Emotional Intelligence is Overrated if You Can't Pay Your Bills

Welcome back to another episode of the Self Work podcast this is season 2 episode 7. And in today's episode I want to talk about emotional intelligence. Specifically, why so many people struggle to build it and why that struggle in of itself has nothing to do with how much they care or how hard you are trying. This episode essentially is permission. Permission to stop beating yourself up for something that was never actually possible for you in the first place. Because upon thinking about this, there's a truth that nobody says out loud which is emotional intelligence is not equally accessible to everyone. It actually requires specific conditions to grow and most of us were never given those conditions not in our childhood, not in our homes and for a lot of you not even right now the life that you live right now emotional intelligence is essentially a luxury. So by the end of this episode I want you to understand why the struggles you have make sense. We're also going to talk about the biology behind it. What actually has to come first before any of this inner work can stick. So let's get into this episode. The first thing I want to talk about is the promise emotional intelligence makes because why has emotional intelligence become the thing everyone is chasing right now. You cannot go on TikTok Instagram. You can't even go to therapy or read a self-help book without someone talking about emotional intelligence or EQ. This whole entire podcast is foundationally built around emotional intelligence. The concept of self-awareness, regulation, empathy, knowing your triggers, knowing your attachment styles. And I want to make things extremely clear. This episode isn't dismissing emotional intelligence because it is extremely important. But upon reflection I want to push forward or bring forward a question that no one is genuinely asking. What does it actually take to build emotional intelligence? What are the conditions required for a human being to develop the ability to sit with their emotions, to regulate them, to understand them and to be able to communicate them clearly? Think about it because everyone always talks about the destination. Everyone tells you to be emotionally intelligent. But nobody tells you what has to be true first in order for that to even be possible. And this is where this conversation falls apart because we live in a world that is selling emotional intelligence. As though I guess it is equally accessible to everyone. As though every single person listening to this has the same starting point. And this is one of the biggest lies the self-help industry has ever told. Which brings me on to what I actually want to talk about. And that is what survival state actually is. And I want to introduce this concept because this is going to reframe everything for you. When I say survival state, I'm not just talking about being broke. I'm not talking about financially struggling which most of you guys have probably experienced or are currently experiencing. I'm talking about something slightly more broader. Survival state is what happens when your nervous system is chronically, emphasis on the word chronically, under threat. And that threat can look like a lot of different things. It can be financial pressure. It can be unstable home environments. It can be a job that you hate that you cannot afford to leave. It can be a relationship that is constantly draining. It can be years of unresolved stress that have accumulated in your body. Without ever, I guess properly being discharged. It can be a household where there is constant tension, constant noise and most importantly, constant unpredictability. All of these things individually when you combine them all together, put your nervous system into a state of chronic high alert. And here's why this matters. When your nervous system is in that state, when your body genuinely believes consciously or unconsciously that it is under threat, your brain does something very specific. And when you study, biology or even neuroscience, and you spend a bit of time reading around these topics, you end up realizing your brain re-rutes its resources almost always. The prefrontal cortex is the primary thing where this part is involved or responsible for your rational thinking, for your emotional regulation, even to be an empath. If you want to actually relate to people and connect to people on an emotional level, or even make long term decisions, that part of your brain goes offline. It doesn't go offline completely, but it significantly reduces its power. Because your brain in that moment does not care about your emotional intelligence. Your brain has been repeating many times over, only cares about one thing, survival. Get through this, get through today. And that is not a character flaw. It's not weakness. This is literally your biology doing exactly what it was designed to do. So when someone, and I don't know if anyone listening to this can relate to this, if you're in a genuine survival state right now, and I'm talking about a daily lived reality where you're struggling, you're in that survival fight or flight state, and you're told to work on your emotional intelligence. What that person is being asked to do is use a part of their brain that their nervous system has already shut down. And then when they struggle, when they snap and when they shut down, and I guess when they cannot regulate themselves, and they feel completely overwhelmed, we call them emotionally unintelligent, we call them immature, we tell them, oh, you need to start doing the inner work or the self work. I run like that. This whole podcast is built around this. But I do believe this is such an important episode for anyone listening to this because it's going to reframe the way you see emotional intelligence. Because the cruelty of that is when you understand what is actually happening in that person's body, it's staggering. It's unfortunate because it is not just that awareness does not