Ed Mylett ON: How to Break Down Your Goals Into Achievable Steps & Simple Ways to Create Positive Daily Habits

This is an I Heart Podcast. Guaranteed Human. Joy is essential and it's also elusive, but now. There's a new and exciting way to start your journey toward a more joyful existence. Joy 101. It's a new podcast hosted by me, How to Copy. If you're craving inspiration to maximize your joy, tune into these candid, uplifting, and moving on air chats. Open your free I Heart Radio App Search, Joy 101 and listen now. Joy 101 with HotaCopy is presented by CVS. You know, I think most people think, Jay, everyone else is going to die. I'll get around to be unhappy. I'll get around to my dreams and then it's another day. And another day and they keep it in the distance. You only understand the power of one day when you're threatened with never having another one. The best selling author and post. The number one health and wellness podcast. I'm on purpose with Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to on purpose. The number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to become happier, healthier, and more healed. And actually, I need to start saying every day because I know so many of you listen to episodes every single day. So thank you so much for a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly listeners. And I'm so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of Love is out. And I cannot wait to share with you. I am so, so excited for you to read this book. For you to listen to this book, I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to eight rules of love.com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep, or let go of love. So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour. Love rules. Go to jsheddytour.com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to see you this year. And today, I am so excited for this because last time he was on the show, you guys went nuts. Like the response was unbelievable. And I had so much phenomenal feedback from this conversation. And today, I'm going to be talking to you about his new book, which I want you to go and grab. It's already sold a million copies. So it's tried and tested. This book is called The Power of One More, the Ultimate Guide to Happiness and Success by the one only Ed Mylet. The host of max out, make sure you go and read that book as well. If you haven't already, and listen to the podcast. And before we dive in, I just want to say about Ed that Ed is one of the strongest, toughest, and kindest people I know. And I think that balance is just so unique. If you saw him, you'd be like, this guy's going to like beat me up. But then you get to know his heart and you're just like, wow, I didn't know you could have both. And you have both. So I'm so, you have a strong heart too. I appreciate it. I'm so excited to talk about this. And I'll tell you why. Because as I was looking through this, this resonates so deeply with someone who's always had to do the power of one more. And I don't know many people who know this. So when I first started, I had a video series idea that I was pitching to lots of top execs and top companies. And they all said no one cares about meditation, mindfulness, based content. So rejected. Then I ended up pitching to editors in chief. And I started meeting all these people and networking at events, trying to get them to notice me and see what I could do. And they all said, you're too old or you're too young, you're too overqualified or you're too underqualified. They were all of these statements. So then I was out there that didn't work. I then ended up at an ethnic minority TV training day in the UK. And they were training, I walked into this room, I was just six brown and black people. And they were teaching us how to be TV presenters. And I went there to just check whether I even had good skills to present, because I was starting to doubt myself. Turns out you did. At the end of it, they were like, "Jay, you've got some really good skills." I was like, "Awesome, give me a job, give me anything." I'll start like 15,000 pounds a year, like I don't care. They said, "Jay, there's no jobs in media." And so I was like, "Well, what do you want me to do?" And they were like, "Start a YouTube channel." And I was like, "Well, that works for Justin Bieber." Like that's like for one in a billion people, it's not going to work for me. And it's really interesting. I read a Thomas Edison quote, and this is why this book is just. This book is this quote I'm about to share with you, but with every tactic, with every skill, with every tip. Quotes are beautiful, books are life-changing, right? This quote by Thomas Edison said, "When you feel you've exhausted all options, remember this. You haven't." I love that. That's the power of one more. And so I've lived this book in my life. Like I have lived this mindset, and it has changed my life, because I've always been just one step away, one habit away, one mindset away from this amazing life that I'm grateful and blessed to live. Well, that's the truth, right? You're right. And I think the great lie in life is that. Some scriptures say, "Well, where there's no vision the people will perish." Whatever your scriptures are. You have no vision. If you ask the average person, "You want to be happy or sad? What's your vision?" They'd say, "I want to be happy." You want to be rich or poor. Most people say, "I'd like to be rich." Do you want to contribute or make no difference in the world? I want to contribute. Do you want beautiful memories or no memories? I want memories. So there's a vision. Our issue is depth perception. We think it's further away than it is. And because we think it's so far