E1208 - Benita & Stew From Love Is Blind, Dorinda Medley Talks Golden Life + DTWS

What's going on, everybody? Welcome back to another exciting episode of the Volphiles reality recap edition. I'm joined by my iconic wife, Natalie Joy. We also have Susie here with us in a jam packed episode lined up for you. We have Benita in stew from love is blind to catch up with them about all the drama that happened in the pods in their experience. We also have the icon herself, Dorenda Medley from the golden life. She also has a new book out and we are just excited to talk and catch up with Dorenda friend of show, just an absolutely charming and wonderful person. I feel like I know her intimately. We've had her on the show. I've been on her show. I've never actually met her in person and I feel like she just been really fun to hang out with. We're just excited to talk with her and catch up with her and most importantly talking about the golden life, which is out. It's episode. What is out? People are enjoying it and we are excited to get into it all with you. We also have Susie and Jimmy breaking down last night's episode of Dancing with the Stars. I haven't seen it yet because we are recording this a day early because we're up in Vancouver working, booked and busy doing some filming. I do want to start by just giving a shout out to my city, Milwaukee. My Milwaukee brewers have made the world series the first time. Well, the second time in my lifetime, I was two. The last time they made it to the world series. But like, this is such a special moment for the city of Milwaukee. It's literally a dream come true. Like so many times. Yeah. That's cool. Not not to nerd out about baseball, but like the city of Milwaukee is like, they love their brewers. I mean, I remember as a kid, I would, I would listen to the games on the radio. It was like a past time for me just to like, it was so special to me. Like, I remember, you know, the brewers historically have not been a great team. They recently, they've been pretty good. But like, I remember in high school listening to games and being just super excited that they were going to be a 500 team, which is to have as many wins as they do losses. And that was something. I was very excited about back in the day because they were bad. And they were, and now they've made it to the world series. I'm wearing my Robin Yacht t-shirt. This is one of my favorite t-shirts that my wife has gotten me. No, there's two. She's got me this hat. She's got me the, well, the Madonna one actually is up there now too. Right. Right. No, this is a truly great tea. They're gifts that women give and women give gifts for themselves. I had this and that's it. I was thinking that I didn't want to say it, but I'm glad you did. I had to get this shipped to me because this was in L.A. and I had to have Cindy ship it to Vancouver so I could wear it. It's not important to me. Are you going to try to go to a game? I'm going to try. I don't know if it's possible. I'm trying to make moves. It might require me to take like a red eye, fly in, fly out. Even stand behind dry and Vancouver. We'll see. We'll see. That we want them to be these two. That's like against. I don't know how to explain it. Like, it's just, I've been lucky enough to see the Packers win the Super Bowl. And they've been for the most part of my lifetime a really good team. But like the way this baseball set up, usually teams like the Milwaukee Brewers, like quite honestly can't afford to be good. And it's just like the city of Milwaukee is, I'm just so excited for my city of Milwaukee. And it just seems like one of the coolest things that I probably will never be able to see again. I hope I'm wrong, but I'm just so excited for them. And it's like, I just feel it's unbelievable. I'm so thrilled. And they're playing Tampa Bay, which Mary, I guess is a fan of. Yeah. Mary and Nate go ahead ahead and shout out to the people of Tampa Bay. Shout out to Tropicana Field. I used to go to raise games with my dad all the time. My first concert Casey and the Sunshine Band was at Tropicana Field after a race game. Huge raise kid. I'm not like I would not claim to be as big of a baseball fan as Nick. So I don't want to take this away from him. However, of course, for my, for my father, Mark Bernthal, shout out. I'm really, really happy for you. And happy for our culture. And they wear the double raised jerseys again, which is really fun. That is beautiful, Mary. Yeah. So I'm really happy. That was a beautiful tribute that my boys, that my boys are going. And my dad was going to go to the next game, but they of course won. So that game isn't happy. Have they ever been to the World Series before they have a few years back. They lost in the World Series. They have not won. So both the raise and the brewers, neither of them have won. Whoever wins the World Series, it will be the first time. My dad does say that the brewers are like also a good homegrown team like the raise. So he's happy that it's like the raising the brewers are like to like real baseball teams and not like fun like bot baseball teams. Like he says, the Dodgers are what is called. She say who's favored to win. Let's see. Oh, I'm so curious. Also, I got to say I've gotten no skin in the game, but I love an office rivalry. And I'm excited to see this unfold. So who are you going to root forces? I think I'm going to wait to hear the stats on Colchie. Okay. You're going to want the brewers are just to fun franchise. I'm going to bandwagon whoever. All right. For pro baseball, it's saying Milwaukee is favored on Colchie. Oh, then I might go for the underdog actually. Thanks. Yeah. Okay. All right. That could be fun. Yeah. Also, the cool thing about the raises that the tropical tropical field one orange juice. Awesome. Two, it's like it's covered. So it's like a big dome and it's tilted so they can like hit the ball. And so if they hit like a really big really big thing. Cheating. I feel like they have fans are more fair weather married to be honest. Fair weather. Yeah. I feel like they're they're you know, in baseball they play 162 games, they play 81 at home. And the Milwaukee Brewer fans, they show up. What's the average attendance for the Milwaukee Brewer's versus the Tampa Bay Devouries? Wow. We are getting into the nitty groney on us. True. Tencent is going to be high in about two weeks. We can look that up. I think that's a quick. I'm looking at up right now. Milwaukee Brewer's average 34,431 fans per game. Okay. Does it also depend on the stadium size or they about the same? It does, but they're all relatively the same. I'm guessing the Tampa Tampa Bay stadium holds a lot more than the about 20,000 marries going to say 17,225. Okay. Okay. This is small, but mighty, small, but mighty. Hey, hey, and guess what? My dad had a lot of them. Yeah. So that's a, your dad is one of our core fan right there. One of 16,000. No, your dad's legit. Yeah. I'm just saying the rest of Tampa Bay is not quite dedicated to their time. Oh, yeah. Tampa. How do we feel like that adds like selling commercials on the games are going to go because there's such small teams? Isn't that like a, I mean, I'm just home. Is that not a fair question? Homegrown. Is that a better term? Yes. Sorry. They're both homegrown teams. Homegrown teams. So do we feel like there's going to be like big companies? I mean, it's the world. Well, people are concerned about the overall viewership of this world series giving them smaller markets. Yes. Yes. So that is a thing. Well, fuck them. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. This is our moment. Yeah. This is the city of Wisconsin, the city of Milwaukee. Literally is like a, a TV film waiting to be written, the underdogs of America, if you will, you know, not, and I don't know anything about baseball. I'm just bullshitting right now. Who's going to fall in love? No, this is where the love story happens. Like this is where something is beautifully written in the stars. And there's going to be a film about it. Someone has to fall in love. We have Bob Euker, who recently passed away, who was the commentator for the brewers, who I listened to in the radio in icon. And many brewer fans think that have you ever seen angels in the outfield where the angels come and help the angels win. Many Milwaukee brewer fans believe that Bob Euker's spirit spirit is there helping propel this team to figure it out. I absolutely believe that's happening. Mary, is there anyone dead in the race that can help her? Probably the fans, just like the fan. Okay. The ghost of Jimmy Buffett. The man from Florida. Beautiful. There we go. This is Jimmy Buffett. It's going to take us to the beach. It's not what they do. What is it? Paraheads. Paraheads. They're not fish. Paraheads are there. Yeah. And they're supporting. They're riding. Take it away as soon as. Okay. Well, I have to say I moved. And it's been crazy. Something I overlooked when I moved was, there's these beautiful, like, huge sliding glass doors, double on my kitchen side and on my living room area. I did not notice when I picked this place that there is an AC unit above one of those sliding glass doors, which I had this vision for like just really pretty ceiling to floor window or curtains. Yeah. And there's like not a good place to hang curtains because there's an AC unit above my door. So I've been taking to the internet trying to get feedback and everyone's like, move. Like literally. I was like, you can't you can't work with that. Like you have to get blinds, which I'm like, I don't want to wait. I don't want to get blinds. Do you need curtains there? I mean, I should for privacy. Like, why don't you just do just do Roman shades? Okay. That's what people are saying. But I just wanted like a really pretty like floor to ceiling like curtain. Like just very, it's like more of like a vintage vibe. Like it's really a beautiful spot. I hear you, but I feel like having like drapey like like, like Roman Shroom. - It'd be so pretty. - Wait, I feel like I'm Roman Shades, I mean. - Roman Shades. - They're like really droopy, they're like linen, they like tie up, they're beautiful. - Wait, I'm googling Roman Shades, and it's giving like, they don't look like glam to me, they look like, like if you go go Roman Shades, it looks like a little, like a pull down, is that what it is? - Yeah, but you can find some that are like, I'm gonna send you a screenshot. - Okay. - I'm thinking something like this. - Okay. - Honestly, it's not your original in-spell, but I think it could be really pretty. - Okay, okay, you hate it, you hate it. - I just think, I mean, like that is really beautiful, but these are like big ass doors. Like they're big, like big glass sliding doors. - I think that's a better option than moving. - A, and B, putting them like in front of the AC unit, because then it's blocking your AC unit. Like how's the airflow gonna be then? Also, is it gonna be like, is it gonna make your rooms feel smaller because it's so far out from the door? - So let me be clear, I did hang curtains. I was impulsive, perfect, okay. I hung them, I did. It is covering the AC unit, and it's clunky right now, but I just needed privacy. I was like, I don't want peepers looking in. I'm gonna have another task grab it come out. So I might have to use some AI too. - So what happens when the AC is covered? It's just like blocking the airflow? - I think if I want the AC on, I have to open the shade, is what the vibe is. Which it is on the side, so like it's not aesthetically pleasing when it's like, it's just like a mess you guys. Like it's not aesthetically pleasing when the AC is on, but I think once the task grab it comes back out and we move it out further. Once it's closed, it will be fine. It only extends like six inches into the room, but it's been stressful. These are the things I don't think about. It's attention to detail. I needed not only there to look at this for me before moving in, but she's got the eye. - If you had known about it, would you have not moved in? It sounds like you really like the place though. - I do, so maybe. - Yeah, would that have been a deal breaker? I don't know. That's a great question if I would have. I think I was like, I don't know. I think I still would have moved. I really do like the spot. But I just, it's just like a little. - No, we just have to figure it out. - Yeah, we just have to figure it out. And honestly, I was thinking about this in the terms of relationship and I was like, nobody's gonna be perfect. No place is gonna be perfect. - It's total true, you know? You could have been looking for, the amount of apartments in LA, you could have been looking for months. - And I was. - For years. I was. - And you never would have found something in everyone in every place. - From a dating standpoint, what's an IC that this would be like that you would have to deal with? Like a. - That's a great question. I would say I'm like pretty open-minded in relationships. - Like Dandruff, he's got Dandruff, but like. - Yeah, I could work with that. But when he washes it, it kind of goes away. - Yeah, I know a great dermatologist, but like that would be off-putting. You know what I mean? Like flaky everywhere. I have a hard time addressing stuff like that with partners. Like I'm so afraid to hurt their feelings. - Have you ever had to address bad breaths? - I have had to, but I didn't do it. - You just broke up. - I didn't do it. - I think if you just go to the extreme, then it makes it a little silly. And then, but they still get the message. - Okay. - You know, like sometimes like, okay, okay, sure, I'm happy to get an example. Like sometimes in the morning, you know what I'm saying? Morning breaths, coffee breath, whatever it is. Like Nick will be so sweet to give me a kiss. And it will. - She says it's your tooth rotten. And I say he must have rotten teeth. And I think like, he clearly doesn't have rotten teeth, but like the idea of maybe some of them rotting out of his head is like, oh, I should just go brush, make me brush. - Quickly. - Yeah. So maybe like go into the extreme and like, have you ever been checked for halitosis? Is like, maybe a question we could ask. - Like how's your gut health? - How's your gut health? Cause it's coming through the mouth. - From a probiotic. - Yeah. - Yeah. Okay, that's a good example. So just taking it to the extreme, making it funny. He-he-ha-ha. - Exactly, exactly. I think if you're like, hey, you have some bad breath right now. Makes it a little too serious. And then they get it, and then they're embarrassed. And then it's uncomfortable. Then a little awkward. But if you're just like, you must have some rotten teeth. I gotta say, maybe two or three. - Well, this is great advice. I feel better about my home. I feel better about dating. I'm gonna be open-minded to stinky breath. And we'll go from there. - Well, keep us posted on how things are going with your apartment Susie. - Hey, well. - Up next Susie and Jimmy are going to talk about last night's episode of Dancing with the Stars and Breakdown All the Drama that happened. Are we, can we say that we know now that our dear friends, Tate and, and did we know for sure? Where are you guys going? - They definitely are. Yeah, she's in the dance. She's dancing with them. She's been like, practice, Tate's been practicing. - Well, we know that Tate and Tyler are expecting. And we knew that they were going to announce it on the dedication night. And I think they were going to reveal the gender, but they've been keeping it from us. So as we record today, we still don't know. You guys might know if they're having a boy or a girl, but they're obviously, I'm sure it was a lot of things that happened on last night's episode of Dance with the Stars and Jimmy and Susie are going to break it all down. We have Bonita. We have Stu from Love is Blind. And then we have the icon herself to round things out to Rindamentally. That's all next. - Okay, Jimmy, you missed such a good conversation with Stu. You got to hit him up. You got to call him for a FaceTime because we had a blast talking to him. He was so charming. We loved him. - We did. - We loved Stu. - We loved Stu. - I might get him to just ask me to take to the Hamptons or something. - No, I can't. - You gotta get money. - I want him to talk to Stu again, but that's fascinating. - I know, you missed out. We talked to Bonita as well. Also, so charming, obsessed. Is she a type? I feel like she'd be your type. - Not traditionally. I wouldn't say she's my type. Like, she