help in a survival state. Sometimes it actually makes things harder. And the reason why it makes things harder is because most people assume that awareness is always helpful. And in the right conditions, I'll definitely agree that awareness is one of the most powerful tools a human being can have. But there is this version. And as I said, no one talks about this. That if you have awareness in the wrong conditions, it actually traps you. It does not free. And I've seen this so many times in the people I know, people that DM me clients that I've worked with. And if I'm being honest, I personally believe I've experienced a version of this myself. Because here's what actually happens. You start consuming self-development content, you start going to therapy, you start learning about nervous systems, about attachment styles. And I guess how your childhood has shaped you into who you are as an adult. And you become more aware. And I believe you deeply become aware of your patterns. You can see the triggers. You can even articulate exactly where they came from. Most people say, yeah, I'm an avoided. Yeah, I'm anxious. You can trace it all the way back to who was the primary cause of all of this. You've done the intellectual work. You've understood yourself. But here's where it takes a turn. Life happens. Someone says something to you or let's say a situation triggers you. And you watch yourself react in exactly the way you always have. You snap. Some people may shout down. You over-explain. You go cold. You do the thing that you usually do. And now because you are aware, you do not just have the reaction. You have the reaction as well as the commentary on top of it. Doesn't it sound crazy? You can say, I know why I'm doing this. I know why this is my abandonment window. I know why this is coming from childhood. I can see it. And I still cannot stop it. And that gap is very debilitating. The gap between knowing and being able to change when you are in survival state does not close. It actually widens because the awareness is real, but the capacity to act on it, the capacity to change is not there yet. So instead of awareness being liberating. How many of you guys can relate to this where you feel stuck, you feel drowned by the fact that you know your problems and you cannot change? It becomes another thing you use against yourself, another piece of evidence that you are broken. I know better and I still cannot do better. What is wrong with me? There's nothing wrong with you. And I'm giving you full permission to let go of the idea that you are broken. You are not. You are aware inside a body that is still in survival mode. And awareness without the nervous system capacity or regulation to act on it is not healing. It never works. It's just how do I even phrase this? It's just a more sophisticated way of self torture. And this pattern does not just show up in individuals. It shows up across entire generations, which is why even when you look at your family and your parents and your relatives, everyone's in a survival state, you look towards them and tell them, Hey, you know, why can't you be more emotionally intelligent? Not understanding that that is a luxury. Because your parents were not cold. They were surviving. And as I said, I want to take this to a more personal place now because we need to talk about the generational side of this. And specifically, I want to talk about ethnic households because I know a significant number of you listening to this come from or came from immigrant backgrounds, from diaspora backgrounds, from households where the culture and the emotional environment were shaped by an entirely different set of pressure. One of the most common things I see personally, especially in the younger generation, is this quiet resentment towards parents. This expectation that your parents should have been emotionally available, should have been able to sit with their feelings. You know, they should have been able to validate you or achieve to you, hold spacefully, make you feel amazing. And when they were not, you internalized that as rejection, as evidence that something was wrong with you, as proof that you were not worth being seen. Now I want to say something that may be slightly uncomfortable. Most of your parents were not emotionally unavailable because they did not love you. They were emotionally unavailable because they were in a survival state and they never left it. Think about what your parents actually came from for a second. Let's not be. ignorant here. If your parents immigrated, they arrived somewhere unfamiliar with limited resources, limited language, limited is the emphasis word. They've even had limited understanding of the systems around them. Everything required them to be in a fight mode because they had no way to escape. They had to get through this. And because there was no bandwidth for emotional achievement and this is extremely important to understand, let's not be a generation of people that lack empathy that are completely disrespectful and you know entitled. I feel like as a generation where becoming extremely insufferable, your parents didn't have that luxury. They didn't have the bandwidth for emotional achievement. There was no space for them to sit with their feelings because feelings were a luxury that survival does not allow. There's even a thing 50 cents said a while back on a podcast and he said, "Where I'm from, the fact that you can sit there and think about your mental health problems is a luxury. Being depressed is a luxury." And I used to think, what is he talking about? Oh, he was just waffling. Just think about your parents for a second. They came to a country. There's no off-button. There's no day where I can sit there and do nothing. Their whole entire thing was, we come to the West, we make a life ourselves. I have kids, I need to raise my kids. I have to work. I have to put food on the plate. Think about your mothers. You know, maybe fathers can survive in a world where they can shut off their emotions because a man