Eli Rallo on Surviving Your Quarter-Life Crisis: Losing Friends, Letting Go of Timelines & Finding Your Way Out of a Rut

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Let me just unload everything. New episodes every Wednesday. Leave those filters at the door, because it's time to get real. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to RealPod. I hope that this episode is finding you well. And if it's not, it'll help you get there. Because today's episode is funny. It's energizing. It's motivating, inspiring. It's almost like a bestie slap across the face that things are going to be okay. We can stop rigging out. And you actually have more answers and confidence than you think you do. And that's definitely what today's guest is bringing to the table. Because on the show is Eli Rallo. Eli is known for her relatable, converting, and best friend TikToks that she creates on a daily basis. She's amassed a mega following on social media. And she is the author of, does anyone else feel this way? Her second book out October 14th, that is a reflection on the anxiety of transitioning into adulthood, navigating the quarter-life crisis, and realizing you are actually not alone. We're going to get into so much of that today. Specifically, Eli and I are going to talk about why you don't have to worry if you're not on the specific timeline you had previously set out for your life. Why cringe is a non-factor, and how to reframe it. So you don't worry about what people are thinking about you. We're going to talk about how to cope when losing a best friend, Eli, and I have both been there and give advice on navigating that sort of breakup. And if you're just in a rut or feeling unmotivated or not like your best self, Eli is going to share the five things you can literally do tonight to automatically feel better. And so, so much more. Eli is probably someone who talks faster than me and more than me, which she should get an award for that, because if you listen to RealPod, you know I talk fast, and I talk a lot. So without further ado, let's dive into this episode with TikTok star, author, and internet best friend, Eli Rallo. Eli, welcome to RealPod. Thank you so much for having me. I'm very excited right now. I'm so happy to have you. I actually wanted to start by clearing the air a little bit, because we met at the wicked premiere. For five seconds, it was so quick. It was because corporate Natalie is the biggest y'all for of all time. And she's such a queen that we like didn't get to like have a moment, because I was having one with her. And I felt like I was trying to like read the room. Like, oh, they go way back. Also, both of our plus ones were our moms. And yes, it was amazing. But when I tell you, we were all waiting to come on the carpet at that point. The stress levels, the car ride. It's hard and it's hard. There was so much going on. It's really hard to bring a parent, because like when you bring someone our age, like they get what's going on. And then you bring a parent and the parents like, I don't know what this is. And it's like fair enough. No, why would you? You're babysitting them. And you're reminding them, like, you cannot just take a selfie with everyone. You can't point at someone and say, who is that? Put the finger down. Yeah, like we can't be doing that. We can't be doing that. And so I felt so bad, because I was just like overthinkable. I was like, I was like, standoff-ish. No, I didn't even know what was happening that whole night. Okay. Being honest. That was the craziest note ever. Yeah, it's hard sometimes at those things. It's hard enough to just read the room at like a friend's get together with six people. Let alone an event like that where there's so many people that you want to talk to. And so much going on. Yes, you just want to do your best. And you just want to put your best foot forward. And then you overthink like, I have a really bad problem with like thinking that I wasn't kind enough. I think it's my OCD, like OCD attacks the things you care about the most. So I care that I come off as the kind person that I believe myself to be. So like we left this photo shoot today. And I said to her, did I say thank you enough? And she was like, what the fuck kind of question is that? And I was like, I just want to make sure that I like adequately thanked everyone. And like everyone knows that I was grateful for their help and time and energy. Like it gives me panic. Right. And I knew that you would be a girly who got it because I mean, you're the queen of being really handed about overthinking, having anxiety, spiraling. I thought you had a panic attack in Alfred's. Wait, was that yesterday? Yes. And I was DMing the barista. Like I felt so bad that I was DMing the barista who called the paramedics. And I was like, can I vent with you for dinner? And she was like, literally no girl. Like, how did you can contact with them? I made a video and I was like, if you were the braist, please reach out. Please reach out, I feel so bad because after I like recovered from it, we left and went to go do a podcast. And after the podcast when I felt like my brain was back to normal, I was like, oh, I don't know if I said thank you to them. And they were so helpful and nice. I'm trying to work on that though, like just trusting that, you know, I did my best. Yes. I get people grace and people will give me grace. Oh, I was at something two nights ago. And I spent all day with this brand. It was awesome. Had the best time. They were incredible. And then by 1030, I was tired. And I was like, I think it's reasonable that like I want to leave. Even though usually it's like, you want daily first. And I was like, you know what? I think I've done real good. Like I'm tired. And I don't think I need to force myself to stay absolutely miserable tomorrow. Anything that I converse about after that point, like no one's loving. Yeah. Like no one's thrilled. The overthinking has