E1221 - Special Forces Reunion, Season 5 | Exclusively on The Viall Files

(upbeat music) - Well, welcome to the season five special forces reunion. I'm your host, Nick Viall. - And I'm Natalie Joy. - And here are our finalists, our contestants, our winners. - Hell yeah! - All right. - Thank you, guys. - You're just going down the list. We have Alexia Umanski, Colin Gosling. Candice Cameron Brea, Matt Barnes. We have Hannah Stocking, Alicia Bumgarner, and David Treve. Just her things off, I want to congratulate Alicia. I'm winning her second world title. - Woo! (audience cheering) - I do have to ask, what hurts more? Getting a punch in the face or hearing a baby cry in your, your, your baby cry? - She said that baby needs some milk. (laughing) - You said that? - I probably did. - You know, it's so funny because we recently had a psychologist on the show and she was telling us how like, 'cause we have two months old baby twins, our four months old. - Four months old, no, yeah. - And she was saying how when a baby cries, it literally like elicits like some kind of trauma in our bodies and it reminded me of when I was in your guys' shoes and special forces and I'm like, that makes so much sense. Like just hearing it because like when our baby's cry, like it, it puts something in your brain. So it was just kind of fascinating just how much that like, and affects your body and how they know that. But it was, yeah, it was just something that brought me back. But so baby crying is definitely worse. - Definitely worse, yes, I'll take a punch. (laughing) - And how did it obviously, you know, being a two time world champion, that must be just an incredible accomplishment? - It's a huge accomplishment. I mean, the sport of boxing has shown me so much what discipline is, what it is to believe in yourself, truly, and to always step up to a challenge. I'm always challenging myself in every way that I can, as an athlete, as an individual, as a woman, and becoming a two division world champion. This past Sunday was one for the books. - Yes, ma'am. - Yes, ma'am. - We are very lucky to have you here. We're honored that you took the time to come here. - I just want to start by saying, it's just like, first of all, just like proud of all you. It was just so cool to watch. Having done the show, it honestly brings you back. Like, I don't know how it will be for you guys in the future if you choose to watch it, but like, it is a visual response. Like, I felt like I was with you guys when you were being tortured and like, knowing the pain that you guys are feeling. It was like, it was easy to be proud of you guys. Obviously, I don't know any of you guys personally. I just met you guys, but it was really cool to see all you guys step up in different ways. I want to start, I'm just curious, because obviously doing the show is a very unique thing, you know, and for the people watching who don't know this, and I know the show reminds you of, there's no incentive outside of just showing up, you know. Once you're there, you could literally just go home and, you know, you don't make or you don't get paid anything different, you're willing this to be there and to allow yourself to immerse in this course is strictly your choice, which is crazy when you think about it. Like, what makes a person choose to go through this course? And I know why I did it at the time, what my motivation was, I am just curious, I just want to kind of go down, starting with Matt, what was your motivation to put yourself through such a crazy environment, and what were you hoping to get out of it? - I think a couple different things cross my mind. One is I've been removed from the NBA, it'll be 10 years in June, and it seems like it was yesterday, but since then, I haven't really been mentally challenged, you know, obviously I still work out, I box a little bit, I'm a coach, I still do some activity, but I haven't done nothing that really tested my mental. And when it was brought to me, that was the first thing that kind of came to mind was, all right, am I still sharp mentally? And then second, I'm a dad of a blended family of seven, I actually have twins too, they just turned 18. Two days ago, half of my kids had never, didn't know what daddy did for work, like they didn't know I played the NBA for 15 years and did some cool stuff, so I thought it'd be cool for them to kind of see the mental side, and they're always called me OG and old man, so just for them to kind of see like my old body out there, and pushing through things and showing them that anything is possible, so my approach was just really to see if I still had it mentally. - Yeah, I'm so awesome, how about you Hannah? - I think kind of the same, just to see how I can get through something so mental, and I know I said this in like the second to last episode, but my goal was to just learn how to be present, just how I am as a human, I'm always kind of in my own thoughts and in my own world, and thinking of different things, even I kind of find myself when I'm in conversation with someone, I'm regurgitating an answer, but I'm still thinking of other things that happen to me when I was in sixth grade or something random. And so I think just going into this process, I really wanted to be present, and weirdly enough, after I kind of completed the course, I kind of feel more present, and I also grew up playing sports too, and I kind of miss that like coach aspect and being a team, and I also felt like without these people around me, I would have totally left so much earlier, but I felt like I had that to prove to myself, but I also didn't want to let team down. - We were a good team, yeah. - We were great. - Yeah, a family, a family. - At least I'm curious for you, truly. - Yeah, I mean, you said it, willingness. I think willingness to be willing to do something that you're not comfortable doing, I think makes the best version of yourself, and because I know my world as a fighter, and the ring for corners, I'm like, okay, I want to be completely separated from that, in a different space, a different environment, something that's going to make me feel uncomfortable, something where I have to show up and be a team player. I love team player sports. I mean, boxing's very solo, so I was able to like motivate and influence and like, let's go, you got another day in you, I know you do, because that made me want to stay longer too. And so I think that's what I got from it, was just the willingness to try something different, and get away from the boxing world. Like, it's been my whole life since a young girl, and so being able to just be in a different space and take direction from the staff, that was something, and I enjoyed it. - I'm curious, because in your profession, so much of what you do is already incredibly intense, physically demanding, and I think for a lot of people who do the show, like you, Matt, I was 43 at the time, I just found out I was going to be a dad, and I was like, do I have what it takes, that was my motivation of similar, I hope I can do something, my daughters are proud of, I'm curious with you, how was it different, in terms of the intensity that you were already getting in boxing, and what aspects of special forces, that might be different than some of your peers doing it, was kind of your motivation. - Yeah, it was different because, you know, staff is giving us instructions, and to follow those instructions, we have to complete the mission. I'm all for completing something, and we don't want to fail, right? So we're having to pay attention, and we have to work together to make sure that we accomplish something, especially with the gas mask. I was ready to quit as soon as I was in there. I'm like, no, we can't quit, we have two other people, and so I had to remember, turn back around, finish the chorus, so we can get a completion, and so I think it was more so, just having that instruction part that was different for me, that I had to follow through, because I wanted to complete it, and I wanted to do it as a team. - Yeah, that's awesome. How about you, David? - I remember that day. (laughing) - That you do. - For me, it really had to do with discovery. I'm 54 years old, you know? I mean, what else do I have in the gas tank? My kids kind of like, you know, Matt and I kind of lived a very similar path, is that our kids never got a chance to experience us or see us at our, let's call it our HG, our greatness, or whatever it is. And, you know, I raised my children where you like, you know, you have to, you never give up. You, you have to complete your tasks. You gotta be a good human being. You gotta be, you know, part of a team. And so this was my opportunity to show them that whatever I ever, whatever I taught them, I'm gonna have to show up at this moment. And it's not just about me, it's about everybody else. And there was one moment like that, we just talked about just now in the gas chamber, where I saw Alicia going to the door, and it was just about to go and, you know, get us this qualified, and she miraculously thought about and turned around and came back. - You saw that look, I said. God bless her, you know, that she didn't leave, you know what I mean. And, but that's what the show is really about. It's about testing who we are as individuals. You know, like, you know, you don't come on the show. Just, money's not that important. Like, you come on the show to really see what you've got. - Yeah, and to your point, you can leave. And you'll still get money, you'll still get the, money checks, the cash is, you know? - And I honestly believe that the reason why we still have our relationship, because we do have a group text, and it's going off every day. - Every day. - Every day. - Hey, we just got done with the show. You know, I'll see you guys later. You know, no. Like, we're literally talking to each other, you know, having dialogue that we didn't finish on the show. You know, Colin and I had this thing. At the end, you know, if you watched the last episode, where, you know, him and I were kind of going at it. And. - And then we have this heart to heart going on. We have this heart. hard to heart on the text with everybody else included. You know, Matt also starting and saying, "Hey, you know, it takes a real man to say what you said." And then I, you know, saying to him, "Hey, it takes a real man to say what you said, but I was wrong as well." You know, there's, you know, there's, there's like this thing that's still going and that's the beauty about how hard this was and how we overcame together. - Yeah, and it's, well said, I was also thinking about when I was watching it, is that you guys clearly all come from different walks of life, different backgrounds, different beliefs, different ages and yet this is obviously an environment that truly strips that all down and at a human level. And I think, you know, not to get all deep, but we live in a time where just people are obsessed with how different we are and why we should be divisive or why should we, you know, be on the other side of things and yet this was an environment that truly this brought people together and made people be a team in the best possible way because that's the thing. Like everyone who does the show can finish. Like it's not a competition. It's more of like how many people can you bring along with you, which I think is really unique and it's just an awesome show to be a part of. Alexia. - I would say that, you know, my entire life and I'm not saying this as a sob story, but I've really been okay with losing. I have not a competition kind of girl. I did basketball and elementary school was on the B team, lost every game. Like I was literally back up goal in high school. Like I just was never like part of like a team that I was really proud of. Never really walked away with like a big like trophy. Never had that kind of winner competitive mentality. And it's funny because before I even knew this was an opportunity. I started this year with two things on my vision board that I really repeated in my mind and I wanted to shock everybody, but above all really shocked myself. But, you know, in doing that, I get to shock everybody, which is something I really wanted to do. But I also have best in show on my vision board, which is funny 'cause I've never like competed in anything. But I just, you know, I started the year like, you know what, I do want to win something this year. And then this opportunity came out of nowhere. And really the goal when I went into it was to just last that least halfway through where I was gonna be proud. And then two nights ago I looked through my little journal. I brought a home with me and night four I said, I think I can make it to the end. And I think I remember like almost like crying myself to sleep that night thinking like I might do it. So I really just wanted to make myself proud and get a win for the first time in my life, which was really cool to make happen. It was really incredible to be a part of a team like we're saying, like I never really got to experience like a true team that I was so emotionally invested. It was so special to be part of this. And I could not have made it even past day to getting to the bridge by the way, which they don't even show that it was actually the little stairs getting to and from the bridge. I was ready to quit there. I was like, no, I'm not doing it, but I had my dad literally lifting me and pushing me. And you know, I just a little bit of a winner's guilt knowing that he didn't make it to the end 'cause I think he