694. Elizabeth I vs The Catholics: A Treacherous Conspiracy (Part 4)

Hello everyone, and before today's show I have incredibly exciting news for you about a live show or Friday the 4th of September Dominic and I will be at the South Bank to do something that we have not done before, so you will be the first people to hear it. We are telling the story of what is the ultimate Victorian adventure. The date is 1868, the location is Abyssinia and the Emperor of Abyssinia has been writing letters to Queen Victoria who rather rudely has not replied to them. So the Emperor of Abyssinia annoyed about this has kidnapped a number of British subjects. In response, Britain sends an expedition to rescue the captives and it is no exaggeration to say it is massive. On this expedition, 13,000 soldiers, 40,000 animals including 44 elephants and the British even put down a railway line to transport everything. It's an incredible story full of jaw-dropping events, ludicrous characters, lots of moustaches, lots of general Victorian shenanigans and as I say, it is the first time that we have ever done it on the rest of history. I don't want to blow our trumpet, but I think it's going to be an absolute rest of history classic. So if you want to get a ticket for the ultimate Victorian adventure at the South Bank in London, on Friday the 4th of September you know where to go. The rest is history.com. The dragon that are seized and raised his crest and brought back heaps of gold into his nest unto his foes more terrible than thunder, glory of his age, after age is wonder, excelling all those that excelled before. It's feared we shall have none such any more. Effecting all, he sold it undertake, valiant, just, wise, mild, honest, godly, drake. This man when I was little I did meet, as he was walking up top nesses long street. He asked me whose I was. I answered him. He asked me if his good friend was within. A fair red orange in his hand he had. He gave it me, where her avoid was right glad. Take some kiss me and praise God bless my boy, which I record with comfort to this day. So that was a poem published in 1628 by a man from Devon as you can tell from the reading. Yeah, you could. But interestingly, the first ever poet in Canada to write in English. So that's a lovely little gift there to our rest of the club member, Mark Carney, who will surely enjoy that and to all our Canadian listeners as well. And now you've had some Canadian history. No more complaints for the rest of this year, please. So this bloke's name, the first ever poet in Canada to write in English, he was Robert Heyman and he served between 1618 and 1628 as the governor of a short-lived English colony in Newfoundland. And his father had been the MP in Toness in Devon. And this was how, as a boy, the young Robert Heyman had come to meet Sir Francis Drake and he had been given this orange by the great man. Of course, the orange, an exotic fruit, red, he just calls it, doesn't he? Yeah, the red orange. It's really interesting. Yeah. That is a reminder of Francis Drake's exotic travels and his circumnavigation of the globe. And obviously this bloke Heyman, this is the kind of thing you would remember all your life because Drake, the preeminent, the paramount English hero of the age, perhaps of the entire century. And it's a tribute to the effects that Drake had on generations of English men and women. You know, the fact that he's embedded in the national imagination as a hero really without peer. I think it's a very touching poem. I mean, kind of there's a quality of naivety to it, which is very affecting, which I record with comfort to this day, you know, it's lovely. And tribute to kind of Drake's enduring fame, both at the time when Heyman is writing it and in his childhood. And that fame is unsurprising because in our previous episode, we followed Drake in his ship, the golden hind, around the world, the golden hind, only the second ship in history to perform to that circumnavigation. And when Drake returns to England, he is a national hero, not just because he has achieved the greatest feat of navigation in all English history, but also because he has robbed and humiliated the King of Spain. He has forced his way into what the Spaniards call the Mare Klausum, the closed sea, namely the Pacific. He's ranged at will along the coastlines of Western America, Spain's a great American empire, and he has plundered so much gold and silver and been given so many clothes that the total sum amounts to more than Elizabeth I's entire annual income, so maybe £400,000 in all. So a huge, huge amount of money. But to remind people, we ended last time with Drake arriving home in Plymouth in September 1580, and he is very anxious, isn't he? Because, yeah, if we remember, he is very much persona non grata in the courtyards of Spain, and he does not know how Elizabeth will react to his return. Will he be in the deepest of trouble? Yeah, so Elizabeth is notoriously cautious when it comes to foreign policy. She really hates anything that might threaten war, and the problem for Drake is that during his absence going around the world, the power of the Spanish King has only grown, you know, his own incredible feats, notwithstanding. So in January 1580, Philip had become the King of Portugal as well of Spain. So this brings him not just the whole of Iberia, but all of Portugal's empire, which like Spain spans the world. And in the low countries, a rebellion against Philip's rule has been blazing there for over a decade. There too, the fortunes of war seem to be turning in his favour. And this is because he has sent a very formidable new captain, which is, this is a guy who is Philip's own nephew. He's called Alexander Fanesi, and he is the prince of Palmer. And Palmer is a name for listeners to remember, because his presence in the low countries with a battle-trained army is going to be a very, very big factor in the story of England's relations with Spain from this point on. And Palmer has been busy pacifying the revolt in the low countries, city by city. And every time he takes a city, his army of 30,000 men becomes that little bit more experienced. And they are parked there just across the sea from England. And what makes this all the more alarming is that Philip is clearly intent on probing the defences of Elizabeth's own kingdoms, which includes Ireland as well as England and Wales. And in fact, Wendrake returns an invasion force of Spanish troops is still in the field of Ireland. And Catholic priests, including two Jesuits, are on the loose in England. So this is the kind of the alarms that we talked about in our second episode. These are still current Wendrake returns. So it's not surprising that Drake, when he's informed this by his wife and by the Mayor of Plymouth, who have rode out to the Golden Hine to talk to him, he must be worried that Elizabeth is going to go for the course of appeasement, that she will hand the treasure back to Spain and effectively sacrifice Drake himself. And also sort of foreign policy realists will advise that that's the sensible course, because you always, you know, you have to accommodate to the greater power. Yes. And among these people who are pressing Elizabeth to get rid of Drake, of course, is Philip's ambassador to her court, a guy called Bernardino Dumentosa. And he is a very, very menacing foe, he's patrician, he's haughty, he is very zealously Catholic. And he is playing the part of a Soviet ambassador in London in kind of 1957. He is all about the subversion of Elizabeth's regime. And when he sends a message to Elizabeth saying, I want to come and protest about Drake and Elizabeth says, no, I'm not seeing you. Mendosa sends Elizabeth a very blunt warning. A war is easily begun, but not so soon ended. And this of course is playing on Elizabeth knows this. And so too to be fair does William Cecil Lorde Burley, her number