gotten to a place. But I think it's important to like find ways to cope with that. Yeah. Because otherwise it can just totally consume us. People like aren't thinking about it that much. People aren't thinking about it that much. There's like a likeness gap where people like you a lot more than you think they do. And a lot less people hate you than you think you do. Totally. No one is thinking about anything you said. Unless you said like the truly the craziest fucking thing. No one is thinking about what you said. It's very freeing, but also kind of like damn, I thought everyone was thinking about what I said. I love that visualization of a likeness gap. There actually is one for somebody who knows nothing about math and science. I'm big into research. Like I'm a research head. Like I love to be like in this study and this thing and they did this. And I'm always reading. And I've read a lot about the likeness gap. The idea that people like scientifically proven. You are spoken about fondly far more than you can see of yourself to be. And a lot less people dislike you are talking about you negatively. I love this. And it's making me think about how I feel like a lot of your videos are these really innovative like on the nose assessments of things. Whether it's like friendships, relationships, human interactions. Where do you come up with this stuff? It's so creative. One of my favorite videos that you posted. I think it was actually maybe the first video that I saw of yours. I think you were maybe holding wine or something. And you were like, this is not real. And you were like tapping your phone. Oh yeah. This doesn't exist. Yeah. And you're basically saying social media. Like this Instagram TikTok. It's not real. You can't feel it. You can't touch it. And I was like, that is so true. And such an important message. Yeah. It's like get off the, I think sometimes I forget that like this is real. Our world right now is real. Like I'm sitting here in this chair and there are people in this room and we're having a conversation. But like this is not real. And we can make it as authentic as possible. But we're still curating content for a for you page. Like for an algorithm. There are still things that happen in your day and in my day and in our lives that we don't share. They think both of us like a cornerstone of our content is authenticity. But no matter how truly authentic either of us are, we're still curating content for the internet. We're still leaving things out. We're still picking things out that we want to focus on or highlight. We're still in many ways attempting to be our best selves because why wouldn't you want to be? And I think people need that reminder. There's no way to be 100% genuine with it. It's always curated. Well, I think you can be 100% genuine in the sense of if I'm having a bad day, I won't post a happy video or happy content. However, to your point, you cannot know someone fully. Yeah, I can't. Sometimes you won't post about a bad day, but that doesn't mean that you don't have them. That's also the thing. Yeah. And I just think if you add up the amount of minutes of yourself or pictures we post in a week, and then you actually look at the amount of time in a day, it's probably like, I don't do math, but 10%. You've shown 10% of your week. Even though we post all the time and we have so many videos, if you post at six TikToks, they're all a minute each. That's six minutes. That's six minutes. There's an eight hour workday happening. You just can't. Even like the screen time tells us, like, oh, you spent two hours on TikTok. Two out of 24. Like, what all happened? You know what I mean? Yeah. So you're a book. You're a second book, right? And it's called, does anyone else feel this way? It looks really good in your studio. It does look really good. I love the fun fatty cake is the best. Fun fatty cake is the best. And God bless everybody who made the decision to put a fun fatty cake on the cover, because now we get to just have fun fatty cakes everywhere. And we're eating fun fatty cake. And so too. I really like dessert. And I think this book is so important, because it's almost like a very comfortable, relatable way to help people who are navigating their 20s, even their 30s. Whatever stage of life they are, and they feel lost, know that they're not alone. And you've said yourself that you thought up your college, you would have a lot. life full of certainty. You'd feel like an adult, whatever that means. You'd have a cool job, amazing apartment, fabulous friends, but that didn't happen. And you were met with crippling social anxiety. No idea what direction your career was taking you. And inability to stop comparing yourself to people online and just a looming sense that you might never feel certain about relationships, friendships, career. And I feel like there are 100 people nodding right now. Like, wait, how did you just describe me? I mean, yes, yes, yes. I think it's because no one talks about these things. I think that there's this pressure specifically like in the internet age to make it appear like you have it all figured out, whatever that means. And when you see everybody else cause playing adulthood, you think to yourself, well, I'm the one that's the problem, not realizing they're all faking it. There is no such thing as figuring it all out. There's no such thing as feeling like an adult. There's no emotion that accompanies adulthood. And so it's really fucking isolating to sit around and scroll on Instagram and be like, I'm the only one that feels like this. And then the book was born from there. And you talk about in the book being a faux adult. What does that mean? I think I was looking for a feeling or an emotion to accompany adulthood. Like I thought that I would feel like an adult the same way I felt like a child and felt like a teenager, felt like a college kid. And I eventually just realized like nobody feels that way. Even the adults and the saying, it doesn't get easier. You just get stronger. I think it's true of adulting. It's like you never feel like an adult. There's no one feeling that accompanies adulthood. You just get more comfortable in it. You sit with it for longer and you understand how to manage sort of like the changing tides a little bit better. So I think feeling like a faux adult is just this idea that like you feel like you're doing dress up in your mom's closet at the age of three years old, but like in a metaphorical way and you're 25. - You know what thought I'm having as you describe this? - Yes. - And I want your take is I wonder if it's such a shock to us how like unsteady adulthood is. Because when we're kids and teenagers, we don't think adults are people. Like we don't think our parents are people. We're like, they're born mom and dad. Like they were never younger than 40. 