Ep. 186 | confidence isn't a feeling. it's a habit

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See PayPal.com/protectionterms Hello and welcome to the your gym big sister podcast. I hope you're having a wonderful morning afternoon evening whenever you happen to be listening to this happy Friday or whatever day you were listening. I mean, I always just assume you're listening as soon as this fucking goes live on a Friday because why wouldn't you be? Obviously, this is the best podcast. Anyway, I hope September has gotten off to a wonderful start, I guess. I'm obviously, I was, was I in Ireland when I recorded last week? I swear that the weeks are just blurring all into one, but I think I was in Ireland when I recorded last week. So obviously this week's just been shows WMBF Ireland. It was a successful, it was a successful day. Well, we had the WMBF Ireland and we also had the UKDFBA Central Qualifier. So obviously, I was then in Wexford in New Ross with Nicole and Catherine. And we came, we saw the Concord. I, we went into, I went into this show like I was wanting, well, Nicole especially I was wanting her to windy overall, right? Because we did this show three years ago. And it was like her third peak week in a row, which when that's your first season, that's really fucking difficult. And it definitely wasn't her best look. And I kind of knew we were coming into it this year, so much better, so much improved. And I, for me, I was like, this is kind of like redemption at this show. And you know, that WMBF Ireland is also like, it has a special place in my heart because I, that was my very first show back in 2022. And it was my first win on my first overall as well. And I was actually sponsoring that open free category this category this year just because, you know, it's, it's like, it's an important category to me. It was the one that I started in. But, you know, I was really, I was really hoping that she was going to take it because I know how like him good she is and had good her potential is. So, yes, we went in, took the win, took the overall. I was absolutely delighted. She looked brilliant. And then I had Catherine, so Catherine came top five in the open bikini, which I was so happy with because, first of all, so much better than the week before at MPC Barcelona, which again, it was a good look. But the biggest issue we had at that show was her tan. So her tan, it was all done by proton. And with proton, they usually do base coat the night before, top coat the day off. Like, I've never had proton not do it that way. But at this show, it was all on the day, which I've gotten the other tanning company in Spain top tan. And that's what they do. And it always comes out perfect. But I don't know what the hell it was in this tan, but they put it on Catherine and it didn't dry properly, no matter how long I waited. And every time she touched something, it was getting marked. And I was like, and it was getting darker and darker. And it just looked like they painted her with mud. And I think she knew that it wasn't great. And I do, but it wasn't great. But I was really trying to keep her calm. I was like, it's fine. It's fine. I was like, blotting it. I was like, it's going to look fine on stage, but I could tell she was really, really stressed about it. Which is obviously not what you wanted your first show. And then most people when they stress, they just don't look as good. Like I could just tell like she was not. She was not really feeling it. And I look, she still did really well for her first show. And it was her first show. It was a lesson learned. But they show we actually did hurt that we did her ton of ourselves. I actually didn't call sun on Catherine's tan. And I'm converted. I'm never getting my time to learn to show again. Proton is doing the home kit yourself, definitely the way to go. But that just came out so much better. Her look was so much better. I loved her suit. I loved her hair. She looked much more confident. And yeah, she came top five, which I, I knew going into the show like Catherine, if you see her, she's fucking shredded. And I have tried, like I've been trying. She's in, unlike 400 carbonate. She has been for weeks. And it's like her, she's just, she's just looking kind of like a little bit softer, but then she gets grainy again. And I'm like, oh, Jesus, but I knew going into the WMV actually probably be too hard in the lineup. And as much as I did, I did my very best to soften her up a little bit. There's only so much you can do. And in that lineup, where the other athletes were just on that softer side, which I'm like, that sounds like me being mean, but I'm not like, that's just me stating facts, right? Like I could see the backstage. Like they had more body fat on them relative to Catherine. And you know, in bikini, especially, you're not meant to be peeled. I know that. I do think we're doing the PCA in three weeks. I think the PCA are going to like her because they tend to prefer that kind of harder look. But either way, like the, the line of itself, like the girls were incredible. So like I'm not saying like, oh, they were soft as in they were bad. Like they looked perfect for WMVF. But you know, she got in that first call out and she, she really held her own. She looked really, really good. I was just so happy, you know, and again, like what objective the placing was worse than in Barcelona. The class was much bigger. And I was just so much happier with what we brought even how we peaked and what we did on show day, him, which we ate, et cetera, et cetera. And I could tell even when she was like pumping up, she felt more confident. I could see it in her when we