Emergency Jaylen Brown Trade Reaction + Timm Woods And The Return Of Dungeons And Dragons

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On today's part in my take presented by Draft Kings, it's Dungeons & Dragons time. It is the eve of 4th July, our 250th anniversary as a country. And we are on vacation, but we have a great episode because Tim Woods is back in studio. Absolutely. Nick Teraney is back in studio and we have quite, quite the Dungeons & Dragons with. I'll just say it. One of the best plot twists ever. And it's a great, great show. We're going to get right back to the show. Starting your pup, Stella Blue cans are for those always on the go and for those who care. Stella Blue is more than just great coffee. It's about giving back. I named the brand after my rescue dog Stella who inspired our mission to help more dogs find their forever homes. Every purchase supports animal rescue organizations. So when you drink Stella Blue, you're not just fueling your day. You're saving a dog's life. Try the new cans today. Head to our store locator on stellbluecoffee.com and sign up to redeem a buy one get one free offer. Alright, back to part of my take. Welcome to part of my take presented by draft Kings. The crown is yours. Okay. Before we get to Dungeons & Dragons, we have an emergency podcast because Jalen Brown has been traded from the Boston Celtics. Hank's worst nightmare. Actually, no. Hank's nightmare was Jalen Brown getting traded from the Boston Celtics. Hank's worst nightmare happened when he found out it was to the Philadelphia 76ers. A team PFT that none of us had on the radar as a potential one, one hundred to one hundred to one. I've seen sports book. They had the elite, the worst odds in the NBA to land Jalen Brown at a hundred to one to say it was shocking. And it came in on Wednesday evening. PFT was in Santa Clara, which I want to hear about, you know, at the end of this to watch US men's national team. Play, play, Pazzi and Herzegovina. I actually texted. I know it's hard, right? What? That's what we're doing this podcast. I texted PFT right after the trade happened. I said, it is now the most must win ever because if the US men's national team gives Hank one deflection point where he can come on here and be like, Bosnia, Bosnia, Bosnia. I'll never forgive our soccer team. So it happens. Max and Hank are at Max's wedding. Max is at his rehearsal dinner. Hank is on an island full of delentase literally in island that's just full of delentase. And Jalen Brown has been traded to Philadelphia sixers for basically nothing PFT. Well, I was going to say it's I don't think it is his worst worst nightmare because they didn't give up Hugo or Baylor Shireman. So they hung on to both those guys some silver lining on that one. And yeah, I was just thinking about the second that it happened, I was just thinking, oh my God, there's there's like a 99% chance that as Max is getting married, he's going to be thinking about Hank. And Hank's going to be in in the crowd just like pissed off looking at him. It's this the city of brotherly love island. So there's like nine, how many delentate brothers. So there's like three delentate brothers and then a bunch of delentate cousins that are probably all just like ravenous sixers fans. And Hank is just living through hell right now. And I love it. Yeah, I actually think I almost texted Dave and was like you might it might be like a saving private Ryan situation where you have to go chopper him off of this island. Like you have to bring him back because he can't he can't handle this many Bing Bongs and I told I actually, hey, I have because I'm such a dear friend of yours. I have a spin zone list for you later, but I did say to you right away, not having to like have a small talk with everyone like have to do a different topic of small talk with all these people that Max is in Max's life is actually kind of a bonus for you. You can just talk Jalen Brown with literally every single person at this wedding. I'm good. And that's that's wrong. That's that's that's that's that's not a spin zone. No, that is no, that's exactly what a spin zone is. That's exactly what a spin zone is over one on spin zones. All right. So uh, where do you want to start Max? You want to size your wedding? Is it say you're wedding day? What are you saying? No, no, the wedding day wedding days tomorrow Max already got he already got married. Yeah, would yeah, would you say Hank? He said you said where do we want to start Hank? Just says I want to finish. Hey, go start with you. You said also on Sunday, you're like, I guess what Jalen Brown is not going to get treated because he he in my head, he has gone back to Bradseven said, Hey, let's be adults. You try to trade me. It's all good. It's not going to happen. And I think if you've been trading for Janice, that would have been awesome for you. Instead, he got traded for Paul George. Yeah, someone's coming. There's something going on here. I said it to Max on the boat yesterday. I was like, Jalen Brown is getting traded. I could just feel it. I could feel it coming. The fact that he went to the Sixers, like I cannot ride my head around it. It's so it's so insane. So frustrating. I feel like the Paul George thing is there's like they might be doing another trade. There's another move coming. But regardless, regardless of what this ends up doing for the Celtics with the picks, if they make another trade, you cannot trade Jalen Brown to your in division rival. Like that cannot happen. Yeah. That was a that was a big moment for you to say the R word about the Sixers and Celtics. Yeah, hard. He hard. That was you've you've never looked at the Sixers as a rival. Maybe that's the playoffs. That's that's very true. Hank, why are you on mute? Why are you so quiet? Can you not hear me? No, you're talking like this, baby. He's 15. He didn't have a red eye last night. I literally just I've been awake for about 26 hours. I'm probably going to throw up at some point during this podcast. Hey, why'd you do this now? Like why why not last year if you're going to trade them or like in a week when we're not on vacation? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know why they didn't do that. I don't know why they took the offer that they did. I think there's reports that like it was personal. I don't I don't really know. They do not value Jalen Brown the way that I do or the way other fans do. Like I don't they they seem to think that Paul George can get you similar, which is like stats. It's analytics. I don't agree with I've talked a lot of shit about Paul George. I don't think he's good. He's thinking he's old and he's a fucking dinosaur like, but analytics people are saying that you can get similar production from Paul George. He only has another year left on his contract and then you can you know use that and get more like assets next year, which you would not be able to do with Jalen Brown. I don't believe that. I'm not like I'm not going to spin this like positively like, oh, this is a good trade because of and then just use analytics. But that's what analytics people are doing. Hey, okay, so here's something that happened, Hank. We found I think we found the GM who sees Jalen Brown as the seventh best player on a team. It was Brad Stevens. Good one. That was a good one. Thanks, right. Hank, I have a question. Okay, PFT. I used to hang out big hat, but you can't you can't you can't help yourself if I have a great time. Hey, did you see the fun stats though? They're like, this might be a spin zone for you. Jalen Brown has the second worst plus minus of any five time all star over the past 10 years. So he's got actually a negative plus minus average. And also the Celtics win more games without Jalen Brown. round, then when he's playing, what? Yeah, the Celtics of one without. So last year, with with Jalen Brown, they won 66% of their games without them. They won 80%. Year before that with Jalen Brown, they won 73% of their games without them. They won 79. What's a sample size on these? Oh, we'll get this year with eight and two without Jalen Brown. Okay. Yeah. Last year's 15 and four without. Okay. Okay. All right. I'll put it this way. There are his entire career with Jalen Brown. There are 263 and 131. That's 67%. Without Brown, there's 60 and 26, 70%. Yeah. Big cat. Is it true that you left the bar last night because you were scared to talk to Max's brothers? I waited for Max to show up. He showed up. And then I waited for his brothers to show up for like an hour. We were watching the. I was trying to watch the soccer game as crazy as that sound. Hell, yes. All that we were in was completely packed. The group we were with. No one was watching the game. I waited for like an hour for double D to come down. They were nowhere to be found. And I went and watched the second half of bed. It was also we. So we're doing this box at 8 a.m. I've been drinking for 13 straight hours. So. Okay. But I waited. I wanted to. I wanted to not even come out, but I waited. I waited for them to get back from the rehearsal dinner. Max came back and then his brothers no showed. So that's not on me. Okay. Max, who said that? I don't know. That was a tweet. That was a tweet. That was a tweet. From who? There were. There were. It was a reporting of tweets that weren't coming from me. Where's memes? I don't know where memes is. That's a good question. Because he was one that was tweeting it. He tweeted more times yesterday than he did for the fucking next period. And I don't think it's combined. Okay. All right, Max. Where is he? I don't know. We would say Texam. Max, can we talk about your side of this? You found out in your. During your rehearsal dinner, let's just start with this. Does your fiancee see the video where you said, quote, I'd rather be with Hank in the hotel right now than with her at the fiat at the. With her? With her is a incorrect statement. I did not say with her. I did say I wish I was with Hank right now. In the hotel. Yeah, in the hotel. But it was a great moment. It was a great moment. It was a great moment that I would have loved to share with my friend Henry. As bad as I felt and it was bad. When they came back from the rehearsal dinner, his wife's dad came up to me and was like, yeah, I'm a huge shelter to him. This is really bad. I was like, you were living my nightmare. He just had to sit in the whole earth a little bit. With the three of them, which I would imagine just like laughing and like being like. There was a lot of laughing in that. I was the one that got to break the news. I think it was the greatest news breaking I've ever had in my life. I looked at. I had Shams notifications on and I. Just Shams, the only Twitter account that I had notifications on for yesterday. And I got the alert on my phone. I was like. My brain was like, oh, Jalen Brown traded. Wow, that's crazy. And then I saw Sixers and I still thought it was a fake tweet even though it was a Twitter notification. I was like, this can't be real. Someone had to have hacked his account. So I was just like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. And I was telling the table. I was like, wait, let me confirm this. Let me confirm this. And then for me to actually break the news, I was like, Jalen Brown traded to the Sixers, the top that I got from that table. It's incredible. It's completely incredible. Better than your wedding. I haven't had the wedding yet. The wedding is gonna be better. I love my wife. It's gonna be tough to tell me. It's gonna be tough to tell. It was a hell of a moment. And then it was just me, my brothers and my dad going through like every tweet being like, there has to be a catch. There has to be a catch. What's going on here? This can't, this can't be it. This can't be the full deal. It is. Paul George and two first round picks. Well, the swap was too good of a deal. It's crazy. The swap could be the Clippers pick. Is that. I don't understand the swap. Is the most confusing thing. I tried to read it like five times this morning. I think it probably will be the Clippers pick. That's a very good asset. We've been holding on to that asset for the right moment. But to pair that asset with Paul George, who many have said is the worst contract in the NBA and bring back Jalen Brown seems. No way. We didn't say there were another contract that was worse. I can't remember what that contract is. Yeah, I think you're your boy Wendy didn't help you this this time. Hey, because he said that he said that for Paul for the Sixers to get off of Paul George's contract, they would have had to trade a first round pick. So essentially, the Sixers just got Jalen Brown for free. They would have to do that just to get rid of Paul George's contract. They somehow got Jalen Brown on top of it. Shout out Mike Gantzies doing a hell of a job to start his tenure in Philadelphia. Hank, have you allowed yourself to think like maybe Brad Stevens has a secret plan? Yeah, no, that's all I've been saying to myself. I don't know what that plan is. How wild have you allowed yourself to like daydream about what the secret plan might be? Like, have you thought maybe Yokech? I just hope there's another move coming. Yokech would be off. I don't think that's possible, but I didn't think Jalen Brown going to trade the Sixers as possible. So I don't think it's happening this year. Yeah, I think the Celtics are basically saying this year we're resetting and then next year maybe, Yokech could definitely be in the realm of possibility. Hey, how many times did you read the tweet to be like, how is this real? Because that was the same to everyone's like, what the fuck? How is this? I think I got that right away in the video. I was like, this is not real. Like I was hammered. I was like, this is just not, everything was happening all at once. And it was like, this is not real. I'm not on this fucking island. And like Jalen Brown is not going to be playing for this. Like the picture of him in the Sixers jersey, like, is so preposterous. I like can't believe it. And it's like, I'm not even, I'm so much more mad about Jalen Brown. Like the Paul George thing is like that's going to bother me or not playing next year. Yeah, that's even. I'm like, I really like set in as much as it's just like, how is he on the Sixers? Like the Paul George thing will come when the season starts. You have delayed onset Paul George. Like you haven't even registered Paul George. And then night one of the NBA season, Paul George can be wearing the Celtics jersey and you're going to be like, oh, fuck, this happened. Why don't these teams tweet any of these trades? It might not be real. I don't know. You never know. That's where you're at right now because the Celtics team account hasn't tweeted. It could just be fake. I just don't get the Sixers haven't tweeted either. I don't understand it. This all might be just a figment of Shams imagination. I'm like, what? Yeah, I don't know. How many range? No. No, I don't think so. I think they do it when it's officially done. Like they still have to, like I don't think it's officially been done. Yeah. You still have a chance. How do you think they broke the news seduce? Oh, man. Hank. I mean, Jason Tatum, like he, it's not like I think they're the long years of Jason Tatum vs. Jalen Brown were probably overstated. They won a championship together. But I mean, if Jason take, it is his franchise. If he wanted him, he could have kept them, right? Yeah. Wouldn't you agree, Hank? It's the salary. Right. It was like a personal thing. It was like, it's also crazy that like they could have gotten, they could have made a move for Yannis. They missed out on Yannis. But you wouldn't give up Hugo. Hugo is a big face. You just like held on to that and like run with it to the fucking hills. And it's like really like not, that hasn't been like a solid, solid fat that it was like, I mean, was the one reason that trade didn't happen. Sean, Sean talked about that. He reported it and discussed it pretty pretty, if they put in Hugo, he would have come to Boston. No, he said that the trade got held up for two reasons. One, because the Celtics didn't want to part with their young pieces that they looked at very favorably like Shiremen and Hugo. And then two, because Haslam is, they have no stars demanding trades because of what happened in Miles Garrett. So he's like, maybe I don't want, maybe I don't want Jalen Brown after all. So right. Well, do you think it was more Jalen Brown or more fucking Hugo Gonzalez? Well, I mean, they reported that the Celtics did not want to part with with Hugo and you also reported the Haslam thing, which was probably more prevalent to the trade. But with PFT saying though, What if has them's like well? I don't want two stars in Hugo and Jalen Brown because then they could both ask out Right, right Right do one right right Zach you're here emergency pride you were here on time. What's up, dude? Where's memes? How are you Zach? Did you sleep last night? Where is me? I did But is that when you saw it were you shocked or you you I feel like you were the one of the first people to respond You were like ready to go if the emergency pod button was being hit. I was watching a pretty heavily yesterday Yeah, I was sure I feel like it could happen anytime. I feel bad. I don't know the right the white deserves to get fleeced on island So that's tough, you know, so you're saying freezing. I mean yeah confirmed and yeah, I don't have I'm not an educated guy when it comes to contracts or players That's why I got ahead of it, but yeah Paul George that's tough Hey, you're being mean, Hank Hank is Hank's put on a masterclass right now you need to get the mic in front of him No more because he keeps saying shit and I can't hear it Hey, I got a question. Are we sure that Jill and Brown's gonna be a good fit for the sixers? I'm not a sixers guy. So I don't know What about how do you think Paul George is gonna fit with you go? I could be good. I think he's a vet. He's you know as he can stay healthy He can he can contribute he played well and against the Celtics and the playoffs. Mm-hmm. You'll forget that Yeah, yeah, he actually was awesome in that series So if he can you know if you can stay healthy You can have some more production of Jalen Brown. How is it meeting all of me? I want to talk about Mitchell wrong What are you saying? How was how is meeting Max's friends and everyone on this island yesterday? I met him briefly they were fine like it was it was they were all they're all pretty good He left but he was my high school friends were out to dinner late Last night so he has not gotten the full today is today's like you have a partner friend that's coming into that's coming in today Like die die hard boss and guy coming in today. So he's gonna have one one reinforcement You guys are gonna be like boondocks saying it's going back to back just spinning at the wedding party Yeah Okay, hey, do you want my spin zones? No, why? What's awkward? Cuz they're gonna be stupid and I'm not gonna like them This is me all right, we have the I'll tell you So the first one is pretty simple That like I said to Hank when you go to a wedding and you are Hank is going to a wedding. We all love Max that is he knows Not a ton of Max is like family and friends. He knows his brothers from the max of batch of pray stuff Hank is a famous guy. Let's just be honest. So he's gonna have to do a small talk It was gonna be a lot of like hey, how you doing? You know, you can't great at this, but now Small talk completely soft. It's gonna be Paul George Bingbong Jalen Brown Bingbong. So please that's good. Please. That's good. Hank Did Hank? Here's a good spin zone. This is actually only this is only the second worst trade That Paul George has been involved in so that's it's not the worst still SGA right Yeah, so that's something to hang your hat on Hank, what are we doing right now? Waiting for memes to join the podcasting right you just traded you just got rid of a streamer and got a podcaster Yeah, that's I mean I think you're just as upset about Paul George being on this team the Jalen Brown being all yeah I've talked a lot about There's one thing that me and my brothers were talking about at the rehearsal dinner where we found out that Jalen Brown got traded to the six years We kept talking about how in game seven we just kept it saying Jalen brown Really good player. We said it like 50 times during that game. Yep, and then last night we just kept looking at each other when there was like a little bit of silence We like Jalen Brown really good player. He's done really good player. It did we've already established that we established that at your batch of party Jalen Brown really good player Okay, you don't like the podcast over streamer thing Nope, okay, how about this one future podcast is the past Okay, what this one This this trade is so bad that maybe that maybe people will stop asking Brad Stevens to say no Everyone in basketball will stop being like we need Brad Stevens to coach your GMR team I'd Brad Stevens to got more cooking Okay, then you're gonna take all that back Well, no, I mean, I'm just saying this is good like you it's probably annoying that people keep saying his name every time this comes up, right? You you know, I say he's got to say no, but like other but you know Different basketball schools and everything just like hey, you gotta make Brad