A rug shouldn't just fit your room. It should make your home feel finished. Ernesto creates designer quality rugs custom fit to the exact size of your space. So every room feels beautifully pulled together. Explore Ernesto's range of options, already to be custom cut, finished, and delivered to your door in as little as two weeks. Start with five samples for just $10 and get $50 toward your rug when you order. Visit Ernesto.com today, that's e-r-n-e-s-t-a-dot-com. The following podcast is a deer media production. Welcome to RealPod. It's your host Victoria Garrick Brown and this is the podcast where we hold nothing back. Oh, so we're getting deep, huh? I really cried for 12 days straight. Why do I want to be perfect? There's nothing in my life that is perfect. Every week I'll bring you honest, unfiltered, and eye-opening conversations to help uncover the real in all of us. I crave the type of content that you're talking about. I actually felt insecure. Oh, my God, am I going to cry? Let me just unload everything. New episodes every Wednesday leave those filters at the door because it's time to get real. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to RealPod. I am so excited about today's episode, so, so excited because we are joined by, I think one of the internet's biggest comfort creators. She is known and loved by so many people, and that is Elise Meyers, with a combined following across social media of over 12 million people. She is known for her comedy content, her relatable bits, and just encouraging people to love themselves, own their mental health, and feel seen. She's one of the rare people out there that you're happy has a platform, and you're like, yes, I'm so happy this many people are consuming her content in her videos because this is the positivity and the goodness that the world needs. And not only is she all of those incredible things, but now she's an author. Elise's new book, that's a great question I'd love to tell you, is out everywhere October 28th. So if you love Elise and you enjoy this episode, be sure to support her and go grab a copy of her new book. It is really cool how she created it. It's so true to her. It's a bunch of poems. She defines the book as almost a modern art museum. I was so grateful to read a handful of poems early. And when I tell you that I felt seen in all of them, just a beautiful way of writing and relating to other people, I truly mean it. And we're going to talk about some of my favorites today. In addition to that, on today's episode of RealPod, you're going to learn a few things. The first, how to get out of your head and the spiral of constantly overthinking yourself and your life and into the present moment where you can feel grounded and centered. I loved Elise and I's conversation on this. I hope you do too. We're also going to talk about why body neutrality is Elise's preferred approach to accepting her body. I think this offers a new take for people who maybe feel like looking at yourself in the mirror and saying positive affirmations is cringey. Don't worry. Elise agrees with you and she's going to share a different solution. And we're going to talk about the two biggest things that Elise learned when she took her break from the internet so that you can maybe look at the habits in your own life and see if they're still serving you. Before we get started, I want to give a quick shout out. This one goes to Danny, who left a five star review and said, this is my first time listening to RealPod and everything you said in your most recent episode was so healing. I felt so seen in what you were saying about the highs and lows with anxiety and I feel like this podcast really speaks to a lot of people who feel trapped in labels. I loved hearing a new perspective. Danny, thank you. This is so sweet. I wish I knew what episode you were referring to. Maybe it was the most recent cataclyph update. That would be my bet. But Danny, I so appreciate you tuning in. Thank you so much. Thank you for these kind words. If you are enjoying RealPod, which I hope you are and I want to thank you for taking the time out of your busy lives to listen, please feel free to leave me a review and let me know if you're enjoying the show. It really helps us out and you can be the special shout out on next week's episode. Without further ado, let's dive in to this episode of RealPod with the one and only Elise Meyers. Elise, welcome to RealPod. Thank you. And Veeer. I'm so happy to have you. I feel like I've noticed that you have sort of not had the quintessential influencer effect that people critique a lot. And what I mean by that is on paper, you're wildly successful. Millions of followers, I'm sure countless brands want to work with you. But you're still so normal and down to earth. Is there a reason for that? Was that something cautious for you? I feel like I want to keep my life precious and the same or I'd love to hear. That's a good question. There's a few answers, I think. Number one, I feel really lucky that this happened to me when I was older and more established in my life. Being married, having kids, what I do online will always be second and take a back seat to my normal just everyday life. And I definitely can see that if this happened to me at like 1821, you know, even married without kids, like it totally would have had the potential to change. Every single aspect of my life, I don't think I would be living in Nebraska right now. I think that I would have the bougie as house dude, like I just, there's no point in doing all that because like I have two little kiddos that just take my time and I love that and that's my priority. And so I think that that naturally has like grounded me, which I'm grateful for. I also think that I really like my life to be as simple as it possibly can. So even like the brand deals that come in, I work with maybe one out of every 50 that come into my inbox because I'm not doing this to be busy. I picked this job over my web development career because it opened up my schedule. It helped me to be home more and I had to, I got to work less and I made more money. And so like what I'm not going to do is load my schedule up with a bunch of shit that takes me away from my family when I picked this life to be home more with my family. And so I think that that is also an actual filter that kind of keeps me focused in what I'm