EP #155: Satirizing Wellness Culture with Gus Heagerty, Director, Actor, and Content Creator

Welcome back to another episode of Everyday Endorphins, a mental health podcast focused on the importance of finding joy and happiness in daily living. I'm your host Stella Stefanoppless, and this week I had the absolute pleasure of speaking with Gus Higardy, who is a director, an actor, and producer, but the way that I came to know him was through my TikTok for you page, which is crazy to even think that we can now get connected to random people from the internet through our TikTok algorithm. They know how to shoot the content out that the users want to see, which is crazy to me, but Gus produces these hilarious videos online that the ones that at least I find the funniest are the ones that make fun of yoga instructors, or what it's like taking a yoga class, and I found it to be particularly entertaining because as many of my listeners know, I also am a yoga teacher, so I deeply resonated with his content, and aside from all the yoga content that he produces and shares on his TikTok, he does a lot of satire and impressions of types of people and characters, which I think are so entertaining, but this week was just such a fun conversation, getting to have Gus on the show, talking about his work, what got him into the comedy space, what got him into content creation, and what I loved the most about this conversation is how deep and philosophical Gus and I got. We covered everything from how our childhood shapes our identity to how that informs the creative process and how that informed his desire to do comedy, how certain life experiences led him to want to practice yoga, and what brought him to the desire to actually want to become a yoga instructor and do his teacher training. We talk about why it's actually entertaining to make fun of the wellness space and how there's kind of an irony around what the wellness industry promotes versus what it actually means to be well. And of course, we talk about Gus's perspective on happiness, how he defines happiness, how he finds purpose in his life, and what brings Gus and Dorfens. So I hope you guys enjoy this episode. I know that I had a blast getting to speak with Gus. Before we dive into this episode, reminder to like, rate, and review this podcast on whichever listening platform you prefer. Hi Gus, thank you so much for coming on to Everyday and Dorfens. It is so wonderful to have you here and to get to talk to you live because I just look at you on my phone. So this is a whole new experience for me to have a real life in real time conversation. Well, thank you. That's very sweet. And I'm happy to be on the pod. Thanks for having me. I look at myself on the phone a lot too when I'm recording those videos. I'm staring at myself. So how does that feel because it's like exhausting. I feel like to be on our phones all the time, but there is like that dopamine hit, the minute you post something and like a video does well. So like, how does it feel to constantly look at yourself on your screen for better or for worse? You know, like everything. There's there's peaks and valleys. The peaks of it are like, obviously the low hanging fruit of an endorphin rush of the internet and the way that that app is particularly designed to like make you feel like you're like snorting drugs basically when you get a video that does well. So it's designed to keep you on there and like those moments, it feels fun. And then there's also peaks like, you know, it's gotten me a lot more in touch with loving myself and being okay with the roughness of it all. That's like part of what making those videos is about is like they're imperfect, they're rough drafts like they're not fully realized. So there's just some like messiness to it that's been very good for me. And then there's also the low moments of just philosophically, spiritually, I'd rather not be on my phone at all. I'd rather throw my iPhone into the snow and go back to what it used to be like. So it's always a make it's like a push and pull just like anything. It's never all one thing. Yeah, that's so fair. It's interesting because like being on social media and making content and putting your face out there in the world, you have to get comfortable being seen by other people. Like you have to be comfortable with being present online. And it's something that I've kind of been working on now just because when I started this podcast, it was in college and it was like a fun way to connect with other people. And then I kept it up when I started working because I figured, well, I like interviewing. Why would I stop that? But now I've tried to lean more into TikTok and other forms of social media. Like I've had to get more comfortable with putting my face out there before, I don't know, about a little over a year ago, I went through this like rebrand of the show. And prior to the rebrand, I didn't even have my face on the podcast cover. And I was advised to put my face on it. And I was so anti that I was like, no, the show's about other people. It's about the guest. Like it's not about me. That was the first step into becoming more comfortable with being seen in a way. So it's an interesting thing to balance too because we know that like being on our phones and social media makes us depressed and like doesn't feel good. It's not good for our mental health. But at the same time, like it can feel really good when you lean into being seen in that way. Absolutely. I mean, I think that's been true for me too. Like, you know, I'm not performing a version of myself online. Like, I mean, yes, I'm doing comedy and it's written material, but they're all parts of me, which we can talk about more. But like, a lot of that is just allowing yourself to be seen. And it is really vulnerable. I think some people are more predisposed to it than others. I definitely am. I'm a Leo. I went to drama school. Like, I've always wanted people to have attention on me. So like, that part does not bother me. It actually like, I love it. But yeah, I mean, I think for anyone seeing and being seen is very vulnerable. And it's like when you allow yourself to do it and move through it, it gets easier and easier. But I think, you know, putting your face on this podcast, it helps people. They're