment. Now, Josh would later record a journal entry about these dinners, complaining about how expensive they were. Here is one of them. People come over to my house, and instead of eating what I'm offering them, they look in my freezer, "Oh, I want to make orange juice to go with dinner, and I want to put this with our dinner." Well, eventually, when they start doing that, it gets extremely expensive to have these dinners, and so I felt like that, and so. been a burden that I can't take. But even though he was in a lot of debt and these dinners were expensive, he thought it was the perfect way to invite Susan into his life. Luckily for him, Susan accepted the invite. And during the dinner, they really hit it off. They had good conversations. Susan got along well with his friends and she even offered to help clean up afterwards. She said that doing dishes together with me, that very moment she decided that she loved me. And for me, doing dishes with her was a turning point for me when I thought it's not over. That night, the two shared a kiss, marking the start of their journey together. But Susan had no idea just how tragic that journey was. What it would be. Susan Marie Cox was born on October 16th, 1981 to Chuck and Judy Cox in New Mexico. Her father worked at the Air Traffic Control Tower at Holloman Air Force Base as a staff sergeant and her mother was a homemaker. Her parents met when they were only 16 years old in Medical Lake, Washington. Chuck wasn't raised Mormon, but Judy was. After they started dating, Chuck found himself surrounded by the Mormons. He liked the Mormon culture and he really liked it. So at just 17 years old, he converted. He and Judy would get married shortly after high school graduation and they quickly started a family together. Susan was the third of four girls and they had a really beautiful life. When she was young, Susan loved animals, she loved to ride horses, and she loved her sisters. Her sister Denise said Susan had such a great heart. She was her partner in crime, always by her side. As Susan grew older, her parents said that she loved all things, including her sister's beauty. Susan was always doing different hairstyles, hair colors, makeup, fashion, and she loved giving her mom and sisters pedicures. She was very artistic. Now, while Susan was more interested in cosmetology, her sisters were big animal lovers. The girls had a dream of one day combining their passions and opening up a joint salon and dog-grooming business. They wanted to name it, Beauty and Your Beast. Now, eventually, their father Chuck would leave the Air Force and the family would move to Alaska for a while. But, ultimately, they settled down in Puyallup, Washington. But, no matter where they went, Susan could always make friends. People were drawn to her. She was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside. And, as you can see, Susan and her four sisters grew up in a very stable and loving home. As she grew older, Chuck and Judy were confident that she would do well in the world. And she would. After high school, Susan enrolled in cosmetology school to follow her dreams. More than anything, she wanted a career where she could help women feel beautiful. And, all the while, Susan stayed committed to her Mormon faith. That very commitment is what led her to cross paths with her future husband, Josh Powell. - Something that I love in life are flavors that are salty and sweet. I mean, there's nothing better than a dark chocolate bar with sea salt on top. I mean, it's just, it's one of those things that I absolutely love in life that I will eat if I see it in front of me. And salt can enhance the flavor of so many different dishes, but especially desserts. That's why when Courtney and I tried Cachava's New Salted Caramel flavor, we were blown away. It actually tasted like salted caramel, which was crazy to me, and it was so delicious. Cachava's New Salted Caramel is the perfect balance of mouthwatering flavor and benefits. One serving provides all the nutrition your body craves in one deliciously simple shake, and just two scoops provide complete nutrition your body craves with protein, fiber, greens, and so much more. When the day demands your salty side, fill it with plant-based protein that actually tastes delicious. Cachava provides clean nutrition. No fillers, no nonsense. Just like when you're feeling a little salty. There are also no artificial flavors, colors, or sweeteners. Cachava is non-GMO, no soy, no animal products, no gluten, and no preservatives. And there are so many different flavors to choose from, including chocolate, vanilla, chai, matcha, strawberry, coffee, cinnamon, French toast, and of course, salted caramel. Courtney and I have tried Cachava shakes. We love them. And even the packaging is really cool. That's something that I love about how the shakes are packaged and sent to you. I mean, you have to just hold it in your hand to see what I'm talking about. But yeah, we love them. Our pantry is stocked with Cachava shakes. Cachava products now. So why don't you embrace your salty side? Go to Cachava.com and use code MIA for 15% off your first order. That's Cachava, K-A-C-H-A-V-A.com, code MIA. - Daydreaming about Fiori's soft Dream Knit fabric? Meet the Halo Essential Wide Leg Pant, designed with Fiori's softest premium stretch Dream Knit fabric. Get 20% off your first purchase at Fiori.com/halo20. That's V-U-O-R-I.com/H-A-L-O-2-0. Exclusions apply. - After their first date together, Susan was smitten. She thought Josh was the full package. He was going to college. He was older and mature. He had an apartment of his own. He went to church. He went to church regularly. But in the beginning, he treated her well. On their first date after that dinner party, the two even talked about one day getting married. Things were getting serious pretty fast. Soon enough, Susan was introducing him to all of her friends and family. But they didn't seem to share that same admiration for Josh as she did. In fact, when most people met Josh, they couldn't help but notice how strange he was. He would often go on these ramblings, jumping from one topic to another. It was clear that he liked to hear himself talk. He was also known to really talk himself up. He would go on and on about all of these elaborate plans he had for his future. But every time you talked to him, those plans would change. A lot of people in Susan's life thought Josh was annoying, but they were trying their best to be supportive because they could see how much she loved him. However, her family was a different story. When Susan introduced Josh to her parents, they actually knew exactly who he was. As it turns out, years earlier, Josh had tried to date Susan's older sister, Mary. Apparently, Mary wasn't interested in Josh, but he was very persistent. During her senior prom, Josh even showed up at their house even though Mary already had a prom date. Chuck and Judy would later say that Josh sat down in their living room and started playing their piano and then refused to leave even after they asked him to go. Chuck would later say that it was the strangest thing. Even stranger was that Susan was there at the house that day. She was just 12 years old at the time, but she remembered 17-year-old Josh coming over so we had met at her house and she remembered me as the person who came over and played piano. She was much too young relatively speaking for me to consider dating, but as I think back, I think that I looked at her and thought, "She is really cute. Too bad she is too young." So when Susan introduced Josh as her new boyfriend, her family did not have a good feeling about it. Her sister Mary even tried to warn her that Josh was not a good guy, but Susan had on rose-colored glasses. And in her defense, Josh was doing everything right. He treated her well. They had similar values. And they seemed to be very compatible. I love this girl, Susan Marie Cox. Every day, I love her more. I become more and more certain that I want to be with her. So I'm slow to warm up. It's taken me a while to realize that I do want to be with her forever. I think that she is incredibly beautiful. And a lot of that is because of the way she treats me, the way she takes care of me and my house. She comes in here and she is the one person that I can feel comfortable with in my house. She'll start doing the dishes or dust something just because she is standing there for a minute and she doesn't have anything else to do. And I know that this is a real part of her. And it's important to me to have someone who takes care of me and my stuff and our space together. After just a couple weeks of dating, Susan told her family that she was one day going to marry Josh. And even though they had their reservations, Susan's parents eventually came around. More than anything, they wanted to support their daughter. And even though Josh was a little off-putting, they did think that he would take care of Susan. After all, he had just enrolled in the University of Washington's business program. He seemed to be on a path to success. But Susan pulled her weight as well. She would get up early to go to cosmetology school. And then once that was over, she would work a shift at JCPenney. But then. One day. josh showed up at her work and asked susan to show him the rings that were there because he wanted to buy one for his mom once he picked one he then asked susan to buy it with her employee discount but josh had a plan this wasn't for his mom it was susan's engagement ring not long after susan went to josh's apartment and he quickly ran outside putting a t-shirt around her head together they walked into his place josh pulled the t-shirt off and had susan recite a scripture then he knelt down on one knee and asked for her hand in marriage i leaned into her and said her name and asked her will you marry me and she whispered yes and then we kissed and then we hugged for josh and susan it was the happiest