away, Jay, we create patterns and behaviors in our life that perpetually keep it there. Ooh! And that's what we do in our life. But what if that's the great lie of life? And what if the truth is. That you're one relationship away, one meeting away, one conversation, one podcast, one interview, one new thought, one new emotion, one new tactic or strategy away from completely changing the trajectory of your life? And everyone that you and I know that we both work with, that we're blessed to work with in our lives, the truth is it was one decision, one meeting, one extra rep, one more phone call, one thing they did that changed their trajectory. Then the question then becomes, "How do I do it?" And so the strategies are in the book, but conceptually, that's 100% how you change your life. Yeah, and you're so right. I was thinking about this this morning. Last year I had a double-honey surgery on the front. So I couldn't walk for about a month. And when I said I couldn't walk, I mean like I literally couldn't. Oh my gosh. I felt like I was teaching myself to walk again. That's how it felt. It's really interesting what you just said about how we perpetually push it far away. I would wake up every morning and my mind or my initial mindset was like, "It will be gone today." It must have gone today. Like today will be fully healed. I'll be fine today. And I'll wake up and I wouldn't be. And I would feel like healing was so far away. It would be like 80% away that I was missing out on the 1% change since yesterday. Since yesterday I made 1% change. I wasn't feeling the same pain in my nerves. I was able to be flexible by 1% more. Yes. And I was missing out on all of that because I was so obsessed with how far I was. That's the journey. And the thing that really happens is when you live with an expectation that these 1 mores exist, the reticular activating system in your mind filters them into your awareness. I call it the matrix in the second chapter of the book. When you wake up believing, "Hey, I'm one decision away. I'm one meeting away, one relationship away." That's not hokey. Your mind begins to filter the people, places, and things into your awareness. You develop something called sensory acuity. You hear conversations you weren't hearing. We've all had that experience work. We're on an airplane. I can't stop hearing these people over here. Or you walk in a loud room but you can hear your own name auditorily over all the other names in the room. That's because it's important to you and it matters. You see things. And so when something becomes important to you and you believe it to be true, the RAS goes to proving it for you. And where I learned this, I talked about it in the book, is my father was an alcoholic and had tried to get sober many, many times. And I'll never forget it, Jay. We were driving to a baseball game of mine. My dad started crying. I'd never seen my dad cry before. And he pulls the car over and he still isn't looking at me but he's crying and he says, "Eddie." And then he turns to me and he goes, "I'm going to try to get sober." And I never forget this brother, he goes, "One more time." And I said, "Really, daddy?" He goes, "I'm going to give it one more try." And I said to him, "Why would this be any different this time?" And he said, "Never said this to me before." He goes, "Because I love you and you deserve it, father. You can be proud of and you can't be proud of me right now." And I think every great thing we do in life is one way but it's also born from love to talk about your book. When you love people or you love something so deeply, if that love is greater than what the obstacles might be, now you got a shot to do it. Then my dad gets sober. He comes home from rehab. I say, "Daddy, are you never going to drink again?" And he said, "I can't promise you that. I can promise you I'm not going to drink for one more day at a time." And he lasted the rest of his life stacking those one more days up. And so I know the power of one more and Jay, the other thing, I also know humans can change. I watched my hero do it. I watched my dad live my first 15 years. So I'm going to lot of fights. Lot of lying. Lot of difficult times. And then I saw this man transform. And in life, we're most qualified to help the person we used to be. And when we think in life, and I hope everybody gets this, we think the things we're most ashamed of, embarrassed by our divorce, our bankruptcy, or maybe we've just always been average and ordinary, this disqualifies me from being successful and happy. What if that's not true? What if the hardest things of your life are the very things that qualify you, I'll give you an example, you know my dad got sober? Somebody helped him. My dad was going to take his life or lose his family, and I didn't know who it was until months ago, some precious human being, whom I didn't know, and my dad's darkest hour of his life, Jay said, "I'll help you. I'll help you." Little did that person know, I'd be his son, and I'd help millions of people, and I'd be on Jay's shetty show, and we both help millions of people. And the more ironic thing that this person helped my dad is, what qualified them to help my dad? They were a drunk. They were an alcoholic. They at one time were a drug addict. They at one time were lying and stealing and living in the shadows. The very thing that person probably figured that disqualifies me from having a successful life was the one thing that did qualify them to help my dad. So if you're listening to this, you've had something you're ashamed of or a failure or a setback, you're most qualified to help the people you used to be. And that person, that alcoholism they suffered with their drug addiction helped my dad live