were taking pictures of her. She was like, oh, I actually really liked the way I looked. And I was like, okay, that's, that's, that's all you want to hear from a client because if they feel good, they're going to go out and they're going to walk it. Whereas if they're kind of in their head, it's not going to come across. Right? So yeah, she did really, really well. And I was just obviously, it was just, it was, it was a long day. I don't get me wrong, but it was so worth it. And then I had two girls from the UK, the FBA. So Emily in wellness. And she's actually my first wellness girl on stage, which that's very special to me. I love wellness. And I have a lot of wellness girls going in, like next year and the year after and stuff, which she was my first one. And she came way with third, which honestly, we were both so, so happy with because the cost was really, really good. Again, natural wellness, like for a natural wellness lineup, it was fucking good, which, look, I will be the first to say sometimes I'm not very good enough support. No, this, I was like, oh, impressed. You know what I mean? So yeah, she was lighted as well. And again, it was a very first show and she did not look like a first hybrid qualified for the finals. So we're, I'm literally having to Manchester tomorrow, well, Lincoln, and for the UK, the FBA finals. And then our last projected show is MBW started five weeks time. So, and we also have the PC and afterals. And, you know, in that time, we will be pushing to get a little bit leaner. But, you know, with that being her first show, I didn't want her like 100% condition. There's no way she'd be able to hold up for six weeks. But like, yeah, to come away with her, I was so happy. And then I had Shannon, she did women's bodybuilding and train figure. And she came fifth in both classes. And, yeah, she's like, she is so stacked. She has so much muscle. So I think that was just getting her a little bit more conditioned, but either way, like, absolutely delighted. So she's doing the WNBF UK and then the MWA. So I've so many, again, this week, I've got the UKBA finals next week. We have the MBFI. So I've got three girls. I've got Catherine Nicole and Mia. I'm just so excited. I'm so excited. Two bikini won't figure. And I'm hoping to get another overall. That's be so real. I'm pushing Nicole's catch just a little bit leaner now. And I think she was perfect at WNBF, but I think for the MBFI, we can just get that little bit leaner. And she's that qualified for worlds. So we will be going to Calgary at the end of November, which is it's a good bit of way, but we kind of had in mind that this was going to be the goal. So, you know, we're only going to spend the next few weeks like getting better, you know, pushing and then holding and kind of like reversing. And I'm just so I'm so excited for that. That's going to be good. And I also booked my holiday for after because I haven't had like, I obviously, I take one week off a year. As a coach, like I literally let myself have one week. And I am, we are going to go to Miami on the way back from Calgary. So I will full week booked in Miami. And it's Thanksgiving week. And I'm so excited to just relax and chill. I know I went to Rome, but that was like three days of just being on my feet all the time. I need a bit more of a chill holiday, you know, some some nice training and exploring. But I need to like relax and have a whole week. And also not be working. And not be like peaking people for shoots and shows because that was that was going to be a bit stressful in Rome. But anyway, it's fine. Listen, wouldn't wouldn't change it. Like I love my job so much, but everyone needs a break. You know, I'd peep like I coaches who are like I haven't had a week off in like five years. I'm like, I don't know like I think your clients should be able to like survive for a one week a year without you, but pop off this like anyway. But that's where I'm at. Diet wise for myself. I checked in Christian on Tuesday. And my way had kind of been a little bit sticky for the last week. Like I kind of I'd be in like one four nine 10 150s again. Now a few reasons like why it was potentially holding, but I was like, I was like, dude, just make changes. I was like, I was like, I'm happy. No thing if you want. He was like, it's a fucking standard for me. So he did pull 50 carabt 200 calories because he wants to just get this diet done. He said he was like, oh, I'm the two to four weeks. I was like, well, I feel like I just started dieting technically. It's been four weeks, but I do feel like I just started. But yeah, we made those changes and I hit a new load this morning of 1448.8. So I am happy about that. And to be honest, like visually, I feel like I feel like the scales is actually not reflecting the changes. I like at all. Like I think I'm way leaner than what I'm seeing. Like I'm like 10 hands down. I think now I feel like I'm a lot more there. But again, you know, I'm using things like SLU now. I don't know how that kind of put affect things. There's a few things in the mix that might be like, yeah, making those, making the scale, maybe not reflective, but again, I just don't. They're very stressed. I'm checking them with him three times a week. I take pictures of myself in the tomb, even this morning, he was like visuals looked so much different two days ago. I was like, that's a few things. So, I mean, I do think so as well, but you know, when you're like, I'm like gaslight myself, do I actually look different or do I just look the same? I'm like, my body's just decided that, like, now it's going to self-responding, but I know that's not the case. Dramatic, but yeah, I'd say