doing. And then also I do a lot of cool things with my kids and I don't post them on the internet. So, you know, if we move or if we go do something fun, people just don't see it. Yeah. Something that stuck out to me and what you said was this word simple because I do think we live in a world now where everything is overcomplicated and I think we're just kind of brainwashed to always want more and bigger and better. And my husband and I talk about that a lot because especially this type of career, it is what you make it. Like to your point, you don't have to do 50 deals or you could, right? I think a lot of people out there like, should I be doing more? Can I do more? And I know actually there's a part in your wonderful new book that just came out where you're talking about this exact thing, right? Yeah. I was cracking up the hand coming out from the water and you're like, she's happy. She's content. Yeah. That in line of that hope poem, I don't know what to call it. Like it's like a visual poem, I think and more. That idea of like, look at her, she's drowning in all of this happiness. Like there are so many times in my life where I thought I knew what I wanted and then when I got it, I'm like, this is actually so polar opposite to what I actually want and it doesn't fulfill me in the way that I wanted to. I think that I always struggle with wanting to do more. There's never a part in me that feels completely content. I think that that is what makes me me, I think that a little bit of my neurodivergence has added in there. I am constantly having one thing that I'm like hyperfixated on that I love and as soon as I master that, I want to go to the next thing, which is why my content sometimes seems like all over the place. Like, what does this girl actually do and like, what does she like everything? Everything all the time, no matter what, I just love it. It eggs in flows to be honest. I go through seasons where I just push really hard and I make a lot of content and I input a lot. I output a lot. I go through seasons where I just have to be okay with knowing that like being home and like resting is enough and having a really good like healthy sound board and in Jonas my husband has really helped because I grew up as a kid accomplishing things with how I got people's attention. There wasn't a lot of like space for me. It was all kind of going crazy when I was younger and so being really like a high achiever and never getting in trouble were like the ways that I felt like I gained respect and like attention from people I wanted attention from. And so I've had to really fight against that, especially oh my god when like, you get famous and then all of a sudden you're like millions of people want to just watch you do things and like watch the content you make. How hard is that not to just feed into it where you're like, I could do every brand deal and I could make every single dollar and I could go to every appearance and man, I could just be so important and it does. It feels that pull in my heart that it like wants to feel important to people, even strangers, but I think that the deeper you get into that job, the more you realize you're just going to get busier. It's not actually going to mean more to you and it's not going to add more value to your life and so you have to figure out what actually adds value to your life and more of that. But more is more it could actually take so much from your life if it doesn't actually add to your life. So that's kind of how I filter things through it was like, is this really what I want to be doing right now? No, then I'm not going to add it to my schedule. I love that so much especially because you've been so open about struggling with your mental health and struggling with anxiety and depression and I've been through experiences with that as well and as much as it sucks to struggle with your mental health, you also know yourself better if you are working on it and you're in a place where you are trying to kind of move forward and learn to cope and then you actually know yourself on a deeper level and there's that silver lining that comes out of struggle. Have you found that? Yeah.
Totally. I also think on the flip side of that, I have become over-therapized. I don't know if that's even a good thing to say on this podcast, but I feel like you get to the place where you can almost know yourself too well and you can intellectualize. I am so good at intellectualizing my feelings and my depression and anxiety. Those are very close friends to me that I know intimately and it's like I can almost see myself as like a thing to be studied and not a person that's feeling emotions in their moment. And so to be honest, like I've gone through a process in the last year or so where I've tried to know myself less and like feel more, which is really interesting. But yeah, I think that knowing yourself is really important and feeling comfortable with those things that make you feel like they take you out of the running for a lot of the things. I'll go into a hole for like months at a time and when your income is based on how much you can make and create just you, like a lot of it, you know, it's just you and me. Like no one else can make my face on a video for me. I mean, I can, but that's a whole conversation. That's scary. And so it's like when you go into a hole, it's like you're not making money and that's really, really hard and you just have to trust that like you're going to have been flow and that's when knowing yourself helps is like we're going to have an upswing and we're going to just keep going and it's going to be fine. So yeah, it's really important and also it's important to undo all of that and feel it as well. Definitely. We, at least you're hitting on something that I think I've been twang with. And by the way, we can, on this podcast, we can talk about everything and question everything. So that's my favorite. But I actually want to one correct what I said because you reminded me, do you know Eckart Toler, are you familiar with his work at all? Okay. So he has this sentence in his book, a new earth that I'll never forget. And it was, you can go to therapy to learn about yourself, but you won't be able to know that yourself. It was something like that. And I think you're hitting on that right with like we can talk about our thoughts and like these situations. But