cold, I ain't gonna lie. But she's fascinating. I go like, I love how just like blunt she is. Like, she speak her mind like her intrusive thoughts take over. Like, she goes say what the fuck she feel. - Yeah. - Is that my type? I don't know. She fired, though. - Yeah. We loved her. She was also fabulous. This is the thing. You watch these shows. You get these impressions. And then we have them here. And you get to know them on a personal level. And you're like, wait. We love. - Yeah. Damn, I wish I was here. But maybe she is my type. I guess we'll never know. - Damn. - Damn. - Benito, welcome to the show. How are you? - Thank you for having me. I'm doing great. How are you guys? - We're great. We're great. We're more interested in you. You were such a delight. I know you didn't make it to the honey moon portion of Love is Blind. But you were really a delight to watch in the pods. And I guess just the start. How was your experience as you, you know, you're like a year or so removed? How do you feel about the overall experience? - I, it's bittersweet. I'm honestly thankful for the experience, the whole experience, because I got to meet so many amazing people that are now my close friends. But it's not easy having to see yourself almost two years later on TV. And honestly, like people judging you off of just a few clips from a highly, heavily edited. - Well, fuck the internet. - Yeah. - And it's not easy. It's a little bit embarrassing, but the whole experience was, it was a once in a lifetime experience. I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. I'm very thankful. - That's great. I love it. So what was it about, Mori, that made you your heart flutter so quickly? - I think it was just the banter. I really liked the banter. I grew up around just my guy cousins, and I am the oldest of four girls in my family. So I was always around my older guy cousins, and they reminded me a lot of Mori. It was that same kind of banter. It felt familiar, and I felt very comfortable in it until I didn't. - The way you say it, you make it seem like there was a specific moment where you were like, "Yuck, do you remember that?" - Yeah. I think we all know what that moment was. I think we all saw it together. It was the exact moment when I said ill, and it was when he was like, "You want me so bad," and I was like, "Wait a minute, I know we haven't met, but I'm not that girl." - You strike me. Obviously, you seem very confident. It's almost like you kind of try things out. I'm curious. You were very open about how much you liked them, and you were in room. You couldn't stop thinking about him in a dating environment. What would you want the man across the table from you to. How would you want him to respond to you to the energy that you would kind of bring to the date? - I'm not going to lie to you guys. These lines, they actually work for me in real life. - I'm sure they did. - They've never not worked, so yeah, I guess I should have known what I was getting myself into, but I am very direct, if I like someone, my way of flirting is just being very direct, and it does work. - Is that why you were kind of cheating? - Yeah. Yeah. - So you also felt like it was maybe kind of cheating. When you were like, "I, this is kind of how I look," you were like, "My dad looks like this." - Oh, my goodness. - Okay. - So I clarified this because I'm so glad this got brought up. I only said that I was all being in and I had dark hair because more he was talking about his height, his nationality, and he was talking to me. about how good he looked. And there's so much that you guys actually didn't see. I feel like I was probably like one of the people that really didn't talk about the way that they looked. So that's actually really something that I've been struggling with because I'm like, do I explain this to people or do I just let people think what they want? I feel like that was just a little bit unfair because all I said was that I had dark hair. And yeah, I said I was photogenic, but I look good in person. But that's not me telling them exactly what I looked like. That's true. There's a lot of people who look photogenic. Did the producers tell you guys specifically like do not talk about looks at all or do they give you a guideline of like what is fair and what isn't fair? They do give us a guideline. They'll tell us like try not to talk about your looks or try not to talk about other people's looks and try not to tell each other. They advise us not to tell each other who were dating. But at the end of the day, people always do whatever they want. We don't get any trouble for it. But I mean, it does kind of ruin the experience for other people because it's not just some experience. It's an experiment. What about like proportions, right? Like women are often into very tall men or like broad shoulders. My wife likes big arms, even though mine, I haven't lived in in a while. So do people kind of like sneak that in like a fatalk that are where the guys talking about their height at all? Yes, they were. The girls were were really not talking about their looks as much from what I remember. But then again, this was like almost two years ago and there's so many things that I'm seeing or hearing myself say on TV. And I'm like, I don't know why I don't remember this. Maybe this was like somewhat a memory that I just choose not to remember because in the moment I was embarrassed. But yeah, I don't really remember. I remember the guys talking about their looks a lot. I remember the Travis Kelley thing that was big. But what I didn't understand after everything came out was just like why they were able to get away with talking about looks or the whole love bombing thing too. And I got like scrutinized for it. But it's the nature of the beauty system. I want to defend you, Benina, that the internet does not know what love bombing is at all. It's like just because you say, you know, you can be effusive about how you feel about someone. You can be excited. You can even joke around. It's not necessarily love bombing. I'm assuming when you say these things and I don't want to put words in your mouth that you're not trying to manipulate these men into falling in love with you when you say, when you express your excitement about these men. Oh, absolutely not. I was shooting my shot for sure. But when it comes to the whole love bombing thing, I think it's just the way that I was raised. For me, I know early on which personalities I can work with and who I can't work with. I know who I click with and who I don't. And for me, telling more that I felt like he was someone that I could fall in love with was me just simply saying, like, hey, I think you're like one of the guys here that I want to talk to the most and I want to and I actually like, I am taking you more seriously. But again, we are still dating everybody else at the same time. It's just you guys don't see that on TV. Yeah. Also, it's love is blind. How can you even possibly love blind? A love bomb in love is blind. People are getting engaged in days. I don't think I don't know if it's just my English, but I really do not think that was love bombing. He's saying, like, I feel like you're someone I can. It's not. It's definitely not love bombing. Yeah. But then we had Blake on the show who actually told me he loved me and then more. He just turned around after he said that I love bond him and said that he loves Sarah. So there's just so much that and I'm totally okay with the narrative because the first few days it was a little bit hard, but now looking back, I'm like, there is there are so many women in the world that are watching me and seeing a little bit of themselves in me because we've all had these moments. We we're not human and we don't grow to be who we're supposed to be without having embarrassing moments. That's just life. So if they're looking at me on TV and finding a little bit of themselves in me and then they're looking at me now, like maybe they'll go on to my social media and they see that I'm doing just fine. I'm actually doing great. And that makes them feel better than it's worth the embarrassment for me. That's great. Yeah. What was your relationship like with Erica in the pods? So me and Erica were pretty close in the beginning, especially like when I was going through the board thing, I remember she was she sat next to me and we were talking about it and she was really there for me. But the last few days, especially after I found out that she was also dating Blake, I didn't know how to really handle that. So I feel like I just kind of shut down the last few days in the pods and I wasn't really talking to anybody or if anyone, if anyone was coming up to me and talking to me, I was there but not present. So I did actually end up apologizing to her. I apologize to her from what you guys see. Like on the show, the last episode that I'm in and then also again in real life and in the meetups and they felt really bad. I mean, come on. In real life, like how often are you going to know that a guy that you're dating is also dating another girl and then you're going to have to face her and see her everything in a bit. And be friends with her. Yeah. Yeah. That's not normal. I thought you handled it really gracefully. Like at least from what we saw, it seemed like you were very kind and I'm curious if you can share like are you guys on good terms today? Yeah. We are on good terms. I actually just saw her the other day and do we briefly spoke about this, this exact thing. And I just have this guilt thing about me where if I make someone feel bad or if I think I make someone feel bad, then I feel guilty and it really does harm me because that's just I don't want to do that to anybody. I'm not that girl. Yeah. And I just was like reiterating to her again that if I ever made her feel bad, I was never my intention. I just don't know how to really be in those situations. And at the end of the day, like we are normal people going into this with cameras in our face and we have all of these feelings going on. You don't have phones. Like it's it's it's a lot. Do you think that you had you and Mory made it to the reveal and made it to Mexico? Do you think the two of you would have gotten married? Me and Mory and gotten married? No. No. Me and Mory were just fought and it would have been great to me and everybody would have loved it. But me and Mory are better off the way that we are now. Were you surprised by how Blake or Mory looked once you've got to see them in person? I was surprised how Mory looked like the voice didn't match because I expected him to be tall and stuff like that. But I just like when I pictured Mory, it was just this big blur like my mind could not couldn't figure what I thought he could look like. But Blake actually looked like what I thought he was going to look like. How accurate like you know Blake talked a lot about you know his his sailing and in the life he was hoping to share with whoever he ended up with was what we got to see fairly accurate for like how he positioned this lifestyle and like how much were you thinking if I ended up with Blake were you willing to you know travel the world and live in a boat? That's such a great question because I have asked myself this question so many times especially during the experience. It was very accurate the way that they portrayed it because that's exactly what I remember him telling me I remember asking him if the boat thing was was even possible like I asked him if he could bring someone with him and he said no so he did because I dated Bernie can tell the date before proposal so I was there. That was his whole pitch to Erica was like if you work remote you come with me we spend a month in Italy we spend a month here like yeah that's not what he told me he told me couldn't bring me with him that's what I remember and in my head I was like okay so how do you want this to work? Yeah that definitely changes things that makes it like way more of a red flag. I'm not gonna see you for a month. Yeah what? I can't do that I can't even do long distance and for me long distance is even if you live in a different state and it's like a little bit of a drive because I like to have my partner close to me and I want to you know I'm very spontaneous so if I want to do something tonight like I want to have that option of having my person there. Would it have been different for you if he told you he could bring you along? Like would you have been like oh that'll be fun it's been a month in Italy or a few weeks in Croatian. Yes, I absolutely would have given that a try. And I would have given, I would have stepped into it with an open mind and an open heart and just like fully immerse myself into that lifestyle. And if that wouldn't have worked out for me, then I would have had to have a different conversation with Blake because honestly, that's also not normal living in the water. I remember calling him pop by the sailor man because I'm like, there's just no way that this man just asked me to live for a year on a boat. And then he told me he couldn't bring me on a boat. So I didn't really know what was going on then. And at the end, I was more so like, okay, the the the bads here are outweighing the goods for me. Like, there's another girl here. There's another connection. We're all the way at the end. There's no time like tomorrow we're supposed to get engaged. And I still don't have any kind of like validation. And I felt like everybody else did at the time. And then I was like on top of that, he's wants to live on the water in the ocean. I'm, yeah, maybe this is not the dreamer for me. It's fair. You shared obviously a very personal story about your childhood in a very traumatic one. And just I mean, it's we live in a time where kind of everyone has, you know, especially on reality TV, everyone has their stories about challenges they've they've faced in life. But obviously what you and your family faced is truly unbelievable. How does that still affect you today in life? And when you're dating, does it sometimes have you dated people who might be complaining about a challenge or adversity that they're having a hard time dealing with? And is it hard for you to try to to relate because of what you and your family have had to overcome? And you know what I'm saying? Like how have you dealt with that throughout your adult life? It's actually really hard because even though I was three and a half years old, I do have vivid memories. And I know that a lot of people are like, how can you have memories at three years old? You do have vivid memories when the craziest things you can imagine are happening in front of you. Like those are things that like you might not understand when you're a kid, but you remember and then when you get older, those memories have more understanding behind them and they hurt more. I'm really thankful that they let me share my story because to me, being the first Albanian or a Kosovar on a Netflix reality in America was already an accomplishment, but to be able to tell my story to the world to people that and here it's really not anybody's fault because you can't you don't know what you don't know. And if you never hear about the war or you never hear about these stories, how can you even think about them or or or be able to sympathize with someone who went through them? And for me, just being able to share my story was everything and war. Like I left this experience without a husband, sure, but I got to tell my story and for me, that was worth so much more. And back to the dating, it's hard. Yeah, because I tell people I'm a war refugee and I don't look like what I've been through because I've grown and I have lived in America and I have a great life now, which I'm very thankful for, but they take it as okay, well, she may not be as like as fun or maybe she comes with more baggage or this trauma, I don't know if I can handle it. And when you're younger, you don't really realize that because you're in your 20s and people only care about looks, but when you're older and you're ready to settle down, like you're going to run into people who are going to look at things like that and say, whoa, like this girl comes with a lot. I don't know if I could do this. So it's not easy, but I do think that there is a person out there for everybody and the right person will understand the right person will love everything about you and you don't have to, the only changes you'll have to make is like compromising on how you're going to live with someone, like what, like