EP #106- Advice on Intentional Dating, Focusing on The Relationship to Self, and Tapping Into Your Divine Energy with Sasza Lohrey, Founder and Host of BBXX: Let's Get Intimate

[MUSIC] Our own relationship with ourselves is the gateway to unlocking so many other things. And that is the main portal to unlocking a lot of the things that we're directly going after. But recognizing that, oh, actually going in what may for some people counterintuitively or seem like the opposite direction is actually the necessary direction in order to find those other things that we're looking for or desiring. Welcome back to another episode of Everyday in Dwarfens, a mental health podcast focused on the importance of finding joy and happiness and daily living. I'm your host, Stella Stelestephinopolis, and I am really excited about the topic of this week's episode. Spring has sprung or almost into hot girl summer. So I felt like it would be the perfect opportunity to release an episode focused on intentional dating. I hate to say it, but my TikTok for you page is flooded with videos on this topic and everything related to manifesting, tapping into your divine feminine energy, whoever is out there listening and is on the same side of TikTok as me. I was exactly what I'm talking about. And I wanted to explore some of these themes and dig a little bit deeper into some of the questions that I had related to intentional dating and uncover what it really means to focus on yourself and building the relationship to yourself so that you can have healthy relationships with others. I had the chance to chat with Sasha Laurie, who is the founder and host of BBXX Let's Get Intimate, which is a podcast that explores all of these topics. It was a really entertaining and informative conversation for me, so I hope that as you listen, there is something actionable that you can take away and something that you feel inspired by to implement into your life and also feel a sense of solidarity and camaraderie that I think a lot of people, specifically in my age, you know, are experiencing difficulty with this concept of learning to not sound cliche, but love yourself and respect yourself and actually take care of yourself. So Sasha shares a lot of wisdom here. I'm really excited for you to tune in, but before we dive into the episode reminder to like, rate and review this podcast on whichever listening platform you prefer, and follow along every day in Dorphins on Instagram, TikTok, all of our social media to stay up to date on future episodes and podcast events in New York City. Hi, Sasha. Thank you so much for coming on to every day in Dorphins. I'm so happy to have you here on the show excited to be here ready to get some endorphins going and get some endorphins going today's topic is dedicated to relationships and I think when we think about that term relationships, we naturally think about the other person, like a relationship to someone else, right? Like we're always thinking about how can I find someone, how can I get into a relationship, the name itself kind of implies that there's someone else in the picture, but I've been really fascinated by this concept and understanding of building a relationship to oneself and then not necessarily having to think about relationships in the context of other people. And I know your work is really dedicated to unpacking this and I just would love to start out with some of your thoughts on concept of thinking about relationships as it pertains to yourself versus how we think about it with others. Yeah, I think that's a great point you make that how much of that is natural us being really social beings bread for relationships and connection, how much of that might be society influenced right with societal pressures to be in what maybe is classically defined or rewarded most as the most desired type of relationship in terms of dating or marriage. Or that sort of thing, but really challenging our default thinking about relationships or being in relationship as an expression that I've heard people use sort of being in relationship which can be with someone, something, yourself or yourself as it even relates to a concept. So with my podcast, BBXX let's get intimate and all of the work that I've done for BBXX, I dove into and began to explore this concept of creating a deeper understanding of ourself as the pathway to creating deeper connections and relationships with other people as a result and not being sort of it sort of being the key ingredient that unloading. Unlocks the potential in these other relationships and now I've even expanded on that and through coaching and other work I do I really help people better understand themselves so that they can better understand and have healthier more fulfilling relationships not only with themselves with other people with their work with their life purpose. So really this idea that our own awareness, our own intimacy with ourself, understanding acceptance, all of that, our own relationship with ourself is the gateway to unlocking so many other things and that in fact that is the main portal to unlocking a lot of the things that were directly going after. But that those doors actually can't be opened until we tap into this first and so it is some of the hardest work but really in a way sometimes it feels like maybe, oh but I'm supposed to be going after happiness or success or recognition or whatever it is money, anything right. Or finding a partner but recognizing that oh