Dr. Elizabeth Letourneau & Luke Malone (on child sexual abuse prevention)

Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert experts on expert. I'm Dan Shepherd. I'm joined by Lily Padman. Hi. Today, we have Dr. Elizabeth Laterno in Luke Malone on. If ever there were a cause for a trigger warning, this would be the episode we are going to get deep into what could only be described as an epidemic of child sexual abuse one in five kids. Hence the title of their book that they collaborated on called one in five, why child sexual abuse is our biggest public health crisis and what we can do to stop it. Dr. Elizabeth Laterno is the director of more M-O-O-R-E at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, which is a center focus on child sexual abuse prevention. So we have like one of the most foremost experts imaginable, incredible origin story how these two ended up working together. She was going to get interviewed by Luke and was reluctant to do so and it's turned into a long collaboration for both of them. And Luke is an Emmy nominated journalist who has reported on sexual abuse for 15 years. So he is so dedicated to this topic. And there's so much stuff you would not have imagined otherwise. It's a very revealing episode. I learned so much in this episode. But also just so people aren't like I would I just would never listen to it. There's like good. They're trying to make a lot of progress and the goal is to end this and it can be done. Yeah, yeah. They have a lot a lot of solutions and a lot of understanding of all the different ways this expresses itself. So please enjoy Dr. Elizabeth Laterno and Luke Malone. It's a little chilly out today. It's not really. I know. I don't like it. Where do y'all live? Baltimore. Baltimore. So you get a lot of Johns Hopkins. You got to be there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I love Johns Hopkins. Your favorite. I hate that name. Do other people express their frustration with the double plural? It was his grandmother's last name. Yeah. So you know, it's been explained to me. People do that to their kids. Yeah, they do. But two plurals are terrible. It's not a liturative. It's awful. It's terrible to say. But that's a tiny grieve and so much good work. Maybe you can pick it to my other things as well. Yeah, I'm blemish history. Sure, antitrust issues, but the amount of look no one's perfect. No one's perfect. Yeah, we have that kind of wealth. There's original sin somewhere. Yeah, but if you can do something good with it, we'll take it. So Elizabeth, where are you from originally? I grew up in Ohio. What part of Ohio? Sandusky? Mentor. Oh, I did a movie in Mentor Ohio. Oh, did you really? Yeah. Home of Garfield? No, who? Oh, yeah. Garfield. That sounds right. If there's quizzes, I'm not going to test. Okay, yeah. You should always clarify if you're talking about Garfield. The cat. I thought the cat knows that. Oh, it's a very Ohio vibe to the cat. But yeah, I think you're right about that. But yeah, I grew up there. Love Cedar Point. Went to Cedar Point a billion times. Did you ever go in a matching outfit with a boyfriend or girlfriend? I have never done that nor will I, but my mother. Okay, there were five of us three boys. She made the boys where matching outfits and all of our pictures. And at one point, but all of us track suits that matched. Oh, okay. Also something I have not repeated. I feel like I have a kind of a good sense of who mom is already just from that tiny little nugget in all the boys and family. Yeah. Well, yeah, I have a great family. I got lucky. And then Luke, where are you from? Sydney, Australia. Oh, okay. Yeah. I've never heard of it. Where is that? Just around the corner down the road. You know, yeah. How did you end up here? I came to New York specifically in 2012 to do my masters in journalism at Columbia. And am I right in that you guys formed this kind of partnership in that you wanted to interview Elizabeth and you did not really want to be interviewed by him? That's right. I had no problem being interviewed by you. I was sick. I was sick when he was coming down. I had the flu. I literally went and found a colleague who had a couch who was like my one psychiatrist colleague. So of course he had a couch in his office to lay down, but he was coming from New York to Baltimore and I didn't want it to be a point, but I was legit ill. It had nothing to do personally. Thank God you didn't. And what position did you hold at that time in 2000? What year would this have been? 2012, 2013. Yeah, associate professor and the school of medicine department of mental health in the school public health in the University of Johns Hopkins. Okay. What's your PhD in? Clinical psychology, but I've been at grant funded researcher my entire career. But you're a professor too or not? Yeah, you do it all. Yeah. Okay, so when you were reaching out to Elizabeth, what topic were you hoping to interview her on? Well, I was kind of doing a story about a group of young self-identified non-offending petafiles. Let's really take a minute. Yeah, let's go that down. Young self-identifying non-offending petafiles. Petafiles. And the kind of non-offending part was important to them and still is because I feel like people assume the petafile means you've abused a child, you're about to abuse a child. And this was a bunch of kids who, and they were very young, they were kind of like 17, 18, 19, 20, who realized it's about themselves, didn't want to act. At the time, there was no support for them. And so they'd form this kind of hodgepodge support group for themselves to figure out how do we reckon with this, like now and going forward. Really quick. How did you stumble upon that group of guys? Part of Columbia was doing a cathesis. I was literally that my grad thesis. I've been a journalist in Australia for six, seven years and terrible years, but for a while, and I wanted to become a serious journalist. So I came here, went to Columbia. Literally, just a thesis idea kind of came to me one day. I was reading about the Jerry Sandesky sentencing. And I was like, huh, Jerry wasn't born like a seven-year-old child molester. Why don't we happen before then to get here? Yeah. And then I started interviewing a bunch of guys who were in their 50s, 60s, 70s, who were attracted to kids, didn't want to sexually offend against kids. But again, how do you even find those people? That could be your interest, but where does one start? Yeah, I mean, online in a very official channel, like nothing too shady, but there's a group called Virtuous Petafiles, which I think is a terrible name. And it's a rebrand. Yeah, rebrand. Yeah, rebrand. I've bought it up a couple times and I haven't spoken to them for a while, but I was like, guys, they're like, oh, but we want to communicate that we're like, I'm like, it doesn't matter. Talk about our oxymoron. We can add that to the loose. It's just no one wants to see that word. That's why this topic is tough. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Branding's 80% of it. So the Virtuous Petafiles, for very good reason, they couldn't have members who were low the age of 18. So I was 18 and above. And again, most of the guys were like 40, 50, 60, 70. So I spoke to a bunch of them, interviewed them and I was like, no matter how virtuous you are, if you're like a 50-year-old who says I'm sexually tracked to eight-year-old children, it is so icky. Yeah. It's kind of a reason. It's too much of a hurdle for a reader to get over. Yeah. But then also, I think intellectually, they've had decades to figure it out. Like what this means for them and their lives. And so I want to speak to younger kids who are kind of A, that people might have a tiny bit more possibility for empathy toward. And also kids who are going through it right now. What was the podcast, Monica? Tarton Feather, that's him. Oh, okay. Yeah, the one who did that. So this was like a thesis project and it became a print piece in this American life podcast out of them. Really incredible episode. That was. Thanks. Everyone's on a bunch of stuff in this room. It's what I think came out in 2014. I used to kind of resist. I was like, oh God, this is defining my life. But it's kind of lovely to do something that people still are talking about 12 years later, which is sweet. Yeah, I will say this is going to be one of the most challenging episodes for people to listen to you and define compassion for it. And I hope we do a fair and good job. We have a history a little bit. We had a clinically diagnosed sociopath that came on Patrick J. I. G. N. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but I have long said on here, and I'm a victim of sexual abuse, but I have long said on here, I do feel bad if you are afflicted with pedophilia. I didn't pick not being attracted to kids. I just am not. And I don't think anyone would pick this. So just out of the gates, I'm so grateful that's not something I have to fight the urge of. What kind of work were you doing that Luke would reach out to you on this topic? So I've been working on child sexual abuse prevention policy and practice since grad school. So I'm at the 38 year mark. It's what I've spent my entire career doing. That's a daunting endeavor. I guess I feel like I need a tiny bit of explanation how you could have been pulled to that. And stayed. Staying was super easy. I don't have an orange and story that involves surviving child sexual abuse. I went to grad school for clinical psychology doctoral program. Definitely didn't feel like I belonged there. And at a teacher, I wanted to impress. And she handed out paper topics. And I got pedophilia. Her husband was also there. And that was his area. And also sex offending. Those are two different things. People who have sexual attraction children and people who offend against children are often two separate groups. But anyway, so I just killed myself writing the best term paper I possibly could prove to this faculty member and to me that I belonged in this doctoral program. And she saw and she liked it. And she said, "Hey, do you mind if I share this with my husband?" And she did. And then I started working in his lab. And early on, he invited me to kind of co-lead a group that was for men who had already offended. They'd served time in prison. And then come back into their communities. This was in Maine, by the way. And they were refusing to acknowledge what they had done. And part of treatment for people who sexually offend, particularly for adults, and at that time, in particular. It just stand up and say what you did, what you did wrong. It was very much modeled on AA meetings, actually. Meaning they were mandated to some kind of self-help group? Not self-help. This was treatment with a therapist. The therapist said you have to stand up and say what you did wrong and all of the different things. They were not doing that. So they were in another group for deniers. And that's the group that my professor led. And so I got to be in this group. And it was in a smallish room with like six or seven guys. And I learned a couple of things. And one thing I learned is that these were not three-headed monsters from some other planet. These were people. And some of them felt deep remorse for the harm they had caused to children. And others were assholes that you would never want to know, period. But they were people first. And I also learned that I could hear these stories and work with them and leave it at the office and go home and have my life. And there are not a lot of people that can do that with this particular population. So I got into it really literally almost by accident. But staying, it's a small group of clinicians and researchers that focus on perpetration, whether it's working with people who have already offended or in my case now really shifting to preventing both victimization and perpetration and just prevention writ large, which is a lot of different ways you can prevent child sexual abuse. But the field is populated with really wonderful people. And they just kind of wrapped their arms around me and kept me in. Yeah, I can't imagine it attracts a ton of candidates. No. Okay, so back to you, Luke, when you reached out to Elizabeth, you were hoping to what find out what kind of treatment was in existence or what kind of modalities existed. Yeah, pretty much. So these are kids who, and they were kids, very young adults who wanted help and there was just no help available. And Elizabeth had just founded this model more center for the prevention of child sexual abuse. Now called more. And it was fascinating. It also gave me some backbone as a journalist. I'm okay. I got this group of kids. I need to give it some kind of context. Very wary about being seen as some kind of pedophile advocate, which has followed me through over the years. I wouldn't call myself that, but I'm more comfortable with it now, but I was very wary because it was the first time I'd kind of done this dance. Being a view both discussed every time the kind of pedophilics come up on the show, there is this idea and you've mentioned it yourselves, like murder is more palatable. Oh, yeah. You could murder a child. Not great. But obviously, but I would recommend somehow that's more palatable than sexually engaging with a kid. There's something so icky. And also I think luckily I'm myself from in this group. So unattractive to kids and thank God I'm not that a decent, like you said, it's such a horrible thing to deal with. It's such a huge jump for anybody to think, like, oh, I could see myself doing that, but I don't have kids, but I have friends with kids and sometimes a little shits. And you're like, oh, my God, I could strangle you. I got caught, Max here. I think the jump to hitting a kid, we were hit as kids. I was born in '81. Yeah. Violence seems more. We've all lost our temper. Yeah. Yeah. You can ask empathy for parents who do that, who snap in the same way that you don't have empathy for someone who sexually abuses a kid. Yeah. It's hard to say because you don't want to kind of excuse behavior or minimize behavior. I know. But you want empathy. I mean, you know, maybe for the person with the situation, you stand back and look about how could this have been prevented or changed? Well, I think we would apply the Sapolsky kind of lens, which is like to feel morally superior is not really worthwhile. Taking dangerous people out of our community is essential and has to be done. But to do it without the moral high ground and the judgment and the punitive desire to make people suffer because of it, I think, is the highest road we could probably take. Yeah, but it's very human and just to step back for a second, I'm sorry, that happened to you. Oh, yeah, okay. Thank you. I feel weird receiving sympathy for you. Let's talk about that. I bet that. I don't know. Maybe that's common or maybe it's uncommon. I bet it's common. I don't know. But I feel like it's worth acknowledging that this is painful, that a lot of people, a lot of your listeners are going to have experienced themselves and I would never say to empathize with the behavior at all or with somebody who has caused harm, but there's people out there who haven't caused harm that I think we really need to focus a lot more attention on. Yes, yes. Well, I did learn some stuff in researching your work, which was a little bit illuminating. I mean, I guess I've had this fear that this person that molested me maybe had gone on and victimized a bunch of people and I never prevented that, right? That's maybe a bit of guilt I've had. But then in reading some stuff today from you, I'm like, maybe he never did that again. He was probably 17. I was probably nine-ish somewhere in there and I'm like, oh, that had never even occurred to me. So we should lay out what the kind of numbers are because it's really important and your book one in five really tells us right out of the gates. So one in five kids will experience some sexual abuse. Some form of sexual abuse or attempted sexual abuse online or offline. So this is kind of the first, what we call, prevalence statistic that combines both online and offline victimization. And these are reported? No, we would never rely on reporting because so few get reported. That would make sense. Yeah, you know, that's why I got the numbers. 