Speaker 1Tammy regularly hauls stuff to her kids at college. That's why she shops at BJ's Wholesale Club, saving up to 25% off grocery store prices. Beef jerky, microwave meals, laundry pods, even they can't screw up.
Speaker 2Have you met my kids?
Speaker 1And with BJ's gas, she gets there for less.
Speaker 2They call me the road warrior.
Speaker 1This is your home, road warrior mom. Home of the Save. Join for just $20 at bjs.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months. Open soon. Limited time offer, new members only. BJ's. Home of the Save.
Speaker 3Welcome to Recovering Out Loud podcast with your hosts, Anthony and Caleb. The opinions expressed here are those of the individuals and not of any organization. Please help support the show by donating in the link. Enjoy the show.
Speaker 4Okay. Good. Now, welcome back. All right. Welcome back, everybody. Hope you all are enjoying that crappy Canadian weather right now. It's absolutely nonsense. But, yeah. Let's start off with a check-in. Anthony, tell me how you're doing and be honest. Tell me how you were doing, brother. This morning I wasn't doing so good, but I'm doing better now.
Speaker 3How am I feeling? Let's think. How am I feeling? I feel great. I feel grateful, connected. I feel more, I don't know. This is always such a hard question, man.
Speaker 4Yeah.
Speaker 3You know, we spend so little time thinking about how we're actually feeling, right? And it's so easy to just be like, ah, rub some dirt on it or, you know, move on or I'm fine, right? The famous one, I'm fine. I'm feeling grateful.
Speaker 1Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3Like, yeah. I'm grateful that I'm sober and I didn't, you know, I didn't think about drugs and alcohol today, which is cool. You know, that's a miracle of itself because I spent a lot of time thinking about that. And things just get better. You know, I spent a lot of time in my head today and I just did this thing where I started, like, reframing how I looked at things and looking at it in a different light. You know, I don't have to do life today. I get to do life today. Like, just things like that. I don't have to look for a job. I get to look for a job. You know, I don't have to work out. I get to work out.
Speaker 4Yeah. That's true, man. What about you? Honestly, I don't know what it was. It was my, so I started a new job. This was my second weekend. And the first weekend, I don't know, like, I'm getting to the point where I'm getting a bit more tired and stuff now. So, like, this weekend flew by and I didn't even do a whole lot. Like, I watched hockey on Sunday. And besides that, I kind of just relaxed, kicked it back a little bit, watched the college basketball games that are on right now. But I'm getting a bit tired. You know, I'm doing a lot of thinking right now. There's a job opportunity, a couple job opportunities that are arising. Good money. I'm trying to make a, I have, like, kind of some plans I'm thinking about, business plans for the future. And to get to that plan, I want to start, I need to save up some money. Right? So, like, I'm just trying not to get too caught up in rushing things.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 4If that makes sense. Right? Because, like, I want things to happen, like, tomorrow. Right? And, you know, when you rush things, you make the wrong decisions. Right? So, I'm trying to really think things through. I'm trying to talk to people about it. You know, I reached out to my parents. I reached out to some friends. I talked quite a bit with an uncle yesterday about it. And, you know, just receiving, you know, a bunch of different advice. Yeah. Different perspectives. Different perspectives. Right? Because. Yeah. I always go back to the thought of, like, where my perspective got me on things. Where my first thought got me on things. Wasn't like, oh, like, I'm, like, you know, all my choices were bad. But, like, my spontaneous choices, the ones that, you know, come off right off the bat. Like, especially when it has to do with money and work. Like, you know, you make things. You'll make the wrong decision sometimes when you think too fast on things. Right? So, I just need to kind of stay comfortable. Be happy with where I am. Right? But not lose sight on that angle. And that's what I'm doing right now.
Speaker 3Well, that's the big difference is, like, moving from this impulsive decision. Decision making to, you know, oh, I can make a lot of money working back at the mines. Done. I'm already there.
Speaker 4Yeah.
Speaker 3I'm not even going to bounce this off anybody. Yeah. Yeah. I'm already there. Right? And not thinking about the implications or, you know, whether you're going to have a strong. What's the word I'm looking for? Community out there.