two, her effectively her prime minister, because he's a man who very much loves to give the forces of papary a bloody nose. He is the great guardian of Protestant England, but he thinks Drake just isn't worth the hassle. Come on, he's not worth it. Let's try and keep our power to dry and not get into a massive bust up with the Spanish over him. But there are lots of people. Elizabeth's council who say, hold on, you know, this bloke is a patriotic hero. He's a Protestant hero, you know, you should back him. Domestic opinion and ideological solidarity are more important than bowing the knee to proud, haughty Spain and profit. Right. All of these things kind of murdered. So let's look at Francis Walsingham, Elizabeth's spy chief. He is an investor in Drake's expedition. And so obviously, if the treasure is kept, he stands to make an enormous profit. But of course, I mean, he's backed Drake for ideological as well as for financial reasons. Right. And there are two other key members of the Privy Council. Both of them, great favourites of Elizabeth. Both of them investors in Drake's expedition. One of them, we talked about in our previous episode. And this is Sir Christopher Hatton, and his emblem is Golden Hined. So Drake has named his ship the Golden Hined after that emblem. Now, there is a slight problem with Hatton, namely that Drake had executed Hatton's secretary, Thomas Dowty. Right. A lot of listeners will be curious about this. Yeah. Sir Christopher Hatton, care more about this bloke who'd been his right-hand man in his secretary will just see care more about having a ship named after himself and loads of money. What do you think? I'm a people person. You know, I'm a loyal person. I think I'd care more about my secretary would you? I don't believe you for a minute. Of course, Hatton is, I mean, he's a little, you know, that Dowty's relatives are on the scene and are petitioning him. But when Hatton is told how much money Drake has brought back, he goes brilliant. Let's keep him. This is fantastic. I never liked Dowty anyway. I never liked him. He was a rubbish secretary. Yeah. And the other person, the other key player, who is a massive favorite of Elizabeth's, who is a big Drake fan, is someone who we haven't mentioned yet in this series. We did mention him in our series on the Young Elizabeth. And this is Robert Dudley, who is the Earl of Leicester. Oh, he's kind of Elizabeth's ultimate favorite had been her childhood friend. He's very handsome. He's very haughty. He's very dashing. Elizabeth loves all those kind of characteristics in a man. And Leicester had been a very likely candidate to marry Elizabeth in the early years of her reign, according to public opinion. I think in reality, Elizabeth was never going to marry him, but it was widely thought that she wanted to. By this point, there's no prospect of Elizabeth marrying Leicester at all. But he remains very much a kind of key player at court. She's very, very fond of him. He's a very domineering figure at court. And like Walsingham, he's a hard line Protestant. I mean, basically, he is a Puritan. So I would say the Uber Protestant, the Puritan wing of the Privy Council, they are all in favor of Drake. And that is partly because they've invested in his voyage, but it is also very ideological. And so the result is that the Privy Council is split. And effectively, it is therefore down to Elizabeth. The big question, which way will she jump? And the answer reaches Drake a few weeks after his arrival in Plymouth. And she sends him a letter and says, "fear not for your safety. Bring me some of the loot." And so Drake gets a train of pack horses. And he loads them down with gold and silver that he's plundered from the Spanish. And he heads for London. And when he arrives there, the Queen grants him a six-hour interview, and she is obviously dazzled by the treasure that he's brought back from his adventures. But I think she is also very smitten by Drake himself. She loves his stories, the Straits of McGellen, New Albion, the Spice Islands. You know, she loves a valiant chevalier. So she admires his boldness, his courage, his kind of sea dog swagger. And he is Lord Flashhart in the Black Hatter series. I think he makes a go a little week at the knees. And so she decides, I think Drake's great. He's brought me lots of treasure. I want to keep it. And I, you know, I'm going to give Drake a massive reward. Now obviously this is tricky. It's a delicate tight rope to tread. If she's going to reward Drake, she wants to do it in a way that doesn't make it obvious and offend the Spanish too much. But she pulls it off absolutely brilliantly. So what she does, she tells Drake officially, register the treasure that you've taken and have it sent to the tower. But unofficially, she tells him, look, siphon of £10,000 of this £400,000. And just to put it, you know, that is more than her entire annual income. So £10,000 is a colossal fortune. I mean, enormous. I mean, super rich level. Millions upon millions upon millions. And also, I think this reflects very well on both Drake and Elizabeth. She winks at his quietly taking £14,000 for his men. So they are all going to profit massively as well. And Drake also very quietly donates £100,000 directly to the Queen. And again, all this is being done off the books. It's, you know, behind the scenes. Mendoza, you know, I mean, he strongly suspects what's going on. But he doesn't have proof. And Elizabeth handles him with a very, very cool display of duplicity. He is demanding all this time. I want to see you. I want to complain about this. And she retorts to him. Well, I will not see you until you have given me a full account of the Spanish invasion that you have launched of my kingdom in Ireland. Yeah. And it helps that by this point, so we're in November, the rebellion in Ireland has been crushed. So the Spanish task force has been wiped out at a place called Smurwick. So that is now dead and buried. So Elizabeth's hand is slightly stronger. And Mendoza, of course, is not going to apologise for it. So there is a standoff. And that absolutely suits Elizabeth. She does license the return of £30,000 to Spanish merchants who can prove legitimate claims against Drake, which of course they have to come to London to do. So there are lots who don't do that. But otherwise, she just says, I've investigated this. And I have discovered that Drake has no charge to answer. And in particular, the accusation that he captured a treasure ship is absolute rubbish. And I am shocked. Shocked that the Spanish ambassador should be propagating such lies. So this is very much your Cold War parallel. Yes. You know, this is like a Soviet and an American ambassador saying, well, actually you are the people who are meddling in going on interventionist adventures. And I'm actually really horrified that you would make these allegations about us when we are so clearly devoted to, you know, peace and freedom and whatever. Yeah. And in fact, they're both, like, busily intervening each other's affairs and in their client states and all that. Absolutely. And I think Elizabeth can get away with this because the Pacific is so far away. It is so fantastically distant. There isn't really any evidence. And the truth is she was never going to return such a windfall because she is too mean, too short of money, you know, she's not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. So remember, you said the 400,000 was bigger than her entire annual income, right? Yeah. I mean, this is the points at which the great issue for the monarchy in the 16th and 17th century is raising money. So for her, a windfall like this, it will be suicidal. It will be insane to give that away. You're always going to keep it. Also, she knows from Drake because Drake has found out this for himself that one of the reasons why the Spanish forces under parmer in the low