Stevens say no. I don't think I've ever said that Paul George's dog. Do you remember Paul George's dog? I don't know. I was trying to look. I think his dog's name is Kobe I don't know if his dog still alive, but his dog the famous picture where his dog was tea tea bagging Paul George Just his balls out everywhere on that couch. I was thinking Now that kind of a famous dog on the Celtics We can get him a Hank dog toy and help sell more of those spin zone Okay, okay Okay, all right all right all right last spin zone because obviously you don't like this, but maybe Hank Maybe this is finally rock bottom this year How so well, I mean, we've you get upset when we bring this up, but like this is not been the best year Sports wise live Super Bowl live is outgoing Pedro made the Super Bowl. The Celtics won the number 2C with their best player injured number two seat They That's gonna be it Shane you're gonna have to make a quote for that one All right, I can't list it Hank and then you can just tell me maybe this is not rock bottom Zubel loss live golf cancelled Celtics lose to the Sixers while we're at matches Max's bachelor party Soccer becomes huge the US men's team beats your Bosnia-Herzogavinians Duke buzzer Peter loss Having to golf is a lefty with a righty handicap Nick's title Jalen Brown USA beat Dominican Republic That's a lot Hank Yeah, it's been bad So this could be it. This could be the bottom And then what do you go up only will only please go is up I don't know. I'm scared. It happens then I could go it could be worse Hugo up After a few traded Hugo Oh my god, no, no if you trade Hugo just you have to you have to quit the Celtics Oh, man. Okay, anything else think or will you say? Anything that's making you like is it a little bit better that Max is like almost reach that point where he's like a little bit Uncomfortable with how bad this fleecing is like you almost you can tell he feels bad for you I have not felt that at all really Okay He's just been laughing in my face I have I have very respectful. I've been very respectful good video. That's how you were just Well, that that was He knew dude. I was excited. There were so many people at the bar for it's a joy. This is a joyous time Hey, if it's nothing real quick if the Celtics rebuild and and they get back to like the NBA finals Let's say in like 2029. Let's say they win another another chip in 2029 That's a different team like to the core is completely different without without Jalen Brown I don't know that you could consider the Celtics to ever even be eligible for team of the 2020 Because it's going to be two different iterations of the team It's the team of the 2020. Sorry Yeah, but I mean like totally different team without without Jalen Brown But it's the team Not the core. I don't know just something that I thought about Wanted to get your feedback on also. I was wondering if you thought that maybe Like this could have all been solved If you get like jones hula and a bunch of guys out maybe they go out to to scanos table for six You get you know, it's Brad Stevens Chisholm I didn't think this Clearly I think you can fix this case. Yeah, I don't think that's the case. I think uh Something was going on with Jalen Brown and Brad Stevens. That was not gonna get fixed and they knew that Hank if you thought about wearing white to Max's wedding day because people are going to want to talk to you more than Max or his bride No, okay, you should think about that Hank does just have a he just has a body double this entire week him and Jack will McCarthy got the exact same outfits. They wore the same shirt last night. They have another shirt that's the same, and then they have this same suit for the wedding. We don't know if it's the same suit, but it probably is the same suit. Okay, so you can just send him in, but Hank, you should, you, you actually, I think Max, I'm gonna, I'm gonna speak on your behalf, Max. I think Hank should be allowed to go table to table during the dinner tuck party and greet everyone because like cut out the mail, man, everyone's gonna want to talk to him anyway. Hank should be the bell of the ball. Yeah. He should wear a wedding dress and just go table to table and be like, thank you so much for coming. Would you like to talk about the jail in Brown, Paul George trade? Imagine if you guys, thank you and you guys don't come. Yeah. You would be, you would be bad if we have to, you'd have to leave, you'd have to leave the island. He's thinking about it right now. He's like, I would have had to leave that. Hank would have, it would have been like swimming, it would have been escaped from Alcatraz. He would just swam back to America, I don't even know, I don't even know where St. Marnits. I'm thinking about getting a flight there right now. I have an, I have an open seat if you would like to comp you after. Can I go? Can I go? Let's go. Yes, it's on his lap. Of course. Yeah, we're both sure. Oh man. All right. Like where's memes? Uh, Mitchell. Where's the good point by Hank? Mitchell Robinson. Like, memes called the greatest basketball player of all time. I want to talk to him about it. I actually think that's a smart move for, for the Celtics. Yeah. Yeah. If you shoot a bunch of threes, get a bunch of rebounds. Also the Lakers are just, they're doing like the plot to Hoosiers. I don't really understand and it's very funny. Walker Kessler for a lot of money, Austin Reeves resigned. Who else did they get? There's, there's the scrappiest 20 minutes of the history of NBA for the agency. Like 20 minutes, they got three of these guys and they don't, and they don't own, I think like another pick for seven years now. They just went all in for the, which, I mean, I guess they did, there's the famous, uh, they sat down with Luka and showed him a binder last year, basically being like, Hey, um, I also saw very funny, uh, because LeBron has said that he's, the reports have been out there that LeBron is going to go anywhere like he, he's going to be, he's open to be being courted by every team. And then the spurs are officially out because they signed Tobias Harris. So they have their LeBron. They don't need it. Yeah. So it's good. Um, all right, anything else, uh, and then talk real quick, PFT, hang, you got anything else? This is this bad max, where's, where's memes? I, I've had it, I've had a good time, I've had a good time. I, I don't know how Jalen Brown is going to fit, but I'm excited to see this journey. I'm, he, I've heard from Hank that he's such a good player and that he's such a good guy that you want to have on your team. I'm excited that he's on my team. That's all I have. That's the last thing I, I will say, did you get yelled at it all yesterday? Zero. Zero. She was so, my wife was so excited about how excited me, me and my brothers were. Oh, that's awesome. That's a great one. That's great. It was so, she, she saw how sad Hank was. I don't even know if she, I don't even think Hank saw her last night. Oh, sorry. Yeah, you guys don't care about it, yeah, the poor father. Okay. Okay. That doesn't dig a more hell than I was. Yeah. That's true. All right. It's tax of memes. That's where he is. All right. Well, PFT, you were at the game last night. It was awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's the matter, Hank? Older than collapse off screen. Oh my God. Okay. Real quick. Like in three minutes. Tell us. Oh, yeah. It was an awesome game. We dominated. Fuck the ref. It's bullshit. FIFA needs to change the rule. We need to, we need to lobby FIFA. Agreed. That. I'm talking about the, the Balrogon Red Car that he got. Yeah. He scored a great goal. Tillman had a great free kick and I've been saying like, Tillman's due, he was going to score eventually. That was an awesome free kick that he had. The red card is really what's kind of overshadowing, what should be just like an awesome win. That is the, I think we've won three games in 19 days and we've won three World Cup games in the previous 24 years. Yeah. So this is a pretty good World Cup. It's also we've won three games by multiple goals and in the previous rest of the history of US men's national team. I think we won three World Cup games by multiple goals. So it's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Shadowing the whole thing is the Balrogon Red Car, which is bullshit. VAR was used when it shouldn't be used and they had a, they, they looked at a slow-mo replay and they thought that they could like, ascribe and tent or violent conduct to like, something that happened and like a split second, bullshit red card. And I think it's just a terrible rule that if you get a red card from a game that you're also suspended for the next game. Yeah. You're punishment by it by sitting out the rest of that game and your team has to go down one player. Why do you have to sit out the next game? And also, I don't think that it should have been a red card and I think that FIFA should overturn it. I think that if you've got a guy that is the, the reigning FIFA peace prize holder, this is why he has that type of award and that's a power. I hope that President Trump gets on the phone with FIFA and tell us him, hey, let Balrogon play. We need that. We need the Texas Tech source of these judge. That's the guy. Yeah. Just, just whatever, whatever we can do, we need to do because we're, we can beat Belgium. We can, but it's going to be way, way harder without Balrogon because he is the, like probably the best pure striker that we've ever had. I know it's crazy to say that after just like four games, but in terms of just like being a pure striker and a finisher, he's the best that we've had. Maybe you know, you could say Clint Dempsey, but he was never really like a true striker. But we need him. Because Peppy looks like Bambi trying to walk on ice for the first time. That's not going to work out. No. So I don't know what else we do, but it was an awesome time. I saw the substation up close. I, I got to say that substation is really fucking big. It's way bigger than I thought it would be. It goes like half the stadium. That's, so now I might be a substation truth or no. Yeah. I mean, I saw your video. It looks massive. Yes. It looked like an incredible game. One of those games is just like, I was sitting on my couch, it's been like, fuck yeah. They tried to screw us. The free kick was incredible. Yep. Hank, you agree? Yeah. Forking was cool. Okay. All right. That's, it's a Sunday. We'll be back. Actually, no. Hank and Max will not be there because you guys would be in flight. You guys will be joining us. We're going to be going to Tahoe for two weeks, but we'll, the rest of us will be back in studio. And now we have what, two hours, oh, Memes just texted back, he was on the flight. So that's where Memes was. That makes sense, right? I think that's a valid excuse. Valid. Would you agree, Hank? Yeah. Okay. At any point last night, but that is true. We were planning this last night, he did not mention that at all. PFT just asked for a comment on Mitchell Robinson for, for Haba, Habaka. All right. We'll do that Sunday night. Oh. Oh. Big Bang. Big Bang. You thought you were going to go to a, a beautiful island to get away from everything and get away from Mr. Bingbong, but Mr. Bingbong is stronger than ever. We'll never get him to retire, no matter how many massholes say Mr. Bingbong sucks. And I know it's all Hanky's friends from Massachusetts, or as we call them, massholes, which is a play on words of the A-mails, Bingbong. No joking. Mr. I got to tell you, I was feeling down about Mr. Bingbong. I'm, look, I'm walking my beautiful dogs. Get outside, Hanky, you're a birder, tweet tweet, hey, I was really down on Mr. Bingbong, and then I went to that parade. And yes, I wasn't wearing a Nick's jersey. My daughter didn't pack the Enobi jersey that I bought her, and she wanted to wear it because she was taking pictures to the gram. And all I had was a PBS shirt, which is sort of the antithesis of James Dolan, but whatever man. I support public broadcasting, and so do a lot of people in Boston, so you shouldn't have been so critical of that massholes. Hey, let me just say, this is, come here, let me show you my beautiful dogs. Let me set this up, sorry. Hanky's Mr. Bingbong, he's here for you. This is a great dog. Great dog. Man, they're so good. Hanky's beautiful dogs, man. Oh, look at those dogs. He's a beautiful dog. Look at this. It's a beautiful dog, Jair. But you know what? I will say I am going to defend Hank here. I don't know what's going to happen with this trade. You know, on paper, yes, it looks like Boston lost. But Jaylen Brown could be, we could be entering James Harden territory with this do you know I just need to think about hang out like hang don't be don't be totally bummed out I didn't hear this whole conversation before but like don't be totally bummed out like Jaylen Brown that was some crazy shit he was saying at the end of last season and I just I don't know I wouldn't I wouldn't be super depressed yet Hank mm-hmm that's good that's nice he is on a island full of D'Lentay's Jerry guys can you believe someone agreed to marry Max D'Lentay I'm so happy for him it's like I'm here oh sorry sorry she's that she's a beautiful like serious like no Mr. Bingbong for a second gorgeous like you're good at beautiful babies it's you're a lucky to have her don't don't don't tell for anything that other early bars to a lot employees bold okay we won't go there oh hey yeah they don't blow it like don't blow it I was just I didn't really write anything for this because I got a text from a big cat last night but can I start with you still I'm kidding don't don't don't don't I don't want any fingers pointed who set this up don't do that okay just Mr. Bingbong just wants to talk to Hank for a second Hank Mr. Bingbong here I hear I hear you're at at the D'Lentay wedding that's beautiful you know that song you got to get to the church on time if you got to get in a car and speed and get Max to the church on time you know if you get pulled over you could whip out your phone and and you could offer to FaceTime with Blutman Bingbong just like receiving date when she got pulled over yeah that's so beautiful it's so beautiful that you're on a deserted island it's it's a resort yeah just like an Arizona resort with that reporter and your coach blew it for no reason she was a very capable reporter no reason to do all that Bingbong find a rooftop interlocking ease with one of the bridesmaids because you blew it Bingbong what else can I touch on oh Jerry I one last thing because we got we got to go in a second but hey can you can you stop can you stop doing podcasts and giving stories that we would like on this show I mean when when you go on a podcast and say that your wife smells like shit I would like you to say that I'm part of my take I was on a comedy podcast I have a movie coming out hey this weekend if you're like with a family this weekend a W.L.s it's summer slash resort it's on to me no it's not in theaters it's a streaming movie thank you thank you oh my god you remember when Hank said I'm doing a tour of a movie I did 40 years ago hey you fuck me up honestly you would be audacity to say like Mr. Bingbong's a jerk and all this stuff this shit I have never commented on your career that was cutting shit Mr. Bingbong has never got hit I was trying to help me promote I said where can people go see this movie that was not what how was that shit he was asking if it was a dude you better fucking you better hope I was gonna be so up inside you Hank sorry there's like a cyclist go and pass me I'm gonna be so I'm gonna be so I'm gonna be balls deep I'm gonna shave right before so you get that rash all around your anus I'm gonna come inside of you there you want some stuff for this podcast you're gonna get it you're gonna get what I have I'm gonna give it to you how dare you how dare you is a growth engine it's called summer's last resort AWLs it's called summer's last resort it's a great movie I did a podcast we were talking about the odorant I said my wife experimented with crystal the odorant because my wife is a little holistic and sort of clean and that the crystal the odorant didn't really work and I made a joke and then the New York the I was about to say the New York times um but uh the New York Post did an article that I said my wife smelled and then I really like I'm a couples therapy I have to go to couples therapy right now okay well Jerry thank you for joining us don't don't be too down I don't think this is such a bad thing you know let Brad Stevens cook a little bit I know everybody was getting on you but but these trades something was up I have no idea what was happening some the AWLs had to explain to me what a second apron was yesterday so she does going on like just like chill out um God it was so funny I I don't know if anybody saw on the everything I wrote can somebody explain the second apron if you were explaining it to Hank and they all like we're saying it's as if you wanted to see more Tootsies but you had to pay for the extra tootsies it was really funny maybe we'll do the best all right thank you happy for Jerry we love you for Jerry all right let's kick it to Dungeons and Dragons and Tim Woods uh and then we'll see everyone Sunday night okay we are back it is time for our very very very special guest Tim Woods Dungeons and Dragons part how many times have we done this oh gosh uh this might be our 10th game together something like that I'm taking a guess I'm taking a guess but some like 10 or 12 or some somewhere around there okay so always great to see you Tim always I why don't you just take it away and then we can introduce who everyone is dressed as for the podcast absolutely 100% so I'm very excited because we're going to be picking up today's adventure kind of from where we left off we had defeated the five evil doom raiders the evil adventures who were the masterminds of the crime syndicate known as the Zentaram the train wind brothers now this is where I did want to double check was it train wind or trade wind I believe it's brothers I think I think we're the trade win absolutely that's about three one two three train win he said train win try to train win yes talking Mike's act train one train train win I would call you train wind this whole time EY that that's yeah that's of us can play too so which one are we are you train win I think it's train win I think it's TRE apostrophe YNN you train train like train win like train win so are we the trade are we trading the wind or we on a train with wind train win we're on a train with win train win it either we're using as a local motive or we're train win draw it train what it's a train mean either train or training right training lifting weights okay is there a third definition of train yeah like when there's when there's like a lopsided amount of people in like a sexual experience but that's not working I do believe this name originated when we put Zach on the spot to come up with a name in five seconds so I and I do I do I did listen back and I think it was train wind originally yeah so I am a train win there was a reveal last session that norm in fact was not norm but rather loud train win to the counterpart and half brother to silent train wind our cleric in the group there was some argument first of all about what your family tree exactly was and then we discovered that you to share a mother but have different fathers and I believe loud train which was also raised by wolves yeah my dad was an alpha a ya monster your dad was a cock and your mother you are mother excuse me covered you in honey and treat you like a baby and one of us has respect for our sweet mother and it feels like one of us doesn't oh no I hate I hate our mom she's a fucking she gave us life I want her to die with you she birthed us I'm gonna you know what's going to happen in this episode I'm going to insert you back into our mother's world and then kill both of you you're gonna put me back into recall yeah yeah put a clarification is their mother alive or dead so actually at the end of last session you don't know the spirit of the mother appear that doesn't necessarily mean she's dead but it highly implies that you might be dead so you have to dig up the corpse and then but it isn't magic exists in the world of D&D we can make anything happen if we really want to 100% absolutely okay so the train wins all right so you want to say what we are everyone go down the line and then we'll let Tim take us away absolutely oh Max's hippo Maximus is in that's a fact that was a fact joke that was a very powerful jude who had been once part of our party hippo Maximus 100 has a hippo Maximus sheet if you know it's up it's over there actually I'll break behind I've left it over there unfortunately but if you want to grab your sheet Max you're more welcome to jump in wasn't a facho was literally just that's his name I'll just say before we introduce our costumes also of course we've got everybody else in the group besides the train win brothers our barbarian and our cleric we have also got Erlich our gnome war lock we have got Wayne our hill door barred and and we have Greg with two G's, our human palate and rounding out the D&D party. Of course, our costumes are entirely different. - Tim, I got a question. Is there a possibility like my character, maybe in this most recent off season, has taken maybe a