moment of their lives when josh's family found out they were ecstatic susan was the perfect girl for him but susan's family wasn't as excited although they often kept those opinions to themselves now following the proposal susan thought that they would be engaged for a while but josh wanted to get married right away he had finally found the girl of his dreams and he wanted to lock her in but before their wedding the two would have some pretty big arguments they'd only been dating for barely a month so they didn't really know much about each other at all and soon enough once real life problems began to settle in like they always do susan began to see josh's flaws as it turns out josh was very opinionated and stubborn susan quickly learned that he was argumentative too usually always getting what he wanted on the day that they applied for their wedding license the two got into a huge fight where susan was trying to leave his apartment but josh wouldn't let her he got so mad he ended up throwing the marriage license across the room but eventually the two would make up susan noticed these red flags and josh but at the end of the day she was willing to look past them because she loved him and what couple doesn't have a few bad arguments after that they put all of their energy into the wedding planning but here is a more playful argument they had before their wedding we argued about whether or not we should put the cake on each other's face at the wedding and of course we resolved that one by realizing that of course we're going to put the cake on each other's face okay susan doesn't seem to agree with that one but she will as you can hear the two seemed really excited to get married but susan wasn't sure if she wanted to get married or not and on april 6 2001 just a few months into dating the cox and powell families met up at an lds temple in lake oswego for the special day susan's three sisters were bridesmaids and they wore her favorite color purple according to both susan and josh's family it was a beautiful ceremony but there was something strange they noticed after the wedding ceremony when the reception began josh was almost ignoring susan he seemed more interested in playing with his dad's camera than spending the day with his new wife and susan's sisters could tell that it was upsetting her but like always susan put on a smile and she tried to make the best of it after all she had just married the man of her dreams that day was supposed to represent a promise between two people a promise to love support and protect one another until their dying day josh powell proudly stood at that podium and made that promise to susan and she made it back to him except josh wouldn't follow through on his promise the conspiracy files is the most explosive show on the internet i'm your host colin brown from the paranormal files on youtube and i'm inviting you to take this twisted journey down the rabbit hole with me together we will dive deep into some of the world's most dangerous and disturbing conspiracy theories from suspicious suicides to hidden pedophile rings and high-profile cover-ups on my show no story is off-limits and no detail will be spared and trust me after listening to just one episode you will never look at the world the same so if you like conspiracies mysteries true crime and chaos then this is the show for you listen to the conspiracy files now on all streaming platforms or wherever you get your podcasts following their wedding josh and susan officially moved in together in an apartment near puyallup washington susan continued with cosmetology school and josh was trying to finish out college but this was not an easy time for the young couple josh had a lot of debt both he and susan were constantly making payments on it trying to stay afloat but it was hard in fact months after their marriage they were evicted from their apartment susan was very upset about it almost all the money she was making was going towards paying off josh's debt but she was willing to do it because eventually they wanted to buy a house together in her journal she wrote i want a house to call mine and come home to so i can prepare meals for josh and clean and decorate but with the amount of debt they were in at the time and having a recent eviction on their record a house was not in the cards for them so instead they decided to live with josh's father steve now steve's house was definitely not spacious in fact josh's two other brothers mike and john were also living there at the same time so there wasn't even a bedroom for josh and susan they ended up having to sleep in the dining room and hang up a curtain for privacy but when you're young and in love like susan and josh were they were just happy to have each other people close to the couple said that in those early days they seemed really happy always holding hands kissing and hugging susan's sister denise would later say quote you thought they were the perfect couple a very happy couple end quote that valentine's day susan even wrote josh that sweet where she wrote out 132 things she loved about him it read you drive aimlessly you want children you pray for people you show affection in public you hold me in the middle of the night you watch friends with me for hours you love my family get-togethers end quote and josh seemed really happy too he wrote this in his journal susan has loved me since i was a little girl when i was six i loved every minute with me she loves the things that other people cannot tolerate about me josh also recorded the following entries because most people don't have our friendship we talk like most people don't talk in their marriage even some people with incredible awesome marriages they don't talk like we talk we talk about everything i love resting with her sweet body to mine i love the way it feels she is soft but she's not fat her body is soft in the right spots and more toned and hard in the right spots i just think that she is incredible that way josh and susan were experiencing what many young couples do they were passionately in love while going through the struggle of their marriage josh and susan were experiencing what many young couples do they were passionately in love while going through the struggle of their marriage struggles of your early 20s living at steve's house gave them an opportunity to save up some money and pay off their debts but soon enough the energy within the home began to shift and it had to do with josh's father steve now he had this video camera where he would record pretty much everything but when susan was around his camera always seemed to be pointing at her and unbeknownst to susan her father-in-law had some very strange sexual her father-in-law had some very strange sexual her father-in-law had some very strange sexual tendencies tendencies tendencies as we mentioned earlier in the episode as we mentioned earlier in the episode as we mentioned earlier in the episode steve would find women that he was steve would find women that he was steve would find women that he was attracted to and he would develop an attracted to and he would develop an attracted to and he would develop an obsession with them obsession with them obsession with them and soon enough that obsession was and soon enough that obsession was and soon enough that obsession was directed at susan directed at susan directed at susan you just don't get too many any women you just don't get too many any women you just don't get too many any women around here so you're it around here so you're it around here so you're it so you get so you get so you get the full treatment the full treatment the full treatment head to toe head to toe head to toe in the beginning i'm sure susan didn't in the beginning i'm sure susan didn't in the beginning i'm sure susan didn't think much of it she knew that steve was think much of it she knew that steve was think much of it she knew that steve was a weird guy but she was doing her best a weird guy but she was doing her best a weird guy but she was doing her best to be respectful after all he was her to be respectful after all he was her to be respectful after all he was her father-in-law and she was living at his father-in-law and she was living at his house so when steve started filming house so when steve started filming house so when steve started filming susan she played along susan she played along susan she played along but over time but over time but over time steve started mistaking her friendliness steve started mistaking her friendliness steve started mistaking her friendliness for flirting for flirting for flirting when susan would smile at the camera and when susan would smile at the camera and when susan would smile at the camera and make witty remarks like she did with make witty remarks like she did with make witty remarks like she did with everyone everyone everyone steve thought it was a subliminal way of steve thought it was a subliminal way of steve thought it was a subliminal way of letting him know that she was interested in him. At one point, Susan was showing everyone how she had just gotten her legs waxed at work and how efficient it was at removing the hair. But in Steve's twisted mind, he thought she was making a move. Once again, he filmed this interaction. This is a week after waxing. No hair. Mm-hmm. I'm going to do it. No, that's really pretty clear. The amount of times that Steve pulled out his camera to record Susan was alarming. In some videos, he would film her from afar, zooming in on parts of her body. In other videos, Susan would walk by, Steve would pull out his camera, and knowing that he was going to be filming her from behind, Susan covered her butt so he wouldn't record it. So it seemed as if she had an idea of what she was doing. It had made her uncomfortable. Not only was she married to his son, but Susan was barely 21 years old, while Steve was 53. But again, Susan just thought her father-in-law was a little strange. She