like, you know, it's just like, it's a human connection. It's not a graphic. And that's just inherently going to drop people in. In the same way, like if I put a filter on one of my videos, usually it's probably not going to do as well as when it's just Gus. And I'm like doing something that's even more me. Yeah, definitely. At that point about human connection is so important too. Because I think that's what sets different creators or like people creating content on the internet apart from others when you feel like you have some sort of connection to that person, which is why it's so fun for me to sit down with you today. Because obviously, like, I'd be scrolling on my phone looking at your content and dying because especially the stuff about yoga, like really resonates with me as I am a yoga teacher. And I'm like, oh my god, this is hilarious. And then here we are today. And I'm like, wait, I feel like I kind of know Gus, even though I really don't know that much about you, except for the little bio that I wrote prior to this interview. So with that being said, let's kind of start out with your background. Because I don't think social media was where you started with everything. This feels like a more recent project and creative outlet. So let's start from the beginning. So we are at that start in 1988. So I don't think we have time to go that deep, but I appreciate it. I can give some, like, spark notes of it framing it through the lens of like, how did we get to hear where you found me on social media and that journey and what this podcast is about finding joy and orphans. Hmm. I was a really depressed young person. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 10 years old. I was on antidepressants when I was 11. It wasn't anxiety. It was depression. Like, I wanted to end my life. And I told that to my parents early on. And they were like, oh, fuck. 10 years old. Oh, yeah, baby. That's young. Yeah. And like, we're good. Like, I had, I have such incredible parents. They got me into therapy. I think God, I had the resources and a family that could do that. But it's all just to say that something didn't sit well with me in the world. I had a really hard time in school. I had really good behavioral problems. I was the class clown. And I wanted to make people laugh. And they all came from this place of taking tests and like trying really hard so that you could get into the better algebra class next year. I was like, what the fuck does any of this mean? And I just thought it was such a joke. And so I resisted it. And I just kept pushing back against it. And I would like rip up tests. I would act out. So I was in the principal's office every day in the school. So I was having a really hard time. Found theater. It was the first place where like we were just talking about. I was finally able to be myself, which was like flamboyant. How all these weird characters wanted to be seen and performing for people. And it was applauded. It wasn't actually like look down on because yeah. And so like there was also like I skipped over the like bullying part. Like I wasn't an athletic kid. I was chubbier like I just I wasn't doing all the things that well with the other boys were doing. But there was just this constant kind of like underpinning that I think it has been true for my whole life. And it's true of my comedy and my work now, which is observing what we're all like. kind of agreeing on and participating in and just being like, wait, this is so funny that we've all collectively agreed that this is how we're gonna just do this. And that's like no one's asking why or saying, no, let's not do it. So I think there was just kind of this little like punk rebel early on who didn't have the place for it. Like I was doing it in the wrong way. I was acting out in the wrong way and putting a lot of stress on my family because I was constantly failing school and blah, blah, blah. But acting in theater kind of saved me and I figured out I wanted to be an actor. For the uninitiated drama school is like, when I say that, I don't mean I went to the University of Washington and study theater. I went to like a conservatory where it was like 21 individuals who had been carefully selected through an audition process. So like, I was like giving like, I'm a serious actor. So I did that. I moved across the country and went to school in North Carolina and also studied directing there, which is a big part of my life also. And I moved to Washington DC after school and worked at the Kennedy Center, which is now run by Donald Trump and has a really bright future ahead for it. So I got this killer job right out of school which was crazy as an artist. And I made like more money that year than I probably ever would have ever in the rest of my career. - It's interesting because you were kind of shamed for being your true self, but that didn't fit in the surrounding context of being in school and being in a very high pressure environment. These natural character traits of being silly, of wanting to make people laugh, which is a great thing, right? Like that was not applauded, that was not celebrated. That was seen as acting out of turn, that was seen as not being serious, right? And so I feel like in your childhood, you were kind of like, you were reprimanded for being who you were and granted, obviously there's like a time and place for everything, like if you have to be quiet in a classroom, you have to be quiet in the classroom, all those things. But it's interesting how in the context of theater and performing arts, you felt like this safety, like the safety to really be yourself and to fully express yourself. 