yesterday was the first day. I actually felt like, oh yeah, I'm dieting, which like, not even, I mean, I was a bit hungry to be expected as my first rest day, with like no bags of breakfast, which is always sad, but I actually didn't care. I really, I'm so don't give a shit right now because I just want to get the diet done. But it was the first day that actually felt like, oh yeah, like, this is hard and I'm excited. I don't know. I think like, I just wasn't, I wasn't like locked in mentally, which I can now see, I wasn't, not that I wasn't, don't get me wrong. I was taking every single box, even with all the travel, like meals were packed, steps were hit, cardio so, and training was done. I've had one-half plan meal last Friday, which was like, my mom made us dinner because of my birthday, you know, and I haven't seen the whole family, right? And even that, like, ate like half of it. And like the tiny slice of cake, I very much saved loads of calories and stuff. But like, I've been locked in, like, from a protocol perspective, but just like mentally, yeah, I've just been a bit like, whatever, like, kind of sick of dieting, even not sick of dieting, but just like, wasn't, I don't know, I wasn't in it, but yeah, now I'm in it. I'm like, oh, I want to push, but I'm not going to get on that lean. Well, not that I want to get on that lean, you know, in the two or four weeks, like, I'll get pretty mean, but the goal isn't to get shredded because basically, we want to do this diet, we're more like four or six weeks, push up, slash cycle, time off, drugs are like four or six weeks, off drugs, and then start prepping, like in the middle of December, like, my, to perhaps start a point, even Chris decided he was like, it's going to be so fucking different. I was like, yeah, I'm excited, like, I feel like I'm going to be starting prepping. Pretty fucking mean, which is crazy. And yeah, I'm just excited. I am excited, you know, obviously again, as I get leaner, I just look so different, but as Carl said, this is just what happens when you wipe the way I hold body fat. It's just not very favorable, but like, my waist is getting smaller and everything else is getting bigger. And I'm just excited. I'm just excited. So yeah, that's where I'm at. And it's just just keep doing the do reading. And yeah, I'm so busy at the moment. I just don't really know what's going on and trading is good. That's really me. Anyway, I'm going to get into today's podcast episode. So as you can tell from the title today's podcast, it's going to be a conference, okay? Because I would say one of those common goals that I hear from new clients or just like from girls in general and challenge them is like, you know, I want to feel more confident, whether that's in themselves, in the body, going into the gym, you know, it's a word that always comes up. And I can honestly say, as a coach, nothing makes me feel more fulfilled than seeing my clients literally bloom in confidence and seeing them thrive. Because I know how it feels to go from having basically zero confidence and doubting yourself and you know, feeling so small and just like like you have to hide yourself away from the world. I know how it feels to be that way. And then I also know how it feels to be so fucking confident to really be fully embodied in yourself and in your own authentic expression of who you are and to own that and to own every single part of that and to just feel fucking amazing. But I also don't think the confidence is something that you just feel once. And then that's it. It's like you build it and like, oh, now I'm confident for life, right? Like for me, confidence is something I am always working on because we feel varying levels of confidence in different areas of our lives. You know, someone might be confident in their career, but not confident in relationships or confident in social settings or they might be confident in social settings, but not confident in their body. And there's just so many different places that we can have confidence. But there's also all these different, like they all kind of affect each other. Do you know what I mean? Because if I'm more confident, I know myself like when I'm more confident in my appearance and how I look and more confident in social settings because I don't feel like I need to, you know, shrink myself and hide myself away. So today I want to talk about why confidence isn't just something you feel. It's not just a feeling. It's a habit and it's a way of fucking, it's a way of life. And I know that it is because I have really tried to create confidence within my own life and just make it a habit that I engage in every single day. I believe confidence is something that you wake up and you choose each and every day through the actions that you take. It's in the way that you speak to yourself. It's in the way that you hold yourself in the way that you fucking respect yourself and it's in so much more. So I want you to listen to this episode and have the tools to start showing the fuck off as that bitch that I know you can be. Okay, I want you to embody that fullest expression of yourself because you are incredible and you deserve to feel that way. I believe every single human woman, every single one of you listening to this podcast, you are so capable of being the most incredible version of yourself, of letting yourself like own every single aspect of your personality, of who you are, of not being scared to express yourself in that way. Okay, so I'm excited for this podcast. I think it's going to be a good one. So let's get into it right before we do. Please don't forget to rate the podcast five stars on whatever platform you're