those one more days forever. That is the best explanation I've heard of how pain tends into purpose. The thing that brought you down, that broke you down, that made you feel like you were losing everything, gave you back everything when you used that to serve the people that were struggling with it. Then there's a purpose. And if you can survive the temporary pain in your life, and all pain is temporary, I watched my father pass away last year. He was in tremendous pain. Even our bodies are terrible. Only our souls are permanent. If you can survive the temporary, on the other side of temporary pain, you meet another version of yourself, another inside about yourself. And that's why it's so important to grow as a person because the more we grow and become a new person, we can help those that used to be like us. And that's why you and I are so addicted to growing and learning and we're curious because if you used to be a broken person and you no longer are quite as broken, you can help broken people. If you used to be broke financially and you no longer are, you can help people, whatever you do for living. At one time, you didn't know about it and now you do, you can help those who need to know about it. And so you're immensely qualified if you understand the power of doing one more. Oh, I love it. I love it. Tell me about so let's say and you probably come up against this all the time. A lot of the people say, okay, I'm going to practice that. I'm with you, Ed. I love you and Jay. I'm listening and I go, yes, I'm going to practice the power of one more. Now what I find and this is why you're so great at teaching this because you're not teaching it as a gimmick of glitch or like a little, a little affirmation. This is like real, it makes sense. Like it works. People get so tied to the result that when they try it the next day and the sales meeting doesn't go their way or the pitch doesn't go their way, they go, ah, it doesn't work. It doesn't work. Why didn't it work and how should we respond when we fail? I'll get rejected. Well, it didn't work because you're so attached to the outcome. I coach a lot of athletes. I know you do as well. And one of the things that's a really new on this thing in life, it's great to have goals. You should have goals. I want to do this or that. But in the moment of execution, you have to separate from outcome in the moment that you're executing and just be present and exist. I talk about this in the book. Here's what I would say. If you're going to win long term, 95% of people have an operating system in their mind where they operate out of history and memory. Oh, I like that. And about 5% of humans operate out of vision and imagination. So the reason we're so much happier, I believe, when we're children is we have no history and memory. So we operate out of imagination and dreams and vision. But at some age, some people, it's five years old, some it's eight, some it's 18, some it's 28. They create a history and that history then becomes the operating system. So even if they take on a new behavior or tactic, they're operating out of a pattern of thought and belief that's historic and memory based. And so the number one thing I would say is begin to operate out of your imagination again out of your vision again, create from that place. If you create from that place, now you're not tied to the result in that moment. You're giving yourself space to imagine and create something new in your life. Joy is essential and it's also elusive. You can't order it. You can't borrow it or simply hope it into life. But now there's a new and exciting way to start your journey toward a more joyful existence. Joy 101. It's a new podcast hosted by me, Hota Kotby. Together, guys, we'll have meaningful conversations with the world's most fascinating people, entertainment legends, sports icons, wellness experts, and everyday people will share how they find, allow and experience joy. And I'll offer some of my own tips and takes on seeking a more balanced and harmonious life. If you're craving inspiration, support, and useful tools to maximize your joy, tune into these candid uplifting and moving on air chats. Joy, after a break up, joy is an empty nester. Joy, after a loss. Joy as a caretaker. This new podcast will speak to you. Listen to Joy 101 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. That I've never heard that in that language, man. That is so powerful. You're so right about his kids. We don't have any memory of history. So we don't have any blocks. We don't have any limits. And begin to listen to the people around you. People say, Hey, you're the product of who you hang around. How do I know if they serve me or not? Here's one way to just deduce this, because they could be beautiful people who care about you. And they might even support you. But when you're with them, what are you? Are you ever of those friends you're with them? You're like, You remember when you remember you remember you remember that party. Remember that thing. And if your friends are constantly bringing you to the filtration system of memory and history all the time, think this through. How often are those friends saying, Hey, what are you working on now? Where are you going? What's your vision? What do you want to create? And maybe that sounds hokey, but you and I have some of the some of our both our friends have the most amazing histories. And you can't get them to talk about them. You have to work because what are they still doing? They're talking about now and where they're going. Their viewpoint in their life is being present and having a vision for the future. A formula for misery, a formula for lack of creativity, lack of productivity is constantly being history and