really could have. - No, like fun bragging rights with dad for the rest of your life? - I'm not the type. I wish he was there with us. - It was honestly as a dad with young daughters, I, it was very cool to see your whole journey. And it's like honestly hearing you kind of, you can tell the emotion in there. And it was, it really brought me back just being on that show. And we'll get into it more later in some of your moments, but yeah, it was just really cool to see. And then when your dad, when he disqualified himself and he kind of gave you a look. - Yeah. - It was a cool kind of passing of the torch moment. I thought it was really cool and special, so. - We love love, we love love love. How about you, Con? - Well, I think there's like a lot of beautiful things I learned in this. I think the biggest thing is like, I mean, I've been through a lot of things in life. We've all been through a lot of things in life. But I think there's always room to grow and to learn more about yourself. And there's no better place to do that than in an environment that's uncomfortable. I think that's where you really learn about yourself. But like my biggest motivator was like, I've had a lot of things taken for me in my life. I've had a lot of my life stolen for me. And this was something that nobody could take for me. And I just kept telling myself I was like, you're gonna go on and you're gonna do this. And I don't think I ever let the thought cross my mind that I was gonna go home. I've had to, I've gotten a lot of things taken for me. And I just didn't want that to be a reoccurring thing here. And this was at first, it was like something I could just go and do, but then I learned so much about myself. And I had all these great people around me. And I said this the other day. I was like, I had all these father figures. I had mother figures. I had big sisters. Like I had Max who was like a brother to me. Like I've always looked for family in every part of my life. And I've had a lot of that taken for me, that family. So this was a family that I've gained. And like David said, we have a group chat. And even to this day after we filmed a month ago, there are still lessons, there are still things I'm learning and I'm wanting to grow and I'm wanting to better myself because of these people around me that are helping me. And they're saying, you're a young man. And they're giving me that compassion that I didn't always have. Especially David, he's a very compassionate guy. And we had that talk earlier. And he's the first person I talked to today. When I walked in, I said thank you. I was like, especially after last week's episode, I was like, I saw that. And I was like, I needed to humble myself because I'm a young man. I have people around me who have been through so many parts of their life, they've learned lessons. And they've now shared those lessons with me. And I just said, I had to look at it from the outside and say I was young and I should have taken the guidance from those around me. And looking back even after we wrapped this couple of months ago, I'm still like, wow, that really taught me so much. And this started as something I went and did for like my own agenda, I guess you could say. But then I walked out of it with all these people around me that have taught me so many lessons. And I'm just grateful for that. I don't think there's a lot of shows like this where you get that. It was just so beautiful. Like they don't show a lot of moments, but we had a lot of heart to heart. We had a lot of conversations that we really all, like I've never been this vulnerable with people that I've met just days before in my life. So there are so many beautiful things in this. And I think no matter where we go in life, it's like no matter what we overcome, there's always room to learn. There's always room to become better. And there's always room. And it's always a good thing to take to learn lessons from those around you. So I was just grateful. I got a lot of really good lessons from them. - That's great to hear. But just think about what you're saying about. I mean, this is obviously a room full of really accomplished people. Did you imagine that a show like this would be something that you'd look back and feel so proud of of doing? - When I was there, I was just like, I just can't wait to get out of the jungle. (laughing) Now I'm like, now I can't wait to get back. Like I just really loved that. Like I loved that family and we have that still. And like David said, it wasn't just, oh, we're done. Like see you guys later. We're out of here. We still talk like every day. So that to me show that there's people that they show up for you and I don't just, you know, pour my heart out on text. I really feel that when I'm texting you guys. So I really appreciate that. - Me too, Matt. Me too. - I really, I do. - Candice, you talked about wanting to prove that you had the guts to do it at your age, which you definitely appreciate that. - This is I am a grandma. (laughing) - That's absolutely sad. (laughing) - So good to have you. - I am good. - With a mud in your mouth. - Yeah. - You need to get a t-shirt of you, just like for a long time, it's like a great idea. - I know. - Get t-shirts. - I am grandma. - It was good. Yeah, I turned 50 this year and, you know, I stepped up my fitness game at like 48 and a half 'cause I just went, I just wanna do something more and better and really commit in a physical aspect that I hadn't done before to enter this decade of my life. And then I was kind of thinking about the fact I've always kind of had this little mighty mouse mentality. I'm a little, I'm a small person and I always have felt like I have to kill a candy. - Kill a candy? - Yeah. - You know, the youngest child always like, try having to be a little scrappy to like find my place, you know, and with my husband's a pro athlete, my boys played hockey up until college and even my dad was a PE teacher for 35 years. And like, I've never been an athlete. I've been on television my whole life. So there was just something in the physical sense that turning 50 just ignited, hey, you can do something that is crazy in a physical sense, mental sense that you've never done before. And I was like, yeah, I feel like turning 50 clicked something different in my mind 'cause you just stop caring. You care a whole lot less about what other people think of you and that has been so freeing for me. And then I was like, yeah, this is for me. So I just want to see if I can do it and hang in there and I'm so glad I did. - I'm curious. And after Candice answers, I'm curious the rest of the room. But like, throughout this course, there's always a moment of like, I don't think I can keep going. Matt, you felt like the whole word for episodes. Is that true? - Yeah, I related to that. But you know, seeing with you Candice, I mean, whether it was the stomach bug, there were so many moments. I was like, "I can't this is fun." And then yet you kept going, what was it inside you that made you not leave? - David? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Hannah, Matt, Colin, Alexia, honestly, like I'm grateful I got to the end, but I know there's no way I would have gotten through it without all of you, 'cause you guys literally were picking me up. You were carrying me every time we got out of the car. Matt was like helping me with that 40-pound pack. You were like pulling me, dragging me. You gave me the most verbal encouragement and whenever physically, like I need it. They helped, like they were dragging me in the best of ways, David. And I had coffee talks every single morning at 5 a.m. - She would say, you know, this is my last day. (laughing) I think it's great and everything, but really, it's not like, come have coffee. Let's discuss this, by the time we were dealt with coffee, she was like, how cry-thorn, stay on the day. - Yeah, I did, but it was because I was happy. - You have a lot more grit than you gave yourself for it. - And you really do. - I loved you were, you know, in our rooms, like Colin, because of the military experience, he was, I just, yeah, you were sweeping and cleaning. - I just started to give myself a minute. - And I love that. And then I was so inspired by you, Alexia, because you just like not, like having 10 days notice and you're like, I'm gonna do this. - That was the reason that you gave before. Every day you were there, you kept inspiring me, 'cause I'm like, I, you feel like a daughter to me. I mean, you're the same age as my daughter. So I was like, if you can do this every day, I'm like, I wanna stay alongside of you. So like, every person in the room, I think we all kept each other going. - Yeah. - And being someone as young, I looked at you and I was like, that's like our mama there right there. You were like giving us magnesium, giving us molskins for our blisters. - You woke me up every morning. You were like, a morning calling wake up like it up and I was like, I'm praying for us, praying for us. - Oh yeah. - What does it mean? - Yeah. - You helped us too. - Oh my God. - You helped me a lot. - I'm curious, because what I love, another thing I love about this show, it's truly a mental show. Obviously so much of this course is physically demanding. You all went through it. But early on in the season, it demonstrated that, like it is a mental game. I think it was, what was the challenge where you had to get the weights, and you had a teammate and you're climbing up. - The rope? - Yeah, the rope. - And it was many of the women actually passed in successfully that course, where many of the men didn't. And I think it just kind of goes to show that how much of this course is truly mental. Certainly, there are some advantages to having physical strength and things like that, but it really comes down to just not quitting. - That was one of the things I was really impressed with with the women. They were carrying the same weight we were carrying every single day and pushing through it. And obviously our size differential is night and day, like quite twice or so. Still, every day, we're dragging the same amount. I mean, that was obviously what kept me. When I started cramping it, I'm just like forget this. I'm out of here. It's just like seeing how hard the girls pushed through it, knowing that were men were supposed to be stronger, but they were right there by our side, if not leading at times. And it was definitely motivating to me. - Did you women kind of have noticed that? How well you were doing early on? And did you come in thinking that you were at a disadvantage physically, given the physical requirements of the challenge, but yet you women very quickly were having success. - I think it's got to be different for everyone. I certainly felt a disadvantage because of my size. I was real nervous about that, but I can't imagine that. - Matt crawling through the tunnels. - Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah. - No, that's fine. - You didn't feel that way. - Yeah, not the physical part. I think it was more so again, just always came down to the mental. I just think that we were also in tune with ourselves to still make it to the next meal. Like we literally took moment by moment, that was the next task, but that's the next meal, the next bathroom break. We were still there. - At first it was day by day. - It was day by day. - It was an hour by hour. - Yeah, changed, yeah. - What did you all think of the jungle in terms of the elements? Because that was kind of like the final environment in season five. We've had the desert you had. - I don't know if it's a cradle. - You've had winter warfare. - No, and now we finally got to the jungle, which for me I didn't do that. That sounds like the worst. But I'm curious how did you guys think about it? - The jungle was the worst environment to be deployed in the DS-total style. - Yeah. - Like well. - They're like, don't touch the white tree. - You might go blind. - Like what do you do with that? - The warnings we had going into the jungle were so scary. It was so intense. Before we went into the tunnel, there might be King Cobras in there. We actually did see one. - In the toilet. - Yeah. - Yes, there's snake in the toilet. - Snake in the toilet. - Snake on a hike. - I was so tired. I just pants back down and I went, "I'm so glad you didn't tell me that." - But you're also like after being immersed in that for so long, you're just eventually become so comfortable with the uncomfortable. - Yeah. - Candace, you opened up about your relationship with leadership. - Uh-huh. - And I actually have your exact quote. I'd like to read it. - Oh, no. - He said, "I don't, I don't lead at all. I don't feel confident in my voice. I do have a spirit in me." So at this age, I just really want to see if I could push it. I want to step up. - Yeah. - I'm curious how it feels to hear that back and what has changed since the show. - Well, I think you know this. Those interrogation interviews are over an hour long. And so there's a lot more that was said. When I said those words, I was directly referring to being a leader in that type of situation. I am not one that wants to take charge and yell and scream and protect in a way because I, like I can momma bear protect, but in a leadership where you got to lead a crew, I just, I physically feel small. I feel like my voice-- - You can't loud enough. - I can't get loud enough. So I meant it in the most real sense of that. However, looking back and reflecting, like I know I'm a good leader in certain aspects of my life. And