listening and follow it as well because that would mean the world to me if you like this podcast and you think that someone you know would like to hear it, don't forget to share it with them or share on his social media. Tag me at Emmett Walker, but I always do really appreciate getting little podcast tags. It means the world. Sorry, it's kind of over my little microphone. But yes, tag me at all of that good stuff. If you're interested in coaching and working with myself or team excellence, my way list is currently open and my other girls on the team have spaces. So those are all linked down below. Okay, now let's get into the episode. The kind of main piece or idea of this whole podcast episode is that I think we think about confidence wrong. So you know, a lot of people think, right, I'm going to feel confident, I'm going to take action, I'm going to get results. But the reality is this whole concept of confidence, it's much closer to you take action. Despite how you feel, you keep promises to yourself. Okay, you keep, you show yourself that you can keep your word. You then build evidence that you can keep those promises that you show up for yourself. That helps you then develop self trust and that then creates confidence. Okay, so it's, there's a lot more to it and a lot goes into actually building confidence and building that feeling of fucking back in yourself because I think that's what confidence is. It's just back in yourself. Go ahead, I trust myself and I know that when I say I'm going to do something, I do it. I know that I can walk into any room and I can hold my head high because I am that fucking bitch. Like that's who I am. Okay, so let's get into it. I think you and this is where I would say like when clients come to me and say, oh, I want to feel more confident. I need to feel more confident. I think that's the wrong goal. Okay, and confidence is not something that you are going to find. It is not going to just be put in your lap. The universe is not going to look you one day and go, okay, now's the day that I'm going to let off your confidence. That's not how it fucking works. Okay, like how many people, like how many of you listening to this podcast are waiting to feel confidence enough to go to the gym alone or feel confident enough to wear certain clothes, maybe feel confident enough to like enter a bodybuilding show or do a photo shoot or feel confident enough to speak up at work, speak your mind or put yourself out there online, you know, maybe you want to post videos, maybe you have something that you feel so fucking cold to talk about and you're waiting for the confidence to start being able to post. Maybe you're waiting for the confidence to get a coach or start dieting or go to the gym, lift heavier, maybe it's the confidence to make a huge life decision like moving countries, changing careers, walking away from a relationship that doesn't serve you. Okay, the problem is the feeling is not going to arrive beforehand and you don't have to feel ready. Okay, you have to become someone who acts despite not feeling ready. I literally had this conversation with one of my clients yesterday, she was like, I'm just waiting to feel ready to do something and I was like, you're not going to feel it, you know, readiness is not going to come first, the fucking action has to come first. Okay, so you're not just going to find it, it's not just going to come out of nowhere. It's also, you know, if you somehow manage, like if I, if you're someone who doesn't maybe love the way that you look right now, if I just, if I was able to click my fingers wave a magic wand and give you the body that you want, I'm telling you now you would have feel confident. I promise you, you wouldn't just feel confident because the feeling of confidence, it, it is habits, it's how you show up for yourself. It is not just a visual thing. And if I just gave you your dream body, you'd find something else to, to pick yourself a part of it. Okay, confidence is actually built through evidence. And so this is where we can look at actually the science and the psychology of it. It's not just positive thinking, a huge component of confidence is self-efficacy. This is your belief that you could successfully execute a behavior or deal with any situation that's thrown at you. And one of the strongest ways we develop that belief is through mastery experiences. So essentially, you do the thing, therefore you have evidence that you can do the thing. And this is extremely, extremely relevant to my coaching philosophy because, you know, a woman doesn't necessarily become confident because I tell her, like, you're strong, right? My clients become confident because, you know, over the course of however many months they go from struggling to, I don't know, like, shoulder press, the five kilo dumbbells to be able to press the 15 kilo dumbbells, right? Or maybe someone goes from being terrified of eating more food to then successfully, you know, bringing their calories off, going into maintenance, even going into a building [BLANK_AUDIO] stays or going into a surplus, right? You know, maybe someone comes to me and they commit training four times a week, and they actually follow through the true with that. What that is doing is like, your brain now has receipts, essentially, okay? Confidence needs receipts. You need to build evidence every single day that if you say you are going to do something, you fucking do it, okay? If you say you're going to go to the gym, you do it. If you say you're going to prep your meals and eat them, you do it. Because if you constantly say you're going to do those things and you don't do them, you break down your