Speaker 4Yeah. Which I know I won't. I know I won't. And that's just being honest with yourself. Yeah. And it's not that, like, I'm saying I'm going to be surrounded by a bunch of bad people. But, like, right now I'm surrounded by a bunch of like-minded people, if that makes sense. You know, a bunch of people that have been through what I've been through.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 4And it's, I'm very comfortable here. And I know where I go next, I'm not going to be comfortable or as comfortable. Right? I'm going to be back into an environment where there will be drugs. Partying. Well, there'll be partying. There'll be miserable people. I'll have a very structured work life again. You know? You know, big expectations to get things done at work. And, yeah. You know, to be honest, and being completely honest, like, I'm not even so stressed out about the work part about it. I'm just stressed out about, like, life's going to be different. Right now, like, I'm used to what's going on. Right? That's a big change. Yeah. And I learned this a couple months ago. One of the scariest things for me is change. Like, change is just a scary thing. Yeah.
Speaker 3Change is inevitable, right? Yeah. It's inevitable, but it also, it sucks. Nobody wants change. No. Right? Especially men. Like, I find a lot of men don't, like, change.
Speaker 4And that kind of actually gives me my first question I want to ask you. What's your biggest fear, bro? Like, and that's such a- Right now? What is your biggest fear? What is the thing you fear most? Yeah.
Speaker 3Well, that changes, right? Yeah. Right now, probably never getting out of the financial hole that I put myself in through using and drinking. So, what, so then I would ask myself, like, what, what is that fear? Right? So, if I, if I, you know, double click on that. And, and examine it more and pull the thread on it, it's like the fear of failure is a part of that, right? The fear of, um, financial, not even financial insecurity, but just like, you know, never having enough money to be comfortable. Yeah. It's always kind of in the background, you know, this financial insecurity, but it's like a fear of failure, essentially. It comes down to, like, failure, you know? And a lot of people don't think that that's what it is. It's failure, right? But, and I don't like to think that it is either, but.
Speaker 4I was actually speaking to my mother about this, uh, yesterday, I think it was. We were, we were talking and I was getting on about how, like, I'm happy and, and stuff like that. Right? And I was like, you know, money doesn't buy happiness per se. It doesn't, but it gives you that feeling of being comfortable. Freedom. You know? Because I think we live in a world right now where everyone's so worried about tomorrow. You know, everyone's so worried about tomorrow. Whether that's their bills, whether that's how they're going to afford to buy food, you know, whether that's they're thinking about what, you know, they want to buy something. I feel like tomorrow is the biggest thing that everyone's worried about. When, when I have money, I'm not so worried about tomorrow. I'm like, right? It's just, it's a horrible thing. And I mean, I'm not going to get too political right now, but like our country that we live in in Canada currently is very expensive to live in. Right? If I'm going to get like that, it's crazy how expensive it is to live here, you know?
Speaker 3Um, but you know, having good finances gives you that freedom to like make mistakes, make
Speaker 4mistakes and just be comfortable, man. Like, like be honest, like how much time have you been thinking about money lately? A lot of time. A lot. Right. And if you weren't thinking about money, what would you be thinking of? Maybe something more positive. Right. So it's just like, man, money is just, I know there's lots of, uh, things about money. But one of the things I hear about all the time is money rules. The world. And it really does, man. Money rules this world. Like if you have money, you can do certain things you can't, you can't do when you don't have money. Right. And it's just the hard truth about it. Like you don't have to make your whole world money, but to a certain point, like you can say money doesn't buy happiness, but bro, you need money, you know? And like, I love to be as positive as I can on this channel, but like money is an important thing. It's a very important thing. It's like, you know, you want to be healthy and eat good food, but you have to buy expensive food to be healthy. You know what I mean? You want to have a car so you can get from point A to point B, or even if you don't have a car and you want to take like public transit or tax that money, you know, everything, like everything costs money. There's not one thing that I've done in my entire life that didn't cost money. That's not just like, it always goes back to money. Like, well, the time you spend with your family, well, I went to my parents' house for supper that costed money. Everything costs. I can't think of a certain situation that didn't cost money, man.