'Cause I feel like I look at my parents' friends and my parents differently. And I'm like, oh my God, mom, you were once my age with these struggles, but that never complies to me. - And also like you were once my age with these struggles. And you had a baby. - Yeah. - Like my mom, I mean when she was 26. So I'm like, girl, how did you have a baby when you're going through all of this? But I always think about the fact that when I was a kid, my mom would always play the chicks like their albums and she would specifically play landslide over and over and over again. And like the lyrics of that time makes you older, children get older, I'm getting older too. Now that resonates with me so much and I'm like, oh my God, she was literally 26 and listening to that song. 'Cause she was like having the same emotions that I'm currently having at this moment in my life and like how tragic but also beautiful is that. - I feel like I would give anything to go meet my mom very gay when she was 22. - I feel like why not like me? Like I don't think we're gonna get along. - Really? - No, we're so different. Like I love my mom. Like I literally couldn't even like breathe without my mom. I can't, she's like, did you tell your mom? We're gonna take another flight 'cause I tell my mom everything. I couldn't even go anywhere. Like I was just at a TV appearance and I was like, I need her to like sign off of my earrings. Like I can't do anything without her, but like we're very different people. Like my mom is like very quiet and very like low key and very like chic and very like elevated, but she keeps it real so I think we can relate on that. But I don't know if she would follow me on Instagram. (laughs) That is so funny. - My mom, she loves like fashion influencers. Has so many like fashion grilies that she follows. She's like a princess Diana mom. - I love how you just described that. I can't breathe without my mom. I feel the same. - I really can't. - I'm so lucky. We're so lucky. - Yeah, we're so lucky. And since I'm so close to my mom, I feel like when my fiance's friends like get into relationships, like, you know, they'll come to him because we've been in a relationship so long and they're like, is Eli? - Really, really close to her mom. Like is that a thing? And I'm like, it's a thing for so many people who are so lucky to have that. Like so many people are so close to their mom. So many women. - I definitely. And I feel grateful that my husband is like on board. - Yeah. - He loves algae. The other night he walked downstairs. He was like, I hear we have a visitor. It's me and my mom cuddling on the couch. - Yeah. - Something that we were talking about was obviously this uncertainty about the future. How did you navigate the times where you felt that way? Because it almost seems like now you feel empowered and on top of the fact that yeah, I don't know the answers and that's the answer. - Yeah, I think that that's how I feel now. Where it's like, I don't feel like figured out at all. I don't feel like I have it all together. I don't feel like I know what's going on. I feel like I'm okay with that though. That's where I'm now. Like I think people mistake me for like, oh, she has it all figured out. She's reached success. She knows what's good. She has a five year plan. Like she's put together. That's not how I feel. I just feel like I've made peace with that crippling unknown. And I think it took time. Like I regret a lot of how I lived like 22 through 25, I think, because I just, I don't want to say I regret it. I wanted so badly to like be adult. Like I wanted to be like grown. I wanted to like look a certain way. I wanted to act a certain way. I wanted to have certain things. And I just like didn't live in the moment because of that. I was always just like on to the next, on to the next, on to the next, and now I'm just in the moment. Like I'm just here. Also, I feel like that speaking of you always having these really innovative takes. I feel like that is the key. Instead of feeling so nervous and not competent because you don't know the answers, it's owning the fact that I don't know the answer. Yeah, I don't know the answers. And I'm, I'm actually so good right now. And I don't need to know. I don't need to know because I don't think we're ever gonna know and it's focusing on what's in your control versus what's out of your control. And honestly, it's a very relatable way to communicate the art of presence. I think so, yeah, just being present. Yeah, because if you're in the present moment, you're not worrying about the future and you're not overthinking the past, you're just here. Just here now. But I think that that is something that's hard for especially our generation. That's very hard. So busy and so doing things and so connected and so focused on the future. Actually, I feel like anytime we're on our phones, we're not present. I love the phone, but I think we need to be careful with it. (upbeat music) This podcast episode is brought to you by one of the best gluten-free snacks and that's Crunch Master. I have loved Crunch Master forever and so does my sister-in-law, Cuppie because she is gluten-free. She loves it so much because it doesn't compromise on taste. And Crunch Master is a pioneering brand in premium gluten-free snacks. They're committed to delivering high quality and delicious snacking options. My favorite kind is their legendary multi-seater original crackers. I'm sure you've had it. They're so popular. 