confidence and your trust in yourself, right? Because how many of you can trust yourself if you constantly break promises to yourself? And I'm not, I'm not trying to shame you here, but think about it if you had a friend and your friend like all the time was like, I'll meet you tonight. And then at the last minute they were like, oh sorry, I actually found something else to do. I'm actually not bothered to come and meet you. If they did that to you again and again and again, you would not have confidence in that friendship. You wouldn't want to be friends with that person because they're not respecting you. So if you are repeatedly saying to yourself, you're going to train tomorrow, start on Monday, I'm going to stick to my calories, I'm going to stop comparing myself, I'm going to take my career seriously. And then you don't fucking follow through. What you are essentially teaching yourself is that my word is not reliable. I can't trust myself. And that is going to affect confidence because truly the only person on the planet who you should be able to rely on is yourself. You can't rely on anybody else because other people have their best interest in art. Even the people who are the most important to you and even the people that you think like no matter what happens, I can rely them to it to a point. But like you are the only person who can 100% you rely on, right? So if you're constantly saying you're going to do things and you don't do them, especially when, you know, you don't feel like it or you're tired, you were just reinforcing this idea in your head that if I say I'm going to do something, I can't back myself to actually do it. On the flip side, if every time you say you're going to do something and maybe your motivation is low and you're not ready that our city was, you just reinforce. Okay when I say I'm going to do something, I do it. And that's self trust. And that self trust creates a very different kind of confidence. It's not, you know, or everything's going to go perfectly, but it's I trust myself to handle whatever happens. You know, I always say with clients, you cannot expect that it's going to be easy to reach your goals. Challenges are going to come up. You're going to have to work late or there's going to be car problems or you're going to be tired or you're going to get sick or whatever, right? Here the story in every heartbeat with Apple Watch Series 12. iPhone 11 or later required based on Apple conducted study of heart rate accuracy August 2026. Visit apple.com/applewatchseries12. Sunscreen? Snacks? A stapler? The new PayPal app is like that, but for your money. Shop, pay, manage your account, and earn rewards all in one place. And with purchase protection on eligible items, biometric security and peskies, you're protected at every step. See PayPal.com/protectionterms. Propel Fitness Water with Gatorade Electrolites, Zero Sugar, and Vitamins. Propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self. What propels you? Propel with Gatorade Electrolites. You need to have the confidence that no matter what life throws at you, you can pivot. And you can re-align, reassess, and still make things work. We're not looking for perfect conditions. We're looking to be the type of person who can handle imperfect conditions. And that's someone who wears confidence. And confidence is just that it is the act of keeping promises to yourself. And if you can ask yourself every single day, okay, like, what's one promise I can keep to myself today? And then you keep that, you are slowly, again, giving your brain receipts that you can trust yourself. And over time, that is what builds that confidence, right? Confidence is also being being okay with doing things badly first, okay? Nobody starts things feeling confident. Everyone starts awkward, their inexperience, their uncertain, they don't, they look like they don't know what they're doing, okay? That is unavoidable. And I think this is where like, you know, I have clients, they start working with me. And let's say I've written in their program and maybe there's new exercises on it. And they're like, Oh, I actually, I don't think I can do that. I'm not really confident in doing that. I'm like, yeah, because you've never fucking done it before. Like, you've literally never done that exercise before. Why would you know how to do it? And why would you be confident doing it? Even if you even like the first time you walk into a gym, right? Like you're going to come to your confident, but the first time you do anything. Like the first time I was posting on social media, the first time I recorded a podcast, like please don't go back and listen to podcasts on board, because first of all, it's hilarious to go into my voice. I actually prefer my voice now. It makes me feel sick listening to my old voice, but I sound so timid and shy. And like, I'm so like quiet. Whereas now, I'm like, I'm screaming at you because I'm confident enough. Like I've I've recorded so many podcasts now that I'm confident that I can just I can go and I can like riff off. Like, I used to have to plan my podcast word for it. Because I wasn't confident in my own ability to just like ambelon points. Whereas now when I plan podcast, I just have like bullet points and I just talk. It's probably why they might seem a little bit more unstructured, but like, I don't think I'm a fuck because I like the way that I do them now. I actually get way more out of doing them this way. It also takes me a bit less time to plan. But anyway, that is an aside. But like when I first started making podcasts, I was so confident. First time I went up on stage or just started posing. Oh my god, no confidence. Now