E1 - 7 PROVEN Secrets to LET GO of What You Can't Control - Marcus Aurelius STOICISM

How much of your energy goes into worrying about things you can't control? Be honest, the stoic philosophers like Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus and Seneca taught us something profound, that freedom comes not from changing the world around us, but from changing how we respond to it. Today, we're diving into their wisdom to uncover seven secrets to let go of what you can't control. Trust me, these lessons are as relevant now as they were two thousand years ago. Number one, understand the dichotomy of control. Epictetus, who is considered to be one of the most prominent stoic thinkers, made the following statement. Some things are up to us, and some things are not. One of the most fundamental aspects of stoic philosophy is this contrast, which is both straightforward and profound. We learn to differentiate between the things that we have control over, such as our thoughts, actions and reactions, and the things that we do not have control over, such as the actions of other people, the weather, or the events that have occurred in the past. Consider the situation. The amount of your energy that is eaten by things that you just cannot control is exactly how much. The cycle of trying to exert control over something that cannot be controlled affects each and every one of us. We obsess about things that are beyond our control. We play back mistakes from the past in our brains as if we can somehow change them, or we worry about how other people view us. Unfortunately, there are a number of things that we simply are unable to control. You are unable to control the weather, for instance. You have no control over the acts, attitudes or views of other people. You take responsibility for them. To answer your question, absolutely, even the past is something that you can never change. You do not have to exert control over everything, which is a wonderful thing to consider. You simply need to exercise control over the things that are under your control. Now, let's take a step back and be honest. Attempting to solve something that is absolutely beyond your power is undoubtedly something that you have done for a considerable amount of time, possibly even for several days. You may find yourself thinking, "If only I could just get them to understand. If only the weather would cooperate. If only I could change what happened last week." At some point in your life, having to carry that responsibility is a significant one. Do you know what else? How much of your energy is being wasted on things that are beyond your control? The energy is being squandered. Despite the fact that your hands are tied behind your back, you are constructing barriers. Let's break it down. What are your ideas? What are your actions and what are your responses? You are responsible for managing these. You are attempting to move a mountain with your bare hands, the instant you make an attempt to exert influence over the ideas, feelings or situations of other people, and the effort is exhausting. Now, let's talk about the concept of freedom. Freedom is the state that one attains when they give up trying to exert control over everything. When you come to terms with the fact that the things that are beyond your control are the things that are simply beyond your control, you are going to be astounded by how much lighter you suddenly feel. Suddenly, the consistently high level of tension begins to subside. This freedom is achieved by concentrating on the things that are under your control. Your way of thinking, your responses and the decisions you make. You should consider them to be the only instruments that you actually possess. You have the ability to mold them. It is as if you suddenly unlock the power to impact your reality when you aim your energy toward these things. This is not because you are able to control everything, but rather because you are able to choose how you react to anything. It is as if you are switching a mental switch when you accept the dichotomy of control. Here is the secret. Feelings of being overpowered by the unpredictability of life give way to feelings of empowerment when you come to the knowledge that there is only a specific amount of things that you need to be concerned about. Consider anything that has been weighing on you, something that has been giving you tension, anxiety or aggravation. Take a moment right now and think about this issue to yourself. Consider the following question. Is this something that I am genuinely able to alter? If you are unable to do so, then you should let it go. Take control of your life and break free from the hold it has on you. And if it is something that you have the ability to control, then you should take action. Put in the effort that you can and let go of the rest. When you try to exert control over everything that is going on around you, you will experience a sense of freedom that you cannot get anywhere else. Number 2. Detach from Outcomes Meditations was written by Marcus Aurelius, who is considered to be one of the most influential Stoic thinkers. He stated, "You have power over your mind, not outside events. Recognise this and you will discover the strength you need." One of the most important truths that the Stoics have to offer us is contained inside this sentence. We find ourselves striving to exert control over the outcome of every circumstance a great deal of the time. Plans are made, strategies are devised, and efforts are made. Nevertheless, when things do not go according to our expectations, we are left feeling dissatisfied, defeated or disappointed. On the other hand, here is the reality. You can't make everything go the way you wanted to. Regardless of how hard you try, there are certain things that will simply take place in a manner that is beyond your ability to influence. On the other hand, you can make an effort that is of the highest possible