didn't know the true extent of what was happening. Now, Steve would also photograph Susan constantly. There were pictures of her eating a bowl of cereal, shopping at Costco, and putting on a show. Sometimes, Susan would see him taking the pictures. But other times, she wouldn't. Without Susan's knowledge, while she was minding her business at the house, Steve would sneak into the room with his camera, secretly snapping her picture. One picture he took was of Susan undressing behind the curtain in the dining room. Another picture showed her in the restroom putting in a tampon. And, disturbingly, he would even use a handheld mirror to spy on her from underneath the bathroom door. Now, after getting these pictures and videos of Susan, Steve would sneak off to his bedroom. Off in the corner of the room, he would set up another camera. Then, he would record himself masturbating to Susan's pictures and videos. If the video ended before he could finish, he would start it over and over again until Christmas. And then, he would go to bed. Until completion. And, when he wasn't taking videos and pictures of Susan, Steve would write about her in his journals. Much like the woman he was obsessed with earlier in this story, Steve wrote all about the sexual fantasies he had of Susan, his own daughter-in-law. He would later admit that he masturbated to her every single day. At one point, he stated that his romantic and sexual interest in Susan was sociopathic, and he would even stalk her around town. In one journal entry, Steve wrote the following: "Susan got off work at nine, and I was waiting concealed near her car. When she was about a hundred yards away, I started filming and got her walking all that way with close-ups of her legs, etc. I was kind of making a pretense of hiding, but I knew she knew I was stalking her, and I knew she liked it." Over the years, Steve had written over 2,000 books, and he wrote a few books about her. Steve had written over 2,000 pages of journal entries about Susan. He was completely obsessed with her. In one journal entry, Steve had a picture of Susan, and underneath it, it read this: "Susan Marie Powell. I've been thinking about this beautiful face all morning. Sometimes it has brought tears to my eyes." In another, he wrote the following: "I have been shaking for over an hour with desire for Susan." In another, he wrote the following: "I have been shaking for over an hour with desire for Susan." In some clips that Steve recorded without Susan's knowledge, she would be getting into a car. The video captured her dress slightly riding up her leg. Steve would whisper into the camera while almost moaning. She did that for me. That was good. Here are some of the audio tapes he recorded. I've got a worshipper. She just turns me on. I'm in a perpetual state of turmoil when she's around. I had to get a picture of this dress. She was so beautiful. So, I probably do some pretty. You know, some people may think they're weird. I think she's the most beautiful thing that ever was to yours. In another video, Steve is recording a jacuzzi and says, "I'd love to spend the evening in here with Susan is what I'd like to do." But that's not even the worst of it. In Steve's bedroom, hidden within his cabinets, he had pictures of Susan and Josh. But given his unhealthy obsession, he had scratched Josh's face out. When Susan would leave the house, Steve would sneak over to her laundry basket and take out her dirty underwear. He would keep that underwear in his bedroom for his own sick pleasure. Here is one video he recorded. Here are the panties that I picked up out of Susan's laundry. They smell so nice. But somehow it gets even worse. When Susan would leave the bathroom, Steve would slip inside and go rummaging through the trash can, trying to find anything of hers that he could keep. He would collect her toenail clippings, keeping them in little baggies in his room. He would collect her hair, cotton balls with her fingernail polish, and he would even take her used tampons. Each of these items were kept in Steve's room, and the bags that they were in were labeled with a date. Other times when Susan wasn't home, Steve would grab her shirts and pants, and he would stuff them with pillows, and stuff them with pillows, and stuff them with pillows, and stuff them with pillows. Then he would pretend it was Susan and act out his sexual fantasies. And the entire time, Susan had no idea. Steve wrote the following in his journal: "I have been madly in love with my daughter-in-law, Susan. I imagine my obsession with her, my accumulation of her pictures and underwear, will seem nasty or perverted to some future reader, perhaps a descendant of mine and Susan's. But I am not inclined to hide the depth and power of the desire. I have been madly in love with my daughter-in-law, Susan. I imagine my obsession with her. I feel for her." Now we will get into this more later on, but it's around this time when Susan and Josh began to feel a bit crowded in Steve's home. So that March, they would finally get their own apartment. At the time, Josh was still going to school, working different jobs to try and pay off his debts. But he had just been fired from his job at Home Depot. Susan, however, was really moving up in her cosmetology career. She was the breadwinner of the home. Now, that upcoming June, Josh would finally graduate from college. Susan was so excited because that meant he could find a career for himself and really start paying off his debts. At Josh's graduation, his loved ones came to celebrate him, including Josh's father, Steve. And once again, he started videoing Susan. In this one, you can hear her annoyance. "Turn around this way, okay? Just turn around for the… there we go. Well now, now turn back this way." Now, following Josh's graduation, things were supposed to get easier for them. But that wasn't the case. Nearly every job Josh Powell got, he was fired from. He was known to be very outspoken, opinionated, and he didn't work well with authority. So Susan was left to pick up the pieces. This caused a lot of tension within their home. Susan wrote the following in her journal: "We drove to our storage unit. I didn't want to spend a beautiful sunny day digging around there, but Josh did. One thing led to another, and I walked off two miles down the road before Josh caught up. After an hour or so of discussion, Josh got his way." Hey everyone, Collin here. Just a very quick interruption. If you could, please take 5-10 seconds out of your day. And if you haven't already left us a 5-star review on whatever platform you're listening to the show on, please just take a moment today and go do that for Courtney and I. Good reviews can help boost the show, help us to get discovered by other listeners. And also, we love hearing from everybody and seeing your reviews and seeing your kind words. We don't really have a place to interact with y'all, so on the reviews is one place where we just love hearing from everybody that listens. But anyways, let's get back to the story. Just wanted to drop that reminder in here and thank you to everyone who's done it before and who's going to do it now. Susan's family noticed a change in Josh as well. In the beginning, he seemed to be on his best behavior. He knew he had to make a good impression. But now that they were married, it seemed as if he didn't care. When they would get together, he would often show up late, and then spend the entire day just uninterested in being there. Then when he would speak, it always revolved around him. It came off as incredibly rude to Susan's family, but again, they kept their opinions to themselves and they did their best to accept Josh. But Susan's experience with her in-law was much different. In early 2003, Steve had to come over to Josh and Susan's apartment, and while there, he offered to give her a foot and shoulder rub. And again, Susan had no idea that Steve was secretly in love with her, so she let him. But later that night, he filmed this. I just had what is probably the most erotic experience I've had in my entire life. her life. I went back to her shoulder blades and I went up her sleeve. She didn't even mind. She just, she seemed to enjoy it. I mean, I slipped my hand up inside of her sleeve and I had it over here and I was pushing, I was massaging her shoulder blade and I was right here, just above her breast. It also seemed like Steve was preying on the downfall of Susan and Josh's marriage. He wrote this in his journal. I have long known that they had a very unstable relationship and that Josh was only using her as means to a financial end. There's never any money for her to do nice things for herself. Because all of their money goes to pay off debts Josh accumulated while he was single and living with Catherine. He also wrote, Susan deserves to walk away from their marriage with more than an empty wallet. That's pretty much how Catherine was left. At worst, Josh is indifferent about her. At worst, she's a good piece of ass and she keeps money coming in. Now it's around this time when Susan and Josh bought a parakeet named Verde. Steve came over to meet the bird and recorded this. This is Verde. I'm sorry. No, we're not idiots. We don't butcher the Spanish language. You don't. This is the newest member of Susan and Josh's family. This is our baby. We'll do the cute little things, you know, kiss him. After Susan and Josh had moved out of his house, Steve really missed Susan. In fact, Susan's picture was his. He had his background on his computer. And to make up for lost time, he would constantly come over to their apartment. Now Susan probably thought he was just an overbearing in-law, but in reality, Steve was still obsessed with her. But things started to get really weird around July of 2003. As we know, Josh's career search after college hadn't been going well. So he decided to venture into truck driving. One day, Josh started driving around a truck. And Susan and