Ep.2-Moving Through Transitional Phases with Faith and Finding Home Within

(soft music) - Hello people of the world. Sonia here and oh my goodness. It has been a hot, hot minute since I have recorded. And the last time I spoke with y'all through the ethers was when I was still back in my hometown of sunny San Diego. And honestly, shout out to all of you who listened to my first episode because that was about a year and a half ago and I still can't believe how quickly time is moving by. Today I wanted to come on here and share with y'all a bit about the beginning of my journey here in Texas. So I've been here for about a year and a half now and it has been quite the Mojavegan journey. Prior to moving here, I've never really moved away from home. When I realized that I needed to move away from home, there were so many motions that came up for me. I went through and I still feel like I am going through a transitional phase. So during transitional phases, these phases can be exciting, challenging and sometimes even stressful as they often involve leaving behind something that's familiar and stepping into the unknown. Transitional phases can take many different forms such as transitioning from childhood to adolescence, graduating from school and entering the workforce or moving to a new city or country, starting a new job or going through a major life change such as a divorce or even the loss of a loved one. During transitional phases, it's common to experience a range of emotions such as excitement, fear, uncertainty and anticipation. It's also normal to feel a sense of loss or nostalgia for what you're leaving behind, even if you're excited about what's to come. I remember as a geared myself up for the move. Everywhere I went was like, I was there and saying goodbye. I've lived in California, literally my whole entire life and so once I knew that I was going to be moving, everywhere I went, I looked at it as if it was my last time that I was going to see it. And so while transitional phases can be challenging, they can also be opportunities for growth and self discovery. Now by embracing change and being open to new experiences, you can learn a lot about yourself and what you're capable of. With time and patience, transitional phases can lead you to a brighter future and a better understanding of yourself and the world around you. I also remember during one of my meditations I had before moving, I believe it was during cancer season or a cancer moon. And of course, I was just really in my feelings, specifically in part about my family, my people and what home is and what that meant to me. So of course during cancer season and a cancer moon, all of this made sense to me somehow. But what really came up for me was this bubbling feeling of intergenerational trauma. Now for those of you who aren't too familiar with what that is, it's basically trauma that occurs and is passed down to the generations after. So an event or trauma occurs and then it is, and then it basically alters our DNA and then gets passed down and creates potentials for trauma responses in the descendants. So I was laying there during that meditation, all of a sudden, I don't know why, but my mind just went there and I just started having this transmission of so much fear and pain and sadness, all of it just overcame me. And it was this feeling of knowing that I could no longer stay and feel safe in the place that I called home, but I also had no idea what was to come or where I was going to land exactly at that time. So it was in that moment that I was able to have a touching moment and a deeper understanding of what my ancestors and my parents went through being long refugees. It was also in that moment that I decided that I would also do as they did and face the sphere with art or strength and resilience. I knew and understood in that moment that home is a place that I have to create within myself and that wherever I go, like a turtle, as long as I could remember who I am and where I came from, I was home. So I finally loaded up Perla by Toyota Raffaure with my first batch of belongings and trekked with one of my closest friends, Ashley to Texas. So earlier in that year, it's earlier that year, we had gone on a road trip together to celebrate new years and while on the trip visiting our friend Lucy Ann, we realized we wanted to move there. So we made our little plans and we went back home and tied our little loose ends and then we made it to Texas. Although I was feeling so much fear during that meditation, having all that come up gave me the opportunity to process it and let it go. I also was just so so grateful to God that he had sent a friend in it or to help me make the transition. It actually wasn't until I was already moved to Texas for several months and after settling in that I realized how monumental this change was and context wise, it was that I realized that I would be the first female in my family. Mind you, I have like 60-something cousins and so I was the first female or person to really like move away from home on my own and do life according to how I wanted. When I moved, I had made this promise to myself that when I got to this new city, I would pursue my dreams and live my life as I wished. But I also had moments when I felt like throwing in the towel on what I was doing and where I was going, but then I remembered that how I live my life and what I do wasn't just for me anymore. It was, now I don't have any children, so for me, it was for all the women in previous generations that never had this opportunity that I had, this opportunity of freedom and liberation as well as independence. It was also for my mother who is no longer living. She always had an adventurous spirit and was