the actual piece is if you completely quiet your mind and you just experience the moment right? Yeah. And that's difficult. But I've often found that my quickest way out of anxiety or ruminating or overthinking is to truly just try to stop having thoughts at all, which sound insane, but I feel like that's what you're hitting on a little bit. Yeah. I mean, it's like a great example. I've been having like some health stuff lately. And so I've a continuous glucose monitor on my arm randomly. I was sitting in bed a couple nights ago and it shot up like I'm sitting a totally like in a normal state. My blood sugar shot up like a hundred points out of nowhere at rest, super relaxed going to bed. What the fuck? And I didn't realize I was so checked out of my body. And by the way, I'm having this on has shown me a direct correlation between my blood sugar and my anxiety, which sounds obvious, but I guess I just never put that in together. So I'm sitting there. That's rockets. My phone alerts me like, Hey, you're having a good spike and it's not going down anytime soon. And then I start like sweating and I'm like having a panic attack. And I was so checked out of my body that like I didn't know I was anxious, but I was like slowly getting anxious. And so like in my mind, I was like, I can do two things. I can either try and understand why I'm anxious, which isn't going to help. Like, I mean, it helps a little bit because you're like, how do I stop being anxious? What am I inputting that is like causing this reaction? Or I can like, let my body do it and run off of the cliff of anxiety and let it go, you know, like let it crest and then like fall. Because for me, I feel like if I'm having a panic attack, come on. I have to like let it finish out, you know? Like ride it out and let it go peak and then fall in any time I try and stop it and force it closed. It's like trying to force a bottle that is like full of pressure. Like, it just has to explode and then it will be the pressure is released. And so I just sat there and I was, I just told Jonas, I was like, I'm going to have a panic attack now. And he was, okay. And then I have it and it finishes and I'm like, okay. And then I go back to watching TV. Like I didn't sit there. And I'm not joking. Why did I have a panic attack today? But like a couple of years ago, I would have tried to learn every single thing about it that happened so that I could not have it happen again. And then I've just, at this season of my life come to terms with like, I have anxiety, you know, whether I understand why it's happening or I don't. It's a clinical like chemical thing in my body that sometimes it's just going to happen. And man, I spent so many years trying to undo it until like fight against it and to avoid it. And then like the freedom of like, just go in with it and be like, you know, I'm just going to have a panic attack. Okay. It's done. And then I just go back to watching below deck. And it's like that feeling of letting it flow and in feeling rather than intellectualizing it. But or just like shutting your mind off, whatever that looks like for you has been really powerful for me. And it's also released me from the pressure of like having to have so many fucking answers about myself all the time. Like just experiencing being alive and not having to write a college dissertation about it in my mind every day is great. Yeah. It can be exhausting like constantly in pursuit of your best self because I just like especially with an athlete background, there's no. You're never done. You let's take the best athlete in the world they and they win the championship. They will go home and watch film to see how they could have played that match better even though they have a gold medal, right? And that pursuit is healthy at times, but it can also be exhausting and I was actually thinking of this phenomenon. I'm sure you've heard of this, but they say when you're in a car accident, you actually have a better rate of less like bodily injury if you are more relaxed in those moments versus when you tense up. And it was making me think about how you describe this panic attack. If you ride the wave of the emotion, you're probably actually going to get off the ride sooner versus you go kicking and screaming into the seatbelt, you know. This episode is sponsored by element and I literally drank a big or as very element this morning when I went to my lift. Actually the night before I had been feeling a little bit fatigued and achy and I knew I had to work out the next day. So I filled up my water bottle with some ice cold water I put in one stick pack of element which is packed with electrolytes, shook that up, stepped on it a little before bed. And then it was ready for me to grab that next morning when I worked out today. I love element because it helps anyone stay hydrated and electrolyte deficiency or imbalances can cause headaches, cramps, fatigue, brain fog and weakness. An element is a zero sugar electrolyte drink mix and sparkling electrolyte water. They have that now, which is awesome, born from the growing body of research revealing that optimal health outcomes occur at sodium levels two to three times government recommendations, which is wild to me. If you look at what the government recommends and then you look at the growing body of research, we need two to three times more sodium. And each stick pack of element delivers a meaningful dose of electrolytes and there are so many delicious flavors you can try. There is lemonade, raspberry, watermelon, that's Max's favorite citrus, the list goes on and on. And anyone from US Olympians, professional athletes to some of the top health experts are loving element and right now element is offering a free sample pack with any purchase. So that's eight single serving packets for free with any element order. This is a great way to try all eight flavors or share element with a friend. So get yours at drinkelement.com/realpod. It's only available through my link. So you must go to dri and K elementy.com/realpod. Enjoy and stay salty. Although Max night just changed our mattress, you know, what we did not change are bedding and our sheets because I am a cozy earth stand. I'm obsessed with their sheets, especially the bamboo ones, they are temperature regulating, which means they don't overheat. So if you're like me and Max, where we do