Speaker 3You know? But I mean, I think that I know I, and I think back to like the best times I've had in my life. My wife have, a lot of them have been on vacation and that costs a lot of money, but it was worth it. You know, my, and my wife showed me that, like my wife showed me that, you know, spending money on, on going places is, is worth it in the long run. Cause I used to get so caught up and we went to Hawaii one time and we, um, we took this helicopter ride and she had her feet dangling out of the, like, it was the most amazing thing in the world. Her feet were dangling out of the helicopter. We were over Kauai in Hawaii and it was like Jurassic Park, like, you know, and it was so exciting. And I remember there was a moment where I was where I was like, man, that was really expensive. I kind of regret that. And it instantly, like, as soon as we were done that, that trip, it was like fully, you know, superseded by the thought of money is like a tool. It comes and goes. And some days you have it and some days you don't, some years you have it and some years you don't. Right. But it comes and goes. You can't keep it. You can't take it to the grave with you. I will never forget that trip when we went to Hawaii. All right. It was like some of the best memories of my life. You know what I mean? They were amazing. Like there was, there was just, it was just, I would never have done that if it wasn't for her. And I just trusted her. Right. And that's, it goes back to this recovery thing too, where it's like, maybe I don't know the best answer for everything. You know, maybe I should listen to somebody else and just trust the process and trust her. And, and I'm happy I
Speaker 4did because it was an amazing experience. Right. Yeah. Another question here that I'm going to ask you, um, it says that like, what, what advice would you give to someone who wants to pursue a career that's like similar to yours? Um, and when I, when I hear that question, I think about like what we're doing right now. And, uh, I was, I was someone who like from a young age, like at the age of like 11 and 12, I was like, had some, some friends. We were like making YouTube videos, be like hockey videos. There is this embarrassing video on the internet, Anthony, that I'll show you after this. It's called top 10 road hockey hits. And you're in it. I'm in it. I started off the video, me and my friend, we're in, we have, we have our phone phone pointed at us and we're like, welcome to top 10 road hockey hits. Dude in high school, they, oh man, it was everywhere after a while. But anyways, I always wanted to do it. Um, I don't know. I don't think I had like the confidence to like just get in front of a camera, especially being in a community where everyone knows you. Right. And like, even it's, I won't lie. It's, it's a lot easier doing it here. Right. Um, but the thing is, is that like, it's kind of like, I don't like the word say take a chance, but that's kind of what it is. Just take a chance. Right. Cause like I never actually tried doing a podcast until I did it with you. And then
Speaker 3I was like, oh my goodness, I love this. It's pretty amazing to talk about something. I mean, we talked about it in rehab, like, like a lot, a lot, man. And you don't have any ideas I've had where I've never followed through on them. And it's like, you never know what could have happened. But yeah, like you just, you put in a little bit of work and then you stick with it. And I don't really care if this does well or not. Right. Like I'm having fun doing it and I've had enough good feedback from people saying, Hey, we're happy that you're doing well. Yeah. That's all I need to hear, man. Like people are rooting for me, you know? But if I could give you advice, man, just don't, and this is so,
Speaker 4this is one of those ones that's easier said than easier said than done, but don't let,
Speaker 3who cares what people think? Yeah. Who cares? What other people think of me is none of my business.