memory. Even if it's good, it doesn't serve us. And for most of it, it's not good. And we keep living from it or trying to move away from it. Create a new future. Don't move away from the past. Create a brilliant, imaginative, curious, vibrant vision for your life. I love that. Yeah, we're always trying to create the same past as opposed to a new future. And I find that what's really interesting about that, all the studies show that nostalgia makes us believe that the past was more phenomenal than it actually was. If you remember that party you went to a college, it's better in your memory than it actually was. If you actually could have gone back and remembered how you thought hungover and what you broke a bone or whatever happened. But now in your memory, it's beautiful. Beautiful. Right. So our memory also is slightly warped of the past. No question. It can make things feel much better or much worse sometimes. No question. But what's really coming out for me right now is this idea that it's something you said a couple of moments ago and it sparked a thought for me. I remember the story that Vanessa Brian told about Kobe Bryant after he passed away. I was fortunate enough to interview him around three months before it before his tragic passing. And she told this story and she said that Kobe would play through every injury. He would play through every pain. He would play through everything. Even on the doctors and his coaches would say stop playing. And she asked him, she said once why he still plays. Right. Again, going back to curiosity. Not assuming you know your partner, she asked him, why do you still play? And this is just her and him. There's no cameras. There's no she's telling this story. But at the time, it was just them to he said it's because there's someone who's paid for a ticket today. They saved up. And this is the only time they're ever going to be able to come. Maybe a son's book. Maybe a dad's board is cared. Maybe someone's come to the game. They were a lifelong fan. And they came today and today's the only day they're going to get to see me. And if I say I'm injured, they won't get to see me. So I'm going to play so that person gets to see me play. And then he goes and wins. Yes. And it's like that's love. That's what you were saying. Love for something is in the present moment. Also, right? Love is not just for the past. And it's funny how important one day as man, when my dad got sick, my dad got cancer. When he first got sick, he goes, Hey, my dad was a dude. He goes, Look, I'll fight this one time. Okay. I'll do your little chemo and your surgery. But I'm not going to pour poison into my body. I'm not going to lose my hair. I'm not going to deteriorate. I'll give this thing a shot once, but doesn't work. I'm out. That led to eight years of him fighting it. Wow. Chemo radiation proton therapy surgery, surgery, chemo, experimental chemo. And he did lose his hair. And he wasn't pain. And I'd say to my dad, I say, Dad, you're suffering so much. He said, You wouldn't suffer. He said, No, Eddie, I'm in pain, but I'm not suffering. I choose not to suffer. And I'm not suffering because I get to see my grandkids again. And I said, Am I just a dad, why are you doing this? And he said, You only understand the power of one day when you're threatened with never having another one. I don't do anything for one more day. Get to be with you one more time. Give your mom a kiss one more time. Maybe I'll see one of my granddaughters get married. And he goes, "I'll do anything for one more day." The beautiful thing is I was actually with Kobe a week before he passed away. We were in the same gym, our daughters played volleyball. And ironically that day, I watched Kobe walk out of the gym. There was only a couple dads left. It was late at night. He stayed and I stayed. And he had his youngest daughter and his arm, and he was rubbing his other daughters back. And I remember taking note of it, because I was with Bella at the other end of the gym, and I remember thinking, "I don't hug Bella enough. I need to hug." I'm no joke, bro. It's in the book. I went, "I got to hug Bella one more time every day. Not just once a day. Plus one more time every day. My daughter's gonna get extra hugs, because Kobe does that." What if I could have said that Kobe when he got in his car? Kobe! You have one more week, brother. Tell those that you love, you love them. Get it right. Whoever matters to you, make it right. Call your dad. Make it right. Call your mom. Call your family. What if the day before you could have said, "Coby, have one day left." And my dad, same thing. I was with my dad when he had one day left. I was with my dad when he had one hour left. I was with my dad when he had one breath left. And when we begin to think of our life that way, the power of right now and having one more moment and one more minute is so beautiful. It's so blessed. It's so big. It's so amazing. Why would we spend that minute in history? Why would we spend that minute in the past when we could be fully present and creating the future? And so, you know, I think most people think, "Jay, everyone else is gonna die." I think they just, I'm never gonna die. Or they go, "I'll get around to be unhappy. I'll get around to making my masterpiece of my life. I'll get around to my dreams. I'm gonna get around to fixing this relationship that's broken. I'm gonna get around to feeling those emotions." And then it's another day and another day and they keep it in the distance until there are no more days. And I don't care if you're 18 years old listening to this, 28 or 48. We don't know if we have one more day or 100 more days or a thousand more days. But we know this. They'll eventually be a time where we don't have any more days. And so, why would we spend the ones that are coming looking at the past? And so, my dad really taught me those lessons and watching and passed away. And that's why I have a whole thing in there of how to get 21 days a week, run many days. I get 21 days a week. We still measure time, bro. Like it's 1900. Think about 1900. If I wanted to get you a note, I'd have to write a letter out, stick it on the back of a horse's butt in 1850. 