Steve were in the car behind him. But during their drive, Steve secretly pushed record on his camera. And he filmed the following conversation with Susan. Again, we were living with me. And then we come into my office. And, you know, let me feel your legs, legs, whatever. And then just went from one thing to another. You know, that experience on the couch, on your couch in Yakima six months ago was just, I mean, I know that, I mean, it was a massage, right? But it, but, you know, just being with you for two weeks. Two hours holding you. Maybe, maybe I, maybe I'm getting the wrong signals from you. Maybe, maybe I'm interpreting something that I shouldn't be interpreting. You know, it just, for example, we're sitting on the couch. It just felt like you were very, you know, I mean, I was extremely aroused. I think you were somewhat aroused. At least I thought. I don't know where you're going with this. I, I, yeah, well, I'll tell you what I, where I. I mean, I'm married to your son, and I should just be the daughter-in-law. I know. Which puts me a step beneath your own children. Okay. And that's where I'm from. Okay. I was kind of meaning to talk to you about this. Because I realized the last time I came over that my own father, and not to me, me. To him about it. Because everyone treats everyone differently. But my own father doesn't kiss me. He, you know, as of like six years ago, maybe, just started getting in the habit of saying, I love you. And my mom also. My family is not that vocal and physical with showing their emotion. Mainly it's just you tease someone to show that you care about them. Yeah. You know, which I think is what most, is the first. The first level that most people use, you know, your co-workers, you tease them because you like hanging out with them. And I was just thinking about the last time that my own father doesn't kiss me, and you, you kiss me, and I didn't like that. When your, when your daughter-in-law walks into your office and, you know, shows, shows your legs and says, you know, you know what I'm saying? I don't, you know, I don't know. I'm sorry, Dad. I did that. Yeah, okay. Okay. And I, you know, can't undo it. Okay. And that's fine. I'm just trying to forget, I guess. Susan felt incredibly awkward. Here is her own father-in-law confessing his love to her. And clearly, she didn't feel the same way. Are you upset at me for talking to you like that? Uh, no, it's nice to answer your questions. I appreciate, I really do, because, you know, I, I, wanting to, are you, are you going to, are you going to talk to Josh about it? Is there anything I don't talk to Josh about? Now, obviously, Susan told Josh about what Steve said. And as you can imagine, Josh wasn't happy. He confronted his dad. And Steve told him that it was actually Susan's fault. He said that the only reason he had feelings for her in the first place is because Susan was leading him on. He was just simply a man who gave in. Interestingly, Steve also talked to his daughter, Alina, about his feelings towards Susan. He would later write about how hurt he was from Susan's rejection in the following journal entry. I'm in so much pain right now, I don't know where to turn with it. I spoke to Alina, who had been very supportive. She said, "I don't know if it's because of my infatuation or obsession." Her advice was to accept that Susan is a player, and that is what players do. They lead guys on. This will probably be one of the last entries about Susan, my desire and my love for her. But that wouldn't be the case. As much as Steve wanted to move on, he couldn't. He was in love with Susan. Strangely enough, he would save that recording that he secretly took of their conversation. He labeled it, quote, "This is an audio recording mostly of Steve's clumsy attempt to find out what is on Susan's mind, if she loves him, and if not, why she has done so many things to lead him to be attracted to her. Without saying a lot, she seemed to want to put it behind her." Steve Powell was clearly a very disturbed individual. And sadly, it ran in the family. Now, for a while, after Susan told Josh about what happened in the car with Steve, the father and son relationship was strained. But eventually, Josh would move on. He forgave his dad. However, Susan never did. From this point forward, she felt very uncomfortable around Steve. And she didn't even know the true extent of what he had done. But her intuition was telling her to stay far away. In fact, that October, when Steve came over to their apartment, Susan went to their bedroom and wouldn't come out to greet him. Things were so uncomfortable, Susan and Josh eventually decided that they were going to leave Washington State altogether. They were going to start a new chapter, 900 miles away in the town of West Valley City, Utah. When Steve found out about their move, he wrote this in his journal: "Today has been an emotionally sick day, knowing that Susan will not be coming here, maybe never again. I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm going to make sure she stays here." Disturbingly, after they moved, Steve even started writing love songs about Susan. He uploaded these songs to YouTube under the name "Steve Chantry." Here is a portion of one of those songs. "We love you, I only feel love, I only feel love when I'm with or without you. I only feel love for that something about you, I only feel love for you." "I may have seemed clumsy, I didn't move fast. A love that came slow is a love that will last." "It's plain to me, too, that all that you do has nothing to do with me. It's plain to me, too, that all that you do has nothing to do with me." "I only feel love for that something about you, I only feel love for you." "I may have seemed clumsy, I didn't move fast. A love that came slow is a love that will last." "It's plain to me, too, that all that you do has nothing to do with me." "I only feel love for that something about you, I only feel love for you." "I may have seemed clumsy, I didn't move fast. A love that came slow is a love that will last." "I may have seemed clumsy, I didn't move fast. Now, in December of 2003, Susan and Josh finally packed up their things and made the move to Utah. Luckily for them, Josh's sister Jennifer lived there with her husband Kirk, so they still had family close by. Upon moving, Susan and Josh both got jobs at Fidelity, and almost immediately, they purchased their first home. It was a modest five-bedroom, two-and-a-half-bathroom home on West Sarah Circle, and for the first time in a while, things were looking up. Josh and Susan even befriended their neighbors, John and Kiersey Helliwell. Both couples were young and involved in the Mormon church, and soon they started spending a lot of time together. They had movie nights, game nights, and they would ride their bikes around the neighborhood. Both John and Kiersey absolutely loved Susan, but to them, Josh was a different story. They would later say that they pretty much just talked. He would often go on these rants that would go on and on and on. He loved to brag about himself, all the money he had, the renovations they were going to make on their home, how talented he was at certain things. He was pretty insufferable to be around. Susan even wrote this in her journal. Josh seems physically incapable of having a conversation that doesn't revolve around his interests. Whether it be politics, the economy, energy crisis, conserving, etc. It's like you have no ability to notice if your audience doesn't want to talk about your topic, or if, heaven forbid, they disagree with you. Susan would even try to set up double dates so that maybe Josh could see how other couples operated, maybe learn from them. But Josh wasn't teachable, which is why he was fired from most of the jobs he got. Now, after getting the jobs at Fidelity, Susan was thriving in her position. However, Josh was quickly let go. So, once again, she was having to pay all the bills, which was even harder because now they had a mortgage. But after getting fired from his position, Josh decided that he was going to become a realtor, something he had no experience in. Susan would later write this in her journal. Maybe Josh will get a client so we can start making an income. Or we will get pregnant. Either would be great. I feel like I'm too stressed out because I'm in a tent job. Supporting a mortgage and no prospects for Josh. And to add even more stress into Susan's life, she was still being harassed by her father-in-law. Shortly after moving to Utah, Steve sent her a package in the mail. Now, Steve knew that Susan's celebrity crush was Mel Gibson, so he sent her a bunch of photographs of him. But then in the mix of those pictures was a photo of himself in a seductive pose. I'm trying to deal with forgiving myself. However, every single Sunday, it was like pulling teeth trying to get Josh to go with her. Ever since they got married, Susan could tell that Josh had been pulling away from their faith. It upset her. But even when Josh refused to go to church with her, Susan would just go by herself because it was important. In the year 2004, Susan found out she was pregnant. Everyone who knew Susan knew that she would be a wonderful mother. But Josh seemed to be a different story. Susan's good friend and neighbor even said that Susan herself voiced some concerns about whether or not Josh was ready to be a dad. After all, he couldn't even hold down a job, and they were still struggling financially. But, ready or not, they had a baby on the way. That summer, Josh called his dad in Washington to let him know that Susan was pregnant. And as you can imagine, this wasn't the greatest news for him. In his mind, it was the biggest news for him. In his journal, Steve wrote the following. Now, throughout her pregnancy, Susan was still working really hard to bring in the money. She even got certain licenses so she could make more money. But Josh was still struggling to try to get the