I think the takeaway for me was to understand that great leadership doesn't look the same. Great leadership doesn't always mean you are the loudest, strongest, physical person in a room. Sometimes leadership can be quiet and can be nurturing. And I think those were the things that I realized I do strive in leadership in those, in other specific areas. Like, you know, I want one of the men or like very strong women to lead in that type of physical sense. I don't want to be that. I don't think God created me to be that type of leader either. So I'm like, I'd like all the men to do that, please. - David, you said to me that like a true leader is somebody who can help those, they bring out the strengths and they help those around them believing themselves. And David was a very compassionate leader, very understanding leader. And I love that you say like a leader's not some big like, oh, you do this, you do that. And I. - And have to be. They can be. - Yeah. - I think there's all kinds of leaders in the world and we all need each other. - I think it really is bringing out the best year team. That's so beautiful that you said that. And I remember that because I was like, I really. - I mean, the one thing that is so great about aging is that you look as great as you. I'm not going to look that good at you. You learn to be more selfless and by being more selfless, you become a better leader because you eat last and you take care of everybody else around you. I love it. - Yeah. - You know, that's a thing that hopefully we strive to be because it's not fun to be the guy that's always telling everybody what to do and being a know-it-all. And I'm not saying that's what you were, but I'm saying it's not fun for me. It's fun for me is watching everybody having their experience and succeeding when they weren't going to in the beginning. - No, that's absolutely true. - You know? And that comes from having kids. - No, but to say it sounds like fatherhood. - Yeah. - It's like having your children see or become good human beings is the best thing that can ever happen to you and you're going to have that one day and I hope you remember these words. - I do want to say, like, it was life-changing to be around you talking about your children. To hear you talk about your children and Matt to hear you talk about your children. To see you and, like, that, seeing that, like, parent, child dynamic play out right in front of me and to hear how much love and compassion they all have for their children, like, that changed a lot in my heart. Like, in eight days, that really just rewired a lot and I just love how much you guys would talk about your children. I mean, that was beautiful. That was, and how proud you are as parents. That was really a beautiful thing. - Your mom got out on the first season on the first. - I think she was the first one ever lifted. - No shade here, guys. I mean, it got to feel kind of cool to, like, you literally were the last one, one of the last one standing that have a little extra, like, special meaning to it. - I felt compassion because even after everything I've been through at the hands of her, you know, she heard herself and seeing those injuries around me, like, I mean, I was like, I wouldn't want to know what it's like to get hurt on an environment like this. But it just felt good in the sense that, like, she's been the primary. a person to take so much away from me. 10 years of my childhood, another three years where I was in basically juvenile detention for nothing on my own reason. I was against my will, 'cause I didn't wanna film. And then my dream in the marine, she took that for me, and Q sat in that one challenge. He's like, think about everything she took for me, the red man challenge. So coming out on top of this, it was just, it was nice to know, everything being taken for me, I had a lot of self-doubt. I have a lot of, I'm not confident in myself. I'm not confident myself as a leader. And I realized that. I realized that watching the last episode was like, jeez, what was I doing? I have a long ways to go and a lot to learn. But this did help me to realize that it's in your heart and it's in your head. So it kind of gave me a little sense of redemption. - Yeah, it's always weird watching yourself back on TV and be like, oh, okay, I didn't mean it that way. I kind of think sometimes. But you are a young man. And you are at the stage of life where, you know, I remember being in my early 20s, you think you know it all. And then sometimes you have to have great people around you. - Oh man, I'm sorry. - But what did you learn about yourself through these, you know, this great group of people who clearly like, you know, had your back and want to support you? What was your biggest takeaway from that experience of like, how you developed as a young man? - I just learned so much and like, I mean, they've all said so many little things to me. Like David, I mean, we just like, there's just so much. I just, there's so many lessons about what it means to be a real leader and how you can inspire those around you and how you come off to those around you and how, you know, there's just so many things I learned. Like, like Oliver had a beautiful talk with me. David, like we all, Matt had a talk with me. Like we all had, we've all had these moments and I've realized like you can go through so much your life and try to think that you have to do it all on your own, but you don't. And this wasn't just a group of people, it was a family. And they made me realize that you, the people around you very much matter and to hear them, to open up to them, to be vulnerable. I really learned that. I don't, I learned now, like, that I don't have to try to do everything on my own. I don't have to try to be someone who pushed through everything on my own. The people around you who care about you and love you, they'll want to bring you up and they'll want to be there for you. - I think one thing I saw about Colin was initially, you know, he came in with the experience of being a Marine. So he was a little about, I know this, I know this. Oh yeah, being on the way to being a Marine. I kind of know this, I know that I know how it goes, but I think through the days you saw him becoming more of a, I know this to probably being the biggest sponge of the group. And it took a little forceful conversation at times with him, but you know, I said, if Dave is a dad, I feel like a proud stepdad when I hear him talk, because again, I just remember to me the growth and the ability to turn off what I know or think I know and go ahead and listen to the people who've had a lot of life experience. Because we all know this is a, it's a marathon, not a sprint, you know. Do you don't want to be, take your time being our age. Enjoy your 20s, your 30s and all that stuff, but to David's point of view, I just think so much experience comes with the years we've been on this planet. And I think the biggest thing, one of the biggest things I saw for you was it went from, I know this. I know that to, okay, maybe if I do know what I'm still going to go ahead and listen to the guys that have been through to the girls that have been, go ahead and just add to what I already know. - What I hear too, Colin, when you talk, 'cause I have two boys that are just a little bit older than you. And like, you hear it. There's so many times where everyone could speak into you and you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And keep going on, but every time you have a conversation, I hear you, you listen, you listen well, and you're, you are doing your best to apply it. And I'm just proud of you for that. - Thank you. - Yeah. - Where do you think that comes from, Colin? - That absolutely comes from that like, I had so many adults in my life growing up, but they were never like the, let's sit down and I want to explain this to you. And I want to help you understand this. It was always like, you're going to do this. You're going to do that. I don't care what your emotions are. I don't care how you feel. So I think the most beautiful thing they did was putting me with a group, like I'm the youngest here. So I think the most beautiful thing they did this season was to put me with people with so much love and experience and wisdom with all the people. Yeah. - I was trying not to say that. - Wisdom. - No, but I, like it's different. And David said this to me. He said, you know, I recognize that you didn't have that. You didn't have adults that sat you down, that pulled you aside, that tried to explain that to you, that tried to help you understand why you're feeling how you're feeling. I didn't have any of that as a kid. It was like, get up and film and put on a smile. And even if you're not happy, even if you're the complete opposite of happy, you have to look happy on the outside. So that wanting to hear that and wanting to absorb that, especially at 22 years old, it comes from never doing that as a kid. So now I really am hungry for that. I want to feel and I want to hear what those are saying. And this was only a recent thing. Like this was only in the last couple of months that I've started to really open on my heart and actually really feel what those around me are giving to me. So I truly say this. Like this show was one of the most life-changing things I've ever done in my life. It's really not just a show. It's not just-- - Yeah. - Survival out in the jungle. It's a real thing and there's real emotion. - It's ironic 'cause here's a show where you guys are literally tortured. (laughing) People would ask me, what is it like, you know, like other REI TV shows? It's always, you know, there's a mental challenge of these shows and I'm like, no, they literally torture you. And yet you were in an environment where you're being literally tortured and that was an environment where you actually felt taken care of by your peers. - The most-- - And that being taken care of, it seemed like it really brought out a lot of great things in you. - Shout out to Fox Casting, man. - Yeah, I know. - That was a good group of people together. They really did. - Alexia, what was it like to do the show with your dad and did you ever feel like you were competing with him or what was that like to just have that experience with him? - It was incredible to do it with my dad. It really was and it definitely gave me, I feel like a little leg up, being able to go in, having each other. We are father and daughter, but we're also best friends. And we love to go and adventures together. We're actually planning our next adventure, which is not on TV. It's like gonna be like a actual final ski trip. (laughing) Maybe some jumping in a helicopter's who knows. But you know, that's our thing. So to go into it, it felt like it felt very scary, but it also felt very right to walk in with my father next to me. And you know, in the days leading up to going to the jungle, we got to also see new versions of each other and push each other, whether it was the few times I got to train with him and just seeing him going to the airport with his like camo pants and his camo backpack or like, ah, he's excited. (laughing) I was like, why didn't you put your roller back? He's like, I'm training, I'm like, okay. (laughing) It was just really sweet to see him be excited and share it together. He was so looking forward to this and being able to do something that really pushed us to our limit together was just an experience I will never be able to, like there's no comparison to anything else. - Do you feel like you're his favorite? (laughing) He tells all of us that, so you know, a lot of speculation who's actually the favorite. - Do you feel like you got to learn, see him in a different light and learn a little something more about him? - Definitely, 'cause I mean, he's my father, but he's also my boss at work. So seeing him be yelled at and told what to do. He's not a yellor at all by any means, but to see him be the one to have to take direction and be called names and all the stuff, it was definitely hard. It was not easy to see him hurt, not easy to see him be yelled at, but it was also very beautiful to see him do it with his head held high and, you know, speaking with everybody and connecting with everybody and, you know, he absolutely loved doing this. It was awesome. - When he disqualified himself, like what did that feel like and was there any part of you that felt like you wanted to go with him or, 'cause it kind of felt like you guys had like an unspo-- He kind of gave you a nod. I don't know if there was more to it that we didn't get to see, but what did that moment feel like? And yeah, how did you find it within yourself to keep going? - Well, what they didn't speak about on the show was that my dad actually hurt his bicep before going into the jungle. His arm was really hurting him. He was wrapping it. He was in a lot of pain and he was bearing through it. So I already knew he was hurt beginning of day one. And then when he hurt his rib, suddenly it started shifting. He was hiding it from me. You know, he, ah! And I was like, what was I? He's like, oh, I was just laughing. That's when I started to get concerned because I was like, I don't know how much pain he really is in if he's lying about it. Like that started to make me feel very stressed out I'm very anxious because I also did not want to go. And, you know, one of the days he said to me, he's like, we made it to day four. He said, like, if you want to go, I'll go with you 'cause he knew I wanted to make it to day four. That