'Cause I think anytime that we're silenced from being able to fully express ourselves, especially as a kid, when you can't put language to what you're feeling or like fully understand it, it's a very difficult emotion to move through. It's very uncomfortable. So I'm happy that you found performing arts and theater to be kind of like that safe outlet for you to really flourish and thrive. And I think the beautiful thing about it is, you mentioning that you went straight into this like very competitive theater school and program when you graduated from high school. And the irony is like so many people that are living this very linear path and they get the best grades and blah, blah, blah, and go to the most prestigious colleges, have a no idea what they wanna do. First to study in school, second when they graduate. We're constantly lost, like we don't know what to do. I'm sure a lot of people are probably envious that you kind of knew what you wanted to do. At a young age, you knew what you wanted to pursue and what your path was gonna be. - Yeah, yeah. And I mean, I have so many thoughts on drama school, like I don't think that that's necessarily actually the best path ultimately for most young people. Like to be that specialized, that young, like I think there is a lot to be said for living and exploring and experiencing life. And like you can be an actor in so many different ways. Like you do not need to go to those schools. But yeah, it was relieving to me definitely to feel like I was like, okay, I know why I'm supposed to be on the planet now, 'cause I truly wanted to be off the planet. I had no reason to be out. I was like, this is stupid, I don't like this. I just hated being a kid too. I kept telling my parents, I was like, I just wanted to be an adult. And they were like, you should enjoy this now. And I was like, no, like trust me. And as soon as I became an adult, I was like, this is so much better. I like this so much more. - Why did you think that being an adult was gonna be better? Like what did you see at that time is the difference between the life you lived as a child and what you thought life as an adult would look like? - I don't know. I guess I, I don't know if I had some concept of like what would be relieved or if it would be any different, but like I like, I wanted responsibility, I wanted independence. I didn't like this school environment where like kids were like competing with each other around the soccer field, but also in the classroom. And yeah, I mean, I don't know. Everyone knows like you're an old soul when I was young and I was like, great, how does that help me now? Like a fucking sucks. Also like the thing we haven't talked about underneath all of this is that I was gay and like I am also like gay and didn't know that at 10 years old. So like that's already happening and creates this like chasm between me and all my straight friends and the culture I'm growing up in. And I didn't realize I was gay until I was in high school. I didn't understand the language for it until then. So that was also a huge part of all this is like why I wanted to die is 'cause like I knew something was different. Like I was way more sensitive and like crying and loved my mom way more than I was. And so like that's a big part of this too. But I think what you're talking about is so true which is like I was reprimanded which creates shame about who I actually am because my natural instinct to make people laugh and to be a clown which was meaning to me like to always put myself at the lowest. I hated if I saw you crying, it broke my heart and I just wanted you to not feel that pain. So I didn't want anyone else to feel less than me so I would always put myself worse. So I would purposely fail tests or purposely fail on the soccer field and look like a clown so that no one else had to feel bad. And I wasn't aware I was doing that at the time but now with the training of having the technique that I'm like, oh I was clowning early on. I was always putting myself at the lowest which was protective also because it's vulnerable to actually try and be seen trying. So like this is not like some amazing thing. I was like clearly protecting myself from having to be exposed as bad potentially. But that does create a lot of shame because you're like, I have all this stuff I want to say and when I express it I'm told it's wrong. So then like where does that go? And the same with sexuality. Like I'm having these feelings about guys but I'm being told that I should be dating women or something. And so shame is just something that is always there and now I have known of or at least I know how to sit with it because I've had years and years of therapy and plenty of adult relationships now. - It's interesting too because at that time as a child this very natural part of you which also is an amazing thing to be such an empath to be able to have the awareness and like ability to feel someone else's energy and kind of absorb that is that's like a sign of emotional intelligence in a way. And so as a kid it's kind of heartbreaking to hear that you felt the need to put yourself down to in a way protect yourself but also shield others. I do want to get back to the question that I asked you around why you felt like you wanted to be an adult and the reason I asked that is because I also felt that as a kid. And like I've also been told I'm an old soul. So I like totally get what you're saying. Like how is this helping me now? Like I'm 10 and this is like not helping me. But I also felt that way and for me and I don't know if you can resonate but now when I reflect on that like I think the reason that I wanted to grow up was because I felt like well in 10, 15 years my life will be together that will be it. Like I remember I don't know eight years old I would daydream about well what is my life gonna look like when I'm 16. Like what am I gonna be like? And then at 16 I was like well what am I gonna be like at 25? And I'm 25 now and actually yeah like I'm young right? - No I figured you were way younger than me but you're very young. - Hence the old soul though but now like sometimes I'll be like okay like what's my life gonna look like when I'm 40 but honestly like I hope it looks the same right now with the husband and kids and like more money. Like truthfully that's what I'm hopeful for. And I think it's a sign of growth when you actually don't look towards the future and think well what's my life gonna look like then because from what I've experienced like in recent times just thinking about the way that time passes and being more in the present and just thinking about how this relates to joy. I'm really a firm believer that happiness isn't about thinking okay well when this happens then I become happy or like when I achieve this then I will feel that way. It's really about like learning to be in every single present moment and fully experience that because time