money. But Josh was still struggling to try and make it as a realtor. Nonetheless, Susan was so excited about being pregnant. She couldn't wait for the day that she could hold her baby in her arms. Which would come on January 19th, 2005. That day, when Susan went into labor, she grabbed her hospital bag and got everything ready to go. But when she approached Josh, he wasn't ready to leave just yet. He was too busy playing on his computer. So, Susan's parents were the ones. Apparently, Josh didn't show up until hours later. And even when he did, he kept playing on his computer in the hospital room. Susan's father, Chuck, would later say that he had to physically walk over to Josh, shut his computer, and tell him, But, later that day, Susan would give birth to their son, Charles Powell, who would go by the name Charlie. And he was everything that Susan had ever wanted. She ended up taking five weeks of maternity leave, and she soaked up every last moment, but, as you know, babies are not cheap. Josh was almost annoyed at how much money they had to spend on Charlie's diapers, toys, clothes, car seats, you name it. Josh was still barely bringing in any money. And with Susan staying home with Charlie, they found themselves in a really bad financial rut. So much so, Susan had to ask her church for assistance. She would later write this in her journal: "The church is covering our utilities and our groceries. And I feel like a mooch. And like Josh just wants to take the easy way out and never get around to supporting his family." Susan's five months of maternity leave went by incredibly quickly. More than anything, she just wanted to stay home with him. But she didn't really have a choice. With Josh's failed career, she had to keep working so that they could pay the bills. So they signed Charlie up for daycare. Susan would later say that when she had to go back to work, she cried that entire day. Now, even though Josh was trying to make up for it, he wasn't going to make it as a realtor, he was not successful. The Powells had these friends that they had known for years, named Tim and Rachel Marini. Susan was incredibly excited to find out that the couple was moving to Utah. And she suggested that they use Josh as their realtor. But they quickly learned that Josh was not good at his job. Rachel would later say that they would call Josh about a house they were interested in. But it would take him forever to respond. And they could tell he just wasn't interested in helping them. Tim and Rachel even started referring to him. Referring to Josh by two nicknames. Washington Josh and Utah Josh. According to them, in Washington, Josh had been great. Friendly, funny, outgoing. But in Utah, something was off with him. Over time, the couple started distancing themselves from Josh and Susan. During one trip they all took together in 2006, Tim and Rachel said that Josh and Susan fought the entire time. They couldn't believe how controlling he was. At one point they stopped at a fast food restaurant. And Josh ordered all of this food for himself. But Susan was only allowed one item off the dollar menu. After that trip, Tim and Rachel knew that as much as they loved Susan, they just couldn't be around Josh anymore. He wasn't the same person that he used to be. And he was not a pleasant person to be around. Even for Susan. While she worked long shifts, Josh was pretty much a stay-at-home dad at the time. Instead of working on his real estate career, he would just sit at home all day and play on his computer. Susan was fresh into postpartum, and when she got home after a long shift, all she wanted to do was hold her baby. But Josh wouldn't allow it. In fact, as soon as Susan came home, he expected her to cook him dinner, and then clean up the mess he had made that day. Soon enough, Susan was feeling incredibly overwhelmed. She turned to her friends and her church for support. But something that made her even more upset was that Josh had completely stopped going to church with her. And after a while, he also stopped being intimate with Susan. She would later write in her journal, "It's been almost a year since Josh and I had been physically close, as in sex. Josh seems to be stressed out or busy on the computer, or too tired by the time he gets to bed. He's worried that he'll get sick by kissing me, or that I'll get pregnant again, despite the fact that you can't get pregnant just by kissing." It was becoming clear that Josh's heart wasn't in the relationship anymore. He didn't want to have sex with his wife, he didn't treat her well, he didn't lift a finger to help her out, and he couldn't even remember important dates like their anniversary. But he still wanted to control every aspect of Susan's life. Even though Josh barely made any money, all of Susan's paychecks for himself. If Susan wanted to buy meat at the grocery store, she had to ask Josh's permission. He would get mad at her if she drove her car too often because he didn't want to waste gas. As time went on, Josh's control grew stronger, and Susan wouldn't always take it. She stood up for herself. But at the same time, she was doing everything in her power to hold on to their marriage. She wrote the following in her journal. I want this marriage to work, not just for Charlie, but for us. Because Charlie will grow up just like you did. And I still want to be with you after Charlie grows up. Just like how I'm sure your mom and dad wish they had a significant other in their lives now that you kids are all grown up. I will keep working at Fidelity. Keep not spending money. Only gas. Only drive to and from work and daycare. I will not do hair. Or only do it when you tell me you won't be home. Or if I can do it at someone else's. I can read scriptures out loud for us. I can continue to say prayers and make a continuous effort to make our marriage work and us be happy in it. Susan knew that her marriage wasn't in a good place, and she was doing her best to try and make Josh happy. But he wasn't easily pleased. He seemed to care more about his computer than anything else. In fact, he spent so much time on his computer that Susan began to think about it. She was so happy that she couldn't even think about it. She even tried to look through his search history, but Josh had installed a firewall to prevent her from snooping around. As time went on, Susan would often reflect on the way things used to be. In another journal entry, she wrote this. He used to buckle me in and give me a kiss. Hold doors open. Sincerely worry if I didn't put on a coat. Buy groceries. Help me cook and clean. Or cook and clean for himself. Hang out with me. Talk together. Watch movies and relaxing TV just for entertainment. Care and make time for being with friends, group dates, etc. Go to church. Not be all radical about the latest huge world problems that all of his rantings can't fix. Although he thinks he can. But when we moved to Utah and then we had Charlie, his priorities seemed to have changed. But like any marriage, there were some good times. Eventually, Josh and Susan started getting intimate again. On one email to a friend, Susan wrote this. He even initiated some intimate time Wednesday night. Shocker, I know. Funny, it's been so long, it feels like a dream or surreal. And yes, I love and care about him. And I think we can have a happy, loving, functional marriage. Soon enough, in 2007, Susan found out she was pregnant, again. When she told her family, they were, of course, excited for her. But they were also a bit worried. Josh had treated her horribly during her first postpartum experience. And they feared that he would do the same this time around. Even further, Josh still hadn't become successful in his new real estate career. And because they were relying mostly on Susan's income, they had to take out a second mortgage on their home. So adding another baby to the mix was definitely not going to be easy. But Susan assured her family that they would figure it out, just like they always did. She ended up giving birth to their second child on January 2nd, 2007. It was another boy they named Braden Powell. And again, Susan was completely in love. The day that she got to introduce Charlie and Braden was one of the most memorable moments in her life. Little did she know, the boys would go through a lot together. And throughout it all, they would always have each other. Now, around the time that Susan found out that she was pregnant with Braden, she actually quit her job. For the first time in years, she took time for herself, hoping that Josh would finally stand up and do his part. But of course, that wasn't the case. In fact, a few months after Braden was born, they had to file for bankruptcy. A few months earlier, when Josh wasn't making money in his real estate career, he decided to promote himself by putting ads in the Yellow Pages. And even on the side of a bus bench. But advertising is expensive. Josh agreed to pay $83,000 for this marketing. However, soon after, Josh decided that he didn't want to be a realtor anymore. And because of that, he didn't think he had to pay that debt anymore. But that's not how that works. The marketing company ended up suing Josh. In addition, he was already over $200,000 in debt. So, they decided to file for bankruptcy. Susan decided to make changes to their lifestyle so she could help lower their spending. She even started making bread and planting fruits and vegetables in their garden. Not only was it a way to save some money, but Susan really loved it. It gave her something to look forward to every week. Around this time, Susan also started reading self-help books to try and improve her life. But with all the financial stress, issues in her marriage, and postpartum, she was having a hard time. I made dinner, which I'm the only one enjoying. And I'm sitting here reading a self-help book thinking, nobody appreciates my efforts. Or at least, not the people I'm closest to. I'm not suicidal or