was always my goal. And when he said that, I knew that things were really bad. Like, I'm reading between the lines and I don't want to tell my dad to go because I know he really wants to be here. But suddenly, like that weight of him, knowing that he was in pain was really sitting on my chest especially as I was accepting the fact that I think I can really make it and I can really do this. So I started to really feel protective over him and I really wanted to kind of tell him, you know, like, this isn't right anymore. And I think he was going to see with each challenge, how far he could go. But once we got to the gas chamber and he knew he was going to be coughing in his rib was cracked. He was like, it was the right time to leave. So there was half, half relief to an extent, because I wanted him there. But I was just glad to know that he wasn't going to put himself. I honestly wondered how long he was going to keep going and made me nervous. Yeah, I felt horrible. Scary was the gas chamber, because that's the one thing on my season we didn't have to do. And I remember being terrified. I remember being like, this is the gas chamber one, there comes. And I remember me like, I don't know if I have the guts to do it. We found out we got lucky because apparently in New Zealand, it's illegal. But I've talked to some other contestants in previous seasons and have him describe it. But I'd love to hear from you guys. What was that like? Because it looks unsafe. It seems insane and truly terrifying. It was definite. Listen, so we're in the woods, right? And they're like, yeah, you know, put this stuff on. So I'm like, okay, it's not that bad, right? But then I'm kind of smelling it. And so they put us in the room in Billy being Billy literally distracting me. He's just like, yeah, take off the mask. I'm like, huh? He's like, take it off. And he literally just grabs it and instantly, yeah, just hit me in my chest. And I'm like, I practice breathing techniques. So I'm like, yo, I can't breathe too deep. And I'm breathing. It's in my eyes and my chest. I'm like, it felt like death, like instantly and someone's choking you. It's time to go. I don't know how they lasted. No, but to be honest, I mean, backing up what she said, when you're first getting a whiff of it going down, they're like, oh, man, this is serious. You know what I mean? Far away. Yeah, we're not even in the building. We're getting closer. I'm like, oh, this is going to hurt. We get there. Yeah, everything. I'm like, oh, good. No. And then when they take the mask off, it's just like, oh, we're in this, you know what I mean? And I think the only thing they got our group through was just that will to push through. Like we have to do this. We have to, I mean, she was couldn't see on her way out, but then she came back and told me, do you tell me the coordinates or the name of the thing? The boat was ours. She told me the name of the boat. You know, yeah, she told me the name of the boat. I'm like, all right, that's all I need. And then I didn't even know when I was going back to get the coordinates, but I was like, man, she thugged it out for us. Like, let's make sure we get the coordinates and and make sure we accomplish this because I've never done anything like that. And I think I said at the end, like that was one of the coolest crazy things that I'll never do again. But like, it was really just willpower, you know, me because the second they take that mask off, I can understand anyone just running out of the room because it's that intent and it hit you that fast. If you don't have any preparation for that or understanding of what that feels like, it's like you're hitting that, you know, hitting the chest with the sledgehammer. So it's just it was, it was interesting, but I just think being able to calm down and understanding. I think everyone's spoken this whole time about group and team. You got to do this as a team that's figured out and, you know, like it enough, really only group that made it out. Yeah. That turn around was really awesome. I think that, I mean, seriously, it felt like death. You know, it was probably the closest thing to feeling what death could probably feel like. But the thing I think that brutal I listened to was the team was the bond that I'm not like I like this like so right now, you know, you breathe normal, but you're taking like baby breaths like a little breath. Just take tiny breath just to get through it. And you're looking at your your teammate next to you and you're like, okay, I'm not going about, I don't care what it takes, but I'm not going to about and let them down. Yeah. And I think that that's the only thing that really kept us in. And then I couldn't see anything. And thank God that he figured out the last coordinates because there was no there was no way that I was even looking at the number. I was pretending like I could see it. And how long is it linger afterwards? It's once you get out, it's not too bad. I think once we got up, when they're talking, as you see the snott and boogers and cheers coming out, but I think once we kind of got up there, and we poured it off, like it slowly starts to wear off. So once you're out, you're good. Yeah. It can stretch your throat though. It feels like your throat is just expanding, can't breathe. And then it burns. It's not just like itchy, but it's like all internal burning, too. It's like inside. It's just. It's like you're like high and proper. And yeah, when he took off your mask, were you running for an exit? Is that what you're doing? But when we got in there, I was already like done. You know, you're freaking out under your mask. Because you said it before it was even so hard just in the jungle. And I was like, wait, what's happening? What's happening? And my eye, I couldn't see it. So when we got in there, I was like, oh, I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. Just look at the door. I went up to Foxy and he, I was like, I went to my arm band off. She was like, I can't, I have to get out. I'm about. I thought I was going to die. Yeah. And so he ripped my mask off and then showed us where the door was and I jumped out and I thought, oh, I'm done. Like I'm over. But I, I was not in a rational place of mine because I legit thought I was going to die. It was like, oh, I don't actually have to quit the show. Like I have to, I just have to get out of there. So once I got out, Foxy was like, oh, did you drop your arm band? Yeah, absolutely dropped it. And I'm like, yeah. About it. It was a moment of panic. It wasn't a true VW. But she literally rested off. I remember being in there like, oh, my God. What are we doing? I don't know what's happening. Did everyone take like a deep breath to when they first took the mask up, which is a wrong thing to do? Like I know that deep breath right away. I'm taking a deep breath before. Right away, I did. No, I did it right when they took it off. And I was like, oh, that's not. I shouldn't have did that. Oh, my God. That's crazy. I still don't know how you guys stayed in there as long as that kind of like you were kind of like, I did that. Like I was proud. That's what I was proud is that you're kind of, I did that. Oh, that one and then the tunnel because like, lots of obvious scares me to death. And you got to think, I saw, I didn't know, obviously, until I watched that episode, the way they got to move around the tunnel was not the way I was. I was like a slug in there. There's one point in the tunnel where I'm arms past my shoulders and I'm wiggling my whole body through certain areas. And that was the scariest one to me, but those two right there, the gas thing and that one were probably the two products that was a product that wasn't at least the other recruits said that you don't have an ounce of fear in you. At least they didn't spot me. What scares you? I kept a good poker face. That's one thing about boxing. If you have a poker face, you can get away with a lot, but I was actually terrified with the tunnel. And if you saw in that episode, Oliver, he's like, I got to put my gloves on. I'm like, can you go? That is gloves on first. What was that? Why did he? Was he just stalling? I don't know. I don't know. That sounds like a stall exactly. I'm like, I'll be pleased. In my mind, for that one, I'm like, okay, let me face my fear in being a leader in that because they asked us right before who wants to go in first. And I was going to do it. I'm like, nah, just like Oliver. So, Oliver went, but I was definitely freaking out. Yeah. Yeah. But claustrophobia. Yeah, for sure. Do not like that. That was my easiest one. Yeah, you were a leader in that one real big time. We failed it, but we walked up it so proud. It's huge in there guys. I was like, this is great. I was actually thankful that I didn't have a partner once I watched the show because I realized like all I had, I couldn't have waited for nobody. Because I had to try to make it through each little crevice. And I think obviously if I had a partner, I would have remembered the numbers right. But I was also thinking like, I couldn't imagine if someone's in front of me and they give up in my big, but stuck in here, like what's going to, you know what I mean? So, I was really happy that it worked out that way that I went in by myself and I can go into my own pace and get around and move around because I think if I had to wait for someone to be in front of me or wait for someone to be behind me, like, I don't know how I would have reacted to that. I started telling them early on like, my soldiers are getting caught. My soldiers are getting caught. Go through. And then the bombs go off. I'm like, oh, it's really going down in here. I've got to get. Yeah, it's hard to pay. Yeah, it's right. Try my hardest not to, because that's my biggest fear is like claustrophobia. So it was, it was, it was scary. I'm curious because like, I think one of the biggest challenges doing this show is that it's so personal and every, every challenge is so long and so growing. And then you watch it back and you're like, that was longer. Then, you know, there's so many, they can't show everything. It's hard to talk about how long the day is. The first three episodes, he and I are going back and forth on our outside of the group chat. They didn't show this. They didn't show that. What are we? We're just curious. What are some of the challenging moments that meant a lot to you guys that we didn't get to see? First of all, the challenges were a lot longer than the way that they made it out. And there was a lot of physical things that they didn't show because they were showing, you know, the people that were obviously exiting first. And so, you know, that was more important than the grit on the show. And I think that the first three days, there was so much physicalness that they didn't capture or the heat or what we went through that no one really understood the pain that we went through. I mean, I remember that first night when we did the obstacle course, they made that thing last like, it was like, five minutes, it was like an hour. - Totally. - Like we were dead. - Yeah. - You know. - Also the anticipation. - Yeah, and so for me, I was a little, like I was like, oh wow, we didn't join any of this. Like I hope that this is not the whole season like this. - You guys are gonna get in the PG version of what he was telling me, brother. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, you know? - No, I know the feeling, right? Like I said, watching it back, I felt like I was in there with you guys, 'cause like no one can appreciate just like, you feel like you have nothing left and they're like, keep going and then go for like another hour and they just keep beating you down. And yeah, there's no more, there's no mercy. - There was so many in between moments to aside from parts of the challenges that they didn't show, but times back at the base camp. Like, do you remember when we had to clean? - Oh, yeah. - I was thinking, oh yeah. - And we were moving, we were just cleaning. - It was so easy. - We were just cleaning. - Like 30 to 50 pounds. - There was so much. - Sandbags moving, you guys were picking up leaves and raking and, but they were just exhausting us before we were going out for the next challenge, but they didn't show any of that kind of stuff. - Yeah, like little stuff. I think on our season, right before we all fought each other, we had to like run out, felt like a mile, and but they had us run behind the trucks that were like blowing out exhaust, you know, and like they are doing it on purpose. So we're choking on exhaust, right before we fought, and that was after like a five hour off, you know, it was crazy. But like, it's those little nuances. Like you see, you guys remember that you experienced that the audience is-- - Well, challenges take half a day. - You know what I mean? Like pretty much a challenge is a half a day, you know. - Well, there was also, we got the bomb, too. - We got, oh, I got a bomb. - Grrr. - I got all the bombs going on. - Oh, that's a little funny. - From a while away, and you can hear 'em, and it rattles you. I was like a foot away from one of the bombs, that way. - And you had all the stuff all over your memory. - Yeah, I was covered in powder, and I got like the most intense ear pains. And now I'm totally fine, but my ear drum was, was really swollen, but I was getting a lot of like, shooting pains inside, and I felt like the first couple days. I was like, crack a jugs and being so cool, but then after I got a