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Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test.
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Transcription
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Hear ye hear ye all army of garbage are brand new tour the army of garbage tour will be on sale this Friday Do yourself a favor grab the squad grab your tickets and come on out join the squad. Yeah, we're gonna be in Appleton, Wisconsin San Jose San Diego Atlanta Springfield, Missouri, Fort Wayne, Indiana. We're gonna be in Connecticut, Phoenix, Arizona Chicago Cincinnati, Columbus, Providence, all tickets available at noon Local time on rUgarbage.com do it. Yeah Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or Absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage? Hey, yeah, it's a little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians Damn, no keep it. Keep it and we find that it's a good to be classy Just a big old piece of trash I'm your host, they truly coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here toadies and into addition. She's looking for a god damn Starbucks order Appeal behind the fourth wall. The team is in shambles right now. The Denver's on a mountain bike currently screwing us What's his name Denver? Denver from the bottom of South Sudan or whatever. I don't know where he's from. It ain't it ain't anchors. I know that My coach is coming at you from across the table sharp as a tack this morning despite not having any breakfast He is the CEO of rUgarbage international business man of sorts. It can't get a couple egg bites delivered from downtown No, I'll tell you that give it up gay. Jay Kevin James Ryan everybody What's up gang shadow to you as always thanks for tuning in please make sure you're a review subscribe on items full video Available on YouTube full video available over there and spotify the boys are on spotify. Yes That is a factual statement We are upholding our end of the contract. Is that a hold up in court right there? We're on there. You might not be fucking We're on the goddamn charts over there. You can't comedy. You can't not top all podcasts in the world. You can't not say that's the world, right? You really just do that really hold on to spotify an international company Not it is, but no not really what are you listening to over there line the beans dot com or something We're gonna take that one from the top My coach coming over Guys big big news kippy is going rogue American trash. Oh you idiot. It's American garbage American garbage I was talking to the boys over marketing They like trash media he's talking about that's me and Luke The sharky car. American garbage are YouTube special all it's all AYG from our shows in Tampa. It's fan fricking fantastic shot at the Connor and all crew to work on it Mikey Justin everybody Johnny boy It's gonna be available September 13th on our YouTube channel if you're an audio listener if you listen over there on spotify Subscribe to the YouTube channel the boys need to we need your help to blow this to freak up Yes, you've been there first before we're asking to do it again, baby. Let's fucking go call the army a garbage Tell these Hollywood pussies who's boss, you know what I mean they said no I said hello. They said who are you take that Eric Roberts He's a big deal. I definitely City Hoffman That's a quarter off that thing. No It's uh it's some of uh it's uh you're very proud of it We we put a lot of money into it. We do this shit all for fucking you guys. Thank you so much for all the support you've shown us and We we we trust that you're gonna launch this into the stratosphere and fully can stop working a day job I'm doing for the pussy Nothing on that Steve Irwin Jesus Christ Steve Irwin look at him. He looks like he's about to pull a lemur out of his pocket Jack Andy Had a question for you before we get to the cues as you know, folks, this is a family episode Just the boys the bozos the homies reading your questions from the patreon from Kevin James Ryan This question is gonna stink by the way I had one a situation last week um Had a hankering for a chocolate malt Are you familiar with these are you too young for them? You're a you're a malt guy right head like that No me my me and my me and my best name didn't go to another malt shop She walked out on you get toothless hillbilly Hey Very self conscious about my teeth I'm getting veneers. So fuck you. Yes, I am you don't have any money. Yeah, so I'll work a deal Take someone else Why can't you do that like I know they have I'm sure he can't as an organ donor. Why can't you be an organ salesman? Why can't why can't I sell off parts of me when I die? I should be able to do that. We're giving these organs away for free. They just take this shit who wants whatever you who wants Anything you maybe not me personally, but me a couple of peptides a little TRT therapy Do it some milk thistle clean me out. He just get good as new. He's gonna hanker for chocolate malt I never got it because they stopped selling it at staking shake you know your time machine Oh, that's a very popular item malts are very good. I remember Jim restaurant You still have malt powder and I'd make I'd make ice cream with it I'd have ice cream and then I'd put malt powder and stir it around What I don't it can you give me a whopper you know the whopper is the whopper candy? Yeah, yeah, that's malt flavor I got you. I'm just asking for proper would just you know you had definition for the for you know We got a young hip listeners. They might not know your old time. He what's a malt Luke? Traditional chocolate milkshake blended with the spoonful of melted milk powder for a deeper retro diner taste Yes retro yeah, that's big now 90s are in mm-hmm. I got the fate of jeans Rocks coming back in a big fucking way his hip hop's done Okay, drink it at the top of it. Great kid hit his head on the ceiling with the iceman and abida abada What's it called? a baby Which is how you say I love you in something right American garbage on youtube. That's right, baby But I pulled in okay looked at the menu realize it didn't do malts no more Pulled out of the drive-thru oh Yeah, I thought you Thought that catch your attention. How did you okay? How did you feel about it you didn't like it? You're in you're in such a bad look pulling out of a drive. What did you say? I didn't say shit. Well, what is it? What do you you didn't you pulled up to the thing and they say hey welcome to state And we like to have a chocolate malt like we don't know how you want chocolate mocks who don't have any teeth to chew your food Did you or a tender steak? Obviously you want a chocolate malt, sir. Can I get that garlic burger smoothie? That's I'm doing that just fucking take me out What if they if I they got a blend my stuff. I don't want that. That's