80% unreported. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's huge. Subsequent editions I went into. So my colleague and friend, David Finkelhor, has done several prevalence surveys across a few years where you get a nationally representative sample, large sample of adults reporting back on what happened to them. He's also surveyed kids 10 to 17 large samples and you ask them questions about things that have happened to them and you can develop a much more accurate sense of how prevalent is this than if you rely on reports to law enforcement or to child protective services which are usually the more extreme versions. But it's still someone is saying verbally that it happened to them. Self-report, yeah. Self-report service. Self-report service, yeah. I would say probably there's more than that. I bet a lot. Yeah, probably. Self-report surveys can give you a pretty good sense. So certainly there will be people who are never good and admit. One thing that's remarkable to me about self-report surveys, and we do these as well, these prevalent surveys where we're asking people have you engaged in these behaviors against a child, is how many people will acknowledge illegal and stigmatized behaviors and ridiculously, but it's true that being a survivor can carry some stigma still. Oh, yeah. People, if they feel safe, if they feel like you're not going to report them because it's anonymous and confidential, folks who will reveal things, if you ask it in the right way also, like if I asked you, have you raped somebody today or in the path, they won't say it, but if you use behaviorally specific language, you get really good data on all kinds of behaviors. So one in five currently, what historically do we have any sense of anyone do that caliber of work in the 80s to know what it was then? It's on the decline, yeah. It is, in many ways, so again, David Finkelhor, he's been in the field since the 70s. Just brilliant, wonderful, and someone I very much love and respect. He was doing surveys. The US was actually doing surveys back in the 80s and 90s, and one thing that was really surprising with the earliest surveys was how common it was. It did seem to be increasing over time, but then starting around early 1990s, 1992, we saw real declines in sexual abuse against children, like on the order of 60 percent decline. So really, really, really good news to many children still being sexually abused, but really good news. What do we attribute that to? I can just guess anecdotally what the 80s like was. Well, what do you guess? Yeah. Total lack of supervision. You had both parents now in the workforce, and/or increasing divorce rates, my case, single mother working or assof, and we were just free to -- Well, supervision, yeah. Yeah, yeah. There was really not a lot of supervision. And stigma was probably higher, maybe, then. Or just ignorance. I mean, I think a lot of people didn't really know how bad it was for kids, honestly. Right. I think one thing that we talk about in the book that really helped start the decline was bringing it out of the shadows, so having more people talk about it, and we're grateful for this opportunity along the same way. But second way of feminists, when they were working on really to bring rape out of the shadows, they brought child sexual abuse with it. Sexual abuse is not the same thing as adult rape, it's not solely or perhaps even mostly a gender-based violence kind of thing. But lots of people who are raped as adults were sexually-beases children. It's a risk factor for future sexual victimization to have been sexually victimized as a child. And that helped, and then self-help groups for survivors for parents started being kind of a separate force, and that also further brought it out of the shadows. So just talking about it, then the research showing the kind of damage that can occur, it does not. You are not destined to a miserable life if you have survived child sexual abuse, and I want to be careful to say that. Although statistics are terrible. Well, it's a risk factor for almost every bad thing you can experience. It's even like a 70% chance of addiction. I mean, there's some startling. It is absolutely a risk factor, but I just would never want to suggest that someone is doomed yet, because that also is not true, but we do want to know what are the real sequela, the consequences, and they're terrible, and they don't stop with addiction. There's mental health consequences like PTSD, there's physical health, like cancer. We've done economic analyses and shown that survivors earn less over the course of their life. Sure, they drop out of school more. Less academic achievement, less employment, and then higher risk of future victimization both physical and sexual. And if I have mental health problems and physical health problems, they can't hold down jobs. It may be harder. So it sounds like something crazy, but even though I was kind of shocked doing this book about the idea that cancer and hypertension and heart attacks could all be linked back to cardiovascular problems, all linked back to CSA, which is even as someone who's been kind of like working from a different perspective in this for many years, still shocked. But that's the case. Yes, so we'll be using CSA. It's worth noting right now. We'll be using CSA a lot, and that's child sexual abuse. There's also childhood sexual violence, which is another term that folks use as well. Okay, so of this one in five, again, I think this would be shocking for a lot of people. What percentage is happening, adults to children versus children to children? It's a good question. And it is shocking. So in the United States, when you ask people on these surveys. Did this happen to you and then follow up with who did it? What David Finkelhoor's research has shown and others in other countries, but this is a U.S. specific statistic so I want to be precise. It's about 70% are their kids. Under the age of 18 usually a few years older. When you shift to online and I do want to back up for one second, we've seen dramatic declines and they've kind of stabilized and so we need to figure out how do we get further down, reducing child sexual abuse. That's mostly a hands-on. So of course before 2010 you didn't even have tech facilitated abuse so it could only go up because it launched roughly with the internet. Although there are some data that suggests that tech facilitated abuse is also starting to level out. We can start getting some declines or too. Can I ask to get an integrated what constitutes online sexual abuse? Is that like coercing a child to share nude photos or something? Yeah, that's when there's all kinds of coerced and non-concentral image sharing. So we share images, kids share images, it's kind of normative in the context of a dating relationship or romantic relationship, but non-concentral sharing of those. When adult is asking kids for nude images that's facilitated abuse and exploitation, when adults share child sexual abuse materials between themselves or upload them or create them, all of that is technology facilitated. Abuse, there's grooming, where an adult may reach out either pretending to be a child themselves or not. Kids want attention and they want attention from adults and they're also kind of good at detecting. They have much better skills than I do for sure. So there's all of those things and there's not bright lines between online and offline or in real life. They usually co-occur. I hate to point this out, but yeah, that is one of the saddest subtexts of all. This is that the predators are really good at spotting who's vulnerable and the kids that are vulnerable already were dealt to shithand. This is kind of the reward for that shithand. It's so true. You're kind of obviously vulnerable. We've got some data that we've just collected and just started analyzing about abuse in the context of K through 12 school settings and kids who have intellectual and development of disabilities, kids who identify as LGBTQ, queer kids, experience far higher rates of abuse than kids who don't. So people are very good at identifying vulnerable kids. Kids are vulnerable just as it can be abused and then there are groups of kids that are yeah. There's one more percentage. Well, I think it's useful to kind of draw out. The 70% is at the hands of other kids, usually a few years older, but then like 90% of child sex abuse is at the hands of known entities. I think we've moved past stranger danger, but there's still that kind of like echo hangover of stranger danger. And there are people who do, there are strangers, there are people who grim kids, there are kind of predators, but even online, what's was even further shocking, not even online at mirrors a little bit more. It's not 70% or the percentage. No, it's more like 60% or unknown to the child and 40% are known. And again, those numbers vary depending on the country. So there's a little more stranger danger, you know, the Australian accessing live images of a child in the Philippines, but it's still mostly the people in your life. So 90% you know the person and then 70% it's not an adult. The 70% feels like something we could address successful. Yeah, absolutely. More than the adult that this is a pattern of the behavior. Yeah, the person who wants to go out and find somebody like you. Yes, and he's probably got well-worn skill set for that. I don't know a lot of other things. Yeah. Now, I'm really curious how we define it when it is both parties are under 18. What about the two nine-year-old boys showing each other their penises or what about these consensual, certainly sexual activity, but there's really no age gap or there's one year age gap. Like, where do we draw this line to call it abuse? Well, it's so funny. You said two nine-year-olds because I got a call from a lawyer in Texas Swence saying, "So I have a nine-year-old client who's been charged with child sexual abuse by the local prosecutor because he was skinny dipping with some other kids who were, you know, within one or two years, he was the oldest, but it was like a nine-year-old and an eight-year-old and a six-year-old who are all friends." So in our country, fairly uniquely, there are states that don't have lower ages for criminal culpability. And when we think about sex, we kind of automatically add years to a kid so they're no longer a kid. If a child does something sexual, they stop being a child and they become an adult and they are treated like an adult as if they should have known better. At the same time, we don't give kids education about sex ed. We often hide that on purpose. Kids who get sex education don't learn that touching a younger kid's penis is off limits. They learn not to hit or punch or kick a younger kid, but they don't learn that penises and vaginas are off limits. And they figure it out eventually by about age 15, kids understand much younger kids are off limits, to come back to arrest data. You see this increase from 12 to 13 to 14-year-old of arrests for sexual behavior against younger kids. And then it drops and you're like, oh, the penny drops, they figure it out. But we don't tell them that. I mean, that's one of our prevention programs is to work with kids in schools before they've made any of these mistakes, to give them the information, skills, tools, and knowledge, to say, hey, by the way, younger kids, not okay ever, even if they're walking around naked or playing with you or seem to be doing something sexual with you, absolutely not. They're not small adults. Kids don't have some kind of knowledge about a lot of things that are okay and not okay until they gain some life experience or we teach them that. But again, I'm wondering, like the scenario where it's two 10-year-old boys, it's consensual, normal sex playing, "Zao" and is somehow shamed by it. We all have experienced being young. Yes, yes, silly things with your friends. And I think some people, yeah, so far. What do we differentiate? Children should be a protected class of people. They're vulnerable by definition. And they're vulnerable no matter what they've done. So I would like to see more protections. Some kids are going to need help. They may need therapy. They and their family for engaging in harmful and/or illegal behaviors. But I think we also need to do a better job of recognizing that sex play between close and age peers is normative. When it is mutually desired, it's not harmful. And we have laws that criminalize that as well. And so kids get caught up in a justice system that treats them again as if they were a 35-year-old predator when they're not. Some kids do cause harm. I definitely don't want to minimize a nine-year-old who was sexually abused by a 17-year-old. Yeah, yeah. I have lots of little boys showing me their penises, but that was something much, much different. And that is very different. And that 17-year-old is not a 35-year-old. And probably knew he was causing harm or what he was doing was wrong. I mean, not have known the degree is unlikely to have known the real degree of harm that that kind of behavior causes. And there should be separate strategies. And there are. There's really good evidence-based treatment programs for kids who have caused harm, where they're very unlikely to do it ever again. This was one of my mind. This was in your TED talk. So of the miners who are arrested and convicted of a sexual abuse case, what percentage of them do it again? Less than 3%. I can't say do it again. Less than 3% or ever arrested or convicted again. Stay tuned for more armchair expert. If you dare, we are supported by all state. Checking all state first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking your gas gauge before hitting the road. You genuinely thought you could make it? You were wrong. That's a very long stretch of highway, where you learned exactly how far fumes can take you. And it's not far enough. Yeah, checking first is an excellent plan. So check all state first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. And for fast, reliable help when you need it, add an all state roadside plan today. You're in good hands with all state. Potential savings vary insurance and roadside assistance plans are subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Insurance are provided by all state North American insurance company, North Brook, Illinois, roadside assistance plans provided by all state motor club, incorporated in all state affiliate. That cannot be said for the adult. Well, so there's a lot to unpack there. Sexual recidivism rates for adults who have been convicted of sex crimes against children are less than 10%. Also, that's still very low. That is not the narrative. It is not the narrative. But do we believe that? A lot of people don't. The kid numbers are based on research by my friend and colleague, Michael Caldwell, who looked at data across over 30,000 cases. So if it was 10 cases, and one kid had reoffended, I would not be comfortable saying it's that. But when it's 30,000 cases, and then I was involved in a research project that included, oh my gosh, I forget the exact number, but maybe like 120,000 adult cases. The data are, in my opinion, incontrovertible. When you get to hundreds of thousands of cases have been followed from first offense to 20 years later, 25 years later, and you're seeing a 10% recidivism rate among adults, and less than a 3% recidivism. I think with kids, the consequences are really severe. If you get adjudicated for this, and it's a pretty clear message, don't ever do this again. I think we could give them that message before they do it. But it makes sense to me that with kids, they don't do it again because now it is indisputable, they get it. This was wrong. This was harmful to that person that I did it to. It was harmful to me. I don't ever want to be in prison again. I don't ever want to have this happen again. Yes, so tell us about the current standard for what happens when a kid is convicted. So it varies. In a varies