real keen interest into becoming a wizard? - Oh, you could certainly, so ever since Kate, the wizard had to leave our party, we've been without a wizard, really. - Could I be like studying maybe like, you could be studying to become a wizard? - I'm was curious. - That's your wiz curious, 100% wiz a Jason, absolutely, by wizardly. And so you absolutely can be branching or as we've called in D&D multi-classing into wizards. - This is a classic guy like that. - She's in a bad combo. Bard and wizard work well together. - Yeah, nice. - Okay, so what are you Nick? - Yeah, Zach. - Zach brought me a prince with a cigarette. - Okay. - Yes, I'm a prince with a cigarette or a duke. - A duke, okay. - Yeah. - Okay. - Dude, brotherhood. - No duke of Sussex jokes, you know please. - No, no, no doing it. - Prince Andrew? - You can make those. - Okay. - Yeah. - Okay. - Zach? - I'm the white ranger today. Power ranger. - Yeah. - So might more some things. - Sure. Sean Avery. - Sean, Sean. - Yeah. - 50. (laughter) - Thanks, Zach. I appreciate it, Zach. I'm, we'll put the mask on for this one. I'm sub-zero. For more, more to call Matt, I don't know why I'm talking like Bane. But yeah, I'm sub-zero and Zach also got me bow and arrow and a dagger, a dagger too for stabbing. - Yeah, more like close quarters. - Yeah, close quarters. - There's no one. - I'm just, yeah. - That didn't happen. - Alarm. - No, it happened. - Oh my god. - Oh my god. - That's clearly what happened. - I'm gonna get a new hat. - Wait, Zach, do you have to answer math problems with that? And you just type 60 for four plus two. - Oh my gosh. - Should have made four plus two. - Well, the first one was five plus five. - There's all the hardest of equations. - The second was four plus two and he types six. - Zach, how are you? - Get these right. (laughing) - Zach, how many alarms do you have? - Oh no. - Sorry right now. - I didn't know. - They're all way off. - I'll let you roll for it. - Zach, what were the questions there? - It's a math. - And? - Yeah. - It's early math, but it's early in the day. So you get fired and they were single digits, but I'm gonna round it up. - It's like instead of a cup of coffee, you have to answer basic math problems to wake you up. - Yes. - Yeah. - Do you feel more awake after four plus two? (laughing) - Yeah, you jump straight to the textbook. You get going. (laughing) You don't wake up the answer. (laughing) - Okay, I'm Mr. Incredible, the dad, and I'm going to face fuck Zach during this episode. - I'm also Lord Tradewin, aka Norm, the human barbarian. - I am Ehrlich, the warlock, and I am Deadpool. Zach, I'm a mask with-- - You look like Spider-Man. - No mouth. - Yeah. - Are you Spider-Man? - I'm Deadpool. - What's the difference? - Deadpool's funny. - Is Spider-Man's not? - No. (laughing) - What happened to your face? - I tried to cut open something so I could talk 'cause my face Zach got me a costume with no mouth. - Why'd you get a Spider-Man costume with no mouth? - Some of the superheroes, they have immersive masks. You can't hear through them, but I didn't think, I should've been thinking more about audio in the costume shop. - Okay. - You do double swords, maybe? - I'm also interested in becoming a wizard. - Absolutely, Warlocks, you certainly branch into wizards. I'll admit that slightly redundant, but it's still a good choice. What a hundred percent. - So only one of us can. - No, both of you can become a wizard. Just Warlocks are already pretty good at wizard stuff. - Wow. - Wow. - You already kind of have that experience. - Are you already ahead of the art of the wizards? - Aren't they from the north? Aren't they almost like Celtics? - Yeah, I would say so. - Okay, so they're probably more into that than they are being a wizard. They're probably just making fun of the wizard by trying to become a wizard. - So we have two guys who are curious about becoming wizards. - Wiz curious. - The trade win brothers in a fight to the death, and then Nick, I think he said, or sorry, Greg said beforehand that he's interested in getting a beard officially. - A beard officially? - Yeah. - Like a husband beard? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - He wants to date a woman in the venture. - That's what he would like to present, absolutely. - Yes, what did you present? So this is the regathering, the return of our adventuring party, which we officially named last session. We want to highlight, we are the six Chinese boy wizards. (all laughing) - Very cunningly. - We didn't because I was not, I was just really hoping that we would wonder where that came from this time around. I wrote it down. The logic was also that we would say we were the six Chinese boy wizards because that way when they tried to count, they'd be assuming one's still out there, kind of loose in the wild, and they would always be looking for them. - Why boy wizards though? - I would love to know that. - I assumed it was something that I wasn't getting. - Exactly, okay. - Absolutely. This is gonna reflect badly on me if I totally misheard it. That's what got into my head, but I think that's the name we landed on. - No, that's a tricky tough one to misinterpret. - I would have asked a lot of questions, but I just chose to internalize it. - We whispered the volume of a boy. - Oh, that's what it was. - It was pretty strict. - Yeah, obviously what it would mean. - Yeah, so a weak little boy's voice. - And whispering. - And of course we named ourselves because there was a rival adventuring party who he had to go up against. They were stealing our credit. These doom raiders were absolute assholes, and that's why we murdered them without any remorse, killing all of these agents who run essentially the crime syndicate in the city of Waterty. Fortunately, and as our opportunity for today for maybe gathering more treasure and power, we have discovered that there is one leader of this crime syndicate who has not been eliminated. And indeed, is the guild master, the one who is in charge of the entire crime syndicate. Now, I am especially excited to introduce this classic D&D villain because I didn't make him up. His name is Lord Manchun, and he is a powerful wizard incidentally. - What? - So those who might be, it was curious, would certainly know that Lord Manchun is traveling the plains right now away from the city, but he has somewhere in the city a base, a headquarters. And if somebody were able to get his spell book, indeed, not only would they deprive Lord Manchun of his power, but they would become a great wizard like him. So this was already gonna be the adventure that the two wiz characters have, expressing their desire to become wizards, indeed stealing his spell book would not only defeat this enemy, but also empower you, but only one person can get the spell book just to be clear. Now, the real reason I'm excited to introduce Manchun is because the D&D creators who made Lord Manchun, I suspect, had some influences that they were really excited to work into the game. Lord Manchun runs a crime syndicate of essentially ninjas and he's a powerful wizard, and this is what Lord Manchun looks like. - Wow. - So you tell me whether or not this guy is your classic shredder. I always think of Lord Manchun as being a very D&D's shredder kind of villain character, and I know that shredder has been a very meaningful part of our campaign over the years in many different ways. So the danger is Lord Manchun is so powerful. - Look at that hog on Lord Manchun. Look at the hog. - I don't even know if I'm so sure. - He's a very important part of a wizard's arm or arsenal, I will say. You gotta protect every part of your body, 100%. And the luchidor mask, very shredder like is probably my favorite feature. There's new artwork of Manchun in the current edition, and he's very like a vampire Edward Cullen. I don't like it. I like old school Manchun with his shredder mask. And so we do know that if Manchun were discovered that we're going after his spell book, he would come back to the city, maybe using powerful teleportation magic, and I will warn that when I run this adventure for the AWLs, I tell them do not try to fight Lord Manchun 'cause they're all playing the game at level two. They can't beat Lord Manchun. He's like level 20, but we're level seven. And so in theory, if we wanted to try to take down Lord Manchun, you could, but the real goal here is to get his spell book. 'Cause we got several whiz curious characters for sure who could benefit from that. And it certainly weakens him as a villain. So that'd be the smart and easy way to do it, but I will admit, some groups have defeated Manchun, but only through bullshit shenanigans. No one's actually beating him in a, you know, what I would call a slug out fight, but you will come up with clever solutions for defeating him. - Right, like if you tell him like, "Hey, if you lose, you'll get a better draft pick." Then he might actually tank and try to lose. - Absolutely 100%. - So you can use any strategy you want. The world of D&D's open to your interpretation and how you want to approach this problem. And of course, the first problem we have is we don't know where his headquarters is to get the spell book. So we're gonna need to do some information gathering. We're gonna need to maybe gather supplies or something in the city that we are in. This is the city of Waterdeep. It's huge. It's the King's Landing or the Los Angeles. It's just like spread out like a vast metropolis. Anything you need to do or buy or get, you could get in this city. But as we usually do to see who goes first in our game, we are going to roll the almighty 20-sided die. And whoever rolls highest will get to go first. Each of us has a dexterity modifier, but I'll apply that for us to see what turn order we're gonna go in. - Hank, go ahead. - Yeah, Hank, how did you do on your roll? - Oh. - You lost again? - Just one. Just one. - Just one D20. - It's one good. >> Can't got a six and try to say it was a nine. lines always at the bottom or there's a dot at the bottom. So that's a six plus two. You just got an eight early. I got a 10. Okay, and you have also a plus two. So you just got a 12 for a loud train wind. A one. And how did a Wayne, the bar, I got a one becoming wizard. I got a one. I got a one. You also have a plus two bonus, but that will only put you at a three way. First overall, absolutely. And how did how about silent train wind, seven, seven. Okay. Unfortunately, you have a minus one because dexterity isn't your focus. You have lots of other ability scores that you kind of go stuff. So with a you got a seven, a six that is going to put you solidly between early and Wayne for silent train wind and Greg with two G's. I rolled a three. Three. Also with a minus one, unfortunately, that is going to put you at a two for Greg with two G's absolutely. So I'd like to just point out real quick that silent train wind is so committed to being silent train wind that he just deleted the entire alarm app office. Was that the entire app that you deleted? I didn't want to take any chance. Yeah. You got to get that back off. I'll get it back later today. Have you done that before? Yes. Okay. There's a fastest way to just make sure nothing goes off. That's how you turn your alarm off as you delete the app. If you've got to just to make sure no more interruptions, you just get it out of there. We go to the iCloud later. Absolutely. No, we will point out loud train wind that puts you at the top of a new shoot of going first. There is a warning I would offer that barbarians are not necessarily best at gathering information in town unless you're picking somebody up and shaking them down for information very often what barbarians want to do is rush into danger and start fighting things immediately. The problem is we don't know where Lord Manchun's secret tower base is in the city. Okay. So Lord Manchun could be literally anywhere. He could be. We in fact know he's not in the city right now. He's traveling the planes. But if we were to break into his mansion, it's possible that there are alarms that might lure him to our location. Well, I would like to look under every rock and make sure that we do not leave any stone on turn. So with that said, I would like to take silent trade wind and got him like a pig and search and see if Manchun is somewhere inside of his pot. You certainly can. I would point out that you have a weapon. Could I just ask on your character sheet, what is, I think it will be a great sword. I'm pretty sure you have a great sword. That is unfortunately the perfect weapon for gunning somebody. Just end to end. I want to slice him open and like we'll just, we'll you don't peek around in there. Silatry would it be safe to assume you are not volunteering for this? Are you trying to resist him doing this? Or are you laying down and letting him do this? He's not the guy we're looking for is not in me. You feel exactly what you would say if he was in you. There's zero men in me right now. We don't even have to cut me. We don't have to use not to tell the difference. Unless you have had been. Yeah. I would have been walking around heavier if I had a full man. It's like I feel like you're the expert. Yeah. If I had a full man inside me right now, I think I would know what about empty. You guys got to take my word for this. It was a shape shift. Like they could be like a small. Yeah. The last time you had a man inside you want to feel like was it uncomfortable? This would be the first time in what I'm telling you guys is I think I would realize the first time. No, but maybe you've just had a man inside of you all along. So if you're born. Yeah. Also, if Lord Manchun's inside of you wouldn't he can say as your human body out out here with us being like, Hey guys, I'm not in here. We don't have to use a knife. He's very powerful. Yeah. You're inside of you. Look, for the team, if we need to gut me, we can gut me. Is there an X-ray machine we can go to? In theory, there are means of detecting magic that is close to the body. It's fine. It will be a wizard can do that. I don't want to I don't want to derail the whole show right away to get my vengeance for our kind mother. I will. I will. You like you. Instead, I will. I will submit to putting silent trade win through an MRI and CAT scan. Absolutely. Just to make sure the manchun's not in there colonoscopy. Yeah. Full cavity. Yeah. As you as you bring him to the magical X-ray wizard to do this kind of thing all the time in the city, please roll for me a D 20. This is going to be unfortunately a persuasion check, but you still have like, I think a plus one on this. I have rolled a four four. Okay. With a five, they are going to try to scan him as best they can. Oh, no. Just roll me one D 20, Zach. I'm going to leave it up to the roll the die when you want to scan the work. Because I three. With a three, there's like a shadow and something's inside you when they can't figure out exactly what? It's not a full grown man, but there is like magic inside of you right now. It's clear exactly what it is. There's almost like some kind of like foggy magical shadow inside part of the body. Around the stomach, around the stomach are like, you're all hairy. Yeah. You said I got the magic and meat. Yeah, you do have the magic and you 100 percent. It's all backfire. This is that I. You have cancer and I just got you early diagnosis. You're lucky. You're gonna survive. We got it early. Yeah. You would only use your own section so far. You could go to these wizards and be like, check them again. Yeah, check them again. Roll again. See if you can be like, you guys didn't do a good job the first time. Oh, that's a 16. Okay. With a 16 plus 117, they scan again. It was a smudge on the lens. They messed up. Unfortunately, with that roll before they didn't put forth their best effort. You almost got gutted over nothing. It was just a smudge on the little telescope thing. I'm happy. I'm happy. We figured, listen, you said Tim, I'm not as a barbarian. I'm not so we can collect a lot of information. So me going first was always gonna be a problem. But at least we check one box. He is not in silent trade. You ever ruled out current of the possible hiding places of man shoot. Absolutely. You're welcome. Let's say if the role was there, I would have got gutted for the team. Shane, I didn't have to do that, but I would have got gutted for the team. You sound like you really didn't want to. Yeah. You sound pretty resistant. You sounded like you were trying to hide the man inside of you. He said it could be man or magic. Yeah, it was also a smudge smudge. And that will bring us to early. Great job. Stop. Absolutely. Very successful production bound to not be there. Still blue coffees. New can lattes are here. Crafted with a hundred percent Colombian coffee. Each can is a good source of protein and comes in two smooth flavors espresso cafe mocha and espresso sweet cream. And whether you're braving your morning commute or chasing your pup. Still blue cans are for those always on the go. 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What are you saying? Reese's animal crackers. I've been there. They're so good. They're the best. They're the absolute best animal crackers are like the best snack that you can get. Yeah, it's the absolute best and we love it. So and guess what? Well, actually, no, we're we're we're taping this ad before we know what happened. You know what? We won the knockout round because we're a Reese's country. That's what we are. Reese's absolutely the best. And go get a Reese's today. Reese's the official candy partner bar stool sports. Go get Reese's wherever you shop and try those Reese's animal crackers. And also, like I said, get the Reese's cup with marshmallow because it is basically a smore. It's an upgraded smore. It's a better smore because it's Reese's. So go today. Get a Reese's. Okay. Now back to Dungeons and Dragons. All right. I would like to like since we're with the Wizards right now, right? Yeah, there are some Wizards around. We're kind of like in a section of the magical school where they do like magical MRIs and stuff. So I would like to like go up to them and ask where we can get more information on the guy we're searching for. But then like secretly like kind of ask them if they have any internships or like other positions. Yeah, absolutely. It did not even occur to me. These are the people. Perfect people to ask about Lord Manchin. A powerful wizard of evil. So go ahead and roll. You get a plus three on persuasion. But I will warn if you're willing to be intimidating, I happen to know you have a plus six. I'm trying to woo. No, I'm trying to woo. Like I'm trying to I want all these wizards. I'm trying to be recruited. I might be wrong. I think you actually have a plus four on this naturally. So go ahead and roll a D20 plus four. 20. Whoa. Natural 20. Yeah. I can attest as 100%. So you find some wizards around here who I hear you find a really old wizard. And they say, well, if you want to know about Manchin, we got to bring out his old teacher. And this is like Dumbledore and Voldemort type stuff where it's like I remember when I thought he was good, but he turned evil and he became the leader of this crime syndicate. I should have never taught him his secrets. I can tell you not only where his layer is, but he will answer no fewer than three other questions that you might have about Manchun. Now, if you don't know what questions to ask, he'll give you random facts about Manchun, but if there's specific things you want to know about this wizard, you can ask whatever you want right now. And you can trade one of those questions to get an internship. If you trade two questions, you might get a really good deal on the internship and maybe you can be higher ranking. All right, so I'll do one question, then, and then get a really good deal. What are his motivations? Oh, interesting. Manchun is the leader of like an evil crime syndicate, very similar to Shredder. He wants to do crime all over and gain more and more power, but mainly the way the Zentharim, this crime syndicate do it is through, they're like the fantasy mafia. They spread from city to city. They try to lock down trade routes and then get smuggling routes set up through their connections and shady. Like they kick out all the other thieves' guilds and take over the underworld basically. Right. A wizard that just wants to be traded and collect, but it's Jordan pool. We have Jordan pool. Yeah. Absolutely. So, that's his motivation, mainly, is to make money, make profit. If he thinks he can do that, he might show up at a place where he would be able to maybe make some extra money. And then, so yeah, I'll use my other two questions to elevate myself in the internship program. Tell the rest of these guys, like, I got one question, I got to answer. Yes. Do you tell them it was a very successful information gathering, even though secretly it was very successful. You not only got an internship, you got free tuition, scholarship to Blackstaff Academy, the wizard school. At the moment, you're the closest in the party to becoming a fully fledged wizard. I'd even give you one level of wizard right now to do a little bit of extra magic in a boost. Wait, so no one else has any levels? Nobody has any wizard levels yet, except cake is somewhere out there traveling around, but he's the only wizard we have. Okay. I got