just does, does, does. But then when you look at your mothers, women are meant to be emotionally available. Women are meant to be emotionally sound. But if they don't have that luxury and they have no off-day, it's unfortunate because even if your parents did not immigrate, they were born and raised in the country you grew up in. Many of them still came from household shaped by scarcity, by communities navigating poverty, discrimination, instability, this weird sense of nationalism and ego. Their parents were in a survival state and they passed on a nervous system, calibrated for threat. Not because they wanted to, not because someone sat there and said, "Yeah, this is what I choose, but this is what generational curse and this is what generational trauma looks like. This is what generations of unprocessed survival does. It gets handed down in the body. It's not something that logically gets passed on and this is what annoys me sometimes, where people look at it from a conversational level. Trauma or nervous system dysfunction gets passed through your body in the patterns and the emotional language of the home. So when people say, "Why could my parents not just be more emotionally available?" I want to offer you a different question. Where your parents ever knocked in a survival state long enough to develop that capacity themselves. Sit with it for a second. Most of your parents are still working a shitty job. They're working just about to make ends meet so they can put food on your plate for you to look at your mom and dad and say, "Hey, my dad, you know, I feel like you're not emotionally available." Well, that's unfortunate. And sometimes it can be a bit distasteful to me and I do acknowledge that some parents absolutely abuse their power and put their kids in unfortunate situations. But I'm talking generally, you cannot give what you were never taught and you cannot model something as a parent that you never really experienced and criticizing your parents for not being emotional, intelligent or emotionally intelligent when their entire lives were structured around not falling apart. It's like criticizing someone for not knowing how to swim when no one ever taught them and they've been drowning their whole entire life. And this is not me telling you, as I said, I keep repeating this to excuse harmful behavior because if your parents were abusive, this is a separate conversation. I am not conflating emotional unavailability with abuse. What I am saying is this. The gap you felt growing up, the absence of being truly seen in your childhood home. In most cases was not about you. It was about a generation of people who were never given the conditions to develop what you are now asking them to develop. And you are the first one in your family to even be asking these questions. Does it not occur to you sometimes? You are in such a privileged position that you can talk about emotional intelligence. You can talk about being emotionally available because you've been given the breathing room to just set there in your room, twiddling your thumbs, just being on your phone and just relaxing. Ask yourself, when was the last time you saw your parents do nothing for a stretch of time? This is not a small thing and this is why sometimes I do get a roundup about this because yes, we can acknowledge the abuse. Yes, we can acknowledge some parents aren't good, but to generalize this and point fingers at your parents is what is making this generation narcissistic and to take things one step further and peel off a layer. One of the things that frustrates me at times is most people are now being told to build emotional intelligence while still being inside the exact same conditions that made it impossible to begin with. And this is where it gets really important. The cruel irony is acknowledging that you cannot heal in the same environment that broke you. It is one thing to understand why emotional intelligence in of itself is hard to build, but a completely different thing to recognize that most people are being told to build it while still inside the same conditions that made it impossible in the first place. Think about who the self-development industry is primarily speaking to. It is speaking to people who are struggling, people who are stressed, overwhelmed, in disgusting, horrible toxic relationships, difficult jobs, difficult even financial situations, people who are in most cases in a survival state. And what are they selling these people? Emotional intelligence, awareness, healing, processing, and then when those people cannot implement what they are being taught, when they got between knowing and doing does not close, the industry answer is always the same. What do they say? And I feel like at times I fall into this by trying my best to give you guys the best information. Most of the industry will tell you you need to go deeper, you need to do more work, you need another course, another framework, another tool. And I want to be honest with you here, sometimes the answer is not more aware, and sometimes the answer is fewer threats. Sometimes what your nervous system needs is not another journaling prompt. And I guess I'll talk about journaling all the time. Sometimes all it needs, and this is me being quite frank and upfront with you guys, it needs the financial pressure to ease your broke right now, you need to make money. It needs the unstable relationship that you currently have with your family or your friends or even your partner to resolve. It needs your living situation to change. It needs something concrete in your external world to shift so that your nervous system can finally come down from higher alert so that the part of you that is capable of growing has the space and the safety to actually operate. You cannot heal in the same environment that keeps wounding you and this is not a mindset problem, this is pure biology. And I think this is what breaks so many people who are genuinely trying. They are trying to do the inner work whilst the outer conditions are still