within state, it certainly varies between countries. A lot of times it never gets reported and nothing ever happens, and that's not helpful to either person. If they go through juvenile court is called an adjudication, but it's essentially the same thing as a conviction, it can vary. You could get probation. In some states, you can be given an opportunity to go through treatment and have your record wipe clean. You can get five years in prison. You can be put on a sex offender registry for the rest of your life and have that go up on the internet, which nine and eight year olds have, and so have 17 year olds. It is highly variable. What we know is that prison is not a helpful consequence for kids. It's harmful, registration, and notification are very harmful for kids. It just ruins our lives. You have to confront the trade-offs. So it's like, okay, we send them to prison for five years. There was a 98% chance they weren't ever going to do it again anyways. But now their time in prison is going to up their chance of criminality outside of sexual abuse, maybe three standard deviations. So it's like we're trying to do other things right. Yeah, that's exactly right. I mean, prison generally makes kids worse. It's not a fertile environment. It is not a safe stable and nurturing environment for children. And they're trying to be used in prison too. So the very thing which we're reporting to try and prevent, we're like, okay, throw them aside. They've done something bad. They're fucked. So it doesn't mean that it what happens to them. And if you're the person to victimize, but that person, absolutely sure. But I don't know if you're worried about kids being abused, and you're kind of putting often very young kids or like 17 year olds in with much more sexually dangerous, 35 year olds, it's not going to end well. There's also this, I don't know if it's true or not or a legend. But prisoners seem to deal with sexual abuse in mates in a certain way. At least that's the stereotype I've heard. They're often-- Oh, they punish. They punish. Yeah, yeah, I think that's true. So I got to do some research at Fort Leavenworth, Military Complex in Kansas. And it's the oldest prison in the United States. So I was doing this research in 2000. And they still had skeleton keys for some of the doors. It's a maximum security military prison. And the cells go many levels down below ground. And a lot of the people that came in with sex crimes had to be put in protected solitary confinement. And again, not a lot of people are going to care or feel much empathy or may be glad. You did this to somebody, so now it's being done to you. That's fair. OK, so there's multiple different groups we need to address. So one, and I think this is the one we're currently on, which is there's going to be a big, big chunk of kids who may do this in their childhood, abuse another kid, who are not pedophiles. They were confused from a low-bitch use. You can be impulsive, you can be around other clinical kids doing all kinds of bad things, you can be bored. You can think you had consent because who teaches kids what consent is, how do you get it, how do you give it, how long does it last? Half the time the kid is in freeze mode, how are they doing interpret that frozen state? It's hard for adults to be able to be ready for adults. No, yeah. So this is a very difficult thing to talk about. So I want to preface this carefully. Most kids who survive child sexual abuse will never go on to cause harm to another child. They're at greater risk of doing so. So kids who have sexually abused other kids cause sexual harm, harmful sexual behavior are more likely to have experienced sexual abuse themselves. This is less true for adults, the further you get away from something has happened to you, the less impact it has on you, but for kids it's still pretty true. I hate the statistic. I believe it, but I hate it. I know, and I hate saying it. An added benefit of having it molested is to be more suspicious of you. Oh, that's right. It's like insult to injury. We had this one time, Monica read this data years ago and I'm like, I hate that fucking statistic. I don't want someone to think because I'm very vocal about it. But that's what we're saying. It's not the majority. It's still low, tiny. I accept it. I accept it. I accept it. I accept it. Yeah. There's so much you could talk about. There's 300 pages. You could leave that out. No, no, we must be honest. But it's not more. Well, it is because, again, you want to throw the book at a kid. Well, what if that kid was also victimized? So we're going to put him in prison for five years. How does that make sense? And they're up to like, we're painting the behavior that they were abused themselves. I was just exposed to development and inappropriate material, which now we have the worldwide web and access to legal pornography, but that's not developmentally appropriate for kids. And we have no guardrails, no age verification. And then we're like, okay, I have all this, but don't do anything stupid. So there's all kinds of pathways for a kid to go down that path. We used pseudonyms in the book for a lot of the people. Connor was a great example of this because he was young. He was 11/21, started in 13 when he was called. And he was sexually abusing younger relative. But at first of all, it was just kind of play. It was like, show me your penis. It got more than that, certainly. I don't want to minimize it. But then he was put into some kind of residential facility for some other unrelated, non-sexual behavior. And some kid in there tried to rape him, penetrative rape. When he got out of that residential facility, a weakened release. He tried to rape or did rape his younger relative. It doesn't minimize what the effect on the younger relative was. But there's a clear path between, and this one instance, and there are things around this. But I think it does happen with relative frequency. And then he was sucked into the system, first of all, juvenile prison, but then he was sucked into the adult system, where he was sexually assaulted within prison. His story may seem like an outlier, but this happens to kids in the US all the time. Yeah, it's terrible that the initial trauma begats more and more. That doesn't always, and usually does not go on to increase risk for perpetration at all. So there's this group. Yeah. Now there is another group. We're not going to label those pedophiles, correct? You know, some kids hit puberty, 14, 15, and some of them are attracted to younger children. And so they have pedophilia. Yes. Yes. But most kids who are offending don't. Right. I'm just saying of this number, which is 70%, which is huge. It's a little higher for hands-on than it is for online. So you know, somewhere around 40, 50, 60 depends on the type of online offense, like non-contential image sharing. Good luck. Huge. Right. It's just huge, exactly. Yes, but I just want to be clear, when we're breaking apart, in my mind, from what I read, it seems to me that there is a group of kids that are impulsive, or this, or they're exploring and they make a mistake, but they're not going to go on into adulthood with an attraction to children. Right. They age out of it. Right. So they're not pedophiles. Correct. Correct. And then there's another group that are pedophiles. They are attracted to children, and they're going to remain attracted to children for their life, probably. Correct. Okay. So that group, of course, on the compassion ladder, which is harder and harder, to have. Now we're getting into something that's probably quite hard for people to have compassion for it. Do we have any sense of that huge number, 70%, which percentage of those are whatever we call on the DSM, that condition? We're doing a ton of research on this. So we've just completed nationally representative prevalence surveys of perpetration behavior in five countries, and we're still analyzing number crunching all those data, but somewhere between one and four percent of adult males, 18 and older, will either have sexual fantasies about children or engage sexually with a child with or without fantasies. So again, people engage sexually with children without having strong sexual attraction to children. So it's somewhere between one and four percent of adults in terms of how many people actually have pedophilic disorder or pedophilia. We don't have a good sense of prevalence of that, based on what we do know is probably maybe less than one percent of the population. What I'm going for is the approach and modality to help deal with the huge number of use that are doing this, that are not pedophiles, is not going to be the same approach we have to apply to the pedophiles. This is going to be a completely different approach. You need different approaches for sure, but teenagers who recognize that they have sexual attraction to children, like the group that Luke met and introduced me to, were kids who had sexual attraction to children who did not want to act on it. And for them, some of the similar things, like here's what would happen to the child, if you did act on it, here's the consequences, getting that information out for both groups. I guess my point is, you don't need a strategy for the kid who grows out of it itself. No, for life. Exactly. When they turn 15 and they start recognizing, oh, they're too young, blah, blah, blah. They don't need an ongoing life strategy. You're absolutely right. So now we got to talk about, for these kids that are going to need an ongoing life strategy. First of all, just them identifying feels completely new. And I'm so grateful, like, the kid that was in your dog, that they would admit that and that they would attempt to address it the same way I have to address my addiction to alcohol. This really new and novel, and I'm just wondering how this wave has even started. It almost seems unimaginable in quite brave of them, really, to itself diagnose and admit this. I agree, but I think they don't have much choice in a sense, because in speaking with Adam and people over the years, so many kids are probably commit suicide because they don't see a way out, they don't see a way to not harm a kid, or they don't see a way to live in any way that's sexually fulfilling, certainly. And I want to break it down too much, but there is like a distinction. I mean, it's kind of you can slice this pie down to, like, just fill it up the way. Now, we're drawing arbitrary lines, something I acknowledge that. But even with this group, people attracted to kids, the term I usually use is age of attraction. Do you have an age of attraction about attracted to kids age 4 to 12, 4 to 8, whatever case it may be. It can be gendered, it can be age, but it also can be a fixed attraction. I'm only attracted to kids. And even Adam, who's not, it taught me like, oh, there's poor sons of bitches. So here's like a young software petafile who's like, oh, those guys have no hope. Because he has other attractions. He's got that kind of weaker, peer age attraction. There's one question I want to ask that is an ugly question, but I know many, many people have this thought. And I personally do have this thought. If you can admit that the only sexual cessation you'll ever experience is with a child, why don't those people take a medical approach to stopping hormonally their sexuality period? If you can first admit, it'll never be something I can explore. Why wouldn't you shut it down? Mechanically. A chemical castration. Chemical castration, testosterone blockers, something to turn you off as a sexual being. People do. So there's a great study. The first, we call it a double-blind placebo, randomized clinical trial. The gold standard. Thank you. The gold standard. A colleague of mine, Christopher Run, led this. He's a psychiatrist at Caroleene Scott Institute in Stockholm, Sweden. And he ran it. And some people who have that attraction can manage it. And so they can go through life without offending and can manage it. There are people who feel like they are gonna offend and they want help. They had guys driving $500. kilometers to come get this much shot or whatever it was. The chemical castration. Yeah. And it does. It dampens down everything. So if you have attraction to adults, that's going to go down as well. But there are people who do want that and making that available through your general practitioner would be great. Yeah. A point worth making is that it is really hard to not have sex with your desired object. It's really, really, really hard. We have a lot of machinery to drive us. Exactly. A lot of people could use help at least some of the time. And a lot of people are not going to need help all of the time. And we've had people tell us who have sexual attraction and children who have used the interventions that we use and we get feedback from them and they're like, if I could just have someone that I trusted to say, take my computer, I'm in a bad place right now, can you just hang on to this for the next 24 hours. And then I'll be okay. And you get over that urge because sexual urges do wax and wait. And to have strategies for folks who are at risk, to be able to ask for help, but asking for that kind of help is just almost impossible. I think it's what you said about having it available. I think, often times when we talk about chemical crustacean, it's like, oh, can we identify who's a pedophile going to be a pedophile and chemically castrate them as if it's kind of imposed upon them, having chemical crustacean kind of medications to like damp and sexual drive as an option that people can get somehow because no one's going to sign up to be a chemical crustacean forcefully. No, I'm not in favor of the state identifying pedophiles. I'm asking the question of the people that are non-offending pedophiles who have a desire to never offend. Don't they want the assistance or is that not appealing to them or anything that's easy to get also to go to your GP. Yeah. I want some medication. Yeah. Exactly. Even if you said I want zero sexual desire, most GPs are going to be like, that's not a healthy. Let me speak to your therapist about that one because there is a hurdle to talk about this even to your doctor to a therapist. And that is a real hurdle because of you know, too meditative reporting, which is a very real but very good thing, but kind of can have these, wouldn't say side effects, have these effects of people who do have these attractions, don't feel comfortable seeking therapy to cope. I would imagine anyone is afraid of being arrested just for acknowledging that's the desire, even if you've not acted on it. Absolutely. And some people are. And so it makes it very hard to seek out treatment. We have a online intervention that's free and anonymous and there's no human. It's self-help entirely. And we've had one and a half million people go visit that website since 2020. We lost it in 2020. One and a half million. And 50,000 have gone into one of the sessions. There's like five modules, but there's no person, so there's no risk of mandatory reporting. And it's for people with sexual attraction children who want help to not offend it. Or also who want help to live a healthy, happy life and be able to manage this. Do they function at all like a other 12 step program? Like is there a group therapy dynamic? Well, this is a self-help intervention. So it's just fully you go through those stuff all on your own. There's interventions where there's a therapist to work with you, usually with cognitive behavior with therapy strategies. There are self-help groups like the group that Luke mentioned. There's many more options now than there ever were. And they're still available pretty much exclusively in high-income countries and not available in very many other places. I could not admire anyone more than admitting and self-reporting that. I mean, I truly, I can't imagine anything braver. Because again, we know they're the most detested group to your point. You'd rather know the murderer. And you know that going in and you've seen those shows in the movies. And so I can't think of anything braver. And just like, oh, I'm broke. I