a question. Yes. Very cool. Hey, dude, you were with those wizards for a while. Would you ask them? I found out what is what his most evations are there. He's a crime syndicate. He wants to see what's money. So, we got out. We can do that, right? So, that was the only question. You asked him a question that we didn't know there for a long time. We didn't know that. Do you had one question? You were there for 35 minutes? Yeah. They only gave me one question. It took me a while just to get that one question. We did see pictures of him and everything. It seemed pretty clear that he ran a crime syndicate. He looked like shredder. He looks like shredder. Well, now we know for sure. Now we know how we can get to him. And then what else did you guys talk about because they were really, they, it was hard for me to get one question. I really had to, to haggle. It's not a paperwork question that you have in your hand. Looks like a brochure. Why do you have an ID badge? No, no, that was, I don't have a brochure. I'm already in. You're wearing a landing bag. Separately, I mean, that's like my, my mom, like, signed me up for like, was it cool? Like, months ago, whatever. Like, that was a separate, like, side conversation. Well, where's your mom right now? She's back at home. Why? I'm looking at my phone right now and I'm watching a video of Jersey Jerry interviewing all the interns at wizard school. Hmm. What the fuck? Why are you in this? Like I said, like, I mean, we're not, we're not together all the time. Like, my mom, you know, she's been like, pushing me to like, try and just like, you know, chase my dreams and, and I guess I have to go to wizard school. Whatever. Why do you have swim trunks? Are you going to Ben Mintz's pool? I'm going to miss you guys. Okay, so you're going to wizard school instead of after this mission though, after this mission. Hmm. It seems like maybe you're not going to be completely focused on this mission though. No, this is like, this is my last, this is my last hurrah. Also feels like you wasted, you guys know, I don't even want to go. Like, it's not like I'd rather be with you guys, like I'd rather just chill with you guys. It feels like you had more questions that you could have asked that would have helped us instead. I only got one. That guy's doing it for money. Thanks. Yeah. Yeah. It's also worth noting this wizard teacher is trying to cover your bottle a little bit. He comes and he says, well, he asked me just one question and then he farted and I just started cracking up and I couldn't get through the rest of the questions. Okay. The wizard was here. Okay. Yeah. She checks out. That checks out. I actually didn't think it was a fart when I heard it. I thought it was just, it was sitting on a chair. He moved his legs and then gravity pulled air out. Hmm. Get up in anybody. Yeah. True. Good point in. And that will bring us from Erlich's turn then to silent train wind is up now silent train wind. What would you like to do? I will point out you're not too shabby a gathering information, but we do now know the location of Manshoon's headquarters. If we're looking for him, that would be a place we could go to that then might set off alarms where you might show up potentially and it's certainly where we can find his spellbook if we're looking to gain its power. Is there happen to be a recently known location of the spell book or we have no clue? We. Oh, good question. We're in his base is the spell book is not information we have right now, but we know at base. We do know must be in his base. He would keep it his base even is traveling to these dangerous dimensions like the plane of fire or the nine hells or something like that or maybe even heaven where we went on one of our adventures. You can go anywhere when you're a wizard who can travel the planes. So he is somewhere where it's dangerous to bring his spell book. He's going to keep it in his base. I would like to maybe see if we could do we know this spell book is is paper pen or is it electronic? Last question. It is paper and pen and probably covered with like grizzly skin or something like that. Okay. Evil Grimoire. So we're not doing any like geolocation. We can't hang in or anything like that. Gosh. I never thought of that. You might have a scrying spell that allows you to try to pinpoint the location of this spell book potentially using not that it has a geo tag or anything on it, but you can be like show me, man, shooting spell book in a crystal ball and kind of try to find it that way. Yeah. I'm not going to give a crystal ball rip. Absolutely. 100%. I happen to know clerics get a divination ability. I'm going to say you can roll a D20 to see how effective when you pray to your god pound found. Don't forget you worship the god of storms pound found and he is going to maybe answer your question if you roll really well. 15 of 15 is the exact number I was looking for in order to get the exact location of Manchun spell book. You see a vision of two towers, one center tower and one outer tower and sure enough the center tower looks like it's six stories tall. It's the big important building, but the outer tower is connected to it by a bridge and that one only has a single door on the second story accessible by bridge. The windows, no other doors on the ground floor or otherwise and it's at the top of that four story outer tower, the better protected of the two towers. You zoom into this room and you see a magic circle in the middle of the room. Roll me a D20 to see if you understand what this vision is showing you because you're not seeing the spell book. Well, there's another 15. 15. With your religion skill bonus, could I just ask on your sheet? I think you have like a plus. Do you have the religion skill, by any chance, under skills, actually, probably not my mistake. I do not know. You said you're all the 16. Is that right? Or 16 or 16 or 16 with a 16 that is just enough that you know something about this magic circle. Number one, if Manchun senses alarms going off in his tower, this teleportation circle is where he will show up. But you also know it's been modified so that if you press the right combination of ruins or maybe solve the right math problem on this like essentially a alarm type situation, you could create an opening to a demi plane, a pocket dimension, and it's almost like a wizard safe. You're realizing that while there's treasure chests in this room, this is the safest location is the portal that is accessible only by this teleportation circle. If you were a wizard trying to hide a spell book, you'd hide it in this dimensional pocket. And so you think that's what this vision is trying to tell you. You've got to get into this outer tower, get to this magic circle, and then someone with good arcana skill, which is usually a wizard is somebody who has a very good arcana skill, would be able to open this up. Some of us already do have arcana even if we are or not wizards. It's a plane in two towers, Tim. There have been unfortunate incidents when I've run this adventure for the Abelbiels where we have knocked over both of these towers, unfortunately, and it's all pretty regrettable but shout out, shout out, right. He doesn't have religion skill. So that's good. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yep. Yep. I didn't write this part of this adventure. I pulled it from a book. Exactly. Before as you were training in Florida, right? That's great. Okay. But nobody's knocking anything down in the power of religion in the name of God, because I don't have the religion skill. And you would do anything for a thousand versions. No kidding, honey, does sound like a tasty combo, but I'm not saying, but I just don't have that skill. I mean, you follow the God pound-found. You can decide whether pound-found is like, what would their motivations might be or something like that? So we are going to get the drop on the book, boys. We'll take that. Absolutely. You have to learn a small location. You have to do the math problem, though. As a team, I think we're pretty equipped on math. Absolutely. I think it's you. You have to go up and do the math. Oh, I thought it was a wizard that would unlock the- It is. Somebody with good arcana skill. I feel like we got some arcana skill. I like that. Do you have some math problems? You can just practice. I could whip up a few. I think absolutely. I think absolutely. That will be your turn, then. I suppose you have a bonus action. Is there anything else you did want to do on your turn? I feel okay with that turn, then. You're going to have a success. That's 120 times 4. 120 times 4. So we're doing 100 times 4. So 400 and then 20 times 4. So we're doing 80, right? So 480. He's good. He's really good. That's PEMDOS. I know. He's really good. That's PEMDOS. That's a lie. That's a lie. That's a lie. And that will bring us to weighing our hardware part next. Okay. And I assume you shared that information with everyone. Exactly. With the entire group. That's really nice. - And then you're being an open book. - I'm very nice to do that. I'm gonna disguise self. - Yes, disguise self. - Classic spell that allows you to look like somebody else, typologies potion vibe. - I'd like to disguise myself as Erlich. - Oh yeah, 100%. Absolutely. You immediately look like Erlich. - And then I'd like to tell all the other wizards that I'm no longer interested in their school. And in fact, I never wanted to be a wizard and I'm a fraud. - You absolutely can make a deception check and because you look like Erlich, you have advantage on this. So please roll two times and take the higher number. - That's three. - Three. - It's five. - Five. - Here's the issue you're running into. These are wizards. And so they go, oh, of course, just one moment and they sort of scan you with magic and they're like, wait a minute. This is disguise self spell. What do you think you're doing right now? - I've been working for your applicant. - Let me just confirm. - Yep, yep, they rolled a 17 to know that this was a rose. - I'm just hungry to say Wayne, they did bust you. And this is a classic like, oh, like they had. You tried to bring in like, oh, huge gun, like through a metal detector. - Yeah. - Like get out. - Are you kidding me? This was a, they're really only place in the whole city that would have routine magical inspection. - Well, actually, guess what? It was a stress test and they passed. I was making sure that, and it sounds like these wizards really have their act together now. - Yes, absolutely. You know what, they are upset. Romy, one persuasion check to convince them that this is a 16. They're like, hey, wait, oh, oh, wait. So you're from the order of watchful magistrates. That's like the wizard police kind of. You're like, yep. So do we pass the test? Do we get a new like, we were trying to go from a B plus to an A on our security. Will you give us the A now? - Their bugs and the keg lines. - Yeah. - Can I, can I go check out that combination that Jack pulled up? - You absolutely can. - Wait, what are you checking out? The combination. (laughing) - Absolutely. - The combination. - You are able to start heading in that direction, but it will point that as you get to the location in kind of the dock district of the city, where you see the main tower, and then they attached outer tower, you sure enough can see. The outer tower has four stories, and you can see the doorway on the second story. You could try to climb up onto the bridge to get into that tower, but you're also noticing one other thing, 'cause I know your character has decent perception. There is like dirt around the tower in a perfect ring. It's almost like you see a ring of dirt and then nothing. It's clean within that perfect ring that goes exactly 30 feet out radius circle around the tower itself. As you're watching, you see a bird fly through the air, go, go, go, and then just hit something and slide down an invisible wall of some kind. Roll me in our can't check real quick to see if you know what you're looking at here. That's a six, and I had plus four. Oh, plus four. All you needed was a 10, to get an idea of what's going on here. This is a force field dome around this tower. You don't with a 10, know how you would get through a force field dome, but someone with arcana or a wizard would be able to figure that sort of thing out. Okay. And I will say that was you going with your move. You still have your bonus action. If you wanna do anything here, or you can inspire as a bard one of your teammates with bardic inspiration, either playing the music or encouraging them. Who's up next? In theory, it is Greg up next. Greg, what do you sing me a song? Prince Greg. I'd like to sing Prince Greg a song. Absolutely. What song do you sing? So you said there's like a ring of dirt and then a hole. Yeah, so there's kind of like it's almost like there's a perfect circle around the tower. Where it looks like the street sweepers have been sweeping dirt up against the force field. So there's no mystery even though it's invisible where the force field is. You think you could walk into it and then bounce off of it. I'm thinking like a nine iron. Maybe, all right. Maybe you just want to come in my dirty hole. Yeah, let's go right in that dirty hole, Greg. All right, thank you. Go inspired. Go check out that dirty hole. Come on in. It's pretty nice. With that song in your heart, Greg, you absolutely feel inspired. Thank you. It's my turn. It is now your turn, Greg. When did you reset? I think we should wait for something. Wait for somebody to walk out. Is there a lot of traffic going in and out of this tower? In and out of the tower, there seems to be no traffic. In fact, you see people moving around inside of the main tower, not the outer tower with a spellbook is, but you can see windows on floors one, two, and three of the main tower in a front door. There's people moving around in there. I'm going to roll to see if they've noticed anybody out there. They have not yet. Someone almost looked out a window and spotted us. And this is a prime syndicate at its core? Yes, absolutely. So not a lot of traffic going to and from it. And you'd bet they keep this force field pretty secure a lot of the time. Boys, give me all your gold. Let me walk ballet and look vulnerable. Ooh. A jingle in a purse. Gotcha. Absolutely. How much gold do we have? You, I would say even you alone have enough jangling gold in your pocket. I want you a comical large bag of gold. OK, 100% if you pull your money between the dragons that we've defeated and the money we got off the Doom Raiders last time, we've got well over like, I would say, 6,000 gold pieces. If you're putting it all in one bag, that's a bag like this big with a big dollar sign. Yes, please. Wow. Does Greg have any older brothers? Because I feel like the second or third brother prince is like always gets kidnapped. Those are good ones to kidnap. Which is good if that's what we're looking for. Greg, it's totally up to you. If you have any brothers, certainly, they could be in the city even one time. Do you want me to have brothers? I think kidnapping, like if you're a crime syndicate, trying to kidnap and hold hostage like the second brother. I see your logic. I see your logic. Okay, so you are a paladin. A paladin is like a knight, like someone who has taken an oath and become a very important person. You would be someone they might want to kidnap. All right, so if we're thinking about like, a brother that Prince Greg could have kidnapped, should we maybe pick someone who's like, got glasses in a beard? Looks a lot like Prince Greg. Who's certainly good. A body double if you want. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Who's. Do you know? Peter. I can't grow beard. I don't. Does anyone have glasses in it? Are you guys just assuming I'm a prince in the game because I'm, because of this? Yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. So there's only one person who kind of looks like you, right? Prince Greg? Uh, wow. I do, I have a spectacle as well. So why don't we have, why don't we have silent trade when getting kidnapped? With our big gold purse. Yeah. So I get all the gold, but maybe kidnapped. But you need to walk by and look at the vulnerable. Yeah, and you gotta say to your prince, you're the second prince. Maybe walk by, like, you've lost your glasses somewhere. I'm just gonna say, this is all contingent on the fact that you have not already lost your glasses. A silent trade win. Please roll me a D20, as long as you win a 1. You did not lose your glasses. It's a 17. 17, you lost them, but you found them again after hours of looking around for them. You really put in a lot of hard work, but you found them again. So now you can affect a very good disguise of Greg the Paladin, 100%. That also means that Greg's is your turn. I like the idea that as you are seeing silent trade win disguises you walking by, you're almost waiting an ambush, maybe potentially for anybody who might come wandering out. You certainly need a bush, please. Absolutely. Then there's plenty of bush. And so you are able to get into some nearby bushes, look out and sure enough, in fact, roll me one D20's about the bush. The bush is near these two towers. Plenty of gold. Oh, yes, yes. Yes, but you see someone's hung up like a nice mission accomplished sign of some of our years, something like that. And so you can roll, this'll be your stealth check. You have a minus one on this, but it's a nine. Problem is that right now you're trying to hide in some bushes and it's hard to hide when you're wearing heavy armor and stuff. I think that your giant moth mount is, I believe you still had a giant moth in your mouth. Yep, yep. Is kind of like coming up and you're like, no, no, no, no, come on, grow up there. And it's like sort of drawing attention upon you right now. I will see, they haven't noticed you, however. They are too locked in on the money bag being carried by the false prince. And so you see, let's find out who it's gonna be, who comes emerging out of the tower. Ooh, you see a little hobbit. Come run, a halfling, the token of state owns the word hobbit. Halfling comes emerging out of the tower. He's wearing a chef apron and wizard robes. So it seems like he is a chef, but also can do magic of some kind. This hobbit comes running out and you hear him like, ooh, what's going on? Oh, interesting. And then he suddenly points at the force field and the direction of the force field. He has a ring and suddenly this archway appears in the force field. And he goes, you there, you there. It seems like you are maybe in position of too much gold, my friend. Perhaps I could lighten your load a little bit. He then like almost looks in Greg's direction, but Greg still has the element of surprise right now. This guy is almost acting like he's being friendly, but you can tell he's about to maybe cast spells like freeze you in place or something like that. Silent trade, when you are kind of passing by with your reaction, Greg, do you wanna jump out and do anything at this point? I would like to compel him to a duel. Yes, you can use compel and duel. If this works, he will have to fight you in that case. He will not get to do anything else. Let me get my special wizard guy here, okay. Oh, the special wizard guy has betrayed him. He only got even with his decent bonus to this, a total of a 12. He needed like a 14 or better to pass that. He immediately looked at your direction and you're like, do me. And this little circle suddenly inscribes in the ground between you two. He tries to back up and he slams against it. And he can't get out of here. The ring is clearly a thing that led him through the force field and now he's It's like, no, no, no, no, no, and you know he's scared 'cause wizards can hit really hard, but they're glass cannons. They don't have a lot of hip points. If you go after him right now, you, I'm gonna say you still have one attack left that you could do to this wizard. - I don't think we want, do we want to kill him now? - You can attack someone to knock them out. You could intimidate him or persuade him to not fight now that you know he's kind of trapped, locked in duel with you. - I would like to intimidate him. - Absolutely. You're like surrender now, yield now, and like I won't make this messy on you. Go ahead and roll with advantage. You get to roll two times now, and you're gonna be adding either intimidation or persuasion to the higher roll. - 11? - Mm-hmm. - Seven. - Seven, okay. So within 11 being the higher roll, can I ask under skills, do you have either intimidation or persuasion? - Persuasion plus six. - Plus six, let's go. He would need a 17 or higher on this. He immediately says, listen, listen, I'm just the chef. I'm just the chef. We don't need to make this messy. How can I help you? I, this was all a big misunderstanding. I wasn't gonna take his money. I would never do such a thing. In fact, I'll bet I can help you out a lot. This guy's totally willing to betray everyone in this tower right now. He tells you his name is Manifrit Cherryport. He's the chef in residence here in the tower of the Manchu, known as the Colat Towers. - It's too obvious if we just take the ring. I want his whole hand. - Absolutely. - I want to tell you what I like your percentage. It's punishment for what you were about to do. A thief is punished often by slicing their hand off. So you take, he