30 days later, you get it. That was a 24 hour day. Now I can text you in two seconds. We measure time the same way. So I teach you how to change your time so that you can make that day. It's maximum bliss. It's maximum productivity. What's one more that you're working on right now? Right now. Actually, it's an interesting season of my life. I have a TV show that I did with NBC that's called Change that I think is, you know, as a chance of getting picked up. But one more that I'm working on right now for me and my life is my peace. And so there's this guy, Jay Shetty. That's a friend of mine that introduced me and my family to meditation. And I'm giving myself the gift of, I don't just do it in the morning now. I've given myself the gift of one more time every single day. I've just emptying my mind and trying to be fully present. And it's been worked for me. I've got that busy type of a mind. But I have found that my peace in my life. Most of us, Jay, have all these goals of things we want to do and they're wonderful. And I believe in doing that. I think standards are more important than goals because, and I teach you in this book, how to set the standards that'll get those goals. But we really don't want the jet. We don't want the hit song. We don't want the amazing relationship. We don't want the million dollars. We don't want the, we want how we think it'll make us feel. And what if we begin to become more intentional and outcome oriented about the things we feel in our life? And it took me a while, but now that I'm older, when I feel strong, when I feel blissful, when I feel peaceful, is when I produce the physical things that I want, not the other way around. And so my one more is a more emotional focus. Most of us, then I'll come up for air here, have an emotional home. There's three or four or five emotions we experience on a regular basis. I write about it in the book. And no matter what happens, we find a way, even if they don't serve us to get those emotions. If your emotional home is fear, anxiety, worry, depression, anger, you find a way every week to get that emotion. But what if that emotional home could become bliss and peace and joy and creativity and ecstasy? And so I'm working on one more beautiful emotion for my emotional home and for me it's peace. I love that. I love that answer, man. It's good to hear about what you've been saying. We're not living in the past and you're like, in the present, but to have you answer that question, that peace is your presence. That's what you're looking for. That's the present. And it shows that you're using this. Like it works. You're doing it time and time again. And I love what you said. It moves from the physical things into the subtle, into the emotional, into the deeper. I think that's so profound. What was that one more that if you didn't do it, you wouldn't be here today? What was one of those ones that like, that was the one that convinced me apart from obviously your father that you were like, "If I didn't do that, I wouldn't be in my lab today. I wouldn't be max out live." My first business I built was a financial business and I had had some success, Jay. Like a lot of people do in life and then it went backwards. And sometimes when you get up the flagpole just a little bit and you come back down, that's an emotional difficulty. It could be a relationship that was good that's gone or maybe it's saved some money that's gone. Maybe it lost a bunch of weight and got fit and you gained it back. For me it was my business and I called my dad. It was a pretty wise guy now that he was sober. And because I could tell you man, I do one more rep in the gym. I haven't done 10 reps on a bench press in 30 years. I've done 10 plus one more a lot. I haven't done 45 minutes on a treadmill but I've done 45 plus one more minute. 10 contacts a day. Never. 10 plus one more. But the biggest one more was actually something else. I called my dad and I said, "Hey, dad, it's not going. It's the business is crashing." And I'm running out of money. Our power was turned off. Our water was turned off, Jay. I had to take my wife every morning. We'd lost our house. We're living in an apartment now. Then the water got turned off. You can't cook, you can't bathe. There was an apartment building. We had an outdoor shower at the swimming pool. And I'd have to wear newlyweds and I'd have to get up every morning, walk down there and I'd hold a towel up while my wife took her shower every day. Outdoors and brush your teeth. And then she'd switch and hold the towel up for me. And I'd walk back up to the apartment and I was so amassculated, so ashamed, so embarrassed. And I was living in nightmare, selling a dream to everybody every day. We can do this. A lot of entrepreneurs or people can relate in their life. And anyway, I called my dad that night and I said, "I think I need to pack it in. I need to go get a job." And this success thing is not for people like us. And my dad goes, "Eddie, you don't have to decide you're never going to quit." He goes, "Just don't quit for one more day. See how you feel tomorrow." I go, "Dad, he just don't do it for one more day." And I got the next day and I still wanted to quit, but not quite as much. And then I went one more day and one more day