inevitably is gonna pass. So boom one day I will be 40. And hopefully I enjoy the 15 years between then and now. So I think when I was younger I was very happy. I wasn't unhappy but there was this longing for like rushing along in my life. And I don't know why honestly. - Whoa. - And I think that's a really common hatchery for so many people is future tripping. And you know well if only I had this then I can feel content. And I don't think the internet's helping any of us with any of that because it's constantly like piping in dopamine rushes and all that stuff isn't good for that but like that's what yoga's all about. That's why we're all drawn to it is like sitting in the pose even though it's painful right now. Can you also find how it feels good or you can smile while it's happening and like is that also a possibility? And I think it's that, And that's all part of the Buddhist tradition too, which is like, there's beauty happening right now blossoming in front of you. You just have to allow yourself to see it. And I think, yeah, I really relate to what you're saying about, I just need to get out of this scenario. And when I'm 16, then things will relax. And I probably had a fair amount of that. But I think that's a dangerous recipe for just, yeah, like you said, the whole life passing you by because you're constantly like, well, when I'm 60 or when I'm this, then I'll start to enjoy all this. And I think for old souls like us, what old soul really means is like, we're on the like path, like we're thinking way too deeply to just participate in the like, yeah, this is great. Like, let's just like go to a college and like, like, it's not enough. Like I needed, I was like, hold the fuck up. Like what are we all doing here? Why are we on the planet? How does this all work? And as a result, now I don't suffer from depression. And a lot of it is to do with discovering yoga, discovering spirituality, discovering all numbers of things, of like, connect with myself from the present. And like, I'm not perfect at it. Of course, I still like future trip and everything. But those things are like critical because that's all we've got. I couldn't agree more. And I love that yoga is something that brought you to these realizations. Like, that's part of what sparked your brain to this. Like, when, how, how did this all happen for you? Here's the secret that you and I haven't talked about. And I'm, and I'm sharing with you because you love the yoga videos. The reason, and this is true of all of my comedy work. What's really important to me is that every video that I make is some part of me, like I said, like, there is like, kernel of truth. The way I'm developed work is I find behaviors, experiences, things I've done. And I locate them. And then I put them out there. And then I say, like, this is my impression of a person who does. So then it becomes universal. But the core nugget of every single one of those videos is something I have actively, like, done, said, felt, experienced. So why everyone's like flipping out about the yoga, like, these are actually like pretty good cues. And like, I'm like, I would take this class. And I'm like, yeah, because like I did teach your training. No, you did not. Yes. I was a true. Okay. This is the secret. Yeah. So when I was living in Washington, DC, and this is true of a lot of artists, when they start to realize like, oh, wow, this isn't going to really make a lot of money. And like, is this going to work out? And yoga, you're starting to do it every day. And you're like, I feel fucking amazing. Like I'm starting to get into like hollow santo. And I am like, fucking like hanging out with this community. I'm like about to get my fucking forearm stand with a scorpion leg. And then you get approached, of course, by one of the teachers after class. And they're like, have you thought about teacher training? And you're like, what? Me? Oh my god. Okay. I feel so special. Yeah, exactly. And like as a Leo, I was like, okay, yeah. So I did a 200 hour shout out to yoga district. I don't know if it still exists in Washington, DC, but that's where I trained. And I taught yoga for, I really only did it for like two years. And like, it's such a hustle. As you know, like you're, you're doing well now, like where you teach is like, that's look awesome. And for me, it was like, I was doing it alongside trying to still build my theater career. And you know, you have to like build a following, like people have to like, like your class. And then more people come. But like at the beginning, I was teaching classes with one person. And I was like, well, this is even scarier because like, I have a pregnant woman in front of me now. And like, how do I offer modifications for this pregnant woman? Yeah, exactly. Like I'm like, freaking out. I'm like, I'm not a doctor. But like, I think I remember things that from training because like, you know, you get like baseline things that you're supposed to know. Anyway, so that's all to say, like, that was a very lived experience. I deeply, deeply value the practice of yoga, its spiritual traditions. And so, you know, and sometimes, you know, I wrestle with like the sacredness that I still hold for it and making comedy of it. But like, that's my job as a comedian is like, I'm going to go toe the line on like taking something that's sensitive and precious and put it on the line. Obviously, I can respect like traditions and heritages and cultures while doing that still. But that's where all the specificity, because I am all of those teachers. Like, there was a yoga voice that I was doing. There was, I would read poetry and then be like, Oh, I'm closing class tomorrow with that. Like that's fucking, I was, I was building playlists that like, arc to like, I'm like, and when we're in pigeon, like then this fucking note hits and everyone's crying. And like, I mean, it's all, for me, it was all, I don't know if you have this experience as a teacher. What I loved about it and why I connected to it so much is it's the same as directing a play, a group of strangers walks into a room and I have 60 minutes to give them an experience. And I get to decide what that experience is, whether I want to like totally relax them, have them energized, reconnect them to how amazing it is to be