almost is like, you see him kind of be like, "No, come on, we don't have to find." And you're pretty sure he knows I can kind of regrow my hand. And by the time he realises you're going for the ring hand, he's almost too late. Romi1D20, as long as you hit him, you'll take his hand right off. - 13. - 13 plus your attack bonus with your, I believe, long sword. - Long sword. - It's the halfling's hand right off. It falls to the ground. And he goes, "So can I go now?" And he wants to run away from the tower to get out of here. You let him loose from your compel duel. This guy says, "I quit and starts running out of this tower. Congratulations." You know, I have a ring to get everybody in and out of this force field into the tower. However-- - Nick's got a ring. - You do have-- - Wow. - I keep doing this. I can't believe it. Wow. And he was given to you by this young halfling. - I'm a wizard who, as he runs away, is like, "What are we now?" As he thinks to himself about Greg. Nobody has noticed this whole transaction from inside the tower. Congratulations. We still have the elements of surprise right now. Greg, you churn and you didn't even need to use your bardic inspiration, so you still have it on standby. - My job, Prince Greg. - Get a bring us background to loud train win. - Okay, so I'm a big dummy, right? - The barbarian is known for immense strength and constitution, toughness, immense strength. - But not high intelligence. - Can I-- So I feel like we got to know more about this monsoon guy. - Met Lord Manchew. - When I'm sure you're present. - Can I-- - It's a crime guy. - Well, I'm not smart enough to ask people to go around and trick people with my brain. Could I potentially listen to a podcast? - Yes, you can learn valuable information by doing so that will be a perception check. - Okay, so I would like to listen to the sit down Amafiya History Podcast, which definitely do. - Absolutely. - He didn't episode about monsoon and I'd like to just get everything that he knows about him and download it. - Absolutely. You have to sort through a lot of other like true crime, like podcasts and stuff, but you are able to find this legit one that is very authoritative, has all the street down. This is Wizards, just broadcasting from their towers, all of their thoughts and stuff, and so you're able to use magic crystal ball to tune in on this, or magical sending stones, or wherever you get your local podcast, and so you can roll me a perception check, roll a D20 plus, I think you have a three on this. - 18. - 18 plus three is a dirty 21 and-- - Oh, well done. - Well done, absolutely. With that, you are gonna extract valuable information about monsoon. Was there something you are listening for in particular? You're gonna get three pieces of information about monsoon right now. Ironically, you can't trade this for scholarships or anything like that because it's just information. - No, I would, yeah. - You would never do that. - I'll just leave a five-star review. - Absolutely, what a hundred percent. - Okay, so what do we want to learn, boys? - Maybe find out what monsoon's all about. - Yeah. - Like, does he do this for money or what? - What is motivating you? - He's actually the first thing he says right away is like, everyone knows that monsoon does what he does for money, that's common knowledge, but what does he tell you the real information about monsoon now? - All right, so what are we trying to figure out? - What level of this tower is his room at? - What? - Yeah, what level is his room at? - I will point out that we did learn from the scrying that Silent Train we did. We learned the outer tower. - The fourth floor. - Okay, so I know this podcast, well, I feel like he probably talked about this topic. What's his weakness? What is his, what is the one thing that he can't live without, that he needs that we can maybe go after? - We do kind of know, his spell book is the main thing that if we could get it from him, he loses all of his magical power without his spell book. I think that's the information we did not before that we are getting is if you take his spell book from him, he loses his ability to do magic at that point. - What about Latina Brods? - Oh yeah, he has plenty of other weaknesses. Let me go over some of them. Number one will be Latina Brods, absolutely. Let me just, I don't know how much does he love Latina Brods. - Yeah, yeah, Bob Average, okay. - Bob Average, okay. - What about after a few Stela's? - Yeah, absolutely. Let me see after Stela's, he loses interest in the map. - Oh, he said it's weirdly enough, wow. - Absolutely. If you have any thoughts about any possible weaknesses all rolled to see if it happens to be one of his weaknesses. - Like, does he have to definitely Latina Brods? - Does he have to bring like his, his, like, satchel of money with him whenever he wants to hang out with these Latina Brods or to hang out with him, even if he doesn't have money? - Let me see, who, he does not need any money. To go hang out with the Latina Brods. He just gets by on pure risk. - Exactly what I thought. - They love it, they actually love it, him, more than he loves them, so you learn that not only does he, there's a rumor he pursues Latina Brods. The truth is, they won't stop coming after man, shoot. They all want to go for that. - Does he own this tower, or would he go fly? - If you ask about his ownership of the tower, there is an answer here to that question. Do you ask about it? - Yeah, I would like to ask. - So you find out that yes, he owns the tower, but because there were two wizard brothers who used to own this tower, and then he, you know, they disappeared mysteriously. You find out that the brothers who owned the tower were wizard brothers, called the Colat Brothers, and their specialty was constructs, gargoyles, made of stone that would animate to protect the tower, things like force fields that they could use to protect the tower and gollums. Things made of stone or iron that can defend the tower, including flesh gollums. Otherwise, known as Frankenstein's monsters, creatures that look like zombies, but aren't. They're constructs with like bolts in their neck that will defend the tower. So we should expect animated dangers that could animate and attack us. - Okay, so we know that we got to get a spell book. We know Latina Brods, anything else. - Oh, Hank's last question was, can he fly? - Can he fly? Great question. - Great question. - I will let you know that not only can he fly, flying is easy for him. He can almost fly perpetually because he's got like a permanent fly spell on him. Not only can he do that, he can teleport across the world in a single turn if he wants to. He also has spells that if we were level two, he could kill any of us easily, but even at level seven, if he uses his most powerful spells, he could probably one shot kill any one of us. - Okay, I feel like we learned a lot. - Yeah, it's good. - Yeah, absolutely. - Can I have like a mini, do I have a mini role for you? - Yes, you have a bonus action you can do whatever you want. - Bonus action just bitch slap, silent trade win. - Just to let him know that I didn't forget about him. - Are you allowing this to happen or are you trying to avoid it from happening? - I would. - Like dodge it. - I would like to avoid this bitch slap and pause with it. - But you have a giant bag of mine. - Now before you bitch slap him, I will ask, do you go reckless on the bitch slap? Then you get advantage. - Or reckless bitch slap. - Yeah, I'm a reckless bitch slap. - Recklessly bitch slap. Silent trade win to please roll two times on your D20. - Four. - Mm. - That's a 16. - Ooh. - Initially it looks like it's gonna hit your helmet and then he gets you right in the face with the 16 plus your athletic bonus, 100%. - And then just leave a note, just being like there's more where that came from. - Absolutely. - That's it. - That's all, good turn. - Thank you. - And that was right as you had walked away from the encounter with that. - Is he crying? - Roll to see if you are crying right now. I'm gonna give you the benefit of that down and assume you're trying to avoid it. - So it's really only on a one or a two. - 11. - 11. - Oh, yeah, I've done, yeah. I'm no pro, I'll do your fine. - Absolutely. - Okay. - Percent. - That trade win. - No, no, no, that we just, that we, - Okay. - I understand my siblings sometimes have outbursts. We don't pass that, we don't tear up but we don't hold against them. - I'm sure. - I'm sure, okay, everybody bends in their own way. 100%. - I don't say since you got an 11 and not a 10 or lower, a 10 or lower woulda meant there's a little twinkle and you caught that with an 11, not even a twinkle. - You hold it together. - Just there. - Next time I go harder. - Absolutely, that'll bring us to Ehrlich's turn now. - I would use, I would like to use my stealth skill and I would like to try and go ahead nobly to try and get a jump on this book. - Ab, so lootly. So you know the force field in theory is already open. The only way it wouldn't be open is if Greg chose to shut the force field. They left the door open as it were through the force field. So assuming that gate is still there, You can go around. right through the forest field into the towers. - Do I still have the ring? - Do have the ring. So you could make this-- - I would give you the Nick's ring for your birthday. - That's really nice. - That's so nice. - Yeah, that's fair. - I'm gonna make that right. - I'm gonna make that right now. - Have a birthday. - So now I control the forest field now. - You do? - Yes, 100%. - Okay, so I'd like to go. I'd like to go inside stealth. - Yeah, yeah. - Rule me a stealth check is a bonus action. That's perfect. - D20 plus whatever your stealth skill bonus is. - That's a four plus five. - Four plus five. Nine is not great. So I'm gonna ask you to be specific about where you're going. There's two towers. The main tower clearly has people inside of it. You can look through windows, you can go through doors, but you're not being very stealthy right now. The outer tower is no windows, a single door, but it's on the second story connected to the main tower by a bridge. So you could keep away from those people. Then you don't have to worry about how sneaky you're being and go for the outer tower where we know the spellbook is. If you want to head for the main tower, then you're gonna have some trouble. - If I go in the main tower, can I just be like, all this my first day of internship and they'll buy that or is that not gonna work? - You could try that, but I will point out at the magical school. They do internships all the time. Here, that's a rare and unusual thing. So the check would be a lot tougher that you would need to make. - All right, so I'll go for tower number two. - As you look at the outer tower, we had already learned that's where the spellbook was at the top of floor four. The issue right now is you aren't drawing any attention. I'll just confirm that. - Well, it was so funny there. - It was only in just a moment. - That's a time. - Oh no, that was a two unnatural 20. That was really the only way something's gonna go wrong. We'll see in just a moment. But you are at the outer tower. You notice that there's no ground floor door. There's a door on the second story, but you could try to climb up. - What about Lola? - Oh my gosh. Credit Hank, I've always been forgetting Lola lately. I am so glad you remembered. - Lola, Lola. - The imp can immediately spread her wings. Fly up invisibly by the way. So Lola's not worried about stealth and this imp can fly up to the door. And I can think of a couple of things. Lola could try to help you up or Lola could open the door on her own. She could even go inside the tower whatever you wanna happen here. - I think Lola helped me out. - Lola will help you up, absolutely. Lola's like, I'm not ready to die. She's like trying to help one of your feet pushing it up. Go ahead and roll me with advantage now with help from Lola. This is going to be an athletic check. I'm sorry to say you have a plus zero on that as a no more lock, that's not your specialty. The way it would be for a barbarian. - It's your old 2D 20s, take the higher number. - 20. - No way, you had two rolls. You didn't even need a second one on the first try. Lola basically is actually like, here, one second, one second. And she just calls out, oh Lord's of the nine hells, please give me strength. And for just a split second, she is able to push you all the way up so that you land on the bridge. No problem. You know what, mate, since it was not her help that got you the critical hit, you did it on your own. I want to give you credit. Maybe this is your first little bit of wizard magic. You start to levitate off the ground and land on the bridge. She goes, I didn't help you do that. How did you do that? That's incredible. I've never seen a warlock do that kind of magic. And sure enough, you land on the bridge. I'm even prepared to say with a critical hit, you might still be levitating a little bit right now. - Nice. There's two doors you could go through, the door into the main tower and the door into the outer tower, where we know the spellbook isn't it's quieter. Unfortunately, you now know from the main tower, some people are like, hey, did you hear somebody talking outside and they are going to start mobilizing? I'm going to roll to see when they're going to go. But you could make yourself scarce before they arrive. It's still your turn right now. You still have your action. You could go into the outer tower where you almost quiet right now. The main tower is unfortunately where all the enemies seem to be. - So let's go outer. - Absolutely, as you open the door to the outer tower, you know that at the top of this tower is where the spellbook should be. Immediately opening up, you can see there is a ledge. You can step onto and there's a spiral staircase going down into what appears to be the ground floor, which is just a garbage pit. They've been thrown garbage down the staircase and it's all like stinky down there. There is a staircase going up from the ledge to the third floor, but straight across from you. There is a little ledge with like an almost like statue of a wizard pointing a wand right at you. Roaming an arcana check to see if it certainly looks very suspicious like a trap, but roll to see if you know anything about this particular situation. - D20? - D20. - Five. - Five. And what's your arcana bonus? - My arcana bonus is five. - Five, so you got a 10 and because you got one level of wizard, I'm gonna give you an extra plus two on that's go. You can tell this is a magical trap of some kind. You know three things are gonna happen. Number one, there are ruins on the mouth that are gonna make this statue start talking whenever the trap is triggered. There's a ledge right in front of you. You can pretty much, you can even see the ruin right on the ledge. The moment you step onto this ledge, it is going to cause this thing to start talking. It's gonna raise off the ledge and something's gonna happen on that wand, maybe an attack in your direction or something like that. Lowel is like, that's bad news. - Can I just hide out for a minute? - You could hide out. This week you could end your turn if you want. In case you want to do any attack or something like that or cast a spell or make another skill check. But you could say, I'm ending my turn or you could say I'm writing an action but not firing it yet. - I'm gonna write an action. - Keep in mind, between now and your next turn, it is guaranteed some people are gonna come running out of the main tower and start looking around for you. So something to consider there. So I can't use my skill, I can only use an action. - You could use any action including a skill check. A skill check is- - That's all the stealthes. - Stealth, absolutely. So now this is your second attempt at stealth. Role me one more stealth check to try to, you're kind of hiding on the bridge, is that right? - 20. - 20! - Wow! - Okay. With a critical hit, are you hiding on the bridge by kind of like laying flat on the bridge or were you trying to hide in the tower? - Hide in the tower. - I will say that if it's with a critical hit, you manage to avoid this trap entirely, you think its sensor ruin did not go off, and so you get into the tower. Do you want to stay on floor two, or go down to floor one, the garbage pit? - I think- - Or go up to floor three, which is a mystery. - I think garbage pit probably the safest place to hide. - That's actually so smart. Luke Skywalker style in the trash compactor, you go down into the spiral staircase, there's like at least like 14 inches of like water down here that you can submerge yourself in. - It's gross, but it's a great hiding spot that they would never check. - Great job. - Nice hiding spot. - Good job. - Tim, I got a question just like, when you're playing Dungeons & Dragons, just like in terms of being a good teammate and everything, is it normal for someone to put their used Lucy in the die? - Oh, is it in a rubber rod? - Oh, yeah, it's in a rubber rod. - These are all dice trays. - I don't know if there's so many things. - Okay. - I didn't know that was something that like that's just something that you do in Dungeons & Dragons. - It was in a wrapper. - Okay, got it. - Where's the wrapper? - Yeah. - Every time I went to grab a die, I just. - Oh, I see, it sounds like a house rule we would need to make. - Yeah, 100%. - Absolutely. - This will bring us to silent training when the next. - That's disgusting. - So gross. Just sitting right next to the die. - We did a trash wrap earlier. - Earlier. - It jumped out and that's put it in there. So I'm just. - Yeah. (laughing) - To make sure we're still there. (laughing) - Okay. - So silent training when we are now up to you. You just saw Urlick go inside through the force field. He has the ring now. Just want to make, but I do want to double check, but I assume you did not shut the artway into the force field behind you, right? You left the door open. - No, I can't do it at any time. - You need to be out, so you would have needed to do it before you got into the town. - Okay, so yeah, it's open. - Yeah, so it's open, absolutely. - So nothing stopping us from going inside. To be fair, we only have a limited amount of time before people are gonna start coming out and noticing intruders. - I am curious about the area surrounding these towers. Are there any shops, is there maybe a drug store, a pawn shop, anything close in the areas is a developed kind of spot or more rural. - It's kind of not rural. It's in the middle of the dock district of the city, but this is a rundown neighborhood in the dock district. This really nice courtyard with towers in it is like where four different alleyways meet. In the dock district. So it's sort of a rundown district where there are a lot of shops, a lot of hobbles and stuff, but definitely places where you could hide or look around and like pharmacy type places. - What are you looking for? - Even for little Advil, 'cause I bitch slapped you. I would like to support local business, maybe stop into the local pawn shop, maybe browse around for a second, if that's okay. - Absolutely, are you looking for anything particular? There are plenty of shops that sell potions, scrolls, which are one-shot spells or other magic items you might even be looking for. - I heard there's a guy that whips up a great virus in there and I was trying to see, sorry. - I believe I have quite a bit of gold on me from an earlier distraction. - That's like to show you everyone's money right now. - I would like to spin some of the gold on this man's finest virus if possible. - Absolutely, you're saying virus like a plague that might spread potentially. - And I would like to look for injectable possible, yeah. - Actually, roll me 1D 20. Just, this is now very, you not need a high roll on this. - You're in the right neighborhood. - It's a five. - Okay, the number I was looking for was a five or higher. Initially, people are not willing to tell you where you could find somebody you could provide you with a sample of a plague or a virus. And so, you finally, as you're about to give up the search from an alleyway, this guy who looks like he is a little raven man, pokes his head out and goes, hey, hey, I heard you're looking for a plague. I happen to be a plague brewer come inside my shop and his shop is like down a staircase in an alley into somebody's basement He is brewing different plagues here, and he has an injector syringe He says that you certainly have enough money if you're willing to pay full price for a sample of his deadliest plague You do not even need to make a check if you want to haggle you certainly can to get a better price on it But you have everyone's money right now. You can afford this. I would like to hit him Maybe like 80% on that, you know, yeah gentleman's haggle nothing crazy rule me 1d 20 see if you can haggle it down a little bit That's gonna be it's it's strong - with a strong - he goes I noticed you were looking for a really long time I don't think you're gonna get a better deal on a plague It's highly illegal to be selling this sort of thing. It full price. I'm afraid is what I'm gonna need This does seem to be quite a bit of gold. So I'll hit him a full price and still have it You still have plenty of gold, but there is a dent now in