chaotic. They are trying to regulate their nervous system that has no reason to believe it is safe yet. Do you know how important that is to understand your nervous system doesn't even believe that it's safer yet you're trying to say, let me breathe in, let me do some breath work. And I guess that's where I missed the mark. I'm going to take accountability here because I should have made this one of the first ever episodes. And it actually dawned on me when I was speaking to one of my clients and I came to this conclusion that you cannot regulate yourself or you cannot build emotional intelligence if your body isn't a survival state. You're trying to do the inner work whilst the outer conditions are chaotic as I said. And then you blame yourself for not progressing and you think there's something fundamentally wrong with you. And actually, you're just trying to build a house in the middle of a storm and I guess wondering why the walls keep falling. So what actually comes first and it's important to acknowledge this. What comes first before all of this? If emotional intelligence cannot be built in survival state, if awareness without having safety just becomes what I said earlier, which is self torture, then we need to talk about what actually comes first because I don't want to leave you guys with just a diagnosis. I want to give you guys something practical that you can actually use in your own lives. And the answer is more simpler than what the self-help industry tries to push on you. And it requires you to be honest about where you actually are. Not where social media tells you to be. So let's talk about the first thing. Very important. I call this stabilization. Before you can build emotional intelligence, you need to reduce the number of active threats in your environment, which I mentioned earlier. And I mean this practically, what in your life right now is keeping your nervous system in higher alert. Is it money? Is it your living situation? Is it a relationship? Is it your job? Name it. Because until you address the source of what is causing this survival state, you're fighting upstream. You're trying to develop a capacity that your biology is actively sabotaging. Your biology is the sabotage. Let me give you a real example. Imagine someone who is three months behind on rent. Every single day before they have even opened their eyes properly, the facts hit them. You know, they carry it through their morning, they carry it to work, they carry it through every interaction they have because their nervous system is running in the background like an alarm that never switches off. Now go up to that person. I dare you. Go up to that person and tell them, you know, you need to work on your emotional regulation. You need to be more present in your relationships, try to be more empathetic. And that person tries, but they cannot get there. They cannot get there fully because you cannot be emotionally present when your brain is still solving for survival. It's trying to get you out of the survival state. The rent is the problem. Address the rent, give the nervous system something to work with. then the emotional work can begin. And the second thing is what I call execution over insight. When you're in survival state, action is more therapeutic than reflection. I can promise you, taking action will help you much more than sitting and reflecting. Doing one thing that gives you a sense of agency, which is paying a bill, applying for a job, having a conversation that you've been avoiding, going to the gym, that single action does more for your nervous system than an hour of journaling about why you're struggling thus. Because your nervous system responds to evidence, always remember this. Your nervous system is evidence based. If it can see, oh, we're making progress, all praise be to God. Thank you. You're broke. You make your first good paycheck, a couple thousand pounds. You pay off your debt. I feel good now. And the evidence is what you need right now, not insight. It is the proof that you can change your circumstance. And this is what starts to bring it down, which is your nervous system from higher alert to being comfortable. And I've experimented with this personally. There have been many periods in my life where I was consuming content, reading, thinking, reflecting and still feeling completely stuck. And I'm not saying reflection is not valuable, by the way. I am super big on reflection. But because I hadn't moved anywhere, I haven't really done anything. It didn't make a difference. And there is something about action that you can never undermine, even small action, which is why they tell you if you're in a rut, just do something to get a mini win out of your day. Just something. It could be even going for a walk. Because that changed the internal state in a way that thinking about action simply cannot. Your body essentially does not know the difference between a small win and a big win. It just knows that you moved. And it just knows that you did something. Now, the third thing is extremely important, which is permission. And this is what most people, I guess, resist the most. Everyone that I work with, 80% of them have this blockade. This is what really stops them. The permission to not be emotionally intelligent yet. Permission is very important because permission to acknowledge that you are in a survival state and that you are emotionally unavailable is not a character flaw. It doesn't make you weak. It is a natural response to your conditions. Always remember this. Just keep repeating this. I am not broken. I am a person who has been in an environment that has kept my nervous system on higher alert for years or maybe my whole entire life. And nobody, an emphasis on nobody, builds emotional intelligence in that state. Not me, not you, not Andrew Hubertman, not anyone you see. And once you give yourself that permission, once you stop using your emotional struggles as evidence of your brokenness, something very interesting starts to happen. The self-judgment that