countries are starting to do better is because technological advances in South America are fueling increased silver attraction from the great minds there. Yeah. So there is an increased flow of silver, which is being fed back to Spain and ultimately to Phillips war against Protestantism. And this war against Protestantism is actively raging in the low countries, but it is also funding the Cold War against Protestant England. And so I think Elizabeth feels, well, if Philip is benefiting from all this silver in his Cold War against me, why shouldn't I use his silver against him? And actually, not just the Cold War, she shipped some of the silver to the Dutch rebels in the low countries. You know, the sense of proxy battles being fought. Again, that's kind of very American Soviet in the Cold War, isn't it? Yeah, completely. This is a big moment because cautiously, you know, in her kind of classic, craved and evasive manner, Elizabeth has taken the side of the most hawkish elements in her privy council. So Leicester and Walsinger and Hatton and so on. And she is actually not afraid to signal this publicly by deploying, you know, her incredible genius for theatre for giving her subjects scenes that will then glow in their collective hearts. So on the 1st of April 1581, Elizabeth meets Drake on board the golden hind, which has docked in Deppford, down the Thames from London. And there she has him knighted. And it's hard to overemphasize what an insane honor this is for a yeoman son. Elizabeth is very stingy, but handing out nighthards. So for instance, Walsinger, who is her chief secretary, her, you know, that's by chief, he'd only been knighted in 1577 after years of service. And he is from the kind of background that would entitle him to a knighthood. Drake is absolutely not. He's the grandson of a yeoman farmer. And it is a brilliant occasion. And it seems like the whole of London has turned out for it. Drake is now the great public hero of the English crowds. And the spectators who gathered in Deppford, they get so excited that loads of them try to pile over the gang plank onto the ship. And the gang plank gives way and they all drop into the mud. And this great fun, great excitement had by all. And on board the golden hind, Elizabeth very coily but ostentatiously loses a garter. And the whole proceeding is a massive propagation to the Spanish. I maintained, by the way, that this would make an excellent carry-on film. I think it would, I, Kate Blanchett, I think, missed a trick by not losing her garter on because it hides the chain. I think it would also make a tremendous patriotic stirring epic. Anyway, so the question is, why has the inveterately cautious Elizabeth taken such a bold and flamboyant step? We've said she is clearly very impressed with Drake. She thinks he's, he's tremendous. She's always inviting him in for chats. But I think she is also playing four-dimensional chess, and she is very good at playing four-dimensional chess, and her move works on a kind of couple of levels. So first of all, it obviously plays well with her subjects. Drake is the great national hero, and Elizabeth knows that by having him knighted, it guilds her own brand. And this is really important because she has to worry that war is threatening. England does remain driven by sectarian divisions, and it's future as a Protestant kingdom hangs by the single thread that is Elizabeth's own life. And so, you know, she's always getting intelligence briefings from Walsingham Stanley. There are assassins out there. So she wants to, she wants to woo her subjects. You know, she wants to make herself the great beloved of the English people. And so therefore, it is desperately important to her to project a sense of her rule as something glamorous and golden and self-confident, to kind of portray herself as Gloriana. And to that end, having draped knighted works superbly because to this day, I think, the image of Elizabeth personally dubbing Drake a night on the deck of the golden hind remains one of the great iconic scenes of English history. Obviously, this is when I get this, but when we were growing up in the sort of 70s and 80s, there were these books called Ladybird Books that everybody in England read. They were the guides to history. And this is your classic Ladybird book illustration, isn't it? Yes. You know, people cheering with great ruffs, hasars from the crowd. They didn't have the people falling in the mud. Yeah. Good queen best who looks gorgeous, nighting, very handsome, swashbucklings of Francis Drake. Basically proud to be English. Unfortunately, it didn't actually happen. Elizabeth didn't dub Drake herself, but she got a Frenchman. Oh my god. This is literally the worst moment in history of August. A guy called Monsieur de Mashemore to do it. But obviously, Elizabeth wouldn't have asked Mashemore to night Drake had she not been confident that Mashemore would do it. And it was also Mashemore who picks up Elizabeth's fallen garter, which she'd coily let slip. And it's all very flirty. So it's, you know, it's a proper ontolte courdiard between England and France. And so here, I think, is another reason for all these tremendous theatrics aboard the golden hind. Elizabeth is sending a public message to Spain about the strength of her relationship with France. And listeners who heard our second episode, which was all about the St. Bartholomew's day massacre, may find this odd. Why is a Protestant queen flirting with the ambassador of a Catholic country in which only a decade before thousands of Protestants had been massacred in pogroms across the country and most particularly in the capital in France? And it's a very good question. And to answer it, we just need to do a quick retrospective to look at what has been happening in France since that terrible day on St. Bartholomew's day in August 1572. Because France, like Spain, is always a preponderant influence on English foreign policy. What happens across the channel in France, the great European superpower alongside Spain matters enormously. And basically, nothing good has been happening because the massacre had resulted only in further bloodshed, only in further war. All right, so let's have a look at the situation in France. So basically, we have three rival factions and each of them annoyingly is led by somebody called Henri Henry. You say it's annoying, I think it's quite fun. So they're called L'étois Henri in France, the three Henrys. And I think that rather getting stressed about the fact that they're all called Henri, I think we should lean into it. Okay, will you or easily please Tom? I mean, was all I say. There was a film in Made in France in the 70s called the three Henrys. You know, we always say this about two to politics, but there was a kind of Game of Thrones element to it. I think it would actually make it a really good drama. Okay. So there are these three factions. They're each led by a guy called Henri or Henry. And the first of these is the Huguenos who are bloodied and diminished in the wake of the various pogroms and massacres that happened on St. Bartholomew's day in 1572. But they haven't gone away. So they've lost Paris, they've lost the North, but they remain strong in the South. And their leader is Henri or the King of Navarre. And he was the guy whose marriage six days before the massacre had drawn all the various Protestant nobles to Paris where they could then be massacred. And Henri himself, the King of Navarre, had been effectively taken prisoner kept under house arrest and obliged to renounce his Protestantism. But then in 1576, he'd been able to escape the court and had immediately resumed his loyalty to Protestantism. And he's very, very impressive. He's very smart. He's very personable. He's military able and spoiler alert. In the long run, he is going to triumph and emerge as Henry IV, the most popular King in all of