bomb. (laughing) - Everyday, after like, this is serious, guys. I was like, oh, Rack, I didn't know which way it was up. - Oh, yeah. - I was like, did I get in the car to we ran, and it exploded right next to the car, and it went all in the car, it was all, hurt your drum burst, and it was all in our mouth and our eyes. They didn't, I bet you they didn't even show it up. - I was thinking of it. - But I'm the person to do that, too, though, 'cause I'm like, ah, it's fine, we'll rub some dirt on it, as long as it looked good. (laughing) - That was so cool. - The bug situation. If you noticed, at the episode, everybody's face was so messed up. - Yeah. - Chicken pox. - Looks like chicken pox. - Up, I mean, my face was swollen from your hands. - Your hands, my hands, I was itchy. It was so bad, and like those moments were just unbearable. At nighttime, I'm itchy, and we got mosquito spray that's not working. - No, it's not doing them. They like that. - It was probably me. - They like it. - They like it. - It was making them want to eat us. - Yeah, they like it. - They like it. - Everyone that did the spray got worse by that. - I didn't do the spray. - I did the spray. - Never got, never did the spray. - And your bites went on that bad, right? - No, I mean, I look at my, I look like an iguana on the show. (laughing) The big guys popping up and everything. But no, we all got destroyed with the mosquitoes. But I'll tell you one thing that they didn't plan and that I found out later, after doing the show, was everything that happened was Matt and I, when we went back, we got lost for four hours, and that was not planned at all, where you saw camera guys next to us like getting scared. - I tried to help one, and I wasn't allowed to help 'em, because when we were, there wasn't no director producer with us, it was just the camera. There was a two people with us. - Two guys that were trying to keep up. - And one guy got stuck just as deep as us initially. So once I fought, that's why they don't show me how I was stuck. They show me kind of being out and looks like I'm just crawling on the top, but I was almost to my waist in it. I'm 6'8", but the camera man that was next to me was right there too, and I'm like, bro, give me your camera, let me help him, and then someone said, no! I'm like, we're gonna let this dude get eaten by this thing, 'cause you don't want a contestant to help 'em like it got serious. - Yeah, during that moment was there ever a, 'cause you know, you're watching it and it's like, oh my god, this is so intense, it's so serious, then you're like, wait, there is a camera following this. So was there ever a really guys? Can y'all call someone, please? Or was it, did it feel as bad as the last one? - You know when you get to a place where you start to get cold and tired, you start like thinking goes out the window, and you react off each other, really. And when I saw him start cramping and getting really tired, I was like, holy shit, okay, this is like real. - It's real, and then you look at the camera guys and they're like begging for you not to run anymore because they can't keep up anymore, you know? - By the way, that was one not to cut you off. The camera crew was so dope and at the light of the man. - Amazing, yeah, amazing. - Through everything and fall, they were incredible. But back to your point, like I thought we were gonna spend the night there, obviously you saw this guy say, let's swim across the water, like, yeah, right. - You were like, I was just, you move right there. - Yeah, that was great, that was nice. - And that and all, but he was dead set for a set. - That was a great watch, yeah, that was a great watch. - Oh, no question, I wasn't going. - I don't know, but I looked at him and he was like, I'm not going, bro. I thought we were probably gonna have to sleep there or something. Like, I'm trying to like look back, and we sleep on this, because we were blowing the whistles. Obviously, when we blow the whistle on the show, like Rudy starts hearing instantly, but we were blowing whistles forever. - And we thought we were birds. - The birds were mocking our whistles for a minute. - No, no, no. - And you said that either. Birds were mocking our whistles, so we thought someone would be close and we'd be there another hour. Like, that must have not have been a human. That was blowing the whistle back. - Yeah, it was. - What was the rest of you all doing at the time? - We were eating tacos. - You were blowing? - You know, it was gonna see if he realized how lost it was. - You were back, I mean, by the time we knew they were gone when everything was happening, we were like, oh my gosh, Matt, David, what's going on? And we're like, we didn't even want to eat our own food, because we were just like, we're supposed to be eating together. We're supposed to be all showering together. - It was dark. - It was dark. - Yeah, it was. - We all, and thundering too, there's lightning. - Yeah. - What kind of conversations did you all have with Oliver after that? 'Cause obviously he was-- - Oliver felt really bad, right? - Yeah. - Remember, he was in the back of the car? He felt really bad because he was, he was, they didn't show how bad Matt got in the car. Like, we literally had to stop the car and let Matt out. And then I started cramp, I don't know what happened, but I started cramping as well. So we're both in the car going, wait, we can't, you gotta get an ambulance 'cause we can't sit down. We can't get in back there. The ambulance for everything was water, which pissed me off. But also, I mean, to keep in mind, I'm in that car initially when I'm feeling good and I'm still kind of cramped. I'm still like this in the car. So imagine if my body starts to cramp. It's because I, it was, it was probably when I said that I was, and I, again, played sports my whole life professionally, like that, that was the hardest thing I went through because once those cramps started kicking in, like I had no control and I cramped the rest of the shell like at the next three days. - Yeah. - I cramped everything we did and I was just like, "Oh." - Oliver felt bad. Oliver felt pretty bad. - Yeah, about it, but what was he? Fires fault, you know? - I appreciated the fact that he, like, he, you know, he was very transparent the whole time, you know what I mean? And that's what I love about him. He's just such a fun-loving spirit and really at peace with who he is and what he's about. Although he says he struggles with it. It was clear that he's just like, "I'm not good if I go back." So that's why initially he's like, "Who's gonna go?" I'm like, "I'll go." I know I can handle it. I'm strong enough, I can handle this. And then, you know, David joined me. But I appreciate that kind of transparency. Like, you gotta know what you're good at. And he knew where he was and what his strengths were and knew that that probably wouldn't be the best move for him. And I don't hold it against him at all. Like, it was like, we were going out there for the team and that's what we did. - The speaking of Oliver and Y'all's fight against each other. - Yeah. - What was going through your head when he wouldn't stop bunching you and the DS is like, "Stop, stop, stop." - So you have to realize that before the fight, Oliver thought that him and I were probably gonna fight together. I thought I was either gonna fight Mauricio or Oliver because we're kind of the same weight in the way. But Oliver says to me right before the fight goes, "Look, bro, I got a movie in the next two weeks. You cannot hit me in the face." (laughing) And I'm like, "Oh, okay, yeah, sure, no problem, no problem." I got you, you know? So sure enough, we get picked together. The first thing that happens, he hits me in the face. (laughing) And I'm like, "Okay, it's on." But honestly, when you go into that space and the scenery and the guys and the people and you haven't slept really well and you haven't eaten very well, your whole life is basically disrupted, right? I couldn't see, I could only see red at that moment and I couldn't hear him when he said, "Stop." Now you have to keep in mind that when I was hitting him like this, I was not going all out. I was hitting him, but I couldn't hear him say, "Stop." So when he pulled me aside, I was shocked because I really didn't hear him because if I would have heard him, of course I would have stopped. But you know, that's what happens when you're in those moments and that's what's kind of incredible about the show is that they put you in these circumstances that you have not lived in a, I mean, I don't know Matt, maybe he fights, you know, every month, every month, every month. Which by the way, I have to say one thing. When I saw Matt come on the show, I was like, "Oh shit, we're going to have a fucking huge problem here." But what I realized was this guy's, you know, he's a beautiful human being. - Thank you. - You know, he's got a heart of gold. He's all about family, which I really identified. And, you know, he wasn't who I thought at all he was going to be. He was actually much better than I ever thought, you know, for sure. But the thing that happens is that they put you in this circumstance, where you find out about yourself in such a crazy way. Yeah, you know, but no, that was crazy. It was crazy. Yeah, it was cool. I mean, cool to see all you guys, but as a, well, I'm not young, but as a young father, I've younger daughters, particularly you too. It was really cool to see just like how important it is for you guys to be protectors of the people you love and to step up in difficult times. Which, to me, like being a dad, that's kind of what it's all about. Like, again, the show has these unique situations where you get to rise to the occasion to be there for your people. And it was cool to see you guys kind of show. Well, I think that's what he spoke to earlier when he was talking to Colin, but as I mean, he was explaining what it's like to be a father, what it's like to be a protector, a protector of provider. And I think that was something that we definitely did over the group was just like, hey, you know, respectfully physically, we feel like we can handle this. We know there's some people that may need it, you know, a help. And I don't even think we necessarily spoke about it. I just think it was natural. Every opportunity we had to help or get someone through like the goal was to get the whole team through. I wish the whole team could have won. And I think that's the mindset that we kind of took for sure during that during the show. And then when we all wrote those letters, the way that they all wrote about their children, like, I really, that, that hit me in my heart really hard. I don't think they showed that though, right? No, it didn't show that they didn't show that. That was a ball of your letters. It's a vulnerable moment. Yeah, probably really beautiful letter. But it was the good buy letter, right? If we're not going to see our kids and keep them, I have four sons and then three step, I have seven kids. So it's just like, how do you say goodbye to? I found his letters the other day. Really? That's awesome. So did you bring y'all's letters home? No, we gave her a letter. It was my husband on Friday. Yeah, we gave her letters to that. I think I gave her a fast one to my journal. My little, I'm calling it a journal, my notebook thing. I kept my little notebook too. Yeah, and I slipped it in there because I wanted to remember it. And I just found it with Unites ago and my anniversary is on Friday. And even though it's really sad and dark, I still want to give it to my husband. That's nice. It's awesome. You're really sweet too. I also think that, you know, what the show didn't show was that I think that the way we actually really were bonded together, which they didn't show, was the evenings when we had these special talks. Yeah. Like the special talks that we had, I think bonded us so much quicker than maybe other seasons. Like when I got out out of the show, you know, I had the therapist that came up here, are you okay? It's everything time. You know, how do you feel? And he said, and he said, I want you to know that we have never seen a group of people come together this quickly. Like it usually takes the six or seventh day and after the third day, you guys were like locked in. You really fostered that, by the way. You fostered that feeling. Yeah. You did. You did. Seriously. You know, I'll tell you this, the reason why I felt like doing that was because I knew that if we were going to be more connected and there was more love, that we were going to succeed together at more things. Yeah. You know, that was it. But also too, not to get you off there, but listening to everyone's letter made us, made me love and appreciate everybody more. Yes. Absolutely. And me want to lock in even more for everyone. Yeah. For sure. You're in that room, that vulnerable moment, and it's like you see people differently. You're so vulnerable. You're so okay. And you're like, well, we're here. And even somebody like this beautiful lady here, you know, she is so strong when you're walking. Like I remember like before the show started, we crossed paths at the like buffet. And I was like, damn, this girl does not break her look. She's so serious. She's determined she's going to kill this freaking thing. But there was a moment where she shared with us about her pops. And I was like, wow. Now I understand. Like, all this makes sense. You know, now I know how she runs, you know, the whole thing. But it was those kind of moments. I