always so, so, so tough, but she was so focused on taking care of us and working that she never had opportunities to do what I, what I'm doing. It's also for all my siblings and extended family members such as my cousins. You know, I'm doing all of this in part so that they can see that if they wanted something or if they wanted to live their life in a way that wasn't by the books that they could. And so, feeling all of this was what helped me stay motivated and move forward when I was having those moments of doubt or when I was feeling a little down or lonely. But luckily I found a room to stay in and lived there for about six months and it was a cute little home. It was quite peaceful. However, eventually I had to move out because I decided that I wanted to look for a bigger place and it just so happened that as I had this thought, my landlord had other plans for her home. She wanted to live with her friends and so they had discussed alternate plans. And so, when that situation happened, I was in that state of Ken, right? That fear, fear of the people. of potentially not finding a place to live that was not suitable. I also had worries that came to my mind like, what if I can't find somebody someone that I like to live with? What if they're horrible? Like the people I've lived with before, like in my past? What about my cat Willow? Will she have a place that's safe enough for her to run outside? Or like I even went as far as to think, what if I ended up on the streets? Mind you, I've never been houseless, but this was technically only my second time in my life moving. So it was pretty stressful for me. But luckily, my landlord had notified me two months in advance of my move out day. And so, yeah, here's actually a little astro a neckdote for y'all. So if you look at what house your son and moon sits in, it can reveal what principles your parents tried to deeply instill in you. So my son and moon both happened to be in the second house of materials, money and values. So my parents always emphasized on focusing to make money to create stability. My second house is ruled by Libra, but it is also intercepted by Scorpio. And so my moon is in Scorpio in the second house. So financial stability and feeling safe in the material world was very much on my mind at that time. And so that's a little astro a neckdote for y'all, but then I also remembered as a child, my mother would try to get me to be more responsible and say stuff like, if you don't do this, or if you don't learn how to do this in the future, what if you end up, you know, houseless? Or what if you end up under like a bridge or living under a bridge? And you know what little sonia said? She was like, well then, I guess I end up being houseless. Or I guess I'm just gonna live under a bridge. So I was quite the little rubble and a little bit of a brat if I had to be honest, but little sonia, you know, she was quite wise. She knew that everything was gonna be fine regardless. And so that little memory kind of snapped me back into place. So even though I was stressing and obsessing, I told myself I was going to do some serious manifesting. So I agreed to myself that for three days straight, I could do all the obsessing that I wanted to do. And that I also was going to listen to hypnosis and subliminals to help me get my mind right, to get my subconscious right, to call in what I wanted. And then when those three days came up, I told myself that after that, I'm not going to think or use any of my energy towards obsessing or thinking or worrying or anything about moving and finding a new place. During those three days, I focused on the feeling of where I wanted to live and what kind of space I wanted. I knew I didn't want to live in a house again, because that would mean I would have multiple roommates. And I didn't want to live in one of those apartments that was like three stories tall, no trees around, or it felt like a hotel. I even so much as wished for a creek or something near trees that I could walk in communion with nature, and thought it was safe enough for Willow to explore. I just wanted something that felt homey. So the fourth day finally came, right? And I really followed my plan. I relaxed. And then next thing you know, I got a notification on my Facebook that someone was looking for a roommate. And her little blurb was ideal. So I reached out to her immediately. And we started a conversation. Later that day, we got on a video call and immediately connected over astrology and found that we had quite a bit of similar interests, such as like roller skating and studying the cold and crafting and art. So it really was so cool to have found a kindred spirit. And after we hung up, I drove home from work. Now here is also where a little synchronicity happened. There is this whiny road that you drive along to get to my work. And I remember several days before I recall this little voice in my mind saying, "Hey, watch out for the sharp bend in the upcoming days. Make sure you slow down." Of course, I was like, "Mm, I wonder what this is about." Well, on that day after I got off the phone with my new roomie, I drove on that little road and as I came up to the bend, I did slow down. And next thing you know, there were about five deer right there. Two of them on the road and the rest right next to them, but on the shoulder. I immediately knew that it was a message for my guides and from Spirit and God. And so I pulled over quickly and Googled the spiritual significance of deer. And one of the messages that I ran across that really clicked with me immediately was that when you see deer, it not only represents your connectedness to nature, but also the spirit world in your angels. And so to me immediately, it just