48. Energireglering i ADHD.

Hi and welcome to the Dean and the Hody Coach, my name is Ryolanta Eriksson and I am the Dean and the Hody Coach. We are on episode 48 and today we are going to talk about energy. Energy is a very, very important element because there is a very complicated feeling that we have more or less energy we need in Hody, high or low tempo and so on. But it is sooner that we all have the same amount of energy in the ground, but we put more energy on different things, we regulate energy, our nervous system handles it differently, all these things actually split apart, especially depending on different psychological survival strategies that we have developed through the years both on the basis of the fact that you have been masked, that you have been compensated, it can also be different traumas that have made us very sensitive to sound, light, smells that make this can take a lot of energy from us to work, all this external stimuli, so we would be able to really start with this, that we all, neuro-typical, neuro-divergent, regardless of where we are on the spectrum, we all have the same amount of energy. And then someone will say directly "No, you're not, when I wake up in the morning I'm already without energy, okay, I hear you, it can absolutely be so, but it does not depend on the fact that you have it, but there are a lot of other factors that are playing in here." And then we will look a little at the perspective of the nervous system today, let us explore this a little more structured, because it is very important and it is also very liberating to make sure that I actually have access to energy, but I need to think in a completely different way than maybe most of the society does. So the basic thought in this lecture is that we all have the same amount of access to energy, but where energy goes and how energy is regulated depends on our psychological and neurological patterns, and they are often formed by, for example, where on the spectrum we are, about different traumas, different psychological mechanisms that we have developed through life. Everything does not need to start in the classroom, but 9 and often 10 things start, but I have had clients who had a rather alright classroom, but later, somewhere in 10 years or in the early 20s, they have been exposed to many different things, and this is where it starts that you suddenly have a hard time with the regulation of feelings, energy and all their resources and processes. So it can definitely affect different survival strategies that we develop. So where energy goes and how energy is regulated, that's what separates us. There is not a lot of energy we have from the beginning, so basic energy is the same, but on the other hand, maybe it's like this, let's say that you are grown up and you are in a relationship like you are two, and one person has it, you have it, different traumas, maybe this regulation, and the other one is totally just an example of nothing, everything is perfect, if you have fantastic children, if you have fantastic income, the nervous system is super regulated, no matter very little on the spectrum, no challenges and things like that. So the two people will use the same energy in a completely different way. It can be that you are walking away, and the one person is overwhelmed with all the sounds, maybe there is a car that is blowing here, there is someone who is dancing there, his car, there is someone else who is clipping high, and then maybe there are a lot of birds that are chirping, shooting, and the other person can easily get rid of this, everything is just background that is not even there, but it affects you a lot, and in the end of this walk, you are much more exhausted, you have used much more of your energy than the other person, and you have had the exact same walk, and let's say that you are in the same condition, so that we do not connect in here that you are less trained, the other is more trained or something like that, but the self here and let us concentrate on sound can also be like light, some people do not know everything and that there is a lot of light in the summer, but are you like a highly sensitive person or have you been outmatched or have you ... Yes, a completely different system that interprets different external stimuli as a threat, as a very big threat, then the light will also affect you much more, and it will also take much more energy from you to be able to adjust, because our body, and I have talked about in the most previous episodes, a little sound, our body is created to keep up with us all the time, so it should all the time be the balance, so to speak, so that if something hits the balance, then the body tries to adjust in some way, so that it will go beyond this balance, and depending on how much something affects us, of course it will affect how much energy the body will need to use to adjust to this balance, and that's why I often talk, when I talk to clients, I talk about what is called energy leakage, energy leakage, that is, many of us have that, and even others, like neurodivergences, develop different survival strategies that lead to chronically high pressures, i.e. you know this kind of need to adapt to the environment, then it becomes like this, that then it constantly causes energy leakage to be read by others, for example. So again, let's take an example, you are a thief again, and you are going to meet friends, and the one person who is, so to speak, this example without anything, without any requirements, will just meet and will not break so much, the mirror neurons will of course do their job, of course it takes a little energy to be with others and listen and wait for their turn and so on, but it doesn't take as much energy as for you, which