our funds at this point And you have a syringe. I assume that there are regular plagues here You wanted to go for the best kind. There are magical plagues They can't easily be cured without the power of a cleric You're the only person here who would be able to cure the plague that you have in your syringe right now With that done that was your bonus action You could now move to anywhere you want and it would be an action to do a spell and attack a skill check or Inject somebody with that syringe I would just like you go meet up with the boys. I'd like to regroup 100% you regroup with the boys 100% There's anything you would like to ready or you could hand that syringe up to somebody or anything like that You certainly may. Can I be like trade wind is that a vial of plague that you have? Are you hiding it or revealing it to everyone? You back on the plague Guys take the plague all the time. It's just like yeah, I got in my pocket. Yeah, just recreation. Yeah recreational You're not that fat, dude Never know you don't need the needle is a party plague or is this just like you need it. Yeah I guess I would be too to be determined. We have no one's we have no sample size on the effects We dig it. I got it from the guy that street said it was a good plague But you know you never know they cut the plague with all sorts of stuff. Yeah. Yeah, they're mixing play. Yeah Yeah, just if you take the plague make sure that somebody's around you. Yeah, I understand. Okay, glad to be it back Me no one is the dark. He is like the human. Yeah, so when you take it make sure you're around when you take the the plague Understand yourself gotcha. We'll do Absolutely 100% and to be fair There are also lots of magical drugs sold in the city as well The plague that you got is both in fact it both gives you a crazy feeling Confusion but also very dangerous as well. Just be careful. Mm-hmm. You know, you don't want to Accently prick yourself with the plague. Yeah, maybe test it before you take it. Yeah, you know it because like you might take it and then you might just like You might just stay in the strip club for like 20 hours non-stop afterwards There was some guys take yeah And if you wanted to use your action to sample it you certainly could but you could otherwise end your turn to keep hippo maximus away from it He'll tell you he'll use all of it I'll let the aim my turn here Absolutely 100% I'll mark you out with the ready to action if you would like to take one between now and your next turn But Wayne we are now up to you It's like done How many feet of trash right now? I said 14 inches like 14 inch arbitrary number. I think a gnome could fit under 14 inches of water I'd like to do can I do minor illusion where I make a human sized image out of nowhere I'd like to make a really hot chick that wanders her way down into the basement and then she sees Hank covered in trash And he tries to talk to her, but she's like ooh, that's disgusting Okay, so you First of all you can get inside the dome. Yeah, you can just barely see through a bit of the open door into the outer tower You need to make it just appear on the other side of the door and illusion of a beautiful woman begins to descend the stairs Hank, please roll me an intelligence saving throw to see if it's okay I'd like her to be shocked by his presence and his smell and revolted and she's so revolted by it She doesn't know I'm there. I'm hiding you She's so revolted by his smell and his presence that she then causes a scene and attracts attention to those Frankenstein looking guys To come by Romeo deception check real quick because he's so convincing you make this illusion. I've got a plus eight two plus eight is fantastic You are very good at creating convincing Nine and that's before I assume the plus eight is that right? So 17 in all was looking for a 15 year hire for this to be a very convincing illusion that's making a lot of noise So I would like her like to please roll an intelligence saving throw with disadvantage to see if he's falling for it So roll two times and take the lower number The three but the threes is gone Not I that still counts as a three. I thank you. Let me see Oh, sorry. Yeah, that is a hard to read. Yeah, you got a one dealer's choice. You get a one. You got a one I didn't yeah, the hard to read is the one Well, there might not be a three real on it. Yeah, you know what I'll give you the higher the two you get three Well, I have only world once so 16. Thank you You're gonna make it easier so he gets to take the high. No, no, no I was saying the higher between the one and the three because you said the high between the two I wrote one I said I'll give you the higher one of those two meaning at the three So it's a commander river commander giver at his finest So you're not giving him the 16 we're gonna go with the three then and that is not enough to know that this Maddie who's coming down the stairs right now is an illusion. In fact, you think she is one of the guards who you know Just walked across the bridge to get to you and you're like oh dang the guard who's coming after me is a baddie And you're looking around hiding from the guard. She sees you and she smells Romeo won wisdom save your friends unless you don't really bad on this It wouldn't cause you to be like but I'm like looking out of the water kind of Four four. Okay. I'm sorry to say and let me ask him. No, I guess yeah, no, that's not gonna be a doctor There's no way of a six on this. I'm I'm just trying to play by the rules He actually rolled a 14 oh really that was a 14 feel free to pass me that diet. I want to give us a hard to read Die. I'll get that one out here. You're absolutely right. That's a 14 where the one has a war in a way for you You are not emerging out of the water like But you are staying hidden in the water. You do think it's a real woman But you're like she might be dangerous. So I got to be a little careful here The bad news is that that was enough of an illusion that as she's calling out the guards like someone's in that other tower And they are heading for the outer tower now to look around such a cockball Absolutely, so at the top of initiative right after Greg's turn we're gonna have some intruders emerging at this point Wayne that was your action anything with your bonus action. You could do healing word to heal some well No, nobody's injured yet. You could also use another part of inspiration on somebody other than Greg Greg Still has bardic inspiration. You're just blowing up everyone's spot. No, just yours It's ours. No, yeah, cuz you're gonna get your hands on that spell book and it's gonna be bad news for everybody here That's what we're that's the mission. No, you're you're not gonna share it with anyone Remember who told you 14. Yeah, I think I want to use my bardic inspiration on On silent trade win silent trade win to just be like hey man You got you got a lot of virus. We should go into the bathroom stall. Maybe check that out I do like let's party We need to stall. I feel inspired. Yeah, let's just borrow. Let's party after you. Okay. Uh, thanks Absolutely. Are you leaving to go to a different bathroom? Or are you trying to find the bathroom in this tower? I think the bathroom stalls a metaphor for just like whatever whatever the closest flat surfaces Absolutely, you're using it to find an alleyway and start enjoying some of this plague 100% yeah, safely safely Safely rule me 1d 20 just to make sure this is safely being used and silent train win if you're doing as well Silent train wonder are you also indulging? I got he's doing it I'm not good. I'm not gonna all indulge. He indulged you're not gonna make me do this on my own. Yeah, this is in peer pressure I'm indulging on my own free will But I did test. I did test half half the We did the test half and half half were we're in a good spot the other half Kripling there's some issues there. I won't reveal the results of the test because I want to keep you safe And having a good time and I don't want to I don't want to send you through a bad He's going in with you. I'm in at 11. 11 you are doing okay Almost like the magical healing that courses through your body is protecting you But you are noticing as he is tripping out that unfortunately wane the bard is kind of getting a little green and the gills right now Unfortunately, however you have a ready to action would you like to drop a healing spell on wane to alleviate this problem come on bro You'll go in some milk absolutely with a hundred percent roll me a d 20 just make sure you cure them effectively 16. 16 is enough wanes feeling a lot better after you drop some healing magic on him silent train wind well done That's some good shit. There's ways to the virus. That was actually a 19 I met yeah tiny, but you still got some virus left Absolutely a little taste. 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Go to forthepople.com/pmt or dial pound law, pound 529 from your cell phone. That's for the people, f-o-r-thepople.com/pmt or pound law, pound 529. This is a paid advertisement. And now more D&D. And Greg, that is going to bring us tea to useless terms. I feel like we should be getting into some sort of fights. Yeah, we got to find this positive loss. I don't think you ever had the plot. I mean, we got enemies on the ladder. What do you mean? I just sicked an entire tower's worth of goblin. You just conjured up a hot chick and did some virus. No, that's all you did. That sounds fucking awesome. Number one. Number two. I also sicked an entire army of Frankenstein's that are now looking for you. Which is bad. Because I know once you get that stole book, it's bad for everybody. It's bad for the world if you have this stolen book. Because you're just jealous. I'm going to come and wasn't before you. No, it's just bad if you have the spell book. I think everyone can agree on that. That's the entire mission. You should not have the spell book. You personally are out of the spell book. Any of us that got the spell book, mission accomplished. All right, fiction. It feels like we got where it odds here. Can we just all agree that silent trade win is a fucking baby back bitch? I agree. Okay. I disagree. You should have done more virus, man. Pussy. I got some mommy. So the the illusion. Yes, caused all the people from one tower to go to the second. They're about to come out. So you know that right after you're turned in fact, a bunch of people are going to come running out the front door, but also onto the bridge to go after him. We got some Frankenstein's on the way. We also got some living guards. If you were to take up a position at either door, you could ready to like start chopping heads off as they come running out or you could do anything else you want on your turn. I think you'll have one small window before they start showing up. Okay. But you don't have to you can just be like no, I'll deal with them. You could bust into the main tower, start attacking them and keep them busy there or wait for them since you know they're going to come running out. I think it's time for action. I settled his over. Yeah, I would like I'd like to cock my shit back at the door and wait. Absolutely. Are you waiting at the front door on ground level or you're trying to climb up onto the bridge to protect anyone who's in the outer tower from guards who might come running at them. I like being on the bridge. Absolutely. Roll me an athletic check. Oh, never mind. You don't need to roll me an athletic check to get up to there because if you hop on your giant moth, you can ride your giant moth right up onto this bridge automatic. I think I'd rather do that. Yes. As you land on the bridge, very classic night on your mount, you've got your lance, you've got your sword. Which one would you like to ready as it's an attack against any incoming enemies? Do I throw the lance? Oh, um, let's see. Oh, the good question. No, javelin you throw lamps you stab with. I'll read the javelin. Ooh, javelin's the least damage of all the attacks. I will not read the javelin. Absolutely. I will read it. Well, it deals a lot and your sword also deals a lot. What covers the most area? Um, they all only hit one person unless you critical hit, then you hit like almost spears. Let's go. Let's go. Lance is a great choice. Immediately, as you ready the attack, that is when the door flies open and it is an armored woman who emerges. She's got two guards and a Frankenstein behind her and they seem like they were crossing some sort of invisible bridge from like one side of the room to the other so they're like on no floor. It looks like, but as they throw the door open, she charges right into your lance. This woman has like almost like a broken nose and scars into your wearing heavy armor and she's got a long sword in one hand, a short sword in the other. She is built like a brick shithouse and she looks strong. We're talking like ex-war veteran marine type warrior here. You can hit her with your lance right now if you would like to. Is this ex-marine looking right? Hmm? Is she looking right? Looking good? Yeah, yeah. I will since you asked as I do for all the AWLs when they meet Sidger, the leader of the guard here in the town. I will see how good she looking today. She's looking so hot. She on a scale of one to 20 is pulling a 19. She looks hot and whether that's because that's your type or not Greg, you certainly know that this strong muscley lady is looking very good in addition to looking dangerous in combat. Okay, so I would before I pierce her, I'd like to put on an aura of protection. Yes, your aura protection is running all the time. All the time. You never take it off. I would like to. One hundred percent. You come pre-protected. Absolutely. This is huge for the squad that we found a 19 out of 20 chick. Oh my guess. And it was the K guy that found her. That's a nine. That's coming from. I'm straight as an arrow. You certainly have caught her by surprise with this first attack. Last thing she expected was a night mounted on a giant moth to be lancing her right now, but she doesn't hate it either. You can go ahead and roll two times on the D20 and take the higher roll. 16. 16 is already going to be a hit, but roll one more time. CP crit. 15. 15. So with the 16 plus your bonus, that is certainly enough to your armor class of just 17. As you do, I will ask, what's the damage on your slants? One D12 plus three. Absolutely. So D12 is a very funny looking shape of die. It is this one right here with pentagons all over it. This is like the one time it ever gets rolled in the game as a lances. So go ahead and roll that one. 11. 11. You said plus three. Plus three. So 14 damage on Cidra so far. I will also ask, are you smiting her with this attack? If you smite her, you will get to deal an additional 3d8's worth of damage. If I smite her now, can I not smite later? You can, you will have a limited number of smites per day. I think you get like five. Five smites a day? Oh, I'll smite the one right here. You can smite a lot. Absolutely. 100%. Go ahead and roll another 3d8's. Assuming you're using your strongest smite, which is the level two smite, you only get two of those, and I think three of the lesser smites. Three. Seven. Oh, 10. Eight. Eighteen more damage. It's going to bring her up to 32 damage. She is halfway down now at this point, but it looks like she had somewhere in the fifties worth of hip points. But you get one more attack, Greg, on your turn. Whenever you do an attack action, you're a mighty warrior, just like the barbarian, you attack twice. So you can do one more attack against her. The issue is she's no longer surprised. So you don't have advantage anymore. If you're going to take her out, you'll need to hit her and probably smite her one more time. I'll smite her one more time. Absolutely. Go ahead and roll one more d20. Her armor is pretty good though. Five plus. Can I ask what is that attack bonus for your lands? It is. No, it's not a plus 12. Yeah, that you would need a plus 12. Yeah. One d20 plus six. I am sorry to say with a plus six, you got an 11. A dirty 11 is not enough to it. She easily dives out of the way. She, in fact, it looks cool. Grab the lands and starts like trying to force it back. And before you know, your lands is like lubed up a little bit by the order of protection. And she's just sliding along the edge of your lands a little bit. It's sick. Absolutely. You're trying to happen. Are the other boys seeing this happen? It's happening on the bridge. It's quite obvious. Everyone's seeing it except Ehrlich who's underwater. And so that is going to be your turn, Greg, well done. However, and I guess you have a bonus action. I can't think of any bonus action. You could do a compel duel on her. I think she's going to fight me. You do that need to fight. I mean, she's already fighting. Yeah. Was there any other thing you might want to do? You could talk to her as a bonus action. I have a bonus action of command my steed. Can I just run away? I mean, yeah, you could take off. No, no, no. I'll stay on the bridge. She also gets one free attack if you retreat. Yeah, not really. So yeah. Now to be fair, if you use your bonus action to command your speed seed, I would let your moth try to bite her. I'm going to hold out. That's totally fair. The moths bite is not its most powerful ability. We flying. So Greg, good turn. Unless you want to use the bonus action to talk to her or something like that. No, no, I think we're passively fair 100%. That is going to bring us to first of all, Sidras turn. and Sidra is in melee with you. She is gonna make a decision on who she is gonna go after. Unfortunately, we're between now. If anyone who's hoping they would go after Ehrlich, there's a palette in right between them and the tower. So they're focusing on the palette and right now. She is going after you and not your moth. That's good, your moth is a little more vulnerable than you are. She would have done that just to be cruel. So her first attack with her long sword, that's a cock to die. 13 plus seven, dirty 20 on the die. Can I ask what's your armor class, Greg? 20 plate male and shield. - Absolutely. That's just barely a hit with her first attack. Oh, minimum damage though. She just cuts you slightly for a total of four points of damage. Greg, you have normally 52 hit points, is that right? So you're at 48 now after the first attack. Second attack is also a hit. She hits you again with her long sword and she is getting, again, minimum damage. Just four damage, you're down to 44. And then just as you think, oh, nobody gets more than two attacks. She's not that much higher level than you. Then she spins around and uses the short sword to try to get you. She's a two weapon fighter, I'm sorry to say. With her bonus action, she gets a 19 plus 726 to stab you with her short sword for a total of seven points of damage this time. That was the nasty attack. And that is going to bring you down to 37 out of 52 left. Certainly not even halfway dead yet, but you are a little injured now. Yeah, I will see if anyone else can get into position. Ooh, and then just barely reaching around her. The Frankenstein, it tries to grab you and pull you off your moth. Please roll me an athletics check. Oh, luckily you only need to beat a eight. As long as you get native higher, you don't get pulled off your moth. This is on its 20. Six. Oh, I'm sorry to say. Oh, you were the six on the die though, right? Can they ask what's your athletics bonus? Zero. Do you have the athletics skill? No. I happen to know that your default strength is plus three. So what's your total on that? Are you rolling a six, you said? Yes. With a nine total, you just barely with your strength is getting pulled off. As your untrained athletics, I forgot you're not trained in that part, you are still a strong character, 100%. And just to be clear, I said Frankenstein. The Frankenstein's monster, don't at me about this. The Frankenstein's monster is trying to pull you off your moth, does not succeed at doing so, but only just barely. In fact, I'd say it's probably still got one arm grabbing onto you right now. He's gonna drag you out of your tent or something like that. And so you are absolutely Greg dealing with this threat effectively, and that's what's happening up on the bridge. Meanwhile, on the ground level, we've got three thugs who just came running out. The first thug is gonna go after one, two, ooh. Assuming that trade when you're on premises, right? Oh, yeah, absolutely. They were going after you. I'm sorry to say you recklessly slapped your friend last turn. So now he gets advantage on his attack. Oh, those try to swing a short sword against you. It's gonna be a 13 plus four is a 17. Can I ask what your armor class? Oh, my armor class is really-- I feel confident I'm hitting you, unfortunately, for four points of damage. And that is going to, since we haven't started your first rage yet. 15 is my armor class. 15, so I hit you for four damage, bringing you down to 55 at a 59. You're still doing fine. No problem. And then the next, another thug goes after you. Apparently they saw you go reckless and they thought you were on good target. I'm like a spurs fan. Another hit for three more damage. Knocks you down. They're rolling good on attacks, but bad on damage. It brings you into 52 now. And then the last person is going after one, two, three, four. Silent trade would appear on the trade. Oh, no. No brothers are tanking right now. This will be a shame. And that's gonna be a 17. Can I ask what your armor class, Trainwind? The top center. Bitch. Small armor class is 19. 