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Go to quince.com/realpod for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada to that's quince q u i n c dot com sash real pod to get free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com sash real pod. I love to when you post about how when people are having bad mental health days or they're just stuck in ruts. You're like, here are the 10 things you need to do girly to feel better. Yeah, I think sometimes when you're like in a rite, it's like, I'm just going to rot right here rotting. It serves its purpose for a few hours, but we can't just rot through life. Like, eventually we have to get up. Okay. Right now, pep talk. What are the things to the listener who's like, I've been rotting. I've been having no motivation. What are your top five girly? These are what you need to do. So you had to pick three things up in your room, just three, like whether it's like the water bottles on the side, the cups, and usually if you pick three things up, first of all, you're just going to feel so much better already, but like it'll motivate you to want to do more. Love it. You need to take a good shower, like light a candle, play a nice playlist, like actually shower, and you need to put on real clothes. And you don't need to do makeup, like whatever's going to make you feel good to some moisturizer. And then you need to go get a notebook, click a journal, and a pen, and like a good little beverage. And you just sit down and you need to write out the ideal version of your life in as much explicit details possible. I don't know where that was to free was going. Holy shit. On the next page, you have to make a list of everything you would have to change to get it. And then you need to every day ask yourself, what would the best version of me do? And then you need to do that as often as you can within reason. And that's what I would do. Damn. Have you done that before? Oh yeah, I love writing down the ideal version of my life. I'm like, okay, like where am I not content right now? Where do I feel like I could improve or like, what do I want? I think we sometimes forget what we want. Like what do you actually want? People don't ask themselves that. So true, you get caught up in seeing what people have and thinking I need that. I need that. That's how you need to feel. It's not what you need. Like what do you want? How do you though balance that, which can be motivational and aspirational with also feeling like it's never enough? Like when do you actually look at your list and say, oh, no, I have what I need? Because I definitely am ambitious and I think I want to achieve. But I do challenge myself to remember that actually right now today, I do have everything that needs to be happy and like love and relationships. I think that you also need to be very grounded in your gratitude. Like I try to take little moments like constantly throughout my day, just like be grateful. It's another scientifically proven study that if you actually write down every day, things you're grateful for, you'll be happier. Like there's a correlation between actually acknowledging the things you're grateful for and joy. You need to be so grounded in that like gratitude has to be your top priority. Even if you're like, I hate everything and everything sucks and I want to change everything, I know you can find three things. Even if it's the summer, I turn pretty, I don't give a fuck what it is. Even if it's the book that you're reading, even if it's just like the existence of Cheetos, I don't really care. Pick three things. Like there is a correlation between that and joy. And I think you do a really good job of that. Like even when you are like eating your lunches and you're honoring your body, like you're grateful. All of that is grounded in gratitude of like, I'm grateful to be healed. I'm grateful to be on the other side of things that I struggled with. I'm grateful to feed myself. Like you do such a good job of that. I think you're a really good example of someone that's like grounded in gratitude. Oh, I appreciate that. And I've never actually thought about it that way. You always think gratitude has to be something physical around you. Yeah. But it can actually be your own progress. I love that. I'm gonna steal that. Eli, I have some kind of fun, important cringy, 20th type questions. Nothing is cringed for us to go over. Oh, nothing's cringed. Tell me why cringes a victimless crime. There are no victims in cringes. Like the song Shake It Off by Taylor Swift is cringed, but it's a victimless cringe. Like she is taking no victims with that. So like, yes, like we can make fun of people for being cringed. Like there are crimes that take victims, not cringes though. I'm stopped at in my tracks processing and computing. I think that's all for people to hear is because if you are cringy, it doesn't hurt anyone. People that are bothered by that are such losers. Like you're a loser. It's serious. Like if you are spending your time like, oh, she's so cringed. Like, girl, I don't even know your name. I never think that about other people, but I sometimes feel like myself. Oh, yeah. No, I'm so cringed. So you think it's also free us to be cringed to ourselves, but other people can't be cringed because I feel like both can't be cringed. No, like I don't think someone is cringed and then comment on it. I'll think somebody is cringed and draw like victimless crimes. Like, next, you know, I'm not going to be like, oh, she's so cringed. Like go talk about it behind her back. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. No. So it's possible for us all to be cringed. I myself am cringed, but victimless crime, like who really cares? And anybody who sits with that and like uses it as an insult is a loser. I do think it is a loser is the best loser. No one wants to say loser. No, I know. Why am I so afraid of the word loser? Can you imagine someone calling you a loser? I would die. I know. You die. You're calling people losers. Yes, the people who aren't mean are losers. That's a loser behavior. Okay. So these questions, I guess, then are not cringed because no one can be victimized by them. Yeah. When is the last time you were like messy, messy crying, like, snot, sob, mascara running down your face and why? Oh, she's speechless. I don't know, which is so crazy. Messy sobbing. Probably like from a movie. Oh, I saw the outside or some Broadway. And like, for some reason, I got like really upset. I don't know why. Like I've seen it before. What's really, you don't know why? The end of it is sad. Like someone dies. But like, I was like really taken with it in like a very traumatized way for some reason. Okay. And like, it was like, I was like getting to a point where I might have to leave. Oh, gosh. Mine was in a soul cycle class recently. So true. It's not secretly balling. I like to go there on my birthday on purpose. So that I cry. It is so emotional in there. And when, especially when it's dark and when they play the intense song and they say, turn the dial to the right. Yeah. It's a cry. I'm like, I'm crying. Everyone's crying. Most recent high my cried in soul cycle, which was literally last week. I thought to myself, I need to figure out this out because if I'm now suddenly faced with myself in silence in a dark room and I'm sobbing, like, there is something we haven't healed. Or it's just soul cycle. First soul cycle cringe victimless crime. Second of all crying. It's all cycle canon. Like, I feel like everyone does that. I think you're normal. Like I get all the time. I love soul cycle. I'm obsessed. Yeah. Also, I'm got to clock myself. It's not always like, I have to fix myself. And I suddenly have just an emotionally cathartic moment. The other thing is that the LA soul cycle, like, they're pumping shit in the air there. They're not normal here. Like, they're trying to make people have trauma like I've literally thought a candle on my way out. No, like, I need to take this with me. It's like not like it is in New York, the like, good morning. Fuck you. Get on your bike. Here, it's like, we are going to feel things turned to your neighbor and kiss them on the mouth. And it's like, oh my god. This is so intense. Like, they're intense. Your fitness classes here are a different breed. I would not beat yourself up for that girl. I think it's normal. That is hilarious. How do you manage losing a best friend? I know this is something you talked about in the, you know, it's something I talked about in this book and something I'm writing, like, a whole else another book about. I'm writing a fiction novel after I'm done with this about that topic. I don't have like the actual answers. I just think talking about it with other people is something that's made me feel so much better because when I was pitching my third book, which is a fictional story about two female best friends in the aftermath of their friendship break up. Every single. It's wicked part three. It's wicked part. Their names are alpha. But they're on every single person who I told that to every single editor, every single agent, everyone. Oh my god. When I was in college, like, they all had a story. They wanted to tell me and it just caused me to realize so much more how everybody has experienced this. It is the number one most universally heartbreaking thing that everyone experiences and nobody talks about. And it's scary. Like, it's embarrassing almost like we don't want to admit that we've lost a friend or that something happened. It's like not societally acceptable, even though it's so normal. And I think that just talking about it with other people has made it something that I've been able to manage because I have lost best friends just like everybody else. Right. It's such a weird feeling. You're like, we were so close or we shared a room or yeah, we once talked about everything. And now we I don't know we were going to be in each other's wedding. What's that? And now or not. It's weird. But it's also right. Like, it's also like making the phone call to reach out because you both kind of know it ran its course. And the thing is like the version of you that's upset is not 30 year old you or 27 year old you. It's 16 year old you and you have to honor that. Like 16 year old me is gutted by the reality that we're no longer best friends. But I'm 27 and I'm I've made peace with it. But that doesn't mean that that's still not sad for her. Like we can't just like let that go for that person, that version of you. It's so tough. It's horrible. What is the biggest thing you've learned from losing friends? I think that sometimes some doors have to close for other ones to open. There are three women in my bridal party, three of my bridesmaids that I met in grad school, so I was 22 when we met, and we've been friends for five years, but I would never have made those friends if other doors hadn't shut. If I didn't have room for them, do you know what I mean? The human brain is only capable of processing so many people, and at the most intimate level, I think it's 15. At the closest level, it's five, but then the next level is 15. You can only have 15 of that close friend range, and only five best friends, scientifically, psychologically. If you didn't lose people, you wouldn't have been able to welcome other people in. It's heartbreaking because you want them all, but it's also just different seasons. Yeah, that's so interesting to think about. I never thought about it that way. I'm