French history, the only King who the French revolutionaries do not kind of chuck out during the revolution. I mean, who would play him? Pedro Pascal perhaps. Oh my god. So that's faction number one. Pedro Pascal is leading them. He's the King of our brilliant. That's the Huguenose. Faction number two, we're going to go to the other end of the spectrum, aren't we? We're going to go to the absolute kind of ultra-catholics, right? Yes. So this is the Catholic League, which had been founded by The Duke of Gees. It was the second Henry who we talked a lot about in our first two episodes. So he's the absolute darling of the Catholic die-hards and the mob in Paris, especially. Yeah. He has this tremendous aura of martial glamour, which has been massively enhanced by the fact that he, like his dad, has been given a scar across his face, the result of a saber wound that he'd suffered in battle in 1575. And he is, by now, effectively the ruler of France. He commands the largest armies. He is the effective master of Paris. And he is, he's put the monarchy itself in his shade. And he is ambitious, basically not only to bring France under his control, and perhaps his enemies say directly under his rule, you know, they're all kinds of rumors that he wants to make himself king and seize the throne. But he also aspires to seize the thrones of England and Scotland. And the reason why he can realistically dream of this is because he is the cousin of Mary Queen of Scots. And so if he can depose Elizabeth and Mary, Mary, he will absolutely be quid's in. He'd get both. So who's playing him? Mad Swickelson, perhaps. Because you're just thinking scar, are you? I'm thinking scar. I'm thinking gaunt, kind of faintly Machiavellian, but impressive. Okay. I mean, he's a smart, you know. The sheath from Casino Royal, brilliant. Yes. Do you think, I mean, I think he'd be quite good. Yeah, fine. I mean, you're the, you're the casting director. And so our third Henry is the actual king of France, who is attempting somehow to, to unite his kingdom torn apart by these two factions and he's Henry the third. Yeah. And he is the younger brother of the bloke who was king in the massacre, who was Charles. And he's a dashing, unusually for a French king. Yes. So we've done a lot of French kings on this podcast, who've turned out to be useless and spineless and, you know, physically weird and one way or another. This bloke is actually fine. Well, he'd been very dashing as a young prince. And he'd won various victories over the Huguenos. And then he had the kind of mad spell as a king of Poland. Never made that choice. And then he'd succeeded his brother and so he'd had to, had to dash back. Yeah. To take over the throne. And he is dashing, but he also has suspiciously flamboyant tastes. So a bit like Edward the second in England, he's, he's a great one for a favorite. Aminia. And so this generates all kinds of dark rumours of sodomy and cross-dressing and various other things that Catholic kings are not supposed to get up to. And whether these rumours are true or not, he doesn't have any children. And so this is another reason why the Duke of Gees, you know, it seems plausible that he might be suspecting to replace Henry III and his dynasty. Oh, right. Who's playing him, by the way? Andrew Scott? That's superb. Yeah. Okay. So this is a great film. They should make it. So if, if Mads Michelson is going to replace Andrew Scott on the throne of France, yeah, he needs to get rid of the Valois dynasty, the ruling dynasty. But the Valois dynasty isn't completely doomed. So the French king may not have a son, but he does have a younger brother. And this is a guy called Fossoir Francis, and he is the Duke of Oshou, and he is the fourth of four brothers, and the only one who hadn't been a king, which he massively resents for understandable reasons. He's physically quite unprepossessing. He's, he got smallpox when he was eight, and it left him with a- a pitted face and bandy legs and a twisted spine, but he's a tremendous, he's a very smart active calculating guy and very personable. He's a devout Catholic but not aggressively so, so he'd been perfectly happy to ally himself with Henry Ivenovar, Pedro Pascal, the Huguenot leader. And he's kind of the standard bearer for a new trend in politics, not just in France, but across Europe, which is to prioritize political stability over confessional allegiances, over kind of religious identities. And so to his admirers, he is a pragmatist. He is a man whom the Protestants can do business with, but to his detractors among whom you would include the Duke of Gees and the Catholic League, he's a trimmer. And the word that I'll start Catholics give to him, he is a polytique. He is someone who places politics over loyalty to God. But it's this quality, you know, his quality as a polytique that in 1578 had opened the door to the Duke of Anjou, who at this point is 23, had given him the opportunity to call a woman who is 22 years his elder. And this is none other than our own beloved queen Elizabeth I, good queen best. Wow, I was going to say he's been clearly going to be played by Manuel Macron, but we should draw a veil over that. So Elizabeth I, I mean, this issue of who she's going to marry has hung over her ever since she became queen. Yeah, and it's still current. It's still rumbling on. And she has had a number of suitors, hasn't she, including the the current king of France. So Anjou's elder brother, but this guy, Francis of Anjou, he actually come to England in person to try to woo her. And that's a very big step. He's the only one who's done it to be fair. But it didn't work. Although Elizabeth quite liked him. Well, she thinks she she really likes him. I think she's genuinely fond of him. She, she calls him her frog, whether that's because he looks like a frog or whether it's because the word frog is the English already starting to use that as a term for the French at this point. He's unclear. And the reason that Mosheu Demachemore, the guy who picked up Elizabeth's garter and knighted Drake was in London was because he was there kind of acting as an orjou's kind of agent. He's kind of marriage broker. Now, the problem for Elizabeth is that the reaction among her Protestant subjects to the notion, the prospect that she might marry a French Catholic prince is one of absolute horror. So much so that in 1579, when Anjou had been in London in person and had been out for a romantic barge trip on the on the Thames with Elizabeth, it's likely that a boatman committed an assassination attempt on Anjou. The thing was so embarrassing that it was all covered up, but it almost certainly was an attempt to have Anjou killed. And also in 1579, a lawyer by the name of John Stubbs, a Puritan, had written a pamphlet which compared Anjou to a serpent and Elizabeth to Eve. Except, you know, there's an issue with comparing Elizabeth to Eve. And so Stubbs had probably added, she is also Adam and sovereign lord or lordly lady of this land. So for kind of the wrestling with the fact that Elizabeth is a woman rather than a man, but he'd gone all in against Anjou as a potential husband for Elizabeth said that Elizabeth was risking a second saint by following his day massacre in London. So that's very punchy. And so, one surprisingly, Elizabeth was furious and Stubbs ends up having his right hand chopped off for inciting sedition. So that's a measure of, you know, you push Elizabeth too far. There's no nonsense about freedom of speech, you know, she's not having that. But some of her closest advisors, chief cronies, very, very opposed to the idea of this French marriage, aren't they? So, we'll see him more about Dudley. Yeah, the Earl of Leicester. Yeah. And also on the Catholic side, there's massive opposition. So William Allen, the guy who had founded all the seminaries on the continent and kept sending Catholic