and I found myself about 30 days later. I didn't want to quit anymore. And thank God the one more I did was I went one more day without quitting. And I'm so grateful I didn't quit on my dream. "Oh, Ed, wow, that is like, oh my gosh, Ryan. Everything you're just dropping right now, I'm just like, I hope everyone is taking notes. If you haven't been taking notes, I'm going to take a screenshot right now of where we're at right now because that's what you're going to have to listen to again. So take a screenshot, share it, tell everyone to go to this segment, listen to that over again because I think what I'm hearing is that this is a lifestyle. Like this is a mindset, it's a lifestyle. It's every day, every moment way to live. This isn't just in the big business you're building. This is me telling my wife, I love her one more time. This is me making sure I message my mom one more time. It's me making sure that when I'm sitting here with you, I'm always going to have to ask you one more question. Because you keep giving so much. No, but you keep giving so well, that's what you just said. It will never end. I think that people feel like they tried a lot and then they start building up resentment and like pain and bitterness towards that path. And a lot of people also that I know they just think that there are some people are meant to be. And then there are some people that are not meant to be. It's correct. And they carry that with them. And it comes from this like, oh yeah, you were meant to be this. So that person was meant to have it. But for me, this is where I heard that kind of come up and what you were saying to your dad, like doesn't happen to people like us. How does this rule, how does this principle apply to some news in that question ever? Brother, the best question ever because I grew up with no, we have an alcoholic dad or a drug addict or maybe you come from divorce or maybe a parents just didn't love you enough. Whatever it was, didn't tell you they loved you enough. It's hard to have self confidence. I was a little guy. I got bullied in school and I just, and even at this age now, bro, if I'm being completely honest, self confidence, we all teach that it's part of keeping the promises you make to yourself. But what if you raise the standard a little higher, you keep the promises you make to yourself plus one more. Because for me, self confidence didn't come easy. I think in life, ultimately, you're going to get what you believe you deserve. And if you're wound up wired like me, I didn't think I deserved a lot. I didn't even have a dad who could stop drinking. Right? I wasn't six foot four. I don't have an incredibly high IQ. There's nothing really that impressive about me, nor were people very impressed with me most of my life. So that was my pattern, that was my history, that was my memory. And so the only, I could wait around until I develop tremendous self-confidence, or I could begin to do things every day that were small. They're not major. And over time, when I did those one more calls, that one more meeting, that one more book I read, that one more podcast. Not only am I doing more reps, so the likelihood of me being successful is bigger. But I started to convince myself, I'm doing things other people aren't willing to do. Maybe I deserve things other people aren't going to get. And slowly but surely, I started to convince myself I did deserve it based on what I was doing, not necessarily the caliber of my talent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was the difference. Joy is essential, and it's also elusive. You can't order it, you can't borrow it, or simply hope it into life, but now. Joy 101. Together, guys, we'll have meaningful conversations with the world's most fascinating people, entertainment legends, sports, icons, wellness experts, and everyday people will share how they find, allow, and experience joy. If you're craving inspiration, support, and useful tools to maximize your joy, tune into these candid, uplifting, and moving on air chats. Joy, after a loss. Joy as a caretaker. Listen to Joy 101 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, there's a thought I've been having recently and it's that comfort creates self-care. But discomfort creates self-respect. Ooh, boy, I love that. Right? It's what you're saying. I love that. The one more discomfort every day, that's where self-respect comes from. Yes. You don't-- Great term. Yeah, you don't start to trust yourself or build self-esteem or believe in yourself because you just say it to yourself. It's coming, what you just said, you got it, and then take one more meeting and see what you learn. You got it there and take one more risk, one more discomfort. And I guarantee you, if you have a successful or happy friend, whichever how you determine that, and you ask them this, they tell you that we're right. Yeah. They would tell you, gosh, that's right. It's right. And the difference between winning and losing, happiness and sadness is so small, it's almost-- it's almost scary to talk about. But the good news is I think I kind of know what it is, and it's this one more. Absolutely. The people that I know that are the most successful and happy have more uncomfortable conversations. Agreed. They have more uncomfortable days. They have more discomfort in their lives. Yes, totally. But select a discomfort. But one of the other things that I'm asking from now on, I'm going into the people that I know that I'm thinking about, I'm just going to see their faces. And I want them to know that I'm asking for them. A lot of the time, one more in the wrong direction can also be really misguiding. Sometimes people-- and I know you're a person of faith, too. And so we can touch