the line. Yeah Which I don't taste it first. It was pretty good Keep you around Yeah, he did that on my grandmother's nursing home Yeah nursing homes make sense. It was brutal. I remember this guy sneezing up a whole bunch of scrambled eggs I was about to whip it down. I mean everybody's done that You catch it. He catch a hanger back. He could have an eggs Benedict for like two weeks um Yeah, we're like, okay, thank you and pulled right out. So you think I'll do a chocolate malt. Did you order? You saw they weren't on the main because if you see they're not on the menu, you're not gonna go Oh, you're still gonna go ahead. Can I get a chocolate? You guys have the chocolate malt And they were like, yeah, we don't do that anymore. Put this on a chocolate milkshake. Yeah, it's not a chocolate malt I wasn't gonna waste the calories on a regular chocolate milkshake. I wanted a chocolate malt I'm very definitive about what I what I eat now what I put into my body I don't like that you try to spin that in like a healthy way Yeah, when you're talking about chocolate Moltsville to first chocolate milkshake out of faster fast food drives through I lost weight. I didn't stop being a dirt ball. Okay. Um, I yeah, no listen. I don't like it Bad it's very unbecoming of a guy of your stature sure They're running a fries fetus. Yeah, you just got to stay in it. Oh, okay. No worries. Catch. I'll just do a die cook It was for my grandmother or something like that. She's dead. She doesn't have her teeth She's been down on the teeth. What are they extra bad? No, you know, you brought it okay now he's so They're they're not extra good. I've been working on my smile and regular pictures too I've seen it. Yeah, what do you think? Sometimes it looks crazy. Yeah, sometimes you have bitter beer beans You suck it in too much or something. I don't know what you do. I'm trying to do it You turn into a weird version of your dad and it's too try. It's too much Ready you gotta open you can't no, I can't open you can't I got no teeth fucker Can't open It's too hurt. No, that's too bad. That's bad. Why is that bad? I'm gonna trust me. I'm gonna tell you I just said it looks like you have been on my egg head Very oval head. You wear that aren't most heads. No Luke I checked that oval. Yeah, your head's very oval aren't most heads oval. I mean, they're not
yours is very oval. Stupid look at you. I'm starting, aren't you? I'm sorry. See, I struck a nerve under your dead tooth. I got a bad one on the back. He's killing a couple bad ones up front. Those are the ponds. You can take that man. Keep the king and the queen in the back. It's bad. I can get a whole Mentos stuck between my tooth, which is bad. Is that a party trick you're doing out there? I certainly got it. Everybody want to bet me five bucks. I can do it. I swear it goes. Airhead bites get stuck in my the gap of my tooth in the back. I'm really conscious of what we'll put in your body, huh? Um, I got in my candy. Uh, yeah, I listen to recovery. I don't think you should. Yeah, I think you should tough look. Yeah, it's bad, man. It's always a shitty card though. Yeah, no shit. I always see it in a key. Uh, someone said Kia four days are the new Nissan Ultima's and on the on the on the road and they couldn't be more wrong. I and I had one couldn't be more wrong. Couldn't be more right. I'm sorry. I had remember, I mean, there's a stereotype that the, you know, the Nissan Ultima's are always driving like dickheads. They think they're race cars because they are not my brother had one and we thought that we ruined Nissan. We thought that was the fastest coolest. They had a little bit of giddy up, I guess. I'm in the Maxima. Those things were pop. I didn't like Maxima patty drove a Maxima. Oh, it was always broads had them. She had a white Maxima. She's a Russian mob who had a white Maxima. That's crazy. Yeah, it was fucking catchers mid interior. It's nice. You're a dirt bag catchers mid interior. Nice light leather. It's nice. Cabs leather. Cream. Probably slipping and sliding over there. What are you working at a fucking use car dealership now? Maybe. Why are you trying to get in some guy guy use that? I've been thinking about a part time gig. I think it would be smart for you. Yeah. And guy in your situation given back, you know. Like, I believe you get back some of the money you borrowed. You son of a bitch. That's a bridge loan. That bridges about the jump. I don't think. Yeah, I mean, listen, I think if you pull out of there, if you pull out, it just with the guy behind you in front of you and next to you, it thinks you don't have the money. And as somebody who never had money and my card would get to. I'm very self conscious of. I would spend the money. I didn't have to make it look like I don't have money. That's why I've always made burgers for everybody behind me. Yeah, something like that, you know, uh, so yeah, it's just that. I would just say order something there. I grabbed a wopper, you know, what do they have? What do you get? I don't know. I've never been. Oh, they're good. Never been no stake in check. They don't have them out here. No. I don't spend a lot of time in wherever you are. In the Midwest, great Midwest. How state. By the way, speaking of Penn State. Ooh, little scandal. Yeah, you know those dudes. Valley. Those are my boys. Those are your boys. Train them up. Little scandola. Happy Valley. Huh? Little something else in the ice cream out there. Huh? Little dip in the old boys like the party. What's wrong with that? Yeah, I don't get it. It was like a 50 year old in that line up. Yeah, one of the kids dads. No way. I got to get my old man out of a catch with me. Little old fucking wait all the catchers mid stuff. Buck Jesus. Right. See what happens when you don't get a Starbucks. I know. Any my my vent. He put him down us. Um. Yeah, well, he got him like a someone. I mean, this isn't the show we do, but he got him like a safe or something like that. That's it. Like hit the money or something. He helped him hide money in drugs or something. Oh, what the fuck? Yeah. Oh, shit. Anybody that happened to be got robbed. He was he was moving a, you know, he's doing quite well at a young age. And he got going to be sleepy valley now. Huh? Is it retired? Is that a happy valley? Sleepy valley? Tired. Is it only below? Uh-huh. I just spell it out for you. What the joke? Yeah, please. Not my style. Um. He went to his dad and was like, listen, I have. It was kind of like, you know, he was just like, I have a what do you wear in a wire? The fuck? I remember you telling me that. Yeah, he had like a bunch of money and was just like a dad. He got robbed. They tried to, it was like a dangerous. He got put in a very dangerous situation. Yeah. I was like, I can't do this. He went to his dad and was like, what do I do? And his dad is like, I'll