felt like a sign that everything was going to be all right. And I nearly almost cried because I knew was my guides sharing with me, that they did have my back and they were taking care of me. So later come to find out the place that I found was perfect for me and my kitty cat. And it was exactly what I was looking for. The trippy thing too is I even had a small creek just like I had asked in the back of the property. So there's this area in the back of our apartments that you can go walk and there's a little creek and there's a pool, a tennis court. And so the room was also set it perfectly where I can like put my little cat door for willow. And so she was able to like come in and out. And it just really felt homey. Almost like sometimes I feel like my room is almost cave like but as a projector, it's the exact environment for me. So it was quite the experience seeing all of this and fooled for me. It also happened to be that when I moved into this new place, it was during April, which is the astrological new year. So it was so cool and it felt like everything was so aligned. It's like I'm moving to this new place. It's the astrological new year. You know, there's this energy of aries and you're just having this forward momentum. And so it just felt so good. And so since living here, it's been really peaceful. My roommate and I have had moon circles here. And we've had guests come stay with us. It's just been a really good time. A fun little tidbit too is that our apartment is an eight apartment. So in numerology, we are living in a home that is actually very supportive of entrepreneurial endeavors, abundance and material success. How cool is that? I remember telling my roommate and I was like, dude, we live in an eight apartment. Like how perfect is that for both of us? As we are pursuing our own goals and dreams of having our own businesses. So that was that. And something that was kind of wild too when I moved was, I did not have a job lined up for me. I literally just came here and was like, ah, I guess I'll find a job when I get there. And actually within a month, I had found a job and it was actually a job where my boss actually reject to me asking me if I wanted a job. And it just happened to be ideal for my situation and what I was looking to do. And so it is just really wild to me that when you really truly surrender to your soul's calling and follow those nudges that the universe is giving to you, how supportive it can be. And so just so much gratitude during all of this. And something else, I guess I might as well recap kind of what has happened since then until now. So I'd move to this new apartment. I also, was a vendor at a couple outdoor festivals and that was completely new for me. I specifically vended at this festival during Belting and that was a really cool and unique experience that I had and during that year I was in my seven year and so in numerology the seven year is very much how I imagine it or the visualisation the visuals that come to my mind is like you are a monk you kind of you know and also in terror like the hermit card right you're just like this hermit you know you're kind of going inwards and gathering wisdom and collecting and learning and so knowing that I was in my seven year I really stayed open to learning and so learning about how to make a real and book showing up more frequently and often on my social media and all of these things even you know playing around with how to record a podcast right so I was I am very proud that during that year I really took one of my models for that year was really taking massive and perfect action and so I had this little sticky note by my desk here that literally says take massive and perfect action and so that was one of the things that I did that this past year but something that really really through a curveball to me was all right um was losing my brother so in July my brother my first sibling my brother Shaw it was born right after me he got into a motorcycle accident and for those of you who don't know well most of you guys don't know I had lost my mother several years ago which I'll share with y'all that another day but it was so strange to me because leading up to it like after I around my mom's passing I had this feeling you know it was just so strange like I had this feeling like this isn't over yet you are going to have to go through this again dealing with like funeral processions and grief and loss and in that moment when I did feel that intuitive hit I did wonder I was like is it going to be my dad or what and then there was another moment or time when I was in Shaw's room actually I just remember having this like little flashbacker glimpse I see him sitting in his chair on the computer and I was like talking to him about something and I literally just had this feeling hit me where I was just like I felt immediately very sad and that it was just like you were going to lose one of your brothers and it was just like a really quick like passing fleeting feeling and a lot of times when I have these intuitive hits I tend to kind of like swap them away and I kind of just like why am I thinking that that's strange that's weird and then of course finally last summer my brother passed away and it was of course it was very tragic but also it really maybe question what I was doing again right like what am I doing with my life what it like am I on the right path am I living blind but I realized with my brother's passing too was that life is short we don't know what we're going to see people again or if your your own life is going to end right and so with this limited time on this earth what are we going to do with it what are we going to do with the time that we have right so it actually just