priests over to England to try and subvert Elizabeth's regime, kind of Elizabeth's greatest enemy among the English emigrates. He thinks it's monstrous as well. And he explains it in terms of what he sees as the monstrousness of Elizabeth's depravity. So he writes a pamphlet in which he goes all in that Elizabeth is the little whore, the daughter of the great whore Amberlin. And he said that he claimed that her desire for Anjou was to the disgrace of princely majesty and the whole nation's reproach by unspeakable and incredible variety of lust. But it has to be emphasised all of this is nonsense. The fact that Elizabeth is ready to accept Anjou's blandishments is nothing to lust, nor even to her undoubted fondness for him. Because at stake are the needs of her kingdom as Elizabeth understands them. She is using her virginity as a diplomatic tool. And if Elizabeth is facing a showdown with Spain, such a menacing enemy, then Elizabeth thinks I might as well try and do all that I can to build bridges with the other great Catholic superpower, namely France. But even having said that, France isn't really the focus of her calculations. The real focus of her calculations is what's going on in the low countries, which by this point is it's an absolute dumpster fire. And why is it such a nightmare? What does the Duke of Anjou have to do with it? And what way might Anjou be a solution to the problem? Well, we need to move from France to the low countries and see what the state of play is there. So first of all, there is very good reason why ideological reason, religious reason why Elizabeth and Protestants in England more generally should be alarmed by events in the Netherlands. We kind of compared it to it's the Protestant Gaza. It's something that's calculated to alarm co-religionists in England. To remind people, this is where the local Protestants are in revolt against their Spanish overlords. And this war has been raging, fought very brutally. And the comparison with Gaza, it's become this kind of international story that strikes rage and fear and shock and outrage into the hearts of English Protestants. And Protestants look at the way that the Spanish troops in the low countries are repressing this revolt. And they say, you know, this is war crimes, it's genocide, it's absolute horror. These are the forces of anti-Christ trampling down the godly and fertilizing the soil with their blood. And of course, it offers Protestants in England a glimpse of what their fate would be should parmer and history hunt as 30,000 Spanish troops managed across the seas and land in England. And it's unsettling for them especially because Protestantism in the low countries is something that's grown up organically. It's something that's kind of it's it's not been top down as it was in England. So to quote Jonathan Israel, the great scholar of the low countries in this period, it had worked essentially from the bottom upwards instead of from government circles downwards. And so this had won it in the low countries a kind of very unusually broad base sense of legitimacy much broader than that than it had been in England. And it had made a clash with the very Catholic Philip of Spain kind of inevitable because Philip is ruling them. He is the Lord of the Netherlands. It's part of the kind of inheritance that he'd had from his father, the child's the fifth, the great Habsburg Emperor. And so over the course of the 1560s, Philip had gone in really hard. So in 1565, he'd insisted on the full enforcement of heresy laws. In 1567, he'd sent a Spanish army to start pacifying the rebellious Protestant cities in the low countries. Thousands of Protestants had been executed as heretics. And in 1568, open warfare had broken out between the Spanish and the rebels against Philip's rules. And the fortunes of war had been sea soaring this way in that for over a decade when the rebels in 1579 put out feelers to the Duke of Oshu. And their question is, would he accept the sovereignty of the low countries in place to fill it the second? So they're not offering the crown. There isn't a kind of crown of the low countries. But they're saying, would you become the Lord of the low countries in place of Philip? And Oshu says, yeah, absolutely, I would. I'd love to. That would be great. You know, he all his brothers have been kings of France. He hasn't say why shouldn't he go? And there'd been protracted negotiations. And finally, he had signed on the dotted line. And in January 1581, Oshu had been officially proclaimed the prince and the Lord of the Netherlands. And in June 1581, a crucial moment in the history of kind of revolution more generally in Europe and the West, including America, the state's generals in the low countries had issued an act of abduration, formally renouncing the rule of the king of Spain and his heirs. So it's a kind of huge ideological turning point, a kind of pivot point. First time this has happened, right? Kind of basically. Yeah. Then an assembly speaking for the people says we're casting off our. Yeah. So, you know, you can see how this would reverberate. And in February 1582, Oshu has been in England, but he thinks that Charming, though Elizabeth is, she's playing hard to get. It's becoming pretty clear she's not going to marry me after all. Rather than hang around in England, I am going to cross the sea and go to the low countries and rule there as their lord. he leaves England and Elizabeth as it turns out for the last time she rides with him through Kent and then he takes ship from Dover and he heads to the low countries. Now the engagement between Elizabeth and Anjou is not broken off and again just to emphasize this isn't because she fancies him. It's for reasons of anti-Spanish diplomacy. She wants Anjou in the Netherlands because although he's a French Catholic, he's a better bet to be Lord of the Netherlands for England than Philip of Spain is and actually having him establish his rule successfully in the low countries would secure a host of English objectives so it would result in the removal of Palmer and his terrifying Spanish army. I mean that would be brilliant. It would also restore trade links between the low countries in England and it's been one of the themes of the rest of history over years that England's trade links with the low countries in the middle ages and in the 16th century a crucial the wool that goes to barrage and gent and above all artwork really really matters and of course there's the the whole kind of Gaza thing the fact that Protestants in England and Protestants in the low countries there's a natural sympathy between them and therefore securing freedom of worship for the Protestants which the Duke of Anjou has guaranteed would be an absolute win for them. And so this is why you know Elizabeth had been courting Anjou it's why she co-operated uh Masha Moore to tonight Drake. She's signaling to both sides in the low countries her support for Anjou as King in Philip's place and also of course she is you know as we said she's bunging the Dutch rebels a whole load of cash as well that has come from from Drake's void round the world. So if only this can work out it'll be brilliant for Elizabeth you know in all kinds of strategic ways it will be a victory unfortunately for her it does not work out and what will prove to be her last engagement is actually doomed because even as Anjou arrives in the low countries there is there an undertow of discontent and two crucial states in the low countries have refused to accept him from the start and these are Zeeland and the largest of the rebel states Holland they say we are not having Anjou and Holland and Zeeland are essentially the heartlands of the Protestant resistance and they just do not want a Catholic prince right even if he comes with Elizabeth's seal of approval and meanwhile Anjou he doesn't really just want to be a lord he wants