handle it. Don't tell your mother. Yeah. Take the trash out. Shell corporate range. Get rid of these bodies. Um, listen, all that is neither here nor there. I got a gosh darn family episode on my hands, on our hands over here. Um, as you know, when you join the old Patreon, we will answer your garbage question. And that's American garbage gang. Yes, sir. On our YouTube. Subscribe now. Share with a friend. Who gets a credit for that name? Is that you? I think it was. I think I don't know. Who was it? Mine was Penny whistle. What's that? That's what I wanted to name it. It's what you call your BP. Penny whistle. Yeah, Penny. Um, is that right, Luke? I believe it was, it was like kind of me and Kippy. I think we were throwing around. Whoa. Whoa. Just saying Louis V looking for the feature. Anybody here in this? See? He comforted King. You best not miss. What is Luke? Why are you a producer on that? Uh, yeah. I don't know. What am I? Are you there? Uh, uh, performed and written by I won't even write it. It's all improvised. Sure, performed and improvised by. Yeah, performed by. Uh, DXO getting a shout out. I don't know. We're not covering your midsection in a couple of those angles. Bitch. I was right there. So you brought the wrong shirt. Yeah. That's why you stink. Yeah, you just stink. I stink. Um, just don't get that chocolate mold either. I was like, oh, where'd you go? Did you go somewhere else? Get chocolate. No, it was kind of done. I had some candy for Marshall. So. You're he and Marshall's candy. They're all right. No, they're not. Yeah, they're there for a fucking reason. They're coming. They're the Albany's gummy bears. Which I'm switching over to now. Albany's. Albany's. What's that? So it's the competitor to Haribo. No black forest is. Albany's. They can easy. Gretel, they're like the white and red. Yeah, you know, Albany's. They're chewier, more flavorful. Oh, get out of here. I like the butterflies. Who do you think you are? Who do you eat and fucking this hoity-toity candy? You're buying them at this count because it's contaminated and FDA didn't pass it for regular people. That's okay. Oh, I don't mind something on a cargo ship for a couple of weeks. Hmm, I never knew the name of that. I would never buy those. Are they like gluten free or something? No, they feel. What am I? Fuck me? Yeah, the packaging feels too. I like fancy. They also do that Harry and David popcorn at Marshall's. They don't do it there. They get it because it's like it's got a long shelf life. Yeah, couple of cheeses. Those Albany's. I'm like, whoever buys those makes no sense to me. What are you talking about? They're always at like hardware stores and stuff. They're dusty. They're always dusty. You got to film on them. I hit them with the power washer though. I hate dusty candy. I feel so the bottom shelf. Oh, you feel dirty eating it already because you're eating candy. I got candy. It's they've got this in a race track. Yeah, you feel like a great fat ass and then all the dusty. It's like you fucking found it a bunker. So I hate it right next to Hitler's body. Yeah, I hate that shit. He's reaching for his snickers. Mm-hmm. All right. Give it. Let's talk about blueprint blueprint. As you know, we're getting older a little bit. Things start slowing down. I want to live long. You know what I mean? Lost all this goddamn wait. 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As you know, when you answer your garbage question, when you sit when you join the Patreon, we'll answer your garbage question over 16,000 strong over there on the fucking Patreon. That is an all time high, baby. All right. Let's see. This one is from Tiffany. Is it garbage to dry your car off after washing it with a leaf blower? That's goddamn genius to me. I never thought it was the first part of it. Is it garbage to dry your car off after you wash it with a leaf blower? No. And I also love a leaf blower just in general when you're when you're doing if you're doing a driveway, hit the fucking car. Oh, just on top. Get it. Get the little pollen off there. It zips it up a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Pollen can be a pep. You got a leaf blower to house? Yeah. You do? Huh? Huh? That would have been a great gift for you. A great birthday gift for you. Handle? Where the backpack? You think I've got a backpack? Right now, my brother's got a backpack. He's got a steel sick. Got a backpack? Yeah. They live in a townhouse? No. You got a place? These bugs are still everywhere. I know. Just wrinkled. Yeah. No, back. No. I just got like a I got a standard easy guy like a real beer. Something. Something like that. Something. I don't miss a leaf blower. I don't need it really. Yeah. I mean, I got I got guys to come and take care of my shit. I know. It's nice to have it. That's why I like having it. Yeah. I never hit the car with it. I never thought about a duty inside of the car too. They say they say that's instead of doing it. You know what? I did open it doors and blast it out. I did the fucking I got to shop back out and I did I did the car to get all fucking Hans's hair. That you feel real real accomplished. There's a lot of hair. Is that got a little kipperino a fight yet to backseat at that car? Oh, I've lost the bat. I've the only thing that's still relatively cool in the Tahoe is the driver seat in the front seat. Does it smell like bad milk? The car? Because I remember my cousin Paul the kids when the kids were little. Not really Honda Odyssey smelled like bad milk. Bad milk and like old Cheerios Honda Odyssey. That's what he whipped around it back in the day. Middle aged Asian man. No, it's a nice car. He's Irish. It's like me. Okay. Cousin related by blood. Actually not blood. Okay. But we're cousin. We're like brothers. Okay. You all done with your. I'm running out of family. I'm actually the guy who works the guy who works the car watch. Put son and on grotto back on Krypton. Yeah, no, it's pants band. It's you lose it. You just lose it. You just I don't have the time to stay on top of it. It's one of those things. You're like, I got to get to that. You're always fucking dude. There's trash and then my life's back there. You know, and she's fucking. She's leaving trash. She's like the backseat. It's a mess. I go, yeah, it's your, it's your domicile. Sure, I eat in a car. I'll get a sizzly. I got a wala egg bites. I got my coffee. I'm doing my guy. I can't eat from every now and then there's nothing better. But you have put it in the bag and you take it out with you now. I like, I like a fuck. Okay. Let's say I pull into a wawa. I'm loading up. I got a couple hours drive. Just crushing something and just throw it in the fucking backseat is such a feeling of freedom. Just fucking gone. And then, you know, a couple weeks later, stacks up and you get it. I love that. You got a wife and kid