like, what have I learned? Not to trust people, and I'm getting really stressed, and nobody knows me. It is scary, though, when you are thinking you were so close to someone, and then you're not. But also life is long. People always say life is short, and life is long, kind of long. We've been living. We're only like, what? A third of the way there. I know. It's so true. Did you know that Wink's Health is the sexual health brand making all the, I don't want to deal with this stuff actually easy while they are. And Wink's Health is a sponsor of real pod. So there'll be no shame, no spiraling, just real solutions that put you in control. So whether it's an oh shoot moment when you need emergency contraception, or a 2 a.m. Why does my pee burn spiral? Wink's gives you instant answers, and when you need it, same day prescriptions through telehealth. The restart morning after pill is legal in all 50 states and available to anyone of age, same active ingredient and effectiveness as plan B. 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And that's not to say that I'm not going to be a good friend. I just don't have time. And I'm going to tell you that now, because I want to soak up all these moments that we have, because I don't know how much we're going to see each other. And I'm going to answer every text when I can, but I have so much going on. I think you have to be realistic with yourself and with others. And then there are times when my friends are my number one thing, and I'm like, fuck everything else. Hang out. I just want to have a play date. And then there are times that my romantic relationship takes, you know, center focus, but I think just being able to like, as you pull whatever's in the center in to the center, it's about like letting the other things know where you're at. And like, I love when my friends are like, hey, it's a really hectic busy season for me right now. Me not answering right away. It does not mean I don't love you. Like, I just love that. And I think the best friends are honestly people who don't really care who people are like, you're a good girl. Be here when you're done. And that's all I feel to my people, like whenever my people are in a busy season, I'm like cheering you on from the sidelines, liking your Instagram story, sending you much text, but don't feel free to ignore me. Like, I'm here when you're ready. I think you just have to figure out like how to balance it all. And you can have one thing that you're really focusing on, but you need to let your other things know. Like, it's going to be a second. And you have to make peace with that with yourself. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. The grace of knowing that it's going to go back and forth. Yeah. My friends maybe work and maybe this, but it's never going to be one consistent thing. But then you can also have multiple priorities. Like, my priorities in life are my job, my friends, my family, and my fiancee. Like, and obviously like my health and other things. Those are my priorities, but like at certain times, days of the week even, something's going to be the most important. I also feel like there are almost like baby priorities. Yeah. Like, there is my working out and my therapy. Yeah. And those are just always going to be in the mix. Yeah. They're always going to be sprinkled whether the nucleus is friends or it's work that month. I'm going to do this. So other stuff. And you're still going to see the friends. Like, yeah, I think that we're saying the same thing, which is like one thing might be the biggest, but the little things are always working around and you just have to be, you just have to be open with all of that. What happens when the timeline you made for yourself for your life is not on track. How do you cope with that? Like, the thing is nothing happens. I was always like, I'm going to get married when I'm 24, I'm going to have a kid when I'm 26. Like, I'm getting married when I'm going to be basically 28. I'm going to be like 20 days away from 28. And then I'm going to who knows if I ever want kid or when I'm going to have one. But like, once I caught up to the timeline, I kind of was just like, Oh, this doesn't matter. Life is not a race. You're not competing against anybody. And at the end of it, nobody gives you a plaque. You got married at this day. You got a kid at this time. This is when you got promoted. This was the size of jeans you wore. This is how much you weighed. This is how many Instagram likes you got like no one gives a fuck like they don't. And so I think I just realized like the point of life is to love and be loved and return. How lucky am I that I get to feel that way in lots of different avenues. And I just need to focus on that. Like, I feel really content and good about this. I don't know why there's a timeline. You're not competing against anyone. And the validation from everyone else is fleeting. It might make you feel excited for five minutes, that's five minutes. Like, when you get the comment you want on Instagram or the like number five minutes the next day, we're back at it. Scores is zero. Scores is zero again. And people are always going to be having highs and having lows and you're going to be experiencing them at different times. But if you get caught up with trying to be on schedule because all your friends are, then you might be miserable at 40 with the choices you felt forced to make at 20. Exactly. If you have a bunch of friends who are all getting engaged right now and you're single, that could be a signal to you if you're sad about that, that you want to find someone and get into a relationship as well. But also you're allowed to make other friends that I'm not saying you should ever, ever discard your old friends just because you guys are in different chapters, but you're allowed to find some single friends that you can relate to them. You're allowed to follow single content creators so that you can watch