temperament styles, cleaning styles, whatever, things like that, but you should never have to change the core of who you are. And I, yeah, it's hard, but it's not impossible. I got very hopeful. I bet that also meant a lot to your parents too to have you share that. Absolutely. My, my, my mom texted me, she texted me every day, by the way, if you guys are on social media and you see a comment saying, "Banita is a queen." That's my mom. She is calling for everyday, everywhere. And with her, like, broken English, like, she can barely see the phone, but she's, like, doesn't care. And the other day, she commented on, like, a hate video of me, and she said that and I was like, mom, can you just not, like, you don't have to defend me? It's okay. I'm fine. That's so sweet. This is so sweet. Shout out to moms. Shout out to moms. It's hard to watch your babies. So are you saying that you are currently single and still looking for love? Um, I'm not saying that I'm single, but I'm also not saying that I'm not single, because I actually am not allowed to tell you what my status is. I'm not going to trick me into it. I don't want to, I don't want to get in trouble. I don't want to trick you. But I love to know that maybe there's, maybe there's a reason why you can't say. Yeah. I actually will say though, I am full of surprises. You guys are wanting to want to tune into this because it's going to be juicy. Yes. Can I ask, I'm always curious when you look them off the show. Like, you are obviously stunning. You know, gorgeous, fun, lots of good energy. Are the DMs popping? You know, I'm always curious what people's experience is like, because I feel like love is blinded. The audience, it's not just women that watch. It's guys and girls. Are people DMing you? Yes. So my DMs are flooded. I can barely just like scroll through all of them. And I can't like reply to all of them either, because I would be sitting on my phone all day. The DMs have been great. They've been so sweet and so positive. But it's just like the picture comments. The people commenting on my pictures, like those are the only really negative things that I come across. But the DMs have been great. Yes, flooded. Any like celeb hotties sliding in? A few. Okay. We love to see it. A few, yeah. I peeped your instant. I saw you on like the sideline of what was it that? What was the? The Patriots? Yes. Okay. I saw you and I was like, she looks really good on the sideline. I just feel like it suits you, you know? Really? Oh my god, thank you so much. That means so much to me. I love that. Wag live. Wag live. I can see it for you just saying. I don't know about that. But we'll see what happens. How is it for you watching back the Jackson's do of it all? Hard, but honestly funny. I love both Jackson's do really much. And because I'm so like friends with them and so close to them, I feel like I'm allowed to laugh. Really funny. I looked at Jackson's face. I knew before I even saw Sue that she was going to maybe not maybe not like find that so attractive. And I don't think it's that she doesn't. I actually do think she finds him attractive. You guys like I genuinely think Jack's like studying. I just don't think that that was the right setting for her. And I totally understand where she's coming from. It is so much pressure in there. You're there for 10, 11 days. And by the end of it all, you really like you don't have your phone. You don't have anyone to ask. It's a lot to make a decision to marry someone without the most important people in your life around you to talk to you about it, to tell you about it, to feel the person out. I mean, it's a lot. And I think the pressure really got to her. Yeah, that's valid. Jackson's a really good person. You guys, she's a really good girl. And so and Sue is a great guy. So I think that was just the environment. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Have you seen the AI? Someone did like an AI of Stu and put a beard on him? No. Oh my gosh, she looks so good. You had to tell him for us. He is. Oh, period. Oh, great love. I saw him a couple days ago. He is. He's going it out. I'm going to see him again soon. I think maybe later today and I'll let him know. Give him a pat on the back for us. Tell him to keep the beard. I will. I don't even know what my regular face looks like because my wife won't let me shave. I have an emotional connection to the beard. Turns out I'm ugly without it. A little fun track is that so you know, Nick has the beard and he has been taking it off and you don't already looks like without it. Well, I've been dying my hair dark since I was 16 or 17 years old. My match, I was always a blonde. Really? Like platinum blonde and I was little? What? Yeah, so my hair is actually I'm a blonde but you would just never know or you won't know what I look like because I just never let my hair. Would you ever go back blonde? No, I think like the most I would do is like wigs. It just takes a lot to bleach your hair. It's like it's so much damage and it takes forever and I don't think like my hair that in between phases between blonde and dark like I don't think my hair really looks good that way so I just rather keep it like this but it's the same thing as the beard. Like nobody knows what I can really look like because I always had bogey hair. It suits you great. Did you have any regrets on like the the breakup with Blake? You kind of pieced out before he got a chance to kind of finish the conversation but like in those moments it makes sense because you're kind of like well how do I have to sit through this whole like and it's usually the guys right they feel bad they're off it's usually the guys who have dating or dating multiple people and then and then the breakup it's like they have this whole speech and you're just like okay well already have the answer it sounds like maybe you don't want to do this and what is that what kind of your reason for just kind of leaving the room? Yes and no so when I say there's a lot you guys don't see I'm saying like there's a lot more dates that you guys don't see so that I have I've had other dates with Blake's that you guys didn't see in Lori and for Blake what got me was I know you guys like see that I love you thing but there there was more dates and again like that kept coming up and for me to be there until the very end like the night before you just told me he loved me and then I'm coming in the next day and he still has like a five-hour date with with Erica and I have to sit there the whole time and I'm just so confused I'm like well if you think you're telling me you love me then I don't know what why you're still confused but I understand that not everybody sees things as black and white as I do and that's exactly why I do have regrets the regrets I have is just letting my emotions what's the term I'm looking for like maybe just letting my emotions get the best of me because I did tell him that I thought he made the biggest mistake of his life and I felt so bad after me saying that he made the biggest mistake of his life is me like I don't want it to come like I come off like I'm thinking that about Erica because I think she's great I think she's I think she's such a great person she's lovely like that's that's not I wasn't thinking about her at all when I said that and that's why I felt really bad I was very sweet of you but in the moment like I have an ego and I'm working on it but you never and you never told Erica that Blake was telling you these things correct correct which is you know very selfless of you in a way where you know because like we've seen other people in the pods kind of learn about other relationships and try to and try to like plant doubt you know like well he said this to me and if you say this to you what is he saying you know and that can create a lot of confusions but but you kind of you chose to keep that to yourself and I'm assuming I'd respect for Erica yes I'd respect for Erica because actually what I was saying in the pods last few days even though I wasn't talking to her I was really upset and I was just telling all the girls like if this doesn't happen for me then I want this for her because she deserves to be happy and I think she will be happy and that's just these are the things that you guys didn't get to see but these are the things that I always thought so I didn't want to ruin it for her even if it didn't work out for me I feel like there's a person out there for everybody and there's room for all of us to make it and I didn't see her as someone that I was like competing with it was just more so like awkward was there anything that anyone said to you guys or girls that you were shocked they didn't show yeah there's there's a lot but I don't think I can even get into details on what those things were because I think you know there's a reason why they're showing the things that they showed so yeah for sure I mean especially like with more I think with more yeah but things that you was saying in the pods I was just like especially at the end I was just very shocked but like the girl she's star stuff like the flip flops like it was like worse how so it was more so just about like a girl who's eating I don't know he we were just having drinks on one of the date nights and I think we might have had a little too many okay what did you learn about yourself maybe that would be like my last question well I learned that I have a very hard time putting my thoughts into words I think I'm really good at texting and putting like my thoughts in okay I'm really good at that like putting it putting it into words that way but when it comes to speaking I'm like maybe I should take a couple of lessons like a couple of classes before I get on TV again but I didn't and here I am and I also learned that I maybe I'm not like the worst at making decisions for myself because I know the way everything came across on TV but in real life like me walking out of that experience feeling as good as I did still like I felt strong great I was like you know what it is what it is and I and I brushed it off and I didn't let it take over me or destroy me so I think that was the biggest thing that I walked out of this experiment with it was just like that self that self that inner knowing that I'll be okay I got this it's gonna be fine well you seem lovely and we're we're glad that you seem like you're in a good place right now my only final question is is that Netflix has a lot of other dating shows and then they do like to sometimes pull from their cast would you be open to perfect match I mean do you date older men maybe age of attraction you know in the future were are you open to finding love on TV if the opportunity came no Nick I see what you're doing here and if I answer this question then that would that would tell you who I occur in status and I'm gonna do that all right all right she's a she's a real follower that would be a really good try Benita we appreciate you taking the time thanks for sharing a little bit of your story again you seem lovely and we're excited to see how things play out the rest of the season and that we appreciate you giving us excellent television oh my god thank you guys for having me it was a pleasure I hope you guys have great rest of your day thank you thanks thanks many bye do welcome the show yes yes thank you for having me good to be here how's your heart man how you doing are you feeling okay oh man it's it's it's simultaneously been like the longest week of my life but also like one of the most interesting fun in a lot of ways like okay it's been good but also like there's been some low points in there for sure can you tell us about some of those low points or able to share yeah I mean well you know I'm I'm I'm a reasonably low-key person and so this is I think the first time I've had an army of you know maybe 10,000 people tell me how arrogant and big of a douche I am so you know that was kind of unexpected but outside of that I've also gotten like my fair share of what I would say is like love and support you know a lot of people maybe not so much in the comments but at the DMs and just friends and family calling to check in it's been it's been so positive I mean I think that's I don't what like you hope for right a little bit of a balance if it was all one way or the other way probably not optimal you know so there's definitely some constructive learnings in there but you know there's also you know enough goodwill to keep me going well we've had the pleasure of talking to Tucker and Sahar and Benita as well and they all sing honestly both you're in Jackson's praises as people obviously you guys did not work out together as a couple but we've heard nothing but very positive things coming your way so I'm sure that's that's good to hear I'd love to go back obviously to that kind of iconic moment of post engagement with jacks and yes just kind of walk us through your mindset of but just from your perspective the reveal you see jacks like looking back now do you feel like you should have picked up on some cues that you weren't picking up out at at the time it was happening well I mean I guess I guess as a starter you almost have to go back into like the pods to really kind of get the context to this conversation and like you know jacks and I had spoken for God however many hours and that's all kind of filtered and compressed down into you know what you guys see on TV which is you know mounting to 20 30 minutes so you know looking at those 23 minutes exclusively is a much different relationship than like the totality of what we talked about what we learned about each other kind of like where we were going into the bots you get kind of like a little bit of a caricature of what the relationship was so I would say you know there was much more substance to the relationship going into the reveal than then maybe the show would lead you to believe so you know entering my mindset you know I'm going into this relationship I know this person we've chatted you know I think both Both of us were on the same page. especially having watched other couples who very much were already confessing their love for each other and significantly kind of further on that journey than we were at the time. I think we both were kind of going into it. Less as, you know, this is it. I found my person and more as I like you, I like spending time with you. I wanna continue getting to know you. Let's, you know, keep on this crazy ride and see where it goes because it seems like there's real substance here and let's go for it. Now, obviously, once the door's open, kind of the script goes out the window, right? Like, it is just such an overwhelming experience and you're there and the door's open and, you know, the timing of the door's open even is kind of like a little mind trick 'cause you don't know when they open. You're just kind of standing there and-- - Thank gosh. - Do they open now? Do they open now? And, you know, it feels like an eternity. It's probably 10 seconds, right? They're probably just like focusing a camera somewhere in the background, or you're just there like hearing your heartbeat in your chest, like what is about to be on the other side of this wall? And, you know, then they finally open and, you know, the first thing you see is like a silhouette, right? Like, you're seeing, you know, 100 yards away, a silhouette and you're just like first impressions and you start walking forward and it's like, you know, even, I would even say it's one of those moments where you're like, how do I even walk normal? Like, what is walking, like, how do I do this? Like, so I normally hold my hands like this. Like, what am I doing here? - But no, I mean, I said this on the show and I maintain it. Like, seeing Jacks was a huge relief. Like, I was just like, oh my God, like, this is, this is an absolutely, you know, beautiful woman. Like, I'm, I'm thoroughly like, you know, happy with kind of the outcome and everything. And you walk in and you see each other and, you know, you're fumbling for the ring and you don't know what to say. And you're just kind of like on autopilot. Like, making noises while your mind is trying to like, you know, catch up with everything that is happening. And, you know, you pull the ring out and you put it on the finger and you go and you sit down and it's just completely, completely like overwhelming. You know, and it's just, it's just like, nothing you could ever experience. It's like the biggest surprise kind of, I've probably ever had. - Wow. You kind of said like, when, when she was looking at the ring, I remember you saying, I could have gone bigger. But it's, it's, did you just not go bigger? - So I think, and this is, I think this is actually a really good question 'cause it shows kind of like, one of the dividing lines I think in the people who have watched this. Like, my friends, my family, those who know me like, really well, like appreciate like my sense of humor and like recognize that I am like, a deeply unserious person. Whereas I think other people maybe hear things like that or like, oh yeah, let's get a helicopter and I'm like, this, this snob. And that was definitely one of those comments that kind of fell into the first cat. Like, that was never meant to be taken seriously. That was like, as I was saying to you before, like, your mind is just saying stuff. - Yeah. - Right. And I'm in this, you know, I would say awkward, but very exciting moment, adrenaline's pumping. Like, what do you do? And like, you know, my deeply unserious mind just defaults to like, a throwaway joke. - Now, in my mind, I don't even remember saying that. Like, it was just like, something to fill air. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. - Reality TV is not very forgiving to sarcasm or dry sense. - Oh yeah, I'm learning that the hard way, future, reality TV people, you know, take note, please. Don't make a joke, don't try to be funny. - Learn from, learn from my mistakes. - It sounds like you and Jack's are cool now. I don't know how much you can give away. But going back to that moment, regardless of where you guys are today, do you feel like at a minimum, she at least owed you a conversation before she left the experiment? - I think, again, you have to kind of look at this in context of like, what the show is and the pressure of the show. And then if we were just two people meeting out in kind of our own private lives. And, you know, especially given the speed of response with which she reached back out to me as soon as, you know, we were kind of back in our normal lives. No, like, I don't falter. And I can understand where she's coming from, where she was just like, listen, like, I was so overwhelmed on that set and there was so much going on. And like, it wasn't that she didn't want to talk to me. It's that she wanted to be able to have a conversation with me like off the record, right? - She didn't want to talk to me. - She didn't want to do it on camera. - Exactly. - She wasn't done with you as much as she was done with the experiment and sounded like. - Correct. - Correct. - Yeah, okay, that makes a lot of sense. - I am curious. It's like outside of the, you know, the reveal so much is made about like, okay, what do they look like? But like, do you guys like smell each other? Or like, what are some other like senses of like, you know, like, what are you paying, like, their teeth? Like, they're, you know what I'm saying? Because there's so much that you are not getting to see while you're talking to these people. And like, yeah, looks are a big thing, but just like, like, honestly, smell. Like, how they smell is such a, like, - Yeah. - Such a big part, like on a first day, do you see, wearing cologne, she's wearing perfume, how does she smell? Does the breath good? Is it not good? You know, do they have like, crust in their eyes? - It's funny, you say that like, for me, like, it was, it was almost like exclusively like visual. I think there's just, you know, you're in this studio stage sense aren't there. Like, there's so much noise and like, cameras and shuffling that like, you know, that's kind of occupied. And, you know, for me, it was like, very visual. I just remember like locking eyes with her and just being like, oh my god, like, is this like, the person I'm spending the rest of my life with? Like, is this my person? Like, am I gonna be growing old with this person? You know, I think, you know, we were sitting on the couch towards like, the tail end of it. And, you know, like, even looking back and some of the wider shots maybe don't even show this, but like, our body language was like very separate. And I think, you know, that may have also been an indication of like, maybe this isn't it. But I think, you know, you spend the time in the pods getting so close to someone and you like, understand the rules of engagement of like, how that relationship is, through the context of a wall. You know what the humor is, you know what the jokes are? Like, you know how to talk to somebody. You can kind of read their moods through their voice and their tone. Oh, she's probably tired tonight, me too. Like, let's take this one a little bit more mellow. And then all of a sudden, like, just this crazy explosion of stimuli, like, you're meeting them for the first time. And as you said, you do have all of these sets, but you also don't have a playbook of like, what's the rule of engagement, right? Like, I know like in theory, like, yes, I just proposed to this woman, but it's like, should I put my arm over her shoulder? Like, I've never spent time with her. Like, is that appropriate? Is that not? And it's like, in the real world, you know, I've dated someone for years. Maybe we even started to live together. I'm taking a knee and proposing at a cute little cafe, whatever the situation may be. Obviously, there it's appropriate to get up and kiss the person. You've built that physical intimacy and comfort where all of that works. And like, you know what's happening. Maybe you're not PDA people. Maybe at that cafe, you keep it a little bit more low key. But like in this, there's no, there's no rules. And you're just like, I don't, I don't actually know what's appropriate versus inappropriate versus like what you want me to do versus what you don't. And I'm also so conscious that the entire world is watching this. And I think, I think in our instance, that's one of the reasons it may have looked even clunky. At least from my perspective, like that was a big driver of maybe the discomfort that everybody, millions of people have now picked up out of bed, like, how did you not know this was doom from the start? It's like, you may see what I'm doing, but you don't understand what's going on under the hood. That's leading me to this like stiff cardboard body language. - Yeah, everyone's a critic. You mentioned on the show that you had never been in love before. - Yes, going into this experiment. I'm curious, like what made you first like sign up for a show where there was an expectation of marriage prior to you being in love? And I guess what did you learn about yourself in terms of love? And do you feel like that it helped you kind of maybe open up more to maybe, you know, be able to fall for someone? And I guess, yeah, and I do this. I sometimes ask too many questions at once. But like you and Jack's broke up, do you feel like you had feelings of love for her, you know, with that experiment, or was it just more about the experiment? - You do ask a lot of questions. And I'm usually mad at getting sidetracked and not answering them. So guys, like by all means, keep me honest. Like, let's stay focused here. First one, yes, I did say I had never been in love. And I do mean that, but I mean that within the context of which I said it, you know, my kind of gold standard of like being in love, right? It is that I've fully committed all in, nothing left on the table. Like, this is it, you are the one. Right, I use it in like the most, you know, whole, complete, extreme term as you can. So obviously, yes, I've had many relationships that have been, you know, intimate and close and longer, longer duration. And, you know, that have been super close. But I think in the back of my mind, whether it was right person, wrong time, just wrong time, whatever the case may be. At none of those cases, did I say, oh my God, this is the one. was, I would have been proposing to that person, right? Like that is kind of like the barometer of love for me is like, is this the person I'm married? So you won't be a love bombing anyone anytime. Exactly. Yeah. No, I'm not going to be a love bomb again. Have you seen? Wait. Did he feel that with your third question? Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Third question. I did. I feel that way with Jackson. I don't think within the pods I did. Okay. And that's not like a slate against Jackson. Like I did things. She was an incredible woman, like I do think that she's an incredible woman. But like within the context of conversations through a wall, you know, I'm not as confident that I'm the person who's going to be able to get to that level of feeling. Yeah. But as I said earlier, like I absolutely believed there was potential for it. And I believed that it was worth kind of pursuing as, you know, kind of the show and as that relationship went to the next step with the reveal and with Mexico, knowing that like the further in the show you go, like the consequence for failure gets like exponentially bigger and you know, kind of being willing to like take that risk and continue pursuing this. So yeah, I mean, I thought there was absolutely potential there for it. And you know, shame on me for that not coming across to Jack's in real time, even in the off camera moments and also, you know, kind of in the on camera moments that that everyone in the scene at this point, do you feel like she didn't like, she didn't believe that you were all in? Is that what you're saying? Oh, yeah. No, she didn't. I don't think. Oh, wow. Which is, I mean, you know, it's, it's, it's not often that you have the benefit of hindsight, right? And it's not often that like you can go through a dating moment and, you know, relive it on camera and be like, or you know, at this point, every time I open my Instagram, it's like, oh, yeah, here's 500 different cuts of you botching a proposal. And yeah, I mean, looking at that and seeing some of the stuff that I said, you know, again, it was never meant to be insincere or anything. It was always just meant to kind of have that light, unserious humor that I had in there on an otherwise like a stressful moment. And I don't think, you know, I can understand why anybody on the other side of the wall would not have seen that come across and would have misinterpret it and have then gone into a reveal already with like cold feet. Like, is this dude even serious? Like does he even want to be here? Like, it was never my intention to communicate that, but like, yeah, it's completely understandable why that's the message someone pick up. Does that make sense? I appreciate that. I appreciate that too. I feel like that's a lot of like vulnerability on your end, but to be fair, I felt like she was picking up what you were putting down in the pods. Like, at no point did I get the impression as a viewer that she was like red flag, you know, like I never, like she never really, from what we saw, I don't know what was, you know, what actually happened, but I never felt like she was like putting up, putting on the brakes or anything. Like I felt like she was kind of locked into some of your like quirky, like sense of humor that maybe rub people the wrong way when watching it back as a viewer, I felt like she was locked in. So I kind of feel like, I don't know, to me, I was very confused when she was like, I don't know, ghosted. That's to me. That felt very shocking. So I feel like I have to give you credit for acknowledging your missteps, but I'm like, I didn't see any red flags from her seeing any red flags, you know? Yeah. And I'd love to just say that as well, like, you know, it could be, it could be possible to walk out of this with like the impression that I am like, you know, a stone wall. I have no like emotional IQ or anything. And it is true that reading through a wall, you only get a limited response back. But no, I mean, up to that point, you know, we had been, we had been vibing, you know, if she wasn't finding my jokes funny, if we weren't laughing and having her laugh. She was laughing. She was laughing. We wouldn't have, I wouldn't have continued along that like trajectory of jokes and humor. Yeah. The two-way road, and if you're getting positive feedback, you know, you should do that. And, you know, I also, I just also want to say, like, you know, I am, I am able to get serious in all of that. But like, one of the reasons that I kind of may have overplayed the humor is because this was such, such an intense experience. I mean, you look at some of the date scenes with other people and, you know, you're learning about diseases and deaths in the family and all this like trauma. It's not like we didn't have kind of those moments in our own way as well. But like, I, you know, at a certain point, I was like, something needs to shine some light in here. Like, we need brevity, not necessarily even to make, like, good to you, but just for my own mental health and like, for her, it's like, I don't need our relationship to be founded on just like, you know, this is like, sometimes it's a long day and just like, you know what? Like, you know what I want to talk about? Nothing. Yeah. Like the dumbest nonsense and laugh and be silly and just like, that's cool. Like, we can pick up the serious content tomorrow. Like, I'm mentally exhausted. This has been a lot like, let's joke about helicopters, you know? No, that makes sense. You know, listen, Stu, I love the opportunity to interview people like you and you're a perfect example. Why? Just because like, we get a chance to talk to the people, right? Not just the characters and, you know, you obviously came across a certain way on this show, but let's just talk into you here now. It's a completely different vibe and, you know, obviously we know this, but we forget it when we watch TV that we're just, we're, we're complicated people. We're hyper dimensional, you know, we're not, we're, you know, sometimes we joke, sometimes we're serious, sometimes we're sarcastic, sometimes we're emotional. It's hard to capture all of that in such a limited time on these shows. So it's always great when we get an opportunity to talk to people like you and just kind of hear just a different version. It's, it's really nice to see. I got one final question before we let you go. I'm seeing you're, you're very clean, Javin. And if I'm looking closely, I do see what looks like the makings of a very full and great beard. Give it to us, Stu. Give it to us, Stu. Have you seen the beard? Have you seen the AI photos of how hot you look with a beard? I, I have, um, I've, I put up a poll. It is, it is almost unanimous. Lock it. I, I will say is under deep consideration, I have a couple personal events coming up in the next week and a half that are going to prohibit me from being bearded, um, but November is just around the corner. Who knows? Maybe, maybe this is the year we go all in and maybe by ski season, I'll be looking like a young Chris Kringle. Well, if you have the opportunity to wear it for the reunion, I think you should. You unanimously agree, it, I mean, come back star studded, make these girls regret their decisions. That beard is going to do wonders. And that does, that's nothing against your face. Your face is beautiful. My wife will appreciate Stu. Yeah. He's not allowed to shave his beard. You know what I'm saying? Like sometimes the beard is, it does make me a little self conscious about my face. I mean, yeah. So I guess, I guess on the beard front, stay tuned. Stay tuned. Stay tuned. Love you. Stay tuned. Thank you for taking the time. We appreciate you opening up to us and just giving us an opportunity to get to know you a little bit better. Excited to see how the journey unfolds for you and the rest of the cast. And obviously there's a reunion coming up and we're excited to see that. But best of luck with everything. Please enjoy this experience. Stay out of the comments. You can also like on your algorithm when you see you fumbling the engagement, you can just click the little three lines and say not interested, like reframe your algorithm to get back to what it was. Yeah. Perfect. Yeah. We appreciate you, buddy. Thanks, buddy. Thank you. I appreciate you guys as well. It's been a great conversation. Have a good one. All right. See you everybody. Way hotter on the interview. Like just seeing him as a person and like it makes so much sense him talking about just how nervous he is and how you're trying to fill all of this awkward silence and you're just like saying the first thing that comes out of your mouth. Yeah. Like totally get it. I see it now and like him not being in charge of the edit and like every couple plays a certain role, right? They got to have a character on every one of these shows and like they were, they played that role and they got that like funny goofy quirky couple that like, you know, but seeing him in this interview, it's cute. He's handsome. He's cute. He's like easy to talk to and he's kind of, I mean, more aware, you know how many times Mary, what was it? Mary to first sight. When he came on the show, like his inability, you are this person. Yeah. Yeah. And your inability to take accountability, like with Stu, he was like, yeah, this is really hard to watch back and, you know, there's some cringe moments, but I'm learning a lot. Like he took accountability even more so than we needed him to. Like he wouldn't above and beyond. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. What a likable, I mean, you know, he has his moments, but like what a likable guy, you know? Well, we appreciate Bonita and Stu for taking the time and just excited to see how the rest of the season plays out. I, you know, it's not like the messiest season so far, but the characters, I think, are more likable, especially compared to Ohio. And it's been a, yeah, a breath of fresh air. Coming up, we're going to be chatting about Dancing with the Stars. And I actually think that Nick and Natalie are going to pop in for just a little moment because I'm pretty sure they're very excited for Tate and Tyler. So let's get him in here. Oh, what's up guys? Well, what an episode last night, where it was so great that we were like, we weren't planning on being here, but we wanted to obviously chime in. First and foremost, Tyler having a big. Oh, cute. Jimmy, are you, you being, you've been saying that you have a baby, like I, this is your, did you cry? I did not cry. I can't help you. Don't have baby. Yes. Then you don't have baby. You're not quite there. That's okay. something that was like, damn, like, is there any way to do better, like this like the best gender reveal ever? >> Be sure for baby to the heavens for his mom to see. >> Yeah, I mean, it was beautiful. I didn't, I didn't cry because I wasn't moved. I didn't cry because I was distracted by like, there's no better gender reveal possible. >> No, no, no, no, no, that's, that's okay, you're just not, that's right. >> Your baby seemer isn't as, isn't as, isn't as crazy as you, as you think it might be. >> Do you want to notice that he, Tyler picked up the pink confetti and put it in his pocket. >> Oh. >> Like, that is, I'm such a little keep safe person. Like, I will keep anything for forever. That has to go in the baby book. >> My gosh, that makes me, that little image when it cry, it's so sweet. At the end when they like looked up to his mom, like, I don't know, that was, it was like they were like thanking her for like this new gift, it was. >> We told you guys, we told you guys it was going to be good, I don't want to give any. >> It was so beautiful, like Jimmy, I know you have baby fever, but so do I. I got my eggs frozen this year, and I'm like, you know, pray in some day, I'll get to have a little baby myself, so that was really magical. Like, I was truly so emotional. I thought, I thought he was going to propose, that's what I thought was going to be like the baby. >> They're already engaged. >> I realized as they were doing the dance, I was like, wait, what is it going to be then? What is this crazy, like Bobby's going to drop on us, baby, Bob. >> Baby, Bob. >> But now, like, not, I mean, I'm glad Noah went home on dedication night. >> Yeah. >> Now, the votes for last night do count for, like, it's a double elimination next week, but they'll be combining that because, so like, we're in Vancouver and like, for whatever reason, we thought we could stream it live on Disney Plus, but we're on the West Coast. And so the only option to watch it was to wait till 8 p.m. And we were like, no, we're like, come on, we got to, like, we knew Tyler and Tate were going to be doing this reveal. >> Yeah. >> We, you know, and like, you know, they didn't know the gender, so we want, you know, like, we wanted to find out the gender when everyone else, you know, was going to find out. They told us a long ago that they were pregnant, and obviously, like, once Tyler got casted on Dance of the Stars, I know him and Charna were, you know, immediately, like, that's why they came on. We're like, let's get to dedication, because like, they were like, planning this. So Natalie, being the scrappy person that she is, like, found someone on TikTok live, who was just, like, streaming it with her audience. >> You do what I did. >> Yeah. >> Because I don't know you couldn't watch it live on the West Coast, either I just moved out here. I'm like, I can't not watch this shit. >> So yeah, and like, we're sitting there bawling and, you know, it was like, it was a beautiful thing. And how it should have been mandatory that they didn't get tied for the lowest score just because of the video, yeah. >> So wait, wait, wait, Connor got a higher score than Cameron. >> I think they tied with a 32 out of 40, he got eights across the board, which is like cool, but I'm like, yo, like, I don't know. >> You couldn't get a nine per week, a one nine, even from the celeb judge, like, have a heart. Come on. >> Yeah, I was kind of shocked it wasn't the highest score because to me, it was just such a beautiful dance, but also, you know, I guess there's technicality to it, but I was so emotional. Like, I could not, I mean, I was crying in the whole episode, but when they came on, and I don't even know them that well, but like, I just feel such a soft spot for them. And I was like, I could cry thinking about it. Like, it was so beautiful. Like, you can tell how much they love each other and like, how good of people they are. I think Nick, you brought up for a second. Like, if we're judging based on like improvement, like Tyler's like a big dude and like, I'm not saying he's stiff, but like, being fluid and like, you know, letting go and like, letting the music take over is probably not in his like, contract bag. >> I thought it was, I mean, at first of all, it was like highly emotional, but I thought it was a beautiful dance and I thought he looked, you know, what do I know? But I thought he looked pretty fluid. >> Yeah, that's insane. >> It's insane. It seemed like, he seemed like really improved. And if it's like, if he can't get a nine doing this dance, like, what, I mean, what is it? Like. >> It felt like he had to do. >> And like, he fully let go and he felt all the feels and the emotions of it. And I don't know, I thought it was like pretty powerful again, I didn't cry, but I don't know. I thought he deserved at least a nine. He had a gender reveal. It was beautiful. And then like, obviously incorporating like, you know, I think- >> The letter to his mom. >> My God. >> My God. >> And narrated over the audio, like that was incredible. >> You're narrating it and being like- >> So beautiful. >> Love her, she's everything that like was special about you, she had like just so emotional, so good. I don't know. >> And like, you know, listen, if I were on Dancing with the Stars this season, I would be like, listen, my beautiful family, my wife, my kids, and everyone would be like, yeah, you know what I'm saying? Because it was like, and you'd be like, yeah, you're a lucky guy. But like, this is like this tragedy that Tyler had faced with his mother passing so suddenly a few years ago. And this beautiful thing that him, him and Tate finding out they're having a baby, and this gender, and that married, you know, Dancing with the Stars moment was iconic. >> Yeah. >> So good. >> I feel like I'm learning more about Tyler, like I feel like I really do see how big of a heart he has, like as people kind of say, like there's so much depth to him. And throughout each week, like I'm seeing more and more of that. Shout out Dancing with the Stars for peeling back his layers. >> I am glad that obviously they're having a girl, like a lot of my buddies have boys. And now I feel like I can have another dad to like, you know, it's for raising boys and girls are different, you know, and so like I'm excited that Tyler, we can, we can share notes, you know, we can share stories, you know, super excited. Before we go, we have to talk about the whole valve suspension thing and how, like, we definitely do because they didn't, it was like it never happened. It was like, you know, Alan sat down with Jenna, it was like, hey, you know, tough week, but I'm super excited to be your partner. And she was like, ah, Alan, well, I'm super excited to have you. And like, all right, I guess you're my partner for the week, no explanation, no reference, no mention of valve, nothing. Anything. >> After the dance, Julianne, I was like, it's been like an emotional week for everyone. >> Correct. >> And how do all celebrities push through emotion? >> Yeah, let's not even narrow it down, let's not even pretend this is a thing, which is like, all right, so you clearly, you want to move on from this, which it's just like, listen at the end of the day, the only one who really suffered was, was Jenna, right? And then I, he gave her her 10. >> Yeah. So it's just like, I don't know. It's just seem like couldn't, I felt like bad joke, terrible joke, really insensitive joke. He definitely like needed to apologize. And I just feel like there was a better way for the show overall to, like, I don't know. >> I look, he felt like, I, I don't know how anybody else felt, but I was a little distracted watching the dance because I was more focused on the new pro replacing Val. And because they didn't acknowledge it, I was almost just like, waiting for them to say something or do something, I don't know. And low key, I just wish, wasn't that way to get together and found a way to handle this situation without having it affect the star, Jenna, because like, she, you know, it affected her the most, right? And like, dedication, I just, I don't know, I just felt like there was a better way. >> Next week when Val comes back, are they just going to continue to pretend that, like, did he have the stomach flu? >> It's going to change over to people. >> So many people. >> He was just out of office, like, was sick. >> I know this show is obviously very much online right now, but at least half the audience probably had no idea of the internet discourse, you know what I'm saying? Like they still have a very large older audience, even though it's gotten a lot younger. So like, there's definitely a lot of people who are like, we're sound like, you know, then he'll be back. I don't know, kind of bizarre, but my mom was confused. She was confused. She had asked me. >> Yeah. Because many of us are not living online and following these stories and, you know, if you don't follow Carrie Ann and you don't follow Val. >> Do you think, do you think dancing with the stars? I mean, we talk about this often times with like how the internet can trickle into our mindset and beliefs and how we feel about people and trends or whatever. Do you think that it influenced dancing with the stars? Like, to make their decision, whether, like, they didn't make their own decision. They made the decision. They thought the internet thought they should make. >> Listen, I think unfortunately we now live in a time where like, you know, internet culture and the way fandom is and the way like we all have a voice. Like, I think these shows are learning as they go too. And they're very much like at the mercy of like, what do we do? I think it was easier in the past for shows to ignore certain things or not feel like required to respond to internet discourse, but I think that's harder and harder. It's even harder when one of your judges is the one ignite, you know, like, again, like Val started this. Let's be clear. And it was an inappropriate joke and he shouldn't have said that. And like, you know, maybe just has a sense of humor. He needs to work on because like, it definitely did not land. Did it need to become the thing that it did that turned into Val getting suspended? You know, I guess we can all debate that. But yeah, I think, I think executives are, you know, I think the show felt like they were stuck in a very difficult situation and, you know, it was, it was unfortunate that it happened. And at the end of the day, Jenna is the one who ultimately is the one affected most by this. Yeah. All in all, beautiful night, Tate and Tyler, congratulations. We love you guys. It was such a beautiful moment. I, obviously, I know you used to be able to talk about some of the rest of the dances, but we just wanted to try. It was so fun. It was beautiful. And it's okay that you didn't cry, Jimmy. I just, I think that's just letting you know that as much as a baby fever, you think you have. You're just like, you take your time. Yeah, it's clearly levels to the fever. I'm probably like a hundred degree. I don't got like 103 degree baby fever yet, though. All right. Well, we got to go. We got some stuff to do. Thanks for stopping in. I can Natalie. We miss you guys. I come dad. Break a leg. Good luck. Crush it. All right. All right. Good luck. Bye. All right. Great chatter. But can we talk about Ezra for a second? Like low key, I got to start with like the Kobe Bryant jersey as a baby. Like was born with the mom of mentality. I was already a fan. Now like, he's in my Mount Rushmore for 2026. Yeah. Of just like people. I adore me to people. I adore, including his mom. Oh, my God. I didn't realize that she was who she is. Yeah. And the fact that she put her whole career on hold, like I know moms do that all the time. My mom did that when my brother and I were born and I'm like, I applaud you. I'm so grateful for you for doing that. Like you didn't have to do that. But like his mom was like an award winning actress. And like when your child is born with a disability, like the way she stepped up and was like, you are going to have a beautiful life. You are never hide your disability. Never hide X, Y and Z. Oh my God. I was, I was so emotional. Yeah. Like I find just successful people fascinating and like why they are the way they are. And like, and then you see how his mom raised him. I don't know. It makes, it makes a lot of sense. The way why he is the way he is and why he's so successful. Why is just so like, just so easy to root for. You know? Yeah. Like, I hope this is just the beginning for him too. You know, like, I know he obviously has a very accomplished career already. But I hadn't, he hadn't really been on my radar. And this is really putting him on my radar. And I'm like, what could be next for him? Because one, he's an incredible dancer. He's got, he obviously has like that star power and quality. So I'm like, what could be the next thing for him? But oh my God. And their dance when Danielle was like standing on his actual prosthetic. That was incredible. Like what? Incredible. She's, I was thinking about this if like you could meet like, personally, I was thinking like, who of the stars or of the pros would I want to dance with? It would be her because she's so crafty. Like, she's so smart with her choreography. She's great at like hiding what he may not be able to do, but also like embracing what he can do and like what others simply cannot. And like, yeah, she's so smart. She's so impressive to me. Them together, like, I feel like they're, I feel like it's theirs to lose, honestly. I know who else, like, who do you think it besides them? I also thought it was Jenna Dewan and Val. I don't know if they're going to win the audience's vote anymore, but. But what I will say is that Jenna is so good already. That it's hard, not hard, but like you just know what you're getting. You're like, oh, it's going to be a fabulous show. There's going to be very little critique because she's so good. But someone like Tatiana, to me, she is kind of what the show like represents. And I know it can be a lot of different things. It doesn't have to be one thing or the other, but Tatiana is somebody who shows up every single week. She didn't have a dance background. She gets better every single week and she's really good. And then the vocals on her song, she recorded them herself. That was sick. And also like the tribute to Uncle Phil, man. Like, and she even said it. Like, he was a father figure to a lot of young men and women like growing up without a true father figure. Like the J Cole song first things first. Rest in peace. Uncle