19. Let's go clangs off your armor. No hit. You're wearing heavy like chain mail and plate mail in a shield. To be fair, a loud trade win is running around. Mostly naked and just like be just the animal skins. And like, you know, your own skin is what protects you the most. Very much the Mr. Incredible buy. But you are absolutely still taking those hits unfortunately, but only little scrapes of damage. That is going to bring us to the end of their turn and the beginning of a loud train winds turn. We've got to find this spell book in melee with you. We've got to find this spell book. I would like to, or how big is our lick? Oh, so you are a big strong human barbarian. Urlic is technically a gnome. Nomes are not so small. They're like halfling size. And how good is my arm? It's a strong arm. Yeah, you're very athletic, 100%. You have plus six, I want to say on this. I appreciate that, Tim. Uh, I would like to pick up Urlic and throw him towards wherever the spell book may be. You certainly, well, okay, so what you want to do first is climb up into the tower where Urlic is to get him. So first step would be an athletics check to climb up onto the bridge. There's no other easy way to get onto the bridge now. Are you going to rage as a bonus action? If so, you get advantage on climbing and athletic checks. I think I want to keep my rage for when I throw him, right? You can rage now, and then you'll have the advantage on both checks, the throwing and the climbing. Let's rage. Absolutely, enter your barbarian rage. I'm a plus seven on athletics. Absolutely. Roll me two times on the D20 and add plus seven to the higher roll. That is a nine. Absolutely. That is a seven. Nine and a seven. So we said plus six. Plus seven is mine. Plus seven. You needed a 15 or higher with a 60 total. You climb up onto the bridge. No problem. Now, roll me a perception check to see if you can see where Urlic is in the garbage below. Well, Greg is right next to you covering your flank. Okay, and can I ask what's your perception skill bonus if you have one? I don't have one. Not very perceptual. But I'll let you use survival on this to track him down. So here's what you found. With a 19 total, you did not find her like yet, but you find footprints of Urlics going down the stairs instead of up the stairs. Incidentally, we didn't address this, but there is a statue of a wizard very dramatically pointing a wand in your direction. Can I, can I, can Urlic, can you just say, like, hey, here I am? Yeah, certainly. All right, absolutely. I'll call out, hey, it's a good way to do it. I'm gonna throw you at the spell book. Absolutely. So as you go down the stairs, I will just highlight you are stepping on the rune kind of automatically, but that's when you find out that the statue rises off the ground and says, I'm Derlark Colot, and you shall be destroyed. And then I'll say, it goes pimp you, pimp you. I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna get you. This is not an actual trap. This statue was merely there to try to scare people away, like a ring doorbell type situation. It looks like a trap, but you do not need to worry about this wizard statue. It's just an animatronic, basically. And then as you go down, you are able to grab her like, and start to throw him up through the center of the tower to get him to, ideally the fourth floor. Yeah. Or look, are you almost going aerodynamic to make him even better at this? Yes. Absolutely. Cause you're not resisting it, you're going with the flow. I'll let you roll with advantage from rage, and then give the rare coveted and highly illegal according to the actual rules of D&D, double advantage. You can roll three tokens on this loud train wind. 12th. Well, so far, 17. Uh-huh, four, 17 plus your athletic bonus of plus seven is more than enough. You send Erlich flying up past that statue on the second floor. I'm going to get you. It says, as he goes flying by, he crashes through the floor of the third story, but doesn't take damage unless you wanted him to take damage. I don't want him to take damage. I do not want him to take damage. You find like a gap in the floor that he just breaks through the boards and then continues rocketing through what appears to be a double library. It's almost like there's two libraries. The room is split in half. Dusty library on the left. Dusty library on the right. And they have two different names, Derlark Colotte and Alcador Colotte. This is the brother's old library. You would know the ones who need Frankenstein monsters and stuff like that. But you also know now with the information we gather, this is not Manchun's library. You go through this library, crash through the floor, and just roll me a D20. As long as you don't get a one, you didn't accidentally send him through the magic circle. Well, he crashes through the floor, lands in room, full of floor four at the top of the outer tower, and he's next to the magic circle. Immediately you know, if you do an arcana check on this magic circle, you'll press the right combination of ruins, open a portal to the pocket dimension, where the spell book is. - Let's do it, okay? - Absolutely. Now, on your turn, you'll be able to do that. However, you are automatically able to tell right now during a loud train winds turn, that you're not alone in this room, Ehrlich. You see in the rafters, like almost leading up to the conical cavity that is almost like an attic above this room. In the rafters, there are things slithering around above you. And you think you see one of them rear up, it's a snake, and spread wings, it's a flying snake, and there's more and more of them starting to gather around. I'll let you do one dice roll to see if you're noticing anything else. - Also does it still smell really bad from the garbage? - Yes, very much so. - It's 100%. It's not clear what they were throwing down there. You, what did you get? - I got a wall. - This is a one or a 10. (laughing) - Okay. - Is there a zero next to it? - Well, I don't know, the last one I rolled, I got a five. - Four, but I thought it was actually 14. - Oh, it's a one. - With a natural one, I'm sorry to say something bad has happened to you. And that is when suddenly you see arcing down from the rafters, a beam of energy. I am going to ask you to please roll me a D20 to see if something happens here. - Come on. - Five. - How did you, ooh. A beam of white energy arcs down from the rafters and hits Ehrlich. I would say the only person seeing this is a loud train wind right now. You can see him standing like through the hole to the fourth floor. He's standing there like, aha, there's the magic circle. The white beam hits him. There's met, he's frozen in place, paralyzed in that room as the snakes slither closer and you did not get a good look at what fired that beam of energy in his direction. That is your bonus action was raging. Your move was getting down there. Your action would have been tossing him up, but I would only count that as one of your attacks. Loud train wind if you would like to scale the steps. - Yeah, I'd like to just jump. I'm just so strong, I'd like to just jump through the hole that he made and I'll just hang out with my boy. - Roll me one athletics, check to jump. If you roll well, then you still have an attack. - 17. - 17 is, that's enough already. You can roll more time to see if you can try it. - No, no, no, no, no. - Honestly, take it, 100%. - Yeah. - So you jump all the way to land right next to the paralyzed Ehrlich. And now you can see above a creature that looks like this. - Oh, fuck. - You're not taking for another fifth snake. There's like four flying snakes up here in the rafters. There is also a creature that you thought was a snake, but it was just one of its eye stalks. This is a creature called a spectator, a lesser version of a much more dangerous monster called a beholder. Luckily, this thing doesn't have 10 eyes. It only gets four, but each of these eye stalks fires a different magical ability. You gotta hit by the white beam. That was the paralysis beam. He's got three different things he can do. And the center eye does something. You might know with your good arcana what the center eye and what the other eyes do, but you can't communicate it right now, we're okay. So I'm not even gonna have your role right now. You've got one more attack, like a train wind. If you want to go after either this creature or one of the snakes. - He's not wearing glasses, right? - He's not, no, no. - I'd like to use my big, strong titties in his face. - Absolutely. So it sounds like you're not attacking with your weapon. You're trying to almost smother him. - Yeah, I'm smother him. - I'm trying to squish him. - Role me an athletics check to squish this guy. He's like a big Pac-Man floating in the air with a big mouth and a center eye. - A mouth is a, mm, let's see. Nine plus, I'm sorry, you rolled two times and take the higher number. - Okay. - One for each breast. Four. - Four. So we'll take the nine plus seven is a 16. If he can get a 16 or higher, he will avoid getting smothered. With a plus two, that's only a 13. You begin to slather. He's got a big mouth. - And you got both of your powerful breasts upon it. - Yeah. - You are smothering him. He is a giant mouth. He's trying to bite, but he can't do it easily, but he's gonna try to bite on you, maybe. - Okay. - On his next turn, I will roll to see when this guy's gonna go. Oh, critical hit. Not that that matters at all. He is gonna go at the beginning of the next initiative. - No problem. - But that is your turn, loud train win. That's gonna bring us to Ehrlich now. - I feel like we got somewhere. - I'm sorry to say you're paralyzed right now, but you get to end your turn, rolling a saving throw to try to break free of the paralysis. If you roll really well, I'll give you some of your turn to do whatever you want. - Three. (laughing) - I'm sorry to say you remain paralyzed right now. And so, and to your credit, paralysis is a largely controversial in the game of D&D. It's like, so I don't get to do anything. It does fucking suck. I apologize, but I think it's a tough game. - Oh, Tim, I forgot to say one thing about my turn. When I jumped up, I dropped a bunch of ropes. - Oh, my boys. - Hey, I love that. - I'd love to say that. - 100%. - I just didn't mean to say that. - So my guys can climb up. - 100%. I love it. That is a legal retcon. I will allow 100%. - Love that. - So, that is gonna bring us from Ehrlich's turn to silent train win to now. - D&D and Tim Woods is brought to you by Jose Cuervo. When Cuervo winters, every moment just gets better. You find yourself in the center of the dance floor. You can't help but stand up and high five those around you at the game. And the room reacts like you just got the same text at the same time. You stop checking the time and suddenly small talk escalates to laughing so hard that you can barely catch your breath. That's the Cuervo effect. Signal everybody understands a moment that anyone can join and a good time that just grows. All you have to do is keep it Cuervo. Now more D&D. - Is there a possibility to wear? - Dude, get up here, I could hit the rope, right? - You climb the rope or attack the rope. Just make sure. - We're using the rope to get more. - Yeah, you can either climb at the stairs or climb up the rope to get to the top floor of the outer tower. That's not an issue. - Grab the boys too. - Everybody's coming, right? We're hitting the rope. - Yeah, absolutely. - Grab the rope so that we don't have to get up the rope. - You're coming up bridge. - Yes. I'm gonna say the rope dangled all the way down to the ground floor. So it's like, now you don't have to worry about the bridge anymore. - You grab them all. - You down to climb, yeah, you got to climb? - We're like possums. - Yeah, yeah, absolutely. - Yeah, let's take that. If you guys can sit and take that trip. - Yeah. - So if you're helping carry all three people up, I like you to roll three times as long as you don't get a one on any of these. - Oh, okay. - How do we do? - Zach? - There's a one. - Okay, so Zach, you tell everyone to kind of climb on your back like possums kind of. And you start to climb and within a few seconds of getting halfway to the bridge, the rope breaks, the, no, actually, sorry, that's a one that has to be the worst possible outcome. You made it, okay, you climb up onto the bridge, no problem. You keep climbing the rope and as you're all about to pull yourself up into the fourth floor, that's when the rope breaks. And you are about to fall three stories into the garbage pit below. - Zach. - Unless you roll one dexterity saving throw to grab on. - Take the fucking drugs dude, make yourself super human. - That's what plague does. - Seven. - Seven is not the number I was taking. - He could do it. - He could do it. - He rolled Nate, right? - Or 12? - What did you roll? - That might have been incorrect. - Yes. - Yeah, he rolled it wrong. - Sorry, when you got the one, was that the D20? - That was the D20. - Okay, yeah. - Do we like that? - There certainly was. - So roll me another D20, you're adding your dexterity, which is a minus one on this, but come on. - Let's see. - Three, three is not enough. I'm sorry to say, you're pinwheeling your arms, trying to grab on to- - Can you take the drugs? - Anything. - Can you take the PCP? - Yeah, if you want to take drugs to try to be better at this, I'll let you roll to see if the drugs help with this first. - But I don't think the deadly virus is necessarily going to help you grab on better, unfortunately. - We took a good effort to install this, and this other half didn't test too well, shall we? - Absolutely. - That's my bonus action, hey. That's my bonus. - Now what I will see is turn around. I'll have to plummet down to the ground below. I'll give the other two people who are on your back, their own roll, but you guys really gotta get a very high roll to not end up in the garbage pit with silent train wind. - Yeah, falling three stories onto a needle filled with plague is bad. - Actually, yes, 100%, I didn't even think of that. - God damn it. - Nine is not enough, and Greg, it sounds like you were climbing up as well. To be fair, your mouth wouldn't fit through the door, so you kind of have four. A four, both all of you are falling down. Then everyone just, who's landing on the ground, just roll me one more D20, as long as you don't get a one, you don't land on the needle. - Oh, well the damage. - Shock die. - 15. - Eight. - Okay. Ooh, not a bad damage roll there. - What is your roll there? - Two, two. - Oh, you noticed the needle was poked into your body, but the plunger didn't go through, so you didn't get injected, luckily. Everybody who just took a tumble there, just took 11 points of damage. - This is your fault. - That's gonna bring Greg down to 26 left. It's gonna bring Silent Trainwind down to 28 out of 39, and then Wayne, you took 11, you're down to 40 out of 51 now, so everyone's a little injured, and that is, sorry, that was right after a loud Trainwind had gone, early had gone, and that was Silent Trainwind. - I told you this guy was a bitch. - I know, 'cause it's not good. - Yeah. - Now, you need the rest of your movement to stand up in the garbage pit, and you're not dead, but you are badly injured. You could do a healing spell if you wanted to as your action, you could also try to climb up to the top floor again with your action. - Can I heal the guys? - You can, 100%. - Yeah, I would like to heal the guys. - See, I'm gonna let you do a third-level group healing spell. That is going to be, I believe, 1D8 that you roll, and everybody gets that much back. 1D8 plus 3, yeah, plus 4, actually. - So 6 and 4, so 10? - 10, everybody's getting 10, it points back. - That's going to be 100%. - So Greg's at 36 now. Silent Trainwind, you are at 38, and 10 back to Wayne is gonna bring him up to 50. Upstairs, early, is not injured at all, and I would say that spell could have just barely reached loud Trainwind if you wanted to heal him back up to full. Would you like to do so? - Oh, yes. - Absolutely, you get everybody's healed, and that would be the end of your turn then. Silent Trainwind, well done, Wayne, we are back to you. - Okay, I'd like to go up to the library area where the spell book is, and there's a bunch of snakes up there. - Yes. - So I'd like to do fireball and try to destroy every snake there. - Okay, so with it. Fireball you'll get every single snake no problem. The snakes aren't in melee with anybody. There also is the spectator, the eyeball monster. You can catch him in the blast, but only if you're also willing to hit Erlich and Loud Trainwind. -I'm willing to do that. -Yeah, with the team. -Lutely 100% decision. -It is where Fireball is going to be. -I'm going to want it. -I'm frozen, so that's all this old. -This is going to mean that he's automatically taking the full damage, no saving through. -I thought he was dead. -Do you think you're literally frozen like an ice? -Not like an ice, but frozen like this. You can't even protect your face or anything if someone hits you in melee. There's a claw in you right in the face. -I walked up there. I saw he wasn't moving. I assumed he was dead. I might as well take him out too. -Absolutely. -You can kind of get up into that third floor library looking up into the top floor, launch a fireball. You'll be safe, but everybody in that room is about to get cooked. -You don't really need 20. Instead, you roll 8 D6s, and add them together, and that's how much damage everybody's taking. The snakes are all-- -O, two, three, four, six, 15, three, 18. -I don't really like it. -Two? -20. -One. -Twenty-one. -What? -Rolls. -One. -Twenty-two. -That's great. -I was dead eight. -I think so. -One, two, three, four, five, six. -Yeah, I think that is right. -Not 90. -Not 90, but at the same time, can I ask, um, yeah, so you would have a charisma. Let's see, no, they would need a 16. The snakes roll to 15. -Two, two, five. -Every one of the snakes is cooked by the 22 points of damage, congratulations. -I still have the snakes. -Oh, listen. Poison snakes are dead. -We all done. -What the hell was he talking about? -Well, you were also in the room, so the fireball hit you too. -Oh, that's fine. I have so much fucking armor, dude. -Hang's paralyzed, so we can't defend himself against it. That's why he's dead. -Oh, that's a shame. -Yeah. -The spectator, I'm all monster, I didn't even show anything. -Critical hit. -Critical hit? -And so there's literally one corner damage. I'm sorry to say for all that trouble, he's taking five points of damage. You can tell he has over 30 left. -Okay. -And then, Hank, you take 22 points of damage from that fireball. That is going to knock you out from the full hit points. You were at 45 full hit points. You were now down to 23. -I'm sorry to say there. -Now, I am going to need loud train wind to also please roll. -Oh, yeah. -Two times, because you get advantage. Thanks to something called danger sets. -Okay. -Eat. -13. -13. Okay. The number that you needed to be was his number of 16. You have a plus two to your dexterity modifier. -That's all right. -And are you going to train it? Yeah, so it would unfortunately just barely be the full 22 fire damage. -That's fucking far. -Your rage doesn't protect you from it, but you were at full hit points. Thanks to the healing from silent train when you're half-broughty. -Oh, you healed me? -Absolutely. -Yeah, heal the boys, yeah. Everybody takes some damage, shall you know? Appreciate it. -I just support you guys. -He's seven a little bit. -Can I bestow a curse as my other action? -Oh, I'm allowing it 100%. Who do you want to put a curse upon? -I'd like to make it so that Ehrlich can't read. -Oh, yeah. -Even if he gets the spell book, he can't use it ever. -Ehrlich, Romeo. -So wisdom saving your charisma saving throw to try to avoid this attack. Romeo, 1D20. -5. -You are currently illiterate. -I'm sorry to say until Ehrlich can't remove curse upon you 100%. -I'm sorry. -That will bring us from Wayne's turn to Greg the Paladin's turn. -Hellis for Buk. -Oh, um, technically. -That's when you. -Good call. -I'm actually paralyzed first and foremost. -Secondly, it has to be an attack that deals damage to you where you get to hell with your Buk. -Oh, otherwise, great memory. -You don't ever know what that does. -Those words meet, unfortunately. -How are you reading your paper? -I just knew that. -What paper? -You know, Hank, I forgot you had to hellish your Buk. Would you have liked to hellish your Buk that eyeball monster when it paralyzed you? I would let you roll to see if you pulled it off before you got power. -Yes, of course. -Romey 1D20. If you get an 11 or higher, you pulled it off before 10. -Oh, it's still pretty good. -Brutal. It's a good roll. -It's a good roll. -That will bring us then to Greg's turn. Greg, I'm sorry to say you landed at the bottom of the water. -Yeah, then you got, you'll back up to 36 currently at 52. -I don't know. I agreed to hop on the rope when I was on a flying model. -And so here's the thing. I didn't think of that too, but the moth wouldn't have fit in the door. -Okay. -It's too big, like a horse size, right? So how can I get up there with