I can go on stage and I do feel confident in myself, right? But like, I had to do all those things really badly. First, on a phrase I use of clients all the time is, you don't have to be bad to be good to be great. Anyone you look at who does something really well, who seems so fucking confident in how they're doing things, they didn't start like that. You're seeing the end result. You're seeing the result of probably years of doing it wrong, making mistakes, learning from those, getting a little bit better and just improving those skills over time and building not confidence. You know, you walk into the gym the first time, probably thinking, oh my god, like everyone is looking at me. This is so comfortable. But the only way you get comfortable is being uncomfortable in the gym repeatedly. You know, you go into the gym, first session terrifying. You feel like an idiot. You don't know how to use machines. By the 10 session, it feels familiar. By the 100th session, it's like, it's a walk in park. I say to all the girls who start me and they're like, all the bit nervous or whatever. I'm like, in a month's time, you are going to feel like a fucking crow. Even with like, oh, I'm scared to film myself. Like, yeah, but if you just do it and feel uncomfortable doing it, you will feel comfortable doing it in a month. And that is the only way. And the only way to go from unconfident to confident is just being okay or being a bit uncomfortable, okay? Because eventually you'll be the person who walks into the gym, walks into the gym, like you literally own the place. And it's not because someone like injects you with confidence, but you exposing yourself to the situation, building competence, okay? And then repeating mass changes your perception of yourself. And you now perceive yourself as someone who is confident in the gym. That's it. Like, that is literally it. You can be bad at it. You get better at it. You feel confident on it, okay? That is why it's a habit because you do it again and again and again. The more you do it, the more that confidence comes. So we could think about this as almost a loop, like the confidence loop, right? So you do something uncomfortable. You follow through anyway. You gain evidence that you can do it and that you don't die, okay? That then builds competence, which that increases your self-trust because you trust that you can do the thing, which that helps your confidence grow. You then take on something harder. And then you repeat, okay? So my point here is confidence isn't an end point. It is a positive feedback loop. There is things in my like life or I don't know, even within like my knowledge or my skills that I'm probably not confident with yes, but I have to keep being okay. Like again, say if I'm learning more about exercise mechanics or blood work or peaking clients, right? There's things there that I'm not fully confident in because I'm still learning. But every time I expose myself to something more difficult, my brain has to wire and learn that, I build that competence and then the more and more and more use that knowledge, I get more confidence. And then there'll be something else that I want to learn more about. So it's all a leap, like it's you're never, you're never ending this. And that's why I'm saying there's no, there's no day that are always where you just, I'm just confident now. And that's just me. Like you can be a confident person, but there's always going to be things that come up that you're maybe like, oh, I'm not so confident with that, but I'm willing to engage in the habit of building confidence because the more you prove to yourself, you can handle the hard things, more willing you become to attempt hard things. And that's probably the thing I love the most here in compliance is I can do hard things. And when they say that, I'm like, yes, you fucking can, okay? But what about when, like what about when confidence just disappear, right? Because even very confident people have days when they feel like, I have days where I hate myself, like that's what I'm talking for. I've days where I'm like, oh, don't want to look at myself, they walk into the gym, I feel, you know, if you're, but if you're a definition of confidence is that you're never going to get yourself, you're going to spend your whole life waiting, okay? Confidence does not mean I never feel nervous. It means nervousness does not get to make the decision for me. And that is a much more useful definition. You are not going to let nerves, shyness, or whatever, tell you how to focus show up, okay? You can be nervous and you can still speak. You can be intimidated in the gym and you can still go in and lift the weights. You can be scared and still apply for the job. You can be insecure and still make the fucking Instagram post or post on TikTok. You can be uncertain and you can still make the decision. You can feel these quote, quote, negative feelings and still take that action. The feeling doesn't have to disappear for the behavior to happen. And that's what I want you to remember when you maybe are lacking confidence is, okay, I can acknowledge that I feel this way and I maybe don't feel super confident right now. But that doesn't mean that I can't actually do the thing. And then hopefully build that confidence over time. So with confidence, again, it's basically just it's an identity, it's a state of being, right? And your identity as we have touched on so many times on this podcast is something that changes through repeated behavior, okay? Again, you start by doing something. You become someone who doors that thing. How often do I talk with this all the time? I repeat it all the time because it is