to be the King of the Netherlands and so he's becoming increasingly annoyed by all the restrictions that have been placed on him by the Dutch rebels and in January 1583 he launches an attempted coup in Antwerp which is the great economic ideological powerhouse of the low countries it's by far the richer city in Europe quite possibly the world it's as large as Paris it's much larger than London it's the great marketplace of this emerging global economy and so if Anjou can seize control of Antwerp then he will have a lot of cash behind him and perhaps he he really can set about making himself king rather than just lord of the low countries unfortunately for him it goes horribly wrong his militia are wiped out in what becomes known as the French fury and as a result of that defeat his prospects in the low countries are doomed and by June he has left for France and he never returns and he goes back to mummy Catherine de meditry very formidable figure and she is completely withering and she says to him would to god you had died young you would not then have been the cause of death of so many brave gentlemen wow as Ash so any mothers out there wanting parenting tips for sons who let who let them down yeah listen and learn and Elizabeth also reacts very harshly she breaks off the engagement so that attempt to secure the defeat of the Spanish in the low countries is blocked Anjou is you know he's not going to establish his rule there and all the while she's been maneuvering to get Anjou in place in in the Netherlands her Catholic enemies likewise have been on maneuvers and even as Elizabeth and the eyes of her privy council and government are fixed on the low countries a new conspiracy is brewing in France and it's a new conspiracy but it is conspiracy with goals that will be very familiar to people who've been listening to our early episode these goals are a Catholic invasion of England the toppling of Elizabeth the replacement of Elizabeth as queen by Mary Stewart and as Burley's head of intelligence in London puts it writing to Lord Burley as the first kind of whiff of this conspiracy starts reaching the noses of Burley's intelligence agents the enemy sleeps not ominous so come back after the break to 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world for more information about cancer research UK their research and breakthroughs and how you can support them visit cancer research UK dot org slash rest is science welcome back everybody to the rest is history it is June 1583 picture the scene we are in Paris a meeting of some of the worst people in the world led by the Duke of Gees so this is he's been played if you recall by Mads Michelson he is the leader of the Catholic League in France he is the cousin of Mary Queen of Scots here's a man who has committed has been committed for years to the overthrow of Elizabeth Tudor Elizabeth the first and indeed Protestantism in England so an absolutely terrible man and Tom as we look on this through the eyes of the heroes of this story Lord Birdley in Sir Francis Walsium it's like the opening of the naked gun isn't it when you got the iatola and you've got Mikhail Gorbachev and you've got Colonel Gaddafi and all these other villains that's Frank Drebyn of police squad has to confront this is basically the scene because who are the people who are there apart from this apart from the Duke of Gees so Gees is there and he's got his military and spiritual advisors and if you're a devout Protestant you know the military and spiritual advisors of the Duke of Gees are terrible people William Allen the head of the English Catholics in exile he's a bad man yeah the Pope's Nuzcio in Paris come on guess worse and the Archbishop of Glasgow a guy called James beaten who is effectively functioning as Mary Stuart's ambassador in Paris so the Mary Queen of Scots what a chamber of horrors yeah I mean if you're Walsium this is all your nightmares in one room so Gees has been hankering to invade England for ages we talked about this earlier you know if he he's the cousin of Mary Queen of Scots so if he can marry Mary Queen of Scots we brilliant he'll become King of England and maybe King of Scotland as well but what makes him push the venture now is that he has secured the backing of two crucial allies the first of these is the Pope so hence the presence of the Nuzcio there but also crucially of Mendoza who is the choleric and very aggressively anti-protestant Spanish ambassador in London who we met earlier in this episode so with the backing of the Pope and the Spanish ambassador in England things are looking very promising and a very detailed plan is drawn up at this meeting and it's decided that 12,000 troops will set sail from France for northwest England so that's a Lancashire which is the most Catholic region of England and far Huns will have been sent ahead of the invasion to encourage the Catholics in Lancashire to prepare themselves for revolt, and these funds are to be provided by Geese himself, but also by Philip II and by the Pope, so that kind of unholy trinity from the point of view of Burley and Walsingham. Meanwhile, a second smaller force will cross the channel and land in Sussex, so that is in southern England. And here they will team up with the elves of Northumberland and Arondle who are both Catholic and both have castles located conveniently nearby the projected landing place for this invasion force. And the sign of how seriously Geese is taking all this, this isn't just the pipe dream, he really is intending that it should go ahead, is that the following month after this meeting where the plans have been drawn up, he heads to Normandy where he is, you know, he sets himself preparing for this channel crossing. Now, none of this will work without good intelligence, and so at this stage of the preparations for the invasion, the plans are mostly being conducted in the shadows, and Geese is sponsoring a number of agents, and some of these he is sending under cover across the channel, and others are already resident in England and being controlled from the French Embassy in London. And the key agent among these agents who are already in England is a young Catholic gentleman called Francis Throck Morton. He's very well-born, he's well-connected, his uncle had served Elizabeth as her ambassador to both Scotland and France, but unfortunately, Francis's own family has fallen on hard times, so Francis's father is a lawyer and a royal official, but he died in 1580 with a kind of accusation of corrupt dealings hanging over his head, and a massive fine that's been kind of levied against him. So this is a very bad patrimony for Francis to inherit, and on top of that, Francis has been secretly raised by his mother as a Catholic, so he's skint and a Catholic. In other words, exactly the kind of person who is liable to become an agent for geese, because it serves his ideological, but also his financial interests. And it's Throck Morton, who links up Mary Stewart, who is under house arrest in Yorkshire at the time, so Mary Queen of Scots, the conspirators in London, and the conspirators in Paris. So he is the kind of the go-between, between them all. Right, hence the Throck Morton plot, as it's later known. So the conspiracy in London, the headquarters of this conspiracy, effectively, the Spanish embassy, I guess, the Spanish ambassador, Mendoza. We already talked about him. He's this sort of, I mean, he's like a figure from a kind of Protestant casting agency. Yeah, exactly. He hates Elizabeth. He hates the Francis Drake. He hates England. He's just a terrible person. And then the other person is the French ambassador, and he is called Michel de Castellou, and he is much more calculating and smoother and more subtle, isn't he, than the Spanish guy. Yes. And he's been there a long time. So he'd been sent in 1572 and charged specifically with smoothing Anglais