you have within yourself starts to ease. And when the self-judgment eases a small amount of safety enters. And when a small amount of safety enters, you can see where I'm going with this. Even just a little, the nervous system starts to exhale. And that exhale, even the tiniest amount is what brings you down from being in a chronically high state survival mode. And this is where your emotional intelligence really begins to grow. But what does that look like? You're probably wondering. I'm a super practical person. What does real emotional intelligence or EQ look like? Because I don't want you guys to think that emotional intelligence is useless and this is scanned. Because it is not. When it's built on the right foundation, as I've mentioned earlier, it is one of the most powerful things that you can do to develop yourself. But real emotional intelligence, not the performative kind that therapy teaches you and tick tock teaches you, where you talk about your-- (laughs) Thanks for your love. Where you talk about your attachment styles, I tend to know with someone. You're going on a date with someone, you're talking to a woman, and you say, hey, what's your attachment styles? And you're having a conversation about this. That's nonsense. Real emotional intelligence is quiet. It is the ability to feel something intensely and not be controlled by it. It is the ability for you to be present in a difficult moment instead of shutting your body down or escalating. It is the ability to read another person with enough accuracy that you know what they actually need. Not just what they are saying. Can you do that for your friends? Most of you cannot do that because you can't do it for yourself. You see when people complain about loneliness and no one connecting and everyone or nobody's emotionally available, that's because you're never systems jacked up. You don't even give yourself the breathing room to be able to connect with yourself and that's why you cannot connect with people. Because as I said, emotional intelligence, a part of it is the ability to read another person with enough accuracy that you know exactly what they need. And it's the ability to ultimately sit with discomfort, real discomfort, without reaching for a distraction to escape. So let's actually make this concrete. Let's make this solid. Emotional intelligence is the person who gets criticized at work. And instead of immediately getting defensive or shutting down, they breathe. And they genuinely consider whether there is truth in what was said and respond from a place of clarity rather than reaction. They're not reactionary. And this isn't a small thing, by the way. It takes a lot of time to become good at this. This is what I call real internal capacity. Emotional intelligence, another example is the person in a relationship who notices they are getting triggered in real time. And instead of projecting onto their partner, they are able to say, I am feeling something right now and I need to sit with. Give me a minute. Or you know, give me a minute, I'm just going to reflect on what was said. That requires a level of self awareness and regulation that only comes after sustained work in a condition that allowed that work in of itself to land. I hope that's making sense to all of you guys, by the way. This is real gems. I promise you, people charge thousands of dollars to give you this piece of information. And I guess to even add to this, apart that a lot of people underestimate is emotional intelligence being, acknowledging, I should say, when you are not okay and not having to perform being okay, not pushing through. Genuinely knowing your own state and being honest about it. Because a lot of people who are struggling emotionally are not struggling because they lack awareness in the intellectual sense. They know something is wrong. They just do not have the capacity to name it clearly, sit with it or communicate it to people around them without it becoming a mess. And that capacity in of itself, the ability to translate what's happening inside of you and being able to express it and show people your internal state is what emotional intelligence actually gives you. And to repeat this again, it can only develop when the nervous system has enough space to actually process rather than just survive. And here is something that I actually find extremely interesting about people who genuinely have it. Emotional intelligence itself does not announce. It doesn't announce itself. The people I have met in my life, which is many people who have genuine emotional death. I'm talking about the grounded regulated version. The ones are able to navigate difficult situations. Have you ever seen someone and they're going through a tough time but they're able to just handle it gracefully? Or you're having an argument with someone and the person just remains calm and relaxed puts their arm around your shoulder and says, "Hey bro, what's triggering this? Where is this coming from?" They are the types of people when something hard happens essentially, they do not collapse and explode. They just deal with it. And this is what you are building towards. Not something that is very performative where you have to show people on the internet on TikTok or Instagram stories that you're healing or performing vulnerability online where you post a video talking about your vulnerabilities. That is all nonsense. This is what you have to build. And the order to recap is stability first, safety first, and learn to reduce the active threats in your life first. And when you're able to do this, when your nervous system has something to work with, then you do the inner work. Then the awareness becomes useful. And then you can journal. You see how it is a stepping stone. Look at your life right now. What area in your life is causing you the most threat? What is causing you the dysfunction? Get yourself into a stable state first. To even throw this out there and to go on a tangent. One of the reasons why I really hate the idea of leaving your job and