probably the cornerstone of what I'm trying to achieve with clients is I don't want them to have to think about going to the gym or think about eating their meals or think about I want them to just become the woman who does those things. Instead of, okay, I'm hoping I'm going to get to the gym four times this week, you become the person who just never misses a session. Or instead of having to think about, okay, how am I going to hit my calories? How am I going to hit my protein? You just become the person who follows their plan every single day. You know, instead of thinking, okay, I have to move self stop skipping like my training sessions, you become like it turns into like, I would never miss a session. I'm the type of person who never miss a session. I'm the type of person who keeps commitments to myself. The more and more and more that you engage in these behaviors, you know, whether it is you're trying to be more confident in going to the gym and how strong you are in any of those things, right? The more and more and more you feel confident in those things, the more they become part of your identity, okay? And then you're no longer negotiating with yourself. You're no longer having to ask yourself, am I going to stick to the plan today? It's just a non-negotiable, of course, I am. And this is like, this is a huge part of my coaching philosophy is like, I'm not just trying to change my client's bodies, I'm trying to change their perception of what they are capable of. Well, actually being able to do that requires discomfort, okay? And this is the truth, confidence is going to require you feeling uncomfortable. If you're always trying to protect yourself and feel uncomfortable, but you are also protecting yourself from developing confidence. Because confidence requires you to occasionally experience embarrassment, uncertainty, being cringe, failure, feeling awkward, you know, your cheeks going red and being criticized as well, being a beginner and not knowing what you're doing, and all of those things are okay. Yes, I have felt all of these things. Like, oh my God, like I still probably feel a little bit cringe when I make social media content. Or I know back in the day I did, and I always feel super uncertain with like the way that I'm posting or having come across online, I've failed so many times. Oh my God, I couldn't even, I couldn't even explain how many times I failed. I've felt I've been criticized. I know that there's people out there who don't like me and don't like the way that I am. Fuck you, because I don't really give a shit. And, you know, I've been beginner's that things. Again, I was a beginner as a coach, beginner as a business owner, a beginner as a podcaster, as a social media poster, like everything, I've been a beginner, all of a beginner of bodybuilding, beginner opposing. Like, I didn't come out of the womb as this version of myself. I've been a beginner. I've had times where I have not known what the fuck I'm doing. Honestly, still sometimes things that I don't know what I'm doing, but that's be so real. If you're my client, that's not true. Obviously, I know exactly what I'm doing as a coach. But no, like I have areas where like, I don't really know, you know, sometimes I've clients come to me with issues, and I'm like, I actually don't know exactly the answer here, but I'm willing to try things and learn and expand my knowledge so that the next time I have someone with the same problem, I can be more confident with this. OK, so our goal is not to eliminate just comfort, it's to increase our capacity to tolerate it. That is what we are trying to do. OK, now I'm obviously, oh my god, sorry. Wow, voice going a little raspy there. Not even saying in drugs. Anyway, I've been aware that I've kind of spoken about confidence being more of a mental thing right here, like, OK, confidence in how you show up. And I do think that this is honestly the most important aspect of confidence, because I do think that when you feel confident in who you are and yourself, you do feel more confident physically. However, confidence in your body is slightly different, right? Because I don't want this episode. And I always say this kind of like, you're not going to be confident when you look better. As I said, I could give you your dream body. But if you haven't done the inner work, you are not going to feel confident. OK, and I know this because I've had so many clients or I know so many women who thought, OK, once I lose the weight, once I build muscle, once I get leaner, what's my fix my body? Once again, we can extend to that thing. Once I, I don't know, get my lips don't get Botox, get filler, get my boobs don't whatever, that I'll feel confident. It's a trap. It is a trap. It is such a trap. Because if confidence is dependent on how unachieving a particular appearance, you are making confidence conditional. OK, now, you can absolutely pursue your physique goals. That's literally what people pay me to have one with, right? You could want to look incredible. But your ability to trust yourself shouldn't be dependent on what you look like on a particular day. Because your physique can change, your weight can fluctuate. So I'm going to take a bad picture of you. You might be deep in offseason, you know, and your weight might be higher than you'd like it to be. You can wake up feeling insecure, but you can still know deep down. I know who I am. I know what I'm capable of. And I trust myself. And that is a much deeper form of confidence. Even when I may be not feeling best in my body, I still trust that I can show up and do the work that is required of me. That's it. Like that's that that is it. OK, confidence