on this-- sometimes we're climbing the mountain, and we keep doing one more. But we're actually going further away from who we want to be, our faith, our partners. We know people who've built multi-billion dollar companies, but lost their kids. That's right. Or they've become famous and rich, but they've partnered with you. You know, like-- We know a lot of those. We know a lot of those. And you know, people who didn't do all of them that's happened to you. It's both ways. How does one use one more and make sure it's in the right direction? Such a great question. I'm doing this now regularly, because I've made some of those mistakes. And what I do is I check in with myself one more time. Meaning it's important to ask yourself, what matters to me now? See, if you wait at this conversation 20 years ago, the things that matter to me then are so different than what matters to me now. But a lot of us keep operating out of what used. Maybe you've achieved or pursuing a dream, and it's really, truly no longer your dream. It's no longer your dream. When I was young-- listen, we're going to do a podcast. You say, hey, I need you on the show. People are going to love you. You're going to get recognition. You're going to get all this acknowledgement. And that would bend my hot button, my need. I believe in the six human needs. My need was significance and recognition. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's wonderful. And so that's the button to get me to move would be significance recognition. Well, I've been blessed the last 30 years or so of my life to have a beautiful abundance of significance and recognition. It's no longer what fills me. Now you get me to do an interview. You go, hey, I really think we could help some people. My big button in my life now is contribution. There was another stage in my life. It's still there. But hey, if you go there, you'll grow. I still want to grow. But I know me now. Right now, I'm in a season of my life that's contribution. It's giving. It's what fills my heart. And I think it's checking in with yourself. One more time. What matters to me now? What do I want now? What's important to me now? What's season? Maybe you're in a season where you need to rest. Maybe you're spirit and everything about you's telling you, hey, it's time to feed you again. It's time to recharge. If that's the season, then answer that call. Don't play out of a past playbook. And so for me, that's the season I'm in now. And I'm sure that in five or eight more years, you know, there'll be something else. But I regularly, on a monthly basis, you recommend it in your book, so beautifully about your relationship. Checking in, you have these strategies you teach about weekly and monthly and quarterly and yearly with your partner of checking in with them. I also recommend you checking with yourself and what matters to you now. And so for me, it's a matter of checking in now so that I don't lose my family in the pursuit of my business or lose me. - Yeah. - Lose me. Who am I anymore? And I've had times where I'm like, this doesn't feel like me anymore. - Yeah. - And I had at least the ability to at least acknowledge that and make a change. - Yeah, and I love that you brought up seasons because I feel like no one on planet Earth, we don't have the power to change the season. But you have the power to live the season well. - That's right. - I need to be in the right now. It's been raining right wherever we are. It's been like pouring down with rain. There's all this effort. You could carry an umbrella. Well, you can tell how I'm dressed. I'm definitely not dressed in my usual gear. Because I'm dressed for the rain. I'm prepared. - Yes. - Because that's what I can do. I can't make the rain switch off. I can't stop it, right? Like I can't do that. And so I love hearing that you're just learning how to thrive in the season. And so if your season's telling you to rest, you can't force the season. And you have to live it through. You have to expense. - You know, I think you have to remember one thing, man. I think it's as easy as a person to forget this. And I just would love to say this because you have such an amazing reach. Each of you, you and I included, we were born to do something great with our life. We were born to do something great with our life. And it's important to check in from time to time of what that current great thing is. And sometimes we think it's the big things. It's the people that are on both our shows. They've made this big movie. They've got this big song. They're this big thing. What do you know? Who's greater? The man who helped my dad get sober? Or the fact that maybe I've helped some people because my dad got sober. That one act was greatness in his life that kind moment with another person that says, I can help you. Let me connect with you. And so don't discount your own greatness. Your own call to do something great. And it doesn't have to be a script or a play or a book or a speech or on social media. It's just doing something great and you matter. I don't mean this hokey. I'm telling you the truth about you. You matter. You were born to do something awesome with your life. Your family is supposed to do something great as a family. And maybe it's just checking in and reminding yourself of that and then asking yourself, what is that thing right now in my life? And so I just think that reminder is so important that, you know, it's great to voyeuristically look in on successful people. Or what we think are successful people. It's also important that the camera turn back on you and go, you matter. You matter. You are going to choose. And that's probably the most important thing we'd say today. Oh gosh, man. Yeah. And one thing