Speaker 4You know? And again, like for me, I was in a community with like so little people, like 1500 people. So like, I really care what people think, because I'm going to see them at the gas station tomorrow. I'm going to see them at work tomorrow. I'm going to see them at the grocery store tomorrow. But here it's literally living, what living in Toronto has done for me is allowed me to be myself. Like it's allowed me to be
Speaker 3myself. It also made you, and I'm just, I'm projecting here. Maybe I'm wrong. Tell me if I'm wrong. Made you realize like how small and insignificant you really are in the grand scheme of things, you know? Because there's so many people here. So many people, different cultures, races, everything, man. Maybe I'm not that small. I'm not that small. I'm not that small. I'm not that important. I have to be told that to myself. Literally, man. Literally. It's like when you go outside and look at the stars and you're like, holy shit. Like the world is so much bigger than me and my problems and poor me and you know. And it's so, oh yeah. So easy to get caught up in that
Speaker 4crap. But another question I want to ask you, um, I'm just firing questions away at you right now, but I got lots of stuff in my mind. I like questions. What's like the, what do you think the biggest resource that has helped you? Like the biggest resource, a person, whether that's a, whatever it is, what's helped you, you think the most, um, in recent times, like in this last, like in the last, you know, three, four months,
Speaker 3what's helped you? Yeah. People in recovery, definitely. But people that are further along than me. Right. Because I, it reminds me that, um, I'm just like them and I can be happy just like them. You know, when you see someone that's, uh, and you've seen it, I know you have, you've seen that guy, like Jay's an example. He just looks like he's not worried, right? Like he just, he's like, okay, things don't bother him. Like they bother us sometimes. Right. And it's like, I want that, you know, and I've had that before. I've had it where people come to me and they're like, man, you're so positive about everything all the time. And it just comes with time, right? It comes with time and, and practicing, you know, the principles of living a good life and being a good person, honesty, you know, um, open-mindedness, willingness, um, brotherly love, uh, what's another one service, right. All these things that, you know, certain groups of people teach and programs teach to, if I just try to be a better person today, like things work out, you know what I mean? Right. Like things work out. What about you?
Speaker 4I mean, so many different things have helped me, but the biggest resource, the biggest resource for like, if I could take back this all five months and see like, what's helped me the most, I'd honestly have to say like getting counseling because like professional help, professional help. Right. Because that's something I'd never done before. And what I realized about myself that I did for so long since I've been a kid was I did things to like, um, validate myself, you know, try and be funny, try and, you know, wear nice clothes or try and do certain things at parties or whatever it was. I wanted, I just wanted to feel cool.
Speaker 3Right. Um, be accepted by the masses.
Speaker 4And when I realized like, and again, this was all from professional help, lots of, lots of sessions, lots of asking questions. Lots of digging, lots of talking about uncomfortable things. Right. Cause like, that's not something you want to tell another guy. Like, you know, I did that so I could feel cool. Right. That's a pretty crappy thing to admit. But I think that once I did that, and once I truly realized like, hold, you know, like you don't really love yourself like you think you do, buddy, you know? Um, because once you lied to yourself so much, you actually start to believe your own lies. And that's what happened to me. But once I started to like, accept myself for who I was and see who I really was, that helped me so much. Cause like, I think you, man, you see me, we see each other all the time, Anthony, but like genuinely I'm a pretty happy guy. You know what I mean? Like I'm in a pretty good, pretty hippity hop mood all the time. And that's honestly just because like, not because bad, not because things aren't like, I'm not, I still run into things multiple times a day that I'm not enjoying, but like, I just truly, I'm just like happy with like myself now. Right. Like I don't need to like be with a woman or need to, you know, have a pocket full of cash. Like, although those things really do help me, you know, I'm just happy. Like when I look in the mirror now, not because I think I'm this big study either, just because I'm like, you know, I'm happy with what I see. I'm happy with what I'm doing in life right now. You know what I mean? I'm not disappointing anybody. And like, those are all real things. Like, whereas like drugs, fake, you know, fake acting for people, that's all fake stuff and lies. You know what I mean? That truly I'd go home every single night of my life after doing this. And clearly I wasn't happy with myself. That's why I would do drugs. Yeah. You know, but I think that was the biggest thing
Speaker 3that's helped me is just like learning to love myself again. Yeah. But like still like that
Speaker 4asshole, they're lying, you know, cocky, arrogant attitude comes out my way in my way, all about me kind of thing that still comes out all the time, man. But like, I just didn't realize it before. So now at least I can catch it now. Right. Um, but dude, that's helped me so much. Like I like genuinely like to be nice to people, whether that's going into a coffee shop and seeing some, Hey, how's it going? You know, talking to someone just like not putting everybody
Speaker 3down either, you know? Yeah. It feels good to bring people up. Right. Um, something that I've
Speaker 4been thinking about lots too, and it actually kind of stems back from when we were talking about social media the other day. What do you like? Like, let's compare like eras. Let's compare times. What do you mean? Let's talk about like, what do you think your life would have been like, like 30 years ago if you were the same age? That's a pretty wide blown question.