actually going in what may for some people counter intuitively or seem like the opposite direction is actually the necessary direction in order to find those other things that we're looking for or desiring. Can we talk a little bit about that idea around someone will kind of come into your life when you're least expecting it that's kind of something that I heard you say implicitly it jogged my memory when you were just speaking about the importance of really working on yourself rather than seeking a partner and you know it's something I hear all the time from friends or family you know oh I found my partner when I just wasn't looking would you say that that is related to this idea of. Really building your own relationship to self and having this curiosity and self discovery mindset and and that being the key that unlocks the ability to find someone what an interesting question this brings up so many things one I love that. That kind of stuck with you and kind of what other questions that brings up and what that represents I think you know yes I know I think that part of it really is when we're thinking of this high that oh cool the classical situation right somebody says I want to meet a partner. I want to like you know fall in love or being a relationship a partnership and they're focusing on what they want from the other person without really being able to calculate whether or not they're able to give what. What is necessary from their own side in order to to create that you know extraordinary relationship that they want extraordinary partnership like great you want this other person are you even ready for that person are you even ready for that relationship have you leveled up. To meet that frequency that you want the partnership to be able to thrive on. And so I really do think that part of it is again this counter intuitive route of like by focusing on yourself you're more likely to find somebody else only because of. Again by leveling up you will begin to change the types of people the types of situations that you associate with to naturally be more likely to come into circumstances. Where you're going to meet that person or meet that opportunity that you're looking for right so I think that part of it yes is focusing on ourselves i do think also getting clear on what you want and I have this you know all story about this idea of writing love letters to a future partner. But a quick thing that came up for me is I just had dinner last night with somebody who's been a mentor to me for many many years and. It's kind of related to right how much should we be focusing on right this goal or this outcome we want versus the process to get us there and this is something I think about a lot not even just in the context of romantic relationships or partnerships or anything but. You know in terms of how much we should be investing and building and creating and for you know amazing things in the future versus living in the now and being present and just enjoying and not over thinking things. And I was sitting across from him at dinner and this is somebody who by you know many people's definitions has been a very successful person in their life he was partner at Goldman Sachs. Um. And during the 90s, late 90s, during some of the glory days, right? I asked him point blank, I was thinking about goals. And as somebody whose background is in sports and I was a division one athlete, you're constantly taught set a goal. And then as soon as you achieve it, you reset it, set a goal, reset it, then you achieve it. And my question I was pondering was, when do you stop? If we set these goals and we achieve them, when do you stop and just live in the moment and be content with what you've created or accomplished or done? And I turned him and I said, how much of your success would you attribute to your, and he cut me off? Immunially, I just said, absolutely none. Absolutely none. Before I even asked, like, to goals to yourself, to your talent, he was like none, literally like chance, you know? And I asked him, I said, did you set goals for yourself? Were you setting goals when you were working? He said never. He had literally, he was like, I have never set a goal. He said, yes, maybe very short term, small immediate goals, but I have never planned, I have never set goals. And I just was like, wow, this person who, again, by many people's definitions has accomplished a lot, right? Has never set a goal. And so I think that we do have to focus and have an idea of where we want to go, but that can't also be the only thing we're thinking about. So yes, we need to know what type of person maybe we want to meet. And I think rather than the circumstances or what their qualifications or what they look like or what they do or how much money they make is just what wavelength do you want to live on? What are the feelings that you want to have in that partnership? Yes, maybe something about what do they value or are they, but also how do they make you feel? What does that, what version of yourself does that relationship allow you to become? And then really again, focusing on the process. And if you're already becoming that person, you're more likely to find or attract or encounter the person or those feelings that you're looking for to meet you at that level. Yeah, that's a great story that you share. And I have two follow ups that I want to make or comments rather. And then the first being what you were talking about with this story around not having