constantly reads out every single signal, every single sixth, every single sound. So after one hour, when you have constantly put energy on reading out these friends, then you will be much more tired and you have used much more energy than the other person. So again, it's all about where energy goes. It can also be said that energy leakage depends on you being in constant fight-of-light, constant spinning, acting on micro-stress, the body goes on adrenaline instead of natural energy. Yes, adrenaline is also natural, of course, but we can't go on it all the time, listen again to episode number one, where I talk about this adrenaline versus dopamine. Then it also comes all the time on energy. It can also be said here, this hypervigilance that I talk about in several episodes, constant wakefulness, and then you get tired, tired of it. You get really tired, mentally and physically, and it becomes a kind of tiredness that doesn't feel normal, because the nervous system never really wants it. And it's not just ADHD, it can be ADHD and a combination of lifestyles, i.e. carelessness, trauma, and it can be a combination of different coping strategies, what you have learned, what you need to survive. And then there is this neurobiology, how the brain is believed, how it is wired. And that's why I usually say this, that it doesn't work, because the key to many people's thoughts is, "I have to get more energy, I have to get more energy, because I don't have enough energy." No, no, no, no, no, no. You have energy. The key is not to get more energy without stopping to lack energy, by constantly awakening yourself, by adapting and so on. The key is to regulate the nervous system, so that you feel that you suddenly don't need to observe all the time, you don't have to observe, act, scan, constantly all the time. And then the next thing is not to increase energy without hiding, what I call willpower, performance versus authentic energy flow. And it's very liberating, when I start working with my clients with this and then we go out, we also use different techniques, and it's, among other things, somatic therapy, where I work with the body, with the nervous system, partly also polyvagal theory. And here there are different voices about this. Visa says that it is not completely research-based, although there is a whole lot of research, many say that there is nothing you can touch on, but you have said that the most incredible thing is this. But the thing is that the most incredible thing, and it works for you, it works for you. Then it doesn't matter, it's about the nervous system and so on. For me, for example, it worked. So I get good effects. And then I don't care so much if this is the nervous system that is activated, if it's good, or if it's placebo effect, because the result for me is the same, I feel better. I feel better, and I feel that I am just sympathetic. Meditation and, above all, safe relationships. Safe relationships and then trauma healing. So that you heal through my changes, through my consolidation. And I work with a lot of my clients with manifestation, with visualization, with the change in the mind and the traumatic mind, above all. Because these things don't have a neuropsychiatric support, but they have a reaction to different emotional burdens. And what I have said earlier is that we are born with a vision, we are born with a vision. And then it depends on what the environment does to us. So if the child learns all the time our alerts, scan his environment, then he dreams of dissociating, acting quickly, as a strategy to protect himself or to get contact or a dream. Yes, then it becomes an emotional burden that then forms all of you. And above all, you just regulate everything in you. Your feelings, your energy. So the thing is that it is very exciting to actually be aware of what it is that makes me have energy. So what takes a lot of energy from me? And then be able to design your life. If I know that dealing with other people makes me feel very energetic, then it takes a lot of energy from me. Yes, then maybe I shouldn't plan three intensive social days in a row. Because I need to interact socially. Because there are different kinds of interaction. Social interaction, physical interaction, mental interaction, creative interaction, and so on and so forth. That means a lot. And I need to think about this. In the same way, there is a social burden, physical burden. If you go to a gym, it will absolutely not do a program where you are going to do legs seven days in a row. But then you do legs, maybe one day, then you willer them, and then maybe the next day you do over the body. I don't know, one day you do a little more strength, and then maybe a little more endurance, cardio, or something like that. It is done because different body parts get the opportunity to want to look like themselves. And then we do this, we know who would be able to say, "Of course you shouldn't do legs seven days a week." But then the same person sometimes exposes himself for a certain amount of social, a lot of these things, maybe three or four days a week in a row. And then, "Oh, no, I'm out of it. I don't want to, I just want to fly, I just want to turn on the toilet, go into the bathroom, and take a filter over me and not go out for a week." Yes, because it works the same way if you do your legs seven times a week, seven days one after one, then you wouldn't be able to walk, you would get spaghetti legs. So it's the same thing with the brain. Look at the brain as an organ, like which organ is healthy in your body. If you're super angry, your liver will say, "Hello, is that enough? We can't do that. The brain will also say, "We can't." It's the same thing if you're upset, you almost get the social backfill. So let