everybody? -Right now, you could try to climb up the rope or the stairs with a roll, basically. -Yeah, I'll take the stairs. -Oh, yeah. -I didn't want to say it, but there were stairs the whole time. It do be like that. To be fair, throwing got him there quicker, so I can't argue with that. -20? -D20. D20, and you had your plus three athletics. -17. -17, a dirty 20 is going to make it all the way up. -With that? -I'm very nimbly going up the stairs. -Yeah, absolutely. You're making it a full distance. You jump in fact with the 20 or higher. -I will. Give you an advantage on the first attack roll against anybody you attack here. The eyeball monster still has over 30 hit points left. -I think we hit him. -Absolutely. What weapon would you like to use on the spectator? -My long sword, please. -Absolutely. Long sword is a great choice. Roll me a D20. I believe plus six. -Now, if I cut off one of the tentacles that has the paralyzing eye, does that unparalyzed? -I would say if you either kill him or no one's ever suggested that before. Chop off the paralyzing eye. Totally would free your teammate. Roll me a knowledge check to see if you know which one is the paralyzing eye. -7. -7. I'm sorry to say you you're aiming for the wrong one. It's the whispering eye instead. -I would like to aim for that. -Absolutely. Go ahead and roll a D20 plus I think six to see if you can hit with your long sword. Nine, nine. Okay, nine plus six. The armor class of this guy is 14. A 15 still hits him. Go ahead and tell me before you even roll your damage, would you like to do another your second powerful smite against this monster? -Sim, I'd like to use my second smite. -Absolutely. Please roll four D8s, add them all up and then we'll add I believe plus three. One, two, six, six, seven, three, three. Okay, so that's 17 plus another three, 20 damage in all against the spectator is going to bring him up to 25 damage. So he has exactly 13 left at this point. You have done your first attack. You definitely got it here in time to do your second attack. I don't think I gave you advantage on that first attack. So if you want to do a second attack into the spectator, I'll give you advantage on that one. -There are no more snakes. -There are no more snakes that got barbecued by the fireball. -Okay, yeah, yeah, I'll do the second. So you roll me two D20s this time. 11 already hit 12. Well, if you are hitting him again, now he's got exactly 13 left. Your sword only deals one D8 plus three, but you're out of your higher level smites. If you use a lesser smite, you would get 3 D8 plus three damage against this guy. You want to go for the lesser smiter. -I'd only have one left after that. -You would have actually only one left after that because one of the smites was your casting on compel duel. -I want to sit on the smites. -Okay, you're sitting on the smites. Roll one D8 plus three damage against this guy. He's got 13 left. Eight plus three is 11 more damage, brings him down to just two hit points left. Greg, you have our inspiration, but it couldn't help you because you're already hit with all of your attacks. Anything with your bonus action, he's almost dead. Unfortunately, this spectator is going next. -Can the paralyzed speakers of their body? -Sorry, the parallel. -Great question. No, you cannot talk while paralyzed. -Okay. No, I'm done. -You didn't, when you did that second attack, I rolled to see if you got the right eye. It did not free him, unfortunately. -Okay. I'm done. -Okay, absolutely. That is going to bring us to the spectator at this point. This eyeball monster starts looking around, and first of all is going to pick who to fire his orange beam at. Well, not Ehrlich again. He's paralyzed, so he's going to pick somebody else. Let's see. Actually, there's only four options. Okay. I am sorry to say that right now, he's firing an orange beam of energy at you, Loud Trainwind. Please roll me a D20 as long as you can get a 13 or higher. You're fine. -Three. -Three is not enough. You immediately fall under the confusion effect, and suddenly you realize everyone around you is an enemy. You're going to attack someone random on your turn unless we free you from this confusion, and you go next is the bad news. -Oh! -Vanifier's a second beam at someone here, and that's going to be one, two, three. To be fair, I guess he's firing it down through the hole in the floor at Silent Trainwind. There's a black beam of energy coming your way. Silent Trainwind, please roll me a D20 to see if you can avoid it. So five, five. I'm sorry to say you get hit by the withering beam. I think it is called, and I guess it's the whispering beam, and you are getting bad start. Okay. Not so bad. Ten damage, so far. Fourteen damage. As you're scared, in sort of withers up a little bit. 14 damage is gonna take silent train wind it down to 24 hit points left. But that's the end of the spectator's turn. Loud train wind, please roll me a D, let's see. There's one other enemy in the room. Roll me a D6 and reroll it if you get a 6. There's five possible enemies you could hit here. One is Ehrlich, two is Wayne, three is. Actually silent train wind isn't up here right now. So apologies, roll me the D4, the 4 side. - I would like to potentially hit silent train wind. - Oh, okay, never mind, then roll a D6 all out here. - Okay, yeah. All right, we don't want to finish this. I'm sorry, your stomach's. - By the way, if we don't finish this today, where Tim is actually coming to camp. - What? - Yeah. - So we'll be able to. - That's great, that's great, that's great, that's great. - Breaking moves, breaking moves. - Very exciting. - Tim is coming to camp and Thiago Splitter has been hired as a Bullseid coach. - I will also say my start in Dungeons & Dragons was like a boy scout summer camp, so this will be like a return homecoming kind of for me. It feels like. - Where's the set? - So the D6 and the cubic die, just your regular dice basically. - Oh, I'm an idiot. - No worries. - So what number is he? - Right now you are hoping if you want to hit him, one, two, three is the number. - I'm sorry to say Wayne suddenly looks monstrous to you. You feel incredibly like you want to attack Wayne. - Please roll me, 2D 20s. I'm going to say you're going reckless against Wayne. - Sorry Wayne. - Sorry. - If anyone you should blame, 16, you should blame Prince Greg. - I do. - Why Prince Greg? You put me in this mood, dude. - I did this? - Yeah. - You fucking the guy hit me and then I lost my mind and started going reckless. - Is that not what's happening? - You guys are going to hate him. - I hate him, I hate him. - From the eyeball monster. - Right, but the eyeball monster hit me. I was watching him. - You're watching him. - I was watching him. - Who do you have left in your corner? - Can I roll the 16? Can I please do a re-roll on who I'm attacking? - Yes. Okay. - Roll me a D 21st. - If you roll well on the D 20, you get a re-roll on this. You're almost like trying to suss out who the most-- - I'm like sitting down Prince Greg. - Absolutely. 10. - 10. - That is enough for you to roll the 16 again. - So what is Prince Greg? - Three is four would be Prince Greg. Two, three, four, one. Okay, got it. Two again, shit. - I'm sorry. - Do I have to do one of the D 20 attack again? - 16. - 16. - 16, that's a hit. Your damage is two D six plus eight. With your magic axe, you're going to roll two D six plus eight damage. - Two, two, two, three, five plus eight 13 damage against Wayne. Not ideal is going to bring him down. - Thanks a lot, Prince Greg. - You 30 set. - This thing was attacking regardless of you see it. - Absolutely, I was pushing it with my titties. - You do get two attacks. I will let you now roll another D six to see who the target of your second attack is. - It's gonna attack me again here. - Six, that we don't have a six. - We re-roll that exactly right. - Four. - Four is Prince Greg. - Damn. - You are attacking right now. Please roll two D 20's against him. - Should have done this. Five, nine. - 19. - 19 is a solid hit for another two D six plus eight damage against Wayne. - I'm not trying to attack my dynos. - No, I know you were hit with the orange beam of energy. - Smart control. - What am I doing now? - Two D six plus team's damage against Greg. - Two, five, so that's seven plus eight 15 damage on Greg. - It is going to knock him down to 21 left. - And after there's two attacks, that brings us to Ehrlich's turn. Ehrlich, please roll me a D 20. If you roll well, you'll break free at the end of your turn. If you roll really well, you'll get your turn. - I can't, let's just say. - 11, two, one more. - Yeah. - Yeah, I'd say so. It's wearing off at this point, this guy's getting injured. - 13. - 13. 13 is enough that you break free and have just enough of an action to do one minor action. The bad news is that can't be an attack. It can be a skill check, including an arcana check. - If you wanted to try to open the portal. - While we are dealing with the last of the enemies here to get the spell book. - Let's do investigation. - Okay. - You'll look around for that. - Can I talk to the scary snake? - The snakes are all dead. You could have the spectator, that would be a persuasion or better yet intimidation check. You would have advantage 'cause he's down to two hit points left. This spectator is scared of us and he's getting smothered by some big powerful breasts. So you are actually able to roll two times. You know what? I really wasn't giving you credit for having smothered him. Roll three times on this right hand. - Do you want me? - Absolutely. Eight. - Eight. - Eight. - Six. - Six. - Six. - Five. - Eight. - Eight. - Plus what's your? - Six. - Do you have intimidation? - Yeah. - Plus six. - Fourteen. Let me see. That might be enough. I'm sorry to say this spectator is not getting scared of you right now or look, unfortunately, silent train wins turn. - No. - Silent train win to be fair. This spectator's almost dead and you could try a religion skill check to open up the portal but you're never good at that. - I would like to think about maybe doing that. If possible, I'd like to get rid of the rest of this plague in my pocket real quick before we continue. I don't want any mishaps. Would you be cool with me just maybe like just injecting like the nearest wolf wandering around with the rest of this plague? - There were enemies still trying to break into this tower and I imagine me to kind of shut there where behind us. You can inject those enemies or you could run up and inject the spectator with the plague. - Yeah. I'd like to just toss this plague into the woods. Hopefully the wolf finds it. - Absolutely. - So you just want to toss it out into the wilderness, roll me 1d20 to make sure it gets out and spreads. - That's a five. - With a five, some rat eats it and then starts moving through the city. - Oh no. - It's not going out into the wilderness. It's going out into the city. - This is incredible. - This is the worst plague, right? - Throughout the city. I'd say that was your bonus action. Anything you want to do with your action? - Is there a chance that rat bites a wolf in the near future? - Yeah. Roll to see if you're like almost trying to get to the rat. - Yeah, he really wants to create a super wolf to him if that's okay. - How do we do? - Wait. - You know what? Roll two times to take the higher number. - The higher number is six. - Six. - Six. - There's a wolf who's getting bit, but it's just getting sickly and stuff. But if you find it, you might be able to get this wolf evolved into a super wolf. - Why do you want to see it? - If you want a super wolf so bad. - Because have anything to do with the fact that I was raised by wolves because of our bitch mother? - Yeah, and who knows? Just take out any wolf around. - That's not good. - God, absolutely a family wolf. - So I think about it. - I don't really think about that. - That's unfortunate. - You do? - I do need for us to lose all the wolves in this world. - You do know the wolf who got infected and is almost like withering up now is a member of the family raised in the past. - That's my brother. - That's super unfortunate. - That's more of my brother than you. - That's super unfortunate that some of your wolf family members are going to weather from a plague. - God. - I didn't mean to do that. - Absolutely. Oh, sorry. I forgot you had bardic inspiration, would you like to roll a D6 and add it on to that role? See if maybe the wolf is anything else is happening to the wolf with a four higher on the D6. - That's one. - No, okay. - No, no further use. - And that will bring us to Wayne's turn. - Yeah, I want to go get to Spellbook. - That's awesome. - I want to answer the riddles. - I want to get into the thing. - So Wayne, if you run up the stairs, just roll a D20 as long as you get a one. You're pretty much up there. You can look in the stairs, I imagine. - 18. - 18. You easily climb up to the top floor. You see the spectator with its last two hip points being smothered and wailed upon. You could do something that or just focus. - I want to focus. - Let's get to Spellbook. - What's your arcana bonus? - Arcana bonus is plus four. - Four. - Roll me a D20 plus four. - It's a 16. - 16 plus four is a dirty 20 and that is the exact number you needed. - You press the right combination of runes. This rift opens. Not a portal. Big enough to step through. But we're like a VCR opening where you see this rectangle of just empty starry space up here, a floating table with a black grimoire upon this table, a massive Spellbook of great incredible power that you could reach out and claim right now if you wanted to. - I would love to claim the book of immense power. - Absolutely. You're not doing anything with your action before you do that. Is that right? - That's a good question. - Always fun when the DMs ask questions like that. - That is a interesting question for you to ask me if this was a question. - You could look around for any other danger or something like that. You could make another arcana check to see if your arcana tells you about anything. - What was the question? - Just wondering if he does anything before reaching for the book. - Okay. - We don't know why I would ask a question like that. - Rollback question, R-H-O-B-A-C-K dot com, promo code take, 20% off first purchase, Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. - I think I can do anything before you reach for the book. - I think I can do an arcana check. - You certainly could. - You could see what's going on here. - Absolutely. - Okay. T-20. - Mm-hmm. - Pussy. - That is a 10. - 10. Is enough that you notice ruins around the edge of the table, but with a 10 plus 4 of 14? - Yeah. - It's not very, it's not powerful magic and you know it's not a trap that's going to hurt you in any way. In fact, you can't really tell exactly what these ruins are going to do. But they're like between you and reaching for the book. If you reach for the book, you're handled pass over the ruins and something will happen. But it won't hurt you. You don't think. Not going to hurt me. - Absolutely. So if you don't know exactly what, do you reach for the book anyway and take a look. - I'm gonna make it now. - Is it? - I'm gonna reach for this book, Tim. - Absolutely. You reach for the book. You're able to grab the book, take it, and now you have the power to become a great wizard like Lord Man's Shoe. However, the ruins begin to be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be. - Light up like in a alarm. - I'm in the room. - And such the magic circle begins to manifest. - So you deleted it. - And Greg, anything you wanna do in the single turn we get before this teleportation circle is gonna do something. - No, thanks. - No, that's not reasonable. (laughing) Suddenly, we see in the middle teleportation circle the rift shut and an individual begin to appear, stepping through a portal of their own man, Shoe and arrives and looks around this room like a massive, powerful shredder. He looks around no nonsense. And I would like, and well, I'm gonna roll the seeping nose, - Oh, no. - With a critical hit. He suddenly says, "Who are all of you?" Wait a minute, I know one of you. What are you doing here? - Loud trade wind. - Oh, fuck. - My son. - Whoa! - No, he's sick. - I am your father. - No, he left you to get raised by wolves. I see you have returned once again the prodigal son who I cast out. - What? - What do you do say anything to man, Shoe? Or should we end right here? - I take this super redundant. - I can't get to a more dynamite ending than mine. - Oh my God. - But if I were to say anything, you'll be like, "Yeah, I am your son. Let's team up and kill that fucking bitch, half brother that I have." - He reaches out to you and he says, "I never, I knew of your half brother and he is my enemy." - Yes. - Join me. - And together we will rule this city of water deep. - Do you accept? - I accept. - Absolutely. And we'll see how that goes then. - Yeah. - In our next game. - Wow. - 100%. - What a pissed. - No. - And we'll do, yeah, we'll do like a mini episode at Barstool Camp. - Yeah. - What do you have? - Absolutely. - Yeah. - Did you know the whole time? - No. I had no idea. - This was my little surprise. - Absolutely. - What did you truck down that wolf, you bitch? - Absolutely. - And if there's anything I would have to say, it was a mom didn't talk about you much. So I completely forgot they were raised by wolves. Unfortunately, I would like to say sorry. All the ones that cared about you are dead. They're so dead. - Let me actually make a note of that. The wolves are all dead. - Oh, sorry, sorry. - I'm gonna infect your loved ones with the plague. - Yeah. - Absolutely. - That was awesome. - That was incredible. Thank you so much. - I'm very excited to come to Barstool Camp. That's gonna be so much fun. - Yes. - And I will just say I am gonna be at Gencon this summer in Indianapolis at the beginning of August. You can sign up for my games there. And for the first time, I'm gonna be running a meat and greet at Kilroy's bar just down the block. - Let's go. - The guy at Kilroy's Jacob is a big AWL. I came over last year and he put us up and gave us food and everything. He's the most wonderful guy. We're gonna do a meat and greet with the fans there. And I'm gonna be doing for the first time a miniature paint intake. I'm really bad at painting miniatures. But if you wanna come and paint bad miniatures with me, I'm gonna be doing that at Gencon as well. And of course, as I mentioned last time, I'm doing the cruise in October. There are still tickets to my table. I'm gonna be running the fallout RPG, actually, 'cause I'm a big fan of the video game Fallout. And I like to do stuff other than D&D. So if you're interested in Fallout, we're gonna be going to Alaska on the cruise and Fallout's like important to the Fallout setting. So I'm kinda doing a little bit of a different non-D&D game. - That's awesome. - Absolutely. - Tim, you're the best. - You can't wait for the bar still camp. - Absolutely. - Looking forward to it. - More than anything, honestly. That's gonna be a lot of fun. - Okay, last one, sending you to the 4th of July weekend. - Show week next week, get excited. - Numbers. - 77. - 50. - Oh, eight. - Four. - 95. - Go 15. - 69. - 31. - For the amount of runs that the fans have. - I love it. - And that's the last week. - Oh, last week for me? - Yeah. - And that last week. - I thought about going 50 for that reason. So I thought I'd be. - 95. - 95. - 10. - 10. - 10. - Let's go, Shayna. - Pooner. - Shout out Pooner. - All right. - Is that your first one in the new machine? - Yeah, it is. - Oh, wow. - Congrats, Shayne. - Wow. - Thank you. - So who has not gotten it on the new machine? - Me and memes. - Memes. - I thought you got a PFT. - Colton. - No, not in the new. - Is that it? - Is that it? Memes, PFT, and Colton? - Memes got it. - I mean, no. - PFT got it. - No, I know. - Me and PFT got it the same way. - No. - Mine was a Mickey Mouse. I'm not even trying to claim, memes tries to claim his. And it's very sad. - What was the Mickey Mouse? - Memes. - It wasn't real, it wasn't real. - It was just the second. It was the second I said this doesn't count. Well, you were like, it would be sad if you claimed it. - Yeah. - That's what he said. - Yeah. - It wasn't official. - It wasn't an official one. He said it wasn't an official at the time. So he just not get the count. - Yeah, but it came off. - No. - But it doesn't count. So it's down. - Down to memes, Colton, and PFT. - I can't lose to these two guys. - Wow. - And then we, we know this machine's ripping. - Yeah, but if we know, I think we got to stop doing two. 'Cause that's probably part of it. - The machine is ripping, it's a fair point. - Yeah. - But if we know, but also if we know how the machine works, the next one's gonna, or the last one is gonna take like another year. - I hope. - Yeah. - What are we gonna do? - We're gonna get another machine. - Listen, I've had such good luck with a lot of all machines this year that I can't complain. - That's true. - I got the one that counted. - You didn't get this one. - Love you guys. - Happy birthday, America. - Happy birthday, Josh McCown. (laughing) - Happy birthday, Tom Cruise, and that movie where you, you know. (laughing) - You know. (laughing) (upbeat music) , and the movie. (upbeat music), and the movie. (upbeat music), and the movie.