not like to be hot or sweaty while we're sleeping, these are the sheets for you. They're also so soft to the touch. A lot of times you'll get sheets and you need to throw them in the wash like three times to break them in. You do not have to do that with cozy earth sheets because they come and are so soft to the touch. They are my favorite. I have been sleeping in cozy earth bedding for oh my gosh, I think like four years now. And I love their PJs too and their blankets. I mean, everything from them is just truly incredible and so comfortable. I know we're getting near the holidays. So imagine buying that person you love a bubble cuddle blanket. It's cozy earth blanket that offers a combination of comfort and style with its distinctly textured bubble design, intricately woven from ultra soft fibers. I think those blankets are so amazing and would make a great gift. And you know what else I love about cozy earth? It's risk free. You have a hundred night sleep trial. So you can try their bedding out and if you don't love it, you can return it a hassle free. Trust me though, you won't want to, but how nice is it to know that? It's a 10 year warranty because once you feel the several of comfort, you will want it to last a decade. So head to cozy earth.com and use my code real pod for up to 20% off site wide. And if you get a post purchase survey, make sure you tell them that you heard about cozy earth right here from your girl. So once again, head to cozy earth.com and use code real pod for up to 20% off site wide because home isn't just where you live. It's how you feel. Let's go home with cozy earth. You spend so many years in there, be trying to understand the root cause of things. Like that is quite literally the point. You're told this idea that like if you know why, then you can fix it. And sometimes you could know why in it. You can know why something's happening, but you don't know how to get rid of it. It just stays there. So yeah, learning to just go with the flow right the way I'm there right now. And it's actually very freeing because I spend so long doing the opposite and it serves me really well. And now I'm like, I don't care. I actually don't care why I make just, just damn, I'm going to lay down for a little bit. It sounds almost like spiritual or transcendent in a way. Do you think of it that way?
way. I don't know like what your faith is, but you know, that's a really interesting thing that you just said. I was hyper religious for a long time and I deconstructed my faith and left the church and I've never been happier in my life from getting out of the Christian church, but there was so much so long that my anxiety was tied to like shame and that understanding, you know, if I had these feelings, it must be that like I am in wrong standing with God or with some thing like I must be doing something wrong in my life and kind of like submitting to those feelings and learning like they can just be like they can be separate from myself, but of myself and I can like experience them at the same time and not have to have a reason for them or offer them up to some deity and be like heal me. It's like I can just experience them and lay down and let it ride over me and like that's weird and like let it go and so I don't know if that correlates with that so much, but that is really interesting. It doesn't have to be like a, I love Rain Wilson calls it Sky Daddy. Like it doesn't have to be. Yes. Oh my god. Sky Daddy. I love him. Oh my god. I know. He's great. We had a great combo on this part about spirituality because I've struggled with that and similar to you, I drifted even though I was in Catholic school. I feel like I grew up pretty religious. I was Greek orthodox and I went to a Catholic school and I prayed and I believed in God. I remember in like seventh grade and eighth grade being very inquisitive. Like I would, the religion teacher was my favorite teacher and I would just yap yap yap recess before school because I just couldn't comprehend like the school God thing. And then I honestly it was like in college when I just started to realize you get out of your bubble. I at least came from a very privileged bubble. You get out of that. You start to realize there's a lot of pain and suffering and then you grapple with the why to bad things happen to good people. I think it's CS Lewis has a great book on I think it's called the problem of pain, which I was I was once told to read. I still haven't yet. Maybe Adam avoiding something. You would like a great divorce. If you the great divorce, I read while I was deconstructing and it was really cool. I still love his stuff. I cannot read anybody else in that world, but like CS Lewis that his is great author. Okay. Cool. I'll check that out. And even Rain Wilson was like bad things happen to good people. So they experience resilience and they develop character and they, you know, become who they are. But I think now I'm more I believe in something bigger. And I almost as you talk about your current experience, I view that almost as like a connection to mother nature and right like trees and the grass and like being out in the world. It's just it's very calming and it's it just works like totally. I have a friend who's pregnant and the fact that you get pregnant. And then you don't do anything. I'm not saying that pregnant women and moms don't do that. But your body literally knows how to grow a total human being. Like you don't tell your body. Okay. Today let's grow the cells. Let's grow the feet. Like that's magical. That's something that's an intuition. So that's greater than us. It's pretty crazy. I will say having been pregnant twice. It's got to be the closest I have ever felt to connect it to everything around me. I don't know how to explain that. But like that my body was doing this. Like I was like this conduit for this life in me. Like this higher power outside of me was like making it happen in me. I'm going to sound like an insane person trying to explain it like this. But like it was just I felt so it was so cool. Yeah. Some things you can't put to words. That's another not to nerd out on that cartollay. But he'll be like do you really think with the alphabet and the consonants and the vowels we can describe how we feel as humans about certain emotions. Yeah. And it's like you can't explain the feeling you had. It was so magical. I never