think that brought us all really together. Is that a private moment? Or is that something maybe you could share a little bit? Was what you shared? My dad is who started me in boxing. He's the one who instilled the work ethic, you know, wanting to work hard. And knowing you have to, you have to put all of the work in, you know, he's. I want the full cake, not just part of it. And my dad just instilled that with me. And I lost my dad two years ago. I mean, no one thinks about losing a parent. And so when it hit me, I'm like, wow, this is crazy. So I'm so navigating that. And I also just came from a fight. Like I just fought in April. We shot the show a week later. So I'm on this high. And I'm just like in the jungle. And I'm just really just there. So I think you see in one of the episodes, the Red Man one. I got so emotional. I'm like, dang, they got me. I am an emotional woman. Like I have a little keep a poker face. And when I have to, but I'm very soft and very emotional. I do love to cry, do love to show that. And they really brought that out. What was it about that challenge that had that was difficult for you to kind of shut off that emotion? It's just a build up, you know, as a fighter, you're competitive. You're fighting for something. You're literally punching somebody. It's a combat sports contact. And so for months, I'm training. And so there's this build up. It's just being built up, built up, you know. And sometimes how do you express your emotion? Sometimes I do it. Crying or fighting. But I didn't have any time to really decompress from the fight. And then go back into the jungle. And now I get to punch on somebody. And so even Billy was like, stop. Like he had to pull me off. She pulled the shova. He had to pull me off. And I was just like, wow. Like you find these things that you bottle up for years sometimes. And then they're still there. And it's healthy still, you know, to recognize those things. And I got to recognize that these emotions are still there. And it felt good to cry. It really felt good to release that. I think I said in episode, it's going to hurt, but it's going to feel good. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fascinating. Because obviously even when you guys fought each other, your experience was a little bit different. Because I think I was either Billy or who, but they were like being control. Which was very different than they told me. They were like, go be an animal. They were like go to yourself. And I'm like, I got very different instructions. But even watching you, you could tell how control, how any control you were. And obviously you being a professional fighter. Was that kind of a scary, like how did you handle that moment? Because again, you're a trained fighter. And here you are fighting Maxim. Yeah. You kind of had to volunteer. So what was that whole experience? And what were you going, what was going on in your head while you were doing that? Well, I would say one. Everyone was like wondering who was going to fight me. I thought that was funny. Everybody was just like, I'm like, am I my, I'm like, guys, it's not that serious. But they're like, no, we need to know. And as a fighter and growing up, you know, I've worked with bigger people, smaller people. And you have to learn to work with certain people. And so I'm a professional. I know what this looks like. I know that I'm not going to go out there and beat up Max. Like that's not okay. But it's all about control, aggression. It's all about how you can control yourself. And I give Max like all the props for volunteering because that takes guts. A lot of, I mean, I'm in a male dominated sport. Sometimes I don't want to hit a woman. They think that's just not okay. So I give him respect for that. But, you know, when Billy's telling me like, you know, you got to control yourself. I'm like, sir, I've been here. I know it's absolutely what you do. You know? And so, like, you could just kind of tell. I'm just kind of like, well, a lot, like a la la land. Because I'm like, I've been here before. No, what happens? And so when we're like fighting, you know, Max hit me. I'm like, okay, I got to give him a little something. And then, you know, I'm like, what happened? I'm like, what happened? Like, what happened? What happened? What happened? the Red Man challenge a little bit, 'cause it seemed emotional for majority of the people. I'm curious kind of what you all had to channel to find that anger, essentially. - Yeah, who are you fighting, so this is when you were doing it? - I was fighting my stalker. I had a stalker some years ago and he had came into my house and he took a sense of safety away from me. - Oh my God. - And that still bothers me that someone was in my house. He took a sense of safety and now I feel like I have to look at my surroundings and when someone takes something from you, you want to get that back. And so that's what I channeled in that moment of my safety and feeling like I have to protect myself. Even though I'm a fighter, I self-to-protect myself as a woman. And I'm fighting a man, like you never know what these situations look like. And in that moment, I just thought that Red Man was a stalker. - I have a question for you, because I obviously watched the show. And I think somebody asked you the question on the show and you didn't want to respond to that answer. You didn't want to give that answer. What's the difference between being on the show and not wanting to give the answer to now being so free with it? - Just acceptance, I think. I think just understanding that you, it's okay to be vulnerable. There's some things you want to keep to yourself. I have to remember like, somebody can learn from this. Someone can be influenced by it. So I'm like, why not? - I'm amazed that you said it. Like, you know, she didn't say it on the show. - Yeah, yeah. - I definitely said it in the interview, but they didn't really show that part, but yeah. - Okay. - It was awesome. - I was pumped after Red Man. - Yeah, you were. - You're the only one who's like, "Oh my gosh." - You're the only one who's like, "Yeah." - Yeah. - I was like, "I'm trying to kill her, Candy." You're like, "I knew Candice was going all Spider-Monkey." - Oh my gosh! - I did that, I was like, "I want to do that again!" - It's good. - I actually really enjoyed it way more than I thought I was going to. - Have you punched any one since? - I do not. - I don't know. I think it's the best therapy ever. I think everyone should have a Red Man punch. - I agree. - Once a year, did you get a heavy bag, at least after special forces? - I should. - Did you guys all know it was really? - Yeah, I did. - I thought it was really fast. - I knew that like the end. - No, it was like a bit. - I looked in right in the, as it was running at clock as eyeballs. - Yeah. - And I knew exactly who it was. - I felt Rudy. - He felt it. - Oh, he's strong. - He's strong, he's strong. - He's throwing me around. - He's an animal. - Yeah, he's so strong. - It was emotional for you too, Hannah. What kind of did you channel for that? You know, at the top, I was like, "I'm going to channel people that are mean to little kittens because I like rescuing kittens." And then he kind of got in my ear and was like, "Channel this that's happened in your life and this and this and all these like mean men." And then I just got super overwhelmed. And then yeah, I just started trying to throw as many punches as I could, but Rudy's really strong. So I remember watching him back like, "What? I put a fist together and went like, (laughing) "What was I even doing?" I think, yeah, I just like, browned out. I don't really know. Like what happened? But yeah, I think that was really overwhelming. - You also had a really cool moment 'cause like so much of your season was like, you kind of talking about obviously you lead with comedy, you kind of hide behind that a little bit. You kind of like to take a back seat. But towards the end, when Matt, I think it was Matt lost the map. And you like really stepped up and kind of remembered where to go. How did that feel to really kind of rise to be a leader in that moment? And has that stuck in with you since? And are you more willing to kind of take less of a back seat ever since that experience? - Yeah, I think, you know, I kind of just lucked out in that moment because I had remembered the bearings, so that helped me a lot in that sense. I think my sense of direction in general is horrible. I've been like that ever since I was a kid. If I'm ever, you know, staying in a hotel, I'm always turning like the opposite way to the elevator all the time. - Me too. - Yeah, I don't know what it is, the time. - Yeah, I've lived here for 10 years and I still can't figure out how to get home without a GPS. - I think it's so sweet. (laughing) But then like, I don't know, I think just in that moment, you know, the map went away, but also I will owe it to, you know, Alexia and Matt, that we were really supportive with each other and I just felt really calm. You know, that was one of the first challenges that we didn't have Billy screaming in our ears. That felt really nice. - Yeah, it felt really quiet. And I could just think and yeah, and then we found our way. - I think Hannah was one of that kind of the unsung heroes of the group because I don't think they showed and I'm a few episodes behind forgive me, but how much they picked on her? Like, they talked so much trash to her and she just had such a good spirit and energy about her at time, or she's all the time, but at times you could see it was kind of getting to her, but she never let that affect how her energy around us was. And I was like, yeah, you're very strong right now. - I'm glad you brought that up because that's another part that I don't think the show can really capture with how much it's editing. I was halfway through and I just wanted a hug from the S's. I wanted validation because they're just constantly belittling you and beating you down. And again, there's a method to their madness, but that aspect of the torture or the challenge is something that they can't capture, but it really does drain you because so much of getting through these tough times is having that pat on the back and things like that. And then that's, I'm glad you brought that up. Is that a such a big part of the course that the show never really looks like that. - But once you get going, everyone comes in with an idea what their goals are, I want to make it this many days and I came in wanting to win, you know what I mean? But while you're doing that, you don't want to lose your teammates either. At first, when Shady left them out, there's one down 'cause it didn't seem like he cared. He left the first morning and it was kind of like, okay, this house is going to be within as we spent more time with each other, it was like, dang, I didn't want to lose anybody. Like I said earlier, like I want to just all win. That's all try to get over this finish line because again, you share so much and learn so much about each other that even though my individual goal was to win, it was just like, I want to win with everybody, and I want to win by myself, yeah. - There was a tournament where I came up to Matt and I was like, I just need a dad hug. I need it. - Yeah. - For that reason, like I just needed someone to say, like, you got this in a nurturing way. - 'Cause they're just like, you're a loser. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Like I thought I did well. Was it a challenge, especially for Matt and Alicia? You guys are professional athletes, you're used to winning, but like you realize quickly in this course, all the challenges pass fail. And at the end of the day, it's not really whether you pass the challenge or how did you respond to the adversity. Was that something that you guys struggled with? - I wouldn't say struggle. I think part of my thing was wanting to keep the same momentum as a competitor. Like I got to stay up front. I got to show that I'm good. I got to show them I'm the athlete. Like that was like the pressure I put on myself. But then after like Ty went by, I'm like, listen, I'm showing up and that's all I'm gonna give myself credit for, I'm showing up and I'm okay with that. After I like took off that competitive hat 'cause I'm like, y'all got it. - I looked at it as just early on. I wanted I was proud that I was finishing all the challenges, but my thing was finish. Whether I won or my group won or whatever it was, my thing was just make sure I finish these challenges because again, kind of seeing that sometimes you'll finish the challenge and not win. So you have no kind of control if you're gonna win my goal going through this, actually being a competitor and athlete was I just want to make sure I finish every challenge. - Yeah, it makes sense. - I took it hard to myself because I don't know if they showed this, but I actually failed the most challenges out of everybody. - Oh really? - I had the most fails. Yep, I was counting. We were all like, oh, how many have you passed and how many and I had the most fails. And that really got in my head. I was like crap, like eventually I was like, I don't think I can do anything right. And I was trying to take back a sense of control, but I just couldn't, but I just kept telling myself you just have to keep going. - What did you learn from that kind of realization of how much you actually didn't pass the challenges and yet you were one of the last people standing? - I just think it looked like life. It was like life