quality, and then let go of the need to exert control over the outcomes. Imagine you are attempting to halt the flow of the river. This is how you should think about it. No matter how hard you try, you will not be able to stop the flow of water. What you can do, however, is acquire the skills necessary to traverse the waters, flow with the current, and allow the river to lead you to its destination. Life is the same in this regard. Making an effort to exert control over every aspect of your life can be exhausting. The Stoics and Marcus Aurelius in particular were aware of the fact that the unpredictability of life presents both a difficulty and an opportunity respectively. You will be able to liberate yourself from unwarranted stress and disappointment if you let go of the drive to achieve a particular outcome. You grant yourself permission to simply be, and you have faith that the efforts you put out will bring you to the goals you have set for yourself. I am aware of how difficult it is to detach, particularly when we have a strong emotional investment in anything. Every one of us has aspirations, objectives, and anticipations. That being said, it is essential to work toward them with a strong sense of enthusiasm. But when you detach yourself from how things should turn out and let go of the outcome, you offer yourself the opportunity to enjoy the ride regardless of what happens. An additional Stoic philosopher named Seneca made the following statement. It is not that we have a short time to live, rather it is that we waste a lot of it. We waste time in a number of ways, one of which is by being preoccupied with the consequences of situations that are beyond our grasp. We allow ourselves to become preoccupied with the future rather than concentrating on the present now. When you find that you are fixating on a certain result, whether it be a job interview, a relationship or a personal goal, you should ask yourself, "Am I focusing on the effort?" Are I focusing on the outcome? You are only able to exert control over the effort that you put forth. Is that all? To the universe that is up to them, the fact that you have goals and dreams does not mean that you should not have them. Without a doubt, you ought to. What this means is that the key to achieving peace lies in the manner in which you pursue those objectives. Do you cling to them firmly? Using yourself to worry about every small aspect and the outcome. On the other hand, do you gently hold them while going about your business and allowing life to develop as it will? Once you have learned to let go of the demand for definite outcomes, you will start to enjoy the process of living, which is the beauty of uncertainty. As time goes on, you begin to have faith that everything is transpiring precisely as it was intended to. When you fully embody trust, it provides a sense of tranquility to your life, even in the most chaotic of situations. When you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by expectations, keep in mind the words of Marcus Aurelius, you have control over your thoughts, not the events that occur outside of you. Your ideas, your actions and your attitude are examples of things that you have the ability to control. Is that all? Get rid of it. Number 3. Embrace impermanence. The famous Stoic philosopher Seneca frequently thought on the ephemeral quality of existence at various points in his life. His statement that it is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it, is one of the most memorable phrases he has ever provided. Every once in a while, we tend to forget how short our time actually is. We allow ourselves to becoming grossed in the present moment, concentrating on things that are beyond our ability to control and clinging to situations or emotions that we believe define who we are. On the other hand, the truth is that nothing is permanent. This concept of impermanence is not intended to make you feel down. Rather, it's intended to make you feel free. The things that you are clinging on to, such as the stress, the anger and the regret, suddenly don't appear to be as important to you if you fully understand that nothing is permanent. Their time will come as well, exactly the same as everything else. You begin to see that clinging to things that you are unable to control is one of the most inefficient ways to spend your valuable time once you embrace the impermanence of all things. It is not necessary for you to struggle through each passing moment or to cling to anything with all your might. Joy and grief are both ephemeral emotions that come and go. Moreover, a magnificent freedom can be found within this impermanence. Additionally, Marcus Aurelius was aware of this fact. According to what he wrote in meditations, "You could leave life right now. Let that be the deciding factor in all you do, say, and think. It is not a morbid concept, but rather a potent remembrance of something. The happy times and the bad times are not the only things that remain the same forever. Life is always going forward, and nothing stays the same forever. One might reduce the amount of importance they place on life by accepting the concept of impermanence. As you come to terms with the fact that everything is in motion and is always changing, you start to let go of the impulse to exert control over everything. This is a waste of energy because it is a battle to hang on to things, whether it be a perfect moment or a flawless outcome. Rather than clinging to things, you should learn to appreciate them while they are still in your possession. For those of you who are going through a difficult moment, keep in mind that this too shall pass. Also, if you are experiencing a beautiful moment, you should be thankful for it, but you shouldn't strive to hold on to it for an eternity. It is the impermanence of life that is at the heart of its beauty. Things like transitory moments, transitions and changes are where you'll find it. You create