alive, whatever it was. And I have smell so I can burn whatever fucking power of santo. I can make it smell like stinky, like, you know, those old school yoga studios that we love, you have music and then you have the posture. So like how you sequence things and I was just like, this is incredible. Like, it's just like making a play, but now I'm getting paid to do it and it's way easier. I never had a room full of 60 people. My class is really good too to find people. But anyway, I really connected to that. So that's where a lot of that comedy comes from because I was just at once the most life changing thing and like helped me so much through depression and got me into exercise and like endorphins. But also I was like watching the whole thing the whole time being like, this is so fucking funny. Like all of us being like being called out in the class to demonstrate the thing because the teacher knows that you're really good at it. And you're just like, oh me? Yeah. Like, okay, why not? Yeah, I don't know if I have it today like talent like cautioning everyone you might not be able to do part of paradise. But then you're like, oh, oops. Yeah. This is guys. Okay. First of all, the fact that you literally are a yoga teacher like changes this conversation. Well, not anymore. Like I literally should not I could not know, but like once a yoga teacher always in yoga teacher like this is like 12 years ago now. Okay. That's fine. Who's counting? This is so funny because so okay. I have a lot of thoughts. Let me start with the first one. Like making this analogy between directing a play and like teaching a yoga class. I've never thought about it in that way because I've never directed a play. However, I will say it is like creating an experience for someone or a group of people. And that's how I approach my classes too. Like that's why every time I teach a class, I get so energized. And I'm like so excited to teach because even if I feel like shit earlier that day or I'm like, oh, it's a chore. I don't want to do this after work, whatever. Literally the minute I step into the yoga studio, I teach for 60 minutes and I step out, I feel amazing because you see the direct impact that you make on people coming out, feeling relaxed, feeling energized, feeling a sense of peace within themselves. And the way I think about the class, I mean, you said it spawn on is like, what's the music going to be like? How do the songs build into one another? The poses that I choose. Like it is this experiential moment for people to just give themselves 60 minutes to disconnect and reconnect with themselves. And it's funny because like on social media, people don't really know me. I mean, I post a lot about yoga. So they probably think that's my entire personality. And it's a very integral part of my personality. But the last thing I would ever want for someone is to think like my philosophy is like it's yoga or nothing. Like you have to, you have to practice yoga. You must do it. And there are the teachers that are like, I will die on the, you know what I mean? Like there are people that are so much about yoga. And I've also kind of leaned into like, okay, maybe I come across as like a true yoga fanatic, but it's also not that deep. Like if it's not something that works for you, then don't do it. Like that's fine. We don't need to like push this practice onto other people. But I think there is a big misconception about the practice of yoga, not being physical enough for, I'm not flexible enough to do this poses, whatever the excuse is. But when people really start to like get rid of those narratives and actually experience it in the way that you and I see it, I think it's incredibly life changing. So I love that analogy that you shared around yoga, setting up a sequence and bringing people together in a room to practice is similar to how you like direct to play. I think that's so spot on. Yeah, totally. Thank you. I, yeah. And for me, yoga ended up being a gateway to other experiences of my body. Like it just woke me up to the fact that breathing in and out while like put in my body into different challenging positions made my mental health better. I was just like, Oh, this is the thing that antidepressants were like trying to do and couldn't really do. And this is the thing that was missing. And like my parents bless them had said long every my whole childhood were like, maybe you should just get some air and you lungs go for a walk. But like I didn't want to exercise when I was young, it was the most shameful environment. I was like not fit. And so yoga was the gateway. Like I don't practice yoga regularly anymore. But still it's foundational to everything. Like I do a lot of strength training now with barbells and weightlifting is really interesting to me. And it does the same thing chemically to my brain. that yoga does and all the principles are still there. It's about the poetry of movement and breath and movement and that's all foundational still, even in strength training for me. And then you come back to yoga like to me, it's about having a relationship to your body and caring for it because it's such a huge portal to so much other experience. And it's the only one we got. And right now we haven't talked about this on the podcast, but you know, I just broke my femur, which is the first one I've ever broken. It's like central access to all movement. My greatest fear in life is lack of mobility. Like I don't care about a billion other things, but like the concept when people are like, oh, I can't go upstairs. I'm like, ooh, that gives me so much pain and anxiety to think that I won't have access to parts. So it's really important to me that I move my body every day and take care of it. So this incident that happened where I slipped and fell and broke and now I have to slowly heal is startling and find like I will be fine. But I guess my point with that is that like, I think yoga is an entry point just to a relationship to your body is incredible. Whether someone takes one class with their friend and does a drop in at a gym and never does it again, they remember that because they're like, that was fucking different. Like what? I just sat in a room with people and we kind of stretched and then like chanting even it's all vulnerable, it's all the