somebody on a dating journey that might inspire your own. You don't have to just sit with the things that you don't have and feel like you're lesser than for not having them. I love that. People, why don't they not? Why don't we all don't do it though? We're all like poo poo me. I don't have what everyone else has, but it's like no, no, there's so many other people that are just like you. You feel so much better when you say does anyone else feel this way? You really do. You really do. And you could be comparing yourself to someone who's honestly lying in the video, in the content. You could be comparing yourself to the most miserable person on earth who's like engaged or like whatever. And you have no idea like what they're actually doing. What do you think about the theory that the longer the caption, the worse the relationship? I kind of buy it. Like, listen, if social media is really important to you and your man posting you is really important to you, then I think he should post you, right? That's not what I'm saying. My man doesn't post me for my birthday or anything and like, it doesn't matter. Again, it's not real. I don't want a birthday post. Why? So that other people can see that he loves me. He's on private. He never posts. I don't need a story announcing your love when you tell me that and I know that. So it makes me feel like, is there another problem in their relationship if you require like a 10 paragraph essay? And again, if you like social media and you want your man to post you, he should. I'm not saying we should let men get away with like not posting women. That's not what I'm saying, but it's like, I don't find that I need that because I'm so validated in our real life relationship. I don't need you to be a professor. in your love online. - I've never felt like I've needed to prove to anyone how much Max loves me. - Exactly. And it's like, that's not what I'm saying it is, but on some level it kind of is. Like what is social media butter performance? It's a performance of everything. And it's like, even when I post about my man, it's like, I am trying to show my relationship. And like, yes, I love him. And I share my life, so it's a little different. So I want to share him. But I don't feel the need to make like a 10 paragraph birthday message 'cause I'm in bed next to him telling him my 10 paragraph birthday message. I don't know. - It's a funny like theory people have. And I definitely think that it's come from truth of like, oh my god, they posted this long thing and now they're divorced and now they don't go up. It doesn't make me so conscious on the days, right? Like I am writing like three, four cents. It's to him and I'm like, oh, I should make it this long. - I'm literally gonna think something's wrong. - I always as a bit, everything's a bit for me. I'm like, in a well being serious. I made my Valentine's Day caption one word. - Love. - Val. - With the heart. He made his engagement caption one word, promoted. I gave up with that. I was really good. - That was hilarious. - I try to keep everything nice and short and sweet. - I'm curious how you think about success. - Just having a good day. I try to have a good day every day. Some days aren't good. Like yesterday was good, but like I had some problems in there. Like we had a little paramedics run in, a little panic attack in there. But I just try to have a good day every day. I think like if I define success like that, I'm always succeeding. And then I don't really believe in failure that much because I feel like if I don't get what I want, it's just the universe redirecting me or I'm learning something. And to me, like having learned something is never a failure. - First attempt in learning is something that one of our psychologists at the Hid and Opponent always says is that's what fail is. - I love that. - Isn't that cute? - Yes. - And also I am a firm believer that the universe will open the door for you when you are the version of yourself who's ready to walk through it. - I am 100% agree with you. I've been starting to get more into that. Really believing if it's meant for me, it will happen. - I'm like woo woo to the moon. I literally am like a spiritual girl. Every day I'm like answering Instagram things and I'm like, if you believe in trust the universe, it will reward you. I have this saying like if you're a sweetie and a lover, the universe will open up for you in tandem. And that just means like be a good person. Like the universe really does reward good people, attitudes of gratitude. Like manifestation is really, I feel witchy. I get caught up with the, 'cause good things don't always happen to good people, which sucks, really bad things happen to good people. - Yeah. - However, you get something out of everything. And if you don't hope, if you don't have a some way to have a hope. If you don't, if you believe in God, if you believe in Spirit, - Yeah, I need hope. - We just need hope to keep moving forward and to have the possibility to see something positive come. - Yeah. And just too many things happen to me that I'm like, I don't really know if there's coincidences. I've loved the whole lucky girl syndrome, main character, theories. Like why not wake up and tell yourself, this is the best day of my life? - Why not? Like you have nothing to lose from doing that. - I did get in the habit of doing that for a week. And then I totally faded. But five days, I had everyone who listens knows that the recent Jeffery sought episode to use cancer fighter. It was incredible. And after his episode, I just kept telling myself, this is the best day ever. Like because you know how when you wake up for prom or for your wedding or for a birthday. - You're like, this is the best day ever. - You literally decide you're excited. And you like walk out the negativity. If like something bad happens at 9 a.m. Like a bird poops on you, you're like, it's okay. - Yeah, it's okay. - Because this is a great