anything. Just feeling alone and frustrated. Which is interesting because even as I write this feeling alone, I know I'm not alone. And I'm aware how much I'm feeling alone. And I know I'm not alone. And I almost feel selfish wanting to pray for improvements. But I still want things better than they are. Soon after, Josh and Susan knew they had to get jobs. Josh started working at this trucking company, but again, it wasn't successful. Meanwhile, Susan got a job at Wells Fargo, once again, making all of their money. Josh had also locked Susan out of their bank account, so she couldn't even use her own money that she had. But Josh could spend her money however he wanted to. He would often buy pointless things like expensive tools, office equipment, and other random toys like remote-controlled cars. And even though they were in a slightly better financial situation, Susan didn't have any money to spend. If Susan wanted to buy makeup for herself, Josh would laugh and tell her no. Every week, Josh would give Susan a mere $20 to spend on groceries for their family of four. At one point, Susan thought that Charlie, was getting too skinny, that he needed more food to eat. But Josh argued with her that he got food at daycare, and that he didn't need a bunch of extra food, because he would only poop it out. Josh wasn't budging. Eventually, Susan decided to secretly open up her own bank account, where she would save a little bit of each paycheck, giving Josh the rest. It was the only way she could buy the things she wanted, which was mostly clothing and food for the boys. In a Facebook message to her friend, Susan wrote this: - He's mainly emotionally, verbally, and financially abusive. Basically, I'm a single mother with this guy that lives with me and dictates what I can do in my spare time, and takes my paychecks and spends the money. - Susan felt trapped in her marriage. Josh wasn't the same man she married all those years back. She even suggested counseling, and at one point, he attended a few sessions, but eventually he stopped going. Like with everything, Josh didn't do well being confronted with his flaws, so nothing changed. Over time, Susan even started picturing what her life would be like if Josh wasn't in the picture. She wrote this in her journal: - As I'm kneeling on the kitchen floor, cleaning up the food from the boys, all three of them eating, I had to make an effort to concentrate on why I'm better off being married as opposed to the single mother I often feel like I am. I had to stop and think about if Josh had died, if we were divorced, if he were the original guy I married, what would be different, and how much better that would or wouldn't be. I decided I don't want him dead. I like him around for the boys. Occasionally, he does what I need him to do. - Another issue in their marriage had to do with their faith. Susan was very sad that Josh had given up on being a Mormon. She was very sad that Josh had given up on being a Mormon. Those were the values that their marriage started on. And now, not only did Josh refuse to go to church, but he also judged Susan for still being committed to her faith. She would later write this in her journal: - We used to go to temple weekly in Washington. And now he's annoyed if I want to say a prayer at dinner. It is not all religious stuff. His character and personality has really swung to an extreme too. I'm constantly reminding him to reign it back. - I'm constantly reminding him to reign it back. I feel like a prisoner in my own family, fighting to practice my own religion and beliefs in my own home. I can't believe our marriage deteriorated so quickly. I feel so blind and naive and foolish. - With all these issues piling up within their lives, the Powell home was growing volatile. Susan's needs were constantly not being met. And over time, she built up resentment towards Josh. She would try to have conversations with him about it, but he blew her off, which only made Susan angry. And their fights weren't just behind closed doors. The people around Josh and Susan said that they would argue in front of everyone. And even if they argued at home, Susan would sometimes go to a friend's house to cool down. And the one thing about this case that I feel sets it apart from many others is that both Susan, Josh, and even Josh's father, Steve, wrote down a lot of their feelings, giving us a window into their lives. Susan was also very open with her loved ones about her marital struggles. In one email, she told her friend that during their fights, quote, I've even picked up the phone and said I'm calling 911. And he takes the phone out of my hands or immediately backs away and then tries to make me look like the crazy, irrational one, end quote. Things were escalating quickly. Susan sometimes had to lock herself in the bathroom to get away from Josh. Her parents were so worried about her, they even gave Susan a secret cell phone. They told her, don't tell Josh about this phone. And if anything ever happens where you need to escape, use it. It was clear to everyone that Susan and Josh were heading towards a divorce. Susan even emailed a friend saying, quote, I'm so tempted to just find a lawyer, write up some papers, change the locks, and have a police officer with me when he comes home from work. Either he is that scared of counseling and I need to deliver the unspoken counseling or divorce, or he thinks he can weasel his way out and I'll stupidly endure this miserable marriage. Well, he is wrong, end quote. At some point, Susan even contacted divorce attorneys, and she let her friends know that if she bit the bullet, she might need a place to stay for a while. All of her friends were so disgusted with Josh, they were fully supportive of Susan divorcing him. Whatever you need, we will help you, they told her. But at the end of the day, every time Susan considered leaving, there was something that held her back. Maybe it was for her children, or her religion, or security. Or maybe it was because Josh had told her, if you ever leave me, your life would be over. Perhaps Josh could sense that Susan was growing distant, that she was over his abuse. Because around this time, Josh would do something that would scare Susan. On the outside, it seemed pretty harmless, but this very act would change everything. In early 2008, Josh sold one of their cars. So now, they only had a minivan. Josh, of course, would be the one to use the car. But in the end, he would be the one to use the car. And he would be the one to use the car. Which meant that Susan had to ride a bike to and from work every day. Now, her job was 15 miles away, and part of that commute was riding along busy highways, where Susan was on a thin shoulder, with cars speeding right by her. She was not happy about it, but there wasn't much she could do. And it's around this time when Susan started growing very suspicious of Josh and his intentions. Partly because he had just raised her life insurance policy. Now, Josh had already taken a policy out on Susan the year before, for $500,000. But in 2008, he raised it to a million dollars, with himself as the beneficiary. He also added $250,000 for Charlie, and another $250,000 for Brayden. Then, right after raising her life insurance policy, Josh started making her bike that dangerous route to work every day. Susan would send her friend an email that read the following. I was worth $1 million dead, and biking to work. You tell me how easy it would be to have an accident. I guess our main problem is, I feel like I'm just an asset to be controlled. I make the money, I take care of the house and kids, and I put up with his crap. He could easily take me out. So yeah, I was worried. Susan had a growing suspicion that her husband wanted her dead. A woman's intuition, and I knew it. I knew she was a good person. From what we could find, Josh never told her this explicitly, but she picked up on it. It was in the way he spoke to her, how he looked at her, the way he never wanted to touch her anymore, how he completely disregarded her feelings. Susan had a horrible feeling deep down that Josh would kill her, and make it look like an accident. So, in late June of 2008, Susan started making a plan. One morning, she walked into work, took a seat at her desk, and she wrote out the following letter, titled, Last Will and Testimony. I bike to work daily and have been having extreme marital stress for about three to four years now. For mine and my children's safety, I feel the need to have a paper trail at work, which would not be accessible to my husband. I want it documented somewhere that there is extreme turmoil in our marriage. He has threatened to skip the country and told me straight out, if we divorce, there will be no lawyers, only only a mediator and I will ruin you. Your life will be over and the boys will not grow up with a mom and dad. If something happens to me, please talk to my sister-in-law, Jenny Graves, my friend, Kiersey Hallowell. Check my work desk. Talk to my friends, coworkers, and family. It is an open fact that we have life insurance policies over 1 million if we die in the next four years. Coworkers, family, and friends hear me say this occasionally, but if I die, it may not be an accident, even if it looks like one. I want my parents, Judy and Chuck Cox, very involved and in charge of their lives. I love my boys. I live for them and I choose not to cheat or to do drugs because I wouldn't want to risk losing them. I love you. I'm so sorry you've seen how wrong and messed up our marriage is. After writing this letter, Susan put it in an envelope. On the outside of the envelope, she wrote, For family and friends of Susan, all except for Josh Powell, husband. I don't trust him. Josh Powell is not allowed to possess this. Soon after, on a day when Josh was out of the house, Susan recorded, this video walking through her home. Charlie, say hi. This is all stuff bought in a year or less through Home Depot on my