Speaker 3What year? So 30 years ago would have been like.
Speaker 4Like 1980s.
Speaker 3I mean, I'm 33 years old.
Speaker 4Hair slipped back.
Speaker 3In the 80s? In the 80s. I mean, I would have done a lot of coke and probably wouldn't have been as, I probably wouldn't have been, uh, as paranoid and, you know, delusional. Cocaine would have been a little bit better. Yeah. Cocaine would have been better back then. So. You know, I wouldn't have been, uh, paranoid and crazy, maybe a little bit, but, um, I don't know. I just always think about Scarface, the movie Scarface, and you got to get the, first you got to get the, what does he say? Women? Then you got to get the money. Then you get the power.
Speaker 1Yeah. Hank joined BJ's Wholesale Club the day he became a father of 30. I coach football. Now Coach Hank saves up to 25% off grocery store prices, 30 pounds of pasta, three cases of protein bars, 75 sports drinks. And that's just pregame. He knows teamwork and BJ's knows savings. This is your home coach, home of the save. Join for just $20 at BJ's.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months. Open soon. Limited time offer. New members only. BJ's home of the save.
Speaker 4Like, but that's still how it is nowadays, man.
Speaker 3Yeah. I used to watch that movie and like want to be so like, I love doing drugs when I would watch that movie and it was so pathetic, but, um, I think, you know, I think media in general has a big influence on the drug culture. Have you ever seen a movie? like uh train spawning or any of those like heroin movies basketball diaries or anything like that they do a good job like really portraying how hard heroin uh addiction is and uh yeah if you ever get a chance watch those movies because they do a really good job like showing the withdrawal and the craziness and you know the the things that we do let me ask you this what's this is popping into my head right now what's the craziest thing you've done to get a fix or money yo this is something i'm not too proud of yeah i mean you don't have to but it's okay i realized
Speaker 4that this could be a very r-rated answer that's okay it's okay um well i mean like i i got to the point where i was like selling my stuff and stuff for drugs but i one thing man that like still i think about to this day is one time bro i was just jonesing to get high no money you know jonesing and uh my grandparents they're like old-fashioned people right like they don't know how to like my grandma doesn't know how to do online banking or none of that stuff so she and she still writes check slots and this is i i don't really know how to like and there's lots of way of like frotting money into bank machines and stuff but like i genuinely didn't know how to do that but i googled like how i didn't even know how to write a check so i think i remember this i i found my grandma's checkbook right i was at my grandma's house and i was probably there trying to ask for money that's the reason i was probably there in the first place yeah right so um i was uh looking through her drawers and i found her checkbook and uh i googled how to write a check so i found a picture on google images i copied that to a piece of paper i put her name on it i went to the bank it's like a 200 check checked into my bank account and it went through it went through bro that night i got 200 bucks i got my drugs got high and then the next day well it was like a few days later so like again i'm from a small town and everyone knows each other the bank people know me right but i went to the atm machine and did it because it was at night and it took it right away um anyway so the lady who i know shout out amanda if you're watching this she uh she calls my grandma a bunch of times right she called like five times and my grandma didn't answer the phone and my grandma she's like this is sad my grandma knew not knew but she thought something was up with me because like the bank never calls so like my grandma had already put like one two and three together and she calls me and she was like um yeah she calls me say hey can i come see you and talk to you she comes to my house and she's like hey like did you like steal money from me or something because the bank is like blowing my phone up and i say no no no no no and then the next day she come back because she had heard like hey caleb wrote a check in your name into her bank account and the reason uh i think i i dated it wrong i did something wrong on the check of course idiot yeah and you know i deserved to get caught and it was embarrassing you know i had to go into the bank with my grandma because they frauded my account so you did get caught yeah i did get caught they put like rod lock on my car i couldn't like money you could do nothing right so yeah i had to go like a real proud grandson that day and to go out the weapon right yeah and uh