space for the next lovely moment to come into your life when you let go of the idea of attempting to cling onto something that cannot be changed. So keep in mind that everything is temporary. The calm that you seek can be found in that fact. Before reframe your perspective, the Stoics held the belief that moving through life is analogous to climbing a mountain. While there are some paths that are uneven and steep, there are others that are steep and full of obstacles. However, here is the secret. The path itself is not what defines your journey. Rather, it is how you navigate through it that sets you apart. Like Titus imparted to us the wisdom that what happens to you is not something that matters. What matters is how you react to it. In life, you will constantly be confronted with challenges, whether they come in the form of challenging people, unexpected failures or events that appear unfair. On the other hand, what if you were able to view those difficulties differently? Imagine for a moment that you took the challenges you faced and reframed them as possibilities. Your thinking is the one thing that truly matters, and when you reframe your perspective, you take control of it. This way of thinking was referred to by the Stoics as the art of converting disadvantage into advantage. It is a better question to ask, "What can I learn from this?" Rather than, "Why is this happening to me?" Just for a moment, let's pretend you're caught in traffic. You might feel frustrated or even angry at first, but that's just your initial reaction. What would happen, however, if you made use of that time to listen to a podcast that you have been meaning to check out? Is it better to simply take a deep breath and exercise patience? Although you are unable to control the traffic, you do have the ability to control how you experience it. Marcus Aurelius frequently talked about the importance of seeing challenges as a natural part of the journey. As he put it, "The obstacle that prevents action is the one that propels action." The obstacles that stand in the way end up becoming the path. Consider that for a moment. Exactly what you consider to be a challenge could turn out to be the same thing that propels you forward, that teaches you to be resilient, patient, or creative. This is an exercise for you to do. Take a moment to pause and ask yourself, "How can I reframe this?" The next time you are confronted with a situation, no matter how big or how small. The issue may be pointing out to you a particular area in which you have room for improvement. It is possible that it is enlightening you about aspects of yourself that you were previously previously unaware of. It could also be that it is merely a gentle reminder to slow down and re-evaluate the things that are most important to you. Your perspective is the most powerful instrument at your disposal. You will begin to view life not as something that is happening to you, but rather as something that is occurring for you once you have learned how to reframe the obstacles we face. It is possible for one alteration in mentality to change everything. Always keep in mind that every challenge is an opportunity to advance further. Even the most difficult path can lead to something spectacular if one has the appropriate perspective on it. Therefore, the next time life presents you with a challenging situation, the best course of action is to not simply react. Now pause, try rethinking and ask yourself, how might this contribute to my personal development? I say this because there are occasions when the most difficult ascent results in the most spectacular vista. Number 5. Practice negative visualisation Despite the fact that it may appear paradoxical, one of the most effective stoic practices is to visualise the worst possible outcome. Marcus Aurelius termed it "premeditatio malorum", which literally translates to "the premeditation of evils". The way it works is that you confront the idea of things going wrong head on in your thoughts, rather than avoiding the thought of it. You visualize difficulties or losses that you might encounter, such as being fired from your work, being rejected, or even losing a person you care about. The question that you could be asking yourself right now is, "Why would I want to dwell on such negative things?" The stoics, on the other hand, were not about taking refuge in dread. The fact that you are able to imagine these possibilities allows you to accomplish two very crucial things. You begin by mentally and emotionally preparing oneself. In the event that the worst does occur, it will not overwhelm you like a freight train. You have already given it some thought, experienced it, and entertained the idea of how you would react to it. In the second place, it helps you appreciate what you already have in your life. When you stop to consider the possibility of losing anything, such as your loved ones, your home, or your health, you begin to realize how valuable those things are. Sennaka phrased it very eloquently when he said, "He robs present-ills of their power who has perceived their coming beforehand." The act of seeing difficulties does not make them materialize. Simply put, it helps you create resilience so that you are prepared for whatever comes your way. Putting this into practice can be done in a practical manner by setting aside some time every day to write down a "what if". What would you do if you were fired the next day? What if a project that you care about was unsuccessful? Exactly what would you do? Write down your ideas and make a plan for how you will react. While you practice this, you educate your mind to be flexible, inventive, and peaceful, even while you are going through stressful situations. To develop a negative or scared outlook is not the objective. Recognizing that life is unpredictable and being able to address that unpredictability with power and clarity are both essential components. When you engage in negative