French relations after the St. Buffalo Muse de Massacre. So he's been chosen for his emoliency among other qualities. And he's done a very good job. And so by 1583, he's got, you know, over a decade's worth of experience in handling relations with Elizabeth and her government. And Elizabeth is not an easy woman to handle. I mean, she plays the game very well. But the whole while, I'm sad to say, Castellou has been in close contact with Mary Queen of Scots, who is writing to him using a cipher. Right. And amazingly, a cast of her letters were found as recently as 2024, in the bibliotech national divorce. And they show, conclusively, the Mary Queen of Scots, you know, is not a passive bystander in this. You know, she's not just the cipher being used by Geese for his own interest. She was actually an active conspirator in this plot. Yeah. So this has been debated by historians for decades for centuries. Yeah. Was Mary effectively framed? You know, was she being used by more Machiavellian people? Was she naive? Or was, you know, did she join in the plots? Was she an act, exactly an active agent in the conspiracy? And basically, this recent evidence suggests there's no question whatsoever. Yes, it does. She knew exactly what she was doing. She'd run up her sleeves. She got stuck in. Yeah. And so, the result of this, the residency of the French ambassador, saw this record, which is a house, a grand, very grand house, or Fleet Street. This makes it a kind of key focus of the conspiracy that is being hatched by Geese. You know, he, he essentially, it's the nerve center for operations within England itself. Right. However, Walsingham, the great spy chief of Elizabeth, all along has had moles in the French Embassy in Salisbury Court. And one of them goes by the code name of Henry Faggot. Great code name. And the identity of this mole is very controversial. So in 1991, the great historian of these topics, John Bossy, he published a book arguing that this, this mole, Henry Faggot, had actually been a very, very famous name in Renaissance philosophy. And this was a neapolitan friar who had turned a kind of philosopher of nature. He'd become a hermetic magician. And the name of this guy is Giordano Bruno. Oh, yeah. Very big name. Yeah. So Bruno ends up becoming a pantheist. He is a skeptic about the trinity. He doubts the divinity of Christ. So, you know, the full smog is bored of heresies. And he very grooverly argued for an infinite universe and the possibility of life in outer space. So a big fan of the idea of aliens. And he would end up being burned in 1600 in Rome by the Inquisition. And there is a famous statue of Bruno there. And he's kind of celebrated as a martyr for freedom of speech. I mean, I don't think he was really that. His beliefs were kind of two two Renaissance really, you know, by our lights, too strange. But he's a very powerful, charismatic, fascinating figure. So it's amazing. The possibility that he was warcing them's mole in Salisbury court. And if Henry Faggot was Bruno, then there's Hugh Trevor Roper in his review of Bossy's book said he'd chosen his pseudonym with prescient grim humor because of course, Faggot's would be used to burn him. Of course. But why would he? Why would he have done it for money for? I suppose it would have been for money. You know, he is there. He's in the right place at the right time. He is serving as the French ambassador's secretary in 1583. But it has to be said that Bossy's argument has not been universally accepted. In fact, I think probably most historians don't accept it. And the reason for that is that the evidence is entirely circumstantial. You know, it's just you could say it's all just coincidence. But whoever Faggot is, he is the one who first finger struck Morton as a spy to to warcing him. And so warcing him then recruits another mole in the embassy. And we have no idea who this was, but someone who is much closer to to Castle know than the whoever Faggot was. And he he provides warcing him with copies of the actual correspondence between Mary and Castle know. And by June 1583, so this is exactly the time when Geese is convening his meeting in Paris to plot the invasion. Mary is already anxious that warcing him is on to Thrott Morton. And she writes using her cipher to the French embassy to the ambassador there to say it as much. And you know, she's she's not wrong because warcing him is indeed monitoring Thrott Morton's meetings with Castle know and also with Mendoza. So even as the plot is going ahead, warcing him is watching every last step. And then he pounces, doesn't he? He waits and waits and waits. Then he pounces on the 7th of November. And actually Thrott Morton is they catch him red handed. Yeah, encoding a letter to Mary. Coding a letter and they arrest and they burst in an arrest him. Yeah. And so he's taken to the tower where he is put to the rack. He's very brave. He refuses to speak. I mean, he suffers excruciating torture. But warcing him, he says, notwithstanding the great show that he has made of a Roman resolution, I, in other words, he's prepared to suffer death rather than speak his mind. Warcing him says, he will. He's suffered too much pain. You know, he, one of the more chilling things about warcing him, he understands the psychology of pain and he's right because three days later, you know, by which time Thrott Morton's been given time to recover, the prisoner is led back to the rack and the sight of it. You know, he just gives away. He falls to his knees. He makes his confession. And all the details of the plot come out. The involvement of Gees of Castle know in the French Embassy of Mendoza in the Spanish Embassy and crucially of Mary Queen of Scots. And it's the last confession, the confession that Mary has been corresponding in treasonous tones with him, that causes Thrott Morton the most agony. So he cries out, now I have betrayed her who was dearest to me in this world. And since I have failed with my faith towards her, I care not if I were hanged. And that's just as well because he is hanged. Well, more than hanged. I mean, it's worse than hanging, right? Yeah. So he's tried in May 1590. 1984, and he does retract his confession, and he says, "You know, I only made it because I'd suffered such pain, but it doesn't help. He is convicted for treason, of course." And so therefore, he suffers at traitor's fate. He's hung drawn and courted at Tyburn on the 10th of July. And he dies refusing to ask for the Queen's forgiveness, which traditionally people would do because then their relatives and heres would be treated better. He refuses to do that. For a wall-seemers point of view, it's been brilliant. It's been a completely triumphant feat of spycraft, and it has massive, massive consequences. So let's look at the consequences, and let's go through the various people who were involved in the plot, as it were, the Ayatollah, Mikhail Gorbachev and so on, and what the consequences are for them. So let's start with the Duke of Gees. So this is the Mads-Mitchellson character. So he at first, after Throc Morton's unmasking, that doesn't throw him. He continues with his planning, doesn't he? Yeah. So Mary Queen of Scots manages to get a letter through to him, and she is very keen that the plot should carry on. And she had been Queen of France, and so she kind of has investments left from her dowry, and she says, "Well, you could use money from that to help continue fund the plot." And you know, that's what Gees wants to hear. So he says, "Fine. They will carry on." But then the plot does get knocked on the head, and it's nothing that will see her more. The English do. It's the fact that on the 10th of June 1584, the Duke of Honshu, so Elizabeth's frog, you know, this guy who'd been courting him, the guy who had messed up being the Lord of the Netherlands, he dies from malaria at the age of 29. And this is