Speaker 3that's that walk of shame for you what's the crazy well you hope that and i'll get into it because i know exactly what it hasn't changed for a long time um but i want you to stop using it because it's not at uh big of a deal you saw a bit of money what's the big deal you know like let's just get high again it'll never come back i'll never have to think about this again because
Speaker 4it's not like it's really it wasn't like you put my grandparents in a financial yeah but it's the fact that i went to my grandparents house and i'm such a grandparent in the past and i went something inside of me just natural at all yeah so if i had a little bit of control i would not
Speaker 3self-control this is a disease and uh you know you know the beef that i'm responsible for the first one but after that i have a choice in the matter right that's the way i've experienced it anyways yeah but for me mine's easy and uh i made amends to my parents uh you know shortly after for doing it but um i was the same thing i can relate a lot to that like i i ran out of money we were going to a music festival it was digital dreams i think it was called um this was probably like 12 years old and i had no money for coke right and mdma back then we were doing molly for all you gen z um and uh i got a great idea i used to go through the drawers all the time man like that was you know i'm i'm i'm not really ashamed of it now because i've accepted it and moved on and shame doesn't serve me around it but i was going through the drawers one day and i was so desperate i you know there's no more cash right i used to right um i've taken cash from my sister i've taken cash from my parents my grandparents same thing but uh came across a bunch of jewelry right and uh i went to i went to the the door and i was so gung-ho but it was another piece of kill me sure about like that's you know a lot of jewelry and i was like yeah don't worry about it they're not they're never gonna know like i didn't even think twice and this goes back to our impulse thing this is a this is my thought process then and when an actual addiction nothing changes this is a good idea i'm gonna get high out of it i'm not think about it tomorrow's anthony will worry about it right i'm not gonna this isn't a problem today i'll deal with it i'll sweep it under the rug that was my model man i used to sweep everything under the rug until there was this huge pile of shit that i had to deal with the next day so i went into the the store and then the important thing is here is it was baptism jewelry and for a christian and catholic that's like you know that stuff's not replaceable so i never forget this the guy looked at me and he's like are you sure like you know he took my id yeah man i didn't think twice i was like yeah whatever i got up 100 bucks out of it right up my nose right in that weekend and um i felt so shitty about it that when i came back from rehab the first time i i met with my parents i counselor and i i told them and i remember my dad wanted to kick my ass like he was so mad that's how your dad found out well yeah i told him yeah they didn't find out until i told them right and i made amends because i was told to do that and i wanted to do it and it was like the most rewarding thing in the world right they were just happy at the end of the day they're mad at first wrong but they were happy that their son was back you know and that i was doing well and i was trying you know that i was manning up for my mistakes right like i i won't try to do that today i try to own my shit today you know when i do things right it's not easy to get wrong you know when you were like using like
Speaker 4i'm just gonna go back to like so your last uh your last time are you talking to your mom and dad every day no because i get close with you yeah no no no i was ignoring the phone calls yeah no so the reason i asked is like i generally got to a point where i wasn't talking to my family very much um like like a week until i needed something i would text my mother you know um every day i see you distant family too like like aunt uncle my cousin right and like uh it's funny because my mom had texted me a few hours ago or about an hour ago said hey how was your day right and when i would used to get up and i would get up and i would get up and text like that for like my mom and i yeah like i knew my how dare you no but not even that my mom like i say something crazy would happen like you know caleb messed up and you know got caught doing something stupid my mom would like text me like hey how's it going you know because she knew how walking on hl yeah right so but now she's like she texted me and asked me how my day was i'm like wow like i called her right away i didn't even text her back um is it is man so many beautiful things have happened in the last five months like so many so many so many so many great things have happened but i think genuinely the one of like the greatest the top