imagery, you are not anticipating the worst. Rather, you are preparing yourself for the worst, while also appreciating the present moment even more. Tonight, give this exercise a shot. Turn on a candle, take a few slow, deep breaths, and think about the things that are most important to you. If you could imagine a world in which it no longer exists, you would not be able to experience sadness, but rather nurture thankfulness and strength. Because when you are ready for the difficulties that life throws at you, you don't just make it through them, you grow as a result of them. Moreover, this is the essence of what it is to be resilient. Number 6. Build a daily letting go practice. Reflection on a daily basis was a powerful tool according to the stoic philosophy. In his private writings which we now refer to as meditations, Marcus Aurelius took the time to remind himself on a daily basis of the fleeting nature of life, and the advantages it granted. When you wake up in the morning, think about what a luxury it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, and to love. This is one of the most profound thoughts that he has ever offered. The notion is straightforward yet profound. By establishing a daily routine for letting go, you can free yourself from the load of the things that are weighing you down from the inside out. To put it another way, think of it as cleaning away emotional clutter, making place for growth, thankfulness, and emotional calm. In order to get started, you need make it a habit to engage in some self-reflection at the end of each day. Determine one item that you are prepared to let go of, whether it be a resentment, a fear, or even just an unhelpful thought that has been playing over and over in your conscious mind. Keep a record of it. The topic at hand is not limited to writing. It is about recognizing what is preventing you from moving forward and making the decision to let go of it. This straightforward action will, over the course of time, rewire your mind to concentrate on what is genuinely important. Your ability to be at peace, your progress, and your independence from control that is not necessary. There are also other rituals that some individuals believe to be helpful. A brief meditation session in which you visualize yourself releasing stress with each breath might be more appealing to you. Alternatively, you may light a candle as a metaphor for letting go of something. The key is consistency, which means making this practice into a habit that you do on a daily basis by grounding yourself. Keep in mind that letting go is not a one-time event, rather it is a recurring practice. When you make this a daily habit, you create a space in which you may process, let go, and move forward with a lighter heart. Life will continue to present you with problems regardless of how you choose to respond to them. Consequently, as the day draws to a close, now is the time to meditate by either picking up a pen or closing your eyes. Give some thought to the things that you wish to let go of, and then let them go. For the simple reason that letting go creates room for something more significant to come into your life. Number 7 Find Joy in the process Finding joy and beauty in the process of living is at the core of stoicism, which is not only about enduring life's challenges. When he remarked, "Dwell on the beauty of life," Marcus Aurelius put it in a very accurate way. When you look up at the stars, you should imagine yourself jogging with them. Letting go of things that you are unable to control is not only about relieving stress or anxiety, it is also about making room for new experiences and opportunities. Let there be room for thankfulness, freedom to experience joy, a place to take note of the insignificant details that contribute to the amazing nature of life. When was the last time you took a moment to pause and feel gratitude for the things that are all around you? A grin from a person who is well loved, it is the feeling of the sun's warmth on your face. I could hear the sound of laughter reverberating in the distance. To be able to live our lives to the fullest, these are the moments that serve as a reminder of why we let go. Taking five minutes out of each day to concentrate on something good that is happening in your life is a technique that you can try. It doesn't have to be significant or profound in any way. The scent of your morning coffee, the way your favorite sweater feels on your skin, or the way the sunlight dances over your home could all be examples of this. The stoics were aware of the fact that embracing life rather than trying to control it is the path to joy. They instilled in us the ability to accept the world in its purest form and to appreciate it for that. His name for it was Amor Fati, which literally translates to love of fate. Finding beauty in all that occurs regardless of whether it is good or terrible. The reality is that life is chaotic, unexpected, and not very long at all. If you are prepared to take the time to see it however, it is also magnificent, startling, and full of moments that will leave you gasping for air. Consequently, today is the day to let go of the impulse to control every outcome. Instead, you should make room in your heart for the beauty that is already present. The joy of the process, the journey, and the little things is what makes life so enjoyable. It is not about achieving perfection. Let go is not a one-time event. Rather, it is a practice that should be done every day. I hope that the stoics knowledge is of assistance to you in the same way that it has been of assistance to me. The Stoics understood that true power originates from within. Please give this video a thumbs up and share it with someone who could benefit from these reminders if it helped you gain clarity or peace of mind. There is a great deal more to discover on our adventure together, so make sure you don't forget to subscribe. (upbeat music)