you just clarified beautifully is that great doesn't have to be big. And big doesn't mean great. And I think we're so obsessed today in that to do something great, it has to be big. It has to be bold. When I think about myself, honestly, and I can say this to you because I think in these sessions and when we spent time together, you've heard my heart, I was one of those people who actually never believed I could do any of this stuff I've done. I never set out when I started. And I was like, one day I'm going to be, I didn't have any of that. That's not how I'm wired. I was wired in like, I want to serve. I'm going to serve whoever comes. Yes. Whether it's five people, 10 people, I'm happy. I'll serve them. And as I started to do that, I got more confidence. Okay, now I want to serve larger groups. Okay, let me serve them. And then it was like, and I never believed at any point that there were these arbitrary abstract goals of like number one there. So like those one, how I set out. And so when I'm listening to you speak, I hope someone's out there thinking, Jay, I'm like, Jay and Ed, I'm like, you guys, where it's like, I don't vibe with all that, like, like, [BLANK_AUDIO] motivation. It's like I just vibe with the fact that I want to have a great impact like the person that helped your father. And you know what we've both found in our life too, just to give you insight from someone called me season today. You know this is that, you know the universe or God really prepares you to step in in the next room when you step in with some faith. And so maybe it does start with five or six people and maybe that's enough, but perhaps in that space you're in you'll be a little door open. And if you step into that one, you'll find I think we think I have to have it all figured out. Wasniac's a good buddy of mine who started Apple. They didn't, they were a board company. They didn't really be doing this someday. They stepped into the next space. And one thing I think we also want is an immediate result. And I talk about this in the book, maybe it would be the last little thing I'll share with you, but I went to a birthday party as I was writing the book and it was for a young boy and they had a piñata. They've all been to especially in California. You have the piñata. And so what they did is they took each of these little guys, they spline folded them, it's spun them around and they're all dizzy and they're swinging and they're not even near the piñata. That's life. A lot of times you feel like, man, I'm blind. I don't even know where I'm swinging right now, but I'm swinging. And so each kid hit the piñata and the candy didn't come out. And so they take the blindfold off. That kid got tired. The next little boy came up, spun them around. So like seven of them hit this piñata. No candy came out. The last boy, the smallest boy, the youngest boy there, they filled the blindfold on them. They spin them around, he's swinging too. That's life. You just sort of swinging. Right. If I only point him at the piñata, he hits the piñata just once. Bam. All the candy comes out. And all the kids jump on and celebrate. And I'm watching that and I'm going, now who broke the piñata? Was it the last shot or was it the cumulative blows of each of the shots on the piñata? Well, we all know the answer. It was the cumulative shots. Life's a lot like that, man, that we're taking shots, but we don't see any physical progress. But everyone more we're doing is compound pounding progress. And in life, you have to be willing to buy into what is invisible progress. Most people quit on their dream, quit on their vision before the candy comes out. And what you and I didn't do was quit. We just kept swinging. And eventually the candy comes out. The candy could be your bliss, your joy, your financial success, your notoriety, your contribution. But most people are hitting the piñata their life and there's no evidence it's working. But the truth is there's a compound pounding effect in life that if you keep hitting your life's piñata, if you'll stick around, there'll be some candy come out. The power of one more of one, Ed my lat. Go and grab this book if you haven't already. It's going to be a life changer. I mean, I mean, you can just feel the energy coming up this human being honestly. I wonder if you're going to read this book. I wonder you're listening to the podcast. If you don't already the first book was called max out your life as well, the max out podcast. Ed, you are just, I mean, your energy is infectious. I don't know how anyone can't listen to you read from you, hear from you and not feel like they need to change their life. Like you've just given me a list of number ones that I'm going to do one more. I hope that you keep coming back on the show. I hope that we keep getting to connect offline. I hope that we get to keep spending one more day, one more phone call one more time together because it's so grateful for you, Brian. Really grateful, man. Thank you so much. Thank you. Everyone grab the copy of the book. I'll put it in the link. I'll put it in the comment section in the caption. The power of one more. This is the book. Love it, really. Thanks for that. That was good. That was good. That was good. If you love this episode, you will love my interview with Kobe Bryant on how to be strategic and obsessive to find your purpose. Joy is essential and it's also elusive, but now there's a new and exciting way to start your journey toward a more joyful existence. Joy 101. If you're craving inspiration to maximize your joy, tune into these candid uplifting and moving on air chats. Open your free iHeartRadio app search, Joy 101 and listen now. This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.