these like big goals in the future and rather like recognizing how that person makes you feel rather than like you having this idea in your head of exactly what their job is and how much money they make and what they look like. And I think we tend to get so caught up with these ideas of people and exactly like who is the ideal person that we're looking for when other opportunities might just pass us by because we're being so future focused on something that doesn't even really exist. So how can we distinguish the difference between intentional dating and not being too rigid with the specific criteria that we set for the person that we're ideally looking for because they usually don't even exist. So like how do we kind of navigate and that balance and walk that fine line of wanting to be intentional with how we're looking for a partner and how we're going about dating but not too rigid with setting these specific criteria and in the act of doing that perhaps missing an opportunity that might be right in front of us. Yeah, I think the classic example right is this checklist. These people who have, oh, I've got the checklist and it usually is materialistic things. It's not to say that some of those might not matter but those aren't the things that are going to make or break and if that's all you're measuring up against then you're probably going to run into issues down the line and you're not going to have the foundation for a sustainable relationship. And so this idea of this checklist, I just, I don't even know where it came from and if people could just erase that from their minds, I think they'd be better off. That's not to say again, not knowing what you're looking for in some way. Isn't it extremely important? I think it is. And one thing that comes up, I'll come back to that checklist but this, like life is always this spectrum where it's like, okay, one side is too far and one side isn't far enough. So I think a trap that people often fall into is living in the future potential of a relationship. And just the other day a client of mine said, we were talking about dating. She said, I want to stop dating people for their future potential. It's really not working for me. Because there's always infinite future potential for better or for worse. There's infinite future potential. That's why people stay in things that aren't actually serving them. That's why people stay in sometimes toxic relationships. There's always hope that maybe things could change. And at what point do you say do you begin to evaluate the relationship on the past or the present rather than the future? At the same time, we're never going to meet something really, they are perfect. This is it. This is everything. Even if in the beginning, that might happen. Months down the line, there inevitably going to be differences in things that navigate and communicate about. So we also have to be able to see these people for their future potential in some way. But figuring out where that line is, where we are staying open and putting ourselves in situations where, you know, it's still important to put ourselves in situations that probably won't work out, right? That's how we learn. That's how we grow. And we're going to tell people that the goal should be when dating. And dating is one of the absolute best ways to learn about yourself. And that the goal should be, I always say, you should either be learning or having fun. Ideally you're doing both at some point, right? When you meet somebody amazing, you're going to be doing both. But even if you're just dating, changing the purpose and real lining to a new purpose rather than I'm dating to meet somebody, well, you're going to be set up for failure every single time you ever go on a date. Because chances are that person isn't going to be the right person. And in fact, it could even be the right person. But with that pressure on it, it might not work out just because of that pressure, right? Versus when you say, I'm going on this date to learn or to have fun, then you can be there. You can be learning about yourself. You can be learning about them, about people, about psychology, about, you know, the way people interact with the dating and the things they share about themselves. You could be learning about a new industry you're not familiar with. Maybe they do something really interesting and you can learn about a new concept, right? Or maybe it's just a lot of fun. And it's a great story and it's going to be great memories, whatever it is. So I think those can often be better guides and real lining to a new purpose, not focusing on this. Long term purpose of meeting a partner, but not letting that be the guiding purpose on a day to day or relationship to relationship basis. And then going back to this idea of the checklist, again, we do want to have some sort of idea. So what I have suggested to people, in fact, what I did, myself at one point, I had gotten out of a really long term relationship and I had finally gotten to the point where I was ready to start dating people again. It took me a while and I really again just like focused on myself, you know, there were some learning, there were some having fun, but really none of it was like with any intention to want to meet somebody or meet a partner or anything like that. I just knew that wasn't even what I wanted to be going after. When I got to the point where I was like, you know, I would like to start dating with the intention of something, you know, deeper