Phil. You don't only father that I ever knew. What? Oh, sorry. And don't phones are joined. Yeah. And I'll follow the join the dance. That was that hit like such a soft spot in my heart because I grew up on like Fresh Prince of Bel Air. And like, like literally I learned how to talk to girls because of that show. And I don't know like watching them dance together. And then who they pay the tribute to. That was so sick. And then Loki. Beautiful. Like Val, I guess did gain the most followers and missed all of this. But Jan is like has like one over me. I feel like so many people just because of how fucking just pure he is. Like he's so funny. And I don't know if Tiana is bringing out this like awesome side of him that I don't know. He's, he's winning me over. Yeah. And also like, I think it's really hard to be a new pro. Like, obviously the two new pros that we had. The season were eliminated the first week. And Jan has only been on the season this show one season before. I'm pretty sure recommend me if I'm wrong. But I think he's he's very new. I'm pretty sure last season was his first. And he got a lot of criticism because people were like, Oh, like you're not ready to be a pro. But like I think their dances are always really clean. They're creative. And I think also they they do make a really good pairing. And they're interesting together. Like you said, he's so he's so again, another person that's so easy to root for. He's so relatable. Like, well, he answers questions. And when posh one sexiest star or sexiest pro. Yeah. You can see Jan in the background. No, yeah. That's like shot. Look, he's like. Yes. It was so funny. Yo, I did see that. I'm nominated as my. I'm saying like the yons. Yeah, I mean, posh is a good looking lad too, though. For sure, but that's a gorgeous, gorgeous man. I just see. Yeah, I was so happy that her man was sexy. What a flex being able to say your man is the sexiest pro on the show. And then after what he did with Amber Glenn too, I think just put some respect. No, we love posh. We love posh. We're honestly comparing like goats to goats here. We're being honest. Like, but if you if you voted a sexy star out of that or I'm sorry, you voted the sexiest pro out of that cast of pros, like you a gorgeous motherfucker. You doing something. Yeah. And oh my god, his dance with Amber was beautiful. That one shockingly made me very emotional, not shockingly, but I feel like a lot of times like the stories like Tyler and Tate, like their story is like, you know, it's like a baby is coming. His mother passed away. Like, there's a lot of these that have these like really, really tragic stories or like, I don't know, stories like that that just like rip your heart open. But I had known a little bit about Amber's like mental health journey. She was she was at the lemon's gala like a couple months before this. And so I heard her speak there. So I've always like had an appreciation for her, but seeing her story play out in like a artistic way, I was so I was so moved like as somebody that's also like battled with mental health stuff and like being an entertainment like it's not always just like rainbows and sunshine and it really was so beautiful. Like I was that was another one that I was like just tears coming out of my eyes. Yeah, I felt that one too. Like my big brothers have played such an integral role in my life and like protecting me and helping build up my self esteem and just shape me into the man I am. So the way she used her sister to kind of like portray that that that one moved me too. Honestly, I really felt that one. Yeah. And she's just so cool. And her imposter are funny together. But I think they're like a little underrated, you know? Maybe I've got to like be a little bit more picky with who I'm rooting for. I feel like I'm just rooting for everybody right now because everybody's winning me over. Maybe because I went into this with like a baseline understanding of who everybody is. And I've just grown to like everybody from their personalities to the dancing and the way they apply themselves, the storytelling. Shout out there to the stars. I get what everybody watched this shit. Also, I think it's one of the best things you can do for your career. Like a lot of I think it used to be like a lot of stars would go on like as they were on the up. And now it's like, oh, if you're like a big star, you can like Julia Stiles. I'm like, yeah. She's not like on the up like she's established like she's had a career. Wait, can we talk about her her tribute to Heath Ledger like brought the entire cast out of the was it 10 things I hit about you? Yeah, that was cool. That was that was so sick. I don't know. It was beautiful. I feel like 10 things I hate about you was when I like developed my first crush. I don't know how old I was. I must have been like six or seven when I saw it. And I was like, I was just I just remember seeing Heath Ledger and being like, that's my type. That's my that's my type right there. I don't know what that is, but I like it. And I want some. And I want some. Yeah. And then of course, like he's had just an brilliant career where he's like played the most interesting characters. And he's and his crazy thing about. And he still holds so much weight that like she has this one dedication night to pay honor to anybody she could choose. And she pays honor to him. And the entire cast comes out and they rally around this moment. Like it was just beautiful. It's crazy to think about the legacy and impact he's left on just the entertainment. Speaking of group numbers, can we talk about the cat and the hat moment that followed Tyler Cameron's gender reveal poorly timed poorly timed. Like I get you got to get your ad dollars in, but like, come on, y'all. Like that felt like a Vegas billboard just like thrown in the middle of like a beautiful moment. Yeah, really supposed to throw that in though. I mean, maybe maybe even on a different night. Yeah, maybe don't do it on dedication night where like it's just so much raw pure emotion and passion being poured onto the stage. And it's just like is gimmicky as cat and hat had like what do we do? Oh my God, you guys I saw a TikTok the other week. That was like it was someone saying a movie at the grove. And they were like only at the grove would you be getting ghosted. And then it was a, and this is what you see. And it was a video of a flash mob of people from the cat. - Stop it with the cat in the hat promo, we get it. - We get it. So I'm trying to make Fetch happen. It's not gonna happen. - Disney go do what Disney want to do. I almost wore a Disney t-shirt today, but then I was like, honestly, this cat in the hat's shick. I'm gonna fill the type of way. I'm not rocket y'all too. - Yo, I'm going to Disney tomorrow. - For visit, visit Anaheim. - Are you a Disney adult? - I just play one online. - Oh, okay, interesting. - Yeah. - The class play is a good Disney princess. - Oh, well, that used to be my job, but I worked at Tokyo Disney as a performer, but yeah, so now I just like, I do just like cosplay, like Disney adult online for like the bit. - That's awesome. - But I mean, you have to go to like do the bit. - Yeah, that's lit, actually. - So like Disney's doing their thing, you know, like so, shadowed Disney. - Actually, Jimmy, I can tell you more about this on Balfouse Plus, and anyone who's listening, if you don't know, Jimmy and I are going solo this week on Balfouse Plus, we talk pop culture, we talk our lives. Sometimes we divulge too much personal information that probably shouldn't be out there. - We tend to over share. - We like to over share, so go to filefiles.com or click the link in our bio, and you can check it out. - Okay, rapid fire, really quickly. What did we think of Harry Shum Jr. with his family? - Beautiful, his parents in their mama. - Was that Harry? Get a lift, his mama? - There were so many mothers, I'm trying to remember. - Somebody lifted their mama, and I was like, I don't think my mama would ever let me lift her. - Oh, you know what, that might have been Jackson, 'cause Jackson. - Was that Jackson? - Oh, I mean, that was Jackson. Yeah, that was a great dance. - Give him his flowers, that was great, yeah. And Harry was, I thought it was very beautiful, sentimental, had me emotional when they showed the parents and the whole new family too. - Yeah, the three generations on stage, Asian and American representation, that was really cool. - And it was great that Jack got her choreography flowers as well. That was very nice of Carrie and Tessa. And Connor Wood, how do we feel about his dance dedicated to his dad? - Beautiful. - Yeah, Connor Woods was sweet. It just felt like just like a bro in his pot's relationship at the beginning and at the end, like you could tell his pot wasn't comfortable, like getting groovy on stage, but Connor found a way to include him in the beginning and at the end, I don't know. It just felt like something that like I really resonated with, like if I ever got the opportunity to bring my pot out on a stage like that. It would just be like two bro's just like, yo, Lil' you dog, that's how it felt to me. - Yeah, I think also, and this is like no shade to his dad at all. I mean, like there's no shade at all. But I think people don't realize how hard it is to do what they're doing. And the way his dad, I don't know, I feel like the way his dad was kind of approaching it was, it's probably like, oh, this is this thing my son is doing. But then for him to have to be out there on stage, I'm like, I just know his dad was shitting his pants when he had to stand out there on stage. He's like, there's no way you can prepare yourself if you were just like a normal person for what that would feel like. To one be like live on TV and on stage different of everybody. So I think he, yeah, him not being comfortable to do the dance and stuff. I'm like, I bet you he walked away and was like, oh my god, I'm so impressed with my son. - Yeah, and every now and then Connor will say some things that like he says almost very just like casually that like, well, let's like ring home with me. He was like, how lucky am I to one just even have a dad and then two a great dad? Like, I was like, yo, like this puts things in perspective sometimes. It's so real. So many people like take just that relationship for granted. - And wrapping up with Irish pride, Moira Higgins. - Shipping up to Boston. What a banger to a pasta doble. That was intense. That was it. - That was really fun. - Who was the one to go about? - Who was the one to go about doing the little Irish jig joint? - Lucky. - Lucky. - Lucky, he's like a four time champion. - Six time Irish dance champion. - I'm here now. (laughing) - That was dad, you hear me? - Hey, hey, hey, is that Irish? I don't know. You know what I'm talking about? - That's I think Polish maybe. But I can be around. - And he goes crazy Chicago. So we go hard for the Irish. Except we'll walk another day at all. But let's get you to hear Northern. - Okay. - I'm here for the Irish. It was great. It was like a safe week for her where I was like, that was really cool. That was really fun. We'll see you next week. - Yeah, well, it was a safe week for everybody, technically, 'cause nobody went home and thank goodness. 'Cause I was thinking like, damn, what the fuck? It was saying home? Like, if somebody sent me home, I'd have been emotional night like that. I'd damn there with, like, Ray's ale. So. - I know. - Good job just keeping everybody safe. - Yep, exactly. - Dorenda Medley, welcome back. - Here we are, here we are again. I'm very excited. Whenever I see the vile files, I think, but they're not vile at all. They're fantastic. - Thank you. - Spread the word. - Some say vile, some say vile. - How are you, Dorenda? - I'm good, you know, we're very excited about the premiere tonight. We've risen from the dead and here we are again. - Yes, you have. - Is it super exciting to be back? Are you just more like, you know, just another day? But, or does it feel like really? - No, it's, it's super exciting for us to be back. And I think it's really exciting for the audience because I think that they have been waiting a long time and, you know, asking and begging and hoping and wishing. And they finally have their wish. I said, we're really lucky because season one, we could just stand there as mannequins and I think people would be thrilled. I mean, I, it's gonna be seen, I would say true. - You know, we went to 90 Second Street. Why the other day at night? And of course, we knew it was sold out and we were very pleased about that because, you know, we all suffer from fear of, you know, not, you know, I think I'm still like us. Do they remember? - No one caring, yeah. - No, it cares, oh my God. Why are we doing this, you know, in posture syndrome? And when I heard it was sold out, I said to Lohan, okay, great, it's sold out. People are showing up. And then when we walked on stage, people literally, the up war, I was like, I said, I turned to Lohan, I said, I think I'm gonna cry. 'Cause it was so overwhelming. It was literally like they had seen an old lost friend, you know what I mean? - Yeah. - That's so nice. - So sweet. Do you feel that kind of love just walking on the street? - Yes. - You must. - I really do. And, you know, I think the fan base, especially the Bravo fan base, you know, they have a long history with us and a very long authentic history with us. They've seen us go through it all, you know? I, they've seen us at the best of times. They've seen us at the worst of times. They've seen us bond and I'm bond or go through things that really made people in the world realize that brawl just doing the same shit over and over again, it doesn't matter. Who you are or what you are, we all have to walk the walk, you know what I mean? - What do you think it is about you women specifically? That there just seems to be a special twinkle that the Bravo fans have for Roni, you know, the OGs. - Because they feel like, they feel like, they feel like there's no, there's no proscenium walk with tears. They feel like they know us and they feel like they've grown. I mean, I cannot, the thing that has amazed me about being back out there is how these young girls, you know, these girls looked in their throes, like, "I grew up on you, you know what I mean?" "Oh, and I feel like you, what I mean of." So they, they feel like that they really know us. I mean, they don't, there's not a, you know, someone was, I was reading once that a lot of the kind of scripted actors, actresses were almost not wanting to be around the reality people because the audience has such a great love affair with the reality, with the reality stars because they feel like we've let them in. We're not playing a character. There's no wall between us and the audience. That's why I'm always like, if I'm ever with a reality person that doesn't engage with their fans, I swear to God, I someone asked me for a picture, I take it. Because I think, you know, what an honor, number one. And number two, they built us up. And I think we don't, and we don't have the option because we've let them in at such a, you know, big level that they do know us. They do. They can come to Blustow Mountain and sit at my kitchen table and have dinner and be like, it's exactly as I thought it would be. Over the years, have you ever had to pull a housewife aside and kind of have a talking to you about like, hey, yeah, I know what the follow-up question is to this. So I will answer it with double. Yes, of course, you know, just like I said, people are people and the personalities translate. And some housewives are not as open and receptive just like they are in their real lives. They're not open and receptive in their real lives. That bothers me. That's a real problem for me when I'm around that. Because, you know, we represent, and we not only represent the network we're working for, we have to, in order to say, I'm authentic. This is reality TV, we have to be that. Was there any part of you that was nervous about coming back and doing this such per, I mean, obviously you've done traders and you've done so many other things, but like to be back in the personal every day in your home kind of thing. I was most, I'll tell you what, not nervous about. I don't, I have a very good relationship with the camera, it doesn't bother me, it doesn't faze me, you know, I don't. I remember the first time when I was at Ramona's house and I filmed and that camera came around and I thought, ooh, I like the camera, the camera like to me. This is gonna be just great. So, and I don't care about, you know, making mistakes and, you know, and just having them see me. So that part, I was kind of, I was excited to hang out with all the girls too. [BLANK_AUDIO] Even though we all, most of us still communicate and see each other, you know, we're all over the place. We don't have the bond of husbands or children, which is probably our biggest bond. Some of us live in the city, some of us, you know, Ramona lives in Palm Beach, New York, you know, all these places. But so we've always stayed close. The thing that really, I think, was the hardest thing, and this has just been super honest, is we had been so much dedicated and devoted to our Bravo family, right, into our, the NBC network, that it felt a little like, am I gonna jump off and be with the new network? Because remember, you know, it was a very long relationship, me, less than Luana and Ramona, but that was a little scary. It was kind of being, it was like, you know, we kind of had to open the cage door. You know, sometimes they say you can open a cage door with an animal and it still just sits there, right? 