want to do it again. And I did not like it. But it was pretty cool. Yeah. That is so funny. And then how these little people that are you will and congratulations on that. I know your family is a huge priority to you. And I loved learning more about your relationship with your husband in the book. And actually something I wanted to ask you about because I really I loved this when I read it. Towards the beginning of your book it says to be a child is to believe simply for believing sake to grow up is to question. And oh my god you just there's so much set in that at least because it's like as we get older we lose our innocence. We get more cynical. Yeah. I wanted to hear your interpretation. And even to now you saying you're starting to stop questioning. I'm curious if if you're take on that as a mom. Oh no, I'm still questioning everything. I'm questioning everything out here. I think I've done enough questioning with me to where I'm like I cannot actually keep putting myself on this jury stand like and like interrogate myself all of the time. Like I have not allowed myself many seasons of my life where I've just had peace. I have to know everything about myself and I'm allowing myself to just kind of chill. And now I get to learn about other people or not focus on myself so much. And I think that's where that idea of like not questioning so much. But oh my god I love that poem. That's please please hold your question so the end, right? Mm-hmm. As I read it I was thinking about Christmas presents Santa just like thinking your parents are only on earth to be your parents like and then growing up and realizing we're all humans. We all make mistakes like I don't know it was just there's so much in it. Yeah. I think that as I became a parent a lot of people say you're going to understand your parents so well. You know like you're gonna you're gonna really understand what it was like and it'd be empathetic. And I think that it did the exact opposite to me of like yeah. I actually can't relate. Yeah. And and I thought I did. And then I had two little boys that just look at me like I hung the fucking moon. And I'm like mmm I can't relate to the way it was with us. And so I think that story was like that of like what are you gonna do with all of this person's belief? Are you going to keep it safe? Or are you gonna give it back? And like you are the one that gets to decide that. And you will change this person's life forever with what you do with that belief. And that story is so powerful for me. And I think it was like that shift of becoming a mom and being like I want my life to be different. I want my kids life to be different. And it was really healing for me. Honestly every story of this book was like I never thought I would see the light of day. All these stories were things that I just wrote for myself. And I have hard drives of things like this. And then writing it and being like this actually makes so much sense. I need to like share this. That was like how I picked every single one of these stories. And deciding to like give them to the world is so bizarre because like it goes from this thing that's on your hard drive to this thing that now belongs to other people that will read their own meaning into it that will see it and be talking to someone and be quoting it. Like you're quoting these other incredible authors with their pieces in our conversation, which might have been sort of in context of what they meant it. But it meant something different to you. And so now you're sharing it to me. And I'm gonna go read the book now. It's like how crazy is that? That you write and then you give it to somebody else. And then they, it's theirs now, you know. So it's really, it's been really a special process. But it's really, it's kind of scary. You're like, did you like it? It sounds surreal. No, I was literally just gonna tell you I feel like the whole thing is a warm hug. Yeah, I love that. I'm a fellow anxious, overthinker. Am I too much? I can talk very fast. The speed at which you talk makes me feel okay as a human because I can also talk really fast. And I think like I had been called as spaz by like volleyball coaches. And like I think I've just been. That was one time. But what does it feel like it was all the time? But it's one time too many because you're sitting here years later thinking about it. So literally I'm literally about to cry. Like why did you hit us so much? Like it's crazy. But yeah, I love it. And I feel like it's so comforting. And I like the way that you know you have a more specific meaning. But to me, I took that quote about when you grow up, you question is like something different, but something beautiful and inspiring in that way as well. But yeah, no, I can only imagine how that feels. And also to be vulnerable and to put yourself out there is very scary. And you've been doing that for so many years now. And I know you took a break from social media and then came back. I was curious what the biggest thing you learned during your break was and how you thought about maybe the new boundaries you set when you came back. Yeah, from the break, when I came back, I shared a lot less of myself. At first, it definitely was not like a conscious thought. The break coincided with my son's health stuff. Going through the devastation of finding out that your son has like a heart condition in front of millions of people is a lot. It's a lot when you're going through it completely alone. But then to do it in front of so many people, it's such an exposing thing. Like it feels like you all of a sudden something bad happens at this party in your house. And there's 12 million people in your house. And all of a sudden the lights come on, you're like, holy shit, now I have to get all these people out of my house and fix this. That's like kind of how it felt. It was very bizarre. And I think I realized, I don't know if I want people to be that much into my family life. I think that feels like too much for me. I think that I don't want to be home thinking about other people, about strangers when I'm home. And then my office right now, and when I'm here, my brain is creatively switched on. I'm thinking, what can I make? I mean, literally before this, I was filming a really funny video that I can't wait to keep editing. It's awesome. And then I go home and I've home, like I'm not making content.