back there so you can't, you can't throw on bottles back. I do. I mean, like, uh, yeah, I don't, I've lived like that for sure. Trust me. I definitely will, I have and will do that. But yeah, you just, uh, there's something I like. I guess it's the, the I, as I become more of a man. I like that. I gather it and I like throwing it out. I always watch my dad. You know, it's like you get it trash back there. You get a track. Give me a trash. Give me a track. Then what's that right there? I started yelling at my wife and stuff like that. Yeah. That was never, that's one thing. Our cars were always that you couldn't fucking have shit back there. We're fucking screened that as you were older. I think younger is right now. It's like, yeah, kids got, but no, I mean, even as a kid, we weren't allowed to like just fucking leave shit in the car. No, fast for you. We lose a fry. Oh, it's also I would say we've talked about this, the, the littering back then, you could just fucking hock it out the window. Not that that's right. Obviously, but that's, you know, don't, you know, that was a different time after Ronald Reagan. Just fucking opened it up. The sound of McDonald's back made as a fucking launched onto 232. Styrofoam and shit. Yeah, it's crazy. Jesus crazy. What the fuck were we doing? Yeah, I don't know. It's just, yeah, wild, wild times. Um, all right. Let's see here. Uh, this one's from Kip pizza, 20, never had one red. Is it garbage on a vacuum sealer for food? I think I might want one. We had one. My stepdad bought the bronca something. Duffers fish. Yes, fish. And then he would marinate it. He would like, I got, he, you didn't need to do it. You could just use a plastic bag. But that was what they sold you on. It pulls, it infuses. It pulls the air out. Nothing letting you know, nowhere for that flavor to run. Patty bought the ones for blankets and shit. Really? Oh, yeah. You put the vacuum up to it. She had that thing, man. Puck in. You hooked the vacuum cleaner up to it. Sucked it out. Dropped everything down. She put everything in there. Yeah, that I always got that stuff always. I was always fresh. I am fascinated by, I was fascinated by consumer product, QVC stuff. Because you go, yeah, this, why, well, why isn't everybody doing that? But then he had it be, he had a buy for, you know, $129 or whatever. You know, and I've seen you today, it might have been tootsie or one of those guys, they had the roller with the fucking sandwich paper on the counter. Oh, that's clear. The butcher paper. Yeah, butcher paper. A little bit of twine, tie that up, tie up in my hand, my sandwich. Yeah. And we don't do that shit. Cause you're selling trash in your backseat and leaving a pile up for weeks. You guys are living, you don't, you're not living roll a butcher paper. First of all, you don't have a kitchen. No. So let's, you know, maybe steps. That's something I could see your parents having a little fucking butcher paper. You know what? You know what? The true mark of a, of a, of a trashy household is and I'm, I'm struggling with it right now. And it's a point of, point of pain for me. The favorite house thing stuck under the cabinets. No, I like that. Huh? Is that not, is that trashy? I don't think it's classy. Right. It's all about the, the, that vertical. Yeah. I got that kids are using now. But I feel anything fixed is nice. I think the plastic one probably not. I'm sure there's a classy version of it. Yeah. A gold like the, you know, something like that. But I got to my drawer where we keep the sandwich bags, trash bags, aluminum foil. Keep the trash bags in there. I like the trash bags are down below. They're under the sink. No, the trash bags are next to the trash thing. Yeah, cabinet, mm-hmm. They'll keep them on the floor. Yeah. The cabinet, we have like the pull out. Right. And it's got the two johns. Uh-huh. And next to that in another cabinet. That's where we keep them. You got seren wrap. They're too big to fit in the drawer. Seren wrap. Yeah. Wax paper. I'm sure. Part of what paper is that for? I think parchment paper we have. That's the same thing. Uh-uh. No. What the fuck is with wax papers? Wax papers are like baking, I think. I use the parchment paper for bacon, like underneath my, I have like the grill on top of the oven sheet. Yeah. And then yeah, I put that parchment paper underneath to catch the grease. Really? Yeah. It's throw it and bake the bacon. Baking bacon is the best way to do it. I mean, we've been doing bacon. Yeah. Man, you sharp kid for 27. Uh-huh. 28. You know, low fucking benchmark. Use a 28 year old kid using wax paper parchment paper. I don't even know what that is. I probably got cheese cloth over there. And he wasn't doing that when he was living with his girl. He wasn't doing that when he's fucking. He's microwave and, you know, you throw that in my face, though. What? You can't use wax paper in the oven because the wax paper will melt or catch fire. What is wax paper used for that? Um, it says for cold tasks, like wrapping sandwiches storing cheese or separating hamburger patties before freezing. Oh, I could see that. I don't want to think it's used for.
What? Okay, um, cook, cookin' up. Sweetie. Um, yeah, but we, I opened the drawer and it's like, it's a fucking, it doesn't close, right? It's, it's bad. That's the ran-wrapped lid, fuck. The lid, the lid, fucks you, then I end up ripping it off and then the mag go, and it's just like, you open, I just go, oh, I'm, I don't have the skills to keep a drawer organized. It's a razor sharp, though. The satsang, we have an absurrated edge, I think I'll fuck you up. You know what, my fucking wife bought, I just saw it today, actually. She goes, oh, hey, we were, we're at the fucking doctor's office waiting, the fucking little baby's going crazy, he goes, oh, he's got snacks, hey, he's got crunchies and the thing. She's got the little fucking Ziploc bangers, the little fucking- Oh, the half-johns? Yeah. The little eighth bags. I go, what the fuck, are you spending all my bone on my casual needs? Yeah, those things are nice. That's crazy. That was reserved for, for like rich kids, grout like you, we said that, we had the flip over, but it was always, to me, the thing that exemplified wealth with the tiny little bags was the portion control of like, oh, you only get, you only need, there was not enough snacks, you couldn't fit enough snacks in that thing to, to suit me. But some, look at the corn, would sit there and go, oh, well, I have 30 slices. Yeah, I have 32 goldfish. I mean, well, you know what I mean, where I'm like, I need the bag of goldfish. Yeah. That's where I go, these things are useless to me, put your percuss in there or something. I remember when I had the yellow and the green, and you can see the color good together so you know it was healed. Yeah. Do you remember the commercial, they