'Cause it's too afraid of a lot. And it was a little of that. I was like, I'm comfortable here. And obviously that would have been our first choice. But when it didn't work out and, you know, and we kind of realized, well, I guess it's not gonna happen. We were so blessed when he said we'll do it then. And then, you know, once you got through that period, I was like, you know, this is a pivot. And like pivot sometimes and you have to, you know, you can't fail if you never do it. And you can't succeed if you never do it, right? I'm 61 years old. I'm gonna be 62. If it didn't work out, I thought it's a great time to have a free trip in Palm Beach, hang out with all my girls and get paid. - Love it. - Hell yeah. - I don't know what you can share, but for the average fan, what, I mean, I guess what is the difference between being with E versus Bravo? - You know, like anything. When you change jobs, even if it's the same job, everybody does it a little differently. And there's a learning curve. And you have to, you know, kind of grow together. But, you know, and I think we're the first of, the first of this they've ever done, yeah. So I think it was just sort of a little bit of a learning curve, which made it kind of fun, which I think kind of almost in a weird way, bonded us all very quickly. Not just the, you know, lose and remodeling me, but all the cameraman, it was new cameraman. It was new, you know, new showrunners Nadine LaJabi is unbelievable. She comes from below deck. And, you know what? We had to read meet all the verse and group in their PR. - Yeah. - Humans are lazy. They like to be, you know, do the same. They like to know what's comfortable. But you know, that's why this is good, because we all had to get out of our comfort zone a little bit. - I'm curious, are any of the producers the same? 'Cause I know a lot of producers will go across a ton of different shows. Are there any of the same producers from when you guys were? - No. - No. - Oh, all new. - All new. - That's gotta be interesting. - Why, I don't know what you can share, but why ultimately Bravo opt not to move forward with your ladies? It just seems like, I think so many people. - To tell you the truth, Nick, I, you know, and I still have a great relationship with NBC. And, you know, obviously I do radio Andy, and I love everybody. I really do have a great relationship and, you know, hope to still work with them. They've given me all those opportunities. Like, traders and ultimate girls trip. I just think, this is my opinion. This is not anything that someone's told me. You know, I think they really invested in these new girls. They made that big decisions for the reboot. And I think that was their focus. And I think kind of bringing back the old girls. It was kind of, it was counterintuitive to what they were trying to do with the new girls. Like, why would you get rid of them to only bring them back to have the, I think the whole thing was confusing. And, you know, that's the only thing I can think of because none of us have a bad relationship with Bravo or NBC. - No, I think you nailed it. I think you're right. I think, yeah, I mean, I think it's, I think a lot of people confused why they seemed resistant to bringing you ladies back. But like, I think if nothing else, they respected how popular you women are. - Yes. - And knew that, you know, for whatever reason, you know, and I think we're all really excited. I don't know if you're watching Roni right now, but like a lot of fans are enjoying the season. It seems to be better than the past couple seasons. - The truth of the matter is it's a very different show than the show we did. And, you know, I think they had a hard start because, you know, it's like coming, it's like trying to get rid of a bunch of NFL stars and say, okay, now we're gonna bring you in and we want you to be just like them. But it's not just like us because it's a different time in the world. You know, I have a daughter of their age. She lives in Navigates, New York City, totally differently than I did at her age. So I think it was, it just took a minute for them to get their footing. Also too, you know, they were kind of really fighting an uphill battle in the beginning because there was that whole group that were like, I'm not gonna watch it, no matter what. They stuck their feet in the ground. And I think now that they've had a little time to, you know, off, I think that it's a much stronger cast and it feels more rhythmic. - Yeah, that makes sense. You have a new book. - I have a new book. - I know a singer too, about a singer too. - Great name, very excited. I just finished the audio book yesterday. How was that recording? - Yeah. - It's good, but you know, you get through parts, what you talk about. I found, it's really interesting. I found the, I do the end bit where I say, well, we've come to the end of another book. And it says something like, you seem, I've been through Jack one, Jack two, Jack three, I guess I'm in, Jack four. And I go and talk about me through my accent. I couldn't get through the chapter because I was crying so much because I remembered the dark days and the winter when I was writing this. I remember thinking about it. And now when you, when I heard it, it's just a great book. 'Cause I think I really do know a thing or two about a thing or two. I don't think there's much. I always say to Hannah, test me. Ask me anything about anything. And I bet I can either do it or talk to you about it. I mean, I'm the person you wanted a cocktail party that knows no one. - Yes. - You know, if I need to, if I need to rewire a lamp, I can do it because after, you know, I want to be that woman that is very, very self-sufficient, financially, you know, can, doesn't need to call on a lot of people, understands their environment. And can, you know, be, be very good at everything they can possibly be good at. And I do feel that way now. I'm in my crone face, okay? It's the age of wisdom. - What is something when you were writing this book, you know, it was reflecting on your phases of life. What was a memory that really stood out that you were proud of and enjoyed running about? - Oh my God, there were so many proud ones and so many not so proud ones. You know, I think the, I think it may be, it's not the proudest moment. And obviously I've spoken a little about this before. But when I look back on the post, you know, disaster, Richard passing and really having that moment where I thought I'm either gonna be that person now and run my life against being that person or I'm gonna have to really make a hard right and kind of put that in a place and become really a new person. I wasn't sure how I was gonna do it after, you know, it's a very funny thing because I thought I had achieved it all. You know, I kind of grew up, I was like, this is exactly where I want to be. The wife of a successful man, I loved deeply. My daughter doing great, a beautiful house in the brochures, a great town else in New York City. And then goodbye, you know what I mean? And all these identities that I love Hannah was going to college that year. So my motherhood kind of identity was sort of still there but taking on a different face. Richard was gone so now I'm no longer a wife. You know, I really remember being in the brochures saying, I don't want to bask in this too long. Like, I don't want to, but I got to get up and pivot because and become Durinda, not Durinda Medley, not Durinda Sikala, not mom, not daughter. I got to get Durinda together here and move forward as fast as possible. And I'm really proud of myself because I did it and I would have never been on reality TV. I would have never thought it's 61 going on 62 years old. My life would be so fulfilled and joyful and just busy and free. All these things. I was thinking, oh, I'm going to be 62 years old, the widow. Probably, you know, God knows wandering around the Upper East Side and a pair of shoes I bought in Palm Beach 20 years ago. I mean, I don't want to be that person. And how do you feel like you did get through that? Because all of that seems like it would be so easy to get like stuck in. Yes, you know, the old saying, I put one foot in front of the other, no, I just started to put myself and I didn't want to believe me. I wanted to just, you know, be very disappointed. But I kind of got myself back to the city. I moved back into my old apartment because I never got rid of that. I always saved that. And I just started life again, started going out, you know, stop thinking about myself as Mrs. Medley. That was one of the big things. I just had to think of myself as Durinda now, you know, and re-engage. In fact, I would finish that book yesterday. And then I thought to myself, Richard would never, believe the person I am today. Oh, that's beautiful. I mean, who knows if he'd even like me anymore? You know, because I'm such a different person [BLANK_AUDIO] a woman he married, you know, in a good way, but, you know, I was very devoted to my husband and things, you know, so he, you know, and I'm not staying home laying out Mr. Medley's clothes anymore. So if he came back now and said, can you lay out my clothes in the morning, I'd be like, can you lay my clothes out in the morning? And by the way, I loved doing it. It was an honor. I loved it. I was like, could he go out? And he would always say the same thing to me. So we are. I love you so much. Look what you laid out for me. You are just, I never looked better in my life when we just put his tie in the days when people wore ties. Oh, you're joking. I'm joking. I'm over here. That's so beautiful. It's true. Hannah's like, why would you do that? I said, it was a different time. If it made me happy. It made me happy. And listen, nothing was gone for 12 hours a day. I could do it up with the hell I wanted. So I thought, that's a very small price to pay. Yeah. There you go. I am curious what, you know, going through that, you must have, you must have learned a thing or two about grief, and I lost my dad in April. I lost my dad while I was seven months pregnant with twins, raising a toddler. I don't feel like I've, I've grieved him at all. So I guess my question to you is like, what is the biggest thing you learned through losing your husband? And how did you process that? Well, through losing a person, it never, you know, everybody had, I, I, I, I, I think that our society has taken grief and put it in a box and said, you have to do this. This is the timeline. This is how you should react. This is how you feel. And it's none of it's true. None of it's true. In the same way, everybody has sex differently. Everybody loves differently. Everybody cooks a lasagna differently. It's your own personal journey. And you have to just allow it. And the truth is, here's the good news in the bad news. This grief is really the opposite face of love. It never goes away. Really. You, you manage it as time goes on. You get kind of, it, it starts off as the biggest thing and you're constantly thinking about it. And then it becomes, you know, it's become smaller because you become bigger around it. But it, it's always going to be there. You're always going to have a time where you have a moment, you're like, God, I really wish my dad was here. It's like a song in your heart that, you know, kind of pops up. And that's good. That's good, but you have to understand. And I think if people embraced grief more because it's inevitable, we're all going to go through it. But for some reason, it's a bit of a taboo thing to talk about. And if you do talk about it, it's, you almost feel forced to feel terribly sad and dark about it. I don't. I think I don't believe in people dying. I think people pass and they pass on to another place and we have to celebrate that. And the truth of the matter is you can still access them, but you have to be open to that because, you know, I don't, you're not going to sit down and have coffee with them. It's, you know, say, you have a quite moment. You know, I was really thinking about doing this. Could you give me something or brace me in some way to show me that you feel like it's a good thing and you'd be surprised. I'm quite religious. So for me, that's easy to do it. And I'm quite kind of spiritual and white witchy. So for me, I just sit in the forest for a few minutes in black. I love this. And he comes running. I was thinking about before you came on, I said this, but this is the second time on the show. I've had the pleasure of being on your show, but I've never met you in person yet. That's so weird. And it seems like such a crime because I feel like when you come to New York again, you'll have dinner. Well, you should really do both, you know, you and your wife should come to boost on that. It's a trap. Nothing. I would love nothing more during that. It is a dream to cook with you. I want to cook. Oh, my God. And do we ever cook up here? We cook. You wouldn't believe. Yes. Oh, my God. I have a great recipe for you to cook that I made last night. It was a remark. It was, I took it. I bought it a tag sale, this old pilgrims cookbook, the traditional dishes of some of the pilgrims that lived in New England. Wow. What's I find fascinating? Because we're at this time of the year where it's very spooky and unveiled. And I'm only wearing black through October 31st when I'm at Blusto Manor now. I love it. It's true. Greg said to me, who's my best friend? I love you. He's downstairs. He said, um, are you waiting a lot of black people? I said, yes, until October 31st, the veil's open. I have to. Anyway, we, I took a pumpkin. I cleaned it out. I then took melted butter, put it inside and I put a fresh chicken, not fresh, like I killed it, but you know, an organic chicken. And then I filled it with parsnips and a half bottle of wine and broth and onions and blah, and salt and pepper and an herb bundle. And I put the whole thing with the top back on in the oven. Wow. We're about an hour and a half. My mouth is there. I took it out and put it on the table and everyone was like, that what is in there? I said, it's the pot of the pilgrims and then they obviously ate the pumpkin for health and stuff. But no, we love to cook. Wow. It could be, cooking is our love language up here. He's the only reason I eat. I mean, if it were up to me, I'd be like, literally Chick-fil-A. Chick-fil-A. Oh my God. So bad. All right. No. That only makes you more attractive as a man. You know what they say? A man who's a good cook is good and bad. Not that I'm putting myself forth for that. Talk it during that. Well, wait a second. Yeah. And to that point, why did Sonya call you unfuckable? We'll never get over that. No. How rude. That really hurt my feelings. As it should. As it should. Yeah, valid. Because A, I never say anything negative about Sonya, which I, if I wanted to, I could. But B, it's such a, it's such a disrespectful kind of dirty, like, and just something that I don't participate in. You know, listen, I'm not someone I never have been. First, I just, I've never been a person that's, you know, you do what you want in your life, but I've never been a person that's slept with a lot of people. She's classed. She's classed. Classy lady. No, it doesn't. It doesn't mean I'm, you know, I couldn't. Right. It's just that the problem with me is the man I sleep with, so when I want to marry him, I mean, that's it. We're done. They want to cook for