three things man is just like no it's number one for sure family not top three but like man i have the family it's just it's crazy it's incredible because like i took it for granted so heavily right um and like i'm i'm me and my me my younger brother who's only like he's only 16 months younger than me we have um we have uh three younger cousins quite a bit younger an 11 year old i think seven and six or six and five i think they're um and they look up to us so much man like so much like my youngest cousin hudson uh he's five and like dude the kid like he just adores me man and i he always wanted me to go for bike rides with him and hang out with him and like i would do it do it and do it and it got to a point where i wasn't spending any time around him and i found out um when i got into treatment that because i they completely stopped like being allowed around me and i've told you this one before but this is something that still just hits me to like you know it's sad my cousin so my aunt was part of the whole family thing when they were like talking to interventionists and stuff about me getting help and the interventionist said to my to my family like hey like if caleb had a molecule of fentanyl on him and one of the kids touched like his shirt and ingested it your kid can die yeah that's scary yeah so they didn't come around me anymore you know what i mean and like five months isn't a long time anthony but in this five months bro like i've gotten there's a lot of things i haven't gone back yet but like the family thing because family is so forgiving is that's the best thing that i've got to experience you know what i mean like yeah but
Speaker 3let me ask you this though at the same time when's the last how was how much how what's the longest amount of time you've been sober before this yeah like a day maybe man so it is a long time you know don't kid yourself right some people out there can't even imagine how long it's been imagine one hour i couldn't i couldn't even imagine one hour going sober no right but we it's again this comes back to this like human thing of like adapting to the surroundings like i'm sober now five months yeah yeah but it's not a year you know it's like this this comparison thing that we always do yeah and i'm guilty of it too man it's like we take so much for granted like no man five
Speaker 4months is a long time what's your saying that you say all the time about comparison comparison is
Speaker 3the thief of joy it's so true man if i'm focused on what i don't have i am not happy i'm resentful i hate you i don't want to be around you i'm miserable i was in that state today you know when i was thinking about my money problems i was comparing myself to my old self like where i was even you know, a year ago I had money. I didn't have credit card debt. I didn't have a financial debt. Well, dummy, you know, you did this. Nobody put you in the financial debt and you're going to get out of it, you know, with help, not on my own.
Speaker 4And one thing that I said this, I was thinking about this earlier when we were speaking together. And I think this goes out there for anyone, whether you're going through drug addiction or whatever it is. I feel like when someone goes through something, whether that's like breaking up with your partner or like some shitty things are happening at work or whatever shit you're going through. Sometimes when these things happen, you need to sit in your own shit and just kind of sit in it and think about it. And, you know, this will pass. That feeling will pass. This too shall pass. Because when you get in these situations, bro, where things aren't going good, you're instantly like, okay, how can I fix this? How can I fix this? How can I fix this?
Speaker 3Yeah, that's so true. The quick fix. Because we know how to do that.
Speaker 4And that doesn't always mean drugs for us. It meant drugs. But for some people it's like, you know, you break up, okay, partner, new girlfriend, boyfriend right away.
Speaker 3Or a tub of ice cream.
Speaker 4Or a tub of ice cream or like, you know, I'm going to take the first job I get. That kind of thing, right? Sometimes you just need to sit in it, bro. Feel it. Feel it out. And acknowledge it. Acknowledge it, man. See what you did in this to get you there, A. See what you can do to make it better, B. Right? And just get through it, man.
Speaker 3But not try to control it and get out of it right now. Yeah. I agree. Because it's impossible.
Speaker 4It's impossible. You'll go crazy. There's no quick fix. To be honest, the quickest fix is drugs. Yeah. And that's the shittiest one.
Speaker 3How did that work for you? Yeah. You know? Not so good. Cool, man.
Speaker 4Yeah.
Speaker 3All right.
Speaker 4Let's bang this off with one last question. Yeah. Here, hold on. Let me go through another question.
Speaker 3I think we went dead on the TikTok. I don't know what happened over there.