would put the, they'd fill with bees and hold it over the guy's head. Get the fuck out of here, I don't remember that. They would prove how, I think it was, and you would zip it and they go, do you trust the competitors? And they had like a gallon bag with like, I have 5,000 bees. That seems irresponsible. I'm not if you trust the seal, baby. I know, but the bees, but I, I mean, I don't think they didn't, I didn't like, didn't smash them with a hammer. I'm sure they would think back then, they didn't have shit like that on set. Yeah, you know, yeah, the ad highlighted Gladlocks color changing seal. You should be on board me, me, fully, yeah, I'm on board, I was only hurting bees. No one said they're hurting bees. I don't know, this is an odd choice, odd stance that you're taking on, I put that goal, be hurting 25 years ago. Self-sustainment? Sure. And then somehow cramting your acting, your acting, roll into it. I've worked with bees, I have some, some of my best friends are bees, and a lot of them are out of work. Let's see here. All right, this one's from Cody, yo, $10 homey here. Did you go to school with anyone who everyone only knew by a nickname? We had a guy named Cheetos at my school. Jesus. Dude, gave him that nickname and then dropped out and no one ever got the reasoning behind it. Shout out to Cheetos. I had to have said this before, shout out to Bobby Waples, Veteran, Iraqi Freedom. Nicknamed doozy. That's pretty good. Great. Yeah. doozy. I'm trying to think. I remember when he was over there, he sent a fucking video of him coming in and a chopper until like a fucking field. He came, didn't he? I was making up fucking, that I had a record label on my space at the time. You were the king of faking it till you make it and then you make it and throw it all away. Yeah, doozy. That's a good one. I'm trying to think, we just had all nicknames, flip, I mean we had flip, we had Vinnie with the skinny. I guess we were. The parents calling you about a nickname. I mean, flip is flip to like Pat's dad. Really? Yeah, what a flip. What would your mom call him? Chris. Huh. Yeah. But like we were hanging out with Pat, I mean Pat's, you know, that was like, we weren't spending extended time around my mom for a month, I don't, you know, I think any time my mom's calling. Most moms called me foley. Yeah, that's normal. Yeah. I mean, we also go by age, that'd be, that's like a tough, I think go by age back then. Okay. I don't know. Yeah. I think we're, I was doing music. Sure. You've really dabbled in a lot of, you really struggled in a lot of art forms having you. What's next? That's neck. Poetry. Uh-huh. What you've done. Sure. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. You're a bit of a renaissance man. Sure. Uh-huh. Call you a triple miss. Get the no got. Uh-huh. And Egot is when you win an Emmy Golden Globe Oscar. What ones do you have again? I'm an Emmy nominee show. I don't know if I get to statue. I don't think so. I make my own. Guys, it's just an honor to be nominated. Were you nominated? No, not me personally, but one of my friends was. Guardsdale surprise. Uh-huh. That's funny. Continue. You are. You are truly something else. I stink. Which I do love it is your. What? Yeah, it goes back to your Johnny Drummond is your, is your, your unwavering. Every chromosome in you tries to be cool. Is it a laundry mat this morning? That's what I'm saying if you just owned it. Kind of look like 12 blocks. That's bad. Good for you. Sure. Not the 12 block one. I'm loving it out there in Brooklyn. Okay. I think that's where I think it's, I think it's really good for you. Yeah. Uh-huh. Now you turn that corner to neighbor who gets a lot nicer. Why won't you get the man asked? You cross that bridge. It's all right. Man, oh man. He's like the king out there too. Sort of got we're at a coffee shop. Been living out there for 35 years. We're at a coffee shop. We leave. Lady comes out. Runs across the street. Sorry, you didn't pay your bill. It goes. Dale wanted you to have these. Dale wanted to, wanted to, wanted to give you this. Fucking bag of pastries. How are they? I don't touch this stuff. I was waiting on my Starbucks. Um. Egg whites. Egg whites. All right. Let's see this one's from now. Fatter than Foley. Uh. Patterts. Why? That means you're losing weight. It's still ugly kind of. Okay. I respect the jab. I'm going to be wrong. Fire away. You making fun of my head shape earlier. Oval. Uh. Head shaped. Odd. No, I feel it's bigger at the top upside down egg. I'll give you. Yeah, upside down egg. More like upside down. Uh. If your head was upside down, it was like a pineapple. I don't know if I can. It's your chin. But aren't pineapples like pretty uniform? No. That's the ones I get. Okay. It's all upside down pineapples with this guy. Uh. That's not. Yeah. Freak shit. You're the one that just brought up upside down pineapples. Because your head looks like. Is that you trying to, you're trying to swing with me, aren't you? Yeah. Creep. Um. All right. Never. Whatever. Uh. Now fatter than Foley. Never have one red. Have you ever been the last one to chant something in a crowd? Ooh. Everybody does four chants. But you get a few straggos that do five always feel bad for those guys. Yeah. Not a good chant guy. I'm always conscious. I get in and I get out. I go. I'm not going to be the guy that's clapping later. I'm not going to be the guy that does, you know, heck no. We won't go. I'm. I'm sorry. I don't know. I was looking to my mind. Well, you're the 1930s baseball game. Yeah. Drinking my chocolate mults. Ooh. Too shay. Um. I don't know. I've never confidently started an Eagles chant. I don't want to be that guy on the news. Mm-hmm. The e. G. Yeah. Fuck. No, I know. That's what you don't want to be. Yeah. The lady fucked it up. Eagles. Yeah. E-A-G-L-E-S. Yeah. Yeah. I would never confidently start that. I also don't like kicking it off with Happy Birthday. I come in underneath more of a harmonizer. Mm-hmm. Happy. Get people going. Yeah. I worked the crowd a little bit. Yeah. I worked the rear showmen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, I'm not fucking taking a lead on a Happy Birthday. No. Everybody drags their feet. And it's like, let's go. I was always shocked. I go to like, when I worked at that big wall firm, we'd go in for everybody's birthday. It was someone's birthday once up fucking week. And you'd go in and like. You're at the cake. Yeah, but people would like. Meaningfully. Meaningfully sing it to people. And I'm just gonna. I don't have that in me. Like the excitement of. Happy Birthday! And it's like. I took a slice of cake though. Man, never. Really? Never. What? A store-bought cake? Oh, man. Moist is the day is long. I just had one for my birthday. You did? You had a cake. Wow. I believe it was from Akami. Huh. The Akami Sheet Cake.