credit. Josh bought a lot of stuff and then he had to bankrupt it. And then he bought a little bit more on my credit. Hoverstorm, he bought a stupid hovercraft remote control toy. Oh, there's his RC car. Pretty pimped out. You can see that stuff. I think he's got probably a $3,000 worth of supplies in the RC car world. Peach tree. Cherry tree. Smaller ones, a pluot tree. Apple. Pear. We got pumpkin and watermelon and cantaloupe. Squash. Bikini. Eggplant. Cucumbers. Okra. Peppers. Radishes. Peas I planted didn't grow. Those two rows are empty. Oh, it's being watered right now. More peppers. Tomatoes. Corn. Raspberries out in the back. All of those are the tomatoes. These are weeds or some type of plants that transplanted. tools galore more tools galore here are all the paperwork all the tools he bought me July 29, 2008 it is 12.33 mountain time covering all my bases making sure that if something happens to me or my family or all of us that our assets are documented hope everything works out and we're all happy and live happily ever after as much as that's possible a few days later Susan went to Wells Fargo and opened a safe deposit box inside she put her and her boy's birth certificates and social security cards bank account receipts all important paperwork and she made sure that Josh didn't have access to it Susan was fully preparing for something bad to happen whether that be a divorce or something more nefarious in an email written to a friend Susan Roan every moment I step back and take stock of what I'm dealing with it feels like a never ending cycle but I'm too afraid of the consequences losing my kids him kidnapping them I'm afraid of the consequences divorce or actions worse on his part but back at home she was doing her best to make sure everything seemed as normal as possible however It was really hard. Susan was desperate to feel some sort of love from her husband, but Josh couldn't seem to give it to her. Yesterday, I helped him organize and clean his office and the loose papers, another one of his excuses, stalling tactics. And as I was soundlessly crying myself to sleep last night, I told him kind of desperately, now is the time you can say nice things to me. So he said in a tired and bored voice, thanks for helping me clean my office. And that was all. And I said as a hopeful suggestion, are you trying to hold my hand? He muttered something not audible. And then a little bit later, I held his hand for a while until he pulled away. In the fall of 2008, Josh had a firm grip on Susan and used food, money, and sex to control her. He changed all the passwords to their bank accounts and forced her to write down every cent she spent at the grocery store. In one huge fight, Josh got mad at Susan because Susan wanted to buy certain brands of food that she liked, but Josh wanted her to buy the cheaper brands and it was literally like a 20 cent difference between the two. Susan said she would rather spend the 20 cents when she felt like it tasted better, but Josh didn't see it that way. Susan didn't understand why she was having to follow all of these rules to save money when Josh got to spend her money however he wanted to. It wasn't fair. But Josh couldn't see it from her point of view. Another big fight that started coming up was almost every Sunday, Susan and the boys would go to church by themselves because Josh didn't want to go. But eventually he started asking the boys, would you rather go to boring church with mommy or stay at home with dad and eat candy and watch TV? Of course, the boys wanted the latter. Now, it's around this time when Susan started telling her friends and family that if things didn't change, she was leaving for good. Her parents had even offered to help pay for her divorce. But when they would follow up, Susan was never ready to leave. Part of her was still hanging on. She believed in second chances. She wanted her marriage to work for the sake of her children. Her friends and family asked her whether or not she was ready to divorce Josh, but to their disappointment, she was staying. She would later sit down and write this in her journal. My parents are just gung-ho ready to help me pay for a divorce attorney. And everyone thinks it's so easy to leave and magically start from scratch. I fear everyone will be disappointed in me if I stay. Now, at the time, Josh was interested in getting a job in IT, computer programming. Their neighbor, John Helliwell, worked in that industry, so Josh would often go to the Helliwell's house to ask him questions. John taught him a lot. And through his help, Josh eventually got a job at Aspen Distribution as an IT worker. Susan would later email a friend saying, They gave him a work-issued laptop and identity badge, so I know he feels special. I pray and hope that his skills will keep his company satisfied and he can stay long-term. Susan was proud of Josh for getting a job, but the other issues in the marriage were still lingering. And in the beginning, when she and Josh had problems, they knew that they could always turn to their religion, their higher power that helped them through their dark times. But with Josh no longer interested in church, Susan didn't know what to do. So she decided to write Josh a letter. I'm not threatening a divorce, but what you ask of me is too great to bear. You must understand that my religion is a part of me. You can't ask me to pick, and choose only certain parts of it to live by and expect me to be happy. When we got married, the gospel was the center of our marriage and our family. I have to ask myself now, was this an act? Were you just pretending? In my heart, I think the answer is no, but you've chosen to forget all of this. And I've been influenced to a negative outlook in life. - Later that day, she gave the letter to Josh. But soon afterwards, she would write this in an email to a friend. - We had a two-hour screaming fight last night. I got him to see some of my perspectives, and he said he might be willing to start going to church, but it really seems like he's digging his heels on not paying tithing. - In early 2009, the couple decided to take a trip to Washington to see family. Now, around that time, Josh had become obsessed with camping, and had purchased a lot of expensive camping supplies. And while in Washington, visiting family, he randomly suggested that he and Susan should take a camping trip, just the two of them. As for Charlie and Brayden, he suggested that they stay with his father, Steve. But Susan was not okay with that. She told him that if they were going to go, the boys needed to stay with her parents. And with that, Josh just decided to cancel the camping trip altogether. In a later interview, Susan's father, Chuck, said, I think he was planning to get rid of her then, and it didn't work out because she wouldn't let the kids stay with Steve. She dodged a bullet then. - During this trip to Washington, Susan's parents, Chuck and Judy, witnessed a pretty nasty fight between the couple. Apparently, Susan didn't want to visit Josh's father, Steve. The fight ended with Josh calling Susan a goody two-shoes and a bitch. He ran out of the home, slamming the door behind him. Chuck admitted that he didn't interfere because it appeared that Susan had handled the situation just fine. Unfortunately, this would be the last time they ever saw their daughter. - As much as Chuck and Judy wanted Susan to leave Josh, they knew that she stuck around because of their children. Susan loved Charlie and Brayden so much. She wanted them to have a normal life. In one journal entry, she wrote, "I try so hard to at least 10 times a day, say, 'I love you.' You are my favorite, Charlie. I'm so lucky to have you. You're a special boy. You're so smart. All of this for a three-year-old." And now he, at random, says, "Mommy, I love you." Which is probably the only reason I've been able to survive with no affection from my husband for so long. - It's around this time when Susan and Josh made some adjustments to the trust they had made for Charlie and Brayden. - I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, And now he at random says, mommy, I love you. but I think this is a good thing. Which is probably the only reason I've been able to survive with no affection from my husband for so long. It's around this time when Susan and Josh made some adjustments to the trust they had made for Charlie and Brayden. They also made it to where Josh had full control of Susan's retirement money and he had full power of attorney over all of her accounts. Essentially, Josh could now do whatever he wanted with Susan's money and he didn't even need her permission. Now, the lady that was helping them set all this up completely advised against it. She even told Susan, you know means you're worth more dead than alive. But Susan said that this is what Josh wanted and what he said goes. When I heard that part of the story, my heart broke for Susan. She already sensed that her husband wanted her dead and she felt so powerless, she couldn't even tell him no when he was making all of these adjustments to their accounts. Josh was fully giving himself the financial power for when Susan was gone. and it seemed as if there was nothing she could do about it. But Susan was still holding on to hope. Now, 2009 is when she started entertaining the idea of having another baby. Hopefully, a girl this time. She even jotted down names she liked, Adeline and Aubrey. In Susan's mind, maybe another baby would save their marriage. Now, Josh was mostly against the idea, but he used this to his advantage. When he could feel Susan pulling away, he would say, "Well, let's try for another," even though he didn't actually want another child. It was yet another way to keep Susan under his control, and she knew it. In another email, she said, quote, "Things are better than before, but just about every time I say that, my husband says or does something Susan's friends and family tried to nicely