them. No. Yes. I want to lay out their clothes. And the truth of the matter is no one, I'm not a big talker about things. No one really knows what I do or who I have in my life, you know, I don't right now, but I would never speak in that tone, even if I did have someone. Oh, yes, I'm fuckable. I mean, can you imagine me saying now, my daughter would kill me? Yeah. No. No. How are you in Sonya these days to have you gotten through that very rude comment? I believe, you know, here's the thing. I really know Sonya that well, Sonya kind of only is only comes around when we're filming. None of us really, you know, go out with her or she's, so, you know, I think for Sonya, it's all part of her act to get attention, right? And I don't think she even really means it. But yeah, it was, that was a very disrespectful, especially as I'm such a, I am such a promoter of women. And I have a daughter that I just, I'm not someone that likes that kind of language about other women. Period. Yeah. It's so fair. You just posted on Instagram the battle of the streaming stars. Yes. Can you talk to this? What is that? Can you talk to us about it? Oh my God. That was a great thing. We went out to Malibu and they, they took all these reality stars and people from the view and stuff like that, Terry Cruz, Sonia Morgan, Rachel Lindsay. Yes. It was the best day. Just one day. And we got paid for it. I, I actually remember turning to Sonia saying, you believe we get paid to do this kind of stuff. What were you all doing? We did all kinds of competitions. Oh, fun. It was just like a day of competitions in Malibu at that beautiful school there right in Malibu. And that, yeah, it was just a fun day and it was all, we just battled against each other. I think it's a great series and I think they're going to do very well with going forward. Who surprised you the most? Who surprised me the, well, Sonia was just very competitive. She was really good, I thought. You want to hear something crazy? Yes. So we flew into Vancouver the other day and we're in the airport and we're going through customs and they're talking to us and they're like, why are you here? What are you doing? And I turn in the person who's behind us like waiting to go next. I recognize his face and I'm like, I know this, he's definitely an actor. Like I know this guy from somewhere. I can't place it and it's driving me crazy. And so I start googling like Brunette actors and then I'm like, he's like, he's not in a lot of stuff. Right? It's he's a niche actor. So I'm like, niche Brunette actors. And not coming up. And he's literally, he's with his three kids, his three sons. So I'm like, niche Brunette actor who has three sons still doesn't come up. They just sent this photo that you posted of this cast. And when I tell you that it was Benjamin Hollingsworth that I saw in the airport and that is how I recognized him from the post. Who is it? He's in. He was in Virgin River. That's how that's what I know from all these kind of odd and different people there. Like a DJ person. They had up like an X NFL guy, some people from the, it was just this mad mix because you know, we all get stuck. always with our same group, that it was fun to even talk to people about not a different industry, but you know, how all the stuff differs and how we all have different perspectives about what we're doing. You also have a cameo on All's Fair, the Ryan Murphy Kim Kardashian show, which seems like very perfect and very chic for you. I mean, can you believe that? Yes, it's coming out November 4th. I auditioned for it and a week later I got it, which was wild. And then I thought, oh, I'll probably go and be something like, you know, something in the background or maybe a dead person. Who knows? But at that point, I'm taking it. No matter what they offer me, I'm taking it, right? And then I find out it's up against Glenn Club, up against it. It's filming with Glenn Close. You did a scene with Glenn Close? Yes. Wow. Which was both. Which was my first instinct was like, oh my God, I can't believe this. My second instinct was like, oh my God, like this is horrific. I mean, she probably just even know what a reality star is. It was scary. And how was it? Amazing. But, you know, they don't really, here's a fun fact I learned about people like Glenn Close. They were telling me this in the trailer. They don't refer to her as an actress. They refer to her as Glenn Close. Chills. I didn't. And that's kind of like you also. Like no one's referring to you as like Roni reality TV. It's like, you're Durinda Medley. Oh my God. Thank you. Now, that was good. And it was really fun to, you know, have a trailer. And at one point, I was sitting in my trailer and I heard Naomi Watts and Kim Kardashian walk by. And it was one of those moments where I was like, I'm like, I have to pretend like I'm then because I'm, but I'm not them. I want to stick my head out. Should I wave? So instead, I did nothing because it's that weird thing. It's almost better to be a fan and a big crowd when you see someone that pretend like you're like them. I've been to so many dinners where someone fabulous is sitting across from me. And once they start talking to you, like we're all the same, you can't ask for a picture anymore. You're like, you got to play it. Cool. Yes. If you want to be invited back. Were any of them housewife fans? Cause I, I mean, there are a lot of big news. I just, I mean, I mainly was, you know, doing this scene, um, but you know, you just don't want to. I don't. I just, yeah. I kept it really on the day. I was scared to death if you want to twist. I was scared the whole entire day. So I was there. Oh my gosh. I can't wait to see it. But you know, it was so sweet. Is that the end of it. She said she had to go where her people said she's going to leave and she came over to me, which I would have never done. I said, would you like to take a picture with me before I leave? And I'm thinking absolutely cause I wasn't going to ask. So I thought that was really very kind. Yeah. That is kind. Wow. Shout out. Shout out to the close. She's so wonderful. She's iconic. And you know, it's, it's, she's iconic, right? We have three daughters under three. That's crazy. Now we're going through it right now. It's, it's, there's like every day, we're like, they're crying. We're looking at each other. We're like, you're in it. You're in the war. Yeah. We're in it. And we, there are many times we just look at each other and kind of laugh, but also because we want to cry. Yes. But, you know, I want to, I would love advice from you on just whether it's just, from a parent standpoint, from a partner standpoint, how, you know, in your years of marriage and keeping the spark alive, how did you guys like just balance all the chaos? Because like, you know, right now, honestly, like, I feel so lucky because we do have all these great opportunities and things and works keeping us busy, but it is, it's so tough to manage. I don't know. Everything going on while trying to be present for your kids and things like that. And it, there are days where, well, every day it just feels like, I'll lose my mind. Yeah. It's a lot. Try to enjoy it, but because when it's over, it's really over and you'll think, you know, but I get it. Listen, I think that mother, I think that, again, people want to glorify everything, being a parent's terribly hard and I should think sometimes, I think I made a big mistake. Like, it would be like four o'clock out of February after, and I think, I just don't want to do this anymore. You know, Cindy, you can't, you get that verbalized because you don't, you have to always be that happy mother. I think that it's very important and I remember doing this when I was married. That, I think a lot of parents get away from the fact that they, you guys were first levels and these kids didn't exist. And now you're not your parents, but remember, you were first lovers. And my parents were very good about that. My parents loved us so much, they had four kids when my mom was 26, but boy oh boy, when it was time for my mom and dad to be together, they, my mother was my mother for that night. My mother was John St. Hollis' wife and she made a big effort and it made me very jealous and angry. Like, it made me disgusted because you could see my father was communicating with my mother in a different way, but they made an effort and they had no money. Four kids under 24 and, you know, worked all the time, but they, they insisted on staying those people that were originally lovers to this day. Wow. Wow. My father still says, like, if it's summertime, my father just says, Diane, what are we going to leave? Because I want to make sure the car is cool. Diane. What are we going to leave? I want to make sure I heat up the car. Like they're very, because you have to stay, consider it of each other and remember you started off as lovers. You got it, got it, got it. Always hold the lovers. My takeaway of that is we have to make our daughters jealous. Yes. I have to grow my mouth. I grow my mouth. I'm putting on lipstick and spring, whatever. Some Gina Tate, cheap perfume on it. I think, where are you going? Why are you putting that out for him? That's not nice. Take that lipstick off. It's so cute. I'm going to do that. It's going to be so cute. Whoever's going to do that makes me sick. Because right now, River does this really cute thing where we'll be kissing River and we're putting it in her bed and then she'll make us kiss. Oh. And then she'll, you know, we'll do this like, you know, little, everyone's kissing and it's really cute. I think that must be, I know it's hard, but what, your house must be a magic kind of Saturday morning. Yeah. I try to remind myself of that. Yeah, I know. You're so tired. Remember, I think the sad thing about early days of parenting, you're just so tired. Yeah. I mean, you crave sleep, like water. Yeah. I think it, honestly, right now it is magic and you have, I think it's all about just changing your, your perspective on it and, and like, rivers in her, her, she's two and a half. She's in her, like, pretty dress phase. She always wants to be twirling and a big, pretty dress and like, that with her, to me, help me. They would be happy, but it is, it is magic. Back to golden life. What is, what's, what's one of the relationships with the women that you're most excited for the audience to see or a relationship you feel like really evolved from the time you began filming this new show to when you guys wrapped? Listen, I've always been close to Luan, but because we lived in the same apartment building, one floor apart from each other, it went to a whole new level. I mean, I felt like we were back in college at a sorority. I mean, I was up and down that elevator. She'd knock on my door that coffee. I knocked on the door to have wine. You know, we were like, it was just so fun to, I, I don't think people would be surprised by it, but I was surprised that when the last day of filming happened, I actually felt overwhelmingly sad that I wasn't going to be able to wake up and go up to Luan's apartment in the morning. You know, I thought I passed all that, right? You know, when you leave college, you're like, what are we going to do? That's how I felt. Yeah. I have, we have a girlfriend who's staying with us right now because her house is under construction and it's, I felt the same way. It's like you're back in college, you're like living with your best friend, you're, and it's helping with the babies. It's fine. You're like, you're decompressing at the end of the day. Us as women, I think we need that, you know? Listen, I said once, I think it was in front of Hannah. I, when I lived in London for 10 years, I lived next to a family that was a Middle Eastern and he had like those six wives. And you couldn't see, and when I was sitting on my porch at night, breastfeeding, overlooking, they'd all be out there hanging around each other, these six wives from every age. They'd all be helping each other, all be taking care of each other's kids. And I got to tell you something. They looked happy. They said, Hannah, I could do that. And I'd only have to sleep with the person once a week, and I'm like, hey, I got with your girlfriends all the time. I got all your friends, yeah. Kind of chic. That's a good setup to me. Like, next my best friend, of course, I married him, you know? But like, he's not my best friend. Like, I have my girlfriends and like, he's my partner and he's my teammate. But it's like, you got to have your girlfriends and your best friends, too, and like, to live, to have both in your house. Because women are trustees. We love to be together. So true. So true. So true. That's you know? I always said when I first moved back to New York and I was a single mother, I always wanted to move into a town else with all other single mothers, because I thought we're all doing the same thing anyway. Why do it alone? Yeah. It's so smart. Let's just raise all these babies together. Right. Go them off. Yeah. You're all feeding them at the same time. God knows they're all eating the same thing. But no, I think that people, but they always knew with Luanna close, but we're just really fun and funny. And I feel. like, you know, I feel like I got to know in up and down times, Kelly better because I never really knew Kelly, you know, like Kelly was someone that I knew socially because she hangs out with all the same social people I do. And I felt like I definitely got closer to her. Knowing both the positive and sometimes not the not sort of positive. Is that wallpaper on the wrong? No, that's pan painted. Of course it is. Those are my days of, those were my days in poor Richard Matthew would have no idea what I was spending money on those days along gone. It looks so cool. You did that yourself. No, I had a perfect, but very, this painter she does stuff for the map, but she did the lacquered walls as well. Believe me, I didn't, I feel sorry not when I look back at what I just just to spend on Richard's time. And he never knew what was going on. So I could pull the wool over his eyes all the time. You're so chic. I love you. When do I get to meet you in person? Well, you tell me I'm in New York. I do my radio Andy four days a week. So I'm in New York a lot. I do do it remote some days, like two days a week, but next we just have to pre-planet. I was so excited you guys to see you on. I hope you're going to enjoy this. I'd love to hear if you don't like the show tonight. I'm very excited about it. I feel like it's almost like a tiny rebirth for us. I think the people are very excited. We had a chance to talk with Kelly not too long ago. And she really made me, I didn't know it to expect. Obviously, a lot of people have been asking for it over the years, but the way she spoke about it and just catching up with you. I think, yeah, it's just there's something about you, ladies, that never gets old. That's pretty cute. It's really exciting. And you look great if you don't mind me. All right. Well, girl, bless and remember what I told you about grief. Yes. Yes. Just treat it like water. It just has to flow over you. And it will, it'll take its middle run its course. And I love the saying there is no grief. There would be no grief if there were no love. And I think that is true. I guess. Thank you. Dorenda, where can people find your book? You can find it. It comes out in November 17th. I know a thing or two about a thing or two. You can go to my link and bio and my Instagram during the medley or Amazon. And we can pre-order right now. And you can pre-order it right now. And it's a fantastic. Everybody will take something from it. And you'll have a good laugh too. Perfect. Dorenda, we love you. Thank you for taking the time out of your very busy life. And congratulations. And I'll see you soon. I'll see you soon. I have a 27-foot pumpkin up. You should come up here. Oh my gosh, we're coming soon. Tax me. And I'll send you a picture. I will. Okay. Thank you. All right. Well, that'll do it for today's episode. Appreciate all our guests. Dorenda Medley, Stu and Bonita from love is blind. And we appreciate all of you. We'll get back on track with talking about your favorite housewives franchise next week. When we have a little bit more time to, well, we we don't have such an amazing guest to talk to. But we will get back on it next week. We appreciate all of you. Thank you to Jimmy and Susie for covering dancing with the stars last night. And if there's nothing else, we'll see you back on Monday. Bye-bye.