Speaker 4Yeah. All right. Let's talk about this. So I think we can end this right now. I'm moving back. Moving back home. He's taking the next big step, man. It is a big step. It is a huge step. And I'm just proud of you, man. Thanks, buddy. I'm proud of you. Because I know you're dealing with stuff right now. But even when I first met you, you were dealing with certain things. And we talked about it every single night. Because he was my roommate. And to see where you come from and, you know, like right now, man, you've taken some big steps. Thanks, buddy. And, you know, one of my feelings about you is, like, you don't hide your emotions. Like, for me, sometimes I have emotions like that. I throw dirt on it kind of attitude. But you'll, like, you know, like, I'll give you an example. For anyone watching, this guy was trying to call him this morning, and he wasn't answering me. And he said, yo, I'm just taking it personally, man. Like, I need to get through some stuff in my head. And, like, that takes, like, that's not easy to just say. And even though I'm like, you know, I'm your boy, and you still said that to me. I was like, all right. I gave you. You gave me your space. But, like, just I'm glad that you acknowledge what's going on. Thanks, man. Because, like, if you don't, time builds up, and it only gets worse. But where I was with this is saying I'm proud of you. Thanks. We're going to try and get on, like, a real upload schedule here. We just started. This is only our fourth podcast. We just wanted to kind of get some stuff out there, get a feel for this. Because we're new to this, man. But things have been going genuinely good. But, like, I don't know. I think if we try and get two out a week, you know what I mean? He's going to be. He's going to be downtown now. And I'm up more in the upper part of Toronto. So we're going to try and get two videos out a week. And I know there's a possibility that we're going to be filming in different places as well. And we're going to get some guest speakers on coming up real soon.
Speaker 3Yeah, we got to get that going. I'm looking forward to that. We have a third microphone now. Yeah. Before we close, I do want to say, you know, the common theme between both of us, and I appreciate you saying that because I need to hear that stuff too, right? You've come a long way too. And the thing I see with you, and I see it in myself too, but I see it with you, and it inspires me. It's like this resilience and taking action, no matter how you feel. Yeah. I don't want to do this right now, but I'm going to do it anyways. And that goes with anything. Going to the gym, you know, reaching out to a friend. Sometimes you grid your teeth and you just do it, you know? But you don't sit in your shit for too long. You know, you move on.
Speaker 4Move on.
Speaker 3And a perfect example, as you were saying that, I was thinking, I did not want to come here to this sober house for a long time. I did not want to do things differently this time. But the way I was doing it. It did not work. I've proven that many times. So it's time to start waiting in the white light and move on. Do things different this time. You know, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. We did that when we were using it every day. It'll be different this time. I'll control it this time. It won't be that bad. I'll only spend this much. I'll only drink this much. Insanity, you know? So yeah. Let's close it with that. Any last thoughts?
Speaker 4Just want to say thanks again for all the love, man. Like. Yeah. It means a lot to us. You know what I mean? Because like we talked about earlier, it wasn't insane hard to get out there and do this stuff. But like, there was always things in the back of my mind. Like, oh, what do you think? You know? How's it going to look? But like, genuinely, it's one of the better decisions I've made so far since I've been sober. I'm so happy to do this, man.
Speaker 3Consistency is the key now.
Speaker 4Yeah. So yeah. We're going to transfer some schedule. We're going to cover it up. We're going to do it.
Speaker 1Hank joined BJ's Wholesale Club the day he became a father of 30. I coach football. Now Coach Hank saves up to 25% off grocery store prices. 30 pounds of pasta. Three cases of protein bars. 75 sports drinks. And that's just pregame. He knows teamwork. And BJ's knows savings. This is your home, Coach. Home of the Save. Join for just $20 at BJ's.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months. Open soon. Limited time offer. New members only. BJ's. Home of the Save.
Speaker 5Do you hear that? That sound, right? That means that summer's officially here. It means that grown adults just sprint into the street for a frozen dessert shaped like a cartoon. But this summer, Mint Mobile, has a better treat. Every plan, including Unlimited, is $15 a month. And unlike ice cream, it won't drip down your wrist or look nothing like the picture. Does anyone have any cash? Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch.
Speaker 2Upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for a 12-month plan required. $15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. New customer offer for initial plan term only. Greater than 50 gigabytes. May slow when network is busy. See terms.
PodcastTranscript AI