or building something eventually or calling in the right type of person, I thought, who I don't know who this person is. And so I came up with this idea that I then suggested to several of my friends of writing a love letter to a future soulmate or lover or partner, whatever you want to call it, whatever word or concept works best for you. And the way different people did this, there was a lot of variety between them. So some people wrote it explaining to the person, you know, for example, my letter was sort of exploring who they are, what they believe in, what's important to them. And again, it was defining like on these ranges where they were and these different concepts of, you know, like you love going out and you can be the life of the party in your social environment, you have fun, but you can also stay at home and like chill and kind of defining these extremes, right? Something that as somebody who had lived abroad a lot, I knew that I wanted somebody who had either lived abroad or had a mindset or was from somewhere else and was more open-minded. And yet had to also have some exposure to certain luxuries we have in the US here with female empowerment and the gender dynamics and stuff that if somebody had just come from somewhere and hadn't had any exposure to that, it would probably be really hard for us to connect if they had a really traditional mindset. Versus I also wrote well, like, you know, maybe you're from the US, but if you are you've lived abroad You know what it's like to live in a place where everything doesn't work perfectly, right? Where you can be spontaneous kind of defining these different Ranges on the spectrum and values and sometimes like funny and ridiculous and weird stuff Some of it was serious. I did talk about, you know What they do not in the sense of like you are this you make this much money But I knew that the person that I was gonna be was not gonna be somebody who worked a traditional nine to five job I was like, I don't know what you do You might be a firefighter. You might be like an entrepreneur. You might be I don't even know what right But you don't you're you're probably just nothing against lawyers and accountants But I was like you're probably not an accountant, you know, you're probably not a lawyer probably not somebody Or somebody who works for the man at a nine to five job Just in terms of like using these as tools to align on values not to align on materialistic things But to align on what they represented on a deeper level So that was sort of the way that I did my letter and then other people wrote it About what they were like as a couple together. It was like we love doing this. This is what's important us. This is how we live our life Another one of my friends just wrote it about You know how what how they were on these different paths, but they were both just like really happy and having a great time She couldn't wait for them to meet and what's so interesting is that she wrote that letter The morning I went back when I was um going to her wedding last year I was like, I wonder when she they met how long after she wrote this letter They met the same day she wrote the letter. I'm not kidding She wrote the letter the morning of the day that she met her now husband That's crazy. Well, I'm so happy that you share this story because I think it really ties into this concept of manifesting and I've also heard about this concept of like writing a love letter to your future partner and if it's not a letter it's Uh, I don't know. It's it's just writing down something either addressed to them or to a friend or to yourself describing the reality That exists in the future where the two of you are together and what I love that you share just now is the importance of crafting this letter around shared values and common interests and things that are not materialistic because when you're When you have those really tightly defined criteria of things that are more materialistic You're probably going to be disappointed and you're probably not going to find like the match that's for you but rather if you can really think about the values that you want to share in that person That's a bit more broad. That's a bit more expansive and I think it will allow the right person to come into your life And I also believe that this ties directly into what we're speaking about around prioritizing yourself and learning to Love yourself and take care of yourself and build that connection with yourself because when you can start to know who you are And feel a sense of confidence in that and like being around yourself and want to spend time by yourself You can then more easily identify what those values are that you care about. It's like When you are cleaning a mirror like it starts to become so clear that you can see the reflection And instead of having having all the cloudy stuff on top of it Once you kind of do the work and you clean the mirror you see what's looking right back at you and it's yourself And I do believe that we often attract people into our lives that are more or less a direct reflection of of The place that we're in at that point in our lives And I've noticed this within myself for better or for worse At different points in my life You know who I've been attracted to and and how they've served me in certain ways and it also had Shown a light onto certain insecurities that I had that I didn't even know existed And it wasn't until that person came in that I was able to