seeing and being seen stuff. Like that's why I think it is important to do it together is like we're all kind of agreeing like, I don't know if Om works, but let's try it. To me that's like, that's pretty beautiful because a lot of those folks are not the same folks who are like, oh, I go to church, I'm used to this kind of stuff. Like we're the people who are kind of like, I know there's something else out there but I don't wanna call it all those other things. Right, like parts of it can feel a little silly or like uncomfortable 'cause it's not something we do in our everyday but when you do lean into it, it's like, oh, wait, this is like kind of awesome actually. Like I did my teacher training in Bali, which was amazing. Truly, I was like, go big or go home Stella and I went big and then eventually I sadly went home 'cause it was like COVID, but it was an amazing experience and Bali's also like a very spiritual place and so I had to kinda strip away some of the discomfort that I felt from like doing the chanting or like diving deeper into a lot of like the woo-woo stuff that can come with yoga. I remember my mom was so afraid when I was like, I'm gonna go, like I'm gonna do it. I did it when I graduated college. I flew straight from St. Louis, which is where I went to school to Jakarta like stopping through L.I. for a day and I was like, bye, like I just left. I graduated and I left and I went. But I remember like telling my parents what I was gonna do this and being really serious about it and my mom was like so afraid that I was gonna like join a cult. She was genuinely afraid that I was gonna like go off and like join some sort of cult 'cause there can be like when you really stereotype the yoga community, like it can be kinda culty and like a little weird and like, but I didn't join a cult. So she was afraid of that. My dad was afraid that I would like, yeah, I survived. My dad was afraid that I'd run off with an Australian man, but like it was also COVID. So no Australians were in Bali. So it kinda worked out for everyone. - Wow, he has like some beef with Australia. He's like targeted to be Australian as the particular guy that would sweep you away. - I think he just has beef with like any other man that's present in my life, you know? And I'm an only child. I think he's just like afraid of like setting me off one day, honestly. - Not to stereotype, but are you Greek based on this last name? - Am I Greek? - I mean, yeah, I know. It's like a Greek father. A Greek father is a very specific thing. Like the Mediterranean father and his daughter, I mean, you're his fucking angel. So like. (laughs) - 100%, it's very different. - So I'm with your papa, I get it. - Yeah, no. I mean, my parents are great. They're wonderful. Luckily, like we're like a unit, but they also drive me insane, which I don't know. But maybe that's a conversation for another time. The point I guess that I was trying to make though is that yoga, there can be elements that are ridiculous for sure. And I felt that way too. But when you kind of just like lean into it, you may be surprised by how enjoyable it can be. And really like how powerful it can be to immerse yourself in that kind of environment. - Yeah, of course. Like, and that's the thing I'm satirizing constantly with my work with yoga is like, and yoga is very, very generous and chill about the whole thing. It's like, take what you like, leave the rest. Like you might feel uncomfortable about the like chanting, like no problem, like we don't care. You don't even have to do it. You can just like listen, who cares? It's not like, it's requiring you to do certain things. But your parents rightfully, with a fair amount of caution, like historically now we do have a lot of examples of like, grifted yoga situations that have turned to cults. I mean, now we have the whole book in Kundalini, tear down. And like I was fully taking Kundalini clothes like, this is lit. And now I'm like, oh, that was all fake. That was all from money. So like that just is how this world operates. It's like we can take anything and skew it and, and fuck it up. And I love that line. Like to me, that's what is so funny is the like, taking the Sanskrit phrases. And when you don't actually like feel it or mean it and you're just saying it because that's how you close class. And you can feel it. You're like, okay, we're just like doing this now because like that's what you do. That's funny to me. And very human because we're like, you know, we're not really putting ourselves into it. But I think you will get back as much as you put in. And so if you let yourself believe that you're floating above in golden light is pouring into you as your hips unwind and warrior one, like, yeah, that shit is happening, babe. That's how the mind works and that's how the body works. If you decide this is all stupid, then yes, that's the experience you'll have. So like, I think yoga is beautiful. And it's why the Buddhist tradition and why it's lasted as long as it has too because the shit works. Whether or not people want to be like, this is woo, this is too woo, it's like, great. You don't have to be here. - Yeah, live or you, yeah, you can leave. - Yeah, there's a reason it sticks around and some of those other fitness trends just die out because they don't work actually. - So the power of visualization too. Like, I mean, it's exactly what you said. Your mind will dictate your lived experience. So if you think this is a positive experience for you, it's going to feel that way. But if you decide this isn't, then it won't be. There's a lot to be said around really the power of like visualization and the way in which you interpret situations as well. But when you abstract even away from yoga and just look at the way that wellness is like portrayed on social media, like the wellness aesthetic and the wellness persona. Like, it is really easy to make fun of too because it's like not realistic also to do all the things every day to be the healthiest version of yourself. I would love nothing more than to wake up at 6 a.m. every day and drink a glass of lemon water with salt and other electrolytes and then like, go to the gym for an hour and then sauna and steam and cold, like, I wish every morning looked like that. And I wish every day I felt