fateful, because it means with the Duke of Honshu, Henry III, so Andrew Scott, the King of France, he has no air. So with his death, the house of Alwa will go extinct. And the next in line is Henry of Navarre, Pedro Pascal, who is the Huguenot, the Protestant, and this is plainly intolerable. So just as it's intolerable for Protestants in England that Elizabeth should be succeeded by the Catholic Mary, so is it intolerable for Gees and the Catholics in France that Henry III should be succeeded by the Protestant Henry of Navarre. So his entire focus now is on assuring that this will never happen. And so the kingdom collapses back into civil war. It's known in France as the war of the three Henry's, which I think is one of the great names for a war at any time. And basically, France will be so consumed by its own agonies that no one there is going to have much time for affairs in England. So that basically is the French now knocked out of calculations. There remains of course the Spanish. And in particular, Mendoza, the Spanish ambassador, who's up to his eyeballs in all this plotting. And so on the 19th of January 1584, he was summoned to meet the Privy Council and wascing him in his fluent Italian lists six charges of conspiracy against him and informs him that he is going to be expelled. Mendoza very angrily and menacingly denies the charges. And he says, Don Bernardino Mendoza was born not to disturb kingdoms, but to conquer them. Wow. However, that said, he is being expelled. He has no choice but to pack his bags. And this is a decisive moment in Anglo-Spanish relations, because no one is sent to replace him. Effectively, England and Spain now have no diplomatic relations. And so it is becoming much harder for the two sides to communicate. So that's Mendoza gone. Right. So what about the best known person in this conspiracy, the person on whom the conspiracy really hinges? What about Mary Queen of Scots? Well, she denies all the charges against her and she insists quite correctly that she had written none of the letters carried by Throckmorton, because they'd been written by her secretaries. And she says, I knew absolutely nothing about them. There is also a problem for Walsingham and Burley, should they want to prosecute Mary, because remember that Throckmorton at his trial had said that he had confessed under duress because of the pain of the rack. And, you know, under English law, that invalidates his evidence. And of course, always lurking in the background is the biggest problem of all, which is that Mary is a sovereign queen and that therefore Elizabeth refuses to cancel the possibility of her being executed. And also Mary can quite reasonably say, well, I can't be accused of treason because as a sovereign queen, how can I possibly be a subject of Elizabeth? And, you know, that is a very valid legal point. Yeah. And this all along has been the great, imponderable problem for Burley and Walsingham. Mary, left a life is clearly a massive, massive threat to Elizabeth. The fact that she is Catholic and Elizabeth's most obvious heir is a constant incentive to Catholic dissidents to try and assassinate Elizabeth or otherwise remove her from the throne, but Elizabeth will not countenance her removal and the legal apparatus for doing it doesn't exist. But the impact of the Throckmorton plot on Burley and Walsingham is absolutely massive because they are now absolutely set on eliminating Mary Queen of Scots, no matter what it costs. No matter what the legal costs, no matter what the diplomatic costs, no matter what the costs in terms of their relationship with their royal mistress Elizabeth Tudor. The immediate priority for them is massively to tighten the security around Mary to ensure that she can't get letters out. And so to this end, she's placed under much stricter confinement. She's given a much stricter and stoner governor. Her correspondence networks are systematically throttled. And the result of this is that she no longer has access to the outside world. But that's not enough because Burley and Walsingham, they really need to find a way to bring Mary to trial, to sentence, to execution. And it is with these goals in mind that in the wake of Throckmorton's execution, Burley and Walsingham draw up a really remarkable document. And this is what comes to be called the bond of association. And it begins with a very simple but ingenious provision. And this provision is that anyone who is responsible for the death of Elizabeth will be ineligible to succeed her. And this will become law. Mary isn't mentioned by name, but she doesn't need to be mentioned by name. It's obviously targeted at her. And by the time this bond of association is signed off by the privy council at a meeting in Hampton Court on the 19th of October 1584, a further crucial provision has been added. And this states that anyone who is responsible for the death of Elizabeth will be put to death whether they were aware of the assassination plot or not. So just to spell out what that means, if a Catholic assassin kills Elizabeth with the aim of putting Mary Queen of Scots on the English throne, Mary will be subject to death, even if she didn't know anything about the assassination plot. And is it just aimed at Mary? Do you think or is it aimed at other people as well? No, it's just aimed at Mary. And the privy council when they sign this office law, they know that and they also know that effectively, they are formally committing themselves to a kind of Lynch law. And they then send it out into the streets of London and the kingdom beyond and thousands and thousands of loyal Englishman and women add their signatures to this bond of association. And if they're illiterate, then they sign it with their cross. And amazingly, on the 5th of January 1585, Mary Queen of Scots herself puts her name to this bond. So I think that's smart politics from her. Yeah, it is, isn't it? Because she can fail the noose is tightening around her neck. And so she wants to do all that she can to loosen it. Yeah. But the question is, you know, will she succeed? And what remains her preeminent ambition, namely to replace Elizabeth on the throne of England? Can she really be trusted to give up on that? And what do all of these developments, you know, the expulsion of Mendoza, the issue of this kind of Lynch law? What does this mean for England's relations with Spain? So the diplomatic relations have been broken. Yep. The flames of Protestant revolt are blazing in the low countries. There is no end to that conflict in sight. On top of that, top sea dog, so Francis Drake, he is very much on the scene. And he has been pressing Elizabeth and the Privy Council to let him have another crack at the Spanish. So I think it is no exaggeration to say that the drum beat of war is sounding. Wow. Drake's drum is sounding. And the Tudor Cold War is hotting up, very, very exciting. And next week it will be red hot. It will be white hot, in fact, scorching hot, incredibly hot. All sorts of drama to come because we are, of course, approaching one of the most dramatic moments in English history. So imagine that you wanted to hear those episodes straight away next week's episodes. If there any way you could do that, well, the good news is there is, you could be a member of the Restless History Club. You could be a member of our own thromboton plot. And if you're not already a conspirator, the way to join the sinister enterprise is to head to the restlesshistory.com. That's the way, that's the only way, but people don't know this Tom, but this is the only way that you can get all the amazing benefits. Genuinely incredible benefit. efforts. We've never mentioned that before, have we? Never. And it's important to point that out for the first time. Dominic, I have even more exciting news because we are running a summer sale. 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