identify Areas in my life that we're lacking going off at that point I also do think that when we can start to Take care of ourselves and really invest in our relationship to ourselves That is a form of just establishing self-respect and that in and of itself Attracts the right person right? Like when you're able to respect yourself and set boundaries and Do things that are good for you and not at the expense of others with the hope that they'll change or that they'll like you more or that they'll pay more attention to you Like that's coming from a place of lack and desire and seeking rather than a place of fullness and when you're in that place of fullness You will attract someone who will compliment that not someone who you'll have to chase down and who will disappoint you And I think that You know my last piece of advice for anybody who's gonna try writing that letters or really it's kind of focusing on the mindset things right? It's not like these are your hobbies or you like You know skiing right skiing is a very Limiting sport like there are only so many places in the world that snow and have mountains and you know It's a very Privileged sport where people need to have a lot of money to get the gear and to have access like It's a very limiting thing and in it in and of itself these things that might seem like Deeper right still can be the more materialistic thing. So what does that represent right somebody who maybe pushes himself out of their comfort zone or travel who seeks adventure or You know again defining these ranges. I remember one of mine was like, you know You can rough it and like to go camping, but you also won't feel out of place stepping into a fancy place like knowing that you belong that right like the These ranges these feelings these mindsets maybe and recognizing this is just meant to be a guide to help you recognize when those people come in Into your life. It's not like do you meet all of these like absolutely no right maybe half of them would be amazing It's not meant to be a measurement. It's more meant to be a guide that will help you Recognize when somebody maybe meets those patterns or that that wavelength then in fact when I met My partner We met in person exactly one year to the week After I read this letter and shortly after I read him the letter because I just was like oh my god like what And I read it to him and he just was like this is me like what You know and and maybe there are many people in this world of you know almost eight billion people now who it could be right and I read it to him and and he was like this is me and I I also heard him in it And then what you said about this you know we attract in people who are direct reflection I think one of the most interesting things is that particularly when we're in a low phase or a low frequency or on a downhill trajectory The highest we're going to be able to meet is people on our level or who meet that same trajectory Right versus when we're on the right path and when we're on an upward trajectory We're going to meet people on that or again who meet that trajectory who might even Be able to help us get to where we're trying to go and not that they're going to like pull us up But we are on the other level perpendicularly upward To where they're trying to go we're just able to help each other and compliment each other in different ways That I think in some way you can meet people where they are and they have and they reflect back to you What it is you're seeking out in your own upward trajectory. Yeah, that's a really good visual I think to put towards that because In a sense like you might find someone who's going to elevate you because you're already On that path and the ways to elevate yourself go back to this concept of taking care of yourself of setting boundaries in life of getting enough sleep of having a proper nutrition and exercising and Putting things into your life into your routine that bring you joy being around people that lift you up Finding meaning through difficult situations, you know, enjoying the job that you're doing So I think it all is very circular and I want to talk a little bit more about patience and how that pertains to dating I Because you also had mentioned that it was a year And a week to the date that you wrote the letter that you met your now partner and I do think that the best experiences Whether or not they're romantic like oftentimes some of the best things in life that come to us First of all come to us. We are not looking for it and secondly it takes time like it genuinely takes time And it this is something I've been thinking a lot about recently um, especially because I I know this to be true of myself that I tend to be a pretty impatient person That could be probably the negative way you spin it or the positive way could be like that I'm very action oriented and driven and goal oriented and self-motivated like those are great qualities But the downside of that is this sense of impatience and needing to rush things whether it be In a platonic or a romantic relationship or even excluding relationships whether it's in work or just other aspects of life So something I'm trying to work on right now is is being more patient and recognizing that slowness doesn't know mean that like nothing's going to happen. Something that someone actually told me recently, is that slow means smooth and smooth, therefore means fast. So when you move slowly, you're not having to waste time fixing all the bumps and crap and whatever arises in that journey. And therefore it is smooth. And when things are smooth, it's like you're gliding down a little slope and you go fast. And I think that piece of advice pertains to so many areas of life, but I want to hear your thoughts a little bit more on this idea and the ways in which patience and being slow can relate to dating and having like a healthier philosophy on dating and relationships. I think in a way impatience can be counterproductive. Maybe the harder we try in the more we want something, the more we might get tested or feel tested really, it might be us who are really testing ourselves not necessarily even the universe. Testing us. The the slowness reminds me of this phrase that really brings true for like sickness, injury, but I love this expression, the slower you go, the faster you get there, which for certain things I think rings really true. And a metaphor that's different than that that I often use for personal development is bamboo. Bamboo, when you plant it, you have to water it for three to five years and absolutely nothing happens. Like you are just literally watering this seed that feels like it's never going to grow and you're like I am insane. What am I doing? Why am I doing the same thing? Nothing is happening. Nothing will ever happen. When bamboo does finally sprout, it can grow up to 20 feet in a day. The amount of compound growth that has to happen to get to that point of explosivity is very similar to the way that I think a lot of processes and transformations and personal development happen. So I would think of things as bamboo and the need to have that patience and trust and confidence even when it feels like nothing is happening to prove that you're going in the right direction. I think trust and confidence is just so huge in the entire process and just a little quick anecdote. I love language. I call myself a word nerd and I realized sometime last year that in Spanish, the word for trust and the word for confidence is the same. And I was like, wait, these are such different things. Oh my god, like, how could, when I think of trust, I think of a partnership or a good friend and somebody will be there for you no matter what. And when I think of confidence, I thought of somebody walking into a room and just like having the way they carry themselves and the message it sends and that confidence that it exudes. And I thought, okay, well, what could these things possibly have in common? There is a reason why these are the same word. And I realized, well, the trust in one's self is what allows them to have confidence. Trust in their own value and that if people criticize them or judge them, that it doesn't change their value or the way they see themselves, the trust in themselves, their own worth that they're on the right path, that they are making the right decisions, that they will figure it out. That is what allows us to have confidence. So in a way, they're the same thing, right? Because like we were talking about the beginning, one is the necessary thing to create or unlock the other. And in terms of the patience, going back to one of the questions you asked earlier, if you know, I think there is a pattern of people saying maybe they reached this breaking point and it might just be these are the stories that stand out more. But I know for me that it actually required me getting to the point where I was like, yep, just going to be alone forever. Like that's just what it is going to be, you know. And like that level of acceptance, like it comes after desperation. So you have to get through desperation to get through acceptance to then, you know, unlock some other wavelength. And I know that Nico, my partner, he actually, so he dated for, he was in a long-term relationship and then he dated for six years and was like not in a long-term relationship with anybody, didn't meet anybody. We're both people who just like don't really need a lot of people we really like, but the people who like click and are people or where you want to be with them or something more, just like not easy for us to find. Not those people where we are constantly like going on dates and like this person's amazing. Oh, you know, six years dating and I'm sure he learned a lot and had a ton of fun. But he kind of just got to the point. He was like, yeah, I'll just like be on my own and that's totally fine. I'm fine with that actually. I'm just going to start a company and focus on that for a while, focus on myself and like whatever. And maybe had to get to that point, right? Of like going back to the origin of ourselves and being with ourselves in the self-acceptance in order to maybe create the opportunity to then meet somebody that is at that, you know, wavelength that you're looking for. Yeah. So we're talking a lot about like energies, like when we're talking about wavelength, like meeting someone at the right stage, at, you know, at your level or even more elevated. Going back to the anecdote you shared around trust and confidence being the same word in Spanish, you know, it really reminds me of this idea of like the divine feminine energy or rather this concept of different types of energies existing in both women and men, like feminine energy and masculine energy. Can you share a little bit more about these two different types of energies that are at play in both people specifically like if we're speaking about heteronormative relationships? You know, I've seen a lot on TikTok. Hate to say it, but on TikTok, about like being divinely feminine and like tapping into your divine feminine. And there's a really amazing creator and podcast host. I believe his name is Danny. I'm blanking on his last name, but he posts a lot of clips around like divine feminine and masculine energies and how you can really play into both to find this sense of equilibrium and to find like a healthy relationship. So the way that I am most familiar with these concepts is Yen and Yang, which kind of are, you know, we all know that we call it the Yin Yang symbol, right? I think probably like well you weren't a 90s baby, but like people who were in the 90s, like I feel like people probably had like, you know, the necklace that like split apart and was the friendship and like one person I don't know. I was technically a 90s baby 99 when I was born, but it's at the cusp. So, you know, yeah, these concepts of Yin and Yang, which, you know, some people might know is masculine and feminine, but aren't necessarily gendered. They're types of energy that now are associated with these names, but not even necessarily in the sense of like men have this or women have this, especially, you know, that isn't inclusive. And of course people might have other things, but the ideas we all have a blend of both. So if you even think of that Yin Yang, the black and the white, there's always that dot on the other side, which shows that there's always a bit of the other one. Each one has a bit of the other. And so the Yin, which is more is kind of known as this feminine energy is more earth grounded, you know, fluid, still calm, this intuitive philosophical, receptive, caring, these types of energy versus the Yang, which is, you know, associated with quote unquote masculine. And again, not to, you know, I encourage people really not to associate like feminine and masculine with men and women kind of think of them as separate and maybe think of them as wavelengths or energies is more like active in motion, fire, warm bright, you know, hard scientific, creative, performative, these sort of analytical conscious, you know, more like, heady versus body or, you know, cerebral versus grounded in a sense as a way to differentiate them. In fact, as a perfect example, I, my entire life, have had and I think, you know, the split between these has changed a lot, but a lot more young energy, a lot more masculine energy like no feminine energy for the majority of my life, which is why I like really, you know, do encourage people not to think of these as gendered. And despite how much progress I've made of coming into that fluidity, intuitive, groundedness, right, slowness, like you were talking about that slowness, that's kind of the beauty in how these can be strong in different ways. How we all need both of those, these energies and we both need some sort of balance between them, right? Nobody can, it would be very difficult and not serve us That's why. to live constantly in only one or the other. And so for example, I think the really interesting thing is I think one of the things that attracted me most to Niko is the ways that were different. I think compared to like the world at large, you could look at us and be like, "You guys are so similar." But when you compare us to each other, we are very different. So I always love that macro-micro difference. And one of my favorite questions to ask couples is, "How are you similar and how are you different?" And one of the ways that we would be different is that he has a lot more in energy than I do. Or what people might know is feminine energy of this like going with the flow that grounded less analytical cerebral. He certainly has both and I, of course, do too. But the ways that we have each one are different. And they can sometimes be contradictory. But if we can leverage them well, they can be very complimentary, right? And be that like bringing up and teaching and growing together, right? But if we're not aware of the differences and we don't use them well and they clash, then they of course can be very contradictory and not complementary. But overall, the idea that we have to have both. And we need to have, this goes back to this idea right of these spectrums actually. And that's a perfect example of the things I was defining in my letter and in general in life. Oftentimes there are things that we think are contradictory, but if we can leverage them well, they're complimentary. And in fact, there was a study that showed that some of the most creative people and some of the most successful people live in what some people might call contradictions. But we have to be able to live in these complementations, right? So for example, somebody who might be an extremely successful entrepreneur needs to be able to like shoot for the moon, think up in the stars, think big and be grounded in reality or nothing's ever going to happen and things are going to blow up or not go anywhere, right? That same person would need to be able to like push themselves and stretch themselves and be high energy and know when to take a break. And when to slow down and know how to rest and take care of themselves, otherwise they're going to burn out, right? All of these things where we have to live in a mix and complementation of these different things and figure out how to leverage them. And instead of seeing either one is weakness or wrongness or whatever, seeing them as one and the same. And just again, those puzzle pieces that fit together and actually seeing them as as wholeness in that Yin-Yong image of the black, the white, and the color within each one. Yeah, I love how you made that really full circle too. And I also resonate with having so much of this like, yang energy or yang energy growing up and just in my really and my entire life. And now I think it's been this revelation to like try to tap more into the Yin energy and take things a bit more slowly and see that as strength because I always saw it as weakness genuinely. And learning to embrace both types of energy for myself because I think that will show up in a positive way in all areas of life. And when we tie it back into dating and relationships, finding that balance between both, I think, will allow you to attract the person that will be able to complement those types of energies to also to what you were speaking about as well. So I think it's really really fascinating to try to uncover, navigating and like balancing on that tightrope of the two. And there's different types of practices I think that you can do to tap into one energy more than the other because if you lean too far to whichever side, that's not going to be healthy. So learning to kind of find that equilibrium within yourself I think is like the stepping stone to attracting the person that will help you flourish in that way. And with that being said, Sasha, you know, as we wrap up this afternoon, there's one question that I ask every guest that comes onto the podcast. And you know, it's very much tied into the theme of the show, which is about finding things in life that bring you joy and happiness and everything that we've talked about today, as it's been mostly focused on dating and relationships, it ties back into what we opened with this afternoon, which was about building the relationship to yourself. And genuinely, I think that one of the strongest ways you can do that is to learn to focus on the things in life that bring you joy and happiness. So in the spirit of everyday endorphins and this interview, what is something that brings you a bit of endorphins every day? Oh, just one thing or can I name it? It can be multiple things. It doesn't, you can answer this question however feels right for you. I've heard many different types of answers. Yeah, I knew you were going to ask this, but I never occurred to me that I would have to say, I mean, I think just cliche answer, but I always refer to exercises in dwarf in therapy. And I think just having been an athlete, you know, movement exercise, I think taking risks, but like well-canculated risks, not irresponsible risks, but risks that push ourselves that are a thrill, like when I literally flew across the world in the middle of a pandemic to me. My now partner, Nico, for the first time in another country in the middle of a global pandemic, right? Like risk, but that leads to good things and has good intent behind it. Connection, friends, conversations, being with the people I love, enjoying good food, good conversation, good views, and dance, music, and conversations like this. When someone asks me a question I've never thought of before as the total nerd that I am, it gives me this thrill to like think about a new perspective or consider something I've never thought about before. So that absolutely gives me a lot of joy. That's a great response and no one has ever said that a question being asked to them that they've never heard before is something that brings them into orphans. But when you think about it, it's like this fun little challenge and it's kind of entertaining and joyous to think about like, okay, how do I answer this or what's my perspective on this? Where's this coming from? So I truly think it's in the little moments for sure. My love language is basically conversations. And my job is basically asking questions and I'm constantly thinking about questions and bizarre and interesting and whatever and this recently became clear to me that every once in a while when people ask me a question that I've legitimately never thought of before it's like a true gift to be able to consider this and think about like a portal into a new insider, a new perspective, or a new learning about myself or the world. Absolutely. Sasha, it's been such a pleasure having you as a guest. Where can my listeners follow along with everything that you do tune into your show, even stream our episode when I was a guest on your podcast, which is a joyous experience. Yes! Because there's so many amazing parallels to so people should absolutely go listen to BBXX BBXX. Let's get intimate, which is the name of my podcast. If you search my name, S-A-S-Z-A space L-O-H-R-E-Y, I don't come up with that too. You can find me on Instagram by my name or at BBXX.World. Go have a listen to the podcast and thank you for joining us on this journey to deeper, self-understanding, and deeper connection, joy, fulfillment, and insight. And then Dorphins. And in Dorphins. Thank you so much. It was lovely having you as a guest. Thank you. Thanks for listening to this episode of Everyday in Dorphins. If you liked what you heard, make sure to like, rate, and review this podcast on whichever platform you prefer. You can also follow along the Everyday in Dorphins Instagram account to stay up to date with episodes, future events, and all things related to mental health, well-being, and happiness. Don't forget to keep spreading in Dorphins and find things in life that bring you joy every day. Until next time.