is not just about you looking a certain way. Now, as I've said, do I believe that when my clients over time get results, they feel more confident in their bodies? Yes, the reason I think they feel more confident is because they have built months and months and months of evidence that they can keep their words to themselves. Because they didn't get the results without doing the hard work going to the gym consists of me following their plan, right? They've had to do that every day. Their brain has collected receipts that they show up with themselves that they keep promise of themselves. And that's why on top of yes, the physical change, they feel so confident. Yes, they didn't get the confidence in the body, the body came from the confidence habit. All the things they were doing to build that confidence. That's what has them feeling physically hardest fuck, right? So let's get practical. How do we actually build confidence? That's because I want you to walk away with it from this podcast with is, OK, I want to tilt it now to help me serve feeling more confident. And I like the kind of concept of confidence reps. So instead of asking, how do I become more confidence? I want you to ask yourself, what confidence rep can I do today? Again, I like anything that ties in with like training, the gym, we build muscle by just doing reps and reps and reps and reps over years and years, right? One more rep or more rep. So gym confidence rep, right? Go into the gym, do the exercise you've been avoiding? I can't like all of clients and they're like, oh, can I change this exercise? Because I'm actually like, I don't know how to do it. I'm like, that's the exact reason you're going to learn how to do it. The exact reason I'm going to have a diet plan is because you have to learn how to do it. And when you do it and you do it and you do it, you build confidence, OK? Again, like even socially to have to become more confident, a rep for social confidence, speak to someone instead of waiting for them to approach you, like, if you're in the gym, look at someone and smile and say, hi, that helps you build confidence because the person will probably smile back and you'll realize that people are not scary, you know, in your career, share your opinion in the meeting. Or like put yourself forward for a different role or a different task, ask for more responsibility, you know, body confidence, where is something you like and don't spend the entire day tracking how you look? Take a selfie and be like, you know what, I'm going to post this because I look out of shit. Even with discipline, like you build confidence with discipline, as in, you become more confident in your ability to be disciplined. So do the thing you said you do, even if you don't feel motivated, if it's raining, go away for a walk anyway, right? There's all these little reps that we can build up throughout our days to make us more confident. And don't judge the rap by whether you feel confident, judge it by whether you showed up. Okay? So it's all these little reps that you can build again and again and again, every single day, that will help you then become more confident. And again, when you show up for yourself, in some small way, every single day, whether it is like putting yourself out there, I don't know, like asking someone out on a day or posting, posting something on social media, even if you feel awkward, or going into the gym and wearing a sports bra that may be even if you don't feel amazing, you do that and you show yourself that everything was fine and not you do die, because that's our brains just perceive danger all the time, right? Show yourself it's nothing. You're over time, you do that again and again and again, you will build confidence. And when you feel that confidence in who you are and how you show up, that will translate into every area of your life. You will feel confident in how you look, you feel confident in how you speak to people. It is all a habit. It is a daily fucking habit. And again, every single like with each iteration of you, as you revolve as a human, as you grow, as you divide, there will be new things. that come off that you maybe don't feel confident. But if you put all of this into practice, you will start to trust that you can build that confidence because it's okay. You don't feel 100% confident straight away. That's it, right? Like there's, like I said, there's so many things that I know I will pursue and do throughout my life. I'm only 30, like, I'm still a baby. I tell myself, but, you know, I'm only 30, but like there's, I have walked like 60 years left. Hopefully there's so many things that I'm probably going to have to do that. At certain points, I'm not going to feel confident in. But I back myself to know that I can be proud of it and then I can get good and then I can get great. Okay, that's what this is all about. So I hope you enjoyed that. Okay, if you did, I mean, what, if you're interested in like more, if you want, like, if you want coaching that bases itself a lot on this, that's what we're all about excellence, I'd also just make you look at this talk. They go hand in hand. So if you're interested in coaching spaces, all of those will be linked down below for myself and with a team coach waiting for me, with a team. Otherwise, they all have spaces now. Don't forget to rate the podcast. Give me five stars, only these. Share it on social media. I'll be out of the curve and I will catch you in next week's episode. Bye. - Your heart can tell you a lot about your health. So your vitals app, now with heart rate variability, can tell you when something is off. 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