day. But on a normal day, you're like, oh, the bird sock. - You're less like protective of your happiness. Like we're not like happiness warriors. And so I think about that. I'm like, okay, what if today I tell myself, this is the best day ever. And I fiercely protect my joy about that. - I really like that. - Yeah, and it's not gonna work. - I will. - And it's not gonna work everyday, but like most days. - Right. And if you can convince yourself, why not? What if today is the best day ever? All it takes is your belief in it. Lastly, I wanna ask you, what is one of the biggest risks you took in your 20s that paid off? - That's such a good question. I think just like speaking the things that I wanted out loud. Like whenever I post like, yeah, I'm gonna go to the Tony's this year. That is so cringe, the victim was crime vibes. Because you're running the risk of like, not getting invited, which is embarrassing. 'Cause especially if the video has 100,000 views, you know somebody that could have invited you to the Tony saw that. But I just like don't really care about that. Like so what people saw me trying. That's not so bad. And anything like that, same with Wicked. Like I was like, I'm going to the Wicked premiere. So like I'll see you guys there. And like, I just don't see a problem with like speaking the things you want out loud. If it doesn't happen, okay. Maybe people will be talking about me in their group chat. At least they're talking about me. I've always wanted to be relevant. I really have. And that's like a sign of relevance. So I think just like being so unabashed about the things I want and not being afraid to say them out loud. I really do think you can speak things into existence. - Yeah. And never say no to yourself. - Exactly. - I used to do that a lot. - That's so good. - Actually, in a perfect example, this is the female media brand together is amazing. Founded by Subaru Alex Morgan and two other professional athletes love. And I remember the first year I saw them like at the SB's doing corporate interviews and I thought, oh, I would love to do that for them. And then I thought they wouldn't want me. Like, or they would have asked me. And so I didn't pitch myself. And then the next year, I was like, you know what? I'm just going to reach out and be like, hey, I'd love to like do corporate interviews for you. This is awesome. Can we hop on a call and hear more? And I'm like, I can't believe that a full year pass that I'd do this because I told myself no. - Exactly. You told yourself no. And also like if you don't say it out loud, no one can ever connect you in the way so you need to be connected. And also for the person who's just working at traditional job, right, your boss is not going to know you have dreams of becoming the next this and that. Hey, can I put some time on your calendar? I'm really loving working here. I, I one day dream of being in this position. What are the steps you need to see from me to get there? - What do I need to do next? - They are really not thinking about it. - No. - And I do think a lot of people think in their mind that we can read it or people can read it. - Yeah, or they think I'm not getting a something because they don't want to give it to me. It's like they might not know that you want that. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, they might not know. - And also if they know the way for you to get there, ask them for the map and then put the hard work in. - Hell yeah, that's so good. - This was so fun. - This was so fun we could talk for. - I know. - I love how much you, yeah. And we both talk really fast. - We were talking faster than me. - Can I just say the one thing? I love that all your friends or influencers like from high school. That was gagging me the other day. I was like, wow, that's really cute. - There's so much jealous. - Oh. - Not gonna lie, like that's really sweet. In a nice way. - Yeah. - I'm jealous in a way. - That's really sweet and endearing. - Thank you, shout out, Aubrey and Natalie. Eli, thank you so much. - Thank you for having me. - I hope you have the best sweating. - Oh my gosh, thank you. - I hope the book just flies off the frickin' shelf. - Thank you, you're such a doll. - Thank you so much for listening to this episode of RealPod. If this hit home or helped you in some way, send it to a friend, a teammate, Rumi. Share the love, share the realness. New episodes of RealPod come out every single Wednesday. So make sure you are subscribed to this podcast. So you never miss an episode. To leave a rating or a review of the show, head to iTunes and let me know what you think. I love hearing from you. Not to mention you can stay connected with RealPod throughout the week, seeing behind the scenes info and sneak previews of upcoming guests by following the @RealPod account on Instagram. All information about today's show and guests will be linked in the description of this episode. Thanks again for listening. I love you guys so, so much. Let's go dominate the day. And as always, keep it real. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. - What does everyone think that beauty editors are so skeptical? That's because we are. Carlene and Jill here, host of Breaking Beauty Podcast. We're two longtime magazine beauty editors turn to beauty podcasters who have seen it all and swatched it all. And we're coming at you every single Wednesday, chatting about the breakthrough people, products, and moments of beauty. - We've gotten up close and personal with celebrities like Haley Bieber and Tracy Ellis Ross and we're delivering all of the beauty tips from the glam squads behind their epic looks. - Like Jennifer Aniston's hair stylist, Kim Kardashian's makeup artist, plus the very best skincare experts. - And if you wanna know which products would dare touch our faces, don't miss our hashtag damngoodepisodes. Listen for free or watch us on YouTube at Breaking Beauty Podcast. See you Wednesday.