EP 07 | Shaadi ya Deal

1 baad bha dha yaa. Akri baar, jha baap ne koi profession networking website, yaa, koi dating website, yaa, koi matrimonial website, kho li ti. Aap ne kya dhikap. Aap ne samne wala ki hizignation de ki, you saw the package, the company that he or she works for, aap nska location kya hai antrasmi. 1 sec, aap mejaj khar li aap ki market me, uski dali bha dhag. Sash to ye hai dhous to ki, yaj ghaal pristne nahi bhan raya. V2B Geels crack raya. Shadi ek corporate transaction bhan chuki hai. Welcome to episode 7 of doubt karo out. I am your host, Prof. Snigdh. Today we will be constructing a arranged marriage, a new transactional market. Our website www.doutkaroout.com. As always, to submit your personal confessions and modern dilemmas anonymously, visit www.doutkaroout.com. Aap ko sif aap ki problem li ki nahi hai and we will take it from there. We are also available in Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube Music, Apple Podcasts and Castbox. So go ahead and take a listen. So let me tell you a real story. Aayu me lte hai dan, danglor ki ria se. Or, unisye sunthe hai ki unge saat kya ho. Aayu ria, welcome to the show, doubt karo out. Pleasure to have you on the show. Hey, thank you so much, Prof. Snigdh. Really happy to be on your show. Hmare listner zab kebare mithula aur jaanna chahingin. Also, take us through what actually happened. I hope my experience can save a lot of people out there. I am 32 years old, fiercely independent, highly educated and now I am at my 10 year career's absolute peak. My apartment is my set routine and my own home is peace of mind. But as soon as I crossed 30, that societal pressure started. You know the drill. Parents ke wo subtle guilt trips or family weddings meh logo ke taraas khate hoe looks. Ye sub milkar ek constant exhausting noise kreet karte hai. Finally, me haar mandi te hong. I end up creating logins on dating side and matrimonial sides. One day I log into a matrimonial side and this a apne to do list ke ek aur corporate task kii taraa kreet karte hi. Within weeks, meh ra ek lurke se match ho tae. On paper, uska profile srif acha nahi tha, it was absolutely flawless. Designation, senior officer at DRDO. Uska salvi package bohat hai hai. And he is incredibly well spoken and polite. Agli kuch mahin ho taak, usne muge bilkul rush nahi hi kia. Usne ek mature, responsible partner ka roll per feckli plekia. And dhire dhire ek psychological safe space pilkardia. Usne shadi ka promis kia. Or step by step, I finally let my god down. The dynamics, subtly started shifting as soon as I started becoming deeply and emotionally invested. Uski emergency's shiru hogei. Oka bhi aggressive demands nahi karta tha. Instead, they used to be reluctant requests rising out of sudden crisis situations. Aik hafte bang account block hogei. The next week a government fund got delayed. Meh thora hesitate hui, but DRDO officer ka badge apne aapne ittnei prestige kari karta hai. Meh ne uskredential per blind lead trust kia. My dhimaag mein logic bilkul sound tha. Aik senior government officer kuchha za rupeo ke li ke bhi jhu to nahi bohlega. Meh ek supportive partner bhandna jhaati thi. Isliye mehne help karni ka decision liya. And before I realized, over the next few days, I had transferred him more than 2.5 lakh rupees. Ik din yapura illusion tood ga. Menni uskoll karni ki koshish ki, but automated avaa zai ki, number does not exist. Muje panek hoonil aga. Menni jaldi se uska flawless profile check karni kia leap kula. Only defined that he had disappeared in the digital void. Vodh desh ki rakshakarne wala koi DRDO officer ne tha. Vokha bhi thai nahi. Vokhe ksi dakh saibur ke fe me badhai ks kamer tha, Who was playing a carefully crafted character so that Vokhe ksi saibur ke fe me badhai ks kamer tha, Who was playing a carefully crafted character so that Vokhe ksi saibur ke fe me badhai ks kamer tha, Let's look at the matrimonial algorithm. Let's look at the matrimonial algorithm. In the first era, how the relationships were connected. We have had a great deal of behaviour and guarantee. Unfortunately, the social network has been finished. We have had a great deal of digital filters. And what filters do we check? Only and only. Electronics. Today, we see a potential partner's salary package, like an HR board, in a resume. We want the 30 lakh per annum package, the Gated Society, 3BHK, the Manager Tag, Vagiravagiram. But we are getting a lot of systemic flaw. A bioritor only tells us how a person survives in an economy. It tells you absolutely nothing about how they will survive a life crisis with you. Scammers and toxic partners know this perfectly. They don't need to be a good person. They just need to fake the perfect bioritor. So, our society is ignoring all the behavioural red flags. Arrogance becomes confidence, controlling nature becomes protectiveness. Why? Because the deal is good. We are teaching this generation to treat a life partner like an acquisition. You get coffee shop and ask HR questions. What is the plan of career? Where do you want to settle? Five year goals, Vagiravagiram. These are all PR answers. And in the obsession of securing the deal, we become blind to the human being sitting across the table. We fall in love with the spreadsheet, not the soul. So, what is the way out? How do you escape from this trap? If you are struggling in an exhausting, arranged market, then scammers, narcissists and intransactional traps, how do you escape from this trap? How do you ensure? that you are protected. Welcome to the Byrita Bipass or what I would like to call as the intent audit. Let's understand the framework to stop swinging for a designation and start finding an anchor. Step 1. Your start date is not an HR interview. This is the end of the day. Ask them questions about their life and what to achieve in their life. Ask them how they are failed. Ask them about their life. For example, what was the biggest professional mistake of your life? And how did you do it right? Ask them to take care of their boss or they will always blame them for their mistakes. You are not getting their success. You are getting their crisis management. Step 2. If you are a luxurious coffee shop, you can sit in a controlled environment for 2 minutes. If you want to see the real thing, then put it in your house. You can go to a drive on a drive with coffee shops and a heavy traffic. You can go to a restaurant where you can get a lot of service. If you notice that when an order is wrong, then how do you talk to the waiter? If you go ahead or go out of the traffic or you go out of the side, then what is their reaction? Does he get angry or he gets scared? Does a person make a mistake for 6 months after his bio-rita? But his nervous system or stress response is very difficult. Step 3. Is for the independent woman listening to this. Marriage is a partnership of 2 independent variables. It is not an acquisition where your identity gets swallowed by his family's surname and societal standing. You need to set your boundaries early. First day, discuss finances. Clear the air that your career will be scaling alongside theirs, not underneath theirs. Other, if your independence or your questions are of the same problem, then remember that your partner is not a single employee. The story of Ria is not just a digital fraud. This is a massive wake-up call for our society. We need to stop treating human relationships like B2B deals. Your ability to pardon my language here is in your salary package. And a successful marriage can never be done by an algorithm. When your wife is down, your time is less and your life is more than a world's pressure. And your life is also a success. Therefore, don't marry a resume. One team should know. If you are currently navigating the chaotic matrimonial market or if you know someone who is treating their dating life like a corporate merger, send this episode to them. It might just save them a lot of money and a lot of heartbreak and maybe just save them from a fraud. Remember to follow us on Instagram, Facebook and LinkedIn at doubtcaro-out. We are posting on the website, on all the social media channels, so you can find us basically in all the places. This is Professor Snigd and I'll see you in the next episode.