about my family. I don't look at my husband and think like, what is our next date night video going to be? Like, you know, when I'm on a date with him, I'm not thinking like, oh, I want to take a picture to show that, like, you know, mom and dad are on a date. Like that coming back and changing what I'm posting on the internet really changed the way that I capture memories for myself. So now when I pull my phone out with me and Jonas, like we're cooking or something, we both know that when our phone is out taking a picture of something, that that photo is for me and him. We don't have to say it. I want to be like, I'm not going to post this. Like, it really changes the way that me and him are together and home and around our children. Like, it's been so healthy for us as a family. And on the flip side of that, it's hard because people are like, where did your family go? Are you divorced? Are you in another state? And I totally understand, I totally get it because you go from posting something to not, there's going to actually just going to be a bunch of like speculation and all that. We're just frustrating, but I totally understand as well. But yeah, like pulling back how much I share of the personal side of my life that's not just me, was kind of the main thing when I came back. And it's also allowed me to feel more comfy creating different kinds of content because it's like, now it's just me on my page. Like, if you want to see my husband, he is an Instagram. You can go look at it. He's awesome, so cute. And like, but on me, you're just going to find me. And that has been really helpful for me because I feel like I have more of a personal life now, you know? Yeah, definitely. And I think that what you learned in that experience is, oh, wait, I actually feel like my relationship with myself and with my partner and with work thrive and feels more safe. And it clicks better in my brain when it is this way. But you didn't know that until you got there. And I think anyone who might be feeling like something isn't right, it's OK to take a step back. Look at it at a high level and be like, hey, what would this look like if we did it differently? Or if I created or curated my day differently, this relationship differently. And we're allowed to change our mind. OK, I don't know about you, but I've been trying to drink less coffee because it had just been making me anxious and it raised my heart rate. And it's tempting to reach for caffeinated products that make you jittery or come with an intense crash soon after. And that's what nature's sunshine is here to help with. Nature's sunshine brain edge combines hand harvested Yerba Mate with powerful new tropics to support focus, memory, and cognitive performance without the crash. It's a plant-powered drink mix that you can enjoy hot or cold so you have a shortcut to help your focus, alertness, and memory anytime. I know what it's like to feel brain fog and look at your task list or your calendar and be like, I have no idea how I'm going to make it through today. And those are the moments for brain edge because it helps me feel more focused, clear-headed, and alert during mentally demanding parts of my day. Don't fight through feeling foggy and lethargic. Ignite your mental performance with brain edge. Nature's sunshine is offering 20% off your first order plus free shipping. Just go to naturesunshine.com and use code realpod@checkout. That's code
[email protected] where you can check out nature's sunshine brain edge for enhanced focus and clarity, supporting your memory and learning, smooth sustained energy, and a plant-powered drink mix that you know was sourced with purpose because your bimote is wild harvested by indigenous communities in the South American rainforest. So go to naturesunshine.com and use code realpod@checkout for 20% off your first order plus free shipping. That's code
[email protected]. This episode of realpod is sponsored by Wings Health. And Wings Health is the sexual health brand making all the, I don't want to deal with this stuff, actually easy. So there's no shame spiraling just real solutions that put you in control. For example, their restart morning after pill is legal in all 50 states and available to anyone of any age. It's the same active ingredient and effectiveness as plan B. And for UTIs, yeast infections and BV, Wings Health's at-home test and treat kits tell you what the heck is going on down there and it can get you prescription treatment the same day without stepping into a waiting room. I think it's amazing what they're doing to make these products for women, especially women's health, OK, accessible, easy, and so great. Also, Wings Health is 100% women-owned. OBGYN approved and obsessed with making sexual and vaginal health less confusing and more in your control. So you can find Wings Health nationwide at Walgreens or delivered in 30 minutes via gopuff, door dash, or Instacart. So head to hellowings.com/realpod. For 50% off, Wings at Walgreens, I mean, who doesn't want 50% off? That's a discount of half the price. So go to hellowings.com/realpod. That's hellowinx.com/realpod for 50% off. Stack up on Wings Sexual Health Essentials at your local Walgreens. [MUSIC PLAYING] I have so much joy hearing how centered you are right now and just how confident you're feeling. And I wanted to know maybe when it is you felt this deeper sense of self-acceptance, if there was a moment, if it was gradual, but a lot of people want to feel good in their skin. They want to feel confident in who they are and enough. Yeah. I wish that this wasn't my answer because this is in everyone's life journey or choice in their life. The biggest shift I ever felt was having a kid like that. And I think the bigger picture of that is I suddenly stopped caring about what everyone else thought of me in my-- I mean, I mean, mainly I'm talking about family, the people that were my family that are now my extended family, right? Because I have my family, my unit, my husband, and my kids. The transition into having a kid, me realizing, I'm taking care of this person. So you want me to be at your house? Literally, stop. Clearly, you're not asking me. I'm tired, I wasn't rude, but it's a very clear cut boundary. I'm like, no, I'm not going to be there. I have to put into bed and I want to have time at home. So I think the shift I didn't ever give myself permission to not just say yes to people. I was such a chronic people pleaser that the idea of making someone else uncomfortable by me simply saying no was so unfathomable. I would like myself on fire to keep someone warm if that is what worked best for them. And then I'd say, sorry, was that the right time or should I have done it earlier? But then myself on fire to keep someone warm is such the perfect metaphor. It's so sad as well, like you're burning. Totally. And then I do it again the next day. And I think that, yes, it was like having kids that changed that in me, the first one. But it took something outside of myself to really push myself to do that. And I wish it didn't. I wish I could have found that earlier. And now looking back, I'm like, oh my God, it's just crazy when I was younger. How far I would extend myself out of being comfortable, not comfortable to my detriment so that everyone else was happy around me. And I was just so unhappy and empty. And I had nothing to give to myself. So that was that. And then turning 30 really changed some things for me, too, of like, I don't know what it was. Everyone always says that, too. And I'm like, God, I hate that I said I'm saying that because it's such a cliche, but like just the older I get, the more my brain is developed, like realizing the things that I thought were such a big deal or just not a big deal. And also getting diagnosed as autistic had really changed my life. And I did not think it would. And my God, the process to do that was so long and painful. And every single time I had an appointment, I'm like, why am I torturing myself like this? Why am I doing this to myself? Because it doesn't matter. And it so did. It was a piece of like knowing myself that truly was life-changing. Because when you sent that person called you a spaz, my thing that people would say to me was, I was obsessive, like, at least next thing. Like, at least had a thing, right? Like, I always had my one thing where I played viola and I would lock myself in my room and play for like five, six hours at a time. People would say that I was like performative in the way that I would obsess over things. Like, she has to be special. She has to just love this one thing. Now knowing myself, and if any fucking person in my life when I was younger would have taken one second to be like, hmm, maybe this is more than just liking things. Like, maybe, maybe there's something else going on here. They would have known that like, I was neurodivergent and that was my hyperfixation and that was like my special interest. And like, my God, if someone would have just championed that rather than like making it seem like an inconvenience, how different my life would have been. And so it allows me to be kind to myself and set my life up in a way that serves me and my family. My husband, I'm really into ramen right now, never had it in my life and now I'm eating it like every meal. I come home and he bought me a famous on ramen spoons. He's like, here's 'cause I know that you're into ramen right now. Like, I don't have to say it. He's just buying me ramen spoons. Just 'cause he knows I've been to it. He's like, this isn't going anywhere anytime soon. So we might as well have the proper utensils to eat with. Like, I love him. I'm so obsessed with this man. Who does that? That is life changing for me. Like knowing that about myself being known like that by somebody else. I mean, anybody else that has any other opinions or just known on my business, how could they be When I've got-
I mean, inviting me ramen spoons, it's just awesome. So yeah, those are some big changing things for me. - I love that so much. And I'm so glad that you got the answer that you were looking for because I think it does bring a lot of clarity. And when we can gaslight ourselves about our own mental health or our own things we struggle with to have that external source, sometimes tell you, oh, hey, yeah, this is something we can take a deeper look at. It just makes you feel that much more of a relief moving forward. So actually, I'm curious because now this is tying into our earlier chat, how do you decide then? 'Cause I'm both drawn to this like find the answer and it validates you and this like turn our thoughts off and like just be in the moment. So what would your advice be to someone on how to figure out when is this okay for me to like talk about and figure out? And then when is it, let's take a huge deep breath and connect our surroundings? - Yeah, I started discovering that diagnosis is important if it leads to solutions and accommodations and like medication and some type of like help. So no matter what, that's always a positive. I was diagnosed with ADHD and I now am medicated, diagnosed with autism and now I've been able to reorganize my life. I didn't need that diagnosis for myself, but then I had a child who I saw so many wonderful things in him that mirror things of my life and me. I realized like, oh, this is gonna make his life easier. But if there is a diagnosis in a parent, then it makes a child's diagnosis a lot easier to get into the wait lists insane. I mean, I'm lucky I live in Nebraska and at my wait list was only like a year but people wait six years. Like for a child, they don't have six years to wait. Like do you need those accommodations now and you can't get those unless you're diagnosed. And so I got really lucky and I didn't have to wait long. And so I knew that that would help my sons if there was a day where it's like, okay, let's you don't look at this. So I did that, but anytime I get it's gonna help with your life and accommodation, do it. And then also within that, the diagnosis is also just one part of it and it's hard because you don't know what's gonna change your life. Like I wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for my sons. And so and I'm so glad I did, you know, and so it's like, how would I have known that unless I did it? But I think personally if it's taking up a lot of space in your brain and you're constantly wondering and you're like, I mean, I was spending my free time doing like autism quizzes and watching YouTube videos about it and reading books about it, I'd say it's a good thing to pursue, like you're curious about it. That means you're curious, you're already searching. It's not something that you're like forcing yourself to do or someone's forcing on you. I think explore your curiosity