tell her that babies don't fix marriages. If anything, they can complicate them. Plus, everyone knew that Josh wasn't dad of the year. He was incredibly selfish, often putting himself before his kids. Sometimes, Josh would forget to pick up the boys from daycare. and given that Susan only had a bike, Charlie and Braden's daycare worker would have to drive the boys home herself because Josh wouldn't pick them up. On the rare occasion that Josh was watching the boys, he would take them to different stores and just let them wander around without any supervision. It was later said that Charlie and Braden would be running around with dangerous tools in their hands and the employees would have to keep an eye on them, so he wasn't very attentive it was also said that if the boys wanted toys josh made susan buy them from thrift stores if they needed new clothes susan had to shop at the goodwill and there's nothing wrong with that at all but it's just hypocritical that josh was allowed to buy whatever he wanted spend as much money as he liked to while the rest of his family had to shop secondhand and count every single penny So, the thought of adding another child into this tumultuous relationship didn't seem like a good idea to anyone but Susan. Now that year, Susan and Josh planned to have family pictures taken at the International Peace Gardens. Susan asked her friend Amber Hardman to be the photographer. In the photos, the family looked extremely happy. But when it was time for Josh and Susan to take photos together, it was obvious that Josh wasn't comfortable. He refused to get close to his wife. When Amber told him to kiss Susan, he wouldn't do it. It was clear that Josh was emotionally and physically distancing himself from his wife. Disturbingly, he would even call his father to vent about Susan. Steve wrote in addition, about one of these conversations with Josh. It read this. For years, Susan had gone back and forth trying to figure out what to do. Her marriage with Josh was really bad. Sometimes they would have good times. Sometimes they would have bad moments. But those were few and far between. She even told a friend that she almost wished Josh would just cheat on her, so it would be easier to leave him. But by the summer of 2009, Susan decided that she wasn't going to live by his rules anymore. She even froze her credit card so Josh would stop using them. She started having more girls' nights with her friends. For the first time in a while, Susan was feeling, her own cup. Josh continued to fill his as well. In September of 2009, he was in a car accident where someone rear-ended him. And even though they had no money, he bought himself a massage chair because he said he was injured in the crash. But like any controlling person, Josh didn't like that Susan was doing things that made her happy. It seemed like in his mind, Susan putting herself first, took away from his own needs. At one point, Susan even walked into the room and overheard Josh telling their sons that mommy was evil for making them go to church and how they don't have to listen to their mom if they don't want to. Susan had had enough. In an email to one of her friends, she wrote, "At this point, I feel like he's had eight years of marriage and about four years of goofing off religiously, and marital. I don't expect an overnight change. But I also don't think I should waste another couple years, or until the kids grow up, to wake up one day and he's saying never mind, and we've got nothing left in common." It seemed like this time around, Susan was finally ready to walk away. However, she would never get the chance. Because based on Josh Powell's actions, in late 2009, it appeared as if he was coming up with a plan to get rid of his wife once and for all. That November, Josh walked into a Western garden store. He told the workers that he needed to fix a broken tree branch on his property. So he purchased a 50-foot roll of tree wrap. The workers tried telling him that the product he was buying wouldn't work for the broken tree he described. But he didn't care. He purchased it anyway. A few days later, on November 25th, 2009, he walked into an air gas store right as they were closing. He asked the employees if they carried a torch that would cut through steel. They directed him towards one of their torches, but he was very particular about what he wanted. He asked a million questions. Ultimately, Josh walked up to the front desk with a torch, two hoses, an oxygen tank, and an acetylene tank. He paid around $400 for all of it. Now, after purchasing everything, he immediately tried setting it up, but the torch wasn't working. And he couldn't go back to the air gas store because they were already closed. So instead, he went to his local Lowe's. At the time, the employees were preparing for their Black Friday sale. The store was set to close on Friday, when all of a sudden, Josh Powell walked in. He told the workers that he needed help with his torch. They asked him what he needed the torch for, and he told them it wasn't for anything really, he just wanted to play with it. So, they looked at everything for him, but they weren't able to figure out why his torch wouldn't work. Josh was frustrated. The employees would later say that it was strange, because for someone that didn't need the torch for anything in particular, he was incredibly eager to get it working. Eventually, a few days later, he would go back to the air gas store, and they would finally help him get the torch working. Now, that month, Josh bought a lot of different tools. Which is interesting, because everyone that knew him said he already owned the nicest tools money could buy. So, why was he going around buying more? To this day, no one really knows why. However, some people have their suspicions. Interestingly, that November, Josh was also really trying to play the part of a good and loving husband. He even went to church with Susan almost every Sunday that month, which was strange, because Susan had been trying to get him to go to church with her for years. Now, as we know, Josh was big on appearances, so it seemed like he was trying to be on his best behavior. He likely wanted to give off the impression that they were having a good time, and that there were a loving couple who went to church together. Sadly, Josh was putting on this front for Susan as well, making it seem like everything was okay. On November 16th, Josh dropped Susan off at work. When she went to get out of the car, he looked at her and said, I love you. Susan said it back, and then walked inside. As she sat at her desk, he was taken aback. With a husband like Josh, he rarely ever said I love you. For the first time in a while, Susan felt that spark that she felt when they first started dating. She even emailed a co-worker saying, quote, he said it as I was out the door. I almost missed it. I smiled and said it back, and he had a cute, childish smile about him. But behind that smile, there was a darkness in her husband, that Susan couldn't see. But she had seen that darkness before, which is why in the year before her death, she feared for her life. But in that moment, it's clear that Susan was still holding on to hope. In her mind, maybe somewhere deep down inside of him, when he looked at her and said, I love you, he meant it. Maybe after years of turmoil, there was hope for their family. But sadly, that couldn't have been further from the truth. Because in just a few short weeks, Susan Powell would disappear, never to be seen again. For today's episode, we will be making a donation to the Susan Cox Powell Foundation, an organization that provides media consulting to keep missing persons cases in the public eye, supports domestic violence prevention, connects families to local organizations for media appearances and other events if a loved one goes missing, and more. You can visit them at SusanCoxPowellFoundation.net Hey everybody, thank you for joining us for this week's episode of Murder in America. Once again, Courtney and I have wanted to tell this story for a long time. I know Courtney has been working overtime, incredibly hard to get all the details and facts of this case so that we could present them accurately and correctly for people. And yeah, this is just such a disturbing, sad story. And we'll be back with part two next week. If you want to listen to part two right now though, you can sign up for our Patreon account. So on Patreon, we provide ad-free early versions of the episodes that are on the main feed. So if you don't like the ads, you can help support the show by signing up for Patreon. And in addition, we have an entire library of bonus content on our Patreon account. So if you love Murder in America, and you've listened to every episode of our show, and you want to help support what we do here, you can sign up for Patreon and immediately get access to over 100 full-length bonus episodes of the show. These are episodes just like all of the others here on the show with full music and kind of the sound design. Courtney and I both, they're really, really great episodes on there. And they're just kind of as a thank you to you guys who have helped support the show over the years. As always, please be sure to leave us a five-star review wherever you listen to this podcast, whether that's Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or another podcasting app. And don't forget to follow us on Instagram at Murder in America to see photos from every single case that we cover. here on the show. We will be back next week with another episode of Murder in America. Thank you guys so much for listening week after week. We appreciate every single one of you who have tuned in over the years. And yeah, we'll be back next week with part two, and I'll catch y'all on the next one. Get 20% off your first purchase at Fiori.com slash Halo 20. That's V-U-O-R-I dot com slash H-A-L-O 2-0. Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions.