Ep. 1: Green Teens Gone (The Moonstone Saga)

Hey guys, it's Murph, your dungeon master. I'm going to be running the game for the podcast and for my players Emily Jake and Caldwell. But first, I want to real quick plug our projects. Emily and I wrote a satirical relationship advice book called Hey You Up, How to Turn Your Booty Call into Your Emergency Contact. It's out now and you can get it on Amazon. Check out Caldwell on youtube.com/drafy as well as on his podcast. What should we draw with Nathan Yaffe? And of course, listen to If I Were You with Jake and Amir. There you go. Plug's over. Let's get into it. Let's get into the backstory for this campaign because it wouldn't be dungeon dragons without me dumping a bunch of lore onto you up top. So without further ado, I welcome you to the realm of Bahumya. A few years ago, an evil necromancer attempted to conquer the realm in the name of Osmodeus. Ruler of the Nine Hells, but he met his match against three legendary heroes. Theala, the human cleric, Ulfgar, the dwarf fighter, and Alonus, the elf wizard. After a valiant campaign, the heroes amassed a great army and defeated the necromancer on the battlefield, then traveled to the Nine Hells and destroyed Osmodeus himself. The realm rejoiced for a little while. Then everything started sucking ass again. The three heroes did everything you're supposed to do in a D&D campaign. They convinced the isolationist Hyelves to join the war. They restored a rightful heir to his throne, and they toppled the dark kingdom, but those actions all have consequences. The Hyelves are now in the verge of extinction. The rightful king is a terrible politician, and the orcs without a homeland have split off in nomadic clans and caused more trouble than they did before. This is a morally gray post-war world that still has a share of problems. Many of them caused by the very heroes that quote unquote "saved it." To make matters worse, Theala, Ulfgar, and Alonus have gone into hiding and haven't been seen in over a year. Now, my players are going to try to clean up their mess. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Let's meet our party. Hard one surefoot, the bastard of the mountain. A human fighter raised by dwarves. Sick of cap and quad, six foot six of muscle and beard, the great acts of iron deep, pride of the dwarf anage. Having dug further into iron deep than any man or dwarf before him, hard one believes his next great adventure lies above ground and is set off to see the world. Beverly Toe Gold, pure hearted half-ling youth from the city of Galatoron, a five-leaf, green teen novice paladin, in pursuit of the ultimate merit patches, Beverly has never disobeyed his mom and is an extremely good boy. Moon Shines Sibon, Crick Elf Druid, lover of fungus and ambassador of decay. Her people were ostracized by the high elves to the dank shores of the Crick, but now, something to miss at the old Crick, accompanied by her loyal possum, Pop-Hop-Gump, freckled, ferocious, and dangerously fertile. Welcome to the first episode of the podcast, everyone. I'm your dungeon master, Ryan Murphy, joined by Jay Kerowitz, Emily Axford. Guys, we're doing it. Let's get started. I'm just like, this is not a podcast to me. I'm just here for the fucking journey, man. I'm here for the roles. Yeah, also, Jay Kerowitz is not on this podcast. It's hard one, sure. Oh, shit. That's so, Emily Axford is dead. She's sick, meat under. So let me tell you guys a little bit about this place that you guys are going and then you guys can tell the audience why your character is going to this village. So you guys are going to the fishing village of Moon Stone. So the village of Moon Stone was founded 50 years ago by an old halfling druid named Thistle. She was a hermit who placed a powerful magic trident at the bottom of the bay, which lured in all sorts of aquatic creatures from the sea and made for easy fishing. So soon the bay started to attract other settlers and Moon Stone grew from Thistle's singular little hut to a bustling village. But just as it was growing and establishing trade with nearby settlements, an evil dragon named Shadowfang took residence in an old abandoned keep in the swamp to the north of the village and began terrorizing them. So Shadowfang would send her henchmen, the lowly dragon worshipping cobalds to collect gifts and taxes from the villagers under the threat of violence. And that all changed two years ago when the legendary party of three heroes arrived in Moon Stone, killed Shadowfang, freed the village from the grip of the dragon and inadvertently left them open to a whole new slew of problems. Can I ask a real quick question? Where is Shadowfang's bot now? You don't know? Really? You know that he's dead? His bone, like you know you. I want to find his skillet in it and I made it. He or she. She. Okay. So Lady Dragon. How do you tell? How do you tell Lady Dragon from a male dragon? She has a big dick. Huge tits. Instead of a big dick, huge dragon pussy. Just a huge dragon pussy? Yeah, fire comes out of it all. That's how you know she's right. A male dragon has enormous human like testicles and a giant thick penis. That's what you didn't have. You didn't have one of those. They're only sitting on gold. They're all fucking at gold. That token won't tell you. Is that dragons have dicks and pussies? You know like the movie where you just see the shadow of the dragon flying? Yeah. It's like a thick waving in the air. It's like slowly comes in, you see the flapping wings and then behind it a flapping dick. God, I would love to see just somebody recoding this. I think hunting jigs on dragons would be really fun. On the journey to Moonstone Beverly is reading a book about dragons because he's probably interested in like the lore of Shadow Fang. He's like copying. He's like underlining that passage. Oh, what is funny as I was prepping for this, I was worried. I was like, they're going to ask stupid questions like how do dragons breed or something. And I'm going to need something and I'm like, you know what? No, it'll be safe. But no, now dragons have dicks and pussies. It's fucking stumped me. They have dicks. Can I just go back to Beverly highlighting his copy? Can we just assume that you're using some kind of like berry to highlight? It's cool. There's some kind of berry that you're just squeezing to highlight. Absolutely. It's like a bush to highlight your berries. It's like a lightning bug. Ooh. Yeah. I've got like a quill with like a lightning bug ink. So guys, why are moonshine? Why are you going to moonshine? Okay. So as I've mentioned, I come from the creek. Something's a miss of the creek. But there's another thing too, which is that. It's a miss of the creek. But I also am. So basically like just real quick background on the creek elves. They are a maternal society. There is one me ma who gives birth to all the youngins. I am one of, and moonshine has a lot of pressure to become the next me ma because she's so fertile, but she doesn't. She's not ready to make youngins. She wants to spread spores. So I'm kind of like, I'm kind of like using the fact that there's something a miss at the creek as like a reason to go out and adventure and not have to just be a young and maker. Right. And why is Beverly going to moonshine? Beverly's going to moonshine to meet up with the rest of his troop because there is a a green teen jamboree. A green teen jamboree. A weird lady. What it's called. That's what the flyer said, that's what I'm going to see that flyer and be like, oh, jamboree. Oh, jamboree. Oh right. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. Hard one and moonshine are both going there to like satisfy their wanderlust. Right. And called to us here. It just has a boy scout meeting. Yeah. Yeah. He's like literally. I feel like he's a gem. Really? He's the only one who actually has a reason to be there. Everyone else is just like, they're walking around and they went to this town. Yeah, I believe my parents were a little concerned about me going to Moonstone because it's you know, gotten a little less safe over the years. But my scout master who I'm meeting there helped convince them that it would be fine because you know, like there's going to be a lot of adults present. There's going to be a lot of shaperones. And at the jamboree, I'm going to be working to earn a lot of the last patches that I need for my six. Oh, quick question. Yes. Yes. Are there girls that are going to be at the jamboree? Or is this just sort of like an all-girl? There are girls in the green teens. Yeah, I think it's a, yeah. Oh, there are. Yeah, they pushed for it and you know, it's a really, there were some more, but there were a lot of people that want to live in. I know. That's his halflings that didn't want to let them in. Right. But they kind of got ousted. I mean, yeah, green teens is still a super religious organization. Yeah. But they are gender-neutral. Their Cub Scouts are still called the boy pals, even though there are girl pals in there. So why are you going to Moonstone? Everyone left the mountain thinking that he was going to walk into any town and be well-received, like with a parade and instantly found out that nobody knew who he was and all the hotels were full. Sort of a jacked Jesus. Yeah. He went in assuming he'd have a free room somewhere and they're like, you need a reservation. We're full. You don't have enough money. So many factors. So he didn't know what to do. And now he's wandered off the road. He's thinking he might try to look for a fish and job in this village. Try to earn a little doe. Wow. A little scratch. Has he ever fished before? Is he just. No. But hard one is I can do anything. - Yeah, I bet you, I think for you, fishing probably means like diving under the water and just grabbing a fish. - Yeah. - I mean, that's definitely what it means for a moonshine. For moonshine, you make a little trap in the mud. - Mm-hmm. - And then the mud fish. - The fish swim. - The fish swim. - Yeah, well, so at the bottom of the mud. Oh, like in the bottom. - Yeah, at the bottom of the creek, there's a lot of mud. You make a little trap, fish swims into it. - I forgot that they were fishing in the creek. - What'd you do? - You get a milk jug, you tie a fishing line to it. - Well, maybe there are not a lot of fish in the creek anymore. So there's this. - That is true, there are not nearly as many fish. - So many, so many, right. - So many riding these here. - And the fish that are there, there's one that's the wrong way. - I'm picturing that scene from Lord of the Rings where Legolas says blood has been spilled this night but he just goes, "Some mate ride." (laughing) "Some mate ride in the creek." All right guys, let's get into it. Nice. - Um, so. - And the skaters, the skaters are taken over the creek. - Oh, they're big and two. - Exterior, moonstone night. (laughing) I'm just kidding, I didn't actually. - I was ready, I shut the, I shut the, I never heard of that. - I've never heard of that. - Yes, Daddy. - Yes, Daddy storyteller. - Yeah. Okay, so a man in a hooded cloak makes his way in a moonstone after traveling many miles off the main roads to the east. He had no trouble finding it even at night. The glowing waters of the enchanted bay light up the entire village with a white blue glow like snow reflecting moonlight. A dirt path leads and past simple stone houses with thatched roofs. Many of them covered in moss with purple and yellow and white flowers. It smells fresh like a spring rain, which is not something that one might expect of a fishing village, but clearly the influence of the druids is strong here. He heads for the only building in the city that appears to have any life at this hour. The hungry trout in and tavern. He enters to the sounds of an old bar playing a jaunty tune on the fiddle. Caldwell, can you give me a little fiddle sound? (singing) - All right, there's a fireplace on the farm. All right, Caldwell cut. (laughing) More fiddle, Caldwell. (laughing) - Oh, that is it. - Emily, a washboard. - Yeah. - Oh, that should be my instrument. You don't have to washboard, right that down in your inventory. - Okay, I was gonna play, I was gonna play 'cause I said Outlander, I get a musical instrument. I was gonna play a play to crash. (laughing) - Can I have a washboard and a blade of grass? - You can have a washboard and a blade of grass. - Sure. - Okay, you're gonna find a blade of grass. - So this cloaked man enters the tavern to the sounds of an old barred playing a jaunty tune on the fiddle. - Bring me, bring me. - No. (laughing) - I should have never asked for this. (laughing) - Okay, so there's a fireplace on the far right side of the room and lanterns with candles fill the tavern with a warm glow. Clostest to him is a group of three fishermen sitting at a table drinking ale and sharing a quiet conversation. Across the room near the fire is a group of four barbarians drunk and rowdy. Sitting at the bar is a single young 20 something halfling boy. Sitting by himself nervously sipping his drink. The bartender is an older half-orc woman sturdy and serious. She bears a horrible burn scar across the entire left side of her body. The man, the traveler, the bastard of the mountain takes off his hood and removes his goggles of the night. - Wait. - The strong jawed, penset face of hard one shorefoot surveys the scene. - I don't like this, it makes it seem like he's the main character. - That's fine. (laughing) - What fiddle player? - What do you do? - I guess I'm standing there drinking in this beautiful sounds of the fiddle. (laughing) - Homeless. - By the way, right? - Today's first move. - Today's first move playing D&D is drinking in the sounds of the fiddle. (laughing) - I think you're gonna be pretty good at this. (laughing) - I let the fiddle wash over me. - To this. I don't know, I'm tired of I'm just standing at the doorway just like kind of tapping his toes and just like listening to the fiddle. - Is there anyone standing behind you? - Is there anyone using before? - Someone standing behind you being like, sorry, can I just, you're just standing in the doorway. - Ah, this is God, your shoulders are so broad. (laughing) - You're just like a huge man. - I can't get right in the doorway. - If you could please just step aside. - I'm gonna go over to this half-orc woman and order the biggest beer that they have. - You see as you walk in, you order the biggest beer they have. This old half-orc woman just looks at you with disdain and goes, we have one size. (laughing) I'll just go get you an ale. - Then I'll have two. (laughing) - Classic, she nods and you see her go back and she fills up two ails. It puts it down, you throw a few copper. You see the little half-ling guy sitting next to you. He sees that you get two ails and he turns to you and he says, "Oh, he, man. "What brings you to town?" You seem, you seem, right strong. (laughing) - It's Beverly. - No. (laughing) - It's not Beverly. - You don't know who Beverly is. - Of course, of course. (laughing) - I'm looking for work around these parts. You know where I could get a fishic boat. (laughing) Well, I'm, so I'm actually a scout master. I'm actually not, I'm not a fisherman here. You see, he's like really fucking nervous. He's really super nervous. And he goes, "Are you like, "but he chance any kind of like hero?" (laughing) - Yes, you have heard of me having you. Finally, I'm hard one short foot. Pride of the Dwarf and Edge, the bastard of the mountain. - And which mountain with that piece? - Oh. (laughing) - Forget it. (laughing) - Okay, well, see, so I'm like a, I'm like the head of, well not the head of, I guess I'm not like the chapter leader or anything, just a scout master, okay? So I'm a scout master. I'm part of this group called the Green Teams, right? So I'm responsible for like some of the younger guys and stuff, some like, you know, like 14 or 15 year old, halflings or something. I teach them how to like build fires and I get them patches and things like that. So anyway, we came to town and we were supposed to, there was supposed to be some like druids here that were supposed to show us the bay and they were supposed to show us like the, the like staff that's at the bottom, that's like magic that makes the fish come. But then the druid said that they were busy. So I said, "Okay, well, I'll just take the kids out "by myself." So I took the kids out and then some frog men came out and they took the kids, the green teams are gone. - I did, yeah. I did notice that you didn't have kids as I was telling people this story about how you're in charge of the kids. - Right, yeah. - And there aren't any here. - There's no kids. - There's no kids. - Right. - So I actually already paid, so my parents have a decent amount of money. So they gave me some money to put in. - A couple of money. - And I gave those gentlemen over there, 20 gold. And you see, he points to the barbarians. These like, fucking hulking, rowdy dudes who are bald and have just like ponytails popping out. - Oh, that's a good look. - And you see, there's four dudes there. One of them sort of bigger than the other ones. You see him like, let out this hearty laugh. And he's missing a bunch of teeth. He's like, this fucked up dude. So you see this scout master guy, he says, I offered them 20 gold and they said they were gonna go to the swamp and get the teens back from the from the from the from the frog man. But they they're just sitting there. And anytime I asked them to, if they're gonna go, they they they just yell at me and say that they're they're getting ready and that they need to get hydrated. - I see. - So I need someone serious for this job. - Yeah. So they're using your gold to buy their beer. - Correct, correct. That is very much correct. My name's Danny by the way. - Hey. - And he holds out to shake. - Hard one, sure foot. God, your hands are clammy. - I'm just a little bit nervous. - Okay, so as you're shaking this dude's hand and drinking your two beers like a fucking weirdo. - Should have got one at a time. This one's already warm. - Suddenly you hear hooves outside as like a little carriage pulls up and you hear a teen voice saying goodbye to the person in the carriage and Beverly Togold, the small halfling boy, also wearing a green teen uniform with braces enters the tavern. You can see your scout master guy up at the bar and you see these bar bearings and you see these fishermen and you see the bar. - I've met this scout master before. - Yes, you've met scout master Danny. - All right. I probably just run right over to him. - Okay. - I just beeline. I kind of like put blinders on and don't look at anything else. I don't make eye contact with anyone and I just beeline right for my scout master. - So Beverly makes a beeline for scout master Danny and hard one. Hard one, he've already marched in, made yourself known and you're already just surrounded by fucking dorks. (laughing) - See see, scout master Danny sees you right away and he looks super nervous and it's him. - Danny. - Oh hey little guy. - It's me, it's Beverly. - Beverly, so good to see you again. Remember? - Remember? - You taught me ropes. Yes, so um, okay Okay, uh, Green Team just canceled. What? Wait, no, what do you mean? It's just, it's canceled. He lost all the kids. Oh my god. (laughs) Oh, this is, he also taught me my humor badge. So this is like clearly one of his classes. This is a classic Green Team goof. Yeah, this is a Green Team goof. We do these little goofs around campfires and this is one of them, I'm sure of it. (laughs) I don't think so, he wouldn't have, he told me. I don't know, but like look at his face, his face is so, he's twisted his face into a mask of humor. You see humor. He's just furiously shaking his head in a hard one, but he's still throwing me out. (laughs) I feel like Beverly sits on the other side. So away from, away from hard one, but adjacent to, to Denny. Okay. And then he's still not believing that this is actually true, tries to get the attention of the half-work bartender. Okay. Excuse me, ma'am. What? Yeah, what? Hi, do you have, do you have sprite? No, we don't have sprite. (laughs) Okay, just anything fizzy would be great. Non-alcoholic, please. You, she just like, pours you a, - A beer. - She just pours you like a cup of water and then just like sticks her finger in and moves it around and blows some bubbles in it and then just hands it to you. (laughs) Savory. Thank you. I tip her very well. Okay. Excellent. Okay, you throw her as some copper and a couple extra silver. Okay. Suddenly a possum bursts into the tavern and jumps up on the table with all the fishermen and starts just like grabbing at their scraps and everything. Pop-hop. Pop-hop. Pop-hop. And a beautiful woman, a beautiful Elvin woman covered in fungus, are you wearing overalls? - Overalls, yeah. And there's mushrooms pouring out of the bib of my overalls. - She rushes in after the possum, grabbing him. - Pop-hop, I'm so sorry. He must have smell your food. Pop-hop, get! Get, you're gonna get kicked! (laughs) - You see, pop-hop climbs back up onto this Crick Elves shoulder. - I'm so sorry. If I can just, who did, what table did you find? - The fisherman, the three fishermen sitting there. - I'm so sorry y'all. Just, you know what, give me whatever you caught today. I'll go back in the kitchen. I'll whip you up some delicious, you know, some delicious fish. I'm a great cook. - You see one of the guys just looks at you. And he says, I'm sorry, do you work here? You're just gonna go in the kitchen and cook something. - You know, I found that it's just easy to make friends. If you're just a sweetheart, you can just walk back anywhere. - You hear the half or a woman back from behind the bar. Just y'all, if you're gonna bring a rodon in here, you can at least buy a drink. - Oh, okay. Yeah, I'll definitely have a drink. I go over and I'm like, yeah, give me, you know, how about like a hooch or like a bath to a meat or if you got some berries that come bad, I can just suck on those. (laughs) - You see, she just pours you in an, I'll just hand it to you. - Right, I turn to Danny and say, is that our guide? (laughs) - No, I'm your guide. - No, for the tour. - Oh, for the tour, it's right. No, that's canceled. That is fully canceled. - Okay, this joke is going on a long time. Can you like wrap it up? What's the punch line of the joke, Danny? It's got Master Danny. - Okay, you know what? This is a learning experience of what this is. Because as halflings of the light, as campers of the light, we need to be honest. We should always be honest. And so I will tell you, young Beverly, that I lost the green teens. They were captured by Frogman and dragged into the swamp. - I told you. - Oh my God. - Sorry, excuse me, Mitch, miss a half Lord. What's your name? - My name is Mishka. - Mishka, that's a beautiful name. God bless your mother. - Hi, do you have a saucer of crick water from a pommel, son? - I have some water in my canteen. - Oh, hi. That'd be great because Pobah, he is parched. - Okay, I'm now. - So he's scared. - Hard one, you were just surrounded by talking green texts right now. (laughing) - This is not what I expected from my epic tournic. - I do give her some water from my canteen. I can't drink my canteen. - Thank you so much. - And then as soon as I get-- - Pobah starts furiously lapping it up, like getting a mess everywhere. Hard one, you were just covered in water. - I hold the canteen under my armpit, so it looks like he's suckling from my breast. - Huh, you can just keep that canteen, actually. Thank you. So anyway, your series, you're speaking in the light of truth about this matter, Danny? - I'm dead, I'm dead seriously speaking in the light of truth. - The green teens are gone. - They're gone? What are we gonna do? That's not all, he was also robbed. - Yes, so the answer is, yeah, okay. Okay, so these fine gentlemen behind us, and then you hear the bigger dude yells out, "Hey, get us another round!" And Danny turns around and says, "Well, surely the 20 gold I paid you before "will be plenty for another, "I said we want another round!" Yes, sir! You see, he orders another round from Mishka, and like a waiter, like fix them all up, and carries them over and puts them down. And then he comes back, he turns to you. - God, that's your leader. - Yes, I was robbed. - Scott Master, those men are taking advantage of you. We can't let that happen, that's unjust. - Okay, here's the thing though, is that there's a lot of them in town, and they also chased out the mayor, and they're living in the mayor's house, so things are really freaking bad here, man. Okay, nobody told me this what I got here. I just wanted to show some green peens, the freaking trident at the bottom of the bay. - Does this mean that the jam burin is canceled too? - The jam burin is super canceled, Beverly. I can't express properly how much of the jam burin is canceled. - Cheese. - Jam burin? - Yeah. - I love a good jam burin. - Who doesn't? - Okay, wait. - That's when everyone takes their shoes off, and rolls around the mud. - That one's focused on the missing trick. - Yes, okay, there are missing children. - Oh, I'm sorry. - No, you know what? - Oh, and I'm sorry. - Okay, so Beverly, you wanna be a six leaf green teen, right? - More than anything. - Okay, if you go get the green teens back, this is your test, this is your test, if you do it, you're a junior green knight. - I knew this moment would come. You know, this is why they keep the six leaf trials under such tight scrutiny, so that you can't guess what you're gonna have to do. - It's your final test. - All part of the plan. - Oh my gosh. - Oh my gosh. - Okay, so all I have to do is get the gold back from those ruffians over there. - No, don't talk to them. Don't get the gold back from them. That's just a loss. Let's just chalk that one up to the loss. - All right, okay. - That gold is gone. That gold is gone, man. - That's your gold by right. - Yeah, that's gold, there's like kids. The kids are deaf. They're gonna, I don't know if you know anything about bully wugs, the frog man, but they're gonna ritualistically sacrifice them. - Oh, I'm so sorry. Paul Paul dragged too quickly and he spit up on the floor. - You have a rag behind the car. I could just go down this. - He spit up all over my foot. - Scott Master, you yourself taught me. Care for you, stomp. Bully wugs, hide in the swamp. So that's probably where we should start. - Yep, yeah, you guys should. - Oh, bully wugs. - Okay, we got them down by the trick. - You know about bully wugs? - Of course. - I do too. I have a bully wag identification patch that I got. (laughing) - Oh, okay. - Beverly wugs. - Everybody wants picked a bully wag out of a lion opening out of that. - Well, I dissected it. I dissected it. - Okay, okay. - I used to wrestle with them. So, you can't have a trick. You know, it's a fun little thing. You just kind of wrestle a bully wag. - They're very aggressive. You must be strong. - Yeah, I'm pretty strong. - Wow. - Oh, well, if you're strong, maybe, Beverly, can you turn around for a split second? Sure, absolutely. Okay, great. If Beverly just turns around. - They're staring there. - I'm smiling. - Yeah. - I sing it. - Okay, Beverly, ear muffs. Sing to yourself. Sing along with the fiddle. - Green teen never holds a grudge. A green teen will never budge from it. - Okay, that's pretty hard. - Oh, just as good as well. - So you guys gotta make sure that this kid doesn't die. But he's actually pretty strong, okay? He's gonna be a good, green knight. So he'll be pretty helpful to you guys. But you guys, I can offer you guys some gold. You guys keep an eye on this guy and go get the other green jeans back. I'll give you guys 20 gold each. - What if instead of gold, you just gave me some sort of, I don't know. I'm personally, I've got a sort of like a mushroom library, spore library, collecting many strains as I can. If you just pay me a mushroom. - I just have, yeah, I have like gift bags for the Boy Scouts. I could just give you some like mushrooms. - I'll take the gold. - Okay, yeah, I'll just give you 40 gold then. - Okay, so I'm just gonna write down green teen gift bag. - Yeah. - Okay. - Here you go. I was supposed to give this to the kids at the end of the night, but it looks like I won't be needing them. - Are kids like youngins? - If you see a dragon, you take a white berth. We do all we can for mother earth. - Hi. (laughing) - Okay, it's everything good now. - Everything's great. - Okay, cool. - These fine green jeans. - Team, the green team team. - These are your real counselors. - Oh, so these are like honorary scout masters? - The honorary scout masters, I deemed them myself. - Oh, here you go. - And you see he rips off two patches myself. This dude is just so scared and in over his head. He just rips off two patches and just like shoves them on your guys' chests. - Ooh, okay, I hawk up a luge and use it to stick the patch to my overalls. - And it feels like it's a shitty under the bar. - Weirdly sticks. - Paw, Paw! What are you telling about Goomba getting public? - Oh, well, well. - Don't worry, the bossam's going nuts. You see, Miska the half-orc, it just like fucking sweeps him away and he gets knocked on the ground and he just starts like scrambling on the ground. - Paw, Paw, I'm gonna put you on your leash. - And Miska's in the wild. - Miska just turns, Miska just turns to you and says, "Please leave." - Okay, that's a fair request. We got some boy walks to go rattle anyways. - Before we leave, I take a notepad out of my satchel, or out of my pack and I write, you are very rude and I go and I place it on the table of the barbarians. (laughing) As you go to place it on the table of the barbarians, they're in the middle of this like rowdy lap. The guy picks up the note and then he grabs you and he laughs again, he goes, "I like you, you're funny." - I do have my humor patch, yes. - I'll tell you what. - Yeah? - You go get us another round of ale and I won't kill you. - Okay, well I'm not of age, so I don't think I could technically do that. Would you like some sprite? - I take out a flask and I say, "Y'all ever had Beth to meet?" - Would that be good? - My scout master has some Beth to meet if you want that. - Listen kid, I'm gonna fucking kill you if you don't go get me an ale right now. - Okay, could an adult please get this to me? (laughing) - Here you go. - Okay, but here we are. - Beverly turned start. - Christ. - Hear me, Mr. Barbarian, if you've never had Beth to meet, what we do is we take a bit of a raccoon urine. We ferment it under the moonlight for about three months and it will get you fucked up. - Please don't curse. - You see, go ahead and give me a diplomacy check. Oh, my first roll. - Nine plus, what do I add to diplomacy? - Charisma? - Yeah. - Yeah. - I got 11. - Okay. - Mixed success. You see, he says, it'll get you fucked up. - Yeah, oh, you'll be seeing your answers. - There's no need to curse. - All right, tell you what. You give me that fucked up water. (laughing) You go get me some ale and then I won't kill this little one. - Okay. - I don't feel like this is very hospitable. Is this your town? We're coming into your town and you're showing us a real mean cheek. - I feel like while she's doing that, I do go over to a hard one and give him some coin to buy the ale. I'm not buying these cards. (laughing) - Fucking beer, man. (laughing) - That really an hard one or just having a quiet moment. And you see Scoutmaster Danny turns around for the party just like, "Huh-huh, what are you guys doing?" - Do you think we should get the wine instead? - Nope. - Okay. - And I'm teaching the barbarians that you don't actually drink the bath of me. Do you have a puppet like a paint? So I'm showing them how to have it. I feel like a couple of them are actually pretty interested and they're like coughing it. (laughing) But you see Scoutmaster Danny runs over with some more elves. It's just like, "Uh, no need to go out "to the little guy, gentlemen. "I've got everybody's drinking on me tonight." (laughing) And this big barbarian dude goes, "No, I want him to do it." And he points to hard one. (laughing) (laughing) This episode of Napaud is brought to you by Mint Mobile. I don't know about you guys, but I like keeping my money where I can see it. Unfortunately, traditional big wireless carriers also seem to like keeping my money too. Quit it, wireless carriers. I need that money to buy dumb shit like video games and car insurance. Thankfully, Mint Mobile is here to slay the dragon hoarding all of our money and offer us affordable mobile plans that are way cheaper than the big carriers. So stop overpaying for wireless just because that's how it's always been. Mint exists purely to fix that. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with premium wireless plans starting at $15 a month. You can bring your own phone and number, activate with eSIM in minutes and start saving immediately, no long-term contracts, no hassles, just the pure Mint Green blade of justice, smiting all of our foes and returning those hard earned dollars to your pockets. Wow, what a snap. If I was in the market for a new phone plan, this is the one I choose. So if you like your money and you want it to stay your money, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop plans at mintmobile.com/popoff. That is mintmobile.com/popoff. Upfront payment of $45 for three month, five gigabyte plan required, equivalent to $15 per month. New customer offer for first three months only then full price plan options available. Taxes and AMP fees are extra, see Mint Mobile for details. All right, that's all from me. Stay true warriors, bye-bye. - Hard one. (laughing) Holding two beers. (laughing) - Comes over. - Uh-huh. And pours them both at this guy's feet. (laughing) You just like, point on this dude's feet. You see the other three guys that are with this main dude, like, look fuck, like, oh shit. Something's about to go down. - I pull a small towel out of my backpack and hand it to him. - For your boots. - This dude fucking back hands Beverly. - Everybody roll initiative. - Pause some starts freaking out. - Sir, I have no choice but to fill myself now. - I got a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, 22. - What do we add to our, oh wait, no. - Your decks. - Your decks. - Okay, so zero for me. 11. Jake got a 16. - Yeah. - Oh man, these guys are old really well. - Oh boy. (laughing) - 16, 16, I add decks. - Yeah, 20. - Oh. - Oh wow, hard one. Okay, hard one. - I got 22. - Oh wow, you guys rolled well. - Well they did. - Yes. - Everybody did. - Two out of three. Okay, moonshine. Got it. - Oh boy, moonshine, you're first. So you see this dude, this dude back hands Beverly. - Okay, so I'm, I'm, - Does that join? - Which of them, by the way, are they affected at all because they've been huffing my, - It's a good point. - They've been huffing me. - Yeah. - Two of them are a little stoned. (laughing) - Okay good. - Not the main guy, but two of them are a little, there's like one pretty serious guy who like clearly looks up to the leader guy and there's two guys that were just kind of, you're looking to get fucked up at the bottom. - Okay, so I'm gonna go for the main guy. - Okay. - Cool. - Great. - I'm gonna take out my simitar. - Great. - Oh, actually no, no, no, no, no, I'm going to do symbiotic entity. - Great. - Which means that I channel the power of spores and mushrooms and become one with my spores. - For anyone who plays D&D at home listening to this insane thing that Emily is saying, this is a circle of spores druid. It's an unearthed arcana thing that was just introduced. So you're turning into a mushroom woman right now. - I'm basically turning into like almost like kind of like poison ivy. - You're starting with your limit break. - Yeah. - I love it. - Does that take, that takes like a wild shape action? Does wild shape take an entire turn? - Yes. - That takes a match. - So I just kind of stand in the corner and like, and like a rub mushroom's on myself. - The hard one is very confused. - I have to imagine the barbarians that were huffing that sauce are also very confused. The barbarians are huffing the sauce. Looks at this woman that just starts sprouting mushrooms and they are tripping balls. - What was in that, that, that, that, that? Must be the record person. - So then that's, that's you hard one. Although wait, do you get to on your turn do your shooting spores thing? - Oh yeah, I can't because that's a reaction. - Yeah, oh yeah. - So you, you get to launch your spores if you want. - Okay, so then, but because I'm in symbiotic entity mode, that would mean that they deal double damage. - Great, so go ahead and roll your damage. - I think Halo is just, is just three more than that. - Use your reaction on your turn to deal three poison damage to one creature you can see with the 10 feet of you. - Yeah, so now I do it. - Six damage. So six poison damage at the main dude. - Six poison damage at the main dude. - So I rub, I rub mushrooms on myself and then from my, from my hand, like a mushroom is born and I blow it at him. Like I'm blowing a kiss. - It's like this crazy fucking mushroom of it blows spores in this dude's eyes. He just goes, (laughing) He's so fucking pissed off. Hard one you're up. I'm punching the serious dude right in the nose. - Wait, you're not going axed, you're going, - Oh shit, it's coming to deathblows now already? - These guys are definitely gonna try to kill them. - Alright, they're like going for their sword. - Fucking great axe from the eye. - Go ahead, roll your card one wheel to the end. - One handed. - 12 plus four, 16. - That hits. - Yeah. - Roll your damage. - Oh you can play very easily. - Plus whatever your modifier is. - Armor, right? - Oh yeah, you got a roll damage now. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh, wait, how do I do that baby? - D12. - Yeah, that one. - D12. - 10. - Baby! - 10 plus four. So 14. - 14. - So fucking, this dude gets like blinded by spores. And then hard one just like slashes him across the chest with his axe. And he just lets out this rory, so fucking angry. What was it, 14 damage? - Yeah. - Yeah, okay, this dude is still standing. He's a pretty tough dude. - Alright. - So now it's four total barbarians. - Four total barbarians. - Okay, just one like real tough looking dude and then one guy, three guys that are like a little bit scrawdy are in two of them are super stoked. So I'll give them disadvantage when they attack. Okay, so this main guy is gonna go ahead and rear up with his great axe. He's gonna take a reckless attack. So he makes it with advantage against hard one. So he swings his axe right back at hard one. And he is definitely gonna hit. So he hits hard one. He slashes hard one across his mighty shoulder for 12 damage. So go ahead and cut down. Mark down that damage. - Wait, does he not have to roll AC? - He did. - Oh, okay, I missed it. - He beat it, my bad. - Okay, edit that. So now. - So that's like minus from my. - That's minus from your maximum hit point. So what are your maximum hit points? Like 22. - 22. - Okay, so you're at 10. Okay, so now these were your guys are gonna go. The first, the sober guy is going to take a swing at moonshine. - Bring on bitch, I'm a symbiotic entity. I got plus three to my hit point. - And he misses big time. He whiffs with his, he has a spear on it. - Oh my God, I use my, - He finds his spear and misses. - The mushrooms come to my aid. (laughing) - Yeah, a mushroom, it just gets caught by a mushroom. Like it's a fucking hand. - It's like one of those big flat ones. You see on trees. So these other two travel guys who are a little stoned are also gonna swing at this fucking mushroom monster that they see. This guy whiffs big time and the other guy, he would have, oh, he's gonna hit. - All right. - So even though he's stoned, he's just screaming and swinging at anything and he's gonna go ahead and hit moonshine for eight damage. - Terrible hospitality. - So that's how I would treat people coming to my town. Now it is Beverly's turn. All right. So I think Beverly probably flew all the way back and landed behind the bar and he's kinda like gathering himself amidst bottles and barrels and he picks up a bottle and says, "Hey, you did have sprite." (laughing) That's okay though. I think now Beverly turns to Diny and says, "Scalmaster, sir, permission to defend myself." - Yep, kill them, please kill them. (laughing) - Thank you, sir. So I'm going to unsheath my sword. - Great. - And I want to, I guess I'll just attack the main guy as well. - Are you gonna do any kind of like smite damage or anything like that? You know what, let's start this thing off with a bang. Yeah, I will cast. - Smite is astute. - Do you wanna, you have like a special ability that just does like 2D8 damage, right? - Yes. - Yeah, I'm gonna use that. - Okay. - You can also do it, you can also see if you hit and then try to do divine smite. - Yes, that's what I'm gonna do. - So go ahead, take a try. - So just roll D20? - Roll D20, here we go. That's a 19, what do I add to that? - Oh, dude, you fucking hit. - Okay, nice. - All right, cool. - So go ahead and roll 2D8s plus your normal damage. - D8s, wait. - So Beverly, after like this polite little boy, gets like pushed over and like falls behind the bar, asks for permission and then like yells out to his god, "Hallor, the god of light." And this burst of radiant energy comes out as he slashes this dude so hard. - Is this the D8? It should have eight sides on it. - Yeah, all right, okay, you know. - Roll that twice and then roll your damage. All right, so that's a two, cool. And a seven, that's nine. - And then another D8? - Another D8. - Yeah, 'cause that's just your normal longsword damage. So that's a three, not so 12. So 17 damage. - Then plus five, right? - I added that. - Okay, cool. - 17 damage. - Yeah. - So this guy, this guy started to look a little fucked up. - Moonshot turns around and she's like, what? - This burst of radiant energy comes out of Beverly's longsword as he slashes the guy again across the chest and he grabs his chest and you see like a little bit of blood dribbled out of the map. - That's what you get for being rude. (laughing) - Scout Master. - That falls on the, you guys were rude. Piece of paper. - Scout Master, Denny, meekly walks over to hard one and he's gonna lay on handsome 'cause he's a paladin and you're back up to full healthy. - He's nice. - He's a sweet good. - Scout Master, Denny lay hands you for 12. Then let's bring it back up to Moonshine. - Okay. Now I'm gonna make a melee attack with my Symitar, which is covered in fungus at that main bat guy. - Cool. - Actually, fuck it. I'm gonna go after it. No, I wish we should get rid of that main bat guy. - That's killing me, yeah. - After the main bat guy. - Me by break after that, you know. - And definitely not gonna hit. That's gonna be a seven. - That does not hit. - Okay, well I'm still going to- - You can still shoot your spores. - Halo spores blow like a kiss. - He blow like a kiss. - Blow like a kiss and I wink at him after I do it. - Oh, you're a nightmare. - Six more poison damage. - And then I'm gonna use a bonus action to heal myself with healing word. - Great. So what is that? - A dice. - D4. - D4 plus my plus five. - How does- - So six, I got six back. - How do bonus actions work? - Bonus action, you can take after your action. So you probably don't have many things that you can do. - Oh, okay. - It'll say bonus action. - Yeah, it'll say. - Thanks. - Okay, that takes us to a hard one. - Dude. - All right, let's do it. - Just slashin' at this guy. - Oh yeah, that's what I'm doing. - That's what you do. - Actually, call back around, call right out of his chest again. (laughs) - Ooh. - 16, dope. - That definitely hits. - Yeah, 12. - Whatever your modifier, it hits already. - Roll that D12, baby. - Roll that beautiful dice. - Seven plus. - Plus four or five. - 11 damage, damn. Okay, this dude's looking seriously fucked up. - He's not done yet. - No, he's a fucking tough guy. - You got to take him out. - All right, okay. - Here we go. - Okay, so that takes us to this dude. - Oh, you can save us, Beverly. (laughs) - There's a lot of pressure. - You are only hope. - Oh shit. - This dude took a reckless attack. So this guy should be at disadvantage. So go ahead and roll again, Moonshine, to see if you hit. - Oh, you hit. - 'Cause you missed on your first attack. 15, that's definitely gonna hit. - That's more than 14. - So roll your damage. - Woo! - That's gonna be damage, poison damage. That's gonna be. Five plus two, seven plus five, 12. - Damn. - Oh no, no, yes, 12. - Okay, this dude is seriously, seriously, seriously fucked up. On his last leg. - Okay, so she had taken him for 12 plus six. - Right, okay. - Damn, he's strong. - This dude is seriously fucked up. With his last inch of life, he tries to take off hard one's head. (laughing) - And he is. - He's started it all. - He is gonna hit. - Oh no. - I'm shit. - The man who's fried, who's fried, got to send it this fight. - The pride of the mountain. - The pride of the mountain, a nine damage to the pride of the mountain. - All right. - You can handle that. - I survived worse. - Just one moment. - The other guys are gonna keep swinging at Moonshine here. - All right. - The one guy is probably gonna hit that is a 17 to hit. - That definitely hits where we see. Okay, that's gonna be. Five damage. Five damage on the first one. - Moonshine takes it, but she doesn't even blink when it happens. - Wow, that's cool. (laughing) - Just looks at him like a. - She doesn't even blink. - Yeah, wow. - She just, she looks at her hand full of mushrooms and she's like you next. - The other's like about to cry from his wound and then he looks at his wound. - Do the mushrooms. - Do the mushrooms have like little humanistic characteristics? Do they have little faces on them? - I mean, I see faces where we're going. - Let's get them. (laughing) - But I also eat them. - Five moonshine. (laughing) - Where are your babies? - So these are the two stone guys are gonna take swings at Moonshine. Oh, he rolled a one and a 19. He's at disadvantage. He'll take the one. So he misses the other guy rolls and he's gonna hit even though he's at disadvantage. And he hits you for seven damage. Beverly is unscathed. How are you doing Moonshine? - By the way. - Moonshine's at 11. - Okay. - 'Cause she got extra hit points for the us being at some level of her intensity. - So wait, you're gonna let him hit by the first guy? - I'm gonna heal theirself. - Okay. - You have like 20, five health? - No, sorry, what did you hit me for? I thought you hit me for five this time. - And I, no, I just, I hit you for five the first time and I hit you for seven the second time. - Oh, I didn't hear the seventh. - So you're at three. - Okay. - You're at three? - Seven. - So Moonshine. Thank you. You're okay. Okay. Okay. Moonshine looks right fucked up. Okay. Okay. Okay. Back up to I really is it mean actually yes Beverly I Cool I Was planning on attacking the main guy but now that I see that moonshine no I look at you and I'm like don't worry about me Yeah, I feel like I go to like lay hands on her And then you say what do you say I? Say um, I say don't worry This this this hands taking care of I like here's a my sale Yes, ma'am I Full disclosure full honesty in the light of truth. I did not want to touch you All right, so then I turn away from moonshine and I turn to face the the main barbarian and I say sir I 've given you every chance to back down but unfortunately as a green teen I cannot let your rain of terror on this village to proceed I will now recite the green teens Creed I hold my sword a lot it glows ever so slightly and I say a teen of green is never mean our soul Supply my heart's pristine and at all times we stay serene to clean the sheen of a light unseen All right kid. I was being nice. You got to do something Yeah, do something really hands on me, but and after that I just kind of like Recklessly launch myself out of my sword Go ahead roll with advantage because he he took a reckless attack all right cool That's an 18 that's gonna hit already all right, well, you can roll to see if you crit if you want to roll again. Oh good. Oh, good 20 It's another 18 okay, dope Got some good rolls so far. Yeah, all right That's a three plus five I guess eight okay Suzy after reciting the the green team Creed Beverly launches forward and Decapitate this Spray fucking everywhere as he said flies over the bar The other dudes look like mad scared Spring chick and got some talent back up to oh that's actually scout master Denny who is going to Hill cast cure wounds on Thank you. Oh, oh well you rolled pretty well 10 That takes us to moonshine moonshine looks at him and is like thank you Don't come too close. I'm very very very careful when you lay hands on me that means And then she looks at it's okay And she looks at while one of the guys who hit her yep Or the guy that she said you next okay, and then she takes out her simmichar aims it at him for 22 All right, so that's gonna be so roll your simmichar damage and then it's just poison damage to right? It's gonna be only three for the simmichar damage only want four for the with the poison damage total four But then she's gonna blow her a kiss of a kiss of poison okay, shroom kiss Shroom kiss first damage. Yeah, so ten total this dude is on fucking debts These guys are much weaker. Yeah, bitch hard one you're up. Oh, yeah Well, I'm swinging the axe that this dude's dome at the dude who's who's weak Hard ones I wanted to capture somebody too hard one feels like inferior Hex to down six though Plus what you at four ten no, it's a oh Ten total I thought it's not plus four you have a higher thing than that. What do you add to your attack? You add your attack bonus. Okay. Oh attack bonus. Where's that bonus is Plus six. Oh, so you got a 12 so that does hit Eight that's plus four 12 12 damage so hard one then to cap itates this dude The head doesn't go quite as far as Beverly's head Moonshine turns to the party and she's like well you say the last one for me because now I feel like I got a To cap itates someone I feel like that's part of it just takes a step back I only need to to to cap itate one head to get myself defense merit badge, so I'm good I don't I'm curiously sewing it to cap itated head badge on to your So you see these other two barbarians kind of look at each other super scared and they're gonna disengage and They're gonna start running out of the tavern and then I say these people were real inhospitable What do you say we chase them? Are you guys like chasing them out the door? I think I think they're definitely gonna run back to they're definitely gonna run back to a crew of barbarians So we gotta find the kids Yeah, that's true. Yeah, we have maybe we let it Mission we start to chase the tavern are you guys? You don't see if there are more here's the here's the only thought is if they run back to their barbarian friends We could be in bad standing by the time that we come back We got to kind of got a silence guy kill these guys before they they tell the all the barbarians about us Okay, so you guys run out and chase them just outside of the tavern I'm gonna roll this if there's any other barbarians. Oh, oh I rolled the one there are definitely no barbarians So moonshine you're up That's gonna be 16 hits and Seven seven to hit total great and then Another six another six wow you killed this dude And spores Adam and his head just explodes as it rapidly Oh, shit even though he's dead so his head explodes god damn it. I want to be a potato You tell me how you want to kill him well, I want to kill him with the spores But then I'm gonna do captain his lifeless body Hacking a mom I think that's technically I look up and I'm like hey, we got a club going hard one almost throws up Okay, that takes to I take no pride in this Or not the friends I wanted to make hard hard one go ahead wait Beverly have you gone? We may have skipped you I will I was you the last thing you did was behead somebody yes Okay, go ahead So are they way are they still trying to run? There's yes, there's one guy have we are we are they way laid by the fact that we started attacking them They have no they're just turning and fucking right the one dude's dead Okay, other dude just book in it Let me let me tell let me check with you if I could do this sure while They were attacking the other person. I try to run ahead and set up a rope trap. No, okay I don't know I'm pretty good. You can try to try to trip or something Yeah, I don't know if I would be able to tackle him but like oh Yeah, you can try you try is I'm gonna try and use my shield to kind of like shield tackle him to the ground Okay, go ahead and run and just give me a strength check Okay, I'm just giving a pose strength check. You're gonna try to grapple him. Okay, great. Is that gonna be so athletics or strength? I strength this plus five plus five. Yeah. Oh, that's a saving show that's those you're saving throws your proficient in Your strength is just whatever your modify. Oh, it's plus three. Okay, so just give me a plus three unless you have athletics Then you can use a 16 plus three 19 19 Fucking Beverly Tackle just do like warm perfect tackle takes this dude down this dude is just on the ground hard one you're up I will say I probably do try to stop him from Decapitating yet another man. Okay, okay So you're hard one no we've three is probably good. Excuse me I just raised the gray ax maybe hard one hard one so slashing That's a 10 plus 14. Yeah, I mean he's he's that disadvantage everything you definitely hit all right I guess he is my scout master. I have to respect him now Yeah, that's an 11 all right So yes sir Beverly inadvertently helps execute this man Beverly's like holding this to down hard one just comes over and in one big chop Just be heads this man. I was thinking we had rolls off. I'd like to yeah I mostly didn't hear what you're saying, you know, I'm not a I wouldn't you're my buddy But I normally just yeah, I killed it. I'm in favor of just jail I guess as a method of dealing with conflicts So as you guys are talking uh-huh as this dude's like head rolls down the road. Yeah, you see Mishka the half or pokes her head out of the tavern. She says Bring the bodies inside. Or we'll come soon. Oh shit Yeah, so we drag the bodies inside the body. I see that the fishermen are helping fucking cleanup hide the bodies You see Mishka has already Hospitality there you go. They carry the bodies. I was looking for I carry the heads Beverly Beverly carries the heads and as you guys and the other people in this tavern - Mishka, do you have sort of like a pile of trash anywhere? I wanna give them a good Crick Elf burial. - We're not gonna give them a burial. We're just gonna hide them for now, okay? - Okay. - They help you guys get rid of the bodies. You see there's like fisherman fucking scrubbing the blood. And you see everyone kind of stands in the middle of the tavern, Mishka closes the door and she looks at you guys and she says, "Well, you might be just the guess we needed in this town." And that's where we'll end our session. (cheering) - It's so funny. I didn't know if you guys were gonna get to know a fight with those barbarians, but you definitely beheaded all of them. - I wanted to get in a fight with them so bad, but I knew that I was like, I was like, no, no, no, I'm too much of a sweetheart too, so I was so pumped. - I went hard on my heart. - No. - He doesn't suffer any sleep. - I would not fire them a drink. - Because once I become a symbiotic entity, AKA like poisonous woman of spores, then I'm no longer a sweetheart. - Oh yeah. - We had to act like a savage. - It's also funny that this all, like you offered them water, you offered them, you know, that's like your, - I gave them my all, my juice. - It's my bath of meat. - And it all started because Beverly gave them a note. (laughing) - Those ends are on your-- - Oh yeah, those ends are on. - The note, which I folded so they would open after I left, but, you know. - You folded it into a little swan. - Exactly. It was a nice little origami swan. After, while we're back inside, I do start writing a note to my parents telling them about my new friends that I've made. - And me? - I'm got-- - And you scout master who told you to chop somebody's head off. - And me, I'm trying to pick some of the knots out of a paw-paw's hair. - Oh my God. - There's so many knots, it's so not it. - Okay guys, guys, please rate the podcast. There's a new podcast. - Subscribe to it. - So we can really use it. - Subscribe to it. - So you're making five stars. - Let's move the milk. - You know what I mean? - Yeah, I can reach rate some-- - Oh really? - Like, yeah, do that, but like talk to people. - Yeah, I tell people about it. - Yeah, we have to look at grassroots thing here. Get on the subreddit, they've already made a subreddit, not another D&D podcast. - Oh really? - Of our, that baby. - Check it out. Follow us on Twitter @JCurwitz, @CallTheAdios for @CHMurf. Guys, February 13th, Emily and I have a book coming out. It's called Pay You Up. How to turn your booty call into your emergency contact. (laughing) It's a theoretical relationship advice book. Check it out. - I gotta think there's some overlap between people who love D&D and people who love satirical relationship advice. - They like us, that's part of it. - That's the full overlap. - Anybody else got any plugs? Listen to it if I were you with Jay Kerowitz. - That's what you're on that podcast call. - Yeah, watch Drawfee. - Drawfee's great. - You're allowed. - Heck man. - Okay guys, thanks so much. - Watch the fall on Netflix. - Billy Anderson's amazing guy. - Yeah, and just a recommendation. Just check out Jillian Anderson's The Fall. - He just looks so good swimming. - Uh-huh. - I will do that. - I'm gonna eat the book club with me, Caldwell and Emily. - But that's a love you've seen every episode of The Fall. - That is correct. - Yes. - You need to be caught up on the fall to get all the references. - 'Cause you, there's a point. - Emily does bring up the fall along. - Yeah. - Single week. - Okay guys, so we'll pick up here next week with our intrepid heroes and all of the people in this town as they've just murdered a bunch of people. - Yeah, I mean, I'm thinking that I'm getting back in that kitchen and whipping us up some good John Bolaya. - Ooh. - Some of that good John Bolaya. - It's a good John Bolaya. - All right, John Breene, John Bolaya. - Muhammad, keep you all and me, the Bobby Yaga will not take you this night. Bye. - That was a hit gun podcast.