you fail so much. And if you can keep going, it was like a little miniature version of life, falling a couple of days. And I was like, I literally got fail, fail, fail, fail, fail. There's a lot they don't show. Thank God they don't show the DS saying fail every time because there's been a lot for me. - But what's interesting too is with you as again, I said earlier, I felt like you learned the most, but you learned the most through, I feel like as an athlete, you didn't learn the most through like when you're winning all the time, you get a few, you know, nuggets here to take with you to help you move on, but when you lose is when you kind of learn about yourself and then learn more about what you need to do. So it's interesting you say that because I feel like you came out of it and you said it yourself, but the most, you gain the most as an individual. So it's interesting that I didn't know you had the most fails. I wouldn't have known that, but it was interesting because I get it to me as an athlete, that's when you learn as through the failure. - Alexia, do you mind if we dive into kind of the story that you shared on the show? - That's all right, yeah. - I first want to apologize for that happening to you. - Thank you. - I went through something similar. I can't imagine having to talk about it on national television show. I can't imagine having to tell my dad about it on national television show. My husband actually encouraged me to tell my mom and it was a phone call as well. But I wanna know how you found that strength and that courage because I know how hard it is to not make your parents feel like they failed you in some way. And so I wanted to know how you found that strength to tell your dad. - Well firstly, obviously I know the cameras are there. I know we're doing the show, but it really was more about stripping myself of every restraint I've ever felt. And that was something that just even with all the time that had passed and all the healing that I've had, it was just on my chest. And every night we spoke, we shared stories and we all got vulnerable so many times and it just felt, there was no plan. It just felt like the right step forward. And I'm so glad that I did. And I'm so glad I got to speak about it with all of you guys because I feel like it was just so much of a release that I didn't know would allow me to step forward in that way, but it really did. And doing that and opening up to all of you guys forced me to call my mom, which I didn't even do until right before the episode. Well actually right before I knew teasers would come out about it 'cause even after the show filming it, I was still so scared because I knew that my family's hurt and they're hurt and you're exactly right. I never wanted them to think that they failed in any way because my mom and my dad had protected me every step of the way and the reality was that I was in a safe space and there was no one to blame except that person, but I still felt like they tell you these things. They warn you and then it happens anyway [BLANK_AUDIO] - It's, I'm just so glad that I did finally talk about it. - Did you regret it after the show? Did you have moments of like, maybe I don't want them to air it on TV? - Not at all. - Okay. - 'Cause going into, before we even went into the jungle, we talked to a couple like the therapist and she did tell me that if there's anything you say that you don't want to be aired, they will listen to that. So that also allowed me to kind of like strip away the thought that it was gonna be on camera. And just like, I knew that I could allow myself to have this very real experience and decide later if I could take it out. And, you know, I just thought to myself like, this might really help people. And, you know, I did tell other people after that I talked about it on the show before aired and they ended up opening up to me, how about happen to them and allowed them to speak up. And, I, that extra confirmed that this was the right thing to do because I got so many messages saying to me that it also happened to them, which by the way, I'm sorry, happened to you too. And, it was so overwhelming, emotionally and, you know, but also empowering to know we were like, you know, not alone and to be that person that people could reach out to, but I also feel so guilty. Honestly, I have to say because there were so many that it was also this like dark like, oh my God, what kind of world are we living in? And I also don't have the emotional capacity to respond to every single person that did respond to me and message me, but it did feel like we were in it together. - I just wanna say like, I feel like a little brother to you and seeing when you said that, I was like proud of my big sister and I just wanna say, I'm so proud of you and I also wanna say that while it's scary to like talk about things on national television, we all have platforms to be able to put the things out there that need to be said. And I've learned that at 20 years old, I've learned that. Silence only protects the bad guy and something like that. You are so brave for talking about that, that needs to be out there, that needs to be said. I just wanna say like, I feel like a proud younger brother right now and you're very brave. - Thank you. - And thank you for using your voice and putting that out there for all to be seen. You put light on all corners of the world and that was very brief. - I have to say that above all, like I don't know what drove us all to be together but seeing all of us be vulnerable and share things that are really hard to talk about, each one of us. It was so life changing and so special and it was so healing and so beautiful and I'm just so like, some people were like, you know, it's weird to open up about it on TV but it's, I personally didn't feel like it was a TV show when we were there. - Yeah, when you're in it, that's not very real. - It was so real. - Isn't that why the show is so great? Is that there is no directors, there is no producer, we're gonna take this take again. You know, you missed your, you know. - Yeah. - It was a full immersive experience. - That were basically carrying us out throughout the whole thing and that's what I think makes the show so incredible. People go, so was that really happened? I'm like, yeah, bro, that really happened. - 10 times worse. (laughing) - Well, Alexia, and I hope I say this the right way but when that moment was happening, I'm gonna try not to get emotional but sorry. I was holding my daughter and sorry. You got me when that whole scene happened and I couldn't understand, like, Natalie walked in the room and I was like sobbing crying and I think there was something about, you know, you're telling your dad this story and I think any parent, you know, you wanna protect your kid above all any bad things that can happen and obviously something bad happened to you and not that you can never fully heal from something that happened but obviously watching you go through that experience, like it seemed like you told your dad in a way that like, I'm okay and you were kind of going through this course like you were a badass, you know, in a way where it's, you know what I'm saying? And it felt like I hope nothing terrible happens to my daughters but like I hope I would've been really proud for you to be my daughter in that moment. It was really cool and I just, like, I was sobbing so I'm like the more and back, it was just, it was just, you know, not that, I'm sure it was difficult to tell your dad but I thought in the weirdest possible way, it was a special moment that you guys shared. - It was. - That you guys shared. - It really was and I appreciate you saying that so much. - So sorry, I don't even know. It was tough to watch. I was literally holding my child and I'm watching this. - Yeah, well thank you. And I also wanted to kind of say, like, you know, there was a couple of people that reacted poorly to how my father reacted and I didn't, he'd get up and hug her and I just wanted to emphasize that my dad knows me so well and he's my best friend and he was just, he was listening to me and that's all I needed in that moment. And if he were to hug me or make like a bigger reaction, I, you know, I have told other people I was in a relationship with in the past and they made it more about their reaction than my feelings and I really hated that very much. And so when he was just sitting there and listening and I won't put even reaches out and I think I just give him a thumbs up 'cause I was like, if you touch me off, really cry. So I just wanna like emphasize that he knew, he knows me and he knew exactly to just sit there and listen and I want to emphasize to anyone that thought that that was wrong, that it really wasn't. It was what I needed. - Yeah, I wanna go to the end of the whole challenge in terms of like Hannah and Matt, who else left her? Who left her? So were you guys, I know you voluntarily. - Backseat, I realized that we sat down. - Backseat boy. - I'm like, hey, we were the final four the winners are in front of the end. - We did a number. - I know. - Were you guys, specifically you two, were you guys a little confused at the end as to why you were removed? - I'm still mad. - And the lady tried to DM me. I just looked at it. I wanted to say some things back to her. - Oh, you were such a good sport. It's all for like, no, I lost 'cause of you. I was like a little bother. But I was. I thought we went through everything we were supposed to do. We didn't crack. Obviously our outfit for what, why we were there wasn't the strongest, but we were right. I mean, you saw them trying to various up to our necks and I was getting dunked in the tank and the screaming babies and the pigs and everything. We just, we rode out, you know, we kind of got into like marine mode or soldier mode where they, hey, this is our team. This is our story and we're sticking with it. And I was really bothered by, she was just, she bothered me so much. And at the end, they told me that was the rule. You didn't play, I don't know if they said play the game or be able to make beer to pour with a big buzzer name. And I'm like after all the stuff we did and you guys tortured me and saw me cramp for 16 hours and this is what you want to take me out. Like I was, I was a little bothered, but then I was just, I was proud that I, you know, it was one of the final people released. But yeah, we were in there. We were in it to win it. - Were they expecting you guys at that point? Because I know like you guys weren't supposed to say you were special forces. And towards the end, there's always, that one was kind of confusing. Like, is this one I'm supposed to say? Is that what they said that you were supposed to come clean at that point that you were doing? - No. - No, no. - They said no matter what, the DS said no matter what. Hold it. - Okay. - So it's just a vague, report building thing, okay. - Yeah, for me, I was just trying to appease that people were like torturing us, interrogators. But yeah, there's one guy, like you had the girl, but there's one guy for me and I think the DS is so smart. They can kind of like pick out and they knew I wouldn't do well with the yelling. And so yeah, that guy like grabbed me by the neck and I couldn't breathe. He was holding it so tightly around my neck and he was just here and he was, the V in his forehead was popping out and the redness of his eyes, smoke coming out of my eyes. - Yeah, like a beer, though, right? - I literally had to think I saw a little bit of the smoke out of his head. - Years in his nose and it was insane. And I was also being tortured, so who knows? But I, he was like, don't say anything. Don't smirk and I'm like, yes sir. So just kind of quiet and then yeah at the end, I mean, I just didn't build rapport. I should have tried to speak. I mean, they got the two of you on like, you know, hug each other, you have it. This is your girlfriend, you know? - Oh my God. - Oh my God. - I thought you had a girlfriend. - Side hug? - Yeah. - They're like, you know what I'm talking about. - I thought of what to be honest with you. I thought like maybe if I kiss her, maybe they'll believe it's crossed my mind for it's like, you're all five fours. Before they were, hey, before they were about to bury us, I'm like, do I, do I, do I, do I, do I, because they were just screaming at us. So over at this point, I'm like, maybe if I just kiss her, just like, you know, I'm like, it's crossed my mind. - We all lost our mind. - Yeah, Jen, I think I, I would say. - And she got to stand and watch, right? And she wasn't selling, you know what I mean? Like, she watched us got buried. - Honestly, at the time that you were also thinking, it makes sense because I was like, how much more can we-- - Yeah, I was like, no, maybe if I just kiss her, they'll get off our backs. I was ready to do whatever, because I was at that point, and that's probably going for a time of year. But I was, you know, we weren't going to sell out. You know, we were going to do whatever it took to stay. And they just, they weren't buying what we were selling. - Well, especially when they're talking about his mom, which-- - Oh, I'm sorry. - That was intense. - Yeah. - I didn't like that very much. That's when I was like, I'm getting freaked out. - That was too much for me. - It was part of his mom and like, that's real. - Yeah. - And so when she screamed about his mom passing, and like, that she's like, get in the home, get buried alive. And I was like, this is too much. - I didn't get that