further reiterated my purpose and my drive to continue doing what I'm doing and that September that same year one of my cousins she lost her husband and so she was also going through a lot of grief and that September was supposed to be a vacation where me and my three brothers were all going to go on the same location together to Disney World and we were going to celebrate my baby brother George's graduation from high school and the fact that he was going to be 18 very soon and so I had thought that it would be a great opportunity to kind of you know say goodbye to this childhood right by taking him to Disneyland and my brother Sean and I had worked together on planning the vacation we he made me download discord and we talked over discord on the Airbnb that we were going to stay at and getting the tickets the airplane tickets and it really broke my heart that the first vacation that we were going to have together as a family after my mom passed away that he wasn't going to be there and but of course we were going to just cancel the trip because now at this point it was like we were going to go not only for all the things that I had mentioned before but now it was like a time for us to honor him as well and so we went to Disneyland me my brother Charlie and George I actually had ended up extending the invitation to my cousin who lost her husband and her baby brother and so there was the five of us we ended up going together and it was just so good to be able to bond and connect because it's not very often that I get to see my cousins and it had been years that I'd seen my cousin see I think it was like seven or eight years ever since she got married I just hadn't seen her and so she had lived in multiple different states she moved to Alaska then she moved to Minnesota and so it was just really nice to connect with with her and my other cousin, Jure who's also a Libra actually see Jure me and my brother Charlie are all Libres and my poor little brother George is a Scorpio and so he had to put up with all of our asses at Disney World and we had such a wonderful time but it was it was quite the experience and knowing you know my brother wasn't there but we still had a great time and we came back October was my birthday I celebrated with all my friends here and I know it's all stuffing out but again I just can't help but have so much gratitude in my heart for where I am and for the community that I created here for myself because during my birthday I got to spend it with my friends and even though I had only lived here at Austin for such a short time you know I really felt like God and the universe really had my back and sending the right souls to me and the right friends to support me even during this difficult time of losing my sibling and celebrating myself because You know, birthdays are just one of those weird funny things, right? Where we always are like, we don't want to celebrate ourselves, but I've learned to lean into celebrating myself. And it's been so important for me lately to, instead of focusing on real man take love, really cultivating and growing love. And finding love in different places and spaces. And so October and then November, let's see, it was Thanksgiving. I don't really recall anything at this time right now that I'm talking about November, but then December, I went to Vietnam to go visit a long time friend, my friend, Mika Micah. He and I have known each other since middle school. And we didn't become good friends until we were, it was after high school. And so Mika Micah used to throw these crazy ragers at his house and throw these crazy themed party, like one of the themes he did, a drag party. And he also did this other one that was very popular called the ABC party, where you wore anything but clothes. And so we became really good friends then. And we had our moments here and there, but we always reconciled. And so he was teaching English in Vietnam. And he had went over there before COVID. And so this was kind of like his last year that he was going to be teaching in Vietnam as some of the visa stuff changed. And so he kept emphasizing to come visit him. And so I happened to Google or search flights and actually, no, I wasn't looking for flights. I subscribed to this travel app and they popped up this deal. That was a super good deal. It was like $700 to fly to Vietnam during December, which normally is in the thousands. And so I was like, okay, this is a sign I should go. And so that's what I did. I took my booty to Vietnam. I actually went and stayed in Ho Chi Minh City. And majority of my time I stayed south. And so I would love to tell you guys more about this trip because it was such a monumental moment. Actually, I had quite a few monumental moments on this trip because a good chunk of it, I had it solo, but I also met some new people and I got to spend it with my friend. And so I am going to save that for a later episode. But in the meantime, I would just like to say that if you guys enjoyed this episode, please make sure to follow me and subscribe. Also, if you aren't following me on social media yet, I do have a YouTube and an Instagram. So if you have any questions, curiosity's or if you even want to share with me any of your stories, please DM me on Instagram. My handle is @SoniaWithAnI, SO and IA explores underscore. And I would also like to share with you all that in future episodes, I plan on having some of my friends as guests. And the topics will of course be about either spirituality, self-development, and healing. And so with that being said, again, thank you for listening to this episode. And I wish all of you the best and that wherever you may go in this life, that you carry love with you and your heart always. Bye.