I don't think I've had a birthday cake in a couple years. We took you out for your birthday and you ruined it. Yeah, but I don't think anybody's made me a cake in a while. I mean, no one made me a cake and I got a cake. Yeah, you know, you have to-- I got to rethink some of my behavior. I think that's a pretty good thing. I mean, I think I've had a birthday cake in a minute. But Travis's wife usually makes us stuff. Cookies. Yeah, check it out at the end there, good, and safe. Hey gang, let's talk about Pestie. Do you have bugs? Do you have spiders? Do you have roaches? Do you have-- God forbid, do you have scorpions? Listen, if you've got scorpions, you're jammed up and you got bigger problems. But Pestie makes it easy to take care of it. Pestie is the DIY pest control kit that is-- listen, it takes all the information based on where you live. Your location, whatever bugs you got, whatever climate's going on. And you can get started with Pestie for just $35 per treatment with a customized plan based on what you're working with. It gets rid of over 100 types of bugs. It is kid and pet friendly. My wife ordered this about two years ago. I had never heard of it. I had never seen it. They were not a sponsor of the show. We started using it. First of all, it takes a couple of minutes. You dump it. You feel cool. You dump it in. You load it up. You get your little pump or your little spray. You wrap around a house. I do it twice. It makes a little vibrate and foam spray or noise. They can include sprayer, a mixing bag, pesticide gloves, and instructions. You can complete it in less than 10 minutes. Pestie also offers a 100% bug-free guarantee. Or your money back. If the bugs don't go away, you'll get a free refund. The pesticides they ship are fully registered and have been used in hospitals and schools all over the country so you can make sure your family and pets are safe. Keep the bugs out of your summer sanctuary with Pestie. Go to Pestie.com/AYG for an extra 10% off your order today. That's Pestie, P-E-S-T-I-E.com/AYG for an extra 10% off. - Do it now back to the show. - All right, was that-- - That I digress. - Yes. You should try to get a loving friends and family. - Who were kind of kicked to Jav. - Six standard vanilla cake with vanilla icing maybe. - Did they get it customized? - It's a happy birthday, Kevin. They threw the 4-0 in. - Nice. - You can see the pictures on my Instagram. - Is that right? - Wow. - They sung happy birthday to you? - They sung happy birthday, yeah. Had a little kipperino on my lap, move out the candles, ice cold, scream, and beers. - Huh. - Yeah, good time. - Loving family. - Yeah. - You earned it, baby. - Thanks. - I'm being serious, I love you. - Oh, thanks. - I'm not saying you're being serious, but the fact that you have to say you're being serious makes me think. Your intentions might not be genuine. - No, I'm fucking serious, man. What, don't stop looking at me. - She is motives. - Questionable. - Nah, I'm being serious. - Okay. - Was that at your house? - Yeah, down the shore. - Oh, okay. That's cool. - Yeah, why? - I just pictured you being at your home. - Mm-hmm. - I have to believe it. - I know what you mean. - I don't treat me if I don't sleep any in the basement. - I wish it would, it's kind of lonely. - Bring it over your whole family. - Well, more than merrier. Yeah, no, I, yes, it was, it was very nice. The first time I really had that in a, I was the first time I had a happy birthday. Probably, honestly, eight years. - Yeah, black sheep of the family for a while. - Yeah, I was, yeah. Now I'm fucking. You got him on your hip. You go, everybody shut the fuck up. I took, I kicked my sister out of her room. I took that room. - Really? - I said, you gotta go. Low kipperino. We got it. This is the only room that fits a crib. You gotta hit the bricks, lady. - Nice. - Yeah. And then I just call, I'll break it down. I never break it. That's just living that thing in there. - Oh, sure. - Oh, I gotta break it down and put it back up and break it down. He carried that. - A crib. - Yeah. - That seems like a lot of work. It's like a real crib like wood or whatever. - Yeah, I did do it last night too. - Why? - It was in our room because Nadine's family was here. So we moved the crib into our room and then I don't like doing that. So they're gone. So I had to break it down and move it over. No, I gotta be honest with you. You're gonna go, I'm happy for you. - You like it. - What is your baby's crib? - One, yeah, I mean, yeah, you're stressed. No, but I was doing it. And he came over and sat on my lap and we were like doing the Allen wrench together. And like, I literally, like, I started well enough. I looked at Nadine. I'm like, this is the sickest fucking thing ever. Come on. And we're back. (laughing) - I'm very happy for you. - I am happy for you. - Put these cameras in the back. - Yes. All right, let's see here. Let's see here. This one's from B-O-P-O-T-9000. Bopot 9000 on Bopot? I don't know. Never having read $10.10 spot balloon knot over here. - Mm. Ever tell an old injury story where you always hit on what you could see to bone? - Ooh. - That's big. - To the bone. - That's big. - I noticed that too. That of just like telling stories over, I've been hanging out with my family a lot this summer. - A bone was sticking out. And like, when you hear a story that's been told, like a bunch who's telling to new people or whatever, you just go, oh, it's like, dude, you're doing bits. - Yeah. - And you go, "Ah, it's your line." You hit on what they couldn't say. And the whole bone was sticking out. It went right to the bone. - Uh-huh. - It said, "A ligament's right to the bone." - Myel high, if he was a foot, I'd tell you all that kind of thing. - There's a few things that I distinctly remember from high school. One of them is what a compound fracture is. - Yeah. - The bone sticking out. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah, that in cumulonimbus clouds, I don't know why. The different kinds of clouds. Cumulinum is serious stratus. - Yeah. - Also very trash, we were talking about my mom, like stubbed her toe or whatever. - Oh yeah. - She goes, "This is great." - She broke her toe. And then I guess somebody was like, "Did you go to the hospital?" What do I go? - Nah, you can't do nothing for a broken toe. - Shots like she hit me. I can't do nothing with a broken toe. - That can't be right. - I don't know. - Find out what they try. I think, I mean-- - Why is that? - She goes, "I broke my toe. Three is the third time I broke my toe." - Yeah, what's the point of going to the hospital? I can't do nothing. - I was just gonna wrap it. I sit there for three hours and he wrap it. - I know what they're gonna tell me, down here, at Lankanol, get your memorial. - Oh, I've been there. - Fuck, she's all right. - Yeah. - Rest, ice elevate. And then if it's a smaller toe, you can buddy tape, which is just taping it to the other toe. - Yeah. - Which we did. - She did. - You can't do anything for a broken toe. - This is how far we've gotten medical technology. - What are you gonna do? - I don't know. - I don't think. - Cast it up. - It could be one of the things. - Put a screw in. - But I don't thin it up the bone like, I think it just lives in there on its own. It's like the nose, is it like where it's just like-- - Broken nose you fix? - You reset though, if it's displaced. Otherwise it's just the bone heals on its own. - You're breaking nose? - Yeah, kind of. - My brother did. - Horrible. - I got suckered. - You did? - Yeah. - I was running my fight. I beat a kid up and I was running my mouth and I turned my back and he fucking-- - That's fucked up. - He fucking suckered me. - Yeah. - What a dick. - Do you beat him up again? - I don't think so. I think they have friends. - Those are all bloody. - Yeah, fucking fucking snuck me though. I was crying in the corner. Are you talking about it? - No, I think we got broken up then. Because we were my buddy's house. And that's like, I went home. It was Thanksgiving night or the night before the night. - Nice. - Yeah, thanks. - Victory going in the Thanksgiving dinner? - Yeah. But then I wake up and my fucking eye. It wasn't like crack. I think it was like pushed in. So they got Reese. I don't think I forget what it was. They had the kind of, it's still tilted when you really look at it. But that's when I told my dad, my dad's like, he was a bit of a fighter. And he was like, I told him the story goes, what happened? He was like, you didn't have-- we didn't have to hide that we ever got in fights. - Sure. - And she was like, my brother and a little memory and like, you guys like tell fight stories in front of your mom. I'm just like, I don't know, it's just the people we come from, we're a violent, a violent clan of drugs from Northeast Philadelphia. But he's like, you beat up, you let him go, him, I got reprimanded not for fighting, but for getting, putting myself in a position to get suckered. - Hmm. - And I was like, okay. - Was it back I'm unconscious? - I think curb stuff. - You didn't hog time? - You didn't finish the job. - What the fuck? - She was just a throat move from the road house? - Yeah. - But yeah, I love a family store, any story that's told a bunch with those lines and it is great. - See, right to the bone. - That like, he should have seen us and he was top of the line. That I remember my cousin, we were drunk at a house party and he was telling me and that he kept saying, making money hand over fist. - It's the money hand over fist. - Dude, you remember this, that, these guys are making money hand, it was the eight. - We might have an at job. - Okay. - Make a money hand over fist. You know what else was one of the most deadliest things, which I think it is, but in my house. - Brown recluse? - Forget that wolf spider, who I think. I always thought a black widow was going to get me and that's how I thought I was going to die. For most of my young life, that a black widow spider would get me. things for rating me. Fuck that.
Charlie's web shit. I didn't trust that motherfucker. As far as I get the floor Black ice it's all black ice. Yeah, all 70s to black ice. Yeah, she more dangerous. Yeah, it's crazy I think I've ever seen black ice. Oh, yeah, no, you've seen have I huh for sure for sure I don't know what to tell you. I mean your 50 years old you lived in Philadelphia and fucking New York City You've stepped on black ice. Have I? Yeah Get a course more good Yeah, no, that's Yeah, that hydroplane and with wet leaves wet leaves are more dangerous than black ice I've pumped the brakes. Mm-hmm pump the brakes that turn into the spin and it's never you hit a telephone pole It's always you wrap this car on a telephone pole. Yeah, no one no one no one my family knows has ever hit a telephone pole It's they wrapped it around that Baptist God damn car around a telephone pole. It's like he's alive Yeah, that's all that's always that wrapped it around a freaking telephone pole. She's Fucking sure it's gonna be through the roof. Oh, dude someone got pulled over all right and we were all out on the deck I was shorted down the shore having a couple of ice cold beers Someone got pulled over right in front of the house. We should have stood like malls to a flame Everyone comes what's going on and the neighbors then pop out what's happening because I was out I said I was the first guy on the scene get him. I got think he blew the stops. I check it running his plate Yeah, very yeah, whoop lit him up wrote him up now wrote him up. I'm up. Didn't take him in didn't take him Take them in now. I was like to during the day. You would do a field sobriety test. Mm-hmm. I don't think I ever have either no I Never really been I've never been pulled over a lot Get this I'm coming up to fucking Jersey Turnpike, you know, it's four It's 12 lanes, so it's four three lane highways two up to down to north to south This guy I'm in the middle lane. I'm in quality turnpike. I must say great turnpike They can move fucking cars Good rest stops, right up. They got you know, what's a fucking game changer? There's Jersey State troopers look pretty sharp, too. I'll take it out. Well, it's this is about them But the fucking gas stations there the hose can go over the car Cuz they got to fill it up. Yeah, they have to The extended it's just like why why isn't everywhere that you got a sit-in line and wait for a guy You turn and come move traffic over there big business. I know, but anywhere any high volume a Wawa should have it. Yeah, you should just be fucking burning and turning here guys 20 20 20 6 I do I always check luckily all of my cars have always been driver side. I think that's American cars I had the key of Forte which I believe was still I think everything I have was driving I think everything I have a driver's side But this fucking cop was on the outside Right like I'm in if you're looking at saying 1 2 3 4 I'm in 3 so there's 4 then the proper shoulder the end You know he's over there He don't he's clocking people, but in my Artory you know what a dude and I'm cooking I was doing 84 like if you would have kept going you would have hit him What do you mean? He's in a shoulder. No, so like there's I'm going like north and next to me that Next I'm in the one segment of three lanes, right? I'm in the cars. Yeah Then it goes truck three lanes of truck right and then he's on the right side of that Hitting the cars hitting cars in my fucking lane comes and get you he did he did because he fucking did I'm doing it I was doing 85 and I'm like no fucking way and by moving with traffic. I'm not like zipping around. I'm we're cooking It's not rush hour. I'm fucking This fucking I see him. He's got the gun out the window and I was like there's a pack of us where I'm like we're dead I'm like but there's