mean, like the mental hurdles you have to jump to be like, God, I'm like this when that penny drops. It's a bad thing. And not, I can't really not imagine having to reconcile that. But when they're in therapy, is the goal of the therapy to have them become more attracted to adults? What's the goal? We've learned that that's not a winning. Exactly. in the United States. Exactly. New illegal in the United States. But I remember like some of the research when I first reached out to you back in 2012, 2013. A lot of the research, and it's going to start somewhere, it was just like, oh, we know the people who go into a fence actually against kids. I like left-handed, have a high IQ, have been hit in their head with a baseball at some stage. And I'm like, this sounds real. Something to me. Yeah. But I remember, I think brought that up to you, and you're like, yeah, and also it was kind of about, there's some previous studies, and correct me if I could get this wildly wrong. But basically, you do things like show people, maybe CSAM, like forming under child pornography, and then kind of encourage them just before they all get them to switch it to peer-appropriate stuff. Which is very much hardcore. Yeah. Yeah. And that's true, right? People are doing what they thought might work, and changing someone's sexual interest doesn't work. So then, figuring out skills, tools, and knowledge to manage. Who can I reach out to? Who might be safe to talk to? Who I can go to in a moment of need? And again, letting people know, making sure they understand that if you do give into this, this causes real harm. Here is the damage, and also here's what you can expect if you get caught. But then also, you know, not just avoiding harm, but then how do you give people goals to strive for? Using a healthy, happy life, and so on our online intervention, we interviewed people who have made it to their 30s, 40s, 50s without offending. We have these little snippets of real discussions with people. You don't have to offend. There's nothing that says you have to offend. You can get through this. Find whatever it takes. Here's what helped me. It's crazy the parallel between addiction treatment, because you come to the program to quit drinking, and only the first couple steps are about drinking. And then the rest of the program is teaching you how to live a sober life. Quitting's day one there, so now what's the rest of it? The rest of it is like learning to live a sober individual and conduct yourself in a way that'll keep you sober. It's how to live life, not how to quit drinking. Yeah, not how to avoid alcohol, but how to find other things that are so appealing and attractive and wonderful that you want to do them. Yes. One of your main pushes is to have a bit of a paradigm shift in how we think of this and taking it out of the criminal sphere and putting it more into the public health crisis framing. What I think and what I would say my field believes is that we need prevention, healing, and justice. You have to criminalize these behaviors. Yes. You don't have to treat children like criminals, but you have to criminalize sexual abuse. And for a long time, it wasn't. When I lived in South Carolina for 18 years, when I first got there, there was a state senator who was talking to a reporter, so on purpose, and saying, "Well, you know, incest is something that happens in the family and should just be dealt with in the family." Now, hopefully today you wouldn't see that, but we see politicians. What was that Roy guy? Oh my gosh. That's exactly how I was thinking about. And folks rose to his defense. Well, you know, she was 15 and I'm like, "No." He was in his 30s and he was, you know, a prosecutor or whatever he was and she had no power in this at all. No, I can't believe anyone voted for this. I know. And defended him. I think I heard the defense while Mary was 15 when she had Jesus. And you're like, "Ahhhh, no." We're not saying don't have justice, don't have consequences. But I'd like to throw one figurine. We're spending $5.8 billion a year to encarcerate pedophiles. People who sexually offend. Sexual offenders. $5.8 billion being sent downriver at the end of the river. Right. Exactly. And $3 million is spent to prevent it by the government. That whatever time the statistic came out. That statistic is exactly right right now. That's it. Well, 5.4. Well, yeah, but it's probably 5.8 by now. You know? We did the pay pass. So that's why I'm like, "That's right, that's right. I did. I was going to let it slide." No, no, no, no, no. I'm going to let them have the pay pass. I'm going to do the data for everybody. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, tariffs, etc. Yeah. And we fight tooth and nail for that $3 million. There's $3 million that the federal government gives for child sexual abuse prevention research. I was up on the hill on Thursday. Thankfully, we have bipartisan support to kind of keep that money in. But we're trying to grow it. We're like, "This affects one in five children and we're putting $3 million into the research on how to prevent it." Also, even if you're just fiscally minded, you don't give a fuck about victims and you're fiscally minded, we should invest in reducing the $5.4 billion, not corrected for inflation, that we're spending to incarcerate sexual offenders. Like, why on earth wouldn't we try to prevent it because it'll save us money? And it's not just incarceration. We have an economics paper that shows that it's close to $9.3 billion that we can see in cost to the US economy directly attributable to child sexual abuse. There's a moral argument. There's a child rights argument. And there's an economic argument to say, "It's so much better if we prevent it. It's so much less expensive if we prevent this from happening in the first place." And then you don't need treatment. You don't need law enforcement as much as you once did. And it's still very, very difficult to squeeze those dollars out of the hands of politicians. It's just hard. What does help want it? Help want it is a prevention intervention that we developed it more. It is four people who are attracted to children, who want help to not offend and to live a healthy life. It's online. We launched it in 2020. We developed it in collaboration with law enforcement, survivors, and victims' advocates, therapists, preventionists, and some other researchers. It is designed to be a tool that is safe and easy and free to access for people who want help and need help. 1.5 million people have visited the web page, 50,000 people have gone into one or more of the modules. We just completed a randomized control trial evaluation. We're still crunching the numbers. I wish I could give them to you right now, but we just ended data collection in December, and we're still working through all the numbers. Facebook, Meta, and Google send people there who appear to be searching online for CSAM. It is a resource we've adapted it with support from Google for Spanish-speaking populations and adapted it specifically from Mexico, but we're hoping that it can serve most of Latin America and welcome the idea of adapting this intervention for other languages, other contacts where there's really not anything else, especially. We haven't addressed gender. How does gender play in all these statistics? As far as both the group that perhaps committed a sexual assault and then grew out of that versus the group that is lifetime, pedophiles, how are those gendered? Not purely, but it's a majority of men. Yeah. Young men and men. That's true of all criminal behavior. There's very few crimes that kind of women dominated. I was spoken to young women who are sexually attracted to kids. And it is a rarity. And everyone's kind of like weirdly not excited is not the right word, but just like, oh, but in terms of why that is, it's kind of like a million-dollar question of a criminologist. And it may be it's easier to describe in terms of extreme physical violence, because men are socially conditioned to be more kind of aggressive and things like that. In terms of why that happens, in terms of being attracted to kids, I wouldn't even begin to know what the answer to that is. Well, there's a couple of things. For one, for people are attracted to pre-poor-best in children, you get much less gender because they are less gendered, right? Like a 10-year-old boy and a 10-year-old girl look a lot alike. And the younger you go, the less gender really becomes more about age than gender and innocence or different things attract different people. And then there are certainly women who offend against boys, whether or not they have pedophilia. You see this a lot in school. So where you see women getting convicted of sex crimes is their teachers. Yeah. And these are people, and there's also male teachers as well, who aren't attracted to children, didn't go into teaching in order to find victims. But when you spend your whole work days surrounded by kids, that's a risk factor. So educators, people who work with kids after school, people are in charge of kids at different settings. Youth counselor. Yeah, exactly. I mean, so you have straight sexual thoughts going across your brain all the time. And if you're with the kids all the time, those are going to collide. Maybe you're particularly immature or maybe you're going through mental health or substance abuse issues or financial problems. And it's just more enjoyable to be in the company of a child who accepts you kind of unconditionally than adults do. And then you start to feel like you have a special relationship with this one child and that maybe this child's a little more mature. And maybe this will actually help this child. And you go down this pathway that no one's not coming, including you. And this does happen where people drift into good people engaging in bad behavior. And there's a lot of steps there that you could intervene. Yeah. Right? There's a lot of steps. Well, I would just imagine like 90% of affairs don't start out with, what's up? Let's go fucking this hotel. It's a lot of texts. And then there's a picture like I think the boundary you've drawn keeps moving. I wonder with female teachers specifically where the we see that overrepresented in terms of your gender question is because we kind of maybe miss the science or don't breed them. If you have like a male teacher and you can tell they're focusing on a student, a young female student, I think people have their little kind of antennas up. But if it's a female teacher, I don't know. We make jokes about female. Oh, you're lucky. My God, it makes me crazy. I do also just want to say that for boys that have been victimized, they're much more likely to have been victimized by a woman. So it's still a minority, but it's not nearly the same level of a minority. Like there's some studies that show like a 50/50 split. So I don't think there's a huge group of undetected women out there that are offending, but it is not zero. And we overlook boys who are victims and we overlook women who are offenders. And that doesn't serve us very well. No, it's not good. Is there anything like blame, an episode of Brady Lab, where this guy had surgery on his brain and basically then he became a pedophile? It didn't become a pedophile. It became somebody that was offending sexually. Yeah. So he had a corridor in his brain to stop the electrical storm that was causing the epilepsy. And they warned him. He might have a shift in your personality. And what it did is it shut down the circuitry that's going between basically your frontal lobe. Dissinhibition. Dissinhibition. And there's no correction for it. And so his started like you're saying, it started with just he started watching pornography more. And then he started watching more extreme pornography. The dosage was having to change and go up like an addiction. There's a knock at the door in Homeland Securities there all of a sudden. But he isn't a pedophile because he didn't. Why did you correct me on that? Yeah. And apologies for that. No, I don't want to be corrected. I just need to know. So I'm doing this right. Pedophilia is a strong sexual attraction to children. And there are people who have, and I'm not this kind of doctor. So let me be clear about that too. But there are people that have medical conditions that are disinhibiting. And it's sort of broadly disinhibiting. And so it's not that you have sexual attraction to children per se. You don't have the inhibitions to just not reach out and do something or see something. Yeah, he was eating more. You want to have sex with his wife more. It was all of the reward system just without any regulator. Yeah. So that's a different thing. So pedophilia really looks like it's something that you're born with. You become aware of it when you hit puberty and start having sexual interests towards other people. There are a few conditions that seem to also drive illegal harmful behavior that are separate from what you're generally sexually attracted to. Okay. So you guys interview 13 non-acting adults who are sexually interested in children. And I'm curious, what kind of consistent themes did you keep seeing? That they were desperate for help. And they were desperate for help in their teens when they were most vulnerable. Because the only message you get is the Larry Nasser, the Jerry Sandesky, the Jeffrey Obstein, that you are going to be a horrible person, you're going to offend, you're going to offend a hundred times. And there's nothing you can do about it. That's the only message that they get. And it is so stigmatizing, so horrible. Most can't go to your mom and talk. Adam did. But it took him years, one of the characters, real people in our book. They wish there had been something like help wanted. So we did that study and service of figuring out what we needed to do. What kind of interventions were needed to give people a place that they could go to learn more and to get some help even if it's just reading and interacting with some video elements of the intervention, the help wanted intervention. They really wanted help. They wished that there were people they could talk to without being afraid of being outed or being arrested. Even if you didn't think you were going to get arrested, I would be afraid they're going to put me on a sex offender list or a watch list. Right, which is arguably worse than being arrested. Or also just that you're going to have a therapist who's horrified by you. This awful fear of negative social reactions is a real thing also. So those were the things that came out again and again and again that there was a real need and a desire. And one thing we haven't talked about is when Luke came and interviewed me, he had met these young people who were kind of white knuckling it on their own to not offend and to figure out how to get help between themselves. It was safe. I wanted to do prevention, but I really thought it was going to be to go out and find people and convince them to come get help. It had not ever occurred to me at this point in my career that there were people seeking help so that they wouldn't offend. That was a complete game changer for me. Thanks, but yeah, and something else is kind of the thing that are kind of interesting to me is that, because there were 30, 39 people for the help wanted. Some number people. Yeah, that's true. My reporting, which was separate, I've spoken to like 100, 200 men and women who have a sexual interest towards kids. And in addition to all this is just how uniform it is. Maybe there's like two or three outliers who don't follow this thing, but across the board, everybody kind of they reached puberty. They start becoming sexual beings. They kind of like, I'm sexually interested in that 10-year-old or eight-year-old. They start kind of growing up. That age kind of stays the same or maybe goes down a little bit. And then when they hit like 15, 16, 17, they're like, oh, shit, what the fuck? Yeah, myself is not updating. Yeah, exactly. I'm a petafile. And then they kind of fall into like depression and co-mobot things like alcohol and drug abuse before they kind of even get to the stage where Adam and co are trying to look for help. And they're doing that all by themselves. Yeah, they got to go through the whole journey of basically bottoming out before they're going to ask for help. Yeah, yeah. You have to be so desperate to ask for help. I was so worried at the beginning to make sure we weren't going to conflate pedophilia with homosexuality or even heterosexuality. It's a different category, certainly. But it seems to follow the same thing. It happens at the same ages. They kind of come to the same realization more or less at the same time. And it's innate. Many people who are fanned and we can get to that in a little bit. Not much on we have, but who offend who aren't petafiles. Like, situational offenders. And that's something she put up in it because that's really interesting. For this category of people who have pedophilia disorder, it's an innate thing that I have no control over. And that's why I'm like, oh, I don't want to always talk about pedophiles. We talk about child sexual abuse because there's many other facets to it. But it's the one that's kind of maybe the most interesting and novel. Like an audience because it's the most demonized. And frankly, the grossest. And the scariest is how do we control how would you stop it? Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare. But if you accept that this is 1% of the population, you have to acknowledge there's 3 million people out there. So your options are either to hate and vilify them and have no understanding and watch them continue to have the amount of victims that they have or you can go, wow, this is a real thing that we're going to have to as uncomfortable as it is. Have some treatment for and some safety and acknowledging that they have it. That's incumbent upon us to kind of evolve into that. If we want there to be less child sexual victims, that's the only thing we can do. Yeah, 100% agree when we wrote a book kind of similar topic. But that's worth studying. There are many people who have a block who just can't get there because they have lived experience and in my experience. And there's an anecdotal of course. But some of the people have been most supportive of my work on a work specifically on this. People who have a sexual attraction to kids who don't offend. The people who support the most are survivors. They've written to me independently kind of like DM or email saying like, oh, you know, I don't hate my abuser. I am still very troubled by what he or she did. But at least gives me some kind of context to feel like it wasn't my fault or the circumstance that's having a bit broader than just me and even my abuser. And I think sometimes a lot of people with very good intentions assume what survivors want or need. And he talk about kind of empathy for what's. people's attraction is just like how day you kind of minimize an experience of survivors, and that comes from people maybe who don't have lived experience. - They're advocating. - I've been in this situation. I'll make cut-a-file jokes, and I've been yelled at, and I'm like, you don't get to tell me how I feel about it. It happened to me, and I do think that joke's funny, and you who didn't experience it don't get to tell me what's right or wrong for me to find funny. But I weirdly was just in this situation. I have to tread delicately, but a family situation in my children are aware of it, because we talk about the stuff really openly, like kids know I was molested. They knew who else in the family was, and my daughter asked, would you beat him up if you saw him? This person who did it to a family member. And I said, I'm so grateful I've never seen him, 'cause I would, and it would be gruesome, and I know it wouldn't help anything, and I also know something happened to him. And so that's how I feel, and I'm both a survivor of it, and have loved ones who have survived. So yeah, I know my instincts aren't the right ones. Like I have both those feelings. I would both want to hurt him, and I know it would not do anything good, and he would not learn a lesson, and I don't think I know fully what happened to him but him to that. That's my position on it. - I think it's pretty human. I mean, we discussed this even briefly yesterday, like I am very much against a death penalty. Audiologically, I don't need to get to far into it, but someone I went to grad school with was murdered horrifically. I believe in the death penalty for that guy. - Exactly. I would want to see him in the most horrific of ways. I imagine there's people listening, thinking like, "Oh, who are these two people defending pedophiles?" Sure, maybe to some degree, but like, I get it, because I want this guy to be ripped to shreds. - So for the person asking that, you're not defending them for the joy of defending them. You're defending them in hopes of reducing the amount of victims there are, you really need to understand that point. - 38 years, what I want to do is end child sexual abuse, and it is uncomfortable, and you don't only have to focus, and we don't only focus on providing solutions for people at risk of offending. You can provide solutions to a lot of things, to technology, to the way schools are built. The situational prevention strategies, you can work with parents and other guardians to make them more capable guardians to reduce risk. And these things work. You don't only have to focus on people with sexual attraction to children with pedophilia, or people who are at risk of offending because they're surrounded by kids all day, and we need to do more about reducing those risks, or focusing on kids who are at risk because they're young and dumb, and they don't know the rules yet. There are dozens and dozens of ways that we can prevent child sexual abuse. - Yeah, so I'd love that that was in the book. It's like the onus of all this was put on the shoulders of kids in the '80s with these videos, which is like you need to identify a report. It was all up to the nine-year-old to recognize the behavior of the kid in the car, or the man in the car. - Resist. - What is it, resist? - Recognize, resist, and report. - Yeah, that's the kid's responsibility, what the fuck are all the adults doing? - There we are still. We may be beyond stranger-changer kind of, but we are not beyond that. That is still what most kids get exposed to in schools. - Yeah, okay, so let's do the pinned thing, and then I want to do the child sexual abuse prevention matrix. I just want to touch on one. - Oh, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, so we put a pin in situational. - Yeah, you have kids who kind of have problem sexual behavior and harmful sexual behavior, pedophilic disorder, adults with pedophilic disorder, and then you have a barely big proportion. - Half or more. - Yeah, we imagine have a more who are situational offenders. And these are people who have no pre-existing attraction towards kids, but if you drop them into a situation, and maybe they have drug and alcohol problems, compulsivity problems, immaturity, similar to the teachers, and think of like a step-dad or a boyfriend who moves into the house, the mom's working, there's like the 13-year-old daughter, he may sexually offend against that kid, causes the same amount of harm, regardless of where it all comes from, obviously. But you take him out of that situation, he's not attracted to kids. - He's not gonna go out of his way to find that or reproduce the situation. - Exactly. - So I think we focus on pedophilia for very good reason, but there's this maybe majority of people who are sexually offending who just have nothing to do with that side of things. - That's weirdly more scary than all of them. - But maybe there's actually the interventions and maybe you can speak to this interventions of maybe a little bit kind of clearer, just to go back a little bit about kids. A lot of kids offend, I'm thinking of the shifting boundaries thing that I think in 2012. Kids are abusing kids often at school 'cause that's when they're hanging out together, right? And so they did this study where they went into schools and asked the kids like, "When does this happen?" And they're like, "Oh, it happens in dark stairwells between classes, locker rooms in the playgrounds when there's no parental teachers of provision." And they're like, "Okay, well how about we post teachers in the dark and stairwells? We put posters in the locker rooms, we cut down the hedges." And they saw like an insane decline, like 50% decline in this kind of behavior. Something that really kind of does me crazy about all of this is that that program also had randomized controlled trials, beautifully done, great success. And then it was just as far as I'm aware, it just kind of parked. So we have things that currently exists - At work. - That work and they've been proven to work and that everyone kind of get behind 'cause it's about kids victimizing kids and it's easy enough to do because it's in school. - And cheap. - And cheap, yeah. - And they found out if they did best curriculum about consent and stuff like that. And it kind of was as effective. It was just the curriculum or just the situational interventions like putting in some life albs. But we just don't do it, that's confounding. - Yeah, we underestimate what context creatures we are. - That's such a good way to put it, I love that. - We all behave in different ways in all the contexts we are. This is like Buddhism all roads, all roads lead back to Buddhism. - They do, I mean, I think people are just like, ah, it's too big of a problem. And just put them away, or put them away with the foster care system too, we've talked about that. Like, oh, it's just too hard. It's like there are things, there's little things, but everyone just is overwhelmed by the bigness of the topic. - Well, I think the more complicated, obviously, the problem is the more inclined you are for a very quick and easy solution. You're incentivized in some way. Okay, so talk about the child sexual abuse prevention matrix. - This is where we talk all about the solutions, where the first generation to have dozens of solutions. - One thing maybe quickly grows into your point before about the complexity, and it's true, that it's complex, but there's been certain public health problems that had as complex, that we've addressed pretty well. And we look at road and vehicle safety, and this relates directly to the matrix. William Hadden, Jr. was a public health physician. It was tasked with when they first had the US highway, whatever act. He was, okay, let's do a little matrix and figure out. We know all these vehicle accidents happen. People die, people get maimed. They're so what happens before, during, and after a crash. And whether it's like human-focused or situational-focused, and do like a little grid, a little matrix, and be like, oh, having super shiny chrome dashboards and blind people in the sun hits it, maybe we should address that. People careening through their windshields. Let's put a little seatbelt. - Safety glass. - It's so multifaceted, and then there's kind of things that are higher social level in terms of laws and stuff around speeding and drinking and driving. It took a little while, but again, it's so huge to climb that something that people previously thought was inevitable. - We gotta get around, this is the cost to them. - This is the cost, yeah. - People were resistant, like when they put in seatbelts, people were cutting them out of their cars. - Child safety car seats, folks hate those things. I used them, my mom used them, she hated them. - We never used them. I'm using them at least. (laughing) - Here's where I say I'm a mandated reporter. (laughing) - So you can apply a similar public health approach. It's worked for other things, two child sex abuse. And that's where the matrix kind of comes into play. - We didn't invent this idea. A lot of people have taken it from roadway safety to child injury, to child abuse and neglect writ large, to even child sexual abuse. But I think what makes ours unique is that we really applied it to child sexual abuse specifically, and looking at, all right, well before abuse is happened, what can you do? Well, you can go into schools and teach kids to recognize resistance or report. That does not hurt kids. It's just not gonna really move the needle. But you can also then teach kids, hey, how about not doing these behaviors? Here's how we avoid engaging in these behaviors, and that does shift the needle. - You introduced this idea and the idea is the only thing that could happen to you in the scenarios that you would be a victim. You're not even suggesting like, guess what? You might also victimize. - Yeah, exactly. - That's a completely different thought. No kid probably has prior to them when they do it. - No one walks around thinking, I'm an offender and no parent thinks my kids at risk of engaging in harmful sexual behaviors. And so we're just blind to the people that we love that they would do these things. But kids do, and they're at risk for a lot of reasons that we've already talked about. You can go way upstream with school-based and camp-based and sports-based programs that give kids information, but that also give adults information like, hey, when you're surrounded by kids, you might have some sexual thoughts. Here's why we don't act on those thoughts. Here's what we could do instead. And also all the situational prevention programming. So policies and codes of conduct, you know, for educators, for scout leaders, these things work. - They've implemented a Mac Boys and Girls Club. Big Brothers, Big Sisters, and the Boy Scouts, now scouting America, I think they're called, have been implementing these for decades. And we have a study led by my friend and colleague, Luciana Sini-Mayton, that shows a 31% decline of sexual abuse victimization in the context of participating in one of the big six U.S. used serving organizations. Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, Big Brothers, Big Sisters, Boys and Girls Clubs of America, the Y and 4H. 31% decline in a recent decade, compared to the decade before it. Because they have been doing these things and honing these strategies, Boys and Girls Clubs of America, hired an architect, less nickels, to help them figure out, how do we make space safer? So this space is super dangerous. There's no windows, there's hidden cameras everywhere. Is that all being victimized? - There's a large male across. - There's a large, there's a large, there's a large man. But put windows in interior doors, so that if I'm gonna be alone with a kid, I'm observable and interruptable. Or make them open the door, or improve line of sight, cut back on the hedges, but inside, maybe don't have a bookcase in between where the security staff is, or the entry staff is, and where the kids and other adults are congregating. These kinds of strategies really work. It's really, really exciting. And online we could be doing the same damn thing, is making it safe by design, and really reducing the risk to kids, both of experiencing harm and of engagement. aging in harm and lots of organizations are being thoughtful about how to help kids think through, do you really want to send that nude picture? Do you really want to open that nude picture? Let's take a beat, figure this out. There's some creative stuff happening and a lot more needs to happen to make sure kids are safe online and we have good age verification. And then there's norms. You know, like that norm of, well, incest happens in the family so it should stay in the family. That's not a norm anymore. That is a shift that has happened, not sexualizing kids in advertising would probably be a good thing. Just fun fact, Noah Hawley, the incredible writer of Fargo and so many other shows, his mother started this whole bringing incest into the light in the 70s. Yeah. Her publisher was like, we'll put it out, but how many people have been a victim of incest? Like who's going to read this book? And then all of a sudden it was hugely successful and that's when people started going like, oh, this is a significant chunk of the population. Teaching kids to recognize resistance or what report they're dead. Right now. Are you kidding me? So my friend Michael Sito is really working on, 'cause that's a big gap. We don't have enough youth focus prevention programs. We have some, which is great, but we don't have enough. We couldn't find any programs that really focused on how to keep kids safe in families. And again, you don't do it by saying, hey, stepdad, you might be a sex offender in waiting that you don't even know. How do you reach out to families? Blended families are at increased risk for sexual and physical abusive kids. I do know most blended families don't engage in sexual abuse against their unrelated minors, but we see in blended families where the male has biological or adoptive children and stepchildren, the stepchildren are much higher risk. So there's something very protective about being a dad. It's especially protective if you're involved in your kids' lives early on and often. So when you are really involved in caregiving as a father, that reduces the likelihood that you're gonna engage in any kind of sexual or physical harm. So another kind of societal level lever that we could press and reduce child sexual abuse at scale is to encourage caretaking by dad. Like to really encourage that to make it normative. That's almost kind of intuitive. Right, and if you will think of the tattoo guy in the room as dangerous. Keep him warm. And no, we need dads involved in kids and of course kids need them as well, but it is protective against defending against your own child. And my guess is it's also protective against offending against children period. You change enough diapers and bandage enough knees and put kids to bed. Caretaking takes over. I've heard around say like, oh yeah, you used to be able to go to strip clubs. And now I have a daughter that age. And I realize, oh my God, I'm disgusted by it. That's someone's daughter. Like it took that experience. Yeah. And we all develop empathy when we're kind of there. The matrix, there's a lot. The matrix, there's so many things. And you can do it well before any offending is happening. We could have made the internet impossible to share naked pictures of adults with kids. We could have made that. We didn't, that was a choice. We need to retrofit it now, which is just so asinine, it just makes me crazy. Then there's, what can you do at the point where abuse is more imminent? And this is where people have risk factors like people who work with kids day and day out, people who have sexual attraction to children, people who have started looking at more and more extreme pornography, people who are online a lot and who are online with pornography a lot. That's a risk group. We need strategies that can work with them that they feel safe going to, right? So if you say, hey, you're a potential sex offender, let me help you, you're going to get no takers. But if you say, hey, you've got to figure out a way to make this safe and appealing and to give hope to people, people want to think that there's hope. And so to say, you know what, we're going to help you, you got this, here's some strategies for doing this. You point out something so obvious on the surface, but could get missed is if the only approach to it is with the criminal justice system, what your acknowledging is you're only going to get involved once the abuse has happened. It's too late. That's what you're funding, $5.4 billion, just on the incarceration. God knows the investigation, the different police departments, the different task force. Your acknowledging you're only getting involved after abuse has happened. Why would we wait to that point? So much of it is just going to have to change the public's opinion on this, because I do think so many people think like, well, why would we put money towards those people, those broadsters? It's just reshaping. Like, well, not. We're trying to stop. We can end it. Exactly. We could end it. This is a behavior. It does not have to happen. And if you were reminding me of a stat earlier about policies that focus on people who have already offended, like registration and notification, you have to have a conviction, usually, to even have those apply to you. And that only covers like 5% of all detected crimes. And so even if public notification, civil commitment, registration, excuse me, as well, we're 100% successful, which they're not, but that's kind of very complex. You're still any kind of addressing 5% of the issue. So again, it's so tricky, because I remember being in a room doing some talk years ago, and I was a full of law enforcement. And I could tell they were like, who was this? Motherfuckin' to tell us what is going on right? Right. And I could tell. I was like, oh, I'm not surrounded by friendly researchers. I'm like a lowly journalist. They're not always dressed like that. But I remember just kind of realizing it. I'm like, oh, this is going to be a really long hour talk. And so I just said, look, I can tell, there's some like weird tension in the room. A bunch of law enforcement, I was just kind of sort of said to you guys, like at the end of the day, we all want to prevent child sex abuse. We may have like quite a different ideas of how to get there. But we all want to kind of land on the same thought. Same goal. Yeah. And also to be fair to those people, it's too much to ask those people to be the ones to be compassionate, because they're the ones dealing with the downriver end result. So it's like, you're asking a cop to be compassionate to addiction. Fuck that half the stuff he deals with is framatics. That's not even the right person. They're like the least likely person that's going to find empathy is the person cleaning up the mess. Yeah, but we do see people. So Simon Bailey was the head of, I can't remember his exact title. He's from the UK and he was high up the food chain in law enforcement. He's the first person that said we cannot arrest our way out of this. And when you have someone from that group who says we have to do prevention, that is a powerful ally. We have to have criminal justice. But if 95% of sex crimes are committed by somebody with no prior conviction. That was one pro conviction, excuse me. Yeah. Then criminal justice is handling 5% of this and that's not enough. Like we could do more. So we need criminal justice. We need services for people who do survive for children and for adults who survived child sexual abuse. And we've got to invest in prevention. Early pre-abuse, when abuse might be more imminent. There's some really cool stuff where people who are putting in search terms that seem like they're looking for child sexual abuse materials. Now they use these great interventions that he with a warning that say, hey, this is legal, harmful. But that also include a get help. And here's where you can go to get help. This is what does a program action that helps redirect. Thorne, they do amazing work. So they're great partners of more. And we really love Thorne. They started out where if somebody was searching online for CCM or appeared to be through some algorithm of search terms, the thing that would pop up would be a map. And the map had a pin in it. And the pin was where you were. And they said, we know where you are. And this terrified people, right? And terror is a good deterrent for about five minutes. And then it goes away and you can't keep terrorizing people. So then they and others, our friends at Lucy Faithful and internet watch foundation, have done some really creative things where it's like, this is harmful and you can get caught. Also, here's where to go to help. And two things happen. One, people who are just starting down the road to search for this more extreme content that involves children stop searching for. A large group of a co-whoa. I mean Bob, I'm not anonymous. Back to the hedges. Yeah, well, or like, this could cause some harm to me and them. And I don't want to do that. And they go back to looking at legal adult pornography. And then some smaller percentage of people click on that. Here's where you go get help or interact with the little chap bot that's like, how can I help you not do this? So there are some creative strategy. And then there's post abuse, which is another place you can and should act. And we have treatments for kids who have been victimized, trauma-focused, cognitive behavior therapy, validated across dozens of randomized control trials. It really helps kids and their parents navigate the after. Yeah, the fallout. There's great interventions for kids who have already caused harm. Really excellent randomized control trial evaluations. I led one of those. There's another one that I would say is even better, because it's a lot less expensive. And then there's even interventions for adults who have offended. The best intervention really seems to be for a guy coming out of prison is surrounding them with a parole officer who knows what he did and other people who knew what he did, but are going to help him find stable housing employment and prosocial relationships. And those are the three keys to staying on the straight and narrow. Yeah. Not all of it will work. There will be people who reoffend. Whether they have pedophilia or not, there will be people who reoffend. There are psychopaths who just take what they want. They don't care. But most people are not going to reoffend, and most of them could use some support. Yeah, well, one in five in this country equals 60 million Americans. So that's an enormous group. Even if you go down 30%, that's 9 million people. If you could prevent 9 million people with any strategy, God, it's worth pursuing. We would put more than $3 million in. Cool. Well, you guys, Luke Elizabeth, this has been very, very illuminating, and I'm going to be more grateful. I mean, I got to applaud you, Luke. You at least have the force field of academia and research. So you can pursue this without a terrible risk to your own professional life. There's actually pretty significant risks. Oh, great. But I imagine as a journalist, you are not going to get tenure, and you're not going to be free. So I do think you're taking on a lot of risk to make this your pursuit, and I'm grateful for it. Thank you. Yeah, I feel lucky, especially working with Elizabeth for the past five to 16 years on this book. It's been a wild ride. Well, I'm so glad you agreed to get interviewed by him in 2012. Me too. Yeah. Nothing but joy since then it really has. And we're so glad that you agreed to interview us. Of course. And the book is one in five, why child sexual abuse is our biggest public health crisis. And what we can do to stop it. I'm reading Upside Down and I'm dyslexic. - You did it. - I really got through it. You guys, this has been a delight. It's not a fun topic, but somehow you guys made it. - It's meaningful. - Yeah, enjoyable. So good luck with everything and keep out of please. Thank you. - Yeah, thank you so much. - Thanks so much. And thanks for sharing. ♪ Is it our parent expert ♪ ♪ Buddy makes mistakes all the time ♪ ♪ They got my house here ♪ ♪ He's got a little house of facts ♪ - Okay, I was supposed to tell us, oh, sorry. - There's one bite. - No, take your time. - We don't have time. - Time is of the essence. - No, time is on our side. - Explain time is of the essence to me. - Okay, cue. Okay, time is of the essence. I mean, it is of the essence of life. It's basically the kernel for which life, it's literally the essence of life. But I don't understand it in terms of like, yeah. - The immediacy. - But maybe it's because time, it's gone. We just lost, it's going, it's, we already lost. - It's one of many sayings that I, of course, know what the meaning is, but if I really think of it, literally I don't know why it means what it means. - Yeah, time is now, that's actually true. - But essence is like, when something has the essence of. - Right. This is probably old time-y. - That's, I think essence might have meant something different. I think so, speaking of time is of the essence. - Yeah, I have a lot to say on time of the essence, but you start. - Okay, well, I was just going to tell a story about last week or last fact check that I didn't get to, but I don't have to, but it is a poop. - Tell me. - It is poopy. - Oh yeah, I want to hear. - Yeah, I almost talk it again. I got so close. - Paint the picture, pretend you're an armchair anonymous. - Listen. - What backstory do I need? - So, this is really why I'm bringing it up, because I was at a friend's house. - Okay, what time of day? - Evening, like, I guess I got to the friend's house around five, I was fine. - Uh-huh. - No, everything was fine. - Did you eat at the friend's house? - Uh-huh, but pizza, cheese pizza. - Cheese pizza, no problem. - No problem. - Yeah. - It wasn't that. Eighth that started playing Mahjong. - Mm-hmm. - Okay, you know, you play multiple games of Mahjong. - I don't know, but no idea. - Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. - So, I'm teaching you that in when you go to play Mahjong, you'll play like multiple games. Like, sometimes they're just 20 minutes or whatever. So, you play the first game and it's fine. Everything's great. We start the second game and I'm like, hmmm. I feel, as Jess would say, skittily do. - Okay. - And out of 10, we're at a 2.5. - Yeah, it's fine. And I was also like, I think this will pass. - Yeah. - Like, this is fine. Sometimes it passes. - Sure. - And then it was just like, it would pop, you know, it would pop, it would pop back up the cramping. - Okay, not like a turtle. - No, no, not a turtle. - Okay. - The cramp would come in to play. - Yeah, a little, yeah. - Yeah, and I was like, okay. Okay, so it's not really passing yet. - Yeah. - And then I, I was like, okay. - And each round of pops, little more intense. - Yeah. - But holding steps. - But it was okay. - Okay. - Now, at this point, I did, I was like, okay, I am going to need to evacuate soon, if. - Mm-hmm. - Right. - Are you trying to hurry the game along it at all at this point? - It's okay, I mean, you can't really, because you're like, waiting out of the people, but sort of, I'm like, your turn, you know. - Uh-huh, yes, okay. Get a little bossy. - We're playing with the kid too. - Oh, fuck. - You're like, fuck it, go on and shit my pants. - I know. - Tommy. - This is where I feel like I haven't made no growth in life, right? - Mm-hmm. - 'Cause they live in a house, there are bathrooms. - Yeah, you could just. - I could have, but I, not only could I not do it, I couldn't even say. These are close friends. - Yeah. - I couldn't even say, like, oh my God. - I'm in trouble. - I'm in trouble. - I'm in trouble. - I'm in trouble. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And also, they're like fun and funny. - They have a kid too. So they're dealing with booty all the time, yeah, yeah. - They themselves have EVAC. - Sure, sure. - But I know, but like, my brain goes into, like, a different mode. Also, like, I was just evaluating where the bathrooms were, and I was like, I can't. - They're too close to them. - Yes. - Yeah. - The options were, I guess, bath. - Did you cross your mind and go like, I didn't run the Starbucks real quick, 'cause I didn't even want anything. - I just really, I didn't even copy right. - Yeah, I just got to go to Starbucks right this second. - That is something, like, that is something crazy I would do. - A solution you would entertain, yeah. - I think there's a bathroom in the mask, in the primary bedroom, okay. - Okay. - And a one in the kind of like, living room, basically. - Oh, fuck, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay, so. - I couldn't be like, can I use the restroom in your room? That feels a little strange, without giving all the information. - Yeah, also, I'd imagine, 'cause when I've been in this situation, you're not talking about also just taking a normal customary. - I mean, I knew. I was like, this is not gonna be good. - It's gonna be bad. You're gonna have to open windows and light things on fire. - And I don't know about the volume. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Or the noise, maybe, even. - That's what I mean. - Oh, the volume. - Not, that could mean two things. Yeah. - You're right. - Like the payload and. - I meant the noise. - The auditory, yeah. - But yes, okay, so any who, I'm like, it's, you know, it's starting to ramp up. We're still playing. We're still playing. Thank God, you know, my friend wins. It's like, I've never been so happy for Cannot win. Yeah, it's like, just let this be over, you know? And then, and then she was like, do we have another game in us? - In your sweating bulge? - Yeah. - I don't think so. - Yeah, I did, I said, I think I'm tired. - Oh, you lie. - Yeah, I lie. - I said, I think I'm tired. And everyone was like, oh, no, that's totally fine. And, and I was like, we're recording. - I'm going to play again. Please, Ms. Monica, it's all I want to do. I live for the, I get bullied at school. This is the only. - Oh my God, and then I immediately just shit everywhere. (laughing) No, I said, yeah, you know, we're recording tomorrow. - Why? - No, we were, but yeah, 'cause then they, it's like, oh, what time? I was like, oh fuck, yeah. - Was it probably lying it immediately began some more? - I know, but I did say, I was like, like 10. - Oh fuck. - Which is, I think maybe was, or we had something at 10. - It'll be at 10, probably. - Yeah, so I was like, which I know isn't early. Like, I didn't, but also we're talking, I was like, I gotta go, like, enough of this chitchat. So then I was like, yeah, bye, you know, just getting up, not really helping put anything away. - Now really quick, do any of these people listen to the show? - I mean, I have a sense this is gonna get better. - Okay, okay, okay, okay. (laughing) - So, um. - I know what they're gonna say. I know. - I can tell you right now, you're gonna get a call. - Yeah. - And so they say, hello. - Hello, hey. - Oh my gosh, I just heard, Sally told me to listen to the fact that you told the mage on the story. And I went, you know, Monica, you can totally go on our bathroom in our primary bedroom. - I just, I felt like I was so embarrassed. I just couldn't. - But you should know, we would be honored. - I know. - If you-- - It was not because you didn't create an environment that I couldn't do, it's me, it's a me issue. - Okay, well, just seeing no. - Thank you. - Yeah, you have full access. - Thanks, I probably still won't. - All right. (laughing) - Okay. - And you're right, that's exactly how it would go. - So you get in the car. - How far away did they live? - 20 minutes. - Oh, yeah. - Okay. - And I'm like, I can do it. Like, I can do it. I have no option, I can do it. But then I did think like, you know, as I'm driving, I was like, oh my, I don't know, I don't know. - And you weren't wearing a skirt this time? - No, I was wearing jeans, new jeans. - Oh, boy. - So I was like, okay. And I had a sweatshirt in the back of my car. - Uh-huh. - So I was like, okay, maybe I like pull over. Pulled out my pants. - Yeah, yeah. - Sweat shirt on the seat. - Okay. - Pupin' the sweatshirt. - Oh, wow, you were considering that. - Yeah, as a barrier. I didn't, I don't want the sweatshirt, so it was fine. - Okay, okay. - So I was like, I'll poopin' the sweatshirt. That'll be a barrier, you know, and kind of a dip, sort of. - Oh, yeah. - I had to make the decision. I mean, they're gonna do that. - Yeah. - Or I'm just gonna keep going, you know? - In stopping at a gas station. - No. - Going straight to a gas station is not enough. - No. - Okay. - I didn't feel like I knew where they were. I'd be driving. It was just not gonna happen, okay? That was just like, but the sweatshirt was kind of in the back and I was kind of leaning, like, oh, okay. No, whatever, I'm going, full fur, force. So I was speeding. - Oh, wow, good. And I made it, I made it. I made it. - How? - It was so close. - It was so close. And as you're running in your house, do you use that toilet right at your doorway? - Oh, okay, you knew it. - But you would need to go upstairs, 'cause it's gonna be emotional. - Yes, so that-- - 'Cause you're gonna take clothes off and stuff. - So that is what was crazy is I knew, I was like, it's right there, there's a bathroom right by my door. I could just do that. And of course, I get in there and I go all the way upstairs. I'm like, like a glutton for punishment. I go all the way upstairs to my bathroom. - Muscle memory. - Yeah, I guess. And then I evacuated. - Oh, one. You must have loved that moment though because you had been so you'd gone through so much it was such a trial. Yeah, so the relief was relief of making it was so it was but it was also like It was a little painful like yeah, I didn't feel good. I guess Yeah, and then not to be so graphic. I mean, whatever right here. Yeah, um I had there was a tiny tiny bit of blood. Okay, sure Which then I realized I was like oh, I'm starting my period. Okay, which sometimes gurgles your Yes, it's like so this is all making sense and why like the cramps I don't know, but like sometimes you can't tell what crampus what it's all affecting everything. It's a mess Yeah, anyway Let's go. So it was it was annoying because I was like I I Don't like after I didn't feel sprightly like I still felt kind of crampy Bad because of the period. I think yeah, I would love an internist to explain this why the period Also and fucks up your GI those things are very separate. I agree with but this is consistent. Yeah, yeah So that has so yeah, I think you got home. Yeah, I was like this is gonna happen to me again But then I had to take responsibility. I was like look I in this case You could have prevented this. I also think now that this is twice well in in in two years No, don't finish that sentence Don't well, I don't think you know where I'm going like this, but So we're averaging once a year now It is time to have the trash bag in your car. No, that's nothing you keep it in the back pocket of the seat Well, how do you poop in that you can get a little toilet seat that has a trash bag attached to it Also an option, but I think people would see that in her back seat if she ever gave someone a ride to it He's got one. I'm gonna say that's for good. Why don't you use it? It's for my friend's kid. Vinnie's outgrowing his Listen, no, this is no but a trash bag a big guy a 55 gallon trash bag Because then that's your sweatshirt idea, but way more protection. There's no seepage And then it's already in a trash bag. So great you throw it in the No, you'd have to lay it down right or no open it up But then how that feels hard to do. No, not those 50 think about the mouth of a 55 gallon trash can Yeah, big around. So you're saying I pull over to do this. This isn't while I'm driving like the first time Right. No, you would probably want to pull this shoulder the road Listen, no, this is what I was afraid you were gonna say. I don't want to manifest. This isn't a new thing of mine This isn't your new thing. No, it is not do not say that I this never happening to me again. Do your mind has got a new thing This is my hubris because I was too embarrassed to go number two in my friend's house. Yeah, yeah That's my issue that I need to work through yeah, but I don't see because you're nothing to throw it in there That's all I'm saying You know, I don't think you're I don't think you're I'm telling the manifest me. No, I am. I'm telling the universe like Okay, well, I'm making a different argument so often when you prepare for something Then it won't ever happen because you've wasted the time then you're like oh my god It is all this stuff and then I never happened again. That's more to me. That's the more common pattern It's like I bought this thing to deal with this thing and it never happened again Okay, okay now would you have gone to the bathroom in your friend's house? I've gone at their house Then I went on at a gas station. I've gone to Starbucks and sincerely yeah, and I have history to prove this I would have pulled over one on the shoulder of the road before I went in my car I'm not going to use it as a porta potty. I would rather do it into the grass or weeds on the side of the road We're different in that way. Yeah. Yeah. I would I I feel at least There's something about me being alone that that is the highest priority in those moments Mm-hmm. Yeah, you want your privacy. Yeah, so The car It is just me in there. Yeah, but also it was dark out. Yeah, and side of the road and so it was I'll persuade no, okay. All right, okay, cuz I could get murdered like that like no one wants to fuck with a girl Spraying no even a murder even the weirdest the weirdest murders like fuck this. I don't think they might like it well You're now you've really gotten to the most niche murder or imagine I mean they're out there looking for girls like me the dukey killer Exactly has a great ring to it that someone's definitely taken that he waits around porta potty's and he waits to leave here's harness Happening and then he's in the knee. Yeah, he gets overcome with the The hunter you like when people poop. Yeah, but I'm also not a killer. I know, but yeah, nothing could possibly make me happier If I was driving on the road and I looked somewhere and I was like oh there's Monica's car and I was like oh There's Monica in the bushes. Oh my god. I mean the amount of joy that would give me you really can't imagine I can't be measured Anyway, so I just wanted to be vulnerable and say that that time is of the essence Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare I know I want to say my thing because that there's no way to top wait of course. No, I just time We're talking about time. Yeah, someone one of our guests. I wish I could remember I have a hunch it was Angela Duckworth. Okay. She has such phenomenal taste. Yeah I'm someone told me to buy this book the order of time by Carlo Rovelli A physicist. Oh, and it's been sitting in my nightstand for a few years And then I move nightstands. I got a different nightstand against my well But I got one and then so it re-emerged and then I was like I'm gonna I'm gonna leave through this I find it mind blowing. Okay, it's so mind blowing I just want to set up the two concepts that they start the book with which is Our understanding of time is as flawed As our understanding of the earth being flat at one point And if you think about like it's just kind of unimaginable. We're on a sphere Yeah, I know the fact that anyone ever any points this out both of these discoveries happened before we could ever test or measure this this realization, but yes the earth being round is like You can't conceive of that. Yeah, and then second was That the sun doesn't revolve around us. I know you can't figure that out from our perspective But both were figured out before we could actually test that So time we we have as flawed of a sense of what time is so just there's three elements But I'm just gonna say the first one that I find to be so fascinating. So time is moving Faster on the mountaintop. Okay, then it is at sea level. What how? So if you are in Denver The time is moving faster than it is at the ski hill 20 miles away at elevation. What? Yes, like the perception of time are actually No, here. If you have two Atomically paired clocks, you know that measured to the bazillionth of a second and you sink those Here at LA and then I send you to Mount Wilson with one of those watches And you're up there for a while when you return Your time will be further along then mine and also to the degree that your head Is living in a in a faster time than your feet. Oh my god And this has all been measured. We can do that. We have the technology What's incredible is that Einstein figured this out at like 23 years old without any way to know that this was the case And so the what it says is well, what's true time? Is it the time that was happening at elevation or was it at sea level and that truth is There is no real time yeah exactly you only have two times that are relative to one another The example is to say like what's a true statement point eight British pounds equals one dollar versus one dollar equals point those Neither of them have an intrinsic value with they're only related to each other. That's their value And that there is no same time Happening anywhere in the universe every single location has its own time That's only relative to other locations I hate it here and then it gets into so our first premise is like oh there's such such thing as time that we can measure Well, no, you can only measure at your location In space so the number one definition we have time is like well, but we know that's not true and then the next one is that It's sequential or that there's an order But there's a past in a present. Oh, I know. Is this like time is stacked? Well, yes So the example is like the cause and effect and it said in the universe and they do really good dominoes It's like if you could imagine something was filmed Anything was really filmed you can't tell depending on what direction whether we watch it forward or backward Um, but what do you mean sorry explain like if you filmed It's gotta be with something without heat um Like if I filmed a ball rolling and stopping okay um, it's as you can view - You can view anything backwards in your mind, I'll tell you, that was the beginning. When really it was the end of the video. - Oh, you're saying like, okay, if you like rewind-- - You can watch it backwards or forward. - Right, but because you're starting it, you're saying-- - An objective outsider can't tell what was first. - Mm-hmm. - The only thing that, the only thing in the universe that we know definitively had a beginning and an end is heat can warm cold, but cold can never create heat. - Heat can warm cold. - So you have this body of water, it's 100 degrees. You have this body of water, it's 50 degrees. If we film those interacting and this temperature goes up, we can establish the order of events. Because you'll never inject cold water into hot water and make it hotter. - Oh, make it hotter. - That's a law of thermodynamics. Second law of-- - But you make it colder, you're affecting it. If you add cold water into something hot-- - Yes, but you can't make anything hotter with cold water. - Right. - It only has one direction. You can make cold water warmer with hot water. You cannot make hot water hotter with cold water. - Right. - That can't happen. That's like a-- - Yeah, no, yeah. - The immovable law of the universe. So unless something has a heat transfer, there's no order. There's no way to know the order. - Okay. - I'm in that chapter right now. I'm gonna, they're gonna land the plan. I'm gonna be able to say more about it. But I just was that whole, that your head's experiencing time different than your feet is bonkers. - That's great. - God. - Yeah. - So what's happening is mass the earth is warping time. You can think of it as a body going into a tub and displacing water. So earth itself is warping time. So the closer you get to that mass, the center of that mass, which is why sea level you're closer to the center of the mass than you are on a mountain top. The closer you get to the center of the mass, the slower time is going. And this is why finally now understand why there's no time in a black hole. It's just like infinite mass. So it's time just slows down. - What is the dead center of the earth? - Like what's it made of? - No, like on or on this planet, what is the dead center? - Well, it would be inside the sphere. - So it's in there, it's up, up. - No, like here's earth and the dead middle of it. So I say we drilled 5,000 miles into the earth. We'd be at the center of the earth. That's where time's moving the slowest. - Well, the equator is going around the center. - Well, we've arbitrarily drawn that line. Based on it's where the sun is most directly hitting. That's how we picked that line as the equator. - I thought it was the center. - Look, it's a ball, right? - Yeah, it's a ball. - And we decided to go here, make this zero and make the prime meridian zero. - Right. - And then that way we can graph everything out. But imagine those line stays still, and we just rotate earth. We could have picked zero is going through Antarctica. - Right. - That's just how we've constructed our