in those ways as far as your brain wants to go. It as soon as it feels like this is becoming a chore and I am now feeling overwhelmed by this. You can know too much in your brain just shuts off. Like then I would stop and I would just feel because I think that's a really good spot for your brain to be like, hey, we're getting to intellectual about this. We need to also like emotionally catch up to the information that you're learning. And so they both kind of hold hands with each other. I don't think it's either or I think that you have to do both. I just think that we often forget about the feeling part because it's especially with all the information available to us. I mean, we could chat to BT, could friggin' diagnose you at this point, but it can't make you feel for yourself. It can't make you sit with yourself and be like, okay, what does it mean for me to be autistic? What does that mean for all the people in my life that should have caught this earlier? How am I grieving that, you know? It can't do that for you. And so I think that's why I'm trying to push so hard on the feeling part of it now because there's so much more emphasis on the other side of it. - Yeah, definitely. While I know you can't choose a favorite poem from your book, is there-- - Is there one? - Oh, then she can. - Yeah. Have you ever wondered what it's like to date a poet? - Okay. - That's a good one. That's the one where if you get it, you get it, and if you don't, you don't. Jonas quotes that to me all the time. Anytime we're being gassed if by somebody, we're just like, it's a shame she doesn't understand art. She loves it so much. Yeah, we have it. - Okay, I'm excited. I need to read that one. Reminds me of like the daily stoic. Like every day I could pick it up and read a poem, and I don't know how it's gonna hit me. So I'm excited. - I'm excited. - And I'm so excited about it. - The stories are like intermixed into it. So it's like poems and then like long narrative stories. So it's something that you can kind of decide how long you want to be sitting and reading, which is cool. - I love that. And then I also wanted to ask you, when it comes to self love, what's your relationship with that? Are you someone who's like, yes, I love myself. Are you more of like a self neutrality, body neutrality type of person? - Yeah, very neutral. I very, very neutral. I think that the more neutral relationship I can have with myself, it's the greatest win. I just want to be like, there I am. I'm actively working on getting there. And I feel like I'm starting to feel like fruits of that in my life come to fruition. And it's a very peaceful place to be. I tried to do the self love, like the body positivity thing for me and like stand in front of a mirror and like worship my body and be like, yes, I'm so fucking hot, dude. And I do say that to myself because I love saying that to myself because if my ears hear it enough, my brain will believe it. But I think more than anything, I just want to be here. 'Cause how great is that? I'm just here. - Yeah. - I'm happy to be here. - That's all I mean. I cannot do the, in the mere naked body affirmation. - I can't do it. I need to do it. I feel like I'm lying and that takes me out of it so fast. And I don't need to. You know what? Jonas can look, I'm like, just, if you like what you see, great. - Yeah, literally. - Never felt compelled to do it, can't do it. Not my thing, but I think, you know, and that's not a failure too. I think everyone needs to figure out what their path is to peace with themselves. That of the day is like, I think the mission and the thing we want to upkeep. - It assigns too much value to something that is pretty not valuable. But not that being attracted. It's like, yeah, you specifically are very hot. But like also, you're fucking smart, you're funny, you're like incredibly talented. Like, you are a great podcast host. - Oh my god, are you crazy? - I don't have me. - Yes, you. - Oh my god, no, you're athletic, you're accomplished, you're driven. Like, there's no equivalent to standing in front of a mere naked and being able to do all of those things. So the physical attribute, it's just one little thing of it. It is like, I would rather just feel neutral and like understand all of the things that you bring to the table and all those are neutral 'cause they're all gonna end in flow. It's all gonna go in waves. And so I think that the standing in front of the naked and like, some people need to do that. Me, I just feel like it's too much. I can't, I can't. - Well, I feel so grateful that I have and Elise Meyers now audio clip of you saying that to me. 'Cause I think that is everyone's dream because your TikToks are so motivational and inspiring. And like, they're like the most gentle little like face slap in the right way. Like, let's come right back to like the truth that we both know is there. - And I love that. - It's like giving a little like, an in slap. - Yeah, totally, it's like the most gentle. Like, well, congratulations again. I'm so excited for you, also incredible title. That's a great question. I'd love to tell you. - I mean, it's quintessential you. So I am just wishing you the best with the launch and I hope everyone goes and checks it out. I think there really is something for everyone in there. It is a warm hug. Who doesn't want a warm hug? - I love a warm hug. I love a cold hug sometimes, too. - Thank you so much for your time. I really appreciate that. - Good to be here. - Thank you so much for listening to this episode of RealPod. If this hit home or helped you in some way, send it to a friend, a teammate, Rumi, share the love, share the realness. New episodes of RealPod come out every single Wednesday. So make sure you are subscribed to this podcast so you never miss an episode. To leave a rating or a review of the show, head to iTunes and let me know what you think. I love hearing from you. Not to mention, you can stay connected with RealPod throughout the week, seeing behind the scenes info and sneak previews of upcoming guests by following the @RealPod account on Instagram. All information about today's show and guests will be linked in the description of this episode. Thanks again for listening. I love you guys so, so much. Let's go dominate the day and, as always, keep it real. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. [BLANK_AUDIO]
PodcastTranscript AI