we're dead the right but I go. There's no fucking way you get us all he pulls out I go this motherfucker no way I go no way you pulled over no he fucking then he crosses over Like he uses what the fuck hey, he comes into the next three lane segment and dude He's now far fucking back. He's like a I think I'm not even sure it's him big at the gun it But I'm not even sure it's him. I just say I'm like I think that because it's unmarked also what's trashier unmarked or undercover Unmarked Now undercover's trash here. Yeah, they're not undercover. It's an unmarked car. It's not fucking Johnny Depp and fucking me But unmarked to me feels more Like you're like trying to be on the force. That's what a police as I was in an unmarked car under covers more like Like saying like a patrol car or a P.O. Yeah a black and white what you do for the military and apparently with police I always thought undercover was trashier. It's an undercover cop. It's not an undercover cop It's a cop in an unmarked cop car He's not wearing fucking. He's not just like a fucking acidic. Do you? This is why it's a cover cop Freeze I don't know But you did But thinking why you have the know-how or understanding of why it's yeah, see it's just if you say undercover car We're like unmarked everybody's introduction is on is undercover. Yeah undercover. There's not a cover cop I pulled over on a cover cop car. Mm-hmm. Those guys are doing investigation busted. I said unmarked car But you what yeah, you That's are you lit by I was talking about a license plate what it starts with. I can't tell you what They're sneaky in the NYPD they're driving on a Mitsubishi's and shit like that's crazy because what and back when I was banging It had to be American-made cars. This was fucking you're god damn. That are showing what to use fucking whatever I know not know it did. Yeah, I don't like it The Mitsubishi a clips come back. I fucking spider Fucking Rubbins racing though. I can come pull me over to track her Way for backup. Thank me. Oh But this guy fucking then gets into my Three lane. He's in a different threes on the he comes in. I just see a black Explorer. Also, if you're driving a black Explorer And you're not a cop car You're a dickhead because everybody thinks you're a guy. You read like a cop car You do if you're in the back and you're zooming up the left lane. I wouldn't hate you wouldn't Put that spotlight on the Yeah, that's the thing I look for. I look you look for the lights the grills always a little different Oh, yeah, yeah, far behind. Yeah, lights in the grill. Mm-hmm. It's done Anybody got a winch on there Oh fuck fuck you better start eating you shit Yeah, anybody that used to have that that spotlight on the left of their car that guy was a fucking Even a real There's more aliens out of Miami. You ever see that? Weird um But yeah, he pulled over the car next to me, dude. I mean, it must have been about four minutes later And I'm sitting there. I'm like this motherfucker And I was ready to go So you got you must a clock because he's going over like fucking six lanes of traffic I was gonna go you had the wrong guy I'm in the middle lane here when he's on I'm also on a job. Uh-oh I got to give him like the code word for the day or whatever What do they have that? Yeah, no, they don't and you think yeah, and you say on what of all police? I find I know that there's a thing where you go like fucking flash thunder type thing But it's the if you say I'm a if I think if you say I'm an undercover cop You have I think they go get that maybe they radio unless that's a myth I guess I was maybe I shouldn't have said that publicly. That's so that was my my level of clearance Would rather be undercover cop or CIA See, I've never see I never did it for me. Huh cop that was more tangible my cover cop Yeah cover no, I want the badge. I want you to fear me. I Don't I don't want to fuck I don't want to be you know, what do you got? Oh? No, uh, I but I have seen like I don't know It's like in lioness and stuff like a landman where they have like certain code words for that day of like the op You don't have anything. I mean I use like ten four and stuff lioness. They work with the FBI That fucking Tyler Sheridan. He's crushing it. What the fuck man? It's it's it's gotta be sexy TV It's got like 15 TV shows Seven movies it's dumb as shit, but it's awesome, man Code word Blueberry I just called Starbucks. They get It's called deep top code words egg bites. I bet you if you hit a cop with that. You're probably like all right Yeah, he doesn't want to seem like he doesn't know. I mean, yeah, the chocolate malt Keep it moving All right You really been fucking pull the plug when you're done with the riff. You really decide to move on. I didn't know for that
Move on I think my dad you grump look over gonna be resting your eyes All right, let's see this one's from kippy's left nut long time first time ten dollar. Hey me Is it garbage to take a bite directly from a block of cheese? Yeah, for sure What are you talking about you know what I'm talking about Brie we're talking about Brie No, I think I mean Brie's not really a block and Brie's a softer Bigger to get the little pizza slice. All right. I like a slice Yeah, I'm not taking a bite of a block of cheese. I don't like this thickness of a chunk of cheese Yeah, that's only for like YouTube mukbangers. Yeah, that's not my cup of tea. I get I got a stripper Sorry, I got a fucking thing a cracker barrel. You know what I mean the fucking rectangle? Yeah, I'm slicing that But I will go through half of that with some trisket and a cake Oh head I didn't have to fucking counter watching TV to the whole thing not even half. Yeah Whole thing. I'll do if I'm feeling fancy. I get that a cabbett Vermont sharp cabbett curiously strong. Yes, and then I'll Bitter beer face and then I'll do I'll get some sort of Sliced pepperoni. Oh, yeah, or maybe if I'm feeling fancy. I'll slice. I'll get like the law like a good my good But like better log like salami or something slice at myself. I like that and then I'll do Yeah, I'll do a die kit. I have a couple die coaks lined up ready to go You just sit in there. There was nothing better. I'd get a I'd get a plate. I'd sit down and have the box and I'd sit and watch TV Hmm, I would just fucking I 3000 calories of fucking meat cheese and crackers. I used to have a home. Okay. All right, gang. That's all she wrote American garbage. Yes, coming out on YouTube Okay, well you'll you say with no confidence. I said it would full confidence and then looked at me like you miss I thought you were gonna pick it up. Yeah, pick it up team sport guys Date like we said on November or sorry Jesus Christ September 13th on YouTube American garbage our brand new Are you garbage special that we filmed in Tampa, Florida and our good club side splitters and a hard good club? Bait!
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