maps and our-- - Yeah, but I guess I'm asking like in the ball. - Right, yeah. - So the center of the earth is here. So where is that? Where is that in earth? - Well, kind of everywhere, if you're talking about the center, you could draw a straight line out from the center to any spot on the outside sphere. There's a drug line from you and I right now to the center of the earth. And any point on the earth, there's a drug line to the center of the earth. - Yeah. - It's crambly. - It's so. - Anyways, I have a weird hunch that at the end of this book, should I fully understand it? Which I might not be able to. It's a dense book. Like I said to Eric, you should read this book. And he's like, are you listening to it? I'm like, no, I don't think this book can be listened to. I think you need to reread some paragraphs over and over again. But I have a bizarre hunch or optimism that at the end of this, I'm gonna have a new grasp on spirituality. - Ooh, I like that. - Yeah, like I think if I can really deconstruct, or understand how time is not the thing I think it is, that might open the door to a lot of new possibilities and thoughts. - Yeah. I started Project Kill Mary, I rented it. And I was watching, you know, 45 minutes. And I was like, yeah, I don't believe in any of this. (laughing) This is fully made up. This life is made up. This is made up. How can it be? How can this be? - Like Planet Earth. And what's happening here? Yeah, yeah. - Guys. - It's a miracle. - It is not real. We are not real. - We're not real. - None of this is real. I really started to feel like kind of crazy. Like, oh my God. - Well, yeah, in the same sense, I'd imagine. If you're like the first person to have the concept of the Earth not being flat, explain to you, it's very destabilizing. You're like, wow, my perspective can be that flawed. - Right. - Or they go, oh, guess what? No, no, we're just spinning, the sun's over there. And we're going around it in a year and we're just spinning all day. - Yeah. - That's destabilizing. Like, well, everything I know is wrong and that's a scary thought. - I know. But when you think, when you really, really think about the story, the story of the world. - Mm-hmm. - Do you mean Earth or the universe, the world, I'm not sure. - I mean, well, one gets the other, I guess, but like, even just the Earth, okay. And the evolution of all of us, everything. - Right, from single cells. - Exactly. It's like, no. - Yeah, I am. - That is not real. - I feel you. I have a healthy, I think that's why it's very easy for people to believe in religion. Because-- - Yes, 'cause it's an explanation. - It's preposterous that all this happened by chance. - I really was getting in my head and I was like, this is not, like, I'm going to vaporize. Like, this is not-- - It's, yeah, you felt untethered, maybe. Dangerous. - Yeah, it was a little unsettling. - Did you make it through? Or you did 45 and then you brought it? - Well, I had to leave. So I'm going to go back finish it. - Yeah. - It hasn't even met, but he's like just now meeting. I assume the rock, yeah. - Yeah, it's such a cute movie. - Yeah, I like it, it's where he's gone. Like, God, he's so charming. It's just him, it's just him. - Very few people can do that. - He's just so fucking charming. - He is. - Anywho. Yeah, that's, yeah, interesting that you brought that up. 'Cause I've been also in my head about, you know, life and reality and none of, it's like, none of it, it's nothing. - And then again, we come back to the same conclusion we always do, which is like, and who cares. So if we find out as a simulation, then what? Well, I keep living this life that I'm living. I still have goals and hopes and I'm looking forward to things and saying, okay, oh, it's all fake. Well, I'm going to continue on. I'm not going to, like if I find out as a simulation, well, I guess then I'm going to kill myself. - No. - Right, no. - You're just like, oh, just keep enjoying the simulation. - I know, but it's like. - Does it matter? - Even a part from it being a simulation. Even that was getting like, even that can't be real. Nothing, like what? It's scary. Like it is scary once you really start thinking about space and time and-- - It helps you see how easy it would be to go crazy. - Yeah, I was starting, I was like, I could really, really go crazy. If I really started delving into some of this stuff, this is maybe not healthy for me. - That was my early 20s. I had like two or three years of my early 20s work. - That's how old I am. - I really get it. - Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, I had two years of my early 20s where I was, I felt like I was on the path to becoming crazy. - Going nuts. - Yeah, yeah. And I was kind of swirling with these kind of thoughts. My challenge in nature, my openness to reject what is believed or known, whichever I trend high on that spectrum, I thought, oh, you're in danger. If you don't accept these things, you're in danger of floating off into an abyss of uncertainty. - Yeah. It's how people go nuts. - Yeah, I think I was right on the precipice. - Well, I'm gonna try to stay away. I'd rather not go crazy. - No, yeah. - You know, I have this house. - Yeah, you want to stay right there. - It might be because of it. - I don't know. Okay, I want to stop talking about this, making me a little bit doubt. - I showed, did I tell you? I showed Lincoln dances with wolves last Sunday. - Yeah, you said you guys had started it and I was very impressed because it is, to me, although I was in high school, one of the most boring movies I've ever seen, but I would like to rewatch, because maybe I just wasn't in the headspace. - I love it. - Yeah. - They want best picture of her. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I know, it's like a renowned film. - Yes, but again, it's always nice to be reminded of what people lived like for so long. - If they even did. - Yeah, just out on the frontier with like a book of matches and a rifle and like, you know, it's just wild how what we dealt with. And Eric was going, fuck, I mean, how were they a lie? Like, how did they just exist and not go fuck this? And I said, and it's my theory on life, which is like, because whatever their situation was, it was incrementally better than the previous generation. So maybe they had 10 cups now instead of no cups. They had some inventions that made them feel lucky, yeah, luckier than the previous group. And then you got to wonder what it does to like the group psychology when we do pinnacle. I know. We're not there yet. I know. But there is a pinnacle. I know. I'm getting, again, like, we're maybe getting close, especially with AI, it's starting to feel like, oh my god, we might be at the end of this experiment. What a privilege to be there at the. No, I don't know. I even have, like, okay, so, because obviously in the movie, the Earth is not, it's about to, yeah, it's like not viable for much longer. And I was like, okay, so if that happens, like, what I just just die, I guess, like, I would probably try to, I had to, I was like thinking this, you're like, okay, when would I die? Like, at what point would I make the call? You're like someone with a terminal condition that has to decide when they take the solution. I don't think it's healthy for me to be thinking like this. I just know me, like, I don't think this is good for my brain anxiety-wise. No, no, no, for you, it's not great. But I'm, it's, I'm too far from- I'm such, that's what it is. I'm such a novelty, addict, and I'm like, yeah, it could be, it could be bad, it could be good. It'll be new. It'll be dead. And that, that to me is exciting or to me, what makes it worth it. I'm like, yeah, I don't know what's about to happen, but something's going to happen and I'm going to witness it. Well, you will be dead. Well, we don't, we don't know which way it's going to go. So you, I don't want to have to go to move, do another planet and stuff and like take this spaceship. Like, that's, it looks so miserable. It could be fun. No, it looks really miserable. What if it's dealt to one to, yeah, there we go, to Alpha Centurri. I do like it. All right. And then they have on the plane, they have like cocktails. No, they don't. Their food is bad and their drink, they don't even have Hendrix, Jen. You could maybe bring your own Hendrix, Jen. Oh, anyway, okay, well, this got really intense. Want to do some facts? Yeah. Let's do some facts. This was an eye-opening episode, man. This was a serious episode. I have found myself repeating the two most jaw-dropping bits of data that came out in this. Have you been telling anybody about this stuff? Well, which, which are the two for you? Well, that's 70% of the cases are from other children. That's wild. And then the other one that blew my mind is that like 50% of them are situational, and not someone who has like permanent pedophilia, which that is somehow scarier. Well, not to me, because again, and like, I think this is sort of the point they were making, like, those people, it's like the difference between a murderer and a psychopath, like a psychopath can't control it. Like, it is a real urge. It is driven in the brain somehow, and a murderer could not murder, given a different circumstance or the right tools or, you know, whatever. Yeah, that was a part of a pretty sure a gladwell episode. It was like, it was about first order thinking, second order thinking, all these things that happen, like some alarming percentage of murders are people reacting in situations. They're not pre-meditated, they're not like someone's going to off someone for money. It's like, those are very low percentage. It's people interacting in life who become overwhelmed and yeah. Yeah, so that's why I think it's not as scary, because I guess it's like the whole point of what Elizabeth and Luke are doing is trying to like mainly avoid that. You can't imagine a future. It's like, oh, it becomes so fine to self identify as this and that people know when they're pretty young, it's sounding like, and then get treatment for those people. So they'll be like, oh, well, if you could take all those people out of, not take them out of the population, but identify them, get them help. The problem would be over, it wouldn't be over, unless you just even ignore the adolescence that are doing it, because there is this mostly situational. But the other people who it's like, they've never had that urge before, and then they don't have it again. You can't even really, they don't even know to be treating that. Well, yeah, but it's kind of like that's what we should all be doing, it's just like reminding people of the consequences of these types of things. Yeah, like I think a lot of people who've been raped when they're young, they're not always pedophiles, they're rapists, you know what I mean? Like that's a power thing, that's a, there's a lot more to it than- They're victims would age up with them as well, you're saying to some degree. Well, yeah, well, I guess they just mean like, it doesn't mean just because somebody's had, yeah, just obviously that's a whole point, but like I think of a rage- Situational scares me more, because you can't see it coming, I guess. You have no awareness that you're capable of that, and that is like inherently less treatable or dressable. Well, sort of, because it's like everyone's kind of capable of anything, and you just like learned to not do bad shit. Yeah, I'm just seeing all the, all those people that did that, no, knew that gel time could await them. Like there's no one that's, like he's talking about the teachers that are in these situations. Like no one's unaware of A, the social stigmatism, and the legal issue with it. And yet they do it. So I don't think deterrence- But I think they would argue that was the whole point kind of is like, it's not like, yes, they know, but it's, remind, it's like, hey, this is about to happen to you if you go down this path. This is like intervention and things like that. The kids, yeah, like the kids who's prefrontal cortex, they need to understand like there's really bad outcomes for the victims that you brought when you've been seen as a victim to explain it to you that they're a victim, and then they're going to have these things. And then it's like, oh my god, it's that. I'm talking more of the adults that are in these situations where it happens once or it happens and they don't repeat it. Sure, I guess the solution for that would be people in jobs that interact with youth need to have some classes that say, hey, this could happen or, you know, this has happened to many people who are not pedophiles. Right. Exactly. So you need to have, you know, like everyone's kind of in danger of this. So watch out. That's what I'm saying. It's easier to address a tiny percentage of the population that is identified with the condition than it is like every human being that deals with kids needs it to be worn that other people weren't like that and did that is feels more daunting, but a long time for me to articulate that. I mean, I think, yeah, I mean, I still, I still personally am more afraid of the, um, the like condition, but, but I see what you mean. Okay. What are the chances of addiction if you've been sexually abused as a child? This is from PubMed, and so it's using, it's using some numbers that I don't really understand. It says in multi variable analysis for men, first, occurrence of physical and sexual abuse as a child was significantly associated with more substance use consequences, adjusted mean increase in, and then this is what they're using like some sort of system in duc, um, 2.5 for ages less than 13, 2.5 times more likely. That's what I'm not understanding. Okay. We don't know what the metric is 3.3 for ages 13 to 17 compared to those with no abuse 0.001 with no abuse. Oh, so many multiples a lot more, a lot, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, I can tell you that my mother when she was in her casa program, when she was getting taking state, uh, sanctioned classes, they said you had an 80% chance of becoming an addict if you had been sexually abused. Yeah. Horrible. And I went, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, yeah. It is funny. We're, of course, and understandably we're so obsessed with finding out why things happen, right? We feel safer if we understand why things happen. But just like we have this endless desire to point to causality of say addiction, it's like in my case, is it that thing? Is it that I'm eight generation through the haunchles, fucking full blown addict? Is it some other bit of nurture, you know, and then who cares, you know, for me, I mean, at the end of the day, it's like, I guess who cares? Yeah. Well, no, the reason to care is, is not really once it's happened. It's like, oh my god, like if this happens to some, like don't do this to people, basically. Yeah, it points out the importance of preventing it. Exactly. For sure. But just like when you, when you're oriented, I can you start looking back on why you might be an addict. Right. To some degree, it's like, you'll never know the percentage. We won't, I won't know what part was nurture and what part was nature, and it doesn't really matter. It's tough this way and yeah, it's good to figure out what triggers the addiction. Surely. But yeah, this other stuff, yeah, it doesn't matter. Okay. Roy Moore is the. politician in Alabama, and there's so many offensive things about him. It's not just the repeated child horrifying. It's him also like trotting the town on a horse in a like howdy-duty costume. Yeah. What a character. The horse's name was Sassy. Yeah, I bet he named his horse Sassy. Exactly. Oh, Garfield, the president, is from, or born in Orange Township, now Moreland Hills, Ohio. Okay. Okay. She was from Mentor, Ohio. Mentor, yeah. That's where the museum is. Are the Boy Scouts called Scouting America? Yes. Noah Holley's mother came up. Louise Armstrong is her name. Yes, she had a book in 1979 called Kiss Daddy Good Night. She's rough title. Regarding child abuse. Let me just make sure I got him all. That's it. That's it. Yeah. All right. Love you. Love you.