us see instead, and it's like a strategy. If you are, for example, very fast at reading the moods, if you have this emotional awareness, then maybe you should go out with people and do it a little shorter. I have several clients who have learned, for example, that if they are going to go, "Let's see now, when I'm recording this episode, it's my summer day." My summer afternoon is a weekend that the Swedes like to go out with each other. And it can be very refreshing, there are a lot of children who run, it's going to be grilled, it's going to be one or the other, like dancing, dancing, singing and so on, drinking. And it can be very refreshing for a person who has a lot of energy. And to go for a walk half an hour in the middle of the whole case, a single walk, and just walk out for a while. And think, I've already read so many, I've already gone around, mined, I've already talked to so many. Now my brain needs to change. And then you can come back a little at the end again and hang on. But creating strategies, we are positive, we are creative, so that we know how to create awareness or, for example, avoid conflicts. You can, in some way, use these different strategies. We can also, thanks to our cognitive dynamics, distract us from words, loneliness and so on. So use your cognitive dynamics in a smart way, then you will be able to drive it more than you are the leader of it. Because if you think it's so exciting to talk to people, I get so many excuses and, but I feel so great, but then talk with one person at a time, maybe, and not with the whole group, because then it's a billion different things to give to the nervous system to read about. So it's important to understand that our energy should go to life, and not just to survival. So it's not like we lack energy. It's like 70-90% of our energy goes to keep up with our inner world, handle the words, think 5 steps ahead, avoid feelings, blah, blah, blah. And what we often call anxiety, what I usually say and have in mind, it's often not physical relaxation, it's psychic tension that doesn't want to hold on any longer. It's like you go and train your legs, and in the end they just leave, there's nothing left. And the same goes for the brain. If you press, press, press, so in the end you say, "No, I'm not doing it, you just have to go, you can't do it because you're panicking." So it's very, very important to understand that the reason for energy regulation is just that the autonomous nervous system is regulated. So we have a nervous system that is supposed to be regulated by itself when it's completely free. And then it's regulated by how we use our energy. We have three main points. We have the ventral vagus, through energy, safety, nervousness, you feel you have contact, social contact, close contact, you can feel creative. Then we have this sympathetic, and it's the drive, the stress, the adrenaline, the performance, the fight or the reflection, and it's both good and bad. And then we have this dorsal vagus, and it's this collapse. Rebellion, disconnection, dissociation, density. And the problem lies in that a lot of people with ADHD-like monsters or with ADHD-diagnosis pendulate quickly between this sympathetic and dorsal. Sympathetic and dorsal, sympathetic and dorsal. So before you are stress-driven, stress-driven, and then the recovery collapses. Stress-driven, stress-driven, recovery collapses. Very rarely in this ventral, through energy, safe, balanced, harmonious, close to each other, you just have this nice feeling of flow, love, joy, a kind of pleasure, a balance, simply. And what makes this, is actually not the ADHD in itself, but it's the survival system that has done, that has created, because we have perhaps grown up with insecurity, feeling of being in a state of emergency, or a lack of performance. And then the body learns to change between these two. What I very often train with my clients, when it comes to energy regulation, is a challenge, and that you can also take if you want. Namely, not to run out of energy under them. But when you feel that the clock is 5, 6 in the afternoon, and you still feel energy, that you are not going to find anything just for that. Because I also lived like this, I thought that energy is added to be spent. Energy is added to be used, it should run out of energy. I didn't understand, can you lay down in the evening and be relaxed? What? Then I should go and do something, or do something. Because it is first of all then, that you will have access to this ventral vagus system, and not just brush it very strongly and brutally between this sympathetic and dorsal vagus. And he says, "Yes, but I can have energy for it, and that's fine." It is very difficult, because it is very much connected to self-feeling. It is very much connected to... If we identify ourselves as people who are worthy of being only based on performance. If it is like this, then as soon as you will sit down, it will be very difficult for you to let go of your head, because you will think, "I am worthless right now." I am worthless, I have to go and do something, otherwise I won't be there. I mean, I won't be there. And there is really, there really is the biggest challenge. Because I have as many clients as possible, or I also follow them, because there are different people who write to me, who think like this. "Yes, but when I have renovated the suburb, then I will take my time, then I will take my time to make a living." Or when the whole fucking week is over at work, then I sleep. Although it never happens, because you are looking for a new one all the time, or what. But when you have got the job that I am waiting for right now, then I will invest in myself and work on myself. I have so many people like that, because except for those