like as elated as I could. But there is kind of like, it's just not realistic and I think that's also what makes making fun of wellness things funny because it's like, it's a little too perfect, it's a little too good to be true. But that's really not the point of true wellness and joy and happiness. - Oh, absolutely. I mean, it's just fear of death to me. That's all this all is. It's like, we have gotten so obsessed with maximizing our potential and being as productive or like doing the best wellness care. And there's always room for improvement because there's a money market behind it. If I buy that like red face mask that all my friends are running and I'm like, wait, do I need that? And then I'm like, oh, that's $600. Okay, yeah. All of these things just generate more money for these companies. But that kind of like hamster wheel of like constantly wanting to do more. There's always a way to do better. To me is just about you haven't faced the real reality yet. And by face, I mean, really contemplate except be okay with you're going to die. Like this is all temporary. There is no mountain that will be reached. Obviously you can have goals and experiences you wanna have, but like you will die and it will be kind of mixed. It won't be perfect and it won't be a clear linear thing. And that's really hard to accept. I'm not saying I've accepted that. I think it's a daily thing that our culture does not do because everything in our culture is designed around staving off death and denying that it's happening. I mean, we paint bodies when they're dead to be like, no, she looks like she was. And it's like, well, she's not. It's a body like this. It's like our lack of acceptance around our own biology is so startling and backwards and so funny to me. And it just like that fear of death matriculates into everything. It's why we get like type A like control people, which is like a character that I love to inhabit, which is like someone who's just gonna control everything that's happening right now because if I do that, then like, yeah, everything's fine and my life was great. And I'm not gonna die. - That's literally me. That is literally me. The type A like I must plan everything. - Yeah, because if I miss an opportunity for growth, then that means like I'm less and I didn't maximize this life. It goes back to what we were talking about before. it's like. Okay, yes, or just enjoy this right now as it is. It's just hard. It's really hard to accept it, but we also like, we don't have a culture that's working with us for that. It's like fully supporting you to deny your own death and say like, you can take these drugs and you might live longer and you can do this skincare routine and you might look 25 for the rest of your life. And like, that's all really appealing of course, because we're vulnerable people, but I do think that there's a fair amount of self-examination and like, it's the one most beautiful thing that unifies all of us is like, we all are born and as soon as we're born, we're already dying. Like, that's great. We're all on the same level there. No matter how much wealth you accumulate, we're all ending up in the same place. We have a lot of systems to evaluate how we're living that life, which I think can feel really frustrating. That was deep Gus. That was really philosophical. Like, I think you should make a video about that because it's kind of true when you think about it, hence why it's important to be present, because the minute you are put on this earth, eventually there's going to be a point where you're not here anymore. And nothing is really guaranteed. Like, truly, nothing is guaranteed in life. You have to, that's why I think it's important to create your own joy. Like, you have to look for it. You get to choose your own happiness. You get to choose how you see things in the world. But it's really hard to get there, like, to feel empowered and to feel like you have the agency and control over your own emotions and the ability to, like, choose that happiness for yourself, which kind of brings me actually to some other questions that I have really centered around joy. So obviously, we know this podcast is all about cultivating the endorphins in life and like the importance of seeking that out. So what I'd love to ask you is first, how do you define happiness in your life? I think happiness for me is the feeling of being on purpose, feeling like my actions are aligned with my beliefs and my beliefs come from my thinking and my thinking is kind of within my control, like how I think about myself influences all that. So I think happiness is, yeah, feeling like it's like the fullest expression of everything I've got. I mean, you just said like that's really philosophical, but that's a huge part of who I am. I'm an Aquarius. I love thinking about that stuff. I thought you said you were a Leo. Sorry, so my full chart still. Are we going to go into your whole birth chart? Because my friend just did this for me and it's actually fascinating. Yeah, I'm so glad you're fun. Did that for you. It's critical to know these things. I'm an Aquarius rising. The point is is that I have many parts we all do. We have so many parts of ourselves that need expression. You're not just a yoga teacher. You also interview people, you know. I'm not just a Virgo either. And you're not just a Virgo exactly. So I think the fullest expression of ourselves getting it exhausted, me making these videos, I have to do that. Like and I'm so happy that people enjoy it and it's getting more and more opportunities and different connections with other people. But like it's my responsibility to take care of that and contribute that because there's only one of each of us and we're all composed differently. So to me, that's my definition of happiness, I think, is it's obviously not wealth and money and material because we know that shit. Like, Lord knows how many times I've married condoed my life and I'm like, no, actually the leather jacket is now me. And so it's not objects. It's about that kind of interconnection and feeling in alignment with ourselves. And yoga is one way to get there. Like we've been talking about. There's many other ways to get there, which I'd be curious to hear for you. Not just yoga. Like you mentioned therapy. Obviously, like