completely free styling life is, if you're not in a luxury position, if your parents don't have thousands of dollars in the bank and you don't have a house that your parents owed, so you don't have access to fall back onto you, do you see how that advice can be really bad? So if someone tells you, yeah, just leave your job, go absolutely broke for 10 months and just completely figure it out. And then you're going to start a business on the back end. Doesn't work for most people. So let's actually get into the practical part of all of this because what is a self-work podcast episode without something to take away? And as per usual, I want you guys to grab a pen and paper. And I want you to write this down. The first thing you are going to address is your current state and this is extremely important to me. And I want you to specifically write about where you are right now, not the version that you want to be. On a scale of one to 10, how stable does your life actually feel? Let's talk about the following metrics or the parameters that we can use. Financially, relationally, physically, what does your living situation look like? What does your daily stress levels look like? Be honest with yourself because if you're sitting at a four or a five, the most important thing you can do for your emotional intelligence right now is not another self-awareness exercise. It is identifying which area is putting the most pressure on your nervous system and making one concrete move towards addressing this. This week, do it now. The next thing is what I call auditing your "in a narrative". When you snap and when you shut down, when you cannot access the empathy or when you feel emotionally flat. What do you say to yourself in that moment? Because if the answer is anything close to what is wrong with me, I should be better than this. I have. I have. done all of this work and I'm still useless, write that down. And I want you to replace it with something that is actually accurate. Something like this, and I'll give you an example. I am in a survival state. My nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do. I am not broken. I am failing. I'm in a set of conditions that makes this hard. And I'm going to address those conditions rather than blame myself for my response to them. Do you see how that is completely different to what you said? And I had that written down because I used to use this when I had a lot of crash at moments in my life. Right? You need to really reframe the way you see your problems. You're not broken. You just need to identify why your nervous system is jacked up in the first place. The third thing now, a lot of people don't like this or some people won't like this, but extend your parents to understanding you are trying to extend yourself. And this is specifically for those of you who grew up in an ethnic household or immigrant household in a household where emotional intelligence was not modeled. I want you to find one moment this week where you genuinely consider whether the emotional unavailability you experienced growing up was a choice or a consequence of conditions your parents never chose either. This isn't to excuse anything, but a reframe you need to shift from they did not love me enough. Today did not have enough capacity. And the reason why this is so important is it can free up an enormous amount of energy that you are currently spending on resentment. You have resentment towards your parents. You have resentment towards your partner, but the reality is you need to acknowledge their situation, not to excuse, as I've mentioned, but acknowledge because that energy belongs to your own growth. If you're spending all of your energy on being bitter and having resentment towards people, how you can have energy to build yourself. And number four, extremely important, give yourself permission to be where you are. Not where you think you should be. Not where people on TikTok or Instagram are telling you to be where you genuinely are right now because the journey towards genuine emotional intelligence does not start with more awareness of your flaws. It starts with enough compassion for your circumstances that your nervous system in of itself finally believes it is safe to lower its guard. And from there everything else becomes possible. And I really hope you guys can sincerely do this because this will change your life. So it's because of this episode and I really enjoyed this one because this was something that I should have put out a very long time ago. But now that you guys are listening to this, I want you to hear this clearly. You are not emotionally unintelligent because you are lazy and you are not emotionally unintelligent because you are broken. In most cases, you are struggling to develop it because the conditions that emotional intelligence requires have never consistently been available to you because you are raised by people who themselves were surviving because you yourself are surviving and because your nervous system has been in higher alert for so long that growth has never been a priority. Just getting by has just surviving has that's what your whole entire life has been about. And if that is you, you are not behind. You are exactly where someone with your history would be. So don't beat yourself up. And the fact that you are even listening to this and taking this in shows that you are trying to change because most people never question this. Most people just live inside the pattern that tick tock or self-help industries have taught them and they don't ever know where it came from or what to do with it. And I hope this episode has genuinely shifted your mindset. And as per usual, if you do believe anyone can benefit from this, share it with them because I believe this episode in of itself will help parents, it will help partners, wives, husbands, manned woman, it will help anyone that is in this situation. Just remember one takeaway, stabilize your life first, then regulate yourself. And I love you all. I'll see you in the next episode.