who come to me as clients, I have so many people who write to me and say, "I will do it again, I want to go against you and God." But I don't have such a good economy right now, so I wait for, and I feel like, "Yes, but you write like this, just that you regret yourself, because right now you don't dare, you don't have the feeling of yourself enough to come." And I was also like this, so I know exactly how it works. So I also went round and round, like beating around the bush, before I set up my first coach. And I thought, "Oh, God, it costs so much." But I had a really easy time setting up for others, and putting as much money as possible on my son, or something like that. There was no role in the game, sometimes it was really shit, there was no role in the game. When I went to massage, I was so happy and turned every crown in my hand, and then I looked for a cheaper place. Because I thought, "Oh, I don't think there's that much for 700." And then I went to this massage for 700 and thought, "Fuck, she can't even massage." And then I didn't go anymore, because I thought, "Yes, you still have to pay for it." Until I started working on my so-called cognitive extensions, because that's exactly where it is, cognitive extension. And I began to regulate my feelings, my self- feelings. With this, I began to regulate my energy. And then it was pretty self-evident for me to pay 1500 for massage, and go there, and lie on this bench, and just enjoy. Enjoy, and feel like, "Wow, if two weeks I go again." But this doesn't come by itself, and it won't be by listening to a pad, it won't be by reading a book by yourself. It comes with, you have to spend a lot of time and energy to really make a real change. And I promised you that the change is possible, so that's what it is. You have a choice, you can do it. And the same thing when it comes to learning to feel your nervous system, and to learn to feel your energy, you need someone who leads you, someone who knows how to do it. Because you won't be able to just sit down and say, "Okay, okay, this takes a lot." You can learn to feel a certain degree what triggers me, what takes energy. But it's very, very like this, you just scratch on the surface, because sometimes I ask my clients or tell them things, and they just feel, "Oh, I've never thought of it this way." And that's what my coach also does for me, that I get questions that I think, "Wow, I haven't even thought of words from that perspective." And that's what we sometimes need to stop. Sometimes we don't even use adrenaline as a driving force. It's hard to get started with a super-strong energy crisis. Adrenaline, darling. It's easy to overprice quickly, but then you collapse afterwards. Adrenaline, darling. And your identity may be connected to being fast, sharp, productive, but at the cost of the nervous system itself. Adrenaline. And it's very difficult to discover it yourself. I also got to work hard to discover what it was, and above all, what drives me to this. What drives me to this. I've had several clients who think that the secret case is the best. If I write a text to someone and I'm a bit unsure of what they're going to answer, I might write the last sentence, "You don't have to answer, it's easy, it's easy." It's just that you yourself decide if the person doesn't want to answer and you don't want to suffer. To be brave and brave is to not write this last sentence and let them decide for themselves and regardless of what they decide. So you know that I have resources in me and in order to regulate my feelings and my energy, so regardless of what happens, I can take it. And there are not many of us who have it like this, the opposite of what you need to train, exactly in the same way as you train your legs on the gym, that's true. Because the thing is that if you look at this with ADHD and energy connection a little more, and we maybe share it, but let's look at focus, that is, focus. And a common thing to say about ADHD is that people with ADHD have trouble concentrating. Yes, that might be true, but depending on what you do during the time, have you trouble concentrating, or have you trouble concentrating because your nervous system is constantly scanning afterwards? So you're distracted. There you have this trauma-energy image, so let's look at impulsivity, as it is also said. But yes, it's about thinking first, then you talk about people with ADHD. Yes, not always, because very often it comes very quickly, and then you say, "Oh my God, you are so unthinkable, you're going on impulse." No, it might be that there is a reason for control and control for loss, that you want to avoid ignorance, or overactivity. That people with ADHD are always restless, always in touch. But the thing with this is that from the nervous system image, the touch is safety and stability is the main thing. Because in silence, we scan, we sit still, because there is the lion, and now you shouldn't touch yourself. It's something else. Now you can touch yourself freely, dance and jump, when you feel comfortable. And I would give you an example of how this energy is going on in different ways, and everything is hanging together all the time. The most important thing is to learn how the nervous system is going on. Am I tired? Or am I in a freeze collapse state? Am I active right now, energy-filled? Or am I on a flight from something, and driving all of me on adrenaline? So, what I do a lot with is, and what I recommend is that, for example, I start to shift from getting better at something, to becoming more safe in the body. And there are many things that I do with safety, such as physical exercises, eye contact, activity meditation, no, and a lot of mental training, mental training, mental training. And then I said that we