far, but I would have been-- - It was-- - I knew I wanted to see that guy. - I thought this guy wasn't very good at me. - He loved that. - He didn't love that. I mean, that's the thing about that last phase when I, you know, it's like you were literally being tortured. I don't give a fuck. You know what crazy was? I knew to be honest with you. I knew no guy was going to break me, you know what I mean? So the fact that a woman, that they had that little woman come in and I don't know if they showed it, but they said something about him. I attracted to short woman. I said no. Oh yeah. She said stand up. Yeah. And as soon as I, as soon as I said it was over, our report was a wrap and she took that up personally and she went after me ever, ever, I'm glad they showed up for money. Because that's when the, she was already kind of mean, but when I said no and it was almost I, I thought I, I hope I said it in the most disrespectful way because that's how much I wasn't feeling her, but I was like, no, there's another thing they don't really capture the stress positions they put you in. Oh my God. Do they know how to capture that woman? Well, they show it, but like, again, they're just showing glimpses you kind of know she's standing there, but you don't have hours at a time. Yeah. It is in there too, we're really what tells on also what A like to the bathroom. Did you hear like the guy that walked you on the radio being like, yeah, he took a piss. Did you hear that? They walked me in the bathroom because I was drinking a lot of water. So I could go, you get up, I drink every water I was chugging it. So I could actually walk and get off the headphones. And I went to the bathroom and every time he'd be on the radio, like, yeah, he went. And I was like, I guess like they don't want to make sure you're just screw trying to them. Oh, interesting. They want to make sure not trying to burn them to get up and go to the bathroom. You're going to say something. I got to say one thing that hit me really, really hard when I was off the show is, first of all, the camp when you go off the show, you finally go off the actual set and you see how many people are doing the show. There's like 300 people, but it was when I walked in, when I got into the car after I kind of hung out there with a therapist because they want to make sure that you're okay and everything else. I realized how dedicated I was to the show and how sad I was. Till this day, I still feel that is that I was sad that I left the show without fully completing it because I was all in at every single moment, you know, and I didn't feel short change, let's call it, you know. But I'll tell you one thing, I understand now why people that are in the service come back into reality and they don't know what to do with themselves because there's such structure and there's such a brotherhood and there's such a place to actually, you know, be seen or be part of and then you're completely out of that world and you're now in civilization when no one is that way with you and you can go crazy. And I completely understood, like I wanted to be one of those guys, like I look at Rudy and I looked at Billy and I looked at, you know, all the guys, Foxy and everybody, Q, I became like connected with them, also, like I wanted to say goodbye, I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to some of them. Yeah. I said, same with Q came to our wedding. Yeah. I invited all of them, but thank you, you shut up and yeah, it was like it meant something it meant something and I go, wow, now I understand all these veterans that go crazy and do what they do because they were in this unit, this brotherhood, this brotherhood, like it's a real brotherhood that no one sometimes really knows and I was, I got stuck right into it. I got, I was in there. Yeah, for eight days. Yeah. I'm stronger, if that was how long I would have dreams of going back or like someone just asked me, would you go on like an all-star cast and do it again? I'm like, hell no. And then I was just like, oh, actually, maybe I would, my first boss is hell no. And then I was like, oh, actually, maybe I would, you know what I mean? So it was, who knows, I would, I would in a heartbeat. I would go back. Yeah. I'm all set. Yeah. Check the box. I think I'd want to go back and then I would go back and I would show up and they're like, you know? Yeah, yeah. I just, I think what you should maybe consider is if they, if they ever asked you to go back, go back 10 years later and see what your body and your mind can endure. Because I'll tell you this, being 54 and some of the challenges that we did, it was nights where I was sitting on the cot going, I might not be able to walk tomorrow morning. Like my body is not going to recover as quickly. But go back 10 years later and do that challenge for yourself. They need to ask us like in two years, I'm not going back at 60. Would you do it again? I think like I said, I think I would want to say, yes, if they asked me, I think I'd almost certainly say yes. I think once I got there, I don't know how much drive I would have. Because again, like I really, like you guys halfway through, I, you know, I really related to watching you because it was like, I thought there was no way you're going to keep going. And that's how I felt. And like it just took a certain level of like, I'm not so quick. So you went when you didn't have kids, right? I had just found out I was going to be a dad. Okay. So imagine your daughter at 10 years old, looking you in the eyes and you're the best. You're going to beat everybody, aren't you? In 10 years. I know. Dad, you're like, you're my hero. He's a dare. You're a second, you're going to fail her. No way. I don't want to get you. Because that's the true. You're the godly. You're the godly. You're the godly. You're the godly. It's the best motivator. Speaking of, like you talked about being an empty nester. How has that transition been for you? Why are you going to make me cry again? It's so hard because you basically learn that you teach your kids to live without you. If you've done your job, you teach your children to live without you. And now that my kids are both gone and I'm in this house, I walk around and I look at my dog and thank God he's there. But in the same way also, you have to look at what's best for them and the best for them is for them to go out in the world and experience and become who they are going to become. And that you just help them along the way is your job. I also think that's why it took eliminating most so hard because we got to see the dynamic and I hope I can only pray that my kids talk about me the way she talks about her dad. And we felt that the entire time. I was hoping to box Shady. I'm like, cool. I'm going to box Shady. He's always talking all this crap. He's supposed to say that. He looks like a box Shady and then when Shady's gone, I'm trying to think like, what are they going to put it in? Maybe they'll just leave me out, you know what I mean? Because I'm so much bigger than everyone. I thought you guys were going to fight. I thought, yeah. I thought, yeah. That would have been interesting. I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know. No. But so when I had to fight Mo and that's when they told them like, obviously, don't hit them in the face, don't do this, don't do that. But you have to go all out. And that's why to this day I felt bad because we got to see that daughter's dad dynamic the whole time. And just how loving and concerning it, every challenge they're making sure they're okay and they're good with looks and signs, and I was just like, that's so dope. And then obviously here the way she talks about her dad, now I'm just like, man, I hope Mike gets to talk about me the way she talks about her dad. So I admire that. Well, you're a good dad. I would love, I mean, from the parents in the room, we obviously have young kids. For anyone who's listening with young children, what advice do you have for us? Now you want to go? Well, I'm in a weird space and hopefully I don't cross the line when I say this, like I'm telling my 18-year-olds to drive safe and work on them, but I'm also potty training a two-year old. And I have everything in between it. So I have two, seven, twelve, thirteen, fifteen, eighteen. Wow. So literally a whole tribe. So it's just, and I think I touched on it earlier, you know, just obviously always saying thing is always saying something is one thing, but actually allowing them to see it. See what I practice, what I preach, and the way I try to lead and the way I try to help and the way I try to be there for everybody is, and like I said, like my step-kids and then my two youngest, they don't know what daddy did. My seven-year-olds just, "Dad, you almost fought Kobe, like he's just starting to kind of find out who dad is, and it wasn't the NBA, you know what I mean?" So just being able to kind of show them after I'm always trying to tell them what to do and do this and do this and do this and being able to show them, I practice what I preach would probably be the main thing is just, you know, being a sort of good person. Speaking of curious, with this show, again, it's such a unique show, especially on reality TV, because so much reality TV is, "Find the drama, lean into this, you know, really highlight something that maybe isn't there." And median general works the same way. You talked about having your kind of bad boy reputation and your career, and yet through this show and special forces, we got to see a very different side, right? You're still like, you're able to step up, but instead of being the bad boy, you were the protector. You were like one of the leaders. Does that mean something to you? It was cool. Just on this show, when, you know, David's like, "Well, he's nothing what I thought." Like, I take pride in that, you know what I mean? Because I think my reputation, I was one of the NBA bad boys, and I will fight, and I have cast out coaches and refs and done all that thing, but it's just kind of the competitor and the protector in me, and I think allowing people in, you know what I mean? And I really benefited because my career, you know, I played in NBA from 2002 to '17, and social media kind of caught fire towards the end of my career. And it still wasn't as open it is now, so what people saw about me on ESPN or TMZ or red in the paper was kind of the gospel, you know, so post career, you know, building a successful media platform. I've kind of got to show the other side, but then obviously I feel like this special forces got You know, kind of put that on steroids. And it's super weird when I'm walking in public now because, you know, all you play for the Lakers, all you were on, basketball, wife's like, now everything is like the podcast, but random old white ladies, young black kids. Like I was just in DC that they shoot in a show and there was two ladies that were kind of staring at me and they're just like, special forces. How far did you make it? No, don't tell me. I don't want to know you. So I was just like the kind of the range of people who are fan of this show. It's a family show. It's unbelievable. You know what I mean, from kids to like older, it's like you probably was probably close to 80 years old and then she's like, I know you played basketball, but I really loved you on special forces. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, so it's fun. Yeah, that's awesome. I'm sure we can talk all day, but it was just a real pleasure to have you guys and just fun to have you guys relive this experience as a group. And it's obvious how special this experience was and it's cool to just have someone who has done it to see you guys share in that kind of connection you have with the show. So it was very cool to see. I'm curious kind of you spoke so fondly of your time on the military. Is that something that's still a dream for you to possibly re-enlist? I'm in college right now and getting my bachelor's degree and I hope to go through OCS, which is the officer side of things. Wherever life leads me, I want to be the protector that I didn't have as a kid. And however I can do that, however I can protect children and be there for just be a voice. And I really want to be a father one day, which is why I love how you're like I'm a young father and I see the emotion in your eyes. And I feel that at 22. But yeah, I do. I have about a year and a half left to school. And however I can serve others and be a protector, that's a dream. That's awesome, man. Well, again, I just want to thank you all. It was really cool to talk about that. Can we shout out, shout out the rest of the team that didn't make it? We love you guys, we love you guys. Thank you, shout out to DSS. Shout out everyone but that lady at the end. I still don't like that. It really is cool to see, again, such an eclectic group coming from all walks of life in different backgrounds to kind of come together. And it's just obvious how much of a family you guys have become and it's really cool to see. And I hope not to be all corny. But I feel like the world kind of needs to see more examples of how people come together and who come from different aspects of life, different belief systems, different religions, different backgrounds. And it's just really cool to see how you guys became a team and accomplish what you did on the show. So props to all. Thank you so much. Thank you guys so much. Thank you. All right, thank you guys. Thanks for watching. We'll see you next season. [MUSIC PLAYING]