producing art that feels genuine and like part of yourself is probably a very therapeutic expression, but are there any other practices that you do that make you feel more connected to yourself? Yeah, there's so many. I mean, yeah, making art is a huge one for me because that's just seen and being seen. Like you were talking about, that's how, you know, that young kid who didn't really get to be seen in that way now gets to be seen and in fact gets rewarded and paid to do that in front of an audience now or whatever it is. So like, that's incredible. Dancing is self-fund to me and just feels like the fullest freest expression. So I'm listening to music, I'm dancing a lot. There's also just like, like I'm learning to just fucking stop trying to watch the show that you think you should watch, stop trying to read the book that you think you should like. And just like, go where you like. And that's hard for me because I hold myself to really high standards. Like we're talking about like I need to maximize this life. I need to like read Dostoyevsky so that I understand great literature. But then I'm like, I'm bored. And it's like, maybe I don't want to watch this or maybe, you know, and so being gentle with myself and like playful and just like doing stupid shit that I'm drawn to rather than the thing that I think I should be doing. Like I don't meditate every day. Neither do I. I wish I did. Of course, I feel better when I do. But like, no, I don't. And sometimes I go through, you know, not every day looks the same either. So it's like, maybe not every day you can meditate. And that's okay. And I think it's not having judgment around what you think you should be doing. But it's like being curious around what energizes you and leaning into that and just doing it because it energizes you rather than like judging the fact that that is the particular thing that gives you energy. Just like leaning into what naturally works. Last night I was talking with a friend and we were like, our motto for this year is just like, not resisting the flow of life. Just leaning into the flow because our, and as you know, because it seems like you're really into Buddhist philosophy, our cause of our unhappiness is like the suffering. And the suffering is because we resist what things naturally are, the less you resist, the more you're in flow. And it's so intuitive. But it's so hard. So that's why I love doing these interviews, because it's every episode is an opportunity for me to remind myself of that. So I think it's, you know, everything you're saying is spot on. There's language from recovery programs that's like every day you wake up unmedicated, like, and you have to kind of like start again. Like, and I think that's a very Buddhist thing too. It's not like, oh, because I meditated or I know or Gus and I talked about this, like, I'm good now. Like, we have to be reminded over and over. Like, when we remind ourselves, maybe we have like a little bit more space when life happens and we're like trying to resist to be like, oh, wait, is this me resisting? It is. I don't know. I'm 36, almost going to be 37. And I'm still, I hope I'm still learning these shits when I'm 70. So yeah, that's a really great way to exist is just like be in the flow, I said, and I feel like this is like a really good segue into my last question for you, which is something that I ask every guest on the podcast, all about finding the endorphins in life. And so to that, I will end with my final question. What is something that brings you a bit of endorphins, Gus? I think right now unlocking new material that I write for mostly for the internet on video, for anything that I'm working on that moment of like really locating what the truth is in me and how to express it, like how it's going to be written in the video. I'm like, oh, and that gives me an endorphin rush because it feels like it's like waiting for a poop or something and then it comes. You're like, yes, that's it. Oh my god. And then I make it. And like sometimes it does well and sometimes it doesn't like that's not up to me. But knowing that I made and realized the thing that I wanted to say about yoga or whatever it might be, right now that's my endorphin. Oh, I love it. Oh, that's such a good way to describe like the feeling of being able to translate what's in your brain into like a different medium. It's very satisfying when you feel like you did it in the way that you wanted to do it. So I love that. And I loved this conversation. Truly, this was something that energized me this morning. I didn't even know that you were a yoga teacher. So like, I'm glad you saved it for the actual podcast recording. So thanks for the surprise. This was fantastic. Where can my listeners follow you? Like, where can they just follow along your stuff? They can follow me on Instagram and on TikTok. It's my name, which is trickier to spell because it's an Irish name, but Gus Dock Heggardy, if you start typing it, it should pop up. And I'm sure you'll like link it or whatever you can see it on the screen. But follow me on there. That is where I will post anything that's happening live will also be on there. So that's just like the go to channel that makes it easy. Amazing. Well, yes, everything will be hyperlinked. I cannot wait to release this. And this was my everyday in orphans for today. So thank you for creating such a wonderful space. And hopefully we get to do another conversation very soon. You're so welcome. And thank you for the conversation. It was really fun to talk to you. And this was great. You asked great questions. And hopefully I'll see you on the mat. Thanks for tuning into this episode of Everyday Endorphans. If you liked what you heard and you want to continue to follow along, make sure to like, rate, review and subscribe to this podcast on whichever listening platform you prefer. You can also follow along on Instagram, on TikTok, and subscribe to my sub-stack where I not only talk about episode recaps or events that have happened that month, but I get to dive a little bit deeper into my own perspective and philosophy on joy and happiness and living a good life. Thanks again for tuning in and reminder to keep spreading endorphins and finding the things in life that bring you joy. Until next time.