are building on the relationship with the will, that the will is not the sound, it is the reparation of the nervous system, it is the reparation. We repair, so to speak, and it's very good to think like that. The will can be slow, the will can be creative, the will can be quiet, the will can be natural, the will can be playful, the will can be, whatever it is, as long as it is without a goal. For example, creativity without a goal, you should not create a fucking table. Because there will be energy medicine again, because there will be pressure and stress. Because you should be able to will in, for example, the painting, and energy should come to, that is, it should be repaired and collected, instead of being used. So you just need to have a will. So that's the thing, that you need to have a will. Likewise, if you are going to will and want to get energy from slow movement and not lack energy, then you need to do it without the performance, without dying yourself or so. So it's very exciting with energy and it has that, but the main thing and the main thought that I really want to look at with everyone is, where energy is going and how energy is being regulated, that's what it's about. And with the thought that it is like that, and that the foundation for me is that we still have the same amount of energy, it means that we can actually regulate ourselves so much and make such a good summary of how our psychological and neurological patterns look like, so we can actually manage to adapt our whole being, actually, to the fact that as much energy as possible should be saved and not be neglected, and be used for what we want and not for things we don't want. We will never be able to completely remove certain energy sources. And especially if it's about things like sound, light. Because we can actually not completely isolate ourselves from the rest of the world. It can be in periods, but not the rest of the world. And it's not what the goal is, but the goal is to create a simple thing. Every time I go to Likamaxi in the last few years, I have such loops in my ear. I could have gone to Likamaxi without loops, I know that there is no problem, I can do it, but I know that if I stop the loops in the ear, I actually save energy, so that I have more energy left. So it's not about if you can or can't do anything, but can I make it easier for my nervous system, so that more energy is saved, actually. And some times I've forgotten loops and then I've gone without them, I haven't said that I'm dying, but I know that I'm going on a walk. I always take my sunglasses off for a while. I do this, because I think, why should I restrain myself unnecessarily? That's the thing, soft clothes, much more now for a while than what I did before. For me, number one is important. How do I feel about all these things that cause energy? If you're busy at work all day, then you lack a lot of energy, because your body has to work all the time against an unpleasant inconvenience and so on. What do you stop in yourself? Same thing. Is it heavy, calorie food, like rich food or scrap food? Then it takes so much more energy for the body to handle it, for the whole nervous system and so on. But if you eat a good amount that doesn't make you tired, doesn't require too much work from the stomach, that you have good fibers, good proteins, good fats and so on, then you understand. That's where you'll save energy. So every thing you do during the day is something that will take energy and affect the regulation of it. And if you really want to save energy, then you really need to have a nervous system perspective to know what affects my nervous system. So that's very, very important. For example, I always take a bath, I always take a bath with me. And I pause several times when I'm playing here now to drink a little water. I would absolutely be able to do a half an hour or 40 minutes of babbling and then I feel like after a while I have to go for a drink. But then I already have the exhausting body as much, so it will take more energy for me than if I take a little nap all the time and add this lightness in the form of a wetsuit. So that I don't need to strain myself. So think about it. What is your need? Try to find out where do I get the most energy? Why do I have to do this in this case? How could I make it easier for myself? And if you want to work properly, then welcome to me. So I really teach you how to work with energy. And above all, how can you work away from energy leakage? A lot of things when it comes to energy leakage are very unknowingly. We do it against each other. And a coach can help you to catch up to all these things. But with this said, I want everyone to have a nice rest of the month. And surely many who go to the semester have a nice time. Take care of your energy in the semester. You don't need to overpriced, overbook, over 22. The semester is actually going to be on a lead, and then it's going to be on a lead from everything. Try to have a little challenge for you. Try to have enough energy. And then you'll see how it's getting in the body. It can be that you almost get anger in the head, because you think. That's how it is in the beginning. Everything you change brings stress first, and then it starts to change. But you still have a challenge. Try to have enough energy in the evening. And write to me. Write to me how it's been, because you've known about this. It's going to be really fun, and then I can tell you a little in the next episode. And I just want to thank everyone for all the comments as usual. I want to thank everyone for all the stories you send to me. All the stories, all the questions, and so on. All the wishes and so on. And thank you for listening to this episode. And see you in the next episode. Bye!